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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,854 --> 00:00:02,892 And Jackson keeps the all In play. 2 00:00:02,893 --> 00:00:04,451 Oh, that's a corner! 3 00:00:04,452 --> 00:00:06,316 It's gathered y McMahon. 4 00:00:06,502 --> 00:00:10,339 ThIs Is NutfIeld to Hunter. Hunter now to Ross Young. 5 00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:13,513 Young skIps past MortImer, takes It to the ylIne. 6 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,673 - Oh, bloody hell! - Jesus! 7 00:00:15,674 --> 00:00:16,775 How did he miss that? 8 00:00:16,776 --> 00:00:19,243 No one went up with him. Did you see that, Dad? 9 00:00:19,244 --> 00:00:20,578 My old mum could have scored that. 10 00:00:20,579 --> 00:00:23,686 He receIves the all y the halfway lIne, and kIcks It forward. 11 00:00:23,783 --> 00:00:28,712 It's headed ack y RIchardson. And Cross spreads the play out wIde to HIll. 12 00:00:28,713 --> 00:00:32,677 HIll... Lovely slIdIng tackle from SmIthI 13 00:00:32,837 --> 00:00:34,782 Does anyone remember 9/11? 14 00:00:34,783 --> 00:00:38,013 Just two yards Into hIs own half. 15 00:00:38,014 --> 00:00:41,168 Yeah, It's the long all forward, Isn't It? 16 00:00:43,883 --> 00:00:45,726 Steve? 17 00:00:46,890 --> 00:00:49,519 - What? - Do you remember 9/11? 18 00:00:50,377 --> 00:00:53,137 Yeah, of course I remember 9/11. 19 00:00:53,138 --> 00:00:56,561 Well, me and Paul watched this documentary last night on the internet, 20 00:00:56,562 --> 00:00:58,556 and, apparently, it was all a hoax. 21 00:00:58,557 --> 00:01:01,559 Laura...I'm trying to watch the match. 22 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,786 - Foul! - Dad, did you see that? 23 00:01:03,787 --> 00:01:06,813 - That was a foul! - Oh, off, off, off! 24 00:01:06,814 --> 00:01:08,947 Fat brick of shit, ref! 25 00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:11,718 Should have sent him off. 26 00:01:15,537 --> 00:01:19,612 Apparently, George W Bush faked the whole of 9/11, 27 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,734 because of oil, and for his dad, 28 00:01:21,735 --> 00:01:24,030 who's also called George W Bush. 29 00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:28,822 ..also gettIng Involved wIth that one. And It's WIlkInson who has the all now. 30 00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:32,057 WIlkInson challenged y RIchardson. 31 00:01:32,958 --> 00:01:36,504 The two players on thIs eautIful pItch... 32 00:01:39,127 --> 00:01:43,006 And all the people jumping out of the planes 33 00:01:43,007 --> 00:01:45,813 were actors or stuntmen. 34 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,780 You know, people trained at jumping out of buildings. 35 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:54,210 I wouldn't be surprised if Prince Philip had a hand in it. 36 00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:56,595 - After what he did to Diana. - Laura! 37 00:01:56,904 --> 00:01:59,506 We're trying to watch the football! 38 00:01:59,507 --> 00:02:01,450 All right, Steve, we're all trying to watch the football. 39 00:02:01,451 --> 00:02:04,108 I can't... I can't hear the commentary! 40 00:02:04,109 --> 00:02:05,578 No one likes the commentary. 41 00:02:05,579 --> 00:02:09,178 - I do! - OK, Steve. Stop showing off. 42 00:02:15,817 --> 00:02:18,998 - Come on! Come on! - Go on, son! Go on! 43 00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:25,348 It'll be a goal kick to City, and the score remains 0-0. 44 00:02:38,446 --> 00:02:39,962 Sorry. 45 00:02:41,683 --> 00:02:43,319 Wing it! 46 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:44,917 Hiya. 47 00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:50,368 Yeah. Yeah, course. 48 00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:54,173 Cool. It's near the Goose, behind the KFC they burnt down. 49 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,521 Becks, do you wanna check on the pizzas? 50 00:02:56,522 --> 00:02:59,569 - How was work? - Why can't you do it? 51 00:03:00,917 --> 00:03:03,180 - How was work? - You're better at it than I am. 52 00:03:03,181 --> 00:03:04,878 I can't hear you. You're cutting out. 53 00:03:04,879 --> 00:03:07,403 Well, I don't live here. I'm not checking on the oven. 54 00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:10,965 OK. We'll both do it. 55 00:03:10,966 --> 00:03:14,539 - That was nice! That was very nice! - I still can't hear you. 56 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,124 Yeah, yeah. That's better. 57 00:03:17,424 --> 00:03:19,476 Yeah. Sorry, Steve, what number are you? 58 00:03:19,477 --> 00:03:23,198 - Er, number 12, flat B. - It's number 12, flat B. 59 00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:28,652 All right. OK. All right! See you in a bit! 60 00:03:29,352 --> 00:03:31,832 Sorry! She's such a laugh! 