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Previously on Californication:
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What do you do in the real world?
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00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:15,051
I traverse the globe with musicians.
4
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- You're a groupie.
- "Muse" would really be more applicable.
5
00:00:18,885 --> 00:00:21,161
- Men have written songs about me.
- I can see why.
6
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- Want to get high?
- The Pope shit in the woods?
7
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- You have anything to roll with?
- Don't call it the good book for nothing.
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I feel so bad.
9
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:31,807
- Need to hit the road.
- This is fate. Tiny talked about you...
10
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:35,435
all the time. He said that
you had an uncanny ability...
11
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,309
to suck killer riffs out of him.
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00:00:37,470 --> 00:00:40,474
I'll have you know, I was
a very good little Catholic schoolgirl.
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00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,846
You trying to turn me on?
14
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:45,512
My parents, they hit me pretty hard
once upon a time. I'm still smarting.
15
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,988
I played at this stupid
little church social.
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All my mom had to say was
that I looked like a slut up there.
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00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:55,059
- Methinks you like this one, Faith.
- She likes him. I can tell.
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00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:58,134
- You seem to have a real connection.
- It could be a real thing.
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00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:01,272
I have big news. Tonight I am
making love to a woman.
20
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Karen, this is bullshit.
He poops on people.
21
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:07,670
That woman is amazing.
22
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:15,319
Okay, so the reason I've summoned
you both to dinner...
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- Oh, God!
- I have news.
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Jesus Christ.
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- Why do you go there so quickly?
- It's never good news with her.
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It's always disgusting,
stomach-churning awful.
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She's Bad-News Becca.
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Could you at least let her speak first?
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- Please. I'm sorry. Go ahead.
- So I've decided...
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- To go back to school! That is awesome.
- Shut up!
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UP high.
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00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:38,308
Someone. Anyone.
33
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:43,039
I've decided to go abroad
for an indeterminate amount of time.
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00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:44,407
Why?
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00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,881
- I hate L.A.
- Okay, word. I'm with you on that.
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00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,816
But go back to school, graduate,
and then you can go abroad.
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00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,013
I want to make a literary pilgrimage.
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I wanna follow in the footsteps
of my favorite expatriate writers.
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00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:58,021
- I love that.
- Burroughs, Paul Bowles, Henry Miller.
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00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,219
That's wonderful.
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00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:01,831
Going on a pilgrimage
does not make you a writer.
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00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:05,060
Only thing that makes you a writer
is gluing your ass in a seat...
43
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:09,571
and getting what's inside your head out
on the paper. Everything else is a pose.
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00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:13,370
Just, you can expat yourself on the back
and go "pilgrimate"...
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00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,809
after you've done something,
had some success.
46
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Why can't I do both?
47
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:21,045
It just seems so romantic.
48
00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,084
That's just it, Becca. You know...
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00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:25,723
things that seem romantic
very rarely are.
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00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:29,019
- Ain't that the truth.
- Don't get all loaded with me, woman.
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00:02:29,182 --> 00:02:31,321
- Another good talk.
- Sweetie...
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- Becca, I love the idea.
- You know...
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00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:38,667
We can get through this muck and mire if
we just gave in to our baser instincts...
54
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,669
and engaged in a little
therapeutic hate-fucking.
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Okay, fine.
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00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:46,500
You know, I'm not sure I'd be into it
even if you were. Know why?
57
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,146
- Because you're sullied and shit.
- You love that shit.
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No, no, you're just... You're all soiled...
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and shit.
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Sullied. Shit.
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It was great.
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So free. On the road.
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00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:59,483
- Hey.
- Hi.
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00:04:00,373 --> 00:04:01,408
How are you?
65
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:03,247
- How's it going?
- Is this a bad time?
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00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:06,083
No, of course not. This is Beckett.
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00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,554
This is Hank Moody.
68
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- He's a writer and a drinker.
- Thank you.
69
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:13,423
Yeah. He's working on that musical
with your brother.
70
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:17,033
Oh, really? I hope that spoiled
little ginger's treating you all right.
71
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:18,601
Yeah. He's sweet, actually.
72
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,534
I just gotta slap him upside
the head every now and then.
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00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:23,469
Or give him a titty twister.
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Don't I know it?
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Beckett just got off the road.
76
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:30,774
Yeah, Faith's been kind enough
to house-sit for me while I've been gone.
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00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:34,009
And what is my reward?
I get kicked to the curb.
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Come on. I met a model in Australia...
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00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:39,486
so she's moving in. Who knows?
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She might even be the one.
81
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,319
Oh, baby, good luck with that.
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- I gotta try, right? You gotta keep trying.
- You do.
83
00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:49,064
It's not as if you'd let me
make an honest groupie out of you.
84
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,565
Well, you never asked, so...
85
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:53,897
Hey, does Atticus know about
this special little friendship?
86
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,471
- Fuck, no.
- Oh, God, no.
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00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:58,438
- Destroy him. His head would explode.
- Which would fuck up...
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00:04:58,598 --> 00:05:01,408
that fabulous weave he's got going.
Let's do it.
89
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,477
Oh, I like this guy.
90
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,872
Yeah, he's okay.
91
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,624
- You okay?
- Yeah. Why?
92
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:23,700
I don't know, you kind of got
the bum's rush back there.
93
00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:26,234
- Hey!
- Comes with the territory.
94
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:31,204
Guy goes on tour for the better part of
a year, he'll come back with something...
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00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,207
or someone.
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00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:38,075
- I don't need your pity.
- Okay, then I will retract it...
97
00:05:38,237 --> 00:05:41,275
and you will see neither
hide nor hair of it ever again.
98
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,747
Thank you.
99
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,786
- But how do you live?
- What do you mean?
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00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:48,391
Well, you don't work.
You just kind of...
101
00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:50,027
- Float?
- Yeah.
102
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,494
Yes, I do, and I like it that way.
103
00:05:53,653 --> 00:05:55,758
- Here's your beers.
- Thank you, sir.
104
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,765
Things just have a way
of working out.
105
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:00,302
And men have been
especially kind to me.
106
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,270
Understandably so,
but what is next?
107
00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:06,103
Well, I'm not sure yet.
I think we should keep drinking...
108
00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,472
and something will eventually
suggest itself.
109
00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:10,671
That's what my mom
always used to say.
110
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,839
You can crash at Charlie's
if you need to.
111
00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:14,450
But where would I sleep?
112
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,658
What?
113
00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:31,060
Telemarketers?
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00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,727
Worse, my mother.
She's a bit of a cunt.
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00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:37,102
Scratch that. She takes the warm
and fuzzy out of "cunt."
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00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,104
I like that.
And I'm gonna steal that.
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00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:42,007
Fair warning. One day I will use that.
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00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,306
Oh, be my guest.
119
00:06:43,569 --> 00:06:45,515
I guarantee you
she wants me to come home.
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00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:47,344
Moms are good like that. Yep.
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00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:52,047
Well, when I do,
it's always a fucking disaster.
122
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:56,119
- She doesn't approve of the lifestyle.
- Moms are good like that too.
123
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,785
- How long's it been?
- Fuck if I know, dude.
124
00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:02,626
I've been with the circus a while,
so let's just say it's been a spell.
125
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:06,669
If you want advice from a guy who's
watching his daughter sow her oats...
126
00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:11,571
you should go visit them. You know,
what's the harm? Just throw them a bone.
127
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:16,373
Okay. I'll go if you go.
128
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,646
- What?
- Come on.
129
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:22,514
It'll be super awesome bringing home
a relatively normal boyfriend type.
130
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:25,053
Thank you. Gee, thanks.
131
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:28,454
You're sick as they come,
but you're better at passing for normal.
132
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:32,152
- Do I have to get on a plane?
