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MUSIC: "DAKOTA"
BY STEREOPHONICS
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00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:10,560
SINGS ALONG:
? ... Made me feel like the one... ?
4
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:20,200
? I don't know where we are going
now
5
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,319
? I don't...
6
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,119
? ... know where we are...
7
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,480
? ... going now
8
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,719
? So take a look at me now
9
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:43,159
? So take a look at me now
10
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,119
? So take a look at me now
11
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,959
? So take a look at me
12
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,199
? ... now
13
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,639
? So take a look at me now
14
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:54,039
? So take a look... ?
15
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,199
MUSIC STOPS
16
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SPINS THROUGH RADIO STATIONS
17
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MUSIC: "DAKOTA"
BY STEREOPHONICS
18
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:03,119
? ... Laying back, head on the grass
19
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,439
? Chewing gum, having some laughs
20
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:09,240
? Yeah, having some laughs
21
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,399
? You made me feel like the one
22
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,080
? You made me feel like the one
23
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,880
? The one
24
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:28,399
? You made me feel like the one
25
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,759
? You made me feel like the one... ?
26
00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,159
Agh!
27
00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,880
Ahh! Oh! Oh, my God.
28
00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,039
? ... Drinking back
Drinking for two... ?
29
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,559
Bloody hell!
30
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,439
? ... Drinking with you
31
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,920
? When drinking was new
32
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,519
? Sleeping in the back of my car
33
00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,559
? We never went far
34
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:02,320
? Didn't need to go far
35
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:08,479
? You made me feel like the one... ?
36
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:09,440
DOOR CLOSES
37
00:02:09,441 --> 00:02:11,800
? ... Made me feel like the one
38
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,319
? The one
39
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:17,599
Oh, fuck sake!
40
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,999
? Make me feel like the one
41
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:25,040
? You made me feel like the one
42
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:27,880
? The one
43
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,160
MUSIC OFF
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00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,600
DOOR OPENS
All right?
45
00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:02,799
LAURA: Oh, my God, Steve.
46
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,519
This wheelchair man came into Boots,
47
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,279
and Julie's got the best wheelchair
jokes out of anyone I've ever met.
48
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,039
It's been a nightmare.
49
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,319
She's got such a dark
sense of humour,
50
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,639
hasn't she, Steve?
51
00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,719
Steve! Listen.
52
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:20,279
So, a wheelchair man, a poof
and a spastic walk into a bar,
53
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,080
and the barman says...
54
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:37,240
And the barman says,
"I'm not serving him!"
55
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,999
"He's legless!"
56
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,839
GIGGLES
57
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,480
That is so wrong.
58
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,360
GIGGLING CONTINUES
59
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:52,839
Aw.
60
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,200
That does look nice up there,
doesn't it?
61
00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:00,119
Yeah. We love it, don't we?
Yeah. It's great.
62
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,559
I've got mine above my bed,
as well. Have you, Shell?
63
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:04,679
Aw! You guys.
64
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:08,519
Yeah. And Kieran's got his one
above his bed.
65
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,719
So he knows I'm always watching him.
And we put the other one in the loo.
66
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,119
Did you?
67
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,200
Yeah.
68
00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:20,239
So... less than a half hour to go.
The jackpot's at
69
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,280
15 million, Laura!
What's wrong with the living room?
70
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,440
Why don't we get everyone a drink,
yeah?
71
00:04:25,441 --> 00:04:29,919
Yes, yes! Barney's bringing some beers
in a bit, but there's plenty of vodka.
72
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,000
Yeah, and we've brought some Coke.
I paid for it.
73
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:33,479
OK.
74
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,480
Two vodka and Cokes?
75
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,039
I'll have a slice of lime.
OK.
76
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,239
Do you want some money
for the Coke?
77
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,279
I'll add it to your tab.
78
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,000
PHONE BEEPS
That'll be from Julie.
79
00:04:46,001 --> 00:04:50,440
She hasn't stopped talking about
Julie Taylor all day.
80
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,239
Literally, every five minutes,
81
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,200
she comes out with
some new bit of bollocks about her.
82
00:04:57,201 --> 00:04:59,919
Hmm!
That's very funny.
83
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,120
How's it been otherwise?
How's the weather been?
84
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,680
What do you mean?
85
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,279
Was it nice?
It looked like it was gonna rain.
86
00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:09,839
Are you taking the piss?
87
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,080
No.
88
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:14,399
Are you really being this boring?
No!
89
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:18,559
People who are inside like to know what
it's like for people who are outside.
90
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,840
Well, put your head out of the
window and see for yourself.
91
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:25,479
SPLASHING
92
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,119
Bloody hell.
93
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,079
LAUGHS
94
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,119
How was your day?