61 00:03:32,064 --> 00:03:34,467 - Who was that? - Gay. A girl I met at Faces. 62 00:03:34,468 --> 00:03:35,591 - Is she coming over? - Yeah, yeah. 63 00:03:35,592 --> 00:03:40,893 - Sorry. I didn't quite catch her name. - Gay. Yeah, Gay. Gaynor. 64 00:03:40,894 --> 00:03:42,377 Gaynor what? 65 00:03:42,378 --> 00:03:44,291 Allen. 66 00:03:46,825 --> 00:03:49,961 You're going out with someone called Gay Allen! 67 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,792 What's your problem? 68 00:03:54,672 --> 00:03:57,942 No, nothing. It's fine. 69 00:04:04,713 --> 00:04:07,442 I think I'll refer to her as Gaynor. 70 00:04:07,773 --> 00:04:09,610 Ross Young trIes to flIck It out. 71 00:04:11,389 --> 00:04:13,477 Gay Allen? 72 00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,936 Why won't you let me touch your tit? 73 00:04:16,937 --> 00:04:18,927 Why were you shouting at Laura? 74 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,697 She's the most annoying person in the history of the human race! 75 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:26,321 She's not annoying, Steve. She's my sister. 76 00:04:27,214 --> 00:04:29,989 If the Nazis designed an annoying person... 77 00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:31,715 What's wrong with you today? 78 00:04:33,611 --> 00:04:35,169 Why won't you let me touch your tit? 79 00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:37,070 Can't touch my tit in front of my sister. 80 00:04:37,071 --> 00:04:38,788 But I wanted to touch your tit. 81 00:04:38,789 --> 00:04:42,591 I don't care. It's my tit. I decide who gets to touch it. 82 00:04:46,614 --> 00:04:50,195 What? I like Skittles. 83 00:04:50,196 --> 00:04:52,236 What's wrong with you today? 84 00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:01,771 I had a dream about you, and I don't know what to do. 85 00:05:01,772 --> 00:05:03,512 That rhymed. 86 00:05:03,610 --> 00:05:06,304 - Becky! - It was just a dream. 87 00:05:06,535 --> 00:05:08,659 It didn't seem like it at the time. 88 00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:10,386 - Ye... Ohh! - Oh, come on! 89 00:05:10,387 --> 00:05:12,913 - I was trying to find something. - Can this wait till after the match? 90 00:05:12,914 --> 00:05:15,157 I had this elephant, for some reason, and I'd lost it. 91 00:05:15,158 --> 00:05:17,837 - How can you lose an elephant? - And I looked up... 92 00:05:18,963 --> 00:05:25,701 ..and you were getting shagged by your ex-boyfriend, Lee, over a bin! 93 00:05:26,401 --> 00:05:27,623 It's not funny. There was half a dozen men standing around watching. 94 00:05:28,624 --> 00:05:30,971 Just say six. 95 00:05:30,972 --> 00:05:32,663 And he... and he looked me in the eye, 96 00:05:33,197 --> 00:05:38,078 and he had this cigar outside of his mouth, and this massive grin. 97 00:05:38,079 --> 00:05:40,593 And he looked me in the eye, and... 98 00:05:40,609 --> 00:05:42,613 and he said, ''Awooga.'' 99 00:05:43,972 --> 00:05:45,389 He... 100 00:05:45,925 --> 00:05:48,174 He said awooga? 101 00:05:48,175 --> 00:05:50,227 Yeah. Awooga. 102 00:05:50,228 --> 00:05:53,078 - As in Kriss Akabusi... - Kriss Akabusi's catchphrase, yeah. 103 00:05:53,079 --> 00:05:56,541 OK. OK, I'm gonna watch the football. You're being ridiculous. 104 00:05:56,542 --> 00:06:00,697 It was horrible! You were really enjoying it. 105 00:06:09,207 --> 00:06:10,875 Hello, Paul, mate. Come in. Nil-nil. 106 00:06:10,876 --> 00:06:13,928 - Laura! - That was right in my ear! 107 00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,610 Hello, handsome. What do you think of my hair? 108 00:06:20,611 --> 00:06:22,517 I need a word. 109 00:06:27,618 --> 00:06:30,281 Saint and Greavsie. That's what this world lacks. 110 00:06:30,282 --> 00:06:31,552 Yeah, definitely. 111 00:06:31,553 --> 00:06:34,391 Two footballers, or ex-footballers, who are mates in real life, 112 00:06:34,392 --> 00:06:35,640 and make a programme about it. 113 00:06:35,641 --> 00:06:38,697 Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle sat on a sofa, banging the world to rights. 114 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,600 Ah, brilliant. And Venables. 115 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,074 Oh, I'd love to go for a drink with Venables. 116 00:06:44,075 --> 00:06:46,310 Here, Dad, were Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle actually mates, 117 00:06:46,311 --> 00:06:47,930 or was it just cos their names rhymed? 118 00:06:47,931 --> 00:06:51,339 They were mates. I think they had a sport shop together. 119 00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,948 Steve's mum saw them in there once, didn't she? 120 00:06:56,394 --> 00:07:00,318 - Are you going through my phone? - No. 121 00:07:00,713 --> 00:07:02,735 Your mum met Glenn Hoddle, didn't she? 122 00:07:02,736 --> 00:07:04,631 Yeah, at his sport shop. 123 00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,914 I think he...co-owned it with Chris Waddle. 