All language subtitles for Tig_Notaro-Happy_To_Be_Here_2018.EN

[rock music playing]

[audience cheering]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

-Hello, Houston!
-[cheering]

[imitates cheering]

Hello, spring.

[scattered cheering]

Wait, why'd you quiet down?

Oh, boy. I'm happy to be here.

I have not performed in Houston
in over a decade.

So thanks for showing up.

Unless I've forgotten and I was here...

then it's good to see you again
so soon after.

What a surprise.

I did a comedy special...

years ago, at a time when...

nobody knew who I was.

And they packed the venue,

put cameras on me
and then put that out on television.

And I was backstage,

and there's a guy doing warm-up
for my show.

We didn't meet in person.

The only think he knew about me
was that my name was Tig.

So he was out on stage,

just saying, you know,
"What's up? What's up?!"

Just really getting people ready
for my kind of comedy. And...

And he said,
"Are y'all ready for your comedian?"

And they said, "Yeah!"

[imitating crowd cheering]

Just whisper-screaming like crazy.

And he said, "All right, well,
this comedian coming to the stage,

"he's one of my best friends.

"We've traveled
all around the world together."

I turned to the producer backstage

and just said, "What is happening?"

And then she radioed the director
who came over...

the intercom of the entire theater
and said,

"Tig's a girl..."

Awesome.

Then he said, "I didn't know.
I didn't know."

So then it appeared

as though my...

very best friend...

had never even noticed

my sweet, sweet rack.

Boy, and I tell you we have missed...

that boat.

That poor guy will never see that.

For the majority of my adult life,

I have been mistaken for a man...

at least once a week.

It's more than that ,

but I don't want
to seem like I'm exaggerating.

But I also feel confident
that probably nobody here is like,

"Yeah, we're gonna need some examples."

And it doesn't bother me.

I feel comfortable with who I am,
I know who I am. I know what I am.

You can call me a choo-choo train.

Doesn't matter.

I know who I am.

Now, I can't believe it took me 46 years

to come up with this response.

And if this happens to you,
please feel free to use it.

Give me credit...

'cause it's good.

I went into a shop
and walked up to the counter,

and the man behind the cash register said,

"How can I help you, sir?"

And I said,

"Just the gum, ma'am."

And...

We were just in this lockdown moment...

of utter confusion.

Just like, "Yeah, I don't know
what I'm looking at either."

I don't know how he felt
about that exchange,

but I know for myself,

I did leprechaun kicks
the entire way home.

[sighs]

Before I started doing stand-up
professionally full-time ,

I did temp work.

And I had this one job
that went really, really well

and they highly recommended me
to another temp job.

And-- Listen, laugh all you want.

I'm not trying to be braggadocious.

I'm just presenting facts at this point.

Okay?

But...

I don't know if that's the best thing
to say in a special is,

"Oh, yeah... Laugh all you want."

[chuckles]

Then it's like, "Oh, I guess that's
all you wanted to laugh, all right."

But...

So it went really, really well.

They highly recommend me to the other one,

and I show up to that next job
just like, "Hey...

I'm Tig.
You've probably heard a lot about me."

And I was greeted
by the owner of the company,

immediately down to business,
"Bathroom's here.

Mail goes out every day at 4:00.
This is your desk."

And I was immediately realizing,

this was not gonna be a good time.

And that entire week...

-that I worked there--
-[audience laughing]

It was a temp job!

Temp is short for temporary.

They asked five days of me,
and I delivered.

But that enti-- Thank you!

Thank you. Good night.

[sighs]

You guys would have been fine with that
if I just left.

All that build up,

then I'm like, "Hey, I was great
at my temp job. Good night."

Now you've lost your sense of humor

and you're sitting there going, "No,
we wouldn't! Don't leave the stage, Tig!"

[sighs] Okay.

You've convinced me to stick around.

I'll go ahead...

and finish my story. So...

that entire week that I worked there,

the owner of that company was so rude.

She was so mean,

just beat down every ounce of joy...

in my soul.

So that was a hard time.

Now listen,
I know you came for punch lines.

I've been doing stand-up for 20 years
and in order to make you happy,

I have to make myself happy first.

And it truly tickles me

to tell you a long, boring story...

that ends with...

