All language subtitles for Louis.de.Funès.Le.gendarme.en.balade.1970.1080p.FLAC.BluRay.HDClub.En

I'm here.

Sorry to wake you up.

With age, digestion becomes
more of a problem.

Yes, sergeant... colonel.

Organs start to fail.

Times are hard.
But we have to remain lucid.

- I feel good.
- Attention.

Assemble.
I want to talk to your men.

Assemble.

Attention.

The world is changing.

We need to rejuvenate.

We need men of steel...

...and unfortunately
you're not getting any younger.

In anticipation of
a well earned rest...

...you can, from now on, claim your
right to retirement.

You're not to wear
a uniform anymore...

...but nobody will forget
your achievements.

On top of the 350 francs
of your monthly pensions...

...every winter, you'll receive
a 50 kilo bag of coal each...

...for services rendered to the city.

We got the sack.

We really got the sack.

Smile. That's an order.

That's it then.

six months later

Father, can I help you?

The storm blew the
roof off the church.

Would you like a drink?

And how's Mr. Cruchot?

We've been gone from
Saint-Tropez for six months...

...and he's taciturn and sad.

But I do what I can.

Men are lost
once they retire.

I'm going out of my way
to cheer him up.

I organise everything
behind the scenes...

Let me tell you the story
of Little Red Riding Hood.

For you. He won't listen anyway.

Little Red Riding Hood had a
grandmother who lived in the woods.

Little Red Riding Hood always
wore a red hood...

...and one day she said:
I'm going to see grandma.

I'll bring butter
and a nice waffle.

And she went on the road...

No, first she met the wolf.

And the wolf asked:
Where are you going?

Little Red Riding Hood said:
To grandma.

And what's in your basket?
Show me.

A waffle, butter and jam.

Interesting. And where
does your grandma live?

Very far into the woods.

The wolf ran as fast as he could
until he got to grandma.

I don't remember well
what happened next.

The wolf took grandma's place...

...and Little Red Riding Hood,
who had picked lots of flowers...

...arrived at grandma's and said:
Your arms are so big.

So I can embrace
you better, child.

Your feet are so big.
So I can walk better...

Enough. Get lost.

Shall I fill your bath?

No, I'll do it myself.

I want to open the taps with
warm and cold water myself.

Stop. That's an order.

I'll get those boots.

- Poor fellow.
- He hates me.

But the maid too?

She hates me too.
She always makes my bed.

The Father's here.

He hates me even more.

You look very good.

Sit down.

Ludovic, wait.

The Father says that
the bad weather...

The storm, madam.

Pulled the roof off the church.

And he's asking for a
financial contribution...

...to fix it.

Solidarity among parishioners
doesn't amount to much.

I find that a disgrace.

It sure is.

We must care about the third world...

...but also about the people
in our own region.

We should be active
in the parish...

I can stop if you prefer...

Not at all, madam.

There's also charity...

...poverty...

...the sick...

The poacher.

- That will do you good.
- My combat gear.

- And the chapel roof?
- Oh no. Yes, but later...

- Tomorrow then.
- Yes, yes, later.

Does it still hurt?

He's really sorry.

- It was only buckshot.
- It'll pass then.

I have a surprise for you.
You can forget about your poacher.

What's that?

An audiovisual system
with the newest radar model.

- What for?
- Come have a look.

Every intruder is
detected right away...

...and picked up by the radar.

Using the radar
you can follow his every move.

With those buttons, you control the traps.
That one is the old pit.

This one creates smoke.

Do you like it?

Yes, but what should I do?

You control the buttons
and the thief catches himself.

Like with the fish?

- What did that cost?
- That doesn't matter.

Yes. I can't stand it any longer.
I'm suffocating.

- I wanted to ask you something.
- Go ahead.

- I want to wash the car.
- Oh no.

- Let me wash the car.
- It's clean.

Then I'll make it dirty.

There's an intruder.

Where is he?

There are two of them.

It should be greased.
Maintenance is important.

- That's not the main entrance.
- Don't be a snob.

- The scoundrels.
- This is the teargas.

- What should we do with them?
- An electric shock?

Just wait.

They're inside. The bottom floor.

My jewels, the Modigliani. Quickly.

Hands up.

You call that hospitality?

An idea of my wife. A ladder.

- You should have called.
- Next time we will.

I have a ladder.

So you finally came.

Easy to find?

Up to the gate it was easy,
then came the surprises.

