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1
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,735
Chief, what are you doing
on Jill's bed?
2
00:00:05,802 --> 00:00:08,672
We have to be invited.
That's never been clear.
3
00:00:08,738 --> 00:00:10,540
Yeah.
Jill loves a loose boundary.
4
00:00:10,607 --> 00:00:12,642
Besides, I peed on this bed
a year ago,
5
00:00:12,709 --> 00:00:14,611
so it's technically mine.
6
00:00:14,678 --> 00:00:15,845
What's in your mouth?
Hmm?
7
00:00:15,912 --> 00:00:18,315
Chiefy, what you got there?
[groans]
8
00:00:18,381 --> 00:00:20,684
Oh, no! You ate Jeremy?
9
00:00:20,750 --> 00:00:22,319
You mean Jill's closeddoor,
10
00:00:22,385 --> 00:00:24,220
underthecovers
buzzing machine?
11
00:00:24,287 --> 00:00:25,588
You can say vibrator.
12
00:00:25,655 --> 00:00:27,023
It keeps her happy
and independent.
13
00:00:27,090 --> 00:00:30,560
I know! Exactly!
Like, I wanted some of that!
14
00:00:30,627 --> 00:00:31,628
Ah, it's broken.
15
00:00:31,695 --> 00:00:33,897
And there's a new
"Property Brothers" on tonight!
16
00:00:33,964 --> 00:00:36,066
Oh, those dudes
are so different.
17
00:00:36,132 --> 00:00:38,735
Oh, yeah, one sells property,
and the other fixes it up.
18
00:00:38,802 --> 00:00:40,337
You can tell
from their clothes.
19
00:00:40,403 --> 00:00:41,738
Yeah, I can tell them apart
20
00:00:41,805 --> 00:00:44,007
completely nude standing
in front of a brick wall.
21
00:00:44,074 --> 00:00:46,609
But, I mean, that's
neither here nor there.
22
00:00:46,676 --> 00:00:48,611
Ah, I should probably
hide the evidence.
23
00:00:48,678 --> 00:00:50,580
Oh, no, Chief,
I don't think you should
24
00:00:50,647 --> 00:00:52,549
Ahh. Huh?
[vibrator buzzes]
25
00:00:52,615 --> 00:00:55,018
Okay, I get it. Whoa.
26
00:00:55,085 --> 00:00:56,486
[chuckles]
27
00:00:56,553 --> 00:00:59,522
[upbeat rock music]
28
00:00:59,589 --> 00:01:00,991
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
29
00:01:01,057 --> 00:01:03,193
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff,
ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
30
00:01:03,259 --> 00:01:04,527
♪
31
00:01:04,594 --> 00:01:07,030
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
32
00:01:07,097 --> 00:01:09,466
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff,
ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
33
00:01:09,532 --> 00:01:11,134
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
34
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,236
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow
35
00:01:13,303 --> 00:01:15,038
♪ Ruff, ruff
♪ Meow, meow
36
00:01:15,105 --> 00:01:16,740
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow
37
00:01:16,806 --> 00:01:18,341
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ Meow, meow, meow
38
00:01:18,408 --> 00:01:20,076
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow
39
00:01:20,143 --> 00:01:23,046
[music crescendos]
40
00:01:23,113 --> 00:01:29,886
♪
41
00:01:31,755 --> 00:01:34,591
Look, I hear you.
You don't like being chased.
42
00:01:34,657 --> 00:01:36,626
But I also have needs
in this relationship.
43
00:01:36,693 --> 00:01:38,728
There is no relationship.
I hate you.
44
00:01:38,795 --> 00:01:41,097
Well, screw you!
Screw you, too!
45
00:01:41,164 --> 00:01:43,767
Honey! I need you!
46
00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:45,635
Okay, we'll pick
this up later.
47
00:01:45,702 --> 00:01:48,738
This isn't a game.
I despise you!
48
00:01:48,805 --> 00:01:52,108
Are you okay?
Is Bubbles harassing you again?
49
00:01:52,175 --> 00:01:54,711
He parades around here
wearing nothing but a collar,
50
00:01:54,778 --> 00:01:56,780
and I'm the one
with HR on my ass?
51
00:01:56,846 --> 00:01:58,948
The real problem is
that Jill's bedroom
52
00:01:59,015 --> 00:02:01,584
and sometimes bathroom robot
is not sitting well.
53
00:02:01,651 --> 00:02:03,586
Oh, no.
Okay, well, I think Jill
54
00:02:03,653 --> 00:02:04,654
needs to take you to the vet.
55
00:02:04,721 --> 00:02:06,456
Honey,
it will pass naturally.
56
00:02:06,523 --> 00:02:11,327
All I need is a patch of grass,
ray of sunshine, gentle breeze.
57
00:02:11,394 --> 00:02:14,697
Aw, Chief, I'm sorry, but...
Jill!
58
00:02:14,764 --> 00:02:16,933
Oh, no, no, not Jill!
Not the vet!
59
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,369
Hey, you brought me in here,
what did you want me to do?
60
00:02:19,436 --> 00:02:21,604
I wanted you to give me
a tummy nuzzle
61
00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:23,239
or a cuddle puddle
or a muzzle cubluble
62
00:02:23,306 --> 00:02:26,042
or a tubby rubby belly boop!
63
00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:29,846
Guess what. I brought you
some special treats.
64
00:02:29,913 --> 00:02:32,949
They're right theremmhmm
in my backpack.
65
00:02:33,016 --> 00:02:34,584
Go on. Have some.
66
00:02:34,651 --> 00:02:36,619
The last cat that fell
for that
67
00:02:36,686 --> 00:02:38,788
was never heard from again.