- Nope. Just the 405.
133
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,491
- Let's do it.
- Pretty sweet, huh?
134
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,996
I know this place.
135
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,429
I grew up in this place.
136
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:13,337
It was about
3,000 miles away, though.
137
00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:18,566
Getting back in the car
and driving really fast into a wall...
138
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:22,975
- ...is looking pretty appealing right now.
- Oh, come on, it's time to face the Muzak.
139
00:08:23,135 --> 00:08:24,705
Too late.
140
00:08:28,274 --> 00:08:31,721
Faith? Is that you?
141
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,484
- Hey, Mom.
- I've been calling you. I left messages.
142
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:36,456
Well, I thought I would surprise you.
143
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:38,687
So surprise!
144
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,922
- I'm surprised.
- Surprise.
145
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:44,898
- Hey.
- Oh, look at you.
146
00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:46,934
- Okay, just say it.
- What?
147
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,095
Come on, just go ahead
and say it.
148
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,799
- Then we can move on.
- You look like a slut. I'm sorry.
149
00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:53,671
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you, Mom.
150
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:54,903
Mission accomplished.
151
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:56,944
Oh, who's your friend?
152
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,409
- Hi, Mrs. Faith's Mom.
- This is...
153
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,646
- Nice to meet you.
- This is Hank Moody, Mom.
154
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:05,049
Hank the Hugger.
155
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,349
That's what we call him.
156
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:08,549
- Is he your boyfriend?
- Ish.
157
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,459
Frenemy, really.
158
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:14,086
Where's all the tattoos
and the long, filthy hair?
159
00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:18,360
Oh, I... I... I left those in the car.
I was trying to make a good impression.
160
00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:21,562
Oh, good. You can help me
with the groceries.
161
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,037
Jack, where are you?
162
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,646
I've got a surprise.
163
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:36,014
You didn't tell me you grew up
in a religious supply store.
164
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:38,678
Oh, well, that's why I'm such a slut.
165
00:09:38,844 --> 00:09:40,687
- Yeah.
- Jack, guess what.
166
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,856
Faith's here.
167
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:48,259
He's watching TV.
What else would he be doing?
168
00:09:51,457 --> 00:09:53,300
Jesus Christ!
What are you doing?
169
00:09:53,459 --> 00:09:55,598
- What?
- You're watching nasty movies?
170
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:58,469
The hell I am. I was just
switching through the channels...
171
00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:01,305
- ...and this one caught my eye.
- Because it's naked women.
172
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,538
I'm surprised you're not
touching yourself.
173
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:04,943
Who else is going to?
174
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,050
Will you watch your mouth?
Faith is here.
175
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,379
What? Well, why didn't you tell me?
176
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,455
Turn that off before she gets in here.
177
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,118
- Faith.
- Dad.
178
00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:17,888
Hi.
179
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:21,354
Who's this clown?
180
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,557
Hank Moody, sir. Nice to meet you.
181
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,932
- Where's the tattoo and long hair?
- It would appear you have a type.
182
00:10:27,093 --> 00:10:28,902
- Well...
- You staying for dinner?
183
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:30,472
Why not?
184
00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:33,905
Hey, do me a favor. Will you run to
the store and get me some booze?
185
00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:37,707
Your mother refuses to buy it for me.
She... She thinks I drink too much.
186
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:40,544
- She's probably right, Dad.
- Well, wouldn't you?
187
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:43,851
- Hey, you like to drink?
- Does the Pope shit in the woods?
188
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,215
You better watch it, pal.
189
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:48,813
That woman will burn you
at the stake for talking like that.
190
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:03,196
What was that for?
No, no, don't tell me.
191
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:04,602
Just... Just do it again.
192
00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,679
Okay, now, what was that for?
193
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,072
For encouraging me to come.
194
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,911
Oh, I always encourage women
to come.
195
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:18,681
It... It does not always happen, but I like
to think that I'm at least encouraging.
