All language subtitles for Kringle.Timee.1080p

- Just give me the keys.
- Give me the keys.

Give me the keys.

It's Kringle Time!

There are, like,
forty people counting on me...

Oh everyone's always
counting on you, Gary!

Everyone always needs you, Gary!

Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary!

The spotlight shines
real bright, doesn't it, Gary?

I know it's not
Mister Goddamn Wizard,

but they still need someone
to run the fucking show

and in order to run
the fucking show,

I need to get
to the fucking show

and in order to get
to the fucking show,

I need the fucking car!

Blinders, Jerry!

My Car!

So what if it's in your name?

You are more than this.

You are more than
the job you hold.

You are more than
the town where you live.

You are a shining ball
in the darkness of existence.

We're at ten minutes, Jer.

On my way.

- Herb's not at set.
- What? Where is he?

I don't know.
But he's not at set.

Intern said he's not
in the dressing room either.

Ten minutes!

Hey Gunther, my trash
still hasn't been taken out.

- F�nf minuten.
- It's been four days,

can you take care of it, please?

- Jawohl!
- Can you just say "Yes"

- in the future?
- Jawohl.

I don't speak German, Gunther.

Hey... who are you...

Have you seen Herb?

Welcome to Goshen Public-Access,
Mr. Mayor.

Oh, Jerry,
you've met Rodney, right?

Mayor Jorkins, don't think
I've had the pleasure.

Hiya Jerry,
the pleasure's all mine!

Did you vote for me?

I'm just joshin' ya!

But did you vote for me?

- Uh, Daphne?
- What!

- Seen Herb?
- I haven't seen him.

- The Herb?
- Very nice to meet you, sir.

All right, love you, bye.

- Meow, meow...
- You guys seen Herb?

Jer-Bear, we're in the middle
of something.

Please don't call me Jer-Bear,
I just want...

? Leave us the fuck alone ?

Bye.

? Leave us the fuck alone ?

- Jerry, where the fuck is Herb?
- Looking for him right now.

I need to mic him up
before we go live.

Sound doesn't penetrate
a fucking snowsuit, Jerry.

- I'm on it, Karen.
- Aw thanks, asshat.

Six minutes.

Good morning, Goshen.

Morning.

Good morning, Goshen!

- Good morning Go-shen...
- Ernest!

- Have you seen Herb?
- What?

- Herb.
- What?

I... I don't know, Jerry.

Okay.

Hey, have we checked
his dressing room?

The sign on the door
says "In Kringle Time."

I just assumed he's on set.

- That's not what that means.
- What does it mean?

Herb needs personal time
during the day.

- He calls it "Kringle Time."
- Well it's also the name

of the show,
so it's just confusing.

It is confusing,
thank you, Greg.

- Herb, we're at...
- Jerry, I have to quit.

Wh... can we talk about this
later?

No, I'm sorry.

Herb, we gotta stop
burning through interns.

It's this place, Jerry.

When your dad and I
started this show,

I never thought I'd be here now.

We really don't have time
for this today.

Three decades and here I am.

Gathering dust inside
a fraying snowman.

Doesn't sound so bad.

You're a fuck-up, Jerry.

You don't know nothing.

Okay.

- Hey, big love.
- Tell me the mantra again.

Take the turn!

Come on, Grayson, you fuck!

Is that my daughter
on the phone?

- Yes.
- ...At the fucking Hamptons!

Herb won't come to set, what's
the thing you said last time?

Come on, Grayson,
you're better than this.

- What did you say last time?
- Oh.

Tell him there's only
one Kringles.

Can't control our legacy, Jerry.

That's... that's
what I figured out.

At the end of the day,
our life's just a...

There's only one Kringles.

Fuck it.

Karen, found your snowman!

- How you doing, love?
- For fuck's sake, Herb!

Ugh, God, you smell
like piss on the rocks.

- Yeah, well...
- We got two minutes!

I feel like Brooklyn
is where I belong,

but Manhattan is,
like, my soul.

- Uptown or downtown?
- No, Manhattan.

- You found Herb?
- Yeah.

- Is he drunk?
- Where's the mayor?

Oh Jesus.

Mr. Mayor.

Is this 4K, or what?

Yeah, it's great, huh?

Don't wander off.

- Yeah, great technology.
- Mhm.

- You use three cameras on this?
- That's right.

Herb, you good?

As good as it gets, Jer.

Meant to say that kids
are the bane of my existence,

but that's, you know, you do
what you gotta do, right?

This place that I got
in Brooklyn...

All right, ladies and gentlemen,
we are live in...

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

Fade up title.

- Is that here?
- Nope, up one.

- Okay, there.
- It's Kringle Time!

And we're live.

? Whenever you feel sadness ?

? And your face
is full of frownies ?

? Yesterday was uppies ?

? But today
you have the downies ?

? Then maybe
you should call upon ?

? That shining ball of snow ?

? And if you've never met him ?

? Then there's something
you should know ?

And camera two, you are live.

? His name is Kringles ?

? And when he swings his magic
lasso you'll feel tingles ?

? And you'll sing
"Scrip-a-doo-banana-jamma" ?

? Scrip-a-doo-banana-jamma ?

? Kringles ?

? He is the man of snow
who can do anythingles ?

? When you sing
"Scrip-a-doo-banana-jamma" ?

? Scrip-a-doo-banana-jamma ?

Uh oh, cowpokes!

I don't have enough
magical power

to do the Kringle Twist yet.

You must not be wishing
hard enough.

And mark.

? Ahhhh ?

? Ahhhh ?

? Ahhhh ?

? Ahhhh ?

? Yippie-yah-yo ?

? Instead of eyes,
he has two holes ?

? And he can see
into your souls ?

? And his terrifying power
just grows stronger ?

Standby camera one for Kringles
Korner, that'll take us out.

? With every breath you take ?

Anger me at your own peril.

We love you, Kringles!

You're the snowman!

