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[FAUCET CREAKS,
THEN WATER RUNNING]
2
00:00:45,342 --> 00:00:46,778
[FAUCET CREAKS,
THEN WATER STOPS]
3
00:00:46,952 --> 00:00:48,824
[WATER SPLASHING GENTLY]
4
00:01:11,498 --> 00:01:14,414
[♪♪♪]
5
00:01:32,084 --> 00:01:33,303
[BIKE BELL DINGS]
6
00:01:33,477 --> 00:01:35,784
BIKER:
Coming through! Excuse me!
7
00:01:50,015 --> 00:01:51,277
Left.
8
00:02:16,868 --> 00:02:19,175
Stop sign, left.
9
00:02:33,189 --> 00:02:35,495
[GULLS CAWING]
10
00:02:40,892 --> 00:02:46,115
One, two, three,
11
00:02:46,289 --> 00:02:50,380
four, five.
12
00:02:50,554 --> 00:02:52,774
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
13
00:03:00,738 --> 00:03:01,738
[DINGS]
14
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,524
[INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY]
15
00:03:04,698 --> 00:03:06,048
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
16
00:03:06,222 --> 00:03:07,222
[GASPS SOFTLY]
17
00:03:08,267 --> 00:03:09,747
Mr. Burnz?
18
00:03:09,921 --> 00:03:12,576
Are you Charlie Burnz?
19
00:03:12,750 --> 00:03:15,535
Charlie Burnz, I'm talking to you.
20
00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:17,407
Mr. Burnz, Charlie Burnz.
21
00:03:20,149 --> 00:03:22,064
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
22
00:03:31,116 --> 00:03:33,640
[♪♪♪]
23
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,080
MARGE: Sweep up a little bit.
24
00:03:38,254 --> 00:03:40,560
Make sure all the props
are in the right spot.
25
00:03:40,734 --> 00:03:42,867
Hey, Marge? Hey, Charlie.
26
00:03:43,041 --> 00:03:44,956
Where is everybody?
27
00:03:45,130 --> 00:03:48,699
Charlie, it's Monday.
They're at the writers' meeting.
28
00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:51,310
Oh, of course... Wow. [CHUCKLES]
29
00:03:51,484 --> 00:03:53,747
I had a long weekend.
Okay. All right.
30
00:03:53,922 --> 00:03:55,184
Take it easy. See you later.
31
00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:58,143
Better hurry.
They're pitching new sketches!
32
00:03:58,317 --> 00:04:00,145
Yeah, we made sure
to take a lot of care
33
00:04:00,319 --> 00:04:02,147
not to offend anybody
with this next sketch,
34
00:04:02,321 --> 00:04:05,150
so please strap in
and, uh, you know, enjoy.
35
00:04:05,324 --> 00:04:07,196
Okay, so this is...
This is an infomercial
36
00:04:07,370 --> 00:04:08,850
for a brand-new comedy album.
37
00:04:09,024 --> 00:04:11,287
Uh, we start with shots
of planets and stars,
38
00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:13,202
just these beautiful shots of space.
39
00:04:13,376 --> 00:04:16,379
And then, we hear a VO,
and we see a chyron.
40
00:04:16,553 --> 00:04:19,295
In the tradition of George
Carlin and Richard Pryor,
41
00:04:19,469 --> 00:04:21,297
we bring you the next comedy voice.
42
00:04:21,471 --> 00:04:24,561
And we cut to a photograph
of Stephen Hawking.
43
00:04:24,735 --> 00:04:26,258
[ALL LAUGH]
44
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,608
But we photoshopped him
in front of a brick wall.
45
00:04:28,782 --> 00:04:30,567
So he looks like he's at a comedy club.
46
00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:33,744
We have a microphone
where his computer is.
47
00:04:33,918 --> 00:04:36,834
[IN HALTING MONOTONE]
Is it just me, but what's the deal
48
00:04:37,008 --> 00:04:38,705
with black holes?
49
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:42,840
Am I right? Ha. Ha. Ha.
[ALL LAUGHING]
50
00:04:43,014 --> 00:04:45,756
You people like impressions?
51
00:04:45,930 --> 00:04:48,237
[TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING]
52
00:04:53,329 --> 00:04:55,287
So how do you think the meeting went?
53
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,680
[SIGHS]
54
00:04:56,854 --> 00:04:58,551
Some very funny ideas.
55
00:04:58,725 --> 00:05:01,511
But, Brad, somebody's got to talk to Roger
56
00:05:01,685 --> 00:05:02,947
about his inflections.
57
00:05:03,121 --> 00:05:05,080
I know, I know.
I think he gets nervous.
58
00:05:05,254 --> 00:05:06,342
No, come on.
59
00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:08,474
Geo-rge Carlin, Rich-ard Pryor.
60
00:05:08,648 --> 00:05:10,607
My God, Stephen Hawking
pronounced his name
61
00:05:10,781 --> 00:05:12,652
better than he does.
62
00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:14,263
Here's one for the new segment.
63
00:05:14,437 --> 00:05:17,179
Or as Roger calls it,
the new "seg-ment."
64
00:05:17,353 --> 00:05:19,094
All right, I'll give this to the guys.
65
00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:21,618
By the way, there's a new
invention called computers.
66
00:05:21,792 --> 00:05:22,967
You may wanna get one.
67
00:05:23,141 --> 00:05:25,448
You know, I had one,
but I like this.
68
00:05:25,622 --> 00:05:27,972
We started out together.
I love the feel of the paper.
69
00:05:28,146 --> 00:05:30,105
I like the fact that the key leaves a mark
70
00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:31,889
that wasn't there a second ago.
Wow.
71
00:05:32,063 --> 00:05:34,674
But I did treat myself to one of these.
72
00:05:34,848 --> 00:05:37,242
Ooh, look at you.
You know how to work it?
73
00:05:37,416 --> 00:05:38,678
Absolutely, unless I wanna
74
00:05:38,852 --> 00:05:40,572
send an e-mail, a text
or make a phone call.
75
00:05:40,637 --> 00:05:42,334
Oh, that's not important.
Not at all.
76
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,989
Wanna get something to eat?
Uh, I have a lunch date.
77
00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:46,730
Oh, look at you, Mr. Social.
78
00:05:46,904 --> 00:05:48,427
No, it's someone who won an auction
79
00:05:48,601 --> 00:05:50,241
to have lunch with me
at the charity event
80
00:05:50,299 --> 00:05:52,692
for inner-city libraries.
That sounds like a blast.
81
00:05:54,216 --> 00:05:57,088
[♪♪♪]
82
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,265
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
83
00:06:00,439 --> 00:06:03,138
EMMA: This restaurant nice.
Excuse me.
84
00:06:03,312 --> 00:06:04,878
Oh, no. Heh.
85
00:06:05,053 --> 00:06:06,750
Sorry. Bye.
86
00:06:06,924 --> 00:06:09,187
Maybe you, sir. Hello. Uh...
87
00:06:09,361 --> 00:06:13,278
Oh, Phil Donahue.
Nice to meet you.
88
00:06:13,452 --> 00:06:17,239
MAN: The hell was that about?
EMMA: Sir, uh, hi. Uh...
89
00:06:17,413 --> 00:06:20,459
Oh, no, sorry, sorry to bother you.
Wrong person.
90
00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:22,809
Excuse me. Bye-bye.
91
00:06:22,984 --> 00:06:25,943
Excuse me.
Are you, by any chance, looking for me?
92
00:06:26,117 --> 00:06:27,292
I'm Charlie Burnz.
93
00:06:27,466 --> 00:06:29,077
You gotta be shitting me. What?
94
00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:30,251
This was you?
95
00:06:30,339 --> 00:06:32,123
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
96
00:06:32,297 --> 00:06:34,038
You took some hits along the way, huh?
97
00:06:34,212 --> 00:06:36,780
Yeah, you might say that,
but that's a very old picture.
98
00:06:36,954 --> 00:06:38,782
That was actually taken on the Mayflower.
99
00:06:38,956 --> 00:06:40,958
I did win the shuffleboard tournament.
100
00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:43,352
Well, belated congratulations.
101
00:06:43,526 --> 00:06:45,745
I'm Emma Payge.
Emma, pleasure. Sit down.
102
00:06:45,919 --> 00:06:47,704
Sorry I'm late.
Don't worry about it.
103
00:06:47,878 --> 00:06:49,836
Not a problem. Glad you're here.
104
00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:51,969
Thank you for bidding on me at the auction.
105
00:06:52,143 --> 00:06:53,927
I'm so flattered that somebody your age
106
00:06:54,102 --> 00:06:55,668
would be a fan of my work.
107
00:06:55,842 --> 00:06:57,583
Truth? Sure.
108
00:06:57,757 --> 00:06:59,846
I don't know who the hell you are.
109
00:07:00,021 --> 00:07:01,718
My ex bid on you.
110
00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:04,199
You didn't? Nope.
111
00:07:04,373 --> 00:07:06,462
How did this...?
Well, he's an actor,
112
00:07:06,636 --> 00:07:07,941
and he was doing a scene
113
00:07:08,116 --> 00:07:09,856
from one of your plays
in his acting class,
114
00:07:10,031 --> 00:07:12,033
and he wanted to meet you, so he bid.
115
00:07:12,207 --> 00:07:14,818
Um, how much? Twenty-two.
116
00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:19,127
$2200? That's fantastic.
$2200, my ass!
117
00:07:19,301 --> 00:07:21,129
Twenty-two dollars.
118
00:07:21,303 --> 00:07:23,609
Twenty-two dollars was the winning bid?
119
00:07:23,783 --> 00:07:26,134
Mm-hm. It started at 20,
120
00:07:26,308 --> 00:07:28,614
and then it went up
in 50-cent increments.
121
00:07:28,788 --> 00:07:30,921
Oh, that's so sad. Heh.
122
00:07:31,095 --> 00:07:33,750
Hello. Welcome to Le Monde.
123
00:07:33,924 --> 00:07:35,969
I'll be your server.
What can I get for you?
124
00:07:36,144 --> 00:07:37,449
Have you eaten here before? No.
125
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,190
They have the greatest steak sandwich.
126
00:07:39,364 --> 00:07:41,366
That's all I get.
It's fantastic.
127
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:44,674
That's perfect.
I'll have the seafood salad.
128
00:07:44,848 --> 00:07:48,243
Okay. And for you, sir?
Um, I'm gonna have the...
129
00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:51,420
Oh, can I have extra clams,
extra calamari
130
00:07:51,594 --> 00:07:53,509
and extra crab meat?
131
00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:56,207
Of course. And for you, sir?
I'm gonna have the...
132
00:07:56,381 --> 00:07:58,688
Oh, and can I have
a lobster tail right on top,
133
00:07:58,862 --> 00:08:01,386
with extra mussels?
Lots of mussels.
134
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,388
The ones from New Zealand,
not from Jersey
135
00:08:03,562 --> 00:08:04,722
because they got black hairs.
136
00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,130
Who knows what's in those?
137
00:08:06,304 --> 00:08:08,219
That can be really toxic.
Are you done?
138
00:08:08,393 --> 00:08:10,743
There are a few species
you haven't mentioned yet.
139
00:08:10,917 --> 00:08:12,354
Heh-heh, go ahead.
140
00:08:12,528 --> 00:08:14,921
I'm gonna have the...
Oh, can I have a Diet Coke?
141
00:08:15,096 --> 00:08:18,186
Heh-heh-heh. And for you, sir?
142
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,623
I'm gonna have a tuna sandwich,
whole wheat toast,
143
00:08:20,797 --> 00:08:24,670
and an iced tea. Very good.
144
00:08:24,844 --> 00:08:27,151
Why would you order a
tuna sandwich when you said
145
00:08:27,325 --> 00:08:28,892
they had the best steak sandwiches?
146
00:08:29,066 --> 00:08:31,460
While you were ordering half
of the Atlantic Ocean,
147
00:08:31,634 --> 00:08:34,506
I developed a hankering for
the only fish left on the menu.
148
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,161
Heh. Touché, old man. Touché.
149
00:08:37,335 --> 00:08:39,946
[CHUCKLES]
So let me ask you a question.
150
00:08:40,121 --> 00:08:42,906
If you don't know who I am,
how come your ex didn't come?
151
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,734
I caught him cheating on me. Oh!
152
00:08:44,908 --> 00:08:48,172
And he said it was because
I'm the worst lay in the world.
153
00:08:48,346 --> 00:08:51,349
And trust me, he is wrong, okay?
154
00:08:51,523 --> 00:08:55,440
You ought to see my moves.
It's "Circus do Lay."
155
00:08:55,614 --> 00:08:58,226
Okay. Well, let's, uh...
Let's get through lunch first.
156
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,097
Mm-hm. I'd break your back, old man.
157
00:09:00,271 --> 00:09:03,056
Thank you.
Yeah, have you laid out, dead,
158
00:09:03,231 --> 00:09:04,884
with a smile on your face.
[CHUCKLES]
159
00:09:05,058 --> 00:09:08,888
And your kids will be like,
"How did he die? How did my dad die?"
160
00:09:09,062 --> 00:09:11,761
And I would just look at them
in their eyes and say, heh,
161
00:09:11,935 --> 00:09:13,980
on top of me. [COUGHS]
162
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,159
That's a really lovely thought.
163
00:09:18,333 --> 00:09:21,727
Heh-heh, you funny, old man.
164
00:09:21,901 --> 00:09:23,990
I'm glad I came, even if it was
165
00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:26,515
to shove you up my ex's big fat ass.
166
00:09:26,689 --> 00:09:30,301
Now, there's a compliment
you don't hear every day.
167
00:09:30,475 --> 00:09:32,235
CHARLIE:
Whoa, look what the tide brought in.
168
00:09:32,390 --> 00:09:34,262
Yeah. Thank you very much.
169
00:09:34,436 --> 00:09:36,742
SERVER: Please enjoy.
Uh, Emma, enjoy your buffet.
170
00:09:36,916 --> 00:09:41,965
Mm-hm.
So... I take it you like comedy.
171
00:09:42,139 --> 00:09:43,139
Nope.
172
00:09:43,184 --> 00:09:44,489
You don't? Mm-mm.
173
00:09:44,663 --> 00:09:47,188
I mean, I love to laugh, but in real life.
174
00:09:47,362 --> 00:09:48,928
You know what I'm saying?
175
00:09:49,102 --> 00:09:51,148
Well, you know,
that's what I do in real life.
176
00:09:51,322 --> 00:09:53,716
I'm a comedy writer.
You ever watch "This Just In"
177
00:09:53,890 --> 00:09:57,067
on Sunday nights on Funny?
Mm-mm.
178
00:09:57,241 --> 00:09:58,808
I also, uh, write for Broadway
179
00:09:58,982 --> 00:10:02,377
and, um, movies and five books and...
180
00:10:02,551 --> 00:10:04,466
And, um, what do you do?
181
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,121
Char... Charlie,
I don't feel so good.
182
00:10:08,296 --> 00:10:10,472
Why is your face suddenly
bigger than it was before?
183
00:10:10,646 --> 00:10:12,778
I can't feel...
I can't feel my lips.
184
00:10:12,952 --> 00:10:14,606
Oh, God, are you allergic to seafood?
185
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,217
I'll say maybe I am.
186
00:10:16,391 --> 00:10:18,393
What should I do?
Call the hospital.
187
00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:20,699
What? What?
Call the hospital! Call...
188
00:10:20,873 --> 00:10:23,224
Call the... The hospital!
[PHONE CHIMES]
189
00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:25,835
Dial the nearest hospital!
Dial the nearest hospital!
190
00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:27,793
SIRI: I do not know.
Let me check the Web.
191
00:10:27,967 --> 00:10:29,858
Dial the nearest hospital!
Is everything all right?
192
00:10:29,882 --> 00:10:32,755
Aah! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Okay, what did you do?
193
00:10:32,929 --> 00:10:35,105
I didn't do anything!
These are Jersey mussels!
194
00:10:35,279 --> 00:10:37,412
What?
I knew they were Jersey mussels!
195
00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:40,284
Jersey? No! I'm from Jersey.
I need emergency. Emergency.
196
00:10:40,458 --> 00:10:41,458
This is an emergency!
197
00:10:41,546 --> 00:10:43,766
[MUMBLING]
198
00:10:43,940 --> 00:10:45,724
Everybody, calm down.
Everybody, relax.
199
00:10:45,898 --> 00:10:50,120
We should call the ambulance.
Siri! What is wrong with you?
200
00:10:50,294 --> 00:10:52,775
Ma'am, have you had an allergic
reaction to seafood before?
201
00:10:52,949 --> 00:10:54,733
Mm-mm.
You just randomly ordered,
202
00:10:54,907 --> 00:10:57,693
and this is what happened?
I had a hankering.
203
00:10:57,867 --> 00:11:00,130
Okay, just try to relax.
We're almost there.
204
00:11:00,304 --> 00:11:01,914
You're gonna be okay.
205
00:11:02,088 --> 00:11:04,221
Charlie? Charlie.
206
00:11:04,395 --> 00:11:07,398
Charlie!
207
00:11:07,572 --> 00:11:11,141
You're all I've got, Charlie!
Please don't leave me!
208
00:11:11,315 --> 00:11:14,231
[♪♪♪]
209
00:11:19,192 --> 00:11:21,282
[SIGHS]
210
00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:29,290
Oh, boy.
211
00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:33,119
Mr. Burnz?
212
00:11:35,557 --> 00:11:37,515
Oh, I'm not supposed to fill these out.
213
00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:39,089
What's your relation to Miss Payge?
214
00:11:39,212 --> 00:11:40,562
She won me in an auction.
215
00:11:42,172 --> 00:11:43,260
Fine, don't believe me.
216
00:11:43,434 --> 00:11:44,870
She doesn't have insurance,
217
00:11:45,044 --> 00:11:47,351
and she really shouldn't be
leaving here by herself.
218
00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:48,918
No insurance?
219
00:11:49,092 --> 00:11:50,485
Okay.
220
00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:52,661
Eleven hundred dollars?
221
00:11:52,835 --> 00:11:56,055
Yes. And you'll get the
ambulance bill in the mail.
222
00:11:56,229 --> 00:11:57,970
You can pay me on the way out.
223
00:11:58,144 --> 00:11:59,885
Your daughter is going to be fine.
224
00:12:00,059 --> 00:12:01,191
My d...?
225
00:12:01,365 --> 00:12:03,106
Great. Isn't that great?
226
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,282
She told me all about
how you adopted her
227
00:12:05,456 --> 00:12:06,805
from that orphanage in Kenya.
228
00:12:06,979 --> 00:12:08,677
That's very special.
Oh, she told you?
229
00:12:08,851 --> 00:12:10,026
Yeah. Yeah, well...
230
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,942
Ha-ha, well, uh, she is special.
231
00:12:13,116 --> 00:12:14,900
Well, this is a pretty severe reaction.
232
00:12:15,074 --> 00:12:17,163
Are there other allergies
I should know about?
233
00:12:17,338 --> 00:12:19,601
I think really you should
talk to her about that,
234
00:12:19,775 --> 00:12:22,865
or I can put you in touch with
one of the elders of her tribe.
235
00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:26,303
You could ask for Mbolo.
236
00:12:26,477 --> 00:12:28,740
It's good that you reacted
as quickly as you did.
237
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,834
A little longer, may have
been a different story.
238
00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:32,788
Here are her prescriptions.
239
00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:33,963
Pharmacy is that way.
240
00:12:34,137 --> 00:12:36,531
[♪♪♪]
241
00:12:38,489 --> 00:12:39,838
Six hundred dollars?
242
00:12:41,536 --> 00:12:43,755
So a tuna sandwich
cost me close to two grand.
243
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,975
Welcome to New York, pal.
What's this?
244
00:12:46,149 --> 00:12:49,239
That's epinephrine. You need
to inject her within the hour.
245
00:12:49,413 --> 00:12:50,806
And if I don't? She'll die.
246
00:12:51,894 --> 00:12:52,894
Next.
247
00:12:54,766 --> 00:13:00,598
"Remove blue safety release
by pulling up, straight up."
248
00:13:00,772 --> 00:13:02,818
Okay. What's taking so long?
249
00:13:02,992 --> 00:13:05,429
I'm having trouble reading the
directions without my glasses.
250
00:13:05,603 --> 00:13:07,866
And honestly,
I'm a little nervous about it.
251
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,172
Okay. Oh, no.
252
00:13:09,346 --> 00:13:11,392
Hell, no. Put that thing down.
253
00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:13,655
Ain't no way in hell
I'm gonna let you stab me
254
00:13:13,829 --> 00:13:16,048
with that Lego stick while
your hand shaking like that.
255
00:13:16,222 --> 00:13:17,542
You might put out one of my eyes.
256
00:13:17,572 --> 00:13:18,747
They said I have to do it
257
00:13:18,921 --> 00:13:20,521
within the hour or you'll be in trouble.
258
00:13:20,618 --> 00:13:21,750
We'll just wait an hour.
259
00:13:21,924 --> 00:13:23,360
If I'm not dead, you can go home.
260
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:25,449
Fine. Enjoy your bloating.
261
00:13:27,103 --> 00:13:28,321
[SIGHS]
262
00:13:28,496 --> 00:13:30,628
All right. Stick me, old man.
263
00:13:35,328 --> 00:13:37,243
[GROANS]
264
00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,289
Ow! God...
265
00:13:39,463 --> 00:13:41,987
Motherf... Ow!
266
00:13:42,161 --> 00:13:44,555
Son of a...!
267
00:13:44,729 --> 00:13:46,078
[GRUNTS] Okay.
268
00:13:46,252 --> 00:13:47,906
Show time's over.
269
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:52,607
Make me some tea, maybe it'll
help with the bloating...
270
00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:55,827
"Only hold in for a few seconds."
Ah.
271
00:14:02,573 --> 00:14:03,835
"Slippery when wet"?
272
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,055
You looked? I had to. I really...
273
00:14:06,229 --> 00:14:08,231
I had to. That's not
something you wanna do
274
00:14:08,405 --> 00:14:09,725
with your eyes closed.
Believe me.
275
00:14:09,885 --> 00:14:11,277
It could have ended up some place
276
00:14:11,452 --> 00:14:14,193
we both wouldn't be happy about.
[CHUCKLES]
277
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:16,892
Thank you. I promise I will pay you back
278
00:14:17,066 --> 00:14:18,546
every dime that you laid out.
279
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,722
You don't have to do that.
How are you feeling?
280
00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:23,333
Like you shot me up with
five six-hour energy drinks.
281
00:14:23,507 --> 00:14:26,510
So I've got about a good
30 hours of energy! I'm lit!
282
00:14:26,684 --> 00:14:28,164
[CHUCKLES]
283
00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:30,166
Can I ask you something? Yeah.
284
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:32,140
Why did you tell the doctor
I was your father?
285
00:14:32,255 --> 00:14:34,823
Heh, I thought it would be cool
to have a white dad.
286
00:14:34,997 --> 00:14:37,042
Oh, and the orphanage story?
287
00:14:37,216 --> 00:14:38,609
I was a little loopy by then.
288
00:14:38,783 --> 00:14:40,481
I'm sure that was the mussels talking.
289
00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:42,395
Yup, those mussels were definitely talking.
290
00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:44,354
Yeah, must have been.
291
00:14:44,528 --> 00:14:46,704
Well, listen,
try to get some rest.
292
00:14:46,878 --> 00:14:49,228
Um, do you need anything else?
I have 20 bucks left.
293
00:14:49,402 --> 00:14:50,621
[CHUCKLES]
294
00:14:50,795 --> 00:14:51,883
I'll be fine.
295
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,494
Look, I wanna apologize to you
296
00:14:53,668 --> 00:14:55,321
for saying all that stuff about my ex.
297
00:14:55,496 --> 00:14:56,975
I should have never done that.
298
00:14:57,149 --> 00:14:59,804
You are a good man,
and that was not fair to you.
299
00:14:59,978 --> 00:15:03,068
Hey, I understand. This way out?
Yep, that way.
300
00:15:03,242 --> 00:15:04,461
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
301
00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:05,984
Perky. Yeah.
302
00:15:06,158 --> 00:15:09,466
[♪♪♪]
303
00:15:13,905 --> 00:15:14,905
[GRUNTS]
304
00:15:16,647 --> 00:15:17,647
[GRUNTS]
305
00:15:17,779 --> 00:15:19,345
CHARLIE: Good try. [GROANS]
306
00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:22,827
Ah! All right, that's...
307
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:24,612
It's all right. It's a base hit.
308
00:15:24,786 --> 00:15:26,875
[REX GRUNTING]
309
00:15:33,185 --> 00:15:34,665
[GROANS]
310
00:15:34,839 --> 00:15:36,667
CHARLIE: Sorry, Rex. That's a match.
311
00:15:39,278 --> 00:15:40,758
I don't know why you play against me.
312
00:15:40,932 --> 00:15:42,717
It's good aerobics.
Yeah, for me.
