All language subtitles for Black.Monday.S03E08.THREE.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

upbeat music

It's Showtime tonight

Previously on Black Monday...

As far as we can tell,

we're in one of those
off-the-books NYPD black sites.

We are here
because this guy set us up.

Dawn Darcy, you have the tools

to be a superstar here,

which is why I want to give you

total control
of your own label.

You heard him.
Mo will never let me out.

I have a friend who just got
this new white rapper

out of a deal by hanging him
over a balcony...

allegedly.

Well, that's terrifying.

I want what's best
for you guys,

which is why
you got to take it.

Take Nomi with you.

I think you said you'd do
anything to get Dawnie out.

If Pfaffashions
goes public without a hitch,

KokoMo Co Records stays yours.

-[Tiff] One of the heads

of the NASDAQ's coming
to sign off on the IPO.

All I have to do is provide
a venue safe from his wife,

and then the IPO is good to go.

Douglas!

-Oh!

Doug, will you
still be signing?

Blair? Oh, Blair?

I've got a surprise for you.

creepy music

You've been going
through so much,

what, with the repeated
attempts on your life

and repeated deaths
of everyone around you.

You must not know
who to trust anymore.

I bet that's
the most stressful part--

the not knowing.

Well, I think I can relieve
some of that stress.

Ow.

Mmm.

I miss our old life, Blair.

Why did you have
to ruin everything?

Nope, no, no.
Today's not about blame.

Today's about...

relief.

I knew you were home.

This is gonna be fun.

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

Speaking of our old life...

are you back in the closet?

-Going somewhere?
-Oh!

Gotcha!

-Mommy!

Tiff, what's going on?

I told you, it's a surprise.
Now, hit this.

I hope I didn't get
any glass in there.

But you're the expert.
Am I right?

Seriously, though,
chug with care.

Hit you with a rhythm
you ain't heard before

Looking for what's new,
tell me what's in store

Wow.

Momo, this is really good.

Who knew all I needed
to appreciate jazz

was a complete other kind
of music laid on top of it?

-Okay, okay.
-Watch this.

-Okay, horrible.

-Oh, fucking genius.

-Ugh, sucks ass.

-Oh, oh, I love it.

-Okay.
-Okay, kill me, kill me.

Yeah, we get it, we get it,
we get it, we get it.

Well, if you hate genuine art
with any kind of substance,

you're gonna love L.A.

-Oh, fresh take.
-Yeah.

What's next, huh?
You're gonna do five minutes

on how the bagels are bad
'cause of the water?

Do not get me started
on their pizza.

I can't believe you're actually
leaving tonight, Dawnie.

-I'm really gonna miss you.

Yeah.

soft music

Hey, uh, you know,

I need your opinion
on some shit, too.

Like, C or D?

The track's in B flat.

No, I mean,
I don't want to be flat.

Oh, you're getting titties.

-Yeah!
-All right.

Come on, Mo, it's L.A.
You know, bitches get stitches.

-This is true.
-Yeah, yeah.

Now, you said you'd give me
your opinion on shit, so...

Well, my honest opinion is
you don't mess with perfection.

Momo, that's sweet.

But I'd go C.

The golden booby-to-booty ratio
is three to four,

and, you know,
you got D ass, so...

-Yes, and that is D truth.

That's funny.

With everything
that's come between us,

it seems all we really needed
to come

-between us was 2,500 miles.
-Hmm.

You're trying to think

of a "come between us" joke
right now, aren't you?

Yeah, when you said
it the second time,

and I'm kind of in the area of,
you know, we're closer now

than when there was actual
come between us.

But that felt a little crass.

-No, not terrible.
-You like that?

Yeah.

Well, uh...

Hey, look, your red-eye's
not till midnight, right?

Mm.

Well, the guys are coming
back in at seven.

Why don't you come back
and check 'em out?

I'd really love
to get your ears on 'em.

Yeah, of course.

Okay, cool.

And thank you, you know,
just for everything.

Oh, come on, stop it.

-Stop it.

-Okay.
-Yeah.

I made us lunch.

-You made it?
-Hmm.

Notice anything special?

My mom's famous frozen lasagna,

instant mashed potatoes,
and Mountain Dew.

My death row meal.