124 00:07:07,915 --> 00:07:10,311 So why is my phone face down? 125 00:07:10,312 --> 00:07:12,549 I never leave it face down. It scratches the screen. 126 00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:14,836 What's wrong with you? I haven't touched your phone. 127 00:07:14,837 --> 00:07:16,623 Has he? 128 00:07:17,542 --> 00:07:21,479 - I didn't see him. - He weren't looking at nothing. 129 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,774 OK. Sorry. 130 00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,673 Is this gonna be another one of your grudges? 131 00:07:25,674 --> 00:07:28,151 No, it's fine. Sorry. 132 00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:33,339 The all Is played out left to Toller... 133 00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:35,219 - Wing it! - Far post! 134 00:07:35,220 --> 00:07:38,136 - JohnsonI - Oh, he's hit the bar! 135 00:07:38,723 --> 00:07:42,455 - So you are looking through my phone. - No! Course not! 136 00:07:42,709 --> 00:07:45,401 Just checking to see if the screen's scratched. 137 00:07:45,402 --> 00:07:47,481 - Is it? - No! 138 00:07:47,482 --> 00:07:49,175 Thank God. 139 00:07:49,176 --> 00:07:50,963 Good. 140 00:07:54,967 --> 00:07:57,955 It just looked like you were going through my phone. 141 00:07:57,956 --> 00:07:59,643 Why would I do that? 142 00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:03,153 I dunno. Probably looking for texts from Lee. 143 00:08:04,106 --> 00:08:06,254 Why would Lee be texting you? 144 00:08:07,866 --> 00:08:09,826 You better get that. 145 00:08:10,702 --> 00:08:13,523 - Have you been texting Lee? - No! Course not. 146 00:08:16,183 --> 00:08:18,756 Good. Well, I haven't been going through your phone, OK? 147 00:08:18,757 --> 00:08:20,885 I'm not a bloody mentalist! 148 00:08:31,229 --> 00:08:32,876 We've just hit the bar! 149 00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:45,426 Steve, kitchen now. Becky, we're having a family conference. 150 00:08:45,427 --> 00:08:47,063 I'm watching the football. 151 00:08:47,064 --> 00:08:48,910 - Book him, ref! - Ref, book him! 152 00:08:48,911 --> 00:08:50,266 Referee! 153 00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:53,781 What's more important? Family or football? 154 00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:57,308 - Family. - Thank you. 155 00:08:57,309 --> 00:08:59,433 You can watch the highlights. 156 00:09:13,448 --> 00:09:16,494 OK, Becks, Steve... Where's Steve? 157 00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:17,740 I'm here. 158 00:09:17,741 --> 00:09:19,342 OK, Steve, sit down. 159 00:09:20,878 --> 00:09:22,673 Paul's got something he needs to tell you. 160 00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:27,874 In your own time. 161 00:09:31,069 --> 00:09:32,827 Is it Luke? 162 00:09:33,034 --> 00:09:35,176 Luke's fine. 163 00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:37,326 Go on. Say it, Paul. 164 00:09:38,388 --> 00:09:39,469 I'm... 165 00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,362 It's all right, mate. Come on. 166 00:09:44,588 --> 00:09:45,888 Hurry up and say it, Paul. 167 00:09:52,184 --> 00:09:53,284 I'm... 168 00:09:56,186 --> 00:09:57,388 I'm adopted. 169 00:09:58,517 --> 00:09:59,660 He's adopted. 170 00:10:01,617 --> 00:10:03,436 He found out this afternoon, didn't you? 171 00:10:03,453 --> 00:10:06,294 - He had a showdown with his mum. - She's not my mum. 172 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,780 He had a showdown with his ex-mum. 173 00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:13,913 I've been lied to my entire life by these ugly fucking bullshitters! 174 00:10:15,342 --> 00:10:17,446 Oh...I really feel for you, Paul. 175 00:10:17,673 --> 00:10:18,793 Thanks, Becks. 176 00:10:23,938 --> 00:10:26,887 Yeah, I'm...I'm really sorry to hear about it, too, mate. 177 00:10:26,888 --> 00:10:28,978 - Thanks, mate. - Thanks, Steve. 178 00:10:30,295 --> 00:10:32,126 I trashed their fucking house. Wankers! 179 00:10:32,127 --> 00:10:33,218 Well, the pizzas are ready. 180 00:10:40,070 --> 00:10:41,734 My real mum put me up for adoption as soon as I was born. 181 00:10:42,668 --> 00:10:45,682 She was 15! 182 00:10:46,131 --> 00:10:47,417 It's really awful, Becks. Sounds like his mum was a right slut. 183 00:10:48,153 --> 00:10:52,035 Hmm. 184 00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:58,471 There's a hole inside me. 185 00:10:58,882 --> 00:11:02,218 He means an emotional hole, not an actual one. 186 00:11:03,804 --> 00:11:05,823 I mean, like, who is Paul? 187 00:11:06,259 --> 00:11:09,817 You know, it's probably not even my real name. 188 00:11:11,485 --> 00:11:15,009 I'm a nobody. A nothing. 189 00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,293 A nothing. 190 00:11:19,794 --> 00:11:22,193 Steve, stop looking at the pizzas! 191 00:11:22,905 --> 00:11:25,524 Sorry! I can smell 'em. 192 00:11:25,636 --> 00:11:29,290 - For God's sake, Steve, I'm in crisis! - Yeah, but I had an early lunch. 193 00:11:29,768 --> 00:11:32,234 Nobody fucking cares, do they?! 194 00:11:39,602 --> 00:11:42,338 - So what if he's adopted? - Get over it! 195 00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,467 It's not worth missing the football for. 196 00:11:50,651 --> 00:11:52,095 I'd love to be adopted. 197 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:55,225 I'd find my real parents, make them feel guilty, 198 00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:57,008 and just get 'em to buy me stuff. 199 00:11:57,702 --> 00:12:00,909 Yeah! Make 'em feel awful! 200 00:12:01,940 --> 00:12:03,596 I'd at least get a dinner out of it. 201 00:12:06,781 --> 00:12:08,080 Oh, how's it going, Paul? 202 00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:09,934 It's just a lie, Becky. 203 00:12:09,962 --> 00:12:12,079 It's just a lifetime of lies. 204 00:12:15,264 --> 00:12:16,585 Come on, County! 205 00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,647 So sorry to hear about all that, mate. It's awful. 206 00:12:20,530 --> 00:12:23,141 Listen, why don't we have some beers and pizza? 207 00:12:23,148 --> 00:12:24,715 Hey? Watch the match? Take your mind off it. 208 00:12:25,016 --> 00:12:27,653 It's a good match. 209 00:12:29,877 --> 00:12:32,428 I'll lend you a Morse DVD, if you like. 210 00:12:35,202 --> 00:12:37,428 - Yeah, all right, then. - Good. 211 00:12:37,429 --> 00:12:40,445 Now you go through and have some pizza with the lads, 212 00:12:40,446 --> 00:12:42,515 and I'll download a ringtone with Becks. 213 00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:44,730 - Or we could watch the football. - No. 214 00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:45,757 OK. 215 00:12:45,758 --> 00:12:48,413 I need a new ringtone, Becks. I've had this one for a week. 216 00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:51,421 OK. 217 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,967 I'm so proud of Paul. He's handling it so well. 218 00:12:56,419 --> 00:12:58,129 How do I get onto the internet? 219 00:12:58,613 --> 00:13:00,741 Er, Steve usually steals it from Dan. 220 00:13:01,358 --> 00:13:02,488 What's his password? 221 00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:05,197 Dan loves milfs. All one word. 222 00:13:05,383 --> 00:13:07,076 - Danlovesmilfs? - Yeah. 223 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,845 It didn't take us long to guess it. 224 00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:12,942 A decent-lookIng all, and that could have gone anywhere. 225 00:13:12,995 --> 00:13:14,060 You all right, Paul? 226 00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:16,717 Yeah. 227 00:13:17,233 --> 00:13:18,761 How's things at Ryman's? 228 00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,179 We ran out of staplers. 229 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:23,433 Oh, right. 230 00:13:24,234 --> 00:13:26,018 We ordered some more in. 231 00:13:27,365 --> 00:13:28,935 Thank God for that, eh? 232 00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,920 We went to a strip club last night, didn't we, Dad? 233 00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:35,133 Mm. Yeah. 234 00:13:37,648 --> 00:13:39,902 Oh, he should have scored that! He should have scored! 235 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,382 Donkey! 236 00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:47,119 Yeah, it was one of those ones where you pay 'em a little bit extra, 237 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,862 - and they let you touch 'em. Didn't they? - Yeah. 238 00:13:49,031 --> 00:13:51,516 You can touch their tits, arse, legs. 239 00:13:51,517 --> 00:13:53,800 I tried to stick my finger in, she punched me in the eye. 240 00:13:56,893 --> 00:13:58,147 What do you think of this one? 241 00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,162 Yeah, it's wicked. 242 00:14:10,086 --> 00:14:11,495 You ever been to a strip club, Steve? 243 00:14:13,567 --> 00:14:15,747 Nah. I'd feel like a plonker. 244 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,622 It's so expensive, innit, Dad? 245 00:14:17,632 --> 00:14:20,722 You pay all that money, and they're just Polish birds with dykey hair. 246 00:14:20,801 --> 00:14:22,678 She did have very dykey hair! 247 00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:24,293 - Dykey hair? - Yeah. 248 00:14:24,914 --> 00:14:27,577 - Oh, is that a phrase? - Yeah. Dykey hair. Innit, Dad? 249 00:14:27,578 --> 00:14:29,536 Yeah. Hair like a dyke. 250 00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:33,668 SlIdes It through to RIchardson. Challenge y MortImer. 251 00:14:37,136 --> 00:14:38,818 It's much cheaper to get a whore. 252 00:14:41,603 --> 00:14:43,203 - Is it? - Yeah. 253 00:14:43,204 --> 00:14:44,800 They're not as attractive as the strippers. 254 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,722 - They're a lot more weather-beaten. - Yeah. 255 00:14:48,686 --> 00:14:50,218 But they'll do anything for heroin. 256 00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:55,698 Imagine this on the train. 257 00:14:56,316 --> 00:14:58,290 Imagine me doing this on the train! 258 00:14:59,616 --> 00:15:00,722 Yeah. 259 00:15:01,082 --> 00:15:03,952 I'd basically become the most famous person on the train, Becks. 260 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,874 And everyone'll know who I am. 261 00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:11,799 He's a natural! He's got funny bones! 262 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,220 Yeah, he's proper funny! 263 00:15:14,093 --> 00:15:16,494 - Who's that? - Oh, Ollie. 264 00:15:17,062 --> 00:15:19,250 - Ollie...? - We don't know his surname. 265 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,809 Just started driving the 357. The black fella. 266 00:15:21,810 --> 00:15:24,955 Oh, yeah. With the voices! 267 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,115 Yeah, that's him. 268 00:15:28,116 --> 00:15:29,548 They ought to get him to teach the other drivers how to make travelling more fun. 269 00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:32,281 - He's a natural. - It's great, innit? 270 00:15:32,282 --> 00:15:34,503 Black people are always fun. 271 00:15:38,061 --> 00:15:39,076 What? 272 00:15:39,477 --> 00:15:40,634 What does that mean? 273 00:15:43,338 --> 00:15:47,070 Well, not...not in a racist way. I mean it as a good thing. 274 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,443 How can it be a good thing? 275 00:15:49,885 --> 00:15:51,249 Well, it's a compliment. 276 00:15:52,561 --> 00:15:54,573 Oi, how can it be racist if it's a compliment? 277 00:15:54,804 --> 00:15:56,269 Yeah, but what do you mean? 278 00:15:57,326 --> 00:15:58,588 I don't mean anything. 279 00:15:59,493 --> 00:16:01,300 How are black people fun? 280 00:16:01,555 --> 00:16:04,718 Well, Kriss Akabusi. He's fun. 281 00:16:06,388 --> 00:16:08,949 Erm...Nelson Mandela, he's...he's really fun. 282 00:16:08,984 --> 00:16:11,717 He's always smiling and waving and shit. 283 00:16:12,515 --> 00:16:13,563 Trevor McDonald. 284 00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,385 He's the most fun newsreader of his generation. 285 00:16:16,412 --> 00:16:19,510 Steve's got a point. Trevor McDonald is proper funny. 286 00:16:19,825 --> 00:16:22,437 He done that dance on Children In Need. 287 00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:24,500 - Yeah? What about Moira Stuart, then? - Good one! 288 00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:26,089 This is getting silly! 289 00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:29,180 Clearly I didn't mean all black people are fun just because they're black! 290 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:36,506 And stood all around were about half a... six men all watching. 291 00:16:36,507 --> 00:16:38,190 Six is the number of the devil, Becks. 292 00:16:39,281 --> 00:16:40,310 OK, 293 00:16:40,886 --> 00:16:45,719 all watching Lee shagging me over a bin. 294 00:16:45,745 --> 00:16:47,398 - Lee?! - I know. 295 00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:51,348 And Lee looked him in the eye and said... 296 00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:53,895 ''Awooga.'' 297 00:16:57,847 --> 00:16:59,777 Why was he doing you over a bin? 298 00:17:01,290 --> 00:17:04,274 - I don't know. - It's so uncomfortable over a bin! 299 00:17:05,584 --> 00:17:09,380 Oh, I'm obviously not a racist, so can we please just watch the football? 300 00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:11,584 Define what you mean by fun. 301 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:13,855 Yeah, cos I find this offensive, and I'm not even black. 302 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,207 I don't believe this! 303 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,329 What's going on? 304 00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:20,277 - It's Steve. He keeps saying... - OK, it's nothing! It's nothing. 305 00:17:25,159 --> 00:17:26,188 Steve? 306 00:17:26,889 --> 00:17:28,198 Sorry. Sorry. 307 00:17:30,705 --> 00:17:33,899 - Barney was saying about Ollie... - We don't know his surname. 308 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,534 Ollie drives a bus. Sometimes has a moustache. Black. 309 00:17:37,037 --> 00:17:38,250 Careful, Steve. 310 00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:41,438 Anyway, he's adopted. Paul was telling us his unfortunate news. 311 00:17:41,439 --> 00:17:42,718 We got talking about Ollie. 312 00:17:42,719 --> 00:17:45,509 I said he's started driving a bus, and he makes it a fun bus. 313 00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:47,717 He makes fun announcements on his bus. 314 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:51,058 Like when he speaks over the Tannoy, he does an impression of Donald Duck! 315 00:17:51,269 --> 00:17:54,293 - Right. And sometimes he wears a hat! - And Steve said... 316 00:17:54,294 --> 00:17:57,140 All I said was, and not in a racist way... 317 00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:59,723 All I said was it's because sometimes 318 00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:02,080 some black people can sometimes be fun. 319 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,930 - That's not what you said! - Get out, you lying shit! 320 00:18:04,970 --> 00:18:07,370 You said ''are''. ''Are always fun.'' 321 00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,820 Always whatever! I got it wrong, OK? 322 00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:12,520 I was distracted cos I was looking through... 323 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,250 - Looking through what? - Nothing! 324 00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:16,890 I'm not a racist! 325 00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,480 OK. Let's just watch the football. 326 00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:23,880 They're not fun, Steve. They're a very serious race. 327 00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:28,010 I didn't... I didn't mean to be racist. 328 00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,730 No one means to be racist, Steve. 329 00:18:29,790 --> 00:18:31,790 Can we just watch the football?! 330 00:18:31,990 --> 00:18:34,160 Steve's not a racist! 331 00:18:34,210 --> 00:18:36,170 Plays a cute lIttle all to KIey... 332 00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:41,640 Thank you. 333 00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:43,250 He fancies Halle Berry. 334 00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,360 Do ya? 335 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:45,720 Yeah. 336 00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:46,570 Oh. Should have said. 337 00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:49,440 - That's all right, then. We fancy her. - Yeah! 338 00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:53,330 And Whoopi Goldberg. 339 00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,640 - Oh, mate! - Becky! 340 00:18:55,690 --> 00:18:58,410 - Steve! - No, not... Not now! 341 00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:04,000 She... She was really hot in The Color Purple. 342 00:19:12,170 --> 00:19:14,020 Hi, Shelly. Did you get my text? 343 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,370 Yeah, he's adopted. 344 00:19:17,170 --> 00:19:20,010 His real mother gave him up at birth. Mmm. 345 00:19:20,070 --> 00:19:23,250 She was 15, and a bit of a slag, if I'm honest. 346 00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:27,690 No one knows who his real dad was because she was doing about five boys at once. 347 00:19:27,730 --> 00:19:28,840 Laura... 348 00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:34,360 Well, I mean, they're a very loving family, but Paul never fitted in. 349 00:19:34,410 --> 00:19:36,600 - I guess now we know why. - Laura! 350 00:19:36,650 --> 00:19:38,720 Laur, do you wanna take it outside? 351 00:19:38,770 --> 00:19:41,100 Well, the fact of the matter is, Shelly, 352 00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:43,570 his pretend mum didn't have a womb. 353 00:19:43,690 --> 00:19:44,660 Laura! 354 00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:47,170 Sorry, Shell. Steve's being a sexist prick. 355 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:48,390 I'll call you back later. 356 00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:50,680 Ooh, did you get my text about my new hair? 357 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,150 Yeah, but with clips. 358 00:19:52,290 --> 00:19:54,080 Laura...please! 359 00:19:54,130 --> 00:19:57,250 All right. Bye, Shell. Bye! 360 00:19:58,970 --> 00:20:01,650 - 0h, the keeper's spIlled ItI - Oh, Jesus! How did he drop that? 361 00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:04,160 Dreadful! My mum could have caught that! 362 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,090 Sorry, Steve, or should I say awooga? 363 00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:14,160 - Did you tell her? - Course not. 364 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,610 - If you've told her... - Answer the door. 365 00:20:24,210 --> 00:20:26,970 - Oh! - Sorry! I got up too quick. 366 00:20:27,030 --> 00:20:29,680 Seriously, it's like going out with a child. 367 00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:31,880 That's a foul, Dad! 368 00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:39,060 Hi. Is Barney there? 369 00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:42,000 Yeah. Come in. Come in. I'm Steve. 370 00:20:42,050 --> 00:20:44,520 - Nice to meet you, Steve. - Hi. 371 00:20:46,690 --> 00:20:47,920 Gay Allen's here. 372 00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:55,410 Hello, love. Everyone, this is Gay. 373 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,720 Gay, everyone. You know my dad. 374 00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:00,040 - Hi, everyone. Hi, Mike. - You all right, sweetheart? 375 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:03,130 - My boy treating you right? - Yeah, he's lovely! 376 00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:05,190 I taught him everything he knows. 377 00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:08,040 - Oh! Oh, that's a corner! - It's nil-nil. 378 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:10,200 Great! Well, there's everything to play for. 379 00:21:10,340 --> 00:21:12,870 You seem like a nice and polite young lady, Gaynor. 380 00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:13,990 Thank you. 381 00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:16,200 It's nice to see Barney with a decent human being. 382 00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:18,240 Not like that fat slob, Michelle. 383 00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:22,650 - What do you do, love? - She's a nurse, in't ya, darling? 384 00:21:23,180 --> 00:21:25,370 Not quite. Do you know Whipps Cross Hospital? 385 00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:27,600 - I was born there. - We all were. 386 00:21:27,860 --> 00:21:29,290 Oh, that's nice. 387 00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,640 Well, I sort of help out on the children's ward, 388 00:21:31,690 --> 00:21:34,160 looking after the kids, cheering them up, having fun. 389 00:21:36,890 --> 00:21:37,650 What? 390 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,870 So, do you know anything about RSI? I get it in my arms. 391 00:21:40,950 --> 00:21:43,490 I've told you, go and see a doctor about it. 392 00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:46,190 Yes, I know, but I thought Gaynor might have overheard a surgeon 393 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,840 or a nurse talking about it on the children's ward. 394 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:49,920 I'm afraid not. 395 00:21:49,970 --> 00:21:54,290 I'm usually dressed like a clown, or doing a silly dance to amuse 'em! 396 00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:56,440 Oh, well done. That's very noble of you. 397 00:21:56,470 --> 00:21:59,370 Oh, I don't know about that. We just have a lot of fun. 398 00:22:01,730 --> 00:22:02,600 What? 399 00:22:02,850 --> 00:22:05,570 - Steve's got this theory, Gay. - Er, it's not a theory. 400 00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:07,920 That black people are always fun. 401 00:22:10,670 --> 00:22:14,380 It was a joke. It was an anti-racist comment, and I've apologised for it. 402 00:22:14,430 --> 00:22:16,830 We all find his opinions despicable. 403 00:22:17,860 --> 00:22:19,970 Well, he's got a point, in a way. 404 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,760 OK, but I wasn't trying to make a point. 405 00:22:21,810 --> 00:22:23,810 It's not that black people are fun. 406 00:22:23,850 --> 00:22:26,300 It's just that white people are all so boring! 407 00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:52,040 Gaynor, this is Paul, my fiancé. 408 00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:54,970 - Oh, congratulations! - Thank you. 409 00:22:55,270 --> 00:22:56,240 Hi, Paul. 410 00:22:58,860 --> 00:23:01,680 Just so you know, normally he's the life and soul, 411 00:23:01,730 --> 00:23:05,690 but he's very sad at the moment, cos he's just found out he's adopted. 412 00:23:08,830 --> 00:23:10,750 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 413 00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:12,010 Thanks. 414 00:23:14,070 --> 00:23:16,350 Er, do you want a... do you want a drink, Gay? 415 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,000 - Yeah? Lager? - That'd be lovely! 416 00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:20,750 Give me two of them and I'll be anyone's! 417 00:23:20,810 --> 00:23:23,620 You better get her three, then! 418 00:23:23,710 --> 00:23:25,180 Are you gonna help me, Becks? 