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1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,633
♪♪ [music]
2
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:04,498
Yes. Yes-- Yes!
3
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,548
Touchdown! Headcrusher scores!
4
00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:09,431
[chanting] Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
5
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:12,181
-Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
-[Crash chuckling]
6
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:14,217
Oh ye--
7
00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:16,099
Crash, what are you doing?
8
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,018
I thought we were having
a "Stupidest Dance" contest.
9
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,435
-You are good.
-[audience laughs]
10
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:24,861
Can't talk.
I'm playing online football.
11
00:00:25,108 --> 00:00:26,278
21-nothing, Hammer.
12
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,361
Maybe you should start to put
some points up on the bo--
13
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,986
Oh, he just scored.
14
00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:31,912
[audience laughs]
15
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:33,664
What are you doing?
16
00:00:33,908 --> 00:00:36,998
I'm writing a presentation
on great women overachievers
17
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,868
and the idiot men
who got in their way.
18
00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:39,825
Ooh!
19
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,747
-Can I be in it?
-You already are.
20
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:43,959
[grunts]
21
00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:47,299
Whee! [groaning]
22
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,882
-[cellphone chimes]
-Yeah, Jennifer, he's annoying.
23
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:50,878
His name's Crash.
24
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:54,394
-[cellphone chimes]
-[laughing] I know, right?
25
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,351
-[cellphone chimes]
-You guys are talking about me?
26
00:00:57,432 --> 00:01:00,602
Because my name is Crash.
And I'm annoying.
27
00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,192
[audience laughs]
28
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,980
[Crash screams and grunts]
29
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:09,028
How are you people more interested
in machines than playing with me?
30
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:11,652
Crash, you can play with me.
31
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:14,406
-[audience laughs]
-So, uh...
32
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,204
-How's this thing works?
-You draw stuff.
33
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:21,582
These knobs make the line move,
and to erase it, just shake.
34
00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:23,503
[rattles]
35
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:28,165
Why does it have
to be so complicated? [sobbing]
36
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,974
Wyatt, your thing's having a meltdown.
37
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:32,843
[Crash sobs]
38
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,336
[blows nose loudly]
39
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:39,023
♪ Let me tell you about the Bernsteins ♪
40
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,686
♪ Yo! I'ma let you finish but ♪
41
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:42,938
-♪ Ding-dong ♪
-♪ Who's that? ♪
42
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,399
♪ Yo, it's Crash at the door ♪
43
00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,899
♪ Don't wait for you to openKick it down hard core ♪
44
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:49,361
♪ A purple with a 'tudeWhere your mom hide the food? ♪
45
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,902
-♪ In the fridge ♪
-♪ I'ma eat it then we tear it up, dude
46
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,356
♪ No makeup or feelingsTea parties or dolls ♪
47
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,657
♪ Now it's ninjas and football ♪
48
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:56,910
-♪ And face slams ♪
-♪ Good call ♪
49
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,121
-♪ Crash and Bern-- ♪-♪ Stein ♪
50
00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,371
-♪ Crash and Bern-- ♪-♪ Stein ♪
51
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,082
♪ Crash and Bern ♪-♪ Stein! ♪
52
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,122
-♪ What he said, Crash and Bern ♪-♪ Stein ♪
53
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,616
-♪ Crash and Bern-- ♪♪ Stein! ♪
54
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,038
♪ Crash and Bern ♪♪ STEIN! ♪
55
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:06,956
♪ What he said ♪
56
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,673
♪ It's war against awesomeBut awesome's gotta soar ♪
57
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:11,764
-♪ I'll be grounded forever ♪
-♪ That's what friends are for ♪
58
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,090
-♪ Crash and Bern ♪-♪ Stein ♪
59
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:14,425
-♪ Crash and Bern ♪-♪ Stein! ♪
60
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,219
-♪ Crash and Bern... ♪
-♪ I said "Stein" ♪
61
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,602
♪ What he said ♪
62
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,059
[glass shatters]
63
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,059
[chuckles]
64
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,225
♪ Hey hey hey, come on! ♪
65
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,265
Okay, it's time you learn about
[emphatically] technology.
66
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,530
[slowly] Technology.