68
00:02:38,855 --> 00:02:40,890
You think I don't know a
catnapping sack when I see it?
69
00:02:40,957 --> 00:02:45,195
I don't need your help.
Go ahead, pretty kitty.
70
00:02:45,261 --> 00:02:47,864
Yeah.
71
00:02:47,931 --> 00:02:50,767
[screams]
72
00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:53,970
Oh, look at you
scared, anxious,
73
00:02:54,037 --> 00:02:56,072
trapped in a cycle
of compulsive eating
74
00:02:56,139 --> 00:02:57,040
and scary vet visits.
75
00:02:57,107 --> 00:02:58,842
Don't forget the occasional
dental floss
76
00:02:58,908 --> 00:03:01,044
that has to be pulled
from my rectum.
77
00:03:01,111 --> 00:03:02,145
I would never.
78
00:03:02,212 --> 00:03:04,314
What if I told you it
doesn't have to be this way?
79
00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:05,648
Go on...
80
00:03:05,715 --> 00:03:07,584
I think you'd get
a lot out of group.
81
00:03:07,650 --> 00:03:10,386
Oh, God! I can't believe
I fell for that!
82
00:03:10,453 --> 00:03:12,522
Sometimes it helps
to talk things out.
83
00:03:12,589 --> 00:03:14,224
Wouldn't it be nice
to go a month
84
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:16,192
without having
your stomach pumped?
85
00:03:16,259 --> 00:03:17,360
Eh, six of one.
86
00:03:17,427 --> 00:03:18,862
Well, I hate it
when you're gone.
87
00:03:18,928 --> 00:03:21,131
Jill always turns it
into a girls' night.
88
00:03:21,197 --> 00:03:23,833
Ooh, what's your name?
[laughs]
89
00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:25,168
Oh, my God.
90
00:03:25,235 --> 00:03:26,636
Besides, if you joined group
91
00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:28,571
it would bring us
closer together.
92
00:03:28,638 --> 00:03:31,040
You know what keeps me happy
and independent?
93
00:03:31,107 --> 00:03:32,175
What?
94
00:03:32,242 --> 00:03:33,576
Helping group members
blossom!
95
00:03:33,643 --> 00:03:36,179
Aah! Again?
I trusted you!
96
00:03:36,246 --> 00:03:38,281
[groans]
97
00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:40,350
Chief ate my vibrator!
[laughs]
98
00:03:40,416 --> 00:03:42,385
I'm a little embarrassed.
[guffaws]
99
00:03:42,452 --> 00:03:44,587
Oh, don't be silly.
100
00:03:44,654 --> 00:03:48,024
Let me just take a quick
Polaroid of younew policy.
101
00:03:48,091 --> 00:03:49,993
[camera shutter clicks]
102
00:03:51,661 --> 00:03:53,496
Well,
Chief's at the vet again.
103
00:03:53,563 --> 00:03:55,732
What happened to him?
Same as usual.
104
00:03:55,798 --> 00:03:57,433
Chief ate something
he shouldn't have.
105
00:03:57,500 --> 00:03:58,868
This time
it was Jill's vibrator.
106
00:03:58,935 --> 00:03:59,836
Sounds like Jill
is really leaning in.
107
00:03:59,903 --> 00:04:03,039
By the way,
his prognosis is excellent.
108
00:04:03,106 --> 00:04:05,608
Oh, say that at the start
of the story.
109
00:04:05,675 --> 00:04:07,510
Oh, please,
that wasn't a story.
110
00:04:07,577 --> 00:04:09,712
No, you'll know
when I tell a story.
111
00:04:09,779 --> 00:04:11,414
Like, did I ever tell you
about the time
112
00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:13,983
I found that old doll...
all: Yes!
113
00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:15,718
And I thought it was...
all: A real baby.
114
00:04:15,785 --> 00:04:18,321
But it wasn't.
Well, that's a story.
115
00:04:18,388 --> 00:04:19,455
You certainly think so?
116
00:04:19,522 --> 00:04:21,257
Besides,
if Chief wasn't fine,
117
00:04:21,324 --> 00:04:22,825
I wouldn't wait
to tell you, okay?
118
00:04:22,892 --> 00:04:25,328
I'm not sociopath.
both: I'm not a sociopath.
119
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:26,429
I'm certainly not
a sociopath.
120
00:04:26,496 --> 00:04:27,997
I'm not a whatever
you guys said.
121
00:04:28,064 --> 00:04:29,265
I am not a sociopath!
122
00:04:29,332 --> 00:04:30,300
Anything you'd like
to add, Nibbles?
123
00:04:30,366 --> 00:04:32,368
[laughs] Nope.
124
00:04:32,435 --> 00:04:33,670
Well, that was a lot of talk
125
00:04:33,736 --> 00:04:35,772
about a dog who's not even
a member of the group.
126
00:04:35,838 --> 00:04:37,440
I'll get us back on track.
127
00:04:37,507 --> 00:04:39,542
I've decided I'm in love
with Darla.
128
00:04:39,609 --> 00:04:42,145
Oh, what kind of shoe is
Darla?
129
00:04:42,212 --> 00:04:45,114
She's not a shoe,
but I look past that.
130
00:04:45,181 --> 00:04:47,650
She's my "tortoise
mi amortoise"Latin
131
00:04:47,717 --> 00:04:50,353
and she's warming up to the
idea of getting back together.
132
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,021
Oh, that's wonderful, Shel!
133
00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:54,190
Don't flood your basement
just yet.
134
00:04:54,257 --> 00:04:55,692
Lindsay's made it clear
135
00:04:55,758 --> 00:04:57,994
she's not willing
to let me go without a fight.
