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1
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♪ Crash and Bern! ♪
2
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[all cheering]
3
00:00:04,629 --> 00:00:06,719
[deep voice] Happy birthday, Jasmine.
4
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I hope you're all in a good moo-ooo-ood.
5
00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,256
[chuckles]
6
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[all clapping and cheering]
7
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Performing for you is an udder delight.
8
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Oh.
9
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[shouts] And I'm gonna milk it
for all it's worth!
10
00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:25,033
-[bored] Oh!
-[clapping]
11
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This is awful.
12
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I know real cows
who are funnier than this.
13
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:32,451
I've done algebra homework
funnier than this.
14
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:36,912
Sorry, Jasmine. Puppets are weak.
15
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[yells] You're weak!
16
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Oh, nice comeback, weak...
17
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,463
person.
18
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:47,589
[mad] Zip it. Or else I'll have the girls
use you as a piñata.
19
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:51,222
[ironic] Ooh, like I'm afraid of girls.
20
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:54,758
[thriller music]
21
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,386
Okay, okay, I'll zip it!
22
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:57,893
-[zipper sound]
-[grunts]
23
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,435
As mayor of Mooville,
24
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:03,188
I declare today milkshake day!
25
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:04,811
[mumbles]
26
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,148
-[zipper sound]
-[grunts]
27
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,783
Thank you. Thank you.
28
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,110
I had something I really needed to say.
29
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,115
[shouts] Boo!
30
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:19,162
Look, everyone!
31
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It's the star of our show!
32
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The beautiful Lola.
33
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Oh, great.
34
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Here comes another dumb thing.
35
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[harp music playing]
36
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:33,934
I mean, seriously!
37
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:36,180
-How many of these do we have to--
-Shh!
38
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,143
Can she be any more perfect?
39
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If I'm bothering you,
you just let me kno--
40
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:42,943
Whoa!
41
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[gasps] Unrivaled beauty
42
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and she owns her own weapons?
43
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,987
Ooh! Crash likey. [sighs]
44
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:56,572
♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪
45
00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:58,905
♪ Yo, I'ma let you finish ♪
46
00:01:58,993 --> 00:02:00,703
-♪ But ding-dong ♪
-♪ Who's that? ♪
47
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:01,867
♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪
48
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,535
♪ Don't wait for you to openKick it down hard core ♪
49
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,844
♪ A purple with a 'tudeWhere your mom hide the food? ♪
50
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,498
♪ In the fridgeI'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude ♪
51
00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,967
♪ No make-up or feelingsTea parties or dolls ♪
52
00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:13,338
♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪
53
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:14,585
-♪ And face slams ♪
-♪ Good call ♪
54
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:15,836
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
55
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:17,097
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
56
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:18,598
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
57
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,510
♪ What he said ♪
58
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♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
59
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,271
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
60
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,690
♪ Crash and Bernstein ♪
61
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:24,728
♪ What he said ♪
62
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,061
♪ It's war against awesomeBut awesome's gotta soar ♪
63
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,687
-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪
-♪ That's what friends are for ♪
64
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,114
♪ Crash and BernsteinCrash and Bernstein ♪
65
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,743
-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪
-♪ I said "Stein" ♪
66
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,490
♪ What he said ♪
67
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:37,781
[chuckles]
68
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:46,577
Uh, my mom asked me
to give you this check.
69
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:50,206
She added a little extra.
I think it's for you to hire a writer.
70
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:53,588
You mind if I take
some of these cookies home?
71
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,803
-Oh, help yourself.
-Okay.
72
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:59,354
But I think my mom
wants to keep the plate.
73
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:01,469
Oh, it's already in the bag.
74
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,521
[groans]
75
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:11,271
[to himself] I am Crash.
76
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,148
I am Crash.
77
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,744
I'm Crash.
78
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,739
Hi, can I help you with something?
79
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:19,911
Oh, I'm waiting for Lola.
Is this where the actors come out?
80
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,991
Don't worry, I'm not a weirdo.
81
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:24,584
No offense.
82
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:28,115
Yeah, but Lola won't be coming out.
83
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,127
The big stars never do.
84
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,880
[agrees] Can you give her these please?
