All language subtitles for Kevin Can Fuck Himself s01e04 Live Free or Die.eng

Kevin and Allison,
together forever.

Previously on
"Kevin Can [bleep] Himself."

[Screams]
Oh!

I killed him with oxycodone
and then made it look like an O.D.

You'll have to wait
till I re-up Monday afternoon.

-Thank you.
-Worcester PD.

Everybody stay where you are.

My friend was hauled off
in a pair of handcuffs,

and my stash is in
an evidence bag somewhere.

Does that mean that you're --Dry, no pills.

I may have a connection
in Vermont.

I think you should
come with me.

Really?
I need a car.

You can borrow Kevin's.We'll go together.

Anything good? Are we rich?

64 cents, 9 screws,

and a tooth with
a very large filling.

[Laughter]

Lemme see that.

No, not mine.

[Laughter]

Nice tooth, though.

[Laughter]

I really thought the park would
have more good stuff.

Hey, what do you say
we try your yard

after we have lunch, some beers,
a nap, and dinner?

[Laughter]Neil, I love ya,

but it's high time
we abandon your

get-rich-quick schemes in favor
of a get-wealthy-fast idea

I recently had.

[Laughter]

Sounds way better.

I'm listening.

[Laughter]

We're gonna open
our own escape room.

I've never
heard of this thing,

which immediately
makes me hate it.

An escape room is
business idea, Dad.

People pay good money to be
locked inside a room.

Plus, we can do it
right here.

We already got a basement
and a padlock.

That's what they call
"low overhead."

[Laughter]

Please don't lock anyone
in my house.

[Laughter]Babe, we are discussing

business here, like
titans of industry.

You wouldn't understand.

Kev, look at
the first three letters

of the word "titans."

[Laughing]

Kev. Kev. Kevin!

What, what, what?Where are the keys?

What -- What do you need
the keys for?

For the car.

I'm taking Patty
to the Beauty Expo.

Pretty sure I mentioned
that to you last night.

And then again
this morning.

I don't remember that,
and I remember everything.

I must've forgotten
to ask.

Ah, God,
how could I forget?

I'm such an idiot.

Here I was, gonna get
you guys a few handles of

tequila from the duty-free
liquor store in New Hampshire.

Whoa.
Hey, now.

If you need the car,
you need the car.

Don't beat yourself up
about it.

The keys are with
the wall spoons.

Thanks, hon.

Okay, we need to think of
a theme for our escape room.

Last thing -- I have a corned
beef in the oven, so...

Yep, yep, and for
advertising reasons,

the theme should probably
rhyme with the word "room."

...I need you to take it out
in a few hours, okay?

Okay, let's think.

What do people want
desperately to escape from?

Escape...tomb.

Anybody hear me?

Escape womb.
Gotta get outta there.

Ah.
Too disgusting.

Alexa, can you please
set the timer for

six hours from now?

Alexa:
Six hours, starting now.

Whoa, what'd you get it
going for?

The beef
is in the oven.

I'm leaving now.
Please don't burn down my house.

Geez, babe, sure.

Whoa, what do you need
the keys for?

I can't.

[Laughter]

[Exhales sharply]

I mean,
Allison's cute and all,

but sometimes I think
she thinks I'm an idiot.

I tell ya, being married
really is...

I know that look.

Stroke!

Neil, you can't just
scream out "stroke."

Fine. Genius stroke!No --

No, no, both of you,
shut up.

[Chuckles]
I've got our theme.

Who wants
to escape the most?

Just, like, drop everything
and go AWOL?

Priests.Shawshank.

What?

[Laughter]

No, and no.

There's a group
of people who have it

even worse -- husbands.

Boys, we're gonna make
an Escape Groom.

Escape Groom. Right?

You get it, Neil?

Nope.

[Laughter]

[High-pitched ringing]

[Knock on door]

Patty: One sec.

[Knocking continues]

Jesus, Allison, just come on in.

Patty O'Connor?

Yeah.

Hello again.

Detective Tammy Ridgeway.
Worcester PD.

Uh, sorry.

Have we --

Not officially.

I was at the pharmacy bust
a few days back.

My partner took
a statement from you.

Oh, right.
Yeah, uh, Detective Abraham.

No. Just Bram. Bob Bram.

Uh, that's --
that's a cool name.