313
00:15:42,891 --> 00:15:44,675
[CHUCKLES]
I'm running around like crazy.
314
00:15:44,849 --> 00:15:46,634
I'm gasping for air. You just...
315
00:15:46,808 --> 00:15:49,506
You just stand at the net.
Somehow it's six-love, six-love.
316
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:50,812
Six-love? Six...
317
00:15:50,986 --> 00:15:52,944
[LAUGHS]
You get perverse pleasure
318
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:55,468
beating your only son like this?
Yeah, a lot.
319
00:15:55,643 --> 00:15:56,818
[GROANS]
320
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:01,431
Listen, Dad, uh...
321
00:16:01,605 --> 00:16:03,433
Francine wants to know
322
00:16:03,607 --> 00:16:06,610
if you are coming to Lindsay's bat mitzvah.
323
00:16:06,784 --> 00:16:08,133
My daughter wants to know
324
00:16:08,307 --> 00:16:10,187
if I'm coming to my
granddaughter's bat mitzvah?
325
00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:12,616
Why wouldn't I?
She says you never RSVP'd.
326
00:16:14,357 --> 00:16:18,013
Why didn't she just call
instead of asking you to ask me?
327
00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:19,841
Don't be upset.
You know how she gets.
328
00:16:20,015 --> 00:16:21,756
It'll be a fun day.
We'll be together.
329
00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:24,323
I don't want Lindsay to think
I wasn't gonna come.
330
00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:26,369
Who knows what your sister says to her?
331
00:16:26,543 --> 00:16:28,197
Just give her a call.
332
00:16:30,591 --> 00:16:33,637
This was fun.
I'll see you next week?
333
00:16:33,811 --> 00:16:36,292
When I lose to you, again.
[CHUCKLES]
334
00:16:36,466 --> 00:16:37,728
I gotta go.
335
00:16:37,902 --> 00:16:40,644
I have a 3:00.
I'm a little nervous.
336
00:16:40,818 --> 00:16:44,517
I'm submitting my design for
a new building in Union Square.
337
00:16:44,692 --> 00:16:47,085
Well, it could be a big thing for me.
338
00:16:47,259 --> 00:16:49,566
I RSVP'd. I know I RSVP'd.
339
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:53,352
Dad, don't worry about that.
And wish me luck.
340
00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:54,615
About what?
341
00:16:56,921 --> 00:16:59,358
For my building, for the design.
342
00:16:59,532 --> 00:17:03,624
Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
343
00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:06,322
Yeah. I'll see you.
344
00:17:07,976 --> 00:17:09,847
I'm gonna call her right now.
345
00:17:10,021 --> 00:17:12,328
GIRL [CRYING]: Daddy! Daddy!
346
00:17:12,502 --> 00:17:14,852
Daddy! Daddy!
347
00:17:15,026 --> 00:17:17,942
I did something wrong, Daddy!
348
00:17:18,116 --> 00:17:20,858
I'm scared! Daddy!
349
00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:24,296
Daddy!
350
00:17:24,470 --> 00:17:27,386
[♪♪♪]
351
00:17:33,175 --> 00:17:36,613
Oh, hi. This is...
Craziest thing. I...
352
00:17:36,787 --> 00:17:38,354
I forgot what locker I was using.
353
00:17:38,528 --> 00:17:39,528
Heh-heh, that's okay.
354
00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:41,574
I have a master. Uh...
355
00:17:41,749 --> 00:17:43,576
Let's start with this row.
Okay, good.
356
00:17:44,839 --> 00:17:47,102
[LINDSAY SINGING IN HEBREW]
357
00:18:09,994 --> 00:18:12,344
That's perfect.
You're gonna crush this.
358
00:18:12,518 --> 00:18:14,303
Give me a high-five. [LAUGHS]
359
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,699
I'm proud of you.
You're doing so beautifully.
360
00:18:18,873 --> 00:18:22,877
Yeah. I'm just getting a little
nervous about my speech.
361
00:18:23,051 --> 00:18:26,141
Have you started writing it yet?
Yeah.
362
00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,230
Mmm... [CELL PHONE RINGING]
363
00:18:29,753 --> 00:18:31,276
It's your grandfather.
364
00:18:33,191 --> 00:18:35,063
Hi, Papa Charlie.
Hey, Lindsay, honey.
365
00:18:35,237 --> 00:18:36,934
How's my favorite bat mitzvah girl?
366
00:18:37,108 --> 00:18:38,283
Good. Heh-heh.
367
00:18:38,457 --> 00:18:39,763
[QUIETLY]
Ask him if he's coming.
368
00:18:39,937 --> 00:18:41,722
What do you mean?
Grandpa's not coming?
369
00:18:41,896 --> 00:18:43,680
Are you coming?
That's why I'm calling.
370
00:18:45,464 --> 00:18:46,596
Of course I'm coming.
371
00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:48,052
I wouldn't miss that for the world.
372
00:18:48,076 --> 00:18:49,468
Great. I'm so happy.
373
00:18:49,642 --> 00:18:51,340
Hey, when you're happy,
I'm happy.
374
00:18:51,514 --> 00:18:53,255
Um, can I speak to your mom?
375
00:18:53,429 --> 00:18:55,953
[WHISPERS]
Tell him I can't talk to him right now.
376
00:18:56,127 --> 00:18:59,391
Uh... She said she'll call you back.
377
00:18:59,565 --> 00:19:01,698
Yeah. Okay.
378
00:19:01,872 --> 00:19:03,265
I can't wait to see you.
379
00:19:03,439 --> 00:19:04,701
I can't wait to see you too.
380
00:19:04,875 --> 00:19:07,704
So tell me.
You got a pretty dress?
381
00:19:07,878 --> 00:19:09,619
You're gonna have to see when you come.
382
00:19:09,793 --> 00:19:11,273
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
383
00:19:11,447 --> 00:19:13,014
Um...
384
00:19:13,188 --> 00:19:15,451
[SOFTLY]
Can you help me with my speech?
385
00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:18,454
Yeah, of course.
We'll punch it up real good.
386
00:19:18,628 --> 00:19:19,628
[CHUCKLES]
387
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,370
Yeah. Okay, kid.
388
00:19:21,544 --> 00:19:22,806
See you soon.
389
00:19:23,981 --> 00:19:26,462
CHARLIE: I had a bad day.
390
00:19:26,636 --> 00:19:29,857
Thanks for seeing me so late.
I really appreciate it.
391
00:19:30,031 --> 00:19:33,512
I, uh... I couldn't remember
392
00:19:33,686 --> 00:19:36,080
where my locker was in my health club.
393
00:19:36,254 --> 00:19:37,821
I've been going there for years.
394
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,824
It was so damn embarrassing.
395
00:19:40,998 --> 00:19:42,783
That should be expected.
396
00:19:42,957 --> 00:19:47,526
Don't panic.
Are you doing what we talked about?
397
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,355
Yeah. I try not to vary my routine.
398
00:19:50,529 --> 00:19:53,794
I walk the same way to work every day.
I eat right.
399
00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:56,492
I'm getting some exercise.
400
00:19:56,666 --> 00:19:58,973
And, uh, I'm taking my meds.
401
00:19:59,147 --> 00:20:01,714
And by the way, that Namenda.
402
00:20:01,889 --> 00:20:04,717
Oh, man, it's so constipating.
403
00:20:04,892 --> 00:20:06,197
It... Sorry about that.
404
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,112
Sorry? I was backed up
for eight days.
405
00:20:08,286 --> 00:20:10,332
I felt like a python
that had swallowed a deer.
406
00:20:10,506 --> 00:20:11,724
[LAUGHS]
407
00:20:11,899 --> 00:20:14,553
Charlie, you have medicines
408
00:20:14,727 --> 00:20:17,556
to help with that, and you can
always give yourself an enema.
409
00:20:17,730 --> 00:20:19,776
I'm saving that for my birthday.
410
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:22,997
A little something special just for me.
411
00:20:23,171 --> 00:20:25,260
How are you sleeping? [SIGHS]
412
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:29,394
Why sleep when you can
stay up and terrorize yourself?
413
00:20:29,568 --> 00:20:31,440
Maybe I get four hours, but maybe.
414
00:20:31,614 --> 00:20:34,225
And what about those flashbacks?
415
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:36,619
That's the craziest thing.
416
00:20:36,793 --> 00:20:40,275
I can forget what I had for
lunch while I'm having lunch.
417
00:20:40,449 --> 00:20:43,060
But then, something...
flies into my head, like, bam!
418
00:20:43,234 --> 00:20:46,498
It could be a moment,
a fragment, a sentence.
419
00:20:46,672 --> 00:20:48,196
And it's like I'm there.
420
00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:49,937
Like I can see it
421
00:20:50,111 --> 00:20:52,156
like I saw it way back then.
It doesn't...
422
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:55,856
It's almost like I can smell things.
And then, black.
423
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:59,294
It just goes black,
and it goes as fast as it came.
424
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:01,383
It's the craziest thing.
425
00:21:03,994 --> 00:21:07,171
How's the writing going?
I think it helps.
426
00:21:07,345 --> 00:21:11,175
Um, it keeps my mind active,
and it helps strengthen my denial.
427
00:21:11,349 --> 00:21:14,613
You know what, this show,
it's all of these young kids.
428
00:21:14,787 --> 00:21:16,224
I'm like the old man on the block
429
00:21:16,398 --> 00:21:19,227
whose yard you don't
wanna hit the ball into.
430
00:21:19,401 --> 00:21:22,099
But I still get stuff on the air.
431
00:21:22,273 --> 00:21:24,623
I still help shape the show,
432
00:21:24,797 --> 00:21:28,236
and when one of my jokes hits right,
and the audience laughs,
433
00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:29,715
there's still nothing like it.
434
00:21:29,890 --> 00:21:32,283
And I still love it.
435
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,546
Good. I think you're doing well.
436
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:39,334
We're keeping this at bay,
but it's so damn unpredictable.
437
00:21:39,508 --> 00:21:44,034
Don't let your denial
overrule your sense of reason.
438
00:21:44,208 --> 00:21:45,775
There's a lot we still don't know
439
00:21:45,949 --> 00:21:47,298
about this kind of dementia.
440
00:21:49,257 --> 00:21:50,257
Okay.
441
00:21:51,650 --> 00:21:53,478
See you next month. Okay.
442
00:21:53,652 --> 00:21:56,090
Unless you need me sooner. Okay.
443
00:21:56,264 --> 00:21:57,569
Thanks, my friend.
444
00:21:59,528 --> 00:22:02,357
Oh, by the way, I thought the
show last week was pretty good.
445
00:22:02,531 --> 00:22:04,359
Was it? Who was on?
446
00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:07,188
Um, you know, the guy,
what's-his-name?
447
00:22:07,362 --> 00:22:11,583
The... From the film.
He's married to... Oh!
448
00:22:11,757 --> 00:22:14,847
The one with the hair. [LAUGHS]
449
00:22:15,022 --> 00:22:17,676
Would you like some of my meds?
450
00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:19,940
[♪♪♪]
451
00:22:49,056 --> 00:22:50,579
[CLATTERING]
452
00:22:50,753 --> 00:22:53,495
EMMA:
You just gonna push the lady down, huh?
453
00:22:53,669 --> 00:22:55,497
You just gonna run over somebody!
454
00:22:55,671 --> 00:22:56,846
You son of a bitch!
455
00:22:57,020 --> 00:22:58,891
Come back here and try that again,
456
00:22:59,066 --> 00:23:00,328
you spineless bastard!
457
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,331
Hey, hey, hey.
458
00:23:03,505 --> 00:23:04,723
What happened?
459
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:07,900
[GROANS]
460
00:23:08,075 --> 00:23:09,728
I was going up the right,
461
00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:12,993
when I got into a head-on
collision with a dumb-ass
462
00:23:13,167 --> 00:23:15,169
who was coming down on the right side,
463
00:23:15,343 --> 00:23:17,214
but really that's his left side.
464
00:23:17,388 --> 00:23:19,956
And it's all his fault
because this isn't England!
465
00:23:20,130 --> 00:23:21,784
How did you know where I live?
466
00:23:21,958 --> 00:23:23,568
Oh, Google. Google?
467
00:23:23,742 --> 00:23:25,309
Here. What's this?
468
00:23:25,483 --> 00:23:27,833
The first installment
of the money I owe you.
469
00:23:28,008 --> 00:23:29,748
Whoa!
470
00:23:29,922 --> 00:23:31,881
You're a pole dancer?
471
00:23:32,055 --> 00:23:33,970
God, no.
And this coming from a man
472
00:23:34,144 --> 00:23:36,407
that makes America laugh for a living.
473
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:39,149
My knee! My fucking knees!
474
00:23:39,323 --> 00:23:41,151
Listen, listen, come upstairs.
475
00:23:41,325 --> 00:23:42,935
I'll clean you up a little bit,
476
00:23:43,110 --> 00:23:44,981
and then we can rinse out your mouth.
477
00:23:45,155 --> 00:23:46,156
Come on.
478
00:23:46,330 --> 00:23:48,071
[♪♪♪]
479
00:23:48,245 --> 00:23:51,683
EMMA: Ooh, okay, okay.
480
00:23:53,424 --> 00:23:55,296
Jeez.
481
00:23:55,470 --> 00:23:59,343
Man, this dude is doing it.
This is nice.
482
00:23:59,517 --> 00:24:01,650
Ooh!
Mm, he know a lot of old white people.
483
00:24:03,434 --> 00:24:05,784
Oprah Winfrey? Hmm!
484
00:24:06,829 --> 00:24:08,961
"For Carrie"?
485
00:24:09,136 --> 00:24:11,268
Hmm. Okay, here we go.
486
00:24:11,442 --> 00:24:13,488
According to this wall,
not only are you ancient,
487
00:24:13,662 --> 00:24:15,664
but you're also famous.
[CHUCKLES]
488
00:24:15,838 --> 00:24:17,448
Sit here.
489
00:24:19,537 --> 00:24:20,799
[SIGHS]
490
00:24:25,456 --> 00:24:27,241
You a serial killer?
491
00:24:27,415 --> 00:24:28,677
What do you mean?
492
00:24:28,851 --> 00:24:30,461
Well, isn't that what serial killers do?
493
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:32,724
Collect pictures of everyone they butchered
494
00:24:32,898 --> 00:24:35,075
and buried in their backyard?
495
00:24:35,249 --> 00:24:36,815
Other knee.
496
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,038
Who are they? Who?
497
00:24:44,171 --> 00:24:46,869
Oh, that's my family.
498
00:24:47,043 --> 00:24:50,002
If they're family, why do you
have their names written down?
499
00:24:50,177 --> 00:24:51,613
I'm writing something about them,
500
00:24:51,787 --> 00:24:53,832
and it helps me stay focused.
That's all.
501
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,271
How did you become a writer?
502
00:24:57,445 --> 00:25:00,796
I don't think you become one.
I think you just are.
503
00:25:00,970 --> 00:25:02,711
When I was a kid,
I thought it was fun
504
00:25:02,885 --> 00:25:05,496
to take the truth
and make it more interesting.
505
00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:06,670
So you're a liar?
506
00:25:06,758 --> 00:25:07,758
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
507
00:25:07,890 --> 00:25:09,413
Nah, I'm just kidding.
508
00:25:09,587 --> 00:25:10,632
That's beautiful. Yeah.
509
00:25:10,806 --> 00:25:12,808
Well, you're as good as new.
510
00:25:12,982 --> 00:25:14,201
Thanks.
511
00:25:14,375 --> 00:25:15,506
[SIGHS]
512
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,291
What was here?
513
00:25:17,465 --> 00:25:19,336
Oh, there was just some picture that fell.
514
00:25:19,510 --> 00:25:21,947
Housekeeper put it some place,
I don't know.
515
00:25:22,122 --> 00:25:23,558
Listen, I gotta get back to work.
516
00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:25,299
You gotta get back to making up shit
517
00:25:25,473 --> 00:25:27,214
because your real life is boring?
518
00:25:27,388 --> 00:25:29,259
Something like that, yeah.
519
00:25:29,433 --> 00:25:32,393
Thanks for bringing me
the bag of laundered money.
520
00:25:32,567 --> 00:25:34,438
The Corleones will be very pleased.
521
00:25:34,612 --> 00:25:37,137
Um...
But you really didn't have to do that.
522
00:25:37,311 --> 00:25:40,749
That's where you're wrong, old man.
I did. Mwah!
523
00:25:40,923 --> 00:25:42,054
Bye-bye.
524
00:25:43,795 --> 00:25:49,149
Next is Sarah and Roger,
Paula and Gary wrote this.
525
00:25:49,323 --> 00:25:52,108
A cheesy ad for a law firm.
526
00:25:52,282 --> 00:25:53,762
Hello, I'm Jerry Loomis.
527
00:25:53,936 --> 00:25:55,416
And I'm Lorraine Loomis.
528
00:25:55,590 --> 00:25:57,766
When we got married,
the rules of dating
529
00:25:57,940 --> 00:26:00,334
were much less confusing
than they are today.
530
00:26:00,508 --> 00:26:03,075
And that's where we come in.
We're the Sex Refs.
531
00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:04,816
[ALL LAUGH]
532
00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:06,949
We go on your dates with you.
533
00:26:07,123 --> 00:26:08,820
BOTH: Maintaining a safe distance.
534
00:26:08,994 --> 00:26:11,214
So if there's any hanky...
or panky.
535
00:26:11,388 --> 00:26:14,478
We're there to help clarify what
both parties' intentions are.
536
00:26:14,652 --> 00:26:16,437
So there's no misunderstandings
537
00:26:16,611 --> 00:26:20,049
that could lead to
accusations and lawsuits.
538
00:26:20,223 --> 00:26:22,138
We deal with the he said-she said aspects
539
00:26:22,312 --> 00:26:23,922
of miscommunication.
For example,
540
00:26:24,096 --> 00:26:25,881
You're in a parked car and she says:
541
00:26:26,055 --> 00:26:27,274
"Would you like to kiss me?"
542
00:26:27,448 --> 00:26:28,971
But he said she said:
543
00:26:29,145 --> 00:26:31,321
"Honey, can you please
stick your thumb up my ass?"
544
00:26:31,495 --> 00:26:33,193
[ALL LAUGHING]
545
00:26:35,020 --> 00:26:37,458
Very different, isn't it?
546
00:26:37,632 --> 00:26:39,155
BOTH: We think so.
547
00:26:39,329 --> 00:26:41,810
Or if you're at the
top of the Ferris wheel,
548
00:26:41,984 --> 00:26:44,595
and he says:
"I really don't like heights."
549
00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,249
But she says he said:
550
00:26:46,423 --> 00:26:48,338
"Wanna see a picture
of my Rottweiler's balls?"
551
00:26:48,512 --> 00:26:49,731
[ALL LAUGHING]
552
00:26:51,385 --> 00:26:53,996
Now you see why you need us?
553
00:26:54,170 --> 00:26:57,173
We'll be there to protect you
from vicious accusations,
554
00:26:57,347 --> 00:26:59,654
subpoenas and defamation suits.
555
00:26:59,828 --> 00:27:02,047
[WHISPERS] Sub-poena?
Remember we're on your side.
556
00:27:02,222 --> 00:27:03,701
BOTH: No matter what side that is.
557
00:27:03,875 --> 00:27:05,660
ROGER: We're Loomis. And Loomis.
558
00:27:05,834 --> 00:27:07,444
And we'll see you in court...
559
00:27:07,618 --> 00:27:09,359
BOTH: Ship.
560
00:27:09,533 --> 00:27:11,448
[ALL LAUGH]
561
00:27:13,929 --> 00:27:15,496
MAN: That's good. That was good.
562
00:27:15,670 --> 00:27:17,541
Well, it's subtle. [ALL CHUCKLE]
563
00:27:17,715 --> 00:27:19,413
So... Okay, good job.
564
00:27:19,587 --> 00:27:22,459
Next sketch is from Darrell.
565
00:27:22,633 --> 00:27:24,766
Thomas Crapper Jr.
566
00:27:24,940 --> 00:27:27,769
We open on a 19th
century British schoolyard.
567
00:27:27,943 --> 00:27:30,554
A group of 9-year-old
children are milling about
568
00:27:30,728 --> 00:27:32,817
and trying to figure out
what they want to do
569
00:27:32,991 --> 00:27:35,907
now that school is let out.
Wanna come over to my house?
570
00:27:36,081 --> 00:27:38,170
No. Your house smells.
571
00:27:38,345 --> 00:27:39,868
How about my house?
572
00:27:40,042 --> 00:27:42,740
No. Your house smells too.
573
00:27:42,914 --> 00:27:44,568
My house doesn't smell.
574
00:27:44,742 --> 00:27:46,091
How come?
575
00:27:46,266 --> 00:27:48,006
I'm Thomas Crapper Jr.
576
00:27:48,180 --> 00:27:50,879
My father invented the flush toilet.
577
00:27:51,053 --> 00:27:53,621
ALL: Then let's go over to his house.
578
00:27:55,405 --> 00:27:56,928
All right, all right.
579
00:27:59,453 --> 00:28:01,629
All right, guys.
Very funny stuff.
580
00:28:01,803 --> 00:28:03,805
Let's put together a show.
581
00:28:03,979 --> 00:28:06,460
Sex Refs.
582
00:28:06,634 --> 00:28:09,550
Ah. You guys wrote a really funny sketch.
583
00:28:09,724 --> 00:28:11,421
But, uh...
584
00:28:11,595 --> 00:28:14,903
But what?
Sarah and Roger were hilarious.
585
00:28:15,077 --> 00:28:17,122
GARY: Correct.
I don't know. I don't know.
586
00:28:17,297 --> 00:28:19,690
Charlie, what do you think?
Very funny idea.
587
00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:22,345
But a thumb up the ass,
Rottweiler's balls...
588
00:28:22,519 --> 00:28:24,304
What are you talking about?
They got laughs.
589
00:28:24,478 --> 00:28:26,393
Of course they will.
They always will.
590
00:28:26,567 --> 00:28:28,569
But is it the right kind of laugh?
591
00:28:28,743 --> 00:28:30,832
Because it's a very smart idea.
592
00:28:31,006 --> 00:28:32,007
Angry Librarians?
593
00:28:32,181 --> 00:28:33,261
So funny. You should do it.
594
00:28:33,356 --> 00:28:34,575
I agree.
595
00:28:34,749 --> 00:28:36,968
Thomas Crapper Jr. Hell, no.
596
00:28:37,142 --> 00:28:39,754
Yeah. You know,
Darrell's option's coming up,
597
00:28:39,928 --> 00:28:42,452
and he still hasn't gotten
a sketch on the air.
598
00:28:42,626 --> 00:28:44,976
It's not that bad.
599
00:28:45,150 --> 00:28:47,152
First of all, if they spoke
in English accents,
600
00:28:47,327 --> 00:28:48,763
the way they were supposed to,
601
00:28:48,937 --> 00:28:50,634
it would've been a little bit better,
602
00:28:50,808 --> 00:28:52,419
but the whole thing's not framed right.
603
00:28:52,593 --> 00:28:55,335
Give him another shot.
He'll make it better.
604
00:28:57,902 --> 00:28:59,948
Listen, we hired Darrell because he wrote
605
00:29:00,122 --> 00:29:02,951
those really funny essays for the Lampoon.
606
00:29:03,125 --> 00:29:05,083
I think it's a little hard to make the leap
607
00:29:05,257 --> 00:29:07,042
from print to live sketches.
It takes time.
608
00:29:07,216 --> 00:29:10,045
You think he's a good writer?
609
00:29:10,219 --> 00:29:12,264
Yeah. I think...
I think it's in there.
610
00:29:12,439 --> 00:29:14,179
But I think it needs to be encouraged.
611
00:29:14,354 --> 00:29:17,095
Listen, you guys are a
very fast crowd to run with,
612
00:29:17,269 --> 00:29:19,881
and I also think that
Inflection Mangler Roger
613
00:29:20,055 --> 00:29:22,710
should be hit in the head
until he says "subpoena" right.
614
00:29:22,884 --> 00:29:25,103
I mean, come on.
"Sub-poena," what is that?
615
00:29:25,277 --> 00:29:26,453
A very small poena?
616
00:29:26,627 --> 00:29:28,106
That's an inferior poena.
617
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:31,327
An underground poena?
I mean, what is his problem?
618
00:29:31,501 --> 00:29:34,330
You know, but here's the thing.
619
00:29:34,504 --> 00:29:35,984
There's a music to comedy.
620
00:29:36,158 --> 00:29:38,116
There's a music.
There are notes to comedy.
621
00:29:38,290 --> 00:29:39,770
He's out of tune.
We're working on it.
622
00:29:39,944 --> 00:29:42,425
Keep working,
because it's driving me nuts.
623
00:29:42,599 --> 00:29:45,559
All right. What's next?
Uh, I have to go.
624
00:29:45,733 --> 00:29:47,604
I'm sorry, I have my... Oh, oh!
625
00:29:47,778 --> 00:29:48,953
Excuse me. Oh, right.
626
00:29:49,127 --> 00:29:51,042
Yeah. Have a great time.
627
00:29:51,216 --> 00:29:53,784
Thanks. Oh. I wish I could go.
628
00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:56,091
Hey. You got a job. Ha-ha!
Yeah. All right.
629
00:29:56,265 --> 00:29:57,545
CHARLIE: Good night. Good night.
630
00:29:57,701 --> 00:29:59,399
Good night.
631
00:29:59,573 --> 00:30:02,402
They're, um...
They're honoring Charlie
632
00:30:02,576 --> 00:30:04,926
and the whole cast
at the American Film Society
633
00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:07,972
for the 30th anniversary
of Call Me Anytime.
634
00:30:08,146 --> 00:30:10,584
Kevin Kline, Sharon Stone,
Barry Levinson directing.
635
00:30:10,758 --> 00:30:13,848
Oh. Such a funny movie.
Have you seen it?
636
00:30:14,022 --> 00:30:15,502
Mm-hm. Yeah. It's great.
637
00:30:16,938 --> 00:30:19,027
All right. What's up?
638
00:30:20,985 --> 00:30:23,292
Look, you know I love Charlie.
639
00:30:23,466 --> 00:30:25,468
I know he gave you
your start and everything.
640
00:30:25,642 --> 00:30:27,731
But... come on.
641
00:30:27,905 --> 00:30:30,908
Yeah, I just don't know what
he brings to the show anymore.
642
00:30:31,082 --> 00:30:33,694
Aside from 40 years' experience?
643
00:30:33,868 --> 00:30:36,000
And a body of work that includes shows
644
00:30:36,174 --> 00:30:38,960
that made it possible
for this show to exist?
645
00:30:39,134 --> 00:30:40,352
[SIGHS]
646
00:30:40,527 --> 00:30:42,659
Look, I know
647
00:30:42,833 --> 00:30:45,967
how you can question Charlie's value.
648
00:30:46,141 --> 00:30:49,840
But he's really smart
and he still writes funny jokes.
649
00:30:50,014 --> 00:30:52,190
And he's my consigliere.
650
00:30:52,364 --> 00:30:56,151
So when you write sketches
with a thumb up someone's ass,
651
00:30:56,325 --> 00:30:58,414
or a Rottweiler's balls,
652
00:30:58,588 --> 00:31:02,331
he's the one who reminds me what
we should be putting on the air.
653
00:31:02,505 --> 00:31:06,074
Bottom line, as long as
I am producing this show,
654
00:31:06,248 --> 00:31:07,771
Charlie will be here.
655
00:31:09,556 --> 00:31:11,819
Okay? You got it.
656
00:31:11,993 --> 00:31:13,864
All right. Yeah.
657
00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:15,692
Let's get back to work. Yeah.
658
00:31:18,390 --> 00:31:20,305
[ALL CHATTERING]
659
00:31:21,611 --> 00:31:23,613
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
660
00:31:23,787 --> 00:31:25,267
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
661
00:31:25,441 --> 00:31:27,051
Come on, come on.
662
00:31:28,836 --> 00:31:30,968
Close the door, close the door.
663
00:31:32,709 --> 00:31:34,668
Turn off the lights.
664
00:31:34,842 --> 00:31:35,886
Come here.
665
00:31:36,060 --> 00:31:38,672
[BOTH MOANING]
666
00:31:38,846 --> 00:31:41,413
I can't do this anymore.
667
00:31:41,588 --> 00:31:43,198
Why? Oh!
668
00:31:43,372 --> 00:31:46,201
You're married, I'm married.
I don't want anyone to get hurt.
669
00:31:46,375 --> 00:31:47,594
Well, neither do I.
670
00:31:47,768 --> 00:31:48,943
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
671
00:31:49,117 --> 00:31:51,598
Mm, I just don't know what to do.
672
00:31:51,772 --> 00:31:54,514
But wait, wait, wait.
Let's make a plan.
673
00:31:54,688 --> 00:31:58,561
Every year, we will meet
here in the Tuckmans' bathroom,
674
00:31:58,735 --> 00:32:00,955
at their Halloween party.
675
00:32:01,129 --> 00:32:02,826
What about the Tuckmans'
Christmas party?
676
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:04,349
No, we've got to be strong.
677
00:32:04,524 --> 00:32:05,960
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
678
00:32:06,134 --> 00:32:08,702
[AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
679
00:32:08,876 --> 00:32:11,574
Hi, how are you?
Thank you all for being here.
680
00:32:11,748 --> 00:32:13,576
Good evening, I'm Bob Costas.
681
00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:15,012
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
682
00:32:15,186 --> 00:32:16,492
Please welcome
683
00:32:16,666 --> 00:32:18,712
the director of Call Me Anytime,
684
00:32:18,886 --> 00:32:19,974
Barry Levinson.
685
00:32:20,148 --> 00:32:22,324
Its writer, Charlie Burnz,
686
00:32:22,498 --> 00:32:26,371
and its stars,
Kevin Kline and Sharon Stone.
687
00:32:26,546 --> 00:32:28,069
[ALL WHOOPING, WHISTLING]
688
00:32:33,683 --> 00:32:35,816
I have to say, right off the top.
689
00:32:35,990 --> 00:32:38,122
I really love this film.
690
00:32:38,296 --> 00:32:40,647
In fact, I'm bypassing
a Mets-Astros game tonight
691
00:32:40,821 --> 00:32:43,040
just to be here,
to do this instead.
692
00:32:43,214 --> 00:32:45,216
All right,
so, what's the germ of all this?
693
00:32:45,390 --> 00:32:47,175
How did it all get started?
694
00:32:47,349 --> 00:32:49,786
Well, um, Charlie and I originally met
695
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,615
on The Carol Burnett Show ages ago.
696
00:32:52,789 --> 00:32:56,488
And, uh, he wrote
a lot of very funny sketches.
697
00:32:56,663 --> 00:33:00,884
Shy guy, uh,
always called me Mr. Levinson.
698
00:33:01,058 --> 00:33:02,898
Even though we were friendly.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
699
00:33:03,060 --> 00:33:04,932
All right, so what happened was, um,
700
00:33:05,106 --> 00:33:07,804
I read Charlie's script
and, uh, I thought:
701
00:33:07,978 --> 00:33:10,198
"Well, this is a perfect film to do."
702
00:33:10,372 --> 00:33:13,505
So the next day, I get a call
from Barry, and he says:
703
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,638
"I just read this script, it's terrific.
704
00:33:15,812 --> 00:33:18,467
You gotta read it.
The character, she's you."
705
00:33:18,641 --> 00:33:20,281
And I said, "She's completely compulsive,
706
00:33:20,425 --> 00:33:22,166
she'll do anything. I'm in."
707
00:33:22,340 --> 00:33:23,907
[ALL LAUGHING]
708
00:33:24,081 --> 00:33:26,693
And then the next day,
he called me.
709
00:33:26,867 --> 00:33:29,913
I read the script and then I was in.
710
00:33:30,087 --> 00:33:32,829
Literally three days later,
we got a go.
711
00:33:33,003 --> 00:33:35,092
And I called Charlie with the good news.
712
00:33:35,266 --> 00:33:38,792
And so, Charlie, you get the call,
what did Barry say?
713
00:33:38,966 --> 00:33:42,186
Who? Heh, Mr. Levinson.
714
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:43,579
Oh, heh.
715
00:33:43,753 --> 00:33:47,409
It's so nice to see you.
Nice to... Wow.
716
00:33:47,583 --> 00:33:50,194
It's great to meet you.
Well, I was...
717
00:33:50,368 --> 00:33:53,023
I was just thrilled and shocked that, um...
718
00:33:53,197 --> 00:33:54,808
Mr. Levinson.
719
00:33:54,982 --> 00:33:56,157
[ALL LAUGHING]
720
00:33:56,331 --> 00:33:57,331
Uh...
721
00:33:57,375 --> 00:33:58,638
[CHUCKLES]
722
00:33:58,812 --> 00:34:00,030
Wanted to direct my first...
723
00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:01,815
This was my first screenplay.
Yes.
724
00:34:01,989 --> 00:34:06,907
And that Kevin Kline was gonna play Ben,
and that... help me.
725
00:34:07,081 --> 00:34:08,952
Meryl Streep. Hello.
726
00:34:09,126 --> 00:34:12,260
Heh, was, uh, gonna play Iris.
727
00:34:12,434 --> 00:34:15,393
And I kept thinking,
if my parents were alive,
728
00:34:15,567 --> 00:34:17,178
this good news would've killed them.
729
00:34:17,352 --> 00:34:18,875
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
730
00:34:19,049 --> 00:34:20,703
BARRY: Charlie's work is...
731
00:34:20,877 --> 00:34:23,750
It's not just comedic,
there's a humanity to it.
732
00:34:23,924 --> 00:34:27,231
And I think it shows people as real people.
733
00:34:27,405 --> 00:34:28,972
He's an exceptional writer.
734
00:34:29,146 --> 00:34:32,019
[♪♪♪]
735
00:34:37,111 --> 00:34:40,201
Hey, old man.
You were great up there.
736
00:34:40,375 --> 00:34:42,812
Hey. You were inside?
737
00:34:42,986 --> 00:34:46,337
Yeah. And I loved it.
Second installment.
738
00:34:46,511 --> 00:34:49,471
It's a little light, boss.
Please don't break my thumbs.
739
00:34:49,645 --> 00:34:50,646
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
740
00:34:50,820 --> 00:34:52,300
Well, this is a...
741
00:34:52,474 --> 00:34:53,693
This is a lovely surprise.
742
00:34:53,867 --> 00:34:56,434
How'd you know about this?
My loser ex.
743
00:34:56,608 --> 00:34:59,437
I used his ticket.
You made me laugh a lot.
744
00:34:59,611 --> 00:35:00,612
I'm really sorry.
745
00:35:00,787 --> 00:35:02,440
[BOTH LAUGH]
746
00:35:02,614 --> 00:35:05,487
No, I liked seeing you up there.
It was so cool.
747
00:35:05,661 --> 00:35:07,402
And you've done a lot of big things.
748
00:35:07,576 --> 00:35:09,360
I got lucky. Being good
749
00:35:09,534 --> 00:35:11,928
ain't got nothing to do with luck.
750
00:35:12,102 --> 00:35:13,277
I guess.
751
00:35:15,105 --> 00:35:16,672
Why do you have birds in your hair?
752
00:35:16,846 --> 00:35:18,065
Why not?
753
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:20,110
Oh, shit, what time is it?
754
00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:21,851
Damn! I'm gonna be late for work.
755
00:35:22,025 --> 00:35:23,374
I gotta go. Come with me. Work?
756
00:35:23,548 --> 00:35:24,548
Yeah. Come on. Now?
757
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,856
Yeah. What do you do?
758
00:35:27,030 --> 00:35:28,902
[BAND PLAYING JAZZ TUNE]
759
00:35:30,817 --> 00:35:32,514
♪ Up in Harlem at a table for two ♪
760
00:35:32,688 --> 00:35:35,343
♪ There were four of us
Me, your big feet and you ♪
761
00:35:35,517 --> 00:35:38,172
♪ From your ankles up
I say you sure look sweet ♪
762
00:35:38,346 --> 00:35:40,957
♪ But from there down
There's just too much feet! ♪
763
00:35:41,131 --> 00:35:42,785
♪ Yeah, your feet too big ♪
764
00:35:42,959 --> 00:35:45,701
♪ I don't want ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪
765
00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:48,269
♪ I can't use ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪
766
00:35:48,443 --> 00:35:50,750
♪ I really hate ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪
767
00:35:50,924 --> 00:35:52,273
BAND: Your feet's too big!
768
00:35:52,447 --> 00:35:55,232
[SCATTING]
769
00:35:55,406 --> 00:35:58,235
♪ Where d'ya get 'em?
Where d'ya get 'em? ♪
770
00:35:58,409 --> 00:36:00,672
♪ Your girl, she likes ya
She thinks you're nice ♪
771
00:36:00,847 --> 00:36:03,414
♪ Got what it takes
To go to paradise ♪
772
00:36:03,588 --> 00:36:06,156
♪ She likes your face
Said she likes your rig ♪
773
00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:08,593
♪ But, man, oh, man
Those things are too big ♪
774
00:36:08,768 --> 00:36:10,465
♪ Your feet's too big ♪
775
00:36:10,639 --> 00:36:13,424
♪ I don't want ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪
776
00:36:13,598 --> 00:36:16,036
♪ I'm mad at ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪
777
00:36:16,210 --> 00:36:18,647
♪ I hate ya
'Cause your feet's too big ♪
778
00:36:20,257 --> 00:36:24,174
Yeah, I come from
a pretty small family. Uh...
779
00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:27,569
My mom and dad were singers.
780
00:36:27,743 --> 00:36:29,484
Uh, Mo and Jessie.
781
00:36:29,658 --> 00:36:31,616
They were kind of like Ashford and Simpson.
782
00:36:31,791 --> 00:36:33,314
But they never made it big
783
00:36:33,488 --> 00:36:35,620
because there was already
an Ashford and Simpson.
784
00:36:35,795 --> 00:36:37,013
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
785
00:36:37,187 --> 00:36:38,493
We used to have a lot of fun.
786
00:36:38,667 --> 00:36:40,234
They taught me how to harmonize,
787
00:36:40,408 --> 00:36:44,499
and my dad made these
really cool weathervanes.
788
00:36:44,673 --> 00:36:46,153
And my mom, she had
789
00:36:46,327 --> 00:36:48,895
these beautiful dreamcatchers
that she makes.
790
00:36:49,069 --> 00:36:50,722
They live just outside of Charlotte.
791
00:36:50,897 --> 00:36:52,463
I love them both to pieces.
792
00:36:52,637 --> 00:36:54,161
Oh, they sound great.
793
00:36:57,555 --> 00:37:00,994
I love the way the air
smells after it rains. Hmm.
794
00:37:01,168 --> 00:37:03,431
Listen, if you ever need my help
795
00:37:03,605 --> 00:37:05,563
with what you're going through right now,
796
00:37:05,737 --> 00:37:08,436
even if you need someone
to talk to, I'm here.
797
00:37:08,610 --> 00:37:12,483
Well, thank you very much.
But what are you talking about?
798
00:37:12,657 --> 00:37:15,530
You forgot Sharon Stone
and Barry Levinson's names?
799
00:37:15,704 --> 00:37:17,358
Oh, that.
I get a little tongue-tied.
800
00:37:17,532 --> 00:37:20,056
I don't like being on-stage.
And what stage were you on
801
00:37:20,230 --> 00:37:22,430
when you wrote your family's
names under their pictures?
802
00:37:22,580 --> 00:37:23,930
I told you, that's how I work.
803
00:37:24,104 --> 00:37:25,975
It's a project that I'm working on, and...
804
00:37:26,149 --> 00:37:29,370
Look, I know what you told me,
but don't bullshit me, old man.
805
00:37:29,544 --> 00:37:32,025
[♪♪♪]
806
00:37:33,591 --> 00:37:35,898
It started innocently enough.
807
00:37:36,072 --> 00:37:37,682
I'd have trouble remembering things.
808
00:37:37,857 --> 00:37:40,903
A name, a place, a fork.
809
00:37:41,077 --> 00:37:43,079
And I'd think,
"You're getting older, Charlie.
810
00:37:43,253 --> 00:37:45,603
You know, you're having senior moments."
811
00:37:45,777 --> 00:37:47,779
But one day,
I'm having lunch with this guy,
812
00:37:47,954 --> 00:37:49,607
and I can't remember his name.
813
00:37:49,781 --> 00:37:51,566
He's going on and on and on.
814
00:37:51,740 --> 00:37:53,220
I'm thinking, "Who the hell is this?"
815
00:37:53,394 --> 00:37:55,613
Then he cracks himself up
and he starts laughing.
816
00:37:55,787 --> 00:37:58,399
So I faked laughing.
Just to go along with him.
817
00:37:58,573 --> 00:38:01,315
And while I'm laughing,
I'm panicking.
818
00:38:01,489 --> 00:38:03,795
Thinking,
"Who the hell is this?"
819
00:38:03,970 --> 00:38:05,319
Did you know him?
820
00:38:07,234 --> 00:38:08,452
He was my son.
821
00:38:10,367 --> 00:38:12,369
[GROANS SOFTLY]
822
00:38:12,543 --> 00:38:15,546
Yeah. It's happening.
823
00:38:17,113 --> 00:38:19,855
Jesus, old man. I'm sorry.
824
00:38:23,772 --> 00:38:25,469
[SIGHS]
825
00:38:25,643 --> 00:38:26,643
Who's Carrie?
826
00:38:28,516 --> 00:38:31,736
I saw that on the title page at your house.
827
00:38:33,564 --> 00:38:35,088
Carrie was my wife.
828
00:38:36,437 --> 00:38:37,525
She died.
829
00:38:39,266 --> 00:38:40,658
A long time ago.
830
00:38:42,791 --> 00:38:46,751
And I'm writing something for her.
831
00:38:46,926 --> 00:38:49,145
And I have to finish
before my words run out.
832
00:38:49,319 --> 00:38:51,756
When did you start working on it?
833
00:38:51,931 --> 00:38:54,237
About an hour after I was diagnosed.
834
00:38:54,411 --> 00:38:56,065
And how's it going so far?
835
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,372
It's going really well.
836
00:38:58,546 --> 00:39:01,549
My mama would call that
a crock of lukewarm horseshit.
837
00:39:01,723 --> 00:39:03,681
Don't lie to me, old man.
838
00:39:03,855 --> 00:39:07,207
I know you haven't started
writing one single word.
839
00:39:07,381 --> 00:39:09,078
Let me see your phone. My phone?
840
00:39:09,252 --> 00:39:10,558
Your phone. Okay.
841
00:39:12,038 --> 00:39:13,735
Okay.
842
00:39:13,909 --> 00:39:17,391
This is my name,
this is my number, okay?
843
00:39:17,565 --> 00:39:19,349
Now, even if you don't wanna contact me,
844
00:39:19,523 --> 00:39:21,003
I just want you to know
845
00:39:21,177 --> 00:39:24,398
that I'm not some allergic-to-shellfish nut
846
00:39:24,572 --> 00:39:26,226
that's half your age plus four,
847
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,011
that wants to help you
because you helped me.
848
00:39:29,185 --> 00:39:31,274
You don't stop for commas, do you?
849
00:39:31,448 --> 00:39:32,754
Life's too short for commas.
850
00:39:39,935 --> 00:39:43,199
Darrell, um, this is better.
851
00:39:43,373 --> 00:39:45,767
Try this as a tag.
852
00:39:45,941 --> 00:39:48,465
Let's do it in the dress rehearsal.
What do you think?
853
00:39:48,639 --> 00:39:49,814
[CHUCKLES]
854
00:39:49,989 --> 00:39:52,078
Yeah. Yeah, that's great.
855
00:39:52,252 --> 00:39:53,731
Are we good? Yeah. Thanks.
856
00:39:53,905 --> 00:39:56,082
Good. Alrighty. All right.
857
00:39:56,256 --> 00:39:58,376
[IN ENGLISH ACCENT]
Want to come to my house and play?
858
00:39:58,519 --> 00:40:00,347
[IN ENGLISH ACCENT]
No, your house smells.
859
00:40:00,521 --> 00:40:01,913
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
860
00:40:02,088 --> 00:40:03,413
[IN ENGLISH ACCENT]
Come to my house and play.
861
00:40:03,437 --> 00:40:05,656
SARAH: No, your house smells too.
862
00:40:05,830 --> 00:40:07,093
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
863
00:40:07,267 --> 00:40:08,790
My house doesn't smell.
864
00:40:08,964 --> 00:40:10,270
We can play there.
865
00:40:10,444 --> 00:40:12,272
Oh, he's Thomas Crapper's son.
866
00:40:12,446 --> 00:40:14,839
His father invented the flushing toilet.
867
00:40:15,014 --> 00:40:17,277
That's a lot of crap.
868
00:40:17,451 --> 00:40:19,627
Not anymore. [AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
869
00:40:19,801 --> 00:40:22,456
ALL: Let's go to his house!
870
00:40:22,630 --> 00:40:24,762
[IMITATING JEFF GOLDBLUM]
Ah, yes. Thomas Crapper,
871
00:40:24,936 --> 00:40:27,765
the, uh, father of the modern toilet.
872
00:40:27,939 --> 00:40:29,419
I'm Jeff Goldblum.
873
00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:32,466
Uh... Oh, heh-heh-heh.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
874
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:33,640
[PURRS]
875
00:40:33,771 --> 00:40:35,295
This has been
876
00:40:35,469 --> 00:40:39,647
a little-known moment
in indoor plumbing history.
877
00:40:39,821 --> 00:40:41,301
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
878
00:40:41,475 --> 00:40:44,826
Change your toilet.
Change the world.
879
00:40:45,914 --> 00:40:47,655
Commercial break! Two minutes.
880
00:40:49,657 --> 00:40:50,832
Wow.
881
00:40:51,006 --> 00:40:52,616
Not bad. Great fix, Darrell.
882
00:40:52,790 --> 00:40:54,879
Yeah, the Goldblum thing was funny.
883
00:40:55,054 --> 00:40:57,273
Thanks. I think we'll slot it
884
00:40:57,447 --> 00:41:00,102
after the third commercial break.
Got one on the air.
885
00:41:00,276 --> 00:41:01,451
GARY: All right, so...
886
00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:02,974
[GARY CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
887
00:41:03,149 --> 00:41:05,107
BRAD: Yeah. Yeah.
888
00:41:05,281 --> 00:41:07,805
[♪♪♪]
889
00:41:16,249 --> 00:41:17,554
[SIGHS]
890
00:41:25,345 --> 00:41:26,650
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
891
00:41:29,697 --> 00:41:31,090
EMMA: How did you meet Carrie?
892
00:41:37,792 --> 00:41:39,010
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
893
00:41:40,925 --> 00:41:44,103
Come on, old man.
How did you two meet?
894
00:41:52,154 --> 00:41:53,938
CARRIE: Damn it, I hate this stuff.
895
00:41:55,810 --> 00:41:58,639
CHARLIE:
Hey, you know what really does the trick?
896
00:41:58,813 --> 00:41:59,857
What?
897
00:42:00,031 --> 00:42:01,685
CHARLIE: Butter.
898
00:42:01,859 --> 00:42:04,123
Did you just say butter?
I'm telling you. Butter.
899
00:42:04,297 --> 00:42:07,038
No, really. There's a lot of tar
on the beach this year.
900
00:42:07,213 --> 00:42:09,171
What you do is you take a stick of butter
901
00:42:09,345 --> 00:42:11,173
and just keep rubbing it into the tar
902
00:42:11,347 --> 00:42:14,698
and somehow it breaks it down,
you can just wipe it away
903
00:42:14,872 --> 00:42:17,266
and you don't have to use
that tomahawk of a shell,
904
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:19,355
which is probably taking off
all the epidermis
905
00:42:19,529 --> 00:42:21,575
on the bottom of your foot.
[CHUCKLES]
906
00:42:21,749 --> 00:42:23,533
Hi.Hi.
907
00:42:23,707 --> 00:42:26,362
I'm Charlie Burnz.
Hello, Charlie Burnz.
908
00:42:28,582 --> 00:42:30,975
I'm Carrie.
Carrie? Is that short
909
00:42:31,150 --> 00:42:34,240
for Caren or Carina or a Catherine or...?
910
00:42:34,414 --> 00:42:36,242
Florence. Florence?
911
00:42:36,416 --> 00:42:37,895
Don't ask.
912
00:42:38,069 --> 00:42:40,550
Florence. Well, that's
a great old-fashioned name.
913
00:42:40,724 --> 00:42:42,900
That's one of the names
of one of my relatives.
914
00:42:43,074 --> 00:42:45,729
I could never imagine
my relatives as babies.
915
00:42:45,903 --> 00:42:47,296
Herman, come away from the water.
916
00:42:47,470 --> 00:42:49,429
Irving, don't put that puppy in your mouth.
917
00:42:49,603 --> 00:42:51,344
Ooh, Mildred just pooped in the toilet.
918
00:42:51,518 --> 00:42:53,041
A big hand for Mildred.
919
00:42:53,215 --> 00:42:55,086
[LAUGHING]
You don't hear those names.
920
00:42:55,261 --> 00:42:56,697
That's true.
921
00:42:56,871 --> 00:42:58,133
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
922
00:42:58,307 --> 00:43:00,657
Listen, I live in that white house,
923
00:43:00,831 --> 00:43:02,833
like, right over there,
and I happen to have
924
00:43:03,007 --> 00:43:05,793
like half a ton of butter.
So if you...
925
00:43:05,967 --> 00:43:07,664
Yeah, I won a dairy contest.
926
00:43:07,838 --> 00:43:10,276
You had to guess how much the cow weighed.
927
00:43:10,450 --> 00:43:12,713
[CHUCKLES]
And, uh, I can de-tar you.
928
00:43:12,887 --> 00:43:15,411
And I mean that in a very respectful way.
929
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:18,501
Okay.
930
00:43:21,374 --> 00:43:23,898
[♪♪♪]
931
00:43:26,248 --> 00:43:27,858
CHARLIE: Wow, is that a paint-by-number?
932
00:43:28,032 --> 00:43:32,123
Oh, it's you again.
Hello, Charlie Burnz.
933
00:43:32,298 --> 00:43:34,996
Hey, Carrie. It's really good.
934
00:43:35,170 --> 00:43:36,606
Yeah? You like it? Yeah.
935
00:43:36,780 --> 00:43:38,260
You know what else I like? What?
936
00:43:38,434 --> 00:43:40,567
Steamed clams. Oh, yeah?
937
00:43:40,741 --> 00:43:43,047
Yeah.
I've never had steamed clams.
938
00:43:43,222 --> 00:43:45,267
Okay, my house, 7 p.m.
939
00:43:46,790 --> 00:43:48,662
Deal.
940
00:43:48,836 --> 00:43:51,447
CHARLIE:
Here we go. Okay, take the clam.
941
00:43:51,621 --> 00:43:54,537
Spread it apart.
Rinse him in the broth.
942
00:43:54,711 --> 00:43:58,019
And then to the butter.
And then to your mouth.
943
00:43:58,193 --> 00:44:00,413
It's a little bit of heaven.
Isn't it great?
944
00:44:00,587 --> 00:44:02,545
Oh. Oh, God.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
945
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:03,981
Oh, God, that's disgusting.
946
00:44:04,155 --> 00:44:05,809
[LAUGHING] Please don't sue.
947
00:44:05,983 --> 00:44:08,159
Oh, man.
948
00:44:08,334 --> 00:44:10,466
Pizza? I'll call Gino's.
949
00:44:23,784 --> 00:44:25,481
CHARLIE: I just got this rug.
950
00:44:26,743 --> 00:44:28,441
This is like tracking Bigfoot.
951
00:44:28,615 --> 00:44:30,094
[CHARLIE CHUCKLES]
952
00:44:34,403 --> 00:44:35,403
Hey.
953
00:44:36,231 --> 00:44:38,364
Hey. Carrie.
954
00:44:39,495 --> 00:44:40,888
Good morning.
955
00:44:45,501 --> 00:44:46,633
Here.
956
00:44:48,112 --> 00:44:50,376
Good morning, Charlie Burnz.
957
00:44:50,550 --> 00:44:51,986
[CHARLIE CHUCKLES]
958
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,598
Here. A little something for breakfast.
959
00:44:55,772 --> 00:44:57,426
It's a beautiful day.
960
00:45:01,343 --> 00:45:03,954
Ha-ha! Oh, God. [LAUGHS]
961
00:45:04,128 --> 00:45:05,565
[LAUGHING]
962
00:45:07,393 --> 00:45:08,524
Okay.
963
00:45:10,265 --> 00:45:12,049
De-tar me.
964
00:45:12,223 --> 00:45:15,488
But it seems a shame to waste
the butter on my foot.
965
00:45:15,662 --> 00:45:17,359
Oh! Come here.
966
00:45:17,533 --> 00:45:18,752
Okay.
967
00:45:21,363 --> 00:45:22,930
CHARLIE [WHISPERS]: Hi.
968
00:45:34,811 --> 00:45:36,683
[VIOLIN PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]
969
00:45:38,380 --> 00:45:40,991
Well, hello, old friend.
970
00:45:52,873 --> 00:45:54,135
[DINGS]
971
00:46:05,189 --> 00:46:06,408
[DINGS]
972
00:46:19,987 --> 00:46:21,118
[DINGS]
973
00:46:24,905 --> 00:46:26,515
[TYPEWRITER DINGS]
974
00:46:30,476 --> 00:46:32,260
[BAND PLAYS JAZZ TUNE]
975
00:46:32,434 --> 00:46:35,002
♪ And you can't tell
The depth of a well ♪
976
00:46:35,176 --> 00:46:37,744
♪ By the length
Of the handle on the pump ♪
977
00:46:37,918 --> 00:46:42,618
♪ Baby, how can you
Tell about me? ♪
978
00:46:42,792 --> 00:46:44,794
♪ Now, you can't tell
A bottle by the label ♪
979
00:46:44,968 --> 00:46:47,580
[MAN WHOOPS]
♪ That's how it is with me ♪
980
00:46:47,754 --> 00:46:50,583
♪ Some folks call me a ladle ♪
981
00:46:50,757 --> 00:46:54,500
♪ Give me a chance
And you'll see, yow! ♪
982
00:46:54,674 --> 00:46:56,632
♪ You can't tell
The depth of a well ♪
983
00:46:56,806 --> 00:46:58,721
♪ By the length of the handle
On the pump ♪
984
00:46:58,895 --> 00:46:59,895
Thank you, boo.
985
00:46:59,940 --> 00:47:03,422
♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪
986
00:47:03,596 --> 00:47:07,251
♪ Baby, baby Baby, baby, baby ♪
987
00:47:07,426 --> 00:47:10,951
♪ How can you tell about me?
Hey! ♪
988
00:47:11,125 --> 00:47:12,561
All right, now,
989
00:47:12,735 --> 00:47:14,955
make sure you make a donation.
[CROWD CHEERING]
990
00:47:15,129 --> 00:47:16,826
Thank you,
we'll see you in a few months.
991
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:18,219
We're going on tour.
992
00:47:18,393 --> 00:47:21,178
A tour. Four months, 50 cities.
993
00:47:21,352 --> 00:47:23,398
Theaters, clubs.
And we got a tour bus.
994
00:47:23,572 --> 00:47:25,269
Can you believe it?
Man, it's awesome.
995
00:47:25,444 --> 00:47:27,010
I'm in, all the way. Awesome.
996
00:47:27,184 --> 00:47:28,882
All right, guys, I'll see y'all later.
997
00:47:29,056 --> 00:47:30,449
See you. That's cool.
998
00:47:31,841 --> 00:47:33,277
You sounded great.
999
00:47:34,714 --> 00:47:37,281
What are you doing here?
Em, I'm sorry.
1000
00:47:37,456 --> 00:47:39,588
I messed up. Please.
1001
00:47:39,762 --> 00:47:43,462
It's too late. I've moved on.
I met someone and we're in love.
1002
00:47:43,636 --> 00:47:45,159
What? Already?
1003
00:47:45,333 --> 00:47:46,552
Mm-hm. Bullshit.
1004
00:47:46,726 --> 00:47:48,467
He's over there. Wanna meet him?
Okay.
1005
00:47:48,641 --> 00:47:50,401
Come on,
you'll see if it's bullshit or not.
1006
00:47:50,512 --> 00:47:51,687
Let's see your bullshit.
1007
00:47:51,861 --> 00:47:53,472
Hey. Hey, old man.
1008
00:47:53,646 --> 00:47:56,170
Hi. Hey, you were great.
I mean, that was just terrific.
1009
00:47:56,344 --> 00:47:57,998
EMMA: Thank you.
What is going on here?
1010
00:47:58,172 --> 00:48:02,916
Oh. Charlie, this is my ex-boyfriend,
Dwayne St. John.
1011
00:48:03,090 --> 00:48:05,266
Oh, I hear you're a fan.
Thank you.
1012
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:08,225
This is your boyfriend?
No, he's my bae.
1013
00:48:08,399 --> 00:48:11,315
You used my auction thing!
Oh, yeah, all $22 of it.
1014
00:48:11,490 --> 00:48:14,188
And thank you.
It's the first day of the rest of my life.
1015
00:48:14,362 --> 00:48:15,885
Ain't that right?
1016
00:48:16,059 --> 00:48:17,626
Yeah. Heh-heh.
1017
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:21,064
I love everything you do.
And now he's doing me. Ha!
1018
00:48:21,238 --> 00:48:22,892
Ain't that right, Charlie?
1019
00:48:23,066 --> 00:48:26,113
You got that right... baby.
Mm-hm.
1020
00:48:26,287 --> 00:48:28,202
We are late for lunch. Uh-huh.
1021
00:48:28,376 --> 00:48:32,162
And I would love a seafood salad right now.
1022
00:48:32,336 --> 00:48:34,425
Okay. This is so crazy.
1023
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,994
I'm... in acting class,
I was doing the scene from your play...
1024
00:48:38,168 --> 00:48:40,170
Do you wanna just take a picture?
1025
00:48:40,344 --> 00:48:42,042
Could I? Okay with you, sir?
Sure.
1026
00:48:42,216 --> 00:48:43,870
Man, this is amazing.
I'll take it.
1027
00:48:44,044 --> 00:48:46,220
I know the password already.
1028
00:48:46,394 --> 00:48:48,701
All right, get closer.
1029
00:48:48,875 --> 00:48:50,093
Okay, now, smile.
1030
00:48:50,267 --> 00:48:51,573
Put your hands up in the air.
1031
00:48:51,747 --> 00:48:53,488
Yeah, like you won something.
1032
00:48:53,662 --> 00:48:54,924
Aah! Ha-ha! Mm-hm.
1033
00:48:55,098 --> 00:48:56,818
There you go. Okay.
Charlie, come over here.
1034
00:48:56,926 --> 00:48:58,493
Is this good enough?
1035
00:48:59,886 --> 00:49:01,061
[LAUGHS]
1036
00:49:01,235 --> 00:49:02,628
Now you'll always remember
1037
00:49:02,802 --> 00:49:05,195
what me and your idol look like together.
1038
00:49:05,369 --> 00:49:06,632
Bye-bye.
1039
00:49:09,286 --> 00:49:10,592
[SIGHS]
1040
00:49:10,766 --> 00:49:12,420
[♪♪♪]
1041
00:49:12,594 --> 00:49:15,379
You okay? I will be.
1042
00:49:15,554 --> 00:49:18,208
I want some ice cream. Okay.
1043
00:49:18,382 --> 00:49:20,820
SERVER: And a triple vegan delight.
1044
00:49:20,994 --> 00:49:23,213
Wow, that looks like the Olympic torch.
1045
00:49:23,387 --> 00:49:25,694
SERVER [LAUGHS]:
Hey, I gotta change the name.
1046
00:49:29,698 --> 00:49:31,874
So when would you leave?
1047
00:49:32,048 --> 00:49:35,051
In like a month or so.
It's crazy how things happened.
1048
00:49:35,225 --> 00:49:39,534
This record producer saw our videos and...
1049
00:49:39,708 --> 00:49:42,276
he was digging us,
next thing you know, bam!
1050
00:49:42,450 --> 00:49:45,932
We going on tour for four months,
on a tour bus,
1051
00:49:46,106 --> 00:49:49,022
and we're already talking
about doing an album, it's...
1052
00:49:49,196 --> 00:49:51,328
Charlie, I'm sorry.
I'm doing all the talking.
1053
00:49:51,502 --> 00:49:53,548
You said something good happened?
1054
00:49:53,722 --> 00:49:56,638
I wrote last night.
You did? That's awesome.
1055
00:49:56,812 --> 00:49:58,640
It was fantastic.
Just like the old days.
1056
00:49:58,814 --> 00:50:02,122
Itzhak Perlman starting playing,
and I started writing.
1057
00:50:02,296 --> 00:50:03,863
Izzy Perlman?
Who's Izzy Perlman?
1058
00:50:04,037 --> 00:50:05,429
Not Izzy Perlman.
1059
00:50:05,604 --> 00:50:08,389
Izzy Pearlman sold my
parents Venetian blinds.
1060
00:50:08,563 --> 00:50:11,044
Itzhak Perlman is one
of the greatest violinists
1061
00:50:11,218 --> 00:50:13,742
in the world.
Ask your phone who he is!
1062
00:50:13,916 --> 00:50:15,439
He lives in the building behind me
1063
00:50:15,614 --> 00:50:17,311
and he likes to practice at night.
1064
00:50:17,485 --> 00:50:20,488
I just open my window and it's
like a free Itzhak festival.
1065
00:50:20,662 --> 00:50:23,534
It's one of the reasons
Carrie and I bought the place.
1066
00:50:26,407 --> 00:50:27,408
Ooh!
1067
00:50:29,584 --> 00:50:31,020
What was that for?
1068
00:50:31,194 --> 00:50:33,066
I don't think I would've written anything
1069
00:50:33,240 --> 00:50:34,763
if you didn't get me started.
1070
00:50:36,069 --> 00:50:38,332
You're welcome. Thank you.
1071
00:50:38,506 --> 00:50:39,768
Tink.
1072
00:50:39,942 --> 00:50:41,117
[CHUCKLES]
1073
00:50:41,291 --> 00:50:42,858
Hey, um...
1074
00:50:43,032 --> 00:50:44,512
Are you doing anything right now?
1075
00:50:44,686 --> 00:50:47,428
No. It's my day off.
1076
00:50:47,602 --> 00:50:48,647
Wanna have some laughs?
1077
00:50:48,821 --> 00:50:51,171
Hell, yeah. Come on.
1078
00:50:51,345 --> 00:50:54,478
EMMA: Wax museum?
CHARLIE: Trust me, it's fun.
1079
00:50:54,653 --> 00:50:56,611
EMMA:
Don't tell me there's one of you here.
1080
00:50:56,785 --> 00:50:58,105
CHARLIE: Come on.
EMMA: Heh, okay.
1081
00:50:58,178 --> 00:50:59,745
[♪♪♪]
1082
00:50:59,919 --> 00:51:02,225
This is Marilyn Monroe
from The Seven Year Itch.
1083
00:51:02,399 --> 00:51:03,836
Mm. I'd be itchy too
1084
00:51:04,010 --> 00:51:06,577
if I had hot subway air blowing up my ass.
1085
00:51:06,752 --> 00:51:08,449
Is that who I think it is?
1086
00:51:09,842 --> 00:51:11,974
EMMA: Hello, Dalai.
[CHARLIE LAUGHS]
1087
00:51:12,148 --> 00:51:14,411
Come on, queen.
Smile, girl. Smile.
1088
00:51:16,196 --> 00:51:18,198
CHARLIE:
What could he possibly be thinking?
1089
00:51:19,939 --> 00:51:21,680
"Shouldn't have had the seafood salad."
1090
00:51:21,854 --> 00:51:23,333
[LAUGHS]
1091
00:51:23,507 --> 00:51:25,248
CHARLIE: Picasso.
EMMA: I don't dig him.
1092
00:51:25,422 --> 00:51:26,423
CHARLIE: Why? Sexist.
1093
00:51:26,597 --> 00:51:27,947
If I did a painting of you
1094
00:51:28,121 --> 00:51:29,576
with three willies,
would you be happy?
1095
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,341
CHARLIE: I'd be ecstatic.
[EMMA LAUGHS]
1096
00:51:31,515 --> 00:51:33,604
CHARLIE [IN GERMAN ACCENT]:
The Theory of Relativity
1097
00:51:33,779 --> 00:51:35,563
is never lend your relatives money.
1098
00:51:35,737 --> 00:51:37,826
You can kiss that ten bucks goodbye.
1099
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,176
[LAUGHS]
1100
00:51:40,350 --> 00:51:42,851
CHARLIE [IN GRAVELLY VOICE]:
Golda, tell me again. I don't understand.
1101
00:51:42,875 --> 00:51:44,330
EMMA [IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]:
Okay, Mr. Arafat.
1102
00:51:44,354 --> 00:51:46,487
It's "Chanukah," not "Hanukkah."
1103
00:51:46,661 --> 00:51:48,247
CHARLIE:
I'm having trouble with the "hucch."
1104
00:51:48,271 --> 00:51:50,230
I'm having trouble with the "hucch"!
1105
00:51:50,404 --> 00:51:53,320
CHARLIE [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Pope? Party of five?
1106
00:51:53,494 --> 00:51:55,061
[IMITATES NIXON]
I am not a crook.
1107
00:51:55,235 --> 00:51:56,778
CHARLIE [IMITATING REAGAN]:
Oh, bullshit, Dickie.
1108
00:51:56,802 --> 00:51:58,717
Then why are you so sweaty?
[EMMA LAUGHS]
1109
00:51:58,891 --> 00:52:00,825
EMMA [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Man, he is really cross-eyed.
1110
00:52:00,849 --> 00:52:02,522
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
That's why he didn't find
1111
00:52:02,546 --> 00:52:04,244
any weapons of mass destruction.
1112
00:52:04,418 --> 00:52:05,854
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1113
00:52:07,334 --> 00:52:09,118
EMMA: So you have two kids, right?
1114
00:52:09,292 --> 00:52:12,513
Yeah. Francine teaches math at
a middle school in New Jersey.
1115
00:52:12,687 --> 00:52:14,907
Uh-huh.
And my son Rex is an architect.
1116
00:52:15,081 --> 00:52:17,692
And, uh, Rex is a...
1117
00:52:17,866 --> 00:52:19,520
He's a pretty brilliant kid.
1118
00:52:19,694 --> 00:52:21,087
Well, he should be. He was born
1119
00:52:21,261 --> 00:52:22,941
at the American Museum of Natural History.
1120
00:52:23,045 --> 00:52:24,525
[BOTH LAUGH]
1121
00:52:24,699 --> 00:52:26,919
This was so nice. Thank you.
1122
00:52:30,096 --> 00:52:32,315
I wanna ask you a question.
1123
00:52:32,489 --> 00:52:34,187
And I'm a little nervous about it,
1124
00:52:34,361 --> 00:52:37,625
because I don't remember the
last time I asked this, if ever.
1125
00:52:39,670 --> 00:52:42,891
Would like to be my date for
my granddaughter's bat mitzvah?
1126
00:52:43,065 --> 00:52:45,676
Her name is Lindsay
and she's the love of my life.
1127
00:52:45,851 --> 00:52:47,896
And it would be like
a goodbye party for you,
1128
00:52:48,070 --> 00:52:49,985
except it's a bat mitzvah
and not for you.
1129
00:52:50,159 --> 00:52:53,554
I've never been to a bat mitzvah before.
When is it?
1130
00:52:53,728 --> 00:52:56,383
I don't remember, but it's soon.
Way to narrow it down.
1131
00:52:56,557 --> 00:52:59,821
I have the invitation...
Doesn't matter when it is.
1132
00:52:59,995 --> 00:53:01,605
I'd be happy to go. Yeah?
1133
00:53:01,780 --> 00:53:04,304
But only on one condition.
What's that?
1134
00:53:04,478 --> 00:53:06,306
That we dance together.
Oh, no, no, no.
1135
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:08,525
You don't understand.
I'm a dangerous dancer,
1136
00:53:08,699 --> 00:53:10,397
one of the few with mambo insurance.
1137
00:53:10,571 --> 00:53:13,966
Oh, come on, Charlie.
It'll be so much fun.
1138
00:53:14,140 --> 00:53:16,185
All right. But to be on the safe side,
1139
00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:17,926
wear a helmet and shoulder pads.
1140
00:53:18,100 --> 00:53:19,885
Done. Great.
1141
00:53:20,059 --> 00:53:22,931
[♪♪♪]
1142
00:53:48,304 --> 00:53:49,828
What's the matter, Carrie?
1143
00:53:50,002 --> 00:53:52,178
I just don't want the summer to be over.
1144
00:53:52,352 --> 00:53:54,180
CHARLIE: Well...
1145
00:53:54,354 --> 00:53:56,922
maybe we just keep
our summer going forever.
1146
00:53:59,315 --> 00:54:00,839
Good idea, Charlie Burnz.
1147
00:54:22,904 --> 00:54:26,212
Stop sign... left.
1148
00:54:26,386 --> 00:54:28,692
Whoa, sorry, pal.
You can't go this way. Not safe.
1149
00:54:28,867 --> 00:54:31,826
This is the way I go.
Sir, go this way. Not safe here.
1150
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,698
I don't know that way.
You gotta go that way.
1151
00:54:34,873 --> 00:54:37,614
I don't know that way,
this is the way I go every day.
1152
00:54:37,788 --> 00:54:40,095
It's a new day.
Cross the street and you'll be fine.
1153
00:54:40,269 --> 00:54:43,707
No! I have to go this way!
Hey, pal, come on. Move!
1154
00:54:43,882 --> 00:54:45,709
[GASPS] [YELPS, THEN GROANS]
1155
00:54:46,885 --> 00:54:48,016
CHARLIE: Sorry.
1156
00:54:48,190 --> 00:54:49,844
BIKER: What's the matter with you?
1157
00:54:53,848 --> 00:54:57,765
That's the way I go.
I go that way.
1158
00:55:00,159 --> 00:55:01,856
[GASPS] [TIRES SCREECHING]
1159
00:55:02,030 --> 00:55:05,729
DRIVER: What, are you crazy?
What are you doing?
1160
00:55:05,904 --> 00:55:08,819
Get the hell out of the way!
[HORN HONKING]
1161
00:55:08,994 --> 00:55:10,517
Hey!
1162
00:55:10,691 --> 00:55:13,041
You, old man!
1163
00:55:13,215 --> 00:55:15,000
Get the hell out of the way!
1164
00:55:15,174 --> 00:55:17,393
You're in the middle of the road!
1165
00:55:17,567 --> 00:55:19,134
What, are you deaf?
1166
00:55:21,745 --> 00:55:24,661
[♪♪♪]
1167
00:55:53,081 --> 00:55:54,430
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
1168
00:55:59,044 --> 00:56:00,828
Hey, old man! Am I crazy
1169
00:56:01,002 --> 00:56:03,483
or did you say your son
was born in a museum?
1170
00:56:06,007 --> 00:56:08,227
CHARLIE:
Look at the size of this thing, honey.
1171
00:56:08,401 --> 00:56:10,446
CARRIE: Charlie...
this is the only thing here
1172
00:56:10,620 --> 00:56:13,145
that's bigger than you.
Look at that wishbone!
1173
00:56:13,319 --> 00:56:15,234
CARRIE: Charlie. What?
1174
00:56:15,408 --> 00:56:17,801
I think my water just broke.
What?
1175
00:56:17,976 --> 00:56:19,890
We gotta get you out of here.
[GROANING]
1176
00:56:20,065 --> 00:56:21,588
We gotta get you out of here.
1177
00:56:21,762 --> 00:56:23,633
CARRIE: Oh!
1178
00:56:23,807 --> 00:56:26,375
I'm not gonna make it. Oh!
Honey... I need a doctor!
1179
00:56:26,549 --> 00:56:28,508
I need a doctor!
What's the problem?
1180
00:56:28,682 --> 00:56:30,031
My wife's having a baby. When?
1181
00:56:30,205 --> 00:56:31,641
Now!
I'm gonna ask the supervisor
1182
00:56:31,815 --> 00:56:33,643
if that's okay.
Are you kidding me?
1183
00:56:33,817 --> 00:56:35,341
I am a doctor. What kind?
1184
00:56:35,515 --> 00:56:37,256
Proctologist. Okay.
Close enough.
1185
00:56:37,430 --> 00:56:39,475
Oh, God.
Oh, this baby's coming fast.
1186
00:56:39,649 --> 00:56:42,009
Can you do it somewhere else?
A tour group's coming through.
1187
00:56:42,130 --> 00:56:44,002
Really?!
I have a baby coming through!
1188
00:56:44,176 --> 00:56:46,265
Take a deep breath. Relax.
Call an ambulance now.
1189
00:56:46,439 --> 00:56:48,223
Copy that. DOCTOR: Hi.
1190
00:56:48,397 --> 00:56:49,877
You should know my name.
It's Carrie.
1191
00:56:50,051 --> 00:56:51,357
Hi. Hello. And that man
1192
00:56:51,531 --> 00:56:53,446
who looks so scared is Charlie!
1193
00:56:53,620 --> 00:56:56,057
Hi, Charlie. He's the daddy.
1194
00:56:56,231 --> 00:56:57,471
DOCTOR: Good. What's your name?
1195
00:56:57,624 --> 00:56:59,365
I'm Joe Katz. Okay?
Take a breath.
1196
00:56:59,539 --> 00:57:01,323
Relax. You're doing just great.
1197
00:57:01,497 --> 00:57:03,934
Now, listen.
I'll need to remove your underwear.
1198
00:57:04,109 --> 00:57:05,762
Oh, that's a bit aggressive
1199
00:57:05,936 --> 00:57:07,547
for our first date, don't you think?
1200
00:57:07,721 --> 00:57:09,723
There we go. [CARRIE GROANING]
1201
00:57:09,897 --> 00:57:11,551
What should I do next?
CHARLIE: Nothing!
1202
00:57:11,725 --> 00:57:13,466
Sure? They gave us a class with the doll...
1203
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:15,294
CHARLIE: Leave us alone!
Okay. Sorry.
1204
00:57:15,468 --> 00:57:18,645
Charlie. This is like that time
at Rye Playland, remember?
1205
00:57:18,819 --> 00:57:21,430
At the top of the Ferris wheel?
We were so drunk!
1206
00:57:21,604 --> 00:57:23,041
[CHUCKLES] Are you okay?
1207
00:57:23,215 --> 00:57:24,825
CHARLIE: Just trying to think.
1208
00:57:24,999 --> 00:57:26,890
Who took your panties off at Rye Playland?
I wasn't there.
1209
00:57:26,914 --> 00:57:28,568
What? It was Coney Island!
1210
00:57:28,742 --> 00:57:30,483
Oh, you're right!
1211
00:57:30,657 --> 00:57:32,920
Oh, God.
Okay, lean forward slowly.
1212
00:57:33,094 --> 00:57:35,270
And you're gonna push when I tell you.
1213
00:57:35,444 --> 00:57:37,881
Carrie, you're doing great.
Hey! What are you looking at?
1214
00:57:38,056 --> 00:57:39,753
Ew!
Get these scouts out of here!
1215
00:57:39,927 --> 00:57:41,407
Come on, guys. Let's go.
1216
00:57:41,581 --> 00:57:44,323
Come on, boys. This is bullshit!
1217
00:57:44,497 --> 00:57:46,417
CHARLIE: You too!
Copy that. And just a reminder:
1218
00:57:46,586 --> 00:57:48,109
We close at 5. Get out of here!
1219
00:57:48,283 --> 00:57:50,372
[YELLING] Okay. The baby's here.
1220
00:57:50,546 --> 00:57:51,808
The baby's here.
1221
00:57:51,982 --> 00:57:53,984
So a big, deep breath and a big push, okay?
1222
00:57:54,159 --> 00:57:56,291
You can do it. There you go.
Okay.
1223
00:57:56,465 --> 00:57:58,206
[GRUNTING]
1224
00:57:58,380 --> 00:58:00,904
[♪♪♪]
1225
00:58:02,428 --> 00:58:04,473
[BABY CRYING] [CARRIE GASPS]
1226
00:58:04,647 --> 00:58:07,389
Okay. Here you go. Here you go.
1227
00:58:07,563 --> 00:58:09,261
Here you go. Oh!
1228
00:58:09,435 --> 00:58:12,481
It's a boy.
It's a boy. It's a boy.
1229
00:58:12,655 --> 00:58:15,093
[LAUGHING]
1230
00:58:15,267 --> 00:58:16,746
CARRIE [WHISPERS]: Hey, Charlie.
1231
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:17,921
Yeah?
1232
00:58:19,184 --> 00:58:21,055
Let's name him Rex.
1233
00:58:21,229 --> 00:58:23,362
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1234
00:58:23,536 --> 00:58:25,277
That's the perfect name.
1235
00:58:26,843 --> 00:58:28,193
Heh, I'm really glad
1236
00:58:28,367 --> 00:58:30,151
we didn't have him under that big whale.
1237
00:58:30,325 --> 00:58:33,067
Yeah. Because Moby Dick Burnz
1238
00:58:33,241 --> 00:58:35,417
would be a terrible name for our son.
1239
00:58:35,591 --> 00:58:37,637
He'd have so much trouble at school.
1240
00:58:37,811 --> 00:58:39,117
[LAUGHS QUIETLY]
1241
00:58:39,291 --> 00:58:41,902
Oh, I love you, Charlie Burnz.
1242
00:58:44,470 --> 00:58:46,124
[WHISPERS] I love you too.
1243
00:58:57,352 --> 00:59:00,225
[♪♪♪]
1244
00:59:05,882 --> 00:59:10,104
CHARLIE: What do my baby boy
and a T-Rex have in common?
1245
00:59:10,278 --> 00:59:11,671
[CHUCKLES]
1246
00:59:11,845 --> 00:59:15,414
One is extinct,
the other just stinks!
1247
00:59:18,634 --> 00:59:22,508
All right, Roger.
We'll cue you in five, four...
1248
00:59:22,682 --> 00:59:25,728
Three, two, one...
1249
00:59:25,902 --> 00:59:27,643
Good evening.
And welcome to another episode
1250
00:59:27,817 --> 00:59:30,124
of Old People Who Have Always Looked Old!
1251
00:59:30,298 --> 00:59:31,952
Tonight's subjects are Keith Richards
1252
00:59:32,126 --> 00:59:33,562
and the late Mother Teresa.
1253
00:59:33,736 --> 00:59:35,825
Oh, boy. Did you hear it?
Yeah. I did.
1254
00:59:35,999 --> 00:59:37,914
How does he get away with this?
I don't know.
1255
00:59:38,088 --> 00:59:40,569
[CHUCKLES] All right, listen.
1256
00:59:40,743 --> 00:59:42,049
These sketch ideas are good,
1257
00:59:42,223 --> 00:59:44,138
but they don't always have to be so big.
1258
00:59:44,312 --> 00:59:46,445
Sketches can be small, more personal.
1259
00:59:46,619 --> 00:59:47,794
Something about yourself,
1260
00:59:47,968 --> 00:59:49,608
maybe about your girlfriend or something.
1261
00:59:49,752 --> 00:59:51,754
That would be a problem.
Why is that?
1262
00:59:51,928 --> 00:59:54,714
I don't have one.
I'm incredibly single.
1263
00:59:54,888 --> 00:59:56,194
See? That's funny.
1264
00:59:56,368 --> 00:59:58,718
That I eat every meal alone?
1265
00:59:58,892 --> 01:00:01,242
Oh, that's hilarious.
Heh, no, no.
1266
01:00:01,416 --> 01:00:03,462
I'm talking about a character for the show.
1267
01:00:03,636 --> 01:00:05,072
The incredibly single guy.
1268
01:00:05,246 --> 01:00:06,726
It's different than being single.
1269
01:00:06,900 --> 01:00:08,118
It's incredibly single.
1270
01:00:08,293 --> 01:00:09,853
There might be something funny in that.
1271
01:00:09,946 --> 01:00:11,687
Right.
Find out what's funny about you
1272
01:00:11,861 --> 01:00:14,995
and then write about it.
Okay. I'll try that.
1273
01:00:15,169 --> 01:00:17,780
Okay. Can I tell you something?
1274
01:00:17,954 --> 01:00:19,391
Yeah.
1275
01:00:19,565 --> 01:00:21,871
When I was at Harvard,
I had a humor class
1276
01:00:22,045 --> 01:00:23,830
and I wrote a paper as you.
1277
01:00:24,918 --> 01:00:26,093
Really? Yeah.
1278
01:00:26,267 --> 01:00:27,877
I read all your plays,
1279
01:00:28,051 --> 01:00:29,575
I knew your movie scripts.
1280
01:00:29,749 --> 01:00:31,446
I could even tell what jokes were yours
1281
01:00:31,620 --> 01:00:33,405
on whatever TV show you were writing on.
1282
01:00:33,579 --> 01:00:35,233
So I wrote a paper in your style.
1283
01:00:35,407 --> 01:00:36,799
Like you were at Harvard.
1284
01:00:36,973 --> 01:00:40,716
Wow. And how did it do?
Got an F.
1285
01:00:40,890 --> 01:00:41,717
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
1286
01:00:41,891 --> 01:00:43,197
The professor said
1287
01:00:43,371 --> 01:00:44,894
we already have a great Charlie Burnz.
1288
01:00:45,068 --> 01:00:48,681
We don't have a great Darrell Green yet.
He was right.
1289
01:00:48,855 --> 01:00:51,858
Anyway, um, working with you
and knowing you
1290
01:00:52,032 --> 01:00:53,555
is really special to me.
1291
01:00:53,729 --> 01:00:55,470
Oh, thank you, Darrell.
1292
01:00:55,644 --> 01:00:58,560
Listen, while I go get one of the crew
1293
01:00:58,734 --> 01:01:01,346
to vacuum out the smoke
you just blew up my ass,
1294
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:03,435
take a whack at the incredibly single guy,
1295
01:01:03,609 --> 01:01:05,437
see if there's something funny.
Deal.
1296
01:01:05,611 --> 01:01:06,612
Good. [CELL PHONE RINGS]
1297
01:01:06,786 --> 01:01:08,309
Oh, sorry.
1298
01:01:08,483 --> 01:01:11,660
Um... hello? Hi.
1299
01:01:11,834 --> 01:01:13,575
Hi, yeah. No, I...
1300
01:01:14,968 --> 01:01:16,752
What to wear?
1301
01:01:16,926 --> 01:01:19,102
Oh, I don't...
1302
01:01:19,277 --> 01:01:22,105
Well, how vintage?
That's very vintage.
1303
01:01:22,280 --> 01:01:23,368
Yeah, heh-heh.
1304
01:01:23,542 --> 01:01:25,195
No, listen, uh... I'm at work,
1305
01:01:25,370 --> 01:01:26,936
so can I call you back?
1306
01:01:27,110 --> 01:01:29,330
Okay. Uh, bye.
1307
01:01:32,638 --> 01:01:36,076
I'm taking a date to my
granddaughter's bat mitzvah.
1308
01:01:36,250 --> 01:01:39,384
She's a... really fun person.
Never been to one before.
1309
01:01:39,558 --> 01:01:42,256
Neither have I. Can I go too?
[LAUGHS]
1310
01:01:42,430 --> 01:01:44,824
I think one surprise for my
family is all they can handle.
1311
01:01:44,998 --> 01:01:47,392
And believe me, this young
woman is full of surprises.
1312
01:01:47,566 --> 01:01:49,307
She sounds cool. Yeah, she is.
1313
01:01:49,481 --> 01:01:51,744
She's, uh... she's very cool.
1314
01:01:51,918 --> 01:01:52,962
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1315
01:01:54,312 --> 01:01:56,314
What? Well...
1316
01:01:56,488 --> 01:01:57,750
you're blushing.
1317
01:01:57,924 --> 01:02:00,405
Your face is a little red.
Oh, that's...
1318
01:02:00,579 --> 01:02:02,276
blood pressure. Yeah. Oh.
1319
01:02:02,450 --> 01:02:04,322
Shouldn't have had the hot dog. Heh,
it's...
1320
01:02:04,496 --> 01:02:06,498
See you in a little bit. Bye.
1321
01:02:08,282 --> 01:02:10,545
LINDSAY:
Now that I'm a bat mitzvah girl,
1322
01:02:10,719 --> 01:02:13,374
um, I'd like to leave
you with this one story.
1323
01:02:13,548 --> 01:02:16,464
So I turned to Rabbi Teplis and I said:
1324
01:02:16,638 --> 01:02:19,032
"I've been studying for years and years,
1325
01:02:19,206 --> 01:02:21,426
and I ask you:
'What is the meaning of life?'
1326
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,863
And you tell me life is a cookie?"
1327
01:02:24,037 --> 01:02:26,692
[ALL LAUGH]
1328
01:02:26,866 --> 01:02:29,347
And Rabbi Teplis looked at me and said:
1329
01:02:29,521 --> 01:02:30,826
"You mean it isn't?"
1330
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:32,872
[ALL LAUGHING]
1331
01:02:35,962 --> 01:02:40,445
So anyways, to my parents,
I love you so much.
1332
01:02:41,837 --> 01:02:43,535
You've given me everything I have,
1333
01:02:43,709 --> 01:02:46,929
and I wouldn't be here without you.
1334
01:02:47,103 --> 01:02:50,368
Thank you so much. I love you.
1335
01:02:50,542 --> 01:02:53,066
HOST: Mazel tov!
1336
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,242
[HOST SPEAKS IN HEBREW]
1337
01:02:55,416 --> 01:02:58,463
["HAVA NAGILA" PLAYING]
1338
01:02:59,986 --> 01:03:02,205
Let's get Lindsay up in the chair!
1339
01:03:02,380 --> 01:03:04,469
[ALL CHEERING]
1340
01:03:04,643 --> 01:03:05,948
MEN: One, two, three!
1341
01:03:06,122 --> 01:03:08,690
[LAUGHING]
1342
01:03:08,864 --> 01:03:10,910
HOST: Look out. Here comes Mom!
1343
01:03:11,084 --> 01:03:13,652
Up in the air, Francine. [GASPS]
1344
01:03:13,826 --> 01:03:16,306
Bend your knees, boys.
Here comes Papa Charlie!
1345
01:03:16,481 --> 01:03:17,873
[YELPS]
1346
01:03:19,484 --> 01:03:20,963
Mazel tov!
1347
01:03:24,010 --> 01:03:26,316
Come on. Sit down. [LAUGHS]
1348
01:03:27,709 --> 01:03:29,319
[ALL CHEER]
1349
01:03:29,494 --> 01:03:31,365
This is amazing!
1350
01:03:31,539 --> 01:03:33,541
That's it, God. I'm converting!
1351
01:03:33,715 --> 01:03:34,760
[LAUGHS]
1352
01:03:36,239 --> 01:03:37,980
[LAUGHS]
1353
01:03:45,771 --> 01:03:47,381
Hi.
1354
01:03:47,555 --> 01:03:49,078
I'm Francine. I'm Lindsay's mom.
1355
01:03:49,252 --> 01:03:51,037
Mm. She is so special.
1356
01:03:51,211 --> 01:03:52,647
Oh. You must be so proud.
1357
01:03:52,821 --> 01:03:54,997
Yeah. I'm Emma, by the way.
1358
01:03:55,171 --> 01:03:56,782
Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.
1359
01:03:56,956 --> 01:04:00,786
Yes, nice to meet you.
These spare ribs are delicious!
1360
01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:02,483
Oh, good. Mm-hm.
1361
01:04:02,657 --> 01:04:04,703
So how long have you been dating my father?
1362
01:04:04,877 --> 01:04:08,707
What? No, no, no.
We're just friends.
1363
01:04:08,881 --> 01:04:11,666
I'm sure.
No. He's just really nice to me.
1364
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:13,668
Mm-hm.
And I just love his writing.
1365
01:04:13,842 --> 01:04:15,757
Oh.
1366
01:04:15,931 --> 01:04:17,977
Okay. So, um...
1367
01:04:18,151 --> 01:04:20,806
So, what do you do, Emma?
For a living, I mean.
1368
01:04:20,980 --> 01:04:23,156
I'm a singer. Wow.
1369
01:04:23,330 --> 01:04:25,288
Anything I might be familiar with?
1370
01:04:25,463 --> 01:04:26,725
No.
1371
01:04:26,899 --> 01:04:29,205
But we got a whole bunch of videos
1372
01:04:29,379 --> 01:04:32,252
that are blowing up on Instagram right now.
1373
01:04:32,426 --> 01:04:34,820
Cool.
You should come check us out.
1374
01:04:34,994 --> 01:04:37,736
We perform all over the city.
Where?
1375
01:04:37,910 --> 01:04:41,522
Uh... mostly underground.
Like clubs?
1376
01:04:41,696 --> 01:04:44,264
Sometimes, but more so subway stations.
1377
01:04:44,438 --> 01:04:48,398
Like, uh, Columbus Circle,
Union Square, Penn Station.
1378
01:04:48,573 --> 01:04:50,966
You gotta check us out.
You know what?
1379
01:04:51,140 --> 01:04:54,143
I'm gonna get me some more ribs
because I love meat.
1380
01:04:54,317 --> 01:04:56,406
Anything I could pet, I eat.
1381
01:04:56,581 --> 01:04:57,712
[CHUCKLES]
1382
01:05:03,239 --> 01:05:05,764
[SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
1383
01:05:08,941 --> 01:05:10,943
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
1384
01:05:11,117 --> 01:05:12,553
Lindsay...
1385
01:05:12,727 --> 01:05:14,860
I have to tell you how proud I am of you
1386
01:05:15,034 --> 01:05:17,384
that you wanted to have this bat mitzvah.
1387
01:05:17,558 --> 01:05:19,299
And I wanna give you something.
1388
01:05:24,783 --> 01:05:26,219
This...
1389
01:05:26,393 --> 01:05:28,351
This was your Grandma Carrie's.
1390
01:05:30,397 --> 01:05:31,659
And now it's yours.
1391
01:05:31,833 --> 01:05:33,835
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1392
01:05:34,009 --> 01:05:35,358
Put your hair back.
1393
01:05:35,533 --> 01:05:37,665
See if I can...
1394
01:05:37,839 --> 01:05:39,798
Good. Oh, it looks perfect.
1395
01:05:39,972 --> 01:05:42,540
It's really pretty. Yeah.
1396
01:05:42,714 --> 01:05:44,672
I'm giving you this...
1397
01:05:44,846 --> 01:05:47,806
because today is the first big step...
1398
01:05:47,980 --> 01:05:49,459
with so many more to come.
1399
01:05:50,635 --> 01:05:52,245
And I'll be there for you
1400
01:05:52,419 --> 01:05:53,420
for all of that.
1401
01:05:55,117 --> 01:05:57,903
And I can't wait to see
who you're gonna become.
1402
01:06:00,035 --> 01:06:01,297
I love you.
1403
01:06:02,734 --> 01:06:03,909
I love you too.
1404
01:06:05,388 --> 01:06:06,781
Thank you, Papa.
1405
01:06:11,394 --> 01:06:13,353
REX: Hey, Dad, by the way...
1406
01:06:13,527 --> 01:06:16,051
I got that job I was telling you about.
1407
01:06:16,225 --> 01:06:17,270
What job?
1408
01:06:18,488 --> 01:06:20,621
The building in Union Square.
1409
01:06:20,795 --> 01:06:22,884
Yeah. Anyway, they love my design.
1410
01:06:23,058 --> 01:06:25,583
Great. Isn't that great?
1411
01:06:25,757 --> 01:06:28,455
Good going, kid. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
1412
01:06:30,631 --> 01:06:34,026
That's great, huh?
You know, Rex is an architect.
1413
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:36,898
I know. Anyone who's born in
a museum is bound to be smart.
1414
01:06:37,072 --> 01:06:38,857
[CHUCKLES]
He told you about that?
1415
01:06:39,031 --> 01:06:40,728
Yeah, he's very proud of you.
1416
01:06:43,339 --> 01:06:45,994
This is her first bat mitzvah.
What do you think so far?
1417
01:06:46,168 --> 01:06:48,344
It's okay so far. Just okay?
1418
01:06:48,518 --> 01:06:50,216
In the beginning, it was really hot
1419
01:06:50,390 --> 01:06:52,784
with all the dancing
and the chairs up, but...
1420
01:06:52,958 --> 01:06:54,742
Ahem, all due respect to your tribe,
1421
01:06:54,916 --> 01:06:56,483
but it's a little dull now.
1422
01:06:56,657 --> 01:06:58,964
Well, the reading.
It'll pick up again.
1423
01:06:59,138 --> 01:07:01,270
Well, why don't we do
something to help a little?
1424
01:07:01,444 --> 01:07:03,403
Where you going?
1425
01:07:03,577 --> 01:07:05,100
Dad. Dad!
1426
01:07:06,580 --> 01:07:08,103
Hey, hey, hey.
1427
01:07:08,277 --> 01:07:10,497
Do you have the instrumental for...?
1428
01:07:12,238 --> 01:07:14,675
[ELECTRIC GUITAR
PLAYS CHORD OVER SPEAKERS]
1429
01:07:14,849 --> 01:07:16,851
Good evening, everybody.
1430
01:07:17,025 --> 01:07:18,810
Um, my name is Emma Payge.
1431
01:07:18,984 --> 01:07:22,509
I'm a very good friend of Papa Charlie's.
And, Lindsay,
1432
01:07:22,683 --> 01:07:25,207
could you please come
on down to the dance floor?
1433
01:07:25,381 --> 01:07:26,469
Uh...
1434
01:07:26,644 --> 01:07:28,036
This is my first time
1435
01:07:28,210 --> 01:07:30,430
ever coming to a bat mitzvah.
1436
01:07:30,604 --> 01:07:33,520
And I have to say,
so far, I feel so welcome.
1437
01:07:33,694 --> 01:07:35,261
I'm having such a good time.
1438
01:07:35,435 --> 01:07:37,872
DJ, hit that beat.
1439
01:07:38,046 --> 01:07:39,918
And this one's for you, Lindsay.
1440
01:07:40,092 --> 01:07:42,442
If you know the words
to the song, sing along.
1441
01:07:42,616 --> 01:07:45,706
If you don't, I wanna see you
dancing your heart out.
1442
01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:52,495
♪ Oh, come on
Come on, come on, come on ♪
1443
01:07:52,670 --> 01:07:59,285
♪ Didn't I make you feel
Like you were the only man? ♪
1444
01:08:00,503 --> 01:08:02,114
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1445
01:08:04,116 --> 01:08:05,465
♪ Didn't I nearly give you ♪
1446
01:08:05,639 --> 01:08:07,206
♪ Everything a woman possibly can? ♪
1447
01:08:07,380 --> 01:08:09,904
[PEOPLE GASP] [WOMEN LAUGHING]
1448
01:08:10,078 --> 01:08:14,909
♪ And each time I tell myself
That I think I've had enough ♪
1449
01:08:15,083 --> 01:08:17,825
♪ But what I'm gonna show you, baby ♪
1450
01:08:17,999 --> 01:08:20,132
♪ Is that a woman can be tough ♪
1451
01:08:20,306 --> 01:08:26,312
♪ Oh, come on
Come on, come on, come on ♪
1452
01:08:26,486 --> 01:08:28,096
♪ And take it! ♪
1453
01:08:28,270 --> 01:08:31,796
♪ Take another little piece
Of my heart now, baby ♪
1454
01:08:31,970 --> 01:08:33,841
♪ Oh, break it! ♪
1455
01:08:34,015 --> 01:08:37,932
♪ Break another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, darling ♪
1456
01:08:38,106 --> 01:08:40,979
♪ Oh, have a
Have another little piece ♪
1457
01:08:41,153 --> 01:08:44,286
♪ Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪
1458
01:08:44,460 --> 01:08:49,596
BOTH: ♪ You know you got it
If it makes you feel good ♪
1459
01:08:49,770 --> 01:08:51,990
Mm, mm, mm.
1460
01:08:52,164 --> 01:08:55,254
Come here, baby. Mm-hm.
1461
01:08:55,428 --> 01:08:57,212
♪ You're out there on the streets ♪
1462
01:08:57,386 --> 01:08:59,084
♪ All looking good ♪
1463
01:08:59,258 --> 01:09:01,303
♪ And, baby, deep down in your heart ♪
1464
01:09:01,477 --> 01:09:02,827
♪ You know that ain't right ♪
1465
01:09:03,001 --> 01:09:04,176
Mm-mm.
1466
01:09:04,350 --> 01:09:05,830
[CHUCKLES]
1467
01:09:06,004 --> 01:09:08,267
♪ Never, never, never, never ♪
1468
01:09:08,441 --> 01:09:11,444
♪ Never hear me when I cry ♪
Oh! Oh, my hip!
1469
01:09:12,967 --> 01:09:14,969
♪ But each time I tell myself ♪
1470
01:09:15,143 --> 01:09:17,798
♪ That I can't stand the pain ♪
1471
01:09:17,972 --> 01:09:22,890
♪ When you hold me in your arms
I'll sing it once again... ♪
1472
01:09:23,064 --> 01:09:25,893
No. Dad, she's...
She's fantastic.
1473
01:09:26,067 --> 01:09:29,418
She's fantastic.
♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪
1474
01:09:29,592 --> 01:09:32,378
♪ And take it!
Take another little piece ♪
1475
01:09:32,552 --> 01:09:34,554
♪ Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪
1476
01:09:36,774 --> 01:09:40,690
♪ Break another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, darling ♪
1477
01:09:40,865 --> 01:09:43,563
♪ Oh, have a
Have another little piece ♪
1478
01:09:43,737 --> 01:09:47,045
♪ Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪
1479
01:09:47,219 --> 01:09:52,659
ALL: ♪ You know you got it
If it makes you feel good ♪
1480
01:09:52,833 --> 01:09:54,356
[CROWD CHEERS]
1481
01:09:54,530 --> 01:09:56,706
All right. I see you!
1482
01:09:57,969 --> 01:09:59,927
There you go.
1483
01:10:00,101 --> 01:10:02,843
Yeah. Look here.
1484
01:10:03,017 --> 01:10:05,150
♪ I'mma need you to come on ♪
1485
01:10:05,324 --> 01:10:09,458
No. No, thank you.
♪ Come on, come on, come on ♪
1486
01:10:09,632 --> 01:10:11,373
♪ And take it! ♪
[YELPS]
1487
01:10:11,547 --> 01:10:15,247
♪ Take another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪
1488
01:10:15,421 --> 01:10:17,815
♪ Break it!
Break another little piece ♪
1489
01:10:17,989 --> 01:10:19,817
♪ Of my heart, yeah, darling ♪
1490
01:10:22,384 --> 01:10:25,692
BOTH: ♪ Have another little piece
Of my heart, yeah, baby ♪
1491
01:10:27,215 --> 01:10:29,217
♪ You know you got it ♪
1492
01:10:29,391 --> 01:10:30,784
[YELLS] Oh.
1493
01:10:30,958 --> 01:10:34,701
BOTH: ♪ If it makes you feel good ♪
1494
01:10:37,573 --> 01:10:39,358
EMMA: Francine is amazing!
