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1
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'I don't know what came
over me, Inspector.'
2
00:00:04,328 --> 00:00:04,887
Steve?
3
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,327
Here we go.
4
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,807
Can I lend Jamie one of your DVDs?
5
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,600
I'm trying to watch this.
6
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,007
I've seen this one. Well, don't...
7
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,527
The choirmaster did it. I said,
8
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,087
"Don't tell me."
9
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,207
No, you didn't.
10
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:27,727
This programme contains
some strong language
11
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:30,407
Why would you do that?
12
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:32,007
Calm down, it's only Morse.
13
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:36,927
Yeah, and there's only a limited
number of Morses left now because...
14
00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,887
Because John Thaw died.
15
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,680
Can you stop eating my chips?
16
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,647
Did you know that his
first name's Endeavour?
17
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,280
Yeah.
18
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,487
Oh, please, no. It's my birthday!
19
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,680
Please, this is my birthday dinner.
20
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:11,800
Shall we have sex again?
21
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,447
No, I'm OK, actually.
22
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,360
Oh, right.
23
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,167
It is your birthday.
I don't mind if you... I'm ill.
24
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,007
I'm not well, I'm too tired.
25
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:32,887
You've got a bogey up your nose.
Which one? Left.
26
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,520
My left.
27
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,920
It's massive.
28
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,520
No, it's not.
29
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,520
Come here.
30
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,160
It's because I'm ill.
31
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,000
Oh, look at that!
32
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,607
It's gigantic.
33
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,440
Thank you, fans.
34
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,648
Oh! Do you know, if Jamie
wants to watch Morse,
35
00:02:09,649 --> 00:02:12,320
he can get the box set himself.
36
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:18,120
Can... No, can you stop
eating my chips?
37
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,727
I told you about that, anyway.
38
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,247
What? He's called Endeavour.
39
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,047
No, you didn't. I told you.
No, you didn't. Yes, I did.
40
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,487
No, you didn't. Yes, I did.
No, you didn't. Yes, I did.
41
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,247
Well, we'll agree to disagree.
42
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,400
I'm weak.
43
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,767
It was a question on Eggheads.
44
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:06,047
Get the door!
Don't leave her waiting.
45
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,720
All right.
46
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,847
Hello, Janet. How is he?
47
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:16,527
He's...doing extremely
well, considering.
48
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,207
I've trod in some dog shit.
49
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,047
OK. Can you smell it?
50
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,687
No.
51
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,807
Wait a second.
52
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,487
Just wait.
53
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,520
Smell it now? Oh, God, yeah.
54
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,687
I've brought him some echinacea.
55
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:40,487
Oh, hi. How's my poor birthday boy?
56
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,447
Oh...
I've brought you some echinacea.
57
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,800
Oh, don't get too close. Ooh.
58
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,967
Ooh, your glands are up.
59
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,207
Are they? Oh, shit.
60
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,407
His glands are up, Becky.
61
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:55,927
Oh, Christ.
62
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,727
Have you had a nice day?
63
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,767
Yeah, it's been good.
64
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,367
Becky got me the Morse box set,
so we've been working our way through 'em.
65
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,607
Oh, I love John Thaw, don't you?
66
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,647
Ooh, yeah.
Did you see him in Kavanagh QC?
67
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,247
Ooh, hunky. Wouldn't mind
my legs wrapped around...
68
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:14,647
All right, all right, we don't
watch it cos we're perverts.
69
00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:18,607
We like it for the storylines, don't
we, Becks? Yeah, course.
70
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,807
Paul and Laura got us into 'em.
71
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,727
Yeah, and my uncle works in HMV,
so I basically got 'em for nothing.
72
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:24,981
We've got this scam on.
73
00:04:24,982 --> 00:04:28,007
Well, it's not a scam, but...
Well, it is a scam, I guess.
74
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:32,007
Management can't detect it,
so when there's a sale on, you can...
75
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:35,727
It's to do with vouchers.
And you...need a special code.
76
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,887
It's complicated.
77
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,520
OK, Becky.
78
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,727
Do you want a drink, Mum?
79
00:04:42,840 --> 00:04:44,887
Cup of tea? Becky'll make it.
80
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,607
Oh, thanks, Becky.
81
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,567
I can't stay.