I just have a few
follow-up questions.

You got a minute?

Sure.

Do you have any idea what
that bust was about?

Well, you arrested a pharmacist,
so I assume...arson?

Drug trafficking
and money-laundering.

That's --
Geez, that's tough.

Yeah.

Guess he was supplying
dealers locally.

Did you, uh -- did you know him,
the pharmacist?

Yeah, we went to
the same high school.

He was a band geek
who'd aggressively make out

with his girlfriend
in yellow hall.

And I'm not sure how
helpful that is.

Well, it could be helpful
since he's been filling

your prescription for
about a decade.

Yeah, and the same guy's
owned the gas station

at the corner
my whole life.

I mean [sighs]
I see him a lot more,

and all I know about him
is that he hands me

my cigarettes real well.

"Memoirs of a Geisha."

Any good?

No idea.
Haven't read it yet.

Well, they made a movie
out of it, right?

So how bad can it be?

[Chuckles]
It's next on my list.

You got a lot of books.

Yeah, uh, hey,
I just remembered,

I-I'm running late
for something.

Could we, um --
Sure thing.

Just in case,
maybe wait a minute

before you go
out of town.

Okay?

Yeah, you bet.

[Door opens]

[Door closes]

Hey.
Hey.

Whoa, I'm driving.

It's my car.

No, it's Kevin's car.

And we're going four hours to
meet my guy with the drugs.

Yeah, but the drugs
are for me.

They're for Jared.

Jason.

Like "Friday the 13th."

No one's ever been scared of
a guy named Jared before.

Okay. [Sighs]

They're for
Freddy Krueger --

to get him off your
back or whatever.

You like
slasher films, too?

We're not bonding, okay?

And you're not driving 'cause
you're like a tourist here,

and tourists should never
be allowed to drive.

Gimme those.

Hope you have
a strong bladder.

I don't make stops.

And we're off like
a herd of turtles.

[Engine starts]

♪

♪

[Horn honking]

[Sighs] I'm going 60.

[Honking continues]

Fathead.

Oh, look at his plates.
He's from North Dakota.

That's exotic.

Exotic?

Well, it's far.
Better than here.

You think North Dakota's
better than Worcester?

I mean, yeah, probably.

What about you?

Well, I have this theory.

Everywhere's bad.

[Scoffs]

North Dakota, Worcester,
Florida --

nowhere's better
than anywhere else.

They're all just bad
in their own way.

Florida's humid.

North Dakota
probably has,

I don't know,
snakes or whatever.

I bet France
has its shit.

So everywhere's bad?

Everywhere's bad.

[Scoffs] I don't know.

I'd like to see
different places.

Maybe I should've
been a trucker.

Just me and Celine Dion's
second CD,

and I'd just stock up
on beef jerky.

You do not eat
beef jerky.

I would if I could
ever go anywhere.

My dad was a trucker
back in the '80s.

Wasn't exactly
Walden on wheels, okay?

It's just a bunch of guys
racing through traffic,

dealing with some
combination of drugs,

diabetes,
and slipped disks.

[Sighs] The times my dad
was actually home,

I wished he'd go back
out on the road.

Your mom want him home?

No idea.

She died
when we were kids.

Neil found her.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

Settle down.

It's not
like you did it.

Actually, I did.

I wanted your trucker dad
all to myself.

That's funny.

[Clears throat]

Okay.

Kev, I -- I got a little
business question.

Yes, you can be
the vice president of

the Escape Groom's
parent company, KevIndustries.

[Laughter]

That's -- wow,
that's very generous,

and I formally accept,
but my question's about

how we get
actual customers.

There's a lot of
escape rooms out there.

This escape room is
gonna be better than

all the others because
ours has a twist.

We are gonna offer $10,000 to
any team that escapes.

[Laughter]

Follow-up question.Yes.

How?
[Laughter]

'Cause $10,000 is, like,

$12,000 more than you
have in the bank.

That's where my top-secret
second twist comes into play --

this room is inescapable.

I-I get it, but I don't
think Pete does,

so maybe explain it
so he understands.

[Laughter]

Our clues are so c--
our clues are so complicated,

they basically
lead nowhere.

So we just hide
the key somewhere random,

and then when time's up,
it's like,

"Sorry, your book smarts
didn't help ya here."

Pure "Good Will Hunting."