Played Sims. Built a mansion.
95
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,040
Made an old man piss himself. Yours?
96
00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:36,479
She tried on every wedding dress,
97
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,440
and then we went to Pizza Hut
and she made us all have pasta.
98
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,799
I hate... everyone.
99
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,640
BURPS
100
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,800
Rogan josh?
Very good.
101
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,440
Here... touch that.
102
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,879
CRACKLING
Agh!
103
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,360
LAUGHS
104
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,880
What did you make me do that for?
105
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,199
LAUGHS
106
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,559
Do you remember when you got me
that mug of hot water
107
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,680
and I thought it was cold and drunk
it and it burnt my mouth?
108
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,039
No.
109
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:31,959
Yes, you do!
110
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,560
No, I don't.
111
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:40,279
Yeah, of course you do. I thought
it was cold, and it burnt my mouth.
112
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,600
Are you sure it was me?
Yeah.
113
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,680
Steve. Becky. I need a word.
114
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,240
There's no simple way to say this,
but... Paul's got a lump.
115
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:13,559
A lump?
116
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,159
A lump.
117
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,400
What kind of lump?
118
00:07:16,401 --> 00:07:19,200
It's on his testicles.
119
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,400
Shit.
120
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:28,119
Bloody hell!
Why didn't you say anything?
121
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,639
What, like... Not a cancerous lump?
I'm afraid so.
122
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,880
I discovered it last night
when I was sucking him off.
123
00:07:34,881 --> 00:07:37,799
We went to A & E,
124
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,720
and the doctor had a go on it and gave
him the all clear, but I don't know.
125
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,680
He could hardly speak English -
what's he gonna know about cancer?
126
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,079
So the doctor said he's fine?
127
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,639
But he was foreign, Becks.
128
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,480
So we're looking to Steve
for a second opinion.
129
00:07:52,481 --> 00:07:54,079
What do you mean?
130
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,759
Use your imagination, Steve.
131
00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:59,159
Hold one of yours in one hand
and one of Paul's in the other,
132
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,040
and check if there's a difference.
133
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,439
What?!
134
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,439
It's not funny. Paul's dying.
135
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,719
No, he's not.
136
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,519
He's got cancer.
No, he doesn't.
137
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,199
But he might.
Yeah, but he definitely doesn't.
138
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,759
I think you should check him, Steve.
It's better to be safe than sorry.
139
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,359
Thank you, Becky. I don't know why
you're being so obstreperous.
140
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:19,439
Look...
141
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,479
Of course it's very serious,
142
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,279
and it was very good of you and Paul
to go and see a doctor immediately.
143
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:26,518
It wasn't immediate.
144
00:08:26,519 --> 00:08:28,600
We had to wait half an hour
for the bloody ambulance.
145
00:08:28,601 --> 00:08:30,359
OK.
146
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,559
But... what do I know about cancer?
147
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,320
You're his best man, Steve.
If he dies, it'll be your fault.
148
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,600
DOORBELL RINGS
149
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,080
Now, be nice, Steve.
He's at the end of his tether.
150
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:53,120
What are you laughing at?
What do you think I'm laughing at?
151
00:08:58,120 --> 00:08:59,119
Raaarrh!
152
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,600
Hey, Lukey, you little sexpot!
153
00:09:00,601 --> 00:09:03,079
All right, babe?
154
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,960
How was the party?
Yeah, it was good...
155
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:08,679
till they kicked us out.
Good magician?
156
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:13,321
Fucking brilliant magician.
Raaarrh!
157
00:09:14,390 --> 00:09:16,109
Oi, Shelly! Raaarrh!
158
00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:18,189
Come on, Lukey.
Let's watch the lottery.
159
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,469
Hello, Lukey.
160
00:09:19,470 --> 00:09:20,550
DOOR CLOSES
161
00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:27,430
What the fuck are you wearing?
162
00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:33,710
It's Becky's turn to do the washing,
and she ain't done it.
163
00:09:40,190 --> 00:09:42,229
Have you spoken to Laura?
164
00:09:42,230 --> 00:09:43,829
Yeah.
165
00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:45,230
OK.
166
00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:48,630
OK.
167
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:11,229
Look at this, everyone.
168
00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:12,830
I'm kicking the telly!
Don't do that, Luke.
169
00:10:12,831 --> 00:10:15,749
Um, Becky, he's a child.
He's still learning about the world.
170
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:18,149
I'm gonna smash it to bits.
171
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:19,430
You carry on, Lukey.
172
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:24,829
Stupid piece of stupid tat!
I don't want to jinx it,
173
00:10:24,830 --> 00:10:26,630
but I think I'm gonna win
the lottery tonight.
174
00:10:26,631 --> 00:10:29,658
No. I am.