82
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,247
Oh! Really?
83
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,287
It's Jenny from college.
84
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,327
Her son's having
an engagement party.
85
00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,367
Why are you going?
Well, it's free drinks.
86
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,327
No, I mean, why did they invite you?
87
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,360
Oh, they didn't.
88
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:11,687
You going to have your echinacea?
Er, yeah, definitely.
89
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,007
Becks.
90
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,807
How do you...want it?
91
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:22,367
Well, I think just, um...make it.
92
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,960
OK. Could I get a Lemsip?
93
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:35,640
Sure I can't get you anything, Janet?
No, I should pace meself.
94
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:46,240
So...presents.
95
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,607
Mum, you shouldn't have.
I'll start off with the little one.
96
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,080
Very nice.
97
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,247
Wow, that's amazing.
98
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:14,920
I got him to put it on
the cuffs as well.
99
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,000
Oh, hand cream, very good.
100
00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,800
Mum!
101
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,007
Have you got that one? No.
102
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,640
They're all about London.
Oh, brilliant.
103
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,247
Oh, that's interesting.
104
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:09,167
Did you know London was the
first city to have a subway?
105
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:14,487
It was built in 1863 and it was
three and a quarter miles long.
106
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,287
No, I didn't. That's fascinating.
107
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,807
Becks? Yeah?
108
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:23,567
Come here a sec. I'm busy.
109
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,287
Did you know that London was
the first city to have a subway?
110
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:32,287
It was built in 1863 and it was
three and a quarter miles long.
111
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,640
No, I didn't. That's fascinating.
112
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,287
Ouzo. It was on two for one.
113
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,447
Oh, where's the other one?
114
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,880
And I got you this.
115
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,247
Oh, look at his little face!
116
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,920
Do you like it? Oh, yeah. Oh.
117
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:36,007
Oh, ha, ha! Look at his little nose.
118
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,200
He's the cutest little fella
in the world!
119
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:54,287
Hey, Becks, look. "Steve."
120
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,367
"Steve." Oh.
121
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,167
It's got your name on it.
122
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,727
It's on the cuffs too.
123
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,647
Oh, that's a nice touch.
124
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:08,527
What else did you get?
Well, the dressing gown, er, calendar, book of London facts.
125
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,407
What's that one?
126
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:15,487
Er, London - 1,001 Intriguing Facts.
No, the calendar.
127
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,560
Well, it's just a calendar.
What kind of calendar?
128
00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:23,007
It's a badger calendar. Badger?
129
00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,407
OK. Yeah.
130
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:28,600
That's cool. Yeah, it is.
131
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,520
Are you going to have
your echinacea, Steve?
132
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,480
Yep.
133
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,487
It's very good for you.
134
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,320
Drink it all up, go on.
135
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,407
Go on.
136
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:56,727
It has herbal properties. Yeah?
137
00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:01,167
The Romans used to use it,
or the Incas.
138
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,000
Linda McCartney, people like that.
Mm-hmm.
139
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:12,447
Come on, now,
140
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,280
the last bit for Mummy.
141
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,847
That's it.
142
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,407
Was that nice?
143
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,960
Do you feel better?
144
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,880
Loads. Good.
145
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,327
Well...
146
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,087
I should get going.
147
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:47,887
Oh, really?
148
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,760
I know, but they've put
a grand behind the bar.
149
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,887
Did your father send you anything?
150
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,767
A voucher. For?
151
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:02,487
Next. Next?
152
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,447
Next? Next.
153
00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,687
A tenner.
154
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,640
OK. Yeah.
155
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,807
Well, have a lovely evening.
Doing anything nice?
156
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,047
Oh, I'll have to see how it goes.
I feel so terrible.
157
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,887
I don't want to make myself iller.
Do you think that's possible?
158
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,080
OK, Becky.
159
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,967
Well, happy birthday, love.
160
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,167
Oh, don't get too close.
161
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,767
You text me tomorrow,
let me know how you're doing.
162
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,640
Yeah, will do. Bye.
163
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,687
Phoar...I can still smell it.
164
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,320
Yeah.
165
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,927
Well, thanks for the, um...
166
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,687
I didn't have anything, did I? No.
167
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,167
OK.
168
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,160
Bye, Steve. Bye, Mum.