[Laughter]

"What about
theapples?"

[Laughter]

You misquote
that movie again,

I'm taking away your
Massachusetts driver's license.

Now, all we gotta do
is print out the fliers

to pass out all over town.

Except I don't know how
to work the printer.

Or the computer.

Luckily, I know someone who's
an expert at explaining

simple tasks to me
like I'm a toddler.

[Laughter]

["I'm Shipping Up to Boston"
plays]

Send it to voicemail.

Won't he think we're
up to something?

If you don't
pick up one time?

Come on. It's fine.[Music stops]

["I'm Shipping Up to Boston"
plays]

[Sighs]
Jesus.

How many times
is he gonna call?

I don't know.

What, you always pick up?

[Music stops]

See? World didn't end.

We're all still here.

Keep an eye out for
Ardmore Lane, would ya?

Why don't you just
use your phone?

And have this guy's
address in there?

Come on, Barbie.

Who even is this guy?

He's a guy a I know from
high school who still deals.

Moved up here
a few years ago.

Rick DiNunzio.

Wait, we're buying drugs
from a DiNunzio?

Thought I missed out
on my chance to do that

in high school.

Never indulged in that
rite of passage.

I'm shocked.

Ah, but everyone got their
stuff from DiNunzio.

Rick wasn't in my year,
but one of them

pissed in the pool and got
my swim meet canceled.

Which one?
Joey? Ronnie? Deena?

Davy.
Ah. Davy.

He loved
to piss on things.

Um, also, how did I not
know we went to

the same high school?

Because up until 20 minutes ago,
I didn't know I liked you.

After 10 years?

What changed your mind?

When you said
you killed my mom.

♪

♪

You sure you got
the right address?

Yep.

I just didn't think a drug den
would be so Town & Country.

Oh, okay,
this makes more sense.

[Engine shuts off]

No, no.

Hands and feet inside
the tour bus at all times.

[Car dinging]

He said to wait
by the lawn mower.

[Gunfire]

Man: Oh, no. Come on.

[Laughter, indistinct talking]

Patricia?

Yeah. Who are you?

I'm Jif, Rick's step-son.

Where's Rick?

He's at work,
but he said you'd be by.

Come in.

[Laughter, indistinct talking]

[Music playing]

[Gunfire]

Wow. I like your room.

Kind of Pinterest-rustic.

[Gunfire]

Uh, Rick said that you had
some newspapers for --

What?
Trevor, turn that down.

Rick said you had
some newspapers.

For $250?

Right.

What?

What the hell
are these?

Newspapers.

No, we wanted Oxys,
not cocaine.

Well, then you should've
asked for magazines,

not newspapers.

We change up the names sometimes
for security reasons.

Okay.
Okay, well, uh,

we would like some
magazines, then.

Sorry, Rick just traded
the last of our magazines

for those newspapers
you asked for.

Come on.
Are you kidding me?

Okay, uh, well,
we don't want this,

and, uh, we would just
like our money back, please.

[Bottle shatters]Whoa!

Jesus Christ.

Trevor, just walk it
to the garbage can.

-[Sighs]
-Yeah, uh, we don't really have

an exchange policy.

I mean, you could always try
and trade the guy back,

but he'll probably just
mark up the price.

Who'd he give
the Oxys to?

No idea.

I went with Rick.

Buy me a 12-pack,
and I'll take you to the guy.

What? No.
You're like 13 years old.

-Six-pack?
-Done.

[Chuckles]
Sure. Take Trevor.

And I suggest you leave this one
at home next time.

She's looking mighty custy.

Custy?

Like an obvious customer.

I ama customer.

["I'm Shipping Up to Boston"
plays]

That's me.

Jesus, Allison.

Sorry.

[Cellphone clicks, music stops]

Declined. [Chuckles]

[Grunts]

I don't understand why
she's not picking up.

First she leaves me
hanging with the printer,

and now I can't find
my lucky Bruins hat.

[Laughter]How is this business venture

supposed to work if I can't
find my lucky hat?

Son, we don't need luck.

Besides, some of these
clues seem hard.

They are pretty good.

I mean, why does this
bus ticket go to numbers?

Those are coordinates to
Kissimmee, Florida.

It's where you'd hide out
while your would-be bride

deals with returning
all the wedding gifts.

[Laughter]

Why Kissimmee, though?

