Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,550
Dylan! Lauren?
2
00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:03,750
What? She's here?
Is that why we're here?
3
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,950
Give it up! You've gone mad!
4
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,550
This is May and this is Ashley.
5
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,430
Ashley. There's a lot riding
on this for me, you know.
6
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,150
It's like a big homecoming trip, so...
7
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,910
I thought you were brother and sister.
8
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,550
What? You just look similar.
9
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,030
You should totally come
to May's cousin's wedding!
10
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,590
Dylan! I've just seen Lauren.
11
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,180
You're still stalking that bellend.
12
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,310
Where are you?
I don't know where I am, I just ran.
13
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,510
Shit!
14
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,710
Sean!
15
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,300
I think it was back that way, mate.
16
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,550
Police? Yes, hi.
17
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,230
I need to report a missing persons.
18
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,620
Person.
19
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,270
It's my friend Sean.
20
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,190
He...
There was a fracas and he ran off...
21
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,830
Yes, he's an adult. He's 20.
22
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:54,510
Oh, I should also mention that
I'm in China, at the moment.
23
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,160
Yes, this is all happening in China.
24
00:00:58,120 --> 00:00:59,830
Well, I just thought the UK police
25
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,950
could sort of cover stuff here. It's...
26
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,360
No? OK.
27
00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,190
Do you have the number for China?
28
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,710
For the police in China!
29
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,420
OK, bye.
30
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,350
What's going on? Where are we?
31
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,430
Come on. You worry too much.
32
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:43,680
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
33
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,070
We are going to have lots of fun!
34
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,560
What? What is this place?
35
00:01:58,400 --> 00:01:59,510
Say hi. Hi.
36
00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,350
Alcohol! You sing!
37
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,950
What? Drake! Drake!
38
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,470
Hotline Bling. Hotline Bling.
39
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,590
Oh, Drake!
40
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,670
Yeah! You want me to sing?
Come on, sing.
41
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,990
Can I use the toilet, quick?
42
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,950
What, toilet? Toilet, real quick, yeah.
43
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,590
OK. That side. Yeah?
44
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,590
Come back real soon. Come back. Yeah.
45
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,720
Drake!
46
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,390
Ah! Ah!
47
00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,470
Hey!
48
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,910
I'm in love
49
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,990
My fingers keep on clicking
to the beating of my heart
50
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,670
Hey!
51
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,150
It's cos of you
52
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,350
The world is in a crazy hazy hue
53
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,870
My heart is beating like a jungle drum
54
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:03,390
Badda-dunka-dunka, dun-dun-dun-dun
55
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,030
My heart is beating like a jungle drum
56
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,470
Raka-tukka-tukko,
katukka-rukka-tung-tung...
57
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,430
Please, just wait five more minutes.
58
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,030
We can't. I'm sorry,
but we're not going to miss our train.
59
00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,070
He's probably already got
a bus to Beijers, dildo.
60
00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,830
Yeah, come on, let's go.
Wait. We can't just leave him here.
61
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,670
Sean might, you know...
62
00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,150
die.
63
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,990
What?! He's not going to die, OK?
64
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,110
Bottom line, I'm not going
to miss my cousin's wedding
65
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:29,870
because a British guy I hardly know
66
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,670
has gone missing at a music festival
67
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,350
in a not especially
remote area in the summer.
68
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,870
I mean, if you are that worried
about him, I don't know...
69
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,430
Don't come. What?
70
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,030
No!
I can't afford to do stuff on my own.
71
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,470
OK, great. Glad to know you care.
72
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:47,060
And I want to come, to support you.
73
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,760
Hope you find him.
74
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,990
Well, see you around, brother.
75
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,840
Don't go changing.
76
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,000
Wait! Wait!
77
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,390
And even if he hasn't
gone back to Beijing,
78
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:14,550
I can always go to the embassy
79
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,350
and tell them to deploy
the search chopper.
80
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,550
You won't need the embassy.
81
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,510
He's going to be fine.
I worry about him, you know.
82
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,750
He's not good on his own.
83
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,750
He once went on a geography field strip
84
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,590
and got attacked by a swan. Shit.
85
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,110
Did it break his arm?
Well, I just intervened.
86
00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,700
Pacified it?
87
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,430
Sean! Oh, thank God, man.
88
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,990
Are you OK? Sort of.
89
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,270
I got picked up by these guys.
90
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,950
I thought they were going to kill me
or take out my liver or something.
91
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,670
Why, was it an organ trafficking thing?!
92
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,390
No, no, it's more like... karaoke.
93
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,270
Mate, I am so sorry, Sean.
94
00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,270
I'm just riven with guilt about this.
95
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,950
What? Riven.
96
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,390
What does that mean?
No, no, no, it's just means full.
97
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,710
So, where are you now?
I don't know, you know.
98
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,510
I don't think we're too
far from where we were.
99
00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:55,750
Mate, we need to turn around.
100
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,670
He's not in Beijing.
He's somewhere near here.
101
00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:59,470
What? No!
Just tell him to meet you in Beijing.
102
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,870
What? You're going to Beijing?
103
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,830
Yeah, I'm in the van. What, seriously?
104
00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:04,710
You abandoned me?
No, I want to come and get you,
105
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,030
but May's worried about missing
her train to the wedding.
106
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:08,150
Oh, yeah, great!
107
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,990
Just tell him to meet us at the wedding.
108
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,550
No, no, no, he can't do that.
109
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:12,750
Oh, yes, he can. Give me the...
110
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,390
No, no!
111
00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,630
Hey, Sean, Hi!
112
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:16,990
It's Ashley. Hey!
113
00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:18,950
Hey, Ashley. What happened last night?
114
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,590
You must have been shitting yourself.
115
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,910
No, I was never worried. Oh, OK.
116
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,550
So, are you coming to Hangzhou, or what?
117
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:25,910
Sorry? Hangzhou...
118
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,590
it's where the wedding is.
It's super easy from Beijing...
119
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,710
you just take one bullet
train the whole way.
120
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:33,790
Hangzhou. Hangzhou,
it's the stop right before Shanghai.
121
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:37,710
OK. Well, I'm not really sure if I
can just, you know, jump on a train.
