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1
00:00:10,133 --> 00:00:12,600
You ran out of beers with
your pals the other day...
2
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,733
What do ya have,
some kind of drinking problem?
3
00:00:17,766 --> 00:00:19,400
‐What's the problem, Dan?
‐That's alcohol's abuse.
4
00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:21,433
‐Well, to be fair...
‐Oh, don't say "to be fair."
5
00:00:21,466 --> 00:00:22,800
I hate when people say
"to be fair."
6
00:00:22,833 --> 00:00:24,500
It sounds like,
"To be fai‐uh."
7
00:00:24,533 --> 00:00:25,566
To be fai‐uh.
8
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,533
Well, to be fai‐uh.
9
00:00:27,566 --> 00:00:30,166
The bottom inch of
a beer bottle is 50% spit.
10
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,566
Well, don't be gross.
11
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,033
Bugs could have crawled down
there and died, too.
12
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:34,300
‐You don't know.
‐What'd I just say?
13
00:00:34,333 --> 00:00:35,366
Well, it's the same reason
you don't eat
14
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,566
the bottom
of an ice cream cone.
15
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:38,266
Not sure how
I feels about this talk.
16
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,666
What, do you think they check
for bugs down there
17
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:41,333
in the cone factory?
Fuck, no.
18
00:00:41,366 --> 00:00:42,533
They just throw the cones in
the box. Figure it out.
19
00:00:42,566 --> 00:00:44,266
Can we move past this, please?
20
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:45,333
What, do ya think they
check for bugs down there
21
00:00:45,366 --> 00:00:46,733
at the cone shop?
Fuck, no.
22
00:00:46,766 --> 00:00:48,366
They just throw the ice cream
on there. Have a good one.
23
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,766
This conversation's fast
becoming a confrontation.
24
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,133
Like, here,
have some ice cream
25
00:00:52,166 --> 00:00:52,833
and fucking bugs,
likely.
26
00:00:52,866 --> 00:00:53,800
What do you do
with the bottoms
27
00:00:53,833 --> 00:00:54,766
of the ice cream cones?
28
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,033
Well, you throw it on
the fucking ground, Dan.
29
00:00:57,066 --> 00:00:58,700
You let the bugs eat it.
It's the circle of life.
30
00:00:58,733 --> 00:01:00,466
Didn't you never see
The Lion King?
31
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:02,700
You know I love
The Lion King.
32
00:01:02,733 --> 00:01:04,166
We're out of beer.
33
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,466
‐No.
‐No.
34
00:01:07,366 --> 00:01:08,633
Beer store's closed.
35
00:01:08,666 --> 00:01:10,166
Fuck, do I miss MoDean's.
36
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,433
Reason fucking five million
37
00:01:11,466 --> 00:01:12,766
we need some sort
of bar in this town.
38
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,266
Green, blue, and gold?
39
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,733
I don't like where
this is headed.
40
00:01:15,766 --> 00:01:17,333
Yeah, it's the leftovers
from the Christmas potluck.
41
00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:18,300
We haven't had that in years.
42
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:20,133
A half dozen at least.
43
00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:21,700
Well, a half baker's,
but that's splitting hairs.
44
00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:24,766
Creme de menthe, Blue Curacao,
Butter Ripple Schnapps.
45
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,266
Now, what the fuck
am I supposed to do with
46
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,100
creme de menthe?
47
00:01:29,133 --> 00:01:30,600
Splash of milk, with three
scoops of chocolate ice cream,
48
00:01:30,633 --> 00:01:32,066
you got yourself
a Frozen Girl Scout.
49
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:32,833
Do I look like
the type of prick
50
00:01:32,866 --> 00:01:35,100
to have a
Frozen Girl Scout, Dary?
51
00:01:35,133 --> 00:01:36,533
What am I
supposed to do with
52
00:01:36,566 --> 00:01:38,433
Blue Curacao?
53
00:01:38,466 --> 00:01:40,433
Mix apple juice, pear juice,
garnish with blackberries,
54
00:01:40,466 --> 00:01:41,800
you got yourself a Blue Bijou.
55
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:43,466
I think I'd rather
have a Blue Bijou.
56
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:44,766
‐There's not enough for two.
‐Says you.
57
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,266
Well, what am I supposed
to do with
58
00:01:47,366 --> 00:01:49,033
Butter Ripple Schnapps?
59
00:01:49,066 --> 00:01:50,600
Well, that's easy, Katy‐Kat.
Down the hatch.
60
00:01:50,633 --> 00:01:52,000
I'd be tasting
that for days.
61
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,533
(SIGHS)
62
00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,133
What's the meaning of this?
63
00:01:59,266 --> 00:02:00,300
I found it in an old golf bag.
64
00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:01,533
And why do you get it?
65
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,633
‐It's warm.
‐It's still a beer.
66
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:05,800
‐Well, to be fair...
‐To be fai‐uh...
67
00:02:05,833 --> 00:02:07,466
‐To be fai‐uh...
‐To be fai‐uh...
68
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:10,233
To be fai‐uh...
69
00:02:10,266 --> 00:02:12,633
He is essentially drinking
a bottle of piss right now.
70
00:02:23,366 --> 00:02:25,333
Now, you're no mixologist
but your best bet here
71
00:02:25,366 --> 00:02:26,500
is to mix 'em all together
72
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:28,066
into what you
call "donkey juice".
73
00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,600
However, to be fai‐uh,
74
00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:31,733
donkey juice
will make you spit.
75
00:02:32,633 --> 00:02:34,633
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
76
00:02:42,233 --> 00:02:43,666
Well, can't win 'em all.
77
00:02:49,466 --> 00:02:50,733
(SIGHS) Uncle Eddie died.
78
00:02:50,766 --> 00:02:52,300
‐Did he?
‐Dum‐diddy‐do.
79
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:53,566
Well, you can't win 'em all.
80
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,466
Mr. Letterkenny himself.
81
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:57,166
Longest‐standing mayor in
the history of Letterkenny.
82
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,500
And you know
that snowbird enjoyed
83
00:02:58,533 --> 00:03:00,233
the homestretch
in Fort Lauderdale.
84
00:03:00,266 --> 00:03:02,533
Oh, yeah, just hanging out
down there playing crokinole
85
00:03:02,566 --> 00:03:04,400
and shuffleboard
with his good pals.
86
00:03:04,433 --> 00:03:06,166
‐He was a good guy.
‐He was a real good guy.
87
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,433
He left us a bunch of money.
88
00:03:07,466 --> 00:03:08,733
‐Did he?
‐Dum‐diddy‐do.
89
00:03:08,766 --> 00:03:10,200
‐How much?
‐Five K.
90
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:11,533
What a great fucking guy.
91
00:03:11,566 --> 00:03:13,433
He was a real
great fucking guy.
92
00:03:13,466 --> 00:03:15,700
Well, he'd want us
to have a party.
93
00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:17,700
He wants us to put it back
into the community.
94
00:03:17,733 --> 00:03:19,366
(SCOFFS)
What a great fucking guy!
95
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,233
He says in his will that
he's fallen out of touch
96
00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:23,033
with the community
and he trusts our judgment
97
00:03:23,066 --> 00:03:24,733
to give five K some
legs around here.
98
00:03:24,766 --> 00:03:26,766
Well, sure as
God's got sandals.
99
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,300
So, how do you
want to fuck this pig?
100
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:31,300
Well, you'd better put it
on your fucking Facebook.
101
00:03:35,566 --> 00:03:37,066
Pitter‐Patter.
102
00:03:38,566 --> 00:03:39,700
Let's get at 'er.