85
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:34,131
-[hesitates]
-You should also mention
86
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,764
that I'm madly in love with her,
87
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,220
and even though we've never met,
88
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,430
I would totally let her drink
out of my juice cup without wiping it off.
89
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:42,722
I don't see you writing any of this down.
90
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,226
Oh, I got it. Telling me is as good
as telling Lola.
91
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,688
Okay. [chuckles]
92
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,598
Oh, and remember to tell her
that I'm not a weirdo
93
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,608
and that I got
all of her telepathic messages.
94
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:53,941
Oh.
95
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,355
My phone number's in with with flowers,
96
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:58,033
so have her call me
and we can discuss it over dinner.
97
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:01,283
And my treat.
And let her know I'm a big spender.
98
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,450
Oh?
99
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,405
Oh!
100
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,325
Yeah, I will tell her.
101
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:11,134
Good. Oh, and tell her my name is Crash.
102
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,749
[shouting] It rhymes with rash!
103
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,837
Maybe don't tell her that part!
104
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:22,350
She's going to love what I got her!
105
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,179
You're never gonna guess what it is.
106
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,724
-Roller skates?
-No, I--
107
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:30,687
-How did you guess?
-It's what you got me when I turned six.
108
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,770
[excited] Oh, maybe Jasmine
can break her arm too.
109
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,691
Roller skates!
110
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:36,935
What's next?
111
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,570
That one's from me.
112
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:43,702
A magic kit! What's next?
113
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,655
I'm sorry
you don't like your presents, honey.
114
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,996
I love Lizzie Dillon's.
115
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:52,171
She got me a video camera!
116
00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,460
[both sputter] Lizzie Dillon.
117
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,458
[shouting] Listen up, females!
118
00:04:57,547 --> 00:04:58,717
I'm expecting a call,
119
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,428
so this is the last time
I'm gonna tell you.
120
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,429
[emphatically] Stay off the phone!
121
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:07,852
-We're not on the phone.
-And you never told us that.
122
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,682
I don't like to repeat myself.
123
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:13,478
So for the final time,
stay off the phone.
124
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,783
I repeat. Don't make me repeat myself.
125
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,398
Stay off the phone.
126
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:21,945
Oh, yeah. Happy birthday, tiny one.
127
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,370
Crash did not forget you.
128
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,119
I wrote you a poem.
129
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:27,201
[clears throat]
130
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,699
Roses are red,
131
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:31,828
violets are blue...
132
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:33,325
[shouts] Stay off the phone!
133
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,841
All right, Crash. Are you ready to--
134
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,301
Why did you write "lol" in spray cheese?
135
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:46,717
It said "Lola."
136
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,925
But I got hungry and licked off the "a."
137
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:53,266
Come on. Check out these ropes
I got for rock climbing this weekend.
138
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,193
Ohh. Bernstein,
I don't know if I'm gonna be able
139
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,442
to make it this weekend.
140
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,694
Lola might call.
141
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,435
Got to be in the zone
when my lady's on the phone,
142
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:02,858
you know what I'm sayin'?
143
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,486
Not at all.
144
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,083
Because Lola’s a puppet.
145
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,118
I don't care
about her politics, Bernstein.
146
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:10,752
She's not real.
147
00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,329
Everybody says showbiz people aren't real.
148
00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:16,495
But I saw the look in her eye
when she bludgeoned that cow.
149
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:17,634
You can't fake that.
150
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:19,376
And since she's an artist,
151
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:22,172
I researched the most romantic thing
that artists ever did
152
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:25,137
that was also violent and disgusting.
153
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,221
[grunts]
154
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:30,933
Meet Vincent Van Something-or-other.
155
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,811
He ripped off his ear.
156
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:34,853
[grunts]
157
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,096
[straining]
158
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,267
[screaming]
159
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:41,816
[exhaling]
160
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,700
I
161
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:44,738
hate
162
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,861
art.
163
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,287
Sweetheart,
164
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,250
we need to have a serious talk.
165
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:57,378
Now before we do,
I know you're gonna get upset.
166
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,919
So here. [grunts]
167
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,375
This is rocky road.
168
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,554
It's my favorite.
169
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:06,511
Which is appropriate,
because you used to be too.
170
00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:09,469
I think you might know
where this is going
171
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,184
and I must say
I'm amazed at how calm you're being.
172
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,443
Tissue?
173
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,519
No? Mind if I? Mm, thank you.
174
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:22,027
Oh, oh. This is harder than I thought.
175
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,488
[blows nose]
176
00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,198
Never break up with a girl
during allergy season.
177
00:07:28,323 --> 00:07:29,873
Oh, don't give me that look.
178
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,739
You know the look I'm talking about.
179
00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,616
There!
180
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,326
That one!
181
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,083
[shouts] You did it again!
182
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:43,922
Okay. [chuckling] I admit it.
183
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,295
[crying] There's somebody else!
184
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,298
Oh. Oh, there, there, there.
Ice cream makes it better.
185
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,726
Whoa, boy. Princess glitter
did not take that well.
186
00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,311
She started crying, throwing things.
187
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,937
She even wrote a breakup song about me.
188
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,994
Wait. We're talking
about the same princess glitter, right?
189
00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:09,239
Plastic face, polyester hair, dead eyes?
190
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,577
You're making me re-think my decision.
191
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:17,210
No, no, I'm a man of my word,
and I promised myself to Lola.
192
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,458
Okay, Crash. I need you to see something.
193
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,504
Here's a picture of Lola
from Jasmine's party.
194
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:27,341
[slight gasp] Didn't think angels
showed up on film.
195
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,263
What do you think that is?
196
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,343
[Crash] So?
197
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:34,808
-She's got a tail.
-It's a guy's arm!
198
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,564
[surprised] Oh! Now I get it.
199
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,273
Finally!
200
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,273
-You're in love with Lola too.
-[groans]
201
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,685
Well, I'm not gonna fight you over her.
202
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:48,744
I'll just wait until you're asleep
then I'll toss you under a fruit truck.
203
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,872
-I'm not in love with her.
-[telephone rings]
204
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,448
[gasps] Oh, it's probably her now.
How do I look?
205
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,332
That's not her!
206
00:08:57,412 --> 00:09:00,122
She can't speak
and she definitely can't use a phone.
207
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:02,463
Hello?
208
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,460
Oh, it's for you.
209
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,462
Go for Crash-man.
210
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,801
[excited] Why, hello, Lola!
211
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:16,427
Why, yes. I would love to meet you
at the arcade.
212
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,734
[slowly] Lola.
213
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:20,562
It's Lola.
214
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:31,397
You look so beautiful tonight.
215
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,868
[high-pitched] You look great too.
I really like that shirt.
216
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,829
Oh, good. You'll be seeing it a lot.
217
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,661
But I have to be honest,
218
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,956
I really wish you didn't bring
that guy with you.
219
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,670
-Oh, him?
-Yeah.
220
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,590
I don't know who he is.
221
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:47,668
Beat it, loser!
222
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,593
Is he gone?
223
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,634
Uh, no.
224
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,047
-Want me to handle this?
-Oh, you know what?
225
00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,346
I'm hungry.
226
00:09:56,471 --> 00:10:00,141
Let's order an extra-large order
of hot wings. [chuckles]
227
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,055
[normal voice] Extra-hot.
228
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,983
Do you want something to drink with that?
229
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:07,152
Hey, the lady was ordering.
230
00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,612
He can wait his turn.
231
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:11,992
And you have to sit so close, buddy?
232
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:14,740
You know there is such a thing
as personal space!
233
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:16,783
So, Lola.
234
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,906
-Mm-hmm.
-Tell me everything.
235
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,873
Favorite color,
236
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:22,955
birthday.
237
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,619
What's your stance on monkeys?
238
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:27,038
Frankly, I think they're overrated.
239
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,297
[high-pitched]
Can I get a large smoothie too?
240
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,591
-Hmm?
-[shouting] Whatever the lady wants!
241
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,554
So, you were saying?
242
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,966
Oh, I'm boring.
243
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,515
Let's just talk about you.
244
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:41,978
I wanna hear about you.
245
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:44,438
Ah, what's to tell?
246
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,519
I was raised on the wrong side
of the tracks.
247
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,444
-Had a couple of brushes with the law.
-[Lola agrees]
248
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,193
But that's all behind me.
249
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,565
Unless a buddy calls me
to pull one last bank job,
250
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,902
-and promises we do not get caught...
-Stunning.
251
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,068
But until then,
252
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,236
I'm all about making my baby happy.
253
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,413
-Oh.
-Come here, baby.
254
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,452
[smooching]
255
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,584
So, who do I give this to?
256
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,124
To the lady, of course.
257
00:11:06,207 --> 00:11:08,287
This will reflect on your tip.
258
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,174
Oh, oh! Too spicy! [coughs]
259
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,376
Oh, here, you take them.
260
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,261
Hey, I wanted those.
261
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:21,635
Really? Because, um,
I was really loving talking to you.
262
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,603
But, uh...
263
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,943
I just can't stand a man
with chicken breath.
264
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,150
Ah. Well.
265
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,609
So like I was saying,
I think you're great.
266
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,940
Especially how you beat that... cow.
267
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:34,146
[hesitates]
268
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,775
You okay? You got quiet.
269
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,530
I was just thinking
about how cute you are.
270
00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:40,776
[giggles]
271
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:41,827
[belches]
272
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,002
Can you get any more wonderful?
273
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,254
Jasmine,
274
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:54,086
check out these trick finger cuffs.
275
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,342
Bet you can't get out of them.
276
00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,394
I'm gonna make 'em good and tight.
277
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:01,638
-Okay, now let's read the instruc--
-Ta-da!
278
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,060
I'm getting my money back.
279
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,693
These things are way too easy.
280
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,730
I can't believe it. I wouldn't even--
281
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:13,266
I'm stuck.
282
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,145
There's my little skater girl!
283
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,447
I dug out my old wheels to show you
how the derby girls used to roll.
284
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:21,782
Whoo!
285
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,079
What's up?
286
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:29,042
Okay. Moving on!
287
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,424
[stopper scuffs, sounding like flatulence]
288
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,841
[both laughing]
289
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,589
All right. Lesson one, sweetheart.
290
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,051
This is how you stop.
291
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:39,132
-Okay, very important.
-[stopper scuffs]
292
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,587
-Like that.
-[girls laughing]
293
00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,847
-You just gotta drag it.
-[scuffing continues]
294
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,059
What's so funny?
295
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:45,349
Nothing, Mom.
296
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,392
Can you show us how to stop again?
297
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:48,435
[both giggling]
298
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:56,742
[exhales deeply]
299
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,448
[grunting]
300
00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:05,076
-Crash, you're climbing me.
-[panting]
301
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,490
I know, hold still.
302
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,998
I wanna use your eye socket
as a toe-hold, come here.
303
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,120
[grunts]
304
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:12,793
Ah!
305
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:14,708
This is epic.
306
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,054
Aren't you glad you came?
307
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,629
[scoffs ] You kidding?
308
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:19,224
I got blisters on my hands
309
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,469
and rope burns on my thighs.
310
00:13:21,551 --> 00:13:22,971
Best day ever!
311
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,763
Oh, let's go higher.
312
00:13:26,931 --> 00:13:31,191
-Crash, you're gonna get tangled.
-No, I'm not. [grunts]
313
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,357
Bernstein, little help?
314
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:36,942
Oh!
315
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,815
[grunts] Ouch!
316
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,862
Oh, sorry. Let me try this one.
317
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,605
[grunts]
318
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:46,158
-[chuckles] Why you kicking yourself?
-Oh.
319
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:48,242
-Why you kicking yourself?
-Uh! Come on, Bernstein!
320
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,658
This is not cool.
321
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,406
All right, I'll stop.
322
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:55,882
Or if you want me to do more,
just raise your hand.
323
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,250
Oh, yeah, like I'm real--
No, no, no, no, no!
324
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,588
Oh!
325
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:01,724
Good one, Bernstein.
326
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:02,760
Showtime!
327
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,722
[Crash grunting]
328
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,893
Hey! Come on! [grunts]
329
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,524
All right, I'm good.
330
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,809
[Crash panting]
331
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,522
[cellphone pings]
332
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:15,559
Oh, it's Lola.
333
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:18,227
She wants to go see
that Captain Intrepid movie.
334
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,396
Wait, you and I were gonna go see that.
335
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,034
[cellphone pings]
336
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,612
Oh. Lola says hi.
337
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,067
And she doesn't want me hanging out
with you anymore.
338
00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,367
Wait, so you're just gonna ditch me
for some puppet?
339
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:31,081
No time to talk. M'lady awaits.
340
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,582
[grunts] Whoo!
341
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,785
[shouting] I've never felt so alive!
342
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:38,626
-Oh, no.
-[loud thud]
343
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:45,799
Ta-da!
344
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,135
Oh, you got the finger cuffs off.
345
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,061
-How'd you do it?
-Magic.
346
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:53,560
I called a locksmith
and he magically charged your credit card.
347
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,814
[Jasmine laughs]
348
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,019
What's so funny?
349
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,106
Cleo eating cereal.
350
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,583
Hey, I didn't know you were filming that.
351
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,659
Wait, how long did you film for?
352
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:16,369
[Jasmine] About that long.
353
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,458
[Mel chuckles]
354
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:22,343
I have another video. It's even funnier.
355
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:27,046
[stopper scuffs, sounding like flatulence]
356
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,925
[scuffs continues]
357
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,972
"Roller Skarting Mom."
358
00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:32,676
What's skarting?
359
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,016
People online made it up.
360
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,061
Oh-ho, I get it!
361
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,475
It's a combination of skating and...
362
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,654
[stopper scuffs]
363
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:43,362
[girls laughing]
364
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:45,154
Very clever.
365
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,066
Well, laugh all you want.
366
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,025
But "Roller Skarting Mom" got 25,000 hits,
367
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,196
and "Cereal Face Kid" only got 9,000.
368
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,581
Yup. You win, Mom.
369
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,834
More people are laughing at you than me.
370
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:00,287
Yes! Ha!
371
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,046
Oh.
372
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:06,681
Well, I'm just glad that our gifts
brought Jasmine some fun.
373
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,590
And now the fun is over.
374
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,507
I'm deleting those videos.
375
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:12,425
[chuckles] Thanks, Mom.
376
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,850
Like I don't back up my files.
377
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,653
Uh, can I get your phone number?
378
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:23,862
-No.
-Oh.
379
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,242
You're creepy.
380
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,818
Huh. Fine.
381
00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,913
I'll just track you down on the internet.
[clicks tongue]
382
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:31,567
Well...
383
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:33,698
-I thought I'd find you here.
-Oh!
384
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:34,905
What's your deal?
385
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,909
You're taking advantage of Crash.
386
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,287
I don't wanna see him get hurt.
387
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,535
If you're after money,
he doesn't have any.
388
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,627
And if you're trying to mess
with his mind,
389
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:47,133
[sighs] he doesn't have
one of those either.
390
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,302
You're just using him for hot wings and--
391
00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:53,886
Hey, that's my skateboard.
392
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:57,062
[high-pitched] It was a gift
for our one-day anniversary.
393
00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,232
Okay. [shouts] That's it!
394
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,230
What? [grunts] Help! Help!
395
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,819
Let go of me, you brute!
396
00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,939
[shouts] Bernstein!
397
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,567
Hello, handsome.
398
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,356
I'll handle this, sweetheart.
399
00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,528
Crash, I'm just trying to protect you.
400
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,236
I don't wanna see you get hurt
by some stupid thing
401
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,656
on a guy's hand.
402
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:19,785
[gasps] [gutturally] You take that back.
403
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,333
Fine. We'll do this the hard way.
404
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,252
Say what you will about Bernstein.
405
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:27,007
Sure knows how to make a dramatic exit.
406
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,508
[mocking]
"All right, I'll do this the hard way."
407
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:31,551
Boom, boom, boom, boom. Classic.
408
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:34,759
-I missed you.
-I missed you.
409
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:37,136
Order me some hot wings. I wanna talk.
410
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,773
And see if you can get
the counter girl's phone number.
411
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,271
I love when you ask me for weird things.
412
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:45,364
-That is so hot. [laughing]
-[laughs]
413
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,860
[deep voice] Lola, darling.
414
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:48,942
Who's that?
415
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,777
I'm Lola’s husband.
416
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,412
Has she not mentioned me?
417
00:17:52,489 --> 00:17:54,739
I've never seen him before in my life.
418
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:58,374
Then how would I know
that she likes Extra-hot hot wings
419
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,463
and violent action movies?
420
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,868
He does seem to know a lot about you.
421
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:06,497
Every girl likes those things.
422
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,876
I'm so confused. I--
I don't wanna share you with another man.
423
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,844
Especially one as good-looking as him.
424
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,513
That's not a man.
425
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,264
You friend has a sock on his hand.
426
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:19,137
[normal voice]
Hey, lady, leave me out of this.
427
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,688
Sir, please accept my apology.
428
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,979
I assure you, I was always a gentleman.
429
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,153
Good-bye, Lola.
430
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,033
No, Crash! Please don't leave.
431
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:33,070
At least not until you've paid
for the wings.
432
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:36,865
I'd do anything for you, Crash.
433
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:40,410
Then I guess you'd be willing
to whack that creepy guy with your club.
434
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,575
Whoa, that seems a bit extreme.
435
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,624
But it would prove your love.
436
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,785
Seriously?
437
00:18:46,876 --> 00:18:48,626
I could make you a card.
438
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:51,382
Nah, I think I'll go
with the club-smacking.
439
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,006
Okay.
440
00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:57,933
[Lola sighs]
Looks like this is really happening.
441
00:18:58,013 --> 00:19:00,433
Okay. [clears throat]
442
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,558
[grunts]
443
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,654
Oh, stop, man! Stop stop! It hurts.
444
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:07,650
Ohh.
445
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:09,901
You're barely hitting him.
446
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,903
Yeah, I'm not feeling the love.
447
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,200
Harder.
448
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,196
Harder.
449
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,698
Harder!
450
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,292
Harder. Harder.
451
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,660
Here, Lola.
452
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:24,867
Use this.
453
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,167
Oh.
454
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,747
I...
455
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,795
I--I--I...
456
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:33,879
I... I don't...
[normal voice] need this anymore.
457
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:39,045
No, I-- I went to puppet college
to make my father happy.
458
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:42,177
This is not the life I wanted.
I wanted to play football.
459
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,135
-[Crash gasps]
-Well, you know what?
460
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,845
I quit! [laughing]
461
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,356
[high-pitched] You'll be back.
462
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,898
[normal voice]
How would you know about it?
463
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,731
You're a lousy football player.
464
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:53,026
[yells] I've tried. I had heart!
465
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:54,319
[yells] No, you didn't!
466
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,572
What do you--! What is happening to me?
467
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:59,124
Okay, this-- [sighs] Okay.
468
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,829
Excuse me.
469
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,699
[muttering]
470
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,786
You were right all along, Bernstein.
471
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,206
She was never real.
472
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:13,505
It's okay, Crash.
473
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:14,628
Come on.
474
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:16,511
I feel so stupid.
475
00:20:16,591 --> 00:20:18,801
I will not make that mistake again.
476
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,425
Glad to hear it, buddy.
477
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:24,967
Oh, you're still here?
I mean this as a compliment, but...
478
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,808
-you smell like my buddy Bernstein's feet.
-[deep voice] I get that a lot.
479
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,444
Yeah, I bet.
480
00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:33,779
[sighs] I've done some serious thinking.
481
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:36,858
And the only thing that makes sense
is us being together.
482
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:41,197
I know what I said before.
But that other girl means nothing to me.
483
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:43,333
[sighs]
484
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:46,660
No, I did not get dumped!
485
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,116
I knew you'd make me pay for this.
486
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,747
With you there always has to be a bad guy.
487
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,795
Oh! That's the silent treatment.
488
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,051
Well.
489
00:20:58,133 --> 00:20:59,973
Two can play that game.
490
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,391
[zipping sound]
491
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,559
[mumbling]
492
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:07,769
[mumbling continues]
493
00:21:10,020 --> 00:21:11,350
[zipping sound]
494
00:21:11,438 --> 00:21:13,688
So... you and me...
495
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:14,863
Are we back together?
496
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:21,910
♪ Crash and Bern, hard core ♪
497
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,780
♪ Bass, bass ♪
498
00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:29,868
♪ What ♪
499
00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:33,794
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
500
00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:34,997
♪ Crash and Bern ♪
501
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,086
♪ Tear it up, dude ♪
502
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:38,797
♪ Good call ♪
503
00:21:38,882 --> 00:21:41,012
♪ Crash and Bern Crash and Bern ♪
504
00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:44,182
-♪ I said, "Stein" ♪
-♪ What he said ♪
35154
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