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1
00:00:06,334 --> 00:00:09,334
Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars,
2
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,667
Saturn, Uranus,
Jupiter, Pluto.
3
00:00:12,734 --> 00:00:14,467
You lose.
Wait, wait, wait.
4
00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:15,934
Murray,
this very nice lady
will be walking you.
5
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,667
Neptune! Neptune!
It's too late.
6
00:00:17,734 --> 00:00:19,667
Pick up some milk
while you're out.
It is not! No, no, no!
7
00:00:19,734 --> 00:00:21,033
Let's play again!
Let's play again!
You lost. You lost the game.
8
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,467
Wait! Mercury,
Venus, Earth, Mars,
9
00:00:23,534 --> 00:00:26,300
Saturn, Uranus,
Neptune, Pluto.
10
00:00:26,367 --> 00:00:27,901
Jupiter.
11
00:00:27,968 --> 00:00:29,234
You, you, you, you...
12
00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:44,634
* Tell me whyI love you like I do
13
00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:48,601
* Tell me whocan stop my heartas much as you
14
00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:50,467
* Let's take each other's hand
15
00:00:50,534 --> 00:00:53,801
* As we jump intothe final frontier
16
00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:57,534
* I'm mad about you, baby
17
00:00:57,601 --> 00:00:59,767
* Yeah!
18
00:00:59,834 --> 00:01:01,834
* I'm mad about you
19
00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:24,300
Hi. I'm Burt Buchman.
20
00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:27,801
Yes, I'm Burt Buchman.
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
21
00:01:27,868 --> 00:01:29,834
I have reservations
under Buchman.
22
00:01:29,901 --> 00:01:32,133
Please, call me Burt.
23
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,434
They're not going
to ask our names.
24
00:01:34,501 --> 00:01:35,968
You never know.
I know.
25
00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:37,901
I'm telling you,
one little slip
26
00:01:37,968 --> 00:01:40,300
then no all-paid
vacation, no resort,
27
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:42,734
no eat-till-you-puke buffet.
Like that.
28
00:01:42,801 --> 00:01:45,167
Like that, we're back
on the road to Dullsville.
29
00:01:45,234 --> 00:01:46,834
Dullsville?
30
00:01:46,901 --> 00:01:48,834
To Dullsville, yeah.
31
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,234
Boringtown.
32
00:01:51,234 --> 00:01:52,434
Rutland.
33
00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:54,434
Yawnburg.
34
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,300
Mount Otony.
35
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:02,467
Get it?
I get it. I just didn't know
we lived there.
36
00:02:02,534 --> 00:02:04,868
I'm just saying
it's good to get away
once in a while.
37
00:02:04,934 --> 00:02:06,467
That's true. It is.
38
00:02:06,534 --> 00:02:08,467
Smell me.
39
00:02:08,534 --> 00:02:10,801
Very nice.
Hi. Burt Buchman.
40
00:02:10,868 --> 00:02:14,100
My lovely-smelling
wife, Sylvia.
41
00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,434
Why would he
surprise your mother
with a non-refundable trip?
42
00:02:17,501 --> 00:02:20,100
"Why"? Why did he
make me take flute?
43
00:02:20,167 --> 00:02:22,701
He told her this place
was supposed to be paradise?
Yes, he did.
44
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:25,834
So?
She said
it's not for her.
45
00:02:25,901 --> 00:02:27,834
Oh! Oh! Did we lock
the apartment?
46
00:02:27,901 --> 00:02:29,667
Yes, we did.
I don't remember
locking it.
47
00:02:29,734 --> 00:02:31,267
I must've locked it.
No, I'm gonna call...
48
00:02:31,334 --> 00:02:33,000
I did! I did!
I did! I did!
Are you sure?
49
00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:35,100
Yes, I did. I did.
I just want to make sure
everything's taken care of
50
00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:37,734
so we can enjoy
the next five days.
51
00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:38,968
Five days.
52
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,501
Murray will be fine.
53
00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:41,801
WOMAN ON PA:Ladies and gentlemen,at this time,
54
00:02:41,868 --> 00:02:44,000
we'd like to beginboarding flight 827...
55
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:47,133
That's us, Burt
and Sylvia Buchman.
56
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,033
They're not going
to ask our names.
57
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,567
Just...
Do me a favor.
58
00:02:50,634 --> 00:02:52,734
Just be my mother
till we get
off the ground, please.
59
00:02:52,801 --> 00:02:56,067
All right. What?
