All language subtitles for DAVE 2x07 - Ad Man (English)

Yo, what's up? It's Lil
Yachty, from Atlanta, Georgia.

Um, the thing what
got me into, you know,

taking this rap thing serious was,

you know, growing up,
my mom worked two jobs,

and wanted to, you
know, live above for once,

you know, you know,
provide for my family,

so I think that's what really drove me

to, you know, take this thing serious.

You already know the vibes.

Your boy Desiigner, New York City.

And what really made me take
my career serious was, you know,

when I was 14, I got shot.

For me, I was in the streets, wilin',

doing things I wasn't
supposed to do, so,

seen a vision, and
I started following it,

and here I am today. No kizzy.

Hey. Lil Dicky. I'm from
Cheltenham, Pennsylvania,

which is the first suburb
right outside of Philadelphia.

It's, like, a stone's
throw away, honestly.

Two minute drive,
you're in... in the city.

My childhood was ideal.
Like, I was very loved

and respected by my
friends and family...

How's it look? Does he look too Jewish?

Well, maybe I shouldn't
say "ideal" actually.

Think it's a little
late to be asking that.

Too Jewish?

He don't even got the
shit on his head or nothing.

There was a lot of body trauma,
if I'm being honest with you,

a couple of procedures
I wish I could have back,

a second crack at it, but
you live and you learn,

um, as they say, and...

Anyways, I went to college,
uh, University of Richmond,

and I graduated as the
marketing student of the year.

And actually, Businessweek
ranked my undergraduate program

as the number-one undergraduate
marketing program in America.

So by the transitive property,

I was incredibly well-positioned.

And I got a job at an ad agency.

And it was cool.

Like, uh, you know,
but it just, like...

I've always felt like I
was the one, genuinely.

So, I went for it, and here I am.

What was the question, again?

You doing commercials?

Yeah, I-I have, like,
ten commercials on TV.

Brrra. Geek geek!

Yeah. Can we actually, uh,
not put that part in the edit?

Um, who do I need
to talk to about that?

Uh, I'd actually love to...

Just because I'm very, like, careful

about how I do my branding and...

Oh, that's great.

Hey. Hey.

- It's just me.
- Oh. Hi.

Did you switch chairs with me?

- Uh...
- Uh...

You could interpret it that way.

- Give it back.
- Okay.

- Slugs.
- My back is broken.

- Well, you know.
- Spinal.

- Mike Tyson?
- I have no idea what that reference is.

What you got for me?

- TD Ameritrade?
- Mm-hmm.

Sure. Let me pull up my list.

Okay, so I've got one idea.

- Just one?
- It's the best idea

probably that's ever come
out of this building, so...

- Okay, let's hear it.
- Would you be interested in hearing

- an idea like that?
- I would love to hear your idea.

Great. Imagine driving
down the street, right?

You look up, you see a billboard.

But there's a human
being strapped to it.

Like, actually up, strapped.

- Mm-hmm.
- And it just says. "Strapped for cash?

- TD Ameritrade."
- Mm-hmm.

It's clean, it's simple,
it's newsworthy.

I think, like, reporters would report.

It's an online brokerage firm.

They're not buying anything funny.

I don't know. I chose not

to have any inhibitions and dream big.

Like, I'm not putting any
unnecessary limitations on this.

The limitations are necessary,
or you're just wasting time.

- Okay, number two on the list.
- Mm-hmm.

If you were to hear me
say, "I'm dick-fingering a girl,"

in a song, how would
you interpret that?

- That you're a loser?
- 'Cause every song's about sex.

- I've never heard such unique phrasing.
- Yeah, but no guy

has ever said, "I want
to dick-finger you."

Bingo. Exactly. Why would...

That's-that's first
mover advantage. Oh!

I figured out my rap name.

Oh, my God, what is it?

Well, take a moment
and really absorb this,

because you're probably gonna, like,

replay this moment
a couple dozen times.

- Tell me.
- Call me...

Norm Bender.

Norm... Bender?

Yeah, like, my... as if
my name were Norman.

- Yo, Burd.
- 'Cause I bend norms at every...

- Burd.
- I'm Norm Bender.

Yo, here, here. Look.

- You done Chatroulette yet?
- Oh, yeah. Huh.

- I think I've seen this before.
- Is this-is this...

- This is a global...
- Yeah. You, like, connect

with a bunch of different
people all over the world.

- It's, uh... -Oh I... Ew.
- Oh, wow.

- Uh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah.
- Guy's dick is made of meat.

- There's a lot of dicks on this.
- Hey, what do you need from us?

- Let's cream. Uh...
- Hold on. Hold on.

- Uh, here we go. Here we go.
- Lower my voice.

Well, they keep nexting us,

but I'm ready to make him cream.

- Mm. Yup.
- Oh.

- Hello, sir.
- Oh, hi.

Hey, how's it going?

Just hanging... out.

Are you... my father?

Um... I don't think so.

- Nice.
- Ah.

- Okay. - That's funny.
- Hey, chubby.

Just working from home.

- Looking for people to talk to.
- Shit. Jeff.

So we should work hard at this task.

- Did he see us?
- Mm, I don't know.

- It's fine.
- I don't know. I'm not...

Guys, I've done coke
with one of the partners

at the holiday party.

I'm not gonna say who, but

- trust me, we're good. It's...
- I've never done coke, but...

- I'm on Adderall.
- Ah, nice. Can I get some?

Can't do it. My mom made me
promise not to give any away.

Got it. Got it, got it, got it.

- Dave.
- Of course.

What about "of course"?

"TD Ameritrade. Of course."

- Of course not.
- Well...

Maybe just think of it differently.

Like, what kind of movies do you like?

Uh, Warner Brothers?
They're the most consistent.

Never mind.

Wow! Kanye's new album
just dropped. Yeezusis here.

- Yeezusis here?
- Yeah, isn't that the best title

you've ever heard? That's
such a Kanye title. I love it.

- Yeezus.
- So arrogant and lacking self-awareness.

Very Kanye.

What on God's green earth

are you even talking about?

If Kanye wasn't that way,
he would never be Kanye.

He wouldn't even be a rapper.

This is gonna hit me
at the perfect time.

Every time I listen to him, it's like

there's nothing in my way and
I can achieve all my dreams.

Aw. Is the world in your way?

You got to understand
I have always felt

like I was the biggest
star on the planet.

You?

Yeah, me. I used to
watch The Truman Show

and think that that was me...
that everyone was watching me

because I was, like, destined

to provide entertainment for everybody.

And I still feel that way,
and I'm gonna go for it fully.

I'm just waiting on the moment
for my boat to hit the wall,

like at the end of the movie?

So you've always been delusional?

-Or I've always said -Or...

that I can live with failure,
but I can't live with what-ifs.

It must be nice to live in a world

where dreams don't have to be dreams.

Guys, seriously? How
am I still here right now

and you're playing fucking basketball?

- Sorry, Stephen.
- We're so sorry.

Our bad, big dog.

That's... Mm.

Did you just call our boss big dog?

I did, but it doesn't really matter.

In five years, he's gonna
be remembering the time

he had this conversation
with me when I was wasting

my national treasure of
a brain on TD Ameritrade.

This fucking sucks.
This must be exactly

what Kanye felt like when
he worked at the Gap.

I've hit a wall. I got to go home.

You want to head out?

I think I got a little
bit more left in me,

so I'm just gonna stick around,
but I'll see you tomorrow.

All right. Good night, Slug.

- Good night. Love you.
- Love you.

Can't wait for this to be over.

- I'm so stressed about this cypher.
- What?!

LD, you just made the XXLFreshman list.

You used to dream
about that type of shit.

And you got bars. Ain't
nobody spittin' like you.

If you want, there's a barber.

You can get a haircut if
that's... Does that help?

I don't understand how we
haven't gotten the beat yet.

Like, how am I supposed
to know how to rap

if I don't know what
we're rapping over?

Look around. You made it.

If I would've told you
this back in the cube...

What? This is my song.

- Song's so old.
- This is my shit right here, bro.

We don't have to hear any more of this.

Everyone's heard this before.

Yeah, you doing some
funny shit tomorrow, Lil Dicky?

I don't think so, Lil Yachty.

- I feel like... I don't know.
- Fuck this shit.

I'm putting up my shit.

Power move.

- Yeah.
- I respect that.

That's what it fucking
sound like, no doubt.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

I respect you.

Uh, hey, we went to
University of Richmond together,

believe it or not.

- Same year. Yeah.
- Seriously?

- Yeah.
- I don't remember you at all.

Yeah, uh, we probably had, you know,

drastically different social groups.

- I got kicked out my freshman year.
- I know.

- It was, like...
- You made it through?

I did. I made it all
the way. I graduated.

I was actually the student of my year.

- That's what's up.
- Uh, but I remember

when you got kicked out because
you were on the basketball team,

and it make me so
upset because the team...

I, like, had such hopes for that team.

And, like, you were a
big part of that puzzle,

so when you got kicked out,

it was, like, very... uh,
it was a bummer for me.

-Uh. -Obviously, I was upset

for you as a man, primarily.

Your underwear is exposed.

Yo, are you, like, Lil Dicky girlfriend

or something like that?

Oh, hell, no. He wishes.

- I just film him.
- Oh, you film?

Oh, well, shit, I'm
looking for a new director

of my music video myself, 'cause

the last dude... trash. You boot, man.

No, I just do it for fun,

- not for real.
- Oh.

I made his logos, though.

That's cool.

Can I get at those Takis, though?

- Yeah. Sorry.
- Thanks.

Okay, look at you, over here
networking with Denzel Curry,

connecting the dots.
That's what I'm trying to do.

Yeah, I wouldn't call that networking.

Why not? Look where we
at. I'm trying to get a verse

from one of these rappers, I
need a manager and publicist.

I'm trying to make something
shake out here, Emma.

No, I'm not trying to
be thirsty, you know?

I'm not thirsty. I'm just
hungry. Man, I got to eat.

Like, for real, don't be afraid.

- I...
- Dada!

Where your, like, monitor, supervisor?

Like, who... Nobody watching you, brah?

I feel you, though, man. I
used to be just like you... young,

out here, lost, fresh, wiggling,
man, like, for real, man.

I used to be a kid, too, myself.

But it's gonna be all right, man.

Just keep your head up, little homie.

- You gonna be straight.
- Damian?!

Sorry about that, y'all.

Damn. That's motivation
right there. Real shit.

But I'm about to go get
this Desiigner verse, though.

You see me? I'm out here
suited and booted. I got to get it.

- Uh-huh. Yeah.
- No, yeah, I get it,

but we need someone
who knows this world.

Huh? Her? I...

I would not put her on it, no.

Yeah, maybe Dan. I could
work with Dan, sure. All right.

I need you guys to help
me out with some TV spots.

What do you say?

- TV? -Yeah.
- Great.

John and Vicky are out
of the office this week,

so can you guys work on
the Mountain Dew campaign?

- We absolutely can.
- Yeah.

- All right.
- Great.

We've got an internal
with Jeff tomorrow,

so, uh, why don't we
circle back in the A.M. Cool?

- Yeah.
- Oh, yes, I'd love to meet Jeff.

Have you guys ever done TV?

- No. -Not yet.
- Well,

hopefully you'll do better
than your Eagles did

against my New York
football Giants last week.

Oh, my God. We
literally had our third-string

quarterback out there.
We were totally under...

How are you bragging
about that? Get a grip.

I bet you guys wish
you had Julio Jones.

He's on my fantasy team.

He's, like, leading the
league in YAC yards, so...

- She's a Falcons fan.
- Well, actually,

YAC yards is kind of like saying,

"yards after catch yards."

- So...
- Oh.

- It's true.
- Anyway, I will

shoot Dave the brief,

and you guys'll be off and running.

- Shoot it to me. -Yeah.
- Can you cc me?

-Yeah. I can just -Or...

- forward it, whatever's clever.
- Yeah. Just forward it.

We are gonna kill this
fuckin'... Ooh, sorry.

But we're gonna kill this thing.

- Do it. Do it.
- Thank you.

You won't regret it. Thank you.

Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew. Dew, Dew.

Dew, Dew. Doo-doo.

Hey, I got a buddy who
loves shitting in the mall.

What's his favorite movie?

What?

Paul Fart: Mall Poop.

Dave, it's way too late for that.

There's people out here, by the way.

Can we, like... This is a little crazy.

I thought you were a competitor.

I want to see what these doofuses got.

See what we're up against.

Well... Mountain Dewfus.

I'm excited to get in front of Jeff.

That guy's got such a presence to him.

Well, that's what happens
when you own an ad agency.

Ooh, let me check Adrian's office.

Why do you care so much about this?

- It's like trash digging or...
- Because making commercials is

so much cooler than
dumb-ass billboards.

I've been waiting over
a year to make TV spots.

So if you could do
whatever you want in life,

you would, what, make
Super Bowl commercials?

If I could do anything,
I'd direct movies.

What? How have I
never heard this before?

Just don't feel like it's a real job.

What do you mean?
It's definitely a real job.

Every movie you see has a director.

I understand how it works, Dave.

It's just 99% of
directors don't make it.

Yeah, but what if you're the one...

- Can you just help me?
- Don't be such a buzzkill.

This is, like, a rebellious
brand, you know.

You got to, like, unleash me here.

You'd be surprised what
they're probably capable of doing.

Please allow me to
unleash my inner Kanye

on this fucking shit.

Okay.

Okay.

What?

So I'd be rapping, rapping, rapping.

Swagger, charisma,
all of that, hopefully.

Go around, I guess, over and over

until the song is done. I don't know.

But don't think all these
people will have to, like,

turn their heads to see you?

I didn't think about that.

I think you should go under the table.

It'll be so sick. Come through here.

- Like, crawl?
- Yeah, and then, like, rap here,

rap here, and then you'll
be in the middle performing.

Crawl.

You want me to crawl
under the table in front of Jeff?

Yeah. Look, here. I'll show
you 'cause you can't see.

I'm rapping. I'm rapping. You
have no idea what I'm doing.

And I shoot through
the table like a rat.

Yeah.

- And down.
- And I'm up here, and then there.

Wow. And then I'm here, and
then everyone's staring at me.

- Then head over here.
- Yeah. Then I could even,

- uh, high-five people if I wanted to.
- -Yes.

- Is that... How does it look?
- Yes. Cut.

- Cut.
- Look.

Oh, that's way sicker.

- Right?
- Yeah, I like that a lot.

And then I'll design some
awesome graphics on the TV.

- Slug?
- Yeah.

Will you direct my real music
videos when I make them

when I'm a real rapper?

Definitely, Slug.

Hey, but don't get too ex...
Oh, you're giving me a hug?

- Yeah.
- Aw.

Don't get too excited, okay?

It's gonna be an
all-nighter. So write your rap

and I'll work on the visuals.

- All-nighter?
- Yup.

I've never pulled one of those before.

Ever?

Ever. The latest I've
ever stayed up... 3:45 a.m.

New York City, am I right?

Fuck. They got strip clubs out there.

- Yup.
- Got one night to write a rap.

That's fine. I thrive
in the face of pressure.

Yeah.

I better drink some fucking
Mountain Dew if I'm gonna...

- Caffeinated. Go for it.
- The...

Oh, my God!

You're supposed to do
that with an empty can.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Please,
I can't be touched.

Hey, Sherry, just following
up to see if we can get that beat

for the cypher because
LD is big on prep.

It's just not something
we do. We never give it out

in advance.

Yeah, I hear that, but, um, you know,

think about, like, today, culturally.

That might be, like, a
past type of way of thinking.

You know, like, shouldn't
we be, like, uplifting everyone

and celebrating this
talent and showcase it,

not pitting everyone, uh, at odds?

Especially with, uh,
social, uh, ongoings

and, like, the, you
know, uh, like, today?

- Sherry, you know what?
- We really just want

to be prepared, and
it's not a competition,

so if we get the beat
early, everybody wins.

This is a competition.
That's the point of it.

Look, a lot of times,

people just use verses
from unreleased songs.

Hey, you know what? That's cool,

but I don't really have
any unreleased verses,

you know? So that's just not something

I can tap into,
unfortunately, and if I could,

I probably wouldn't
be, like, revealing it

for a the first time, over a
beat I never heard, to America.

- You know what I mean?
- See you tomorrow, Dave.

So if we can just talk about...

Fuck!

Great. I'm gonna be up the
entire night writing some verse

that can fit over any beat,
tempo that's ever existed.

Bro, that's what rappers
do, bro. You got it. Game six.

Seven. It's seven, Gata. Who said six?

- That's... What are you talking about?
- Fuck.

Oh, nah. He closing out in six, bro.

Icons can do anything.
Jordan played baseball.

You know what I'm
saying? Bo Jackson did it all.

- You got it.
- Ants.

It's gonna work out
like it always does.

You're born to do this, remember?

Black coffee, almond milk
for the all-night woman.

Black coffee can't have milk.

What am I adding the milk to, then?

Coffee.

It feels racial.

Want to know another fun fact?

I've never actually rapped
in front of anybody before.

- Like, ever.
- Wait. Are you nervous?

Uh, look, I don't know. Fuck.

Jeff's, like, an
intimidating guy, and, uh,

this is all coming kind of quickly,

and I just want to
make sure I'm ready...

Dave, if you want to be a rapper,

you're gonna have
to do this eventually.

Might as well pop your
cherry in front of a bunch

of white dudes who won't
even know what's cool or not.

- It's gonna be cool.
- You're gonna be fine.

- Absolutely. I got it.
- You got this.

Speaking of which... Stephen,

we got quite the pitch
for Mountain Dew today.

- Yes, we do.
- Oh, fuck. I'm sorry.

Um, John and Vicky
actually sent some stuff in.

Aren't they on vacation?

Yeah. Yeah, they
are fuckin' rock stars.

Anyway, um, we've got
enough manpower on Dew,

so, uh, why don't you guys
get back to work on TDA?

Whoa, whoa, so we're not
doing any TV commercials?

Can we just give
you the elevator pitch?

Don't even worry about it.

Just TDA, guys. Thanks.

Fuck this fucking place.

Shit.

Long night last night?

- Yeah.
- Oh, uh,

I think I just saw your father
in conference room two.

Sony's here.

Everybody's Asian. It's crazy.

- Slug?
- Mm.

Let's win the Mountain Dew pitch today.

Did you just, like, snort Adderall?

We're not even in the meeting.

So what? Let's just fucking crash it.

Who cares?

Just went in ther...
You can't... That's not...

- That would never fly.
- Aren't you the one

who said you can live with
failure, not with what-ifs?

That was I.

- Their tagline is "Do the Dew."
- It is.

- I feel it.
- They're all about doing.

We got to just... do it, you know?

You're treading into Nike
territory, but fuck yeah,

- I'm down. How do we... Let's...
- Fuck yeah.

- Fuck, that's a... I love that shit.
- Let's fucking fuck it up!

Exactly.

Do you have the
music? Okay. That's a lot,

but, yes, uh, I'm ready. Uh...

- Ready?
- Let's go!

Bro, you didn't tell me they
had DJ Drama here today, bro.

You know it's about to go up, bro.

You got to snap, dawg, for real.

You know who that is, right?

Gata, he doesn't need the
pressure right now, man.

- Just...
- He bust again?

I know, bro, but not now.

Hey.

- Check your phone.
- What?

Check your phone. I was
just flirting with the DJ.

I texted you the beat.

You're welcome.

Hey, Gata, I want to
direct one of your videos.

You serious?

But you know I ain't got no
money for no music video, Emma.

That's fine. I just want to do shit.

- You for real?
- Yeah.

Oh, shit! This about to
up my gander, like, for real.

This is big-time. Like, top-tier.

You really about to
do this shit for me?

- Yeah.
- Hey, where's Lil Dicky?

- I don't know.
- I'm not even sure.

Anyone got eyes on Dicky?

New crib. New crib. New crib.

Yes!

Hey, Dave, keep in mind,

your clothes are really
dark, so don't lose your light.

- Every rapper has a spotlight.
- I'm gonna do it how I'm gonna do it.

I have to.

Rolling. Quiet, y'all.

- Still rolling sound.
- Don't worry,

he good, he got this.
That's what he do.

They can't spit like
him. He gonna be good.

- Dave East, you're up.
- Here I come.

Kill that shit, Dave.

Y'all ready. Let's do this shit.

Yo, this slow-ass beat ain't it, man.

- You playin', man.
- Hey, yo this shit.

- That's wack. Wack.
- Speed it up, bro.

I got a different one. I got-
I got something else. Here.

Let's do that. Let's do that.

Oh, I need something else.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you, man.

Uh, one, two. One, two. One, two.

Don't play with him, bro.

Hey.

- It's going out the end.
- That was really good.

- That was really good.
- Crazy.

Lil Dicky?

-Me? -You're up.

Okay.

- Kill that shit.
- Were you nervous?

- All right.
- Yeah, I'll take your word for it, Dave.

Hey, can we start that
over? Can we just run it back?

- Yup. Run that back.
- I got you.

All right.

Didn't do the vocal warmups that I do.

Here we go, here we go.

Start it over. Start it over. Sorry.

I'm just trying to get the
hang of this new beat.

Can you just don't
come so close? Thanks.

Can we go back to the... can
we go back to the-the first beat?

Uh...

E-Everyone kind of has
to have the same one,

- otherwise it wouldn't cut together.
- Right.

And-and you won't do yours
again to the slower beat, no?

- Nah, I'm good.
- Okay.

Adapt. Adapt. Adapt. Play it, uh...

Start it up. Start it up.

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

Mountain Dew

is current, it's exciting, it's iconic.

It's pure energy in a bottle.

Or-or a can. Yeah.

That's why we're telling the
world to grab a Mountain Dew

and... charge up.

Jeff, we're just blue-skying
right now, but, uh,

happy to hear your thoughts.
We can circle back at the...

Hold on. There's one more.

- Wait, what are you...
- Trust me.

You guys are gonna love this.

I...

Hi. Hello. How's it going?

You guys are here for the
Mountain Dew pitch, right?

You can sit. I figured it all out.

You can stop it. You
can stop the music.

Stop the music, stop the music.

Thank you guys so much.

That was awesome.

You know what? Let's
fast-track this and lock in a rapper.

I think he could run point on that.

What's your name again?

Norm Bender.

It's Dave. My name's Dave.

Okay, so, you... you prefer
Dave or Norm Bender?

Dave.

Oh, and give it up for Emma.

She did all the visuals. Uh...

They're kind of cool, right?
Did you guys even see 'em?

Sorry.

New crib, new...

Okay, you know what?
I-I think we have enough

to stitch something out
of it, so you can just stop.

Can I just take five? I'm
sorry. I just need five minutes.

Thank you so much. I just need
five minutes. Thank you guys.

Making an album has been
like psychological chaos.

It's got to be so smart.

So poignant.

Ooh.

Reinventive.

I'm going to be okay, right?

Yeah.Yes.

He'll be fine. Oh, yeah.

I'm an addict, and I'm
an out-of-control addict.

And what I've learned
is I'm not that healthy.

I want to talk to people that are open.

I want to learn about myself,

and that's my intention,
right? MAN: Right.

It's not going the way I want.

- Stop yelling at me!
- Stop yelling at me!

I'm cool with that.