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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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00:00:17,807 --> 00:00:19,576
You ready?
4
00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:21,411
No.
5
00:00:21,445 --> 00:00:23,414
Are you ready?
6
00:00:23,446 --> 00:00:24,748
No.
7
00:00:26,350 --> 00:00:27,585
Fuck it, let's do it.
8
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,190
Oh my god, I haven't seen
you guys in so long!
9
00:00:32,222 --> 00:00:33,957
Anderson, you're like
in the forest.
10
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:35,960
Yeah, and there's
bugs everywhere
11
00:00:35,993 --> 00:00:37,628
and there's people
telling me what to do.
12
00:00:37,661 --> 00:00:40,463
- It's not my vibe.
- So, guys...
13
00:00:40,496 --> 00:00:42,332
Are there tree trimmers
in the forest?
14
00:00:42,365 --> 00:00:45,869
I think the city... the city tree
trims in the forest for fire,
15
00:00:45,902 --> 00:00:47,271
for fire prevention.
16
00:00:47,304 --> 00:00:48,739
I once dated a fireman.
17
00:00:48,771 --> 00:00:49,816
Are you... can you hear me?
18
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:50,884
- Hey.
- You guys hear that?
19
00:00:50,908 --> 00:00:52,509
I dated a fireman once.
20
00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:54,512
I feel like it did not
get a big reaction.
21
00:00:54,545 --> 00:00:55,988
- I felt like it was a lie.
- Well, 'cause it's a lie.
22
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,815
- Yeah, it's a lie.
- Anyway, you guys, sorry.
23
00:00:58,848 --> 00:01:02,519
Um, thanks for making the time
for this whole
24
00:01:02,552 --> 00:01:04,956
- group call thing.
- Duh, of course.
25
00:01:04,989 --> 00:01:07,490
Totally, but actually,
can we make this quick?
26
00:01:07,524 --> 00:01:09,668
I have a date in a half an hour
with my sexy new boyfriend.
27
00:01:09,692 --> 00:01:11,962
- Okay, rub it in, Vanessa.
- Yeah, you don't need to
28
00:01:11,995 --> 00:01:14,265
personally attack those of us
who are single,
29
00:01:14,298 --> 00:01:16,600
namely your very own
flesh and blood brother
30
00:01:16,634 --> 00:01:18,402
who is very dateable.
31
00:01:18,435 --> 00:01:20,537
Anderson, how are you
even on this call?
32
00:01:20,570 --> 00:01:21,682
They let you have
your computer there?
33
00:01:21,706 --> 00:01:23,582
Oh yeah, I blew one of
the guards so he gave it back.
34
00:01:23,606 --> 00:01:24,474
Oh my god.
35
00:01:24,507 --> 00:01:25,885
Wait, wait, wait,
they have actual guards
36
00:01:25,909 --> 00:01:27,812
- at this wilderness rehab?
- No!
37
00:01:27,844 --> 00:01:29,614
- Obvi this is my burner.
- Huh.
38
00:01:29,647 --> 00:01:31,515
I didn't know burner computers
were a thing.
39
00:01:31,548 --> 00:01:33,451
- It's a rich people thing.
- Oh, the security
40
00:01:33,483 --> 00:01:35,352
at his last rehab was super lax.
41
00:01:35,385 --> 00:01:37,954
- I ended up sneaking in some...
- Guys!
42
00:01:37,987 --> 00:01:41,992
Listen, guys,
you're our oldest friends, so,
43
00:01:42,025 --> 00:01:43,593
Peter and I wanted
to tell you all
44
00:01:43,626 --> 00:01:45,495
at the same time that we're...
45
00:01:45,528 --> 00:01:48,566
Oh my god, you're pregnant!
46
00:01:48,599 --> 00:01:49,834
Oh my god, am I pregnant?
47
00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:51,569
- They're so pregnant.
- Finally!
48
00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:53,737
- Can I be the godmother?
- I'd like to be called.
49
00:01:53,771 --> 00:01:55,605
"Aunt" Lauren, not "ant" Lauren.
50
00:01:55,638 --> 00:01:57,716
- It's gross, you know?
- You guys have to name the baby
51
00:01:57,740 --> 00:01:59,543
after me since I'm the one
who set you up.
52
00:01:59,575 --> 00:02:01,820
Vanessa, shoving the two of them
into your dorm room closet
53
00:02:01,844 --> 00:02:03,581
freshman year
and forcing them to make out
54
00:02:03,614 --> 00:02:04,691
does not count
as setting them up.
55
00:02:04,715 --> 00:02:06,384
Okay, bitch, you're just jealous
56
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,019
'cause I never shoved you
in a closet.
57
00:02:08,052 --> 00:02:10,655
But lest us not forget
that Lauren did inspire me
58
00:02:10,687 --> 00:02:13,390
- to come out of the closet.
- Yes, yes, I'm so glad
59
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,669
that the one time we hooked up
it turned you gay, Anderson.
60
00:02:15,693 --> 00:02:18,296
That's a great college memory
for me to dwell on, thank you.
61
00:02:18,329 --> 00:02:20,531
- You're so welcome.
- Guys!
62
00:02:23,766 --> 00:02:25,669
We're getting divorced.
63
00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:29,939
Wait, what?
64
00:02:29,973 --> 00:02:31,309
♪ Get you off my mind ♪
65
00:02:31,342 --> 00:02:33,344
♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪
66
00:02:33,377 --> 00:02:35,980
♪ the chill nights,
we'd order in and snuggle up ♪
67
00:02:36,013 --> 00:02:38,716
♪ got bored of them,
now holidays are horrible ♪
68
00:02:38,748 --> 00:02:40,584
♪ I'm hung up on you
like an ornament ♪
69
00:02:40,616 --> 00:02:41,828
♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪
70
00:02:41,852 --> 00:02:43,120
♪ I want you to care ♪
71
00:02:43,153 --> 00:02:45,555
♪ I want you to cry when you
realize I'm no longer there ♪
72
00:02:45,588 --> 00:02:47,099
♪ I want you miss
the touch of my hand ♪
73
00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,592
♪ the smell of my hair ♪
74
00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:53,497
♪ you and me
don't feel the same ♪
75
00:02:53,530 --> 00:02:56,533
♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪
76
00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:57,701
♪ no ♪
77
00:02:57,735 --> 00:02:59,370
♪ get you off my mind ♪
78
00:02:59,402 --> 00:03:01,371
♪ get you off my mind ♪
79
00:03:10,913 --> 00:03:13,750
Well, do you think
anybody else knows?
80
00:03:13,783 --> 00:03:15,385
I couldn't tell you,
I don't know.
81
00:03:15,419 --> 00:03:16,320
I wasn't on that call.
82
00:03:16,354 --> 00:03:17,987
I cannot believe
we weren't on that call.
83
00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:19,098
We weren't invited to that call.
84
00:03:19,122 --> 00:03:21,692
I know and I'm upset
that Anderson called you.
85
00:03:21,724 --> 00:03:23,902
Vanessa only texted me and
I feel like this is something
86
00:03:23,926 --> 00:03:25,003
I should've gotten
a phone call about.
87
00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:25,962
Well, it was a short phone call.
88
00:03:25,996 --> 00:03:28,064
I could hardly hear him,
his service was awful.
89
00:03:28,098 --> 00:03:30,000
And honestly,
I think I heard a coyote.
90
00:03:30,032 --> 00:03:32,036
- Like on the phone?
- No, like in the background,
91
00:03:32,068 --> 00:03:33,837
and I know a coyote
when I hear one.
92
00:03:33,871 --> 00:03:35,939
Okay, is it possible
it was like a scheduling thing?
93
00:03:35,973 --> 00:03:38,117
Like, you know how they always
plan stuff on California time
94
00:03:38,141 --> 00:03:39,853
- or specific standard time.
- Pacific standard time.
95
00:03:39,877 --> 00:03:41,778
Wait, did you just say specific?
96
00:03:41,812 --> 00:03:43,814
- I did.
- It's pacific,
97
00:03:43,847 --> 00:03:47,151
'cause, you know, it's like
by the pacific ocean.
98
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:49,387
- Agree to disagree.
- Anyways, whatever.
99
00:03:49,419 --> 00:03:50,553
That's bullshit.
100
00:03:50,586 --> 00:03:51,454
We're only three hours ahead.
101
00:03:51,487 --> 00:03:53,123
What, do they Google hang
at midnight?
102
00:03:53,157 --> 00:03:55,058
- I would've Google hanged.
- Hung.
103
00:03:55,092 --> 00:03:56,260
- Hung.
- And actually, no,
104
00:03:56,293 --> 00:03:58,795
you wouldn't have because
midnight specific standard time
105
00:03:58,829 --> 00:04:00,931
- is really 3 am...
- 3 am eastern standard time.
106
00:04:00,963 --> 00:04:03,768
Yes, I know, and I'm saying
that I would've been available
107
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,536
- and awake to hang.
- Wow.
108
00:04:05,568 --> 00:04:07,470
Oh, I have
a new postmates order.
109
00:04:07,503 --> 00:04:10,106
Fuck the gig economy,
I have like five jobs right now.
110
00:04:10,139 --> 00:04:11,975
Wait, six, actually.
111
00:04:12,008 --> 00:04:14,644
So I have this new gig,
it's kind of freaky.
112
00:04:14,677 --> 00:04:16,781
Ugh, this order is from
the McDonald's on bedford.
113
00:04:16,814 --> 00:04:18,415
- They hate me there.
- Oh no, why?
114
00:04:18,449 --> 00:04:20,484
- They hate my rollerblades.
- Is it the yellow?
115
00:04:20,516 --> 00:04:22,428
No, they hate that I wear them
inside their store.
116
00:04:22,452 --> 00:04:24,187
- Restaurant.
- Restaurant, and it's like,
117
00:04:24,221 --> 00:04:25,564
well, then don't have
a Rollerblade ramp
118
00:04:25,588 --> 00:04:26,833
that leads directly
to your door.
119
00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,759
Feel like that ramp
is for wheelchairs.
120
00:04:28,791 --> 00:04:30,794
Well, rollerblades have wheels.
121
00:04:30,827 --> 00:04:32,172
- I think they're cool.
- They are.
122
00:04:32,196 --> 00:04:33,831
And I think you're cool.
123
00:04:33,863 --> 00:04:35,632
Not cool enough
to be on a zoom call
124
00:04:35,665 --> 00:04:37,076
to hear about our friends
getting a divorce.
125
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,570
Oh, I forgot about that
for like four seconds.
126
00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:46,643
- So, wait, what is this new job?
- Okay.
127
00:04:46,677 --> 00:04:48,946
♪ This vibe telling mad truth so
evidently ♪
128
00:04:48,978 --> 00:04:51,748
♪ the way this shit will be told
is eloquently ♪
129
00:04:52,783 --> 00:04:54,451
Hickory-dickory dock.
130
00:04:54,485 --> 00:04:56,854
Hi, hi.
131
00:04:59,122 --> 00:05:00,723
I'm the ceo,
132
00:05:00,757 --> 00:05:02,927
I'm the ceo.
133
00:05:04,228 --> 00:05:06,831
♪ Yo, I'm not who you expected
'cause I'm so hot ♪
134
00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:08,965
♪ I'm so hot, I'm so hot ♪
135
00:05:08,999 --> 00:05:10,034
♪ but I can't be ♪
136
00:05:10,067 --> 00:05:13,637
All right, Hannah,
let's bring home the bacon.
137
00:05:13,670 --> 00:05:14,705
Well, hello there,
138
00:05:14,737 --> 00:05:19,843
hornyforhandsfeetandother
appendages.com users.
139
00:05:19,877 --> 00:05:22,879
Before I introduce myself,
140
00:05:22,913 --> 00:05:27,585
for those of you who like Sara,
the big-handed farmhand,
141
00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:29,586
I'll be back next Tuesday.
142
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,120
Don't be late, y'all.
143
00:05:31,153 --> 00:05:35,593
But today, I'm Eleanor elbow,
144
00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:37,594
the erotic ceo,
145
00:05:37,627 --> 00:05:39,796
and I've got news for you.
146
00:05:39,829 --> 00:05:43,166
I'm losing money left and right,
147
00:05:43,199 --> 00:05:45,034
and I'm pissed off about it.
148
00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:46,603
So pissed off in fact,
149
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:48,572
that I'm thinking of
150
00:05:48,605 --> 00:05:52,776
stomping all over you...
151
00:05:52,809 --> 00:05:56,514
If things don't turn around.
152
00:05:56,547 --> 00:05:57,781
Oh.
153
00:05:57,814 --> 00:05:59,917
Who's in my chats?
154
00:05:59,949 --> 00:06:03,086
Fistmegood999...
155
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,122
Says to me, "dearest Eleanor,
156
00:06:05,154 --> 00:06:08,024
please lick your elbow
in this one."
157
00:06:08,057 --> 00:06:10,560
Oh, oh, oh.
158
00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:13,764
One more, ooh.
159
00:06:13,797 --> 00:06:14,765
My elbow.
160
00:06:14,798 --> 00:06:17,901
♪ A mistake that I made
and it's my fault ♪
161
00:06:17,935 --> 00:06:19,069
My...
162
00:06:19,103 --> 00:06:22,673
Turns out the elbow's a little
bit difficult to lick.
163
00:06:22,706 --> 00:06:26,277
Yeah, so how does
this sound, yeah?
164
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,781
I can taste my lotion.
165
00:06:31,814 --> 00:06:34,285
It tastes like wealth.
166
00:06:36,052 --> 00:06:38,855
This is freaky.
167
00:06:38,889 --> 00:06:41,824
Speaking of wealth,
don't forget to venmo me.
168
00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:44,228
Hannah55baby.
169
00:06:44,261 --> 00:06:46,130
Thank you so much.
170
00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:52,703
Fine!
171
00:06:54,605 --> 00:06:56,840
Oh!
172
00:06:56,872 --> 00:06:58,141
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
173
00:06:58,175 --> 00:06:59,944
Welcome back to my channel,
gentlemen!
174
00:06:59,976 --> 00:07:02,245
I am Jaime,
the top divorce guru.
175
00:07:02,278 --> 00:07:04,714
Thank you all
from the bottom of my heart
176
00:07:04,747 --> 00:07:07,718
for the overwhelming response
on last week's video.
177
00:07:07,750 --> 00:07:11,120
Three foolproof compliments
that trigger women's libidos.
178
00:07:11,153 --> 00:07:14,190
Go check it out
but only, and only,
179
00:07:14,223 --> 00:07:15,725
if you're ready to handle
180
00:07:15,759 --> 00:07:18,362
the overwhelming amount
of attention
181
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,063
you're gonna get
from them bitches.
182
00:07:20,096 --> 00:07:21,831
All right,
let's get this started.
183
00:07:21,865 --> 00:07:24,134
Each week I share my mind hacks
184
00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:27,170
on how to efficiently
navigate a divorce,
185
00:07:27,204 --> 00:07:30,608
or as I like to call it,
a course correction.
186
00:07:30,641 --> 00:07:32,776
Through my journey
of spouse disentanglement,
187
00:07:32,809 --> 00:07:35,079
I have discovered
how to skip the drama
188
00:07:35,112 --> 00:07:38,749
and get you ready for your next
honey mama, trademark.
189
00:07:38,781 --> 00:07:41,618
As you guys know, my last
divorce was six months ago.
190
00:07:41,651 --> 00:07:44,687
I've already reached a special
and crucial landmark
191
00:07:44,721 --> 00:07:46,090
in the divorce cycle,
192
00:07:46,122 --> 00:07:48,391
the reclaiming of space.
193
00:07:48,425 --> 00:07:51,228
Some of you might not
be at this stage yet,
194
00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:54,798
and some of you might actually
take a few years to get here.
195
00:07:54,831 --> 00:07:56,400
Just remember what I always say.
196
00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,067
Be patient with yourself.
197
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,903
You're going through a lot,
and sooner or later,
198
00:08:00,937 --> 00:08:03,407
you'll hook up with someone hot,
all right, trademark.
199
00:08:05,041 --> 00:08:07,644
Bro, I'm in the middle
of my vlog!
200
00:08:07,677 --> 00:08:11,214
Hey, how could
I have known that?
201
00:08:11,247 --> 00:08:12,750
- Think about it.
- I told you,
202
00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,252
you have to text me five minutes
before you get home.
203
00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:16,696
What if i'm, like,
in the middle of this,
204
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,422
like, super dope thought process
205
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:22,325
and then bam, you walk in
and interrupt my flow?
206
00:08:22,358 --> 00:08:24,027
Look, Jaime,
207
00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:26,796
I'm not gonna text you
every time I come home.
208
00:08:26,829 --> 00:08:30,133
I was happy to move in
when Rosa left you.
209
00:08:30,166 --> 00:08:33,169
But listen, I'm not just staying
at your pad.
210
00:08:33,202 --> 00:08:35,972
I pay rent,
this is my home too now, okay?
211
00:08:36,005 --> 00:08:39,375
If I interrupt your flow,
I'm sure you can get it back.
212
00:08:39,408 --> 00:08:43,746
Bro, you do not understand
my flow state, but cool.
213
00:08:43,779 --> 00:08:45,915
Don't you edit these videos
afterwards anyway?
214
00:08:45,948 --> 00:08:48,685
Sure, but it's not that simple,
but I'll just do that.
215
00:08:48,719 --> 00:08:50,287
- Thank you.
- Great.
216
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,789
Glad you figured it out.
217
00:09:03,799 --> 00:09:05,435
- Can you just...
- What?
218
00:09:05,469 --> 00:09:10,140
Nothing, I just really need
to finish this today.
219
00:09:10,173 --> 00:09:11,207
All right, bud.
220
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,044
I'll get out of your hair.
221
00:09:15,077 --> 00:09:18,481
You know, I'm really glad
your therapist suggested
222
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:21,250
you make this whole
video diary thing.
223
00:09:21,283 --> 00:09:23,187
It's not a video diary thing.
224
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:26,322
I'm helping other people that
are more fucked up than I am.
225
00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:28,391
And I came up with that idea
on my own,
226
00:09:28,424 --> 00:09:30,993
after she suggested it.
227
00:09:31,027 --> 00:09:32,329
You're doing such a great job.
228
00:09:32,361 --> 00:09:34,831
Can you fuck off, please?
229
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:37,234
I'm gonna give you some space.
230
00:09:37,267 --> 00:09:38,335
Thank you.
231
00:09:38,368 --> 00:09:39,436
You're super welcome, bud.
232
00:09:39,469 --> 00:09:41,138
Oh my god!
233
00:09:44,441 --> 00:09:45,942
Reclaiming your space.
234
00:09:45,975 --> 00:09:47,244
What does that mean?
235
00:09:47,277 --> 00:09:48,378
Great question.
236
00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:50,079
Let me break it down for you.
237
00:09:50,113 --> 00:09:51,348
The first thing you gotta do
238
00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:52,783
when you're reclaiming
your space
239
00:09:52,816 --> 00:09:55,319
from the divorce is tackle...
240
00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:05,261
"The most crucial step
to moving through a divorce
241
00:10:05,294 --> 00:10:07,363
is releasing emotions.
242
00:10:07,397 --> 00:10:11,135
You and your partner should cry
openly and cry often."
243
00:10:19,142 --> 00:10:20,878
He hasn't cried.
244
00:10:23,078 --> 00:10:25,982
Why the fuck hasn't he cried?
245
00:10:28,217 --> 00:10:29,319
Peter?
246
00:10:31,321 --> 00:10:32,456
Peter.
247
00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:35,825
Are you fucking kidding me?
248
00:10:35,859 --> 00:10:37,795
Peter!
249
00:10:45,902 --> 00:10:47,237
- Were you calling me?
- No.
250
00:10:47,269 --> 00:10:51,107
Hey, so, I know
it's gonna be super hard
251
00:10:51,140 --> 00:10:53,276
and, you know, you've probably
just been avoiding it
252
00:10:53,309 --> 00:10:57,079
because it's gonna be
so, so sad,
253
00:10:57,113 --> 00:11:00,251
but I think it's time
we split up our stuff.
254
00:11:02,184 --> 00:11:03,553
Sure.
255
00:11:03,586 --> 00:11:06,088
It's probably just gonna be
really hard for us,
256
00:11:06,121 --> 00:11:09,058
or for you because we've built
a life together,
257
00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:11,160
and how do you even start
to begin
258
00:11:11,193 --> 00:11:13,529
to choose who deserves what?
259
00:11:13,562 --> 00:11:15,331
I mean, I can't even fathom
where to begin.
260
00:11:15,365 --> 00:11:17,935
It's, it's like
261
00:11:17,967 --> 00:11:21,304
ripping apart
the quilt of our love,
262
00:11:21,337 --> 00:11:25,308
piece by piece.
263
00:11:25,341 --> 00:11:28,245
I mean, I guess we can start
in the living room.
264
00:11:31,347 --> 00:11:32,615
Wow.
265
00:11:32,649 --> 00:11:36,052
Yeah, how did I not think
of that?
266
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,221
Let's do it.
267
00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:46,330
Would you like the chair?
268
00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:48,031
I know you've always loved it.
269
00:11:48,063 --> 00:11:48,932
Really?
270
00:11:48,965 --> 00:11:51,301
I mean, your aunt
gave you that chair.
271
00:11:51,333 --> 00:11:53,135
- You should keep it.
- Remember that time
272
00:11:53,168 --> 00:11:57,073
when I as holding your nephew
and he was staring up at me
273
00:11:57,106 --> 00:12:00,009
with those big,
beautiful, blue eyes,
274
00:12:00,043 --> 00:12:04,413
and he vomited all over me
and some got on the chair?
275
00:12:04,447 --> 00:12:08,652
You know, that was the first
moment that I realized...
276
00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,620
Sorry...
277
00:12:10,653 --> 00:12:15,558
That I realized that
we would be parents, you know?
278
00:12:15,591 --> 00:12:18,995
It'll always be
a perfect memory for me.
279
00:12:19,028 --> 00:12:21,197
What could have been.
280
00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:23,033
Hm.
281
00:12:23,066 --> 00:12:25,035
I think you're forgetting
that the smell of vomit
282
00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:25,936
actually made me vomit.
283
00:12:25,969 --> 00:12:29,273
I mean, there was a lot of vomit
that day.
284
00:12:29,306 --> 00:12:30,515
That was actually the day
that I realized
285
00:12:30,539 --> 00:12:33,043
that maybe I didn't want
to have kids.
286
00:12:33,076 --> 00:12:34,220
You know, like before then
obviously I was like,
287
00:12:34,244 --> 00:12:36,513
yeah, for sure, but then
that happened and I was like,
288
00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,382
- I don't know.
- Huh.
289
00:12:38,414 --> 00:12:41,418
It's funny, like, same memory,
290
00:12:41,451 --> 00:12:43,552
different emotional
attachments to it.
291
00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:45,989
Totally, totally different,
you know?
292
00:12:46,022 --> 00:12:49,158
To each... woo, oh...
To each their own, you know?
293
00:12:49,192 --> 00:12:52,696
Uh, a happy memory for me,
294
00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:55,666
and a sad...
295
00:12:55,698 --> 00:12:58,968
And emotional memory for you.
296
00:12:59,001 --> 00:13:01,637
You know, very sad.
297
00:13:01,671 --> 00:13:06,109
Extremely emotional.
298
00:13:06,142 --> 00:13:07,311
- Right.
- Okay.
299
00:13:07,344 --> 00:13:09,212
You can have the chair.
300
00:13:09,245 --> 00:13:11,280
- That I don't give a shit about.
- Okay, fine.
301
00:13:11,313 --> 00:13:14,283
You can call dibs
on one of our shared items
302
00:13:14,317 --> 00:13:17,687
if you tell my brother
about the divorce.
303
00:13:17,721 --> 00:13:19,322
Wait, you haven't told him yet?
304
00:13:19,355 --> 00:13:21,490
I, I thought it
should come from you.
305
00:13:21,524 --> 00:13:22,658
What, why?
306
00:13:22,692 --> 00:13:25,162
Because he sees you
like a brother.
307
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,364
He's like obsessed with you,
just come on, Peter.
308
00:13:27,397 --> 00:13:30,134
- Okay, fine.
- Thank you.
309
00:13:36,373 --> 00:13:38,208
Just in case.
310
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,276
Uh, thank you?
311
00:13:40,309 --> 00:13:42,645
Go ahead, take one.
312
00:13:50,186 --> 00:13:53,190
So yeah, I'm really sorry, man,
313
00:13:53,222 --> 00:13:54,991
but that's what we decided.
314
00:13:55,024 --> 00:13:56,501
Wait, wait, wait, but you guys
have only been married
315
00:13:56,525 --> 00:13:58,327
- for, like, two years.
- Yeah, no, right,
316
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,139
but we've actually been together
for 10, you know,
317
00:14:00,163 --> 00:14:01,431
and it's complicated.
318
00:14:01,464 --> 00:14:02,640
We're just different people now.
319
00:14:02,664 --> 00:14:04,400
Yeah, of course
you're different people,
320
00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:06,769
but like, I thought
opposites attract.
321
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:09,105
I don't know what to tell you,
I'm sorry.
322
00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:11,073
So, what, are you like
my ex-brother now or...
323
00:14:11,106 --> 00:14:12,608
I mean, I guess technically,
but...
324
00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:14,011
Whatever, whatever, I gotta go.
325
00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:15,444
Okay, I'll talk to you later.
326
00:14:15,477 --> 00:14:17,080
I love you.
327
00:14:19,515 --> 00:14:22,084
What was that about?
328
00:14:22,118 --> 00:14:24,254
Amy and Peter
are getting a divorce.
329
00:14:24,287 --> 00:14:25,589
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
330
00:14:25,621 --> 00:14:26,899
They haven't even been married
that long.
331
00:14:26,923 --> 00:14:29,492
Yeah, apparently they're like
different people or something.
332
00:14:29,525 --> 00:14:30,735
Of course they're
different people,
333
00:14:30,759 --> 00:14:32,361
but don't like,
opposites attract?
334
00:14:32,394 --> 00:14:34,764
I know, that's what I said!
335
00:14:34,798 --> 00:14:36,265
But we love Peter.
336
00:14:36,298 --> 00:14:38,134
What are we gonna do about that?
337
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,736
I don't know, man.
338
00:14:40,769 --> 00:14:42,338
I don't know.
339
00:14:42,371 --> 00:14:44,407
Wow.
340
00:14:44,441 --> 00:14:46,744
- I am so sorry.
- Thanks.
341
00:14:49,645 --> 00:14:52,581
Well, it's not great timing,
342
00:14:52,615 --> 00:14:55,519
but I actually have a tinder
date coming in a couple minutes.
343
00:14:55,552 --> 00:14:56,729
- Oh, wow.
- But I could totally
344
00:14:56,753 --> 00:14:58,422
- bail on her.
- No, no, no, it's fine,
345
00:14:58,455 --> 00:14:59,790
it's fine, just be careful,
okay?
346
00:14:59,822 --> 00:15:01,466
Because right now
she's just a tinder girl,
347
00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:03,159
but next thing you know,
she's your wife,
348
00:15:03,192 --> 00:15:07,329
and then right after that
she's your fucking ex-wife!
349
00:15:07,363 --> 00:15:09,800
But yeah, no, it's fine,
it's chill, she can come over.
350
00:15:09,832 --> 00:15:11,342
You can totally crash
the date if you want.
351
00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:13,502
We have plenty of Sushi.
352
00:15:13,535 --> 00:15:14,770
- From where?
- Store-bought.
353
00:15:14,803 --> 00:15:16,572
- Ugh!
- Okay, you are invited.
354
00:15:16,605 --> 00:15:18,475
It's gonna have spicy Mayo
all over it.
355
00:15:18,508 --> 00:15:21,078
Ah, I'm Noah,
I'm a bougie ass bitch
356
00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:22,520
and I don't have
a brother-in-law anymore.
357
00:15:22,544 --> 00:15:23,512
- Too far, man.
- Yeah,
358
00:15:23,546 --> 00:15:26,583
it didn't feel right saying it.
359
00:15:26,615 --> 00:15:27,894
You know what,
whatever, fuck it.
360
00:15:27,918 --> 00:15:30,129
I'm fucking with you, let's go
eat some shitty Cali rolls.
361
00:15:30,153 --> 00:15:31,587
- Come on.
- Wow!
362
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:32,688
Wait, I'm dead.
363
00:15:32,721 --> 00:15:35,257
No, I'm literally dying.
364
00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:36,493
Is this a joke?
365
00:15:36,525 --> 00:15:37,493
Do you wanna start with cardio...
366
00:15:37,527 --> 00:15:38,595
Shut up.
367
00:15:38,628 --> 00:15:40,397
I'm sorry, what?
368
00:15:40,429 --> 00:15:43,165
Oh my god, oh my god!
369
00:15:43,198 --> 00:15:44,433
I cannot believe this.
370
00:15:44,466 --> 00:15:47,336
I'm truly shocked to my core.
371
00:15:47,370 --> 00:15:49,873
Amy and Peter, no.
372
00:15:49,905 --> 00:15:52,174
No, never in a million years
would I have guessed this.
373
00:15:52,207 --> 00:15:54,276
Honestly, honestly,
you know what,
374
00:15:54,309 --> 00:15:56,579
I need to go work out,
this is a lot for me to take in.
375
00:15:56,613 --> 00:15:57,881
Okay, I'll call you later.
376
00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,249
All right, love you.
377
00:15:59,282 --> 00:16:01,317
Kiss, kiss.
378
00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:07,691
I mean, did I call it
or did I fucking call it?
379
00:16:07,724 --> 00:16:09,392
- What?
- Okay.
380
00:16:09,424 --> 00:16:11,260
You remember my friends
from college?
381
00:16:11,293 --> 00:16:12,394
Babe, stretch me.
382
00:16:12,428 --> 00:16:15,298
Obviously not my gamma phi
sisters, my other friends.
383
00:16:15,331 --> 00:16:17,701
- You know, the trashy ones.
- Um...
384
00:16:17,734 --> 00:16:19,168
Amy and Peter!
385
00:16:19,201 --> 00:16:20,245
The brunette and her husband.
386
00:16:20,269 --> 00:16:21,170
They met out freshman year
387
00:16:21,205 --> 00:16:22,347
and they've been together
ever since.
388
00:16:22,371 --> 00:16:24,274
Ugh, anyways.
389
00:16:24,307 --> 00:16:25,841
They're getting divorced,
390
00:16:25,875 --> 00:16:28,278
and I hate to say
that I saw this coming,
391
00:16:28,311 --> 00:16:30,846
but I absolutely saw
this coming.
392
00:16:32,849 --> 00:16:36,586
- Hello!
- Mary grace, hey!
393
00:16:36,619 --> 00:16:38,488
- Hey, sweet girl!
- Can you hear me okay?
394
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,623
I can hear you loud and clear
and I can see you.
395
00:16:40,657 --> 00:16:43,560
- You look gorgeous, girl!
- Oh, thank you.
396
00:16:43,592 --> 00:16:46,328
Wow, uh, it's been a minute.
397
00:16:46,361 --> 00:16:47,831
Gosh, it's been several minutes.
398
00:16:47,864 --> 00:16:50,667
I mean, when is the last time
we saw each other?
399
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,769
Was it carolann's
niece's baptism?
400
00:16:52,802 --> 00:16:56,406
No, yeah, no, didn't fly back in
for that one.
401
00:16:56,438 --> 00:16:58,574
Well, shoot,
we miss you around here.
402
00:16:58,607 --> 00:17:00,876
These teens today,
I am telling you,
403
00:17:00,909 --> 00:17:04,480
they do not make the youth
like they used to!
404
00:17:04,513 --> 00:17:06,348
Wow, you're still
the youth pastor.
405
00:17:06,382 --> 00:17:08,185
You were my youth pastor, wow.
406
00:17:08,218 --> 00:17:10,287
Yes, ma'am, 14 years strong.
407
00:17:10,319 --> 00:17:12,888
That is a long time
to pastor youth, Jesus.
408
00:17:12,922 --> 00:17:15,392
- Ah.
- Sorry, geez Louise!
409
00:17:15,424 --> 00:17:18,228
Anyway, um, my mom told me
you had another baby?
410
00:17:18,260 --> 00:17:19,863
Have you not met my son Henry?
411
00:17:19,895 --> 00:17:21,664
He just turned three last month!
412
00:17:21,698 --> 00:17:22,865
- Oh my goodness.
- Yup.
413
00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:26,302
Bill finally got his boy,
but enough about me and mine.
414
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,337
Those rug rats are over
at Janine's until six.
415
00:17:28,371 --> 00:17:31,740
I got my glass of Pinot grigio,
I got on my soft clothes.
416
00:17:31,773 --> 00:17:35,377
I am ready for some girl talk!
417
00:17:35,411 --> 00:17:36,846
So now tell me, your mother says
418
00:17:36,878 --> 00:17:38,714
there's something
we need to pray on.
419
00:17:38,748 --> 00:17:42,251
Oh, oh yeah, no, no, that's...
I'm so sorry she called you.
420
00:17:42,285 --> 00:17:43,620
She just, um...
421
00:17:43,653 --> 00:17:45,755
Well, my friends
are actually getting divorced
422
00:17:45,788 --> 00:17:47,533
and then she kind of
freaked out about it, so...
423
00:17:47,557 --> 00:17:50,993
Wait, we need to bless
this conversation first.
424
00:17:51,027 --> 00:17:54,831
If you will, bow your head
and hold my hands virtually.
425
00:17:54,864 --> 00:17:56,600
Okay.
426
00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:58,934
Dear sweet, sweet lord,
427
00:17:58,968 --> 00:18:03,306
we humbly accept your love
and come before you today
428
00:18:03,338 --> 00:18:06,909
to talk on facetime
while you eavesdrop
429
00:18:06,942 --> 00:18:09,746
as we reflect
on Lauren's struggles
430
00:18:09,778 --> 00:18:11,548
to find a partner in life.
431
00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:12,581
Uh...
432
00:18:12,615 --> 00:18:15,417
Help us open Lauren's heart
to find a match
433
00:18:15,451 --> 00:18:18,255
so she can procreate
in your name.
434
00:18:18,288 --> 00:18:20,957
- What?
- Her mother is in pain, lord!
435
00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:24,394
Ease her heart, ease her mind,
436
00:18:24,426 --> 00:18:26,328
ease her mouth.
437
00:18:26,362 --> 00:18:28,331
Evelyn wants
these grandbabies so bad,
438
00:18:28,364 --> 00:18:30,033
she can't breathe at night!
439
00:18:30,066 --> 00:18:33,435
- She can breathe.
- Help us open Lauren's heart.
440
00:18:33,469 --> 00:18:37,606
Help her find her love,
whoever she wants to love.
441
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:39,676
I mean it, Jesus.
442
00:18:39,709 --> 00:18:41,845
Amen.
443
00:18:41,877 --> 00:18:43,646
So do you like women?
444
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,649
- What?
- Now listen here, Lauren,
445
00:18:45,682 --> 00:18:47,450
I'm done drawing a line
in the sand.
446
00:18:47,482 --> 00:18:48,550
I'm done with it.
447
00:18:48,584 --> 00:18:51,788
You wanna love a she,
you wanna love a they, live.
448
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:55,357
- Okay, I like men, so...
- Well, good!
449
00:18:55,391 --> 00:18:57,527
Okay, well, hold on now.
450
00:18:57,559 --> 00:18:58,560
I didn't mean good.
451
00:18:58,594 --> 00:19:00,730
I just meant I'm more familiar,
452
00:19:00,762 --> 00:19:04,300
but if you want to like a she,
if you want to like a they,
453
00:19:04,334 --> 00:19:06,068
that is fine by me.
454
00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,836
You heard of the book
queer grace?
455
00:19:07,869 --> 00:19:09,705
Uh, no, uh-uh.
456
00:19:09,739 --> 00:19:13,410
Well, it rocked my world.
457
00:19:13,442 --> 00:19:14,844
It's by Kelly Jo Welch.
458
00:19:14,876 --> 00:19:17,946
She's a lovely woman of god
and other women,
459
00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:21,084
and she's just wise beyond
her years and I learned things.
460
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:22,719
Lauren, love is love!
461
00:19:22,751 --> 00:19:25,321
Uh, listen, Mary grace,
I'm so proud of you.
462
00:19:25,355 --> 00:19:27,557
That's great, I'm so glad
you've come around.
463
00:19:27,589 --> 00:19:29,658
I just... I'm not gay.
464
00:19:29,692 --> 00:19:33,028
Evelyn told me she knows
and she's proud of you!
465
00:19:33,061 --> 00:19:34,730
Wait, my mom thinks I'm gay?
466
00:19:34,763 --> 00:19:37,733
And if you'll just let Jesus
come in your mouth
467
00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:41,638
and give you the courage
to speak your truth,
468
00:19:41,671 --> 00:19:43,506
you can settle down
with a nice woman
469
00:19:43,538 --> 00:19:45,674
and your mother
can get those grandbabies.
470
00:19:45,708 --> 00:19:47,410
- Oh my god.
- Let me tell you a story.
471
00:19:47,442 --> 00:19:48,411
All right?
472
00:19:48,443 --> 00:19:49,921
You remember back
in your youth group days,
473
00:19:49,945 --> 00:19:51,914
Stewart Douglas, Trevor Scott?
474
00:19:51,948 --> 00:19:53,917
Remember those two boys,
hoodlums?
475
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:55,818
- Yeah.
- They used to say
476
00:19:55,852 --> 00:19:57,754
behind your back all the time,
477
00:19:57,787 --> 00:20:00,723
"oh, there goes Lauren
hunting fish.
478
00:20:00,757 --> 00:20:03,759
Oh, she loves to hunt trout,"
they'd say.
479
00:20:03,792 --> 00:20:05,661
And I thought, "well, dang!
480
00:20:05,694 --> 00:20:07,563
I didn't even know
she liked fishing this much.
481
00:20:07,596 --> 00:20:09,541
Maybe she's out there fishing
on the weekend with her daddy.
482
00:20:09,565 --> 00:20:10,500
I don't know!"
483
00:20:10,532 --> 00:20:13,502
It took me two years to realize
484
00:20:13,536 --> 00:20:17,707
they weren't even
talking about fishing.
485
00:20:17,740 --> 00:20:19,642
They were calling you
a lesbian predator.
486
00:20:19,674 --> 00:20:22,044
Yeah, Mary grace,
they were fucking with me.
487
00:20:22,077 --> 00:20:23,812
- Ah.
- Messing with me.
488
00:20:23,846 --> 00:20:27,851
And I prayed
and I prayed for you!
489
00:20:27,884 --> 00:20:29,818
And then I read
making room on the pew
490
00:20:29,852 --> 00:20:32,655
by Kelly Jo Welch,
and let me tell you,
491
00:20:32,688 --> 00:20:34,824
it just opened my mind!
492
00:20:34,856 --> 00:20:36,992
You can love however you want.
493
00:20:37,026 --> 00:20:39,696
You don't need...
494
00:20:39,729 --> 00:20:42,532
You can have two...
495
00:20:42,565 --> 00:20:43,732
Vaginas?
496
00:20:43,766 --> 00:20:45,634
We say front tushy
in this house.
497
00:20:45,667 --> 00:20:47,669
Anyway, I think you know
what I'm talking about.
498
00:20:47,702 --> 00:20:49,839
What are you talking about?
499
00:20:51,941 --> 00:20:54,744
Jesus fucking Christ,
Mary grace!
500
00:20:54,777 --> 00:20:58,581
I have had upwards of 32 dicks
in my body, okay?
501
00:20:58,614 --> 00:20:59,949
I am not a lesbian!
502
00:21:05,654 --> 00:21:08,892
Oh, look at my sexy man
grilling me some sexy meat.
503
00:21:08,924 --> 00:21:11,493
Oh, my little crudite girl.
504
00:21:11,527 --> 00:21:13,472
Why are you wearing your
blue light glasses outside?
505
00:21:13,496 --> 00:21:14,998
Well, there's no easy way
to say this
506
00:21:15,030 --> 00:21:16,932
but we're living in
a simulation, babe.
507
00:21:16,965 --> 00:21:20,169
Every second is screen time,
so keeping these on for good.
508
00:21:20,202 --> 00:21:22,172
So what you're saying is
you got high without me.
509
00:21:22,204 --> 00:21:25,574
- Exactly.
- Wow!
510
00:21:25,607 --> 00:21:26,509
Wow.
511
00:21:26,541 --> 00:21:27,820
Four weeks into the relationship
512
00:21:27,844 --> 00:21:29,879
and you're already
sneaking around.
513
00:21:29,912 --> 00:21:31,815
Hey, hey, come on.
514
00:21:31,847 --> 00:21:34,017
- What?
- No, stay off the nips!
515
00:21:34,049 --> 00:21:36,752
If you let me do it,
I will forgive you.
516
00:21:36,786 --> 00:21:39,055
Okay, lightly, light... ow!
517
00:21:39,087 --> 00:21:40,789
All right, okay, okay.
518
00:21:40,823 --> 00:21:42,025
Okay, you're forgiven.
519
00:21:42,057 --> 00:21:43,992
All right, thank you,
I gotta flip.
520
00:21:44,026 --> 00:21:47,864
Okay, but just remember, I like
my men how I like my meats.
521
00:21:47,896 --> 00:21:50,200
Rare, because you're
one of a kind,
522
00:21:50,232 --> 00:21:52,100
and I like my meats bloody.
523
00:21:52,134 --> 00:21:55,137
Oh, which reminds me,
I have a new project for us,
524
00:21:55,171 --> 00:21:57,974
- but first, carrot?
- Sure.
525
00:21:58,007 --> 00:22:00,777
- Ranch shot?
- Always, yeah.
526
00:22:03,211 --> 00:22:04,913
No teeth!
527
00:22:04,946 --> 00:22:06,949
Don't bite it, you use lips,
528
00:22:06,982 --> 00:22:10,019
use your lips, use your lips.
529
00:22:10,051 --> 00:22:12,020
God, ranch is so sexual.
530
00:22:12,054 --> 00:22:14,257
Should we leave these meats
and go to the bedroom?
531
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,892
No, they're almost ready.
532
00:22:15,924 --> 00:22:18,228
Really, so no?
533
00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:21,498
Okay, well that leads me
to our project.
534
00:22:21,530 --> 00:22:23,074
I think we can both agree
that up until now,
535
00:22:23,098 --> 00:22:24,299
the sex has been amazing.
536
00:22:24,334 --> 00:22:26,903
- Yeah, it's been great.
- I know, it's not surprising.
537
00:22:26,935 --> 00:22:28,770
All my boyfriends
say that about me.
538
00:22:28,804 --> 00:22:29,538
You mean "said that."
539
00:22:29,571 --> 00:22:30,748
They're not still saying that,
540
00:22:30,772 --> 00:22:31,882
'cause you're not still
having sex with them, right?
541
00:22:31,906 --> 00:22:36,745
Okay, but I think we're on
the edge of the phase
542
00:22:36,778 --> 00:22:38,580
where it's like
new relationship,
543
00:22:38,614 --> 00:22:40,115
the sex is always amazing,
544
00:22:40,148 --> 00:22:43,118
and the phase of, "ugh,
we never have sex anymore"
545
00:22:43,152 --> 00:22:44,787
and it's always missionary,
546
00:22:44,819 --> 00:22:46,923
and even when we do have
missionary sex,
547
00:22:46,955 --> 00:22:48,757
it's really dry and boring
548
00:22:48,790 --> 00:22:50,268
"and you think about CNN
the whole time."
549
00:22:50,292 --> 00:22:51,927
But we're in the first phase,
right?
550
00:22:51,961 --> 00:22:54,029
Gabriel, Gabriel,
you're missing the point.
551
00:22:54,063 --> 00:22:56,566
It's scientifically proven
in the first four weeks,
552
00:22:56,598 --> 00:22:59,034
we should be at a 10
on "El pasión" scale.
553
00:22:59,067 --> 00:23:01,170
Sure, we're having sex
in restaurant bathrooms
554
00:23:01,202 --> 00:23:03,006
and in your car
and at your mom's house.
555
00:23:03,038 --> 00:23:04,606
On my mom's house.
556
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:07,076
I got second degree burns
on my back from the roof.
557
00:23:07,108 --> 00:23:10,178
And I'm sorry for that, but if
we don't do something now,
558
00:23:10,211 --> 00:23:13,081
we're gonna end up boring
and divorced and brunette,
559
00:23:13,115 --> 00:23:14,258
and you know I don't have
the face shape
560
00:23:14,282 --> 00:23:15,884
- to support brown hair.
- Okay, but...
561
00:23:15,917 --> 00:23:18,287
Imagine this
with a brown wig on.
562
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,923
It'd look insane, I'd look like
one of the little women.
563
00:23:20,957 --> 00:23:22,859
What are you trying
to say right now?
564
00:23:22,892 --> 00:23:24,727
You wanna try some freaky shit?
565
00:23:24,759 --> 00:23:27,163
Exactly,
please clear your schedule.
566
00:23:27,195 --> 00:23:29,264
We're gonna start
with a spa day,
567
00:23:29,298 --> 00:23:32,769
a little role play,
a little dash of danger.
568
00:23:32,801 --> 00:23:34,636
It's good to get
the adrenaline pumping
569
00:23:34,670 --> 00:23:37,173
before we dive into
some new areas.
570
00:23:37,205 --> 00:23:40,142
- Ow.
- Sexual exploration.
571
00:23:40,175 --> 00:23:41,343
All right, fuck it.
572
00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,011
Let's explore.
573
00:23:43,045 --> 00:23:44,279
"They'll explore the idea,"
574
00:23:44,313 --> 00:23:45,882
is the how mayor's people
put it.
575
00:23:45,914 --> 00:23:47,349
That's hopeful.
576
00:23:47,383 --> 00:23:49,052
You're optimistic tonight.
577
00:23:49,085 --> 00:23:51,019
Let me remind you
we're up against men
578
00:23:51,053 --> 00:23:52,622
and their maseratis here.
579
00:23:52,654 --> 00:23:53,990
Jesus Christ!
580
00:23:54,022 --> 00:23:55,991
This dog!
581
00:23:56,025 --> 00:23:58,027
He's a dog.
582
00:23:58,059 --> 00:24:00,096
Can you imagine the day
Los Angeles
583
00:24:00,128 --> 00:24:02,365
has more bicycles
on the streets than cars?
584
00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:05,233
Can you imagine a day
when people train their dogs?
585
00:24:07,236 --> 00:24:08,805
It's a noble cause, baby.
586
00:24:08,837 --> 00:24:10,839
Shutting down sea world
is a noble cause.
587
00:24:10,873 --> 00:24:12,808
No bike lanes, that's just
your run of the mill
588
00:24:12,842 --> 00:24:14,811
public health crisis.
589
00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:18,948
Well, you're killing it
and I'm proud of you.
590
00:24:18,980 --> 00:24:20,983
Oh my god, I almost forgot.
591
00:24:21,017 --> 00:24:24,019
I got quite the compliment
at city hall today.
592
00:24:24,053 --> 00:24:25,788
- Nice.
- We were just standing around
593
00:24:25,820 --> 00:24:28,357
after the meeting talking and
this councilman came up to me
594
00:24:28,391 --> 00:24:31,194
and he said, "you're quite
effective when you're angry."
595
00:24:31,227 --> 00:24:32,762
And before I could even
say anything,
596
00:24:32,795 --> 00:24:35,098
he whips out his business card
and says,
597
00:24:35,131 --> 00:24:36,699
"you have what it takes, kid.
598
00:24:36,731 --> 00:24:39,167
Call me, my personal number."
599
00:24:39,201 --> 00:24:41,671
Like, ew!
600
00:24:41,703 --> 00:24:43,071
And he called me kid!
601
00:24:43,105 --> 00:24:45,741
And then what makes it even
weirder is that...
602
00:24:55,851 --> 00:24:57,353
- Wow.
- Douchebag.
603
00:25:07,128 --> 00:25:09,164
What?
604
00:25:09,198 --> 00:25:10,432
You're doing the thing.
605
00:25:10,465 --> 00:25:12,801
- What thing?
- What thing?
606
00:25:16,137 --> 00:25:17,740
Forget it.
607
00:25:19,474 --> 00:25:21,076
What thing?
608
00:25:48,938 --> 00:25:51,207
Oh my god, it's fuckface.
609
00:25:54,375 --> 00:25:55,478
♪ Listen up ♪
610
00:26:00,750 --> 00:26:02,018
♪ Listen up ♪
611
00:26:15,463 --> 00:26:18,067
♪ Oop ♪
612
00:26:18,099 --> 00:26:20,435
♪ hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
613
00:26:34,083 --> 00:26:36,451
Damn.
614
00:26:36,484 --> 00:26:39,121
That's a nice deck.
615
00:26:39,154 --> 00:26:43,024
There were three things
my wife never let me have.
616
00:26:43,057 --> 00:26:46,461
A drum kit, a motorcycle,
and a threesome.
617
00:26:46,494 --> 00:26:48,997
Happy to say
that I recently crossed
618
00:26:49,030 --> 00:26:51,399
two out of those three
off my list,
619
00:26:51,432 --> 00:26:53,402
and let's just say,
620
00:26:53,434 --> 00:26:55,804
I still can't wait
to get that bike.
621
00:26:57,373 --> 00:26:59,475
So, this is my new baby.
622
00:26:59,508 --> 00:27:02,245
A Pearl export drum kit.
623
00:27:02,278 --> 00:27:04,180
When I was married
to my honeybunch...
624
00:27:10,085 --> 00:27:11,386
When I was married,
625
00:27:11,420 --> 00:27:14,090
the ex forbid me
from buying one.
626
00:27:14,123 --> 00:27:16,558
She was like, "um,
where are you gonna store it?
627
00:27:16,592 --> 00:27:18,427
And you don't even know
how to play the drums.
628
00:27:18,460 --> 00:27:20,563
And you should save money
and go back to school."
629
00:27:20,596 --> 00:27:22,131
Well, guess what,
630
00:27:22,163 --> 00:27:23,865
the first thing I did
when she left
631
00:27:23,898 --> 00:27:25,200
was go straight to craigslist
632
00:27:25,233 --> 00:27:27,169
and I bought this sexy beast.
633
00:27:28,403 --> 00:27:31,540
And the best part is with
her side of the closet empty,
634
00:27:31,574 --> 00:27:33,976
there's plenty of room
to store it!
635
00:27:34,009 --> 00:27:37,246
And the only school
I'm about to attend
636
00:27:37,278 --> 00:27:39,949
is the school of rock, baby!
637
00:27:39,981 --> 00:27:42,417
One, two, three, four!
638
00:27:42,451 --> 00:27:45,387
This is what reclaiming
your space sounds like.
639
00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:53,461
That is the last time
640
00:27:53,494 --> 00:27:57,432
you're playing the drums
in the house.
641
00:27:57,465 --> 00:28:00,936
- Right, buddy?
- Yeah!
642
00:28:00,970 --> 00:28:03,573
Another important practice
on reclaiming your space
643
00:28:03,605 --> 00:28:05,540
is to stand or sit in spots
644
00:28:05,574 --> 00:28:08,510
that have significant memories
of your honeybunch...
645
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,483
Of your ex, ex,
646
00:28:15,517 --> 00:28:18,221
of your ex, and then you say
to yourself,
647
00:28:18,253 --> 00:28:21,356
"I reclaim this space."
648
00:28:21,390 --> 00:28:25,161
For example,
this is where we would spend
649
00:28:25,193 --> 00:28:27,963
most of our evenings
watching Netflix.
650
00:28:27,997 --> 00:28:30,199
She loved watching rom-come
651
00:28:30,231 --> 00:28:32,100
'cause she thought
they were funny
652
00:28:32,134 --> 00:28:34,103
even though she knew
they were cheesy,
653
00:28:34,135 --> 00:28:37,973
and I was bored the whole time,
so I was like, "whatever,"
654
00:28:38,007 --> 00:28:42,612
but she would laugh at them
and her laugh was like,
655
00:28:42,644 --> 00:28:45,114
you know,
low-key pretty magical,
656
00:28:45,146 --> 00:28:46,448
and...
657
00:28:51,487 --> 00:28:53,323
It was hell.
658
00:28:55,924 --> 00:28:57,993
Ahh!
659
00:28:58,027 --> 00:29:00,363
That's an example
of what we like to call
660
00:29:00,395 --> 00:29:01,530
porcupine memories!
661
00:29:01,564 --> 00:29:04,933
The name refers to memories
that are seemingly so cute
662
00:29:04,967 --> 00:29:07,270
and happy and you just want
to hold on to them,
663
00:29:07,303 --> 00:29:09,138
but when you hug them, bam,
664
00:29:09,171 --> 00:29:11,641
needles, ouch,
porcupine memories!
665
00:29:11,673 --> 00:29:14,143
Trademark pending.
666
00:29:14,175 --> 00:29:17,379
I reclaim my space.
667
00:29:17,413 --> 00:29:19,448
I reclaim my space!
668
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,484
I reclaim my space!
669
00:29:22,518 --> 00:29:25,587
Shut the fuck up, buddy!
670
00:29:28,022 --> 00:29:29,658
Wow.
671
00:29:32,694 --> 00:29:34,897
Wow, 32.
672
00:29:36,298 --> 00:29:38,433
As in 32...
673
00:29:38,467 --> 00:29:40,236
Actual penises?
674
00:29:40,269 --> 00:29:41,503
Yeah, give or take.
675
00:29:41,537 --> 00:29:44,507
Honestly, it's probably a bit
higher than that, but yeah, 32.
676
00:29:44,539 --> 00:29:46,509
Oh my lanta!
677
00:29:46,541 --> 00:29:49,177
Well, dang, Kelly Jo Welch
didn't prepare me for this.
678
00:29:49,211 --> 00:29:51,614
I'm sorry, Mary grace,
I'm sorry for my language.
679
00:29:51,646 --> 00:29:53,381
I'm sorry I'm being so crass.
680
00:29:53,414 --> 00:29:55,216
I'm so glad we got to catch up,
681
00:29:55,250 --> 00:29:57,286
but I am sorry my mom
made you do this.
682
00:29:57,318 --> 00:29:59,521
I just... you know, I haven't
found the right guy yet,
683
00:29:59,555 --> 00:30:02,358
so maybe you could
just tell her I'm looking
684
00:30:02,391 --> 00:30:03,426
and I'm not a lesbian.
685
00:30:03,459 --> 00:30:06,262
Um, but yeah, I guess
I should probably go, so...
686
00:30:06,295 --> 00:30:08,206
Oh, no, no, no, please don't go,
please don't go.
687
00:30:08,230 --> 00:30:10,499
I still have half a bottle
of Pinot grigio left.
688
00:30:10,531 --> 00:30:14,971
Look, I've been watching hbo
after bill goes to bed.
689
00:30:15,003 --> 00:30:16,271
Okay?
690
00:30:16,305 --> 00:30:18,474
And I've been learning
some new stuff,
691
00:30:18,507 --> 00:30:20,185
and all the women at the church
wanna talk about
692
00:30:20,209 --> 00:30:21,744
is when is the rapture coming,
693
00:30:21,777 --> 00:30:24,380
and obviously,
it is already here.
694
00:30:24,413 --> 00:30:26,248
So I need this!
695
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:28,683
Lauren, I need this, please.
696
00:30:28,717 --> 00:30:31,354
Okay, okay.
697
00:30:31,386 --> 00:30:33,621
Yeah, sure, I can chat
for a few more minutes.
698
00:30:33,654 --> 00:30:36,057
Okay, great, all right,
let's quickly hang up our call
699
00:30:36,090 --> 00:30:38,226
with Jesus 'cause he does not
need to hear this.
700
00:30:38,259 --> 00:30:40,028
Goodnight, Jesus,
I'll call you later.
701
00:30:40,061 --> 00:30:41,663
Okay, now it's just you and me.
702
00:30:41,696 --> 00:30:44,265
Lay it on me, honey!
703
00:30:44,298 --> 00:30:47,103
Thirty-two, thirty-two!
704
00:30:47,135 --> 00:30:49,137
Gosh almighty,
are you using special creams?
705
00:30:49,171 --> 00:30:50,673
You must be sore all the time.
706
00:30:50,705 --> 00:30:53,274
Oh, yeah, no,
I know it sounds like a lot,
707
00:30:53,307 --> 00:30:55,044
but you know,
it's actually not that crazy.
708
00:30:55,076 --> 00:30:56,444
I just got busy in college.
709
00:30:56,478 --> 00:30:58,748
- Who didn't?
- I didn't.
710
00:30:58,780 --> 00:31:01,517
- Bill and I waited.
- Oh, okay.
711
00:31:01,549 --> 00:31:04,386
Uh, but I mean, gosh,
you guys have three kids now.
712
00:31:04,420 --> 00:31:06,097
You must be making up
for lost time, right?
713
00:31:06,121 --> 00:31:08,124
No, no.
714
00:31:08,156 --> 00:31:10,625
Look, look, I love bill
and I do think about him
715
00:31:10,659 --> 00:31:12,628
and Nathan fillion from castle,
716
00:31:12,661 --> 00:31:14,797
but can I tell you a secret?
717
00:31:14,829 --> 00:31:17,108
'Cause I just haven't been able
to talk to anybody about this,
718
00:31:17,132 --> 00:31:18,610
and since you're
a liberal elite sinner...
719
00:31:18,634 --> 00:31:23,305
- Okay, harsh.
- I just feel like you'll get it.
720
00:31:23,337 --> 00:31:26,709
I don't want bill to hear me.
721
00:31:26,741 --> 00:31:30,445
I'm not sexually satisfied
at all.
722
00:31:30,479 --> 00:31:31,646
Oh, Jesus Christ.
723
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,282
No, don't call Jesus right now.
724
00:31:33,315 --> 00:31:35,551
No, no,
that's not what I... okay.
725
00:31:35,584 --> 00:31:37,620
Help me, Lauren, please!
726
00:31:37,653 --> 00:31:40,556
Okay, you're a sexual deviant
and my only hope.
727
00:31:40,588 --> 00:31:43,224
I need you!
728
00:31:43,258 --> 00:31:45,394
Okay, okay, wow.
729
00:31:45,426 --> 00:31:48,163
Okay, sorry, I'm just wrapping
my head around this.
730
00:31:48,196 --> 00:31:50,098
Yeah, go ahead, Mary grace.
731
00:31:50,132 --> 00:31:52,334
I, uh, I wanna help.
732
00:31:52,366 --> 00:31:54,436
Just tell me,
tell me your troubles.
733
00:31:54,470 --> 00:31:56,271
Okay.
734
00:31:56,305 --> 00:31:57,807
Well, it all started
735
00:31:57,839 --> 00:31:59,841
when I accidentally brushed
against the jets
736
00:31:59,875 --> 00:32:03,278
in the jacuzzi tub
and it stirred me deep.
737
00:32:03,311 --> 00:32:06,314
Oh my go... oh my gosh!
738
00:32:06,347 --> 00:32:07,316
I can't believe
I'm telling you this!
739
00:32:07,348 --> 00:32:09,551
Oh, you know what, Mary grace,
it's great,
740
00:32:09,585 --> 00:32:12,188
and I wasn't expecting the call
to go this way,
741
00:32:12,221 --> 00:32:13,855
but I'm honestly...
I'm here for it.
742
00:32:13,888 --> 00:32:16,125
I just think that I probably
need some wine too,
743
00:32:16,157 --> 00:32:19,360
- so I will brb, okay?
- All right.
744
00:32:19,394 --> 00:32:22,597
I'll just be here thinking
about Mr. Fillion,
745
00:32:22,631 --> 00:32:25,500
from castle.
746
00:32:25,534 --> 00:32:27,670
Mr. Castle.
747
00:32:29,637 --> 00:32:31,740
Solve my crimes,
748
00:32:31,772 --> 00:32:33,108
solve my crimes.
749
00:32:34,742 --> 00:32:36,377
I don't know,
maybe this just grew apart.
750
00:32:36,411 --> 00:32:37,487
- It happens.
- Sure, but I mean,
751
00:32:37,511 --> 00:32:40,281
- this came out of nowhere.
- Hey, baby, baby, sorry.
752
00:32:40,315 --> 00:32:43,519
- Can I move this?
- No, you can't move it.
753
00:32:44,886 --> 00:32:46,588
Do you think he cheated?
754
00:32:46,622 --> 00:32:48,324
Theodora, I don't know!
755
00:32:48,356 --> 00:32:50,158
- Do you want me to call and ask?
- Yes.
756
00:32:50,192 --> 00:32:52,795
Please call your ex-girlfriend
and ask her about her divorce.
757
00:32:57,798 --> 00:32:59,801
That house.
758
00:32:59,835 --> 00:33:02,371
Barbecue's Peter's ribs.
759
00:33:02,403 --> 00:33:04,673
Peter's the best cook, right?
760
00:33:04,705 --> 00:33:06,774
I feel like they just moved in.
761
00:33:06,807 --> 00:33:08,844
No, they moved in two years ago,
762
00:33:08,876 --> 00:33:11,913
and in this market, they're not
gonna have trouble selling.
763
00:33:11,946 --> 00:33:15,650
Yeah, I'm sure their realtor
is thrilled.
764
00:33:15,683 --> 00:33:19,888
But it's like
our first friend divorce.
765
00:33:19,922 --> 00:33:21,656
Don't you think it's sad?
766
00:33:23,592 --> 00:33:26,129
It really is.
767
00:33:32,968 --> 00:33:35,403
- So, a deck, huh?
- Yeah.
768
00:33:35,436 --> 00:33:36,680
I've been wanting to build
this thing for...
769
00:33:36,704 --> 00:33:38,740
Remember when we moved in here
and I was like,
770
00:33:38,773 --> 00:33:41,776
"I wanna build a deck!"
771
00:33:41,809 --> 00:33:43,511
You remember that?
772
00:33:43,545 --> 00:33:46,215
- It's a big project.
- Mhm.
773
00:33:48,282 --> 00:33:50,385
Okay, well,
774
00:33:50,419 --> 00:33:52,522
don't forget about tonight.
775
00:33:58,393 --> 00:33:59,662
Huh?
776
00:33:59,694 --> 00:34:01,864
Don't forget about tonight.
777
00:34:34,695 --> 00:34:36,199
Raymond, your dog!
778
00:34:43,938 --> 00:34:45,574
Today on builder bros,
779
00:34:45,606 --> 00:34:49,612
Brock gets hands on
with your big deck.
780
00:34:49,644 --> 00:34:51,413
What's up, pussies?
781
00:34:51,445 --> 00:34:52,880
Brock here.
782
00:34:52,914 --> 00:34:55,651
So your little lady says
that she likes a small deck,
783
00:34:55,684 --> 00:34:57,820
but come on, bro, we both know
784
00:34:57,853 --> 00:35:00,755
when you're standing in
your manicured front lawn
785
00:35:00,789 --> 00:35:04,693
sipping on your soy latte
that she is staring
786
00:35:04,726 --> 00:35:07,262
at the sheer girth of my deck.
787
00:35:07,295 --> 00:35:08,529
But that's okay,
788
00:35:08,563 --> 00:35:09,932
'cause Brock daddy's
here to help.
789
00:35:09,965 --> 00:35:12,300
All right, so you bought
yourself some wood
790
00:35:12,333 --> 00:35:13,668
and you got your tools.
791
00:35:13,702 --> 00:35:15,304
Now what are you waiting for?
792
00:35:15,336 --> 00:35:18,840
Are you staring at that fat pile
like a dope?
793
00:35:18,873 --> 00:35:21,342
Look, deck building is tough.
794
00:35:21,376 --> 00:35:22,511
But relax,
795
00:35:22,543 --> 00:35:26,414
Brock daddy is gonna hold
both your girly little hands
796
00:35:26,447 --> 00:35:28,483
all the way to the finish line.
797
00:35:28,516 --> 00:35:31,886
So grab some bolts
and some brewskis,
798
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:33,989
and let's lay some wood.
799
00:35:34,021 --> 00:35:35,523
Oh!
800
00:35:37,659 --> 00:35:38,961
- Mother...
- Fucker.
801
00:35:38,994 --> 00:35:40,461
- What?
- "Hi, Hannah."
802
00:35:40,494 --> 00:35:42,297
Xander has therapy
after baseball camp.
803
00:35:42,331 --> 00:35:44,400
Please give him a snack
beforehand and do not
804
00:35:44,432 --> 00:35:45,910
let him take his scooter
into the session.
805
00:35:45,934 --> 00:35:46,869
"Dr. Alberts doesn't like it."
806
00:35:46,902 --> 00:35:49,438
- Ugh, this is so annoying.
- I know, right?
807
00:35:49,471 --> 00:35:51,606
- It's just a scooter.
- "Thanks, Alyssa."
808
00:35:51,639 --> 00:35:53,641
"Will do," you fucking bitch.
809
00:35:53,675 --> 00:35:55,577
Whoa, you really laid into her.
810
00:35:55,610 --> 00:35:57,813
Oh my god, no, I did not text
that to Xander's mom.
811
00:35:57,846 --> 00:35:59,882
Xander feels new, what happened
to that kid Jared?
812
00:35:59,914 --> 00:36:01,115
Oh, Jared is a dog I walked
813
00:36:01,150 --> 00:36:03,327
and him and his family are in
the Hamptons for the summer,
814
00:36:03,351 --> 00:36:05,554
along with persephone
and Maddox's families.
815
00:36:05,586 --> 00:36:08,356
- Oh, those are cute dog names.
- Nope, those are kids.
816
00:36:08,389 --> 00:36:10,958
Wow, you are booked up.
817
00:36:10,992 --> 00:36:14,028
Yeah, if only my bank account
reflected that.
818
00:36:14,061 --> 00:36:16,431
Ugh, life is weird!
819
00:36:16,465 --> 00:36:17,499
Like, this is weird!
820
00:36:17,532 --> 00:36:18,867
Our friend is getting a divorce.
821
00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:20,869
- I know.
- And if somebody had asked me,
822
00:36:20,902 --> 00:36:23,472
like, "do you think Amy
and Peter will get a divorce?"
823
00:36:23,505 --> 00:36:26,642
- I would've absolutely said no.
- Yes.
824
00:36:26,675 --> 00:36:27,776
Okay, I just lied,
825
00:36:27,809 --> 00:36:28,986
I definitely didn't think
they were gonna make it.
826
00:36:29,010 --> 00:36:29,711
The writing was on the wall.
827
00:36:29,744 --> 00:36:31,113
Remember at Amy's bachelorette?
828
00:36:31,146 --> 00:36:33,015
- She was so unhappy.
- So unhappy,
829
00:36:33,047 --> 00:36:34,750
and it was not because of us,
right?
830
00:36:34,782 --> 00:36:36,351
- It wasn't because of us?
- No!
831
00:36:36,385 --> 00:36:37,820
She was totally off
and not herself,
832
00:36:37,853 --> 00:36:39,755
- and we talked to her about it.
- Yeah.
833
00:36:39,788 --> 00:36:41,566
We were like, "Amy,
what's going on with you?"
834
00:36:41,590 --> 00:36:42,791
"Why are you so unhappy?
835
00:36:42,824 --> 00:36:43,759
What's up?
836
00:36:43,791 --> 00:36:44,869
Why didn't you invite
your cousin Eva?"
837
00:36:44,893 --> 00:36:47,096
- Cousin Eva is an alcoholic.
- And not in a fun way.
838
00:36:47,128 --> 00:36:49,764
And Amy, she was like...
839
00:36:49,797 --> 00:36:52,633
She said...
840
00:36:52,666 --> 00:36:54,536
Okay, so Amy actually
wasn't there for that.
841
00:36:54,568 --> 00:36:55,847
Of course she was there,
it was her bachelorette.
842
00:36:55,871 --> 00:36:59,407
No, no, what we're remembering
is you and I talking about it,
843
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,110
talking about her.
844
00:37:02,143 --> 00:37:04,979
Oh, talking about her
behind her back.
845
00:37:05,012 --> 00:37:07,715
Yeah.
846
00:37:07,748 --> 00:37:10,084
But we've told her in the past
that she seemed unhappy.
847
00:37:10,117 --> 00:37:11,920
Yeah, like when she went
ring shopping alone.
848
00:37:11,952 --> 00:37:13,989
Yes, we said,
"Amy, this is not something
849
00:37:14,021 --> 00:37:14,922
you should be doing
by yourself."
850
00:37:14,956 --> 00:37:16,891
- Yeah, we told her that!
- Yeah, and she said
851
00:37:16,925 --> 00:37:19,562
she was, she was...
852
00:37:21,463 --> 00:37:23,532
She was also not there
for that part either.
853
00:37:23,565 --> 00:37:25,567
That part where we told her
how we really felt?
854
00:37:25,599 --> 00:37:27,635
Yeah, that part.
855
00:37:29,938 --> 00:37:30,972
I'm hungry.
856
00:37:31,005 --> 00:37:31,940
Want a little snack?
857
00:37:31,974 --> 00:37:35,110
I can offer you a pouch,
some cheddar bunnies,
858
00:37:35,143 --> 00:37:37,112
or celery sticks.
859
00:37:37,144 --> 00:37:38,514
Literally just celery sticks?
860
00:37:38,547 --> 00:37:39,657
Not even peanut butter
on the side?
861
00:37:39,681 --> 00:37:41,182
Oh, no, peanuts are legumes
862
00:37:41,215 --> 00:37:43,918
and Xander's mom tries to limit
his legumes.
863
00:37:43,952 --> 00:37:46,522
- Poor Xander.
- I know.
864
00:37:52,193 --> 00:37:53,795
Okay, were,
865
00:37:53,829 --> 00:37:55,531
were we mean to Peter?
866
00:37:55,563 --> 00:37:57,098
No, we were not mean to Peter.
867
00:37:57,132 --> 00:37:58,634
Right.
868
00:38:01,902 --> 00:38:03,838
Okay, so like define mean.
869
00:38:03,871 --> 00:38:05,606
- Like were our jokes mean?
- No.
870
00:38:05,639 --> 00:38:07,141
I mean, maybe our jokes
were mean,
871
00:38:07,175 --> 00:38:08,744
but that doesn't mean
that we were mean.
872
00:38:08,777 --> 00:38:10,646
Right, right, you are so right.
873
00:38:10,679 --> 00:38:11,880
- You get it.
- And plus,
874
00:38:11,913 --> 00:38:13,224
I don't even really think
you can be mean
875
00:38:13,248 --> 00:38:15,016
to somebody that you don't know.
876
00:38:15,050 --> 00:38:16,618
I never really got
to know Peter.
877
00:38:16,650 --> 00:38:18,019
And now we never will.
878
00:38:18,052 --> 00:38:19,989
Tell me about it.
879
00:38:22,490 --> 00:38:24,226
- I miss Amy.
- Me too.
880
00:38:24,259 --> 00:38:26,461
But her not telling us about
the divorce really hurts.
881
00:38:26,494 --> 00:38:28,230
It does, and I mean,
I don't know about you,
882
00:38:28,262 --> 00:38:30,465
but Amy and I talk all the time.
883
00:38:30,498 --> 00:38:33,000
- Same, like, look at my texts.
- Same!
884
00:38:33,034 --> 00:38:35,537
- I text her all the time.
- All the time.
885
00:38:35,570 --> 00:38:39,508
- All the time.
- All the time...
886
00:38:39,541 --> 00:38:41,977
- Four months ago.
- Five.
887
00:38:47,548 --> 00:38:48,593
Okay, should we just call her?
888
00:38:48,617 --> 00:38:50,528
Yeah, I feel like we're overdue
for a phone call.
889
00:38:50,552 --> 00:38:52,721
And you know what,
we'll lead with, "we love you."
890
00:38:52,753 --> 00:38:53,831
"We heard about what happened."
891
00:38:53,855 --> 00:38:55,990
"And we wanna let you know
that we are here for you
892
00:38:56,023 --> 00:38:57,992
and we just wanted to say hi."
893
00:38:58,025 --> 00:39:00,895
- I love that.
- Thanks.
894
00:39:02,963 --> 00:39:05,900
- I'm so happy we're doing this.
- Me too.
895
00:39:05,934 --> 00:39:08,537
Hey, it's Amy, leave a message.
896
00:39:12,172 --> 00:39:15,843
- She just...
- Sent us to voicemail, yeah.
897
00:39:15,876 --> 00:39:17,112
That's mean, right?
898
00:39:17,144 --> 00:39:18,746
She's mean, she's mean!
899
00:39:18,780 --> 00:39:20,615
She is mean.
900
00:39:22,884 --> 00:39:25,219
But I guess she is dealing with
901
00:39:25,253 --> 00:39:26,688
- a divorce.
- Divorce.
902
00:39:26,721 --> 00:39:29,291
- Yeah, that's, that's not...
- Not great.
903
00:39:30,458 --> 00:39:32,860
- Oh, it's my postmates order.
- What'd they say?
904
00:39:32,893 --> 00:39:34,829
"Where the fuck are you?"
905
00:39:34,862 --> 00:39:36,597
- Rude!
- Yeah.
906
00:39:36,630 --> 00:39:37,908
I'm like... what do they mean
where am I?
907
00:39:37,932 --> 00:39:39,835
I'm right here,
I'm clearly busy.
908
00:39:39,867 --> 00:39:40,902
- Yeah.
- Vanessa,
909
00:39:40,936 --> 00:39:41,937
where the fuck are you?
910
00:39:41,969 --> 00:39:43,538
Anderson,
where the fuck are you?
911
00:39:43,572 --> 00:39:45,574
Next to the big green tree.
912
00:39:45,606 --> 00:39:46,846
No, like where are you exactly?
913
00:39:46,875 --> 00:39:48,052
All these trees look the same.
914
00:39:48,076 --> 00:39:49,945
By the... I don't know... elm?
915
00:39:49,978 --> 00:39:51,088
Let's go with elm,
this is an elm.
916
00:39:51,112 --> 00:39:53,848
Um, I don't know what in my life
has led you to believe
917
00:39:53,882 --> 00:39:56,585
that I know what an elm tree
looks like,
918
00:39:56,617 --> 00:39:58,219
- but I don't.
- Vanessa?
919
00:39:58,253 --> 00:39:59,922
- Anderson?
- Vanessa!
920
00:39:59,954 --> 00:40:02,723
- Anderson!
- Vanessa?
921
00:40:02,757 --> 00:40:04,326
Vanessa, Vanessa!
922
00:40:04,358 --> 00:40:06,094
Follow the sound of my voice,
923
00:40:06,126 --> 00:40:07,929
follow the sound of my voice.
924
00:40:07,963 --> 00:40:09,798
Vanessa, Vanessa, Vanessa.
925
00:40:09,831 --> 00:40:10,731
- Anderson!
- Vanessa!
926
00:40:10,764 --> 00:40:12,268
Anderson.
927
00:40:14,101 --> 00:40:16,038
You have to stop yelling
my name.
928
00:40:16,070 --> 00:40:17,639
Gosh, you scared me there.
929
00:40:17,672 --> 00:40:20,141
Whoa, love the pippi
longstocking look.
930
00:40:20,175 --> 00:40:22,778
Oh thank you, yeah, I heard that
if you French braid your hair,
931
00:40:22,811 --> 00:40:24,846
it makes you look like
you got a face lift,
932
00:40:24,878 --> 00:40:27,949
and I also recently got
a facelift.
933
00:40:27,983 --> 00:40:29,851
Thanks so much for coming
to family day.
934
00:40:29,884 --> 00:40:31,820
Oh, of course, I'm happy to.
935
00:40:31,853 --> 00:40:33,789
Plus, mom offered me 50 bucks
if I came, so.
936
00:40:33,822 --> 00:40:37,125
- Mm.
- What is family day?
937
00:40:37,157 --> 00:40:41,128
Family day is where the families
of the teens come to visit
938
00:40:41,161 --> 00:40:42,864
and we hike out to Stinson beach
939
00:40:42,896 --> 00:40:45,032
and discuss our
substance abuse issues,
940
00:40:45,065 --> 00:40:47,201
- I think.
- Okay.
941
00:40:47,235 --> 00:40:49,338
Um, yeah, I really don't want
to do any of that.
942
00:40:49,371 --> 00:40:52,039
- I did just come for the 50.
- Absolutely.
943
00:40:52,072 --> 00:40:54,643
Quick q, why can't you stop
freeloading off mom
944
00:40:54,675 --> 00:40:57,244
and start freeloading off your
boyfriend like a normal person?
945
00:40:57,277 --> 00:41:00,014
You know, it's a great q
and I would counter with,
946
00:41:00,047 --> 00:41:02,149
why can't you stop
freeloading off mom?
947
00:41:02,182 --> 00:41:03,985
And it's a great counter
and I would say
948
00:41:04,018 --> 00:41:05,753
because I don't have
any other option.
949
00:41:05,786 --> 00:41:09,625
That's why I said yes to this
wilderness rehab retreat thing.
950
00:41:09,657 --> 00:41:11,626
Mom said if I don't complete
this rehab,
951
00:41:11,659 --> 00:41:15,062
that she'd kick me out
and I cannot be homeless at 24...
952
00:41:15,096 --> 00:41:16,731
27...
953
00:41:16,764 --> 00:41:18,666
30.
954
00:41:18,699 --> 00:41:21,168
Well, anyways,
to answer you initial q,
955
00:41:21,202 --> 00:41:22,904
the reason I can't
freeload off Gabriel
956
00:41:22,936 --> 00:41:24,405
is because something went down
957
00:41:24,438 --> 00:41:26,249
and I don't really wanna
get into the details of it.
958
00:41:26,273 --> 00:41:29,010
But basically when he said no,
I heard him say no
959
00:41:29,043 --> 00:41:30,311
but I didn't hear him say no.
960
00:41:30,344 --> 00:41:31,521
- Do you know what I mean?
- No.
961
00:41:31,545 --> 00:41:33,390
See, like I didn't even
understand what you just said.
962
00:41:33,414 --> 00:41:36,284
Hm, so what happened?
963
00:41:44,726 --> 00:41:48,063
Wow, this is hot.
964
00:41:48,096 --> 00:41:49,764
Smells like soup.
965
00:41:49,797 --> 00:41:53,067
They're scented hot stones.
966
00:41:53,101 --> 00:41:54,702
It's aromatherapy.
967
00:42:00,141 --> 00:42:03,077
Next, I'm going to run ice
968
00:42:03,110 --> 00:42:06,847
down over your body.
969
00:42:12,152 --> 00:42:14,822
Stop shaking,
you little pig bitch.
970
00:42:14,856 --> 00:42:17,159
♪ I need you to listen ♪
971
00:42:17,192 --> 00:42:18,760
♪ listen ♪
972
00:42:18,793 --> 00:42:20,128
♪ oh ♪
973
00:42:20,161 --> 00:42:22,764
Let's get you clean,
you dirty boy.
974
00:42:22,797 --> 00:42:26,333
♪ Take my somewhere
far away from here ♪
975
00:42:26,367 --> 00:42:27,836
Hand me that.
976
00:42:51,826 --> 00:42:54,295
God damn, that was hot.
977
00:42:56,898 --> 00:42:58,834
Are you sure
this is a sex thing?
978
00:42:58,867 --> 00:43:00,469
Just go with it.
979
00:43:00,501 --> 00:43:01,902
Ow, ow!
980
00:43:01,936 --> 00:43:03,138
One just stung me in my ear.
981
00:43:03,170 --> 00:43:06,240
♪ Bad bees, boo bees,
whatcha gonna do ♪
982
00:43:06,273 --> 00:43:08,777
♪ whatcha gonna do
when the bad bees come for you ♪
983
00:43:08,809 --> 00:43:10,512
- ♪ bad bees ♪
- bananas, bananas!
984
00:43:10,545 --> 00:43:12,114
What? The safe word already?
985
00:43:12,146 --> 00:43:13,347
We just got started!
986
00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:15,182
I'm down for some freaky shit,
987
00:43:15,215 --> 00:43:17,184
but this doesn't even
feel sexual.
988
00:43:17,217 --> 00:43:19,353
It just feels... ah!
989
00:43:19,387 --> 00:43:20,922
- Dangerous.
- What's your point?
990
00:43:20,954 --> 00:43:22,891
Look, maybe we should
try something
991
00:43:22,923 --> 00:43:24,326
with a little more sex
992
00:43:24,358 --> 00:43:27,261
and a little less honey
in all my crevices.
993
00:43:27,295 --> 00:43:28,896
Okay. Just a little more honey?
994
00:43:28,929 --> 00:43:31,098
No. No! Vanessa!
995
00:43:31,132 --> 00:43:32,300
Okay, let's compromise.
996
00:43:32,333 --> 00:43:33,902
So did you start
taking a lot of baths?
997
00:43:33,934 --> 00:43:36,203
I did. I was taking
two or three a day.
998
00:43:36,237 --> 00:43:37,847
And then my youngest
wanted to get in with me,
999
00:43:37,871 --> 00:43:38,916
and after that, I had to quit.
1000
00:43:38,940 --> 00:43:41,443
And I've just...
I've been in a tizzy ever since!
1001
00:43:41,476 --> 00:43:43,287
Well, Mary grace,
we've gotta get you fixed up!
1002
00:43:43,311 --> 00:43:44,813
Can't live life
in a tizzy like that.
1003
00:43:44,846 --> 00:43:47,114
- Amen!
- So, okay, so how often
1004
00:43:47,148 --> 00:43:49,217
are you and bill,
you know, boning?
1005
00:43:49,250 --> 00:43:51,152
Not often enough.
1006
00:43:51,186 --> 00:43:52,829
And I wouldn't call it boning,
to be honest,
1007
00:43:52,853 --> 00:43:54,822
it's more like
laying down together
1008
00:43:54,856 --> 00:43:56,258
and moving for a little bit.
1009
00:43:56,291 --> 00:43:57,526
It's just... it's just,
1010
00:43:57,559 --> 00:44:00,327
you know, bill likes things
a certain way.
1011
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,197
So we schedule it,
every other Monday.
1012
00:44:03,231 --> 00:44:04,575
Missionary Monday is
what we call it,
1013
00:44:04,599 --> 00:44:05,709
so we put it in the calendar.
1014
00:44:05,733 --> 00:44:06,843
It's like a little code
and that way people see it
1015
00:44:06,867 --> 00:44:08,969
and they think, "oh,
they're doing mission work,"
1016
00:44:09,003 --> 00:44:10,071
but it's really just sex
1017
00:44:10,103 --> 00:44:13,974
every other Monday at 8:15
after the kids go down.
1018
00:44:14,007 --> 00:44:16,277
The same sex, missionary sex.
1019
00:44:16,311 --> 00:44:17,445
It's not even the good kind.
1020
00:44:17,478 --> 00:44:18,479
Is there a good kind?
1021
00:44:18,512 --> 00:44:20,981
Lauren, I just... I can't
continue to be grateful!
1022
00:44:21,014 --> 00:44:22,884
It's a sin, it's a lie!
1023
00:44:22,916 --> 00:44:24,853
Okay, I mean,
does he at least go down on you?
1024
00:44:27,856 --> 00:44:28,924
Lauren!
1025
00:44:28,956 --> 00:44:30,257
Honey, you got me rollin'!
1026
00:44:30,291 --> 00:44:31,359
No!
1027
00:44:31,391 --> 00:44:33,427
Not since 2001.
1028
00:44:33,460 --> 00:44:35,296
Listen, when I had
my first child,
1029
00:44:35,329 --> 00:44:36,340
he looked me dead in the eye,
1030
00:44:36,364 --> 00:44:37,265
and he said, "listen,
I can't go down there
1031
00:44:37,298 --> 00:44:39,400
after I saw my daughter
come out of there."
1032
00:44:39,434 --> 00:44:42,037
You know, she was
an 11-pound baby, but still.
1033
00:44:42,070 --> 00:44:43,247
Okay, you know what, Mary grace?
1034
00:44:43,271 --> 00:44:44,172
No, fuck this guy.
1035
00:44:44,206 --> 00:44:46,942
He needs to get down there
and get busy!
1036
00:44:46,974 --> 00:44:49,243
You know what, I agree!
1037
00:44:49,277 --> 00:44:52,146
I've been doing my exercises
for years now!
1038
00:44:52,179 --> 00:44:55,884
Lord, on the wings of Jesus,
I'm sharing my story!
1039
00:44:55,916 --> 00:44:57,219
Okay, wow, okay!
1040
00:44:57,251 --> 00:44:59,153
Yes, cheers to that, Mary grace!
1041
00:44:59,186 --> 00:45:02,489
Cheers to that.
1042
00:45:02,523 --> 00:45:04,125
Hold on, i'ma be right back.
1043
00:45:04,157 --> 00:45:05,559
Woo! I feel alive today!
1044
00:45:05,592 --> 00:45:06,627
Jesus is real!
1045
00:45:06,661 --> 00:45:08,864
What the fuck?
1046
00:45:10,164 --> 00:45:13,101
Okay, so...
1047
00:45:13,134 --> 00:45:14,611
I went to the paint and sip,
all right,
1048
00:45:14,635 --> 00:45:16,113
and I didn't want
to paint the hydrangeas
1049
00:45:16,137 --> 00:45:17,038
that were in
the sample painting,
1050
00:45:17,072 --> 00:45:17,939
'cause I've already
done that, okay?
1051
00:45:17,972 --> 00:45:19,608
I've got two bushes
in my backyard.
1052
00:45:19,641 --> 00:45:21,276
So the instructor said to me,
she goes,
1053
00:45:21,309 --> 00:45:24,112
"just paint what calls to you."
1054
00:45:24,144 --> 00:45:27,114
So I painted something,
it's a little wild,
1055
00:45:27,148 --> 00:45:30,117
and I just... I've been
too afraid to show bill,
1056
00:45:30,150 --> 00:45:31,361
I've been hiding it
under my bed,
1057
00:45:31,385 --> 00:45:33,021
but I wanna show you.
1058
00:45:33,054 --> 00:45:34,456
Okay, now keep in mind,
1059
00:45:34,489 --> 00:45:36,057
I had spent some time
in the jacuzzi tub
1060
00:45:36,090 --> 00:45:38,927
before I went.
1061
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:40,095
Here it is.
1062
00:45:40,128 --> 00:45:41,963
It's a self-portrait.
1063
00:45:41,996 --> 00:45:44,266
Oh, my god, wow!
1064
00:45:44,298 --> 00:45:46,668
I mean, the writing
was on the wall.
1065
00:45:46,701 --> 00:45:48,469
He's not a rich man,
and she's...
1066
00:45:48,503 --> 00:45:50,171
I don't know, pretty-ish.
1067
00:45:50,204 --> 00:45:52,182
So, really, all they had
keeping their marriage together
1068
00:45:52,206 --> 00:45:53,909
was love?
1069
00:45:55,342 --> 00:45:57,120
And I know you know this
better than anyone, babe,
1070
00:45:57,144 --> 00:45:58,189
'cause we're so good together,
1071
00:45:58,213 --> 00:46:01,048
that a healthy relationship
is a tête-à-tête
1072
00:46:01,081 --> 00:46:03,417
of wit
and emotional communication.
1073
00:46:03,451 --> 00:46:06,688
Without it, you have nothing.
1074
00:46:06,721 --> 00:46:08,532
Unless, of course, obviously,
one of you has stock
1075
00:46:08,556 --> 00:46:10,692
or bitcoin
or a beachside property.
1076
00:46:10,724 --> 00:46:12,503
But even then, you know,
it's a give and a take.
1077
00:46:12,527 --> 00:46:14,305
- Don't you agree?
- Do you wanna stretch me or...
1078
00:46:14,329 --> 00:46:17,465
Equity and communication.
1079
00:46:17,498 --> 00:46:20,001
It's a give and a take.
1080
00:46:20,034 --> 00:46:21,469
Oh, give me that.
1081
00:46:21,501 --> 00:46:22,202
You know what I mean?
1082
00:46:22,235 --> 00:46:24,138
It's like a back and a forth.
1083
00:46:24,172 --> 00:46:25,673
Here's the thing
about Amy and Peter,
1084
00:46:25,706 --> 00:46:27,275
they were never equal.
1085
00:46:27,307 --> 00:46:29,543
She always wore the pants
in the relationship.
1086
00:46:29,577 --> 00:46:31,055
Do you remember last summer
when they were in town
1087
00:46:31,079 --> 00:46:31,947
and we went to Jones?
1088
00:46:31,980 --> 00:46:33,356
And the waitress
dropped the check off
1089
00:46:33,380 --> 00:46:35,983
in front of Amy.
1090
00:46:36,016 --> 00:46:38,118
Amy, not Peter.
1091
00:46:38,152 --> 00:46:39,721
I mean, how humiliating,
1092
00:46:39,753 --> 00:46:41,722
and not just for her, for him.
1093
00:46:41,755 --> 00:46:43,524
So emasculating.
1094
00:46:43,557 --> 00:46:45,393
Oh, my god, honey, no.
1095
00:46:45,425 --> 00:46:47,461
Somebody's gonna see you,
you look like a wimp.
1096
00:46:47,494 --> 00:46:49,130
Your arms are like
tiny spongebob arms
1097
00:46:49,163 --> 00:46:51,465
and you have the body
of Kermit the frog.
1098
00:46:51,498 --> 00:46:54,601
You should really call
my trainer!
1099
00:46:54,635 --> 00:46:56,071
Crunches.
1100
00:46:56,103 --> 00:46:57,638
Now, gentlemen,
1101
00:46:57,672 --> 00:47:00,108
I understand that sometimes
1102
00:47:00,141 --> 00:47:02,309
some of these porcupine memories
1103
00:47:02,342 --> 00:47:03,711
are hard to get rid of,
1104
00:47:03,744 --> 00:47:07,248
and simply yelling them away
is not enough.
1105
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:11,219
That's why the last thing
we're gonna learn today
1106
00:47:11,251 --> 00:47:14,621
will require
a more aggressive approach.
1107
00:47:14,655 --> 00:47:17,525
Bam! Fireworks!
1108
00:47:17,557 --> 00:47:20,195
This here is the cobra box.
1109
00:47:20,228 --> 00:47:23,398
The cobra can hypnotize its prey
1110
00:47:23,431 --> 00:47:26,266
before launching for the kill.
1111
00:47:26,300 --> 00:47:30,638
So, inside this box
is a bunch of crap
1112
00:47:30,670 --> 00:47:34,174
that my ex used to own
and that hypnotizes me
1113
00:47:34,208 --> 00:47:37,479
into doing stuff
I really don't want to do
1114
00:47:37,512 --> 00:47:41,048
like text her or call her
or drive up to her place
1115
00:47:41,081 --> 00:47:44,485
and see her go in
and out of her apartment
1116
00:47:44,518 --> 00:47:48,489
with a random guy that may
or may not be her new boyfriend.
1117
00:47:48,523 --> 00:47:49,490
We don't know.
1118
00:47:49,523 --> 00:47:52,059
What we do know is
that he owns a new Tesla.
1119
00:47:52,092 --> 00:47:54,261
I know it's new,
because it's the new model.
1120
00:47:56,264 --> 00:48:00,068
And we can't keep doing that
to ourselves.
1121
00:48:00,101 --> 00:48:04,204
Time to destroy the cobra box,
trademark... not granted,
1122
00:48:04,237 --> 00:48:06,507
because I guess there's
a company in Australia
1123
00:48:06,541 --> 00:48:08,676
that sells cobras in a box.
1124
00:48:08,708 --> 00:48:12,480
All right, let's get to it.
1125
00:48:12,512 --> 00:48:15,382
Time to reclaim
the space in our hearts.
1126
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:34,202
Well, that was disappointing.
1127
00:48:35,670 --> 00:48:37,605
Oh, my gosh.
1128
00:48:37,637 --> 00:48:40,107
Oh, my gosh, what am I doing?
1129
00:48:40,141 --> 00:48:42,077
What is the matter with me?
1130
00:48:42,110 --> 00:48:44,345
It's like I turned 38
and I went crazy!
1131
00:48:44,378 --> 00:48:45,547
I'm like a horndog!
1132
00:48:45,579 --> 00:48:47,114
I just... I gotta burn this.
1133
00:48:47,148 --> 00:48:49,084
No, no, no. Mary grace, no.
1134
00:48:49,117 --> 00:48:50,518
You listen to me, okay?
1135
00:48:50,550 --> 00:48:54,154
We were not raised
to talk about sex or want it,
1136
00:48:54,188 --> 00:48:56,257
but we do,
and that is great, okay?
1137
00:48:56,289 --> 00:48:57,659
So you just need
to get out there,
1138
00:48:57,692 --> 00:48:59,527
and you need to tell bill
what you want.
1139
00:48:59,559 --> 00:49:01,563
Well, I mean, do you tell men
what you want?
1140
00:49:01,596 --> 00:49:02,797
Hell, yeah! Hell, yeah, I do!
1141
00:49:02,829 --> 00:49:04,465
There's a fucking
orgasm epidemic
1142
00:49:04,498 --> 00:49:05,532
in this country, okay?
1143
00:49:05,565 --> 00:49:08,135
And we must demand action.
1144
00:49:08,168 --> 00:49:09,237
- Heck, yeah.
- Right?
1145
00:49:09,269 --> 00:49:10,804
Heck, yeah, I'm gonna do that!
1146
00:49:10,838 --> 00:49:13,173
There he is. Bill! Bill!
1147
00:49:13,206 --> 00:49:14,208
- Oh.
- Bill!
1148
00:49:14,242 --> 00:49:15,243
No, no, no, no, no, wait.
1149
00:49:15,275 --> 00:49:16,577
Yes, I'm talking to you!
1150
00:49:16,610 --> 00:49:17,411
I have needs!
1151
00:49:17,445 --> 00:49:18,746
Maybe not in front of me,
though.
1152
00:49:18,778 --> 00:49:20,124
- Maybe not in front of me.
- Hey, bill!
1153
00:49:20,148 --> 00:49:24,619
I need you to lick
this front tushy!
1154
00:49:24,652 --> 00:49:25,732
I just did the lord's work.
1155
00:49:33,927 --> 00:49:35,596
I can't believe
I'm in the mountains
1156
00:49:35,630 --> 00:49:36,764
and I'm not on mushrooms.
1157
00:49:36,797 --> 00:49:38,565
- This is a first for me.
- I know,
1158
00:49:38,599 --> 00:49:40,668
that must be so hard for you.
1159
00:49:40,701 --> 00:49:43,570
- And for you.
- Hm?
1160
00:49:43,603 --> 00:49:44,771
Are you on mushrooms?
1161
00:49:44,804 --> 00:49:45,739
I don't think I...
1162
00:49:45,773 --> 00:49:47,876
I don't think
I understand the question.
1163
00:49:47,909 --> 00:49:49,611
I think you do.
1164
00:49:49,643 --> 00:49:51,578
But weirdly, I'm getting
like a sobriety high
1165
00:49:51,612 --> 00:49:53,248
- from being clean!
- Is that true?
1166
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:54,114
- No.
- Yeah.
1167
00:49:54,148 --> 00:49:56,217
But at least my life
is going better
1168
00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:57,418
than Amy and Peter's.
1169
00:49:57,451 --> 00:49:59,729
I mean, thank god someone's life
is going worse than ours!
1170
00:49:59,753 --> 00:50:01,788
Yeah. But is it?
1171
00:50:01,822 --> 00:50:03,533
'Cause like, you still live
at home with mom,
1172
00:50:03,557 --> 00:50:05,893
and I just ruined
another relationship.
1173
00:50:05,927 --> 00:50:09,164
God, my 16-year-old self
would 100% bully me.
1174
00:50:09,197 --> 00:50:11,932
Oh, my 16-year-old self
would definitely make me cry.
1175
00:50:11,965 --> 00:50:14,735
She'd probably Photoshop my face
onto the body of a whale
1176
00:50:14,768 --> 00:50:16,303
and have it printed
onto t-shirts
1177
00:50:16,336 --> 00:50:17,838
for everyone in the class
to wear.
1178
00:50:17,871 --> 00:50:18,906
Specific.
1179
00:50:20,541 --> 00:50:21,910
You know what I'm realizing?
1180
00:50:21,943 --> 00:50:23,711
Amy and Peter are
getting a divorce,
1181
00:50:23,744 --> 00:50:25,713
which means they're gonna
have to be single again.
1182
00:50:25,746 --> 00:50:28,316
I am currently single,
so if you really think about it,
1183
00:50:28,349 --> 00:50:29,417
it's almost like I found
1184
00:50:29,449 --> 00:50:32,319
some sort of cheat code
or shortcut.
1185
00:50:32,353 --> 00:50:33,288
Yeah.
1186
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,190
Or is it like they found
somebody to love them,
1187
00:50:36,224 --> 00:50:37,692
marry them,
and then divorce them
1188
00:50:37,724 --> 00:50:40,694
all before we found anyone
to love us.
1189
00:50:40,728 --> 00:50:43,463
- Is it worse?
- Or is it better?
1190
00:50:43,496 --> 00:50:44,874
- It's probably worse.
- I think it's worse.
1191
00:50:44,898 --> 00:50:46,500
- Worse.
- It is worse.
1192
00:50:47,735 --> 00:50:50,805
Oh, oh, my god. Where are we?
1193
00:50:50,838 --> 00:50:52,707
Are we... are we lost?
1194
00:50:52,739 --> 00:50:53,907
Where are the other campers?
1195
00:50:53,940 --> 00:50:55,352
Is that what you call them,
"campers"?
1196
00:50:55,376 --> 00:50:58,646
- Tiny drug addicts?
- Troubled teens?
1197
00:50:58,679 --> 00:51:01,215
- Oh, my god, we are lost.
- Oh, my god!
1198
00:51:01,248 --> 00:51:02,382
Spread out!
1199
00:51:07,621 --> 00:51:09,790
All right, crack open
another cold one,
1200
00:51:09,824 --> 00:51:11,291
'cause you deserve it.
1201
00:51:11,324 --> 00:51:13,594
Brock daddy is so proud of you!
1202
00:51:13,628 --> 00:51:15,763
Only six more videos
till you've got yourself
1203
00:51:15,795 --> 00:51:18,398
a brand new deck.
1204
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:14,621
There you are.
1205
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:21,962
Oh!
1206
00:52:34,041 --> 00:52:36,010
I love your deck.
1207
00:52:39,612 --> 00:52:40,881
Shh.
1208
00:52:40,914 --> 00:52:46,788
Shhhh.
1209
00:53:14,514 --> 00:53:16,049
What the fuck?
1210
00:53:16,083 --> 00:53:18,119
♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪
1211
00:53:18,152 --> 00:53:19,787
Nice spread!
1212
00:53:19,820 --> 00:53:20,653
'Gram worthy.
1213
00:53:20,688 --> 00:53:22,890
I know, I don't skimp
on the sush.
1214
00:53:22,922 --> 00:53:24,858
I wonder how long it's been
since this was made.
1215
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:28,395
Beer. You guys want some beer?
1216
00:53:28,429 --> 00:53:30,764
- Sure!
- Yeah, I'll take two.
1217
00:53:30,797 --> 00:53:31,797
Maybe!
1218
00:53:34,735 --> 00:53:36,570
So, I'm so glad
that we got to hang out!
1219
00:53:36,603 --> 00:53:37,971
Kai's told me so much about you.
1220
00:53:38,005 --> 00:53:39,407
Yeah, I mean,
he's my best friend,
1221
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:40,240
so that makes a lot of sense.
1222
00:53:40,273 --> 00:53:41,742
Listen, you know
so much about me,
1223
00:53:41,775 --> 00:53:43,478
but I don't really know
anything about you,
1224
00:53:43,510 --> 00:53:44,878
which seems unfair.
1225
00:53:44,911 --> 00:53:46,012
Where are you from?
1226
00:53:46,045 --> 00:53:47,547
Boston, where are you from?
1227
00:53:47,581 --> 00:53:49,150
What do your parents do?
1228
00:53:49,182 --> 00:53:51,119
Oh, uh, my mom's
an occupational therapist
1229
00:53:51,152 --> 00:53:52,854
and my dad works
for a mineral company.
1230
00:53:52,887 --> 00:53:55,856
- Are they still together?
- My parents?
1231
00:53:55,889 --> 00:53:57,023
No, actually, they split up.
1232
00:53:57,056 --> 00:53:58,825
- How old were you?
- Eleven.
1233
00:53:58,858 --> 00:54:01,061
Ah, so you come
from a broken family.
1234
00:54:01,094 --> 00:54:03,764
Um, I mean,
I wouldn't say "broken."
1235
00:54:03,797 --> 00:54:05,966
It was fine. Two christmases.
1236
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:07,644
So you're a Christian,
and you're in denial.
1237
00:54:07,668 --> 00:54:08,501
Got it, okay.
1238
00:54:08,536 --> 00:54:10,104
So would you say
that your upbringing
1239
00:54:10,137 --> 00:54:11,472
has had some sort of impact
1240
00:54:11,505 --> 00:54:13,641
on your current thoughts
on commitment?
1241
00:54:13,673 --> 00:54:15,113
- What?
- Do you like to get serious?
1242
00:54:15,141 --> 00:54:17,844
Or do you just
keep things "casual"?
1243
00:54:17,878 --> 00:54:20,047
I'm sorry,
what's happening here.
1244
00:54:20,079 --> 00:54:23,784
Cervezas! One for you,
and one for you.
1245
00:54:23,818 --> 00:54:25,620
- Thank you!
- Check it out, Mexican beer,
1246
00:54:25,652 --> 00:54:27,120
Japanese Sushi, what can I say?
1247
00:54:27,153 --> 00:54:28,623
I'm giving you guys
a world tour.
1248
00:54:30,224 --> 00:54:32,860
- You're cute.
- Isn't he the best? Yeah.
1249
00:54:32,893 --> 00:54:35,496
So, uh, how many dates
have you guys been on?
1250
00:54:35,528 --> 00:54:38,032
Uh, technically,
this is our third.
1251
00:54:38,065 --> 00:54:39,634
- Technically?
- Well, one night,
1252
00:54:39,666 --> 00:54:40,711
we just watched tiger king,
1253
00:54:40,735 --> 00:54:43,204
so I don't know
if that counts as a real date.
1254
00:54:43,237 --> 00:54:45,139
Yeah, I mean,
it sounds pretty...
1255
00:54:45,172 --> 00:54:47,007
Casual.
1256
00:54:47,041 --> 00:54:49,677
- I thought it was romantic.
- Then we'll count it.
1257
00:54:49,710 --> 00:54:51,913
- Count it!
- Count it!
1258
00:54:51,945 --> 00:54:53,780
- Kill me.
- I've said it once,
1259
00:54:53,813 --> 00:54:54,882
and I'll say it again.
1260
00:54:54,914 --> 00:54:55,715
There are two things
1261
00:54:55,748 --> 00:54:57,717
that will never work
in a marriage.
1262
00:54:57,751 --> 00:54:59,687
One, the woman
wearing the pants,
1263
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,988
two, the woman being
a motherly figure.
1264
00:55:02,021 --> 00:55:03,958
Oh, honey.
1265
00:55:03,990 --> 00:55:05,460
I just think,
at the end of the day,
1266
00:55:05,492 --> 00:55:07,894
it's like love and marriage,
it's just...
1267
00:55:07,927 --> 00:55:09,896
I know you know this now,
'cause I've told you,
1268
00:55:09,929 --> 00:55:11,765
- it's like...
- Shut up!
1269
00:55:11,798 --> 00:55:13,134
Shut the fuck up!
1270
00:55:13,166 --> 00:55:16,103
Seriously,
shut your fucking mouth.
1271
00:55:16,135 --> 00:55:18,773
Holy hell,
do you ever stop talking?
1272
00:55:18,806 --> 00:55:21,242
All you do is talk
and talk and talk,
1273
00:55:21,275 --> 00:55:23,486
and I'm starting to feel like
I live in a fucking hell prison
1274
00:55:23,510 --> 00:55:25,045
of your fucking voice!
1275
00:55:25,079 --> 00:55:26,781
Fuck!
1276
00:55:40,193 --> 00:55:46,701
I have never in my life...
1277
00:55:48,135 --> 00:55:51,873
Been more attracted to you.
1278
00:55:54,675 --> 00:55:58,012
We're going home
and straight to the bedroom.
1279
00:55:58,045 --> 00:55:59,880
Pick up all this shit.
1280
00:56:02,949 --> 00:56:04,085
- So rude.
- Oh, my god!
1281
00:56:04,117 --> 00:56:07,054
- Is that...
- Maya!
1282
00:56:07,086 --> 00:56:08,755
Oh, my god, wow.
1283
00:56:08,789 --> 00:56:10,300
- Do we have to say hi?
- Well, now we fucking do!
1284
00:56:10,324 --> 00:56:13,628
- Hi!
- Hannah! T.Y.!
1285
00:56:13,661 --> 00:56:14,929
You guys look...
1286
00:56:17,597 --> 00:56:18,365
Great!
1287
00:56:18,398 --> 00:56:21,268
Holy shit, how long has it been?
1288
00:56:21,302 --> 00:56:22,811
I mean, I don't think
we've seen each other
1289
00:56:22,835 --> 00:56:24,971
since Amy and Peter's wedding.
1290
00:56:25,005 --> 00:56:26,840
- Oh.
- So you heard.
1291
00:56:26,873 --> 00:56:29,543
Of course.
I was shocked to my core.
1292
00:56:29,577 --> 00:56:32,280
- It was very upsetting.
- A tragedy.
1293
00:56:36,784 --> 00:56:39,820
- So I should be going.
- Yes. Yes, go!
1294
00:56:39,853 --> 00:56:41,856
- We're gonna...
- Babe, come on.
1295
00:56:41,889 --> 00:56:43,024
Okay, kiss kiss!
1296
00:56:43,056 --> 00:56:45,157
See ya! Bye, Maya!
1297
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:48,929
If I never see her again,
it'll only be too soon.
1298
00:56:48,963 --> 00:56:50,698
I know, she stresses me out!
1299
00:56:50,731 --> 00:56:52,733
Me too, let's breathe.
1300
00:56:55,936 --> 00:56:57,238
Stay calm, stay calm!
1301
00:56:57,271 --> 00:56:59,807
Think peaceful thoughts,
think Elle fanning.
1302
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:02,076
What? Why would you make me
think of Elle fanning?
1303
00:57:02,108 --> 00:57:03,619
That only makes me think
of Dakota fanning
1304
00:57:03,643 --> 00:57:05,220
who used to be more famous
than her sister,
1305
00:57:05,244 --> 00:57:07,114
- and now she's not!
- Okay, okay.
1306
00:57:07,146 --> 00:57:10,083
Think pizza, pasta,
sweet treats!
1307
00:57:10,117 --> 00:57:13,220
Cellulite, fat, fuck,
I need to lose 50 pounds.
1308
00:57:13,253 --> 00:57:15,789
- Help!
- Someone save me!
1309
00:57:15,822 --> 00:57:17,891
- I mean, us!
- We need to take shelter!
1310
00:57:17,925 --> 00:57:19,093
Quick, give me a boost!
1311
00:57:19,126 --> 00:57:20,236
Oh, so you can leave me
down here
1312
00:57:20,260 --> 00:57:21,996
to be eaten by wild dogs?
1313
00:57:22,028 --> 00:57:23,931
You'll be fine,
your blood is toxic!
1314
00:57:23,963 --> 00:57:25,231
Dogs can sense that!
1315
00:57:27,134 --> 00:57:29,170
Oh, bad vibes, we have to run!
1316
00:57:29,202 --> 00:57:30,271
- I have the runs?
- What?
1317
00:57:30,304 --> 00:57:31,639
No, we have to run!
1318
00:57:31,672 --> 00:57:33,740
- Come on!
- Oh, my god!
1319
00:57:38,646 --> 00:57:39,914
This is it.
1320
00:57:39,947 --> 00:57:42,215
We're in 127 hours.
1321
00:57:42,248 --> 00:57:44,851
Except for it's not gonna
take that long for me to die.
1322
00:57:44,885 --> 00:57:46,153
I'm not a survivor.
1323
00:57:46,186 --> 00:57:49,222
- And I know that.
- I am starving to death!
1324
00:57:49,255 --> 00:57:52,359
I can literally feel my body
eating itself alive.
1325
00:57:52,393 --> 00:57:53,994
I'm so thirsty!
1326
00:57:54,027 --> 00:57:55,629
I need water.
1327
00:57:55,663 --> 00:57:57,365
Or diet coke
or a vodka red bull.
1328
00:57:57,398 --> 00:57:59,408
I always knew I'd die
on the set of lord of the rings
1329
00:57:59,432 --> 00:58:03,971
- with orcs all around me.
- I'm not an orc!
1330
00:58:05,672 --> 00:58:07,674
I always thought I'd die young,
1331
00:58:07,708 --> 00:58:09,644
and I'm not even that young.
1332
00:58:09,677 --> 00:58:11,846
I can't even get
my own tragic death right!
1333
00:58:11,878 --> 00:58:14,214
We should find a pretty place
to lay our bones down
1334
00:58:14,248 --> 00:58:16,349
for the final rest.
1335
00:58:16,382 --> 00:58:18,251
We need shade.
1336
00:58:18,284 --> 00:58:21,355
Here, take this rock
and protect us
1337
00:58:21,387 --> 00:58:24,025
from the indigenous people
of this land.
1338
00:58:24,057 --> 00:58:25,358
Ooh, I don't actually think
1339
00:58:25,391 --> 00:58:26,993
there are indigenous people
here anymore.
1340
00:58:27,027 --> 00:58:28,896
And whose fault is that,
Anderson?
1341
00:58:28,929 --> 00:58:31,731
I'm so weak.
1342
00:58:31,764 --> 00:58:33,933
I can feel the life
draining from my eyes.
1343
00:58:33,967 --> 00:58:36,436
Here, sketch a message
into the mud
1344
00:58:36,469 --> 00:58:38,972
so that future generations
will know we were here.
1345
00:58:44,010 --> 00:58:45,846
Hey, guys?
1346
00:58:45,878 --> 00:58:47,815
We really wanna
keep it down here.
1347
00:58:47,847 --> 00:58:50,250
We're trying to share the forest
with everyone, okay?
1348
00:58:50,284 --> 00:58:52,019
- We're saved!
- A gnome.
1349
00:58:52,052 --> 00:58:54,989
No, this is my ginger
rehab counselor.
1350
00:58:55,021 --> 00:58:56,356
I think the mushrooms just hit.
1351
00:58:56,389 --> 00:58:58,224
I'm j.P., we've met,
and you guys
1352
00:58:58,257 --> 00:59:00,093
have literally been
five feet from the trail
1353
00:59:00,126 --> 00:59:02,462
this entire time.
1354
00:59:02,496 --> 00:59:05,398
- Well, the trail...
- I mean, that's the arrow...
1355
00:59:05,431 --> 00:59:07,867
Trail signs
might as well be written
1356
00:59:07,900 --> 00:59:10,236
in Egyptian hierologlyphics.
1357
00:59:10,269 --> 00:59:11,304
Right.
1358
00:59:11,338 --> 00:59:13,441
Anderson, we're gonna have
to ask your sister
1359
00:59:13,474 --> 00:59:14,975
to leave the retreat.
1360
00:59:15,007 --> 00:59:16,843
You know that she's not
supposed to be here,
1361
00:59:16,876 --> 00:59:19,079
especially after
what happened last time.
1362
00:59:19,112 --> 00:59:21,014
- Oh, come on.
- How was I supposed to know
1363
00:59:21,047 --> 00:59:23,950
you're not allowed to bring
ecstasy to a rehab picnic?
1364
00:59:23,983 --> 00:59:25,418
- The kids loved it!
- Calico.
1365
00:59:25,452 --> 00:59:27,221
March.
1366
00:59:27,253 --> 00:59:28,253
I'm serious.
1367
00:59:42,936 --> 00:59:44,138
Ha-ha!
1368
01:00:50,003 --> 01:00:51,072
Ah!
1369
01:01:01,914 --> 01:01:04,117
Oh, my god. Sam!
1370
01:01:06,186 --> 01:01:07,988
Fuck you, dog!
1371
01:01:12,525 --> 01:01:14,494
Ow, ow.
1372
01:01:14,527 --> 01:01:16,129
Get up, get up.
1373
01:01:17,530 --> 01:01:18,565
Sit.
1374
01:01:20,199 --> 01:01:21,335
Stop whining.
1375
01:01:23,302 --> 01:01:25,405
Just hold it still.
1376
01:01:25,438 --> 01:01:26,940
Ow, okay.
1377
01:01:26,974 --> 01:01:27,875
Okay.
1378
01:01:27,907 --> 01:01:29,175
Ow, ow!
1379
01:01:29,208 --> 01:01:31,978
Ow!
1380
01:01:32,012 --> 01:01:33,847
Gah.
1381
01:01:37,016 --> 01:01:38,952
- Is that just house tape?
- Yup.
1382
01:01:38,985 --> 01:01:40,954
Ow. Ah!
1383
01:01:44,391 --> 01:01:46,594
- I...
- Your thumb is mangled.
1384
01:01:46,626 --> 01:01:48,628
- It hurts.
- Good.
1385
01:01:48,661 --> 01:01:50,230
Because it means
your nerves are intact
1386
01:01:50,264 --> 01:01:52,032
and because you also deserve it.
1387
01:01:52,065 --> 01:01:55,369
What? I deserve it?
1388
01:01:55,402 --> 01:01:57,471
What are you even doing
out here all day?
1389
01:01:57,503 --> 01:01:59,406
- Huh?
- Deserve what?
1390
01:02:01,574 --> 01:02:03,376
We had plans, Sam!
1391
01:02:06,579 --> 01:02:09,016
- Fuck.
- Yeah.
1392
01:02:11,585 --> 01:02:14,454
You're right.
1393
01:02:14,487 --> 01:02:17,625
Babe, you really
should have said something.
1394
01:02:17,657 --> 01:02:20,594
- Oh, should I have?
- Yeah.
1395
01:02:20,626 --> 01:02:22,295
- I think...
- Yeah?
1396
01:02:22,329 --> 01:02:24,231
Oh! Ow!
1397
01:02:24,264 --> 01:02:25,466
Jesus!
1398
01:02:27,567 --> 01:02:32,005
I am... I am always the one.
1399
01:02:35,041 --> 01:02:38,011
I am always picking you up.
1400
01:02:38,045 --> 01:02:39,547
Always!
1401
01:02:43,282 --> 01:02:44,951
Why?
1402
01:02:51,425 --> 01:02:53,527
You slapped me really hard.
1403
01:02:53,559 --> 01:02:55,663
You don't think I know
what this is about?
1404
01:02:55,695 --> 01:02:59,365
Who this is about?
1405
01:02:59,398 --> 01:03:00,398
Yeah.
1406
01:03:01,434 --> 01:03:02,536
- What?
- Yeah.
1407
01:03:02,568 --> 01:03:04,438
No!
1408
01:03:04,471 --> 01:03:06,106
You're...
1409
01:03:06,139 --> 01:03:08,442
I wanted to do something.
1410
01:03:08,474 --> 01:03:10,443
To make something.
1411
01:03:10,476 --> 01:03:11,476
With these!
1412
01:03:13,612 --> 01:03:15,648
So poetic.
1413
01:03:17,117 --> 01:03:18,986
God!
1414
01:03:19,018 --> 01:03:20,453
- You...
- Ow!
1415
01:03:20,487 --> 01:03:24,592
You sheet of fucking glass!
1416
01:03:26,360 --> 01:03:28,362
What?
1417
01:03:28,394 --> 01:03:30,197
Theo, where are you going?
1418
01:03:30,230 --> 01:03:32,432
I have plans, Sam.
1419
01:03:32,465 --> 01:03:34,201
Lots of them.
1420
01:03:45,778 --> 01:03:47,547
Shhh.
1421
01:03:51,217 --> 01:03:52,217
Hello?
1422
01:03:54,487 --> 01:03:56,523
- Raymond?
- Building something?
1423
01:03:58,291 --> 01:04:01,095
Yeah, a deck.
1424
01:04:01,128 --> 01:04:02,063
How long you been there?
1425
01:04:02,096 --> 01:04:04,398
- Wife troubles?
- No, she's my fiancée.
1426
01:04:04,431 --> 01:04:07,300
- What did you say?
- Fiancée.
1427
01:04:07,333 --> 01:04:10,103
No, no, what did you do?
1428
01:04:10,137 --> 01:04:12,306
Oh.
1429
01:04:12,338 --> 01:04:14,240
It's complicated.
1430
01:04:14,273 --> 01:04:15,742
We'll be all right.
1431
01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:24,485
You know, it's just this girl
I used to date.
1432
01:04:24,518 --> 01:04:26,229
She's married,
but she's getting a divorce now,
1433
01:04:26,253 --> 01:04:27,388
it's stupid.
1434
01:04:31,157 --> 01:04:34,293
- What's so funny?
- Oh.
1435
01:04:34,327 --> 01:04:35,730
You still love this girl?
1436
01:04:38,297 --> 01:04:39,632
I don't think it's about that.
1437
01:04:39,666 --> 01:04:41,568
- Casual dalliance then?
- What?
1438
01:04:41,601 --> 01:04:43,503
- Left-handed honeymoon?
- What?
1439
01:04:43,536 --> 01:04:45,739
Do you want to sleep with her?
1440
01:04:45,771 --> 01:04:48,174
No! No.
1441
01:04:48,208 --> 01:04:50,811
Ray, I have a fiancée.
1442
01:04:50,844 --> 01:04:52,679
Yeah, you said that already.
1443
01:04:52,711 --> 01:04:56,182
Yeah. I did.
1444
01:04:56,215 --> 01:04:58,719
Yeah, by the sound of it,
you still do.
1445
01:04:58,751 --> 01:05:00,420
Take it from me, kid.
1446
01:05:00,454 --> 01:05:02,423
You get the beginning,
you get the end,
1447
01:05:02,456 --> 01:05:05,224
and usually, the only thing
separating the two
1448
01:05:05,257 --> 01:05:06,359
is a lot of wasted time.
1449
01:05:06,393 --> 01:05:08,561
Hey, ray?
1450
01:05:08,594 --> 01:05:09,829
Are you good with this stuff?
1451
01:05:09,862 --> 01:05:12,432
- Women?
- No, lumber.
1452
01:05:12,465 --> 01:05:13,733
I know a thing or two.
1453
01:05:15,469 --> 01:05:17,304
- Can you teach me?
- Oh, sure!
1454
01:05:17,336 --> 01:05:19,273
You just hit the nail
on the head.
1455
01:05:19,306 --> 01:05:20,574
No.
1456
01:05:22,842 --> 01:05:25,545
I mean, would you come over here
and help me build it?
1457
01:05:25,579 --> 01:05:27,581
Ah!
1458
01:05:27,614 --> 01:05:29,416
No.
1459
01:05:29,449 --> 01:05:31,751
- No?
- No, don't got the time.
1460
01:05:31,784 --> 01:05:34,353
- Tomorrow then!
- Nope, can't!
1461
01:05:34,387 --> 01:05:38,158
- Why?
- Well, you're an asshole
1462
01:05:38,190 --> 01:05:40,093
to my dog.
1463
01:05:41,862 --> 01:05:44,697
Well, why didn't you
say anything then?
1464
01:05:44,731 --> 01:05:48,569
Son, I was in the war.
1465
01:05:50,202 --> 01:05:51,338
Oh.
1466
01:05:54,173 --> 01:05:55,342
Thank you.
1467
01:06:25,304 --> 01:06:27,140
Wow, four dates!
1468
01:06:27,173 --> 01:06:29,275
You guys are getting
pretty serious.
1469
01:06:29,309 --> 01:06:32,179
You guys gonna meet
each other's parents soon?
1470
01:06:32,211 --> 01:06:33,211
Um...
1471
01:06:34,581 --> 01:06:37,651
I don't know what it is
about eating outside.
1472
01:06:37,684 --> 01:06:39,494
I mean, it just... the food
just tastes better.
1473
01:06:39,518 --> 01:06:42,355
- Alcohol tastes better, too!
- So true.
1474
01:06:42,389 --> 01:06:44,791
- Fuck, I forgot the limes!
- No, that's okay!
1475
01:06:44,824 --> 01:06:46,468
No, I have a whole bag,
and they're really old,
1476
01:06:46,492 --> 01:06:47,393
and if we don't use them,
they're gonna go bad.
1477
01:06:47,427 --> 01:06:50,263
- I can get them.
- No, I'll be right back.
1478
01:06:50,297 --> 01:06:51,831
So what are your intentions
with Kai?
1479
01:06:51,864 --> 01:06:54,634
- What?
- Kai is fragile, okay?
1480
01:06:54,668 --> 01:06:56,803
And if you're not in it
for the long haul,
1481
01:06:56,835 --> 01:06:59,639
I'm talking holding hands
and dying in bed together...
1482
01:06:59,672 --> 01:07:01,207
- Like the notebook?
- Please do not
1483
01:07:01,240 --> 01:07:02,442
bring that film up right now.
1484
01:07:02,474 --> 01:07:03,643
I cannot handle that, okay?
1485
01:07:03,675 --> 01:07:06,846
Anyways, if you're here
to just have fun or something,
1486
01:07:06,880 --> 01:07:08,182
then you might as well leave now
1487
01:07:08,215 --> 01:07:09,358
and spare us
all the heartbreak, okay?
1488
01:07:09,382 --> 01:07:12,785
- Dude, what is your deal?
- Are you seeing other guys?
1489
01:07:12,818 --> 01:07:13,686
- Are you clean?
- Excuse me?
1490
01:07:13,719 --> 01:07:15,655
- Sexually.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
1491
01:07:15,688 --> 01:07:17,332
When's the last time
you had unprotected sex?
1492
01:07:17,356 --> 01:07:19,393
- Oh, my god.
- Hey, bad news.
1493
01:07:19,425 --> 01:07:21,194
Motherfucking knew it,
limes are old.
1494
01:07:21,228 --> 01:07:22,738
Good news, neighbor said
we could borrow some of theirs.
1495
01:07:22,762 --> 01:07:23,905
- I'll be right back.
- Please don't go!
1496
01:07:23,929 --> 01:07:24,797
- Be right back!
- I just don't think
1497
01:07:24,831 --> 01:07:26,466
- you're right for each other.
- Dude!
1498
01:07:26,498 --> 01:07:27,577
I mean, do you even want kids?
1499
01:07:27,601 --> 01:07:28,869
I don't know, maybe one day!
1500
01:07:28,902 --> 01:07:30,670
"Maybe one day!" Unbelievable.
1501
01:07:30,704 --> 01:07:32,573
- I'm 21!
- Yeah, my mom had me
1502
01:07:32,606 --> 01:07:34,775
- when she was 23.
- Well, times have changed!
1503
01:07:34,807 --> 01:07:38,612
Times have changed, because now
commitment doesn't matter!
1504
01:07:38,644 --> 01:07:39,822
Marriage doesn't mean anything!
1505
01:07:39,846 --> 01:07:41,481
This is all just
a bunch of bullshit!
1506
01:07:41,514 --> 01:07:42,782
And whatever you're here to do,
1507
01:07:42,815 --> 01:07:43,927
okay, it's just
not gonna work out,
1508
01:07:43,951 --> 01:07:45,827
so you might as well leave
before somebody gets hurt!
1509
01:07:45,851 --> 01:07:49,489
Fine!
1510
01:07:49,521 --> 01:07:51,557
You know, I don't know
what I did or said
1511
01:07:51,590 --> 01:07:52,826
to make you hate me,
1512
01:07:52,858 --> 01:07:54,927
but this conversation
is fucked up.
1513
01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:56,262
You guys can have each other.
1514
01:07:56,295 --> 01:07:58,898
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I can't handle your roommate!
1515
01:07:58,931 --> 01:08:01,434
I am so sorry,
but he's just been having
1516
01:08:01,467 --> 01:08:02,536
a really shitty day.
1517
01:08:02,568 --> 01:08:05,371
He found out that his sister
is getting a divorce.
1518
01:08:05,405 --> 01:08:07,708
- Really?
- Yeah, I just found out.
1519
01:08:09,541 --> 01:08:10,943
I'm sorry.
1520
01:08:10,976 --> 01:08:12,245
No, I'm sorry.
1521
01:08:12,278 --> 01:08:14,447
I've acted like such a dick.
1522
01:08:14,481 --> 01:08:16,291
It's just this whole thing
is fucking with me, you know?
1523
01:08:16,315 --> 01:08:19,418
Like I always thought
that love was real.
1524
01:08:19,452 --> 01:08:20,686
Love is real.
1525
01:08:20,720 --> 01:08:23,724
I mean, sometimes it's scary
and it doesn't work out,
1526
01:08:23,756 --> 01:08:26,893
but it's definitely real.
1527
01:08:26,926 --> 01:08:29,730
Yeah, man, just hang in there.
1528
01:08:29,762 --> 01:08:31,899
Things will sort themselves out.
1529
01:08:35,068 --> 01:08:36,612
Do you guys think
we should have a threesome?
1530
01:08:36,636 --> 01:08:39,940
♪ I can't get you off my mind ♪
1531
01:08:41,307 --> 01:08:43,710
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph,
I did it!
1532
01:08:43,743 --> 01:08:45,812
- I did it.
- Did sex?
1533
01:08:45,845 --> 01:08:47,780
Yes, with bill.
1534
01:08:47,814 --> 01:08:49,783
A ton. He loves it.
1535
01:08:49,815 --> 01:08:51,717
He's even got a name
for my front tushy.
1536
01:08:51,751 --> 01:08:53,453
Calls it the "open road."
1537
01:08:53,485 --> 01:08:55,889
Okay, that's sweet, yeah.
1538
01:08:55,921 --> 01:09:00,660
And girl, did he drive
down the open road!
1539
01:09:00,694 --> 01:09:01,962
Woo!
1540
01:09:01,994 --> 01:09:03,963
Did you know that sex
on a trampoline
1541
01:09:03,997 --> 01:09:05,499
is a weightless gift?
1542
01:09:05,532 --> 01:09:08,034
I did not know that,
but good to know, thank you!
1543
01:09:08,068 --> 01:09:09,636
Got a little tramp burn
on my belly,
1544
01:09:09,668 --> 01:09:12,038
but it was worth it.
1545
01:09:12,072 --> 01:09:14,041
Girl, I'm getting to tour
my house and home
1546
01:09:14,073 --> 01:09:16,076
like I've never seen it before!
1547
01:09:16,109 --> 01:09:18,312
And bill says he's awake
for the first time
1548
01:09:18,345 --> 01:09:20,047
since w. Got elected!
1549
01:09:20,079 --> 01:09:23,817
Okay, well, listen, Mary grace,
I am so happy for you,
1550
01:09:23,850 --> 01:09:25,085
and I guess for bill, too.
1551
01:09:25,118 --> 01:09:27,421
I cannot thank you enough.
1552
01:09:27,453 --> 01:09:29,855
I am sending you
an edible arrangement today.
1553
01:09:29,889 --> 01:09:31,992
No, no, no, no, don't do that,
that's not necessary.
1554
01:09:32,024 --> 01:09:33,393
It's already done!
1555
01:09:33,426 --> 01:09:34,995
I got your address
from your mother.
1556
01:09:35,028 --> 01:09:38,432
And don't you worry, I told her
you were well-acquainted
1557
01:09:38,465 --> 01:09:40,734
with the men in town,
and rest assured...
1558
01:09:40,766 --> 01:09:42,769
Wait, wait, wait,
you told my mom what?
1559
01:09:42,801 --> 01:09:44,070
- What, bill?
- Mary grace,
1560
01:09:44,104 --> 01:09:45,838
- what did you tell her?
- Oh, it's ready?
1561
01:09:45,872 --> 01:09:47,116
- Mary grace!
- Okay, I gotta go.
1562
01:09:47,140 --> 01:09:49,343
I'ma show bill
how to use the jacuzzi jets.
1563
01:09:49,376 --> 01:09:51,478
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
did you say "32 dicks"?
1564
01:09:51,511 --> 01:09:52,979
- Mary grace?
- Bye, Lauren.
1565
01:09:53,011 --> 01:09:55,081
Jesus and bill and I
love you so much.
1566
01:09:55,114 --> 01:09:56,449
What does my mom know?
1567
01:09:56,483 --> 01:09:57,851
What does she know?
1568
01:09:58,885 --> 01:10:01,988
Jaime, come on, man.
1569
01:10:02,020 --> 01:10:03,690
You're better than this.
1570
01:10:05,158 --> 01:10:06,593
No, I'm not.
1571
01:10:32,886 --> 01:10:34,154
Hi, Jaime.
1572
01:10:34,186 --> 01:10:36,957
It's been a while.
1573
01:10:36,989 --> 01:10:38,524
Hey.
1574
01:10:38,557 --> 01:10:39,926
I miss you.
1575
01:10:39,958 --> 01:10:42,762
Well, it's a little
too late for that.
1576
01:10:42,796 --> 01:10:44,865
I made a huge mistake.
1577
01:10:44,898 --> 01:10:47,400
I should have given you
a second chance.
1578
01:10:47,434 --> 01:10:50,103
Well, too bad,
because I've moved on, okay?
1579
01:10:50,136 --> 01:10:52,672
No, you haven't.
1580
01:10:52,704 --> 01:10:55,475
You still listen to Adele
and Sam Smith every night
1581
01:10:55,507 --> 01:10:57,778
until your eyes burn
with salty tears.
1582
01:10:57,810 --> 01:10:59,011
Shut up, that's not true.
1583
01:10:59,046 --> 01:11:02,115
See? You are always pretending
to be someone you're not,
1584
01:11:02,148 --> 01:11:03,617
because you are still afraid
1585
01:11:03,649 --> 01:11:05,050
that I wouldn't love
the real you.
1586
01:11:05,083 --> 01:11:06,752
Oh, please.
1587
01:11:06,786 --> 01:11:08,020
You kept getting distant
1588
01:11:08,054 --> 01:11:09,789
until I didn't
recognize you anymore.
1589
01:11:09,823 --> 01:11:12,057
Well, surprise, surprise!
1590
01:11:12,091 --> 01:11:14,461
The sock has all the answers.
1591
01:11:14,493 --> 01:11:15,996
And what do you have, hm?
1592
01:11:16,029 --> 01:11:17,564
A drum set?
1593
01:11:17,596 --> 01:11:20,733
Big man on campus
with a drum set.
1594
01:11:20,766 --> 01:11:23,103
Oh, wait, you're not on campus
1595
01:11:23,136 --> 01:11:25,605
because you didn't go
back to school!
1596
01:11:25,637 --> 01:11:26,773
You know what, that's it.
1597
01:11:26,805 --> 01:11:28,140
I'm so done.
1598
01:11:28,173 --> 01:11:30,411
So done.
1599
01:11:32,110 --> 01:11:34,948
I am so done with you.
1600
01:11:34,980 --> 01:11:36,015
So...
1601
01:11:40,086 --> 01:11:42,588
Wait, let's be friends!
1602
01:11:42,622 --> 01:11:43,923
With benefits!
1603
01:11:43,957 --> 01:11:46,092
And then we'll fall in love
slowly again!
1604
01:11:46,125 --> 01:11:48,228
Oh, baby. I'm sorry.
1605
01:11:48,261 --> 01:11:51,064
I can't let you go!
1606
01:11:51,096 --> 01:11:53,000
I still love you.
1607
01:11:55,134 --> 01:11:55,801
Shit.
1608
01:11:55,835 --> 01:11:57,837
Bill, we've got 30 minutes
1609
01:11:57,871 --> 01:11:59,573
before the kids get home,
all right?
1610
01:11:59,605 --> 01:12:03,042
So let's pave this open road
with jacuzzi's finest.
1611
01:12:03,076 --> 01:12:05,145
- Woo!
- Fuck.
1612
01:12:05,177 --> 01:12:07,747
Fuck!
1613
01:12:09,849 --> 01:12:11,918
What the fuck?
1614
01:12:13,987 --> 01:12:16,088
Hey, hey, hey, you okay?
1615
01:12:16,122 --> 01:12:17,891
Oh, hey, neighbor.
1616
01:12:17,923 --> 01:12:19,592
I'm fine, I'm fine.
1617
01:12:19,626 --> 01:12:20,827
I was just, um...
1618
01:12:20,859 --> 01:12:22,161
Reclaiming your space?
1619
01:12:22,194 --> 01:12:24,764
- Can you...
- Hear all the inspirational shit
1620
01:12:24,796 --> 01:12:25,698
that you're shouting all day?
1621
01:12:25,731 --> 01:12:26,699
I can, yeah.
1622
01:12:26,733 --> 01:12:28,076
You know, thin walls,
but don't worry, though.
1623
01:12:28,100 --> 01:12:29,678
I'm sure you hear
all kinds of crazy shit
1624
01:12:29,702 --> 01:12:30,637
from my place, too.
1625
01:12:30,670 --> 01:12:33,172
No. No, not at all.
1626
01:12:33,206 --> 01:12:38,110
I mean, except that you've had
32 dicks in your body.
1627
01:12:38,144 --> 01:12:39,913
- That was the TV.
- Oh.
1628
01:12:39,945 --> 01:12:42,849
Yeah. Okay, well,
I was just making sure
1629
01:12:42,881 --> 01:12:44,083
that no one was dead out here,
1630
01:12:44,117 --> 01:12:46,753
like exploded into pieces,
so check.
1631
01:12:46,786 --> 01:12:48,922
I'm gonna go back inside.
1632
01:12:48,954 --> 01:12:50,724
Wait.
1633
01:12:50,756 --> 01:12:54,293
Um, if you're not
doing anything,
1634
01:12:54,327 --> 01:12:58,632
do you wanna come over
and have a drink?
1635
01:12:58,664 --> 01:13:02,068
Oh. Oh, uh...
1636
01:13:02,100 --> 01:13:04,304
Yeah, I think probably not,
but thank you.
1637
01:13:04,337 --> 01:13:06,172
And, you know, don't sweat it,
1638
01:13:06,204 --> 01:13:08,841
'cause I know that
you're going through a lot,
1639
01:13:08,875 --> 01:13:12,612
but sooner or later,
you'll hook up with someone hot!
1640
01:13:12,645 --> 01:13:14,748
Trademark.
1641
01:13:14,780 --> 01:13:18,018
- That was the TV.
- Right.
1642
01:13:18,051 --> 01:13:20,620
You know what?
Ah, fuck it, let's do it.
1643
01:13:20,653 --> 01:13:22,789
- Really?
- Yeah, just...
1644
01:13:22,822 --> 01:13:24,332
Just know that
if this ends up in your vlog,
1645
01:13:24,356 --> 01:13:25,725
I will key your car.
1646
01:13:25,757 --> 01:13:28,561
- That's fair.
- All right, come on.
1647
01:13:28,595 --> 01:13:31,331
- Lucky number 33!
- Oh, fuck off!
1648
01:13:31,363 --> 01:13:33,165
Hey, um, sorry
I got you in trouble
1649
01:13:33,198 --> 01:13:36,168
- with that ginger.
- It's okay, he's whatever.
1650
01:13:36,202 --> 01:13:38,070
It's kinda nice
having someone care enough
1651
01:13:38,104 --> 01:13:40,049
to recognize a bad influence,
you know what I mean?
1652
01:13:40,073 --> 01:13:42,042
Totally.
1653
01:13:42,074 --> 01:13:44,243
So, are you gonna stick
with this whole sober thing?
1654
01:13:44,277 --> 01:13:46,078
I think I am.
1655
01:13:46,112 --> 01:13:47,614
After hearing
about Amy and Peter,
1656
01:13:47,646 --> 01:13:48,948
it's made me think,
1657
01:13:48,981 --> 01:13:50,224
if I don't quit
on this rehab thing,
1658
01:13:50,248 --> 01:13:52,786
I might have a chance
to restart, you know?
1659
01:13:52,819 --> 01:13:54,988
Yeah, I do know.
1660
01:13:55,020 --> 01:13:58,057
It's made me realize
that I can't quit on Gabriel.
1661
01:13:58,091 --> 01:13:59,226
You know?
1662
01:13:59,259 --> 01:14:02,162
I have to go back and try
to fuck my boyfriend in the ass.
1663
01:14:02,194 --> 01:14:04,363
Oh, so that's something
I think you should quit on.
1664
01:14:04,396 --> 01:14:05,798
Okay.
1665
01:14:05,832 --> 01:14:07,934
Just relax, you know?
1666
01:14:07,966 --> 01:14:10,903
Let all your bee stings soak.
1667
01:14:10,936 --> 01:14:14,106
Man, you got stung
so many times.
1668
01:14:14,140 --> 01:14:15,775
No one could've
seen that coming.
1669
01:14:15,807 --> 01:14:17,119
I saw it coming,
until they started
1670
01:14:17,143 --> 01:14:18,912
- going after my eyes.
- Sh-sh-sh.
1671
01:14:18,944 --> 01:14:20,346
No, no, no.
1672
01:14:20,380 --> 01:14:23,984
But how do you feel?
1673
01:14:24,016 --> 01:14:25,751
This is actually really nice.
1674
01:14:25,784 --> 01:14:27,252
I know.
1675
01:14:27,286 --> 01:14:29,088
It's a little bit tight,
1676
01:14:29,122 --> 01:14:32,392
so I'm just gonna
slip into here,
1677
01:14:32,425 --> 01:14:34,961
and you're gonna dip
and give me your bottom.
1678
01:14:34,993 --> 01:14:35,996
Okay.
1679
01:14:36,029 --> 01:14:37,664
Oh, this is good.
1680
01:14:37,697 --> 01:14:39,798
I feel really vulnerable
in this position.
1681
01:14:39,832 --> 01:14:42,102
I feel great,
I feel very powerful.
1682
01:14:42,135 --> 01:14:44,304
I feel like I could do
anything to you,
1683
01:14:44,337 --> 01:14:46,139
and I wouldn't get in trouble,
1684
01:14:46,171 --> 01:14:48,173
because I would have
better lawyers than you
1685
01:14:48,207 --> 01:14:50,110
and it would be
my word against yours.
1686
01:14:50,143 --> 01:14:52,378
That's a very specific fantasy.
1687
01:14:52,412 --> 01:14:54,079
Deep breath.
1688
01:14:54,113 --> 01:14:56,883
Now I'm going to insert
my little finger
1689
01:14:56,916 --> 01:14:58,318
into your little butthole.
1690
01:14:58,350 --> 01:14:59,251
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1691
01:14:59,284 --> 01:15:01,054
What's happening here?
1692
01:15:01,087 --> 01:15:03,089
This is going
from like zero to 60.
1693
01:15:03,122 --> 01:15:04,791
I thought you just wanted me
to tie you up
1694
01:15:04,823 --> 01:15:06,960
- or lightly choke you.