"So that was a hard time."

Because I can feel the energy
in the room, like...

"Oh, maybe is that the joke?

"Is that... Oh, that was a punch line.

I know she has a weird delivery, but...

A lot of pauses with this one.
No, I bet that's it."

No, there hasn't been one punch line
in that story.

Just a long, boring story.

Lucky for you, there's more to the story.

The final day that I was working,
that Friday,

I was sitting at my desk

and the owner of the company
was crouched down doing something--

I couldn't see. She was...
She was maybe...

stacking or filing papers,

just using little kitty paws, just...

I'm known for my physical humor, so...
this is actually a highlight of the show.

Again, no clue what she was doing,

but she finally took an interest

in who I was
as a human being on this planet.

And she turned to me and she said...

"So when you're not temping,

what do you do?"

And I could not wait...

to turn to her
with every part of me destroyed...

and say...

"I'm a comedian."

I might as well have said...

"I'm training
to be a motivational speaker.

And on the weekends,

I play in a funk band."

I'm happily married
forever and ever, amen.

I take offense.

The applause makes it seem
like you're thrilled

that I'm finally off the market.

But it's true.
I can't believe that Stephanie exists.

I can't believe that I found her.

I can't believe that she loved me back.

This is all true.

And at least once a day...

she says something
where I'm left utterly confused.

Just unprompted yells across the house.

For instance, "Do you know what time
Yum-Yum Donuts opens?"

"Yum-Yum...

No... No. Have you ever heard me say,
'I got to head down to Yum-Yum Donuts,

beat the rush?'

I don't even know what that is.

Sounds delicious,
but I don't know anything about it."

We were going on vacation,
driving to the airport,

and in the car, she turned and asked,

"Do you know what they're serving
for breakfast on this flight?"

"Hmm...

Mnh-mnh.

No, I don't.

Do you?"

"Probably nothing surprising,
maybe eggs. I don't know."

"Can a bee sting another bee?"

"That I do not have the answer to.

What I do know

is it all of these questions
feel very Googleable."

Stephanie and I adopted
a precious little kitten...

named "Fluff."

And that's her given name.

We kept it out of respect
for her birth parents.

And a couple years into having Fluff,

I realized that I had never meowed at her.

So I saw her across the living room,

and I just thought, "You know what?
I'm gonna go ahead and meow at Fluff."

So...

I looked her right in the eyes and...

I says to her, I says...

Why do people talk like that?

To say "I says to her" is improper,

and then
to add on top of that "I says..."

It's like, "Get outta here!"

Anyway...

I says to her, I says...

"Meow!"

And Fluff was like, "No way!

How is this just now coming up?"

She'd never been around another cat,

and so I think she thought
she had made up her own language

which consists of one word,

which, of course, is "meow,"
and she uses it for everything.

And here I was fluent the entire time.

She was stunned...

just as stunned
as a little kitten could be...

Her mouth agape...

her little paw in the air...

her little microphone...

Then, she meows at me, she meows...

Here's the thing.
Let me explain something.

I told this story once,
and Stephanie heard me.

And she said, "After you say...

'I says to her, I says,'
you should say,

'She meows at me, she meows.'"

And I said, "Oh, that's not funny."

She said, "No, I think it is."

And I said,
"You do your thing, I'll do mine."

And she said, "No, just please try it."
And so...

I did a show one night...

and I tried it.

It bombed.

I did it the night after,

it bombed again,

And then after that second show,

I was just like, "All right, that's it.
I'm doing this every night."

So she meows at me, she meows...

"Meow!"

Then I says to her, I says...

"Meow..."

We're going back and forth,

having the time of our lives...

and then Stephanie...

leans out of the kitchen and says...

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"What?"

"You don't know what you're saying to her.

It could be rude...

or inappropriate."

No, I think Fluff and I are clear
on the fact that you're out of your mind.

After a party,
we had some ribbons from some gifts

that were strewn about the house,

and Fluff really took to these.

And at bed time, time she would grab

about three ribbons in her mouth,

and she would drag them
down the long hall...

down the stairs...

down the other long hall,

and jump up on the bed and just be like,

"There you go.

Let's get some sleep now."

And we were like, "Thank you, Fluff...

We couldn't possibly get any sleep
without this pile of trash at our feet."