But I'm not gonna let it change me.
175
00:10:29,658 --> 00:10:31,439
LUKEY: Look at me, Laura.
Me and Julie were saying
176
00:10:31,439 --> 00:10:33,021
we're gonna give some of our
winnings to a charity.
177
00:10:33,021 --> 00:10:36,546
Oh, yeah. If I could,
I'd give all my money to the pandas.
178
00:10:36,546 --> 00:10:39,339
Not me.
I'd give mine to kids with AIDS.
179
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,934
Oh, I love kids with AIDS.
I saw a thing about them.
180
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:45,335
I mean, they've got AIDS,
so I don't wanna meet them,
181
00:10:45,335 --> 00:10:47,790
but it's not their fault
their mums are slags.
182
00:10:48,910 --> 00:10:51,149
Raaarrh!
Luke!
183
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,425
I'm... I'm on a precipice.
184
00:10:55,550 --> 00:10:56,590
I know. I know.
185
00:10:57,989 --> 00:10:59,269
I might die.
186
00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:02,756
You're not gonna die.
187
00:11:02,757 --> 00:11:05,517
There's stuff in Laura's books
about it.
188
00:11:08,157 --> 00:11:12,116
The doctor said you were fine, Paul.
189
00:11:12,117 --> 00:11:15,076
So I think that means
you're definitely absolutely fine
190
00:11:15,077 --> 00:11:17,717
and we should go in the bedroom
and just enjoy the lottery.
191
00:11:24,757 --> 00:11:26,277
What d'you think?
192
00:11:27,317 --> 00:11:29,356
I think they're fabulous.
Now put them away.
193
00:11:29,357 --> 00:11:31,317
I'll move this.
194
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:41,596
LAUGHS UNEASILY Honestly, the
doctor was definitely right.
195
00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:43,516
Will you check 'em?
196
00:11:43,517 --> 00:11:45,636
LAUGHS
197
00:11:45,637 --> 00:11:49,236
Steve... please.
198
00:11:49,237 --> 00:11:52,236
I'm begging you.
199
00:11:52,237 --> 00:11:54,237
Check 'em.
200
00:11:57,277 --> 00:11:58,396
BANGING
201
00:11:58,397 --> 00:11:59,476
Luke.
202
00:11:59,477 --> 00:12:02,317
Becks, can you stop bullying him?
I'm gonna kill it!
203
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:04,876
What I've done this week
204
00:12:04,877 --> 00:12:06,396
is I've chosen numbers 1, 2 and 3
205
00:12:06,397 --> 00:12:08,676
because they've got to come up,
haven't they?
206
00:12:08,677 --> 00:12:10,757
Statistically, at some point,
they have to come up.
207
00:12:10,758 --> 00:12:12,836
Then the next three are
208
00:12:12,837 --> 00:12:14,716
8, because it's my birthday,
209
00:12:14,717 --> 00:12:16,356
11, when I lost my virginity,
210
00:12:16,357 --> 00:12:19,596
and 42, which is how old
Shelly pretends to be.
211
00:12:19,597 --> 00:12:23,196
Why don't you play with this?
212
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:26,570
Oh, he's just like his dad.
213
00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:34,370
Be gentle.
Sorry.
214
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:39,610
You had a good day?
215
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:43,810
Yep.
216
00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:46,970
INHALES
What about that bit?
217
00:12:50,010 --> 00:12:53,289
That's meant to be there.
It's a tube.
218
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,849
I've got one on mine.
219
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,409
Can I feel it?
220
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,449
Um...
221
00:12:59,450 --> 00:13:00,690
Doesn't matter.
222
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,679
DOORBELL RINGS
223
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,574
When I'm a mother,
I'm gonna let my kids do
224
00:13:05,574 --> 00:13:09,201
whatever they want, because it's a
free world and everybody's equal.
225
00:13:09,202 --> 00:13:12,242
But then if they're naughty,
I'll wallop them.
226
00:13:19,122 --> 00:13:22,361
All right, Becky?
I've brought my cousin.
227
00:13:22,362 --> 00:13:23,681
Alex. Nice to meet you.
228
00:13:23,682 --> 00:13:26,801
I love the dress.
Oh. OK.
229
00:13:26,802 --> 00:13:28,602
I've just been showing Alex
round the area.
230
00:13:28,603 --> 00:13:31,761
Yeah. I'm looking to move.
Looking for a fresh start, new horizons.
231
00:13:31,762 --> 00:13:34,002
Lovely round here, though, isn't it?
So close to London
232
00:13:34,003 --> 00:13:36,841
but you don't feel like
you're right in the centre?
233
00:13:36,842 --> 00:13:38,721
Best of both worlds in a way.
234
00:13:38,722 --> 00:13:40,401
I really like your wallpaper.