136
00:04:58,061 --> 00:04:59,629
Well, she's a shoe.
Exactly.
137
00:04:59,696 --> 00:05:02,065
She was designed
to hold on for dear life.
138
00:05:02,131 --> 00:05:04,701
She's clearly obsessed,
and I'm worried
139
00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:08,171
that Lindsay might hurt Darla,
or worse, hurt me.
140
00:05:08,238 --> 00:05:09,606
Uhhuh.
141
00:05:09,672 --> 00:05:11,674
Tabitha, usually you would have
pulled focus by now.
142
00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:12,775
Is everything okay?
143
00:05:12,842 --> 00:05:16,145
Uh, I'm getting love all day
long from the man
144
00:05:16,212 --> 00:05:18,648
men in my life, and it is good.
145
00:05:18,715 --> 00:05:20,817
Let's get back
to important issue
146
00:05:20,883 --> 00:05:23,553
of how your owner
will fully enjoy
147
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:25,755
"Property Brothers"
without her vibrator.
148
00:05:25,822 --> 00:05:27,824
Cosign.
149
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:31,594
Hey, Tabs, you know, you
might get more out of group
150
00:05:31,661 --> 00:05:33,730
if you started
telling the truth?
151
00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:35,365
I mean, how can you
expect them to help
152
00:05:35,431 --> 00:05:37,634
when they still think you're
living with Brett and Stelios?
153
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,702
I need nothing from group.
Fine.
154
00:05:39,769 --> 00:05:42,305
But you might get more out
of our friendship
155
00:05:42,372 --> 00:05:43,773
if you started
telling me the truth.
156
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,509
You want the truth?
I cannot go back to cat café.
157
00:05:46,576 --> 00:05:49,712
A lunatic has made me his muse.
So stay with me.
158
00:05:49,779 --> 00:05:51,848
The lunatic at my place
will mostly ignore you.
159
00:05:51,914 --> 00:05:54,951
Just until I can think
of something less depressing.
160
00:05:55,018 --> 00:05:56,319
Fantastic!
161
00:05:56,386 --> 00:06:00,023
[siren wailing]
162
00:06:00,089 --> 00:06:01,457
Ah! We're losing him!
163
00:06:01,524 --> 00:06:02,892
It's time for
chest compressions.
164
00:06:02,959 --> 00:06:05,995
I'm going in!
Come on! Boop. Boop!
165
00:06:06,062 --> 00:06:10,667
[gasps] Buzzed driving
is drunk driving.
166
00:06:12,068 --> 00:06:13,603
So what are you in for?
167
00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:15,805
I'm here for no reason,
like, at all.
168
00:06:15,872 --> 00:06:18,174
I ate a couple of mittens.
Do you know what mittens are?
169
00:06:18,241 --> 00:06:22,011
Oh, I love mittens!
Do I know what mittens are?
170
00:06:22,078 --> 00:06:23,579
I had a heart attack.
171
00:06:23,646 --> 00:06:27,583
Oh, no! And you're just
letting us go on about mittens?
172
00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,252
It was my 17th.
173
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:31,254
I don't even know
why I'm here.
174
00:06:31,321 --> 00:06:32,922
Oh, well,
it kind of looks like
175
00:06:32,989 --> 00:06:34,557
you got your head
stuck in a cone.
176
00:06:34,624 --> 00:06:36,726
All I know is
I really, really, really
177
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:39,128
want to get at my balls
but I can't reach.
178
00:06:39,195 --> 00:06:40,663
Who wants to tell him?
179
00:06:40,730 --> 00:06:42,899
Hey, what'd you do to get
thrown in here, big guy?
180
00:06:42,965 --> 00:06:46,436
I ate my human's, um,
well...
181
00:06:46,502 --> 00:06:50,106
I ate her this...
[vibrator buzzes]
182
00:06:50,173 --> 00:06:51,841
Dude.
183
00:06:53,109 --> 00:06:55,745
Chief?
Oh! Hey!
184
00:06:55,812 --> 00:06:58,147
It's, um... name?
Chico.
185
00:06:58,214 --> 00:07:02,085
Chico! I know this cat!
What brings you here, friend?
186
00:07:02,151 --> 00:07:04,954
Urinary bladder rocks.
Ooh, how did you eat those?
187
00:07:05,021 --> 00:07:08,458
I'd kill to be here
for urinary bladder rocks.
188
00:07:08,524 --> 00:07:10,293
Yeah, it's due
to excess weight gain,
189
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,128
which is due to too much food,
190
00:07:12,195 --> 00:07:14,397
which is due to my owner
and best friend, Kevin,
191
00:07:14,464 --> 00:07:15,998
traveling a lot.
192
00:07:16,065 --> 00:07:17,934
Too much. It's too much.
193
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,403
Aw, Chico!
No, no, no, no, shh.
194
00:07:20,470 --> 00:07:22,538
Sounds like
you need to share.
195
00:07:22,605 --> 00:07:25,208
This is a safe space.
Oh, boy!
196
00:07:25,274 --> 00:07:27,944
Gah! Ugh, here we go!
197
00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:30,546
You're sure it's okay
if I stay with you?
198
00:07:30,613 --> 00:07:33,783
Oh, yeah, but remember
you've got to be nicer
199
00:07:33,850 --> 00:07:36,419
than you've ever been before.
200
00:07:36,486 --> 00:07:39,122
I mean it, Tabs,
these cats are vicious.
201
00:07:39,188 --> 00:07:40,256
When I first moved in here,
202
00:07:40,323 --> 00:07:42,692
I had the standard number
of eyes,
203
00:07:42,759 --> 00:07:44,494
ears, and testicles.