419 00:23:26,210 --> 00:23:28,560 Why do you need help getting a can out the fridge? 420 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:30,700 Becks? 421 00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:48,040 She waves when she says hello, even though they're sat right in front of her! 422 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,970 Are you being racist again? 423 00:23:51,810 --> 00:23:53,840 No! I can't... 424 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,690 It would annoy me whatever colour her skin was! 425 00:23:56,850 --> 00:23:58,970 It annoys me when my nan does it. 426 00:23:59,610 --> 00:24:01,670 I can't believe everyone thinks I'm a racist. 427 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,960 Well, if you don't want everyone to think you're a racist, 428 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,360 then you shouldn't say racist things. 429 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,730 I'm not a racist! I'm not. 430 00:24:25,370 --> 00:24:27,640 - Becky. - Oh, don't use that voice. 431 00:24:28,580 --> 00:24:29,720 What voice? 432 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,450 ''Becky.'' 433 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,710 - I need to ask you something. - It's not about Lee, is it? 434 00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:37,410 No, of course it's not! 435 00:24:37,830 --> 00:24:39,397 Did you have sex with Lee on a bin? 436 00:24:39,398 --> 00:24:41,500 Or near a bin? Or, like, using a bin? 437 00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:43,760 Or shouting, ''Awooga!'' while six men watched? 438 00:24:45,990 --> 00:24:49,500 Oh, you absolute donkey! How did you miss that? 439 00:24:50,650 --> 00:24:52,760 You were three yards out! 440 00:24:52,810 --> 00:24:54,560 My gran could do better than that. 441 00:24:57,020 --> 00:25:02,500 Shut up about your stupid dream, and let's watch the football. 442 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,160 Yeah. 443 00:25:20,890 --> 00:25:23,200 Oh, did you see Laura's dykey hair? 444 00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:27,040 When did ''dykey hair'' suddenly become a phrase? 445 00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:32,186 Mike tried to finger a stripper. 446 00:25:32,187 --> 00:25:33,090 I don't wanna know! 447 00:25:35,010 --> 00:25:37,970 It's still nil-nil. Yeah, missed a penalty. 448 00:25:39,190 --> 00:25:40,530 Gay. 449 00:25:54,890 --> 00:25:57,540 SmIth wIth a long, long throw 450 00:25:57,630 --> 00:26:00,480 that Johnson knocks ack to SmIth. SmIth to Hunt. 451 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,920 MortImer. Arnell. 452 00:26:04,370 --> 00:26:09,040 Ball to Jackson. Jackson knocked It down under pressure. 453 00:26:12,110 --> 00:26:14,760 I used your shower gels, bubble bath. I hope that's OK. 454 00:26:15,820 --> 00:26:17,720 - Yeah, course. - Thanks. 455 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,000 Brushed me teeth. 456 00:26:27,290 --> 00:26:28,320 What's the score? 457 00:26:28,690 --> 00:26:30,840 It's nil-nil, but we missed loads of chances. 458 00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,450 Woy! 459 00:26:34,870 --> 00:26:37,120 Dan, just so you know, 460 00:26:37,170 --> 00:26:40,370 because everyone else knows, Paul's adopted. 461 00:26:40,690 --> 00:26:41,410 Bad luck, mate. 462 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,520 Yeah, let's not get into that one again, though, eh? 463 00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:45,970 OK. 464 00:26:47,380 --> 00:26:48,222 It's not a bad thing. 465 00:26:48,223 --> 00:26:50,020 Loads of famous people are adopted. 466 00:26:50,170 --> 00:26:51,970 Let's just leave it, yeah? 467 00:26:52,110 --> 00:26:54,090 Yeah. Of course. 468 00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:03,040 Like who? 469 00:27:03,090 --> 00:27:04,320 Marilyn Monroe. 470 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,280 - Was she? - Yep. 471 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,850 - Bill Clinton. - Really? 472 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:08,990 Yeah. 473 00:27:09,270 --> 00:27:12,080 - Jesus. - You're in good company, Paul. 474 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,090 Just cos his mother rejects him doesn't mean everyone else will. Yeah. 475 00:27:17,180 --> 00:27:20,040 - Go on! Go on! - Come on! 476 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,730 Quality! Yes! 477 00:27:25,540 --> 00:27:26,840 Go on, you! 478 00:27:28,270 --> 00:27:30,210 Oh, what a goal! 479 00:27:30,260 --> 00:27:34,810 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36021

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