All language subtitles for Mad About You - S03E21 - Cake Fear

You have the tickets?
Got 'em.

You sure
you have the tickets?
Yes.

Why would you do that?

* Tell me why
I love you like I do

* Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you

* Let's take each other's hand

* As we jump into
the final frontier

* I'm mad about you, baby

* Yeah!

* I'm mad about you

Hi, yeah, I'd like to confirm
a reservation
for 8:00 tonight.

The name is Buchman.
For four.

Come on, they're gonna
be here any second.
You have it. Huh.

Nothing is
gonna go wrong.

Well, now, okay,
let me ask you this,
do you debone your fish?

You do? All right.
Well, we'll see you there.
Okay.

So, here's the situation,
they didn't lose
the reservation

and I'm not gonna choke.

Sweetie...
All right, so here's
what I think.

It's either gonna
be food poisoning

or... Sorry, Clapper.

I'm gonna get hit
by some sort of
public transportation.

Would you stop?
It's your birthday.

PAUL: That's exactly my point.

If you think
it's gonna happen,
it's gonna happen.

No, excuse me.
What about all
the other years

when I didn't think
it was going to happen?
Still it happened.

It's you, me, Ira,
and Susannah. We're gonna
have a nice dinner...

Ouch.
What happened?

No, no, no,
I'm just practicing.

Fine. You're gonna
fall in a well.
Are you happy now?

You know, I fell in a well.

You did not?
Birthday, 15. Amish country.

You fell in a well?

While making a wish.

Okay?
My God.

No, no, no, this is
the beauty-- this is
the beauty of the thing.

See, I know
it's gonna suck.

I know there's
some disaster coming
and still

I continue
to have birthdays.

Maybe this one
will be better.

Oh, no, no, it will suck.

It's just that I just
don't know what form
the disaster will take

and therein
lies the fascination.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Are you ready? Come on.
I'm-- I'm absolutely all set.

Please don't
call her Sue this time.

Who?
JAMIE: Susannah.

PAUL: When did I call her Sue?
Last week on the way
to the movies.

Well, I was in a hurry.

It's your day.
Please try to enjoy it.

Okay. Tell me
what you see.

Cat?
Hmm. Whose cat?

Ira's cat.
Hmm.

Do you see my bird?
No.

That's because
he's in the cat.

Do you want me to kill myself?
Would that make us even?

I don't know.
Give it a shot.

Okay. Fine. I will.
SUSANNAH: Good.

IRA: I mean it.
SUSANNAH: Good.

Okay, I'm going.
Good.

Here I go.
Good!

Say goodbye.

I'm really going.
Good.

It's better
than last year.

Okay, I told everybody
to be here by 7:30.

Paul should be back
from his shoot around 8:00.

Oh, come on,
you really think
he doesn't know?

Believe me he's been working
so hard on this film
he barely knows his name.

Hey, remember
when I had amnesia?

It wasn't amnesia.

So how did I end up
in New Hampshire?
All right.

Fine. You had amnesia.

I'm gonna go pick up those
chairs from Mr. Wicker's.
Will you please set up?

Okay.

(HUMMING
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU)

(CROWD CHEERING ON TV)

(TV CLICKING OFF)

Excuse me,
these are for the guests.

Hi.
Oops.

PAUL: What?
Nothing.

What happened to your movie?

Ah, well, we finished
everything ahead of schedule.

Well, I don't think
that's very professional.

Where's my little wife?

Well, she's around.
Where are you going?

To get some soup
or something.
I ate the soup.

We have, like,
16 cans of soup.

I know.
It's my period.
Hey, you know what?

Why don't we go out
and I'll buy you some soup?

That's all right.
You know what,
I'm too tired to eat anyhow.

That could work.
What?

Oh, you march
right in there, mister,
and you get some sleep.

I wish I could. You know what,
we've been shooting
for 48 hours

and my brain is just racing.

Take a pill.
I don't have pills.

I have pills.

Yeah.
Really?

Look, birth control,
mood elevator,
appetite suppressant,

appetite stimulator,
Prozac, Breath Asure.

And here we go,
sleeping pills.

These really work?
Oh, yeah.

I don't know about taking
somebody else's prescription.

Oh, they're not even mine.
They're Harriet's.

How is that better?

They're for everybody.

All right.

But I'll tell you this.

If the appliances start
coming to life and chasing me
around the apartment,

I'll be very unhappy.

Lisa, will you help me
with these?
Hush.

What?
Paul's home.

Oh, my God.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't worry.

I fixed everything.
How?

Oh, I gave him
a sleeping pill. He'll be out
for, like, 12 hours.

What?
Ssh.

I'm having a party for him
in half an hour.
I know.

Oh...

JAMIE: Paul?