122
00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:38,950
I know you can do it.
123
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,030
Yeah? And you can be my dance partner!
124
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,070
OK. Oh, God, Sean, you are the best!
125
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,950
OK, we'll see you there. OK?
No, give it back...
126
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,870
He can't come to the wedding!
No, no, Sean, Sean.
127
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,550
Hi, it's me again.
I'm really sorry, mate,
128
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,470
I really don't think you
should come to Hangzhou
129
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,310
Why not? Because, no offence,
mate, I just don't think you can.
130
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,590
Stop telling the others I
can't do things, Dyl, yeah?
131
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,590
I've got a charger,
I'm eating a doughnut,
132
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,670
and, no,
I don't need you to come and rescue me.
133
00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:00,750
It's China, not Iraq,
134
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,150
and you're not fucking Popeye.
Yeah, but what about the Swan?
135
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,190
What swan?
The swan from the geography field strip!
136
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,630
This is what I want to do, OK?
137
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,550
You said you were all about me.
I am, it's just...
138
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:09,830
I've just sworn off love, Sean,
139
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,470
I don't massively want
to go to a wedding.
140
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,270
Yeah, well, I do,
so that's what we're doing. OK, fine.
141
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,860
See you there. Yeah, you will.
142
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,110
Well, I hope you're happy.
143
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,550
I am. Because now Sean is about
to get on a train on his own.
144
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,510
Oh, calm down, dildo.
145
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,830
He'll be fine. He's not a baby.
146
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:29,910
No, you see,
it really isn't the more the merrier.
147
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,950
We're going to a wedding,
not building a barn,
148
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,310
and I've had to work on my mom
for ages to come to this, OK?
149
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,670
So I'm not going to jeopardise
it by bringing extra men
150
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,710
who aren't invited.
Not a problem. We'll just crash it.
151
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,990
Lock up your bridesmaids,
the British are coming.
152
00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,470
Wow. OK, that's a veto right there.
153
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,510
I'm exercising the
Chinese right to veto.
154
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,070
Oh, come on!
Fine, didn't want to come anyway.
155
00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,390
Sorry, Greg. No, no wozzas.
156
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:55,540
I'll probably be too busy prepping
for my big Shanghai meeting.
157
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:05,720
Yi zhang. Yi zhang. Yi zhang
piao zhi Hangzhou. Zhi Hangzhou.
158
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,150
I'm going to get this ticket.
159
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,510
Excuse me. Do you speak English?
160
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,350
Hi, yeah, yeah, I'm English.
161
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,830
OK, great, do you have a penknife?
162
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,750
He's gotten his phone
stuck on a selfie stick.
163
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,310
Oh, no, I've got a pen though.
164
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,590
No, that won't do, but thanks anyway.
165
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:02,830
I'm Kendra, this is Eugene.
166
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,590
Hey, I'm Sean.
Kendra, come on, let's go.
167
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,590
Wait a bit.
Where are you heading off to?
168
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,190
Hangzhou?
169
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,350
Oh, yeah.
170
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,270
Do you know where I can
get a ticket or something?
171
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,310
Hangzhou is supposed to be
lovely this time of year.
172
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,390
Over there. Yeah?
We are going a different way, so...
173
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,150
We are going to Hubei province ...
the tea plantation. Oh.
174
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,190
He likes tea,
if you can believe that, Sean.
175
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,270
Oh, wow, really?
176
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,590
I've actually got some Pu-ehr
tea that's over 80 years old.
177
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,510
Oh, Jesus, Eugene.
He doesn't want to hear about
178
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:26,590
your very old fucking tea.
179
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,150
Will you stop always going on about it?
I didn't! It just came up.
180
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,790
It came up. Yeah.
Yeah, because you brought it up.
181
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,950
Oh, you're a nasty little pasty today,
aren't you?
182
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,670
Nasty? Travelling the world with you...
183
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,150
Yi zhang Hangzhou.
184
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:42,360
Yi zhang. Yi zhang Hangzhou.
Yi zhang. Yi zhang Hangzhou.
185
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,310
What are you doing?
186
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,390
Oh, these are the poems
that I wrote for Lauren.
187
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,310
I just want to throw
them out of the window...
188
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,990
because I hate them and I
hate who I was back then.
189
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,510
Back when? Do you mean yesterday?
190
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,350
You can't open the windows
on a bullet train...
191
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,550
it's too fast. It's not a ferry, mate.
192
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:19,910
You'll get sucked out.
Bloody Nanny state bullshit.
193
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,430
La la la
194
00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,790
La la la...
195
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,100
Your singing is horrible.
196
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,190
Oh, yeah, sure.
197
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,520
Oh, OK.
198
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,880
Thank you! Bye.
199
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,510
Hi, Mom.
200
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,590
Yes, I'm checking in right now.
201
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,780
Yes, I said right now. OK.
202
00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:01,190
Hey, Greg, question, do you
really have a meeting in Shanghai?
203
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,390
Yes. Hence the briefcase
204
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,430
and the fact that I
said I've got a meeting.
205
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,270
Yes, I've got a meeting.
Yeah, no, I just...
206
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,830
You know, I thought you were lying.
I'm not here on a gap year, Ash.
207
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,830
This is what I do. I'm a proper person!
208
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,390
I buy stuff in China and I sell
it in the UK, that's my vibe.
209
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,990
OK, OK. Because I would love to see
the inside of a Chinese factory.
210
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:18,830
Well, come to the Chinese
factory I'm going to.
211
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:20,270
OK. I think they've suffered enough
212
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,270
without you sticking your
camera in their faces.
213
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,710
Actually, Ash, you could be a
witness to the counter signing.
214
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,830
That will be great.
Daisy usually does that,
215
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,910
but that particular Elvis has
left the building, as in, left me.
216
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,190
Well, yes, I can do that.
Well, totally do it then!
217
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,350
No. Yes, she says.
218
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,750
Look at my mom's itinerary.
219
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,270
Do you see any blank spaces?!
220
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,630
Anywhere?
221
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,670
We're meeting my uncle's
family tomorrow morning
222
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,150
and then he's taking us
to honour my ancestors.
