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[pages riffling]
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LOU:
Baruch Atah Ado‐‐ Ugh.
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Baruch Atah Ado‐‐ Ugh!
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You know what?
This just doesn't feel right.
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Something is missing.
Maybe... someone.
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LOU 2: Oh, I don't know.
How about me?
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Or should I say you?
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BOTH:
♪ Baruch Atah HaShem ♪
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♪ Eloheinu ♪
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♪ Eloheinu ♪
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[harmonizing]
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♪ Malkeinu ♪
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‐ Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lou.
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‐ Ha, ha. Lou, please.
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‐ Boys! Might we return to the prayer?
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‐ Right on, Rabbi.
Okay. A‐one, two, three, four...
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[mimicking hi‐hat cymbals]
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You know, this next prayer
reminds me of my childhood,
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from way back yesterday.
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I grew up on the east side,
the east side of the house.
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‐ Wow, they are committed to... that.
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‐ Oh, I walked in
on the cutest thing last night.
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The Lous were practicing
for their first slow dance
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at today's reception.
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‐ Ohh. Well, that'll be tricky
without any kids coming.
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‐ Wait, what?
‐ No kids are coming.
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Remember, the Lous wanted
an intimate occasion.
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‐ No, they said they wanted it to be
an Entenmann's occasion.
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Nothing but Entenmann's baked goods
to be served.
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‐ Ohhh. That actually makes
more sense. For Lou.
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‐ Wait, no one is gonna be
at this reception?
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Oh. It'll be okay.
Lou's got a healthy confidence.
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‐ Lou, healthy,
that's ringing a bell.
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Wait, that's not quite right.
Lou unhealthy!
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That's what it was!
Oh yeah!
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The Rabbi warned us
that the divorce was causing
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deep, irreparable damage
and was manifesting in Lou
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using his weirdness to push kids away.
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‐ And you're just telling me
about this now?
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‐ You were there
and holding flowers and‐‐
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Oh nope, remembering now,
it was a vase shaped like you.
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00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,457
Which is quite a compliment.
That vase was fine as hell.
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‐ If something was wrong,
I would know.
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LOU: [singing]
♪ You know it's my Bar Mitzvah! ♪
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♪ So come, big boy ♪
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♪ Make a man out of me! ♪
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‐ And me!
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‐ We have to do something.
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No one showing up to your Bar Mitzvah
is the kind of thing
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that traumatizes a kid for life.
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‐ People said the same thing about me
walking in on my parents having sex
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[mimicking baby] but Baby is
perfectly normal, right, Mommy?
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‐ Oh god, what have we done.
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‐ Okay, okay. I'll fix this.
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‐ Hurry, they're break‐dancing...
sort of.
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‐ Faster! Faster!
‐ Faster!
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‐ Please. I am so tired.
‐ Faster! Faster!
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‐ Keep spinning us!
‐ Keep spinning us!
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♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
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‐ Melissa, I need your help‐‐
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What the hell?
I gave you $800
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to buy a new camera
to film the Bar Mitzvah!
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‐ Yeah, and I used it
to buy a new Stark Phone.
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00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,602
‐ That's not Hebrew.
You're just scatting.
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MODOK: Everyone has googly eyes!
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I take it back.
Money well spent.
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‐ And this filter makes everyone
look like puppets.
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MODOK:
Uhhh! Utterly macabre!
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Now come on, I need your help
to save Lou's Bar Mitzvah reception.
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‐ I didn't even get a reception.
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After my Bat Mitzvah, we just broke
into our neighbor's house
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while they were on vacation.
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‐ They had Showtime, Melissa.
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We finally got to watch Ray Donovan.
I'd call that pretty memorable.
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‐ Every time I help you,
it ends up blowing up in my face.
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‐ If you don't want to do it for me,
do it for the Lous.
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‐ Fine, what do you need?
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‐ You're a teen. Get me teens.
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Hot teens! Cold teens!
Poutine! Teen dreams! Dream teams!
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With Scottie Pip‐een!
All types of teens!
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I need teens!
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‐ Okay, I get it.
I think I know where the teens are.
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‐ Right, the old pumpkin patch!
It's hayride season!
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They'll all be in the corn maze,
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and then it's as simple as lighting it
on fire and smokin' em out.
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[evil laughter]
87
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‐ Yeah. That. Or‐‐
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♪
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Hi, I'm a big‐time casting director
for a new show called
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That's So Torah!
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00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,993
And it films today.
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‐ Really?
‐ Yes.
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00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:07,828
I'm looking for that "it" factor,
an almost impossibly rare star quality.
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00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,371
And great news,
all three of you have it.
95
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Is that girl with you?
She's got it too.
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‐ Are you saying
we get to be on TV?
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[evil laughter]
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‐ No!
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[groans]
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I mean, no, not TV...
it's HBO!
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‐ Huh. What's it about?
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‐ It's four teenage friends
who attend a Bar Mitz‐‐
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‐ It's Night Court!
‐ Right.
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It's a Bar Mitzvah meets Night Court‐‐
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‐ No! Just Night Court.
Night Court meets Night Court.
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With maybe a little ALF?
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No, no! Just Night Court.
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‐ Wait, what's Night Court?
‐ What's Night Court?
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‐ Dad, we don't have time‐‐
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‐ We are watching an episode!
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♪ Night Court theme music plays ♪
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Aw.
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‐ Okay, so you're all cast.
We shoot now. Let's go.
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‐ Uh... a real show
would have auditions.
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00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:53,963
‐ Oh it's a real show alright.
It's a net‐work show.
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[laughs]
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Aww!
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‐ And auditions are this way.
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‐ [stilted] "Lou, do you want
to dance with me?
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Also, your dad is
as cool as a young person."
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‐ It's an absolute pass from me.
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‐ Dad, we need more bodies.
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You're cast. Next.
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‐ Go ahead and waste
our time I guess.
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‐ "Lou, do you want
to dance with me?
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Also, your dad is as cool
as a young person."
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‐ What? Say it again!
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‐ "Lou, do you‐‐"
‐ Stop! She's the one!
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Everyone else go home!
Oh my god, Melissa‐‐
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I'm serious, go home!
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That's So Torah! is happening.
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What's your name, girl?
Say it to me in lights.
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‐ Sarah.
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‐ Sarah!
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00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,836
♪
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‐ [whispers] Dad! What are you doing?
It's not a real show!
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‐ It wasn't a real show!
But with Sarah, anything's possible!
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‐ It's not a real show?
Okay, I'm outta here.
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‐ No, Sarah, no!
Let me get you under contract!
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00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:52,055
Well, I hope you're happy, Melissa.
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00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:54,810
You cost me getting Sarah under contract.
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It was going to be a long,
horrible contract.
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I was going to have rights
to any treasure she found.
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I would own her bones after she died!
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‐ You just cost us all the kids!
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00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,324
[sighs]
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00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,744
‐ Now that the intoxicating effect
of Sarah's talent is fading,
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00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,583
I can see this is my fault.
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00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,498
Not just the casting,
Lou's fragile emotional state.
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00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:14,787
I guess the divorce
has really taken a toll on him.
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00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,957
‐ Yeah, he's not the only one.
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00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,880
‐ Of course, Todd the cool mailman!
He's also taking it poorly.
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‐ Why do I even bother?
Everyone is so stupid!
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‐ Melissa, you really need
to stop being so angry at the world.
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‐ You're a super villain,
you hate the world!
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00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,604
‐ No, I don't. I just want to change it.
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00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,811
[cell phone buzzing]
Yello.
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‐ Tell me you got kids.
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00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:39,863
The Lous are wrapping it up
after their seventh not‐demanded encore.
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‐ And now‐‐
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00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,073
BOTH: Release the doves!
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[doves cooing]
‐ Ah! They're bottlenecking at the elbows!
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00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,527
LOU 2: You overfed them!
[clattering]
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00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:47,822
LOU: Food is my love language!
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MODOK: [on phone]
What's happening? I‐I‐I can't see.
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00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:50,491
Are you letting them do magic?
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‐ They're doing something.
[clattering continues]
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00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:53,914
I don't know, just hurry!
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00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,254
‐ People will be there.
I promise.
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00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,880
MODOK will save the day.
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00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,086
This I promise you.
I promise you again.
172
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:03,837
There's literally no way
I will let you down.
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00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,091
JODIE: [on phone]
Oh god.
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00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,642
‐ Why can't we go in?
175
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:08,845
‐ We're waiting for your Dad.
‐ Why?
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00:07:08,846 --> 00:07:11,056
‐ Ugh. Can't I have a conversation
with one Lou
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00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,136
without you batoning it
back and forth?
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00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:14,811
‐ We don't know what‐‐
‐ You're talking‐‐
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00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:15,690
‐ ... about.
180
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,556
SUPER ADAPTOID:
Ahoooga! Ahoooga!
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00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:18,903
Screech!
182
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:19,937
Beeps. Beeps.
183
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,780
Heavy load detected in driver's seat.
184
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:22,355
MODOK: Shut up!
185
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,819
‐ Oh, thank god.
Tell me you brought kids.
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00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,030
‐ Yes!
187
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,529
And by "yes," I mean
188
00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,411
at one time in their lives
they were all kids
189
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:33,869
or larvae
or synthetic ingredients in a lab.
190
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:36,791
‐ What is this?
‐ Me saving the Bar Mitzvah
191
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,590
with the oodles and oodles
of creatures I promised you.
192
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:41,795
‐ Hey, we're people!
‐ Not to me!
193
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,756
♪ light piano music playing ♪
194
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,546
‐ Oh boy, that's not good.
195
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,008
Hey, put that down!
Give me that!
196
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:53,466
‐ Hey, you octogenarians
want to party?
197
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,273
‐ Come on, let us out
of these restraints!
198
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:56,977
‐ Under no circumstances
let them out.
199
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,477
They will sex you to death.
200
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,438
‐ What you mean
you ain't got no Sweetleg?
201
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,859
Ah, screw it!
I'll do it live.
202
00:08:01,857 --> 00:08:02,767
‐ Oh god!
203
00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:05,244
‐ ♪ I got a Mississippi tingle risin‐‐ ♪
204
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,025
Hey! You scissored me, bro!
205
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,699
‐ He did what?
206
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,163
‐ This is delicious!
‐ Ohh!
207
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,988
‐ Great catering, MODOK!
208
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,503
‐ That's not the catering!
That's the caterer!
209
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,745
‐ Uh‐oh.
210
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:20,207
‐ Alright, well, just don't eat so much
that you won't dance later.
211
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:22,379
‐ Party's a little... terrible.
212
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,957
‐ It's not all bad.
213
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,512
We don't have to pay the caterer.
214
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,216
Are the Lous having
a good time at least?
215
00:08:27,216 --> 00:08:29,256
I've barely seen them.
ARMADILLO: Hey there.
216
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,259
Hey, little boys.
You like magic, huh?
217
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:33,511
Well, here's the church,
and here's the steeple,
218
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,854
open the door and‐‐ whoops.
219
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,098
Hang on, I forgot the people.
Let me start over.
220
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,270
Here's the church‐‐
221
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,558
‐ Alright. Dance the Hora or something.
222
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:43,522
I'll try and get more fun people here.
Good time people!
223
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,484
Who do you call for a good time?
224
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:46,614
[sighs]
225
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,110
Hello, yes, I'm calling
about hiring some escorts.
226
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:52,533
Good ones.
Ones 13‐year‐olds would love.
227
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,083
MADAME: [on phone] Sorry, sir.
We're actually going out of business.
228
00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:58,867
The escort industry has been decimated
by the invention of Jiggle‐Os.
229
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,332
They are the Uber
to the prostitute's yellow cab.
230
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:02,923
‐ Uhh, no go on the hookers.
231
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:05,088
‐ I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
232
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,707
Look at them, MODOK.
233
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,923
♪ Hava Nagila playing ♪
234
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:11,684
‐ Look at me: integral!
235
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,637
‐ Oh, I haven't seen Lou this miserable
236
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,307
since he learned
that his outie belly button
237
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:17,215
wasn't actually a back‐up wiener.
238
00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:19,434
‐ Yeah, that really sent him
spiraling last year.
239
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,564
‐ What are we gonna do?
240
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,521
‐ What I should have done
in the first place,
241
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:24,651
told him we were wrong
about back‐up wieners.
242
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:25,358
‐ MODOK!
243
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:28,187
‐ Okay, okay, I'll talk to him
like the Rabbi said.
244
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:31,282
‐ Is this your card?
‐ Yes, amazing.
245
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,742
Is this your card?
‐ Yes, amazing.
246
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,081
‐ Hey, boys,
I brought you a crumb cake.
247
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,327
No cake, only crumbs,
just the way you like it.
248
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,879
‐ There's a little bit of cake
in there. I see it.
249
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:45,335
‐ This probably isn't
the turnout you were hoping for.
250
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,085
I had so many cool teens
in my sights,
251
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,917
but your sister's becoming
a real anti‐netter.
252
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,633
‐ Look, boys,
there'll be plenty of time
253
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,724
for you to have your first dance
with a lucky girl.
254
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,970
‐ We didn't want to dance
with some lucky girl.
255
00:09:56,972 --> 00:09:58,272
‐ Lucky girls win lotteries,
256
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,555
and greed destroys
everyone around them.
257
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:03,193
‐ I... don't understand.
258
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,768
‐ This was our big day,
259
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,731
and you've been talking
to everybody but us.
260
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,942
‐ All we wanted
was to dance with you.
261
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,902
‐ Ohh! With me?
262
00:10:10,903 --> 00:10:12,283
‐ No, with Dad.
263
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,119
‐ I only carried you in my body,
you ungrateful little shit.
264
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,825
‐ You want to dance with me?
265
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,655
‐ Today is about us becoming men.
266
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,950
‐ And you're the man we admire most.
267
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,422
‐ Will you dance me into manhood?
268
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,415
‐ And me! I want manhood too!
269
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,172
‐ Boys, I'm not going to dance with you.
270
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,718
Without some proper
dang mood lighting!
271
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,716
[zapping, glass breaking]
272
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:41,774
♪ Starcadian's New Cydonia
Alternate Version playing ♪
273
00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:43,767
♪
274
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:49,941
‐ [slurring] I'm student class president,
275
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:52,822
Teen Vogue's
"Figure Skater to Watch"
276
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:56,029
and I never got caught
for hitting that guy with my car.
277
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:58,281
But does Dad even notice?
278
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:02,539
‐ Wow, you are... such a bummer.
279
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:05,078
‐ Hey, congrats on that triple axel.
280
00:11:05,082 --> 00:11:07,882
I get a real pleasure
out of watching you skate.
281
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:10,916
‐ What? Are you one
of those ice pervs?
282
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:14,171
You stalking me?
‐ No, I wouldn't stalk a fly.
283
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,594
Though I did get arrested
for stalking The Wasp.
284
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:17,850
And She‐Hulk!
285
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,926
And She‐Thing!
But that's basically it.
286
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:22,020
Uhp, there was Storm, too!
287
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,975
Look, your father showed us videos
of you skating at the bar.
288
00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,847
‐ My Dad showed videos of me?
289
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,274
‐ Yeah, all the time.
290
00:11:28,272 --> 00:11:30,572
He's right,
you're a really great skater.
291
00:11:30,566 --> 00:11:32,526
And a very violent drunk.
292
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:37,945
‐ Huh?
293
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:40,028
[Lous humming, laughing]
294
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:43,249
‐ So I know the last few months
haven't been easy.
295
00:11:43,245 --> 00:11:45,905
‐ Yeah.
‐ Neither is this.
296
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:47,504
‐ Especially the divorce.
297
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,043
And I'm worried you're hurting, Lou.
298
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,014
But pushing people away,
it won't make‐‐
299
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,505
‐ Ah, she came!
300
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,183
LOU 2:
Oh, hey, Carmilla!
301
00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:57,625
‐ Hey.
‐ Hey.
302
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,684
‐ Dad, maybe we can finish
this dance later, okay?
303
00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,599
‐ Sure, go... see your friend?
304
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,613
‐ You gotta try the Sunday bar.
‐ Oh, I don't really like ice cream.
305
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:12,935
‐ No, no, no, it's just an empty bar
where you plan your perfect Sunday.
306
00:12:12,941 --> 00:12:14,111
Mine's an outdoor shower,
307
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,779
the New York Times
Arts and Leisure section,
308
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,107
followed by some aggressive antiquing.
309
00:12:18,113 --> 00:12:20,283
‐ [laughs] You guys are so weird.
310
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,869
‐ So should we... finish this dance?
311
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:29,789
♪
312
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,759
‐ Where exactly... do we stand?
313
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:37,925
‐ Well, I recently watched you
have sex with a robot.
314
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:39,635
Like, a lot of times.
315
00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:40,925
‐ And you were jealous?
316
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:44,348
‐ I also saw you sneak‐eat
loose cold cuts
317
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:46,348
from under the mattress
during said sex.
318
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,600
‐ Then you were jealous?
319
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:51,611
‐ No. Look, I'm not ready to go back
to the way things were, okay?
320
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,895
‐ Yeah, me neither.
Keep things chill, as is,
321
00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:56,739
except maybe go back
to exactly how things were?
322
00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,401
‐ Is that really what you want?
323
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:03,911
‐ No. Because clearly, you weren't happy.
324
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:06,999
‐ Look, MODOK,
the dinner the other night.
325
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:10,955
Outside of being covered in robot guts,
it was pretty pleasant.
326
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,958
So... maybe more of those?
327
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,300
‐ I'd like that.
And cold cut sex.
328
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,085
But family dinners, also solid.
329
00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:18,299
[Ciegrimite cackling]
330
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,221
‐ We're free!
331
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,467
‐ Oh no, what happened?
332
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,008
‐ They told me they'd compliment me
if I freed them.
333
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:28,562
‐ You're, uh, okay to be around
and your body‐‐
334
00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:32,059
‐ Yes?
‐ Is... of a certain shape?
335
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,152
‐ Oh. Yeah, I think I screwed up here.
336
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,397
[Ciegrimites laughing]
337
00:13:35,399 --> 00:13:36,779
‐ Everyone run!
338
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,275
These things will
MTV's The Grind you to death!
339
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:42,488
‐ Bread ain't the only thing
we can make challah!
340
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,236
[all gasp]
341
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,910
[thudding footsteps]
342
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,503
[Young MODOK cackling]
343
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:54,708
‐ Wondering how I'm alive
after you thought you saw me die?
344
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:56,840
ALL: Robot.
‐ Lucky guess!
345
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:59,167
Time to finish what I started.
346
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:00,843
‐ Let's get him!
[all shout]
347
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,391
‐ You may have thought
you defeated me,
348
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:06,505
but I'm more powerful
than you ever realized.
349
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,652
All these months,
all my manipulations,
350
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,685
they've all been leading
to this exact moment.
351
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,701
[grunts]
LOU: Dad, no!
352
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,084
[grunting]
353
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,115
[cackling]
354
00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:30,248
[grunting]
MELISSA: Oh no! Dad!
355
00:14:30,245 --> 00:14:31,325
‐ Get behind me, kids!
356
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:32,870
MELISSA:
Lous, watch out!
357
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:36,961
[grunts]
358
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:44,762
[yelps]
359
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:46,889
‐ Oh my god!
360
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:49,637
♪
361
00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:54,349
‐ No!
362
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,953
[grunts]
363
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,120
[groans, coughs]
364
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:12,575
‐ Please.
365
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:16,076
I'm not the enemy.
It's about our future‐‐
366
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:19,293
‐ Yeah, yeah, I failed us.
And you came here to get revenge on me.
367
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:21,964
‐ No. I came here to give you
what you always wanted.
368
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:25,094
I came to give you the world.
I can show you what that looks like!
369
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,472
‐ Why should I trust you?
‐ We're the same person.
370
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,969
Look at me and tell me I'm lying.
371
00:15:29,555 --> 00:15:31,305
‐ [gasps] My honest face!
372
00:15:31,306 --> 00:15:33,926
Okay, show me.
But don't try anything.
373
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,604
‐ I won't.
‐ I would.
374
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,112
‐ Well, I'm telling you I won't.
‐ Well, I want to believe you.
375
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,225
‐ Then believe me.
Would it help if I promised?
376
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:41,532
‐ A little.
‐ I promise.
377
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,025
‐ Wait, did you just wink?
‐ No.
378
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:45,066
‐ Wait, wait, did I just wink?
‐ I don't think so.
379
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,360
‐ Maybe you didn't see me wink
because you were too busy winking.
380
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:50,704
‐ Or maybe you didn't see me not wink
because you were too busy winking?
381
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:52,241
‐ Should we both wink
on the count of five?
382
00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:52,954
‐ No.
383
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:55,077
‐ Yeah. Let's just get out of here.
384
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:02,458
♪
385
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:08,259
YOUNG MODOK: We met previously
in an alternate timeline
386
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,470
where you traveled back
to a concert with your wife.
387
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,470
‐ Nope, don't remember that.
And I remember everything.
388
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,732
The name of the bad guys
in SpaceJam are the Monstars. Boom!
389
00:16:14,725 --> 00:16:16,475
‐ You don't remember
because it was erased.
390
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,306
[screaming]
391
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,233
But I was not.
392
00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:26,613
Because of these crystals in my head,
I became unstuck in time.
393
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:28,531
[grunts]
394
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:31,120
[boy screaming]
395
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:34,116
A remnant from a timeline
that never happened.
396
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,459
‐ You are but one of the many
I will crush along my path
397
00:16:36,455 --> 00:16:37,955
to self‐assured greatness!
398
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:39,826
For the future is MODOK!
399
00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:43,997
‐ No longer MODOK, I became
400
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:45,764
The Anomaly!
401
00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:47,216
In fact please call me that
from here on out.
402
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:48,336
It's how I've been signing my checks.
403
00:16:48,342 --> 00:16:50,512
‐ Is the shop
officially closed on that?
404
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:51,601
‐ Oh, you can do better?
405
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:54,765
‐ Uh, TimeyMcjumper?
Doesn't‐Need‐No‐Watch‐Guy?
406
00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:56,135
[indiscernible mumbling]
407
00:16:56,141 --> 00:16:59,101
‐ Oh, that last one
sounded promising.
408
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,732
Couldn't make it out
with all the mumbling. What was it?
409
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:03,607
‐ The Anomaly's fine.
410
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:06,067
‐ Anyway, the crystals sent me spiraling,
411
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,318
not only through time
but space as well.
412
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,530
Into alternate futures,
our futures.
413
00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:12,991
Where I witnessed
every single one of them.
414
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:18,959
Each ending in failure.
415
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:20,116
[yells]
416
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:25,958
[electricity crackles]
417
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,925
‐ Hawkeye gets me?
Well, at least it can't get any worse.
418
00:17:32,928 --> 00:17:34,558
‐ Oh, it does.
419
00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:37,675
[gobbling]
420
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:38,983
‐ [gasps] Turkey Man?
421
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:43,812
‐ Ugh. Okay, well,
now it can't get any‐‐
422
00:17:43,814 --> 00:17:44,904
‐ Wait for it.
423
00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,855
[groaning]
424
00:17:49,862 --> 00:17:52,822
‐ Get comfortable. This toilet death
series goes on for a hot minute.
425
00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:55,453
[grunting]
426
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:56,702
[groans]
427
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:57,825
[coughs, gasps]
428
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,080
‐ Make it stop!
429
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,002
[Kid MODOK sobbing]
MOTHER: Oh, here were go.
430
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,798
‐ They broke my invention.
431
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,216
They... they called me "Big Head."
432
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,755
MOTHER: One day that big, beautiful,
womb‐wrecking head of yours
433
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,010
is going to dream up
fantastic things.
434
00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:18,433
And you're going
to change the world.
435
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,266
And you're going
to change the world.
436
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,269
...change the world.
437
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:25,401
...the world.
438
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:31,449
‐ All these years,
experimenting on myself, building AIM,
439
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,572
trying to conquer the world
and make a better future,
440
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:38,577
only to be undone by choking
441
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,946
on toilet lasagna.
442
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,794
‐ Technically, you only choked
a few times.
443
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,749
Other times your heart exploded,
you died of constipation,
444
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:48,671
and one time you drowned in the bowl
which was really impressive.
445
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:53,090
‐ Why? Why show me that
my entire lifetime is meaningless?
446
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:55,551
Why show me
that my dreams are a joke?
447
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,352
‐ Because you needed to appreciate it.
448
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:01,977
The one possible future
out of a million
449
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,595
where you succeed.
450
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:10,400
♪
451
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:17,280
[beeping]
452
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,832
‐ I... I did this?
453
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,826
I mean, I do this? How?
454
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,328
‐ When I first learned you had a family,
I thought they were a weakness.
455
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,672
Something preventing us
from achieving greatness.
456
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:30,668
But after traveling through time,
I learned I was wrong.
457
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:35,258
Your love for your family
is what makes all of this possible.
458
00:19:35,259 --> 00:19:37,389
‐ No! I want to see it all. I'm not‐‐
459
00:19:40,222 --> 00:19:41,062
Ohh!
460
00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:43,675
...ready to leave this place.
461
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:46,234
‐ Your family is the key.
‐ How?
462
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:49,058
‐ They make it all possible...
by dying!
463
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,324
‐ No!
‐ Yes!
464
00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:53,355
‐ Their deaths break you.
The grief and trauma fuels you.
465
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,450
Gives you the edge to beat the Avengers,
to conquer the entire world,
466
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:59,826
to become the Emperor MODOK
you've always dreamed of!
467
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:01,785
It's their final gift.
468
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:04,035
‐ Absolutely not!
I'll find another way.
469
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,997
T‐t‐the new organization
that I started with Monica‐‐
470
00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:08,919
‐ Never leaves the strip mall.
471
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:12,004
‐ Have you gone
through all of the permutations?
472
00:20:12,004 --> 00:20:15,384
What if I work longer hours?
Eat better? Start wearing chinos?
473
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,643
‐ Ooh, I would love to get you
into a nice pair of chinos.
474
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:23,056
But it wouldn't change a thing.
I've seen every possibility.
475
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,846
‐ No, I'll find a way.
I mean, I beat you, didn't I?
476
00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:30,481
‐ Yes, in a glorious metaphor,
you defeated yourself.
477
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,520
It has to be this way.
478
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:36,074
Now let me be what the world
has labeled us: a villain.
479
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:40,739
Let me do this so that
you can finally achieve
480
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:42,986
your destiny.
481
00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:44,623
‐ I can't.
482
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:48,210
♪
483
00:20:55,506 --> 00:20:59,376
MOTHER [echoing]:
And you're going to change the world.
484
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,894
‐ I can't... do that.
485
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,847
‐ I know. But I can.
486
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,392
That's why I'm here.
487
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:11,056
♪
488
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:23,991
[fireworks exploding in distance]
489
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:37,586
‐ Quite the big day, sir.
490
00:21:37,589 --> 00:21:40,339
They're unveiling the statue
depicting the other statue being made
491
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:43,762
to commemorate the even bigger statue
of you at the center of the city.
492
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:46,562
While you're away, we'll have
your Iron Throne cleaned.
493
00:21:46,557 --> 00:21:49,887
But not before I get a big ol' sniffer
of m'lord's heavenly hind smell.
494
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:51,193
[sniffs deeply]
495
00:21:53,897 --> 00:21:56,977
♪ melancholy music playing ♪
496
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:04,992
‐ Fire up the machine.
497
00:22:04,992 --> 00:22:07,582
‐ He can't take any more.
It'll kill him.
498
00:22:07,578 --> 00:22:09,958
‐ Fire... it... up.
499
00:22:09,955 --> 00:22:11,365
[machine powers on]
500
00:22:11,373 --> 00:22:16,553
[electricity crackles]
[screams]
501
00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:18,835
‐ [hoarse voice]
For the millionth time,
502
00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:20,509
it won't work.
503
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,677
You can't have it all.
504
00:22:23,135 --> 00:22:24,965
‐ Yes, I can.
505
00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:27,010
I'm very special.
506
00:22:27,806 --> 00:22:29,636
[groaning]
507
00:22:29,641 --> 00:22:30,981
‐ Spoiler alert:
508
00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:34,186
I plan to release doves
during my Torah reading.
509
00:22:34,188 --> 00:22:36,358
MODOK: Magic?
Lou, why can't you just pick
510
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:37,936
a normal teenage boy theme?
511
00:22:37,941 --> 00:22:41,071
Like sports. Or tugboats?
512
00:22:41,069 --> 00:22:43,529
I hate my life!
513
00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:44,910
‐ Aw, Melissa‐‐
514
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:46,907
‐ No. No!
515
00:22:46,909 --> 00:22:49,039
[groaning]
516
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:55,079
‐ He's dead. And without the crystals,
there's no way to go back in time.
517
00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:56,713
‐ I will find a way.
518
00:22:56,710 --> 00:22:59,000
I will save my family
and bring them here!
519
00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:03,008
MODOK will have it all!
520
00:23:03,008 --> 00:23:05,968
♪ Starcadian's New Cydonia
Alternate Version playing ♪
521
00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:08,969
♪
522
00:23:13,018 --> 00:23:15,438
‐ ♪ And I ♪
523
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:18,607
♪ Never meant to tell you
everything was golden ♪
524
00:23:18,607 --> 00:23:22,357
♪
525
00:23:22,361 --> 00:23:24,781
♪ And why ♪
526
00:23:24,780 --> 00:23:28,660
♪ Do we dance around
the things we never tried? ♪
527
00:23:28,659 --> 00:23:31,579
♪
528
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:34,288
♪ And I ♪
529
00:23:34,289 --> 00:23:37,669
♪ Can only put together
what is broken ♪
530
00:23:37,668 --> 00:23:39,038
♪
38347
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