Some nights,

we would notice her little walnut brain...

realize she'd forgotten
what we called her "night-night ribbons."

And she'd be like, "Oh, hold on."

She'd jump off the bed,

run down the hall...

down the stairs...

down the hall,

get the night-night ribbons
and drag, I'm telling you...

We could hear them
being hauled down the...

It was so cute, but also sad

because she really believed
in her tiny little heart

that we needed those.

And she'd drag them down,

get on the stairs, down the hall,
jump up on the bed,

just like, "My apologies...

Good night.

There you go, there's the ribbons.
Sweet dreams."

[laughs] Whoo!

One night,

Stephanie was in the bathroom
brushing her tooth,

and I was--

You should see her, but...

I was standing leaning against our bed
and Stephanie was brushing her tooth,

and I, as I mentioned before,
very clearly that's what was happening,

and I was dangling,

Fluff was right here,
I was dangling her night-night ribbons,

just dangling them for her
and she was doing this...

Just dangling the ribbons...

It was like a religious experience.

Again, having the time of our lives.

And...
Stephanie comes out of the bathroom

and turns and just casually says,
"Careful of her neck.

You don't want to hang her."

"Oh, my gosh, 100% you're correct.

"There's no part of me that wants
to hang our precious kitten...

Fluff."

Anybody that walked into the room,
in their right mind, would've been like,

"I just walked in
on a very precious moment.

What a sweet, sweet moment
I'm witnessing."

Nobody would've thought,

"This is... This is...

on the verge of a hanging."

If Stephanie walked in
and Fluff was hanging...

I guarantee she wouldn't just be like,
"Oh, yeah, of course, you hung the cat."

She'd be like, "You hung the cat?
Walk me through how you hung the cat."

All right. Well, I was standing here.

I was dangling ribbons and...

and again having a great time,

I was pulling the ribbon out of her way.
She couldn't even grab it.

You know, I was in full control.

But then, somehow,

the ribbons started to lower.

And it started to wrap around her neck...

more and more, tighter and tighter.

I could not turn the ship around.

Fluff sees something out
of the corner of her eye,

darts in that direction, I yank her back,
boom, hung by night-night ribbons.

Stephanie is the funniest person
I've ever met in my life...

and none of these things were a joke.

These are all just real responses to life.

[sighs]

We are...

the very proud parents
of two tiny baby boys.

-[cheering]
-And...

It is very exhausting to have a baby,

and then we have twins,

so the more you add to the equation,
as many of you know, it's exhausting.

And maybe three weeks into their lives...

It was four in the morning or so.
We were lying in bed.

At that point, we were still feeding them
every couple of hours.

And just, our eyes are rolling
in the back of our heads, exhausted,

and Stephanie turned

and asked...

"How do you have sex with a baby?"

And I said, "You don't!"

And that was the beginning
of a ten-minute long misunderstanding.

"What do you mean
you don't have sex with a baby?"

"What do you mean what do I mean?

What are we talking about?

Who did I marry?"

I've wanted... I've wanted...

Whenever I tell that joke,
I always think,

I know there are people in the audience
that are like...

"That's not funny.

Why are they laughing?
You don't have sex with a baby."

Then their friends are like,
"Well, you do eventually."

[mumbles]

"Who am I friends with?

What is happening?"

You know, just in good time,
you finally start having sex...

with a baby.

We're missing each other here.

And then even still right now,
there are people in the room going...

"No, you don't."

I've wanted to be a parent
for a very long time,

and it is such a tremendous experience,

and...

I feel like Stephanie
and I are doing a great job.

I really do. And...

I do, but I also feel
like it would be reasonable

if somebody had called
Child Protective Services...

a couple of times.

A couple of times. You know, it happens.

You have a rough day or a weird day.

No, when Max and Finn
were just a couple of months old...

we were so amused

'cause people would come over
to meet the babies

and what we would do is we'd
prop them up with our hands

underneath their armpits

and then we'd say,
"Yep, they're pretty much walking."

Then we'd let go and then
their little noodle legs would buckle.

And then we'd catch 'em half an inch
before they hit the ground.

Oh, is that a treat.

If you have a baby...

I highly recommend trying this out.

