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1
00:00:00,854 --> 00:00:02,892
And Jackson keeps the all In play.
2
00:00:02,893 --> 00:00:04,451
Oh, that's a corner!
3
00:00:04,452 --> 00:00:06,316
It's gathered y McMahon.
4
00:00:06,502 --> 00:00:10,339
ThIs Is NutfIeld to Hunter.
Hunter now to Ross Young.
5
00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:13,513
Young skIps past MortImer,
takes It to the ylIne.
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,673
- Oh, bloody hell!
- Jesus!
7
00:00:15,674 --> 00:00:16,775
How did he miss that?
8
00:00:16,776 --> 00:00:19,243
No one went up with him.
Did you see that, Dad?
9
00:00:19,244 --> 00:00:20,578
My old mum could have scored that.
10
00:00:20,579 --> 00:00:23,686
He receIves the all y the halfway
lIne, and kIcks It forward.
11
00:00:23,783 --> 00:00:28,712
It's headed ack y RIchardson. And
Cross spreads the play out wIde to HIll.
12
00:00:28,713 --> 00:00:32,677
HIll... Lovely slIdIng
tackle from SmIthI
13
00:00:32,837 --> 00:00:34,782
Does anyone remember 9/11?
14
00:00:34,783 --> 00:00:38,013
Just two yards Into hIs own half.
15
00:00:38,014 --> 00:00:41,168
Yeah, It's the long
all forward, Isn't It?
16
00:00:43,883 --> 00:00:45,726
Steve?
17
00:00:46,890 --> 00:00:49,519
- What?
- Do you remember 9/11?
18
00:00:50,377 --> 00:00:53,137
Yeah, of course I remember 9/11.
19
00:00:53,138 --> 00:00:56,561
Well, me and Paul watched this
documentary last night on the internet,
20
00:00:56,562 --> 00:00:58,556
and, apparently, it was all a hoax.
21
00:00:58,557 --> 00:01:01,559
Laura...I'm trying to watch the match.
22
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,786
- Foul!
- Dad, did you see that?
23
00:01:03,787 --> 00:01:06,813
- That was a foul!
- Oh, off, off, off!
24
00:01:06,814 --> 00:01:08,947
Fat brick of shit, ref!
25
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,718
Should have sent him off.
26
00:01:15,537 --> 00:01:19,612
Apparently, George W Bush
faked the whole of 9/11,
27
00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,734
because of oil, and for his dad,
28
00:01:21,735 --> 00:01:24,030
who's also called George W Bush.
29
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:28,822
..also gettIng Involved wIth that one.
And It's WIlkInson who has the all now.
30
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:32,057
WIlkInson challenged y RIchardson.
31
00:01:32,958 --> 00:01:36,504
The two players on
thIs eautIful pItch...
32
00:01:39,127 --> 00:01:43,006
And all the people
jumping out of the planes
33
00:01:43,007 --> 00:01:45,813
were actors or stuntmen.
34
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,780
You know, people trained
at jumping out of buildings.
35
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:54,210
I wouldn't be surprised if
Prince Philip had a hand in it.
36
00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:56,595
- After what he did to Diana.
- Laura!
37
00:01:56,904 --> 00:01:59,506
We're trying to watch the football!
38
00:01:59,507 --> 00:02:01,450
All right, Steve, we're all
trying to watch the football.
39
00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:04,108
I can't... I can't hear the commentary!
40
00:02:04,109 --> 00:02:05,578
No one likes the commentary.
41
00:02:05,579 --> 00:02:09,178
- I do!
- OK, Steve. Stop showing off.
42
00:02:15,817 --> 00:02:18,998
- Come on! Come on!
- Go on, son! Go on!
43
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:25,348
It'll be a goal kick to City,
and the score remains 0-0.
44
00:02:38,446 --> 00:02:39,962
Sorry.
45
00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,319
Wing it!
46
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:44,917
Hiya.
47
00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:50,368
Yeah. Yeah, course.
48
00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:54,173
Cool. It's near the Goose,
behind the KFC they burnt down.
49
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,521
Becks, do you wanna check on the pizzas?
50
00:02:56,522 --> 00:02:59,569
- How was work?
- Why can't you do it?
51
00:03:00,917 --> 00:03:03,180
- How was work?
- You're better at it than I am.
52
00:03:03,181 --> 00:03:04,878
I can't hear you. You're cutting out.
53
00:03:04,879 --> 00:03:07,403
Well, I don't live here.
I'm not checking on the oven.
54
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:10,965
OK. We'll both do it.
55
00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:14,539
- That was nice! That was very nice!