235
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,241
The leaf effect is glorious.
236
00:13:42,242 --> 00:13:44,082
Thank you.
237
00:13:54,882 --> 00:13:59,081
DAN: Have you seen that? It's the
sign you get for the men's toilets.
238
00:13:59,082 --> 00:14:00,481
Yeah, very good.
239
00:14:00,482 --> 00:14:01,600
Very funny.
DAN: Where's the man himself?
240
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,777
He's just in the bathroom.
He'll be out in a minute.
241
00:14:03,855 --> 00:14:06,958
So how many flats
are actually in this building?
242
00:14:06,958 --> 00:14:10,401
Oh! Look at you!
243
00:14:10,402 --> 00:14:13,641
Nice to meet you.
I'm, er, Alex, Dan's cousin.
244
00:14:13,642 --> 00:14:15,042
I like your face paint.
Very fetching.
245
00:14:15,043 --> 00:14:17,721
Thank you. I'm... I'm a lion.
246
00:14:17,722 --> 00:14:20,042
Marvellous.
247
00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:24,641
Raaarrh!
248
00:14:24,642 --> 00:14:25,920
He couldn't find anything.
249
00:14:25,921 --> 00:14:27,882
What's happened?
Paul's been cured of cancer.
250
00:14:27,883 --> 00:14:29,441
Oh. Congratulations, Paul!
251
00:14:29,441 --> 00:14:30,841
Thanks, Shelly.
Raaarrh!
252
00:14:30,842 --> 00:14:33,320
That's Steve.
Hi, Steve. Alex. Dan's cousin.
253
00:14:33,321 --> 00:14:34,720
Oh. All right?
254
00:14:34,721 --> 00:14:38,520
Yeah, yeah, I'm good, thanks.
Nothing to complain about.
255
00:14:38,521 --> 00:14:40,521
There's always something
to complain about, isn't there?
256
00:14:40,522 --> 00:14:42,280
Yep.
Oh, and I hear
257
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,880
congratulations are in order,
with you two moving in.
258
00:14:44,881 --> 00:14:47,360
Wonderful news.
Good luck with the lottery!
259
00:14:47,361 --> 00:14:51,160
In here, is it?
Yes.
260
00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:52,401
PAUL: Yeah, I hope so.
261
00:14:52,402 --> 00:14:54,080
Raaarrh!
Hello, everyone.
262
00:14:54,081 --> 00:14:55,880
I'm Alex, Dan's cousin.
263
00:14:55,881 --> 00:14:57,480
Hello, little fella!
264
00:14:57,481 --> 00:14:58,880
Raaarrh!
265
00:14:58,881 --> 00:15:02,001
He's nice.
He's really nice.
266
00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:05,520
I've got that shirt.
267
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,840
I'm Paul.
We're engaged to be married.
268
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:09,640
I hate kids.
269
00:15:09,641 --> 00:15:11,640
I just fondled a man.
270
00:15:11,641 --> 00:15:13,840
I can't believe I was forced
to fondle a man.
271
00:15:13,841 --> 00:15:15,801
Have you washed your hands?
Twice.
272
00:15:15,802 --> 00:15:19,161
PAUL: Be nice, Lukey.
Raaarrh!
273
00:15:20,321 --> 00:15:22,479
So we'll start with his penis.
It was extraordinary.
274
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,269
Yeah, we know that.
It gets bigger every time I see it.
275
00:15:24,269 --> 00:15:26,320
It's practically a tail.
276
00:15:26,321 --> 00:15:28,360
What about his bollocks?
Absolutely huge.
277
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:31,000
There's no lumps, there's no cancer,
it's completely fine.
278
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:33,710
But each one, literally,
the size of an orange.
279
00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:36,229
No! Maybe there is
something wrong with 'em.
280
00:15:36,230 --> 00:15:39,669
Well, not an orange. A little one.
281
00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:40,829
A kumquat.
282
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:42,149
That's not big.
283
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,869
Satsuma, then.
284
00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:45,509
Oh, wow. Bloody hell.
285
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:46,549
Yeah.
286
00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:47,790
LUKE: Raaarrh!
287
00:15:50,470 --> 00:15:53,229
You know I didn't do
that hot water thing, don't you?
288
00:15:53,230 --> 00:15:56,469
Yes, you did!
HE TUTS
289
00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:58,989
Come on, it's 15 minutes.
290
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:01,589
Then I'll spend
another two million on our wedding,
291
00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:03,630
because it's really important to me
that we have the perfect day
292
00:16:03,631 --> 00:16:06,869
and then I'll put the remaining
12 million pounds into gold bullion.
293
00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:09,709
I'm useless at doing the lottery.
LAUGHTER
294
00:16:09,710 --> 00:16:12,949
No, I really am. I'm not even joking.
It's like
295
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:16,269
the whole system's against me.
LAUGHTER
296
00:16:16,270 --> 00:16:18,070
Shelly's got a lucky number,
haven't you, Shelly?
297
00:16:18,071 --> 00:16:21,309
Yeah. The number one
has always been very lucky for me.
298
00:16:21,310 --> 00:16:22,630
Oh, has it, indeed?
Yeah,
299
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:26,669
because I've got one child, Kieran.
I'm single, so I'm always on my own.
300
00:16:26,670 --> 00:16:28,549
And I had one sister
301
00:16:28,550 --> 00:16:32,189
and she's dead
and I've got one friend...
302
00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:35,029
Laura.
Hmm, thanks, Shell.
303
00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:36,789
So I think I might win this week.
304
00:16:36,790 --> 00:16:39,469
I just... I just know.
305
00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:41,110
Oh, I could do with a bit of luck
myself, if I'm honest.
306
00:16:41,111 --> 00:16:45,549
I've had a bad couple of years.
I know, I know. Boo-hoo. Poor me.
307
00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:50,389
But you get into a rut, don't you,
and all you have is hope, you know?
308
00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:52,350
You just hope for a little bit of
luck to come your way.
309
00:16:52,351 --> 00:16:54,509
Well, whatever your problems,
310
00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:57,429
it's very good to see that you're
moving on with things and you're not
311
00:16:57,430 --> 00:17:01,509
letting life get on top of you,
Alex. Yeah. Go, Alex.
312
00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:03,029
Thanks. Thank you.
313
00:17:03,030 --> 00:17:05,869
Paul's just come through
a very serious illness
314
00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:08,709
so there's always light
at the end of the tunnel.
315
00:17:08,710 --> 00:17:11,949
Yeah. Good on you, mate.
Thanks.
316
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:15,310
Thanks, everyone.
I really appreciate it.
317
00:17:16,630 --> 00:17:18,510
Actually, Steve,
do you mind if I use your bathroom?
318
00:17:18,511 --> 00:17:21,030
- No. Go ahead.
- Thanks.
319
00:17:25,350 --> 00:17:28,789
What a lovely young man!
Yeah.
320
00:17:28,790 --> 00:17:31,109
Where've you been hiding him, Dan?
Nowhere. No.
321
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:34,150
I haven't been hiding him.
He's been in prison.
322
00:17:35,910 --> 00:17:36,949
What?
323
00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:38,749
Yeah.
What for?
324
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:41,070
He's a sex offender.
325
00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:44,069
What?!
326
00:17:44,070 --> 00:17:46,670
Yeah, but don't mention it.
He's really embarrassed.
327
00:17:49,030 --> 00:17:50,589
Wait, Dan, he's a sex offender?
328
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:53,189
Ssh! Yeah. But it's all right.
He's on the register.
329
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:56,269
Jesus!
I'm gonna call the police.
330
00:17:56,270 --> 00:17:58,230
No. Don't. He's done his time.
He's not a beast.
331
00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:01,349
- But he went to jail?
- Yeah.
332
00:18:01,350 --> 00:18:03,589
He got out last night.
Oh, God.
333
00:18:03,590 --> 00:18:04,909
Jesus!
334
00:18:04,910 --> 00:18:06,070
What did he do, Dan?
335
00:18:06,071 --> 00:18:07,589
Oh. No. Not in front of the kid.
336
00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:09,190
TOILET FLUSHES
Is he gonna hurt Luke?
337
00:18:09,191 --> 00:18:10,669
No, no, don't worry,
338
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:13,510
he's not a paedophile.
He likes women.
339
00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:20,550
But seriously, don't mention sex.
He gets all... edgy.
340
00:18:21,630 --> 00:18:25,670
That soap is just delicious!
It really is absolutely heavenly.
341
00:18:36,630 --> 00:18:41,149
So... what would we spend
all our winnings on?
342
00:18:41,150 --> 00:18:43,150
Oh, good question.
343
00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:51,030
Laura, you were saying you'd give some
to children with AIDS, weren't you?
344
00:18:53,510 --> 00:18:55,229
Yes.
345
00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:57,989
I'd throw a party. A massive one.
LAUGHS
346
00:18:57,990 --> 00:19:00,309
I'd get magicians, jugglers,
waitresses.
347
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:04,509
Just have one really big wild night and,
you know, really let my hair down.
348
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,110
LAUGHS
349
00:19:12,310 --> 00:19:14,270
Hmm.
350
00:19:16,470 --> 00:19:18,509
Shall we... Shall we watch the
lottery?
351
00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:19,750
Yes.
352
00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:24,030
Great news about your recovery, Paul.
353
00:19:24,031 --> 00:19:27,709
At least we've had some good news,
a rare treat nowadays!
354
00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:29,430
What was the problem,
if you don't mind me asking?
355
00:19:29,431 --> 00:19:32,550
Oh. Noth... Nothing.
356
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:36,789
You know, just man's problems.
Aw, rubbish!
357
00:19:36,790 --> 00:19:39,149
You poor thing!
D'you want me to take a look?
358
00:19:39,150 --> 00:19:41,389
No, I'm... I'm fine.
359
00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:43,190
I used to be a paramedic.
No, I'm...
360
00:19:43,191 --> 00:19:45,710
I'm fine. Thank you. I'm...
361
00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:48,309
I'm, like, cured.
362
00:19:48,310 --> 00:19:51,030
OK. Cool. No probs, no probs.
363
00:19:54,030 --> 00:19:57,029
Oh, I just love the lottery show,
don't you?
364
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:59,549
- Absolutely!
- And the quiz before it.
365
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:02,229
- It's brilliant.
- Yes.
366
00:20:02,230 --> 00:20:03,468
On a bit of a roll then.
367
00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:04,788
I thought, "Well, I'm not"
368
00:20:04,789 --> 00:20:07,270
"gonna do it tonight cos Stephanie's
done really well and she deserves
369
00:20:07,271 --> 00:20:09,429
"to get through,"
and I'll tell you what, Jamie,
370
00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:11,708
it doesn't matter that
Stephanie's not got through tonight
371
00:20:11,709 --> 00:20:13,190
because her place has got to be
there
372
00:20:13,191 --> 00:20:15,189
sooner or later.
APPLAUSE ON TV
373
00:20:15,190 --> 00:20:21,589
'But right now
you have one final challenge.
374
00:20:21,590 --> 00:20:26,469
'OK? You must play Do Or Die
with one of your opponents.'
375
00:20:26,470 --> 00:20:28,350
I've always wondered
why they don't get Wogan on this.
376
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:31,149
It would be the perfect vehicle
for him.
377
00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:34,189
'..Leave the competition immediately,
for good, you can't come back,
378
00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:36,110
'you can't win the money.'
More drinks?
379
00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:38,669
Yeah.
Yes, please.
380
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:42,669
'..Who you choose to play. OK,
381
00:20:42,670 --> 00:20:46,309
'will the nine remaining players... '
Oh, let me give you a hand, Becks.
382
00:20:46,310 --> 00:20:47,590
No, I'm all right.
383
00:20:47,591 --> 00:20:49,710
Come on. Don't be a martyr.
384
00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:56,070
So, what are we making?
385
00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:58,829
Um, just something cold.
I can do that if you want.
386
00:20:58,830 --> 00:21:00,189
No, I... I'm fine.
387
00:21:00,190 --> 00:21:02,989
Don't worry, I was thinking
of getting a job in a bar.
388
00:21:02,990 --> 00:21:05,309
'Have you been
doing much revision at home?
389
00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:06,590
'No, not really.'
390
00:21:06,591 --> 00:21:10,750
Who do you think you are, bringing
a sex criminal into the house?
391
00:21:12,310 --> 00:21:14,069
DOORBELL RINGS
392
00:21:14,070 --> 00:21:17,869
ALEX: Just at that moment,
super-strength cocktails...
393
00:21:17,870 --> 00:21:20,629
back in the day.
I can make you one now if you like.
394
00:21:20,630 --> 00:21:22,549
I'm fine, thanks.
No problem.
395
00:21:22,550 --> 00:21:23,590
All right, Steve?
396
00:21:23,591 --> 00:21:25,429
All right, mate? Come in.
397
00:21:25,430 --> 00:21:28,869
Sorry I'm late. Me dad keeps them in
his bedroom and your mum was round.
398
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,629
All right. How much do I owe you?
399
00:21:30,630 --> 00:21:32,029
Er...
400
00:21:32,030 --> 00:21:34,429
call it a fiver?
Excuse me, Becks.
401
00:21:34,430 --> 00:21:38,989
I'm Alex, by the way. Dan's cousin.
The infamous Dan!
402
00:21:38,990 --> 00:21:42,069
He's a funny one, though, isn't he?
The eternal black sheep.
403
00:21:42,070 --> 00:21:44,829
Have you met Anita, his girlfriend?
404
00:21:44,830 --> 00:21:46,189
Bit of a battle-axe!
405
00:21:46,190 --> 00:21:47,470
LAUGHS
406
00:21:48,590 --> 00:21:50,110
Cheers, mate.
You staying for the lottery?
407
00:21:50,111 --> 00:21:51,189
Er...
408
00:21:51,190 --> 00:21:52,710
yeah, well, I can't go
back to my dad's, can I?
409
00:21:52,711 --> 00:21:54,229
Your mum makes a right racket.
410
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:55,630
All right. Thanks for that.
411
00:21:55,631 --> 00:21:58,950
Oh. Let me, let me.
412
00:22:00,030 --> 00:22:01,709
Here we are, the party begins.
413
00:22:01,710 --> 00:22:03,870
What a lovely bloke.
LUKE: Raaarrh!
414
00:22:04,870 --> 00:22:07,350
'Former Chelsea chairman
Ken Bates... ' Here you go.
415
00:22:07,351 --> 00:22:10,110
'..Which Yorkshire football club... '
Anyone want a beer?
416
00:22:11,350 --> 00:22:12,470
Yeah, actually...
417
00:22:12,471 --> 00:22:14,029
Yeah, thanks.
418
00:22:14,030 --> 00:22:16,309
'Paul O'Grady.
Correct.'
419
00:22:16,310 --> 00:22:17,990
How's everything
with your lovely girlfriend, Barney?
420
00:22:17,991 --> 00:22:20,910
Oh. Magic. A girlfriend.
You lucky thing.
421
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,669
We're gonna have to get rid of him.
422
00:22:25,670 --> 00:22:29,469
I can't just kick him out. It's rude.
423
00:22:29,470 --> 00:22:32,350
He's a sex offender.
You're allowed to be rude to him.
424
00:22:34,790 --> 00:22:37,109
We've got a sex offender
in our flat!
425
00:22:37,110 --> 00:22:38,589
LAUGHS
426
00:22:38,590 --> 00:22:40,469
Come on.
427
00:22:40,470 --> 00:22:43,029
Let's make sure
he isn't sexually abusing Laura.
428
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:45,349
BLOWS RASPBERRIES
429
00:22:45,350 --> 00:22:46,790
and then Julie Taylor
comes back in
430
00:22:46,791 --> 00:22:49,749
and she gives you a mug of water
and you take a mouthful of it,
431
00:22:49,750 --> 00:22:51,389
because you think it's cold,
432
00:22:51,390 --> 00:22:54,069
but she...
she's put boiling hot water in it...
433
00:22:54,070 --> 00:22:56,350
so it burns your mouth!
434
00:23:02,230 --> 00:23:06,149
Who does that?
Julie Taylor.
435
00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:08,437
She's twisted.
436
00:23:12,445 --> 00:23:16,486
TV: Before we go any further,
let's go live, then, to Lottery HQ
437
00:23:16,486 --> 00:23:18,406
to see what's coming up
this evening.
438
00:23:18,407 --> 00:23:21,766
Draw's starting.
Oh, good luck, everyone.
439
00:23:23,186 --> 00:23:27,828
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm gonna kill it!
440
00:23:27,830 --> 00:23:30,349
I muddled it up.
I thought it was you.
441
00:23:30,350 --> 00:23:32,310
I'm a knobhead.
442
00:23:32,311 --> 00:23:34,390
I know you are.
443
00:23:36,830 --> 00:23:39,469
LUKE: Look at it,
stuffed full of crap!
444
00:23:39,470 --> 00:23:41,229
- All right, Luke?
- Yeah.
445
00:23:41,230 --> 00:23:42,989
TV: Release the balls!
446
00:23:42,990 --> 00:23:45,270
Stupid thing.
447
00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:49,670
TV: Here we go...
448
00:23:49,671 --> 00:23:51,670
Would it help if I did the silly
dance?
449
00:23:52,405 --> 00:23:54,244
First ball is...30.
450
00:23:54,245 --> 00:23:57,204
Oh, I got that one!
I've got that one, Laura!
451
00:23:57,205 --> 00:23:59,125
Quiet, Shelly. I'm trying to focus.
452
00:23:59,126 --> 00:24:01,004
'..Your lucky night tonight... '
453
00:24:01,005 --> 00:24:02,924
And the second ball is ...
454
00:24:02,925 --> 00:24:03,964
18.
455
00:24:03,965 --> 00:24:06,284
Yes! Look. I knew it!
I fuckin' knew it!
456
00:24:06,285 --> 00:24:08,085
'..One of the more popular
numbers... '
457
00:24:10,205 --> 00:24:11,924
Have you forgiven me yet?
458
00:24:11,925 --> 00:24:13,804
Um...
459
00:24:13,805 --> 00:24:15,925
No.
460
00:24:19,325 --> 00:24:21,524
OK, OK, I've forgiven you.
461
00:24:21,525 --> 00:24:24,164
PAUL: What's wrong
with these people?!
462
00:24:24,165 --> 00:24:25,565
Good.
463
00:24:27,885 --> 00:24:30,084
You're a kabillion times better
than Julie.
464
00:24:30,085 --> 00:24:32,364
How many?
465
00:24:32,365 --> 00:24:35,164
A kabillion.
Oh.
466
00:24:35,165 --> 00:24:37,044
'14. Our fourth ball tonight.
467
00:24:37,045 --> 00:24:38,484
'14.'
468
00:24:38,485 --> 00:24:43,604
INDISTINCT SPEECH ON TV
469
00:24:43,605 --> 00:24:45,565
And here we go.
Our fifth ball tonight,
470
00:24:45,566 --> 00:24:47,844
number 22!
471
00:24:47,845 --> 00:24:51,084
SHELLY: Oh, that's sad.
472
00:24:51,085 --> 00:24:52,684
It's a fucking fix!
473
00:24:52,685 --> 00:24:55,524
'That's going to make someone
extremely wealthy indeed.'
474
00:24:55,525 --> 00:24:57,124
39.
475
00:24:57,125 --> 00:24:58,404
'That's 39.'
476
00:24:58,405 --> 00:24:59,683
You all right, Shell?
477
00:24:59,684 --> 00:25:01,403
Yeah.
You just have to keep playing
478
00:25:01,404 --> 00:25:02,645
and eventually you'll win.
479
00:25:05,205 --> 00:25:08,724
'Now for the all-important
bonus ball. It's...
480
00:25:08,725 --> 00:25:09,924
'number 11!'
481
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:11,884
PAUL: Fuck the bonus ball!
482
00:25:11,885 --> 00:25:13,685
I hate the bonus ball.
483
00:25:16,605 --> 00:25:18,084
I've won a tenner.
484
00:25:18,085 --> 00:25:20,044
'..14, 18... '
485
00:25:20,045 --> 00:25:23,884
I got three numbers.
Guys, I've won a bloody tenner!
486
00:25:23,885 --> 00:25:25,404
Hey!
487
00:25:25,405 --> 00:25:27,324
I can't believe it!
488
00:25:27,325 --> 00:25:28,525
Look, Steve. I've...
489
00:25:28,526 --> 00:25:30,085
I've won a tenner!
490
00:25:31,685 --> 00:25:33,525
LAUGHS
491
00:25:35,045 --> 00:25:37,124
Sorry, guys. Um...
492
00:25:37,125 --> 00:25:38,324
I just, er...
493
00:25:38,325 --> 00:25:40,364
It's hard to explain just how...
494
00:25:40,365 --> 00:25:42,364
how much it means to me, er...
495
00:25:42,365 --> 00:25:44,325
Finally a little bit of luck at last.
496
00:25:44,326 --> 00:25:46,684
And you guys have been so welcoming.
497
00:25:46,685 --> 00:25:48,124
Um...
498
00:25:48,125 --> 00:25:50,804
It's been amazing! I ju...
499
00:25:50,805 --> 00:25:52,965
Oh, God!
LAUGHS
500
00:25:55,125 --> 00:25:57,364
STEVE: Um...
501
00:25:57,365 --> 00:25:58,763
Alex, sorry, mate. I just, er...
502
00:25:58,764 --> 00:26:00,525
I was just looking at your numbers
here.
503
00:26:00,526 --> 00:26:04,084
11 is the bonus ball.
504
00:26:04,085 --> 00:26:05,925
It... it doesn't count.
505
00:26:13,365 --> 00:26:15,564
? Come closer, come closer
506
00:26:15,565 --> 00:26:17,404
? And listen
507
00:26:17,405 --> 00:26:21,284
? The beat of my heart keeps on
missin'
508
00:26:21,285 --> 00:26:24,884
? I notice it most when we're kissin'
509
00:26:24,885 --> 00:26:28,844
? Come closer and love me tonight
510
00:26:28,845 --> 00:26:30,844
? That's right
511
00:26:30,845 --> 00:26:33,444
? Come closer
and cuddle me tight... ?
512
00:26:33,445 --> 00:26:34,524
Fuck!
513
00:26:34,525 --> 00:26:37,964
? My heart goes boom-bang-a-bang
Boom-bang-a-bang
514
00:26:37,965 --> 00:26:39,444
? When you are near
515
00:26:39,445 --> 00:26:42,404
? Boom-bang-a-bang-bang all the time
516
00:26:42,405 --> 00:26:46,724
? It's such a lovely feeling
517
00:26:46,725 --> 00:26:51,004
? When I'm in your arms
518
00:26:51,005 --> 00:26:55,364
? Don't go away
I wanna stay my whole life through
519
00:26:55,365 --> 00:26:57,045
? Boom-bang-a-bang-bang
Close to you. ?
520
00:26:57,070 --> 00:26:59,070
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www.addic7ed.com
521
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:03,670
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