67
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:32,777
Good. Okay.
68
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,651
So let's start with what you know.
69
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,278
Can the computer make waffles?
70
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:37,704
Can it catch ghosts?
71
00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,952
Can it make yogurt taste less like snot?
72
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,912
That last one's a must.
73
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,123
[audience laughs]
74
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,423
No. There's a site
that makes body noises.
75
00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,339
-[loud belch]
-[gasps]
76
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:51,879
We need to tell the world
about this machine!
77
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:56,425
If only there was a way to communicate
with billions of people all at once.
78
00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,759
Like a world...
79
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,305
wide... web.
80
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:02,845
[audience laughs]
81
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:04,392
Okay, slow your roll, Crash.
82
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,846
-Let's take this one burp at a time.
-[loud belch]
83
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:09,056
-What's this one do?
-[loud fart]
84
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:13,071
-[laughing]
-I believe we have a winner!
85
00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:15,031
-[quieter fart]
-[Wyatt laughing]
86
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,488
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
87
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,031
["Chopsticks" playedin farts and burps]
88
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,118
[both laughing]
89
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,164
See? I told you
The computer was awesome.
90
00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,668
You are so right, my friend.
91
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:33,050
I pledge the remainder of my days
to learning everything there is to know
92
00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,669
[gutturally] about this miracle machine.
93
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,427
[normal voice]
Oh, hey Bernstein, plug me in.
94
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,974
[audience laughs]
95
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,970
Is it on?
96
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,230
I don't feel any smarter.
97
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,646
-[audience laughs]
-♪♪ [music]
98
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:50,809
♪ Yeah! ♪
99
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,243
"Access denied"?
100
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,449
I don't think so, NASA.
[chuckles]
101
00:03:58,530 --> 00:03:59,450
[audience laughs]
102
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,492
What are you doing?
103
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:04,290
Oh, I spent the last 17 minutes
getting my online degree
104
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,119
in computerology
and advanced thinkerism.
105
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:10,884
Hey! You rearranged
the letters on my keyboard.
106
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,424
They were all out of order.
107
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:14,461
Now I'm optimizing your hard drive.
108
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,263
Here we go.
Let's see... Uh.
109
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,086
Well, this setting's wrong.
110
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,764
This setting is double-wrong. [scoffs]
111
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,393
This one isn't even a setting.
112
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,813
-Oops.
-[audience laughs]
113
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:26,889
-Okay, let's optimize your monitor--
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
114
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,095
-Go back to "oops."
-Look, this is very technical.
115
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,435
You wouldn't understand.
116
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,690
-[keys clacking]
-You deleted my presentation!
117
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,283
Oh, so you are "tech-savvy."
118
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:40,321
Then you'll appreciate
that I also freed up lots of disk space...
119
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,407
by getting rid of all
that useless music.
120
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:43,867
[audience laughs]
121
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:44,830
And 4,000 pictures.
122
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,542
What? I wasn't in any of them.
123
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,866
[record scratching]
♪ Yeah! ♪
124
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,884
No, no, no. [laughing]
Oh! Oh! Oh!
125
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,132
-[video game noises]
-[screaming and maniacal laughter]
126
00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,134
No-no-no-no! Yes-yes! [laughing]
127
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,546
Whoa whoa!
128
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,144
Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, whoa!
[maniacal laughter]
129
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:04,849
Hey! What's that game you're playing?
130
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,141
This is no game.
131
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:09,272
This is an epic battle
for survival on a cruel planet
132
00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,441
filled with merciless beasts!
133
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:13,096
Sounds intense. What's it called?
134
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:16,065
"The Magical World
of Sparkles the Wonderhorse."
135
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,439
[high-pitched chime]
136
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,435
Yeah, be careful of Gumdrop Cove.
137
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:23,027
Why?! What unspeakable horrors happen
in Gumdrop Cove?!
138
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:24,664
You gotta tell me!
139
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,368
[Mr. Poulos scatting]
140
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,365
Headcrusher logging in.
141
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:31,865
[game device rings]
142
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:34,326
Ho ho! Ooh.
143
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,554
The Hammer is on.
144
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,416
So, Headcrusher...
145
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,047
are you ready for the second half?
146
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,973
I hope you're wearing your virtual cup.
147
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,434
Aw, man, he scored.
148
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,391
Touchdown!
149
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,313
Is it time for the Hammer dance?
150
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,142
It is time for the Hammer dance!
151
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,187
♪ Ooh, yeah! Ooh, yeah! ♪
152
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:55,860
♪ Uh-huh uh-huh ♪
153
00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,609
♪ Do the Hammer!Do the Hammer! ♪
154
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,321
Who is this guy?
He's like a football genius.
155
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,282
He must have played in the N.F.L.
156
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,072
♪ Uh-huh uh-huh ♪
157
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,695
♪ Do the Hammer!Do the Hammer! Uh-huh--♪
158
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,697
-Oh.
-[audience laughs]
159
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,535
No way! You're the Hammer?
160
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,248
[chuckles] What gave it away?
161
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,794
-The dance?
-[audience laughs]
162
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,206
♪♪ [transition music]
163
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,667
[Crash] Hmm. Mmm...
164
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,375
So, you're the Headcrusher.
165
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,137
Finally I can put a face
to the butt I've been kicking.
166
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,100
[laughing] Butt face! Get it?!
167
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,641
'Cause of your face
and your butt and the--
168
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:36,148
[audience laughs]
169
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,229
All right, come on. Let's start playing.
170
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:41,324
I'm up by a touchdown
and about to make history.
171
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,029
What do you know about history?
172
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,321
You weren't even born then.
173
00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,744
-Returning the kick.
-[wind whistling]
174
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,334
He's at the 30! He's at the 20!
175
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,450
[emphatically] He could go all the--
176
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,707
[power outage]
177
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,415
What?!
My screen froze.
178
00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,629
Nah, no excuses.
179
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:02,091
[laughs] Oh, mine too.
180
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,470
I can't get Jennifer's text.
181
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,679
I hope she's okay.
182
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,470
[both exhale]
183
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,063
The internet's down.
184
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,389
Now I'll never be able
to finish my project.
185
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,517
Sparkles! Are you there?!
186
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,613
Neigh if you can hear me!
187
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,188
[audience laughs]
188
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,903
[screaming] Nooo!
189
00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,694
[sobbing]
190
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,318
Sparkles!
191
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:27,244
Sparkles.
192
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,162
♪♪ [music]
193
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,407
♪♪ [music]
194
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:34,413
[grunting] Come on back, internet!
195
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:36,713
You were always so good to me.
196
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,130
Don't leave me here
with these people! [grunting]
197
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,589
Crash! [exhales]
198
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,510
The computer is not the internet.
199
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:46,758
[mimics Yoda] Ooh,
philosophical the sassy one gets.
200
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:47,721
[audience laughs]
201
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,347
The computer is just a device.
202
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,261
You're just a device.
203
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,478
The internet is... out there!
204
00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,227
It is?
205
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,520
Hang on, internet!
206
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:04,937
I'll save you! [grunts]
207
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,946
-Whoo!
-[audience laughs]
208
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,608
-Whoo!
-[wind whistling]
209
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,447
I'm-- I'm in the internet!
210
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,452
-Whoo-Hoo-Hoo-Hoo!
-[audience laughs]
211
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,158
Yeah, it's not just our building.
212
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:17,455
Some big communications tower
went down in the storm.
213
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,619
We're gonna be without phone
and internet for awhile.
214
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,791
Well, isn't that convenient?
215
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,086
-[Crash] Whoo!
-What, you think I did this?
216
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,670
Like I control the internet.
217
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,590
Who do you think I am?
Mark Zucker-majig?
218
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,298
I just think it's interesting
219
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:33,345
that everything went down just
as I was about to beat you.
220
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:35,348
-[Crash] Oh!
-Like when we lost power
221
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,932
during our karaoke party.
222
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,478
What your mother does
to Abba should be illegal!
223
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,601
[audience laughs]
224
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:41,857
Listen, you need to calm down.
225
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,858
Why can't you be more
like your sister and her friend?
226
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,034
[Crash] Oh!
227
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:47,065
-[audience laughs]
-[Crash] Ooh, leaves!
228
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,357
They're not calm.
229
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,953
They just don't know how to speak
to each other without texting.
230
00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:52,276
-[audience laughs]
-[Crash] Whoo-Hoo!
231
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,284
Wyatt, that's ridiculous.
232
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:55,946
Jennifer and I are best friends.
233
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,406
We talk all the time.
234
00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,579
-Right?
-[high-pitched] Totally, we're bffs.
235
00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,423
Wait. Is that really
how your voice sounds?
236
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,804
[audience laughs]
237
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,377
♪♪ [music]
238
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:09,883
[yelling]
239
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,260
Who wants to come to my tea party?
240
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,853
-Do you have internet?
-Are you kidding me?
241
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:20,353
I don't even have real tea.
242
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:21,638
[audience laughs]
243
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,521
Jasmine,
you're too young to understand,
244
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,895
but something really bad just happened.
245
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,731
Is the building on fire?!
246
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,491
I wish.
My phone stopped working.
247
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,068
This is horrible.
248
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:37,579
I just wanna go home,
but I can't find it without my G.P.S.!
249
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,080
-[audience laughs]
-[deep sigh]
250
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,919
Listen to me, townspeople!
251
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,882
If we're going to survive,
we must work together!
252
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,513
All but one of us will eat tonight.
253
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,801
The other will be our dinner.
254
00:09:53,885 --> 00:09:54,835
[audience laughs]
255
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:57,758
Crash,
we have a refrigerator full of food.
256
00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,599
[loud belch] Not anymore.
257
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,846
[audience laughs]
258
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:05,152
Now who we saute tonight
has yet to be determined.
259
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:08,567
But, Amanda,
you would do us all a favor
260
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:10,610
if you rolled around in bread crumbs.
261
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,235
Crash, get out of my face.
262
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,283
Hey! Hey, come back here, young lady!
263
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,122
You need to marinate!
Get back here, you!
264
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,618
-Quit following me.
-You quit following you.
265
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,955
-[all yelling]
-Now come on, look, we gotta eat somehow!
266
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,578
[indistinct yells]
267
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,876
All right, everybody, take it easy.
Take it easy!
268
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,344
-[yelling stops]
-[audience laughs]
269
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,724
I didn't have any cellphones
270
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,760
or video games growing up,
and look at me.
271
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,431
You heard the man!
272
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:40,892
We have to act quick
or we're gonna end up like Mr. Poulos!
273
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,604
-[Crash grunts]
-[audience laughs]
274
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,733
All right, I don't need a bored
bunch of turkeys creating mayhem,
275
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,733
so I brought some books up
from the basement.
276
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,816
That's a basement?
277
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,990
I thought it was a really bad museum.
278
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,241
Although, I did enjoy the gift shop.
279
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,411
-[audience laughs]
-Here...
280
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,159
this is a book for you and your friend.
281
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,121
It's called "The Art of Conversation."
282
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,251
It's the secret to my charm!
283
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,580
Okay so, "How was your day?"
284
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,086
-It's been a catastrophic fail.
-[chuckling]
285
00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,089
I'm sorry, I can't get over her voice.
286
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,431
And, Cleo... these are encyclopedias.
287
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,386
You can use them to finish your project.
288
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,391
It's like the internet, but in book form.
289
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,103
[audience laughs]
290
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,774
So how do I do a search?
291
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,062
You turn the stinkin' pages!
292
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:30,897
-Oh, wait.
-[wind rattling]
293
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,032
I hear something on the porch.
294
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:35,608
-I can hunt down dinner. Gah!
-Pretty sure it's the wind, doofus.
295
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,065
The amateur might fall for that.
296
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,200
But to a mountain man like myself,
297
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:43,372
it's clearly the call
of the flying dodo shark.
298
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,581
They're nearly extinct.
299
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:48,249
This could be the last one alive.
300
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:51,092
-I'll go kill it!
-[audience laughs]
301
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:52,589
[Crash grunting]
302
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:54,011
[wind blowing]
303
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,893
Good news! I got food!
304
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,718
[audience laughs]
305
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:01,894
Nice going, Crash.
306
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,721
You hunted down Mrs. Mandola's underwear.
307
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,185
Here, You're the weakest.
You eat first.
308
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,519
-[screaming]
-[audience laughs]
309
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,107
♪♪ [music]
310
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,490
♪ Crash and Bern! ♪
311
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,992
Okay, it says here to talk
about things we like.
312
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:23,333
I like... coloring my hair.
313
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,580
-Oh, me too.
-I like cupcakes.
314
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,082
-Who doesn't?
-[Jennifer chuckles]
315
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,333
I like math.
316
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,207
You mean with the numbers?
317
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,042
[audience laughs]
318
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,338
Yeah, it's kinda fun.
319
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:38,430
-Whatever.
-[audience laughs]
320
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:40,008
Let's try something else.
321
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,340
Do you like any guys?
322
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:44,008
-I like Dylan Dilorenzo. [chuckles]
-[chuckles]
323
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,267
Right, you mean as a friend.
324
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,229
No. We're more than friends.
325
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,858
No, you're not.
326
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,395
We totally are.
327
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,153
That's impossible,
because he's my boyfriend.
328
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:01,026
-No, he's not. He's my boyfriend.
-[scoffs]
329
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,324
No way! I'm calling him.
330
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,408
[grunts] Stupid storm!
331
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,865
What do you wanna tell him?
332
00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:11,165
I can pass it along
when I see him later.
333
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,170
I'll pass your message
along when I see Dylan.
334
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,172
Over my dead body!
335
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,514
I'll bring Dylan to the funeral.
He really likes me in black.
336
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,222
[both muttering]
337
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:25,215
♪♪ [music]
338
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,726
I could beat you
with my granny's thumbs.
339
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:32,188
Although to be fair, my granny thumb
wrestled in the Olympics for Bulgaria.
340
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:35,318
I'm not afraid of your granny thumbs.
341
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:36,938
-A loser says "what?"
-Huh?
342
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:38,395
-You're supposed to say "what?"
-[screams] Ha!
343
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,863
-Loser! Ha ha!
-[audience laughs]
344
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,284
[both yelling]
345
00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,615
[Crash screams]
346
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:47,619
[grunts] Bernstein, help!
I'm under attack. [spits]
347
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,708
That little purple monkey
just ripped up my presentation!
348
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,000
I told you,
349
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:56,963
I needed kindling to boil water
for my Amanda stew.
350
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,625
-[audience laughs]
-[Cleo sighs]
351
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,053
[both screaming] Ow ow ow ow.
352
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:04,472
[all yelling]
353
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,892
All right! All right!
354
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,810
Everybody, knock it off!
355
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:12,191
Losing the internet
is not the end of the world.
356
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,940
-You're all acting like animals.
-That is not true.
357
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,194
Mmm mmm.
358
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:21,112
We're gonna settle our differences
the old-fashioned way.
359
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,204
[gasps]
360
00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:24,446
Freestyle rap-off?
361
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,196
[rapping]
♪ Oh, I'm a purple little dude ♪
362
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,992
♪ And I like to sing
The ladies like my rhymes ♪
363
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,116
-♪ And they love the bling-- ♪
-No!
364
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,502
♪ When I shake my booty
They think I'm cu-- ♪
365
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,119
-No...
-[mimics record scratching]
366
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,791
I think what Mr. Poulos is suggesting,
367
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,038
and correct me if I'm wrong,
368
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:42,088
is a game of living room football.
369
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,342
It is the way of my people.
370
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,721
-I'm from Canton.
-[audience laughs]
371
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,183
I'm not playing football.
372
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,926
You get to knock your friend on her butt.
373
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,022
Bring it on.
374
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,232
Fine, bring it on!
375
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,520
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
376
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:57,233
-Yeah?
-I already said "yeah"!
377
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,443
Seriously, is that her real voice?
378
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:00,984
♪♪ [music]
379
00:15:03,028 --> 00:15:04,358
♪♪ [music]
380
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:07,069
[Mr. Poulos grunting]
381
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:11,697
[Crash] The autumn wind blows a bitter
breeze through a storied rivalry.
382
00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:14,753
A young,
slightly pigeon-toed quarterback
383
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:18,670
faces off against the man
several times his age
384
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:22,962
and oozing a faint smell
of dry wall and failure.
385
00:15:23,048 --> 00:15:24,798
[audience laughs]
386
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:28,893
While three pathetic girls stare awestruck
387
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,640
at a man-- No, a god
388
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,643
known simply as Crash.
389
00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,516
Let's do this.
390
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,309
Game on!
391
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,607
-[both grunt]
-[audience laughs]
392
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,494
Whoo! Sack dance!
393
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,074
♪ Oh yeah, sack dance ♪
394
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,704
♪ Mmm mmm, I got him! ♪
395
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:49,196
-Oh, yeah.
-We haven't even started yet.
396
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,543
It's obvious I need
to go over some ground rules.
397
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,004
No head slaps.
398
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,790
-No noogies.
-Whoa!
399
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,173
-No wet willies.
-[high-pitched giggling]
400
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,710
-And above all, no purple nurples.
-Too late!
401
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:02,835
Already got 'em. Ew.
402
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,091
[Crash chuckles]
403
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,762
All right, everyone. Line up, let's play.
404
00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:09,965
♪♪ [football music]
405
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:12,889
Blue 34, blue 34!
406
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,472
Red 19, set--
407
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:19,347
♪ Oh say can you see ♪
408
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:23,527
♪ By the dawn's early light--♪
409
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:24,778
Play ball!
410
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,240
Touchdown! Yeah!
411
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,780
-Yeah!
-[Jennifer] Go team!
412
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,742
-Face slam!
-[both] Oh, yeah!
413
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:31,664
High five!
414
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,541
Hey, hey, hey, that's cheating!
415
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:36,158
Hey, you never said anything
about faking out the other team
416
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,706
by singing the national anthem.
417
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:40,379
-Yeah.
-Oh, you wanna play dirty, huh?
418
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:43,128
Well, I know dirty.
You forget, I went to plumbing college.
419
00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:44,962
All right, line up!
420
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,421
♪♪ [dramatic music]
421
00:16:47,924 --> 00:16:50,144
-Prepare to be road kill.
-Pshh,
422
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,678
like some girl's gonna beat me.
423
00:16:52,762 --> 00:16:56,562
Oh, I forgot, I'm a helpless girl.
424
00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:57,981
-Hut hut!
-[Crash grunts]
425
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,807
I'm open! I'm open!
426
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,571
Yeah, touchdown!
427
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,187
[audience laughs]
428
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,942
-[Crash groaning]
-[music ends]
429
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,740
-♪♪ [dramatic music]
-Hut!
430
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,002
[all gasp]
431
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,118
[all] Ooh.
432
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,917
Hut hut!
433
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:28,416
-Hello? Oh, it's for you.
-Hello--
434
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,052
[audience laughs]
435
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,472
[all yelling]
436
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:34,394
Mine-mine-mine,
mine-mine-mine!
437
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:35,351
Mine-mine-mine!
438
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,097
♪ Push 'em back,Push 'em back ♪
439
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:45,187
♪ Way back!Uh, ungawa ♪
440
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:48,283
♪ Crash has got the power!Saying, "chin-a-lin ♪
441
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,570
♪ Crash is gonna win!" ♪
442
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,322
-Yay! [laughing]
-[audience laughs]
443
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:55,276
This is the worst halftime show ever.
444
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:58,327
Whoo whoo! Whoo whoo!
445
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,495
[Crash screaming]
Field goal!
446
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:03,712
[both cheering]
447
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:06,166
Whoo! Yeah!
448
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,922
♪ Mmm mmm.
Mmm mmm mmm, yeah! ♪
449
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:10,551
Hut hut!
450
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,884
[all yelling]
451
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:17,348
[silence]
452
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:20,729
[audience laughs]
453
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,402
-[Cleo] Ow! Ow! Stop!
-[Crash laughing]
454
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,480
[yelling, grunting]
455
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,744
Ahh!
456
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:36,947
[gurgling and smacking lips] Hmm?
457
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:39,986
[Crash grunting]
458
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,421
-Knock it off!
-[Crash gasps]
459
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,710
Okay, we're tied with five seconds left.
460
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:52,382
We score here, we win.
461
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,965
If we win,
I finally get revenge on the Hammer.
462
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,221
And you guys...
463
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:58,555
get to watch me
get revenge on the Hammer.
464
00:18:59,556 --> 00:19:00,516
Okay, on three!
465
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,314
One, two, three!
466
00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,022
[all] Break!
467
00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:08,194
[exhales] I have to admit it.
468
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:09,903
You're not so bad for a girl.
469
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:12,693
Thanks.
You're not that good for a boy.
470
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:14,363
[growling]
471
00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:16,156
-Blue 34, blue 34!
-♪♪ [dramatic music]
472
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:18,319
Red 19! Set--
473
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,988
-Wait, is that my phone?
-[music ends]
474
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,746
Jasmine, what are you doing?
475
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,498
-Checking your e-mail.
-We have internet?
476
00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:26,671
It's been on for a half an hour.
477
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,790
You should have been at my tea party.
478
00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,127
It's all we talked about.
479
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:31,961
[audience laughs]
480
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:34,666
It works!
We have internet!
481
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:38,088
We're going to live! [chortles]
482
00:19:39,262 --> 00:19:42,682
I told you you'd survive
without all your Whatchamajiggies.
483
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,556
Yeah, this was fun.
484
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:47,273
-Who wants to keep playing?
-[gasps] Totally!
485
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,477
Right after I catch up on my texts.
486
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:52,111
No, come on.
Let's keep playing.
487
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:55,072
Although, I probably should go
finish my presentation.
488
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,532
Oh, I wonder how Sparkles
the Wonderhorse is doing.
489
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:02,866
Sparkles!
Let's ride off together into the sunset!
490
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,540
It's Dylan!
491
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:07,712
He says he's been thinking
about me all day.
492
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:11,041
Dylan says he's been thinking
of me all day.
493
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,835
That punk! Here.
494
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:16,339
[anticipatory music]
495
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:19,472
Let's give him something to think about.
496
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:22,602
To heck with that!
Let's kick him between the uprights!
497
00:20:22,681 --> 00:20:24,471
[audience laughs]
498
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:31,479
Looks like it's just you and me.
Time to finish this... like men.
499
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,364
Mano a mano.
500
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:36,031
Two athletes in their prime
on the field of battle.
501
00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:38,278
-Game on!
-Yeah!
502
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:39,985
[audience laughs]
503
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,453
-[whistle blows]
-[cheering]
504
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,285
What's your mom got in the way of snacks?
505
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:45,751
[audience laughs]
506
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:48,919
[high-pitched]
♪ Be aggressive! ♪
507
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,535
♪ B-e aggressive! ♪
508
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,169
[grunts and groans]
509
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,335
That might have been
a little too aggressive. [groans]
510
00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:58,724
[audience laughs]
511
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:00,974
Is this where the try-outs are?
512
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,506
You know, I was yell captain
in plumbing college.
513
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:04,930
-[high-pitched] Ready?
-Okay!
514
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,845
♪ Your team is whooDown the drain ♪
515
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,943
♪ Whoo whooDown the drain ♪
516
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:10,439
♪ Glug glug glug glugGlug glug glug glug ♪
517
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,810
♪ Whoo, down the drain ♪
518
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,110
♪ Glug glugDown the drain! ♪
519
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,319
-Ha!
-[audience laughs]
520
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:16,859
[grunts] Hey!
521
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:19,780
[silence]
522
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,451
-[audience laughs]
-[Crash screaming]
523
00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:30,537
[Mr. Poulos] Sorry.
524
00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:36,127
♪ Crash and Bern, hard core ♪
525
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:38,917
♪ Bass, bass ♪
526
00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,301
♪ What? ♪
527
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,852
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
528
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:51,063
-♪ Crash and Bern ♪-♪ Tear it up, dude ♪
529
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:53,772
♪ Good call ♪
530
00:21:53,855 --> 00:21:55,855
♪ Crash and BernCrash and Bern ♪
531
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,030
♪ I said Stein ♪
532
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:58,692
♪ What he said ♪
38580
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