All language subtitles for In.Treatment.S04E01.WEB.x264-PHOENiX.Hi

(insects chirping)

♪ ♪

♪

(phone ringing)

(ringing, vibrating)

(stops ringing, vibrating)

(puts down phone)

(ringing, vibrating)

Hello?

Eladio (on phone): Sorry.
I-I know it's late.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.

Just this fuckin' dream, yo.

Like, it's winter,
and I'm in a field,

holding hands with
a... a little girl.

Supposed to be my
sister or something.

Starts to snow, I'm excited,

so I catch some on my
tongue. All of a sudden,

my throat, it's
on fire. It's ash.

A wing from a plane falls
to the ground next to us.

I turn, and my sister's
face, it's gone.

Jesus, mamita, I-I don't
wanna tell you the rest, man.

It's only gonna make you worry.

Brooke (on phone):
If I worry, I worry.

You don't need to protect
me from my feelings.

- Am I allowed to worry about you?
- What do you mean?

I mean,

I didn't expect you
to answer so late.

I have no other explanation
for being awake other than...

"The agonies.

The mad midnight moments."

"A Grief Observed." C.S. Lewis.

Well, N.W. Clerk, if you really
wanna get all technical about it.

(Eladio laughs)

Dude was an Anglo-Anglican
problem, to say the least.

(laughs)

But he did write some
meaningful shit on loss.

Do you cry?

I can't... I can't
picture you crying.

I'm the same way.

You remember that girl
I told you I dated?

- Mm-hmm.
- She had this mode

she could switch into that I
fuckin'... I don't know, lack.

We would get into a fight,

and it was like a dam bursting
open. She would just sob.

It looked so freeing, like

she fucking went some place.

One time, she said, "El,

you ever consider that maybe
you're just a cold person?"

But I'm not a cold
person! (Scoffs)

No, honey.

You're not. Far from it.

I told her. I said,
"Look, when you cry,

"when you become a fuckin' river,
that's how I feel." (laughs)

I wanna point to
it because that's

that's how I feel,

but I just don't know how
to get there. I never have.

And, you know, it

(sighs)
- (dog barking)

- Hey, shit, sorry. I gotta go.
- No, wait.

Real quick. Do some deep
breathing before you go to bed.

Um, in for four,

hold for seven, out for eight.

(speaking Spanish)
You're the best.

(line disconnects)

♪ ♪

(puts down phone)

(click, whirring)

Brooke: Hi, James.

It's Dr. Brooke Taylor.
I got your message

about having to
reschedule this afternoon.

I have an opening tomorrow
and another next week.

I'm heading into session now but

give me a call and
we'll discuss times.

♪

(birds chirping outside)

(click)

(click)

(click, chime)

Hey, mamita. Can you
give me two seconds?

We just runnin' a
little behind over here.

I just have to give Jeremy his
seizure meds. Is that okay?

Yes, of course.
The time is yours.

Okay, cool, cool.

(light piano playing)

♪

Aight, we good. Thanks.

- No worries at all.
- (cup clinks)

Yo, these motherfuckers
really think

they running a
Ritz-Carlton up in here.

The kitchen? There's less
marble in the fuckin' Vatican.

And the espresso machine?
Victoria Arduino.

I'm not familiar.

Yo, it's like a
$20,000 machine, bro.

All the medical bills for
Jeremy, and they still got

enough left over for
some fuckin' copper.

- This shit is nice.
- Eladio,

I need to apologize to you.

- (puts down cup)
- To me? For what?

I shouldn't have answered
the phone last night.

No, I'm glad you did.

Scary dream and all.

In that moment, in another life,

I'd call my mom.

What would've happened if
you'd called your mother

instead of me?

Well, it'd be 5:00
AM in Florida.

She'd still be stocking the
grocery for another hour.

And when was the last
time you spoke to her?

Like four, five months ago.

She got COVID.

Doctor at Tampa
General called me

and was like, "Yo,
your mom's real sick.

Not like ventilator
sick, but sick."

So, uh, I started
looking at flights.

The DeMarcos weren't cool
about me traveling, but...

Well, anyway,

it-it ended up not happening.

You know, by the time I
got my mom on the phone,

she was like, "Oh, don't
come. I'll be fine."

- She was.
- Must've been hard,

her not wanting your help.

(laughs)

I want a relationship
with her, yo.

That's my moms.

But, it's gotta run both ways.

You know, we both gotta want it.

Brooke: And what's her
relationship like with your sister?

You-you hadn't
mentioned her before.

Is she older or younger?

Sister?

Oh, from my dream.

Uh, I don't have one.

My mom had a stillbirth
before she had me.

She shared that with you?

Not until a few years back.

But, one day,

I was, like, 6,

and I walked into the
kitchen, and I asked my mom

where my sister was.

My mom said, "You
don't have a sister."

And I was like, "Oh, I
remember. She's dead."

- What made you say that?
- No fuckin' clue.

You know that...
that woo-woo shit

that people are like, you know,

kids are closer
to the other side?

Well

it freaked my mom out,

so she kinda kept her
distance ever since then.

- And you think that's the reason.
- I mean,

I like to think it was because
of something dumb I said,

- rather than she just didn't like me.
- What I mean is

when we're children, we don't
always understand everything

going on in our parents' worlds.

So if a mother pulls
away from her child,

it likely has very little
to do with who that child is

or anything he's done.

- Well, what are you gonna do?
- Well, listen,

in the future, you can call
me off-hours in an emergency,

but let's just

keep it to that, alright?

Yo, don't do that.

Don't do what?

Slap me on the
knuckles or whatever.

Like, you told me to
call you if I needed you,

- and I did.
- You're right.

I apologize again.

As your therapist,
it's on me to delineate

the boundaries that
are appropriate,

and I will be better
at that in the future.

You know, I think I might
just need a referral.

You gotta know a good
psychiatrist, right?

Sure.

But why do you think
you need a psychiatrist?

This insomnia.

The nightmares, the fuckin'...

I haven't slept in six days, yo.

Six days?

What about last night?

- Did you try the breathing, in for four...
- Yeah, yeah, I tried it, okay?

It-it worked, until it didn't.

Okay.

We can try something else.

(sighs)

I just need to be
able to function, yo.

Alright, my job's not nothin'.

If I f-forget Jeremy's pills

or I take my eye off the ball
when he's out of his chair...

I just feel like
medication could help.

I mean, I nap.

You know, couple hours
here and there, but it's

it's like snatching a song
out the air. It's snippets.

And you're afraid that
that lack of sleep

may affect your job performance.

Look, I can do this
job in my sleep.

Aight, I can talk you through
this shit over the phone

from a fuckin' internet café in
Pakistan on some Morpheus shit.

Wake up, get Jeremy out of bed,

get him into the
chair, breakfast,

watch "Rick & Morty"
or some shit together

till the PT guy
shows, and so on.

I'm not worried about all that.

Not to sound selfish,

I'm worried about me.

I don't feel good.

Brooke: Well, you
may need medication,

but after only two sessions,

I don't feel I have
an adequate picture.

- Meaning?
- In order to refer you to a psychiatrist,

I need to know more.

There's something at the
heart of your sleeplessness.

Lyrical.

I like that.

Say more.

You want lyrical.
Okay. Jung said,

"There is no coming into
consciousness without pain."

Oh shit.

I like to think of that quote
in relation to insomnia.

Maybe

it's not about the
difficulty of falling asleep.

Maybe, we stay awake
to avoid the moment

we have to come to in our lives.

Where the dream
world falls away,

and reality sets in.

- Damn.
- (phone vibrating)

- (vibrating continues)
- Sorry.

Is everything okay?

Yeah, Mrs. D, she
wants me to look at

the cable box after this.

I don't know. I don't
know. I'll figure it out.

Is that part of your job?

I know you're Jeremy's
home attendant,

but I thought that was
primarily in a medical capacity.

Eladio: It is.

But, you know, these
are my people, yo.

Like, they look out for me.

I mean, I couldn't afford
this in a million years.

The DeMarcos, they provide me
with the esteemed Dr. Taylor

because they know I can't
sleep and I mess around

- with the DirecTV.
- Okay.

But I need to be clear
on the meds front.

I know a lot of
therapists in this city,

they'll make sure you'll get
Valium for a stomachache,

but I don't do that.

- So, if this is some kind of angle...
- Angle?

I'm in pain.

I already told you. I...

I don't sleep. That
shit's serious.

Insomnia is the fever,
not the malaria.

It's a symptom, okay?

And I'm not against
medication. Not at all.

But when prescribed
indiscriminately,

it can be like

fog on a mountain road.

You understand where
I'm coming from?

Mm-hmm.

But I need you to be
patient because this work,

it's not sexy, it's not fast.

But if you trust the process, it

(groans) Eladio,

you have two decades
of wiring of behavior

and neuroses and
triggers and pathologies

all tangled up.

Why would that be simple?

Does it sound simple?

Of course not.

That's why these
things take time.

This isn't a
results-orientated practice.

Wait, is that true? Because I'm

pretty sure motherfuckers
go to therapists

all the time seeking results.

"Oh, my husband died, so now

I'm too sad to
work the forklift."

It sounds like you
understand healing

only insofar as how it relates

- to your job productivity.
- Mamita,

the DeMarcos respect what I do.

You know, they coulda
asked any of the other aids

to quarantine with them, but
they didn't. They asked me.

So I wanna be able
to do a good job.

So what do you need from me

to get at the heart
of my sleeplessness?

Well, for starters...

I need to see more of you
than just a floating head

in a virtual backdrop.

What, you don't like
the Café La Habana?

In Mexico City?

- Have you been?
- Nah.

But it's like a
mythical place to me.

A literary, you know...

All those guys used
to hang out there...

Márquez, Bolaño, Octavio Paz.

A dude-heavy bibliography,

but the myth of
it still moves me.

I took a class on
Márquez in college.

"Eréndira and her Heartless
Grandmother" gutted me.

Look, he could write.
There's no argument there,

but I can't relate.

You know, there's no
magic in my world.

If I were to get stabbed
in the heart today,

my blood wouldn't fuckin'
wind down an alley

and across a river and
land at my mother's feet.

I'd just bleed out.

That's an unsentimental view.

Fuck that. Yo, I'm the most
sentimental motherfucker

you ever gonna meet.

- Hm.
- Now, Bolaño.

"The New Yorker" had this
beautiful article about him

that began with the phrase,

"And then, I never
saw him again."

He introduced you
to a character,

rendered with such
detail and compassion,

and then two pages later, gone.

And it wasn't a gimmick.

It was just how he
experienced the world.

I can relate to that.

Sounds like you're
talking about abandonment.

I don't know if it's all that.

- Why do you do that?
- What?

You shut down at
the mere mention

of the size of your burden.

I mean, worse things
happen to better people.

I mean, you do the same thing.

Last night, you mentioned
grief and then you went like

silent.

I lost my father recently.

Shit.

I'm sorry.

You're drifting
out of the frame.

Uh...

My bad.

(click)

(sighs)

It used to be Jeremy's room.

Before things degenerated,

he could still walk a
little, so they, you know...

(sighs)

Uh, anyway,

now he's on the ground floor
in a tricked-out suite,

and I live in the museum.

It's like, I don't know

they're very sentimental people.

The DeMarcos.

Just like you.

I-I know I'm being kinda

enigmatic.

Eladio: You're not wrong.

(click) - Judge (on TV):
Negligence or irresponsibility.

- Man: Your honor, 10 years...
- Judge: I've already read your contract

- (quietly): Fuck it.
- (TV continues)

When I was in college, I
was diagnosed Bipolar 1.

And so, I've been on and
off lithium ever since.

And whenever I can
afford it, I get it,

and when I can't, I don't.

I know you're
supposed to titrate,

- but I don't have that luxury.
- (TV continues)

You wanna call it
drug-seeking behavior, fine.

Without the lithium,

that's the only way I ever get
any sleep at all... (knocking)

Mrs. DeMarco: Hey, El!
Mr. DeMarco's on the phone

with the London
office right now!

Would you mind
turning that down?

Yeah, yeah, yeah! My bad!

- (shuts off TV)
- (puts down remote)

(whispers): Look, the DeMarcos
are like family to me.

But this...

It's not a diagnosis
people like to hear

when you're taking care
of their son, so...

They don't know.

And you said you were given
this diagnosis in college?

Yes, ma'am.

What type of behavior
were you exhibiting?

(scoffs) No clue.

What led to the diagnosis?

How far back you wanna go?

It's up to you. Where
you wanna start?

(laughs) How much time you got?

You let me worry about the time.

I used to work at
this place in Tampa.

Seniors, old as dirt.

They were amazing.

You know, like,
high school kids,

they don't have stories.

Shit hasn't happened to them
yet, but these motherfuckers?

They had stories. Like,

there was this one old lady.