Well, obviously, Kissimmee is
an anagram for "Me-me-I-kiss."

So they have to
kiss the mirror [smooches]

at the altar in order
to get the next clue.

How many more clues
like this are there?

A trail of 56.

Each one less solvable
than the last.

And if they somehow manage
to get to the final clue,

they have to find
the word "pipe" spelled out

on four separate,
individual grains of rice.

Only then can they find
the key.

On the pipe.

I've never been more
proud of you, son.

[Laughter]

Oh, God, it smells
good out here.

Where is that kid?

How do I know?
I'm out here, same as you.

[Sighs]

["I'm Shipping Up to Boston"
plays]

Jesus.

He programmed it so it
always when he calls.

I don't know how to undo it.

You turn it off,
that's how.

Okay.[Music stops]

Phone time's over.
See?

Great.

[Sighs]

Trevor said he'd be right out.
Now he's just being rude.

This is how
it works, okay?

The pill connect
probably works inside,

and Trevor will bring him
out on his next break.

[Scoffs]Stop being so custy.

Come on. You didn't know
that word either.

There he is. See?

So I guess
that's his connect?

Looks like they have
a very professional

business relationship.

Oh, I see.

You're funny
all the time now, huh?

Who are you?

I'm Brittani.

What's in the bag?

Burgers.

It's a burger place.

I just had to go
pick up my girl, you know,

before we go get my beers.

Look, I'm not
new here, okay?

You can't extort me
into being your taxi.

Um, I kinda can.

Unless you don't
need any pills.

These are
basically mine.

Um...

That's good.
Very crunchy.

Good.

[Engine starts]

Um, the fliers worked.

There's like five
people outside.

Ka-ching!

[Chuckles] [Laughter]

Alright, it's go time.

Everyone, we need to
get into character.

Dad, remember, you're
the kindly priest who signals

with his eyes that the groom
should say, "I don't."

Got it.

Neil, you're the emcee.

The emcee?
But I can't rap.

[Laughter]

Last time I tried,
I just rhymed the word "snake"

with "snake" over and over again
until the guy unplugged

my microphone.

No, no, no.

You're the host, like
a strip-club deejay.

Your job is to make us
comfortable without

distracting from
the main event.

The butts and the boobs.

Exactly.

And finally,
I'm gonna go "UnderKever Boss"

on these suckas.

Oh.
[Laughter]

'Course, I know what you mean,
but Neil seems lost.

I'm gonna
pose as a customer.

The others will quickly
identify my smarts and charisma

and elect me as their leader
and ask me to supervise

the escape mission.

And then you subtly
guide them off-course.

Even better,
I play hard to get.

"Who me? I couldn't possibly
solve these clues.

Maybe that drip over there
should be in charge."

You little tease.

You can milk the clock
all the way down

to the buzzer that way.

And I intend to.
[Chuckles]

Get ready to be rich
as hell, boys.

Welcome.

Please be sure all phones
are in the basket.

There will be no
cheating allowed.

I will be locking
the door behind you.

Already left my phone in
the car, whoever you are.

Nice.

You have one hour to escape
and win $10,000.

Where are the clues?

God and the priest
only knows.

[Laughter]

Hey, wow.
Um, you two look alike.

Don't they look like
they could be related?

Together: What? I'm way better
looking than him.

[Laughter]

My son, God does
not like questions.

And begin!

Well, I-I guess we need someone
to take charge.

Uh, how about you?

Who me?
I don't know if I should.

Okay, then, I'll do it.

What?

I'll find out what
the priest knows

while you all go through
the clues.

[Gasps] That mirror.

It looks important.

[Laughter]

Um...

I think there are coordinates
on this bus ticket.

I'm a pilot.

Looks like that's
Kissimmee, Florida.

Must be some
sort of anagram.

Uh, Kissimmee --
"Me Me I Kiss"?

[Yelps]

Ah, good ideas,
all around.

[Laughter]

[Tires screech]

Oop, we're here.

Damn, drive normal.
You have coke in the car.

Nobody cares how I'm driving.
We're in Vermont.

Live free or die, right?

That's New Hampshire.

Same thing.
Same thing.

We're here?

We're in
the middle of nowhere.

Too bad.

Now, where's this guy
with the pills?

I told you he's at the mall.

