All language subtitles for The.Shutka.Book.of.Records.PDTV.x264.AC3.MVGroup.Forum.org

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Uncle Fazli is the most
powerful dervish in the world.

lf it's iron,
we can turn it into gold.

And if it's a cucumber,
we can turn into a living being.

He promised us we would travel
to America without a visa.

Matter is just like
a suit of clothing.

Basically, a man's body
is just a suit of clothes.

And the body is matter.

Look, you have things on you.

Do you stop existing
when you take them off?

You keep existing.

So, it is necessary to turn
your body into tiny little atoms,

and you disappear
in the blink of an eye.

And then, in the blink of an eye,
l materialize you in America

or anywhere you wish.

Dematerialize and materialize.

l appeal to the whole world,
to all the media, and BBC and CNN

to come, if they want
to film ghosts -

call me on my personal
home phone number:

6-5-1-8-2-5.
ln Shutka.

We call these houses
Beverly Hills,

because here lives the richest
merchant in Shutka - Uncle Sami.

Good morning, Uncle Sami.

The poorest man in Shutka
is Muzo.

His only possession is
a photograph of his best friend.

He carries it with him
everywhere in a bag.

The longest street in Shutka
is called ''New Life''.

lt's here that Uncle Bajram
makes the best ''burek'' in Shutka.

This print shop
is only camouflage.

Feruz owns the largest secret
porno video collection in Shutka.

The champion toll collector
in Shutka is Race.

For you trivia buffs:

Shutka is the largest Roma
community in the Balkans,

maybe the whole world.

We have all religions in Shutka.

lsmail is an Adventist.

Everybody is angry at him
for grazing his horse

in the graveyard -
where the juiciest grass grows.

And this is me, Doctor Koljo,
in person and in the flesh.

l'm known as a joker,
but with an honest heart.

l am the greatest
fisherman in Shutka,

which for me is
like a sea of stories.

This is my
story of Shutka.

l'm nothing to God.
l'm an ordinary man like you.

l'm even a tiny little
object under your foot.

l feel so insignificant.

Because God doesn't cooperate with
someone who feels like a hotshot.

God doesn't like
people like that.

The greatest intellectual
in Shutka is Uncle Muzo.

He's been writing a Roma
dictionary for 20 years,

while his family goes hungry.

So, Uncle Muzo, how much
longer do we have to wait?

lt's still not finished.
What do you think?

A dictionary is
not made in a day.

l still need to wise up
for a few more years.

You can't give
a language to a people

until it's cleaned up and fixed.

Get a grip!

-Do you know what faith is?
-Tell us.

You have to believe in Jesus -
He'll give you eternal life.

Me? Believe in Jesus?
And you in Mohammed?!

l have all the words here,
but l'm not giving them away yet.

First, you start with
the Book of God.

ln every nation, you start first
with the Book of God.

The language must
be sanctified.

And then you can have
a dictionary.

While Uncle Muzo
is looking for words,

the believers meet down
at the square,

where, everyday, they come
to defend their faith.

A beautiful book came out -
Jesus, the true Messiah.

l apologize,
dear brothers of Shutka.

This is chaos! lt's a tie!
There is no winner here!

Shutka wakes in fear of Satan
and his servants,

the evil genies.

Not only in Shutka, but in all of
Macedonia no one has better horses.

Horses mean everything to me.

Even if l had a hundred Mercedes,
l would still have ten horses.

At least ten!

Uncle Sali must first beat
the evil genies from the horses,

before he takes them
to the market.

Beware of Satan and the genies.

A genie can enter any animal.

When they're attacked
by a great priest like me,

they enter an animal
and hide in its body.

Tell me, tell me
what l want to hear!

lt's difficult to buy,
and it's difficult to sell.

Uncle Sali's heart aches,

because he's the greatest
horse lover in Shutka.

Get out of here
you bastard dealer!

l attack him,
he attacks me.

What's up cousin,
your fire doesn't light?

He doesn't let me work!

The dervishes claim that they are
the best genie-busters in Shutka.

Clean water is the best
protection, they say.

The genies live in the
physical and spirit world.

They rule in dirty houses
and unclean places.

ln the dump.

A genie looks like this:

His head is like a pig's head.

His eyes are big and red,

like molten fire.

So, when you see him,
you get goose bumps.

He can be as big as a mountain,

but his legs are
really, really thin.

He has three toes
and long nails.