If you don't have a baby
but know someone with a baby,

ask to borrow the baby.
Nobody will regret this.

The baby's clueless, just like...
[mumbles]

They're just a blob,
and you catch it.

That's the key, you have to catch them.

You can't just let the little blobs fall
because that's when there's true trouble.

Well, with all of the exhaustion
and busy lives,

it's hard to keep up with the house
in the way that we did before

and I was sitting...

I was sitting on the couch,
and Max toddled over to me.

And...

handed me a gigantic...

gross ball of cat hair and lint.

And the thing is that at their age,
they put everything in their mouths.

But he even knew.

"You have to get this out of my reach.

Me and my brother here,
we need you to remove this."

And I just looked, I was like,
"This is icky. This is so gross. Yes."

And I dropped it behind the couch.

We got Max and Finn these little--
We call them their cars.

And these little things they sit in ,

there's four tiny wheels underneath
and a plastic tray in front of them,

and I somehow figured out

that Finn loves

when I kick his little car,

and he shoots across the room
at a high speed.

Then he scoots back towards me
and then I kick him again.

Here's the problem:

the entire front of our house
is just all windows.

And there's a sidewalk
that runs along our house,

and the neighbors are walking by,

and all they saw was me kicking

and this tiny little baby head flying
to the back of the house

at a very high speed

and then just...

scooting back towards me
and then kicking again.

And at that point, I just thought,
"Okay, I have to close these curtains."

But then we just kept making memories.

[sighs]

Me and Finn.

This is something where it's like

I wasn't even really planning
on telling this story I'm about to tell

'cause it happened so recently,

but I also think it's amusing,

and I'm also just like, "Who cares?"

So...

Okay, stick with me.

Max and Finn...

we used to push 'em down to the street

where there was a lot of traffic
and we'd point out...

[audience laughing]

I did not say...

we pushed our children into traffic.

We pushed them down the hill
near the traffic.

We stopped them just in time.

We love them.
They're our precious baby boys.

We would point out the cars.

We'd say, "Car. Car. Car."

And then Max started thinking
that cars were called car-cars.

Okay.
Here's the other part of the story...

that's gonna sound unrelated,
but hang in there.

They were not breastfed.

I can't help in that department.

I tried my best, not successful.

Stephanie didn't breastfeed them.

I also don't know
why I'm telling you our personal details.

Anyway, one day,
Max pulled Stephanie's shirt

and saw down her shirt.

They have not seen boobs in their lives.

He was...

Max stopped in his tracks,
just like, "What?"

And then he looked up...

and he said...

"Car-car?"

Just like as if to say...

"I... I have very limited knowledge here.

I don't know exactly what I'm looking at,

but tell me, is that a car-car?

Are those car-cars?!"

So now that's of course what we call them
around the house.

"Them," that's terrible.

I'm talking specifically
about Stephanie's boobs.

And everyone's.
They're car-cars, from here on out.

I had no plan on telling that story.

Okay.

"Car-car?"

"Yes, son. That's car-car."

Max didn't say first words.

He actually said first sentences.

Very similarly to his mother,

out of nowhere, no prompting,

just across the house.

Just...

"Bob, I forgot."

Stephanie and I were just like,

"Did he just say, 'Bob, I forgot'?

Who's Bob?"

Let me tell you something, Bob.

Max actually didn't forget.

He's an infant. He has zero information.

He panicked
because you were riding his ass so hard.

Now get out of our house.

You weirdo.

A couple of months...

a few months ago,

he, again just out of nowhere, yelled...

"I'm gay!"

And I said, "We love you, son.

We accept who you are, no matter what."

And then a few weeks went by
and then again, "I'm gay!"

"Listen, Max,
you don't have to keep coming out to us.

We remember."

Days before coming here, again...

just, "I'm gay!"

"Yeah, Max, the whole family's gay.
It's not a big deal!

Except for Finn,
but even Fluff is bi-curious."

[chuckles]

I'm well beyond my first words,
I'll be honest.

You know what words I personally enjoy
are elongated words,

like... What, Tig? I'll tell you.

Hey, swing by after the show.

Let's not listen to CDs,
but compact discuses.

Oh, that's fun.

I'm not in the market for a minivan,

but a miniature Vanagon.

Head over to the drugstore,

explain to them
that you don't need maxi pads...

but maximum padding...

for those times
when you've been shot in the crotch.

Head up to the counter,

explain to them that you have,
in fact, been shot in the crotch

and that you are gonna
need maximum padding.

Let me know
how that conversation goes for you.

Write me a letter.

Handwritten, of course.

No, don't contact me.

I'll call the Police.

Not the authorities, but the band.

I'll give Sting a ring-a-ding,

see if he can help us out
of this very weird situation

we've gotten ourselves into.

I... I'm not great with strangers.

I was--

I was at the airport,

and I was on a travelator.

You know what a travelator is, no?

I'm not gonna tell you,
but what I will tell you is

I was standing still
while moving forward.

Okay, anyway,
so I was scooty scoot scooting along,

travelating my face off.

This guy was travelating towards me,
and he turned, and he said,

"Yo, Tig, what's up?"

And I was like, "Oh, my gosh.

That is my favorite interaction
I've ever had with a stranger,"

and I couldn't wait to share a glance
to acknowledge how funny that was

so I turned around...

and he never looked back again.

Who is that person...

that felt compelled
to be like, "Yo, Tig, what's up?"

and then just travelate off
into the universe?

I think about that man...

every day of my life.

I travel the world night after night

telling this story
in hopes that it'll get back to him...

and we can finally be the best friends
we were always meant to be.

Sometimes I imagine him in his apartment.

I don't know why I know

that he cannot afford
a mortgage payment right now.

But I picture him in his apartment...

just hanging out, watching TV...

maybe I come on the screen...

and he says, "Oh, yeah.
I saw her at the airport once."

Click...

Nothing, needed nothing from me.

You know where I do thrive is actually
in large groups of strangers...

like a party...

If I don't know a single person,
I'm in heaven.

My friend Henry knows this about me,

and together,
we do what we call our "party bits"

where we kind of mess with people
at parties.

And so Henry had invited me
to meet him at this party.

He was like, "I don't know anybody here."
And I was like, "Be right over!"

As soon as I got there,
I walked over to the kitchen...

and I looked in there,

and there were five people just chatting,

and I leaned on the door frame
and I said,

"Hey... just so you know

I'm gonna be going to bed
in, like, ten minutes."

Then I just walked off.

I had no idea if the owner of the house
was in the kitchen.

So, I tell Henry,

and he's like,
"Oh, my gosh.That's hilarious."

And again,

use any of this, just gives me credit.

[sighs] He said, "There's, like,
300 people in the backyard."

And I was like, "Be right there!"

So I walk out on the back patio

and just yell,

"Hey!

Just so you know,

I'm gonna be going to bed
in, like, ten minutes."

Just a sea of confused faces.

This was a Saturday night,

not even ten o'clock.

But the thing is
I don't have to live there

to be going to bed in ten minutes.

I can hop in my car,
head on the pillow in nine.

Another real joy for me is to...

look for my dog at a party.

And I don't own a dog.

Okay, so what happens is

huge crowd of people,

I'm looking under tables,
chairs, people's legs,

and I'm like, "Mitzi. Mitzi, come on!"

Then people start asking questions.

You know, "What does the dog look like?"
"How can I help?"

I'm like, "She's a tiny black dog.
Her name's Mitzi."

Then as soon as I start seeing a lot
of people's heads ducking over like that,

I go, "There she is.
Come on, let's go, Mitzi."

And I walk out of the party
without a dog behind me.

I love looking insane.

[sighs]

I went to the...

combined birthday party...

of Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres,

I know, very exciting.
In fact, they're here tonight. Let...

Oh, ha ha,
no way they could possible be here...

[mocking laughter]

Oh, sure, laugh all you want.

So, Ellen is for sure
the most famous talk show host.

[audience laughing]

How is that a punch line?

She's gonna see this special
and be offended by the laughter there.

She is the most famous talk show host
in the world.

-It's undeniable.
-[cheering]

Let's settle down. We all know this.
It's not exciting news.

I'm just setting up some information.

Their party was back to back,
shoulder to shoulder,

the most famous
people you've ever seen in your life.

I'm not including myself on that list,

but they were just looking--
You'd see famous, famous people,

just like, "Oh, my gosh.
So and so's here. Oh, my gosh."

And I look over,

and I saw Ellen talking
in a circle with...

Gwyneth Paltrow...

Bruno Mars...

Diane Keaton

and P!nk.

They were all in the same conversation.

They all had something to say
to one another.

But when I saw that,

I was just like, "That's a party bit."

So I walked over...

and I interrupted her conversation.

I tapped her on the shoulder,

and she was laughing,
she turned, and she said, "Yeah?"

And I was standing there with Stephanie,
and I grabbed her hand,

and I just said, "We're bored."

And Stephanie and I just walked off.

Every person she was talking to was just,
"Who is this person?"

Doesn't matter who I am.
I was bored, and she needed to know .

I would love to offer up

a surprise for everybody.

If... If you would like
to have a surprise.

[scattered applause]

Well, that was...

really not much of a reaction.

Look,
if you don't want a special surprise,

we can skip right over this.

All right, sounds like you would like
a very special surprise.

You're in the right place.

Let me check and see.

Okay. All right, good.

Great.

All right, we're all set.

Yeah. Great.

All right.

Ladies and gentlemen...

please welcome to the stage,

the Indigo Girls.

[cheering]

That was awkward.

But you guys are set?

Okay. What?

Okay, they are set. Sorry about that.

Ladies and gentlemen ,

please welcome to the stage
the Indigo Girls.

[cheering]

What are you guys doing?

[laughs]

Okay, I know what this looks like.

It probably looks
like the Indigo Girls aren't here.

But...

I'm tapping them on the shoulder
right now.

Do you think I can make that up?

Folks, I can't make this up.

I love when comedians say that.

"Folks, I can't make this stuff up."

Like, "Why are you bragging
that you're bad at your job?"

But seriously, they-- they're--
I just looked over at them,

and they're standing there like this
with their guitars.

Do you think I can make that up?

No, that's something
from what I actually saw.

Who here is like...

"I don't think the Indigo Girls are here"?

I'm sorry, but you think
the Indigo Girls are not here

and that I'm just...

Really?

Well, let me tell you.

The brunette broke one of her strings

and had to go off and fix the broken--

What? Listen. I'm tell--
I'm trying to tell you--

I'm trying to keep you up-to-date
with the news here of what's going on.

But partly, what's funny to me is that...

I know what their names are.

And it's kind of funny to me
to call her the brunette.

I know her name.

And she is back here.

But you guys think--

You think I've made up

that...

the Indigo Girls are here.

The Indigo Girls who were...

nominated for a Grammy in 1989...

yeah...

as best new artist
and lost to Milli Vanilli,

you think they are not back here.

But ended up winning the Grammy
the following year.

But listen,
you think they're not back there.

Who here-- Don't get an attitude with me
like, "Yeah, that's right. We don't."

Who here is like...

"I actually kind of think
they might be here."

Wait a minute, so you think...

that I'm gonna do an entire set,

I'm gonna do my show...

and then... [clears throat]

the Indigo Girls
are gonna show up at the end

and perform for you?

You bet they are! Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome the Indigo Girls!

[cheering]

Okay.

Who here...

is like, "You know what?

I came into this situation
thinking they're not here,

now I'm like, 'I think they might be,
but I don't know.'"?

You're on a bit of a roller coaster ride.

Well, that's all about to end.

With no further ado--

Ladies and gen--

No. Mitzi, no. No!

No. No, ma'am.

No, ma'am.

That dog...

That dog will do anything.

[sighs]

So let me get this straight,
you guys think...

that the Indigo Girls,

who I saw for the first time in my life

in this theater we're sitting in,

second row,

your seat,

you think they're not gonna come
fly out here from Atlanta where they live

and--
Don't shake your little finger at me.

This is not little finger-shake time.

This is time
to get the Indigo Girls on stage.

Who here is like,

"Honestly, I don't even know
who the Indigo Girls are."?

You don't know who the Indigo Girls are?
You're about to find out.

Ladies and gentlemen...

They're my favorite band,
that's who they are.

Do you like the Indigo Girls?
You love the Indigo Girls?

I do, too.

It's a very special night...

'cause I know at this point, it's like,
"Come on, Tig..."

Your heads will explode,

and this entire room will be a bloody mess

if the Indigo Girls come out on stage.