103
00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:47,400
(HIP‐HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
104
00:03:54,266 --> 00:03:55,266
(INAUDIBLE)
105
00:04:20,466 --> 00:04:21,466
(INAUDIBLE)
106
00:04:44,566 --> 00:04:45,666
(DOORBELL RINGS)
107
00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:49,200
Faster than shit
through a goose.
108
00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:50,533
Lickety‐split.
109
00:04:57,266 --> 00:04:58,666
BONNIE:
You've entered the barn,
110
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:01,366
where ideas come to blossom
or be ridiculed relentlessly.
111
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,700
On one side,
two no‐nonsense farmers
112
00:05:03,733 --> 00:05:06,033
are looking to give away
their uncle's money.
113
00:05:06,066 --> 00:05:07,700
On the other,
savvy entrepreneurs
114
00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:10,033
hoping to acquire it.
115
00:05:10,066 --> 00:05:11,800
First up, three degens
from Letterkenny
116
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,666
are hoping to sell
the farmers on their solution
117
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,533
for a common
small‐town problem.
118
00:05:17,266 --> 00:05:18,533
Hi, Bonnie.
119
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:20,233
Hi, Katy.
Hi, Wayne.
120
00:05:20,266 --> 00:05:22,033
‐How are ya now?
‐Good and you?
121
00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:23,200
Not so bad.
122
00:05:26,766 --> 00:05:28,633
Say, thanks for the, uh...
123
00:05:29,766 --> 00:05:31,800
Well, the thing you did there.
124
00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:33,133
No problem, Wayne.
125
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,266
Any time.
126
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,100
(STEWART CLEARING THROAT)
127
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:38,300
Good afternoon, hicks.
We are asking for...
128
00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:39,733
Is it true that you have
a massive horn?
129
00:05:39,766 --> 00:05:41,466
‐Yes.
‐No.
130
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,100
‐No?
‐(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
131
00:05:43,133 --> 00:05:45,800
I mean, there's no way that
they could possibly know that.
132
00:05:45,833 --> 00:05:47,466
I saw Stewart's penis
at the Elmira pool
133
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,466
on my 11th birthday.
134
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,733
Looked like a 12‐ounce cut
135
00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:51,600
of pork tenderloin
hanging there.
136
00:05:52,666 --> 00:05:54,033
Erroneous.
137
00:05:54,066 --> 00:05:57,033
I saw Stewart's penis
when we touched tubes,
138
00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:59,566
as normal, inquisitive,
young boys do,
139
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,500
and it looked six pool balls
140
00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:04,800
were stuck inside a gym sock,
hanging there.
141
00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:06,500
Unverified.
142
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,133
‐Told ya.
‐Fuck!
143
00:06:08,166 --> 00:06:09,100
We are asking for five K
144
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,233
for 66.6% of our company.
145
00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:15,500
Outstanding.
146
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:16,600
We want to give back
to the community
147
00:06:16,633 --> 00:06:18,500
by helping people get sober.
148
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:19,733
Uncle Eddie got sober
149
00:06:19,766 --> 00:06:22,333
as a birthday present
to himself on his 90th.
150
00:06:22,366 --> 00:06:24,600
Which was curious, 'cause
he'd come that far, right?
151
00:06:24,633 --> 00:06:26,500
‐I should say.
‐And we plan on doing this
152
00:06:26,533 --> 00:06:30,166
by getting the biggest
disasters in Letterkenny,
153
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,600
and putting them in
a room with cameras.
154
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,566
From there,
155
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,033
we film
their friends and family
156
00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:40,466
telling them they must halt
said disastery, posthaste!
157
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,333
Is disastery a word?
158
00:06:42,366 --> 00:06:45,466
It's a band name.
Quantifiable.
159
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:46,733
Want to know what?
It feels like I might have
160
00:06:46,766 --> 00:06:48,800
seen something like this
on a TV show one time.
161
00:06:48,833 --> 00:06:50,600
We've arranged a demo
of how this might work.
162
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:52,500
We have?
163
00:07:01,733 --> 00:07:03,300
"Stewart,
164
00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:06,333
"you are such a disastery
that sometimes
165
00:07:06,366 --> 00:07:08,666
"you don't even know if it's
a weekday or the weekend.
166
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:14,300
"It hurts me to see you being
such a disaster.
167
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,033
"I wish you could go
back to being
168
00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,666
"only a mild disaster.
169
00:07:24,233 --> 00:07:26,233
"Love, Devon."
170
00:07:26,266 --> 00:07:28,133
This antic was
not discussed or rehearsed.
171
00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:29,333
"Stewart,
172
00:07:31,366 --> 00:07:33,333
"I worry that your
disastery is the result
173
00:07:33,366 --> 00:07:35,600
"of when we touched
tubes as young boys.
174
00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:37,700
"I think about touching tubes
with you and sometimes
175
00:07:37,733 --> 00:07:41,400
"wish I could go back in time
and not touch tubes.
176
00:07:41,433 --> 00:07:42,500
"Perhaps had we
not touched tubes,
177
00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:44,266
"you wouldn't be
such a disaster.
178
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:45,666
"Love, Roald."
179
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:48,433
(AWKWARD CHUCKLING)
180
00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:50,433
Drollery was to be left
on the cutting‐room floor.
181
00:07:50,466 --> 00:07:52,066
Anywho...
182
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:55,266
Your idea comes from
a good place, but
183
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,366
Uncle Eddie
always believed that
184
00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,566
if a man needs help,
he'll ask. He won't be told.
185
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:01,633
And for that reason,
186
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,333
I'm out.
187
00:08:05,366 --> 00:08:06,533
Sounds like touching tubes
188
00:08:06,566 --> 00:08:09,200
was a pretty big setback
for Stewart,
189
00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:11,033
but your pitch was
the real disaster.
190
00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:12,133
I'm out.
191
00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:14,733
So, do we win?
192
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:16,500
No.
193
00:08:18,233 --> 00:08:19,266
No.
194
00:08:24,918 --> 00:08:26,385
BONNIE: Up next in the barn,
195
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:27,951
these winners
of the genetic lottery
196
00:08:27,985 --> 00:08:30,385
with no more than an ounce
of gray matter between them,
197
00:08:30,418 --> 00:08:31,818
hope the farmers
get behind their plan
198
00:08:31,851 --> 00:08:35,318
for young people
in Letterkenny.
199
00:08:35,351 --> 00:08:38,351
So, are you just going to do
that every time, then, Bonnie?
200
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,551
Well, if you want
me to, Wayne.
201
00:08:42,751 --> 00:08:44,018
Yes, please.
202
00:08:44,051 --> 00:08:46,018
‐You got it, Wayne.
‐Thank you.
203
00:08:46,051 --> 00:08:49,818
Good afternoon, Wayne,
and she‐we‐do‐not‐speak‐of.
204
00:08:49,851 --> 00:08:51,385
Oh, piss off.
205
00:08:51,418 --> 00:08:52,985
You both took down your
team's student trainer
206
00:08:53,018 --> 00:08:55,085
on her kinesiology co‐op.
207
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,318
‐How'd she find out about...
‐Shh!
208
00:08:58,451 --> 00:08:59,785
There's hope for
you yet, boys.
209
00:08:59,818 --> 00:09:01,918
(CLEARS THROAT)
210
00:09:01,951 --> 00:09:03,818
We are here asking for
211
00:09:03,851 --> 00:09:07,451
five K for 49% of our company.
212
00:09:07,485 --> 00:09:08,685
KATY: Super.
213
00:09:08,718 --> 00:09:10,018
REILLY: We want to give
back to the community
214
00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:11,985
by investing in
the youth, boys.
215
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,651
Really hustle
for the youth, boys.
216
00:09:13,685 --> 00:09:14,918
Uncle Eddie loved kids.
217
00:09:14,951 --> 00:09:16,651
His only shortcoming, really.
218
00:09:16,685 --> 00:09:18,651
We want to take the toughest
youth in Letterkenny
219
00:09:18,685 --> 00:09:20,551
and put them
into a house together,
220
00:09:20,585 --> 00:09:23,618
with a gym and with a pool.
221
00:09:23,651 --> 00:09:25,585
There, they'll work
out together
222
00:09:25,618 --> 00:09:27,418
while receiving
instructions from coaches,
223
00:09:27,451 --> 00:09:29,385
Joint Boy and Tyson.
224
00:09:29,418 --> 00:09:31,885
They will then fight each
other one by one
225
00:09:31,918 --> 00:09:33,518
to find out who is,
in fact,
226
00:09:33,551 --> 00:09:35,751
the toughest kid
in Letterkenny.
227
00:09:35,785 --> 00:09:37,685
This concept
sounds a bit familiar.
228
00:09:37,718 --> 00:09:39,051
No, it's a fresh
concept, ferda.
229
00:09:39,085 --> 00:09:41,618
Ferda fresh.
230
00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:43,018
Well, I'm trying to
wrap my head around this,
231
00:09:43,051 --> 00:09:44,651
so I've got
a few questions, here.
232
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,985
So, you want to put a bunch
of dudes in a house together?
233
00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:48,618
Yes. They'll be wearing
only gym shorts,
234
00:09:48,651 --> 00:09:50,585
as you can see
in the poster.
235
00:09:50,618 --> 00:09:52,651
And then you'll have all these
dudes work out together?
236
00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:54,685
Yes, and they'll
always be shirtless
237
00:09:54,718 --> 00:09:56,718
‐'cause there's no AC.
‐It's hot.
238
00:09:56,751 --> 00:09:58,985
Then when all these dudes
are done working out together,
239
00:09:59,018 --> 00:10:00,751
they can go swimming together?
240
00:10:00,785 --> 00:10:02,451
Oh, we'll teach them
how to wrestle, too.
241
00:10:02,485 --> 00:10:04,451
Hold downs,
full mount, top control.
242
00:10:04,485 --> 00:10:05,718
Throw some booze in the house.
243
00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:06,351
They can have
a drink together.
244
00:10:10,751 --> 00:10:13,018
What are you really trying
to accomplish here, boys?
245
00:10:13,051 --> 00:10:14,518
KATY: Great presentation.
246
00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:15,551
I really love
the bulletin board
247
00:10:15,585 --> 00:10:16,985
with all the sweaty dudes.
248
00:10:17,018 --> 00:10:18,518
You can just leave that here.
249
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:20,451
But I don't think that
Uncle Eddie would say,
250
00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:22,985
"Katy, great investment
in sweaty dudes."
251
00:10:23,018 --> 00:10:24,285
And for that reason,
252
00:10:25,985 --> 00:10:27,818
‐I'm out.
‐You want to know what?
253
00:10:27,851 --> 00:10:28,785
I'm just going to
come right out and say it,
254
00:10:28,818 --> 00:10:29,885
and you can take that
bulletin board with you,
255
00:10:29,918 --> 00:10:31,551
please and thanks.
256
00:10:31,585 --> 00:10:33,918
This idea's
a tad fruity‐loops.
257
00:10:33,951 --> 00:10:35,618
And for that reason,
258
00:10:35,651 --> 00:10:36,651
oh, I'm out.
259
00:10:38,618 --> 00:10:40,351
What?
260
00:10:40,385 --> 00:10:41,618
BONNIE: Up next in the barn,
261
00:10:41,651 --> 00:10:43,385
this bartender
turned dog‐breeder
262
00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:46,385
hopes Cupid will find his
way to Letterkenny.
263
00:10:46,418 --> 00:10:47,485
Say, Bonnie,
could I get you anything?
264
00:10:47,518 --> 00:10:49,285
A glass of water, or...
265
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,718
I'm okay, Wayne.
Thanks, though.
266
00:10:52,751 --> 00:10:54,051
Well, if you change your mind,
267
00:10:54,085 --> 00:10:56,618
you can just run to the house
there, help yourself.
268
00:10:56,651 --> 00:10:57,851
Maybe I will run over then.
269
00:10:57,885 --> 00:10:58,951
Can I get you anything?
270
00:10:58,985 --> 00:11:00,018
Well, no, I'm okay.
271
00:11:01,751 --> 00:11:02,685
Do you want anything
from the...
272
00:11:02,718 --> 00:11:04,051
Hmm...
273
00:11:04,085 --> 00:11:05,518
Wet your whistle.
274
00:11:05,551 --> 00:11:06,818
No, I'm good.
I got some water.
275
00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:08,918
Okay. No, we're okay.
Thank you, Bonnie.
276
00:11:08,951 --> 00:11:10,018
Cool, Wayne.
277
00:11:12,385 --> 00:11:15,951
Good afternoon, Wayne, Katy.
278
00:11:15,985 --> 00:11:17,651
WAYNE: Gail, how are you now?
279
00:11:17,685 --> 00:11:20,051
‐Good, and you?
‐Well, not so bad.
280
00:11:20,085 --> 00:11:23,585
I'm asking for five K
for 69% of my company.
281
00:11:23,618 --> 00:11:24,718
Why 69?
282
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:25,985
Both sides benefit.
283
00:11:26,818 --> 00:11:28,385
Good enough.
284
00:11:28,418 --> 00:11:29,751
I want to give back
to the community
285
00:11:29,785 --> 00:11:32,918
by helping people find love.
286
00:11:32,951 --> 00:11:35,051
Uncle Eddie was
a notorious matchmaker.
287
00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:36,651
And a real fucking legend
on the D floor
288
00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:38,385
‐right up till the bitter end.
‐Yeah.
289
00:11:38,418 --> 00:11:39,718
GAIL: And I plan on doing that
290
00:11:39,751 --> 00:11:41,518
by putting 20 women
from Letterkenny
291
00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:43,318
into a house with you,
292
00:11:43,351 --> 00:11:46,318
and having 'em all compete
for your hand in marriage.
293
00:11:46,351 --> 00:11:47,418
‐Who, me?
‐Yeah.
294
00:11:47,451 --> 00:11:48,751
Well, get after it.
295
00:11:48,785 --> 00:11:50,418
Isn't this already
a reality series?
296
00:11:50,451 --> 00:11:51,818
If it is, no one watches it.
297
00:11:51,851 --> 00:11:53,085
Well, I'd fucking watch it,
boy howdy.
298
00:11:53,118 --> 00:11:55,485
I'll have the girls
perform campy tasks
299
00:11:55,518 --> 00:11:57,818
and complete silly challenges
to prove their mettle.
300
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,551
Well, that sounds fun.
301
00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:01,351
Unnecessary, but go on.
302
00:12:01,385 --> 00:12:03,018
Then you'd go on
group dates with them
303
00:12:03,051 --> 00:12:04,685
and one‐on‐one
dates with them.
304
00:12:04,718 --> 00:12:06,918
And then you ax them
one by one
305
00:12:06,951 --> 00:12:10,485
until you decide which one
you want to marry.
306
00:12:10,518 --> 00:12:11,685
‐Okay.
‐I'm not sure
307
00:12:11,718 --> 00:12:13,051
it's reasonable that
he could choose
308
00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:14,418
a wife based just on that.
309
00:12:14,451 --> 00:12:15,551
I know.
310
00:12:15,585 --> 00:12:18,651
Tastes good, but where's
the cream filling?
311
00:12:18,685 --> 00:12:19,751
Like a Boston cream?
312
00:12:19,785 --> 00:12:21,351
Canadian maple's better.
313
00:12:21,385 --> 00:12:22,451
Well, that's
a Texas‐sized 10‐4.
314
00:12:22,485 --> 00:12:23,785
Here's the kicker.
315
00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:25,818
When it gets down to the final
three girls, deal is,
316
00:12:25,851 --> 00:12:28,551
you get to go to their houses
and meet their families.
317
00:12:28,585 --> 00:12:30,351
See? Now that's reasonable.
318
00:12:30,385 --> 00:12:32,585
And then you get to spend
a night with each of them,
319
00:12:32,618 --> 00:12:34,585
until you decide which one
you want to marry.
320
00:12:37,918 --> 00:12:39,718
Is that... Does she...
321
00:12:39,751 --> 00:12:41,018
‐With all three?
‐Does she mean...
322
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,685
After the...
323
00:12:42,718 --> 00:12:43,985
WAYNE: Well, maybe it means
that I would have to...
324
00:12:44,018 --> 00:12:45,518
I don't want to talk about it,
just ask her.
325
00:12:45,551 --> 00:12:46,951
Okay, I'll ask her.
You want to know what?
326
00:12:46,985 --> 00:12:48,018
I got some fucking
questions here.
327
00:12:48,051 --> 00:12:49,751
Sha‐boink!
328
00:12:49,785 --> 00:12:51,351
Now, when you say I spend
the night with three of them,
329
00:12:51,385 --> 00:12:53,485
is it implied I have sex
with all three of them?
330
00:12:53,518 --> 00:12:55,551
‐Sure is.
‐So, I meet their families.
331
00:12:55,585 --> 00:12:56,951
Then we go have sex.
332
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,385
I do that with three of them,
before deciding which one
333
00:12:59,418 --> 00:13:00,618
‐I want to marry?
‐Yeah.
334
00:13:00,651 --> 00:13:02,518
And do the girls know going
into the process
335
00:13:02,551 --> 00:13:04,685
that I will be having sex
with them and two other girls
336
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:06,385
before deciding which
one I want to marry?
337
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,618
Yeah. Maybe more.
338
00:13:08,651 --> 00:13:10,718
And do the girls' families,
who I've just met,
339
00:13:10,751 --> 00:13:12,651
also know, going
into the process,
340
00:13:12,685 --> 00:13:14,651
that I will be having sex
with their daughters,
341
00:13:14,685 --> 00:13:16,751
as well as two other girls
who are not their daughters,
342
00:13:16,785 --> 00:13:18,651
before deciding which one
I want to marry?
343
00:13:18,685 --> 00:13:20,051
‐Yeah.
‐And the girls,
344
00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:22,818
and their families, find this
process entirely rational,
345
00:13:22,851 --> 00:13:24,518
despite how self‐harming,
346
00:13:24,551 --> 00:13:26,485
health‐hazardous,
and humiliating
347
00:13:26,518 --> 00:13:28,618
‐it very likely will be?
‐Yeah.
348
00:13:28,651 --> 00:13:30,551
And do you say 20 girls,
and their families
349
00:13:30,585 --> 00:13:32,551
will happily sign up
for this process?
350
00:13:32,585 --> 00:13:33,918
Over and over, I imagine.
351
00:13:33,951 --> 00:13:35,551
Oh, Gail, I don't
want to date a girl like that,
352
00:13:35,585 --> 00:13:37,518
for fuck's sake.
353
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:39,385
Comes from a family
like that. Fuck...
354
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,851
Gail, could there
be a female version
355
00:13:41,885 --> 00:13:43,485
where there's one girl
and 20 dudes?
356
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:44,618
‐Yeah.
‐I'm in.
357
00:13:44,651 --> 00:13:45,951
No!
358
00:13:45,985 --> 00:13:46,818
Ew!
359
00:13:47,685 --> 00:13:48,751
You're out.
360
00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:50,018
And do you want to know what?
361
00:13:50,051 --> 00:13:50,918
‐What?
‐I'm out.
362
00:13:51,418 --> 00:13:52,418
Okay.
363
00:13:56,047 --> 00:13:57,714
BONNIE: Up next in the barn,
364
00:13:57,747 --> 00:13:59,747
this husband and wife pair
from RR2 Letterkenny
365
00:13:59,781 --> 00:14:01,214
wants to go hunting
for buried treasure.
366
00:14:03,114 --> 00:14:04,114
Bonnie!
367
00:14:05,114 --> 00:14:06,947
Bonnie!
368
00:14:06,981 --> 00:14:08,247
‐Did ya feed the dog?
‐Yes!
369
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,781
Oh, well, thank you.
370
00:14:09,814 --> 00:14:11,014
Jim Dickins, how are you now?
371
00:14:11,047 --> 00:14:13,114
‐Good, and you?
‐Oh, not so bad.
372
00:14:13,147 --> 00:14:14,481
‐McMurray, how are...
‐Wayne, how are...
373
00:14:14,514 --> 00:14:15,981
‐Well, good...
‐Well, I'm good and...
374
00:14:16,014 --> 00:14:17,747
‐I'm not so...
‐Oh, not so... Uh...
375
00:14:17,781 --> 00:14:19,947
‐Not so bad...
‐Go ahead.
376
00:14:19,981 --> 00:14:21,714
‐You, you were first so...
‐No, why don't you go ahead?
377
00:14:21,747 --> 00:14:23,214
Oh, I didn't want
to be impolite.
378
00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:24,914
Just start talking,
please, McMurray.
379
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,347
So you can go
ahead and start...
380
00:14:26,381 --> 00:14:27,781
If you're going to go first,
then it would be your turn...
381
00:14:27,814 --> 00:14:29,381
Just pretend what I had
to say wasn't important.
382
00:14:29,414 --> 00:14:30,781
You're here to pitch,
are you not?
383
00:14:30,814 --> 00:14:31,847
Are you sure you don't
want to say anything?
384
00:14:31,881 --> 00:14:33,814
Jesus,
Pitter‐Patter, McMurray!
385
00:14:33,847 --> 00:14:35,281
Good enough. Have at 'er.
Yip, yip, yip.
386
00:14:35,314 --> 00:14:37,114
Now, we are asking
387
00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:39,347
for five K for 5%
of our business.
388
00:14:39,381 --> 00:14:40,747
KATY: Okay.
389
00:14:40,781 --> 00:14:42,147
We want to give back
to the community
390
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:43,481
by helping
them cocksuckers get rich.
391
00:14:43,514 --> 00:14:44,947
Uncle Eddie used to
buy lottery tickets
392
00:14:44,981 --> 00:14:46,447
for the seniors at
the home every week.
393
00:14:46,481 --> 00:14:47,981
MRS. MCMURRAY:
And we want to goddamn do that
394
00:14:48,014 --> 00:14:50,881
by auctioning
off other people's shit.
395
00:14:50,914 --> 00:14:52,047
Bingo.
396
00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:54,281
Did you know
397
00:14:54,314 --> 00:14:55,914
that there are
storage facilities
398
00:14:55,947 --> 00:14:57,747
surrounding Letterkenny
399
00:14:57,781 --> 00:15:00,314
that are filled with other
people's useless
400
00:15:00,347 --> 00:15:02,314
piles of their shit, that they
have forgotten about?
401
00:15:02,347 --> 00:15:03,847
Abandoned it, baby.
402
00:15:03,881 --> 00:15:05,781
‐They abandoned their shit...
‐Abandoned their shit.
403
00:15:05,814 --> 00:15:07,214
Now, whose knob
do I got to polish
404
00:15:07,247 --> 00:15:09,481
to get a cocksucking gin
and tonic around here?
405
00:15:09,514 --> 00:15:11,881
All right. We have secured
the auctioneering right
406
00:15:11,914 --> 00:15:13,414
for these
such storage facilities
407
00:15:13,447 --> 00:15:15,714
with the help of our friend,
Jimmy Dickskin.
408
00:15:15,747 --> 00:15:17,247
‐Dickins.
‐That's exactly what I said.
409
00:15:17,281 --> 00:15:19,814
So, what we want to do is we
want to take people down there
410
00:15:19,847 --> 00:15:21,114
and have them rummage
through all the shit
411
00:15:21,147 --> 00:15:22,381
and then buy some of the stuff
412
00:15:22,414 --> 00:15:24,181
and probably,
more than likely,
413
00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:26,114
most definitely, find hidden
treasures, gold and jewels.
414
00:15:26,147 --> 00:15:27,114
And I'd settle
for a Tom Collins,
415
00:15:27,147 --> 00:15:28,781
if it'll get this rig rolling.
416
00:15:28,814 --> 00:15:30,347
So, you want to sell
other people's shit
417
00:15:30,381 --> 00:15:32,881
that they left in their
storage locker.
418
00:15:32,914 --> 00:15:34,447
‐Abandoned.
‐Abandoned.
419
00:15:34,481 --> 00:15:36,381
‐Things that they abandoned.
‐But it's a storage locker
420
00:15:36,414 --> 00:15:38,014
and nobody's got any good
shit in there.
421
00:15:38,047 --> 00:15:39,114
(CHUCKLES)
422
00:15:40,847 --> 00:15:43,047
You would be surprised.
423
00:15:43,081 --> 00:15:44,347
I'm never surprised.
424
00:15:44,381 --> 00:15:46,814
Well, you will be once we show
you a demonstration
425
00:15:46,847 --> 00:15:48,814
of one such storage locker
that we have brought down
426
00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:50,747
from the tiny town
of Tiverton.
427
00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:52,114
Baby, if you will.
428
00:15:52,147 --> 00:15:53,447
Shall I call you Vanna,
for a little role‐play?
429
00:15:53,481 --> 00:15:54,881
(LAUGHING)
430
00:15:54,914 --> 00:15:56,147
Uh‐huh, baby,
you know what I mean?
431
00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:58,047
All right, and a one,
and a two,
432
00:15:58,081 --> 00:16:00,214
‐and a three, Jimmy Dickskin!
‐Got a beautiful set of DVDs.
433
00:16:00,247 --> 00:16:01,781
‐To start the bidding...
‐DVDs galore, look at that...
434
00:16:01,814 --> 00:16:03,047
‐(AUCTION CHANTING)
‐One, two, three, four, five.
435
00:16:03,081 --> 00:16:05,714
That's $50 guaranteed
for sure for DVDs alone.
436
00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,914
Then we got a VCR.
That's a vintage VCR.
437
00:16:07,947 --> 00:16:11,214
Guaranteed $50 for that
sweet piece of machinery
438
00:16:11,247 --> 00:16:13,381
right then and there.
Maybe 100, maybe 150.
439
00:16:13,414 --> 00:16:15,181
No big problem.
What else have we got, baby?
440
00:16:15,214 --> 00:16:16,781
Fishing lures.
What man doesn't want 'em?
441
00:16:16,814 --> 00:16:18,447
What man doesn't need 'em?
What man doesn't throw
442
00:16:18,481 --> 00:16:20,447
fishing lures all over
the goddamn place?
443
00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:22,247
Hundreds by the thousands.
Five dollars a fishing lure
444
00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:24,214
guaranteeing it
for fucking sure.
445
00:16:24,247 --> 00:16:26,747
So, you got five,
probably times 100,
446
00:16:26,781 --> 00:16:28,881
probably $5,000 right there,
sitting alone in that box.
447
00:16:28,914 --> 00:16:30,447
That microwave was probably
touched by Mahatma Gandhi.
448
00:16:30,481 --> 00:16:32,147
Easy! Maybe even Jesus.
449
00:16:32,181 --> 00:16:34,281
The proper thing,
I guarantee ya, is worth
450
00:16:34,314 --> 00:16:36,114
$100,000, no problem.
451
00:16:36,147 --> 00:16:38,147
A bit generous on your
evaluations there, bud.
452
00:16:38,181 --> 00:16:39,114
All right, 100,000
might be too much,
453
00:16:39,147 --> 00:16:41,447
but maybe 50,000.
What have we got now, baby?
454
00:16:41,481 --> 00:16:43,481
Looks like we got a handyman
storage locker, baby.
455
00:16:43,514 --> 00:16:45,114
‐McMURRAY: Handyman storage.
‐(CHANTING CONTINUES)
456
00:16:45,147 --> 00:16:47,047
We got corn silk white.
457
00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:51,147
We got lavender brush
white paint.
458
00:16:51,181 --> 00:16:52,481
‐We got...
‐(WHISPERS) Mint.
459
00:16:52,514 --> 00:16:56,181
Mint cream white paint!
460
00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:57,947
You can cream all
over the place!
461
00:16:57,981 --> 00:16:59,247
All over your ceilings!
462
00:16:59,281 --> 00:17:01,014
You can do them!
Come in here
463
00:17:01,047 --> 00:17:02,914
and buy all of that paint
and paint your apartment
464
00:17:02,947 --> 00:17:04,347
and give you
$100 cash in your hands.
465
00:17:04,381 --> 00:17:06,347
Ya hear me?
What else we got, baby?
466
00:17:06,381 --> 00:17:08,147
And now we're talking
big money. We got the bits.
467
00:17:08,181 --> 00:17:09,247
We got bits.
468
00:17:09,281 --> 00:17:10,847
Bits coming out of the ass.
469
00:17:10,881 --> 00:17:12,347
Twist bits, drill bits,
fucking Brad bits.
470
00:17:12,381 --> 00:17:14,147
All over the place.
Baby's putting them in...
471
00:17:14,181 --> 00:17:16,014
Gonna have so many bits,
you can put 'em in your tits.
472
00:17:16,047 --> 00:17:17,947
You can put in your mouth,
you can shake 'em all around,
473
00:17:17,981 --> 00:17:19,414
do a little dance,
and all kinds of shit.
474
00:17:19,447 --> 00:17:21,214
Bits all over the place.
You can have so many,
475
00:17:21,247 --> 00:17:23,214
you can lick 'em, suck 'em,
kick 'em fucking right in...
476
00:17:23,247 --> 00:17:24,281
Not for me, though,
but somebody else
477
00:17:24,314 --> 00:17:25,847
who's into that kind of shit.
478
00:17:25,881 --> 00:17:28,347
Each one is guaranteed to be
at least $100.
479
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,181
No problem there, for sure.
$100 each bit!
480
00:17:31,214 --> 00:17:33,347
‐No, they're not.
‐Sure God damn are!
481
00:17:33,381 --> 00:17:34,947
No, they're not.
482
00:17:34,981 --> 00:17:37,047
‐Jimmy Dickskin!
‐Dickins!
483
00:17:37,081 --> 00:17:38,847
I know it's Dickins,
and I meant no offense.
484
00:17:38,881 --> 00:17:40,747
I was just trying to get you
to stop the...
485
00:17:40,781 --> 00:17:42,114
Well, the thing you're doing.
486
00:17:42,147 --> 00:17:43,914
No one keeps shit
in their storage locker
487
00:17:43,947 --> 00:17:45,347
that you can rich off of.
488
00:17:45,381 --> 00:17:47,414
Only shit like Brad
point bits, really.
489
00:17:47,447 --> 00:17:49,081
‐Yep, see.
‐Uncle Eddie would have wanted
490
00:17:49,114 --> 00:17:51,247
me to take this idea and put
it in a storage locker,
491
00:17:51,281 --> 00:17:52,881
then abandon it.
492
00:17:53,914 --> 00:17:55,314
I'm out!
493
00:17:55,347 --> 00:17:57,114
You want to know what? Whoever
called it the Brad point bit
494
00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:58,181
would have done
themselves a favor
495
00:17:58,214 --> 00:17:59,814
by calling it
the Brad Pitt bit.
496
00:17:59,847 --> 00:18:00,881
But either way
497
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,347
I'm out.
498
00:18:03,381 --> 00:18:04,914
That's marketing
genius right there, Wayne,
499
00:18:04,947 --> 00:18:06,114
but you snooze,
you lose, buggers.
500
00:18:06,147 --> 00:18:07,414
You're looking
at three millionaires
501
00:18:07,447 --> 00:18:08,914
walking away from
ya in the dust.
502
00:18:08,947 --> 00:18:10,681
Have a good day!
On the morrow!
503
00:18:12,514 --> 00:18:13,747
BONNIE: Up next in the barn,
504
00:18:13,781 --> 00:18:15,181
this southern evangelist
505
00:18:15,214 --> 00:18:16,114
turned Letterkenny
youth worker
506
00:18:16,147 --> 00:18:18,314
brings the sound of music.
507
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,247
Bonnie, where'd you get
your dress?
508
00:18:20,281 --> 00:18:22,147
I don't know.
It was a Christmas present.
509
00:18:22,181 --> 00:18:23,247
Can you find out?
510
00:18:23,281 --> 00:18:24,714
I think so.
511
00:18:24,747 --> 00:18:26,181
‐It's so cute.
‐Thank you.
512
00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:27,347
You're welcome.
513
00:18:27,381 --> 00:18:28,481
Do you like it, Wayne?
514
00:18:28,514 --> 00:18:30,114
Glen, how're you now?
515
00:18:30,147 --> 00:18:31,814
‐Oh, good and you?
‐Not so bad.
516
00:18:31,847 --> 00:18:33,447
Well, I want your five K.
517
00:18:33,481 --> 00:18:35,114
For what percent?
518
00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:37,281
Uh, at 0%.
That's the Lord's percentage.
519
00:18:37,314 --> 00:18:39,014
‐Oh, is that what it is?
‐Yes.
520
00:18:39,047 --> 00:18:39,981
Now, what I would
like to do,
521
00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:41,747
is to give back
to the community
522
00:18:41,781 --> 00:18:43,447
by spreading the
word of Christ...
523
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,147
‐Okay
‐...through song!
524
00:18:45,181 --> 00:18:47,414
‐Uncle Eddie was an atheist.
‐Well...
525
00:18:47,447 --> 00:18:48,814
Then he couldn't have
been a Boy Scout
526
00:18:48,847 --> 00:18:50,714
because atheism
violates our pledge.
527
00:18:50,747 --> 00:18:52,447
‐You're a Boy Scout?
‐Uh, yeah.
528
00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:53,881
Fastest Boy Scout
to ever earn his badges
529
00:18:53,914 --> 00:18:55,881
in basketing and bugle‐ry.
530
00:18:55,914 --> 00:18:57,481
Hey, ya ever had
a Frozen Girl Scout?
531
00:18:57,514 --> 00:18:59,714
Yes! But with three scoops
of chocolate gelato
532
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:00,914
instead of ice cream.
533
00:19:00,947 --> 00:19:02,447
I'm proudly
lactose intolerant.
534
00:19:02,481 --> 00:19:03,981
So am I, but you can
power through that
535
00:19:04,014 --> 00:19:05,147
if you really want to.
536
00:19:05,181 --> 00:19:07,047
Wayne!
537
00:19:07,081 --> 00:19:09,347
I'd like to introduce you
538
00:19:09,381 --> 00:19:12,714
to Milo, Levi, and Finn.
539
00:19:12,747 --> 00:19:14,381
Those sound like stage names.
540
00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:17,714
Oh, they are. Their actual
names are Kennedy,
541
00:19:17,747 --> 00:19:19,414
Cullen, Campbell.
542
00:19:19,447 --> 00:19:21,781
‐Those sound like last names.
‐They are.
543
00:19:21,814 --> 00:19:24,781
Now I would like to take these
boys to Los Angeles
544
00:19:24,814 --> 00:19:26,847
to audition for a little show
you might have heard of,
545
00:19:26,881 --> 00:19:28,781
called America's Got Talent.
546
00:19:28,814 --> 00:19:30,281
Now, I know what
you're thinking.
547
00:19:30,314 --> 00:19:32,081
Why can't you just bring 'em
to the local model search
548
00:19:32,114 --> 00:19:33,981
and talent show that's
coming to town soon?
549
00:19:34,014 --> 00:19:36,247
Well, I would prefer
to bring them directly
550
00:19:36,281 --> 00:19:38,214
to the epicenter
of everything.
551
00:19:38,247 --> 00:19:39,714
Make 'em super‐famous
552
00:19:39,747 --> 00:19:41,081
and then inspire loads
of other boys,
553
00:19:41,114 --> 00:19:42,947
all over Letterkenny, to sing.
554
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:44,481
‐What do ya sing?
‐Oh, we sing Enya.
555
00:19:44,514 --> 00:19:45,814
We sing Enya‐thing.
556
00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,281
It's a choir joke.
557
00:19:48,314 --> 00:19:49,947
Anywho, I'm their choirmaster
558
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:51,781
but I consider myself
to be more of a...
559
00:19:51,814 --> 00:19:53,914
A player‐coach
in the equationatto.
560
00:19:53,947 --> 00:19:55,214
Because, I mean, frankly,
561
00:19:55,247 --> 00:19:57,047
who wants a trio when
you can have a quartet?
562
00:19:57,081 --> 00:19:58,847
‐Tick‐tock.
‐Okay, boys.
563
00:19:59,381 --> 00:20:01,047
Ragazzo!
564
00:20:01,081 --> 00:20:02,381
Grazioso.
565
00:20:02,414 --> 00:20:04,047
Espressivo.
566
00:20:04,081 --> 00:20:05,381
Energetico.
567
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:06,947
Grandioso!
568
00:20:09,447 --> 00:20:10,747
Finn?
569
00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:14,947
(MELODIC VOCALIZING)
570
00:20:26,047 --> 00:20:28,381
♪ I need you to praise him
571
00:20:28,414 --> 00:20:31,481
♪ I want you to praise him
Finn, find me
572
00:20:31,514 --> 00:20:34,147
♪ I need you to praise him
573
00:20:34,181 --> 00:20:35,847
♪ I don't know
where you are, Finn
574
00:20:35,881 --> 00:20:37,481
♪ But you're not with me
575
00:20:37,514 --> 00:20:41,047
♪ Praise him
I need you to praise him...
576
00:20:41,081 --> 00:20:43,181
‐That'll do, Glen.
‐No, wait. You know what?
577
00:20:43,214 --> 00:20:45,847
Sometimes it helps if I dance.
It helps my glissando.
578
00:20:45,881 --> 00:20:47,881
♪ I need you to praise him
579
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,047
♪ I want you to praise him...
580
00:20:50,081 --> 00:20:51,481
‐WAYNE: Glen!
‐♪ I'll praise him...
581
00:20:51,514 --> 00:20:53,281
It's the crescendo.
Just wait for the crescendo.
582
00:20:53,314 --> 00:20:55,081
♪ Praise, praise, praise
praise him ♪
583
00:20:57,814 --> 00:20:58,847
(EXHALES)
584
00:21:05,081 --> 00:21:07,281
Well, there was supposed to be
585
00:21:08,314 --> 00:21:09,914
an intermezzo,
586
00:21:12,881 --> 00:21:15,281
but Milo keeps
forcing his falsetto
587
00:21:15,314 --> 00:21:18,081
and not accepting the
fact that he is a castrato.
588
00:21:18,114 --> 00:21:20,114
‐Okay...
‐And Levi
589
00:21:20,147 --> 00:21:21,214
thinks this is madrigals,
590
00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:24,214
and will not allow me
my obbligato.
591
00:21:24,247 --> 00:21:26,347
‐Uh‐huh?
‐And then there's Finn.
592
00:21:26,381 --> 00:21:29,247
This is not fucking Glee.
593
00:21:31,747 --> 00:21:35,081
Now the soul of the piece is
obviously in my ostinato,
594
00:21:35,114 --> 00:21:36,981
in my "praise him."
595
00:21:37,014 --> 00:21:38,314
By the time we get
to Los Angeles
596
00:21:38,347 --> 00:21:40,114
the piece will begin
with a sonatina,
597
00:21:40,147 --> 00:21:42,081
it will be accompanied
by a partita.
598
00:21:42,114 --> 00:21:45,447
It will then accelerando
into a capriccio.
599
00:21:45,481 --> 00:21:48,347
I will play my third role
in the equationatto
600
00:21:48,381 --> 00:21:50,914
as the contralto
of the quartet‐o.
601
00:21:52,781 --> 00:21:54,214
So?
602
00:21:54,247 --> 00:21:56,281
Some people prefer a trio.
603
00:21:56,314 --> 00:21:57,981
I am one of those people.
604
00:21:58,014 --> 00:22:01,181
‐And for that reason, I'm out.
‐(SIGHS)
605
00:22:01,214 --> 00:22:02,714
Say, when is Los Angeles?
606
00:22:02,747 --> 00:22:04,314
‐It's next weekend!
‐Holy fuck.
607
00:22:04,347 --> 00:22:07,047
‐What?
‐Oh, fuck, bud.
608
00:22:07,081 --> 00:22:08,181
‐What?
‐I'm out.
609
00:22:19,211 --> 00:22:22,511
Up next, two barn
favorites have a plan.
610
00:22:22,545 --> 00:22:24,611
‐Hi, Bonnie.
‐Hi, Daryl.
611
00:22:24,645 --> 00:22:26,045
DAN: Hi, Bonnie!
612
00:22:26,078 --> 00:22:28,178
Hi, Dan.
613
00:22:28,211 --> 00:22:29,645
‐How are you now?
‐Good, and you?
614
00:22:29,678 --> 00:22:31,478
‐Not so bad.
‐Taking a piss?
615
00:22:31,511 --> 00:22:32,611
Just a fucking pisser, yeah.
616
00:22:32,645 --> 00:22:33,811
Okay.
617
00:22:33,845 --> 00:22:35,078
I yacked from donkey juice.
618
00:22:35,111 --> 00:22:36,911
‐Oh, did ya have a spit?
‐You meat‐sauced.
619
00:22:36,945 --> 00:22:38,678
I was up all night, pretty
near spitting everywhere.
620
00:22:38,711 --> 00:22:40,078
That's pretty near the whole
point of donkey juice.
621
00:22:40,111 --> 00:22:41,545
Like, you know
you're gonna have to spit.
622
00:22:41,578 --> 00:22:43,245
‐Had to call Earl.
‐I called Huey, too.
623
00:22:43,278 --> 00:22:44,678
Yeah, I solds the Buick.
624
00:22:44,711 --> 00:22:45,578
Oh, did you all toss
a sidewalk pizza?
625
00:22:45,611 --> 00:22:46,678
Yep.
626
00:22:46,711 --> 00:22:48,245
‐Yep.
‐Yeah.
627
00:22:48,278 --> 00:22:49,678
Well, that's pretty near
the point of donkey juice.
628
00:22:49,711 --> 00:22:50,145
Like, you know
you'll have a spit.
629
00:22:50,945 --> 00:22:52,911
We are asking for five K
630
00:22:52,945 --> 00:22:55,578
‐for 50% of our business.
‐Fucking serious?
631
00:22:55,611 --> 00:22:56,811
Oh, we sees
everyone else doing it,
632
00:22:56,845 --> 00:22:58,478
figured we'd toss
our hats in the ring.
633
00:22:58,511 --> 00:23:00,545
You can borrow some money
if you want to.
634
00:23:00,578 --> 00:23:02,645
No, we've got enough
to get by, thanks.
635
00:23:02,678 --> 00:23:04,011
Well, we wants to give back
to the community
636
00:23:04,045 --> 00:23:05,645
by getting jobs for peoples.
637
00:23:05,678 --> 00:23:07,545
Well, Uncle Eddie used
to always say...
638
00:23:07,578 --> 00:23:10,245
BOTH: "An idle mind is
the devil's playground."
639
00:23:10,278 --> 00:23:12,578
‐10‐4, good buddy.
‐Over and out.
640
00:23:12,611 --> 00:23:14,811
So Dary and me been
making these duck calls
641
00:23:14,845 --> 00:23:16,211
and we wants to
open up a factory
642
00:23:16,245 --> 00:23:18,878
to manufacture
these duck calls.
643
00:23:18,911 --> 00:23:21,845
Well, see now that
is a great, original idea.
644
00:23:21,878 --> 00:23:23,811
And, uh, see Dan has a beard
645
00:23:23,845 --> 00:23:26,511
and I'll grow a beard,
and then the only people
646
00:23:26,545 --> 00:23:27,645
that we'd have
working in the factory,
647
00:23:27,678 --> 00:23:29,478
would also have beards.
648
00:23:29,511 --> 00:23:32,078
And that would contribute to
our original and unique brand.
649
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,778
Unique and original.
650
00:23:34,811 --> 00:23:35,978
Yeah. And when we're
not making duck calls
651
00:23:36,011 --> 00:23:37,711
to contribute
to our unique brand,
652
00:23:37,745 --> 00:23:39,645
we'd, uh, shoot guns
653
00:23:39,678 --> 00:23:41,878
‐and blows up beaver dams.
‐Oh.
654
00:23:41,911 --> 00:23:43,211
Will the beavers
be out of the dams
655
00:23:43,245 --> 00:23:44,145
before you blow them up?
656
00:23:52,111 --> 00:23:53,578
That's unclear.
657
00:23:53,611 --> 00:23:54,545
But a dam's got to get
blowed up.
658
00:23:54,578 --> 00:23:55,945
I'm surprised we're not
blowing up beaver dams
659
00:23:55,978 --> 00:23:58,078
‐right now.
‐This is a choice idea, boys.
660
00:23:58,111 --> 00:24:01,578
And one that definitely no one
has ever attempted before.
661
00:24:01,611 --> 00:24:03,578
‐I think I'm in.
‐What could go wrong?
662
00:24:03,611 --> 00:24:05,878
And after we grows our brand
663
00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:07,678
and got a followings,
664
00:24:07,711 --> 00:24:10,211
we could use our influences to
665
00:24:11,145 --> 00:24:12,511
condemn homosexuals.
666
00:24:12,545 --> 00:24:13,145
Oh.
667
00:24:15,178 --> 00:24:17,245
No, no, 'cause...
It's okay because,
668
00:24:17,278 --> 00:24:19,778
you know, once we've
created our brand,
669
00:24:19,811 --> 00:24:21,211
and then condemned
the homosexuals,
670
00:24:21,245 --> 00:24:23,078
we'll just like go home
with our families
671
00:24:23,111 --> 00:24:25,211
to eat supper and then
hold hands and pray.
672
00:24:25,245 --> 00:24:26,778
Well, see now,
that's a wee bit
673
00:24:26,811 --> 00:24:28,111
of a curve ball,
super‐chieftains.
674
00:24:28,145 --> 00:24:29,711
What do you have
against homosexuals?
675
00:24:29,745 --> 00:24:31,145
Me? Nothing.
676
00:24:31,178 --> 00:24:33,211
LQBT is all rights with me.
677
00:24:33,245 --> 00:24:34,711
‐Daryl?
‐Yeah.
678
00:24:34,745 --> 00:24:35,745
‐Nothing.
‐So, why do you want
679
00:24:35,778 --> 00:24:37,111
‐to condemn them?
‐Yeah?
680
00:24:41,911 --> 00:24:44,111
We... We seens it
on a TV shows.
681
00:24:44,145 --> 00:24:45,511
‐We know.
‐We know.
682
00:24:45,545 --> 00:24:46,778
We actually seens it
on two TV shows.
683
00:24:46,811 --> 00:24:49,645
One was the TV show,
what we seens it on,
684
00:24:49,678 --> 00:24:52,178
and then the other
was a news program about
685
00:24:52,211 --> 00:24:53,811
what we seens on the TV shows.
686
00:24:53,845 --> 00:24:55,978
BOTH: We know.
687
00:24:56,011 --> 00:24:58,011
But those guys
got real popular
688
00:24:58,045 --> 00:24:59,678
and they looked like they
was having lots of fun
689
00:24:59,711 --> 00:25:02,811
so we just figured if we
dids what they dids...
690
00:25:02,845 --> 00:25:03,545
We could have
lots of fun, too.
691
00:25:05,711 --> 00:25:07,811
Well, do you still want to
blow up beaver dams?
692
00:25:07,845 --> 00:25:09,611
Oh, can we still blows up
the beaver dams?
693
00:25:09,645 --> 00:25:11,178
Oh, yeah, I kind of
thought this whole
694
00:25:11,211 --> 00:25:12,545
conversation was about us
blowing up beaver dams.
695
00:25:12,578 --> 00:25:13,245
I'm surprised
you're not blowing up
696
00:25:13,278 --> 00:25:14,811
beaver dams right now.
697
00:25:14,845 --> 00:25:17,545
This idea has lawsuit
written all over it.
698
00:25:17,578 --> 00:25:18,478
This is the worst
pitch we've seen.
699
00:25:19,111 --> 00:25:20,145
Ever.
700
00:25:20,178 --> 00:25:22,111
And for that reason,
701
00:25:22,145 --> 00:25:24,045
I'm out.
702
00:25:24,078 --> 00:25:26,511
You want to know what, Dary?
You can't even grow a beard.
703
00:25:26,545 --> 00:25:27,711
‐Can too.
‐Cannot.
704
00:25:27,745 --> 00:25:28,845
‐Can too.
‐Cannot.
705
00:25:28,878 --> 00:25:30,545
‐Can too!
‐Cannot! Figure it out!
706
00:25:30,578 --> 00:25:33,611
(SCREAMING) No, can too!
707
00:25:33,645 --> 00:25:35,145
No, you can't.
And for that reason,
708
00:25:35,178 --> 00:25:36,211
I'm out.
709
00:25:42,811 --> 00:25:44,545
But...
710
00:25:44,578 --> 00:25:46,911
Well, what are you
guys doing now?
711
00:25:46,945 --> 00:25:48,678
Me? Nothing.
712
00:25:48,711 --> 00:25:49,845
Do ya want to get hammered?
713
00:25:49,878 --> 00:25:51,078
‐Yeah, I'd get hammered.
‐Yeah.
714
00:25:51,111 --> 00:25:52,178
I think we're
out of beer, though.
715
00:25:52,211 --> 00:25:53,245
Beer store's closed.
716
00:25:53,278 --> 00:25:54,845
ALL: (WHINING) No!
717
00:25:54,878 --> 00:25:56,545
Fuck, do I miss MoDean's.
718
00:25:56,578 --> 00:25:57,745
Well, reason fucking
five million we need
719
00:25:57,778 --> 00:26:00,011
some sort of bar in this town.
720
00:26:00,045 --> 00:26:02,545
What did you say when I told
you that Uncle Eddie died?
721
00:26:02,578 --> 00:26:03,911
‐I say he's a good guy.
‐The other thing?
722
00:26:03,945 --> 00:26:04,711
‐I say he's a real good guy.
‐The other thing.
723
00:26:04,745 --> 00:26:06,578
(GASPS)
724
00:26:06,611 --> 00:26:08,945
BOTH:
He'd want us to have a party!
725
00:26:10,078 --> 00:26:11,911
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
726
00:26:14,978 --> 00:26:16,445
(INDISTINCT CHATTING)
727
00:26:22,611 --> 00:26:25,478
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)
728
00:26:25,511 --> 00:26:27,545
Bonnie, thank you
for your help today.
729
00:26:27,578 --> 00:26:29,545
You're welcome, Wayne.
730
00:26:29,578 --> 00:26:30,778
Save me a dance
at the next jamboree?
731
00:26:30,811 --> 00:26:31,645
Can do.
732
00:26:41,611 --> 00:26:43,678
Hey!
733
00:26:43,711 --> 00:26:46,045
We all know Uncle Eddie
was a real good guy.
734
00:26:46,078 --> 00:26:47,945
‐(MURMURING IN AGREEMENT)
‐Oh, he was a great guy!
735
00:26:47,978 --> 00:26:49,545
‐He was a really good guy!
‐A real good guy.
736
00:26:49,578 --> 00:26:50,511
‐He was a really good guy.
‐Nice guy.
737
00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:53,745
Here's to Uncle Eddie.
738
00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:56,145
And here's to his five K
put back into the community
739
00:26:56,178 --> 00:26:58,878
in the most appropriate
way possible.
740
00:26:58,911 --> 00:27:00,845
ALL: Hear, hear!
741
00:27:04,278 --> 00:27:05,478
Whoo.
742
00:27:08,145 --> 00:27:10,845
This is definitely what
he wanted, brother.
743
00:27:10,878 --> 00:27:12,678
‐Did he?
‐Dum‐diddy‐do.
744
00:27:15,911 --> 00:27:17,445
(ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES)
745
00:27:29,011 --> 00:27:30,745
(ROCK MUSIC STOPS)
746
00:27:30,778 --> 00:27:33,111
WAYNE: We're out of beer.
KATY: $5,000 worth?
747
00:27:33,145 --> 00:27:35,511
WAYNE: Correct.
KATY: Beer store's closed.
748
00:27:35,545 --> 00:27:37,478
ALL: (WHINING) No!
749
00:27:37,511 --> 00:27:39,478
(MUSIC RESUMES)54985
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