Oh, yeah? Or am I just your
chauffeur to Hot Topic?

[Sighs]

Dude hangs out in a parking lot
by Centennial Woods.

He goes by Red Rooster.

-[Scoffs] Come on.
-Green light.

Shh. Keep going.

His truck's usually
parked out there.

Do not get out of the car.

You pull up, honk twice,
and he'll get in the back seat

so you can do your business
on the move.

Thank you
for being honest.

That's the last stop on
the bang bus.

Now get out.

Are you serious?Yep.

Bitch.

That's right.

Nice mouth.

Good luck, custies.

Thank you.

Really?

Phyllis, I'm almost
done decoding the vows.

Way to go, Asher!

[Laughs] Yeah.

Wait, guys, I found a grain of
rice with a letter on it.

Ooh!

At this rate,
we'll have that

10,000 bucks
in no time.

Hang on. Hang on.
[Chuckles]

Let's back up
for a second here.

Tall guy wanted me
to be in charge at first,

and there must've been
a reason for that.

Not really.
It was just sort of random.

It wasn't random!

[Laughter]It wasn't.

You had an instinct, and I think
that we should honor that.

Fair enough.
Um, we got some extra time.

So, uh,
what's your suggestion?

Right, like I'm just gonna
tell you my suggestion

so you can repeat it back louder
and get credit for it

like I do with
Kelly's jokes at work?

[Chuckles] Nice try.

I'll be strategizing with
each of you individually.

Tall guy, you're up first.
Come on.

[Clank, key clinks]

I guess you're a pretty good
leader after all.

Looks like you just
found the key!

Hey!

No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

This is a fake key.

Look, ugh, you can just
snap it right in half.

[Laughter]

[Groans]

Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

It looks like your
hand is bleeding.

No, it's, uh -- it's --
it's just jelly 'cause --

'cause it's a candy key
with filling in it.

See?
The key is food.

[Laughter]

[Gasping]

[Gags]

[Laughter]

[Exhales sharply]

[Laughter]

Ahh!

♪

I can't believe we're meeting
a guy named Red Rooster.

Trevor seemed to know what
he was talking about.

This place is creepy.

It's a parking lot.

Yeah, well, you like
slasher movies.

Don't hang out in
parking garages or parking lots

or help a guy move a couch
into his creepy van.

Okay.
Maybe you have a point.

[Engine shuts off]

[Horn honks twice]

[Door closes]

-Oh, God.
-It's fine.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

-Don't talk.
-I'm not gonna --

Don't. Allison.

Yeah?

We're looking for...Red.

Uh, Rooster?

Okay. Good. Um...

We're looking to trade.

Oh.

Okay. Let's go.

Yeah.

We can't get out
of the car, remember?

Right, change of plans.

No, Trevor said we can't --

Trevor is 13.

There's no, like, right way
to do this shit, Allison.

There's nothing right
about any of it.

And now they have
our coke. So...

[Sighs]

...I either go with them,

or we go back empty-handed
to Worcester.

[Car dinging]

Lock the door.

Well, be careful.

[Dinging stops]

Look, we could keep
re-litigating

my correct choice to eat
that fake food key, or --

[Retches]

Or we could start looking for

the real key
and win that moolah.

Okay?
Alright, so who's with me?

[Gags]

Maybe you should just
let us all out.

I think
he needs a doctor.

[Pounding on door]

Neil: Hour's up!
No one escaped!

Oh! Oh, yeah!
Whoo-hoo!

It feels so good.

He was in on it
the whole time.

[Chuckles]

"Good Will Hunting'd"
all of ya.

[Laughs]
How do those apples feel?

We all knew you were
a part of it, okay?

Can we just leave, please?

Yeah, and you two
are related, right?

My son,
that's strike two.

You're out.

This is honestly getting
really upsetting.

Oh-ho-ho.
Sore losers, much?

Neil, will you please find
the real key

and slide it
under the door.

Neil: Sure thing.
Where is it again?

Uh, it's on my key ring.

It says "Dilly Dilly" on it.

Okay.
I'm not seeing it.

Hey, didn't Allison take your
keys this morning?

Oh, Jesus.

Neil: Don't sweat it, gang.
I'll get you out.

I may just sort of need to
chop the door down.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Allison got so mad at us
last time we did that.

No, no, go get your power drill
and screw off the hinges.

I loaned my drill
to my cousin Terry.

Oh, Terry
still up in Grafton?

Nah, they moved.
Terry's in Shrewsbury.

Yeah, yeah?
How's he liking it?

He loves it.

They got a Buffalo Wild Wings
there now.

Ah, they got the best
commercials, don't they?

Hello?

What is happening?

Oh, hey, hey,
run up to Shrewsbury,

come back,
drill us out.

Neil: You got it.[Sighs]

How long will this take?

Uh, 30 minutes.

[Alarm ringing]

Alexa, stop!

That was weird. [Chuckles]
Wonder who set that.

[Laughter]

[Humming]

♪

Uh...

Oh, thank God.

[Sighs]

[Car dinging]

[Dinging stops]

Okay, so, don't freak out.Okay.

I didn't get you the Oxys,

but I did get you
something else.

Something I'd argue
is far more useful.

They gave you a gun?
What the hell?

Shh.
I need the pills.

What am I gonna do
with a gun?

You're gonna protect yourself,
that's what.

You don't have to worry
about Jason Voorhees

shaking you down
anymore.

Just point this at him,
and he'll leave you alone.

Just point it at him?

Yeah, here. Take it.
No!

[Scoffs] Come on.

You already killed my mom.
What's the big deal?

[Sighs]

Chill out, Barbie.
It's not even loaded.

I was alone with them
in the woods.

What was I supposed to do?
Just hand the gun back?

Yes!

Fine. You know what?

You do the deals
from now on.

Wait, where are we going?Home.

No.
This was a bust.

Wait, no, please.

No, we're getting out of here.No, please. Wait. Sorry.

I -- I didn't mean
to sound ungrateful.

I just -- I really
need those pills.

I didn't want to worry you,
but that guy,

I don't know what he can do,
what he's capable of.

He started stalking me,
following me everywhere I go.

Okay, so take the gun --

No, Patty, I-I jump out of
my skin when I hear a car horn.

I'm not gonna carry
around a gun.

I just need those pills
so he'll leave me alone.

Please.

I can't live
like this anymore.

[Sighs]

There's one more
place I can try.

But it's two hours away.

Okay. Yes. Yes.

Thank you. I'm in.

Get your
hand off my hand.

Okay.

Thank you.

Why does it smell
like camping?

Is that smoke?

Smells like [sniffs]
corned beef.

One of you guys put
a corned beef in my oven?

Oh, I think
my wife did it.

God, how dare she leave

and let everything
go to hell like this.

Great, so now we're gonna die
of smoke inhalation?

Okay, okay,
just cool it, alright?

We just gotta air the place out
a little bit.

You know,
get some ventilation.

Wait, there's a window?

Okay, uh, why didn't
you guys tell us

there was a way out?

'Cause it's not.

It's clearly too small
for any actual adult to...

fit through.

[Laughter]

[Engine shuts off]

You pump.
I'm gonna get a Red Bull

and stock up on menthols
while we're outta state.

You want a Red Bull?

Ooh, no thanks.
That stuff freaks me out.

All those chemicals?

Yes, you're such
a puritan.

[Engine shuts off]

Allison?

Allison?!

Sorry. [Chuckles]

I'm sure I brought some
emergency cash from home.

Take your time.

Oh, shoot.

[Grunts]

Oh!

Patty, what the hell
are you doing?

I can't believe
he followed you here.

What?

That --
isn't that the guy?

Jason?

No, this isn't Jason.
This is just some guy.

I -- but, uh,
I was saving you.

Patty,
we gotta go, okay?

I was saving you.

Honey,
that wasn't the guy.

We gotta go now. Okay?

[Man groans]

Okay, come on. Come on.

[Gasps]

[Engine starts]

[Tires squeal]

You okay?

Want me to
turn down the heat?

No.

Okay.

You mind?

[Can pops]

Let's just
go home, okay?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, it's fine.

Everything's
gonna be fine.

[Sighs]

[Siren wails]

Allison?

It's going to be fine.

Oh, God.

It's fine.
What the hell?

Stop saying it's fine.
This isn't --

Listen, my dad
was a cop, okay?

Just sit there and try not
to look so terrified.

Jesus.

[Sighs]

License
and registration.

Of course.

Sorry. I'm nervous.

Never been pulled over before.

Did I, um -- did I not
signal to something?

Name?

Allison Devine McRoberts.

Devine is my maiden name.
My father was Les Devine.

He worked for
the Worcester Police --

Officer: And you.

Uh, P-Patty. Um, P--

Um, Patricia O'Connor.

Quite a ways from Worcester.

What's your business
in Vermont?

Oh, we were, uh -- we were
attending a Beauty Expo.

Doesn't look like you
bought anything.

Do you have any idea why this
car was reported stolen?

Stolen?

This is
my husband's car.

The report was filed by
a Kevin McRoberts.

[Sighs]

[Chuckling]
I am such an idiot.

I, um -- I borrowed the car,
and I just --

I forgot to tell him
how long I'd be gone.

And then my phone died.

[Exhales sharply]

I am so, so sorry, officer,

for wasting your time.

I completely understand
if we need to

come down to the station
till we sort this out.

[Chuckles]

I don't think we need
to do all that.

[Chuckles]

Last name and address
are the same.

Doesn't take a rocket scientist
to figure this one out.

Maybe use your friend's phone
and call your hubby?

Check in.

'Course. [Chuckles]

Thank you so much.

Sorry.

[Taps car roof]

Officer: Drive safe.

Thank you.

[Sighs]

Thank you.

Anytime.

Thank you so much.

Wow.

Oh, my God.
He called the cops?

Because you didn't
answer your phone?

[Sighs] No.

I'm sure he had
a great reason.

Kevin, you called
the police?

What was I supposed to do?

I've been trying
to reach you all day.

I thought you'd been
Liam Neeson "Taken."

[Laughter]

I pictured you lying dead
in the trunk

with some thug
driving off in my car.

[Laughter]

I was scared and concerned,
and I'm so relieved

that you're okay because
I can't find the Crisco.

Pull!

[Grunts]

[Laughter]

Pull!

It's in the pantry.

Top shelf.
It says "Crisco" on it.

No, I don't know where
your Bruins hat is.

Have you checked
in your closet?

Okay, anything else?

Like I just said,
the Crisco is in the pantry.

Okay?

And that's why I should've
picked up the phone.

[Scoffs]
So it's my fault?

Like I could've predicted
he'd do something like

call the cops?
Yeah.

You've been hanging out
with him for 10 years.

But this -- this is --

Different?

Yeah.

[Sighs] Okay.
Okay.

Patty, do you remember when
I got that job as a paralegal?

I started working a lot,
and Kevin convinced everyone

I was having an affair?

My money was on cult.
But, yeah.

He thought that
I'd fallen in love with my boss,

who was 60 and married.

But that didn't matter.

Kevin still put sugar
in his gas tank.

Ruined his Saturn.

Okay, fine, I never said
he was a great guy.

But that's the kind of
juvenile crap he does.

Patty, he got me fired.

Right when I felt like I was
worth something.

He ruined it.

And you just watched
him and laughed.

Can you just think about that
for more than one second?

He didn't like something
that was my own,

and so he took it
away from me.

Like this car.

Like my friends.

Like any shred of a life
that is my own.

I-It...

It seemed...harmless.

And when he spent
all our life savings

without telling me?

Was that harmless, too?

[Seat belt clicks]

I...

I'm sorry.

Why?

Wasn't your fault.
It's Kevin's.

The world revolves around him.

No, it's not that it does,
it's that it has to.

And if it doesn't,
he just blows it to hell.

And it has to stop.

I have to beat him.

So you're going on
benders,

ripping off
dangerous guys?

That's how you're
dealing with it?

[Scoffs]
You're smarter than that.

No, I'm not
ripping anyone off.

No one's after me.

Nobody except my husband.

I need those pills for him.

'Cause I'm gonna kill Kevin.

[Engine starts]

["I'm Shipping Up to Boston"
plays]

♪

♪

♪

Did you really think
I wouldn't find out

what you two did
on your road trip?!

Allison?
Jenn!

Hey!
Hi!

I need to talk to you.

Now.
Okay.

Who the hell are you?
How'd you get in here?

Give me some pills,
honey.

Where were you tonight,
Allison?

How am I gonna
explain this to Kevin?

Some criminal mastermind
you'd be.

[Exhales sharply]

'm a sailor peg,
and I lost my leg ♪

♪ Climbing up the top sails,
I lost my leg ♪

♪

♪

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