196
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:22,420
- Classy.
- Is that...?
197
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:26,853
Faith? Is that you?
198
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,031
Oh, my God, it is you.
199
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,431
Holy shit. You look fucking amazing!
200
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:34,764
- Thanks. You too.
- Shannon.
201
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:36,133
Shannon Mitchell.
202
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:39,902
- No, of course. Shannon. Hi. Hi.
- I look like a fucking fat pig.
203
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,103
That's probably why
you don't recognize me.
204
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,646
Oh, stop, stop. This is amazing.
205
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,647
- Your first?
- I wish, dude.
206
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:47,978
My third.
207
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:49,676
Who's that guy?
That your husband?
208
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,014
- No. No, no, no.
- God, no.
209
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,919
Fiancé. Charles Wolfgang Runkle.
210
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,720
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
211
00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:58,694
- Congrats.
- Thank you.
212
00:11:58,851 --> 00:12:01,491
This is so weird. I never thought
you'd have a fiancé.
213
00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:06,034
I heard you were out there slutting
around, fucking a bunch of rock dudes.
214
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:10,106
Somebody said they saw you in a music
video or on a sex tape or something.
215
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,071
Well, what's the difference, really?
216
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:14,909
- Don't believe everything you hear.
- This girl...
217
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,274
she used to be quiet as a mouse.
218
00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:19,780
Always had her face
buried in some book.
219
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:24,149
And then one day she exploded.
She got super hot and fucked everyone.
220
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,290
- Oh, good for you, honey.
- Okay. All right.
221
00:12:26,445 --> 00:12:28,425
That's not entirely true, but...
222
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,857
She fucked my husband, even.
223
00:12:31,016 --> 00:12:33,394
- Really? Did I?
- Yeah. Larry Walters.
224
00:12:33,552 --> 00:12:35,190
Remember, you fucked Larry Walters?
225
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:37,698
- Larry Walters.
- I... vaguely, yeah.
226
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:40,804
He played guitar for Mysstery,
two S's.
227
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,667
- He remembers you.
- Guitar player.
228
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:45,638
Larry. Dude, get your ass over here.
229
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,778
It's Faith from American Martyrs.
230
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,311
Oh, Faith. Holy shit!
231
00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,710
Larry. Looking good. Hey.
232
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:54,146
- This is so awesome.
- Hey.
233
00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:56,946
- So fucking abso... It just is.
- Don't forget your change.
234
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,885
How's your mom and dad?
I bet they're so happy to see you...
235
00:13:00,045 --> 00:13:02,252
because you never come home, ever.
236
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,394
I see your mom in Target sometimes.
237
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:08,054
She tries to tell everyone you joined
the Peace Corps, which is funny...
238
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:10,222
because we all know
you just hopped...
239
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:13,336
on a rock 'n roll tour bus
and never looked back.
240
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,096
I guess she's still embarrassed...
241
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,400
- ...about all that stuff that...
- Yeah, well...
242
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:20,237
- What happened?
- It's not... Another story for another day.
243
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,845
- Oh, well, then...
- We should get together...
244
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:24,037
grab a drink.
245
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,581
- Yeah, we totally should.
- We totally should.
246
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,185
You probably shouldn't
be drinking in your condition.
247
00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,252
Come on, spritzers don't hurt.
248
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,253
Little puff of weed every now and then.
249
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:35,289
They try to tell you it hurts the baby.
250
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,482
It don't.
251
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:40,062
I think Cletus the Fetus in there
might disagree with you.
252
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:43,098
He's fine. He's seen a lot.
253
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:45,432
What? What?
254
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:46,695
Look at that.
255
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:49,094
Oh, look at that, honey.
I should probably...
256
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,172
- We should take this together.
- We should.
257
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:52,536
Your phone's not ringing.
258
00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:54,878
I have it on silent.
You didn't hear that?
259
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,672
But there's nothing on the screen.
260
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,339
- It's on vibrate.
- I can tell you're shaking your phone.
261
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,247
Well, guess what. I have Bell's palsy.
262
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,887
- Sorry.
- Oh, it's... It's fine.
263
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,579
- Great seeing you. Bye.
- You too.
264
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:07,280
See you soon, hopefully.
265
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:09,392
Stop staring, you fat fuck.
266
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:10,788
I totally fucked her.
267
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,187
Mom, thank you. This looks amazing.
268
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,354
Oh, who wants to say grace?
269
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,728
Oh, hey, why don't
we just take a break...
270
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,837
from mumbling over our food
before we eat? What do you think?
271
00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:23,064
What is this?
You've got an audience?
272
00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,469
What, you're showing off?
273
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,405
Know something?
I grew up in a house...
274
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:29,375
where we closed our eyes
and mumbled almost every meal.
275
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,015
- I'm good with it.
- Come on, Dad.
276
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:36,176
Bless us, O Lord, for these, thy gifts,
for which we are about to receive...
277
00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:38,652
from thy bounty,
through Christ, our Lord.
278
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:39,812
- Amen.
- Amen.
279
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:41,253
- Pass that...
- And... And...
280
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:45,057
Dear Lord, thank you so much...
281
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:49,063
for bringing our daughter Faith
home to us...
282
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:53,101
and watching over her while she's been
out whoring with the devil's children...
283
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:56,001
and protecting her
and keeping her from harm...
284
00:14:56,161 --> 00:15:00,735
and keeping her from
sexually transmitted diseases.
285
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,208
Through Jesus' name we pray.
286
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:03,938
- Amen.
- Amen.
287
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:06,982
- So, that happened.
- Yeah.
288
00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,516
So how did you two meet?
289
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,676
Oh, it's a really funny story, actually.
290
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,949
It's actually the cutest of meets.
291
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:19,586
I wasn't feeling very well about myself
at the time, and I ended up at...
292
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:20,856
What, a church?
293
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:25,294
It's a church-like place. I mean,
they talked a lot about God there.
294
00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:28,097
- They did.
- Anyway, there she was.
295
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,763
- And...
- I was feeling pretty lousy myself.
296
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,967
- Yeah.
- Oh, Faith, I'm so glad...
297
00:15:33,132 --> 00:15:35,942
- ...you're still talking to him.
- Yeah, me too.
298
00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:37,942
- Okay...
- So this one over here...
299
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,346
- ...was pretty annoying at first.
- Oh, I was annoying?
300
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,786
- Yeah.
- He went out of his way, really.
301
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:47,857
We got to talking and we actually bonded
over a page of the Old Testament.
302
00:15:48,213 --> 00:15:49,817
How wonderful.
303
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:52,986
Faith certainly knows her Bible
backwards and forwards.
304
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,063
- She inhales her Bible.
- All true.
305
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,962
She made me feel a lot better
about myself at the time...
306
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,730
- ...and we've been hanging out ever since.
- Well, that is a very nice story.
307
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:05,366
Does this mean you're turning
over a new leaf, sweetheart?
308
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:06,805
What... What does that mean?
309
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,970
Well, it sounds like you're
no longer degrading yourself...
310
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:13,082
by hanging outwith those
perverted musicians all the time.
311
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:14,342
- Okay...
- You know...
312
00:16:14,506 --> 00:16:17,385
some of those musicians
have written songs about her.
313
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,716
Sure, after she sucked
their filthy penises.
314
00:16:19,878 --> 00:16:21,380
- All right...
- Come on, oh...
315
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:25,393
Why do you assume they're filthy? What's
so bad about a blow job between friends?
316
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:28,930
Men love it when you suck their dicks.
It makes them so happy, Mom.
317
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,898
Amen. Amen, huh?
318
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,164
- What?
- Watch yourself.
319
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,465
Hey, I agree with
Mrs. Faith's Mom on this one.
320
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:39,268
I find penises unilaterally disgusting.
321
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:42,344
Can we talk about
something other than penises?
322
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,448
I mean, filthy or otherwise?
You like sports?
323
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:48,977
Sadly, I am not... I know you're
gonna deduct points for that.
324
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,621
My apologies. But I'm
a huge fan of your daughter.
325
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,347
I think she's amazing.
326
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,549
And I think you two
should be very proud.
327
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:58,627
- I'll drink to that.
- We were very, very proud...
328
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:01,390
when she dedicated her life
to him and...
329
00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,464
- Who?
- Him.
330
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,195
- Oh, him. That guy. Of course. Of course.
- Yeah.
331
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,965
- What... What did that entail?
- Can we just not?
332
00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:15,977
But then she abandoned him
and kind of humiliated our family.
333
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,809
I don't really know how many
times I can say I'm sorry.
334
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,348
- Green beans?
- Please.
335
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,110
He forgives all of his children.
336
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:25,346
- Good. Good to know.
- Unfortunately, I have not.
337
00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:27,957
- There it is. Shocker.
- Roll?
338
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:31,788
But in spite of your limitations
and your mean-spirited bullshit...
339
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,487
- ...I love you. I forgive you.
- You forgive me?
340
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:37,463
Goddamn it! She didn't wanna
become a fucking nun!
341
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:39,796
What's wrong with that?
How can you blame her?
342
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:43,462
- What kind of life is that for someone?
- Excuse me.
343
00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:47,738
Mary...
344
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,471
- Thanks, Dad.
- Jesus.
345
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:53,139
"Thanks, Dad"? Thanks? For what?
346
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,945
Why do you gotta get her
all worked up over this?
347
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,644
You know this is gonna happen.
348
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,881
You don't come and visit,
and when you do...
349
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:03,026
we always end up talking
about the same thing.
350
00:18:03,182 --> 00:18:08,029
Why can't we have dinner, talk about...?
I don't know, the fucking weather?
351
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,098
You were a nun?
352
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,677
Kind of gross, huh?
353
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,441
It would be if you were one of those
wrinkly old war horses, but you're not...
354
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,413
so it's kind of hot.
355
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:32,386
Well, I know it was a little extreme,
but I have been...
356
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,353
looking for something...
357
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,959
bigger than myself my whole life.
358
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:40,025
And for a while, it was really nice.
359
00:18:40,986 --> 00:18:43,193
But I just couldn't live that way.
360
00:18:43,355 --> 00:18:44,663
Oh, I understand.
361
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:48,063
The nunnery's loss is humanity's gain.
362
00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:52,170
The sisters caught me
getting off once...
363
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:55,778
which was hugely,
hugely embarrassing.
364
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:56,969
But...
365
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,480
They told you not to
make a habit of it.
366
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:05,850
The funny thing is,
I'm still looking, searching.
367
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,513
I still believe.
368
00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:09,022
It's all connected somehow...
369
00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,593
even sex and God and rock 'n' roll.
370
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,693
Well, believe it or not,
I have this recurring dream...
371
00:19:14,853 --> 00:19:16,230
about church and a nun.
372
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:17,492
- Really?
- Yeah.
373
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,602
What typically happens
in such a dream?
374
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,705
Typically, I come in filled with angst.
375
00:19:22,861 --> 00:19:25,774
I wanna have a conversation
with the guy up on the wall there.
376
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:29,538
And then this nun shows up.
She's very pleasant.
377
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:32,614
- Very agreeable.
- And how does it end?
378
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,751
In a very blasphemous manner.
379
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:57,897
Eyes up here, you.
380
00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:02,444
Who says dreams don't come true?
381
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:09,178
Faith? Hey, do me a favor.
382
00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:11,446
Go apologize to your mother, will you?
383
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,954
She's been crying and praying
ever since you left.
384
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:15,785
- Come on.
- Please?
385
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:19,054
I know she's out of her fucking mind,
but she's still your mother.
386
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:22,290
All right. All right.
387
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:26,831
Hey, Hank, grab a seat.
388
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,598
- Want a beer?
- Don't mind if I do.
389
00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:33,367
Here you go.
390
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:35,605
You got kids?
391
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,212
Yeah, one daughter...
392
00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:39,872
from a previous
romantic entanglement.
393
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:41,984
Oh, yeah, daughters
are the fucking worst.
394
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:43,881
Tell me about it.
395
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,050
I got two.
396
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,122
One's gonna end up
just like her mother...
397
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,591
and the other one looking for God
in the back of a tour bus.
398
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,525
Is that really how you feel about her?
399
00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:55,460
If you do, then I feel sorry for you.
400
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,965
Well, then feel sorry for me.
401
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:03,531
- I don't really know her anymore.
- You should get to know her. She's great.
402
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:05,197
I think you'd be surprised.
403
00:21:05,364 --> 00:21:08,607
You know, I never told her this.
404
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:12,010
I was so happy when she
got into all that Jesus stuff.
405
00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:13,274
You know, as a father...
406
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,645
you worry about
all those dirtbags out there.
407
00:21:15,807 --> 00:21:18,048
And I just thought,
"Well, she'll be safe."
408
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:21,384
Yeah, that's generally
how I feel about my daughter.
409
00:21:21,546 --> 00:21:24,550
In fact, I've secretly hoped
that she's a lesbian.
410
00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:28,528
It's not very secret.
I say it every chance I get, actually.
411
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,893
You're a weird fucking guy,
you know that?
412
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:33,002
Pretty much, yeah.
413
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:38,771
If I had it to do all over again...
414
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:41,535
I'd encourage
her every fucking whim.
415
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,771
I'd say yes instead of no.
416
00:21:43,935 --> 00:21:46,074
I'd laugh instead of yell.
417
00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:49,583
This house was too strict.
She must have felt like a rat in a cage.
418
00:21:49,741 --> 00:21:54,156
Between me and her mother,
she couldn't do anything right.
419
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,157
People do strange things
when they're judged all the time...
420
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,160
instead of just being loved.
421
00:22:01,353 --> 00:22:03,094
Cheers.
422
00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:15,905
I'm still shocked you haven't turned this
into a sewing room or something.
423
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:19,379
Too many memories of
the little girl I used to know.
424
00:22:19,538 --> 00:22:21,882
It's all I have left.
425
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:23,713
Don't be so dramatic, please.
426
00:22:24,443 --> 00:22:28,255
Look, I'm sorry if...
427
00:22:29,047 --> 00:22:30,890
I'm sorry too.
428
00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:34,929
There were a lot of nasty things
that just came flying out of my mouth.
429
00:22:35,087 --> 00:22:37,124
I don't know why I always do that.
430
00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:38,996
Old habits, I guess.
431
00:22:39,157 --> 00:22:41,228
We would just like
to see you more often.
432
00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:44,237
Can you just be happy
that I'm here right now?
433
00:22:44,396 --> 00:22:47,036
I know. It's just that
we may not be around forever...
434
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:50,146
- ...and your father really misses you.
- Is he okay?
435
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:54,216
Well, he's a raging alcoholic on
the highway to hell, but other than that...
436
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:55,545
yeah, he's fine.
437
00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:59,621
And you? Are you trying
to tell me something?
438
00:23:00,245 --> 00:23:03,590
- Oh, what a beautiful cross.
- Thanks.
439
00:23:03,749 --> 00:23:05,956
It was a present
from a really special guy.
440
00:23:06,585 --> 00:23:09,065
Of course. There's always a guy.
441
00:23:09,988 --> 00:23:11,160
I'm sorry to interrupt...
442
00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:15,430
but your father started watching
soft-core pornography again.
443
00:23:15,594 --> 00:23:16,800
I got uncomfortable.
444
00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:19,101
What a poor, lost soul. Okay.
445
00:23:19,264 --> 00:23:21,904
Well, I guess you two are,
whoa, tired...
446
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,013
and maybe a little drunk.
447
00:23:24,169 --> 00:23:26,809
I can smell it on both of you.
It's kind of hideous.
448
00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:28,679
- Good night, honey.
- Good night, Mom.
449
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,148
- Okay.
- Good night.
450
00:23:30,308 --> 00:23:33,050
Oh, no. And you are going to the couch.
451
00:23:33,211 --> 00:23:34,849
- Oh, come on.
- No.
452
00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:37,584
Do I see a ring on that finger?
Are you married?
453
00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:40,696
Otherwise, you're not gonna
sleep together in that bed...
454
00:23:41,019 --> 00:23:42,362
not under this roof.
455
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:45,024
No good can come of that.
456
00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:10,786
Greetings and salutations, sire.
457
00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:13,862
I guess it's been kind of a while, huh?
458
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:16,659
But you're looking well.
As ripped as ever, I see.
459
00:24:18,990 --> 00:24:20,128
I'm sorry.
460
00:24:22,327 --> 00:24:24,068
Whatever for, child?
461
00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:28,403
I guess I kind of went out for
a pack of smokes and never came back.
462
00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:31,514
I left you hanging up there.
463
00:24:31,670 --> 00:24:33,240
What can I do for you, Faith?
464
00:24:33,705 --> 00:24:34,740
I miss you.
465
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:37,683
I need you, especially right now.
466
00:24:37,843 --> 00:24:41,882
I'm having what you might call
a crisis of faith, if you will.
467
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:43,585
Pray with me.
468
00:24:48,253 --> 00:24:50,529
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
469
00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:54,195
Really? You think?
470
00:25:04,703 --> 00:25:05,807
Whoa, Jesus, relax.
471
00:25:05,971 --> 00:25:08,850
There's no need to get your loincloth
in a bunch up there.
472
00:25:20,652 --> 00:25:23,258
I think you're forgetting
something, Faith.
473
00:25:29,895 --> 00:25:32,000
Jesus loves you.
474
00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:42,737
This is a bummer.
Thought you were waking me to fuck me.
475
00:26:42,901 --> 00:26:46,815
Oh, trust me, I thought about it,
but then the urge to flee won out.
476
00:26:48,607 --> 00:26:50,018
You okay?
477
00:26:50,175 --> 00:26:52,280
"Drive," she said.
478
00:27:18,103 --> 00:27:19,411
- Hey.
- Hello.
479
00:27:19,704 --> 00:27:21,775
I think we should let her go...
480
00:27:21,940 --> 00:27:22,975
abroad.
481
00:27:23,241 --> 00:27:24,686
I was already thinking that.
482
00:27:25,210 --> 00:27:28,748
Of course you were, because
you're an exceptional parent...
483
00:27:29,047 --> 00:27:31,357
which is not something
I can put on my résumé.
484
00:27:31,516 --> 00:27:34,690
I'm too busy spouting off at the mouth
without thinking.
485
00:27:34,853 --> 00:27:37,800
Our daughter wants to go on
a literary pilgrimage. Who does that...
486
00:27:37,956 --> 00:27:39,401
in this day and age, right?
487
00:27:39,557 --> 00:27:43,403
And what kind of malignant asshole
wouldn't indulge that sort of behavior...
488
00:27:43,561 --> 00:27:45,336
however asinine?
489
00:27:45,497 --> 00:27:46,840
My thoughts exactly.
490
00:27:47,732 --> 00:27:51,111
You mean we're in agreement
on something?
491
00:27:51,936 --> 00:27:53,711
It looks like it.
492
00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,950
That's a minor
fucking miracle, isn't it?
493
00:27:58,109 --> 00:28:00,055
You wanna go in and tell her yourself?
494
00:28:01,946 --> 00:28:04,256
You come with me.
We'll tell her together.
39265
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