(speaking Spanish)

She told me about an affair
she had with Frida Kahlo

- for, like, five years.
- (laughs) No!

No, I mean like Mrs. Morales
was out here talking about

- sucking titties and shit. No disrespect.
- (laughs)

I fuckin' loved her, yo.

We used to laugh like
you don't even...

I remember I used to go into
her room to change her bedpan,

and she would act like
she was dead and shit.

You know, it was
mad funny, like...

And as soon as I went
to go get the nurse,

she'd open up her fuckin' eyes
like "Night of the Living Dead,"

and she'd say, "Did ya miss me?"

(laughing)

(laughs)

And then one day, it was real.

Hm.

And then I fell in
love with Mr. Robinson,

I fell in love with
Miss, Miss Farooqi,

and on and on.

They left me in the night.

So, you know, I just...

I got used to it. Trained
myself to-to not think,

"Oh, this is such a
beautiful new friendship!"

Like, nah.

Just take it for what it is.

Here today, gone tomorrow.

And were you having
sleep issues back then?

No, I don't...

Wait... yeah.

I mean, now that
I think about it,

I used to volunteer to take
the night shift because...

I couldn't sleep anyway.

What made you ask that?

Sleep disturbance is a core
symptom of bipolar disorder,

and, as this is where you chose

to start the story
of your diagnosis,

I wondered if there was a link.

When you put it that way,

I guess the next time I remember

struggling to
sleep was Sikander.

- Was... I'm sorry, what?
- I fell in love with this Pakistani dude.

He used to design
video games for,

I mean, I don't remember
if it was Rockstar...

He was a genius,

but he was an addict. So

(phone vibrating)
- (sighs)

Uh... Wait, it's Mr. DeMarco.

I mean, I don't have as
good of a rapport with him,

- so I just usually answer this shit. Sorry.
- (typing)

Supposed to remember to
turn on the jacuzzi for him,

and I always forget.
(clicks tongue)

- Aight. (Sighs)
- (puts down phone)

Done. I'm with you.

Looks like a lot to handle.

Nah, nah, it's all
good. But anyway,

Sikander was, like,
the first person

I actually love-loved.

I mean, he had the most
beautiful fuckin' brain.

I wanted to swim in it.

But also, like, ketamine is just

bad.

You know, I'd spend weekends

reading to him, like,
glossy-eyed in the tub.

And we got through all
of Clarice Lispector,

all of Patricia Smith,

almost all of Octavia Butler.

I mean, it was all kind of
soothing, until it wasn't.

I mean, he was already in

a never-ending
fuckin' K-hole, so...

One night, you know, I buy

a pound of
animal-style In-N-Out,

and I show up to his apartment,

and the fuckin'
locks are changed.

Like, he's not
picking up his phone.

And a couple days later,

it doesn't even go to
voicemail anymore, and, well...

"And then, I never
saw him again."

So I stopped sleeping.

My bipolar diagnosis
came four days later.

I see.

(inhales)

Well, I...

I can't formally
speak to that yet.

But your insomnia
makes sense to me.

What do you mean?

Sounds like you're haunted.

Hey.

You okay, El?

I am right here with
you. Right here.

I'm going to help it be okay.

Are you gonna take care of me?

Of course.

- That's what I'm here to...
- No, I mean

really.

I know I said all that shit
about wishin' I could talk

to my mom last night,

but I called you.

Y-you feel like her to me.

Not in real life or anything.

I know you're not
my mom, but you

you just do things
a mom should do.

You pay attention. I talk to
you, I feel like I matter.

So maybe can that be
what this is between us?

You know, therapy, but

also, like,

I don't know, this is
gonna sound ridiculous

f-family?

- (bang, clatter)
- (opens door)

Eladio: Yo, Jeremy! Jeremy!

Jeremy, bro, you good?!

Sorry. We had a
little bit of a...

Th-this was good, seriously.

- I'ma hit you next week, okay?
- Yeah. No problem.

(click)

(computer chimes)

(exhales quietly)

(click)

♪

(typing)

(click)

♪ ♪

(shuts laptop)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

All this talking about the past,
and psychic wounds and shit.

I haven't slept better
since we talked last.

I slept worse.

♪ (INTROSPECTIVE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

It's a lot living
with the DeMarcos?

Like, my life in this house
is predicated on fiction.

I know that.

I'm not their
friend. I'm the help.

That's a lot of anger, Eladio.

ELADIO: It's more than that.