I can't wait to get you
in that hotel room!
60
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,234
Now I'm not interested.
61
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,567
No, no. Come on,
come on, come on.
62
00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:06,667
(CALYPSO MUSIC PLAYING)
63
00:03:06,734 --> 00:03:09,100
There's like a whole
ocean out there.
64
00:03:09,167 --> 00:03:11,701
This is
the exact same room
as in the brochure.
65
00:03:11,767 --> 00:03:14,000
I know.
Oh, and, uh...
66
00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:16,334
There you go.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
67
00:03:17,634 --> 00:03:19,200
Seemed pretty happy.
68
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:20,834
What'd you give him?
Gave him, uh,
eight beads.
69
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,200
That's $35.
70
00:03:24,734 --> 00:03:25,868
I know.
71
00:03:27,934 --> 00:03:29,167
Look. Fruit.
72
00:03:29,234 --> 00:03:30,501
You hear music?
73
00:03:30,567 --> 00:03:32,501
Yeah, I do.
What is this?
74
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:36,501
Huh? That's a, uh...
What is that?
It's a breadfruit.
75
00:03:36,567 --> 00:03:38,033
How do you eat it?
76
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:40,033
You get another one,
you get a couple of slices
of ham,
77
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:42,234
and you got yourself
a little sandwich.
78
00:03:43,601 --> 00:03:44,868
Where's the remote,
do you think?
79
00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:47,133
We're not gonna watch TV!
We're in paradise!
80
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,434
I'm not gonna watch.
I'm just gonna turn it on.
81
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:53,467
It's probably
with the TV.
82
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,601
All right,
so where's the TV?
83
00:03:58,033 --> 00:04:00,000
I don't know.
Maybe it pops up.
84
00:04:06,634 --> 00:04:08,067
Doesn't pop up.
This is nuts.
85
00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:09,734
I'm gonna call
the front desk.
Honey?
86
00:04:09,801 --> 00:04:11,400
Wait a sec. There's no...
Wait, wait, wait...
Honey?
87
00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:13,834
"Leave yourself behind.
At Hotel St. Nicole,
88
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:16,501
"you will enjoy a relaxing
tropical atmosphere
89
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:18,200
"with none
of the distractions
of modern life.
90
00:04:18,267 --> 00:04:22,334
"No phones, no TV,
just you and paradise."
91
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,868
What, are they kidding?
92
00:04:23,934 --> 00:04:25,834
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
93
00:04:25,901 --> 00:04:27,501
That's just wrong.
94
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,033
Hi!
Hi!
95
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,601
Hi! I'm Trish Dawson.
Yes.
96
00:04:32,667 --> 00:04:34,067
We spoke last week.
97
00:04:34,133 --> 00:04:35,734
We did?
Burt?
98
00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:38,300
Trish!
Hi!
99
00:04:38,367 --> 00:04:39,968
Hi. Come on in.
100
00:04:40,033 --> 00:04:41,767
This is my wife.
Honey, look, it's...
101
00:04:41,834 --> 00:04:44,634
I know. I know.
Hi, Trish.
Hi!
102
00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,334
So this is your room,
and you share the terrace,
103
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:48,901
and I have
a few things for you.
104
00:04:48,968 --> 00:04:50,801
Oh, boy, and we
didn't get you
anything.
105
00:04:54,033 --> 00:04:57,901
Okay, here's your, um,
schedules and activities.
Oh, good.
106
00:04:57,968 --> 00:05:00,901
Here's the table numbers
and your cabana locations.
107
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,834
This is the tide schedule.
108
00:05:02,901 --> 00:05:05,501
Here's a map
of the island,
109
00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:07,868
and our complimentary
shell diary.
110
00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:09,767
And here's a list
of four other couples
111
00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:12,000
we think that you are
really gonna like.
112
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,300
Other couples?
113
00:05:13,367 --> 00:05:15,868
Based on our conversation,
we tailor-made your week
114
00:05:15,934 --> 00:05:17,934
just to fit
your personal profile.
115
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,200
Now, if there's
anything else you need,
you please let me know.
116
00:05:20,267 --> 00:05:21,367
We will.
Yes.
117
00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:22,367
Believe me
when I tell you,
118
00:05:22,434 --> 00:05:24,100
this is going to be
the vacation
119
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:26,601
that Burt and Sylvia Buchman
have always dreamed of.
120
00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,467
I've never been
more afraid in my life.
121
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:41,467
Can I just say I loved you
in The Lion in Winter?
122
00:05:43,701 --> 00:05:45,334
I'm very fair.
123
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,267
What'd you put on,
number 45?
124
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:48,667
What, you're kidding?
125
00:05:48,734 --> 00:05:50,667
You squeeze this,
a sweater comes out.
126
00:05:53,167 --> 00:05:54,801
(GRUNTING)
127
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:56,334
What's the matter?
128
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,033
I'm supposed to be my father.
You sit, you announce it.
129
00:06:01,734 --> 00:06:03,234
This is nice,
isn't it?
130
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,434
Mmm-hmm.
131
00:06:06,067 --> 00:06:09,000
"I hear Genevieve had
an eventful voyage."
132
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:11,167
Who's that?
133
00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:15,267
(READING IN FRENCH)
134
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:16,434
What are you doing?
135
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,534
I am looking
for a man named Guy.
136
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:21,667
Don't look for
a man named Guy here!
137
00:06:21,734 --> 00:06:23,033
My French final's
in two weeks.
138
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,334
What happened to
leaving ourselves
behind?
139
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,567
All right. Tres bien.
140
00:06:27,634 --> 00:06:30,167
All right. Come on,
isn't this nice?
141
00:06:30,234 --> 00:06:32,267
Mmm-hmm. It's paradise.
142
00:06:32,334 --> 00:06:35,200
That's right.
And plenty of it.
143
00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:36,701
MAN: Burt and Sylvia!
Yes. What happened?
144
00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:38,934
Sam and Fritzi Frank.
Hi.
145
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,767
FRITZI: Hello!
Hello.
146
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,901
You're on our list.
We're on the list?
147
00:06:42,968 --> 00:06:44,868
Yeah, sure.
You're on the list.
148
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:46,968
(GRUNTING)
Oh!
149
00:06:48,734 --> 00:06:50,767
Is this paradise
or what?
150
00:06:50,834 --> 00:06:52,300
Yes, it is.
151
00:06:52,367 --> 00:06:54,767
Yeah, sure. I understand
you're in the business.
152
00:06:54,834 --> 00:06:56,367
In the business?
In sporting goods, yes!
153
00:06:56,434 --> 00:06:58,701
Sporting goods,
yes, for years. Yeah, sure.
154
00:06:58,767 --> 00:06:59,868
Yeah, sure.
155
00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:01,200
I hear you like canasta.
156
00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:02,400
From whom?
157
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:03,901
It's on the list.
158
00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:05,634
So how's business?
159
00:07:05,701 --> 00:07:06,834
Business?
Business is good, good.
Very good.
160
00:07:06,901 --> 00:07:08,567
For you?
How's business for you?
161
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:11,033
Balls.
Mmm?
162
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:14,934
Balls, balls, balls,
balls. That's all anybody
wants, is balls.
163
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,434
Yeah. Well, kids.
Go figure.
164
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:19,067
You want me to spray you?
Excuse me?
165
00:07:19,133 --> 00:07:21,367
The bugs. They will
eat you alive.
166
00:07:21,434 --> 00:07:23,501
I don't see any bugs.
Ah! That's why they call 'em
"no-see-'ems."
167
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:25,067
You'll thank me later.
168
00:07:25,133 --> 00:07:27,667
What do they do
with all these balls?
169
00:07:27,734 --> 00:07:29,634
Well, uh, uh...
Hey, welcome
to paradise.
170
00:07:29,701 --> 00:07:30,901
Uh-huh.
171
00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:37,734
Nothing like
100 hands of canasta
172
00:07:37,801 --> 00:07:40,167
to help you work up
an appetite.
173
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:42,100
Burt, Sylvia, hi!
174
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:43,734
Hi.
Are you having
a good time?
175
00:07:43,801 --> 00:07:45,033
Oh, the very best.
176
00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,634
Oh, here's
your afternoon schedule.
177
00:07:46,701 --> 00:07:48,133
I put you at table 17.
178
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,834
I want you
to enjoy your lunch.
Okay.
179
00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:52,534
Table 17 would be...
180
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:54,834
Eat first,
and then
I'll spray you!
181
00:07:54,901 --> 00:07:58,100
Think this is...
This is table 17, I think.
182
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:01,033
So what do we got
to do today?
183
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:02,467
We eat, and I have
an archery lesson.
184
00:08:02,534 --> 00:08:04,534
You have a burro ride
on the beach.
185
00:08:04,601 --> 00:08:07,434
And then
we're back together
for "Simon says."
186
00:08:07,501 --> 00:08:08,734
I'm riding a burro?
187
00:08:08,801 --> 00:08:10,267
Let's blow it off.
188
00:08:10,334 --> 00:08:12,167
Can't. Can't blow it off.
Why not?
189
00:08:12,234 --> 00:08:15,067
Because Burt Buchman
wouldn't blow off a burro.
190
00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:17,100
We can't do this.
What are we gonna do?
191
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,868
Well, tonight,
for example, karaoke.
192
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,501
God help us.
193
00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:23,834
It'll be fine.
It'll be just fine.
194
00:08:23,901 --> 00:08:26,033
Splink! Splink.
195
00:08:26,767 --> 00:08:28,734
Excuse me?
196
00:08:28,801 --> 00:08:30,701
My father. You never noticed
my father can't put
ice in a drink
197
00:08:30,767 --> 00:08:32,400
without saying
"splink, splink"?
198
00:08:32,467 --> 00:08:33,601
What does it mean?
199
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:35,501
It means "splink!"
200
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:38,634
I don't know. It's just
actually kind of fun.
Ready? Splink, splink.
201
00:08:38,701 --> 00:08:40,834
I'm really tired
of being your parents.
202
00:08:40,901 --> 00:08:44,100
Well, we already
left ourselves behind.
So who else you got?
203
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:45,834
Hi.
Bonjour.
204
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,767
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
You speak French.
205
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:49,033
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
206
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,734
(WAITER INQUIRING
IN FRENCH)
207
00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:53,634
(ORDERING IN FRENCH)
208
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:55,801
(INQUIRES
IN FRENCH)
209
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:58,133
Yeah, uh...
210
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,801
I'm gonna have a, uh...
211
00:08:59,868 --> 00:09:01,601
Give me a Reuben
and, uh,
212
00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:03,601
the fries
of your people.
213
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:08,267
(ASKING FOR CLARIFICATION
IN FRENCH)
214
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:12,634
(RESPONDING IN FRENCH)
215
00:09:12,701 --> 00:09:13,801
(REPLIES IN FRENCH)
216
00:09:13,868 --> 00:09:14,801
(THANKS IN FRENCH)
217
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,234
Hi.
218
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,434
Hi.
219
00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:21,901
My husband and I
went to Europe last year.
220
00:09:21,968 --> 00:09:23,767
(MUTTERS IN AGREEMENT)
221
00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:25,901
What part of France
are you from?
222
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,601
We never...
Paris.
223
00:09:29,834 --> 00:09:31,634
I'm Louise.
This is Ron.
224
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,767
Hi. I'm Paul,
and this is my wife...
225
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,367
Simone. Bonjour.
226
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:41,267
(ENUNCIATING)
I love your accent.
227
00:09:41,334 --> 00:09:43,634
(IN FRENCH ACCENT)
Thank you, and I love yours.
228
00:09:43,701 --> 00:09:45,701
Oh! You speak English.
229
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,767
A little.
230
00:09:47,834 --> 00:09:49,067
Listen, we are not...
231
00:09:49,133 --> 00:09:51,834
Uh, very comfortable,
oui, with the English.
232
00:09:51,901 --> 00:09:54,634
Oh, no, no.
You're doing just fine.
233
00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:56,634
We're not French.
Non. Just me.
234
00:09:56,701 --> 00:09:59,334
Uh, my husband
is a diplomat.
235
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,267
Oh! Really?
That's so interesting!
236
00:10:02,334 --> 00:10:05,167
Oui, oui. More interesting
than the ride on the burro.
237
00:10:05,234 --> 00:10:06,934
No?
238
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,300
LOUISE: I beg
your pardon?
239
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:11,033
Um, it is an idiom.
I do not know how to say.
240
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,634
(LOUISE CHUCKLING)
241
00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:14,367
How did you two meet?
242
00:10:14,434 --> 00:10:16,167
Ze peace talks.
The peace talks?
243
00:10:16,234 --> 00:10:18,033
Oui, oui,
ze peace talks.
244
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:21,934
I was selling crepes,
and my cart had a flat.
245
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,334
You know,
it is the same story
since time began.
246
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:29,133
Oh, I must say,
you two are just the most
fascinating people.
247
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,868
Yeah. You have no idea.
248
00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:35,734
What were you doing?
I don't know. It was fun.
249
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,501
That's fun?
Lying to nice people
is fun?
250
00:10:38,567 --> 00:10:41,167
Every vacation,
Lisa and I
would have a contest.
251
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:44,634
We'd go down to the boardwalk
and see who could be
the most people.
252
00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:46,133
Well, look
what happened to her.
253
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,334
Oh, all right.
254
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:48,667
Don't knock it
till you've tried it.
255
00:10:48,734 --> 00:10:50,601
Hey!
Honey!
256
00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:53,367
Honey,
are you all right?
Yes, thank you.
257
00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:54,934
Hi.
BOTH: Hi.
258
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,000
Everything okay
out here?
259
00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,400
I'm fine, thanks.
What happened?
260
00:10:57,467 --> 00:11:00,100
He was just trying out
a new routine.
Routine?
261
00:11:00,167 --> 00:11:01,534
We're circus people.
262
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,534
Really?
263
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:05,701
Absolutely.
Isn't that
right, honey?
264
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,868
Yes. Uh, fifth-generation
circus people.
265
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,467
Wow! I love the circus!
266
00:11:10,534 --> 00:11:12,634
So what do you do?
267
00:11:12,701 --> 00:11:15,000
Uh... Well, you see
what I did there?
Yeah.
268
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,300
Picture that higher up
and in tights.
269
00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:19,601
That's great!
So what do you do?
270
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:20,767
I, uh...
She's a contortionist.
271
00:11:20,834 --> 00:11:23,467
I'm a contortionist.
Yeah.
272
00:11:23,534 --> 00:11:25,667
You know what?
Show him the thing
you've been working on.
273
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,400
What thing?
274
00:11:27,467 --> 00:11:29,734
The new thing
where you put both feet
behind your head and you spin.
275
00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:32,200
Not without a net.
276
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:34,367
Come on, come on,
let's do it, huh? Come on.
277
00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:35,434
Hop up.
278
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:39,100
I wouldn't say
I invented it,
279
00:11:39,167 --> 00:11:40,534
but I said to Lipton,
280
00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:43,634
"You got a cup.
You got noodles.
You do the math."
281
00:11:47,901 --> 00:11:49,667
Actually, I should be
head rodeo clown,
282
00:11:49,734 --> 00:11:52,701
but it's just
a big boys' club.
283
00:11:52,767 --> 00:11:54,067
Oh, yeah, I've been
on the Calypso
284
00:11:54,133 --> 00:11:56,667
about eight,
nine years now.
285
00:11:56,734 --> 00:11:58,968
Jacques is a
nice man. Nice man.
286
00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:02,734
You have to remember,
don't touch his hat.
287
00:12:02,801 --> 00:12:04,234
Well, sure, it's
a little dangerous,
288
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,534
but, heck, they don't
dismantle themselves.
289
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,334
I'm sorry.
That's why they call it
the Secret Service.
290
00:12:16,734 --> 00:12:18,467
(CALYPSO MUSICPLAYING ON STEREO)
291
00:12:23,934 --> 00:12:26,667
Sweetie, come on.
This music's gonna
make me nuts.
292
00:12:26,734 --> 00:12:29,267
Tika-tika-tika-tika...
293
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:30,834
Turn it off.
294
00:12:30,901 --> 00:12:32,234
If I could turn it off,
295
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,868
I wouldn't be sitting here
going "tika-tika-tika-tika."
296
00:12:34,934 --> 00:12:36,167
All right,
one second.
297
00:12:36,234 --> 00:12:37,567
Seriously. It's like
we're in hell
298
00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:39,801
and Don Ho
is the deejay.
299
00:12:40,734 --> 00:12:42,834
I'm ready.
What is that?
300
00:12:42,901 --> 00:12:45,667
Oh, good. The Van Runks
want to have dinner
with us tonight.
301
00:12:45,734 --> 00:12:47,634
We can't do that.
So? They were nice.
302
00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:49,100
No. They have, like...
303
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:51,334
He wants me to make him
a sport coat.
304
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,334
Will you just admit
you had fun?
305
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,901
It was fun
for one night.
306
00:12:55,968 --> 00:12:57,868
Honey, honey, the Shapiros.
Where were we last night?
307
00:12:57,934 --> 00:12:59,000
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Who were we?
308
00:12:59,067 --> 00:13:00,834
Who were we?
Wait, wait, wait!
309
00:13:00,901 --> 00:13:03,067
Hey, Giuseppe!
Hey, buon giorno!
310
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,033
You know what,
I'm actually starting
to like this place.
311
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,300
Sure. All we do
is eat and lie.
What's not to like?
312
00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:13,767
Hey, Vinnie.
313
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:14,934
How's this?
314
00:13:17,334 --> 00:13:19,434
That's good.
You just want
to watch the hook.
315
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,000
What was that?
316
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,934
I told him I'm a
professional bowler.
317
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,434
Where did you
get that?
318
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:26,701
At ease.
319
00:13:28,567 --> 00:13:31,067
What did we do
last night?
We were interesting.
320
00:13:31,133 --> 00:13:32,767
Let's never do
that again.
321
00:13:32,834 --> 00:13:34,234
I'll see you later.
Where are you going?
322
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:36,501
To get my shoes.
Sylvia has a golf lesson.
323
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,434
What about me?
Do you want to come?
324
00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:40,300
Nah. It's enough
that you asked.
325
00:13:40,367 --> 00:13:42,601
I'm gonna
check out the lagoon,
take a nap, whatever.
326
00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:43,868
All right.
I'll see you at dinner.
327
00:13:43,934 --> 00:13:45,467
All right, have fun.
Okay.
328
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:46,534
Hello.
329
00:13:46,601 --> 00:13:48,100
Oh, hi!
330
00:13:48,167 --> 00:13:49,701
I've been looking
for you.
331
00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:51,868
I know, I know.
I'm sorry about
the cheese-tasting thing.
332
00:13:51,934 --> 00:13:53,067
It's just that
it was so hot.
333
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,567
That's not the problem.
There's a problem?
334
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,701
Oh, yes. I have been
having trouble
335
00:13:57,767 --> 00:14:00,067
making
the seating arrangements
for tonight's dinner.
336
00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:01,767
Uh-huh.
337
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:04,801
It seems that the Reznicks
want to have dinner with
the astronaut and his wife,
338
00:14:04,868 --> 00:14:07,701
and the Duvalls
are dying to dine
with the cellists,
339
00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:09,400
and the Nagles have
a million questions
340
00:14:09,467 --> 00:14:11,767
for the couple
who discovered Velcro.
341
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,067
So?
342
00:14:14,133 --> 00:14:15,601
So I have
checked it out,
343
00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:19,033
and it seems that
they're all staying
in your room.
344
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,667
Well, that hardly
seems possible.
345
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:22,534
Exactly.
So we're all clear, then?
346
00:14:22,601 --> 00:14:24,868
No.
All righty.
347
00:14:24,934 --> 00:14:26,934
What is going on here?
Nothing.
348
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,534
Is this some sort
of a con game?
No.
349
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:30,567
Are you from
another hotel?
No!
350
00:14:30,634 --> 00:14:33,133
Because if you're not
Burt and Sylvia Buchman,
We are!
351
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,133
I'm going to be forced
to turn this matter
over to security...
352
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,467
All right,
all right, all right.
I will tell you the truth.
353
00:14:38,534 --> 00:14:39,634
Go on.
354
00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:42,601
It's my husband.
355
00:14:42,667 --> 00:14:44,400
Yes?
Burt.
356
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,567
Yes?
357
00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:49,100
This is very hard
for me to talk about.
358
00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:50,167
Try.
359
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,901
He's not well.
360
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:55,100
In what sense?
361
00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:56,934
In the sense that he's...
362
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,334
What?
Uh, well...
363
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,033
What?
Sort of...
364
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,300
What?
365
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:02,534
(WHISPERING)
Insane.
366
00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:09,100
Insane?
Yeah, well, we don't
like to use that word.
367
00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:10,467
I--I just... I...
368
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:11,968
I'm sorry.
I had no idea.
369
00:15:12,033 --> 00:15:14,534
His doctors suggested
we get away
370
00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:15,767
and it seemed
like a good idea.
371
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:17,067
I thought I could
control him
372
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,267
but I never should've
brought him back to the sea.
373
00:15:19,334 --> 00:15:21,634
He looks at the ocean,
and memories
start coming back,
374
00:15:21,701 --> 00:15:23,601
and the voices...
It's...
375
00:15:26,167 --> 00:15:27,801
Well, is--is
he dangerous?
376
00:15:27,868 --> 00:15:29,767
Not at all.
I have a golf lesson.
377
00:15:30,801 --> 00:15:32,968
I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
378
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,868
Is there anything
that we can do?
379
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,000
No, no, thank you.
Actually, we could use
some more towels.
380
00:15:41,267 --> 00:15:43,701
How you doing, Biff?
Hey. Damn bugs.
381
00:15:43,767 --> 00:15:45,234
Where are these bugs?
I don't see 'em.
382
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,601
That's why they call them
"no-see-'ems."
383
00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,133
We've been
through this.
384
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:53,267
You ever had this juice?
What is it?
385
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:54,501
Guava.
Guava?
386
00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:56,033
Guava.
387
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,234
I like papaya.
388
00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,033
Guava. Guava.
389
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:02,133
Guava. The juice
that's as much fun to say
as it is to drink.
390
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,868
Guava.
391
00:16:03,934 --> 00:16:05,834
Mr. Frank,
could I speak to you
for a minute?
392
00:16:05,901 --> 00:16:06,968
Sure.
Hi.
393
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,000
Hi, Trish.
394
00:16:11,801 --> 00:16:13,334
Splink, splink.
395
00:16:14,534 --> 00:16:16,067
Guava.
396
00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:17,334
Guava, guava.
397
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,200
Splink.
Splink, splink.
398
00:16:19,267 --> 00:16:20,934
Guava, guava,
splink, splink.
399
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:25,467
See you.
400
00:16:54,133 --> 00:16:56,400
Let that be a lesson
to the rest of you.
401
00:17:02,968 --> 00:17:05,367
Hi.
Hi.
402
00:17:05,434 --> 00:17:06,868
I'm thinking about
renting a boat.
403
00:17:06,934 --> 00:17:09,467
Ah! Do you like boats?
404
00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:14,501
Love boats.
I like boats, too.
405
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,367
Yeah, right, well,
then you can be
my very best friend.
406
00:17:18,267 --> 00:17:20,701
Are you a sailor, sir?
407
00:17:20,767 --> 00:17:22,501
Yeah, you can
call me Popeye.
408
00:17:22,567 --> 00:17:25,300
Okay. And where are we
going today, skipper?
409
00:17:28,033 --> 00:17:30,801
Who knows?
Maybe Canada.
410
00:17:30,868 --> 00:17:33,601
Yeah, eat me some bacon,
drink me some beer.
411
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:38,234
Oh, I don't know.
Canada? It's pretty far away.
412
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:41,467
All right, then
I'll just paddle around
till the rope says no.
413
00:17:41,534 --> 00:17:43,601
Very good, sir.
Oh, hey, look at that.
414
00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:46,167
Our boats seem to be
all rented out.
415
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,901
All right, then
we'll just have to
attack by air.
416
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:51,501
(CHUCKLING
CONDESCENDINGLY)
417
00:17:57,133 --> 00:17:59,501
It just breaks
your heart, doesn't it?
418
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:05,300
(CALYPSO MUSICPLAYING ON STEREO)
419
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:07,934
(GRUNTING)
420
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,567
How do you expect me
to take a nap around here
421
00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:11,868
with this tika-tika-tika-tika?
422
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,934
There's the speaker!
423
00:18:16,334 --> 00:18:17,567
(GRUNTS)
424
00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:23,734
Can't stop the music.
Can't stop the music.
425
00:18:26,534 --> 00:18:28,434
Here you go,
tika-tika-tika.
426
00:18:28,501 --> 00:18:30,601
Here, tika-tika-
tika-tika-tika.
427
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:31,634
Come here.
428
00:18:41,033 --> 00:18:43,334
May I help, sir?
Yeah, two, please.
429
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,300
Yes, of course.
430
00:18:49,467 --> 00:18:50,734
Thank you.
431
00:18:58,367 --> 00:19:00,067
Is that all right?
432
00:19:00,133 --> 00:19:01,667
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
433
00:19:04,501 --> 00:19:05,834
How you doin' today?
434
00:19:06,634 --> 00:19:07,734
Hello.
435
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,501
Can I borrow
that knife?
That knife?
436
00:19:12,567 --> 00:19:14,267
Yeah.
Why?
437
00:19:14,334 --> 00:19:16,200
I just wanna butter my roll.
Oh, I'll butter
your roll for you.
438
00:19:16,267 --> 00:19:18,534
No, you don't have to...
No, really, I do.
439
00:19:22,267 --> 00:19:23,501
Thank you.
440
00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:24,767
Hey.
441
00:19:24,834 --> 00:19:26,434
Hi. Hey,
how was your lesson?
442
00:19:26,501 --> 00:19:28,801
It was good.
How was your day?
Uh, good.
443
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,234
Did you talk
to anybody?
444
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:31,667
Not really. Why?
445
00:19:31,734 --> 00:19:33,367
Okay, here's the thing.
Madam?
446
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:35,100
Monsieur.
447
00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:36,567
Thank you.
448
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,400
When you get a chance,
can I get a knife, please?
449
00:19:41,968 --> 00:19:43,067
What's going on?
450
00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:46,734
Okay, you're gonna laugh.
Hi!
451
00:19:46,801 --> 00:19:49,334
Oh, oh, Trish, I don't know
if you've done
tomorrow's schedule,
452
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,734
but I'd love to get in
on that parasailing.
453
00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:54,400
We have a lovely
lanyard class.
454
00:19:54,467 --> 00:19:56,767
I don't want to take
a lanyard class.
455
00:19:56,834 --> 00:19:58,400
My guests find it
very soothing.
456
00:19:58,467 --> 00:20:00,400
Okay. Well, what about
the parasailing?
457
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,234
You can make a key ring.
I already have a key ring.
458
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,334
All right, all right,
just settle down.
Settle down.
459
00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:10,300
What's going on?
All right, all right. Um,
460
00:20:10,367 --> 00:20:13,300
it's possible
that some people here
461
00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:15,467
may think you're a little
462
00:20:15,534 --> 00:20:16,501
crazy.
463
00:20:17,901 --> 00:20:19,100
Why would they
think that?
464
00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:20,701
Because I might've
told them that you were.
465
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,100
You might have?
466
00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:23,534
I'm sorry. What's-her-name
heard us telling people stuff,
467
00:20:23,601 --> 00:20:25,367
and I had to say something.
468
00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:26,801
So that's what
you came up with?
That we're crazy?
469
00:20:26,868 --> 00:20:29,934
No, just you.
Boy, I'm hungry.
470
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,200
Are you ready
to order?
471
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:32,634
Uh...
Yeah, listen,
472
00:20:32,701 --> 00:20:35,167
I don't know
what you heard.
I'm not crazy.
473
00:20:36,267 --> 00:20:37,501
I'll come back.
474
00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:41,701
Uh, I'm-- I'm not crazy.
475
00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:43,200
Of course not.
476
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:45,534
And I'm not a diplomat.
Of course not.
477
00:20:45,601 --> 00:20:46,567
I'm a filmmaker.
478
00:20:46,634 --> 00:20:47,767
Really?
Yes.
479
00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:48,901
Are you
Alfred Hitchcock?
480
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,000
No, I'm not
Alfred Hitchcock.
481
00:20:53,067 --> 00:20:55,734
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Is there a situation?
482
00:20:55,801 --> 00:20:59,501
Yes, there's a situation.
You told everybody
that I'm crazy?
483
00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:02,100
I had a responsibility.
484
00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:04,534
You want to know the truth?
Okay, here is the truth.
485
00:21:04,601 --> 00:21:08,801
We came on vacation,
and we got a little
carried away.
486
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:11,133
We're not doctors.
We're not diplomats.
487
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,934
We're not astronauts.
We're not rodeo clowns.
488
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,234
I am not my father.
She is not my mother.
489
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,033
This whole trip
has been one big lie.
490
00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:21,834
And I gotta tell you,
I'm getting a little tired
of being everybody else.
491
00:21:21,901 --> 00:21:23,501
I am Paul Buchman,
492
00:21:23,567 --> 00:21:25,901
I'm a documentary filmmaker
from New York,
493
00:21:25,968 --> 00:21:28,033
and I can butter
my own roll.
494
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:31,868
This is my wife,
her name is Jamie,
495
00:21:31,934 --> 00:21:34,100
she runs a PR firm
out of our living room,
496
00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:37,868
and she has a French exam
in two weeks.
497
00:21:37,934 --> 00:21:40,501
All right?
Do you understand this?
We are who we are,
498
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:43,334
and from now on,
that's all we're gonna be.
499
00:21:46,067 --> 00:21:47,701
Thank you.
Does everybody
understand?
500
00:21:47,767 --> 00:21:48,868
Has everybody
got that?
501
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,133
PAUL: So I don't really need
your lanyard class.
502
00:21:55,434 --> 00:21:58,667
Ooh, I like your lanyard.
503
00:21:58,734 --> 00:21:59,934
Thank you.
504
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,767
(CALYPSO MUSICPLAYING ON STEREO)
505
00:22:08,834 --> 00:22:12,000
Come on, honey.
If you can't beat 'em,
join 'em. Come on.
506
00:22:21,033 --> 00:22:22,767
Hey, dig me.
507
00:22:22,834 --> 00:22:24,567
I'm Harry Belafonte.
37952
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