Bye, Janet.
169
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,527
I don't like badgers.
170
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:18,567
A badger calendar?! I don't like
badgers. A fucking badger calendar.
171
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,567
I used to like 'em when I was a kid,
but... You're 24.
172
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,400
Yeah, not now.
173
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,800
You had your Lemsip?
174
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,727
That was quick.
175
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,527
Well, I was thirsty.
176
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,527
I'm ill, I'm not well.
177
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,207
Oh, I need a wee. Oh.
178
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,807
No, I need a wee.
179
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,647
Why don't you want
to have sex with me?
180
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,407
I'm ill. I'm too tired.
181
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,927
Is there any of that posh ham left?
182
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,127
No, you finished it last night.
183
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,167
Did I? Yeah.
184
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,367
Did I? Yeah, you were really drunk.
185
00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:04,480
Oh, God, that's annoying, I was
looking forward to that. Yeah?
186
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,047
Are you serious about
not coming out tonight?
187
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,000
I'm not well, look at me.
188
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,047
It's your birthday.
189
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,847
Everyone will be there.
190
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,767
Look, can we talk about this in a minute.
I can't wee and talk at the same time.
191
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,727
They all want to see you.
192
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:36,527
Look, I can't wee and talk
at the same time.
193
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,687
Paul's excited.
194
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,407
I can't wee and talk.
195
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,560
Oh, shit.
196
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:02,040
It's my birthday.
I can do what I want.
197
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,927
John Thaw? You're disgusting.
198
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,960
I was agreeing with your mum.
199
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,727
Actually, I think I need a poo.
200
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,407
I'll have a quick one
before the others get here.
201
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,127
As if you can do a quick poo.
202
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,287
I'll swallow it back.
203
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,200
Thanks for the commentary.
204
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,560
Would you get the door? It is my
birthday, and I feel so dreadful.
205
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:49,127
Oh, hi, Dan. Hiya, Becks.
206
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,640
Are you all right? Yeah.
207
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,207
How's Steve? He's fine. Well,
he's dying of flu, but he's fine.
208
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,967
Cool.
209
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,927
All right, Dan?
Didn't expect to see you.
210
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,687
Well, no-one expects the
Spanish Inquisition, do they?
211
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:07,367
What's that?
212
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:08,927
It's Monty Python.
213
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,927
Oh, I've never seen it.
I could lend it to you.
214
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:13,480
Nah, it's all right.
215
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,607
Got you a present.
216
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,807
How do you know it's my birthday?
217
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,047
Er, Facebook.
218
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,247
Are we friends on Facebook? Yeah.
219
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,847
Really? Yep.
220
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:29,400
OK. Open it, Steve.
Might be another badger calendar.
221
00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,847
Will, erm, Shelley be
coming round at all?
222
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,127
Yeah, they'll be round in a minute.
223
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,047
Oh, I should have brushed me teeth.
224
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,887
Given up trying to get Anita back.
225
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,247
I've stopped phoning her,
stopped bothering her.
226
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,280
Oh, OK, that's good.
Yeah, it was her dad's idea.
227
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,040
thanks, Dan.
It's an inflatable armchair.
228
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,807
Really? Yeah.
229
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,927
Is that OK?
That's actually brilliant.
230
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,967
Oh, my God.
231
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:10,687
Let's blow it up.
232
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,967
I'll do it.
233
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,840
I'll get it, shall I?
234
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,207
Where's the birthday bastard?
Hello, Paul.
235
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,847
Hiya.
Oh, you look lovely, Laur.
236
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,127
Thanks, Becks.
Red really suits me.
237
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,327
Wow,
is this Shelley or Audrey Hepburn?!
238
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:39,207
Shelley. It's definitely Shelley.
239
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:42,327
Dan, Dan, mate,
240
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,687
you were meant to text me
the password to that website.
241
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,975
The Asian one, where you
can tell them to do stuff.
242
00:16:47,976 --> 00:16:50,967
Oh, yeah, you can let
your imagination run wild.
243
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,527
Well, text me the password.
244
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,127
Everyone's here, Steve.
245
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,427
Happy birthday, Steve.
246
00:17:00,428 --> 00:17:03,447
Happy birthday. Many happy
returns of the day, Steve.
247
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,647
Hi, Shelley. Hi, Dan.
248
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,327
Here he is, the birthday bastard.
249
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,807
Nice dressing gown. Yeah, "Steve."
250
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,087
"Steve. Steve. Steve."
251
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,447
Get dressed, mate.
Let's get down The Goose.
252
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:16,487
Steve's not well.
253
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,560
It's glandular, feel my glands.
Oo-er!
254
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,327
Oh, yeah.
Have you had some echinacea?
255
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,807
Yeah. It's a herbal remedy.
256
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,447
Hippies use it, but it does work.
257
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,327
Can I feel your glands, Steve? Oo-er!
258
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,400
OK, let's sit down.
Ooh, yeah. Yeah.
259
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,600
So, how does it feel to be 24,
Steve?
260
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:47,287
Um, pretty different, yeah.
He's like a new man.
261
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:52,960
I was 42 this year, and I don't feel
any different from when I was 18.
262
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,727
Dan, mate.
263
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,287
Would you mind doing that in the
kitchen? Shelley ain't got a chair.
264
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,927
I could, or I could bring one in.
265
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,360
Um...no, probably
just do it in the kitchen, mate.
266
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,047
Thanks, Dan. Thanks, Dan.
267
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,840
Thanks, Dan. Thanks, Dan.
268
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:26,007
See you all in a bit, then, yeah?
Now then, presents.
269
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,527
Yeah. Ooh. I'll go first.
270
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,200
Right.
271
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,007
Open it, Steve.
I wonder what it could be?
272
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:35,607
It's a pizza!
273
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,647
We say that at work
when a parcel comes in.
274
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,687
Yeah, it's funny!
275
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,967
And once the boys upstairs bought
276
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,007
an actual pizza, and it came and
we said, "It's a pizza".
277
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,087
And it was a pizza!
Who's that from?
278
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,560
Oh, erm, it's just another
birthday...
279
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,760
Did you see what Becky got me?
280
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,727
It's genius. Good old Uncle Dennis.
281
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,927
Can we borrow 'em?
We're lending them to Jamie first.
282
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:32,087
No, we're not. Don't lend them to
him, he might stick his dick in 'em.
283
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,167
Cos he's gay? Yeah. He might stick
his dick in a DVD because he's gay?
284
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,280
Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.
285
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,487
Thanks, Laura, a diary.
286
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,487
So you can put your
appointments in it, Steve.
287
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,520
Yeah.
288
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,687
Oi, did you know Inspector
Morse's first name was Endeavour?
289
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,927
Yeah.
290
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,687
And I told him that.
291
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,898
No. Fuck it, I said about four
days before we even watched it.
292
00:20:20,899 --> 00:20:22,767
No, you didn't. We were in the Crown.
293
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,267
I said, "He's called Endeavour",
294
00:20:24,268 --> 00:20:26,607
and then I bottled that
prick who pinched your arse.
295
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,376
And I told you, Paul. No, you didn't.
296
00:20:28,377 --> 00:20:30,927
All I know is, I know what
I know, and I said it first.
297
00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:32,457
And I saw it on Eggheads.
298
00:20:32,458 --> 00:20:35,120
Oh, for fuck's sake,
I've known it for years.
299
00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:46,087
..Endeavour Morse, and now I'm
getting it thrown back in my face!
300
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,047
Let's all agree to disagree...
301
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,167
Now, hand Steve his present, Paul.
302
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:56,040
Right, this one's from me.
It's a football!
303
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:02,007
When we're married, you'll receive
one present from the both of us,
304
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,840
but it will cost twice as much,
just so you know.
305
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,880
Ah, headphones. Very useful.
306
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,680
Well, do you like them?
307
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,647
Yeah, course.
308
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,487
Well, you could look more enthused.
309
00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:31,687
No, I am. I'm, I'm very enthused.
Well, put your badge on.
310
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,887
Oh, well, it...it's
a big badge, Paul.
311
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,687
It's your birthday and
you're not wearing a badge?
312
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,400
It's a fucking farce.
313
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,607
I'm getting agitated.
Let's get down the Goose.
314
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,767
We're watching Steve
open his presents.
315
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,407
At least put your badge on. Put your
badge on. Paul's getting agitated.
316
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:04,640
Yeah, put your badge on.
317
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,520
Paul got it specially for you.
318
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,767
Oh, isn't that nice?
319
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,887
Yeah. You look very handsome, Steve.
320
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,287
Now it's Shelly's turn
to give Steve her card.
321
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,687
Jesus. Go on, Shell.
322
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,727
Here's your card, Steve.
323
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,447
Kieran made it at school.
324
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,847
Thanks, Shell. Oh, isn't that nice?
325
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,160
Did it all himself.
He did all that himself? Yeah.
326
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,207
Look what Steve got!
327
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,487
Becky. Becky.
328
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,847
Get off. Look what his mum got him.
329
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,647
You stupid idiot.
I used to like 'em when I was a kid.
330
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,287
Did you also like picking
flowers and sucking cock?
331
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:05,287
Well, Becky fancies John Thaw,
even though he's dead.
332
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,967
Well, Steve gave his dog a handjob.
333
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,207
Ugh. What?
334
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,967
I was nine. I was tickling him.
335
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,127
I was as surprised as anyone.
336
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,167
♪ Happy birthday to you...
337
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,687
ALL: # Happy birthday to you
338
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:27,887
♪ Happy birthday, dear Steve
339
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:32,967
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
340
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,447
So I've written a speech...
341
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,047
Let's go. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
342
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,447
Oh, I'm feeling a bit dizzy. I
don't think I'll come. Oh, fuck off.
343
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,327
Seriously, Paul, it's glandular.
344
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,367
Seriously, Steve, fuck off, it's your birthday.
I just don't feel up to it.
345
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,127
It's your birthday, you thick prick.
346
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,087
You're going to drink
until you're sick.
347
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,687
That's an offer you can't refuse.
348
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,527
I think we should go, Shell. Mm.
349
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,647
What will you have to drink?
I might start off with wine.
350
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,087
Ooh, Shelly! Or a pint of Stella.
351
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:03,207
I was thinking I might start off
with a wine or a pint of Stella.
352
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,127
Shall I stay at mine,
so I don't wake you up? No.
353
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,116
Take my keys, but give
me a call on the way back,
354
00:24:09,117 --> 00:24:10,727
so I know it's you, eh? OK.
355
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,960
Thanks for the presents, everyone.
356
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,447
I'm so sorry I can't come, Paul.
357
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:23,080
I just think everyone should have a
good time on their birthdays, that's all.
358
00:24:23,081 --> 00:24:24,760
Right, happy birthday, mate.
359
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,887
He's not coming.
360
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,604
Not coming out on his
birthday, but there you go.
361
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:35,167
Each to their own, I suppose.
362
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,087
That's fine, go. Just go.
363
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,287
Thanks.
364
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,647
Bye, everyone.
It stinks in here, Becks.
365
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,967
Steve's mum trod in dog shit. Oh.
366
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,440
Oh, she's got it all over the mat!
367
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,927
Oh, I hate the smell of shit,
don't you, Shell?
368
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,887
So where do you want your chair?
369
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:01,880
Just there, facing the bed.
370
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,807
Get me text? Yeah, thanks.
371
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,527
And what, do I just type in
what I want her to do?
372
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:15,607
Yeah, she does it, yeah.
Poor cow. Yeah.
373
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:18,687
Do you want a copy of my speech?
374
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,567
Er, yep.
375
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:24,687
Thank you, brilliant. Brilliant.
376
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,320
Well, I'll leave you to it.
Happy birthday.
377
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,967
Shall I see myself out?
Yeah. Bye, mate.
378
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,600
Bye, Steve.
379
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,807
Sorry, I promised Jamie.
Can we please hurry the fuck up?
380
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,400
OK, well, stop being annoying!
Sorry, Steve, just getting the...
381
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:31,600
Can I just have a quick wee, Becks?
382
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,360
Oh, no! No, no, no.
383
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,447
♪ My heart goes boom bang-a-bang
boom bang-a-bang when you are near
384
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,407
♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang all the time
385
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:56,847
♪ It's such a lovely feeling
386
00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:01,287
♪ When I'm in your arms
387
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,247
♪ Don't go away
I want to stay my whole life through
388
00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:07,360
♪ Boom bang-a-bang-bang
Close to you. ♪
389
00:28:07,410 --> 00:28:11,960
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