And camera two, you're live.

Let's find out
what we got today.

Whoa, It looks like
Kringles got a letter!

What does it say, Kringles?

Let's find out, Jaxon.

Let's see here.

"Dear Kringles..."

"Dear Kringles..."

What's going on, Herb?

S... sorry Kringles...

is having a...

Should I cut, Jerry?

Herb, Herb! Don't say anything
and do not...

Call 911!

Get the goddamn suit off of him!

Would you stop!

I'm trying to help!

Just call the goddamn ambulance!

Jerry, how do I cut again?

It's the red goddamn button,
Ethel!

Come on, Herb.

Never take off the...

Thank you, Gunther.

In accordance
with Herb's final wishes,

his ashes will be scattered

in this parking lot.

Where he met his beloved
ex-wife, Sue Ann.

His daughter, Layla,
who was also conceived

in this parking lot,
will now say a few words.

Sweetheart, you ready?

My father was a snowman.

Love you, daddy.

What good can be said about Herb

that was not already said
by Herb?

He was a man who demanded
much from others.

And less... much less
from himself.

Oh god, the board
is miles up my ass.

- They want to pull the plug.
- They can't do that.

They can do anything they want.

It's public-access.

You're not gonna let them.

I don't want to make enemies,
Jer.

They're giving me one show, Jer.

A comeback show to de-traumatize
the kids or whatever.

Well that oughta be fun,
without a Kringles.

Our target audience
is five-year-olds.

We could swap the body out
of that suit mid-episode

and they wouldn't notice.

You, uh...

got someone in mind or?

From where I'm standing,

I can see one person
who could do the job right now.

You mean?

Over there, Jerry.

Look where I'm looking.

What, Mark? That guy's an idiot.

- He's young, he's handsome.
- Who cares if he's handsome?

He's gonna be inside
of a snowman.

- He's great with the kids.
- Yeah

because they recognize
their own kind.

Trust me, Jerry, he's the one.

You are looking at
the future of Kringle Time.

Hopefully,
for a good many years.

Daphne.

Yeah?

- I quit...
- Excuse me,

are we ready to do this?

Yeah, let's do it!

Come on, let's go.

Ready for what?

Okay, uh, thank you all for,
uh, for coming.

"I, Herbert Lott Kelley,

resident of the City of Goshen,

declare this document to be
my last will and testament.

To Gunther, I
leave my collection

of presidential
commemorative coins.

I trust you know
what to do with them.

To the current Mayor of Goshen"
that would be Mr. Jorkins

"I bequeath the hon..." Why are
you... you don't have to stand.

I'm just gonna, like, rattatat
through this, so you can.

Okay.

Thank you.

"To the current Mayor of Goshen,
I bequeath the honor

of erecting a statue
in my likeness..."

Jerry, he said "erecting."

- It would be my great honor...
- Why are you...

To erect a statue of Herb.

Could you write that down,
that it would be my great honor?

- No, that's not my job.
- Okay, sure.

- Could you just...
- I accept this task.

All right, here we go.

"To my beautiful daughter,
Layla, I bequeath my house..."

Present.

"And all possessions in it,
unless otherwise noted."

"And next, the role
of Kringles the Snowman,

including snowman suit
and all paraphernalia"

in my dressing room, including
my safe and its contents

are hereby bequeathed
to Jericho Perkins."

Who the hell's that?

Jerry, can I talk
to you for a second?

Uh.

Production meeting,
4 o'clock tomorrow.

You're gonna graciously
step down and pass the torch

to that beautiful idiot
over there.

- Jerry!
- Or I swear to God,

Jerry Perkins.

I will destroy you.

All right, love you,
see you tomorrow.

The door... the door's locked.

Jerry!

Love you.

The show was his life.

You know, growing up, I probably
saw him more often in that suit

than I saw him out of it.

I'm not asking you
to put me through what he did.

But don't listen to anyone,
Jerry.

God knows he never fucking did.

? If I had my way... ?

God!

Morning, Gunther.

Guten tag, Jerry.

- Did you take my trash out yet?
- F�nf minuten, Jerry.

? I would tear this whole
building down... ?

Good morning, Goshen!

This week, we said goodbye
to Herb Kelley.

Our beloved... beloved snowman.

Goshen Public-Access,
this is Jerry.

Yes, this was our
first on-air death.

- Mr. Perkins?
- Yes.

Jasmine.

You're Herb's new intern.

Just get you down
here, it's Jasmine?

Okay, um, so Herb's dead.

- Let's pour one out..
- Ernest.

- ...for Herb.
- Ernest, don't pour that...

Uh, yeah, so Tuesday
I slapped a subordinate.

Yeah, I know, Father, but I
don't have time to come in.

We do not intentionally
remind our viewers

of their own mortality, no.

So these are the editing
bays right here.

Hey fellas, how we doing?

- Oh it's a nightmare.
- Okay.

So the studio's down there,
just a heads-up,

we had to disable
these smoke detectors.

They kept going off.

We have a lot of fires.

Old equipment and stuff.

But no big deal,
Gunther's on point

with the fire extinguisher,
right Gunther?

- Jawohl.
- No worries there.

? If I had my way I would tear
this whole damn town... ?

Hey guys, just a reminder,
production meeting at 4.

Jerry, hey, just a reminder
to eat a dick.

Nailed it.

- Great, thanks.
- Bye.

Actually, the show has
nothing to do with Christmas.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

Herb.

Good bo... good day, Herb.

So, what am I going
to be doing here?

Oh, uh,
we'll think of something.

? If I had my way... ?

Good show, Ernest.

? I'd tear this whole
building down... ?

Welcome aboard.

? If I had my way, I would tear
this whole building down ?

You are a shining ball

in the darkness of existence.

- Hey Jerry!
- Ah.

- Mayor Jorkins.
- Yes, sir.

We've met.

As you know, I've been
entrusted with the task

of building a statue of Herb
and I was hoping

to grab a couple of minutes
of your time.

I've never worked on
statues before,

so I need all the help
I can get on something...

Yeah, yeah I actually have to
jump into a meeting real quick,

- so I'm just gonna...
- Great, this will only

take a second, are we thinking
bronze or marble?

Yeah, that's uh, uh-huh.

Great, well we'll circle back
around on the statue later then.

Personally, I think
the bronze works great,

but that's just my opinion.

Yeah, it's in Williamsburg.

Ugh, oh my gosh,
I love Williamsburg.

That's so cute.

If I put down
my deposit by the 14th,

I could move in,
like, next month.

Do it, do it, do it!

- Guys, I have something to say.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hey, hey, you guys,
you guys, the boss is here.

I'm not your boss.

Hey, Jerry, raise your hand.

That's how many people care.

Ah, okay.

Hey Jerry, Jerry,
if you respected yourself

a little more, you'd probably
fix a lot of problems

at work, bro, and at home!

Okay, great.

Um, so look I, uh...

I grew up with Kringle Time.

Okay, I... I believe
in Kringle Time.

I've given my life to this
station because of Kringle Time.

When I was nine years old,

I started writing down
my ideas for the show.

And more than anything
in the entire world

I wanted to be Kringles.

- Is he gonna cry?
- I'm not just a pencil pusher.

Okay, I've been planning this
my entire life.

And I know you guys
don't trust me, but...

Herb did, so trust him.

Show me.

? Move with the hip ?

? Shake it up, salt on the cup,
gets there teen ?

? You've been working
on your flirting ?

? With the weekend
you can freak out ?

? One in a million ?

? You're a gem,
shine when the light grows dim ?

? Say one, two, three, four,
three, two, one ?

? Cause no one can do it
like we do it ?

? Like we do it, like we do it ?

? Cause no one can do it
like we do it ?

? Like we do it, like we do it ?

? Cause no one can do it
like we do it ?

? Like we do it, like we do it ?

? Cause no one can do it like
we do it, like we do it ?

? Like we do it ?

? We got the right stuff ?

? We put the hammer right down ?

? You want to be like us ?

? You better stick around ?

? If you want it,
you gotta prove it ?

? Like we do it,
like we do it ?

Or not.

Awful, Jerry, very awful.

That's the weirdest shit
I've ever seen, man.

Sit down, Jerry.

Jerry.

Who is Kringles?

Kringles is a magical
snowman from Alaska

who was brought to life
by an ice wizard.

He's fueled by the power
of wishes.

Hm, wrong.

Kringles is a knock-off Frosty

the station
didn't have to license.

Okay, Kringles is way different
than Frosty the Snowman,

- that's...
- Oh, how?

Uh, well he has a lasso,
for one thing.

Hm, and why does a snowman
need a lasso, Jerry?

Uh, because, Daphne,

the lasso contains the spirit
of Arizona Willie,

which of course
can only be summoned

with the magical chant
by the children.

Scrip-a-doo-banana-jamma,
I don't really understand

the question,
it's in the goddamn song.

Yeah but... look, I'm not gonna
have this argument with you.

Kringles was the cheapest
costume they could afford,

and it went from there.

My apologies, I should have been
a little more specific...

Listen to the goddamn song.

Who is Kringles to you?

What?

Who is Kringles to you?

Kringles taught me
right from wrong.

He told me to believe in myself.

He was my first friend.

Right.

Now say we do...

whatever that is
and it hits home with one kid,

one future Jerry out there
who really connects with it.

But in doing so, we've robbed
a hundred other normal kids

of that relationship
with Kringles

that you just mentioned.

Does that seem worth it, Jerry?

Good morning Goshen.

Goshen, city of Goshen.

Goshen Public Works
announced that the pothole

on 2nd and Gage
has been filled in.

I guess you could call it
a not-hole now.

And fear not, snowman fans.

Because it's been confirmed

that Kringles The Snowman
will live on.

In the capable hands
of Jerry Perkins.

So tune in on Saturday
at the regular time,

coming up this Saturday.

And why don't we
all wish Jerry...

Let's wish Jerry good times.

Jerry's playing Kringles.

Jerry, how we doing, buddy?

You ready to get started?
You feel good? You look good.

- Yeah, let's go, come on!
- All right.

Pow pow!

- Pow!
- Pow.

Keep it positive,
keep it fresh, keep it bright

and we're gonna do it big, okay?

Just like every day. Here we go.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Shimmy and Kringle Twist!

Ugh!

Good girl.

Dog Store,
this is Layla speaking.

I can't do it. I'm freaking out.

- Just breathe, Jerry.
- I'm too old.

I'm old and I'm soft
and I'm gonna die someday.

- You're not gonna die, Jerry.
- We're all gonna die!

And I'm gonna be forgotten,
like George Lazenby.

- Who?
- That's what I mean.

He was James Bond, Layla.

Freaking James Bond!

And now he's dead and forgotten.

Or maybe he's still alive.
I don't know, I don't know.

Nobody knows, you know why?
Because nobody gives a fuck

about George Lazenby!

You know the combination
to your dad's safe?

- I don't.
- He left me a safe

with no combination,
I mean, who does that?

I gotta go, babe, okay?

There's whiskey in here
and I need it.

You're gonna do great,
all right, just...

- Big love.
- Big love.

You are more than this...

Dad?

Blinders, Jerry.

- Hey there, Jerry.
- Shit.

Hey, what are you doing?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

- Are you jerkin' it, dude?
- What? No. I'm not... no.

- Hey guys, Jerry's jerking it!
- I'm not jerking it!

God.

Hey man, have a good jerk.

I'm not... I'm not jerk... Naveed!

Hiya Jerry, Mayor Jorkins.

Yes sir, we've met
numerous times.

- You got a minute?
- I'm actually really busy,

- I've got a...
- It'll just take a second.

I'm sorry I gotta...

- What am I doing?
- No, no.

Come on, you want some coffee?

Let's get some coffee.

Yeah, okay.

I can't do it, Jerry.

I'm not gonna get it done,
and then I'm just gonna be

some guy who didn't build
a statue at all.

- Okay, hey, here you go.
- Thank you, Jerry.

Yeah.

That's hot.

It's a fresh pot.

Mm.

I should just quit.

I don't know why
I thought I could do this.

Hey, look, it's just a statue.

I mean, don't kill yourself
building a monument

to Herb's massive ego.

Just a statue?

No, Jerry.

A statue is history.

A statue is important.

A statue looks
to the future and says,

"Hey future, I'm dead.

But I wasn't always dead.

And when I was alive...

I mattered."

You just need a little help.

Look, hey, there's this guy who
helped Gunther a few years ago

put the wainscoting in out back,

maybe he's still
got his contact.

I'll ask him, all right?

Hey Gunther... Jesus.

You still got the card
for that guy who...

Thank you, Gunther.

Here, maybe that'll help.

Give him a call.

- Thanks, Jerry.
- Yeah.

Oh, what are we?

Okay, all right.

- Thank you, Jerry.
- Oh god.

All right, why don't... no, no.

This is a lot.

- Zip.
- Zap.

- Zip.
- Zap.

- Zap.
- Zip.

- Zip.
- Zap.

- Zip,
- Zap.

- Zip.
- Zip... oh.

- You guys are coming for me.
- Guys?

It's okay,
it's all right, buddy.

Let's do it again, do it again.

- Guys?
- What, Jerry?

- This shit again.
- What's up, Jerry?

I just want to say um...

I know you guys don't think
I can do this...

Oh my God,
you're like a broken record.

Shut up,
this is a different thing.

I don't want to fight you guys,
okay?

And I'm not going to,
I want to be a team player.

I've been given
a huge opportunity here,

and I just, uh...

I won't let you down.

What are you doing?

We miss him too, bro.

Feeling strong there today, Jer.

Okay, remember,
it's absolutely not Christmas.

And here we go.

Ba-na-na-jamma!

? Ah ?

Jerry, chin up,
chin up, chin up, Jerry.

And five, six, seven, eight.

Yes, yes!

That's what I'm talking about!

? His name is Kringles ?

Sorry.

Boom! There we go!

? Ah ?

? Ah ?

? Ah ?

Oh my God, Jerry, what!

Shimmy and Kringle Twist!

- Do the wiggy, wiggy way.
- Ah!

Yeah, they invited me
out for drinks.

- Oh that's great, Jer!
- I know, right?

Hey, is it all right
if I miss the race?

Yeah, sure.

Great.

I'll see you later tonight.

- Big love.
- Big love.

Okay, okay, Kringles
Resurrection dress rehearsal,

let's pick it up from
right before the cult chant.

And cue, Jaxon.

I'm so glad you're back,
Kringles!

Oh thank you, Jaxon!

And this time,
I promise I will live forever.

We will never die!

We will never die!

- We will never die!
- Okay, okay, okay.

You guys,
that sounds fucking great!

We will never die!
We will never die!

We will never die!
We will never die!

We will never die.

Then last week,
I fucked my sister's widower.

I mean, his ass is incredible,
though.

No, she died fine, it was...

Yeah? Oh, all right.

Hey, Father?
Yeah, I gotta go.

All right, love you, bye.
Yes, Jerry?

Uh, I just had a question
about the script.

Okay?

It seems like we're
kind of telling kids

that death doesn't matter.

Hmm, it's interesting
you picked up on that,

because that's exactly
what we're telling them.

Ah and you don't think
that's kind of um...

I don't know...

uh, irresponsible?

Do you remember
our conversation, Jerry?

About giving people
what they want?

You know what kids want?

Death.

They love it.

I'm fucking with you, Jerry!

Kids hate death,
they want their snowman alive,

- that's what they want.
- It just seems like this

could be like
a teachable moment, or...

Come here.

Sit.

Now, I was waiting
to give this to you.

Partly out of vindictiveness,
I'll admit, but...

- The magic lasso?
- Mhm.

You've earned it, Jerry.

Now.

I don't want you
to worry about the script.

Okay?

Kringles is a symbol.

What good would it do
to ruin that, huh?

It's the night before the show.

I want you to take Layla out
for a nice dinner and celebrate.

Make her feel like a real woman,
can you do that, Jerry?

Yeah?

Good boy.

Woo, I do not plan on
being the executive director

of a public-access station
my whole life, Jerry.

Tomorrow, everything changes.

To Kringles.

Yep.

Daphne gave me the lasso today.

Didn't Dad leave
you that in his will?

No... yeah, he did,
she just gave it to me today.

Okay.

Cool.

Are you, like,
mad at me about something?

No, I'm just hungry.

Can you slow down, please?

Excuse me? Lady, can you?

Just bring the
whole fucking bottle.

Thank you.

- It feels like you're mad at me.
- No, I'm not mad at you, Jerry,

I just had a long day going
through my dead father's shit.

So what, you want to eat dinner
at home every night

for the rest of your life?

I'm going to the bathroom.

- To poop, Jerry!
- Okay.

- What's the matter, cowpoke?
- Jesus Christ!

No.

There is only Kringles.

Are you?

Uh, man!

Think of the children.

Can we go home?

I'm tired.

Ugh.

You ready?

You need to puke?

Are you not opening your mouth
'cause you're afraid

you're gonna puke?

You'll be fine,
big guy, come on!

Right?

I mean, you better be fine.

'Cause this show has
got to be fucking spectacular.

You read me, Jerry?

Hey.

All right.

Love yah, see you on the ice.

Fade up twelve.

Oh no, Kringles fell down!

What can we do?

Well, Jaxon,
sometimes people fall down

and don't get back up again.

And Kringles...

Oh, what?

I'm alive!

'Atta baby, Jer.

Stand by, camera two.