Paul.

Hey.
Did you take that pill?

Yeah. Why?
Surprise.

What?
I'm throwing a party for you
in half an hour.

Why are you throwing
a party for me?
Because it's your birthday.

I told you
I don't want a party.
I know.

But I thought that was
just 'cause of last year

and I figured you'd get here
and you'd see everybody and...

Can you induce vomiting?

It's my birthday.

I know. But I have, like,
30 people coming over here
any minute.

Come on, it'll be fun.

We know 30 people?
Yeah, Steve is flying in
from Boston.

Ira rounded up
all of your college friends.

Do you know
what we've all been through
to pull this off?

(YAWNING)
I'm so tired,
she gave me a...

Look, would you do
something, please?

(YAWNING)

How's that?

You know what, last year
is looking pretty good.

A little more.
A little more.

A little more.
Fran, why don't you go check
the hors d'oeuvres?

Paul and I can handle this.
No, I have to go check
the hors d'oeuvres.

PAUL: Okay. You do that.

I'm telling you,
this is gonna be the best
birthday you ever had.

It already is.
Good.

Why are we doing this?
I thought it would help
get her mind off things.

All right. Next time
Mark decides to leave her,

tell him to wait
till after my birthday.

Tell me if these
are hot enough?

Ooh.

Mmm.
Great.

I don't want a party.
Well, she does.

Okay, but it's my birthday.
That's why
we're having a party.

Understand
I don't want a party.

Leave me alone.
You'll get presents.

Okay. We got hot cups,
we've got cold cups. We've got
hot cups with handles.

We've got streamers,
hats, balloons,
paper plates, napkins.

We got hot cups.
You already said hot cups.

(SOBBING)
Oh...

I'm sorry.
No...

He's right, he's right.
I meant that good.

You're just saying that.
No, hey,
people love hot cups.

Really?
Yeah, love them,
they love 'em.

That's what
you're wearing?

I thought I would. Yeah.
You're right.
What do you know?

You know plenty.
No, I am too judgmental,
aren't I?

You're not judgmental.
Look at him.
He looks horrible.

Hey, hey, hey...
He does, a little.

How many times have I said
the man doesn't know
how to dress.

That's true.
Excuse me?

Just relax. Have a drink.
We're gonna have
a good time tonight.

Okay.

Come on, let's get you
into some decent clothes.

What? You bought me this.
At least it's not snowing.

MAN 1: The freak spring
blizzard which has crippled
the city and left...

WOMAN 1: ...both the IRT
and IND Subway lines have
been temporarily...

(CHANGING CHANNEL)

MAN 2: ...so buckle down,
New Yorkers, for this freak...

WOMAN 2: ...that's tonight,
I'm Robin Bird.

I've seen this one.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello.
I'm sorry.

Hey, where are you?

I--I sat in the subway
for 45 minutes.

It never moved.
I couldn't get a cab.

I just finally came back
to my office.

Are you all right?
No. I'm frozen,

I lost a boot,
and I'm not with you.

How's your party?
Raging.

Me, Sid and 900 dumplings.

How did Sid get there?

He said he grew up in Minsk.
Hey, I grew up in Minsk.

I was talking about you.
Oh.

Did you take
your birthday walk?

No, I was waiting for you.

Maybe it will let up.
I'll call you back
in a little while. Okay?

All right.
Have fun.

(DOORBELL RINGING)
Okay, bye.

Hey, reinforcements.
Now we're cooking.

Aunt Lolly, what--what--
what are you doing here?

You said
there was a party.

Yes, no, of course.
No, I mean,

how did you get down here?
I drove.

From Connecticut?
I took the Skylark.

Oh. No, 'cause
they--they said it's like a--
like a sheet of ice out there.

Oh...

Do you own that blue Volvo
out front?

No.
Good.

I brought you something.
Happy birthday.
Oh...

Thank you.

Hey, Paul,
who's your friend?

Uh, this is Jamie's aunt,
Lolly.

Lolly, this is my editor,
Sid Novak.

Charmed.
You bet.

Did anybody ever tell you
you look like Errol Flynn?

Not a day goes by.

Yeah, all right.
So who wants cake?

Sweetie? Um, Ms.do it.

This is why
they have bakeries.

I can do it. I can do it.
I can do it.

All right. All right.
All right.

Now bake.

You're very cute,
how you don't give up.

This is our
first birthday here.
I am making you this cake.

Come here.
What?

You have cakie stuff
all over you.

Well, how is it?
Hey, that's good.

Do you do
the port thing
now or later?

Oh, now would be
very good.

Which grandfather was it?

All right.
This is mother's father,

on my 21st birthday,
and he gives me this bottle

and he says,
"Freckles, once a year
you drink a glass of this,

"you take a walk,
you figure it out."
Freckles?

(MUMBLES)

So here's to
figuring it out.

And, you,
I will see next year.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello. No, no, no, Rick.
I told you,
it's my fiance's birthday.

No, I'm not working tonight.

Oh, she did?

All right. All right.
I'll deal with it
first thing in the morning.

Just meet me there
with the file at 7:00.
Okay, bye.

That just sounds weird.
What?

"Fiance. My fiance."

Well, that's what you are.
No, no, no. I know.

It's, it's just,
you know, you...

You're walking around,
you're minding
your own business,

next thing you know,
you're a whole French word.

When you used to think
about it a year ago, would--
would you have thought?

Yes.

No, I mean, seriously,
like a whole year ago.

Yes.
Oh. Well...

If you'd rather
I didn't use the word...

No, no, no, you know,
it's just... You know
what I'm saying.

How--How long
until cake?

Well, it's a little while.

All right. This is gonna
work out good.

Where are you going?

Like my grandfather says,
you drink a little bit,
then you walk.

That's how it works.

Okay. Well,
I have, like, 45 minutes.

Until what?
Until the cake's ready.

Oh, oh.

Okay. Uh,
see, it's like...

It's... It's kind of
something like I kind of
like to do on my own.

Oh, oh, oh.
You know,
it's nothing personal.

It's just that every year
this is what I do.

It's the annual birthday
"you walk, you look forward...

Okay. Okay.
..."you look back"
thing in my head.

Okay.
You know... I mean, like,
Do you want to come?

Well, you want me to come?
Do you want to come?

Do you want me to come?
Sure.

All right.
It's just, you know,
it's like a tradition.

It's a tradition thing.
I like to do it myself.

I understand.
Really?

Yes, okay.
Okay.

Come on, Murray.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Hi.
Hi. How was your walk?

Really good.

What did you think about?

Oh, this and that.
Great. Your cake's ready.

What's all this?
What?

Oh, I'm leaving you tomorrow.
Put your hat on.

Excuse me?
Is your hat on?

My hat.
Yes, my--my hat is on.

You're leaving me?
* Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday, dear Paul
Happy birthday to you *

Thank you.
You're leaving me?
Yes.

Not till tomorrow.
Why?

Because it's your birthday,
I don't want to ruin it.

Why ever?
Obviously, you're not ready
to share your life with me.

Okay? Make a wish.
I don't want
to make a wish.

Make a wish.
I have to separate
our books.

Did we have a big fight
that I should know about?

No fight.

You're just leaving me?
Paul, it's your birthday.
Don't think about it now.

Okay. We'll just wait
till you feel like chatting.

Look, you took your walk,
I took mine.

You figured it out,
so did I.

I just wish we could've
done it together,

we could have saved ourselves
this whole conversation.

Is this your Ivanhoe
or mine?

I--I--I don't have an Ivanhoe.
Mine.

W-What conversation?

There is no conversation.
You're packing.
I'm standing here going "huh?"

You have your walk.
You have your port.

You have your dog.
What does it matter?
Girls of James Bond?

Do you want some port?
Probably yours.

You want to go take a walk?

No, I would like to be
part of your life.

So you think leaving me
will accomplish that.

You won't even tell me
what you thought about.

I'm sorry. That's how
it works. You know, I drink,
I walk, I figure it out.

My grandfather set the rules,
not me.

Was your grandfather
ever married?
Hey, five times.

Great. Cujo?
You want to know what I was
thinking about?

I just want to know
whose copy of Cujo this is.
All right.

I'm gonna tell you
what I was thinking about.

The whole time I'm out there,
I'm walking along and I'm
looking back at the year,

and I'm going,
"Hey, remember this?
Hey, remember that?"

And I see all these people.
They're looking at me

'cause I'm talking to myself,
but they don't know
I'm talking to you.

And all of a sudden
I realize I have
figured it out.

I now have somebody else
to walk with
for the rest of my life.

That's what
I was thinking about.

But you know what?
You're right. You're right.

It's my birthday.
I don't have to discuss it
if I don't want to.

I'm gonna have cake.

To the future.

Fourth word, small word.

"The."

The Silence Of The...

Fifth word.

Dog.

Cow.

Table.

Lamb! Lambs! I'm a lamb!
Silence of the Lambs!

Oh, right,
if you say so.

It just won best picture.

Don't you miss the Automats?

This whole city's
gone to hell.

All right. Who's next?

Uh, you know what, Paul,
it's getting kind of late.

You read my mind.
Oh, you have to go so soon?

Yeah.

Uh, 'cause it's really
kind of early. I've got
all this food here still.

Uh, we'll take a rain check.
All right.

I--I--I've got Pictionary,
if you want.
Oh, that's nice.

I really appreciate
you comin' out. You'll be
all right out there?

Oh, please.
I buried two husbands.

Perhaps they weren't
up to the challenge.

Well, thanks for coming.
Good night, dear.

Good night.
Thanks for coming again.
Paul, many happy returns.

All right. Okay.

Yeah. What do you care?

If your birthday is a bust,
you've got another one
coming in 50 days.

Me, I've got to wait
a whole year.

All right. Everybody works.
Everybody works.

All right. Get out. Go!
Just walk away!

I'm used to it! Beat it!

Amscray!
Get out of here.

Who needs you?

I merely suggested
a little drink might
make her feel better.

Yeah, here's what I think.

Let's have my port,
take our walk

and forget this birthday
ever happened.

Ooh, ooh, oh, my port.

What are you looking at?

(SCATTING)

Come on. Wake up.
Sing with me.

(HUMMING)

Good. Good.
Now wave to the people. Wave.

Good.
JAMIE: Okay, everybody's
upstairs. Oh, oh...

Hi. You came
to the parade.
Yes... Let's get him upstairs.

(DINGING)

Honey, remember,
it's your birthday.

You don't know
anyone's there.

Act surprised. Okay?

Here you go.

You're gonna wait
right here and count to 30.

Okay, sweetie,
do you have your keys?

Honey, your keys?
You have your keys?

Sweetie... Okay, listen,
listen, listen, right.

Just ring the bell.
Ring the bell. Okay?

Lisa just saw him
coming down the street.
Get down. Get down.

...seventeen,

eighteen,

seventeen,

seventeen,

JAMIE: Ira, Fran, get down.

(DOORBELL BUZZING)

Lisa, you'll get the lights,
This is it.
Okay.

One, two, three...

ALL: Surprise!

Can I see you
for a moment?
Sure.

Excuse me.

Would you, uh,
clean this up, please?

Okay, that's all right.
I'm sorry, I've got him.

Sweetie, oh, honey.

Come on, get up. Come on.
Five more minutes.

No, no, no, honey, honey,
there's a party.
Sweetie, there's a party.

All right,
I'll-- I'll get the cab.

No, no, honey, honey,
you're home.
Honey, honey, you're home!

He's here! He's here!
Get down, get down.

Sweetie, how was your day?
Okay.

Okay, good. Let's go in for
a nice, quiet dinner alone.

Okay.
Okay.

ALL: Surprise!

(INAUDIBLE)

Sweetie, look.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Hey...

ALL: Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.

Paulie, so tell me,
were you surprised?

Ira.
Yeah.

You came to my birthday.

Oh, sweetie, have a seat.
It's been a long day.
Here you go.

Lisa, will you help me
with the cake?

I'm so tired...

I'm just saying
a phone call the next day
would have been nice.

Lolly, let it go.

Breakfast, something.

Lolly, let it go.

ALL: * Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday, dear Paul

* Happy birthday to you

(ALL CHEERING)

Sweetie, come on,
blow out the candles
and make a wish.

(YAWNING)

(ALL CHEERING)

IRA: Here I go.
All right, get in here.

Hey, if it makes him
feel better.

Come on, get in here.

See, this one,
I never would have
seen coming.

Just hold on.

Seriously, who would
have thought? The tragedy
of natural selection.

This is not a tragedy.
Excuse me.

I mean for him.
Look, I--I thought that
they could be friends.

It's a cat and a bird.
Figure it out.

So now I know.

Look. I--I'm very sorry
for your loss. Okay?
But it's this man's birthday.

He's convinced himself
he's doomed.
Oh, no, no, I am doomed.

You're not doomed.

Did he tell you
about the well?

People fall down wells.
It doesn't mean anything.

She won't accept this.
No, I won't.

You're gonna have
a good birthday
if it kills you.

Please let me handle this.
Okay, good.
You do what you got to do.

Take your little cat.
I'm gonna go get a cab.

I'll see you downstairs.
All right.

Ira, come on.
Tell her you're sorry.

James, it's the circle
of life.

Cut me a break.
Will you tell her
you're sorry?

Okay. Fine.

I'm sorry.
Okay. Now forgive him.

Fine. I forgive you.
Really?

No. Close enough. Let's go.
We have reservations.

Wait a minute,
what about Roscoe?
He already ate.

Put him in the bathroom.
Come here,
you bad little kitty-cat.

(DOG BARKING)

(CAT MEOWING)
Oh, wait, Ira.

No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

(CAT HISSING)

Look out, Paul!

(THUDDING)

(CAT MEOWING)

PAUL: See, this is
what I'm saying!

(SIREN BLARING)

ALL: * Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday, dear Paul

* Happy birthday to you

(CAT MEOWS)