1495
01:10:39,532 --> 01:10:41,839
Oh, mazel tov to all of you.
1496
01:10:42,013 --> 01:10:43,623
Mazel tov.
1497
01:10:43,797 --> 01:10:45,581
You rocked that shul.
1498
01:10:45,755 --> 01:10:47,583
I mean, it was like Shabbos Night Live.
1499
01:10:47,757 --> 01:10:49,411
[BOTH LAUGH]
1500
01:10:49,585 --> 01:10:51,065
You made the whole party.
1501
01:10:51,239 --> 01:10:53,502
I think I had more fun
than your family did.
1502
01:10:53,676 --> 01:10:55,591
Why are they looking at me like that?
1503
01:10:55,765 --> 01:10:57,942
Do they not know what's going on here?
1504
01:10:58,116 --> 01:11:00,118
Actually, they don't.
Emma, listen.
1505
01:11:00,292 --> 01:11:01,641
You don't know everything.
1506
01:11:01,815 --> 01:11:03,512
I mean, there's a lot of hard feelings.
1507
01:11:03,686 --> 01:11:04,949
About what?
1508
01:11:06,211 --> 01:11:07,429
Well, they both...
1509
01:11:07,603 --> 01:11:08,996
Well, Francine especially.
1510
01:11:09,170 --> 01:11:11,607
I wasn't around enough when they were kids.
1511
01:11:11,781 --> 01:11:13,131
Which was probably true,
1512
01:11:13,305 --> 01:11:15,742
but I was working,
like, all the time.
1513
01:11:15,916 --> 01:11:19,572
Then after Carrie died, there
was a revolving door of nannies.
1514
01:11:19,746 --> 01:11:22,531
And when I was there...
1515
01:11:22,705 --> 01:11:26,187
I just had a lot of trouble
giving them what they needed.
1516
01:11:26,361 --> 01:11:28,189
I mean, I just was so sad.
1517
01:11:28,363 --> 01:11:30,409
And what do they have against me?
1518
01:11:30,583 --> 01:11:33,586
Well, after she passed away...
1519
01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:36,676
I didn't wanna get involved with anybody.
You know, I couldn't.
1520
01:11:36,850 --> 01:11:39,722
So I dated a lot of younger women.
1521
01:11:39,897 --> 01:11:41,637
So they probably looked at us
1522
01:11:41,811 --> 01:11:43,770
thinking there's something else
going on here.
1523
01:11:43,944 --> 01:11:45,641
I'm really sorry they upset you.
1524
01:11:45,815 --> 01:11:47,600
[VIOLIN STARTS PLAYING]
1525
01:11:47,774 --> 01:11:50,037
Ladies and gentlemen,
Itzhak Perlman.
1526
01:11:50,211 --> 01:11:51,778
[CHUCKLES] That's him.
1527
01:11:51,952 --> 01:11:54,041
Does he take requests?
Itzhak Perlman is a genius.
1528
01:11:54,215 --> 01:11:56,391
He doesn't take requests.
You still owe me a dance.
1529
01:11:56,565 --> 01:11:58,045
I danced with you.
I danced the horah.
1530
01:11:58,132 --> 01:11:59,177
The horah doesn't count.
1531
01:11:59,351 --> 01:12:00,569
The horah's a dance.
1532
01:12:00,743 --> 01:12:02,180
You run around,
they lift you up,
1533
01:12:02,354 --> 01:12:03,634
and you sweat into your clothes.
1534
01:12:03,746 --> 01:12:05,531
That's a dance.
Mm-mm. Doesn't count.
1535
01:12:05,705 --> 01:12:07,141
Come on, Charlie. We're dancing.
1536
01:12:07,315 --> 01:12:08,969
Come on. We're gonna go dance.
1537
01:12:13,495 --> 01:12:16,237
Who dances to a violin concerto?
We do.
1538
01:12:16,411 --> 01:12:17,630
[BOTH LAUGH]
1539
01:12:17,804 --> 01:12:18,936
Okay.
1540
01:12:35,561 --> 01:12:36,997
What? Oh, there we go.
1541
01:12:37,171 --> 01:12:39,173
Look out. Look out. [CHUCKLING]
1542
01:12:39,347 --> 01:12:40,479
Whoo!
1543
01:12:42,916 --> 01:12:44,918
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1544
01:13:12,990 --> 01:13:15,905
[♪♪♪]
1545
01:13:26,525 --> 01:13:28,396
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
1546
01:13:32,966 --> 01:13:34,881
[THUNDER CRASHING]
1547
01:13:37,188 --> 01:13:39,233
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1548
01:13:46,197 --> 01:13:48,068
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
1549
01:13:50,636 --> 01:13:52,377
[SIGHING]
1550
01:13:57,121 --> 01:13:58,296
CHARLIE: Whoa! [GASPS]
1551
01:13:58,470 --> 01:13:59,732
Where have you been?
1552
01:13:59,906 --> 01:14:01,995
When?
The last eight hours or so.
1553
01:14:02,169 --> 01:14:03,475
Here. And just so I know,
1554
01:14:03,649 --> 01:14:04,911
where have I been? Here.
1555
01:14:05,085 --> 01:14:06,260
With you? Yeah.
1556
01:14:06,434 --> 01:14:07,957
Oh, that's what I was afraid of.
1557
01:14:08,132 --> 01:14:10,177
Really?
I thought it was kind of nice.
1558
01:14:10,351 --> 01:14:13,354
Emma, I didn't want for this to happen.
1559
01:14:13,528 --> 01:14:15,704
I don't know what you mean
when you say "this."
1560
01:14:15,878 --> 01:14:19,752
But if the "this" you're
referring to is that "this,"
1561
01:14:19,926 --> 01:14:21,406
it didn't happen.
1562
01:14:21,580 --> 01:14:23,538
I got afraid of the thunder and lightning,
1563
01:14:23,712 --> 01:14:25,584
and I snuck in here and spooned you.
1564
01:14:25,758 --> 01:14:27,107
That's it. We just spooned.
1565
01:14:27,281 --> 01:14:28,717
That's it?
1566
01:14:28,891 --> 01:14:30,763
That's it. Okay.
1567
01:14:30,937 --> 01:14:33,287
Look, you're an attractive older man,
1568
01:14:33,461 --> 01:14:35,463
but your little, frail body
would not be able
1569
01:14:35,637 --> 01:14:37,030
to handle all these groceries.
1570
01:14:37,204 --> 01:14:39,989
I'll break your back.
It's too heavy for you.
1571
01:14:40,164 --> 01:14:42,644
Can't ride this ride.
The ride is too bumpy.
1572
01:14:42,818 --> 01:14:46,474
You might dislocate your shoulder,
then you'd die.
1573
01:14:46,648 --> 01:14:48,868
Can't have that.
1574
01:14:49,042 --> 01:14:52,654
Anyways, thank you
for letting me sleep here.
1575
01:14:52,828 --> 01:14:54,613
Mwah! You're sweet, Charlie.
1576
01:14:54,787 --> 01:14:57,311
You might want to think about
getting some bigger boxers.
1577
01:14:57,485 --> 01:14:59,618
I'm not sure they can
handle your groceries.
1578
01:14:59,792 --> 01:15:01,924
They's just too little.
1579
01:15:02,099 --> 01:15:06,233
WOMAN [OVER HEADPHONES]:
Three, two, one, now!
1580
01:15:06,407 --> 01:15:08,017
I first became incredibly single
1581
01:15:08,192 --> 01:15:09,802
when the fetus of my twin brother
1582
01:15:09,976 --> 01:15:12,631
left the womb a month ahead of me,
because...
1583
01:15:12,805 --> 01:15:14,198
Well, he said he'd had enough.
1584
01:15:14,372 --> 01:15:16,113
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
1585
01:15:16,287 --> 01:15:17,940
This continued when I was an infant,
1586
01:15:18,115 --> 01:15:20,378
when my mom refused to breastfeed me.
1587
01:15:20,552 --> 01:15:23,903
She said, "Let's take things
slow and see where this goes."
1588
01:15:24,077 --> 01:15:25,383
[ALL LAUGHING]
1589
01:15:25,557 --> 01:15:27,602
And now I live in this studio apartment,
1590
01:15:27,776 --> 01:15:29,343
where I lie awake at night
1591
01:15:29,517 --> 01:15:33,391
and fantasize about having sex
with another person.
1592
01:15:33,565 --> 01:15:36,350
Which would be fun...
so I've heard.
1593
01:15:37,917 --> 01:15:39,745
And I think I'd be a pretty good lover.
1594
01:15:39,919 --> 01:15:44,053
Find those hard-to-find spots
that drive the women wild.
1595
01:15:44,228 --> 01:15:46,926
Because I have Google Maps.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
1596
01:15:47,100 --> 01:15:49,233
"In two inches, make a left."
1597
01:15:49,407 --> 01:15:51,278
[LAUGHS]
1598
01:15:55,978 --> 01:16:00,026
If you're also incredibly single
like me, why not give me a call?
1599
01:16:00,200 --> 01:16:02,681
If not... [CHUCKLING]
1600
01:16:02,855 --> 01:16:04,683
Then the wrath of my god,
1601
01:16:04,857 --> 01:16:08,904
the great god Zoomgali,
who is also incredibly single,
1602
01:16:09,078 --> 01:16:10,515
will come and find you,
1603
01:16:10,689 --> 01:16:13,474
and the sounds will color the sky,
1604
01:16:13,648 --> 01:16:16,347
and he will come after you
and your loved ones,
1605
01:16:16,521 --> 01:16:19,393
and damn you to the fires of hell!
1606
01:16:19,567 --> 01:16:21,569
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1607
01:16:21,743 --> 01:16:23,136
So call me.
1608
01:16:26,270 --> 01:16:27,488
You're killing me.
1609
01:16:29,751 --> 01:16:32,189
Clear. Commercial. Two minutes.
1610
01:16:32,363 --> 01:16:34,669
That was you. That's you, dude.
1611
01:16:34,843 --> 01:16:36,802
Killed it! Thanks.
1612
01:16:36,976 --> 01:16:38,238
[CELL PHONE RINGING] Oh, God.
1613
01:16:38,412 --> 01:16:40,109
I thought my phone was off. Sorry.
1614
01:16:40,284 --> 01:16:43,112
Hello. Yeah. I'm still
at the show. I can't talk.
1615
01:16:43,287 --> 01:16:45,289
I found it. What did you find?
1616
01:16:45,463 --> 01:16:47,726
That great painting of that old house
1617
01:16:47,900 --> 01:16:50,337
that was hanging in the
empty space on your wall.
1618
01:16:50,511 --> 01:16:52,861
Oh, it's beautiful. I rehung it.
1619
01:16:53,035 --> 01:16:54,994
You're still at my house?
1620
01:16:55,168 --> 01:16:57,301
Yeah. But I'm about
to go back to my place.
1621
01:16:57,475 --> 01:16:59,172
Take it down. What?
1622
01:16:59,346 --> 01:17:00,706
Take it down.
I don't wanna see it.
1623
01:17:00,782 --> 01:17:02,654
I'm sorry.
I thought you misplaced it.
1624
01:17:02,828 --> 01:17:04,569
Emma, I don't wanna see it,
understand?
1625
01:17:04,743 --> 01:17:05,961
I just don't wanna see it.
1626
01:17:06,135 --> 01:17:07,833
Get rid of it! Fine.
1627
01:17:08,964 --> 01:17:10,531
[SIGHS]
1628
01:17:10,705 --> 01:17:13,839
New girlfriend?
Huh. I don't even know.
1629
01:17:14,013 --> 01:17:16,320
Hey, you were right.
1630
01:17:16,494 --> 01:17:18,452
He's gonna be good. Yeah.
1631
01:17:18,626 --> 01:17:22,239
Three, two, one, now!
1632
01:17:22,413 --> 01:17:24,458
In the world of music,
Lady Gaga announced
1633
01:17:24,632 --> 01:17:27,766
she is changing
her name to "Lady Gagaga."
1634
01:17:27,940 --> 01:17:29,855
She gave no explanation for her decision.
1635
01:17:30,029 --> 01:17:32,031
According to a poll,
Americans are concerned
1636
01:17:32,205 --> 01:17:33,554
about a new axis of evil
1637
01:17:33,728 --> 01:17:35,469
that threatens our country's democracy.
1638
01:17:35,643 --> 01:17:37,297
North Korea, ISIS
1639
01:17:37,471 --> 01:17:39,908
and Senate Majority Leader
Mitch McConnell.
1640
01:17:40,082 --> 01:17:41,432
[SIGHS]
1641
01:17:43,782 --> 01:17:47,351
Uh... moving on. No, no, no.
1642
01:17:47,525 --> 01:17:49,657
Is anyone bothered by this but me?
1643
01:17:49,831 --> 01:17:51,790
Do you hear that it's wrong?
1644
01:17:51,964 --> 01:17:54,227
Your emphasis...
You're an emphasis moron.
1645
01:17:54,401 --> 01:17:56,229
[ALL LAUGHING]
1646
01:17:56,403 --> 01:17:57,709
What the hell is he doing?
1647
01:17:57,883 --> 01:17:59,493
Everything you say is off.
1648
01:17:59,667 --> 01:18:02,801
It's not "wi fi," it's Wi-Fi.
1649
01:18:02,975 --> 01:18:07,153
It's not "polar ice caps,"
it's polar icecaps.
1650
01:18:07,327 --> 01:18:09,329
You are a comedy kamikaze.
1651
01:18:09,503 --> 01:18:12,767
Oh, wait. A "comma-kaze."
What the hell?
1652
01:18:12,941 --> 01:18:16,728
Anybody with a correct amount
of chromosomes...
1653
01:18:16,902 --> 01:18:18,817
would know that
it's Mitch McConnell,
1654
01:18:18,991 --> 01:18:20,558
not "Mitch-McConnell."
1655
01:18:20,732 --> 01:18:22,951
You make it sound like
there a lot of McConnells!
1656
01:18:23,125 --> 01:18:25,258
There's only one.
There's no Stewie McConnell.
1657
01:18:25,432 --> 01:18:28,000
Is there a Stewie McConnell
in the house? No!
1658
01:18:28,174 --> 01:18:30,394
What the hell is going on?
Should we cut to commercial?
1659
01:18:30,568 --> 01:18:33,527
Go to commercial?
This is live. Just stay on it.
1660
01:18:33,701 --> 01:18:35,312
Jesus Christ. No, I'm sorry.
1661
01:18:35,486 --> 01:18:37,226
"Jesus, Christ." [ALL LAUGHING]
1662
01:18:37,401 --> 01:18:40,360
Who, of course,
was born in "Bethle-hem."
1663
01:18:40,534 --> 01:18:43,276
I even put it on the cue card,
because I had...
1664
01:18:43,450 --> 01:18:46,061
Know what this is?
I have no idea. No.
1665
01:18:46,235 --> 01:18:47,802
Thank you, Al. Look at this.
1666
01:18:47,976 --> 01:18:51,023
I had it written the exact
same size so you would know.
1667
01:18:51,197 --> 01:18:53,852
"Mitch McConnell,"
not "Mitch-McConnell."
1668
01:18:54,026 --> 01:18:55,506
Mitch McConnell, you see that?
Al.
1669
01:18:55,680 --> 01:18:57,943
Camera one, spin around.
Give me Al's reaction.
1670
01:18:58,117 --> 01:19:00,511
Yeah. Tell everybody.
Did I tell you that this would happen?
1671
01:19:00,685 --> 01:19:04,863
He told me this would happen.
Everybody. Exhibit A, Al!
1672
01:19:05,037 --> 01:19:06,430
Thank you, Al, you sweet...
1673
01:19:06,604 --> 01:19:09,041
Where is he going?
Get him. Follow him.
1674
01:19:09,215 --> 01:19:10,695
You.
1675
01:19:10,869 --> 01:19:13,175
Look. Look, ma'am,
what does that say?
1676
01:19:13,350 --> 01:19:14,960
"Mitch McConnell."
Thank you very much.
1677
01:19:15,134 --> 01:19:17,092
You, you. Stand up.
What does this say?
1678
01:19:17,266 --> 01:19:19,530
"Mitch McConnell."
Again. I can't hear you.
1679
01:19:19,704 --> 01:19:21,445
"Mitch McConnell."
We got a winner.
1680
01:19:21,619 --> 01:19:23,534
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] Dang it.
1681
01:19:23,708 --> 01:19:26,232
Take anything off the top shelf,
goddamn it.
1682
01:19:26,406 --> 01:19:28,713
Everybody, tell me.
What does this say?
1683
01:19:28,887 --> 01:19:30,410
ALL: "Mitch McConnell."
Can't hear you.
1684
01:19:30,584 --> 01:19:31,977
"Mitch McConnell."
One more time.
1685
01:19:32,151 --> 01:19:33,500
"Mitch McConnell." Thank you.
1686
01:19:33,674 --> 01:19:35,415
Roger, you're a very talented young guy.
1687
01:19:35,589 --> 01:19:36,938
But I have to tell you,
1688
01:19:37,112 --> 01:19:39,027
I am sick and tired
of writing jokes for you
1689
01:19:39,201 --> 01:19:41,073
and having you abuse them,
you dumb turd.
1690
01:19:41,247 --> 01:19:42,291
Oh, boy. [LAUGHS]
1691
01:19:42,466 --> 01:19:45,686
Dumb turd! Everybody. Dumb turd!
1692
01:19:45,860 --> 01:19:48,515
ALL [CHANTING]:
Dumb turd! Dumb turd! Dumb turd!
1693
01:19:48,689 --> 01:19:50,561
Stand up. Dumb turd!
1694
01:19:50,735 --> 01:19:51,735
Dumb turd!
1695
01:19:51,823 --> 01:19:52,954
[LAUGHING]
1696
01:19:53,128 --> 01:19:54,695
ALL: Dumb turd! Dumb turd!
1697
01:19:54,869 --> 01:19:57,698
Mom, Dad, come here.
Papa Charlie is on television.
1698
01:19:57,872 --> 01:19:59,526
Dumb turd! Dumb turd!
1699
01:19:59,700 --> 01:20:01,572
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
1700
01:20:01,746 --> 01:20:04,226
I say dumb, you say turd!
Dumb...
1701
01:20:04,401 --> 01:20:05,401
ALL: Turd. Dumb...
1702
01:20:05,445 --> 01:20:06,446
Oh, my God.
1703
01:20:06,620 --> 01:20:07,795
You say dumb, I say turd.
1704
01:20:07,969 --> 01:20:09,841
ALL: Dumb...
I need wide, wide, wide.
1705
01:20:10,015 --> 01:20:11,015
ALL: Dumb... turd!
1706
01:20:11,103 --> 01:20:11,930
Dumb... turd!
1707
01:20:12,104 --> 01:20:14,628
Dumb turd! Dumb turd!
1708
01:20:14,802 --> 01:20:17,109
ALL: Turd!
Turd! That's it, I'm done.
1709
01:20:17,283 --> 01:20:19,328
Thank you. [ALL APPLAUDING]
1710
01:20:26,771 --> 01:20:29,600
Would you get those
damn birds out of your hair?
1711
01:20:29,774 --> 01:20:30,905
Larry!
1712
01:20:36,781 --> 01:20:40,393
Camera one. Back to Roger
and reset. Take one!
1713
01:20:40,567 --> 01:20:43,918
Thank you, "Charlie Burnz."
No, no! Charlie Burnz.
1714
01:20:44,092 --> 01:20:46,921
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLES]
Sorry. I'll work on it.
1715
01:20:47,095 --> 01:20:49,750
That's the news of the night...
Of the night.
1716
01:20:49,924 --> 01:20:51,535
The news of the...
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
1717
01:20:51,709 --> 01:20:55,060
I guess I'm a dumb turd.
1718
01:20:55,234 --> 01:20:56,322
Thank you...
1719
01:20:56,496 --> 01:20:57,758
Good night.
1720
01:20:59,064 --> 01:21:00,848
MARGE: And we're clear!
1721
01:21:01,022 --> 01:21:02,022
What was that?
1722
01:21:02,110 --> 01:21:03,285
What the hell was that?
1723
01:21:03,460 --> 01:21:07,028
ALL: What the hell was that?
[LAUGHS]
1724
01:21:07,202 --> 01:21:09,074
Charlie, what was that?
That was hilarious.
1725
01:21:09,248 --> 01:21:10,648
The schmuck can't get a name right.
1726
01:21:10,815 --> 01:21:12,643
Really inspired idea, Charlie.
1727
01:21:12,817 --> 01:21:15,863
Oh, my God, Charlie.
That is live television.
1728
01:21:16,037 --> 01:21:18,213
Charlie, why didn't you tell me?
1729
01:21:18,387 --> 01:21:22,348
I haven't told my kids yet.
I bet they know now. We're live.
1730
01:21:22,522 --> 01:21:24,698
My fault. I should not
have gone back in there.
1731
01:21:24,872 --> 01:21:27,266
I'm so stupid. I'm just
so stupid. It's my fault!
1732
01:21:27,440 --> 01:21:30,008
Stupid? What are you talking about?
Everyone loved it.
1733
01:21:30,182 --> 01:21:32,924
When did you think of this?
Comes to me all the time.
1734
01:21:33,098 --> 01:21:34,839
Every second, it doesn't stop.
1735
01:21:35,013 --> 01:21:37,232
That's why it was so good.
It was so real.
1736
01:21:37,406 --> 01:21:39,408
Holy shit, you guys.
Twitter is blowing up.
1737
01:21:39,583 --> 01:21:41,889
They love you, Charlie.
They love the grumpy writer
1738
01:21:42,063 --> 01:21:43,761
who can't bear to see his words mangled.
1739
01:21:43,935 --> 01:21:46,459
They think you're funny, man.
Funny? Funny?
1740
01:21:46,633 --> 01:21:48,243
Saying I'll be back in a few minutes
1741
01:21:48,417 --> 01:21:51,116
and never seeing that
person again is funny?
1742
01:21:51,290 --> 01:21:52,987
Charlie, what...? It's not funny!
1743
01:21:53,161 --> 01:21:55,599
How can that be funny?
OFFICER: Are you Charlie Burnz?
1744
01:21:55,773 --> 01:21:58,602
[♪♪♪]
1745
01:21:58,776 --> 01:22:00,691
Charlie Burnz.
1746
01:22:00,865 --> 01:22:02,170
Mr. Burnz?
1747
01:22:03,781 --> 01:22:05,130
I'm Charlie Burnz.
1748
01:22:08,612 --> 01:22:10,570
Don't tell me that something's wrong.
1749
01:22:12,311 --> 01:22:13,312
BRAD: Charlie?
1750
01:22:14,661 --> 01:22:15,793
Charlie?
1751
01:22:18,752 --> 01:22:21,929
Nothing's wrong. It's okay.
You're all right, Charlie.
1752
01:22:23,191 --> 01:22:25,759
Hey, come back to my office.
1753
01:22:25,933 --> 01:22:28,893
Lie down for a little bit. Yeah?
1754
01:22:29,067 --> 01:22:30,459
I'm so tired.
1755
01:22:30,634 --> 01:22:33,027
It's okay. It's okay.
1756
01:22:33,201 --> 01:22:35,247
Come on. I'm really tired.
1757
01:22:35,421 --> 01:22:37,118
It's all right. It's all right.
1758
01:22:39,120 --> 01:22:41,775
Until tonight, he's been fine.
EMMA: Yeah.
1759
01:22:41,949 --> 01:22:43,211
Sometimes he's just great.
1760
01:22:43,385 --> 01:22:46,084
You'd never know he had a problem.
1761
01:22:46,258 --> 01:22:49,261
And then it'll just hit him,
but nothing like this.
1762
01:22:49,435 --> 01:22:51,350
I had no idea.
1763
01:22:51,524 --> 01:22:53,482
It's our secret. Our?
1764
01:22:54,788 --> 01:22:56,660
Nobody else knows? No.
1765
01:22:56,834 --> 01:22:58,183
Well, we have a problem.
1766
01:22:58,357 --> 01:23:00,185
Social media has blown up.
They love it.
1767
01:23:00,359 --> 01:23:02,274
Everybody is asking, "Who is this guy?"
1768
01:23:02,448 --> 01:23:03,841
They want him back next week.
1769
01:23:04,015 --> 01:23:05,407
I know it's gone viral. Yeah.
1770
01:23:05,582 --> 01:23:08,410
You know, I'm very nervous
about what people...
1771
01:23:08,585 --> 01:23:10,499
We need to post something right away.
1772
01:23:10,674 --> 01:23:11,979
Twitter, Instagram.
1773
01:23:12,153 --> 01:23:13,807
Sorry to interrupt.
I just overheard.
1774
01:23:13,981 --> 01:23:16,723
Darrell, come on.
Let me do it, please.
1775
01:23:16,897 --> 01:23:18,595
I know what to say.
1776
01:23:20,205 --> 01:23:22,163
Okay. Good.
1777
01:23:22,337 --> 01:23:25,210
I have to run it by the network.
Okay.
1778
01:23:25,384 --> 01:23:28,343
Uh, this is Charlie's friend Emma.
1779
01:23:28,517 --> 01:23:30,519
This is Darrell,
he works with Charlie.
1780
01:23:30,694 --> 01:23:33,000
Hi. Nice to meet you.
1781
01:23:33,174 --> 01:23:34,480
I'll get started.
1782
01:23:36,787 --> 01:23:37,918
What a night.
1783
01:23:39,485 --> 01:23:40,921
Okay, Charlie. There's the car.
1784
01:23:41,095 --> 01:23:42,923
Go ahead and get in. Okay.
1785
01:23:43,097 --> 01:23:45,665
Yeah? Yeah, I got it.
1786
01:23:45,839 --> 01:23:47,536
Thanks. Hey, Charlie.
1787
01:23:47,711 --> 01:23:49,756
Yeah?
I just wanted to say good night
1788
01:23:49,930 --> 01:23:51,802
and make sure you're okay.
1789
01:23:51,976 --> 01:23:53,368
Thank you. Yeah.
1790
01:23:53,542 --> 01:23:54,935
Hey, I, um...
1791
01:23:55,109 --> 01:23:57,111
I posted that:
1792
01:23:57,285 --> 01:24:00,071
"Tonight, Charlie Burnz
showed why he's a comedy legend
1793
01:24:00,245 --> 01:24:02,943
when he gave a hilarious
one-time-only performance
1794
01:24:03,117 --> 01:24:04,684
as a disgruntled writer.
1795
01:24:04,858 --> 01:24:06,338
Thank YOU, Charlie.
1796
01:24:06,512 --> 01:24:08,383
The crew and cast of This Just In.
1797
01:24:08,557 --> 01:24:10,255
"Hashtag 'dumb turd.'" [CHUCKLES]
1798
01:24:11,735 --> 01:24:13,171
And I put the "you" in all caps
1799
01:24:13,345 --> 01:24:15,347
so it was the wrong inflection.
1800
01:24:15,521 --> 01:24:16,957
Thanks, kid.
1801
01:24:17,131 --> 01:24:18,393
Good night, Charlie.
1802
01:24:18,567 --> 01:24:21,048
You know, Darrell here
1803
01:24:21,222 --> 01:24:23,094
is gonna be a terrific
writer someday.
1804
01:24:23,268 --> 01:24:24,399
[CHUCKLES]
1805
01:24:24,573 --> 01:24:25,662
I don't know.
1806
01:24:25,836 --> 01:24:27,098
I do.
1807
01:24:28,839 --> 01:24:30,188
I'll see you, kid.
1808
01:24:32,320 --> 01:24:35,628
VIDOR:
This is a scan of your brain in February.
1809
01:24:35,802 --> 01:24:37,891
And this is the one we just took.
1810
01:24:42,722 --> 01:24:45,072
They look the same to me.
1811
01:24:45,246 --> 01:24:47,988
Yes, but your symptoms are changing.
1812
01:24:48,162 --> 01:24:49,860
[♪♪♪]
1813
01:24:50,034 --> 01:24:52,079
If I'm right, you may have
a form of dementia
1814
01:24:52,253 --> 01:24:54,342
called Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease.
1815
01:24:57,215 --> 01:24:59,652
What do you mean, if you're right?
1816
01:25:04,788 --> 01:25:09,314
Only way to get a definitive
diagnosis of CJD is...
1817
01:25:09,488 --> 01:25:11,795
a post-mortem autopsy.
1818
01:25:11,969 --> 01:25:13,100
Well...
1819
01:25:14,623 --> 01:25:15,973
why don't we do that now?
1820
01:25:16,147 --> 01:25:18,889
I mean, I have a lunch,
but I could cancel that.
1821
01:25:20,542 --> 01:25:22,283
What happens next?
1822
01:25:22,457 --> 01:25:25,809
There are other medications
than the ones you're on now...
1823
01:25:25,983 --> 01:25:28,942
that could slow this down a bit,
1824
01:25:29,116 --> 01:25:31,031
but before too long...
1825
01:25:31,205 --> 01:25:32,685
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1826
01:25:36,863 --> 01:25:39,083
"Before too long" is how long?
1827
01:25:41,041 --> 01:25:42,129
A year, maybe.
1828
01:25:46,786 --> 01:25:49,484
You probably wanna start
thinking about a caregiver.
1829
01:25:52,052 --> 01:25:53,184
A nurse?
1830
01:25:53,358 --> 01:25:56,013
Yes, or your family.
1831
01:25:56,187 --> 01:25:58,711
Your son and daughter. Well...
1832
01:25:58,885 --> 01:26:01,018
that's not happening.
1833
01:26:01,192 --> 01:26:04,978
In times like this, you should
be surrounded by loved ones,
1834
01:26:05,152 --> 01:26:08,416
or professionals who are
trained to care for you.
1835
01:26:13,682 --> 01:26:16,555
Uh, I'll do it.
I'll take care of Charlie.
1836
01:26:16,729 --> 01:26:18,513
No, you can't.
You're going away.
1837
01:26:18,687 --> 01:26:20,080
My plans have changed.
1838
01:26:20,254 --> 01:26:22,256
No. No, they haven't changed.
1839
01:26:22,430 --> 01:26:24,737
She's in a band and they're
supposed to go on tour.
1840
01:26:24,911 --> 01:26:26,957
Nah, I don't need to do that.
No. Yes, you do.
1841
01:26:27,131 --> 01:26:28,567
She does need to do that.
1842
01:26:30,221 --> 01:26:32,440
May I ask what your relationship is?
1843
01:26:32,614 --> 01:26:33,877
I don't know. I don't know.
1844
01:26:34,051 --> 01:26:36,009
How long have you known each other?
1845
01:26:36,183 --> 01:26:38,664
I'm guessing about six months or so.
1846
01:26:38,838 --> 01:26:40,405
Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?
1847
01:26:42,755 --> 01:26:45,236
[SCOFFS] Are we?
1848
01:26:45,410 --> 01:26:47,760
How would you define
boyfriend and girlfriend?
1849
01:26:47,934 --> 01:26:50,545
Well, are you having sexual relations?
1850
01:26:50,719 --> 01:26:52,417
BOTH: We spooned.
1851
01:26:55,115 --> 01:26:56,725
Charlie...
1852
01:26:56,900 --> 01:26:59,076
what about your kids?
1853
01:26:59,250 --> 01:27:01,339
I honestly don't know
if they've ever spooned.
1854
01:27:01,513 --> 01:27:03,297
Charlie.
1855
01:27:03,471 --> 01:27:06,997
This is no time for jokes.
Yes, it is.
1856
01:27:07,171 --> 01:27:09,347
It's the perfect time for jokes,
goddamn it.
1857
01:27:09,521 --> 01:27:11,349
Don't try to take away my sense of humor.
1858
01:27:11,523 --> 01:27:13,090
I'd rather die right now.
1859
01:27:14,874 --> 01:27:17,398
Boy, this God...
this God is a real jokester, isn't he?
1860
01:27:17,572 --> 01:27:19,096
What a really funny God.
1861
01:27:19,270 --> 01:27:20,445
"Hey, live your whole life
1862
01:27:20,619 --> 01:27:22,099
and you won't remember any of it."
1863
01:27:22,273 --> 01:27:23,448
[LAUGHS]
1864
01:27:23,622 --> 01:27:24,622
Fuck you!
1865
01:27:25,972 --> 01:27:27,626
Damn it. It's gonna be okay.
1866
01:27:27,800 --> 01:27:29,758
How can this be okay?
1867
01:27:29,933 --> 01:27:31,673
How can this be okay?
1868
01:27:36,374 --> 01:27:38,202
My kids don't know anything.
1869
01:27:40,900 --> 01:27:42,859
I'll tell them at the right time.
1870
01:27:43,033 --> 01:27:44,599
Charlie.
1871
01:27:46,863 --> 01:27:48,168
This is the right time.
1872
01:27:50,910 --> 01:27:52,869
You can't be alone anymore.
1873
01:27:58,483 --> 01:28:00,224
I'll take care of him till I can't.
1874
01:28:03,836 --> 01:28:05,794
VIDOR:
I'll write you some prescriptions.
1875
01:28:07,492 --> 01:28:09,668
I'll let the two of you be alone a bit.
1876
01:28:20,418 --> 01:28:22,159
What the hell is wrong with you?
What?
1877
01:28:22,333 --> 01:28:24,293
There's nothing wrong with me.
You're not staying.
1878
01:28:24,378 --> 01:28:25,727
Yes, I am. No, you're not.
1879
01:28:25,902 --> 01:28:28,817
You heard what the doc said.
It's over, okay?
1880
01:28:28,992 --> 01:28:30,732
That's it.
Please, leave me alone!
1881
01:28:30,907 --> 01:28:34,693
Charlie. Don't "Charlie" me!
1882
01:28:34,867 --> 01:28:37,696
You have a life!
You have your music, so run.
1883
01:28:37,870 --> 01:28:39,959
Run for the hills, kid.
It's over.
1884
01:28:40,133 --> 01:28:44,398
I'm telling you, it's over.
Please, I just wanna be alone!
1885
01:28:44,572 --> 01:28:47,880
I'm not going anywhere.
I don't want you to stay!
1886
01:28:48,054 --> 01:28:52,276
You hear me?
What are you staying for?
1887
01:28:52,450 --> 01:28:55,670
What's here?
What's gonna be left? Nothing!
1888
01:28:55,844 --> 01:28:57,542
That's not true, Charlie.
1889
01:28:59,544 --> 01:29:01,459
I'm lost. I'm...
1890
01:29:02,808 --> 01:29:05,463
Help, help, help. I'm lost.
1891
01:29:06,594 --> 01:29:09,075
I'm so... I'm so lost.
1892
01:29:10,424 --> 01:29:12,470
I'm sorry, pal. But I'm in.
1893
01:29:13,645 --> 01:29:15,299
You wanna be with a stranger?
1894
01:29:15,473 --> 01:29:18,084
[SIGHING]
1895
01:29:18,258 --> 01:29:20,695
Pretty soon everyone's gonna be a stranger.
1896
01:29:20,869 --> 01:29:22,741
Not me.
1897
01:29:22,915 --> 01:29:24,438
I'm not gonna leave you.
1898
01:29:27,137 --> 01:29:28,225
Thank you.
1899
01:29:35,362 --> 01:29:38,235
[♪♪♪]
1900
01:29:47,505 --> 01:29:49,115
Mm.
1901
01:29:49,289 --> 01:29:50,289
Hi.
1902
01:29:50,334 --> 01:29:51,335
[SIGHS]
1903
01:29:51,509 --> 01:29:53,032
Whose room did this used to be?
1904
01:29:53,206 --> 01:29:54,468
Francine's.
1905
01:29:54,642 --> 01:29:56,644
That explains the chill.
1906
01:29:56,818 --> 01:29:57,906
Something wrong?
1907
01:29:58,081 --> 01:29:59,169
I can't sleep.
1908
01:29:59,343 --> 01:30:01,171
What's up?
1909
01:30:01,345 --> 01:30:03,912
I wrote something. That's good.
1910
01:30:04,087 --> 01:30:06,132
I wanna read it to you. Okay.
1911
01:30:06,306 --> 01:30:07,829
This is my journal.
1912
01:30:08,004 --> 01:30:10,528
I've been writing stuff for the book in it
1913
01:30:10,702 --> 01:30:12,660
because typing has become a problem for me.
1914
01:30:12,834 --> 01:30:14,140
I know.
1915
01:30:16,751 --> 01:30:20,103
The book is called For Carrie.
This is the dedication.
1916
01:30:20,277 --> 01:30:23,062
A writer always dedicates
the book to somebody he loves...
1917
01:30:23,236 --> 01:30:24,846
I know what it means. Okay.
1918
01:30:25,021 --> 01:30:26,413
[SHUSHING]
1919
01:30:28,024 --> 01:30:29,416
"To Emma Payge."
1920
01:30:30,896 --> 01:30:32,419
Thank you for taking my truth
1921
01:30:32,593 --> 01:30:35,335
and making it more interesting.
1922
01:30:35,509 --> 01:30:38,643
"I kind of love you. CB."
1923
01:30:38,817 --> 01:30:40,862
I kind of love you too, old man.
1924
01:30:41,037 --> 01:30:43,561
Oh. Really?
1925
01:30:43,735 --> 01:30:45,389
Yeah. Big-time.
1926
01:30:47,043 --> 01:30:48,305
Didn't see that coming.
1927
01:30:50,220 --> 01:30:51,438
You make me smile.
1928
01:30:53,049 --> 01:30:54,398
Good night.
1929
01:30:54,572 --> 01:30:55,834
Good night.
1930
01:31:02,841 --> 01:31:03,929
Hey, Emma.
1931
01:31:04,103 --> 01:31:06,366
[♪♪♪]
1932
01:31:06,540 --> 01:31:09,282
I'm grateful to you that you're here.
1933
01:31:09,456 --> 01:31:11,937
I wanna have fun. I wanna laugh.
1934
01:31:12,111 --> 01:31:14,896
I want to not be scared.
And I wanna write the book,
1935
01:31:15,071 --> 01:31:16,942
and I wanna do all of that with you.
1936
01:31:17,116 --> 01:31:19,727
But you have to promise me something.
1937
01:31:19,901 --> 01:31:21,338
When it's time...
1938
01:31:22,817 --> 01:31:24,471
you go back out and sing.
1939
01:31:24,645 --> 01:31:26,778
You're an artist,
and that's what you should do.
1940
01:31:26,952 --> 01:31:28,171
Please, promise me.
1941
01:31:29,563 --> 01:31:30,738
I promise.
1942
01:31:30,912 --> 01:31:32,088
Good.
1943
01:31:33,785 --> 01:31:35,743
I'm a bargain for 22 bucks,
don't you think?
1944
01:31:35,917 --> 01:31:37,832
Heh. Hell, yeah.
1945
01:31:40,008 --> 01:31:41,662
Good night. Good night.
1946
01:31:57,156 --> 01:31:58,810
[SNORING SOFTLY]
1947
01:32:04,032 --> 01:32:05,425
[FLOORBOARD CREAKS]
1948
01:32:07,601 --> 01:32:09,255
Oh.
1949
01:32:09,429 --> 01:32:10,691
I must've dozed off.
1950
01:32:10,865 --> 01:32:12,824
These new meds are making me very sleepy.
1951
01:32:12,998 --> 01:32:15,609
I haven't taken a nap
since the Carter administration.
1952
01:32:17,698 --> 01:32:19,657
What do you have there? Nothing.
1953
01:32:19,831 --> 01:32:21,485
Let me see.
1954
01:32:23,008 --> 01:32:24,444
It...
1955
01:32:24,618 --> 01:32:27,752
It's that...
Emma, I know what it is.
1956
01:32:29,057 --> 01:32:30,450
I know you said get rid of it,
1957
01:32:30,624 --> 01:32:32,713
but it's just so beautiful.
1958
01:32:32,887 --> 01:32:34,150
Give it to me.
1959
01:32:41,331 --> 01:32:43,376
[♪♪♪]
1960
01:32:43,550 --> 01:32:44,856
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1961
01:32:46,510 --> 01:32:49,034
Carrie painted this. Yeah.
1962
01:32:49,208 --> 01:32:51,863
See, she put her name in the bushes.
1963
01:32:52,037 --> 01:32:54,344
See there? In the trees. Mm-hm.
1964
01:32:57,564 --> 01:32:59,131
This is Lake Charlie.
1965
01:32:59,305 --> 01:33:01,264
Lake Charlie. Where's that?
1966
01:33:01,438 --> 01:33:05,093
That's about two hours
north of the city. Yeah.
1967
01:33:06,834 --> 01:33:08,880
Carrie gave me a lake for my birthday.
1968
01:33:09,054 --> 01:33:10,098
A lake?
1969
01:33:10,273 --> 01:33:12,840
Yeah. It was actually a pond.
1970
01:33:13,014 --> 01:33:16,801
But Pond Charlie didn't sound
as good as Lake Charlie, heh.
1971
01:33:16,975 --> 01:33:18,846
Wait. Wait, wait, wait. What?
1972
01:33:20,718 --> 01:33:23,721
Tell me all about Lake Charlie.
1973
01:33:25,113 --> 01:33:26,158
Okay.
1974
01:33:28,029 --> 01:33:29,509
It was my 40th birthday.
1975
01:33:29,683 --> 01:33:31,903
Happy birthday, Charlie Burnz.
1976
01:33:32,077 --> 01:33:34,122
MAN: Happy birthday.
WOMAN: Happy birthday, Charlie.
1977
01:33:34,297 --> 01:33:37,038
CHARLIE:
We had a party outside in the garden.
1978
01:33:37,213 --> 01:33:39,389
And after everybody was gone...
1979
01:33:39,563 --> 01:33:42,174
Carrie shows me this photograph
of this woodsy area
1980
01:33:42,348 --> 01:33:43,784
with this beautiful lake on it.
1981
01:33:43,958 --> 01:33:47,440
Happy birthday, Charlie Burnz.
This is for you.
1982
01:33:47,614 --> 01:33:50,791
CHARLIE: For me? What is this?
What am I looking at?
1983
01:33:50,965 --> 01:33:54,273
It's called Lake Charlie.
Lake Charlie?
1984
01:33:54,447 --> 01:33:56,797
CHARLIE: She was always
trying to get me to stop working.
1985
01:33:56,971 --> 01:34:00,627
And just be alone with her and do nothing.
1986
01:34:00,801 --> 01:34:02,934
And honestly the thought of doing nothing
1987
01:34:03,108 --> 01:34:04,762
terrified me, you know?
1988
01:34:06,851 --> 01:34:09,114
But I loved it so much
and it meant so much to her
1989
01:34:09,288 --> 01:34:13,814
that we'd go up there, you know,
and camp out, like, in a tent.
1990
01:34:13,988 --> 01:34:15,468
Can you imagine me in a tent?
1991
01:34:15,642 --> 01:34:17,731
I mean, to me,
the great outdoors
1992
01:34:17,905 --> 01:34:20,038
would be a lot better if it was indoors.
1993
01:34:20,212 --> 01:34:21,822
Good morning!
1994
01:34:21,996 --> 01:34:23,955
[CHARLIE GROANING]
1995
01:34:26,218 --> 01:34:29,352
CHARLIE: That smells good.
Smells better than me.
1996
01:34:29,526 --> 01:34:31,136
[CHARLIE CHUCKLES] [LAUGHING]
1997
01:34:31,310 --> 01:34:32,920
CHARLIE: Mm.
1998
01:34:33,094 --> 01:34:34,879
Wow... Whoa! Look what you did.
1999
01:34:35,053 --> 01:34:36,533
[CARRIE CHUCKLING]
2000
01:34:39,579 --> 01:34:41,451
Hey, Charlie? Yeah?
2001
01:34:41,625 --> 01:34:44,062
You know what I think? What?
2002
01:34:44,236 --> 01:34:47,326
I think we need a house.
A house?
2003
01:34:47,500 --> 01:34:50,895
Yeah.
The kids will love it up here.
2004
01:34:51,069 --> 01:34:54,333
What? Kids? Didn't I tell you?
2005
01:34:56,204 --> 01:34:59,730
And that's how she told me
she was pregnant with Rex.
2006
01:34:59,904 --> 01:35:02,298
So she went looking for a house.
2007
01:35:02,472 --> 01:35:04,474
Wait, didn't you guys build a house?
2008
01:35:04,648 --> 01:35:06,389
Oh, no, that's way too easy for Carrie.
2009
01:35:06,563 --> 01:35:09,000
She scoured the countryside,
found this little house,
2010
01:35:09,174 --> 01:35:11,394
she bought it, lifted it up,
2011
01:35:11,568 --> 01:35:14,353
put it on a flatbed truck and
she drove it to Lake Charlie.
2012
01:35:14,527 --> 01:35:16,790
CARRIE: Got a house, Charlie Burnz!
2013
01:35:16,964 --> 01:35:19,053
[HORN HONKING]
[CARRIE WHOOPING, THEN LAUGHS]
2014
01:35:19,227 --> 01:35:20,490
Thank you.
2015
01:35:20,664 --> 01:35:22,709
So we put in a new foundation,
2016
01:35:22,883 --> 01:35:25,233
plopped the house down on it,
renovated it,
2017
01:35:25,408 --> 01:35:27,323
painted it up,
made it a little bit bigger.
2018
01:35:27,497 --> 01:35:29,368
Mm-hm. It was our happy place.
2019
01:35:29,542 --> 01:35:32,632
Dad, come on! Let's go play.
Daddy, come on!
2020
01:35:32,806 --> 01:35:34,634
And she was right.
Daddy, come on.
2021
01:35:34,808 --> 01:35:35,983
Are you playing or not?
2022
01:35:36,157 --> 01:35:37,637
The kids loved it.
2023
01:35:37,811 --> 01:35:41,641
Aw. Now I know why you
didn't wanna hang the picture.
2024
01:35:43,469 --> 01:35:44,818
No, you don't.
2025
01:35:47,430 --> 01:35:49,519
I'm tired. I can't talk anymore.
2026
01:35:49,693 --> 01:35:53,653
Come on, Charlie. Please?
Don't take this with you.
2027
01:35:53,827 --> 01:35:55,655
I'm not going anywhere yet.
2028
01:35:59,529 --> 01:36:03,794
Okay. My first Broadway play,
It's My Time,
2029
01:36:03,968 --> 01:36:05,709
it opened at the Belasco Theatre.
2030
01:36:05,883 --> 01:36:07,754
Reviews were terrific,
business was great,
2031
01:36:07,928 --> 01:36:09,495
but that wasn't enough for me.
2032
01:36:09,669 --> 01:36:11,584
The star was an actor named Jerry Orbach,
2033
01:36:11,758 --> 01:36:14,195
and there was this one speech
late in the second act.
2034
01:36:14,370 --> 01:36:16,459
It never landed right.
It drove me crazy.
2035
01:36:16,633 --> 01:36:19,636
All I wanted was one show
that was just perfect.
2036
01:36:25,163 --> 01:36:28,384
Things were tense...
2037
01:36:29,776 --> 01:36:32,039
between the two of us.
2038
01:36:32,213 --> 01:36:34,433
I'd been working so much.
What are we doing?
2039
01:36:34,607 --> 01:36:36,174
I'd been on the road for four months
2040
01:36:36,348 --> 01:36:38,611
with the play before it came to Broadway.
2041
01:36:38,785 --> 01:36:41,397
Everybody was looking forward
to spending some time together
2042
01:36:41,571 --> 01:36:43,790
at Lake Charlie,
and what was I doing?
2043
01:36:43,964 --> 01:36:46,532
I was rewriting a play
that was already a hit.
2044
01:36:46,706 --> 01:36:49,753
Charlie, we have to go right now.
2045
01:36:49,927 --> 01:36:51,102
Traffic's gonna be awful.
2046
01:36:51,276 --> 01:36:52,596
I don't like driving in the dark.
2047
01:36:52,669 --> 01:36:54,148
My mom's got the kids there waiting.
2048
01:36:54,322 --> 01:36:55,602
We should have left an hour ago.
2049
01:36:55,759 --> 01:36:57,199
I had to rewrite a speech for Jerry.
2050
01:36:57,282 --> 01:36:59,110
It wasn't landing right.
Oh. Great. Okay.
2051
01:36:59,284 --> 01:37:00,807
That's just great.
He's reading it.
2052
01:37:00,981 --> 01:37:02,548
I wanna make sure it's okay with him.
2053
01:37:02,722 --> 01:37:04,768
Oh. You wanna make sure
it's okay with him?
2054
01:37:04,942 --> 01:37:06,639
With him? How about with me?
2055
01:37:06,813 --> 01:37:09,425
How about with the kids,
who you haven't seen for months?
2056
01:37:09,599 --> 01:37:11,122
You promised me.
You promised us.
2057
01:37:11,296 --> 01:37:12,950
Stop yelling.
Five minutes, I promise.
2058
01:37:13,124 --> 01:37:15,605
I'll be right in and right out.
The kids are waiting.
2059
01:37:15,779 --> 01:37:17,979
I understand. I'll be right out.
The people are in line,
2060
01:37:18,129 --> 01:37:19,769
the show goes up in an hour.
Five minutes?
2061
01:37:19,913 --> 01:37:21,959
Yeah. Yeah. I know you're upset,
2062
01:37:22,133 --> 01:37:23,613
but I hate when you get like this.
2063
01:37:23,787 --> 01:37:25,571
If you're not back in five minutes,
2064
01:37:25,745 --> 01:37:29,357
I'm leaving without you.
I heard you, okay? I heard you.
2065
01:37:29,532 --> 01:37:31,272
Goddamn it.
2066
01:37:35,189 --> 01:37:39,672
It took 15 minutes.
When I came out, she was gone.
2067
01:37:39,846 --> 01:37:42,196
I was angry.
So I watched the show,
2068
01:37:42,370 --> 01:37:45,069
that damn speech still didn't land right.
2069
01:37:45,243 --> 01:37:46,523
I had a couple drinks with Jerry
2070
01:37:46,679 --> 01:37:48,028
and then I came back here...
2071
01:37:49,856 --> 01:37:53,730
And the next thing I remember
is flashing lights.
2072
01:37:53,904 --> 01:37:55,558
And a policeman in the doorway
2073
01:37:55,732 --> 01:37:59,300
asking me my name over and over again.
2074
01:38:01,302 --> 01:38:03,827
And I'm thinking if I don't answer him,
2075
01:38:04,001 --> 01:38:07,134
then maybe what he's about
to tell me didn't happen.
2076
01:38:15,447 --> 01:38:17,014
He told me Carrie was driving
2077
01:38:17,188 --> 01:38:19,538
on this dark road right near the house.
2078
01:38:19,712 --> 01:38:22,715
She came to this fork in the road...
2079
01:38:22,889 --> 01:38:24,500
and some kid loaded on pills
2080
01:38:24,674 --> 01:38:26,632
driving a Jeep ran the stop sign.
2081
01:38:29,330 --> 01:38:30,941
And he hit her head-on.
2082
01:38:32,420 --> 01:38:34,727
She died instantly.
2083
01:38:34,901 --> 01:38:36,599
Kid walked away without a scratch.
2084
01:38:38,644 --> 01:38:40,385
The last time I saw that beautiful face,
2085
01:38:40,559 --> 01:38:41,559
she was mad at me.
2086
01:38:44,345 --> 01:38:47,871
That's why I can't look at
that picture anymore.
2087
01:38:48,045 --> 01:38:51,962
It makes me remember
the one thing I want to forget.
2088
01:38:52,136 --> 01:38:53,529
[SOBS SOFTLY]
2089
01:38:56,053 --> 01:38:57,489
[SNIFFLES]
2090
01:38:59,404 --> 01:39:00,404
I'm sorry.
2091
01:39:05,628 --> 01:39:06,890
Me too.
2092
01:39:15,899 --> 01:39:18,858
Need anything from the store?
Um... Wonton soup.
2093
01:39:19,032 --> 01:39:21,392
I'd like to shampoo my hair.
It's getting a little greasy...
2094
01:39:21,469 --> 01:39:23,210
Charlie. What?
2095
01:39:25,386 --> 01:39:27,606
I'm just kidding. I'm okay.
[CHUCKLES]
2096
01:39:27,780 --> 01:39:30,217
I promise. Thanks. Good.
2097
01:39:30,391 --> 01:39:32,785
Hey, I was thinking, you know
what we could do someday?
2098
01:39:32,959 --> 01:39:34,395
It could be fun. Um...
2099
01:39:34,570 --> 01:39:37,573
Ever been to Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum?
2100
01:39:37,747 --> 01:39:39,792
You ever been there?
It's a lot of fun.
2101
01:39:39,966 --> 01:39:42,360
It's pretty amazing what they do.
2102
01:39:44,014 --> 01:39:46,973
[♪♪♪]
2103
01:39:47,147 --> 01:39:49,628
Okay. Sure.
2104
01:40:01,205 --> 01:40:02,641
[SIGHS]
2105
01:40:06,558 --> 01:40:08,125
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
2106
01:40:08,299 --> 01:40:13,217
You're back already?
Okay. Coming, coming, coming.
2107
01:40:16,742 --> 01:40:18,439
CHARLIE: Hi! LINDSAY: Hi.
2108
01:40:18,614 --> 01:40:21,660
CHARLIE: Come on in. Come on in.
This is a surprise.
2109
01:40:21,834 --> 01:40:25,011
What's the matter?
You look very upset. What's wrong?
2110
01:40:25,185 --> 01:40:26,883
I had a fight with my mom. Oh.
2111
01:40:27,057 --> 01:40:28,697
She said you were drunk and embarrassing.
2112
01:40:28,841 --> 01:40:31,322
I said you could never be.
You were funny on the show.
2113
01:40:31,496 --> 01:40:33,896
Why does she keep you away from me?
She said something awful.
2114
01:40:34,064 --> 01:40:36,327
Does she know where you are?
She thinks I'm at school.
2115
01:40:36,501 --> 01:40:37,894
How did you get here? Uber.
2116
01:40:38,068 --> 01:40:39,852
We should tell her you're here.
No!
2117
01:40:40,026 --> 01:40:41,985
She'll be so mad at me.
But, Lindsay...
2118
01:40:42,159 --> 01:40:44,422
Please. I just have to know if it's true.
2119
01:40:44,596 --> 01:40:46,032
Is what true?
2120
01:40:48,121 --> 01:40:51,559
She said it was because of you
that I don't have a grandma.
2121
01:40:51,734 --> 01:40:53,126
She said that to you?
2122
01:40:53,300 --> 01:40:55,955
No. I overheard her
on the phone with Uncle Rex.
2123
01:40:56,129 --> 01:40:58,131
[♪♪♪]
2124
01:40:58,305 --> 01:41:00,220
No, Lindsay, no.
2125
01:41:00,394 --> 01:41:02,266
Okay.
2126
01:41:02,440 --> 01:41:03,833
[SIGHS]
2127
01:41:05,835 --> 01:41:07,619
Lindsay never made it to school, Rex.
2128
01:41:07,793 --> 01:41:10,666
She used my Uber account,
and guess where she took it to.
2129
01:41:12,102 --> 01:41:14,017
Charlie, I got your wonton soup,
2130
01:41:14,191 --> 01:41:18,064
but the chef said that you need
to use extra conditioner...
2131
01:41:18,238 --> 01:41:19,239
Charlie!
2132
01:41:21,067 --> 01:41:24,897
I got some short ribs.
They'll be so good.
2133
01:41:26,203 --> 01:41:27,291
Charlie?
2134
01:41:28,509 --> 01:41:31,164
Charlie? Charlie!
2135
01:41:33,166 --> 01:41:37,170
Where are you, old man?
Charlie, stop playing.
2136
01:41:37,344 --> 01:41:39,651
Hey. Where is she?
2137
01:41:39,825 --> 01:41:42,872
How'd you get in here?
We grew up here. Where is she?
2138
01:41:43,046 --> 01:41:44,221
Who? My daughter Lindsay.
2139
01:41:44,395 --> 01:41:46,136
And our father. Where's our dad?
Lindsay!
2140
01:41:46,310 --> 01:41:48,051
Dad! Nobody's here.
2141
01:41:48,225 --> 01:41:49,792
I just got home myself.
2142
01:41:49,966 --> 01:41:51,663
Home? Do you live here?
2143
01:41:51,837 --> 01:41:54,666
I moved in a few days ago.
Oh, lovely.
2144
01:41:54,840 --> 01:41:57,756
Your dad needs me right now.
I bet he does.
2145
01:41:57,930 --> 01:42:00,672
You might want to rethink
your attitude, Francine.
2146
01:42:00,846 --> 01:42:03,240
What is this?
What is all this about?
2147
01:42:03,414 --> 01:42:05,764
That's research for a project
he's working on.
2148
01:42:05,938 --> 01:42:07,461
With our names under the pictures?
2149
01:42:07,635 --> 01:42:09,768
He doesn't know who we are?
Not all the time.
2150
01:42:11,291 --> 01:42:13,380
Your father's sick.
2151
01:42:13,554 --> 01:42:16,209
He has a form of dementia.
And it's getting worse.
2152
01:42:17,776 --> 01:42:20,083
He can't be alone anymore.
2153
01:42:20,257 --> 01:42:22,694
That's why I moved in, Francine.
2154
01:42:22,868 --> 01:42:26,045
I'm his friend. He's writing
a book about your family
2155
01:42:26,219 --> 01:42:28,395
and I'm helping him finish it.
2156
01:42:28,569 --> 01:42:30,746
I can't believe this.
We had no idea.
2157
01:42:30,920 --> 01:42:33,705
That's because you're too busy
being pissed at him.
2158
01:42:33,879 --> 01:42:37,056
Pretty soon, before you know it,
he's not gonna know who you are.
2159
01:42:37,230 --> 01:42:39,145
But you'll remember him.
2160
01:42:39,319 --> 01:42:41,452
He's done a very good job
of beating himself up
2161
01:42:41,626 --> 01:42:43,323
without you guys piling on.
2162
01:42:43,497 --> 01:42:45,238
You were very happy once.
2163
01:42:45,412 --> 01:42:47,937
It can happen again if you let it.
2164
01:42:49,155 --> 01:42:50,155
How do we find them?
2165
01:42:50,287 --> 01:42:52,115
I put a GPS on his phone.
2166
01:42:52,289 --> 01:42:54,030
Okay. Let me see.
2167
01:42:55,727 --> 01:42:57,773
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
2168
01:42:57,947 --> 01:43:01,646
No. No, no, no.
It's here. It's here.
2169
01:43:01,820 --> 01:43:03,474
Where the hell are they? Damn.
2170
01:43:03,648 --> 01:43:06,433
Oh. If she's still using my
Uber account, we can find them.
2171
01:43:06,607 --> 01:43:09,523
[♪♪♪]
2172
01:43:20,621 --> 01:43:22,275
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
2173
01:43:29,413 --> 01:43:30,675
[DRIVER SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
2174
01:43:30,849 --> 01:43:32,209
[IN ENGLISH]
I cannot believe this.
2175
01:43:32,285 --> 01:43:33,547
Hey, hey, hey. What's wrong?
2176
01:43:33,721 --> 01:43:35,375
Longer trip than I thought.
2177
01:43:35,549 --> 01:43:37,943
You give five star.
I accept nothing less.
2178
01:43:38,117 --> 01:43:39,423
Is this the best way to go?
2179
01:43:41,338 --> 01:43:44,167
This is all my fault. She overheard
what I said to you on the phone.
2180
01:43:44,341 --> 01:43:46,212
We got in a fight about...
She heard that?
2181
01:43:46,386 --> 01:43:48,258
Yes. I know. I'm sorry, okay?
2182
01:43:48,432 --> 01:43:51,348
What if he does something crazy?
What's he gonna do, Francine?
2183
01:43:51,522 --> 01:43:52,784
What's gonna happen?
2184
01:43:52,958 --> 01:43:54,960
I don't know. He loves Lindsay.
2185
01:43:55,134 --> 01:43:56,570
Nothing will happen.
2186
01:43:56,744 --> 01:43:58,746
How can you be so sure?
2187
01:43:58,921 --> 01:44:00,531
I know him.
2188
01:44:08,452 --> 01:44:12,021
Papa! Where are you going?
Come back!
2189
01:44:16,329 --> 01:44:20,507
Please stop!
Hey, what about my five stars?!
2190
01:44:23,859 --> 01:44:25,338
[CELL PHONE RINGS] Oh, God!
2191
01:44:25,512 --> 01:44:26,862
Lindsay, honey, are you okay?
2192
01:44:27,036 --> 01:44:28,646
Papa Charlie ran away!
2193
01:44:28,820 --> 01:44:30,100
He told the driver to pull over,
2194
01:44:30,169 --> 01:44:31,605
jumped out of the car and ran.
2195
01:44:31,779 --> 01:44:33,477
I'm scared. I'm in the woods.
2196
01:44:33,651 --> 01:44:36,393
Lindsay, don't worry.
Look around. Can you see anything?
2197
01:44:36,567 --> 01:44:39,135
I can see the road.
Go there. Go to the road.
2198
01:44:39,309 --> 01:44:40,484
We're gonna find you.
2199
01:44:40,658 --> 01:44:43,574
[♪♪♪]
2200
01:44:48,013 --> 01:44:50,015
Mom! Mom!
2201
01:44:52,844 --> 01:44:53,976
FRANCINE: Lindsay!
2202
01:44:55,629 --> 01:44:57,022
Sweetheart.
2203
01:44:59,982 --> 01:45:01,418
Come on, baby girl.
2204
01:45:01,592 --> 01:45:05,857
Oh, my God, Rex.
I know. Let's find him.
2205
01:45:15,693 --> 01:45:17,260
FRANCINE: Dad?
2206
01:45:17,434 --> 01:45:18,696
LINDSAY: Papa Charlie? Dad?
2207
01:45:18,870 --> 01:45:20,785
EMMA: Charlie?
LINDSAY: Papa Charlie?
2208
01:45:20,959 --> 01:45:24,441
No, Dad. No. Please, Dad. Dad?
2209
01:45:24,615 --> 01:45:25,833
EMMA: Charlie? REX: Dad?
2210
01:45:26,008 --> 01:45:27,226
[REX KNOCKING] [GASPS]
2211
01:45:28,532 --> 01:45:29,968
Charlie!
2212
01:45:30,142 --> 01:45:31,143
Papa Charlie!
2213
01:45:31,317 --> 01:45:33,015
EMMA: Charlie!
2214
01:45:34,842 --> 01:45:36,496
Dad! EMMA: Charlie!
2215
01:45:36,670 --> 01:45:38,107
Dad! REX: Dad?
2216
01:45:38,281 --> 01:45:40,239
Charlie! Papa Charlie!
2217
01:45:40,413 --> 01:45:42,981
FRANCINE: Dad! Dad!
EMMA: Charlie!
2218
01:45:43,155 --> 01:45:46,593
Dad!
Papa Charlie, where are you?
2219
01:45:52,208 --> 01:45:53,644
Charlie!
2220
01:45:55,776 --> 01:45:57,387
Charlie.
2221
01:45:57,561 --> 01:45:59,432
Oh, hey.
2222
01:46:01,347 --> 01:46:02,609
Hey. Hey. Hey.
2223
01:46:06,918 --> 01:46:10,574
Hey. You okay? My feet are wet.
2224
01:46:10,748 --> 01:46:11,923
Mine are too.
2225
01:46:13,359 --> 01:46:14,882
Are you okay? You look so upset.
2226
01:46:15,057 --> 01:46:16,797
I'm just happy to see you.
2227
01:46:16,972 --> 01:46:18,451
Dad.
2228
01:46:21,193 --> 01:46:22,586
What are you doing here?
2229
01:46:23,848 --> 01:46:26,111
Hi. Uh...
2230
01:46:26,285 --> 01:46:31,073
Well,
I wanted to show Lindsay Lake Charlie.
2231
01:46:31,247 --> 01:46:32,900
This was our happy place.
2232
01:46:34,380 --> 01:46:36,992
See, with sunsets, we'd stand right here.
2233
01:46:37,166 --> 01:46:40,082
And... And we'd watch the sun go down there
2234
01:46:40,256 --> 01:46:43,172
and, "Bye-bye, sun.
Bye-bye, sun."
2235
01:46:43,346 --> 01:46:44,390
Somebody would say that.
2236
01:46:44,564 --> 01:46:46,131
That was me, Dad.
2237
01:46:47,393 --> 01:46:49,308
I said that. Yeah.
2238
01:46:50,570 --> 01:46:51,615
Mm-hm.
2239
01:46:55,923 --> 01:46:58,056
I'm sorry about your mother. No.
2240
01:46:58,230 --> 01:47:01,842
Dad, you don't have to...
No, I have to. I have to, Rex.
2241
01:47:02,017 --> 01:47:04,280
Let me finish, because
I'm running out of words.
2242
01:47:08,806 --> 01:47:11,069
Francine,
I was not the reason your mom died.
2243
01:47:13,158 --> 01:47:16,727
That kid who ran the stop sign
was the reason your mom died.
2244
01:47:16,901 --> 01:47:20,252
And I adored her so much.
I loved your mother so much.
2245
01:47:20,426 --> 01:47:22,689
And she died mad at me.
2246
01:47:22,863 --> 01:47:24,952
Dad.
2247
01:47:25,127 --> 01:47:28,217
I can't leave here knowing
that you're mad at me too.
2248
01:47:29,827 --> 01:47:32,525
I can't undo it.
I can't undo it.
2249
01:47:32,699 --> 01:47:34,919
There's no rewrites this time.
2250
01:47:35,093 --> 01:47:38,444
Come on. Relax.
Relax your hands.
2251
01:47:39,706 --> 01:47:41,534
No more fists. Relax your hands.
2252
01:47:41,708 --> 01:47:43,406
[CRYING]
2253
01:47:46,626 --> 01:47:50,065
Dad. Why didn't you tell us?
2254
01:47:52,676 --> 01:47:55,635
Because I didn't know how.
2255
01:47:57,898 --> 01:47:58,898
And I was scared.
2256
01:48:00,249 --> 01:48:01,902
Of what?
2257
01:48:02,077 --> 01:48:04,688
That maybe you wouldn't care.
2258
01:48:04,862 --> 01:48:06,081
Oh, Dad.
2259
01:48:09,127 --> 01:48:11,608
Forgive me. Please.
2260
01:48:11,782 --> 01:48:14,001
Forgive me so I can forgive myself.
2261
01:48:14,176 --> 01:48:16,830
Because the sight of your
angry eyes keeps me up at night
2262
01:48:17,004 --> 01:48:20,007
and gives me the sweats,
and there's no more time for that.
2263
01:48:20,182 --> 01:48:22,662
There's no more time.
I'm here today.
2264
01:48:22,836 --> 01:48:24,882
Daddy, I'm so sorry.
2265
01:48:25,056 --> 01:48:30,105
Franny, it's okay. It's okay.
I understand. I understand.
2266
01:48:30,279 --> 01:48:31,889
I love you, Pop. Oh!
2267
01:48:32,063 --> 01:48:33,978
I love you.
LINDSAY: Is there room for me?
2268
01:48:34,152 --> 01:48:36,198
Come here, sweetie.
I love you too, you know?
2269
01:48:36,372 --> 01:48:37,460
[ALL LAUGH]
2270
01:48:39,288 --> 01:48:41,507
Emma. Emma. Come here.
2271
01:48:46,686 --> 01:48:48,906
Oh, God.
What a long time between hugs.
2272
01:48:49,080 --> 01:48:50,473
[ALL LAUGH]
2273
01:48:50,647 --> 01:48:53,258
[CHARLIE INHALES,
EXHALES DEEPLY]
2274
01:48:55,347 --> 01:48:57,219
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]
2275
01:48:57,393 --> 01:48:59,569
[♪♪♪]
2276
01:48:59,743 --> 01:49:02,920
CHARLIE: Mom was always
inventing days for the kids.
2277
01:49:03,094 --> 01:49:05,096
Kids loved "Backwards Day" the best.
2278
01:49:05,270 --> 01:49:07,533
We'd have dinner for breakfast
and breakfast for dinner.
2279
01:49:07,707 --> 01:49:09,535
No, Pop.
It was "Upside-down Day."
2280
01:49:09,709 --> 01:49:11,189
Upside-down day.
God, I loved that.
2281
01:49:11,363 --> 01:49:12,756
We'd have cake for breakfast.
2282
01:49:12,930 --> 01:49:14,323
Can we do that? Yeah.
2283
01:49:14,497 --> 01:49:16,412
Will you do it with us,
Papa Charlie and Emma?
2284
01:49:16,586 --> 01:49:18,979
Absolutely.
Yeah, sure. Anything for you.
2285
01:49:19,154 --> 01:49:22,679
Is it upside-down day?
Yeah. Upside-down day.
2286
01:49:22,853 --> 01:49:24,681
I got it.
Upside-down day is great.
2287
01:49:24,855 --> 01:49:26,770
Yeah?
DARRELL: This'll be really good.
2288
01:49:26,944 --> 01:49:27,944
Okay.
2289
01:49:27,988 --> 01:49:29,033
[CHUCKLES]
2290
01:49:29,207 --> 01:49:30,382
Huh.
2291
01:49:32,167 --> 01:49:34,386
Hey, Rex, um...
Oh, tell them the story
2292
01:49:34,560 --> 01:49:36,388
about when Dad was barbecuing outside,
2293
01:49:36,562 --> 01:49:38,869
he was making all these
hot dogs and a bear came.
2294
01:49:39,043 --> 01:49:41,219
REX: Oh, heh-heh!
That's a really good story.
2295
01:49:41,393 --> 01:49:46,268
Okay, I think it was July 4th?
Uh-huh. Dad loves 4th of July.
2296
01:49:46,442 --> 01:49:48,835
[REX SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
2297
01:49:51,838 --> 01:49:53,144
It's beautiful here.
2298
01:49:53,318 --> 01:49:54,537
Mm-hm.
2299
01:49:58,976 --> 01:50:00,238
Are you okay?
2300
01:50:04,590 --> 01:50:05,590
I'm here.
2301
01:50:08,681 --> 01:50:11,249
["YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME LONESOME
WHEN YOU GO" PLAYING]
2302
01:50:11,423 --> 01:50:12,946
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
2303
01:50:19,866 --> 01:50:23,305
EMMA: ♪ Well,
I've seen love go by my door ♪
2304
01:50:23,479 --> 01:50:25,437
♪ It's never been this close before ♪
2305
01:50:25,611 --> 01:50:29,833
♪ Never been so easy or so slow ♪
2306
01:50:30,007 --> 01:50:31,791
[ALL LAUGHING]
2307
01:50:31,965 --> 01:50:34,794
♪ I've been shootin' in the dark too long ♪
2308
01:50:34,968 --> 01:50:37,101
♪ When something's not right it's wrong ♪
2309
01:50:37,275 --> 01:50:41,148
♪ You're gonna make me lonesome
When you go ♪
2310
01:50:43,020 --> 01:50:45,675
♪ Dragon clouds so high above ♪
2311
01:50:45,849 --> 01:50:47,764
♪ I've only known careless love... ♪
2312
01:50:47,938 --> 01:50:48,938
[LAUGHS]
2313
01:50:51,202 --> 01:50:52,812
CHARLIE:
Come on. Sun's going down.
2314
01:50:54,814 --> 01:50:57,469
It's going. Come on,
he's not gonna wait for us.
2315
01:50:57,643 --> 01:50:59,906
♪ Right on target, so direct ♪
2316
01:51:00,080 --> 01:51:01,821
♪ You're gonna make me lonesome... ♪
2317
01:51:01,995 --> 01:51:04,694
Come on. Don't wanna miss it.
2318
01:51:07,174 --> 01:51:09,525
Wow. This gonna be a beauty.
2319
01:51:09,699 --> 01:51:13,703
FRANCINE: Oh, look at that. Wow.
LINDSAY: It's so beautiful.
2320
01:51:13,877 --> 01:51:16,183
[GASPS] [MOUTHS] Wow.
2321
01:51:16,358 --> 01:51:17,359
LINDSAY: Yeah.
2322
01:51:17,533 --> 01:51:18,838
♪ Blue river ♪
2323
01:51:19,012 --> 01:51:20,623
♪ Running slow and lazy ♪
2324
01:51:22,973 --> 01:51:28,935
♪ I could stay with you forever
And never realize the time ♪
2325
01:51:29,109 --> 01:51:31,677
♪ Situations have ended sad ♪
2326
01:51:31,851 --> 01:51:34,637
♪ Relationships have all been bad ♪
2327
01:51:34,811 --> 01:51:38,293
♪ Mine have been like
Verlaine and Rimbaud ♪
2328
01:51:40,207 --> 01:51:43,123
♪ But there's no way I can compare ♪
2329
01:51:43,298 --> 01:51:45,735
♪ All those scenes to this affair ♪
2330
01:51:45,909 --> 01:51:49,652
♪ You're gonna make me
Lonesome when you go ♪
2331
01:51:51,436 --> 01:51:54,787
♪ I'll look for you in old Honolulu ♪
2332
01:51:54,961 --> 01:51:57,399
♪ San Francisco or Ashtabula ♪
2333
01:51:57,573 --> 01:52:02,447
♪ You're gonna have to leave me
Now I know ♪
2334
01:52:02,621 --> 01:52:04,884
♪ But I'll see you in the sky above ♪
2335
01:52:05,058 --> 01:52:06,103
Bye-bye, sun.
2336
01:52:06,277 --> 01:52:07,496
♪ In the tall grass ♪
2337
01:52:07,670 --> 01:52:08,714
♪ In the ones I love ♪
2338
01:52:08,888 --> 01:52:10,150
♪ You're gonna make me ♪
2339
01:52:10,325 --> 01:52:12,283
♪ Lonesome when you go ♪
2340
01:52:14,546 --> 01:52:20,030
♪ You're gonna make me
Lonesome when you go ♪
2341
01:52:20,204 --> 01:52:24,817
♪ You're gonna make me
Very, very lonesome ♪
2342
01:52:24,991 --> 01:52:28,081
♪ When you go ♪
2343
01:52:32,042 --> 01:52:33,696
EMMA: Goodbye, old man.
2344
01:52:42,835 --> 01:52:45,708
[♪♪♪]
2345
01:54:24,981 --> 01:54:26,330
[♪♪♪]
2346
01:54:26,504 --> 01:54:28,637
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
2347
01:55:50,501 --> 01:55:53,417
[♪♪♪]
161398
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