Kringles is back, baby!

Um, excuse me.

- Jerry?
- I got it, I got it.

Thank you all so much.

This has really been
a dream come true,

and I just want to thank
every single one of you

for making it happen!

To Jerry!

Suck my dick, Luigi.

Heather!

Right? The intern!

Yeah!

Man, you were there for what?
Six, seven?

A day. I was there for a day.

Was it a day?

Oh, well, you know what?

We miss you Heather,
wish you could have stayed.

Me too. What'll you have, Jerry?

- You know, I'm gonna have a...
- Jerry!

Mayor Jorkins, oh, you're so
handsome!

Hey Jerry, great news
on the Herb statue.

I called that guy,
I paid him extra.

I had to do a little creative
thing with the finances

so people wouldn't, you know,
taxpayer... but anyway!

It's gonna be ready
in two weeks!

Two weeks, ah!

I'm spending so much money on
this, and I am loving it.

You're really building
a statue for that guy?

Damn right, baby,
seventy feet tall!

It's gonna be
about six feet tall.

It's gonna block out the sun!

It's roughly Herb-sized.

- Can we have some shots?
- Two shots!

Heather is the best
because she brings me shots.

Here we go!

Love you.

Good job!

You were a grumpy
son-of-a-bitch, Herb.

But thank you.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh shit.

Hi there, Jerry.

Hi, Herb.

Now, if you're watching this,
I'm dead.

Probably from liver failure,

or a car accident,
or a shootout.

You probably also realize
that I left you Kringles,

which I think
is incredibly kind of me,

so don't fuck it up, Jerry.

Now, I would like you
do to a favor for me.

In that safe, there's a shoebox
marked Kringle Time.

I want you to take that shoebox

and destroy it.

Do not open it,
do not ask questions,

just destroy it.

I want you to burn it.

Burn it till
there is nothing left.

That's all I need you
to do for me.

Try not to fuck up, Jerry.

Love ya.

Oh!

Jesus. Oh!

? Who are you
coming in so close ?

? So close,
you might scare me away ?

This monument will stand
to a true icon of Goshen.

Herb was one of
our greatest treasures.

This monument will immortalize
his deeds forever.

? 'Cause, oh,
maybe I'm damned ?

? To be sad
with monsters and men ?

? 'Cause the places I've been ?

? My dreams were awful bad ?

? Oh, oh ?

Maybe it's nothing.

Yeah.

It's not nothing,
what am I saying?

- Oh, Jesus.
- All right, Jerry,

calm the fuck down.

Does anyone else know
about this?

Okay, so we have a choice.

Now, once we open that box,
we may not have a choice.

This is one of those

Pandora's Cat
kind of situations, Jerry.

I mean, I understand
what you're saying.

I don't think that's
the correct phrase, but...

Okay, okay, okay,
think about it like this.

Herb's dead!

If anything was going on,
it's over!

Whatever is in that box,

what good would it do
to see the light of day?

I don't know, I just...

Listen to me.

We brought Kringles back
from the dead!

Do you want to kill him again?

You open that box,
and I promise you,

you will bring the show down.

And if the show goes down,
I go down.

Do you want that?

Okay, okay.

Think about it like this,
all right?

No!

Mark! Get me fire!

- Daphne, come on!
- No!

Just let it go!

Gimme the goddamn box.

Just let it happen, Jerry!

No! No!

I'm gonna throw up.

Oh, God, no!

No! God!

Fine!

Fine, take the box!

Oh, God, thank you.

No!

Ow!

No!

God!

Fuck!

She's so strong.

Why is she so strong?
She's a freak.

- Jerry.
- No!

Damn it! Jerry!

Just hear me out! Hear me out.

Look.

I've been talking to the board
about giving you

creative control
of Kringle Time.

They think you've done
a hell of a job, Jerry.

I mean, I think you've done
a hell of a job.

And the audience,

they love you!

We could ride this wave, Jerry.

I mean, Herb, he was content
to be a big fish

in a small toilet,
but you and I?

We think big.

We don't have to be stuck
at Public Access

the rest of our lives.

Kringles could be on
local affiliate stations, Jerry.

How does that sound?

If you want it,
the show is yours.

Thank you all for coming.

You know, when Herb
first gave me this task,

to build this monument
in his honor,

I felt unworthy.

How could I, a humble mayor,

two-time all-state
varsity swimming champion,

and veteran,

do justice to this great man?

But with all your support,
we made this happen.

Thank you.

I want to thank Fabio.

Where's Fabio?

Thank you for all
your late nights

on this project.

Love the ascot.

And thank you all
for entrusting me

with this sacred task.

And I want to say,

without exaggeration,

that when I stand here
tomorrow morning

and watch the sun crest
over the shoulders

of this great man,

it'll be the greatest moment
of my life.

- You know, when I...
- I'll be right back.

...was a young boy,
I visited the...

Heather!

Sorry, um...

- Why did you leave?
- I have to get to work.

No, um, why did you
leave the show?

Don't act like you don't know.

I... I don't.

You were the one
who sent me to Kringle Time.

What... what do you mean?

You were an intern for the show.

- Thank you, Mr. Mayor.
- Thank you, thank you, thanks.

I'd also like
to take this opportunity

to announce
the new creative director

of Kringle Time...

Mr. Jericho Perkins!

Here's to many more, Jerry!

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

- Truly.
- Thank you, thank you.

You wanna get drunk?

- I hated her!
- No, you didn't!

You had the biggest crush
on her.

No, I didn't, she was dating...

she was dating that dude Ross.

She was dating that dude Ross,

I swear to God
that dude couldn't count.

He couldn't count numbers.

Oh, Ross, yeah.

He was a dick, though,
I would have dated her.

No, it was...
it was Mrs. Clarkson,

she was math?

- Was she math?
- No.

- Yes, she was math!
- I don't think so.

Yes, because Dad
had the hots for her!

- Did not know that.
- Yes,

Dad wanted to do dick
stuff to her.

Fucking Dad.

You've got the cutest face.

Where did you get that face?

- I don't know.
- You're so cute.

Jerry!

What are you doing?

Stop it.

Jerry?

I feel like you want me to be
something different...

than who I am.

So handsome.

I am not gonna
remember this tomorrow.

I wonder if it even happened.

Where are you?

Where are you!

Where are you?

I wanna talk to you!

Hello, Jerry.

Show me Herb.

You're the all-powerful
fuckin' demon thingy.

Show me Herb's face.

I wanna look him
in the fucking eyes.

Show me, goddammit!

Hiya, Jer.

What the fuck is wrong
with you, man?

Hey, hey, settle down!

I didn't kill anybody.

Well, that's
a low fuckin' bar, Herb.

Come on, man.

I've done nothing illegal.

You took advantage
of those kids!

They weren't kids!

They're teenagers, we're talking
about goddamn teenagers.

And I asked every one of them

if they would do it,
and none of them said no.

You were fucking Kringles, man,
they're not gonna say no to you!

Yeah, well,
they were fine with it.

They don't look
fucking fine, Herb!

You know what?

I'm fucking sick of this!

You drag me back
from beyond the grave,

and after everything...

everything
that I've done for you.

After everything
you've done for me?

You never gave a shit about me.

Even when you gave me
my dream job,

you fucking poisoned it.

The only reason I'm here

is 'cause you knew
I'd do your dirty work for you.

What have you given me, huh?

Besides dangle a fucking carrot
in front of me for 20 years?

Oh, wah, wah, poor little boy!

Make a life for yourself, Jerry.

You could have left at any time,
but you didn't.

Why?

Because your dreams
weren't big enough,

and you knew it.

This is all beside the point.

You had a responsibility
to those kids,

and you fucking betrayed us.

Yeah, well don't pretend
you didn't know

- what was happening.
- I didn't know!

All that line of interns
that quit

after going into Kringle Time
with me?

You knew what was going on.

You just chose to ignore it.

That makes you as guilty as me.

I 100% never lassoed
an intern, Herb.

"I never lassoed an intern."

You wanna do something about it?

I'm ashes.

I don't care.

Huh?

Oh, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.

You didn't answer me.

What are you going to do?

I'm gonna tear
this whole fucking place down.

? Blue skies,
nothing but blue skies ?

? Each day is
a lovely piece of pie ?

? And blue skies are always
on my mind ?

? Life's a dream
with sugar cream ?

What the...

? Yes ?

? Blue skies are always
on my mind ?

Pat yourself up,
pat yourself down,

pat your neighbor,
come on now, come on.

Drop that jaw.

Hey, Jerry!

Pow-pow!

Oh, oh, oh!

? His name is Kringles ?

? And when he swings
his magic lasso ?

Swings his magic lasso,

you get tingles.

Jerry, why aren't you
in costume, dude?

It's in the dressing room.

All right.

I wanted to ask you, um,

right here actually,
there it is.

What's this "Kringle Surprise"
thing?

Don't worry about that.

What is it?

Don't worry about it.

Like, I'm not worrying about it,

I just want to know what it is.

It's a surprise.

Don't worry about it.

See, now I'm... now I'm starting
to worry about it.

It's just a surprise.

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

You sure you want
to do this, Jerry?

Yes, Dad.

I'm sure.

What about the kids?

I'm doing this for the kids.

Uh, are you, Jerry?

Because if you open up
that box on air,

you are gonna traumatize
the shit out of them.

Yeah, well, they gotta grow up
sometime, right?

I did.

You made sure of that
pretty goddamn early,

both of you.

I was just protecting you,
buddy.

I didn't need protecting.

I'm taking the blinders off.

Scrip-a-doo-banana-jamma!

Scrip-a-doo-banana-jamma!

No, no.

No!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Goddammit!

I'm an opportunist, Jer.

What'd you expect?

Look, don't feel too bad.

If I had a nickel for every time
someone found me passed out

in front of
incriminating evidence...

Look, Jerry, you can't
make change from the bottom.

Power doesn't trickle up.

You want real change,
you know what has to happen?

The person at the top
has to give up control,

and people don't do that.

Think of it as a new beginning.

Yeah, so I missed the deposit
for the one in Brooklyn,

but I did find this one
in Queens

that I could move into
by early October-ish,

but I don't know, like,
is that too early?

Like early October-ish?

What the fuck?

Gunther!

Why hasn't my fucking trash
been taken out?

- F�nf minuten...
- No! No!

Not f�nf minuten. Right now!

All you have to do
is keep this place clean!

You have one fucking job.

I want this trash cleaned up.

Not tomorrow, not next week,
not "f�nf minutens,"

right now!

Or you're fucking fired!

Hey, Jer-Bear!

Calm down, huh?

My name is Jerry, goddammit.

And the next person
to call me "Jer-Bear"

is fucking fired, too!

Yeah, you're just
gonna fire everybody, huh,

big Mister fuckin'
Boss Man or whatever?

Shut the fuck up, Naveed!

Oh, and by the way,
you're never moving to Brooklyn.

What?

How long you been
talking about that, huh?

Four years?

Five years?

Yeah, it just hasn't been
the right time yet.

It's not the right time?

Yeah, it's never the right time.

That's not the question.

The question is are you
the kind of person who goes,

or the kind of person
who stays?

Hm.

You're the kind of person
who stays.

Okay?

And take my advice,
realize that now.

It'll be less of a fall.

Shitty, Jerry. Very shitty.

This is why we never wanted
to hang out with you.

I don't give a shit!

'Cause you're all
a big basket of assholes!

And it's about time
you showed me

some fucking respect!

1992, that season,
now everybody likes that season.

Tell you the truth, Ernie,
total blur.

I don't remember much
about it at all.

You know,
I knew Jamie Farr back then.

- Introduced him to cocaine.
- Wow.

He introduced
Robert Downey, Jr. to coke

and then we had a foursome!

So!

When are we going on air?

We're live now.

Shit.

So this season,
there's a Kringles show.

Oh, yeah, we've got a singing,
dancing snowman, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. Anything else?

Anything else
we can expect to...

No, no.

Oh, great, no, far out, far out.

You know, I love...

Whee!

Welcome back
to Good Morning, Goshen!

We're here with Herbert Kelley.

Hi, Herb, how's it going?

- Very good.
- Oh, good, good,

that's good to hear, yeah, yeah.

So you were talking a little bit
about Kringle Time.

- Tell us a little bit more.
- It's a different kind of show

from what people
are prepared for.

Different kind of show.

How's that?

I think kids are smart.

And I believe that
the worst thing that we can do

as adults is to pretend
that life's not hard.

I mean, the world's
a hard place,

and it's a confusing place,
but...

there's a beauty
in that confusion.

If there's a guiding principle
behind Kringle Time...

...it's about being honest
about who you are

and what you want to do.

Because if Kringles exists

at the expense
of being genuine, then,

well, maybe there comes a time

when the world doesn't need
Kringles anymore.

Gunther!

Jesus.

Gunther, where's my trash?

I took it out, like you asked.

- Am I fired?
- No!

No, I'm sorry, Gunther, man,
I was a dick.

Look, is there any way I can
still get a hold of that trash?

Ah!

Ew, gross, Jerry!

All right, listen up, fuckers.

I'm the creative director
of Kringle Time.

And guess what?

We got some changes
we're gonna make.

Kringles.

I brought you this mouse,

but it died in my hands.

This mouse...

...is my father.

Kringles!

Jessica.

I'm pregnant!

What?

I'm pregnant!

What?

I'm pregnant!

Oh.

What?

Oh, no!

Ken Starr!

I'm gonna get ya!

Come on, kids!

Let's play a game
of hide and no-seek!

Mr. Mayor, I'm sorry,

I've got other things
to deal with.

Okey-dokey, I gotcha,

but if we could just circle back
about the statue...

Anita?

Yeah?

Can you show the mayor
the traffic cameras

at 1st and Samson?

Yeah.

Thank you.

I really appreciate this, Anita.

It's been a tough few days.

Yeah.

Oh, there!

Can you zoom in?

Yeah.

Is that Jerry?

Yeah.

What is he doing?

Where'd he go?

Jerry.

Yeah.

? In love ?

? You are but a girl ?

? I thought that I knew
right from wrong ?

? Melt inside me now ?

? And see that
this will always be ?

- ? I think this baby's dead ?
- ? Our love ?

Kringle Time will return

after a word from our sponsors.

And we're out.

Yeah.

That was incredible!

Really great stuff.

What in the ever-living fuck
was that?

You gave me creative control.

And I told you to color
inside the fucking lines,

Jerry, I told you!

If you keep going like this,

you are going to kill
Kringle Time...

is that what you want?

Oh, Jesus Lord, of course.

Why didn't I realize it before?

You're just enough
of a fucking psychopath

- to tank your own show!
- Wait, what?

- You didn't approve this?
- Who's Ken Starr?

Fuck no, you idiots!

- Liar, Jerry, very liar!
- What the hell, Jerry?

- The show must go on.
- Wow.

You are right about that.

Get him out of this suit.

Mark, you are up.

Sorry about this, Jerry...

- No!
- Give me the glove!

- You guys like wrestling?
- Mark!

- Get up!
- Get up, Jerry.

A, B, C, D...

You can't do this.

I can do anything I want, Jerry.

I'm the executive director
of Goshen Public Access.

Sorry, Jer. Love you, buddy.

No!

Can we have more time?
I don't have a mic!

How are we gonna...

- Four...
- Just make it look happy!

...three...

Hey, kids!

Come on now, Jerry, come on.

It's done, Jerry.

Your Kringle Time
has come to an end.

You will be nothing
but a blip in history.

Like George Lazenby.

Motherfucker.

What I learned
from the afterlife

is there's
no such thing as sadness!

- Uh, yes!
- Oh, goddammit.

Why did you take
your blinders off?

All of it could have been yours.

You can't kill a symbol.

You try to break the symbol,

the symbol breaks you.

You know,
it's funny you say that.

Because really,

anything will kill a snowman.

Literally just existing
long enough

will kill a snowman.

We only build snowmen
to slowly watch them die.

What does that say about us?

But you know,

the quickest way
to kill a snowman?

Fire.

If you do it, they'll hate you.

Kringle Twist!

Fire alarms?

Since when are those...

Fire!

? The fire's only
in your imagination ?

Come on, everyone,
let's go, there's a fire!

Apparently.

Gunther, it's a big fire,
that's not gonna work!

You gotta go, come on!

Come on, everyone,
yeah, let's go!

Come on, here we go,
let's go to safety!

Mark, Mark, Mark!

Hey, listen, you gotta
take the suit off, man.

Hey, you're not gonna make it!

- Are you an angel?
- Mark!

Take the suit off,
I'll protect the suit!

Jerry! You son of a bitch!

- Jerry!
- What are you doing?

- There's a fire in there!
- Jerry!

Jerry, you let me
back in there right now.

What the fuck?

Fire in there, Jerry!

What the... what the fuck?

911, what's your emergency?

Ernest.

Ernest.

No, no, Ernest, Ernest,
wait, wait.

Undo this rope, Ernest!

Just hear me out, okay?

Look, you love
doing your show, right?

Every week, I let you
go out there

and do whatever you want.

That's what this station's
about, right?

Do not listen
to that motherfucker!

That's all I want.

I just want five minutes, Ern.

Can you help me do that, please?

There is no fire in there!

What do you say, buddy?

- You fucking idiot.
- Oh, fuck, you're right.

Jerry, open the door!

Okay, okay, come on, come on.

Get ready to roll
on these cameras,

then run and man the switcher.

It's motherfuckin' Kringle Time.

? One, two, three, four,
three two, one ?

? 'Cause no one can do it
like we do it ?

? Like we do it, like we do it ?

? 'Cause no one can do it... ?

Put it on the Jones tab.

? Like we do it ?

That's a lot of buttons.

? No one can do it
like we do it, like we do it ?

Hey, kids!

Guess we'll go check out
Kringles Korner, huh?

See if we got any mail?

No, you can't use the keys!

Jerry!

Jerry!

Oh, look, it's
a credit card statement!

Yay!

Oh, look, this one's
from the IRS, kids!

You know what the IRS is?

Yay!

Jerry.

Kringles has had
a rough week, kids.

Going through some stuff.

Might sound boring
to some of you,

I'm not sure, but...

I guess if it comes down
to a choice

between connecting
with one person

versus guessing what
a bunch of people might want,

I figure it's better to go
for the audience of one.

My name is Jerry,

and I play Kringles.

Before me, it was a guy
named Herb, and, uh,

Herb was a difficult man.

And to be honest, I hated him.

But when he put on this mask...

...he became something
that I loved.

So what do you do with that?

Do you look behind the mask
at the real person?

I think that's our instinct,
right?

The mask is a facade,
but the person is real.

But the person is just a person.

And people die. Every day.

We lose good people,
we lose bad people.

Eventually, we lose everybody.

But the mask lives on.

The mask has power forever.

So which one's more important?

I don't know
the answer here, kids,

I'm still trying
to figure it out myself.

Kringles gets lost
sometimes, too.

Here's the thing, kids...

...you can't choose who you are.

The mayor!

But you can choose
who you want to be.

And personally...

Jerry!

...I'd like to be something
different than I have been.

Naveed, I'm sorry, man.

I think you will move
to Brooklyn.

Gunther, I'm sorry
I never read your pilot.

I just...

Shit.

Heather,

and all the other interns...

I'm sorry.

I knew.

Or at least,
I should have known.

Stand back!

- It was just...
- Ah!

...just more comfortable
to ignore it, I guess.

And Layla, you already know.

Well, kids, uh,
I guess that's it.

Kringles has to go home now.

You have a good life, cowpokes.

And if anyone needs
to hear this...

...you are more than this.

You are more than
the job you hold.

You are more than
the town where you live.

You are a shining ball
in the darkness of existence...

ah!

He is mine!

Lemme at him!

I will fire each
and every one of you!

I have got this under control.

Mr. Mayor, I have got this.

What the fu...

People were gonna point
at that statue

a hundred years from now,
and say,

"You know who built that, son?

Mayor Rodney Jorkins
built that."

- Jorkins! Jorkins!
- Freeze!

Jorkins! Jorkins!

Now what are they gonna say?

They're gonna say nothing,
Jerry.

Is that what you want?

A future where people
are pointing at nothing?

What is happening?

Jorkins!

I got this.

Why?

How does that feel, Jerry?

Huh?

Oh, I tasted...

Ugh, fuck!

Well...

I did what you wanted.

Your legacy's fine.

For the moment, I guess.

Until all those kids
out there grow up,

get old, and die like me.

Just remember,
there's only one Kringles.

Aren't you, like,
immortal now or some shit?

What's the point?

I can go?

Yeah.

Good morning, Goshen!

I'm Jasmine Harris,
filling in for Ernest

while he's recuperating.

Get well soon, Ernest!

Mayor Rodney Jorkins
made history yesterday

by being the first Goshen mayor

- to be arrested while in office.
- Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayor!

No, not right now,
guys, please...

How does it feel to be
the first mayor arrested

- while in office?
- Wait, what?

- First mayor what?
- To be arrested while in office.

- Really?
- Yeah.

That's pretty cool.

Acting station manager
Daphne Jones announced

after public backlash

that the long-running
children's favorite,

Kringle Time, will be cancelled.

The show has been running
ever since 1987

and was a staple
of Goshen Public Access.

But all things must end.

? I've been all over
Manhattan and Queens ?

? But nothing has felt
quite right ?

? But I found a borough,
the one in my dreams ?

? You're mine ?

Hey, Naveed!

- Welcome to Brooklyn!
- Hey, Serena!

It sure feels good to be here
in the Big Apple.

What are you doing
in that trash can?

Trash can?

This is my apartment!

? My rent's only
3,500 a month ?

What?

And even though Kringles
has gone home to Alaska,

he will live in our hearts...

forever.

I feel like we've known
for a while, right?

Yeah, I guess.

Um...

When I was packing up
all the stuff and everything,

I... I found this, and, uh...

I thought
you'd probably want it, so...

I think maybe
I've watched it enough.

I love you.

? It's a little step
in the right direction ?

? Couldn't see if from space ?

? I'm right next to you ?

? Whatever you decide to do ?

? I've got your back,
we're on the same track ?

? In the universe,
you're a molecule ?

? In my eyes,
you're a great big deal ?

? Bigger than the moon ?

? You're the only tune I hear ?

? I've got your back,
we're on the same track ?

? And if we're moving,
then we're moving together ?

? And if we're standing still,
then it's still forever ?

? I'm not a psychic,
I'm not a mind reader ?

? I don't know when our ship's
gonna be here ?

? If it never comes in ?

? I would do it all again ?

? I've got your back,
we're on the same track ?

? And if a big wave
washed it all away ?

? The apocalypse
and the judgment day ?

? I would testify ?

? Looking God in the eye ?

? Saying, "I've got her back,
we're on the same track ?

? And if we're moving,
then we're moving together ?

? And if we're standing still,
then it's still forever ?

? It's a little step
in the right direction ?

? Couldn't see if from space ?

? I'm right next to you ?

? Whatever you decide to do ?

? I've got your back,
we're on the same track ?

? And if we're moving,
then we're moving together ?

? And if we're standing still,
then it's still ?

? Forever ?

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull