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The following programme contains
adult humour.
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Rom and I are back!
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Yes!
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Ridiculous.
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Bigger...
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I'm like really struggling to focus.
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Better...
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And more tested than ever.
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Together...
I am one number one caddy.
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..we're on a journey of discovery.
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I should not have done this!
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Yee-agghhh!
13
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To find out what we like...
14
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I feel great!
Is this sexy?
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..and what we don't.
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I'm going off golf.
Just talk less.
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-Ha-ha!
-Oh, my God!
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This week, we are delving into
the world of art.
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They're vying to be judged the most
-beautiful in the universe.
-Oh, OK.
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We'll be going to a top art school.
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Before we each present a work of art
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at the world-famous Saatchi Gallery.
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I cannot wait.
See you in a minute.
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♪ Where do we come from?
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♪ London. ♪
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First off the bat, Rom and I are
clueless about art.
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But with some of the world's most
famous galleries on our doorstep,
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where better to start
than an art tour of the capital?
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I actually am quite excited
about this, because
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I consider myself - and I won't
comment on what I think you are -
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an art...an art heathen.
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Have you ever had aspirations
of being an artist?
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No, but like anything, I probably
think I can do it a bit.
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You probably think Banksy is not
quite as good as you're gonna be
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when you start getting into it,
I imagine.
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Well, if someone did the stencils
for me, I could be Banksy.
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Just a bit of spraying, innit?
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You have to come up with the idea.
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The rat with the fishing rod, or
-whatever.
-But that's easy, innit?
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-Freestyle a thing now.Yeah.
-You
wanna do a thing on the underground
41
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that captures the mood of society.
Go on, go for it.
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I'd do a bat with a face mask on.
43
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That's actually not bad!
You like it, don't you?
44
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What are your experiences
-of art galleries?
-Nothing!
45
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-Really.
-Let's have a little
practice, then.
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-I'm just gonna name something.
-Yep.
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And I want you to talk about it
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as if it's a piece of art
-you've created.
-Yeah, go on.
49
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Car keys and the house key. Go on.
50
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This piece is called Panic.
51
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-OK?
-I already like this.
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And this set of car keys were taken
from my house this morning
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and they're my wife's.
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And she now cannot find them
to take the kids to school.
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-Panic!
-I actually think you might be
an artist.
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Shall I do one for you?
Go on.
57
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-OK, so a blackboard.
-Mm-hm.
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With a big chalk circle drawn round.
Yeah.
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And there's a little shelf
in the middle of that.
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And on that shelf is jelly
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that hasn't been made into jelly,
yet. The cubes.
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-Yeah.
-And a Churchill nodding dog
-on it.
-OK.
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The piece is called Youth, right.
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OK?
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Go on.
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I laughed at the name of it,
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and the woman that just crossed
the road saw me laughing at her
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and was furious!
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Sorry. Youth.
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The blackboard represents me trying
to get through the education system
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in this country, right?
Yes!
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In the middle is a shelf full of
jelly that's been unformed.
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That jelly represents my childhood
obesity. Right?
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I had a gelatinous body, right?
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-Had?Huh?
-Sorry!
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I had a gelatinous body that has
continued to be gelatinous!
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Sorry. Let's just get back
on the theme. Sorry. I'm sorry.
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That jelly represents my jelly form
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but it's not been formed into its
final form
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-which is still jelly.
-As in youth.
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It's still jelly because I've
continued to be overweight
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and obese.
Yes. Continue.
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The Churchill nodding dog
represents...
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Good luck, by the way.
The overlooking...
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The overlooking shadow
of British culture
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that I'm desperately trying to get
the nod of approval for.
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Oh! Fucking hell!
(HORN BLARES)
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Yes!
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Yes, please!
90
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Go on! Oh, I'm in a yellow box!
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I'm in the yellow box! Quick!
92
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Romesh!
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Yeah?
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-Mate!
-Yeah? Yeah, boy!
My man!
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-We're artists!
-There's Batman! Look!
Look at that.
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I've actually managed to convince
-myself we can do this.
-Man.
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I think it's gonna be the easiest
thing we've done.
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With confidence riding high,
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we were paying a visit to one of
the UK's most famous galleries.
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The National.
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And as this was Rob's first time
visiting an art gallery,
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this was clearly
a pretty special occasion.
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Can I ask why you're wearing shoes?
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I thought I'd look sophisticated.
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Did you think the gallery
was a Wetherspoons or something?
106
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,600
I do look like I'm going to
The Slug and Lettuce!
107
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,520
I tell you what I like in here.
The ceiling.
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OK. I wouldn't walk through here
just looking up.
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I would argue
that's pretty insulting.
110
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What I don't get is all the women
have the same faces in old photos.
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The men look at bit different.
This isn't a photo!
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(LAUGHS)
113
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It's good, though. I think that's a
-compliment.
-It is a compliment.
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You think, "It's so realistic,
I thought it was a photo."Yeah.
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(LAUGHTER)
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It's gonna be a long episode, innit?
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I think I'll just
stick to the ceilings!
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I mean, imagine doing that.
The frames are good, aren't they?
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Do you reckon the painter does 'em
or do they get someone in?
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00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,920
I feel like I'm going round
the gallery with a builder!
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They're like just admiring all
the handiwork round the structure!
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No, look. That's good, isn't it,
that bit?
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It's like a big fireplace round the
-door, innit?
-The pillars are lovely.
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It's all part of it.
These are odd, aren't they?
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These little... I could get over
that, if I wanted to.
126
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It's not a riot barrier! It's
just... What's the point, then?
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It's not to physically keep you
back.
128
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There are not people crawling
to get at the pictures.
129
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,280
For me, the pressure's off.
It doesn't really matter to me
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if I know about art after this.
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OK? I want to. I'm gonna try.
132
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But it doesn't affect me.
133
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It affects Romesh.
He's the cultured one, isn't he?
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He's The Guardian journalist.
He writes books.
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He's vegan. He has oat milk.
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People that like him for his books
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will be disappointed in him
if he does this wrong.
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The pressure is on.
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What do you think of this?
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00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,560
Pissed-up Santa? Love it!
Oh, my God.
141
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Look at his little red dick.
Yeah.
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Looks like it's been worn away!
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Dirty little boy!
Back to a little red knob.
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Silenus was known to have
a condition
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that made his penis
go incredibly red.
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It doesn't say that, does it?
No, of course it doesn't!
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I like that one.
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Why do you like this one?
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I like animals.
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(ROMESH SPLUTTERS)
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00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,560
(Why is that child pointing
at her vagina?)
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That's what a kid would do, though,
to be fair.
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Oh, look at him! Do you reckon
they sat in for this photo
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and saw four kids coming out the
clouds?
155
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Why do you keep saying photo?
Well, picture! Drawing!
156
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Painting, whatever it... Art.
157
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'Clearly, we needed some help.
158
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'So I've enlisted the expertise of
artist, historian and broadcaster
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'Lachlan Goudie to mentor us
on our journey.'
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Very nice to meet you. Are you ready
for your crash course
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-in art history?
-Yes, mate.
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We need some serious intervention.
Yeah, we are starting from zero.
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I think the art community
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are gonna accept me
as a breath of fresh air.
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I could be the start of a new wave
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of artists.
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Maybe I am what the art community
needs.
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Alright, guys.
What do you think of this?
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Um...
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Rob?
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I'm not hamstrung or held back
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by any technical ability
or education.
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I'm coming at this pure.
And that's what art is.
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00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,160
What I think it's about is...
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00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,440
It looks like some sort of
shepherd fuck party.
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Oh, my God. I was thinking, "What is
the worst thing he could say?"
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You found it. Well done.
178
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,720
This is a massive beauty pageant.
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00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,280
-This is... Oh!
-This is...
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00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,800
So it's the afternoon
before the fuck party?
181
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,400
This is the original Miss Universe.
182
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,960
These are goddesses.
183
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,440
They're vying to be judged the most
beautiful in the universe.
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00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,760
Oh, OK.
By this guy here, Paris.
185
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,000
This is a painting by
Peter Paul Rubens, a Dutch artist.
186
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,680
What he's depicted here
is the moment of decision.
187
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Paris has been scratching his head,
so he asks them to get naked
188
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,360
so he can make... For an apple?
189
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,440
..a perfect judgement
-for a golden apple.
-Golden apple!
190
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,040
That's the reward.
Things have changed.
191
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,600
It's normally cinema and Wagamama's!
192
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,600
What Rubens has packed into this one
painting
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00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,400
is, you know, a three-hour
summer blockbuster.
194
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,000
How much, though, out of interest?
195
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,480
Priceless!
(LAUGHS)
196
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,360
Better not forget, Lachlan.
I'll get you!
197
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,920
He's not selling, though.
What?
198
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,560
Are you under the impression that
he's like the shopkeeper here?
199
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,120
How do...
He's just showing us around.
200
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:52,480
How do you put a bid in
or something?
201
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:53,960
You don't put a bid in to Lachlan!
202
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,040
He's showing us round and explaining
the pictures.
203
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,800
-So it's not like a shop?
-No.
204
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,840
He's not doing a sales pitch!
205
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,040
Yeah, but, I thought you go in
a gallery and you buy the art.
206
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,280
We've got a long way to go,
haven't we?
207
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,200
Weirdly, you've managed to make
a worse point
208
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,880
than shepherd's fuck party!
209
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:11,760
(LAUGHTER)
210
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,040
Have you ever seen this painting
-before?
-No,
211
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,160
I haven't.
No, I haven't, never.
212
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,800
What do you think of it?
213
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,800
-Romesh?
-Um... I'm not a huge fan.
214
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:29,960
Why not?
215
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,720
I mean, there's a beautiful kind of
sky there, but...
216
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,160
it's not doing a lot for me.
217
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,400
I like the colours,
but I find that a bit boring.
218
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,480
Right. This is regularly voted
219
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,880
one of the most popular paintings
-in Britain!
-Yeah. OK.
220
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:45,320
This is... We've very much got our
fingers on the pulse, here!
221
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:48,640
This is by J.M.W. Turner.
222
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,720
This is iconic, alright?
223
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:55,440
Early 19th century, painting was all
stodgy landscapes, muted colours.
224
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,120
19th century.
225
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,280
When was that?
226
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,880
Is that 18 or 19?1800s.
227
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,560
So 1800s to 1900s.
228
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,240
How often when you've been doing
art stuff
229
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,880
and you say it's this century and
somebody asks you, "When was that?"
230
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:11,000
-It's unusual!
-If I don't ask,
-I don't know!
-Absolutely.
231
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,720
I've got to find out at some point!
No-one's judging.
232
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,360
Turner is a great painter, actually.
233
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,880
The Turner Prize was named
after Turner
234
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,160
because he was deemed to be
such a radical artist.
235
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,480
This is one of the best examples
of the work of an artist
236
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,280
who's had a prize named after him
237
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,560
and we don't like it!
238
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,280
-It's boring.
-Boring!
239
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:33,640
-Boring, Turner!
-You're setting us up
for an absolute humiliation!
240
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,720
It's embarrassing, isn't it?
No, it's not embarrassing!
241
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,280
Yeah, but he writes
for The Guardian!
242
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,600
It doesn't matter what the readers
of The Guardian think!
243
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,240
It does. The people of The Guardian
would know what's going on here.
244
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,440
He writes in it. Next time he turns
up for a charity latte at HQ,
245
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,160
they're gonna give him loads of
grief.
246
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,520
They're gonna be all waving their
tote bags at him,
247
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,280
"Pathetic. You should know that."
248
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,240
To be honest, I've only got
two months left there!
249
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,480
I'm not sure if you can be barred
from a gallery,
250
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:03,880
but after that performance, we
needed to move on, just in case.
251
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,920
Lachlan was keen for us to see
something more contemporary
252
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,040
so we've come to south London
253
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,560
to see some modern art.
254
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,800
Alright, guys, so...
255
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,880
You're now in the art
of the 21st century!
256
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,640
And I'm pretty intrigued to know
257
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,480
well, what do you think of this?
258
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:21,680
It's like a blue whale, jizzing!
259
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,240
I've never seen it, but it's what
I imagine it would look like
260
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,720
if it was put on a wooden floor.
Well, I mean...
261
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,280
I would say the quantity's accurate!
262
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:31,120
-Yeah.
-It would be about that amount,
you'd expect.
263
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:35,520
This work is all about making you
feel self-aware.
264
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,160
I like it, but it's basically just
glitter, though, isn't it?
265
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,840
I like glitter. It's just a lot of
glitter.
266
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,760
That chair, is that like
the juxtaposition
267
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,600
-of just boring nothing?
-Yeah.
Hold on. What is that?
268
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,600
No, hold on. What are you
-talking about?
-The chair.
269
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,120
Is this like, that's crazy
and in your face,
270
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,400
and this is just like nothing
and it just disappears.
271
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,920
Yeah, it might as well be,
272
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,800
because obviously that is not part
of the bloody exhibit! But...
273
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,560
Oh, it's not?..in the contemporary
art context, it might as well be!
274
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:02,680
I thought it was like, that's crazy
275
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,720
and this is like disappearing
into the wall chair!
276
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,560
Trying to artistically interpret
-a staff chair!
-Yeah!
277
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,720
'It was hard to imagine how our tour
could get any worse
278
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:12,080
'but Lachlan had some news
279
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,760
'that was about to send shockwaves
through the art community
280
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,120
'for all the wrong reasons!'
281
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,560
What's gonna happen now, right,
282
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:21,280
is I'm going to assign you a task.
OK.
283
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,760
You are going to create,
each of you, a work of art.
284
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:30,240
And this work of art is going to be
exhibited
285
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,280
in the world-famous Saatchi Gallery.
286
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,880
-Oof!
-In a few weeks' time
287
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,760
where there are pieces of art worth
hundreds of thousands of pounds!
288
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,440
Create something that's gonna knock
their socks off!
289
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:51,080
The Saatchi Gallery have exhibited
works by art titans Andy Warhol,
290
00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,080
Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst.
291
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,000
And now we were gonna join
the esteemed list!
292
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,680
The good thing about this challenge
293
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,600
is there's absolutely no chance any
of my friends and family seeing it!
294
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,640
Cos there's no danger of them going
in that gallery.
295
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,440
So the pressure's off slightly for
-me!
-Yeah, we'll be alright, mate.
296
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,920
Your Guardian mates will see it!
I haven't got any Guardian...
297
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,280
What's this about The Guardian?
298
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,680
You write for The Guardian!
Yeah, but nobody reads it!
299
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:18,240
So, we had only spent a few hours
looking around some galleries
300
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,520
and now, in just three weeks' time,
301
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,400
we'd be exhibiting our first,
302
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,440
and let's face it, probably last,
art exhibition.
303
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,040
Rom and I are attempting to make
our mark on the world of art.
304
00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,920
I'll tell you what I like in here,
the ceiling.
305
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,600
We're just a few weeks from having
to each exhibit a piece of artwork
306
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,040
at the Saatchi Gallery
307
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,160
that'll be judged by artist
and critic, Lachlan Goudie.
308
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,360
So these are goddesses.
309
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,760
'We've already had a nightmare
art history lesson.'
310
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,000
That is not part of the bloody
-exhibit!
-Oh, it's not?
311
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,960
'Now with the exhibition
just two weeks away,
312
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,960
'we desperately need to develop
an idea for our artwork.
313
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,640
'So we're going to art school!'
314
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:09,040
I think Rob will actually be alright
with this,
315
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,920
because art is about channelling
your inner self
316
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,840
and not allowing any of your kind of
self-conscious,
317
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:16,680
self-awareness thoughts
to get in the way.
318
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,440
Rob doesn't have any thoughts,
319
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:23,120
so it is just purely him channelling
his kind of inner monster.
320
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,080
We've come to Art Academy London
321
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,680
where principal Rob Pepper
322
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,840
will guide us through a range
of artistic disciplines.
323
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,120
We're gonna look at taking an idea.
Yes.
324
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,360
-And representing it on canvas.
-OK.
325
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,880
Thing is, I'm gonna give you both
different words
326
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:42,120
and I want you to use those words
-to create a work of art.
-OK.
327
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:46,720
So, Romesh, we're gonna give you
-the word "freedom".
-Freedom. OK.
328
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,320
-Rob Beckett.
-Yes.
329
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,960
You are a guy who is so full of
-freedom.
-Yeah, big time.
330
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,440
-I need to bring you back.
-Oh.
331
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:54,560
So I'm gonna give you the word
-"restriction".
-Prison.
332
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,920
-Oh. Prison.
-Restriction.
-Restriction.
-Restriction.
333
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,920
-Go create.
-OK.
334
00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,440
I feel like I look like a painter
and decorator. Is that normal?
335
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,640
-It's whatever you want, Rob.
-Cool.
336
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,800
If that gives you the feeling
of restriction... Perfect.
337
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,520
Cup of tea wouldn't go amiss!
338
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,440
So, freedom. What does it mean?
339
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,000
You know, I'm gonna lose my shit.
340
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,520
Are you having it?
Are you having it, Rom?
341
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:25,920
Are you having it?
342
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,320
Have it!
343
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,920
Oh, you're an animal!
344
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:31,200
It's restriction.
I'm doing a No Entry sign.
345
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,600
Do you want the ceiling done
while I'm here, Rob?
346
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,120
Are you feeling alright?
Freedom, mate! Freedom!
347
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,320
Wa-hey!
348
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,840
Freedom!
349
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,840
There you are!
350
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,800
My back hurts!
351
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,320
Oh!
352
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,360
Oh, God, Romesh.
353
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,000
Oh, I think you peaked too early,
Rom.
354
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,840
We've got the room for two hours!
355
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,720
Do you want to see
-the finishing moment?
-Yeah.
356
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:21,960
I like it.
357
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,280
What is it?
358
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:24,520
It's Freedom.
359
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,120
It looks like the kind of thing that
someone would do
360
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,880
just before they're denied freedom.
361
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:30,720
Yeah. I think this'll be the last
episode
362
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,040
of Rob
Yeah, I think genuinely,
363
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,400
you may have to go into some sort of
institution for a bit.
364
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,440
Like...
365
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:44,720
Did you use your beard
for that bit down there?
366
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,280
-No, that was just hands.
-Yeah. You
could just keep it on your hands.
367
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,720
Well, that ship has sailed.
368
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:53,280
'I suppose I'll have to keep
the piece for future therapy'
369
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,520
and counselling or something.
Evidential.
370
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:59,920
I guess my wife would want to have
that piece
371
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:03,920
for explaining why it is
I killed all those people.
372
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,480
Shall we go and look at Rob's then?
Yeah, sure.
373
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,800
-Oh.
-Yeah.
374
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,520
I wanted to do more, but I thought
the point of restriction was to not!
375
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,480
It looks more like a burger, doesn't
it? Maybe it needs a bit of freedom.
376
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:25,600
Maybe this is restriction,
and now freedom's here... Yeah?
377
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,240
I think if we made you...
378
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:28,360
Ooh!
379
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,200
It's like the freedom/restriction
collab!
380
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,440
-Yes!
-Very you.
381
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,200
If that's Romesh's...
382
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,680
Yeah, you've got to do yours now.
Alright...this is Rob's.
383
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,560
Feck off!
384
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,200
Get out!
385
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,200
Got it on his teeth!
It went in my mouth!
386
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:49,920
I was fine with it!
387
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,600
You got it in my mouth!
388
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,920
Go on!
389
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:56,560
What are we doing?
390
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,200
Yours actually looks like a face.
391
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,200
I'm sorry! You're like a pirate!
392
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,080
-I'm sorry.
-You hit me so hard...
I'm so sorry!
393
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,120
Gone like that, so forceful, it went
-in my mouth!
-I'm so sorry. So sorry.
394
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,200
Oh! There's a bit of wood there!
395
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,000
Do you know what? I think maybe
I need a bit of restriction!
396
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,360
What do you think?
Yeah, I think it was well done.
397
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,120
I think you did really well.
With what?
398
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,760
You've got a natural talent
with art.
399
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,320
You've got soap in your eyes, mate!
400
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,080
This soap isn't as eye-safe
as I've been led to believe!
401
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:47,680
This is what happened
the first time.
402
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,120
You don't want another
-eye infection!
-It burns!
403
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,360
It burns!
404
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,520
It so burns my eyes!
405
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,040
-Are you OK?
-Alright.
406
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,040
Well done for keeping
the paper towels dry(!)
407
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,480
It was time to move on
to our next artistic discipline.
408
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,160
You're gonna do some sculpture.
409
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,280
So I'm gonna pass you over
to the amazing Laura
410
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,280
who's classically trained
in figure sculpture
411
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,960
and she's gonna teach you
how to sculpt.
412
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,400
Great. Thank you.
413
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:23,440
'But conveniently, we hadn't been
told exactly what we'd be sculpting.
414
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,160
'An interpretation
of Michelangelo's David.
415
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,440
Hello!
416
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,480
'Complete with our own life model.'
417
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:34,680
Afternoon!
418
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,480
Great. So our model's gonna be
Robin.
419
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:42,960
Fucking hell!
420
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,680
So...
421
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,320
The first thing we need to do...
422
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,440
I find the best thing to do when
you're setting up your armature...
423
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,920
Rob, do you have anything to say?
I don't wanna be immature,
424
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:57,280
but I'm really struggling to focus
and I don't know... Why?
425
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,160
-Why's that?
-Why are you struggling
to focus?
426
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,240
I've got the most generous view.
427
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,800
Which is great.
You should be grateful.
428
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,560
Cos there's lots to work with!
429
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:10,880
I cannot concentrate when there's
an unclothed penis on the loose!
430
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,720
I've actually made you, so far,
Romesh, with a lack of arse.
431
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,080
No arse whatsoever?
432
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,840
Shall we take a width measurement?
Yeah, get the measure out.
433
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:23,120
Ideally, the upper thigh
is the perfect place,
434
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,440
cos then we can get the tapering.
That would be great, Laura,
435
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,080
cos I'm struggling with my
dimensions on the upper thigh.
436
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,560
Make sure that you can get the best
measurement possible
437
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,320
for this sculpture, please, Romesh.
438
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,040
Oh, whoa. Whoa.
That's good.
439
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,960
(MEASURE CLICKS SHUT)
Oh, Jesus!
440
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,040
Ooh-ooh-oh!
441
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,400
-MODEL:
-That's brought tears
to my eyes already!
442
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,920
As long as it's just tears
to your eyes!
443
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,240
A bit further. Romesh, you know
that's not the right measurement!
444
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:47,720
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
445
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:50,360
-ROB:
-Oh, no, each one is dropping.
446
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:53,360
You've got to re-do that. You'll
have to do that again, Romesh!
447
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,200
There's no point doing it if you're
gonna mess it up at the last.
448
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:58,840
Oops. Sorry, mate.
449
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,960
I think you've coped well.
I'm absolutely fine.
450
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,520
I've done the thigh, now, Rom.
Don't worry about it.
451
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,200
Jesus Christ, Rob!
452
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,680
-Too much?
-You could hang it off
the mantelpiece with that!
453
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,600
Yeah. It might be my new coat hook!
454
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,640
I don't know what you've done, mate,
but it's got bigger!
455
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,080
That's why I'm doing a few.
Just a few options.
456
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,000
He spent more time making
a selection of penises
457
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,960
than he did the rest
of the entire body.
458
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:29,560
You've both got to
a really good stage.
459
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,600
So shall I have a look?
Yeah.
460
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,360
You clearly like the detail!
461
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:37,960
I do find that the phallus
-will change.
-Temperature!
462
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,400
Temperature will affect size, width,
or whatever.
463
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,000
So I have a selection that can be
used dependent on the weather.
464
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,040
Sorry, when was he displaying that
middle one?
465
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,760
When you all left
and it was just me and him!
466
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,160
These are all lined up
for whatever happens there!
467
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,280
-Oh, yeah. I understand.
-I can just,
look, for example,
468
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:53,720
"Oh, is it really warm?"
469
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,000
Pop that off. Pop him on.
470
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,960
And away we go. "Oh, what's that?
Temperature's dropped."
471
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,080
Pop him off. Pop this little guy on.
472
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:04,080
I actually genuinely tried to make
a sculpture.
473
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:08,160
Rob worked on a routine
474
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,600
where he explained that smorgasbord
of cocks that he created.
475
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,000
He made a dick tapas!
476
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,800
So, Romesh, I think you've done
very well.
477
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,360
I think you've captured
a good gesture.
478
00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:19,760
You've got a nice stance
on this leg.
479
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,920
-Thanks very much.
-This one's
-relaxed.
-Do you know what?
480
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,920
I think the hair and the face
-is incredible.
-Yes.
481
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,760
I guess the big question is,
482
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,240
we finished quite a while ago.
Why is he still stood like that?
483
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:45,960
'This week, we're trying to get
our heads around art. All of it.'
484
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,240
What do you think of this?
Pissed-up Santa? Love it.
485
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,280
'We started at London's
National Gallery,
486
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,280
'where we had explored
some of the classics.'
487
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,600
All the women have the same faces
-in old photos.
-This isn't a photo!
488
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:57,080
'We've got a mountain to climb
489
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,480
'and we're just days away from each
having to create a piece of art
490
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,200
'and put on an exhibition
at the Saatchi Gallery.'
491
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,360
'Looking for inspiration,
we were en-route to East London
492
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,840
to dive into the unique discipline
of performance art.'
493
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,120
Performance art is stuff where
you're walking through a gallery
494
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,280
then somebody jumps out at you
from behind a pillar.
495
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,920
And then that is... Oh!..another
piece that's called Surprise.
496
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:22,560
-That kind of thing.
-I went on a
ghost train in Waterford, Ireland.
497
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,800
It was a geezer dressed in black
tickling you in the ghost train.
498
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,520
That's something that should be on
-some sort of list!
-I think so, yes.
499
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,280
It does feel like there needs to be
an expose!
500
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,040
"That guy was tickling my leg!"
"What guy?"
501
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,480
"The ghost train! You have to take
your trousers and pants off
502
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,520
"to go on the ghost train.
Yes. That one."
503
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,920
But that's the point. You're
supposed to be scared, aren't you?
504
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,880
I was petrified!
505
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,080
I still have nightmares now!
506
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,240
One of the best ghost trains
I've ever been on!
507
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,120
Had to see a counsellor,
the ghost train was so scary.
508
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:56,960
It's stuck with me for life, that!
509
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,640
I'm scarred, scarred by it.
510
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,960
If you want to be scared,
go and see Caspar the Tickler!
511
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,720
'If a fairground ride in Ireland
was Rob's best attempt
512
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:09,400
'at defining performance art,
513
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,040
'we had a lot to learn!
514
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,440
'Fortunately, we're about to get a
lesson with globally-renowned artist
515
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,880
'Quilla Constance.
516
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,040
'Quilla's boundary-pushing work has
been displayed
517
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,600
'in galleries around the world.
518
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,160
'But she was gonna have to work hard
to change Rob's mind
519
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,160
'about performance art.'
520
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,560
This is not a bit of me.
521
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:31,800
It makes me cringe.
522
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,360
I'm not looking forward to this.
And that, for me, is a hook.
523
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,600
However much I dislike it,
524
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,160
I will be buoyed and energised
525
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,120
by the fact that Rob hates it
a little bit more.
526
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:47,240
And for that reason, I'm gonna go
into this absolutely buzzing.
527
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,520
I am gonna be more enthusiastic
about performance art
528
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,040
than I was about getting married
or having any of my children.
529
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:55,440
You are about to see a man
530
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,440
that looks like he was born to do
performance art.
531
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,520
Oh, wow.
532
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,560
That looks great, Rob. Have a look.
533
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,040
I knew it. I knew it.
534
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,280
Go on.
535
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:17,800
I think it's gonna be fun.
536
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,480
-Don't pretend to be into it.
-I think
it looks exciting, doesn't it?
537
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,040
Quilla's Performance Art Workshop
538
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:24,280
required that we leave our
inhibitions at the door.
539
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,240
And once we'd entered the studio,
we should just go with the flow.
540
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:28,520
Hello!
I didn't hear you knock!
541
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,520
-Hi!Hiya.Hello.
-We saw you through
the window. You were going for it!
542
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,640
-Were you impressed?
-Very impressed,
-yeah.
-Thank you.
543
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,880
Welcome to Open Studio.
Come and have a look around.
544
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,440
There's loads going on!
It's like The Ritz there
545
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,360
-and like a harvest festival!
-Ha!
546
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:44,400
Well, the juxtaposition is quite
interesting, actually, I think.
547
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:45,920
Come and explore.
Sure.
548
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,120
'Less than a minute in and I was
already out of my depth.
549
00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:51,320
'And Quilla was about to drag us in
deeper.'
550
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,320
You'll never guess
what I'm gonna ask you to do.
551
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,120
You want us to put one of these on?
Of course!
552
00:25:56,120 --> 00:25:57,800
There's quite a lot of back showing
in that.
553
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,840
I think your back will be the least
of your problems!
554
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,560
I'm getting like Woody from
-Toy Story vibes. And Jessie.
-Yeah.
555
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,760
Pop yourselves behind the screen.
-Sure.
-Sure.
556
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,200
'We were going to look ridiculous,
but at least we could call it art.'
557
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,680
They go on very differently
on different bodies.
558
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:16,360
I never thought I'd say it, but
you're the problem, not the outfit!
559
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,880
They can just be sort of draped
over, like this, or something.
560
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,400
You know, there's a lot of
possibilities with them.
561
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,640
Oh, your fingers are so cold!
What can I do?
562
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:27,480
I know. I just don't want you
touching me, but I need you!
563
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,160
I'm very excited to see
what R
564
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,560
Wow!
565
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:35,640
-Superb!
-Yeah?
566
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,200
Can you just stand back
next to the screen so I can see you?
567
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,640
I think I've got mine on wrong.
568
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,200
There's no right or wrong with this.
569
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,760
You've made a creation there
and that's what counts here.
570
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,440
Quilla had planned a performance art
workshop for us,
571
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,480
a collection of bizarre scenarios
572
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:53,280
exploring themes like race,
class and culture.
573
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,920
A toast is in order, basically,
because you look so spectacular.
574
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,640
Thank you.
And you've made such an effort.
575
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,640
What is a better way to welcome you
to the Open Studio?
576
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,080
Brilliant. This is really
out of my comfort zone.
577
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,240
That's an unusual bottle
of champagne you've got there!
578
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,040
This is great.
Yeah.
579
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:12,680
What better way to introduce us
to this than...
580
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,320
Disgusting!
581
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,640
RThank you.
Thank you.
582
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,200
Hoops in flutes!
583
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,720
Thank you.
Lovely(!)
584
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,040
This is great, isn't it?
Yeah.
585
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,240
Hmm.
586
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,040
-Cheers!
-Cheers.
587
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:33,040
It's like gazpacho, isn't it,
-in a way?
-I was thinking that, too.
588
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:34,960
Got any coffee?
Get it down you, brother!
589
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:36,840
Disgusting. I don't even like 'em
hot!
590
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:38,840
You're an animal!
591
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,120
Can you just knock some more of
-those back, please?
-Yeah.
592
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:44,200
-Mate, you're sipping the juice!
-You
didn't have all of yours, did you?
593
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,440
I had most of it, actually.
Yeah, go on, Rob.
594
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,440
Aghh! Ahhh!
595
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,760
'Rob had already reached
a low point.
596
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:01,000
'With spaghetti hoop juice in his
beard and all over the floor,
597
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,360
'I was definitely faring better
on our journey
598
00:28:03,360 --> 00:28:05,200
'down the performance art
rabbit-hole.'
599
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,000
You'll need energy for the next part
-of this.
-OK.
600
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,680
It's called Screaming
With Vegetables and Products.
601
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,240
OK. Screaming With Vegetables
-and Products.
-Yes.
602
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:14,680
That's an ominous name, isn't it?
603
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,440
So, randomly just take two
604
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,840
and let out the loudest scream
you've ever done.
605
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,840
Aghhhhhhhh!
606
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,760
That's not the loudest scream,
surely?
607
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,680
Come on, Rob. Properly get into it.
608
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,760
Aghhhhhhhhhhh!
609
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,600
If you're angry, louder.
610
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,360
'Quilla was a mind-reader.
611
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:37,400
'Stood there, holding a tub of gravy
granules and a massive yam,
612
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:38,920
'I did have the hump!'
613
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:43,240
AGHHHHHHHHHH!
614
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:45,720
(PIERCING SCREAM)
615
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,680
'But I obviously wasn't as angry
as her - yet!'
616
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,520
Agghhh!
617
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,440
-Now you.
-Oh, yeah. Right. Sure.
618
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,040
Aghhhh!
619
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,560
How's that?
He got it first time, yeah?
620
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,080
'I'd beaten Rob on the hoops and
flutes and now I'd destroyed him
621
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,240
'on the Screaming With Vegetables
And Products.
622
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,480
'He needed to up his game.'
623
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,520
Next, I was thinking
High Tea in PPE.
624
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,840
High Tea in PPE.
Yeah.
625
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,480
The challenge is to maintain
some etiquette.
626
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,720
-OK.
-That's the rough framework.
627
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,760
'So, it was time
for a performance piece.'
628
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,920
Rob, would you like some tea?
Yeah, I'll have some tea.
629
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,000
'The challenge was to maintain
the etiquette of high tea
630
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,440
'whilst Quilla pushed the boundaries
of appropriate behaviour.
631
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,200
'Things were about to get weird!'
632
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,280
There is a framework
-for the high tea.
-OK.
633
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,840
There's an etiquette.
Ooh, macaron!
634
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:42,600
I don't mind if I do!
635
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,920
Oh. One for me, please.
636
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,240
I don't mind if I do a second time.
637
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,280
Would anyone mind
if I had a macaroon?
638
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,240
Not at all!
Oh, thank you!
639
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,760
You're very welcome.
I love macaroons.
640
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,480
They're very moist!
Mm, if they're done well!
641
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,120
(GIGGLES)
642
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:03,960
Rather!
643
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,640
What a wonderful afternoon
to have tea with friends!
644
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,080
Time for tea!
Absolutely!
645
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,240
Oh, you've pissed it out
all over the floor!
646
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,680
Oh! I've spilt my tea!
647
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,240
How dare you?
Macaroon for me?
648
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:22,840
Mmm!
649
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:24,320
Oh, that is gorgeous!
650
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,480
I'm getting into this. Are you dead?
No!
651
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,320
Usu... Usu...
652
00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:33,680
Usually!
653
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:37,000
-Stop it!
-Excuse me.
You're a mucky pup, aren't you?
654
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:39,120
I just dribbled some tea
on the bloody floor!
655
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,560
Would you like a scone
-with some jam?
-Yes.
656
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:43,800
'And then...'
657
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,600
Aghhhhh!
658
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,000
'..the etiquette framework
went out the window.'
659
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,440
(GIBBERISH)
660
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,640
What's going... What is...
661
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,200
(ANIMAL NOISES)
662
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,440
-Aghhhhh!
-Aghhhh!
663
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,440
(GIBBERISH)
664
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,040
-Aghhh!
-Pahhh!
665
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,200
-Yeeeahhhh!
-Peep!
666
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,600
Aghhhh!
667
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,360
-Aghhh!
-Peep!
668
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:08,840
-Aghhh!
-Waghhhhh!
669
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:10,480
Aghhhh!
670
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,480
-Aghhhhh!
-Aghhhhhhh!
671
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:15,920
Wee-agghhhh!
672
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,760
Agghhh!!
673
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,240
-Aghhhhh!
-Wagghhhh!
674
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,320
Aghhhh!
675
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:31,480
That was genuinely a really great
experience. I liked that.
676
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,440
It was really good.
Can you pop that nipple away?
677
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,400
Huh? It's part of the show.
There's no rules.
678
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,280
-I don't think there's rules.
-For my
finale, are you gonna suckle on it?
679
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:43,000
Are you gonna keep this or burn it,
-or what?
-Hah! I will keep it.
680
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,440
-Hot washer.
-It's got the residue
of your performance
681
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,280
and that means a lot.
682
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:51,240
'And on that bombshell, it was time
to say goodbye to performance art.'
683
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:55,040
(EXTENDED SCREAMS)
684
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,640
Aghhh!
-Oh, wow!
-Wow!
685
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:21,200
Something happened in there.
I don't know what.
686
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:23,720
I felt like I was sort of drunk.
-Yeah.
-I went insane!
687
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,080
Now I'm just wandering around
an East London warehouse.
688
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:27,680
I feel like I've got to go home
and apologise!
689
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,360
But I've done nothing wrong!
690
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:31,880
What will haunt me forever,
is when she said,
691
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:34,200
"There's gonna be the residue
of your performance on that."
692
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,840
It's like something you would hear
in court or the prosecuting lawyer.
693
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:39,920
"How did you know that Romesh
was at that warehouse?"
694
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:43,760
"Because there's residue from his
performance in the costume."
695
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,440
-Fancy getting a beer?
-Yeah.
696
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,800
Um, I don't know where my shoes
have gone.
697
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,560
I don't think it matters, mate.
698
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,760
Oh, mate, from the back, it's worse!
699
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,040
'Over the past few weeks,
700
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,200
'Rob and I have been on a collision
course with the art world.'
701
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,880
Oh! There was a bit of wood there!
702
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:12,560
'Our ultimate goal, to each create a
piece of work that we'd exhibit
703
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,160
'at London's Saatchi Gallery.'
704
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:20,920
'This was it. The culmination
of our art journey.
705
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,440
'This afternoon, we'd be displaying
our final pieces
706
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,680
'in front of critics.'
707
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:27,920
What my art is
708
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:33,680
is a statement on what I think
about Rob Beckett.
709
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,800
'Of all the disciplines we had
tried,
710
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,680
'performance art was where I'd had
my success.'
711
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,880
Aghhhhhh!
712
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,560
He got it first time!
713
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:43,880
'I've spent the past week
714
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,520
'developing a surprise
performance art masterpiece
715
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:49,360
'that would be brought to life by
Rob's social media ramblings.'
716
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,120
'Hello? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
717
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,640
'I just wondered if I could order
some more cheese? Cheers. Thanks.'
718
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:56,960
I'm pretty pleased
with what I've got to deliver.
719
00:33:56,960 --> 00:34:00,600
I'll be honest with you.
I think it's gonna be pretty sweet.
720
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:05,440
I'd arrived at the gallery early,
but Rob was nowhere to be seen.
721
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:12,240
I was a long way away
from the Saatchi.
722
00:34:12,240 --> 00:34:14,960
I'm at the home of everyone's
favourite Sri Lankan comedian,
723
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:16,360
Romesh Ranganathan.
724
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:20,360
I'm here cos I'm gonna do
my bit of art on his house!
725
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,520
Should I be painting
on Romesh's house? No.
726
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,040
But Leesa said it'll be funny,
727
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,040
the kids think it's hilarious.
728
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,040
Say hello to Becksy.
729
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,640
'Banksy, yeah, he could sue.'
730
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:33,120
But how can you sue someone
731
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:34,800
when no-one's allowed to know
who you are?
732
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:37,400
I could blow it up.
733
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:38,840
"You've been sued? By who?
734
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,440
"Banksy? Where's the address?
I need a name."
735
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,800
I'm waiting for the bloke
who's gonna do it.
736
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,360
He's just a graffiti artist I know.
737
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:49,600
He'd better hurry up, though,
cos if he don't turn up,
738
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:50,920
I'll have to do it!
739
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,520
He's got the stencil.
740
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,760
A few hours later,
the Saatchi Gallery was filling up
741
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:03,720
with art patrons and critics,
742
00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:05,600
all there for the START Art Fair,
743
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,160
looking to discover emerging talent.
744
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,520
You'd be forgiven for thinking
that's got to be the artwork
745
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:11,760
cos it's incredible, but no.
746
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,640
That is just a fraction,
it's not even a tenth
747
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,960
of what I am delivering today.
748
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:20,080
Rob Beckett by Romesh Ranganathan.
749
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:22,240
It was nearly show time.
750
00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:26,120
Artist and critic Lachlan Goudie
had arrived to judge our work.
751
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,560
And Rob had finally decided
to show up.
752
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,960
Sorry I was a bit late. Just
getting... Why were you so late?
753
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:34,080
Just getting a few things sorted
for my exhibition.
754
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,720
I'm excited to see what you've done.
Well... Shall we go and see it?
755
00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:39,200
I just need a bit of prep time.
756
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,760
Room 12...Yeah...is where I'll be
displaying the art.
757
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,480
Meet me there in ten minutes.
758
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:46,120
It sounds like code
for a prostitute!
759
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:49,480
There's no code for anything. You
are gonna be... You'll love it.
760
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:50,680
OK.
761
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,720
I cannot wait.
See you in a minute.
762
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,800
I've got no idea
what's gonna happen.
763
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:00,720
I'm clueless.
764
00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:04,200
I can't believe Rob needs
ten minutes to get ready.
765
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,000
You assume it's just on the wall
and we're gonna go in and see it.
766
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,880
I hope he's got an outfit.
767
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,640
I really want...
I really want an outfit!
768
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:27,560
Oh!
769
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,440
(DIALLING TONE)
770
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,400
'Hello? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
771
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,560
'I just wondered if I could order
some more cheese.
772
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,160
'Cheers. Thanks.
773
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:49,440
'Oooh!
774
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:52,040
'Oh!
775
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,040
'I'm going out. See you later.
776
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:55,880
'Wine. Wine. Wine.
777
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:57,080
'Cobweb. Cheese.
778
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:58,640
The man's got a cough and things.
779
00:36:58,640 --> 00:36:59,560
'Aghhh!
780
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,800
'Feeling fresh,
brothers and sisters.
781
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,040
'I'm not having a breakdown.'
782
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,480
"I look like a mad, blind frog."
783
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,240
Ha-ha-ha!
784
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:09,240
"I'm Rob Beckett."
785
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:14,520
'Hey, guys. Cobweb.
786
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:15,440
'Guys.'
787
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,000
Hello?
788
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,760
No, I'm OK for biscuits, thank you.
789
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:22,000
'Waa! Boom!
790
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:23,920
'Well, that's my day ruined,
isn't it?'
791
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,840
"A week and a double school run.
792
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,680
"My eyes tell the story."
793
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,280
Oooh-ooh-ooh!
794
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:36,240
'I'm not Woody.
Things are looking up.'
795
00:37:36,240 --> 00:37:39,240
I'm in league with the algorithms
of the internet.
796
00:37:39,240 --> 00:37:41,400
Sausage pervert!
797
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,640
Ha-ha-ha!
798
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:46,160
'I haven't got a drill.
799
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:47,560
'I'm completely sane.
800
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,520
'It's gonna take a while to get used
to this.'
801
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,880
(STRAINING)
802
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:53,600
Oooh-ugh!
803
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:55,120
Bleughh!
804
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:56,600
Aghhhh!
805
00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,240
Tangerine.
806
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,440
Well done!
807
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:12,720
Great.
808
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,520
'I'm still here.'
809
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,200
Rom's borderline breakdown
810
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,000
has stunned and possibly appalled
some of the audience.
811
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,720
But they weren't judging it.
Lachlan was.
812
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,440
I thought it was, uh, chaotic.
813
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,520
I thought it was explosive.
814
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:33,600
I thought it was utterly confusing
815
00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:37,120
and then I began to figure out it
was actually a kind of love letter!
816
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:38,680
I thought that was quite moving
817
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,120
cos Romesh can't escape Rob.
818
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:45,120
So that was quite profound. And the
fact that Rob was standing there,
819
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:48,320
and I could feel him being so angsty
and anxious,
820
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:49,800
you know, that's what art does!
821
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,560
It can... It can inject, you know,
822
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:55,600
profound feelings into an audience
they're not expecting to feel.
823
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:59,400
I was still trying to get my head
round what just happened,
824
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,720
and Rom had some questions
to answer!
825
00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:03,520
Can I run a couple of things past
you... Sure.
826
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,720
..whether that you knew she was
-gonna do?
-Yeah.
827
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:09,840
Did you know that she was gonna
pretend to give birth or... No.
828
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:11,760
..shit out an orange?
I'll be honest with you,
829
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:15,200
to shit out the tangerine, I didn't
know about, but I did like it!
830
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:16,480
OK!
831
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:18,800
That was one of my... I liked that.
832
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,720
-Look, I've committed to it.
-You did.
You committed to it. Went for it.
833
00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:24,960
Did you know there was gonna be an
-audience of people?
-No.
834
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:26,720
You thought it was just gonna be me?
-Yeah.
-OK.
835
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:29,320
Yeah. So I'll be honest with you,
walking in was a shock.
836
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,360
Also, what I would say is,
since lockdown,
837
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:34,040
that's the biggest audience you've
played to, socially distanced.
838
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,680
-Yeah, probably was.
-That was your
-comeback gig!
-Not the best gig.
839
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:42,320
It's now time for me to show you
-my piece of art.
-OK. Where is it?
840
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:43,840
We've got to go.
841
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,320
We've got to go somewhere else.
Why?
842
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:47,840
This way.
843
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,120
I'm getting a little bit nervous,
now. I love what I've done
844
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,840
and I do think it's funny that I've
done it on the front of his house.
845
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:56,000
But I do think he may take it
quite badly.
846
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,080
Once you've seen it,
we can go home, yeah?
847
00:39:58,080 --> 00:39:59,640
We'll be done for the day.
848
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:06,720
'In true Rob Beckett style,
849
00:40:06,720 --> 00:40:09,280
'he decided to throw the rule book
out the window
850
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,160
'and do his artwork somewhere
other than the Saatchi Gallery.
851
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,160
'Lachlan had agreed to give his
final verdict on our pieces
852
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,880
'once Rob revealed where his was.'
853
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,000
OK. So I'm annoyed.
854
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:21,360
Why?
855
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:22,880
You know why!
856
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:24,240
Yeah. Look...
857
00:40:24,240 --> 00:40:26,480
Because... Go on...it looks like...
858
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,680
It looks like you may have done
something to my house.
859
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,520
Well, it does look like that,
doesn't it?
860
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:35,080
Yeah, it looks a lot like that!
It does, doesn't it?
861
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:36,760
But let's just have a look.
862
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,920
Oh, you absolute prick.
863
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:40,960
(ROB LAUGHS)
864
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,640
You absolute prick!
865
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:48,400
Is it what you thought
it was gonna be?
866
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,400
I swear, honestly, Rob,
867
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,040
you'd better have done this
in chalk.
868
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,600
Because otherwise... Right.
Could I.....I'm gonna be furious.
869
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,880
-A few things.
-Sure.
One, Leesa OK'd it.
870
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,160
Couldn't give less of a shit
about that.
871
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,840
Two, it is art, isn't it,
872
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,800
so this I thought would be the best
way to display the art.
873
00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,640
I'll be the judge of that!
874
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,360
-Literally!
-Yeah.
875
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,880
I have been guaranteed...
OK...that it will come off.
876
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,920
Well, the bloke said, 85, 90% sure.
877
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,520
Which I think is a good...
878
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:20,800
That's a fair...
879
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,960
Don't look at me!
880
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,000
I am so angry with you!
881
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,560
We should do the...
882
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,320
I promise, I...
This giggling, by the way,
883
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,720
you giggling like this actually is
making it worse.
884
00:41:33,720 --> 00:41:37,120
I can't believe that they've let me
do this! Right,
885
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,720
-do you want a countdown?
-No.
Alright. OK.
886
00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:41,640
-Do you want to press it?
-No.
887
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,400
OK.
888
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:44,880
Enjoy!
889
00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:48,120
Oh, my God!
890
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:53,880
Why is my face like that?
891
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:56,800
It's quite hard to...
Why have you made my face worse?
892
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,520
It's quite hard to do it
on a rendered wall!
893
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:00,320
Why is it on the windows?
894
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,000
Because I... Because of his legs.
895
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,960
But what I would... It...
896
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,240
I...What does it mean?
897
00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:11,600
I dunno. It's just the first thing
we thought of in the car!
898
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,920
That is awful! Isn't it?
899
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:16,400
I've got one question, which is,
"Who's the guy on the left?"
900
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,200
(LAUGHTER)
901
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,880
-That's me!
-It looks like
Colonel Sanders has had a shave!
902
00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:25,360
It's not... It... Yeah.
903
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,200
It's not...
Tell me.. No. No! Shut up!
904
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:30,120
Can I explain?
I wish you would!
905
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,400
I'm sensing you're not fond of this,
-Lachlan.
-Look,
906
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,360
-you've gone big!
-Thank you!
And that's good.
907
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,240
-Yep.
-You've given us Becksy.
908
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,200
You've sustained the tradition
of graffiti art
909
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,200
in a suburban environment.
Yes, I have Lachlan.
910
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,520
So the context is fascinating.
-Exactly.
-Lachlan, Lachlan.
911
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,200
-Don't stop him.
-No, hold on.
He's on a roll!
912
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,760
But the execution...is pretty awful.
913
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:50,360
Would it help if I shit out
an orange now?
914
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:54,040
-She gave birth to it.
-Oh, right.
One comment taking you down.
915
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,720
Lachlan, who was better? I know
that's not what art's about.
916
00:42:56,720 --> 00:42:58,400
This is impressive.
917
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,360
-Yes.
-This criminal act of vandalism
is impressive?
918
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,240
But to stand... Could have been
worse...in multicoloured latex
919
00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:07,000
and perform what you did today,
920
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:09,360
you have been on a journey, Romesh.
921
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,200
-Well done.
-Yes!
922
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,440
-Well done.
-Clean my house!
923
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:22,520
I think you're good at art,
924
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,280
and you're good at being flamboyant
with it.
925
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:28,120
I want to leave that part of my art
journey behind me.
926
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,720
Just lock the door and...
That was fine.
927
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:32,880
I sort of flirted with a breakdown.
928
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,960
-Yes.
-Dipped my toe in.
929
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:36,440
As for you... Yeah.
930
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,840
If I were to be honest, I think
-you've learned nothing.
-No.
931
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,720
Absolutely nothing.
932
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:42,200
If anything,
933
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,040
you've got less interest in art than
-when we started this.
-Yeah.
934
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,760
In fact, when we talked about art...
Yeah...
935
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:49,000
Banksy was the only person you knew.
Yeah, I can see now.
936
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,280
At the end of the journey,
we've taken Lachlan through it,
937
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,120
he's given us the education, we've
gone through different disciplines,
938
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,200
and you've just done a Banksy.
-Becksy.Whatever.
-It's a Becksy.
939
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,880
Shall we go inside and I can get
warm?
940
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,600
Uh, no. I don't think so.
-See you later.
-No? OK.
941
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,640
I'm only joking. Come on.
-Are you sure?Yeah, come on.
-Aw.
942
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,120
Spent quite a lot of money on
getting that bloke to do that.
943
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:10,640
-You and I need to talk to Leesa.
-OK.
944
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,280
Because I'm not happy with her.
945
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,200
Leesa, he just said,
"Where's his dinner?"
946
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,560
Why are you going into my house
first?(LAUGHS)
947
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:19,400
♪ I just want a Picasso
948
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:20,560
♪ In my casa
949
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:22,080
♪ No, my castle
950
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:23,640
♪ I'm a hassa
951
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,160
♪ I'm never satisfied
952
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,480
♪ Can't knock my hustle
953
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,720
♪ I wanna Rothko, no,
I wanna brothel
954
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:31,080
♪ No, I want a wife
955
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:32,800
♪ ..like a prostitute
956
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:36,360
♪ Let's make love on a million
in a dirty hotel
957
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,160
♪ With the fan on the ceiling on
958
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,360
♪ All for the love of drug dealing
959
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,200
♪ Marble floors, gold ceilings
960
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,920
♪ Oh what a feeling. ♪
961
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:47,600
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