Who is your favorite band? The Beatles!

Well, you're in luck tonight, sir.

What? You think I can get invited
to Ellen and Portia's house,

but I can't get the Beatles here?

It is my distinct honor...

Who here...

is like 100%--

100% sure that they are not over here?

I have to admit...

you are correct.

They're on this side.
Ladies and gentlemen...

You're still falling for this.

I can feel it.

You guys are like, "I-- Seriously,
are they here? What's happening?

[sighs]

Who here...

is like...

"I wanna see the Indigo Girls."?

Well, then buy tickets
to an Indigo Girls concert!

♪ My friends, they wash the windows ♪

♪ And they shine in the sun ♪

♪ They tell me wake up early
In the morning sometime ♪

♪ See what a beautiful job we've done ♪

♪ I said let's put on some tunes
Sing along ♪

♪ And do little all day ♪

♪ Come on down to the riverside
Take off our shoes ♪

♪ And wash these sins away ♪

♪ And the river said ♪

♪ La la la, it said ♪

♪ Shame on you ♪

♪ The river said ♪

♪ La la la ♪

♪ It said shame on you ♪

♪ I go down to Chicano city park ♪

♪ Because it makes me feel so fine ♪

♪ And when the weeds go down
You can see up close ♪

♪ In the dead of the wintertime ♪

♪ But when the summer comes
Everything's in bloom ♪

♪ And you wouldn't know it's there ♪

♪ And the white folks like
To pretend it's not ♪

♪ But their music's in the air ♪

♪ And you can hear 'em singing ♪

♪ La la la
They said shame on you ♪

♪ You can feel 'em dancing ♪

♪ La la la
They said shame on you ♪

♪ My friend Tanner
She says you know ♪

♪ Me and Jesus
We're of the same heart ♪

♪ The only thing that keeps us distant ♪

♪ Is that I keep fucking up ♪

♪ I said come on down
To Chicano city park ♪

♪ And wash your blues away ♪

♪ The beautiful ladies walk right by
I know you never know what to say ♪

♪ They'll be singing ♪

♪ Ooh la la la la la la la la
Shame on you ♪

♪ And they'll be dancing ♪

♪ La la la
They said shame on you ♪

♪ Shame on you ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Let's go road block trippin'
In the middle of the night ♪

♪ Up in Gainesville town ♪

♪ There'll be blue lights flashing
Down the long dirt road ♪

♪ When they ask me to step out ♪

♪ They said, "Ma'am, we've been looking
For some illegal immigrants ♪

♪ And we gotta check out your car" ♪

♪ I said it's funny ♪

♪ I think we were on the same boat ♪

♪ Back in 1694 ♪

♪ And I said ♪

♪ Ooh la la la la la ♪

♪ Shame on you ♪

♪ And I'll be dancing ♪

♪ La la la
I said shame on you ♪

♪ And I said
Ooh la la la ♪

♪ They'll be dancing ♪

♪ Shame on you ♪

♪ Ooh la la la la ♪

♪ They'll be singing ♪

♪ Shame on you ♪

♪ I said ♪

-♪ I said ♪
-♪ We'll be dancing ♪

♪ Shame on you ♪

♪ And I'll be dancing ♪

-♪ They'll be singing ♪
-♪ Ooh la la la , I said shame on you ♪

♪ Shame on you ♪

♪ Let's go road block trippin'
In the middle of the night ♪

♪ Up in Gainesville town ♪

All right, here we go, y'all.

[cheering]

Thanks, y'all!

Let's hear it again for the Indigo Girls!

Thank you so much, Houston, Texas.

You guys are the best.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you, friends, family,
people I've never met.

Thanks to the Heights Theater.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

Good night!

Thank you.

[rock music playing]

♪ My friends, they wash the windows ♪

♪ And they shine in the sun ♪

♪They tell me wake up early
In the morning sometime ♪

♪ See what a beautiful job we've done ♪

♪ I say let's put on some tunes
Sing along and do little all day ♪

♪ Go down to the riverside
Take off our shoes ♪

♪ And wash these sins away ♪

♪ The river said  ♪

♪ La la la
It said shame on you ♪

-[woman] Anyway...
-[camera shutter clicks]