Excuse me.

Not even a cat would escape you.

Not even a mouse.

Shall we go to the lounge room?

Give me your hand.

- What are you doing?
- We're going... that way.

They have lots to talk about.

You know, I think my
husband's bored.

And yours?

He's bored too.

He spends two hours
a day in the attic.

Maybe working on his memoirs.

And that's not all.

Sainte Maxime.

Do you remember?

reclaimed from the enemy.

And that's a paver.

origin disputed
May 1968

Sergeant Gerber's last desk

They killed us
in the prime of our lives.

No, they didn't.

Come on. I've got something for you.

- Nice machine.
- Sit down.

Ready?

- Fougasse. The nudist hunt.
- Remember?

All naked. Handsome man.

Look at those windows...

Love at first sight.

A beautiful and rich wedding.

- Congratulations, sergeant.
- Now we've got two.

I didn't say anything.

- A game of jeu de boules tonight?
- Not tonight.

Why not?

Stop.

It's breaking my heart.

A nice wine
will do you good.

Madam is asking for you.
Visitors. It's urgent.

Look.

That's Fougasse.

His head hit the big
drum with a bang...

...and ever since he has amnesia.

- We should visit him.
- Where?

The rehabilitation centre of
the gendarmerie in Aix-en-Provence.

The confrontation will give him
a physical shock.

- Good idea.
- Only we can do this.

We should leave right away.

Call Tricard and Berlicot.

Before we leave... are they watching?

My maps, my binoculars.

You're not allowed to wear a uniform anymore.

You'd risk serious penalties
and loss of pension.

We'd do anything to save a friend.

Tricard and Berlicot are coming too.

Ready?
Ready.

Aren't you forgetting
something?

Are you really not
forgetting something?

Here. You can keep it.

Come on.

You're not buying that, are you?

Let them.
Or they'll hate us.

There he is.

All together.

The shock would be too big.
Only Cruchot.

And, my little Fougasse?

Don't you recognize your
little uncle Cruchot?

Stand back, pops.

Look at that.

I don't know you.

Look again.
Don't you remember?

I'm suffering from amnesia.

We'll have to help you
regain your memory then.

He won't leave me alone.

Point or shoot?

Wait. You should shoot.

Fougasse there, the gendarmes there...

He sure doesn't like me.
But that doesn't count.

Where's my ball now?

What do you want? I lost my ball.

They're crazy. I'm looking for my ball.

- Are you mad?
- Don't you recognize us?

I saw him before.

- Where?
- On television.

We're going back to the source.

- Crickets...
- Thyme.

- Lavender.
- Iodine salt.

And?

And what?

Ok. Come along.

What does it say there?

No. Try again.

- What does he say?
- Saint-Trospete.

- Cooperate, will you?
- He's doing it on purpose.

I want to go back to La Pinsonniйre.

Clearly didn't give right of way.

The Alfa Romeo came from the left.

That looks promising.

It's becoming a nice traffic jam.

That does me good, sergeant.

They drove into each other.

I came from Toulon.

We wrote it down.

That's me.

- We're going to Sйnйquier together.
- Are you coming?

Not at all.

Then how do we find
each other again?

Not backward, forward.

Ok then.

You reverse...

- What does that idiot want?
- You want me to smack you?

- You don't know who I am.
- I don't care.

Minister,
I didn't recognize you.

Feeling any better?

What's wrong, darling?

- These gentlemen are doing their job.
- Poorly.

We're in a hurry.

Did I hurt you?

- Drive over their feet.
- With pleasure, Excellency.

We didn't forget how to do that.

I told off a minister.

- You're living dangerously.
- I'm reborn.

Is the fog clearing a bit?

- I want to go to La Pinsonniйre.
- He's getting on my nerves.

Somewhere around here's a little
house that was yours.

Ours.

"I see only those who have gone."

"Why do you rekindle my sadness?"

Still no click?

Nothing. I'd rather be in La Pinsonniйre.

Enough to drive you nuts.

- There are the cops.
- Hide.

Start it. In first gear.

- What are you doing?
- Out of petrol.

Go get some then.

Not dressed like this.
Illegal wearing of uniform.

They think we're making
fools of them.

Put on different clothes. Help him.

Don't strangle him.

Is it going to take long?
I'm on a schedule.

Put your arm up. Cooperate.

You're fake gendarmes.
I hope they catch you.

