All language subtitles for American Dad s18e13 Top of the Steve.eng

Can I pour you some more wine?

It comes from the grape
region of France.

I think you'll find it pairs
well with food.

Jeff, I've had cooked fish
in sauce before.

But this? This is special.

And served with rice!

Thanks.
It's my mother's recipe.

She was from the old country...
Florida.

We thought it would be nice

to have you guys over
for a dinner party.

After all, you two have hosted
us for several thousand meals.

We were nothing like this
when we were first newlyweds.

It's true.

I had to reform your
mother's party girl ways.

That's not how it was.

Your father was hopeless
when I met him.

The house had no furniture.
He used a sock for underwear.

And for a napkin,
he used whichever sock

he wasn't using as underwear.

Well, I wasn't
exactly hopeless...

young C.I.A. agent in my prime?

I was a physical specimen.

Firm chest. Chestnut buttocks.
And my penis?

A muscled servant ready to obey
my every command.

Dad!

I'm sorry, Hayley,
but these are facts.

Francine was lucky she locked
me down when she did.

That's not what you said
at the time.

Remember the night of
the placemats conversation?

Of course. That was the night
I won the big argument.

I won the argument, Stan.

The sweet man I married
admitted I was right.

We should have placemats.

Please. I remember exactly
how it happened.

We were in the living room.

Show me. Show me exactly.

Maybe that'll jog
your thick memory.

Was it my food?

Did you have to serve
your mom's Florida Cursed Fish

with Argument Sauce?

♪

♪ Good morning, USA ♪

♪ I got a feelin' that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪

♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

♪ Good morning, USA ♪

Aah!

♪ Good morning, USA ♪

This was you...

"I'm lucky to have a guy
like you, Stan.

Thanks for putting up with me
even when I'm being ridiculous!"

No. No! It was more like,

"Francine, I've got
a lot to learn,

but you're the best thing
in my life,

and I just want
to make you happy."

That does not sound like me.

I remember it exactly.

You were standing
right over there.

You know what? There's a simple
way to settle this.

Time travel.

Oh, I wish I had a time machine
right now,

so I could fast-forward
to when we get to the C.I.A.'s

time machine,
and I'm proven right.

Francine, it's like
a nine-second drive.

Can't believe Hayley and Jeff
are having a dinner party

the same night as mine.

You could've invited them
anyway.

No, they bring nothing
to the conversation.

They're zeroes.

Is anyone else even coming
to this party?

Of course!

Jurgen, Danuta, my various boys.

Roger even RSVP'd "maybe."

- Where is everybody?
- They're coming!

They're just running late.

Traffic is solid orange.

Well, I'm starving.

I'm digging into whatever
these fried balls are.

Ugh. Klaus, what is in this?

Skittles.

Blue package.

Do you always park here?

Yeah. I did it once, and it
just kind of became my thing.

I got the machine.
You know, it's interesting.

We've had the tech for years,

but Bullock insisted
we keep refining it

till it was small enough to fit
in a chimpanzee's asshole.

Why?

That's how big
he wants everything.

- So, where's the machine?
- It's in my butt.

Does it have to be there
to work?

Hmm. I guess not?

Did you...?

Yeah, yeah. I washed it. Yeah.

So, the argument happened
the night

when Rachel on Friends
turned 30.

At least we can agree on that.

Thursday nights back then,
we'd go over to Tuttle's.

He's our oldest friend.

We'd watch Friends,
Inside Schwartz,

then we'd change the channel
to watch Temptation Island

until Tuttle would say
he was too horny,

and the show was
making him uncomfortable.

Then, we'd change the channel
to ER,

calm him down, and go home.

Now, if we're traveling in time,

we can't let our younger selves
see us.

We could really mess up
the time stream...

create alternate futures,
that kind of thing.

The president is a dinosaur,
there's no Sinbad.

In that case, I would hope

President Brontosaurus
would appoint a new Sinbad.

So, we go upstairs,
beam to that very night,

right after ER ends, wait for
our young selves to come in,

watch the argument,
figure out who's right,

and then jump back to the future
for the apologies

and the apology cake.

Apology cake?

Oh, you'll be baking one.

The cake can be any flavor.

The point's more
the humiliation.

Oh, you're gonna be
the one humiliated, Stan.

Fire that thing up,
and let's go.

Wow. Remember this?

That poster was so cool.

- Never saw the film.
- [door opens]

Shh! I hear ourselves.

Should we find a better place
to hide?

There's no... time.

YOUNG STAN: Wow.
I just love that show.

Imagine having five friends!

You have friends, Stan!

I have three...
Dick and Sanders. Tuttle.

And, well, I also have
my best friend...

you, Francine.

You know, I noticed
Tuttle's placemats.

I used to think they were just
for show-offs.

Now, I see they're an important
part of crumb management.

You were right, Francine.
We should buy some placemats.

Aww, Stan.

I already did.

Hey, roomies!
What are you spying on?

Ahhhhhh!

Oh, right.

Our roommate, Radika.

She was always doing laundry
at the most inconvenient times.

Ugh. Could this be
any worse?

[laughter]

Let's all put our guns away.

We're you from the future.

We traveled in time
and did everything perfectly.

Except we forgot about Radika,
the tenant who used to rent

what's now
Steve and Hayley's rooms.

Who are Steve and Hayley?

Who's this old lady?

Please, honey.

We look basically
exactly the same.

Also, that hair doesn't work for
you the way you think it does.

Shoot 'em, Stan! Shoot 'em!

Hang on. Hang on.
Nobody needs to shoot anybody.

We time traveled here
from the future,

using C.I.A. technology,
to settle an argument.

Francine, I'd die
to protect you,

but this guy's story checks out.

Radika, all this is kind of

an American thing
you wouldn't understand.

I'm from Ohio!

Do I need to kill Radika?

No, no. It's okay.

Radika, does this honestly
seem like something

you want to be involved with?

Bye, Radika!

You know, I always had
a little thing for Radika.

So, you two came back in time
to settle an argument?

And great news, I...
and therefore you... were right!

Of course we were.

We're friggin' Francine.

Maybe you were right on
the details and the facts,

but bigger picture,
I couldn't be more right.

Look at this fine chunk
of manflesh.

You were lucky to lock
this down, Francine.

Uh, 'scuse me?

This ain't exactly nothin'!

Yeah, show her, Francine!

Stan, look at that fine ass
and apologize.

You want me to look at it?

At least enough to be polite.

As long as you guys are here,

shall we rip a pitcher
of Franny's Crazy 'Ritas?

They're called "crazy"
'cause I put so much

alcohol and pills in 'em.

Girl, I was you, I remember you,
and I love you.

Gah, feel how firm
this couch is!

You need to savor this.

Over the years, it gets kind of
old and worked in.

A lot of things get kind of old
and worked in.

Excuse me?

You know what, Stan?

As long as I'm back here,

I'm gonna go to Buckaroo's Pizza
one last time.

Appreciate that place.
It's about to close.

Oh, no!
What happens to Martino?

[Bleep] if I know.

When I get back, Stan, I hope
you're ready to apologize.

Me, too.

Dude, you're not gonna
accompany your lady?

Nah. I'm gonna sit here
and enjoy

the former firmness
of the couch,

then maybe play
some Jurassic Park pinball.

Great game. Never saw the movie.

Roger, Klaus is losing it.

No one's coming to his party.

I'm paralyzed!

Because he's Klaus, I know
no one else will show up.

So that means I don't have
to come in a persona.

I can come as myself.

But who is that, Steve?
What does that mean?

I don't know how Roger dresses.

I don't know how Roger acts.

I... I don't know Roger!

[cries]

Roger. Roger.

We can do this.

Because you know who this is?

This vulnerable guy
I'm talking to?

That's Roger.

[gasps] Roger's bald?

So, I don't know
if you're allowed,

but can you tell me anything
about the future?

Oh, you've got lots of stuff
to look forward to.

We go to Korea
to investigate rumors

of a reinvented Noah's Ark.

You bring James Garfield
back to life.

You become a horse briefly.

There's a salt mine
in our backyard.

Do... Do we have any kids?

Oh, yeah!

We also have a talking fish
named Klaus,

and an alien named Roger
lives with us.

There's a koala named Reginald
for a while.

Forget what happens to him.

And then, there's Rogu,
who kind of came off of Roger.

So, Rogu is Roger's baby?

Not in the traditional sense,
but he does breastfeed him.

So, I gotta say, I'm kind of
liking the sloppy,

older thing you got going on,
Old Stan.

- Oh, yeah?
- There's no term for this,

but I've always been into
the bods of dads.

- "Dad bod."
- Oh, my God, that's so funny.

You're so funny.

You are a dad, aren't you?

Did you knock me up, Stan?

I sure did.

We have a daughter,
Hayley, and...

Don't tell me their names.

I don't wanna hear the names.

Just tell me you knocked
me up real good.

Maybe you shouldn't
get so close.

Old Francine's already
pretty mad at me.

She'll be even madder
if she heard me

call her "Old Francine."

That better be
our little secret, then.

Maybe we should have
other secrets.

We could even get Radika
in the mix...

fully clothed and completely
off-limits to you, of course,

but she'd be in the mix.

Francine, I know
all I ever talk about

is how I'm gonna kill
Osama bin Laden,

but I'm also full of
a lot of love.

And just as much as I want
to kill him, I love you.

Whatever I did that you're mad
at me about in the future,

I apologize.

You were right, and I'm sorry.

You're gonna have a great life.

Enjoy every second of it.

YOUNG FRANCINE:
Is that Radika?

Get in here, girl!

What the...?
I should've known!

You!

How could I not see that coming?

You pulled a classic
separation move on me!

I taught us that...
to use against others!

We never made that deal!

Share your man!

Are... Are you mad
about this, me?

Not really.

I mean, if you're me,

then I'm about to have sex
for the eighth time!

That's a healthy attitude.

Wanna come over here and give me
a double extra good-time,

Stanning?

See if you can make your wangs
meet in the middle.

Staniel, may I see you
in the kitchen?

- Which one of...
- You!

I can't believe you.

Cheating on me the first
second you get a chance?

Yeah, but cheating on you
with you.

That's romantic.

I have an idea.

What if both Francines cool off
with a hot steamy shower...

You know what?
If you love the past so much,

you can stay here until
you've learned your lesson.

Why don't you keep him if you
want him so much, young me?

I'm going back to the present.

Wait, Francine.

You can't leave two Stans
here in one timeline.

What if we kiss,
and can't stop kissing?

Fine. I'm taking the Stan
I like better.

Goodbye, Stan.

Okay. All right. No problem.

I still have you in your prime.

Now, where were we?

Actually, some of the stuff
old me was saying

sounded kind of bad.

Don't listen to her.
She's crazy.

- She's me!
- I-I meant crazy in a cool way.

Cool Runnings.
Is that from now?

I'd be pretty mad if you slept
with 20-years-ago me.

- She'd be 8.
- Exactly, you perv!

I'm gonna crash at Trish's
until I find my own place.

Good luck, Stan.

Santa? Oh.

Mr. and Mrs. S.

You decided to return
for hookah, figs,

and apricot brandy.

Hayley, your father and I
went back in time

to settle our argument,

but then, your dad
acted like a jackass,

so I left him back there
and gave myself an upgrade.

Meet your new dad, Young Dad.

- Whoa.
- Hi.

You're my daughter?

You messed with the time stream?

I feel myself fading away!

Jeff, that doesn't make sense.

Dad's not your dad.

But how come I still exist?

You're already conceived,
somewhere back there.

In that case, I'm good.

Nice to meet you, Young Dad.

What's your favorite band?

Tie... Evanescence and Wheatus.

We're gonna be all right.

Now, because we did
mess up time,

I'm not sure if Steve
will still be here,

which means you'll
have to be the one

who remembers
the wi-fi password.

Steve!

This is a young version
of your dad.

He'll be your new father.

Wait. Does this mean
I won't exist?

Either we'll eventually
conceive you,

or you'll start to fade away

into non-existence
as time changes.

Well, at least that would get me
out of Klaus' dinner party.

- Who's Klaus again?
- Don't worry about Klaus.

Klaus is nobody.

Well, Young Dad, allow me
to introduce you to Roger.

Hi. I'm Roger.

Stan, you're gonna meet me
in Utah

about 12 years ago,
my past, your future.

We made a beautiful
sound together.

Was that a space alien?

- [doorbell rings]
- Who could that be?

[gasps]

Oh, hey, Radika.

Sorry it's a little messy
in here.

I'm just going hog
on the bachelor lifestyle.

So, it's looking like Francine's
not coming back, huh?

What's it been,
like, two months?

Two months, six days.

Yeah, don't think she's coming.

But it's cool.
I'm enjoying... all this.

Plus, I'm about to win
big gambling.

I know the Cincinnati Bagels

win the Super Bowl
one of these years.

- The Bengals?
- Yeah, maybe.

Well, I'm sure
you'll find someone else.

You're a catch, Stan.

Thanks. But it's just so hard
to meet new people, Radika.

Pssh, you're telling me.

ANNOUNCER:
Flips it downfield!

Knocked away!

♪

Somewhere inside me, I think
I always knew this was right.

Me too, Stan.

There's so much I love
about you.

And the things I don't love
I know I can fix.

Because you don't need
placemats!

Why would we have something
we don't need?

Why did I think
this was a good idea?

My mother warned me.

Why did I marry
an old C.I.A. agent

who spent all of our savings

betting on
the Cincinnati Bengals

to win the Super Bowl?!

They win one of these years,
I swear!

I remember tears of joy
on Carson Palmer's face!

He was kissing his little boy.

This isn't working out, Stan.

- Fine.
- Fine!

STAN: Maybe I messed up
when I lost Francine.

Maybe she was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

No, no, no. I'm fine.

I'm still a cool single guy!

You know, I always regretted

never doing a year as a ski bum.

Maybe I'll try that.

So, are you interested
in buying this one, or...?

Nah. Motorcycles
aren't for me.

Way too dangerous.

Cool. You're all set.

Have a great day
on the mountain.

ROGER:
Gustin. Marlowe. Gustin!

I didn't buy you two $400
Helly Hanson jackets

so you could just
sit in the lodge.

- Let's move.
- Roger?

Hmm? You're confused.

I'm Doctor Steele Birchington,
Houston cardiac surgeon.

I've put in over 600 stents.

Gustin! Gustin, stay in line.

No, Roger, it's me, Stan.

You don't know me yet,
or maybe we never met, but...

God, it's so good
to see a friend!

What're you talking about?

You know what?
What'd you say your name is?

Stan? I'm ready for a change.

What's your thing, old man?

You're too old to be a ski bum.

Yeah, I was thinking about
starting a coffee shop.

Maybe learn guitar.

I'm in. Goodbye, kids.

Tell your mother I was sleeping
with Paolo

from photography class.

[guitar strumming
"Africa" by Toto]

♪ Gonna take some time
to do the things ♪

♪ We never haa-aa-aad! ♪

♪

Stan, we're locking in
on a sound, here.

We could be a credible
Toto cover band.

No.

No. This isn't right.

We're sounding better than ever,

but nothing feels right.

I blew it when I lost Francine.

What're you talking about?
You've got Amanda now.

It's not the same.

I've been going through life

with nothing to keep me company
but regret.

Uh, okay.

Is there any way to fix my life?

And so, I waited until now,
Francine.

Life was so dreary without you.

Sure, I got to witness
the 2008 Olympic

opening ceremonies again.

Incredible, Francine,
the precision.

But it wasn't worth it.

Life without you was hollow.

I had years to think on it.

I realized that, maybe,
just maybe, if I could wait

until tonight... the very night
when we went back in time

because of my stupid pride...

maybe there'd be a chance
to salvage some of my life.

So, you relived
the last 20 years?

Not quite.
Young Francine left me.

She married Principal Lewis.

Ooh, nice.

And she had this great group
of girlfriends, too.

If one of them needed something,

the other ones were,
like, always there.

They were, like,
closer than sisters.

There was some drama
when Lillian was

getting married again,
and it was like,

"Does she deserve
a second bachelorette..."

- No!
- What's happening?

I heard something,
so I started shooting.

That's you!

This beautiful, special woman
is yours now, young Stan.

Don't make the mistake I did.

Don't live your life
full of regret.

[groans]

Oh, Stan!

No. No. This isn't right.

We can't let this happen
to this pathetic old man.

Where are we going?

Back in time.

Guests!

People came!

And look at you, Roger.

What outrageous persona
are you presenting?

Klaus, I'd like you
to meet Roger.

Hi. I'm Roger.

I like baseball and musicals.

Nice to meet you, Roger.

I'm so sorry we're late, Klaus.

Traffic was solid orange.

I can't believe this.
People came!

Everyone, I'd like to introduce
you to someone. This is...

Demetrius Fitzpatio,
chiropractor to the stars!

Who am I?

Oh, I wish I had a time machine
right now,

so I could fast-forward
to when we get to the C.I.A.'s

time machine,
and I'm proven right.

Francine, it's like
a nine-second drive.

- Ahhh!
- Looking for this?

Don't do it, Stan.

Let go of your pride.

It's not worth
losing Francine over.

Don't worry, sweetie. I'm you.

We're doing great.

[whispers]
You win the argument.

Appreciate what you have, Stan.

Do you know what that was about?

No. But you know what?

Maybe we don't go back in time.

I'm sure you were right.

Whatever happened in the past,
it brought us here.

That's right.

And it's pretty nice, isn't it?

It's beautiful.

Did you know Klaus was also
having a dinner party tonight?

Mother[bleep] didn't invite us!

We could go back and ruin it.

Beats Jeff's figs.

That's not dessert.

Bye! Have a beautiful time!

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