When they attack a person,
they are like a shadow.

Genies are Satan's army,

with the power
to enter people's blood.

Water is clean and genies
are made of fire.

Only water can put out a fire -

so, when you want to clean and
heal yourself,

use water.

This is my life's work.

l want to leave behind good
pupils and faithful believers,

who will help all the
people in the world

against the genies.

Jashar, at over two meters,
is the tallest Dervish in Shutka.

When you treat female patients

do you ever get aroused?

Look, we healers,
we have a special prayer.

An invisible spiritual force
descends. An angel.

lt blows on us

and takes
the passion away.

Then, l become like a female.

And a woman with a woman...
obviously, nothing happens.

That's my boy.

The police cause us less
problems than vampires.

A vampire doesn't look like
what you know from TV.

He is not like Dracula.

He moves like this.

Female vampires
have hair like this.

Males have beards
growing like this.

Some have a moustache like this.
lt looks pretty ugly.

To see a vampire -
that's terrible!

Uncle Suljo is the greatest
vampire hunter in Shutka.

Uncle Suljo, are you scared
when you see a vampire?

At the beginning l am scared.

l get nervous and pale.
l shake all over.

There was a shadow here, and
when l turned around - nothing.

What's going on?

Really strong!

Like this... and l look,
no one's there.

l didn't see anyone.

When she told me,
at first l didn't believe her.

A lot of people get scared
when they hear some banging.

They imagine all sorts.

A vampire is a spiritual being.

But l can see him
as a physical being.

l see him the same as l see you.

Uncle Suljo doesn't take money
to fight vampires.

He sells satellite dishes in the
center of Shutka.

He's afraid of losing contact with
the souls from the other world.

l freaked out.

Look, l'm shaking.

When l saw it,
l was done for.

A shadow, a ghost!
He fought him.

He was completely red.

l say, what's up with him?!
l say, water?

And then her relative came,
who had a cigarette.

When he came close,

the vampire that was
strangling me, started to run.

A vampire is afraid of
fire and runs from it.

So a cigarette always
saves my life.

And they say that smoking
is bad for you.

That's all l have to say.

There is one God for everyone.

You never know what can help you.
lf not the mosque, then the church.

We call Didara The Terminator.

People come from all over
Macedonia to visit her secretly,

to get their genies exorcized.

No, not on the Koran.
Drop it on the floor.

One against the genies,
the other against people.

lf someone wants to harm me,
l can protect myself.

Didara holds the strongest
opinions in Shutka.

Especially when it comes
to the topic of religion.

You can't come into church
with a lamb!

Did you hear?
Get out of here with it!

lt's been promised.

What are you doing?!

You can't do whatever
you please here! Get out!

-Uncle, be a bit more cultured.
-Cultured? With you? No way!

Calm down you drunk!
Go screw yourself!

Asshole.

All of Shutka believes,
offering a lamb to the church

is the best protection
against sickness.

You have the best lambs!

ln the world,
in the whole of Europe!

Uncle Refet travels the longest
distance to get a lamb.

The best lambs are born and
bred here. Champion lambs!

They're assholes, faggots!

l've been a lamb champion
for 35 years.

-They refuse to take our lambs!
-l paid a fortune for a lamb!

This year, all the churches
forbade us to offer lambs.

Supposedly, it's a pagan custom.

Film this!
This church will be filmed!

Every time Didara
has a fight on holy ground

a genie enters her,
and she falls ill.

The greatest specialist for
more complicated cases

is Granny Ajsha
from Vietnam Street.

Do you see?
The church is visible there.

ln the number of cured cases this
year, no one can catch my cousin.

Like every great dervish,

Jashar is preparing
for his afterlife.

This is my own invention.

You take this out,
so this can slide in.

This has to be loose.

You take this out.

We Muslims believe

our souls wait to be reborn
in the branches of a tree.

Which tree, no one knows.

Not to be born
again in Shutka,

Jashar is racing
to cut them all down.

l need more speed.

Uncle Muzo's songs are
Shutka's greatest treasure.

-Do you like it?
-lt's nice.

Since birth,
my cry has been melodious.

lt's like that with us Roma.
When a child is born,

it cries in melody. You
immediately hear the major keys.

A Roma singer can't be a singer
until he has sung in Shutka.

Shutka is like a jury,
which says:

Yes, this singer can go on,

or the singing stops right here
and he doesn't go anywhere.

This is Shutka.

Ramko is the greatest of all
singing stars in Shutka.

He dared to tear into pieces
the lyrics

that Uncle Muzo got
directly from God.

You may sin against Uncle Muzo,
but never against God.

He should be ashamed not to
recognize this treasure from God.

Such an effort from God.
How could he do it?

These are the new songs!

He will fall from heaven,
like a bullet. Like a giant stone!

l apologize if l made a mistake.
lt can happen.

l apologize to Muzo.

Ramko fell to the bottom
of the charts.

Only after promising to
accept all lyrics from God,

did Uncle Muzo find inspiration.

Thank you, God.
Oh, that's wonderful.

Don't be a stranger.

Be careful what you do.

Don't do anything stupid!

You have to feel the
music in your soul.

Then the music is real,
and we feel it.

That's why l say the music
comes from the Roma here.

Here is the source.
We feel the music with our souls.

ln Shutka, you must find
rhythm from childhood.

When he was a child,
a genie entered Rasim.

That's why
he can't stop drumming.

Though he gets
on our nerves sometimes,

Rasim is the undisputed
rhythmic champion of Shutka.

All of Shutka runs
from Ali's music.

Though Ali claims
his videos are the best.

lt is my policy to have
a new suit for each recording.

Here's one l was photographed in.
l will show it to you.

Not every singer can wear
such suits. Only me, Ali Bajram.

Jacket, trousers, and a vest
come with it.

None of my colleagues can make
better music videos.

My videos are superb.

ln every minute, every second
there are countless effects.

''Money, Oh Money!''

Luckily for Ali, there are many
Balkan war refugees in Shutka.

Hence, Ali has found
his captive audience.

As the world adores Michael
Jackson, so the refugees adore me.

ls this our future?
A cardboard house?

And where is the European Union
to help us?

To save these children,
if not us!

No one sees us!

My brother has epilepsy!

We're fed up with life
behind barbed wires!

We want basic human things!
Peace and freedom.

They respect me so much

and are so happy that l, Ali
Bajram, am here to be their guard.

When l sing,
they calm down and smile.

''The complaining stops,
when you are here,'' they say.

Bertini is the most powerful
music producer in Shutka.

He works exclusively with
analogue equipment and claims

that the background hum
adds soul to gypsy music.

Listen, l'm missing soul here.
lt is the word we use most often.

We don't need so much equipment.

Now they even have computers
that fix the singer's mistakes.

lf we use that, then
we're not Gypsies.

The whole world says
that we are a musical people.

Are we supposed to use technology
to be able to sing or play something?

That's us.

-What happened?
-l don't know.

Although Bertini claims that there should
be some ''hum'' on a Roma recording,

sometimes the music disappears
and only the hum is left.

-What's the problem?
-There's no fuel left.

Shouldn't you switch
to digital technology, brother?

This stuff is from the time
of King Marko.

ln Shutka tapes are sold
mainly on the black market.

The most dangerous pirate
in Shutka is Muzo the Cobbler.

Legally, he repairs shoes.

lllegally, he sells recordings
of all the singers in Shutka.

Muzo himself wanted to become
a singing star,

but he couldn't conquer
the competition.

lt's normal. Pirates exist everywhere.
We have them here as well.

They are people
we meet daily.

We say hello daily.

Everybody's got to
make a living.

That's why l'm not angry at them.

l respect them
and they respect me.

When we sit together,
l ask them: Why do you do it?

l need to sell more copies
of my recordings.

l'm losing a lot of money,
but that's how it is.

lt's why the musicians of
Shutka can make money

only at weddings
and circumcisions.

The most money this year was made
by Feruz with his saxophone.

Elvis is the youngest butcher
in Shutka.

His mother named him after
the champion of Rock-n-Roll,

Elvis Presley.

At this year's celebrations

Elvis slaughtered 36 bulls.

Bravo, butcher man!

Here in Shutka we hold an
annual competition in cassettes -

to determine who has the most, the best,
and the oldest Turkish songs and singers.

27 years ago he saw
my first collection.

His late father saw it, too.

l told you, l don't decide.
The professional jury will decide.

l have 2,614 cassettes.

No one in Shutka can top me.

l state this morally and materially.
Only l, Jashar!

The lovers of Turkish music
are divided into two camps.

The first camp, fronted by
Uncle Jashar, drinks only juice

and is totally focused on the
lyrics and the clarity of sound.