204
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,462
And let me tell you
I do not anymore.
205
00:07:46,529 --> 00:07:50,500
[dramatic music]
206
00:07:50,566 --> 00:07:52,869
[cats meowing]
207
00:07:52,935 --> 00:07:59,308
♪
208
00:07:59,375 --> 00:08:01,177
♪ Does a stranger
sense danger ♪
209
00:08:01,244 --> 00:08:02,945
♪ In the house of a hoarder?
210
00:08:03,012 --> 00:08:05,114
♪ Then jellimon juniper,
an introduction's in order ♪
211
00:08:05,181 --> 00:08:06,549
♪ I'm Percival Sir Paw
212
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,751
♪ But you can call me
The Clean One ♪
213
00:08:08,818 --> 00:08:12,054
♪ And I'm Chazzery Lymph,
The Missing A Spleen One ♪
214
00:08:12,121 --> 00:08:15,925
♪ I'm Grumplerump,
known as The Warm Wet One ♪
215
00:08:15,992 --> 00:08:19,862
♪ We're Conjoinity Jones,
we're The Duet One! ♪
216
00:08:19,929 --> 00:08:21,998
[all panting]
217
00:08:22,064 --> 00:08:23,232
I don't get it.
218
00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:25,835
Dangerous cats sing song to me?
219
00:08:25,902 --> 00:08:28,538
Oh, our musical
catstravaganzas
220
00:08:28,604 --> 00:08:30,807
are the only thing that keep us
from killing each other.
221
00:08:30,873 --> 00:08:34,944
So, if you want to survive
here, you have to join the fun.
222
00:08:35,011 --> 00:08:37,547
I am not a joiner,
and it does not look like fun.
223
00:08:37,613 --> 00:08:39,849
[laughs] Well, joke's on you,
224
00:08:39,916 --> 00:08:43,519
because this is the most fun!
225
00:08:45,188 --> 00:08:46,255
Hey.
Ah!
226
00:08:46,322 --> 00:08:49,091
I didn't mean to scare you.
Why would I be scared?
227
00:08:49,158 --> 00:08:51,227
I'm just alone in my yard
with a dangerous coyote.
228
00:08:51,294 --> 00:08:53,629
You think I'm dangerous?
Did I say dangerous?
229
00:08:53,696 --> 00:08:56,299
No, no, I meant sexy.
No, I meant dangerous.
230
00:08:56,365 --> 00:08:58,100
No, I meant
Honey!
231
00:08:58,167 --> 00:08:59,769
Sorry. My human's calling.
232
00:08:59,836 --> 00:09:01,070
You know how it is.
[chuckles]
233
00:09:01,137 --> 00:09:03,506
Oh, no, of course you don't,
because you're wild
234
00:09:03,573 --> 00:09:04,474
and dangerous.
235
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,808
Nope. Got to go.
236
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:08,411
Oh, Darla,
the moonlight illuminates
237
00:09:08,478 --> 00:09:10,680
all of your
wonderfully earned wrinkles.
238
00:09:10,746 --> 00:09:12,815
And I'm like, "Damn, girl. "
239
00:09:12,882 --> 00:09:16,052
Oh, Shel,
you're making progress.
240
00:09:17,587 --> 00:09:21,757
Oh...my... God.
241
00:09:21,824 --> 00:09:23,659
I thought you told her
it was over.
242
00:09:23,726 --> 00:09:26,662
I did!
Maybe I should talk to her.
243
00:09:26,729 --> 00:09:28,898
No, Darla, it's not safe.
244
00:09:28,965 --> 00:09:32,502
There's no telling what that
"horngry" beast will do.
245
00:09:32,568 --> 00:09:34,370
[gasps]
She's coming closer.
246
00:09:34,437 --> 00:09:36,672
Run, Darla! Run!
247
00:09:42,745 --> 00:09:45,314
[hisses] Keep walking.
248
00:09:45,381 --> 00:09:46,582
When you least expect it...
249
00:09:46,649 --> 00:09:49,585
Oh, look
at the great gentleman
250
00:09:49,652 --> 00:09:51,554
protecting his wonderful damsel.
251
00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:52,855
Shh. You'll wake her up.
252
00:09:52,922 --> 00:09:55,591
Oh, now the hero
is shushing me.
253
00:09:55,658 --> 00:09:56,893
If she fell in line,
254
00:09:56,959 --> 00:09:59,028
you wouldn't have to protect
Her Fluffiness.
255
00:09:59,095 --> 00:10:01,697
Yeah, musical theater's
just not her thing.
256
00:10:01,764 --> 00:10:03,132
I just hope she's worth it,
257
00:10:03,199 --> 00:10:05,902
'cause she doesn't seem
to give a rat's ass about you.
258
00:10:05,968 --> 00:10:09,605
Yeah, well, your badonkadonk
ain't all that.
259
00:10:09,672 --> 00:10:12,074
That was 18, guys!
260
00:10:12,141 --> 00:10:14,610
I guess I'm this big because
I want Kevin to see me.
261
00:10:14,677 --> 00:10:16,445
Mmhmm.
That one hit home.
262
00:10:16,512 --> 00:10:18,981
Must... lick...
263
00:10:19,048 --> 00:10:21,017
Can you see them
from where you are?
264
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:23,019
Honest to God,
I don't even see them.
265
00:10:23,085 --> 00:10:25,555
I hear that, cat.
I blow minds all over town.
266
00:10:25,621 --> 00:10:26,889
But now that I'm
getting fixed,
267
00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:28,624
I'm scared
I won't know who I am.
268
00:10:28,691 --> 00:10:30,993
Who am I if I'm not
blowing minds?
269
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:32,895
Wait. Do I know you?
270
00:10:32,962 --> 00:10:35,698
I must have blown your mind.
No, I don't think that's it.
271
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,099
You ever had kittens?
272
00:10:37,166 --> 00:10:39,235
Yeah, but I'm not sure
what that has to do with it.
273
00:10:39,302 --> 00:10:40,202
What an odd question.
274
00:10:40,269 --> 00:10:42,471
Okay, I'm gonna tell
you guys something,
275
00:10:42,538 --> 00:10:43,773
and you can't tell Honey.
276
00:10:43,839 --> 00:10:45,441
We don't know who that is.
Go on.
277
00:10:45,508 --> 00:10:47,677
I knew that Jill's Mr. Roboto
278
00:10:47,743 --> 00:10:50,379
was gonna make me feel blechy
in my tummy,
279
00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:51,781
but I did it anyway.
280
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:53,082
Maybe this is the rock bottom
281
00:10:53,149 --> 00:10:55,651
we needed to take
a long look at ourselves.
282
00:10:55,718 --> 00:10:57,053
This feels like group.
283
00:10:57,119 --> 00:10:58,988
Wait, this
is what group is like?
284
00:10:59,055 --> 00:11:00,923
Huh, I always thought
it was a contest
285
00:11:00,990 --> 00:11:02,558
to see who could be
the most boring.
286
00:11:02,625 --> 00:11:04,293
[chuckles]
Usually the turtle wins.
287
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,797
Hey, Shel's going through a
lot of boring stuff right now.
288
00:11:07,863 --> 00:11:11,467
So, this is what Honey
is always nagging me to do.
289
00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:13,536
Wow. She's right!
290
00:11:13,603 --> 00:11:15,671
It does feel good to share.
291
00:11:15,738 --> 00:11:18,941
Huh. What an emotional release.
292
00:11:19,008 --> 00:11:20,242
Whoa.
293
00:11:20,309 --> 00:11:22,011
Wait a minute. What the...?
294
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,148
Jeremy?
295
00:11:26,215 --> 00:11:27,650
Water.
296
00:11:27,717 --> 00:11:30,186
Hey! I passed the baton!
297
00:11:30,252 --> 00:11:34,557
Well, here I am, completely
alone in my yard again,
298
00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:35,725
totally vulnerable.
299
00:11:35,791 --> 00:11:37,560
Shut up!
Go to hell!
300
00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:39,362
[gasps]
Where are you taking me?
301
00:11:39,428 --> 00:11:41,397
What?
Ah, Chief's home.
302
00:11:41,464 --> 00:11:42,999
Okay, I've got to go,
303
00:11:43,065 --> 00:11:46,102
but I'm sure I'll be out here
vulnerable and alone later.
304
00:11:46,168 --> 00:11:48,037
Okay. Just saying.
305
00:11:50,439 --> 00:11:52,942
Chief! Welcome home!
306
00:11:53,009 --> 00:11:55,611
[chuckles] So how'd it go?
Ah, wonderful.
307
00:11:55,678 --> 00:11:57,480
Really?
Oh, yeah.
308
00:11:57,546 --> 00:11:59,048
A rabbit had a bunch
of heart attacks.
309
00:11:59,115 --> 00:12:01,984
Chico peed out some rocks,
and one dog was there
310
00:12:02,051 --> 00:12:05,021
because he was born
with balls between his legs!
311
00:12:05,087 --> 00:12:06,055
Gross.
312
00:12:06,122 --> 00:12:07,823
Anyway, we all bonded.
313
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:11,394
It's like I've always said
emotional connection, you know?
314
00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:13,462
That's where it's at.
At the vet?
315
00:12:13,529 --> 00:12:14,930
Yeah. It was pretty amazing.
316
00:12:14,997 --> 00:12:18,601
I've come to a decision.
I'm ready to do group.
317
00:12:18,668 --> 00:12:20,903
Oh, wow. This is so great.
You're gonna love it.
318
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:23,339
I mean, Diablo
is super annoying,
319
00:12:23,406 --> 00:12:24,674
but you can just tune him out.
320
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,609
No, I'm starting
my own group,
321
00:12:26,676 --> 00:12:28,377
with my friends from the vet.
322
00:12:28,444 --> 00:12:30,880
It's gonna be awesome.
Good night.
323
00:12:32,948 --> 00:12:36,585
Oh, no, did the gallant
swain oversleep?
324
00:12:36,652 --> 00:12:38,587
What are you even saying?
You missed rehearsal.
325
00:12:38,654 --> 00:12:41,824
What? Why didn't you wake me?
One, two. three...
326
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:45,027
all: ♪ Neglect is our dad,
infection's our mother ♪
327
00:12:45,094 --> 00:12:48,597
♪ When we're not singing,
we're killing each other ♪
328
00:12:48,664 --> 00:12:49,965
[screeches]
329
00:12:50,032 --> 00:12:53,002
all: ♪ There's always
a place for you ♪
330
00:12:53,069 --> 00:12:54,637
The Gray One,
you're out of the show!
331
00:12:54,704 --> 00:12:56,806
But I'm Monocules Monroe!
332
00:12:56,872 --> 00:12:59,041
The gentleman cat
from Microwave Mountain!
333
00:12:59,108 --> 00:13:00,776
You know we have
a zerotolerance policy
334
00:13:00,843 --> 00:13:01,844
regarding missed rehearsals.
335
00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:04,714
Who do I talk to
about sleeping accommodations?
336
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:08,017
Aah! This is all your fault!
Everyone hates you!
337
00:13:08,084 --> 00:13:09,852
And now they hate me!
338
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,421
But you obviously don't care
because you
339
00:13:12,488 --> 00:13:13,589
I'll kill you!
Aah!
340
00:13:13,656 --> 00:13:14,957
all:
341
00:13:15,024 --> 00:13:17,593
♪ He's out of the show
♪ He's out of the show
342
00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:20,863
I have no faith in this show.
343
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,732
Well, you may
or may not have noticed
344
00:13:22,798 --> 00:13:25,434
that Chief is having
his own group outside.
345
00:13:25,501 --> 00:13:27,703
[chuckles]
Right? Yeah.
346
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:29,538
I sat out there a while
before I realized
347
00:13:29,605 --> 00:13:31,173
I was in the wrong place.
348
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:32,575
Uh, fascinating.
349
00:13:32,641 --> 00:13:35,444
Lindsay's menacing yet erotic
behavior has escalated.
350
00:13:35,511 --> 00:13:36,879
But I refuse to let her rob me
351
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:39,181
of the life
scuteslamming happiness
352
00:13:39,248 --> 00:13:40,416
I could have with Darla.
353
00:13:40,483 --> 00:13:42,451
I mean,
it's totally within his right.
354
00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:43,652
I have no problem with it.
355
00:13:43,719 --> 00:13:46,756
It detoxifies my masculinity
to admit it,
356
00:13:46,822 --> 00:13:50,493
but I can't handle
the Lindsay sitch on my own.
357
00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:54,063
I need help making it,
uh, go away,
358
00:13:54,130 --> 00:13:55,531
if you know what I mean.
359
00:13:55,598 --> 00:13:57,233
Not here.
Where?
360
00:13:57,299 --> 00:13:59,535
After group. I know someone.
361
00:13:59,602 --> 00:14:01,270
It's just that
I've been asking him
362
00:14:01,337 --> 00:14:02,271
for years to join our group
363
00:14:02,338 --> 00:14:04,607
That must be really
frustrating, you know,
364
00:14:04,673 --> 00:14:06,642
that he refuses
to join something
365
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:08,811
that would obviously
help you both
366
00:14:08,878 --> 00:14:12,648
and keep you from getting
killed in your sleep!
367
00:14:12,715 --> 00:14:14,517
Wonder what they're
talking about.
368
00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:16,118
You got to help me!
369
00:14:16,185 --> 00:14:17,486
Screw you!
You screw you!
370
00:14:17,553 --> 00:14:19,588
Chief! Stop!
What's going on?
371
00:14:19,655 --> 00:14:21,257
Squirrel break!
Ah!
372
00:14:21,323 --> 00:14:22,558
[barks, gasps]
373
00:14:22,625 --> 00:14:25,060
Ah! Get him off me!
Get him off me!
374
00:14:25,127 --> 00:14:26,362
Aah! Aah!
375
00:14:26,428 --> 00:14:28,464
Stay still! Try to
376
00:14:28,531 --> 00:14:30,299
Everyone selfprotect!
377
00:14:30,366 --> 00:14:32,802
Aah! He's in my fur!
Get him off me!
378
00:14:32,868 --> 00:14:36,138
[screaming]
379
00:14:36,205 --> 00:14:38,941
[laughter]
I did this.
380
00:14:39,008 --> 00:14:42,845
Ah! He's everywhere!
I'm covered in squirrel!
381
00:14:50,686 --> 00:14:53,355
Max! Oh, thank God.
I thought you were Lindsay.
382
00:14:53,422 --> 00:14:55,491
I mean...
Just keep walking.
383
00:14:55,558 --> 00:14:57,026
I know someone who can send
384
00:14:57,092 --> 00:14:59,662
Lindsay back to Zappos,
if you know what I mean.
385
00:14:59,728 --> 00:15:01,063
Really? Are you sure?
386
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:03,732
She has not been gently used.
Trust me.
387
00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:06,669
Okay. Who's the fixer?
Me.
388
00:15:06,735 --> 00:15:09,171
Well, this is an unexpected
turn of events.
389
00:15:09,238 --> 00:15:12,474
You sure you can handle it?
[laughs] Can I handle it?
390
00:15:12,541 --> 00:15:13,642
You ever hear about the time
391
00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:16,345
two of those "Stranger Things"
kids killed that hiker?
392
00:15:16,412 --> 00:15:17,646
God, no.
393
00:15:17,713 --> 00:15:19,481
How about when a certain
handsome quarterback
394
00:15:19,548 --> 00:15:21,550
burned down a Jamba Juice?
No.
395
00:15:21,617 --> 00:15:23,786
Or when a certain perky
morningshow host
396
00:15:23,853 --> 00:15:26,622
kept the Biebs
in her basement for three days?
397
00:15:26,689 --> 00:15:28,557
Not that either.
Exactly.
398
00:15:28,624 --> 00:15:31,026
My hooves have been in
everything you can imagine,
399
00:15:31,093 --> 00:15:35,097
so, yeah, I can handle
your little shoe problem.
400
00:15:35,164 --> 00:15:35,998
Well, all right.
401
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:38,534
You should know,
I don't condone violence,
402
00:15:38,601 --> 00:15:41,604
but I am aroused by it,
so do your worst.
403
00:15:41,670 --> 00:15:43,672
I'm regretting this already.
404
00:15:45,007 --> 00:15:47,643
I don't understand
why you're so mad,
405
00:15:47,710 --> 00:15:49,612
I thought you wanted me
in a group.
406
00:15:49,678 --> 00:15:51,080
Not a group, my group,
407
00:15:51,146 --> 00:15:53,549
which, on a side note,
you completely ruined today.
408
00:15:53,616 --> 00:15:56,552
I was wondering.
It seemed a little chaotic.
409
00:15:56,619 --> 00:15:58,387
Why does it matter
whose group I'm in?
410
00:15:58,454 --> 00:16:00,522
Because I know
what you need to fix.
411
00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:02,358
I can help you
be less impulsive,
412
00:16:02,424 --> 00:16:04,727
a better listener,
sneeze more quietly
413
00:16:04,793 --> 00:16:07,296
My group has a word for how
you're acting right now,
414
00:16:07,363 --> 00:16:09,698
and it rhymes
with fudgemental.
415
00:16:09,765 --> 00:16:11,267
I can help you
with your vocabulary.
416
00:16:11,333 --> 00:16:14,503
And this fudgy attitude
is exactly why I didn't want
417
00:16:14,570 --> 00:16:15,704
to be in your group.
418
00:16:15,771 --> 00:16:17,706
I get enough criticism
from you as it is.
419
00:16:17,773 --> 00:16:19,708
Well, it's constructive
criticism!
420
00:16:19,775 --> 00:16:22,811
I could help you understand
the difference!
421
00:16:24,013 --> 00:16:26,849
[groaning]
422
00:16:26,916 --> 00:16:28,350
What? No!
423
00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:32,054
[all growling creepily]
424
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:34,523
[shouting]
425
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,693
[eerie music]
426
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,128
♪
427
00:16:39,194 --> 00:16:41,230
[gasps]
428
00:16:41,297 --> 00:16:42,531
[grunts]
429
00:16:42,598 --> 00:16:44,500
The Gray One! Help me!
430
00:16:44,566 --> 00:16:48,437
[groans]
[screaming]
431
00:16:48,504 --> 00:16:53,042
All you had to do
was join the fun.
432
00:16:53,108 --> 00:16:56,145
Turn, touch, step.
433
00:16:56,211 --> 00:16:57,313
Oh, no.
434
00:16:57,379 --> 00:17:00,149
But, Gray One,
we are friends, no?
435
00:17:00,215 --> 00:17:02,818
You're on your own!
436
00:17:04,353 --> 00:17:06,288
[gasps]
437
00:17:06,355 --> 00:17:08,691
I will agree
to star in your show
438
00:17:08,757 --> 00:17:12,261
if you let The Gray One back in
and stop trying to kill him.
439
00:17:12,328 --> 00:17:14,363
We already have
our leading lady.
440
00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:17,733
I got a DIY facelift
for this.
441
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,336
That's okay. I just want
to be one of the gang.
442
00:17:20,402 --> 00:17:23,472
I will be chorus cat.
443
00:17:23,539 --> 00:17:25,808
You're a kitten again.
444
00:17:27,276 --> 00:17:28,610
You can't just get together,
445
00:17:28,677 --> 00:17:30,479
chase squirrels,
and call it group.
446
00:17:30,546 --> 00:17:32,648
Nice stream.
Oh! Thanks.
447
00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:34,383
Uh, yeah, no,
I try to, uh, drink
448
00:17:34,450 --> 00:17:36,652
at least two bowls
a day so, um...
449
00:17:36,719 --> 00:17:39,121
Yeah, but you don't care
about that.
450
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,489
You're just here to ravage me.
451
00:17:40,556 --> 00:17:41,623
Actually, I was wondering
452
00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:43,392
the pets
that meet at your house...
453
00:17:43,459 --> 00:17:45,294
Are not food.
They come to talk, right?
454
00:17:45,361 --> 00:17:46,695
And sometimes I give advice.
455
00:17:46,762 --> 00:17:49,231
But, um, they will tear you
limb from limb,
456
00:17:49,298 --> 00:17:50,799
so don't even try kidnapping me
457
00:17:50,866 --> 00:17:53,202
and taking me
to your mysterious lair.
458
00:17:53,268 --> 00:17:54,837
Actually, I just
have a question.
459
00:17:54,903 --> 00:17:57,906
Is there such a thing
as objective morality?
460
00:17:57,973 --> 00:18:00,542
Oh, sorry, is that not the
kind of thing you talk about?
461
00:18:00,609 --> 00:18:02,578
You don't have a lair,
do you?
462
00:18:02,644 --> 00:18:04,580
[coyote howls in the distance]
[groans]
463
00:18:04,646 --> 00:18:06,315
Now I'm the one
being called away.
464
00:18:06,382 --> 00:18:07,850
[chuckles]
Oh, and by the way,
465
00:18:07,916 --> 00:18:10,019
that squirrel
won't be bothering you anymore.
466
00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:12,454
Why not?
I killed him. Good night.
467
00:18:20,529 --> 00:18:24,433
Screw you, little friend.
Screw you.
468
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,602
All right, you may want
to turn away
469
00:18:26,668 --> 00:18:29,838
while I put Lindsay down
for her dirt nap.
470
00:18:29,905 --> 00:18:33,008
Do you think it's safe for me
to say a few words to her?
471
00:18:33,075 --> 00:18:34,176
Whatever, man.
472
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:36,779
Lindsay, I'm coming closer.
Don't try anything.
473
00:18:36,845 --> 00:18:40,449
Lindsay, when we met,
I was a shell of a tortoise,
474
00:18:40,516 --> 00:18:42,484
but the time we spent together
475
00:18:42,551 --> 00:18:45,754
filled me and my shell
with feelings and liquids
476
00:18:45,821 --> 00:18:48,090
that I didn't know
were possible.
477
00:18:48,157 --> 00:18:50,292
In fact, how about one more
478
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:51,493
Okay, that's enough.
479
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,295
Now, I'll tell you
what I told Meryl
480
00:18:53,362 --> 00:18:54,763
after her onenight stand
481
00:18:54,830 --> 00:18:57,166
with a certain
frostedtipped celebrity chef.
482
00:18:57,232 --> 00:19:00,803
Get out of here and forget
this ever happened!
483
00:19:00,869 --> 00:19:03,105
I'm sorry for being
so judgmental.
484
00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:06,041
That was the word.
Continue with your apology.
485
00:19:06,108 --> 00:19:07,409
And it's stupid for me
486
00:19:07,476 --> 00:19:09,611
to think I can dictate
who anyone else is.
487
00:19:09,678 --> 00:19:10,546
You don't need to change.
488
00:19:10,612 --> 00:19:13,382
I need to stop projecting
on other canines.
489
00:19:13,449 --> 00:19:15,384
Not felines, though,
they need my help.
490
00:19:15,451 --> 00:19:17,152
So I don't need to be
in a group?
491
00:19:17,219 --> 00:19:18,587
Not unless you want to.
492
00:19:18,654 --> 00:19:21,056
Oh, thank God,
'cause even with my guys,
493
00:19:21,123 --> 00:19:22,991
it was so boring.
494
00:19:23,058 --> 00:19:24,293
I mean, it was one thing
495
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,128
when I was trapped
in a cage at the vet,
496
00:19:26,195 --> 00:19:29,431
but to sit there by choice
when all my instincts
497
00:19:29,498 --> 00:19:31,967
are telling me
to run around and kick ass,
498
00:19:32,034 --> 00:19:34,303
it was hard and not fun.
499
00:19:34,369 --> 00:19:37,072
[chuckles]
I mean, not in the slightest.
500
00:19:37,139 --> 00:19:38,273
It was brutal.
501
00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:40,976
You know what I mean, right?
No, I do, I do, but
502
00:19:41,043 --> 00:19:42,478
Besides, I'm cured.
503
00:19:42,544 --> 00:19:44,513
One and done for me, babe!
504
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:46,415
The only fun thing about group
505
00:19:46,482 --> 00:19:48,083
was meeting
that awesome squirrel.
506
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:49,284
Well, okay, but
507
00:19:49,351 --> 00:19:51,286
Besides, I mean, we're good,
you and me, you know?
508
00:19:51,353 --> 00:19:55,290
Yeah, I mean, maybe we're not
perfect, but we're good.
509
00:19:55,357 --> 00:19:56,558
Ahh...
Now to sleep
510
00:19:56,625 --> 00:19:59,128
and dream about what high jinks
511
00:19:59,194 --> 00:20:00,729
I'll get into with my new BSF.
512
00:20:00,796 --> 00:20:03,565
[chuckles]
That's best squirrel friend.
513
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:08,737
Darla, now that we are rid
of that deranged parasite,
514
00:20:08,804 --> 00:20:12,374
we can really focus
on us and my needs.
515
00:20:12,441 --> 00:20:16,512
Are you ever gonna tell me
how you handled the situation?
516
00:20:16,578 --> 00:20:18,280
I'll spare you the details.
517
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:19,715
But if you're down
to roleplay it,
518
00:20:19,781 --> 00:20:22,017
I could be persuaded.
519
00:20:23,919 --> 00:20:25,387
Lindsay?
520
00:20:25,454 --> 00:20:28,490
[eerie music]
521
00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:30,893
[chuckles] I should have known
there was no way
522
00:20:30,959 --> 00:20:33,195
to contain
her thrust lust forever.
523
00:20:33,262 --> 00:20:36,431
I hope you like
psychosexual thrillers, Darla,
524
00:20:36,498 --> 00:20:39,067
'cause we're in
for a triple feature.
525
00:20:39,134 --> 00:20:41,870
As a matter of fact, I do.
526
00:20:41,937 --> 00:20:44,406
[both moaning]
527
00:20:44,473 --> 00:20:48,143
Darla. Oh, Darla.
528
00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:50,646
♪
529
00:20:54,316 --> 00:20:56,852
♪ So you've just screwed up
your perfect life ♪
530
00:20:56,919 --> 00:20:58,120
all:
♪ You're in deep crap!
531
00:20:58,187 --> 00:20:59,988
♪ Deep crap's a warm, soft
place to land ♪
532
00:21:00,055 --> 00:21:01,490
all: ♪ Trust us,
way softer than pus ♪
533
00:21:01,557 --> 00:21:02,991
♪ You better learn
to like it fast ♪
534
00:21:03,058 --> 00:21:04,760
♪ Live each day
like it's your last ♪
535
00:21:04,826 --> 00:21:07,763
all: ♪ 'Cause your life
expectancy's not grand! ♪
536
00:21:07,829 --> 00:21:09,598
♪ You're damned,
avoid any longterm plans ♪
537
00:21:09,665 --> 00:21:10,999
♪ I'll kill you
538
00:21:11,066 --> 00:21:12,601
all: ♪ You were the best,
now you're just the rest ♪
539
00:21:12,668 --> 00:21:14,102
♪ And I smell like a dead,
rotten skunk ♪
540
00:21:14,169 --> 00:21:17,506
♪ Uh, I'm Tabitha, but you
can call me The Stuck Up One ♪
541
00:21:17,573 --> 00:21:21,243
all: ♪ There's always
a place for U ♪
542
00:21:21,310 --> 00:21:23,478
♪ In junk
543
00:21:23,545 --> 00:21:27,082
I feel lucky to be alive.
Oh, my goodness.
544
00:21:27,149 --> 00:21:30,085
[all screeching]
545
00:21:30,135 --> 00:21:34,685
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