All language subtitles for The.Demi.Lovato.Show.S01E02_English

I never had a comfortable dating
life prior to being Nikita

because I never felt
like it was truly me.

I was okay with
being the secret.

I thought, as a trans woman, I
would never have a relationship.

I'm, like, gonna start crying.

No. Stop.

♪♪♪

Today I'm talking
to an incredible friend

who preaches keeping it real,

a makeup artist, YouTuber,
and absolute goddess.

She's constantly inspiring me
to live my truth

and it's okay to be a
little extra along the way.

I'm so excited to
welcome Nikita Dragun.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Thank you so much
for coming on here.

- Thank you for having me.
- Yeah.

This is crazy
in your little magical world,

but I wouldn't
expect anything else.

Tell us about yourself.

I don't even know
where to begin.

You know, I was just a little
humble boy from Virginia

with big girl dreams.

For, obviously, anyone who
doesn't know, I transitioned a
couple years ago,

and I didn't know that I would
have to, you know, confront my
gender identity

and kind of deal
with this crazy world.

Well, I came across
your page last year.

Why did you start in makeup?

I just never saw myself
reflected-- I think that was the
biggest thing--

in the beauty ads or the
campaigns or anything.

On YouTube I would show
how I was covering my beard

- or my five o'clock shadow--
- Mm.

...or how I was kind of making
my face appear more feminine.

And so I think makeup was
the thing that I could use.

Like, it was always,
like, my weapon,

and I always had
such a wild imagination.

That's how I got
into social media

was 'cause I would share
my makeup looks

and I would you know,
show myself transforming

from basically a
boy into a woman.

I just love that you used makeup

to literally highlight your
expressiveness and your
creativity.

- Yeah, absolutely.
- And I think that's beautiful.

The makeup is so much more
than just the artistry for me.

It's all about, like, why I've
always been able to see the
woman--

- Hmm. - ...that I've always
wanted to be.

I love that you saw a gap and
you said, "I need
representation,

so I'm not gonna wait around
to get it.

I'm going to create it."

And that brings me
to another question.

You get a lot of hate for not
subscribing to society's gender
norms.

How do you respond?

Obviously,
going through my trans journey,

I really wanted to gravitate
towards "How can I be

the most, woman, woman, woman,
feminine--"

- Right.
- "...thing ever

so that, when any guy
or any person looks at me,

- they think woman without a
doubt?" - Mm.

So I was gravitating towards
this, like, hyper-feminized

almost, like, character in my
mind of, like, tits out, ass,

be weaker than a man,

and I need to fit
into this stereotype

because I wouldn't even want
any traits that were masculine.

But I think it's
such a tough thing

'cause I think it was so
taught to us a certain way

that, when you kind of go
out there in the real world,

the textbook definition is not
really what--especially in this
new age--

is even relevant anymore.

And I think, after, you know,
the couple of years I've been as
Nikita,

I've realized that, in a
weird way, that is so limiting

and totally against everything
it means to be a woman.

- Mm-hmm.
- In a crazy way.

Yeah, absolutely.

That was some of the ways
that your dating life

has changed since
you've transitioned?

I never had a comfortable dating
life, obviously, prior to being
Nikita

because I never felt
like it was truly me.

Again, not to say
male attention is everything,

but I think to be viewed
from a partner, from someone,

the way you've always
envisioned yourself to be

or to be recognized--

- Yes.
- ...in that way.

I think it was so
empowering for me.

And my first experiences,

I was okay with being the secret

'cause I truly thought that's
all my life was afforded to.

I thought, as a trans woman,

I would never have a
relationship publicly.

I'm, like, gonna start crying.

- No. Stop.
- I don't know why.

It's just not--

I see the person that you are
and what you deserve,

and you deserve to
be wined and dined.

You deserve to be loved.

It's hard for me to hear this
coming from a friend.

Is there anything that you
would want to say to people

that maybe think the same way
that you once thought?

I would definitely say
that there is a lot of hope

and I've experienced
it firsthand,

and that we have
worth, you know,

and that kind of fairy tale or
fantasy that you think is out
there

is truly out there
because I've experienced it.

In my trans journey,
I wanted the male validation.

I wanted to be with a guy,

and I wanted to have the typical
fairy tale fantasy

that any woman really wants.

But I kind of had to realize
that, like, I can find that in
myself,

just, like, as a obviously
independent woman.

But, you know, I deserve
to be more than the secret.

I feel like I had
to put my foot down

and just be like,
"No, like, I deserve more."

♪♪♪

There's a stigma associated

when cis men are attracted
to trans women.

They tend to believe that
society will doubt their
straightness.

Have you experienced that?

- 1 million percent.
- Mm-hmm.

It's like every relationship
that I get into, basically.

It's so taboo.
Certain aggressions of that

kind of come towards me
from the men at times,

which is unfortunate
in a lot of cases

for people who, uh,
desire trans people

'cause, again, trans violence
is a huge, huge topic.

Men who desire trans people
have to prove their manhood

in different ways,

and it just is not a
great kind of thing.

It's heavy, and it's hard stuff
to talk about, you know,

but it has to be talked about
'cause of stories like yours.

People are finally shifting
towards acceptance and
understanding.

How do you think we can continue
to support the trans community?

I think just by having
conversations just like this--

- Yeah.
- ...at a human level

where we both see each other
as just that

and we have no kind of ego
or judgments towards one another

and we're able to
be in a safe space

and--and talk and educate
each other and being open.

You might not be as
understanding now,

but you're at least making
the steps to change in a way.

I think that's really, at least,
all I want from someone,

even if they don't necessarily
agree with my lifestyle.

Something as little as "she"
or recognizing me

'cause I think a lot of times
we're shut out

and villainized in a crazy way,

and it's almost like a taboo
thing for us to even exist.

I think that's the message that
kind of goes across the board:

accept yourself first,
and everyone else will follow.

Yes. That was the perfect way
to wrap all of that up,

and I just wanted to say, once
again, thank you so much for
coming on here

and preaching the truth and
being the bad bitch that you
are.

You have been such
a real friend.

I will always be here for you.

No judgment, no nothing.