You should be ashamed.
Torturing a sick person.

I'm going to report you.

Make him shut up.

Quick. Get changed.

You must work on a trawler.

With a license plate from
Ile-de-France.

Ready.

One for the road.

The same, miss.

- Disguised as citizens, right?
- Beware of the blood test.

- They recognized us.
- I'm leaving.

Shall we go for a swim?

- Are you coming to the beach?
- To do what?

- Swim.
- I don't have swimming trunks.

I'll give you my tie.

They're here.

Are you playing boy scouts?

I don't see anything.

That's worth it.

- And?
- And what?

The click, Fougasse.
The click inside.

Don't you remember?

There we go again.

I don't remember anything.
He's driving me nuts.

Undress him.

Shoes, tie, coat.

- Shirt.
- Pants.

I'll tell your wife.

- Underpants.
- Naked.

I remember. I lied.
I don't suffer from amnesia.

Since when, if I can ask?

Since a while, sergeant.

I liked it in La Pinsonniйre.

So you were having a good time
at our expense.

And you embarrassed us,
your best friends.

The new guys are arresting
the nudists.

We didn't expect that.

And why no tanks?

They won't get the nudists.

The gendarmes.

Gentlemen, we deserve a
nice bouillabaisse.

And it's my treat.

Little punk.

You're too kind.

Let's eat.

The car.

It wasn't there.

Yes. It was there.

Well, look for it. Don't just stare.

It wasn't there.

It's there. We don't see it.

Bravo Cruchot. Now we can walk.

With no money or papers
and in uniform.

It was the idea of that genius over there.

I should have listened
to my wife.

She has good judgment.

It's the amnesiac's fault.

The Neanderthal.

With foam in his head.

Don't make me angry.

I didn't want to leave La Pinsonniйre.

I'm going back, by the way.

If you do that,
I'll take your clothes off forever.

Let's not argue.

Where are they?

The crickets are quiet.

There's something wrong.

They must have been trapped.

We have a car.

Is this good?

- Not too much?
- Not too ridiculous?

Ready?

- Where are the uniforms?
- Buried.

Big guys in front.

- And my car?
- We'll find it.

It's my car.

We're going to mingle with these
creatures, inquire...

...act carefully,
and run off.

I should have listened
to my wife...

That's first gear.

Still first gear.

The old guys have made
a mess of things.

They'll regret it. And so will you.

One moment...

Mrs. Cruchot? Yes, madam?

Your car hasn't been stolen? Fine.

And where is your husband? Fine.

An ex gendarme on a nude
beach with women.

- Incredible.
- An accident?

If only that was it.

On a nudist beach with women.

That's second gear.

And that's third.

- I've got a flee.
- Keep it.

Scratch my back, will you?

Quickly. Lower...

More to the left...

Left and tap it.

We're drawing too much attention.

No, chief, we're creating
the right atmosphere.

- Are you going to the meeting?
- Yes, yes.

- Do you know the way?
- This is my map.

Get in.

Move over.

Do you know her?

In the brotherhood, everybody speaks
informally. Didn't you know, little bro?

Are you comfortable, little sis?

I'm Barbara. From Rotterdam.

I'm Ludo.

They are Bob, Paul, Georges.

And I'm Ringo.

I'm dreaming...

Still in first gear.

I love you.

I love you.

Really?

Are you serious?

Oh no.

I love you.

I love you.

We came to look for the car.

I love you.

I love you.

If you say it, I'll give you four days.

My car.

- That's very friendly.
- My pleasure.

- And our clothes?
- Thrown away.

- And where's my money?
- This is what's left.

- What is ours, is yours, little sister.
- But it's mine, little bro.

That feels better.
We could have known.

Hurry up.

It's getting too complicated.
I'm going home.

You're right. As always.

What do you think?

They think I'm right.

We have to get out of here.
Without being noticed.

A helicopter.

Hide.

Hurry. It's above us.

Faster, Cruchot.

Albatros to Gamma 6.

Peugeot 504 found in the
Rionges valley.

Coordinates 38.5 - 14.3.

The passengers are fleeing
into the woods. Over.

Yes, daddy's gendarmerie's over.

Plan 17 code F.

- Here, sergeant.
- We've got them.

Come, they're patrolling everywhere.

And what if they find us?

They'll have us parade
in Saint-Tropez.

The net is tightening.
We're surrounded.

- They're there and we're here.
- No, we're here.