- What is this?
1695
01:15:06,993 --> 01:15:08,103
Amateur night at the Apollo?
1696
01:15:08,127 --> 01:15:11,430
Why are you so paranoid
about us losing the passion?
1697
01:15:11,463 --> 01:15:14,333
We have great sex, we're going
to keep having great sex,
1698
01:15:14,367 --> 01:15:18,738
because I love you, okay?
1699
01:15:18,770 --> 01:15:20,907
- Wait, really?
- Yeah.
1700
01:15:20,939 --> 01:15:22,741
I know it's really soon
for me to say that,
1701
01:15:22,774 --> 01:15:26,745
but I do.
1702
01:15:26,779 --> 01:15:30,450
I do, too.
1703
01:15:30,483 --> 01:15:33,720
I guess... I guess I was trying
1704
01:15:33,752 --> 01:15:35,097
to make you do
all that crazy stuff
1705
01:15:35,121 --> 01:15:37,724
because, you know,
my friends Amy and Peter
1706
01:15:37,756 --> 01:15:40,159
are getting divorced
and they're our age,
1707
01:15:40,193 --> 01:15:42,762
and I just feel like
if the passion can die for them,
1708
01:15:42,795 --> 01:15:44,698
then it can die for us.
1709
01:15:44,730 --> 01:15:47,701
I won't let that happen.
1710
01:15:47,734 --> 01:15:49,436
Pinky swear?
1711
01:15:49,469 --> 01:15:52,872
Not that.
1712
01:15:52,904 --> 01:15:54,306
Okay, just this once.
1713
01:15:54,340 --> 01:15:56,009
Right, just this once.
1714
01:15:56,042 --> 01:15:57,251
Because next time,
it will be this.
1715
01:15:57,275 --> 01:15:59,045
- Vanessa, no.
- Yes.
1716
01:15:59,078 --> 01:15:59,979
No, Vanessa, drop it.
1717
01:16:00,012 --> 01:16:02,181
- I'm...
- It's a deal breaker for me.
1718
01:16:02,215 --> 01:16:03,491
- Drop it.
- It's a deal breaker!
1719
01:16:03,515 --> 01:16:04,983
Just the pinky.
1720
01:16:05,016 --> 01:16:07,854
Put it to the side,
just the pinky.
1721
01:16:07,886 --> 01:16:09,021
Okay.
1722
01:16:16,362 --> 01:16:19,265
Your grandparents really knew
how to keep the love alive.
1723
01:16:19,297 --> 01:16:20,434
Yeah.
1724
01:16:22,769 --> 01:16:24,971
How long were they married for?
1725
01:16:25,003 --> 01:16:27,273
About 63 years.
1726
01:16:27,305 --> 01:16:29,742
- That was before my grandma...
- Died?
1727
01:16:31,176 --> 01:16:32,176
Right.
1728
01:16:34,046 --> 01:16:36,115
So can I have this?
1729
01:16:36,149 --> 01:16:37,751
You want a photo
of my dead grandparents?
1730
01:16:37,783 --> 01:16:38,751
Yeah!
1731
01:16:38,784 --> 01:16:42,322
I mean, they're dead,
and she always loved us.
1732
01:16:42,354 --> 01:16:47,526
So can I have this
or are you just... what?
1733
01:16:47,560 --> 01:16:50,463
Why don't we come back
to the photo?
1734
01:16:50,496 --> 01:16:51,463
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
1735
01:16:51,497 --> 01:16:53,033
- Okay.
- Great.
1736
01:16:59,337 --> 01:17:00,840
What about bubbles?
1737
01:17:00,872 --> 01:17:01,940
You want bubbles?
1738
01:17:01,974 --> 01:17:02,976
You always hated my fish!
1739
01:17:03,009 --> 01:17:04,877
No, that's not what I'm saying.
1740
01:17:04,911 --> 01:17:06,546
Well, then what are you saying?
1741
01:17:06,578 --> 01:17:10,549
I think we should
split her 50/50.
1742
01:17:10,582 --> 01:17:11,626
How the fuck
do you split a fish?
1743
01:17:11,650 --> 01:17:13,362
You get half, I get half,
it's the only way.
1744
01:17:13,386 --> 01:17:14,354
All right, I'm confused,
1745
01:17:14,386 --> 01:17:16,322
are you saying
that you want to kill my fish?
1746
01:17:16,354 --> 01:17:19,024
You said you wanted to be fair,
and this is fair!
1747
01:17:19,057 --> 01:17:22,528
So we've just gotta burn her up
and split the bitch's ashes.
1748
01:17:22,561 --> 01:17:23,896
What is wrong with you?
1749
01:17:23,930 --> 01:17:25,139
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1750
01:17:25,163 --> 01:17:29,168
You... you care more
about a fish dying
1751
01:17:29,202 --> 01:17:32,405
than our death,
our proverbial death.
1752
01:17:32,438 --> 01:17:34,173
- You should be sad.
- I am sad!
1753
01:17:34,207 --> 01:17:35,975
Oh, yeah, you have
a funny way of showing it.
1754
01:17:36,007 --> 01:17:38,978
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1755
01:17:44,884 --> 01:17:45,585
Amy.
1756
01:17:45,618 --> 01:17:46,386
What if I lit this book on fire,
1757
01:17:46,418 --> 01:17:48,220
- would that make you sad?
- Amy.
1758
01:17:48,253 --> 01:17:50,923
Would that make you
feel sad, Peter?
1759
01:17:50,957 --> 01:17:52,992
Amy, no.
1760
01:17:53,024 --> 01:17:54,560
No, you... you wouldn't do that.
1761
01:17:54,594 --> 01:17:56,004
You know how much
Michelle means to me.
1762
01:17:56,028 --> 01:17:57,163
You gonna cry, Peter?
1763
01:17:57,195 --> 01:17:58,864
You're looking
a little teary-eyed.
1764
01:17:58,898 --> 01:18:00,867
You are acting insane right now.
1765
01:18:00,899 --> 01:18:03,001
- I just want you to care.
- I do care!
1766
01:18:03,034 --> 01:18:03,970
Oh, yeah?
1767
01:18:04,002 --> 01:18:06,371
But clearly I can't
convince you of it,
1768
01:18:06,404 --> 01:18:08,207
so if you're gonna
burn that book,
1769
01:18:08,240 --> 01:18:09,309
burn the fucking book.
1770
01:18:09,341 --> 01:18:10,242
We're getting off track.
1771
01:18:10,277 --> 01:18:14,279
The point is
a 10-year relationship is ending
1772
01:18:14,313 --> 01:18:16,315
and you haven't shed
a single fucking tear.
1773
01:18:16,349 --> 01:18:17,558
Oh, so just because
you've cried,
1774
01:18:17,582 --> 01:18:18,416
you're better than me.
1775
01:18:18,451 --> 01:18:20,019
Yes, that is exactly
what that means.
1776
01:18:20,051 --> 01:18:22,020
I cry, okay? I can cry.
1777
01:18:22,054 --> 01:18:23,056
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1778
01:18:23,088 --> 01:18:24,390
This shit is hard for me, too.
1779
01:18:24,422 --> 01:18:25,524
Then cry.
1780
01:18:25,557 --> 01:18:27,260
Cry, you fucking pussy.
1781
01:18:27,292 --> 01:18:28,828
Fine!
1782
01:18:35,501 --> 01:18:37,637
Motherfucker.
1783
01:18:37,670 --> 01:18:39,239
What? I gotta, like, get there.
1784
01:18:39,271 --> 01:18:40,340
Yeah, get there.
1785
01:18:46,378 --> 01:18:49,248
Oh, god, what is wrong with me?
1786
01:18:51,449 --> 01:18:52,918
What are you doing?
1787
01:18:55,154 --> 01:18:56,122
- Stab me.
- What?
1788
01:18:56,154 --> 01:18:57,398
Take these scissors and stab me.
1789
01:18:57,422 --> 01:18:58,523
- Absolutely not.
- Come on,
1790
01:18:58,556 --> 01:19:00,659
I need like a...
Like a physical push.
1791
01:19:00,693 --> 01:19:02,170
I'm clearly not getting there
emotionally.
1792
01:19:02,194 --> 01:19:03,196
You know, just like a...
1793
01:19:03,229 --> 01:19:04,597
- And then I'm there!
- No!
1794
01:19:04,630 --> 01:19:06,498
What if I, like,
hit an artery or something?
1795
01:19:06,532 --> 01:19:07,675
What the fuck do you know
about arteries?
1796
01:19:07,699 --> 01:19:10,168
Nothing, and I don't want
to fuck around with them!
1797
01:19:10,202 --> 01:19:11,971
Okay, fine.
1798
01:19:12,003 --> 01:19:14,673
- Um, hit me.
- What?
1799
01:19:14,707 --> 01:19:16,142
Punch me in the face. Right?
1800
01:19:16,175 --> 01:19:17,677
- Okay, sure.
- Okay, cool.
1801
01:19:17,710 --> 01:19:19,621
So... but wait, not too hard,
I don't want to bruise.
1802
01:19:19,645 --> 01:19:21,156
- Seriously?
- What, do you want people
1803
01:19:21,180 --> 01:19:22,615
to think that you beat me?
1804
01:19:22,648 --> 01:19:25,652
Good point, so, um...
1805
01:19:25,685 --> 01:19:27,153
- Punch me in the stomach.
- Okay!
1806
01:19:27,185 --> 01:19:28,696
- Perfect.
- Okay, yeah, I can do that!
1807
01:19:28,720 --> 01:19:30,299
It won't be too bad,
but it'll be enough.
1808
01:19:30,323 --> 01:19:31,423
- Okay.
- Right, okay.
1809
01:19:31,457 --> 01:19:34,694
All right,
so I'm just gonna flex.
1810
01:19:34,726 --> 01:19:36,061
Ow! What the fuck?
1811
01:19:36,095 --> 01:19:37,463
Sorry, it was just a reflex!
1812
01:19:37,496 --> 01:19:39,132
You fucking asshole!
1813
01:19:39,164 --> 01:19:40,099
I'm the asshole?
1814
01:19:40,131 --> 01:19:41,600
Yes, this is all your fault.
1815
01:19:41,634 --> 01:19:43,168
Right, no, yeah, no,
1816
01:19:43,202 --> 01:19:44,513
you're perfect
and I'm the monster.
1817
01:19:44,537 --> 01:19:46,172
I never said you were a monster.
1818
01:19:46,204 --> 01:19:47,415
Yeah, well,
you sure act like it.
1819
01:19:47,439 --> 01:19:50,309
Like it's my fault that
we aren't where we used to be.
1820
01:19:50,342 --> 01:19:53,947
Well, it... it is partially
your fault.
1821
01:19:53,979 --> 01:19:56,415
Yeah, but it's also yours,
you know?
1822
01:19:56,448 --> 01:19:59,251
Like, it takes two to dance
or whatever.
1823
01:19:59,284 --> 01:20:04,657
Sure, but that's not a phrase.
1824
01:20:06,658 --> 01:20:09,161
God, this fucking sucks.
1825
01:20:14,399 --> 01:20:16,335
Oh, my god.
1826
01:20:16,368 --> 01:20:17,670
What?
1827
01:20:17,703 --> 01:20:19,105
You're crying.
1828
01:20:25,411 --> 01:20:27,413
I fucking did it.
1829
01:20:27,445 --> 01:20:29,349
You fucking did it.
1830
01:20:29,381 --> 01:20:30,649
Oh, fuck.
1831
01:20:30,682 --> 01:20:32,217
Oh, my god.
1832
01:20:32,251 --> 01:20:35,021
Wait, I think I have
another one coming.
1833
01:20:35,054 --> 01:20:36,088
Give it to me.
1834
01:20:36,122 --> 01:20:37,123
It's fucking coming.
1835
01:20:37,155 --> 01:20:38,623
Oh, come for me.
1836
01:20:38,657 --> 01:20:39,726
It's fucking coming.
1837
01:20:41,092 --> 01:20:42,394
It's fucking coming.
1838
01:20:42,427 --> 01:20:44,329
- Oh!
- It's coming!
1839
01:20:48,734 --> 01:20:50,570
Are you feeling
what I'm feeling?
1840
01:20:50,603 --> 01:20:52,171
Yes.
1841
01:20:55,707 --> 01:20:57,609
Yes! We made it!
1842
01:20:57,643 --> 01:20:58,476
Woo-woo!
1843
01:20:58,511 --> 01:21:00,546
Thank god we were invited
this time.
1844
01:21:00,578 --> 01:21:01,780
Were you guys invited?
1845
01:21:01,814 --> 01:21:03,649
Oh, I forwarded them the link.
1846
01:21:03,681 --> 01:21:06,485
Okay, so can I ask,
1847
01:21:06,519 --> 01:21:08,387
is the divorce weighing heavily
on anyone else?
1848
01:21:08,421 --> 01:21:09,555
- Yes.
- Yeah.
1849
01:21:09,587 --> 01:21:12,090
- Um, no.
- Yeah, I'm doing fine.
1850
01:21:12,123 --> 01:21:15,594
Honestly, you guys, it has,
like, deeply affected me.
1851
01:21:15,627 --> 01:21:18,530
You should hear what I tried
to do to my boyfriend.
1852
01:21:18,564 --> 01:21:20,099
Seriously, Hannah,
I wanna tell you
1853
01:21:20,131 --> 01:21:22,034
what I tried to do
to my boyfriend.
1854
01:21:24,636 --> 01:21:27,305
Okay, anyone else
wanna weigh in?
1855
01:21:27,338 --> 01:21:30,676
For me, the divorce has had
a deep effect on my spirit.
1856
01:21:30,708 --> 01:21:32,478
You still at rehab
with the teens?
1857
01:21:32,511 --> 01:21:35,148
- Wilderness rehab?
- Right.
1858
01:21:35,180 --> 01:21:37,516
No, I'm with my new guru,
vishnu.
1859
01:21:37,550 --> 01:21:39,786
Oh, god, Anderson,
did you join another cult?
1860
01:21:39,819 --> 01:21:42,255
- We talked about this.
- Hard to say.
1861
01:21:42,287 --> 01:21:44,366
Well, I don't know how the news
has really affected me,
1862
01:21:44,390 --> 01:21:46,526
but it sent my mom
down a real spiral
1863
01:21:46,559 --> 01:21:48,427
that ended with her
setting up a call
1864
01:21:48,461 --> 01:21:49,762
with my former youth pastor
1865
01:21:49,795 --> 01:21:52,265
that took a very
sexually explicit turn.
1866
01:21:52,297 --> 01:21:53,632
- Hot.
- Yeah, I took the news
1867
01:21:53,666 --> 01:21:56,135
pretty badly, but thankfully,
1868
01:21:56,167 --> 01:21:57,446
my friends
have been there for me.
1869
01:21:57,470 --> 01:21:58,605
- Hi, everyone!
- Hey!
1870
01:21:58,637 --> 01:22:00,840
- Who are these children?
- And where are Amy and Peter?
1871
01:22:00,872 --> 01:22:03,442
It's like one depressing
group call was bad enough,
1872
01:22:03,475 --> 01:22:04,719
but then to schedule
a second one
1873
01:22:04,743 --> 01:22:05,744
and then show up late?
1874
01:22:05,778 --> 01:22:07,847
Yeah, I was really
looking forward to seeing Peter.
1875
01:22:07,880 --> 01:22:09,515
- You're the only one.
- I heard that!
1876
01:22:09,547 --> 01:22:10,748
Okay, Noah, relax.
1877
01:22:10,783 --> 01:22:14,153
Why don't you just go make out
with one of your partners?
1878
01:22:14,185 --> 01:22:16,154
Oh, my god, is this
what they call a throuple?
1879
01:22:16,188 --> 01:22:17,732
Oh, bitch, don't act
like you don't know
1880
01:22:17,756 --> 01:22:18,791
what a threesome is!
1881
01:22:18,823 --> 01:22:21,560
- I was there on Halloween 2012.
- Shut up, Anderson.
1882
01:22:21,594 --> 01:22:22,561
Just fuck off right now.
1883
01:22:22,595 --> 01:22:25,465
Vishnu, they're messing
with my spirit again!
1884
01:22:25,497 --> 01:22:27,799
- Oh, my god!
- Anderson, shut the fuck up
1885
01:22:27,832 --> 01:22:30,302
- with your fake sobriety.
- It's not fake.
1886
01:22:30,336 --> 01:22:33,506
I am sober from synthetic drugs.
1887
01:22:33,538 --> 01:22:34,606
There is no difference.
1888
01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:37,844
- If you're sober...
- Anderson, you keep bringing up
1889
01:22:37,877 --> 01:22:39,412
stupid shit from college.
1890
01:22:39,444 --> 01:22:40,880
But Peter is
such an amazing guy.
1891
01:22:40,912 --> 01:22:42,747
He's like a 10 out of 10 dude.
1892
01:22:42,780 --> 01:22:45,150
- Noah, Noah, enough.
- It wasn't a threesome,
1893
01:22:45,184 --> 01:22:46,460
it was like someone
happened to be in the room...
1894
01:22:46,484 --> 01:22:48,220
I left the camp a little early.
1895
01:22:48,253 --> 01:22:49,454
Yeah, I called it a camp.
1896
01:22:49,488 --> 01:22:50,823
It didn't feel
like a rehab to me,
1897
01:22:50,855 --> 01:22:52,224
there was too many hot kids.
1898
01:22:52,257 --> 01:22:53,268
I didn't want to be on
this zoom call.
1899
01:22:53,292 --> 01:22:54,768
I'm realizing I didn't want
to be on this.
1900
01:22:54,792 --> 01:22:56,528
Yes, t.Y., let's go to the park.
1901
01:22:56,561 --> 01:22:57,662
Well, fuck you!
1902
01:22:57,695 --> 01:22:58,597
And fuck you.
1903
01:22:58,631 --> 01:23:00,199
I'm not even talking to you.
1904
01:23:00,231 --> 01:23:01,332
Toodles, bitch!
1905
01:23:01,367 --> 01:23:03,344
Thank you, guys, thank you
for inviting us this time.
1906
01:23:03,368 --> 01:23:04,513
You guys are all just jealous
1907
01:23:04,537 --> 01:23:05,613
because my boyfriend
will let me peg him
1908
01:23:05,637 --> 01:23:07,472
- and none of your will.
- Who cares?
1909
01:23:07,506 --> 01:23:08,866
- Goodbye, you guys.
- I'm leaving.
1910
01:23:09,942 --> 01:23:11,676
I miss Peter.
1911
01:23:11,710 --> 01:23:14,146
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
1912
01:23:14,180 --> 01:23:16,249
I love you.
1913
01:23:16,282 --> 01:23:18,751
I love you, too.
1914
01:23:18,783 --> 01:23:20,452
It's so sweet
that you're so in touch
1915
01:23:20,485 --> 01:23:22,622
with your emotions now.
1916
01:23:22,654 --> 01:23:27,292
Yeah. It's... it's like
the switch got turned on,
1917
01:23:27,326 --> 01:23:29,761
and I can't turn it off.
1918
01:23:29,795 --> 01:23:32,297
Yeah, turn it off.
1919
01:23:32,331 --> 01:23:34,534
Yeah, okay.
1920
01:23:37,302 --> 01:23:39,238
You think we should
tell our friends
1921
01:23:39,270 --> 01:23:41,306
about calling off the whole...
1922
01:23:41,340 --> 01:23:43,476
Divorce thing?
1923
01:23:43,509 --> 01:23:44,911
Yeah.
1924
01:23:51,250 --> 01:23:52,826
- Do you think we could...
- Couldn't we maybe...
1925
01:23:52,850 --> 01:23:53,862
- Not tell them?
- Not tell them?
1926
01:23:53,886 --> 01:23:56,389
- Oh, thank god.
- Yeah, I really didn't want
1927
01:23:56,421 --> 01:23:59,224
- to go through that again.
- Me neither.
1928
01:24:05,597 --> 01:24:07,733
I think I hate our friends.
130911
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