I always forget
how Florida your palate is.

What's the big occasion?
I'm not dying, am I?

Oh, you just reminded me.

I forgot the poison.

-Poison?
-Be right back.

suspenseful music

Everything okay?
-Yes.

Poison's "Every Rose
Has Its Thorn" playing

Have you heard this?

It's so us.

We both lie silently still

In the dead of the night

Although we both lie
close together

We feel miles apart inside

Was it something I said
or something I did?

Did my words
not come out right?

Though I tried
not to hurt you

Though I tried

But I guess
that's why they say

Every rose

Has its thorn

Just like every night

Has its dawn

Just like every cowboy

Sings a sad, sad song

Every rose has its thorn

Bon appe-titties.

creepy music

-Did you swap our glasses?
-How would you even know that?

'Cause my Dew is diet

'cause my insulin is jacked
from years

of the ole two-finger dessert.

-Are you trying to kill me?
-No, you're trying to kill me!

-What?
-Come on, Tiff!

What are you talking about?

The tarps, the torture tools,
my death row meal.

Even if you didn't poison it,
your cooking alone.

Good one, Leno.

We always knew
it would end like this.

These aren't torture tools.
These are spa tools.

Cuticle nippers, skin needler,
bone sander.

Well, that one
is a torture device,

but it's great for bunions.

I do have worse bunions
than a sitcom mother-in-law.

Exactly.
I'm not trying to kill you.

I'm trying to pamper you

like we used to
when we had no money.

Well, I had money, but you
wouldn't let me spend it.

Don't you remember?

Pamper du Pauper!

Oh, America's finest
at-home spa

for the poor
and disen-Canyon Ranch-ized.

Put that sword away
and stop trying to kill me.

Oh, argh.

I'm gonna cut you up,
you bitch.

Oh, God,
we used to have so much fun

just mud masking and gossiping
and waxing each other's--

I can't believe
I didn't know you were gay.

Imagine my surprise.

Ugh, we haven't done that

since we lived
in that horrid apartment.

I miss that place,
and I miss our old life,

before you started
working at the Jammer Group

and before I started
working full stop.

You were my best friend.

I mean,
I know our orgasms were fake,

but our love was real,
wasn't it?

God!
What has happened to me?

My oldest friend tries to do
something nice for me,

and I think
she's trying to kill me.

It has gotten away
from us a bit.

Come on, do you honestly think
I'd do my own wet work?

Well, no, you'd farm
that shit out like Yoko.

I'm sorry.

It's just been a while
since I've had a friend.

You have friends.

Mo, Dawn, the Muslim fella,
that guy with no eyebrows.

-I want to say Yawn?
-It's 'cause of your dyslexia.

-Wayne.
-Oh.

Wayne exploded at the black
site I dragged everybody to

when I thought
they were trying to kill me.

Yikes, I mean, I get why
Yawn was mad, but--

No, Yawn literally exploded.

I keep trying to apologize,

and they just send back
my fruit baskets.

Please don't tell me
you're trying to apologize

for a black site
with a fruit basket.

Fancy candle?

Take it from
a kidnap survivor.

You need to apologize
in person, okay?

Just go, go now, go.

No, what about
Pamper du Pauper?

Well, today was supposed to be
all about taking care of you,

anyway, so let's start
with your insides?

Really?

Yes, I will not take no
for an answer.

And besides, my horse Nair
takes 90 minutes to congeal.

Your muff is as tough
as you are.

suspenseful music

Hello?

Surprise!
Jesus fuck!

-Oh, it's fucking geek patrol.
-Fucking Pfaff.

I'm guessing this isn't for me.

Really?
I mean, it could be a "thanks

for getting us all jacked up
by the fucking pigs" party.

Yeah, we should beat
your fucking ass.

-Okay, that's why I'm here.
-To get your ass beat?

Mm, fight, fight, fight.

And, Karen, I swear to God.

Giancarlo,
what are you doing here?

Tiff took away my allowance
for trying to kiss her face.

She's so strict.

Hey, hey, Blair.

What the fuck
are you doing here?

Okay, I've been thinking
a lot about everything,

and I've decided--

Oh, everybody, hide.
Hide, hide, hide.

Places, people.

Giancarlo, you better
cake yourself!

Lights, lights.

Get down, get down.
Hide, hide, hide, hide, hide.

Surprise!

Oh, God, shithead number two.

You guys
remembered my birthday.

I thought no one in the world
cared about me.

No one does care
about you, Keith, okay?

This is a going-away party
for Dawn,

and if you ruin it,
I swear to fuck.

You swear to fuck who?

Karen, you were
already on the bubble

for this thing
to begin with, okay?

-Wait, where's Dawn going?
Wait a second.

You invite Blair
and fucking Giancarlo,

and you don't invite me?

L.A.

-He's the stripper.
-Who, Blair?

-Giancarlo.
-What?

Oh, I just want to kill myself.

What are you doing here, Keith?

Look, I, um--
I've been thinking

a lot about everything,
and I quit Leighman--

No, no, no, I've been thinking
a lot about everything,

and what I would like
to say is--

Okay, all right, just shut
the fuck up and hide.

Hide.
Carlo, cake.

-Keith, if you fuck this up...
-I won't ruin anything.

Get under the desk,
you dumb shit.

Hide, hide.
Put the cigarette out.

-Quiet.
-Put it out.

-Put it out.
-Got to be quiet.

Shut the fuck up!

Surprise!

Oh, wow!

I did not expect
a welcome like that

or any welcome.

What the fuck, Lar?

Uh, Keith, didn't I fire you?

Well, I don't see how
that's actually relevant,

but it is the reason
why I'm here, Mo,

because, um, like I said.

I've been thinking
about a lot of things--

No, no, no.
I've been thinking a lot first.

Oh, Jesus.

You know, actually, I've been
thinking about things

since about a year ago when
I got hit by that taxi cab.

No, I was going back before
that, around Black Monday--

See, it was a couple months
before that, when I was--

What do the two of you want?

A job.
Forgiveness.

Great, you got it, okay?
Now everybody hide.

Giancarlo, back in the cake.
You too!

You meant that about the job?

Yes, you can have
the fucking job.

Uh, uh, no, Mo,
not to be a party pooper,

but you can't hire Keith,
only I can.

You just fired him.

I did fire him for fucking up
the Pfaffashions IPO,

which is why
you can't hire him.

-Okay, uh...
-Oh, fuck, no.

-What?
-Oh!

Mo didn't tell you
he put his label up

for collateral against the IPO

so he could get
Dawn out of jail?

And Mr. Shankar didn't tell you
he shanked the IPO meeting?

You merkin-headed motherfucker.

Technically,
it's not a done deal.

So, as I was saying,
"Ooh, surprise!"

I now own KokoMo Co Records,

although I'm pretty sure
anybody could've seen

that coming
from the very beginning.

So I'm sorry, Keith.
You are not hired.

We're moving
in a different direction.

And speaking
of different directions,

Dawn will not be going in one
because she's the only

profitable part
of this shitty label.

You know what?

Maybe I don't hate
being a party pooper after all.

Is all that true, Mo?

-Surprise!
-Karen!

What the fuck, Karen?
No, Mo.

What the fuck?

Okay, look, Dawn.
I can explain everything.

Oh, you want me

-to actually try to do that?
-Yeah.

This is usually the part
where people just storm out.

And didn't Larry kind of
just take us through

the basic beats
of the whole thing?

I did.

Dawn, look, it's what I had
to do to get you out of prison.

I told you.
Stop trying to save me!

Now I hear it.
Sure.

Is now a good time
to do my thing?

-It's not, Blair.
-Turn the fuck around!

Copy that.

electronic music

Ooh.

Babe?
Did you forget your keys again?

Okay, coming.

I'm coming!
Sheesh!

Oh, my God, how are you?
Look cute!

Let's do lunch soon!
Love you more, bye!

Is this where you've been
the last few weeks

while I've been
running our company?

No. Um...

not, like, exclusively.

Like, I've been doing
lots of stuff, okay?

Corkie, I hate working!

What?

I thought I wanted to be
a modern businesswoman,

but it turned out
I just wanted to be a woman--

hold the business
and the modern.

I'm an heiress, Corkie.
I don't belong in an office.

I belong in a club
that I can't belong to

without a man,
sending back a salad.

So this why you killed our IPO?

Oh, so you heard about that.

That's good because we just,
like, ripped off the Band-Aid

and now you and I
can go back to being friends.

And speaking of ripped,

could you give the gal
a tug on the old rug?

It looks like I've got
Alf in a leg lock.

Pfaffashions is all
I have left!

My church is completely
bankrupt, my dad is dead,

and my husband is spinning
on Satan's flaming rotisserie

because of the sins committed
with your husband!

Is anybody else
getting a hankering

for Kenny Rogers' Roasters?

Let's grab a bucket
and do a spa day.

I don't support
the Devil's music

or its evil chicken spawn!

Okay, well, that's your loss

'cause Kenny knows
when to bold 'em with flavor.

Corkie, I can see
you're very upset,

but after seeing so many people
die this year,

I just felt like
I need to focus on doing

what makes me happy.

Nothing.
I'm Tiff Pfaff.

Women want to be me.
Men want to be me in drag.

Oh, gag me with a spoon.

Okay, you can insult me,

but don't you dare come
for the Tiff Army.

Your new hair color
doesn't match your skin tone.

I said you could insult me,
but I didn't mean right now.

There is no
discernible difference

between your ankles
and your calves.

Okay, well, at least I'm not
afraid to show my ankles

or my shoulders or my cleavage

'cause I think it's gonna make
Jesus too horny or whatever.

You Jezebel!

Ow!

You little fucking bitch!

Get off of me!

No!

-Ew!

No freaking--
Oh, no!

Corkie!

Corkie.

Of course you're a redhead.

I prefer person of hair color.

Tiff, fudge you!

Actually, fuck you!

So then Larry goes
to his favorite coffee shop,

and runs into said bimbo--
or himbo--

since Larry's tastes are
ambiguous as a motherfucker.

No, he's actually pansexual.

Oh, my God, he fucks, like,
cookware and shit?

No, "pan" is Spanish for bread,

so a pansexual is someone
who fucks a piece of bread.

No, it means he's attracted

to people's personalities,
not their gender.

Wow, I don't think I've ever
liked the personality

of any guy I've ever fucked.

Hilarious.

Hating them is
what gets me off.

Hating myself
is what gets me off.

Oh.
Oh.

We know you're serious.

Okay, guys,
whoever we embed beds Larry,

but what he doesn't know

is we have inserted
a tracking device--

-up the old keister.
-Come on, another honeypot?

-No, a honeypot?

You've got some
real mommy issues.

I do not have
fucking mom issues, okay?

I don't even know the bitch.

Don't call your mom a bitch.
I know

-you don't know her but--
-And you know what?

Fuck me for trying
to get you to L.A., Dawn.

What?
Fuck that!

This stupid-ass plan

is as much about your label
as it is my shit.

Okay, my stupid-ass plan?
Real easy to criticize

when you're not the one
putting yourself out there.

Putting yourself out there?
This sucks, Mo.

The timeline is very confusing.

This will work.

-Focus.
Time-out, time-out.

The drawings aren't good.

Good old Keithy is here, and
I actually have a real plan.

How do y'all
feel about blackmail?

God damn it, Keith.
Are you wearing a wire again?

No, I'm not wearing a wire.

Why do you always use language
that can be used against us

-in a court of law?
-All right, just trust me.

My name is Theresa.

Okay, Larry fed Lenny
to the wolves!

So what do you mean?

He, like, threw him
under the bus or something?

No, he literally fed
his brother to the wolves.

I know, 'cause I was--
wasn't there,

but he told me in great detail.

It was horrific.

I mean, I'm not surprised.

-It tracks.
-It kind of makes sense.

That-that's your reaction?

I just dropped
a fucking bombshell on--that--

Not really.

Okay, well, fuck you guys.

But this makes
things easy, right?

We'll just have Lenny confess

on Keith's wire,
and then we can--

I'm not wearing a fucking wire!

Okay, on a wire.
Who gives a shit?

Guys, let's not get
caught up in details.

What's important is that

the perfect person
to wear said wire.

No, no, no.
Mo, I'm sorry--

Come on, guys.
Why not?

I think this
is a really dumb idea.

What the fuck are you
even doing here, Blair, huh?

Just to apologize
for getting us all kidnapped?

How about apologizing for
almost getting me thrown away

for the rest
of my fucking life in jail

or for not pardoning Dawn,
which is the only reason

we're in this goddamn mess
in the first place?

Okay.

When you say it all out
loud like that,

yes, it does...

stick in the throat...

but I'm sorry.

A-and I genuinely want
to change, if you could just--

Blair, fuck off and fuck off.

somber music

Okay.

Any other takers?

Okay.

Good day.

Thanks for making it weird.

Now, the honeypot.

Oh, come on!

No one wants to do
a fucking honeypot!

Sorry.

Look, if there's anything I
learned in the record business,

it's how to get someone
out of their fucking contract.

Okay, I admit it, I admit it!

Me and Keith killed
my only twin!

We-we-we left him for dead.

No, I think what you meant
was me left him for dead.

Okay, me left him for dead!

Say it like
a normal sentence--go!

Okay, okay.
I left him for dead!

I killed
my own flesh and blood,

and it haunts me
every waking second!

And you are who?

-I am--I am Larry Leighman.
-Got it!

Sometimes at night
when I'm laying in bed,

I can hear his voice
in the other room!

Oh, yeah, yeah, come on.

No one needs
a whole one-man show.

We just needed your confession.

Which we got on tape,

so give Mo back his label,
or you're fucked.

Yeah, you're fucked.

-Yeah, you are fucked!
-You're fucked.

dramatic music

Wow, you guys really like a
good defenestration, don't you?

Yeah, who doesn't?

All right, whatever, Keithy.

If you take me down,
I will take you down with me.

So be it.

Give Mo back his label,
or we go down together.

You monster.

You know, fine.

But for what it's worth, you're
as big of a monster as I am.

You know, you're all monsters,
all of you.

And I should know!

I should know because...

Lenny turned me into one, okay?

So shame on me?
Shame on me?

Shame on all of you!

Are we supposed to believe
you have emotions?

Shame on you!
Shame on you!

Technically, you made
your brother into a monster.

Shame on you! Shame on you!

All right, fine.

I'll have Pauline draw up the
papers while I change my pants.

I'll meet you in the office
in an hour.

Yeah, those papers better
be there too, Lar,

or we're gonna turn that tape
in to the cops!

-Yes!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

-Question...

-All right!
-...what is defenestration?

Corkie?
-Oh, my God.

-Are you okay?

-Tiff, what happened?
Oh, no.

I quit my job.

-Corkie didn't love it.
-Oh.

How'd your apology go?

They didn't love it either.

Okay.

Well, at least
we have each other,

and a shit ton of spa stuff.

Yeah, we do, don't we?

-Please remove that.
-Yeah.

Oh, Dawnie, you're gonna be
back in time

for the wedding, right?

Yes, I already booked
my ticket,

and I've got my, uh,

if-anyone-objects
speech written.

All right.
I want to be at your table.

No, no, I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.

You know,
I'm really happy for you, Momo.

Aw, thanks.

God, you guys put the "won't"
in "will they, won't they."

Listen, somebody had to do it.

I mean, Jesus Christ, we've
been grinding each other harder

-than my teeth right now.
-Oh, God, yes.

The last few years have been
a fucking ride, right?

Mm-hmm.

Speaking of which,
do you guys remember that time

when I ran over Blair
with a golf cart...

sort of on purpose?

It was one of your
greatest hits.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
do you remember, Mo,

when you fully cocaine'd Blair
on the trading room floor?

Ruining his career
before it even got started!

-Welcome to New York!
Brilliant plan.

And we all knew it was so
wrong, but nobody helped him.

We were all gone.
-It was bad.

What about that time

he was forced
into electroshock therapy

to knock out
his gayness, right?

And then the love of his life
just commits suicide,

and then he uses that,
you know, to get into Congress,

and then, bam,
he gets shot!

Almost dies!

So funny.

Jesus, we really did fuck
that shithead over, huh?

Yeah.

Fuck, are you guys
thinking what I'm thinking?

This trip down memory lane
is missing a passenger.

Yeah.

Spencer, your ex-husband.
I-I'll call him.

Just--I bet it's awkward
for you two,

but I can call right now
and be like, "Spence!"

He'll be like, "Yassir, Yassir,
is that you?"

-What's wrong with you, man?
-Why would you say that?

We wanted to be
a power couple so bad.

All we focused on
was the power.

We forgot about the couple.

And our power was the couple.

-I missed us.
-Yeah.

Let's make a pact.

If we're not engaged
to new people

by the time we get divorced,
we'll get remarried.

Deal.
Okay, now, spill it, Valdez.

Who are you dating,
loving, fucking?

You know,
just the occasional intern,

but it doesn't
really mean anything.

It's like when they laugh
at my jokes.

Like, are they just doing it
because I'm their boss?

-Hmm, probably.

No, there's really been
nobody serious since--

Roger?

Oh, you really miss him, huh?

Yeah, I do.

Oh.

It wasn't your fault, Blair.

Well, it kind of was, but...

thank you for saying that.

I guess Pamper du Pauper

was exactly
what I needed inside and out.

Okay, you know
what else you need?

-You need a night out.
-Ooh.

There is a Tiff
drag night tonight.

I mean, talk about fun
for our whole family.

Checking all the boxes.

Let's go, let's go tonight.
What do you say?

-Yeah, that sounds perfect.
-Okay, okay.

Hello?

Mo?

Really?

Right now?

Uh, well, I-I-I kind of
just made plans.

What?
Blair, go, go.

Yeah, we'll meet up later.

Are you sure?

'Cause it's really
not that big of a...

Deal me in, fockers!

-Oh!
-Get in there, Blair!

Yes, yes, yes!
Get it, get it, get it!

Yeah!

You guys, ah, I missed you.

And I'm sorry.
From now on--

Oh, God, from now on,
we will forgive your ass

if you stop
fucking apologizing.

Jesus Christ, we get it.
You're sorry.

But, hey, now that
the fifth Jackson is here,

I would like
to propose a toast.

-Yes.
-Ooh.

-To Dawn Darcy.
-Oh, to me?

-Okay.
Damn right.

The wicked witch
of Wall Street.

The eye candy
with the nose candy.

There it is.
-Oh.

-Two dimples and no scruples.
-Mm.

What about the woman
turning the West Coast

-into the Breast Coast?
Uh-oh!

-Wait, wait, what?
-You getting Cs still?

-Come on.
-No, no, no, fuck it.

-I'm getting Ds!
-Oh!

-To Ds!
-She's getting Ds, y'all!

Oh!
You know what, guys?

I would cry, you know, if years
of wearing crazy-ass eyeshadow

hadn't permanently
clogged my ducts.

Ah, that's, uh--
I remember about that.

So, instead, how about
we do sports hand thingy.

-Oh.
-All right, all right.

-Here we go, here we go.
-On three.

One, two, three...

-sports thingy!

Well, now it is time to make
things official with Larry.

-Yes!
-Yes!

-All right, here we go.
-All right, all right.

-Official with Larry.
-Let's go.

Come on. Oh!

I listen
to her favorite song

Playing on the radio

Where the DJ said
love's a game

Of easy come and easy go

But I wonder

-Great time.
-I am.

Oh, come--what the fuck
are you doing, Larry?

Why are you sitting
in the elevator

when you should be
at your office?

Exactly.

I can still feel
so much pain

Like a knife that cuts
through the wound heals

I am loving your bold lip.
I'm, like, attracted to you.

Tiff only. I wish.

Slay, slay, slay!
You are me!

Every rose has its thorn

Just like every night

Has its dawn

Just like every cowboy

Sings a sad, sad song

Every rose has its thorn

What the fuck?

-What is that?
-Oh!

Why are you going in there?

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, my God!
Dawn!

They chopped his dick off!

Such a turn to it.

How would you use that,
I mean, practically?

I think you'd have to
kind of hook into it.

Or, like, back-back...
...back into it.

Back into it.

You could definitely back
into it.

I guess someone
could back into it.

Okay, look, we need to
put it back.

You have to get
your fingerprints off.

No, he's--
No, it's good, good, good.

Oh, he got spit on the dick.

-Just put it back.
Blow on it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Ugh.

Shit, he's not even
Weekend at Bernie's -able.

Mm-m.

Should we dip his dick in ink
and then forge his signature?

Forget about his dick!