- No, we're there.
- You're right.

We ate under that tree.

Give me your binoculars.

- We're surrounded.
- That's the end.

- A break-out?
- That's suicide.

That's our last chance.

- He should go to La Pinsonniйre too.
- On the contrary. He's a genius.

There they come.

Chief. Look there.

Search all shrubs.

Indecency,
resisting arrest...

...and guerrilla warfare.
I'm stunned.

Us too, sergeant. Even more so.

What's wrong with them?

Maybe they want to know
how criminals feel.

Once they're caught,
we'll deal with the case internally.

It would be a shame if
they had all the fun.

Immoral even.

We're here.

We're goners, sergeant.
And have been for a while.

- Silence. The sea is over there.
- We're going to swim.

We're walking to Le Lavandou
and there we call our wives.

Wouldn't it be better to surrender?

Enough. And hurry up.

We're not there by a long shot.

It's further than I thought.

Go see if the road is clear.

He won't get far.

I'm fed up with all the ordering around.

Come on. I'm hot too.
I'm hungry and thirsty.

That reminds me of
La Pinsonniйre.

They're having stew today.
With carrots...

...and bits of bacon...

...and a cool drink.

On the rocks, as they say.

Shut up, Fougasse.

Don't undermine morale.

People have been executed for less.

Sergeant.

- Look.
- What is it?

I thought I saw our wives.

With two guys, I thought...

Show me.

I don't know.
Those guys. It's them.

Not our wives.

Those guys, that's them.

Then they're not women.

It's my wife.

We're hallucinating. That's the proof.

We're too old for this.

Come on. We're hallucinating.

The sun is getting to us.
We're giving up.

We fought to the very end.

We're dying standing upright.

Our surrender should be
orderly and disciplined.

Forward.

- There they are.
- Heads up.

Idiot.

My son. Hello, gentlemen.

You shouldn't walk in the
middle of the road.

Sister Clotilde told me about you.

You must be thirsty.
Come and have a drink.

Sister, you're driving.

Get in.

A miracle that we saw you.

This time we're saved.

Be careful.

- Can she drive?
- I taught her.

A new driving style.

We're here.

Sister Clotilde wants to see you.

Can't it wait a bit?

No, it's urgent.

Sister.

I'm now Mother Superior.

Mother.

I enjoy meeting you every
now and then in a movie.

- Indeed, Mother.
- Sit down.

It's the Lord who sent you.

I'm worried about
five of our children.

We don't live here
on our own anymore.

We now have a holiday
home for children.

And five children were
missing at the roll call.

- Since when?
- Last night.

They may be lost.

Or the victim of kidnappers.

Apparently, there are many fake
gendarmes wandering around here.

- Not at all.
- Shut up, Cruchot.

Since last night? Shut up.

Since last night? Be silent.

- We'll interrogate their friends.
- They're not talking.

They'll talk within five minutes
when we ask them.

Mother... Shut up.

Mother... Shut up.

I'm tougher than you.
Look at them.

Don't chew.

It's taken two hours already.

But I've made people talk before.

- What?
- Take over. I'm fed up.

Did they say anything?

Don't get so worked
up with children.

We have a different approach.

Listen well, buddies...

As you noticed, my colleague
is rather short tempered...

...but he really
is a good man.

- He has a daughter.
- I want to meet her.

- She's married.
- That's ok.

They should be smacked.

You're no snitches, but neither am I.

This remains between us.

Yeah, sure.

You love your friends, don't you?

Then tell me where they are.
Do you want the wolf to eat them?

Shall we tell him they're extinct here?

Damnit.

Not here.

Ok, you win.
What's the price?

What do you want?

Marbles?
Four hundred glass marbles?

Chewing gum?

A kilo of fudge?

I'll give you my gold whistle.

Then what do you want?

Dollars.

What has two arms, two legs,
a pig's face...

...and doesn't get dessert
for months?

Would they do that to you?

You're making a scene.

Get lost.

Let them go.

Aren't you ashamed?

My poor boys.

They're bad men.

They hit us.

And he squashed my foot.

Mother Superior will be disappointed.

And so am I.

I never expected this.

Come, boys.

Can you believe that?

What did you say?

Did you say something?

Yes. You said: Can you believe that.

Keep it decent.

Tough little guys.

In the meantime, the others
are playing a tag game.

I'm disappointed.

Me too, but cheer up.

Free.

The big guys never play with us.

I'll tell you a secret.

Damn. Come along.

The children are in an
abandoned house.

They're going to launch a rocket.
With explosives.

We have to go there right away.

There it is.

And where are the prodigy children?

They heard us coming.

It's fantastic, really.

Look at that.

- Try to equal that.
- And the launching tower...

And they wanted to
launch that this afternoon?

- But what with?
- They've gone to get it.

In the Saint-Tropez arsenal.

- Why there?
- There's dynamite there.

Your generation has its own sense of
humour, but I've had enough.

We went to the arsenal with the sisters.

Soon the city will blow.

We have to be quick.
Cruchot, send the nuns away.

Gentlemen, you know the risk.

I can't force you.
Make up your own mind.

Yes, sergeant.

Go for a walk with the little one.
No questions.

But I have to know...

In Cape Kennedy you would
already have been arrested.

- Tell me what you know.
- Better let those men go.

- Yet another car.
- A local license plate.

Tricard and Berlicot stay here.

- Why us?
- It's fate.

Cruchot, go explore.
Merlot, Fougasse, help him.

Why me?

First, we need to know if
they're really inside.

You go have a look.

Don't touch me.

- The sentry post is at the back.
- If they come to patrol...

Why would they?

Don't touch me.

Come on.

- It's too high.
- Should I go?

- It's too high.
- Get on their shoulders.

I'll fall.

- It's too high.
- What are we waiting for?

One, two, three.

To the left.

Forward march.

Good that they didn't see the window.

Put the bar back.

They're in the gunpowder storage.

What is it?

Remove your hands.

But then I fall.

There it is.

Nitric acid, turpentine, TNT.

The propulsion will be strong enough.

But without a radar,
we can't control the thing.

How does that look?

That hurts.

The sergeant's stuck.

I'm suffocating.

They're smoking on the powder barrels.

They're throwing hand grenades.
Everything could explode.

A T-60. Just what we needed.

We'll put it in. Come on, guys.

They found a T-60.
They're having a ball.

Come on.

My cigarette.

Are you mad? They might catch us.

They dropped a cigarette
between the grenades.

We've had our disagreements,
but I liked you.

I like you too, pal.

Be careful.

It's going to blow.

It's too late. Let me go.

Tell my wife my last thoughts
were of her.

If you didn't eat so much bread...

They've been caught.

Pray for us, poor sinners,
now and in the hour of our death.

- Holy heart of Jesus...
- Have mercy on us.

There they are.

- Run without me.
- Pull your stomach in.

My buttocks are stuck...

Come on, climb.

Jump.

- Was it fun?
- Give me a break.

- Tell us later.
- The boys have a T-60.

The T-60 has been replaced
by a T-80 with a nuclear warhead.

What are you saying?

The T-60 has been replaced
by a T-80 with a nuclear warhead.

- What does he say?
- A T-80 with a nuclear warhead...

Ok. Faster.

Valve 1.

Valve 2.

12, 11, 10, 9, 8...

Take the children to the convent.

Cruchot, come on.

- Faster.
- Yes, yes.

- Step on it.
- I am stepping on it.

Breakdown.

Check the engine.

I don't understand.

Come on now.

Stay where you are.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

- Yes, something's wrong.
- No.

It really is the T-80
with time fuse.

- Let's get a specialist.
- We only have four minutes.

A nuclear device is very sensitive
to shocks.

Don't move.

- Do you know anything about this?
- Yes.

Give me an oyster fork.

- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

Give me a dessertspoon.

- Blocked.
- The time fuse.

I'll wipe your face.

One minute left.

I don't know if that's good.

It slows down.

Maybe it explodes.

Give me a snail fork.

My wife.

You're rambling.

And your wife.

I don't care anymore.

It's going to explode.

We're going to explode.

We're going to blow.

- If it had exploded...
- We wouldn't have had to explain.

Explain anyway.
You didn't have a boring time, did you?

It's all your fault.

My dear Josйpha.

Your successors need some
more training. Somewhere else.

You've shown a lot of courage.
Your place is here.

But why did you apply
for retirement?

You threw us out yourself.

- You applied for retirement.
- But you said...

- Application refused.
- Can you believe that?

What did you say?

- What did I say?
- You know very well what you said.

- What did he say?
- He said: Can you believe that.

Keep it decent.

Can I get a fine?

A ticket, please.

- And life was so nice and quiet.
- Liar.