223
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,910
Yeah, but do I have to do that bit?
224
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,640
Like, is that important?
Yes, you do and, yes, it is.
225
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,120
Oh, OK... Yeah, I'll do it.
226
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,430
Well, I can witness the contract...
Yes, Dylan, you can, mate.
227
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,990
I've actually got a really
beautiful signature, so... Lovely.
228
00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,510
Well, you can do that then, brother.
229
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:03,350
And then, after which, we can tear
Shangers a new one. Yes, please.
230
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,470
Oh, phone.
231
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,110
Sean. Hi, are you here?
232
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,750
No, I'm on the train, I'm on the train!
233
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,470
Are you on the right train?
Can you check.
234
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:15,590
Yeah, I'll check, I'll check, yeah.
235
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,630
Yeah, yeah, one second, one second.
236
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:21,550
Hey, Hi. Hi, sorry,
this train goes to Hangzhou, right?
237
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,350
Hangzhou? Hongjiu. Hongjiu. Hongjiu.
238
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,400
Hongjiu. Hongjiu.
239
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,320
Yes! Thank you.
240
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,950
Yeah, man, too easy, I'm bossin' it.
241
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,830
OK,
so when are you going to get here then?
242
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,390
Tomorrow. Why tomorrow?
243
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,430
I think it's a sleeper.
You sure it's a sleeper?
244
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,670
Er, because there are
beds with people sleeping?
245
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,230
Look, look, I've got this.
246
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,150
Please, can you just check? I just...
247
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,070
Yeah, it's all good.
248
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:49,550
Actually, it's better than good.
249
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,750
I've been given wine!
250
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,190
Wine? Why have you been given wine?
251
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,780
I don't know, because I'm a legend!
252
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,590
I will call you when I get in, yeah?
253
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:02,140
Please, be careful,
I know what you're like. Cool.
254
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,190
Hey!
255
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,150
Hi. Oh, hi, what are you doing here?
256
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,910
I thought you were headed to Hangzhou?
Yeah, I am.
257
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,150
I was just going to say, though,
258
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,950
I think you guys are on the wrong train.
259
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,470
Er... No, don't think so, fella.
Let me see your ticket.
260
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,870
Well,
I asked the waiter guy and he told me
261
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,630
we were going Hangzhou, so...
262
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:40,110
Yeah, this is for Yi Chang.
263
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,510
Yi Chang? Where the fuck is Yi Chang?
264
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,190
A couple of stops after Wuhan.
265
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,430
That's where we're going.
How did you not spot it?
266
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,190
It's on there, look.
267
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,870
Oh... I thought Yi Chang meant ticket.
268
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,430
How can...?
Is there a town called ticket?
269
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,310
Ticket's actually piao,
but zhang is the measure word.
270
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,030
Yi zhang piao...
271
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,550
one ticket.
God, Eugene, will you shut up?
272
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,070
I asked the guy several times
if we were going to Hongjiu.
273
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,430
They gave you red wine because
that's how you say red wine.
274
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,990
Hongjiu.
275
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,780
Fuck you, China!
276
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,750
Sorry. I mean,
277
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:19,310
we will be driving near there
after this tea-picking bullshit,
278
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,430
so we can always drop you off in
Hangzhou after that, if you want?
279
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:23,750
OK, yes, yes, please! Thank you.
280
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,230
What, just drop him off?
281
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:28,470
It's another 200 miles.
So? You said you liked driving.
282
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:29,550
I do! I do like it!
283
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,330
Then you should be pleased!
You could always fall asleep,
284
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,890
it's the only peace I get.
285
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:33,990
Oh, grow up, will ya?
286
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,310
How does burning fake money honour
your ancestors? I don't know.
287
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:41,030
I guess, it doesn't, obviously.
But that's how they do it here.
288
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,670
Well, the irony is that your family
does in fact have money to burn.
289
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,470
Don't go saying shit
like that to my uncle.
290
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,950
My mom says he can be a bit touchy.
Relax!
291
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,470
Chinese people love me, remember.
292
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,950
Oh, here we are, Dildo.
293
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,400
Yes, please, Louise. That is lovely.
294
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,510
Oh, Shanghers, you do your bit.
295
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,120
Ooh, look!
296
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,150
Looks like a bottle opener.
297
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,300
I am selfie-ing the shit out of that,
my friend.
298
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,860
Yeah, bang that up on the old wall.
299
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,110
Daisy will know what it means,
of course. And she'll hate it.
300
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,590
You'll get it when you find out
what the product is I'm buying.
301
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,640
Is it a bottle opener?
302
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,110
Well,
my product is to the bottle opener,
303
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,160
what the alarm clock is
to the bloody sundial.
304
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,470
Dylan.
305
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,270
Oi!
306
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,310
Sorry, I'm just...
307
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,150
reading these poems
that I wrote for Lauren
308
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:51,670
and some of them are really moving.
309
00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,920
Right, are they? Yeah.
310
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,270
What are you doing?!
Helping you out, mate. Come on.
311
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,150
How?! Come on. Off we pop.
312
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,590
What's going through your head, man?
What do you mean?!
313
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,380
Get rid. Going to get me suit measured!
314
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,660
You're going to be great.
315
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,510
Hi!
316
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,310
Shushu, ni hao. Wo shi May.
317
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,550
Hi. Ni hao. I'm Ashley, May's friend.
318
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,740
Really great to meet you.
319
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,510
I have liwu.
320
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,430
Ah, liwu. Yeah!
321
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,920
Hi... Ni hao. Wo shi May.
322
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,870
Oh, my God!
323
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,150
My mum told me about this.
324
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:44,870
My great-grandfather
made this table himself.
325
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,230
Wow. This is amazing.
326
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,190
Aw, that kid is so cute. Hi!
327
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,150
Didi, ni hao.
328
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,870
It may be a bit tucked away,
Dylan, but what this guy
329
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,230
doesn't know about cloth just
isn't worth knowing at all.
330
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,750
I'm a philosophy student though,
Greg, I'll never need a suit.
331
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,430
Yes, you will, though. For the wedding.
332
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,830
How are you going to pick up any
of the hot totty if you pitch up
333
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,670
dressed in a short-sleeved shirt,
like some kind of Australian?
334
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,870
But we're not going to the wedding,
are we?
335
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,470
May made it extremely clear
that she doesn't want you there.
336
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:19,670
No, she didn't, Dylan,
337
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,270
she made it extremely clear she
doesn't want me hitting on anyone.
338
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,670
It's very different.
339
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,910
And that's probably cos she
fancies me anyway. Come on, Greg!
340
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,270
Huh? "Come on, Greg."
341
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,270
If you are serious about
getting over your ex,
342
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,350
you need to do the right thing.
You need to shop.
343
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,910
When Daisy finished with me,
I bought, genuinely, four jackets.
344
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,500
Now, do you want to move on or not?
345
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,470
Dylan?
346
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,270
Right, go on then. Go on then.
347
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,670
We're going to look like brothers, mate.
348
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,110
'And then I sat there
349
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,630
'just listening to what he was saying.
350
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,270
'It struck me, and I don't know why,
but that I was being lied to.
351
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,670
'You know when you can just tell.
There's that feeling you get
352
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,590
'on the back of your neck,
hairs stand up...'
353
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,070
What is this talking thing?
Oh, it's True Crime podcast. Oh.
354
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,470
Pretty much the only thing
355
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,270
keeping our relationship together
right now. Don't say that!
356
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,430
Joking! I was joking, Eugene.
357
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,990
Jesus!
358
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,230
'.. and I felt like that...'
So, what's the story then?
359
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,910
What, with our relationship?
No, no, no. God no. The podcast.
360
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,670
This is episode 11 of 14. We're not
going to summarise the whole thing.
361
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,950
All right, Eugene, don't be a dick.
I'm not being a dick...
362
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,230
I'm being... the opposite of a dick.
363
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,510
What, a cunt?
364
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:27,830
'So, OK, then I decided what I would
do is go back to the park myself
365
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,980
'and I discovered something
quite interesting.'
366
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,390
So, Sean, do you have a girlfriend?
367
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,630
Oh, no. No.
368
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,750
Or a boyfriend. What? No.
369
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,630
No. Well, there is a girl
I kind of like an Hangzhou.
370
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:44,870
Her name's Ashley.
371
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,350
Ah, oh! Tell me about her.
372
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,390
Um, well, she's... She's beautiful.
373
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,430
She's funny. Hmm. She's American.
374
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,390
Basically, out of my league.
375
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,040
I doubt that.
376
00:17:59,920 --> 00:18:02,350
Right. Well, well...
377
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,870
maybe find out when we get there.
378
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,950
When do you think that'll be,
by the way?
379
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,470
Cos Ashley really wants me to
go to this wedding, you see.
380
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,590
Yeah, as I said, it's several hours,
it's an enormous detour.
381
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,470
You can't get away from us that easily,
Sean.
382
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,590
No, I'm not trying to...
383
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,750
You are such a...
Yeah, don't worry, princess.
384
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,800
I am grand. Like the sound of your
negativity. You're so selfish.
385
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,470
Wow, thank you! Those look great.
386
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,390
So, Uncle,
do not need to head to the cemetery?
387
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,510
All in good time, May.
We've got booze to abuse first.
388
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,230
Piaoliang.
389
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,270
What was that?
She's saying you're beautiful.
390
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,710
Oh, cool, thanks! Xiexie. Xiexie.
391
00:18:55,760 --> 00:19:02,110
Oh, Uncle, these are zhaopian of
you and my mom before she left.
392
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,900
Oh, he speaks English? Oh, my God!
393
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,550
And how old are you, Didi?
394
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,950
I am nine years old. Yes, nailed it!
395
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,270
No, you are five.
What's your favourite subject in school?
396
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,830
I think that's to advanced,
he can't even say how old he is.
397
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,590
I like algebra.
398
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,910
No way! I've freakin' love algebra!
399
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,160
Yes!
400
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,310
Are you sure that he's five?
401
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:32,960
I know they get them learning math like,
in the womb here, but still...
402
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,510
Yeah, I think we're in the wrong place.
403
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:43,870
What, like the wrong uncle or,
like, the wrong everything?
404
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,990
The wrong everything, I think.
405
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,870
I was going to say, I definitely
have seen this table at IKEA.
406
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,720
Don't keep eating!
407
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,510
Bottle opener and music...
408
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,270
together at last.
409
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:14,870
It's a winner.
410
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,830
Yeah. Yeah? Um...
411
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,990
Is that Maroon 5 She Will Be Loved?
No, that's Auld Lang Syne.
412
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,310
Clearly.
413
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,550
Nessun Dorma, maybe.
No, I just said, that's Auld Lang Syne.
414
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:25,990
Trust me, you're too young, mate.
415
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,790
Not really. I've heard it loads.
Well, yes.
416
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,110
I've heard it more, haven't I?
417
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,710
I've heard it twice as much as you,
that's Auld Lang Syne.
418
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,830
Honestly, I swear, come Christmas time,
419
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:36,310
these will be flying off
the shelves of London.
420
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:38,070
I think you're hearing
what you want to hear.
421
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,550
Yeah, I am hearing what I want to hear,
422
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,150
I want to hear Auld Lang Syne,
and fortunately that's playing it.
423
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,940
Hello, Miss Gong.
424
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,790
Lovely.
425
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,440
Let me at it.
426
00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:50,840
The usually gobbledygook, of course.
427
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,920
I'll take them.
428
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,870
Look, Greg... Dylan, just sign it.
429
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:03,360
As much as I really want help
you stick to your ex, I just...
430
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,710
.. I think she might be right,
431
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,860
and these bottle openers are dog shit.
Eeh.
432
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,230
I don't need that from you, Dylan.
These are good.
433
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,070
These are a sure-fire bet.
People will always need bottle openers!
434
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,590
Yeah, but they don't need them
to play music, no-one needs that.
435
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,630
Yes, by that rationale,
we don't need iPods.
436
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,150
I want them!
437
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,590
I like them!
438
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,190
I'm getting them! End of.
439
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,640
Please... witness my signature.
440
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,510
Lovely. Ooh, it's a big one.
441
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:38,190
Thank you, Miss Gong.
You're welcome. Sean.
442
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,270
Sean, hi. Yeah.
443
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,990
God, I knew it.
444
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,300
OK, so where did you end up, then?
445
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,230
Wuhan?!
446
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,390
Well, where the fuck is Wuhan?!
447
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,350
Dyl, Dyl, calm down.
448
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,310
Yeah, I'm on my way.
449
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:56,430
Yeah, I met some people
to drive me to Hangzhou.
450
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,220
Yeah, they're...
451
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:01,670
.. fine.
452
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,630
They're fine, yes.
453
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,630
Look, I've got this, Dyl.
454
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,150
All right.
455
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,110
So...
456
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,270
we should get a move on,
the wedding is this afternoon.
457
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,550
I'm going as fast as I can.
458
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,500
No, not that one.
459
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,110
Do you think we look alike? Me and you?
460
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,710
No, me and Kendra.
461
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,030
Oh. You can be honest. Oh, uh...
462
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,910
Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Why?
463
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,440
Someone said something,
and it freaked her out, about us.
464
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,750
We've been married three weeks now.
465
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:47,390
Congratulations. It was a mistake. OK.
466
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:50,180
I think we did it to avoid breaking up.
467
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,230
Do you like her?
468
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:53,630
Kendra.
469
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,350
Mm-hm. Yeah, yeah, I like you both.
470
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,940
I think you're both great people...
471
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,350
What? No.
472
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,670
I haven't got anywhere.
I was just about to!
473
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,480
Stop rushing me!
474
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,590
Can you believe my uncle
moved 15 years ago?
475
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,750
I mean,
I knew they weren't exactly close,
476
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,390
but my mum, she didn't even speak to
him when arranging for me to come,
477
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,310
it was all done through his PA.
478
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:25,870
So it isn't your fault that you
didn't know they'd moved, it's hers.
479
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,070
Sean went to Wuhan. Excuse me?
480
00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,470
See, this is why you shouldn't
have told him to go on his own,
481
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,430
you don't know him,
you don't know what he's like,
482
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,590
this is what he does.
483
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,550
Can you not do your whole furious
Gordon Ramsay thing right now?
484
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,070
My family's getting here any second.
485
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:41,120
OK, fuck, that's them.
486
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,350
I'm sorry about earlier.
487
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:50,830
My mum, she didn't tell
me that you guys had moved
488
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:52,870
and so that's why I was...
489
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,110
Pleased to meet you, cousin.
490
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,150
I'm Ming Ming, this is Molly,
and we are the bride and groom.
491
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,270
Hi.
492
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:06,150
He is unhappy that you
missed the ancestor visit.
493
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,390
Yeah, me too.
494
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,550
I'm sorry about that.
495
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:11,950
Oh, but look!
496
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,590
I have presents. Liwu for you.
497
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,080
Congratulations on the wedding. Gong xi.
498
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,470
You know what? I haven't
noticed this is unwrapped. What?
499
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:30,390
Hello. Hi, I'm Ashley.
I am May's friend from college.
500
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,390
Hello. Ming Ming. Hi, nice to meet you.
501
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,470
Congratulations. Ashley. Hello, sir.
502
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,310
Oh, no, no need for that.
503
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:39,230
You can just ignore those two,
they're not supposed to be here.
504
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,990
She asked if you can be a bridesmaid.
505
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,180
Oh! Oh, there you go!
506
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,270
Yes, of course!
507
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,400
So, not you, the American.
508
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,390
Oh. She says you are very beautiful.
509
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,560
I... I don't know.
510
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,070
Yeah, sure, of course she can.
OK, yes, I'll do it! Yes! Thank you!
511
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:09,230
Oh, in fact,
if I'm going to be your bridesmaid,
512
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,070
maybe you can find some
space for our friends here?
513
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,110
Oh, yes! We're in!
514
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,830
Wonderful, thank you. Away we go.
515
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:19,630
Sorry about this.
516
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:23,110
I think it's just, you know,
a big deal for them to have me here.
517
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,430
You're a white American,
Ashley, not a white rhino.
518
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,430
No, I know, I just think that
they're kind of fascinated by me.
519
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,030
Hi.
520
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,430
Oh, she says you look like a dolly.
521
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,240
Great. Yeah.
522
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:46,760
Are we here?
523
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,270
Hangzhou is for further than we thought
524
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,870
so we're not going to make it tonight.
What? But it's only 6.30.
525
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,520
Yeah, and Eugene doesn't like
driving in the rain, so...
526
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:03,870
Well, I could drive.
527
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,710
No, no, no, you can't drive.
528
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,350
It was a bloody nightmare trying
to get Eugene his licence, so...
529
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,630
Right, I'm going for a walk.
OK, no problem. What, in this?
530
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,630
Yeah, yeah, it's not that bad.
531
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,790
Kendra,
I told Ashley I'd get there tonight.
532
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,670
So you get there tomorrow,
it's no big deal.
533
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,070
Tonight will be fun.
534
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,190
Come on, let's check in.
535
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,030
Ni hao, welcome, yeah.
536
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,070
All aboard the expensive express.
537
00:26:29,120 --> 00:26:30,590
Oh, ni hao.
538
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,350
Love is hell. Ni hao, welcome.
539
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:35,950
Ni hao.
540
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,390
You look nice.
541
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:55,910
So do you.
542
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,150
OK, so a bit of the situation.
543
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,070
Greg. Huh? Over here, please, Greg.
544
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,070
We need to give them a wedding present.
What?
545
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,110
Couldn't we just give them
the stuff in the bag, no?
546
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,470
No, it doesn't count. We need to
give my uncle cash in one of these.
547
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,110
Well, didn't your mum give you the
money for that or...? Yeah, yeah.
548
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,070
But you spent the last week dipping
into it for ice creams and stuff,
549
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,310
so I have no idea how much it was.
550
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,830
I mean, this is nothing.
551
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:25,830
Come on, seeing as you guys muscled
your way in here, you can help out.
552
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,470
I wouldn't call it muscle.
Quickly, quickly. I've got fuck all.
553
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,160
That's 10. Hmm. Muscled my...
554
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,070
Great. Maybe ask your mum how
much it was, I don't know.
555
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:39,220
I am not waking her up
to get screamed at again.
556
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,340
Or you could use a fake money.
557
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,190
No, this is fine.
558
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,590
I'm the one who came all this
way to be treated like shit,
559
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,390
they should be giving me a present.
560
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,950
Anyway, they won't know who gave what.
561
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,430
Good luck.
562
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:06,870
Hi. Hello.
563
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,160
For you. Thank you.
564
00:28:24,540 --> 00:28:26,010
Yes, bruv.
565
00:28:48,660 --> 00:28:49,930
Hello.
566
00:28:54,140 --> 00:28:57,450
Oh, amazing.
567
00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:59,330
Kind of just keep turning it left.
568
00:28:59,380 --> 00:29:03,930
Oh, my, I am such a dumb-dumb.
569
00:29:03,980 --> 00:29:05,410
Thanks for that, sorry to bother you.
570
00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:06,570
Yeah, no worries, any time.
571
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:10,130
It's just Eugene is still on his walk,
so...
572
00:29:10,180 --> 00:29:12,090
Yeah. Mm.
573
00:29:12,140 --> 00:29:13,330
That's fine.
574
00:29:13,380 --> 00:29:15,210
Oba-Mao.
575
00:29:15,260 --> 00:29:16,530
I get it.
576
00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:18,090
What... What are you doing?
577
00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:20,820
Oh, you know, living my life.
578
00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:23,930
Oh. Is this wise?
579
00:29:23,980 --> 00:29:26,290
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's grand. Relax.
580
00:29:26,340 --> 00:29:27,970
Yeah? Yeah. Really?
581
00:29:28,020 --> 00:29:29,050
Erm...
582
00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:30,970
It doesn't feel it.
583
00:29:32,260 --> 00:29:34,860
Kendra, I'm not sure we should be...
584
00:29:36,740 --> 00:29:38,700
Oh, anyhow...
585
00:29:43,180 --> 00:29:45,850
You're so tense. Relax.
586
00:29:45,900 --> 00:29:47,810
Yeah, go with it.
587
00:29:48,860 --> 00:29:50,970
No! Shh! Shh! Sean, it's OK.
588
00:29:51,020 --> 00:29:52,890
It's OK. It's OK.
589
00:29:52,940 --> 00:29:54,890
We talked about it.
Not with me, you haven't!
590
00:29:54,940 --> 00:29:56,330
I'm not into this.
591
00:29:56,380 --> 00:29:57,810
Oh, God, Sean.
592
00:29:57,860 --> 00:29:59,050
Come on!
593
00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:02,090
Eug, for fuck's sake,
you're supposed to let me lead it.
594
00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:03,810
How was that not you leading it?
595
00:30:03,860 --> 00:30:05,930
I won't just watch you have
sex That's no good for me.
596
00:30:05,980 --> 00:30:09,050
Well, it might have actually
helped you remember how it's done.
597
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:11,580
Oh, that's low. That is very low.
598
00:30:25,100 --> 00:30:27,490
You get that feeling
that people are maybe...
599
00:30:27,540 --> 00:30:29,930
That their voice betrays an uncertainty.
600
00:30:29,980 --> 00:30:31,320
Shut up!
601
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:44,650
What?
602
00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:45,770
What car?
603
00:30:45,820 --> 00:30:47,690
Dyl, Dyl, Listen, she jumped me.
604
00:30:47,740 --> 00:30:50,940
She asked me to fix her
shower and she jumped me.
605
00:30:53,180 --> 00:30:55,730
I know, right, really porny.
606
00:30:55,780 --> 00:30:59,250
No, but it got weird.
Yeah, it got really weird.
607
00:30:59,300 --> 00:31:01,690
Yeah. Yeah, no, no, I'm good.
I'm good. Just...
608
00:31:01,740 --> 00:31:04,210
Just... Just don't tell Ashl...
The others. OK?
609
00:31:04,260 --> 00:31:06,260
Do not tell the others.
610
00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:08,690
Yeah. All right.
611
00:31:08,740 --> 00:31:10,930
In 50 metres, take the exit. Oh, shit.
612
00:31:10,980 --> 00:31:12,650
Dyl, Dyl, Dyl, I've got to go.
613
00:31:12,700 --> 00:31:14,530
I got to go, Dyl.
614
00:31:14,580 --> 00:31:15,980
Oh, shit.
615
00:31:18,340 --> 00:31:19,610
Erm...
616
00:31:21,420 --> 00:31:23,530
Hello, I'm Greg. Hi.
617
00:31:23,580 --> 00:31:26,330
I'm from England. Land of Adele.
618
00:31:26,380 --> 00:31:27,370
And, erm...
619
00:31:27,420 --> 00:31:29,050
stainless steel.
620
00:31:29,100 --> 00:31:30,890
Erm... Oh, there it is.
621
00:31:30,940 --> 00:31:34,170
I'm married. Yes, as am I, technically.
622
00:31:34,220 --> 00:31:36,160
Separated, but, yeah.
623
00:31:37,540 --> 00:31:40,290
Very much been there, done that.
624
00:31:40,340 --> 00:31:41,330
Excuse me.
625
00:31:41,380 --> 00:31:43,410
Oh, no, no, I can do that.
626
00:31:43,460 --> 00:31:44,970
Yes, please.
627
00:31:45,020 --> 00:31:46,890
Thank you. Oh.
628
00:31:51,740 --> 00:31:53,410
Auld Lang Syne.
629
00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:55,970
It's Auld Lang Syne.
630
00:31:56,020 --> 00:31:57,370
But this is not Auld Lang Syne.
631
00:31:57,420 --> 00:32:00,370
No. No, that's Auld Lang Syne.
632
00:32:00,420 --> 00:32:01,690
No.
633
00:32:01,740 --> 00:32:03,090
Yes. There or thereabouts.
634
00:32:03,140 --> 00:32:05,610
This is a Communist Party song.
635
00:32:05,660 --> 00:32:08,290
You what, sorry?
It's very famous in China.
636
00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:11,280
Thank you, Greg.
637
00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:18,570
Sh-hh. Shut up.
638
00:32:18,620 --> 00:32:20,170
Uncle, hi.
639
00:32:20,220 --> 00:32:21,850
What a great dinner.
640
00:32:24,780 --> 00:32:25,810
Yum.
641
00:32:33,340 --> 00:32:35,250
He is saying this is an insult.
642
00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:36,890
I mean, your mother's a millionaire.
643
00:32:36,940 --> 00:32:38,970
For her to give this
is an insult to him.
644
00:32:39,020 --> 00:32:40,970
She left us here with nothing.
645
00:32:41,020 --> 00:32:43,210
She ignores us for years.
646
00:32:43,260 --> 00:32:44,770
And she sends you to see us now.
647
00:32:44,820 --> 00:32:45,890
OK.
648
00:32:45,940 --> 00:32:47,290
She didn't send me.
649
00:32:47,340 --> 00:32:49,890
I wanted to come. I wanted to meet you.
650
00:32:49,940 --> 00:32:53,730
And I didn't know about any of this,
so I'm sorry.
651
00:32:53,780 --> 00:32:55,490
What do you want?
652
00:32:55,540 --> 00:32:58,140
What does he want me to freaking do?
653
00:33:02,700 --> 00:33:04,370
It's all there.
654
00:33:37,940 --> 00:33:40,690
Hi, Daisy. It's Greg.
655
00:33:40,740 --> 00:33:42,880
It's me. Greg. Obviously.
656
00:33:44,220 --> 00:33:45,290
No, no, no, no.
657
00:33:45,340 --> 00:33:47,210
I'm not. I'm not. I'm just...
658
00:33:47,260 --> 00:33:50,770
I'm not, I'm just...
I'm at a wedding, that's all.
659
00:33:50,820 --> 00:33:56,530
I'm at an absolutely classic wedding
and, erm, just thought of you.
660
00:33:56,580 --> 00:34:00,490
I bought the bottle openers.
661
00:34:00,540 --> 00:34:03,610
They play a Chinese
Communist song in the end.
662
00:34:03,660 --> 00:34:05,730
This is what happens when
you're not here, Daisy.
663
00:34:05,780 --> 00:34:07,650
It all goes tits up.
664
00:34:08,660 --> 00:34:11,210
No, I'm not blaming you, Daisy.
665
00:34:11,260 --> 00:34:12,810
I'm not blaming you.
666
00:34:12,860 --> 00:34:15,260
I'm blaming myself, if anything.
667
00:34:16,380 --> 00:34:18,720
That's all. I'm just saying...
668
00:34:19,580 --> 00:34:21,050
I'm just...
669
00:34:21,100 --> 00:34:23,500
I'm just saying I... I miss you.
670
00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:26,410
And if...
671
00:34:26,460 --> 00:34:28,090
Yeah, OK.
672
00:34:28,140 --> 00:34:29,410
Sorry.
673
00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:41,050
Oh, ah!
674
00:34:41,100 --> 00:34:43,090
Hey.
675
00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:45,330
You getting away from all the craziness,
too?
676
00:34:45,380 --> 00:34:47,210
I'm escaping the hordes.
677
00:34:47,260 --> 00:34:48,890
You OK? Yeah.
678
00:34:48,940 --> 00:34:49,930
Yeah, I'm fine.
679
00:34:49,980 --> 00:34:51,450
Just been dominating the dance floor.
680
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,500
Tearing that a new one.
681
00:34:55,140 --> 00:34:56,570
You all right?
682
00:34:56,620 --> 00:34:57,820
Yeah.
683
00:35:00,820 --> 00:35:02,410
No.
684
00:35:02,460 --> 00:35:05,530
This has been a total disaster.
685
00:35:05,580 --> 00:35:07,210
You know... You know everyone hates me.
686
00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:08,970
My relatives.
687
00:35:09,020 --> 00:35:11,130
Basically everyone in China, so...
688
00:35:11,180 --> 00:35:12,250
May, it's all right.
689
00:35:12,300 --> 00:35:13,770
Hey, May, May, May, May.
690
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:14,970
Come here, come here.
691
00:35:15,020 --> 00:35:16,360
Ah. May.
692
00:35:22,860 --> 00:35:24,730
Oh, no, no, no, no.
693
00:35:25,820 --> 00:35:28,650
Nothing can happen between us.
694
00:35:28,700 --> 00:35:32,770
What? I mean, for a start off,
I'm old enough to be your, erm...
695
00:35:32,820 --> 00:35:35,560
Well, not father, but doctor, certainly.
696
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:38,580
Yeah.
697
00:35:39,500 --> 00:35:40,690
You're right.
698
00:35:40,740 --> 00:35:42,250
Les just let's just be friends.
699
00:35:42,300 --> 00:35:45,210
Yes, exactly.
700
00:35:45,260 --> 00:35:47,090
Never say never.
No, I think we're right.
701
00:35:47,140 --> 00:35:48,810
We should say never.
702
00:35:48,860 --> 00:35:50,170
I'm off to Vietnam.
703
00:35:50,220 --> 00:35:51,410
Yes.
704
00:35:51,460 --> 00:35:55,810
My Chinese visa runs out,
so I'm going to leg it.
705
00:35:55,860 --> 00:35:57,860
If you want to join...
706
00:36:16,340 --> 00:36:19,980
Now, you sing American song.
707
00:36:22,540 --> 00:36:23,930
Oh, no, no, no, no.
708
00:36:23,980 --> 00:36:25,610
I'm... Yeah. Sing. Yes, sing.
709
00:36:25,660 --> 00:36:27,400
Sing. Words, yes.
710
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:31,410
Sing!
711
00:36:31,460 --> 00:36:33,330
Sing! Sing! Sing!
712
00:36:33,380 --> 00:36:34,890
Sing!
713
00:36:34,940 --> 00:36:36,290
Sing! Sing!
714
00:36:36,340 --> 00:36:38,410
Oh, dance. Yes.
715
00:36:38,460 --> 00:36:40,530
I'm sorry, do what?
716
00:36:40,580 --> 00:36:41,690
Dance.
717
00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:43,450
American dance.
718
00:36:43,500 --> 00:36:44,970
No, no, no.
719
00:36:45,020 --> 00:36:46,530
No, no, no, no.
720
00:36:46,580 --> 00:36:47,720
OK.
721
00:36:49,020 --> 00:36:52,570
We kissed I fell under your spell
722
00:36:52,620 --> 00:36:56,610
A love no-one could deny
723
00:36:56,660 --> 00:37:01,010
Don't you ever say I just walked away
724
00:37:01,060 --> 00:37:05,090
I will always want you
725
00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:09,010
I can't live a lie running for my life
726
00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:11,330
I will always want you...
727
00:37:13,180 --> 00:37:14,890
No, sweet Jesus, no.
728
00:37:14,940 --> 00:37:17,850
I came in like a wrecking ball
729
00:37:17,900 --> 00:37:21,610
I never hit so hard in love
730
00:37:21,660 --> 00:37:26,010
All I wanted was to break your walls
731
00:37:26,060 --> 00:37:30,730
All you ever did was wreck me
732
00:37:30,780 --> 00:37:35,530
Yeah, you, you wreck me
733
00:37:35,580 --> 00:37:38,810
I put you high up in the sky...
734
00:37:38,860 --> 00:37:40,330
Shall we do something? Like what?
735
00:37:40,380 --> 00:37:42,580
Take her out with a sniper?
736
00:37:43,220 --> 00:37:47,330
Don't you ever say I just walked away
737
00:37:47,380 --> 00:37:50,210
I will always want you...
738
00:37:57,820 --> 00:38:01,810
I came in like a wrecking ball
739
00:38:01,860 --> 00:38:05,490
I never hit so hard in love
740
00:38:05,540 --> 00:38:09,250
All I wanted was to break your walls
741
00:38:09,300 --> 00:38:10,850
All you ever did was wreck me...
742
00:38:10,900 --> 00:38:13,210
Get her, brother!
743
00:38:13,260 --> 00:38:16,610
I came in like a wrecking ball...
744
00:38:16,660 --> 00:38:18,460
Ashley, everybody!
745
00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:23,570
Yeah!
746
00:38:23,620 --> 00:38:25,450
All I wanted was to break your walls
747
00:38:25,500 --> 00:38:28,940
All you ever did was wreck me...
748
00:38:30,540 --> 00:38:31,970
I never meant to start a war War
749
00:38:32,020 --> 00:38:33,220
Sean!
750
00:38:37,060 --> 00:38:40,050
Yeah, I'm getting the fuck out of here.
751
00:38:40,100 --> 00:38:41,570
Oh, my God!
752
00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:45,130
Oh! So glad to see you.
753
00:38:45,180 --> 00:38:46,370
Nice dance moves.
754
00:38:46,420 --> 00:38:47,930
You took your sweet time.
755
00:38:47,980 --> 00:38:49,450
Hey, Sean.
756
00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:52,330
Your family are assholes.
757
00:38:52,380 --> 00:38:53,370
Tell me about it.
758
00:38:53,420 --> 00:38:56,250
Forcing people to sing for your
amusement is a form of torture.
759
00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:58,500
So's listening to it, love.
760
00:38:59,500 --> 00:39:01,010
You know, I might say something.
761
00:39:01,060 --> 00:39:03,660
No, it's cool. Stay here, I got this.
762
00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:08,450
Uncle. Hi.
763
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:09,690
So, I'm taking these back.
764
00:39:09,740 --> 00:39:11,770
I decided I don't want you to have them.
765
00:39:11,820 --> 00:39:13,450
Oh, it's OK.
766
00:39:13,500 --> 00:39:14,770
I'll buy them off you.
767
00:39:14,820 --> 00:39:17,890
Really stoked I came
6,000 miles to meet you.
768
00:39:17,940 --> 00:39:20,210
Fake money for a fake family.
769
00:39:23,540 --> 00:39:25,610
Yeah, and this is all tea. Sweet.
770
00:39:25,660 --> 00:39:28,370
Can't believe you actually went here.
We've seen shit.
771
00:39:28,420 --> 00:39:31,130
And... Tell them.
772
00:39:31,180 --> 00:39:32,770
Sean had sex earlier, as well.
773
00:39:32,820 --> 00:39:35,730
Bloody hell, Seanos! Yes, player!
774
00:39:35,780 --> 00:39:37,010
No, well... It...
775
00:39:37,060 --> 00:39:38,770
It wasn't sex, officially. It was...
776
00:39:38,820 --> 00:39:41,330
You haven't got any photos of that,
have you?
777
00:39:41,380 --> 00:39:45,370
OK, can we now get as
drunk as we possibly can?
778
00:39:45,420 --> 00:39:46,490
Always.
779
00:39:46,540 --> 00:39:49,130
I want this wedding to cost
my uncle a freaking fortune.
780
00:39:49,180 --> 00:39:50,450
Way to go, May.
781
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:51,970
OK, who's dancing?
782
00:39:52,020 --> 00:39:53,330
Dildo?
783
00:39:53,380 --> 00:39:55,730
Lead the way, Mamma.
784
00:39:55,780 --> 00:39:58,780
I could be tempted.
I'll leave these here.
785
00:40:00,740 --> 00:40:03,050
Erm... Huangjiu.
786
00:40:03,100 --> 00:40:05,180
Huangjiu.
787
00:40:35,820 --> 00:40:38,490
Nope, not dealing with that right now.
788
00:40:51,210 --> 00:40:52,210
God, I love Nam.
789
00:40:52,260 --> 00:40:54,170
I think I can still smell the napalm.
790
00:40:54,220 --> 00:40:56,360
This is the dungeon sweet.
791
00:40:57,220 --> 00:41:00,410
Your complimentary fruit bowl, sir.
792
00:41:00,460 --> 00:41:02,130
Can I join you?
793
00:41:05,660 --> 00:41:09,450
Get back on that fence,
or I will literally tell your mommy.
794
00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:10,690
OK.
795
00:41:11,330 --> 00:41:12,330
Ow.
796
00:41:12,380 --> 00:41:15,010
This place is total chaos.
The kids ran off!
797
00:41:15,060 --> 00:41:17,580
You're not even supposed
to be with the kids!58369
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof