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1
00:00:01,205 --> 00:00:03,656
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
*DUNCANVILLE*
2
00:00:05,117 --> 00:00:08,781
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
Season 02 Episode 08
3
00:00:09,132 --> 00:00:12,773
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
Episode Title: "Crimes and Misters Demean Her"
4
00:00:13,088 --> 00:00:16,992
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
Aired on: July 12, 2021.
5
00:00:17,171 --> 00:00:20,960
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:23,423
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:23,695 --> 00:00:24,704
[laughs]
8
00:00:24,789 --> 00:00:26,351
- Ooh!
- [growls]
9
00:00:26,436 --> 00:00:27,910
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,273
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
11
00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:34,828
All right,
assistant coach Dunker.
12
00:00:34,913 --> 00:00:36,228
- Orange slices?
- Yup.
13
00:00:36,313 --> 00:00:37,731
- Juice boxes?
- Yup.
14
00:00:37,815 --> 00:00:38,890
- First aid kit?
- Yup.
15
00:00:38,975 --> 00:00:40,566
That's everything
I forgot to bring.
16
00:00:40,651 --> 00:00:41,742
Hmm.
17
00:00:41,845 --> 00:00:44,375
All right, bring it in,
Plungers!
18
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:46,117
Good hustle, Henley!
19
00:00:46,570 --> 00:00:48,875
Ow! I have weak bones
20
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,438
'cause my mom is vegan.
21
00:00:50,523 --> 00:00:53,665
Now remember our motto:
W-I-N.
22
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:56,054
Winning Isn't Necessary!
23
00:00:56,148 --> 00:00:58,008
That's good,
cause we never do.
24
00:00:58,093 --> 00:00:59,382
That's the spirit, honey!
25
00:00:59,467 --> 00:01:02,586
Organized sports is all about
fresh air and having fun.
26
00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:05,118
Winning would be
a mowale booster.
27
00:01:05,203 --> 00:01:06,999
The least we can do
is beat the spread!
28
00:01:07,084 --> 00:01:09,102
My pop's got two bills
on the game.
29
00:01:09,187 --> 00:01:12,079
Relax, my kid says
they're gonna bend it
30
00:01:12,164 --> 00:01:14,102
like, what's his name,
Beckham!
31
00:01:14,187 --> 00:01:15,508
How ya ma's, good?
32
00:01:15,593 --> 00:01:17,954
Okay, gang,
now get out there
33
00:01:18,039 --> 00:01:21,196
and give it whatever percent
you feel comfortable with!
34
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,001
Kimberly,
shut your phone off.
35
00:01:23,086 --> 00:01:24,187
This isn't baseball.
36
00:01:24,272 --> 00:01:26,508
You can't look away
for an hour and miss nothing.
37
00:01:26,593 --> 00:01:29,032
Sorry, my witches' coven is
electing a new high priestess.
38
00:01:29,117 --> 00:01:31,031
It's between me
and Samantha.
39
00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:32,454
Her curses are just spells,
40
00:01:32,538 --> 00:01:34,118
but voters can be fooled
by that!
41
00:01:34,203 --> 00:01:38,208
Wow, at your age I was wild
about my roller skates.
42
00:01:39,185 --> 00:01:41,415
Is that the end
of the story, Mom?
43
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:42,804
Yeah, pretty much.
44
00:01:42,889 --> 00:01:44,681
[grunts]
45
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,011
- [whistle blows]
- Great illegal catch, Gigi!
46
00:01:48,104 --> 00:01:49,734
Great whistle, Ref!
47
00:01:50,875 --> 00:01:52,851
Great goal, opposing team!
48
00:01:52,936 --> 00:01:54,085
[disappointed sigh]
49
00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:57,253
Heck
of a disappointed sigh, Jing.
50
00:01:57,338 --> 00:01:58,738
Ugh.
51
00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:02,234
So, the coven's
been texting,
52
00:02:02,367 --> 00:02:04,488
and you're unfit to hold
the office of high priestess.
53
00:02:04,609 --> 00:02:06,562
Yeah, and we know it was you
who cast
54
00:02:06,646 --> 00:02:08,492
a water retention spell
on Samantha
55
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:11,031
because her ankles...
They look insane.
56
00:02:11,125 --> 00:02:13,165
My socks don't fit anymore!
57
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:15,185
You think I'm unfit
for leadership?
58
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,015
Let's hear you say that
when you're strangled
59
00:02:17,099 --> 00:02:18,882
by your own hair at midnight!
60
00:02:21,594 --> 00:02:22,594
Gah!
61
00:02:23,193 --> 00:02:24,320
Everything okay, honey?
62
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,098
I'll never be high priestess!
63
00:02:26,183 --> 00:02:28,258
Hex Claire!
Hex everyone!
64
00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:31,172
- Language!
- Well, I gotta get to work.
65
00:02:31,257 --> 00:02:32,960
Are you gonna be okay
home alone
66
00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:34,579
with none of your friends
speaking to you
67
00:02:34,663 --> 00:02:36,915
and a drawer full
of freshly sharpened knives?