- I still can't hear you.
56
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,124
Yeah, yeah. That's better.
57
00:03:17,424 --> 00:03:19,476
Yeah. Sorry, Steve, what number are you?
58
00:03:19,477 --> 00:03:23,198
- Er, number 12, flat B.
- It's number 12, flat B.
59
00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:28,652
All right. OK. All
right! See you in a bit!
60
00:03:29,352 --> 00:03:31,832
Sorry! She's such a laugh!
61
00:03:32,064 --> 00:03:34,467
- Who was that?
- Gay. A girl I met at Faces.
62
00:03:34,468 --> 00:03:35,591
- Is she coming over?
- Yeah, yeah.
63
00:03:35,592 --> 00:03:40,893
- Sorry. I didn't quite catch her name.
- Gay. Yeah, Gay. Gaynor.
64
00:03:40,894 --> 00:03:42,377
Gaynor what?
65
00:03:42,378 --> 00:03:44,291
Allen.
66
00:03:46,825 --> 00:03:49,961
You're going out with
someone called Gay Allen!
67
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,792
What's your problem?
68
00:03:54,672 --> 00:03:57,942
No, nothing. It's fine.
69
00:04:04,713 --> 00:04:07,442
I think I'll refer to her as Gaynor.
70
00:04:07,773 --> 00:04:09,610
Ross Young trIes to flIck It out.
71
00:04:11,389 --> 00:04:13,477
Gay Allen?
72
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,936
Why won't you let me touch your tit?
73
00:04:16,937 --> 00:04:18,927
Why were you shouting at Laura?
74
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,697
She's the most annoying person
in the history of the human race!
75
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:26,321
She's not annoying,
Steve. She's my sister.
76
00:04:27,214 --> 00:04:29,989
If the Nazis designed
an annoying person...
77
00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:31,715
What's wrong with you today?
78
00:04:33,611 --> 00:04:35,169
Why won't you let me touch your tit?
79
00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:37,070
Can't touch my tit
in front of my sister.
80
00:04:37,071 --> 00:04:38,788
But I wanted to touch your tit.
81
00:04:38,789 --> 00:04:42,591
I don't care. It's my tit. I
decide who gets to touch it.
82
00:04:46,614 --> 00:04:50,195
What? I like Skittles.
83
00:04:50,196 --> 00:04:52,236
What's wrong with you today?
84
00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:01,771
I had a dream about you,
and I don't know what to do.
85
00:05:01,772 --> 00:05:03,512
That rhymed.
86
00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:06,304
- Becky!
- It was just a dream.
87
00:05:06,535 --> 00:05:08,659
It didn't seem like it at the time.
88
00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:10,386
- Ye... Ohh!
- Oh, come on!
89
00:05:10,387 --> 00:05:12,913
- I was trying to find something.
- Can this wait till after the match?
90
00:05:12,914 --> 00:05:15,157
I had this elephant, for
some reason, and I'd lost it.
91
00:05:15,158 --> 00:05:17,837
- How can you lose an elephant?
- And I looked up...
92
00:05:18,963 --> 00:05:25,701
..and you were getting shagged by
your ex-boyfriend, Lee, over a bin!
93
00:05:26,401 --> 00:05:27,623
It's not funny. There was half a
dozen men standing around watching.
94
00:05:28,624 --> 00:05:30,971
Just say six.
95
00:05:30,972 --> 00:05:32,663
And he... and he looked me in the eye,
96
00:05:33,197 --> 00:05:38,078
and he had this cigar outside of
his mouth, and this massive grin.
97
00:05:38,079 --> 00:05:40,593
And he looked me in the eye, and...
98
00:05:40,609 --> 00:05:42,613
and he said, ''Awooga.''
99
00:05:43,972 --> 00:05:45,389
He...
100
00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:48,174
He said awooga?
101
00:05:48,175 --> 00:05:50,227
Yeah. Awooga.
102
00:05:50,228 --> 00:05:53,078
- As in Kriss Akabusi...
- Kriss Akabusi's catchphrase, yeah.
103
00:05:53,079 --> 00:05:56,541
OK. OK, I'm gonna watch the
football. You're being ridiculous.
104
00:05:56,542 --> 00:06:00,697
It was horrible! You
were really enjoying it.
105
00:06:09,207 --> 00:06:10,875
Hello, Paul, mate. Come in. Nil-nil.
106
00:06:10,876 --> 00:06:13,928
- Laura!
- That was right in my ear!
107
00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,610
Hello, handsome. What
do you think of my hair?
108
00:06:20,611 --> 00:06:22,517
I need a word.
109
00:06:27,618 --> 00:06:30,281
Saint and Greavsie. That's
what this world lacks.
110
00:06:30,282 --> 00:06:31,552
Yeah, definitely.
111
00:06:31,553 --> 00:06:34,391
Two footballers, or ex-footballers,
who are mates in real life,
112
00:06:34,392 --> 00:06:35,640
and make a programme about it.
113
00:06:35,641 --> 00:06:38,697
Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle sat on
a sofa, banging the world to rights.
114
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,600
Ah, brilliant. And Venables.
115
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,074
Oh, I'd love to go for
a drink with Venables.
116
00:06:44,075 --> 00:06:46,310
Here, Dad, were Glenn Hoddle
and Chris Waddle actually mates,
117
00:06:46,311 --> 00:06:47,930
or was it just cos their names rhymed?
118
00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:51,339
They were mates. I think they
had a sport shop together.
119
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,948
Steve's mum saw them in
there once, didn't she?
120
00:06:56,394 --> 00:07:00,318
- Are you going through my phone?
- No.
121
00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:02,735
Your mum met Glenn Hoddle, didn't she?
122
00:07:02,736 --> 00:07:04,631
Yeah, at his sport shop.
123
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,914
I think he...co-owned
it with Chris Waddle.
124
00:07:07,915 --> 00:07:10,311
So why is my phone face down?
125
00:07:10,312 --> 00:07:12,549
I never leave it face down.
It scratches the screen.
126
00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:14,836
What's wrong with you? I
haven't touched your phone.
127
00:07:14,837 --> 00:07:16,623
Has he?
128
00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:21,479
- I didn't see him.
- He weren't looking at nothing.
129
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,774
OK. Sorry.
130
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,673
Is this gonna be another
one of your grudges?
131
00:07:25,674 --> 00:07:28,151
No, it's fine. Sorry.
132
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:33,339
The all Is played out left to Toller...
133
00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:35,219
- Wing it!
- Far post!
134
00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:38,136
- JohnsonI
- Oh, he's hit the bar!
135
00:07:38,723 --> 00:07:42,455
- So you are looking through my phone.
- No! Course not!
136
00:07:42,709 --> 00:07:45,401
Just checking to see if
the screen's scratched.
137
00:07:45,402 --> 00:07:47,481
- Is it?
- No!
138
00:07:47,482 --> 00:07:49,175
Thank God.
139
00:07:49,176 --> 00:07:50,963
Good.
140
00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:57,955
It just looked like you
were going through my phone.
141
00:07:57,956 --> 00:07:59,643
Why would I do that?
142
00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:03,153
I dunno. Probably looking
for texts from Lee.
143
00:08:04,106 --> 00:08:06,254
Why would Lee be texting you?
144
00:08:07,866 --> 00:08:09,826
You better get that.
145
00:08:10,702 --> 00:08:13,523
- Have you been texting Lee?
- No! Course not.
146
00:08:16,183 --> 00:08:18,756
Good. Well, I haven't been
going through your phone, OK?
147
00:08:18,757 --> 00:08:20,885
I'm not a bloody mentalist!
148
00:08:31,229 --> 00:08:32,876
We've just hit the bar!
149
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:45,426
Steve, kitchen now. Becky,
we're having a family conference.
150
00:08:45,427 --> 00:08:47,063
I'm watching the football.
151
00:08:47,064 --> 00:08:48,910
- Book him, ref!
- Ref, book him!
152
00:08:48,911 --> 00:08:50,266
Referee!
153
00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:53,781
What's more important?
Family or football?
154
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,308
- Family.
- Thank you.
155
00:08:57,309 --> 00:08:59,433
You can watch the highlights.
156
00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:16,494
OK, Becks, Steve... Where's Steve?
157
00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:17,740
I'm here.
158
00:09:17,741 --> 00:09:19,342
OK, Steve, sit down.
159
00:09:20,878 --> 00:09:22,673
Paul's got something
he needs to tell you.
160
00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:27,874
In your own time.
161
00:09:31,069 --> 00:09:32,827
Is it Luke?
162
00:09:33,034 --> 00:09:35,176
Luke's fine.
163
00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:37,326
Go on. Say it, Paul.
164
00:09:38,388 --> 00:09:39,469
I'm...
165
00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,362
It's all right, mate. Come on.
166
00:09:44,588 --> 00:09:45,888
Hurry up and say it, Paul.
167
00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:53,284
I'm...
168
00:09:56,186 --> 00:09:57,388
I'm adopted.
169
00:09:58,517 --> 00:09:59,660
He's adopted.
170
00:10:01,617 --> 00:10:03,436
He found out this afternoon, didn't you?
171
00:10:03,453 --> 00:10:06,294
- He had a showdown with his mum.
- She's not my mum.
172
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,780
He had a showdown with his ex-mum.
173
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:13,913
I've been lied to my entire life
by these ugly fucking bullshitters!
174
00:10:15,342 --> 00:10:17,446
Oh...I really feel for you, Paul.
175
00:10:17,673 --> 00:10:18,793
Thanks, Becks.
176
00:10:23,938 --> 00:10:26,887
Yeah, I'm...I'm really sorry
to hear about it, too, mate.
177
00:10:26,888 --> 00:10:28,978
- Thanks, mate.
- Thanks, Steve.
178
00:10:30,295 --> 00:10:32,126
I trashed their fucking house. Wankers!
179
00:10:32,127 --> 00:10:33,218
Well, the pizzas are ready.
180
00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:41,734
My real mum put me up for
adoption as soon as I was born.
181
00:10:42,668 --> 00:10:45,682
She was 15!
182
00:10:46,131 --> 00:10:47,417
It's really awful, Becks. Sounds
like his mum was a right slut.
183
00:10:48,153 --> 00:10:52,035
Hmm.
184
00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:58,471
There's a hole inside me.
185
00:10:58,882 --> 00:11:02,218
He means an emotional
hole, not an actual one.
186
00:11:03,804 --> 00:11:05,823
I mean, like, who is Paul?
187
00:11:06,259 --> 00:11:09,817
You know, it's probably
not even my real name.
188
00:11:11,485 --> 00:11:15,009
I'm a nobody. A nothing.
189
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,293
A nothing.
190
00:11:19,794 --> 00:11:22,193
Steve, stop looking at the pizzas!
191
00:11:22,905 --> 00:11:25,524
Sorry! I can smell 'em.
192
00:11:25,636 --> 00:11:29,290
- For God's sake, Steve, I'm in crisis!
- Yeah, but I had an early lunch.
193
00:11:29,768 --> 00:11:32,234
Nobody fucking cares, do they?!
194
00:11:39,602 --> 00:11:42,338
- So what if he's adopted?
- Get over it!
195
00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,467
It's not worth missing the football for.
196
00:11:50,651 --> 00:11:52,095
I'd love to be adopted.
197
00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:55,225
I'd find my real parents,
make them feel guilty,
198
00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:57,008
and just get 'em to buy me stuff.
199
00:11:57,702 --> 00:12:00,909
Yeah! Make 'em feel awful!
200
00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:03,596
I'd at least get a dinner out of it.
201
00:12:06,781 --> 00:12:08,080
Oh, how's it going, Paul?
202
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:09,934
It's just a lie, Becky.
203
00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:12,079
It's just a lifetime of lies.
204
00:12:15,264 --> 00:12:16,585
Come on, County!
205
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,647
So sorry to hear about
all that, mate. It's awful.
206
00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:23,141
Listen, why don't we
have some beers and pizza?
207
00:12:23,148 --> 00:12:24,715
Hey? Watch the match?
Take your mind off it.
208
00:12:25,016 --> 00:12:27,653
It's a good match.
209
00:12:29,877 --> 00:12:32,428
I'll lend you a Morse DVD, if you like.
210
00:12:35,202 --> 00:12:37,428
- Yeah, all right, then.
- Good.
211
00:12:37,429 --> 00:12:40,445
Now you go through and have
some pizza with the lads,
212
00:12:40,446 --> 00:12:42,515
and I'll download a ringtone with Becks.
213
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:44,730
- Or we could watch the football.
- No.
214
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:45,757
OK.
215
00:12:45,758 --> 00:12:48,413
I need a new ringtone, Becks.
I've had this one for a week.
216
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:51,421
OK.
217
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,967
I'm so proud of Paul.
He's handling it so well.
218
00:12:56,419 --> 00:12:58,129
How do I get onto the internet?
219
00:12:58,613 --> 00:13:00,741
Er, Steve usually steals it from Dan.
220
00:13:01,358 --> 00:13:02,488
What's his password?
221
00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:05,197
Dan loves milfs. All one word.
222
00:13:05,383 --> 00:13:07,076
- Danlovesmilfs?
- Yeah.
223
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,845
It didn't take us long to guess it.
224
00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:12,942
A decent-lookIng all, and
that could have gone anywhere.
225
00:13:12,995 --> 00:13:14,060
You all right, Paul?
226
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:16,717
Yeah.
227
00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:18,761
How's things at Ryman's?
228
00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,179
We ran out of staplers.
229
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,433
Oh, right.
230
00:13:24,234 --> 00:13:26,018
We ordered some more in.
231
00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:28,935
Thank God for that, eh?
232
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,920
We went to a strip club
last night, didn't we, Dad?
233
00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:35,133
Mm. Yeah.
234
00:13:37,648 --> 00:13:39,902
Oh, he should have scored
that! He should have scored!
235
00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,382
Donkey!
236
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:47,119
Yeah, it was one of those ones
where you pay 'em a little bit extra,
237
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,862
- and they let you touch 'em. Didn't they?
- Yeah.
238
00:13:49,031 --> 00:13:51,516
You can touch their tits, arse, legs.
239
00:13:51,517 --> 00:13:53,800
I tried to stick my finger
in, she punched me in the eye.
240
00:13:56,893 --> 00:13:58,147
What do you think of this one?
241
00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,162
Yeah, it's wicked.
242
00:14:10,086 --> 00:14:11,495
You ever been to a strip club, Steve?
243
00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:15,747
Nah. I'd feel like a plonker.
244
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,622
It's so expensive, innit, Dad?
245
00:14:17,632 --> 00:14:20,722
You pay all that money, and they're
just Polish birds with dykey hair.
246
00:14:20,801 --> 00:14:22,678
She did have very dykey hair!
247
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:24,293
- Dykey hair?
- Yeah.
248
00:14:24,914 --> 00:14:27,577
- Oh, is that a phrase?
- Yeah. Dykey hair. Innit, Dad?
249
00:14:27,578 --> 00:14:29,536
Yeah. Hair like a dyke.
250
00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:33,668
SlIdes It through to
RIchardson. Challenge y MortImer.
251
00:14:37,136 --> 00:14:38,818
It's much cheaper to get a whore.
252
00:14:41,603 --> 00:14:43,203
- Is it?
- Yeah.
253
00:14:43,204 --> 00:14:44,800
They're not as attractive
as the strippers.
254
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,722
- They're a lot more
weather-beaten. - Yeah.
255
00:14:48,686 --> 00:14:50,218
But they'll do anything for heroin.
256
00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:55,698
Imagine this on the train.
257
00:14:56,316 --> 00:14:58,290
Imagine me doing this on the train!
258
00:14:59,616 --> 00:15:00,722
Yeah.
259
00:15:01,082 --> 00:15:03,952
I'd basically become the most
famous person on the train, Becks.
260
00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,874
And everyone'll know who I am.
261
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,799
He's a natural! He's got funny bones!
262
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,220
Yeah, he's proper funny!
263
00:15:14,093 --> 00:15:16,494
- Who's that?
- Oh, Ollie.
264
00:15:17,062 --> 00:15:19,250
- Ollie...?
- We don't know his surname.
265
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,809
Just started driving
the 357. The black fella.
266
00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:24,955
Oh, yeah. With the voices!
267
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,115
Yeah, that's him.
268
00:15:28,116 --> 00:15:29,548
They ought to get him to teach the other
drivers how to make travelling more fun.
269
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,281
- He's a natural.
- It's great, innit?
270
00:15:32,282 --> 00:15:34,503
Black people are always fun.
271
00:15:38,061 --> 00:15:39,076
What?
272
00:15:39,477 --> 00:15:40,634
What does that mean?
273
00:15:43,338 --> 00:15:47,070
Well, not...not in a racist
way. I mean it as a good thing.
274
00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,443
How can it be a good thing?
275
00:15:49,885 --> 00:15:51,249
Well, it's a compliment.
276
00:15:52,561 --> 00:15:54,573
Oi, how can it be racist
if it's a compliment?
277
00:15:54,804 --> 00:15:56,269
Yeah, but what do you mean?
278
00:15:57,326 --> 00:15:58,588
I don't mean anything.
279
00:15:59,493 --> 00:16:01,300
How are black people fun?
280
00:16:01,555 --> 00:16:04,718
Well, Kriss Akabusi. He's fun.
281
00:16:06,388 --> 00:16:08,949
Erm...Nelson Mandela,
he's...he's really fun.
282
00:16:08,984 --> 00:16:11,717
He's always smiling and waving and shit.
283
00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:13,563
Trevor McDonald.
284
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,385
He's the most fun
newsreader of his generation.
285
00:16:16,412 --> 00:16:19,510
Steve's got a point. Trevor
McDonald is proper funny.
286
00:16:19,825 --> 00:16:22,437
He done that dance on Children In Need.
287
00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:24,500
- Yeah? What about Moira Stuart, then?
- Good one!
288
00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:26,089
This is getting silly!
289
00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:29,180
Clearly I didn't mean all black people
are fun just because they're black!
290
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:36,506
And stood all around were about
half a... six men all watching.
291
00:16:36,507 --> 00:16:38,190
Six is the number of the devil, Becks.
292
00:16:39,281 --> 00:16:40,310
OK,
293
00:16:40,886 --> 00:16:45,719
all watching Lee shagging me over a bin.
294
00:16:45,745 --> 00:16:47,398
- Lee?!
- I know.
295
00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:51,348
And Lee looked him
in the eye and said...
296
00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:53,895
''Awooga.''
297
00:16:57,847 --> 00:16:59,777
Why was he doing you over a bin?
298
00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:04,274
- I don't know.
- It's so uncomfortable over a bin!
299
00:17:05,584 --> 00:17:09,380
Oh, I'm obviously not a racist, so
can we please just watch the football?
300
00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:11,584
Define what you mean by fun.
301
00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:13,855
Yeah, cos I find this offensive,
and I'm not even black.
302
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,207
I don't believe this!
303
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,329
What's going on?
304
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:20,277
- It's Steve. He keeps saying...
- OK, it's nothing! It's nothing.
305
00:17:25,159 --> 00:17:26,188
Steve?
306
00:17:26,889 --> 00:17:28,198
Sorry. Sorry.
307
00:17:30,705 --> 00:17:33,899
- Barney was saying about Ollie...
- We don't know his surname.
308
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,534
Ollie drives a bus. Sometimes
has a moustache. Black.
309
00:17:37,037 --> 00:17:38,250
Careful, Steve.
310
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:41,438
Anyway, he's adopted. Paul was
telling us his unfortunate news.
311
00:17:41,439 --> 00:17:42,718
We got talking about Ollie.
312
00:17:42,719 --> 00:17:45,509
I said he's started driving a
bus, and he makes it a fun bus.
313
00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:47,717
He makes fun announcements on his bus.
314
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:51,058
Like when he speaks over the Tannoy,
he does an impression of Donald Duck!
315
00:17:51,269 --> 00:17:54,293
- Right. And sometimes he wears a hat!
- And Steve said...
316
00:17:54,294 --> 00:17:57,140
All I said was, and
not in a racist way...
317
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,723
All I said was it's because sometimes
318
00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:02,080
some black people can sometimes be fun.
319
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,930
- That's not what you said!
- Get out, you lying shit!
320
00:18:04,970 --> 00:18:07,370
You said ''are''. ''Are always fun.''
321
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,820
Always whatever! I got it wrong, OK?
322
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:12,520
I was distracted cos
I was looking through...
323
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,250
- Looking through what?
- Nothing!
324
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,890
I'm not a racist!
325
00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,480
OK. Let's just watch the football.
326
00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:23,880
They're not fun, Steve.
They're a very serious race.
327
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:28,010
I didn't... I didn't mean to be racist.
328
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,730
No one means to be racist, Steve.
329
00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:31,790
Can we just watch the football?!
330
00:18:31,990 --> 00:18:34,160
Steve's not a racist!
331
00:18:34,210 --> 00:18:36,170
Plays a cute lIttle all to KIey...
332
00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:41,640
Thank you.
333
00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:43,250
He fancies Halle Berry.
334
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,360
Do ya?
335
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:45,720
Yeah.
336
00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:46,570
Oh. Should have said.
337
00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:49,440
- That's all right, then. We fancy her.
- Yeah!
338
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:53,330
And Whoopi Goldberg.
339
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,640
- Oh, mate!
- Becky!
340
00:18:55,690 --> 00:18:58,410
- Steve!
- No, not... Not now!
341
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:04,000
She... She was really
hot in The Color Purple.
342
00:19:12,170 --> 00:19:14,020
Hi, Shelly. Did you get my text?
343
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,370
Yeah, he's adopted.
344
00:19:17,170 --> 00:19:20,010
His real mother gave
him up at birth. Mmm.
345
00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:23,250
She was 15, and a bit
of a slag, if I'm honest.
346
00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:27,690
No one knows who his real dad was because
she was doing about five boys at once.
347
00:19:27,730 --> 00:19:28,840
Laura...
348
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:34,360
Well, I mean, they're a very loving
family, but Paul never fitted in.
349
00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:36,600
- I guess now we know why.
- Laura!
350
00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:38,720
Laur, do you wanna take it outside?
351
00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:41,100
Well, the fact of the matter is, Shelly,
352
00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:43,570
his pretend mum didn't have a womb.
353
00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:44,660
Laura!
354
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:47,170
Sorry, Shell. Steve's
being a sexist prick.
355
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,390
I'll call you back later.
356
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:50,680
Ooh, did you get my
text about my new hair?
357
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,150
Yeah, but with clips.
358
00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,080
Laura...please!
359
00:19:54,130 --> 00:19:57,250
All right. Bye, Shell. Bye!
360
00:19:58,970 --> 00:20:01,650
- 0h, the keeper's spIlled ItI
- Oh, Jesus! How did he drop that?
361
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:04,160
Dreadful! My mum could have caught that!
362
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,090
Sorry, Steve, or should I say awooga?
363
00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:14,160
- Did you tell her?
- Course not.
364
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,610
- If you've told her...
- Answer the door.
365
00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:26,970
- Oh!
- Sorry! I got up too quick.
366
00:20:27,030 --> 00:20:29,680
Seriously, it's like
going out with a child.
367
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,880
That's a foul, Dad!
368
00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:39,060
Hi. Is Barney there?
369
00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:42,000
Yeah. Come in. Come in. I'm Steve.
370
00:20:42,050 --> 00:20:44,520
- Nice to meet you, Steve.
- Hi.
371
00:20:46,690 --> 00:20:47,920
Gay Allen's here.
372
00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:55,410
Hello, love. Everyone, this is Gay.
373
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,720
Gay, everyone. You know my dad.
374
00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:00,040
- Hi, everyone. Hi, Mike.
- You all right, sweetheart?
375
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:03,130
- My boy treating you right?
- Yeah, he's lovely!
376
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:05,190
I taught him everything he knows.
377
00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:08,040
- Oh! Oh, that's a
corner! - It's nil-nil.
378
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:10,200
Great! Well, there's
everything to play for.
379
00:21:10,340 --> 00:21:12,870
You seem like a nice and
polite young lady, Gaynor.
380
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:13,990
Thank you.
381
00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:16,200
It's nice to see Barney
with a decent human being.
382
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:18,240
Not like that fat slob, Michelle.
383
00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:22,650
- What do you do, love?
- She's a nurse, in't ya, darling?
384
00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:25,370
Not quite. Do you know
Whipps Cross Hospital?
385
00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:27,600
- I was born there.
- We all were.
386
00:21:27,860 --> 00:21:29,290
Oh, that's nice.
387
00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,640
Well, I sort of help out
on the children's ward,
388
00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:34,160
looking after the kids,
cheering them up, having fun.
389
00:21:36,890 --> 00:21:37,650
What?
390
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,870
So, do you know anything
about RSI? I get it in my arms.
391
00:21:40,950 --> 00:21:43,490
I've told you, go and
see a doctor about it.
392
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:46,190
Yes, I know, but I thought Gaynor
might have overheard a surgeon
393
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,840
or a nurse talking about
it on the children's ward.
394
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:49,920
I'm afraid not.
395
00:21:49,970 --> 00:21:54,290
I'm usually dressed like a clown,
or doing a silly dance to amuse 'em!
396
00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:56,440
Oh, well done. That's very noble of you.
397
00:21:56,470 --> 00:21:59,370
Oh, I don't know about that.
We just have a lot of fun.
398
00:22:01,730 --> 00:22:02,600
What?
399
00:22:02,850 --> 00:22:05,570
- Steve's got this theory, Gay.
- Er, it's not a theory.
400
00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:07,920
That black people are always fun.
401
00:22:10,670 --> 00:22:14,380
It was a joke. It was an anti-racist
comment, and I've apologised for it.
402
00:22:14,430 --> 00:22:16,830
We all find his opinions despicable.
403
00:22:17,860 --> 00:22:19,970
Well, he's got a point, in a way.
404
00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,760
OK, but I wasn't trying to make a point.
405
00:22:21,810 --> 00:22:23,810
It's not that black people are fun.
406
00:22:23,850 --> 00:22:26,300
It's just that white
people are all so boring!
407
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:52,040
Gaynor, this is Paul, my fiancé.
408
00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:54,970
- Oh, congratulations!
- Thank you.
409
00:22:55,270 --> 00:22:56,240
Hi, Paul.
410
00:22:58,860 --> 00:23:01,680
Just so you know, normally
he's the life and soul,
411
00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:05,690
but he's very sad at the moment,
cos he's just found out he's adopted.
412
00:23:08,830 --> 00:23:10,750
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
413
00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,010
Thanks.
414
00:23:14,070 --> 00:23:16,350
Er, do you want a... do
you want a drink, Gay?
415
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,000
- Yeah? Lager?
- That'd be lovely!
416
00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:20,750
Give me two of them
and I'll be anyone's!
417
00:23:20,810 --> 00:23:23,620
You better get her three, then!
418
00:23:23,710 --> 00:23:25,180
Are you gonna help me, Becks?
419
00:23:26,210 --> 00:23:28,560
Why do you need help
getting a can out the fridge?
420
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:30,700
Becks?
421
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:48,040
She waves when she says hello, even
though they're sat right in front of her!
422
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,970
Are you being racist again?
423
00:23:51,810 --> 00:23:53,840
No! I can't...
424
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,690
It would annoy me whatever
colour her skin was!
425
00:23:56,850 --> 00:23:58,970
It annoys me when my nan does it.
426
00:23:59,610 --> 00:24:01,670
I can't believe everyone
thinks I'm a racist.
427
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,960
Well, if you don't want everyone
to think you're a racist,
428
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,360
then you shouldn't say racist things.
429
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,730
I'm not a racist! I'm not.
430
00:24:25,370 --> 00:24:27,640
- Becky.
- Oh, don't use that voice.
431
00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:29,720
What voice?
432
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,450
''Becky.''
433
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,710
- I need to ask you something.
- It's not about Lee, is it?
434
00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:37,410
No, of course it's not!
435
00:24:37,830 --> 00:24:39,397
Did you have sex with Lee on a bin?
436
00:24:39,398 --> 00:24:41,500
Or near a bin? Or, like, using a bin?
437
00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:43,760
Or shouting, ''Awooga!''
while six men watched?
438
00:24:45,990 --> 00:24:49,500
Oh, you absolute donkey!
How did you miss that?
439
00:24:50,650 --> 00:24:52,760
You were three yards out!
440
00:24:52,810 --> 00:24:54,560
My gran could do better than that.
441
00:24:57,020 --> 00:25:02,500
Shut up about your stupid dream,
and let's watch the football.
442
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,160
Yeah.
443
00:25:20,890 --> 00:25:23,200
Oh, did you see Laura's dykey hair?
444
00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:27,040
When did ''dykey hair''
suddenly become a phrase?
445
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:32,186
Mike tried to finger a stripper.
446
00:25:32,187 --> 00:25:33,090
I don't wanna know!
447
00:25:35,010 --> 00:25:37,970
It's still nil-nil.
Yeah, missed a penalty.
448
00:25:39,190 --> 00:25:40,530
Gay.
449
00:25:54,890 --> 00:25:57,540
SmIth wIth a long, long throw
450
00:25:57,630 --> 00:26:00,480
that Johnson knocks ack
to SmIth. SmIth to Hunt.
451
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,920
MortImer. Arnell.
452
00:26:04,370 --> 00:26:09,040
Ball to Jackson. Jackson
knocked It down under pressure.
453
00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:14,760
I used your shower gels,
bubble bath. I hope that's OK.
454
00:26:15,820 --> 00:26:17,720
- Yeah, course.
- Thanks.
455
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,000
Brushed me teeth.
456
00:26:27,290 --> 00:26:28,320
What's the score?
457
00:26:28,690 --> 00:26:30,840
It's nil-nil, but we
missed loads of chances.
458
00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,450
Woy!
459
00:26:34,870 --> 00:26:37,120
Dan, just so you know,
460
00:26:37,170 --> 00:26:40,370
because everyone else
knows, Paul's adopted.
461
00:26:40,690 --> 00:26:41,410
Bad luck, mate.
462
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,520
Yeah, let's not get into
that one again, though, eh?
463
00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:45,970
OK.
464
00:26:47,380 --> 00:26:48,222
It's not a bad thing.
465
00:26:48,223 --> 00:26:50,020
Loads of famous people are adopted.
466
00:26:50,170 --> 00:26:51,970
Let's just leave it, yeah?
467
00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,090
Yeah. Of course.
468
00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:03,040
Like who?
469
00:27:03,090 --> 00:27:04,320
Marilyn Monroe.
470
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,280
- Was she?
- Yep.
471
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,850
- Bill Clinton.
- Really?
472
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:08,990
Yeah.
473
00:27:09,270 --> 00:27:12,080
- Jesus.
- You're in good company, Paul.
474
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,090
Just cos his mother rejects him
doesn't mean everyone else will. Yeah.
475
00:27:17,180 --> 00:27:20,040
- Go on! Go on!
- Come on!
476
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,730
Quality! Yes!
477
00:27:25,540 --> 00:27:26,840
Go on, you!
478
00:27:28,270 --> 00:27:30,210
Oh, what a goal!
479
00:27:30,260 --> 00:27:34,810
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