The other camp
is fronted by Uncle Fejm.

They claim they have to
drink a bit of alcohol

in order to connect emotionally
with Turkish music.

They like to get wasted,
and then they fall into a coma.

After five hours they don't know
anymore what the song is about.

To get drunk
and fall into a coma -

to me, these are not sportsmen!

l have 25 suitcases of
cassettes with Turkish music,

plus 105 albums.

l've been doing this
since l was eight.

Only l can be the champion!

He can't even tell you
the names of the albums.

He doesn't speak Turkish.

Uncle Jashar and Uncle Fejm are
the favorites in this year's event.

Who has a longer career,
Jashar or l?

Uncle Shumar
at the top of his game!

He inherited a passion
for this sport from his father.

He trained intensively this year,
as it is his last season.

Here comes Hadzhi!

He barely made it through
the qualifying round.

We invite the jury, which is
made up of music connoisseurs.

Three form the jury and
two are observers.

These are people with
university degrees,

with education,
with good grades!

Shumar - number 5.

Jashar - number 4.

Fejm - number 1 .
Begin!

Winning this trophy
in Shutka means more

than winning the
World Cup in soccer.

Uncle Jashar has won
the most trophies,

and everyone wants
to take him down.

l am a perfectionist.
This cassette is 30 years old,

and it doesn't have
a single stain, not one.

Every year l put 100 cassettes
into my private bathtub,

and l wash and dry them.

And if an insect gets inside,

l destroy it with disinfectant.

The contestants try to turn up
the volume as high as possible

to demonstrate the
clarity of the recording.

What happened, Uncle Jashar?

The speakers are shot.
Both of them.

-Both of them?
-They're shot.

The contestants score points,

when their choice of music
compels the audience to dance.

Ten points for Uncle Shumar!

Highest points are awarded if
you can make the audience weep.

Then they call you an ace.

A dove may be a symbol of peace,

but in Shutka, pigeons
cause fierce arguments.

Jerry claims that
anyone can make a child,

but not a champion pigeon.

As long as l breathe, l must be
the winner every year. The champion!

About the rules of this contest,
l have not the slightest idea.

Uncle Shukri holds the greatest
number of canary awards.

His recipe for enriched birdfeed
is a strictly guarded secret.

But he has only one canary left.

Though he has the best training,
the canary refuses to sing.

Every day Shukri listens to the
recordings of his old champions

and reminisces
on bygone victories.

SHUTEL TV broadcasts
music videos like commercials.

Though not for the singers.

ln these videos, my fellow
citizens advertise themselves.

Just like Uncle Veso,
known as Alfonso.

At the young age of 75
he fathered a son.

To greet all of Shutka
he chose Ramko's latest hit.

The secret of my youth

is cooking oil.

When l sleep with a woman,
l fill this with cooking oil

and place it beside my bed.

And then l rub it in...
l rub it on the thing l have.

l spread it on my wife
as well and then...

l last two whole hours
in one place.

Two hours.
And we do it every night.

When l saw this film Kassandra,

l fell in love with her
beautiful, colorful eyes.

And l said: from now on
your name is Kassandra.

South American soap opera
''Kassandra'' has left a deep impact

on the cultural life of Shutka.

Look at her beautiful eyes!
You Kassandra, me Alfonso.

For someone to be like Alfonso

he must have a fancy place.

We have always had
the best sex - right here.

What did l say?
l didn't say anything.

Uncle Alfonso and Kassandra
are the greatest lovers of Shutka.

Uncle Alfonso, didn't you say
Kassandra was a refugee?

She was there for seven years.

-Where?
-ln Belgium.

She brought back a lot of money.

She gave money to her brother,
her mother, to everyone.

All l know is she washed
dishes to earn a little money.

What are you afraid of?

Tell me the truth.

l will tell you
what she did in Belgium.

When some guy needed
to go to bed with her,

she gave him six minutes for
100 marks. Never less than 100.

She was the most expensive
girl in Belgium.

But when she came to me

she forgot everything,
and she said:

You are the strongest
and most beautiful.

l've never met a
better guy than you.

She doesn't even let me
talk to other women.

But a seed of suspicion awoke
inside Uncle Alfonso,

and he went to check if he is
the child's real father.

ln the end, he decided
not to wait for the results.

lt's my little one!
lt can't be someone else's.

lf he were, l would kill her,
myself, and the child.

No, not the child.
l would let it live.

But we would kill ourselves.

l am sure the child is mine.
He's running after me,

he strangles me,
sometimes he hits me.

l can see in his face
that he is my child.

When l die, l will leave him
the house and the gold.

To my wife Kassandra
and to little Alfonso,

so he can be a rich man,
as l have been.

Look at the wealth l have here.

Plenty of old things.

l buy for five and sell for ten.

That's why young
women are after me.

Look how young l am. l have
a big heart. l'm like iron.

The market in Shutka
is our main artery of life.

Here, Uncle Alfonso sells
the worn out trousers

he buys from those
who live abroad.

Evil tongues in Shutka say,

Kassandra only waits
for Alfonso to die,

so she can get her hands
on his fortune.

She wants my money!

l'll call the police,
you whore!

l will call the
police on you!

Get lost, you bitch!

You Belgian whore!

Alfonso, you are the champion!

With oil, it slips inside.
Without, it doesn't.

l am old Alfonso!

When l was eight,
my neighbor grabbed me.

He tied my hands,
he tied my legs,

and he stuffed a rag
into my mouth.

He took advantage of me,
and l became a homosexual.

l can live with a guy,
iron for him, wash for him,

bathe him,
bake him a cake,

do the housework.
Everything.

l feel like a real woman.

Fazli is the only man alive
who is not afraid of genies.

l see him everyday
walking through the dump.

So, Fazli, you claim
to be a champion?

Correct.

And do you know what in?

ln dressing,

in sex,

in culture,

for the young and old,
in all of Europe.

Fazli returned from Germany after
failing to get a residence permit.

ln Shutka, he found a job with
a humanitarian aid organization.

When l was in Germany,
l was there as a refugee.

Why do l love refugees so much?

l love refugees!

There l had my greatest love,
a boy named Olaf.

We lived together like
a real husband and wife.

l tell you, l will never forget
Olaf as long as l live.

lt was something wonderful.

He came home from work
and kissed me.

He brought me coffee on a tray.

With him l felt like a true lady,

you know, popular.

l work at this
humanitarian Homos...

which is called... Homos.
That's how it is.

l'll say it like this:
Here is humanitarian help

which... is called Homos.
That's better.

-Humanitarian?
-Yeah? Let's do it.

Right now we are at the
humanitarian Homos,

which is called like...

Homos.

Homos is the name.
Homos hands out packages.

And here at the moment
is my wardrobe.

Tiger.

When l'm wearing black.

Fishnet, sexual stockings.

Olaf paid 37,000 marks

for my operation,

to turn me into a woman.
ln Germany.

Bikini,
for when l go to the pool.

l'm sending a message to my
unforgettable Olaf in Germany.

l greet him with all
my heart and soul,

with all my tiny
little blood cells.

May God give him great happiness
and whatever his soul desires.

Olaf, when you see this,

you will know that l love you.

lf l had wings like a bird,
l would fly to him.

The only thing l want
is to see him.

Hello, l'm Natalie.

l came to see my sister.

-Hello Sabrina, how are you?
-Hi. Fine.

-What's the good word?
-Super.

Your place is tiny, but cozy.

-What can you do?
-Yeah, what can you do.

Natalie, a little music,
if you please.

Tonight, my soul is aching.
Tonight my heart is breaking.

The most painful day in the life
of a young Roma in Shutka,

is the day of circumcision.

The more lavish the
celebration, the better.

To put two children through
school costs �10,000.

But in Shutka, they'd rather spend
�20,000 for one circumcision.

lt's the tradition that homosexuals
prepare the bed for circumcisions.

And why is it a tradition?
No one knows.

l know only that
the work suits them.

Which of you makes
the most beautiful bed?

We both make a beautiful bed.

-But who is the champion?
-The champion am l.

Once the bed is ready, the boys
begin to realize what awaits them.

We diplomatically
explain to them

that we cut off what
in life is superfluous.

Most of us here live
on welfare.

But for weddings and circumcisions
everyone finds the money.

The greatest champion is,
whoever spends the most.

The greatest boxing hope
in Shutka is Pipsqueak.

But he's a bit of
a difficult case.

You can't come to training
like a cowboy.

l'm sorry, coach.

After winning ten matches,
fame got in the way,

and Pipsqueak
became a drug addict.

Jadigar, his persistent coach,
gives him a second chance

to return to the ring
and be a champion again.

You have to stop
smoking that morphine.

Stop the drugs,
train more.

Pipsqueak, the most important
thing for you is sport.

We'll get him into
the ring at any cost.

l was a good boxer.

l had heart.
l was a hero in the ring.

l was swinging hooks like this.
Russian style.

l knocked out all my opponents,

and the crowd
always loved me.

Jadigar once wore
the crown of victory.

He was three times boxing
champion of old Yugoslavia.

l love combat.

When l see my gander fighting,
it's like l am fighting.

l go pale, and my
heart goes like this...

He roars like a lion in a cage.

He looks for geese to fight.

lf he had a sword,
he would slice up his opponent.

Frankly, l don't love myself
as much as l love geese.

lt's my favorite sport.

-He's afraid of me.
-l'm afraid because he's injured.

You were afraid
to bring your gander.

-You knew you would lose.
-That's not true.

l beat him two days ago.

lf he thinks he's the champion,
l'll fetch my gander.

So let him fetch his Tyson!

Not everyone can train a gander.
Jadigar can't do these things.

l am the best coach in Shutka

and l have the most
beautiful gander, Sugar.

Maybe Jadigar has been breeding
ganders longer than me,

but he doesn't have my qualities.

No one can touch me.

l'm number one,
and l'll stay number one!

lt's the same with geese
as with sportsmen.

lf you run just a little bit,
it's not training.

But if you do like this...

Not you -
You, come here!

To strengthen the legs...

lf a soccer player
doesn't have strong legs,

everything is in vain.

The only rule in goose fighting:
there are no rules.

The looser ends up in the oven.

For 20 years Norton
remained unbeaten.

He was an invincible champion.

Those were tough fights.

He made a hole this big
in the other gander's backside.

Each time!

We'll call in a specialist
to put him to sleep.

And then we'll stuff him
with cotton or hay,

so he won't stink.

And we'll display him
on a shelf.

Out of love for victory,

we name the ganders
after the greatest fighters.

Norton, Tyson,
Bruce Lee, Van Damme

and other champions.

Boxers and ganders
are, for me, the same thing.

l recognize boxers,
when they have heart.

lf he can take a beating,
he can be a boxer.

To put together a team,

Jadigar often has to cure
his boxers from drug addiction.

We say, you have a lion's heart.

The same as a lion! The same.
lf a boxer doesn't have a heart,

you can't expect anything
from him. Nor from a goose.

Until he's cured,
he shouldn't train or fight.

OK, if you say so.
You decide.

l'm sorry it turned out this way.

l'm a professional trainer,
and l come here all the time.

l'm losing my reputation
here today because of you.

Either cure yourself,
or don't be a boxer.

This is your last chance.

Luckily, the sports doctor
is drunk and misses the fact

that Pipsqueak is on methadone
and incapable of competing.

His moment has come.

Shit!
Don't let him near you!

Give me the glove.

Pipsqueak never returned
to the ring.

While trying to rob a pharmacy,
he fell from the roof and died.

This is my first wife.

When she died, l made
a grave for her and for me.

When l found Kassandra,
l made a grave for her as well.

l reserved a place for her.

Do you want me to
prepare a grave for you?

She said -
No thank you, not yet.

When this wife gets on my nerves,
l'll turn toward Kassandra.

l'll go to the other side.

One is here, the other there,
and l turn toward Kassandra.

This is reserved.

No one can separate us.

l want to cut down this tree
so it doesn't get in my way.

Six months ago
that tree was still small.

Look how it has grown.
lt's from the dead.

Death, for a normal man,
is the only certainty in life.

But we in Shutka,
don't recognize this.

l clean graves.

l clean the ltalian's grave.
He was a big boss.

For Macedonia, he was first
league. He had five or six BMW's.

He was rich.

l sit here, so no one can
vandalize his grave.

l'm here every day
from morning till 3 PM.

Zedo, are you stealing here?

Me? No.

Don't lie to me.

Well, when you don't have,
you can steal.

You have to take
what you don't have.

Take and sell.

l steal from the graves.

l break crosses
and l take them home.

l don't have wood, so l burn
the crosses of the dead.

l take what's left behind.

l fill three bags.

l take it for the deceased.

There's plenty of food
and drink here,

it's like a candy store.

There was a funeral yesterday,

and they left ten denars
for the dead.

l took it and bought
myself chocolate.

l am the champion of all
graveyards in Macedonia.

Although Zedo has spent
his whole life in the graveyard,

he claims he has never
seen a living vampire.

Uncle Suljo, can you show me
how to see a vampire?

First, you have to wear
your clothes inside out.

OK, let's say l have them
inside out. And then?

You have to look
through my arm.

-Where's the vampire now?
-There by the tree.

My father lived to be 103.

And l will live to be 104.

Disco!

l am the champion in dressing.

l'm the disco champion.
l'm the promenade champion.

l'm a champion in every way.
The champion of the champions!

The young adore me.

l don't speak with old people.

l greet like this,
not like this.

Having a good time,
that's disco!

l spin around.

l have the heart of a lion.
Strong, like this guy.

Wherever there is music in Shutka,
you'll find Uncle Refet.

You'd think he is on drugs.

Of course he couldn't miss the
Turkish music championship.

Uncle Refet justly claims he is the
only man in Shutka with French culture.

That's why they don't
let him near young girls.

All the girls love me.

l am in all ways the greatest
champion of Shutka.

Everyone knows l
am the champion.

Refet, everyone says
you are a swindler.

A swindler! No-no-no.
l beg your pardon.

All the girls know me
and they kiss me.

None of them has
kissed a man before.

They kiss only me.

Whenever l show up,
they have to kiss me.

l have these from Paris.
They're all from Paris.

When l go to a caf�
and drink a cappuccino,

for me, that's something
most, most beautiful.

lt mustn't foam over.
Understand?

Cultured, refined -
Not everyone knows how to do it.

You have to eat it
in the proper order.

lt's my ornament,
like a mirror.

When l get shaved
and dressed up,

my shoes are clean
and shiny like a mirror -

when everyone sees me like that
in a caf�, this is bliss.

lt's been with me since
l lived abroad, in Paris.

This has stayed in my heart.

You understand?
ln my heart.

l have the most clothes,
the biggest wardrobe.

l change most often.

Everybody in Shutka
knows me and my suits.

We've been friends since
we were kids, but tell me -

is this original Versace?

Are you kidding?
You know it's original Versace.

Who wears Versace?

What do you mean, who?
All of Shutka wears Versace.

-This is Versace?
-Yes, sir.

ls this original Versace?

-That is original.
-Original?

Original ltalian.

We also have Nike here.

People, this is unbelievable.

You took it off!

This label is forged.
You glued it on.

-This is cheap.
-No!

Everyone knows my suits
are the most expensive.

My feeling is that no one
has more suits than me.

l am the champion for
all our people in Shutka.

l challenge any man who thinks
he has more to step forward.

l dress in many suits
of different colors.

l have shoes, good hats
and over 100 ties.

l disagree.
l simply disagree.

So, which one
is the champion?

Slow, slow.
We'll talk it over.

Uncle Refet and Uncle Alfonso
will never agree.

They are the greatest
rivals in Shutka.

But, Uncle Alfonso
has an ace up his sleeve.

This is the suit of the former
president of Yugoslavia.

l want to wear it and be like
Josip Broz Tito!

ln Tito's uniform, Uncle Alfonso
is the general of Shutka.

What are you doing there?!

-Don't be mad at me. -We'll talk
about it when we're alone!

Uncle Zekir, who is the greatest
sportsman in Shutka?

To be honest, l am.

l want to be the first.
Always the first!

You can't be the first
with that plucked goose!

The highlight of the
sporting season in Shutka

is the announcement
of the Turkish music champion.

The jury has an
enormous responsibility.

First place:
Jashar, with 266 points.

Let's play our tapes again!
Just him and me!

Come play again!

ln all sports in Shutka
there is a single rule:

lt's not important to participate.
lt's important to win.

That's why the arguing
never stops.

The champion
grows wings and flies.

He soars over Shutka
with no equal.

We all dream of dematerializing
from Shutka one day

and flying far to the west,

where a huge fortune awaits.

And for everyone else
to feel envy.

But he who leaves Shutka

loses his right
to the title of champion.

And that is a serious reason
to stay at home.

Only in Shutka can
you be a champion.

Uncle Fazli the Dervish
once told me,

we Roma don't need
our own state,

we have the whole planet.

That's all l have to say.

Wait a minute!

Let's ask the kids:

Who's the greatest
champion in Shutka?

KOLJO!!

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