68
00:02:37,058 --> 00:02:38,460
[crying] Y-y-y-y-yes.
69
00:02:38,545 --> 00:02:39,273
Okie doke!
70
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,109
There's Stouffer's
in the freezer.
71
00:02:41,242 --> 00:02:43,476
[sobbing]
72
00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:46,874
Hey, I know!
73
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:48,351
Why don't you come
to work with me?
74
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:51,429
I. Don't. Need.
Your. Pity.
75
00:02:51,874 --> 00:02:53,609
Come on, it'll be fun!
76
00:02:53,694 --> 00:02:55,963
[sing song]
♪ We've got a vending machine.
77
00:02:56,048 --> 00:02:59,618
♪ Famous Amos,
and they're pummeled to crumbs.
78
00:02:59,703 --> 00:03:01,235
You're just gonna keep
talking like that
79
00:03:01,319 --> 00:03:02,579
until I say yes, right?
80
00:03:02,664 --> 00:03:04,105
[sing-song]
♪ Yes I am! ♪
81
00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:05,850
Fine.
I'll go.
82
00:03:06,009 --> 00:03:08,075
[sing-song]
♪ That's my... ♪ Okay, sorry.
83
00:03:10,561 --> 00:03:11,903
You're, uh, probably
wondering
84
00:03:11,988 --> 00:03:13,488
why I'm wearing a
whistle.
85
00:03:13,573 --> 00:03:15,148
To alert people
if you get touched?
86
00:03:15,233 --> 00:03:17,585
My mom got the same one
at her self-defense class.
87
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:19,660
I'm assistant coach
of my sister's team,
88
00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:22,007
which means
I get to be head coach
89
00:03:22,092 --> 00:03:23,493
if my dad dies.
90
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,261
Hey, that's great!
91
00:03:25,346 --> 00:03:26,743
Coach, can I talk to you?
92
00:03:26,828 --> 00:03:28,835
Of course,
but don't call me coach.
93
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:31,096
Right now, I'm wearing
my Daddy hat.
94
00:03:31,181 --> 00:03:32,265
Figuratively.
95
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:33,941
I don't wear
my actual Daddy hat anymore
96
00:03:34,026 --> 00:03:35,396
because it gave some men
the wrong impression.
97
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,757
The team thinks
maybe we'd win more, or once,
98
00:03:38,908 --> 00:03:41,511
if you were just
a little tougher on us.
99
00:03:41,596 --> 00:03:43,922
Yeah, wight a fwire
under our butts!
100
00:03:44,007 --> 00:03:46,351
- Sorry.
- My dad was a yelling coach,
101
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,268
and I do not want that for you.
102
00:03:50,575 --> 00:03:52,908
Eye on the ball, Jackie!
103
00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:55,844
Look at me
when I'm talking to you!
104
00:03:55,928 --> 00:03:58,234
- Strike!
- What did I tell you?!
105
00:03:58,319 --> 00:04:00,289
Two conflicting things?
106
00:04:03,936 --> 00:04:07,522
[slow triumphant music]
107
00:04:07,606 --> 00:04:10,286
[crowd cheers]
108
00:04:10,439 --> 00:04:12,961
You call that a parody
of "The Natural"?!
109
00:04:13,046 --> 00:04:14,940
It's actually an homage!
110
00:04:15,044 --> 00:04:16,978
Don't tell me
what an homage is!
111
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,823
[yells and gibbers]
112
00:04:18,938 --> 00:04:22,282
You call that running
for your life?!
113
00:04:22,546 --> 00:04:23,560
But you won!
114
00:04:23,645 --> 00:04:25,563
Isn't that the whole idea
of kids' sports?
115
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,066
She gets it!
116
00:04:27,175 --> 00:04:29,319
It's all about humiliating
your opponent.
117
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:31,681
And these thought bubbles
make me look dead.
118
00:04:31,766 --> 00:04:34,882
I live twenty minutes away!
Come see me sometime.
119
00:04:34,967 --> 00:04:37,009
- Okay.
- Not you.
120
00:04:37,094 --> 00:04:38,726
Her! The winner!
121
00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:40,636
Hi, Grandpa!
122
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:49,064
- This is so exciting!
- You only know me as Home Mom.
123
00:04:49,148 --> 00:04:51,324
You've never seen me
as Work Mom.
124
00:04:51,408 --> 00:04:52,509
It'll blow your mind.
125
00:04:52,594 --> 00:04:54,807
It's just you
with a stapler, right?
126
00:04:57,932 --> 00:05:00,242
- It was not a red zone!
- It was a white zone!
127
00:05:00,326 --> 00:05:02,911
White because you
painted it, scumbag.
128
00:05:02,995 --> 00:05:04,579
[screams]
129
00:05:04,663 --> 00:05:05,938
Please, anybody, help!
130
00:05:06,089 --> 00:05:08,273
My partner got hit!
It's bad!
131
00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:10,167
Not on my watch.
132
00:05:11,068 --> 00:05:13,671
Do not die on me!
133
00:05:14,115 --> 00:05:16,245
You've still got
parade routes to mark!
134
00:05:18,010 --> 00:05:19,261
[all cheer]
135
00:05:19,345 --> 00:05:22,447
Somebody better change
street sweeping to Tuesdays,
136
00:05:22,532 --> 00:05:24,532
or I'll blow us all to hell!
137
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:25,934
[all scream]
138
00:05:26,018 --> 00:05:29,035
This dynamite is a hot dog!
139
00:05:29,188 --> 00:05:32,573
And this hot dog is dy-no-mite!
140
00:05:32,657 --> 00:05:34,708
[all cheer]
141
00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:37,387
- This is what you do at work?!
- Not really. It's a slow day.
142
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:38,722
I know I'm not supposed
to say this,
143
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:40,472
but you're a friggin' badass.
144
00:05:40,624 --> 00:05:42,617
I'll allow it this once.
145
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:44,728
[rock music]
146
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,063
Who are those guys?
147
00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:50,141
Ooh, that's SPF:
Special Parking Force.
148
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:53,295
We call them The Pad Boys.
They make the rules.
149
00:05:53,379 --> 00:05:56,722
Except for themselves.
That's why they don't have any.
150
00:05:56,806 --> 00:05:59,058
- Rules.
- I get it, Mom.
151
00:05:59,142 --> 00:06:00,318
Annie!
152
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:02,569
Shane! Fitz!
153
00:06:02,721 --> 00:06:03,747
Gutter!
154
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,906
- All right.
- You got my d-nuts?
155
00:06:06,058 --> 00:06:07,992
You know I do, Shane!
156
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,312
We'd do it ourselves,
but you know they taste better
157
00:06:10,396 --> 00:06:13,031
when you plate them
and wash the plate after.
158
00:06:13,116 --> 00:06:15,391
Napkin me, A-Train.
159
00:06:15,825 --> 00:06:17,509
They call me A-Train.
160
00:06:17,702 --> 00:06:19,654
And they make up
their own rules.
161
00:06:19,738 --> 00:06:23,491
Hey, did you get my theory
about fake handicap placards
162
00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:24,917
outside CrossFit gyms?
163
00:06:25,001 --> 00:06:27,495
Yeah, you're definitely
onto something.
164
00:06:27,579 --> 00:06:28,754
You want me to follow up?
165
00:06:28,838 --> 00:06:30,856
Nah, Fitz and Gutter
will take care of it.
166
00:06:31,007 --> 00:06:33,351
You know the deal, A-Train.
You set 'em up...
167
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:34,945
And you knock 'em down!
168
00:06:35,029 --> 00:06:36,937
And when we have beers
with the mayor,
169
00:06:37,089 --> 00:06:39,907
we will be sure
to drink a silent toast to you.
170
00:06:41,518 --> 00:06:44,195
But we do have
a special assignment for you.
171
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,204
I'm ready.
172
00:06:45,355 --> 00:06:47,272
- [singsong]
- Somebody has a birthday!
173
00:06:47,357 --> 00:06:48,207
It's me.
174
00:06:48,358 --> 00:06:49,517
I'm on it!
175
00:06:49,861 --> 00:06:51,793
[upbeat music playing]
176
00:06:54,119 --> 00:06:56,064
- Happy birthday Gutter!
- Unh!
177
00:06:56,174 --> 00:06:57,876
Guess who's proud?
Your mutter! Unh!
178
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,805
'Cause she pushed you out!
Unh! Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh!
179
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:04,716
- Whoo!
- Sugar Tickets!
180
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,225
[groans quietly]
181
00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:09,969
Okay, Henley.
182
00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,056
If it gets too lonely
in the goal,
183
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,467
feel free to leave the net
and join the rest of the team.
184
00:07:14,551 --> 00:07:16,324
Make friends!
185
00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:21,481
[whistle blows]
186
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,568
Dad,
we cannot lose this game!
187
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,675
It's the other team's nap time!
188
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:29,363
- You're right.
- Let's try to keep it down!
189
00:07:29,488 --> 00:07:31,317
[muffled scream]
190
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:33,745
Dad, will you sign
my history test?
191
00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:35,580
Twenty-two percent?
192
00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:36,840
Duncan, do you know
how little work
193
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:39,067
you have to do
to get a grade this low?
194
00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:40,752
Oh, that's the one answer
I do know.
195
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,345
You know I don't like
to yell,
196
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,347
but your mom thinks school
is important!
197
00:07:44,540 --> 00:07:46,346
I am so disappointed in you!
198
00:07:46,431 --> 00:07:49,744
- Eyy foccacia!
- Coach is disappointed in us!
199
00:07:49,828 --> 00:07:51,946
I mean, I don't expect
perfection,
200
00:07:52,031 --> 00:07:53,765
but you at least need to pass!
201
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,750
- You heard him, Bradley!
- Pass!
202
00:07:55,834 --> 00:07:58,753
I respond well to directness.
203
00:07:58,837 --> 00:08:01,940
[wondrous music]
204
00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:04,943
Start using that head
of yours!
205
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:08,203
- Use my noodle?
- Don't mind if I do!
206
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:12,124
You need to achieve
your goals!
207
00:08:15,278 --> 00:08:16,604
[all cheer]
208
00:08:16,688 --> 00:08:19,923
- Whoo!
- We tied! We tied!
209
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,627
Thanks for yelling
at us, Daddy!
210
00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:24,251
You're the best!
211
00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:26,546
- Yelling at you?
- No.
212
00:08:26,698 --> 00:08:28,680
I was mad at Duncan
for failing a test.
213
00:08:28,765 --> 00:08:31,336
I told you,
I am not that kind of coach.
214
00:08:31,421 --> 00:08:34,213
Quench your thirst,
Mr. Harris!
215
00:08:34,297 --> 00:08:36,411
On the other hand,
having sticky Gatorade
216
00:08:36,496 --> 00:08:37,809
dumped down my back
does feel good.
217
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,627
Bring it in,
you little nose-pickers!
218
00:08:39,711 --> 00:08:41,469
[all cheer]
219
00:08:42,646 --> 00:08:46,146
Relax, they won't shoot me
if I'm surrounded by kids.
220
00:08:47,256 --> 00:08:50,468
Ooh, a commercial
loading zone infraction.
221
00:08:50,553 --> 00:08:52,161
You came to work
on a great day.
222
00:08:52,312 --> 00:08:54,598
So, are we gonna talk about
what happened at your office?
223
00:08:54,682 --> 00:08:55,857
Did something happen?
224
00:08:55,942 --> 00:08:58,242
You were dancing on a desk
for your coworkers.
225
00:08:58,394 --> 00:08:59,811
It was Gutter's birthday.
226
00:08:59,895 --> 00:09:02,079
Did Gutter dance on a desk
for your birthday?
227
00:09:02,231 --> 00:09:04,840
No, I danced on my own desk
for my birthday.
228
00:09:04,992 --> 00:09:07,094
You were such a badass
when we walked in,
229
00:09:07,178 --> 00:09:10,012
but with those Pad Boys,
you seemed like a... kiss-ass.
230
00:09:10,163 --> 00:09:14,009
Okay, I think we hit our max
on asses for today.
231
00:09:14,093 --> 00:09:17,012
That's just the way things are
in an office, honey.
232
00:09:17,096 --> 00:09:18,929
There's always people above you
233
00:09:19,081 --> 00:09:20,849
that you act
a little differently around
234
00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:22,776
or sometimes dance for.
235
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,101
It's not just the dancing.
236
00:09:24,253 --> 00:09:26,028
There were
so many microaggressions.
237
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:28,340
Ya, I keep hearing that word,
and it sounds adorable.
238
00:09:28,424 --> 00:09:29,341
What is it?
239
00:09:29,425 --> 00:09:30,509
They're these little insults
240
00:09:30,593 --> 00:09:32,109
that, yeah,
they could be jokes,
241
00:09:32,261 --> 00:09:33,862
but they're actually
just ways to keep you down.
242
00:09:33,946 --> 00:09:36,198
Oh, okay,
like baby aggressions!
243
00:09:36,282 --> 00:09:37,913
Mom, stop trying
to make it cute.
244
00:09:37,998 --> 00:09:39,474
They make you arrange
their doughnuts,
245
00:09:39,558 --> 00:09:41,226
they compliment your ideas,
take them,
246
00:09:41,361 --> 00:09:42,445
and don't give you credit.
247
00:09:42,529 --> 00:09:44,039
But they like me,
and being liked
248
00:09:44,123 --> 00:09:45,874
is the ticket to the top.
249
00:09:45,958 --> 00:09:47,542
Who would you rather be
President?
250
00:09:47,626 --> 00:09:49,126
Tom Hanks or The Grinch?
251
00:09:49,278 --> 00:09:51,220
It's obvious you want me
to say Tom Hanks.
252
00:09:51,371 --> 00:09:53,964
The Grinch's heart is filled
with unwashed socks.
253
00:09:54,116 --> 00:09:56,800
Sweetie, I appreciate
your concern, but trust me,
254
00:09:56,952 --> 00:09:59,295
I'm a valued part of this team.
255
00:09:59,379 --> 00:10:01,063
Now, let's head to Macy's.
256
00:10:01,214 --> 00:10:02,541
I gotta try on
an anniversary gift
257
00:10:02,625 --> 00:10:04,655
for Shane's wife.
258
00:10:06,478 --> 00:10:08,747
- We're down by one, Duncan.
- Got something to rile me up?
259
00:10:08,831 --> 00:10:10,732
- [grunt]
- Kick!
260
00:10:10,816 --> 00:10:13,553
- Ooh, ow!
- What the hell was that?!
261
00:10:14,522 --> 00:10:15,865
[whistle blows]
262
00:10:16,247 --> 00:10:17,487
You got anything else?
263
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:19,166
Oh yeah, I've been cooking up
something
264
00:10:19,250 --> 00:10:20,742
that's pretty clever.
265
00:10:20,826 --> 00:10:21,893
[grunts]
266
00:10:21,977 --> 00:10:23,961
Ooh, is that all you got?!
267
00:10:26,332 --> 00:10:28,665
- Go for the ball!
- Huh huh.
268
00:10:28,784 --> 00:10:30,252
Oh, no, no, no, wait!
269
00:10:30,453 --> 00:10:32,404
[yells]
270
00:10:32,488 --> 00:10:34,338
Ow!
271
00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:35,490
[all cheer]
272
00:10:35,582 --> 00:10:38,017
[groaning]
Good job!
273
00:10:40,722 --> 00:10:42,754
Oh Annie,
thank God you're back!
274
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,708
- I can't solve this thing!
- What's the case, Shane?
275
00:10:45,793 --> 00:10:48,427
I'm trying to write an
anniversary haiku for my wife!
276
00:10:48,512 --> 00:10:50,864
No problem! Okay.
277
00:10:51,007 --> 00:10:53,582
Five, seven, five.
Here you go!
278
00:10:55,277 --> 00:10:57,886
You saved my marriage again!
279
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,362
- What?
- A woman can't be good at haiku?
280
00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:04,679
- Heads up, everybody.
- The Space Jammer is back!
281
00:11:04,763 --> 00:11:07,168
He left this cryptic note
on my desk.
282
00:11:07,265 --> 00:11:08,516
Who's the Space Jammer?
283
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,618
Does nobody at home listen
to my work stories?
284
00:11:11,777 --> 00:11:14,212
The Space Jammer
is Oakdale's worst
285
00:11:14,364 --> 00:11:17,041
and only
serial parking offender!
286
00:11:17,125 --> 00:11:19,135
He's tormented this department
for years
287
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:22,030
by creating traffic nightmares.
288
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:23,963
Oh, whoa.
289
00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:26,384
You know, when the Jammer
first started striking,
290
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,478
I had some theories
on who it could be,
291
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:30,204
but I was new to the force
292
00:11:30,288 --> 00:11:32,148
and too nervous
to show you guys.
293
00:11:32,232 --> 00:11:34,733
That was a great instinct
to say nothing, Annie.
294
00:11:34,884 --> 00:11:37,061
Women's intuition
at its finest.
295
00:11:37,145 --> 00:11:40,139
Yeah, this case
is total Pad Boys turf.
296
00:11:40,223 --> 00:11:41,899
But there is a way
you can help.
297
00:11:41,983 --> 00:11:43,217
[gasps hopefully]
298
00:11:43,301 --> 00:11:44,902
Fill in for me
at my anniversary dinner
299
00:11:44,986 --> 00:11:46,486
- with my wife.
- Again?
300
00:11:46,638 --> 00:11:48,705
But we've run out
of things to talk about.
301
00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:54,210
Okay, okay,
I'm starting to see it!
302
00:11:56,331 --> 00:11:59,676
So, are you kids ready
for the big game?
303
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,419
- [cheers]
- Mama!
304
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:04,763
As long as you keep
losing it, we can't lose!
305
00:12:04,914 --> 00:12:06,182
Proud of you, son.
306
00:12:06,266 --> 00:12:08,266
Couldn't have screamed
at those kids better myself.
307
00:12:08,418 --> 00:12:11,245
- No, I'm not like you.
- I'm motivating them.
308
00:12:11,329 --> 00:12:13,523
Oh sure, it starts out
as motivation.
309
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:16,250
Next thing you know, you're
being dragged out of Applebee's
310
00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:17,752
for throwing ribs on the floor.
311
00:12:17,836 --> 00:12:19,028
C'mon, son.
Give in
312
00:12:19,112 --> 00:12:22,238
to the full-blown Harris rage.
313
00:12:23,933 --> 00:12:27,186
Light beer?!
You pansy!
314
00:12:27,270 --> 00:12:28,854
I'm not like you!
315
00:12:28,938 --> 00:12:32,600
I will never have Harris rage!
Never! Ahh!
316
00:12:32,684 --> 00:12:34,785
Jeez, Mr. H., whatchu think
this is, Applebee's?
317
00:12:34,869 --> 00:12:36,954
You know I have
to drag you out now, right?
318
00:12:37,038 --> 00:12:38,338
Of course.
319
00:12:39,691 --> 00:12:41,551
You're strong.
320
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,802
[sighs]
321
00:12:43,953 --> 00:12:46,130
You haven't taken one bite
of food, Mom.
322
00:12:46,214 --> 00:12:48,449
And you haven't said anything
about how I look
323
00:12:48,533 --> 00:12:50,141
in the dress
you picked out for me.
324
00:12:50,293 --> 00:12:52,486
- Huh?
- Oh, I'm sorry, Sandra.
325
00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:55,640
You look radiant, and I'm sure
Shane would say the same.
326
00:12:55,724 --> 00:12:57,482
I can't believe
you still came.
327
00:12:57,633 --> 00:12:59,317
Don't you know
how messed up this is?
328
00:12:59,469 --> 00:13:02,813
I know, but I can't ditch
Sandra on their anniversary.
329
00:13:02,897 --> 00:13:04,523
She would be devastated.
330
00:13:04,607 --> 00:13:05,824
You seem distracted, Annie.
331
00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:08,819
Normally, at our anniversary
dinners you're so attentive.
332
00:13:08,903 --> 00:13:10,740
How many years have you guys
been doing this?
333
00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:11,904
Both: Eight.
334
00:13:11,989 --> 00:13:14,417
I knew being the wife
of a Pad Boy would be tough,
335
00:13:14,664 --> 00:13:16,990
but I never thought I'd be
trapped in a dead-end marriage
336
00:13:17,075 --> 00:13:19,480
eating tortellini
with my husband's coworker.
337
00:13:19,564 --> 00:13:21,591
And I'm tired of being
micro-aggressed.
338
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,083
I should be on
that Space Jammer case.
339
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,836
Shane treats you both
terribly,
340
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,155
and he's not even
that hot.
341
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:29,422
You two need to take control
of your lives.
342
00:13:29,574 --> 00:13:32,091
Break the power structure.
Mom, you can solve that case.
343
00:13:32,244 --> 00:13:33,661
And Sandra,
you can find a better guy.
344
00:13:33,745 --> 00:13:36,439
Look at you, you're radiant!
345
00:13:36,523 --> 00:13:38,349
You know, when your face
isn't buried in your phone,
346
00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:40,259
you're a pretty insightful
young woman.
347
00:13:40,343 --> 00:13:42,353
- Thanks, Mom.
- And you and Sandra
348
00:13:42,437 --> 00:13:44,863
are two
beautiful cautionary tales.
349
00:13:45,014 --> 00:13:46,055
You know what?
350
00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:47,900
I'm gonna get the respect
I deserve
351
00:13:47,985 --> 00:13:50,079
by bringing
the Space Jammer to justice!
352
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:52,697
And I'm never dancing
on a desk again!
353
00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:55,458
And I'm never dressing
Shane like a baby
354
00:13:55,542 --> 00:13:57,518
and pretending
to breast-feed him again!
355
00:13:57,602 --> 00:13:59,229
- [quickly] Okay, Kimberly.
- You've inspired us.
356
00:13:59,313 --> 00:14:00,453
- Time to go.
- Oh.
357
00:14:00,605 --> 00:14:02,881
- Nice meeting you!
- Sorry about your life!
358
00:14:03,032 --> 00:14:04,466
Okay, bye!
359
00:14:08,538 --> 00:14:10,381
Okay, I pulled out
my old file
360
00:14:10,466 --> 00:14:11,891
on the Space Jammer.
361
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,868
Oh, and we caught that rat!
362
00:14:17,999 --> 00:14:19,207
Oh my God.
363
00:14:19,291 --> 00:14:21,392
These are clearly
the scrawls of a psycho.
364
00:14:21,476 --> 00:14:23,728
Oops, that's
Duncan's self-portrait.
365
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,563
Because the Space Jammer
seems to know so much
366
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,774
about parking
enforcement protocols,
367
00:14:28,859 --> 00:14:31,833
my theory was it had to be
a once-gruntled,
368
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:34,110
now disgruntled, employee.
369
00:14:34,195 --> 00:14:37,575
Either that or... oh wait,
the rat ate my other theory.
370
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:39,894
[phone buzzes]
371
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:41,462
[gasps] He's never called me
372
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,981
directly before!
373
00:14:44,499 --> 00:14:46,516
Riddle me something, Jammer.
374
00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:49,743
[distorted] I'm white and
black and go round and round.
375
00:14:49,828 --> 00:14:52,766
The green grass
is where I'm found.
376
00:14:52,866 --> 00:14:55,711
Oh, I wanna say it's
the panda at the zoo,
377
00:14:55,796 --> 00:14:57,257
but I know that's not it!
378
00:14:57,342 --> 00:14:58,443
Is it?
379
00:14:58,528 --> 00:14:59,445
We're not getting it.
380
00:14:59,531 --> 00:15:00,840
Riddle us another one, Jammie.
381
00:15:00,924 --> 00:15:03,526
Okay, but this one
isn't as good.
382
00:15:03,610 --> 00:15:07,037
What has 22 little legs,
orange slices,
383
00:15:07,188 --> 00:15:09,447
and a couple of goals?
384
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,352
Oh! I wanna say it's
a giant centipede at the zoo,
385
00:15:12,436 --> 00:15:13,877
but I know that's not it!
386
00:15:14,028 --> 00:15:15,187
Is it?
387
00:15:15,272 --> 00:15:17,050
Get off the zoo, Mom!
388
00:15:17,135 --> 00:15:18,737
- [phone beeps]
- He hung up.
389
00:15:18,913 --> 00:15:24,257
Okay, we got legs, goals,
slices, black, white and grass.
390
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:25,774
[gasps]
391
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,118
Soccer!
392
00:15:27,203 --> 00:15:28,051
He's gonna strike
393
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,053
at the Oakdale Kids'
Soccer Tournament.
394
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,962
It'll be packed with cars
and minivans.
395
00:15:32,046 --> 00:15:34,223
It's a Space Jammer's
wet dream.
396
00:15:34,307 --> 00:15:35,817
Ewwww! Mommm!
397
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,969
And Jack, Duncan
and Jing are at the field!
398
00:15:39,053 --> 00:15:41,479
This wet dream
just got personal!
399
00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:42,906
Mom!!!
400
00:15:44,635 --> 00:15:47,329
- [squeals]
- [whistle blows]
401
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:51,581
Without your dad yelling,
I've lost my killer instinct.
402
00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:54,243
- Come on, Duncan!
- Get him going!
403
00:15:54,327 --> 00:15:57,462
I'm trying! Oof!
404
00:15:58,482 --> 00:16:00,083
Uh!
I'm laying into your nuts!
405
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,509
What's wrong with you?!
406
00:16:01,593 --> 00:16:04,346
- I'm not my father.
- And I'm wearing a cup.
407
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,348
What happened to Mad Daddy?!
408
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:08,683
Yeah, you promised
to treat us like crap.
409
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:10,185
What's more important?
410
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,854
Your father's sanity,
or winning a trophy?
411
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:14,430
We get trophies?!
412
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:17,750
Aw, come on!
Make with the rage!
413
00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:19,276
Threaten us, Daddy!
414
00:16:19,427 --> 00:16:22,755
[all chanting]
Threaten us! Threaten us!
415
00:16:22,839 --> 00:16:25,533
I told you that's not
the kind of coach I am!
416
00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:28,519
- Threat-en us! Threat-en us!
- Stop it, kids!
417
00:16:28,603 --> 00:16:30,620
- He's yelling.
- Look at my foot!
418
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:31,788
It's kicking!
419
00:16:31,957 --> 00:16:34,624
Hey, my leg's goin'
all scungilli over here!
420
00:16:37,151 --> 00:16:38,706
What the heck's going on?
421
00:16:38,839 --> 00:16:40,340
Children are like dogs.
422
00:16:40,425 --> 00:16:42,792
We don't respond to words,
we respond to tone.
423
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:44,535
So I can scream at them,
424
00:16:44,619 --> 00:16:46,970
but in my own loving,
supportive way?
425
00:16:47,121 --> 00:16:49,047
Yeah, but just to be safe...
426
00:16:49,199 --> 00:16:50,617
Stop kicking me!
427
00:16:50,701 --> 00:16:53,310
It's a kid's cup
and I've got some overflow!
428
00:16:53,461 --> 00:16:56,313
[groans]
Okay, kids. Get ready for...
429
00:16:56,464 --> 00:16:59,475
[screaming]
ENCOURAGEMENT!!!
430
00:16:59,559 --> 00:17:00,960
Okay, what are we
looking for, Mom?
431
00:17:01,044 --> 00:17:04,147
Somebody that looks crazy,
unhinged, psychotic.
432
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,816
- Got one!
- Two clicks to your left.
433
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,994
- You're a winner, Joey!
- Save your dad's kneecaps!
434
00:17:11,145 --> 00:17:12,805
- [cheers]
- Yes.
435
00:17:12,889 --> 00:17:16,325
Your father's a needy wreck,
not psychotic.
436
00:17:16,409 --> 00:17:18,311
There's only one minute
left in the game.
437
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:19,421
If Jammer's
gonna pull something,
438
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:21,330
it's gonna happen soon.
439
00:17:21,414 --> 00:17:24,317
Come on, show yourself,
you son of a bitch.
440
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:26,319
Mommy! I just scored!
441
00:17:26,403 --> 00:17:31,042
- Oh, that's great, sweetie!
- Who's my little superstar?!
442
00:17:32,487 --> 00:17:36,289
Where were we,
you son of a bitch?
443
00:17:37,522 --> 00:17:41,424
You can be anything
you wanna be, Jing!
444
00:17:41,509 --> 00:17:44,936
You've got the heart
of a lion, Bradley!
445
00:17:45,088 --> 00:17:49,658
Henley, look at you working
those brittle vegan bones!
446
00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:53,179
[whistle blows]
447
00:17:53,263 --> 00:17:56,114
We won! Trophies!
448
00:17:56,266 --> 00:17:58,283
[all cheer]
449
00:17:58,435 --> 00:18:00,710
Coach Daddy! Coach Daddy!
450
00:18:02,524 --> 00:18:05,343
Winner, winner,
eggplant parm dinner.
451
00:18:05,428 --> 00:18:07,028
[laughs]
452
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:13,015
I'm gonna bathe
in you tonight.
453
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,710
I love being small.
454
00:18:14,795 --> 00:18:17,796
- Everything's moving normally.
- Guess I was wrong.
455
00:18:17,881 --> 00:18:20,241
Maybe it is the zoo.
Is it?
456
00:18:20,326 --> 00:18:22,067
No.
457
00:18:22,258 --> 00:18:23,881
- Huh.
- Everyone's suddenly stopped,
458
00:18:23,966 --> 00:18:25,648
but I don't smell
a charred body.
459
00:18:25,733 --> 00:18:27,484
Let's see if this does
anything.
460
00:18:27,617 --> 00:18:30,685
[honking]
Well, I'm out of ideas.
461
00:18:31,186 --> 00:18:34,347
[cars honking]
462
00:18:35,249 --> 00:18:35,966
[gasp]
463
00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:37,118
It's happening!
464
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:39,822
The Space Jammer has struck
for the eighth year in a row.
465
00:18:39,906 --> 00:18:42,413
- Ugh, we're trapped.
- It's a dead end.
466
00:18:42,576 --> 00:18:44,024
Cool, a boob!
467
00:18:44,109 --> 00:18:45,995
Aw, wait,
there's a baby on it.
468
00:18:46,079 --> 00:18:48,815
- Food boob.
- It's called breastfeeding.
469
00:18:48,899 --> 00:18:50,908
- Ugh!
- You make everything boring.
470
00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:53,128
[helicopter roaring]
471
00:18:53,236 --> 00:18:56,339
- Mom, the Pad Boys are here!
- What do you see, Shane?
472
00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:58,601
The traffic's all folding
in on itself.
473
00:18:58,686 --> 00:19:00,925
I might be hungry,
but it looks like tortellini.
474
00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:05,021
- [gasps] Tortellini...
- Eight years... dead end...
475
00:19:05,173 --> 00:19:07,517
tortellini...
breastfeeding...
476
00:19:07,601 --> 00:19:09,093
Me want food boob.
477
00:19:09,177 --> 00:19:12,437
The Space Jammer's not a he,
it's a she!
478
00:19:12,589 --> 00:19:15,766
A radiant,
unhappily married she!
479
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:18,201
Sandra's the Space Jammer?
480
00:19:19,872 --> 00:19:22,515
And she's doing
computer bomb stuff!
481
00:19:22,599 --> 00:19:25,458
[gasps]
482
00:19:29,272 --> 00:19:30,948
Sandra, don't do it!
483
00:19:31,032 --> 00:19:35,760
- You're too late, Annie!
- No!
484
00:19:43,136 --> 00:19:44,720
Whoa. Annie,
485
00:19:44,804 --> 00:19:46,831
how are you gonna break it
to my parents?
486
00:19:46,915 --> 00:19:48,817
You did the right thing
dumping Shane,
487
00:19:48,901 --> 00:19:50,985
but you did the wrong thing
messing with parking.
488
00:19:51,069 --> 00:19:53,403
I'm afraid you're looking
at community service
489
00:19:53,554 --> 00:19:55,657
for at least
the next two Saturdays.
490
00:19:55,741 --> 00:19:59,159
- Never!
- Happy anniversary, baby!
491
00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:04,740
Okay, bye!
[yells]
492
00:20:04,824 --> 00:20:07,577
Oh my God,
I have a nemesis!
493
00:20:07,661 --> 00:20:09,402
And what a kiss!
494
00:20:10,313 --> 00:20:13,416
That's right, losers, my mom
solved the crime you couldn't.
495
00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:16,069
And she doesn't need
your validation to be happy.
496
00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,761
Wait, let's see
what they have to say.
497
00:20:17,912 --> 00:20:20,672
- I mean, we're here.
- Annie,
498
00:20:20,824 --> 00:20:23,076
how'd you like
to be a Pad Boy?
499
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,769
I've waited so long to hear
those words, Gutter,
500
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,598
but you know what?
I'll take it.
501
00:20:28,682 --> 00:20:30,266
But you have terms,
right, Mom?
502
00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:33,920
- Hell yeah, I do.
- What are they, Kimberly?
503
00:20:34,004 --> 00:20:36,939
Arrange your own doughnuts,
buy your own gifts,
504
00:20:37,023 --> 00:20:39,367
and she only dances when
she damn well feels like it.
505
00:20:39,451 --> 00:20:42,527
- You know what, Kimberly?
- I'm feeling like it.
506
00:20:42,679 --> 00:20:45,121
Come on, empowerment dance!
507
00:20:46,607 --> 00:20:51,437
[both vocalizing] Respect!
508
00:20:51,521 --> 00:20:53,521
Michelle Obama!
509
00:20:54,115 --> 00:20:57,133
- Come on, you dumb baby!
- Move your head!
510
00:21:02,474 --> 00:21:05,709
Sorry we accused you
of using witchcraft for evil.
511
00:21:05,793 --> 00:21:07,719
Yeah, turns out
the water retention
512
00:21:07,871 --> 00:21:10,623
was from me eating a whole mess
of salty pork rinds.
513
00:21:10,707 --> 00:21:11,889
I love you guys.
514
00:21:12,042 --> 00:21:13,900
Aw, Kimberly...
515
00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:19,407
- Kimberly!
- You forgot to recant
516
00:21:19,491 --> 00:21:21,300
your hair-strangling spell!
517
00:21:21,384 --> 00:21:22,722
[all choking]
518
00:21:22,807 --> 00:21:24,793
- Oh, yeah!
- But first,
519
00:21:24,878 --> 00:21:26,489
let's take a quick vote
for high priestess.
520
00:21:26,573 --> 00:21:28,498
Who votes for me?
521
00:21:28,807 --> 00:21:30,494
Unanimous!
37839
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