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>> I FEEL LIKE IN L.A. EVERYBODY
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SHOULD BE GIVEN A GLOW STICK
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WHEN THEY COME HERE, AND WHEN
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YOU'RE 35, THE GLOW STICK RUNS
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OUT.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE IN
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SANTA FE, BEHIND A POTTER'S
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WHEEL AT THIS POINT, WITH LITTLE
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KIDS GATHERED AROUND ME, AND I
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JUST HAVE, LIKE, YOU KNOW, THE
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OVERALLS ON AND A CIGARETTE.
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AND I'M GOING, "YOU WANT TO HEAR
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STORIES WHERE THE 405 MEET THE
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10?!"
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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"HUH?!
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IT'S FUCKING HELL IN L.A., AND
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YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO A
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'HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER'
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AUDITION?!
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YOU HAVE IT EASY IN SANTA FE,
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WITH ALL THIS COPPER SHIT."
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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>> WHO IS EDDIE PEPITONE?
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EDDIE IS...
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>> HE IS DEFINITELY A COMIC'S
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COMIC.
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I MEAN, EVERY COMEDIAN KNOWS AND
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LOVES EDDIE PEPITONE.
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>> AT HIS PEAK, ELVIS COSTELLO
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NEVER SOLD THE RECORDS THAT
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REO SPEEDWAGON SOLD.
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DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE BETTER.
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>> HE HAD A CALLING.
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I REALLY THINK IT WAS HIS
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CALLING.
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>> EDDIE PEPITONE -- HE IS THE
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CHARLES BUKOWSKI OF COMEDY.
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ONLY, REPLACE ALCOHOL WITH
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NUTTER BUTTERS.
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>> BUT ALL IT LOOKS LIKE TO ME
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IS THAT, LIKE, A HOMELESS GUY
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GOT ONSTAGE AND GRABBED THE
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MIKE.
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>> YOU KNOW, YOU THINK ABOUT
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ANYBODY MAKING IT LATER IN LIFE,
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YOU KNOW?
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>> HE LOVES TO THINK OF HIMSELF
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AS A DEEPLY SPIRITUAL PERSON.
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IN FACT, HE'S PROBABLY THE
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ANGRIEST PERSON I KNOW.
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[ WILCO'S "BORN ALONE" PLAYS ]
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>> * I HAVE HEARD THE WAR AND
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WORRY OF THE GOSPEL *
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* FERRY FAST ACROSS THE VOID
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* I HAVE MARRIED BROKEN
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SPOKE-CHARGING SMOKE WHEELS *
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* SPIT AND SWALLOWED OPIOID
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* I AM THE DRIVER AT THE...
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>> THERE'S THIS IDEA OF, LIKE,
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"WELL, ONCE YOU'RE PAST 40,
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YOU'RE KIND OF -- YOU DON'T
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REALLY CONNECT WITH THE YOUTH
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ANYMORE."
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AND YOUNG AUDIENCES REALLY KIND
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OF GET HIM.
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>> EDDIE PEPSI ONE IS ONE OF MY
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FAVORITE COMEDIANS TO WATCH...
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BUT NOT LISTEN TO.
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>> THEY CALL HIM THE BITTER
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BUDDHA, AND I THINK THAT'S LIKE
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THE PERFECT DESCRIPTION.
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>> AS SOON AS YOU SEE HIM, YOU
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THINK YOU'VE SEEN HIM YOUR WHOLE
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LIFE.
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HE'S JUST THE PLATONIC IDEAL OF
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A CERTAIN TYPE OF PASSIONATE
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ADULT.
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>> WITHIN MINUTES OF SEEING
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EDDIE'S WORK OR MEETING HIM AND
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TALKING TO HIM, YOU REALIZE THIS
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IS A GUY THAT HAS EXPERIENCED A
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LOT.
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>> I WOULDN'T SAY HE WALKS THE
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WALK, BUT I WOULD SAY HE TRUDGES
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THE TRUDGE.
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>> CERTAIN COMEDIANS THAT YOU
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WISH WERE SORT OF RECOGNIZED AS
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NATIONAL TREASURES AND JUST,
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LIKE, GIVEN SOME SORT OF A
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PAYCHECK JUST FOR EXISTING,
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GIVEN A STIPEND JUST TO BE AS
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FUNNY AS THEY ARE, AND HE'S ONE
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OF THEM.
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>> NOW MIGHT BE MY TIME, YOU
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KNOW, IF I DON'T DIE FROM TOO
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MANY FUCKING ICE CREAM
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SANDWICHES OR, YOU KNOW, VEGAN
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STUFF.
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>> I WOULD LOVE A CAREER LIKE
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THAT.
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>> EDDIE PEPITONE HAS THE KIND
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OF THING WHERE PEOPLE HAVE TO,
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LIKE, LITERALLY SEARCH OUT
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LAYERS UPON LAYERS JUST TO
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FIND --
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>> ONE PERSON OUT OF A THOUSAND
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EVEN KNOWS WHO I AM.
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>> YEAH, I KNOW.
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>> WELL, HE GOT A LATE START.
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>> HE DID GET A VERY LATE START.
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YEAH, HE REALLY -- BASICALLY, I
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THINK -- WHO WAS IT?
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SOMEONE AT CAA WAS LIKE,
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"HIS --" HANG ON.
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I WANT TO PHRASE THIS RIGHT.
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"HIS BOOKABLE YEARS ARE OVER."
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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>> ARE YOU MAKING A DOCUMENTARY?
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IS IT KIND OF LIKE THE RISE
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AND FALL, THE
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"TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY"?
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BECAUSE IF YOU'RE GONNA DO A
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RISE AND FALL, HE'S GOT TO GO UP
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FIRST.
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YOU GOT TO GET HIM SOME ACTUAL,
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AND THEN SEE HIM BLOW IT.
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>> THE TAKING SO LONG IS PART OF
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WHAT MAKES HIM SO UNIQUE AND
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MAKES HIS VOICE SO STARTLING,
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IN THAT HE IS A GUY THAT CAN
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TALK VERY HONESTLY ABOUT DECADES
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OF FEAR AND FAILURE AND LEARNING
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TO DEAL WITH THAT CREATIVELY.
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THAT'S A VOICE THAT NO ONE ELSE
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IN THIS CITY RIGHT NOW CAN
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LEGITIMATELY AND AUTHENTICALLY
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SAY THAT THEY HAVE.
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>> I LOVE THOSE LITTLE
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EXCHANGES, YOU KNOW, THOSE
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LITTLE MEANINGLESS EXCHANGES.
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"ROOM FOR CREAM?"
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BUT YOU MAKING THEM INTO A BIG
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THING IS FUN TO DO, LIKE,
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"WHAT'D YOU SAY?"
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"UM, ROOM FOR CREAM?"
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[ CHUCKLES ]
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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"'ROOM FOR CREAM'?
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WHAT DO I FUCKING LOOK LIKE TO
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YOU?
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OF COURSE I WANT ROOM FOR CREAM!
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I'M MENTALLY ILL!
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WHEN YOU'RE MENTALLY ILL, YOU
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NEED ROOM FOR CREAM!"
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AND THEN HIS BOSS, LIKE, SEES
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THAT EXCHANGE.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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HIS BOSS SEES THAT EXCHANGE AND
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GOES, "BOBBY, THE MENTALLY ILL
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NEED ROOM FOR CREAM!
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THEY NEED A LOT OF ROOM.
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THEY PUT THEIR HAND IN IT WHEN
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IT'S HOT, AND THEY DON'T SUE!
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THEY JUST PUT THEIR HAND IN IT
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WHEN IT'S SCALDING JUST SO THEY
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CAN FEEL FUCKING ALIVE!"
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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THANK YOU.
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[ Spanish accent ] I LIKE-A THE
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ICE-A CREAM!
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I LIKE-A THE ICE-A CREAM!
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[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
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[ Normal voice ] THANK YOU.
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I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO KNOW
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THAT I HAVE A BIG AUDITION
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TOMORROW.
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>> IT IS SURPRISING TO ME THAT
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COMEDY CENTRAL DOESN'T GIVE THIS
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GUY A HALF-HOUR, AT LEAST.
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KIDS -- THEY CAN SEE OTHER KIDS
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ALL THE TIME DO THE THINGS THEY
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DO, BUT WHEN THEY SEE AN ADULT
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WITH A CHILDLIKE SENSIBILITY OR
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A SILLY SENSIBILITY, THAT'S
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WHAT -- THAT'S WHAT KIDS WOULD
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LOVE.
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THAT'S LIKE RODNEY.
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THAT'S WHY KIDS LOVE RODNEY.
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>> I ALWAYS WORRY THAT I'M GONNA
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BE TOO NEGATIVE.
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I ALWAYS WORRY THAT I'M GONNA BE
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TOO NEGATIVE BECAUSE I GO OUT
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THERE TALKING ABOUT THAT WE'RE
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IN AN ABSOLUTE -- AN ABSOLUTE
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DISASTROUS CESSPOOL OF SHIT.
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AND THAT'S -- YOU KNOW, IS THAT
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A PLACE WHERE COMEDY CAN HAPPEN?
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I THINK SO. [ CHUCKLES ]
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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I'VE BEEN SO FULL OF GODDAMN
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RAGE AT WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON NOT
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ONLY IN THIS COUNTRY, BUT MORE
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SO IN MY FAMILY.
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MY WIFE -- MY WIFE -- MY WIFE IS
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KEPT ALIVE IN A VAT OF BLUE
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LIQUID, AND SHE HAS A VERY, VERY
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SMALL PIN THAT HOLDS UP HER
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ENTIRE BONE STRUCTURE!
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AND I CAN'T AFFORD THIS ANYMORE!
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I'M A COLLAGE ARTIST, AND RIGHT
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NOW, BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY, IT
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IS VERY HARD TO SELL MY
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COLLAGES, WHICH ARE -- AND
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THEY'RE OLD-SCHOOL COLLAGES.
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THEY ARE CLIPPINGS.
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WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT, YOU
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DIGITAL FUCKS?!
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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I WAS BORN IN BROOKLYN.
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AT THE AGE OF 9, MY DAD MOVED
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US --
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>> [ Laughing ] I THOUGHT YOU
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WERE SAYING "I WAS BORN AT THE
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AGE OF 9."
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I WAS LIKE --
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>> I WAS KEPT IN AN INCUBATION
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POD UNTIL 9.
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I -- MY DAD DIDN'T WANT TO
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RELEASE ME.
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NO.
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I WAS BORN IN BROOKLYN, AND AT 9
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WE MOVED TO STATEN ISLAND, WHICH
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WAS THE COUNTRY TO MY DAD,
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ANOTHER BOROUGH OF NEW YORK.
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MY MOM WAS MANIC DEPRESSIVE, AND
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MY DAD WAS KIND OF ANGRY ABOUT
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THE WHOLE SITUATION WITH MY MOM.
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AND, YOU KNOW, HE LOVED ME, BUT
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HE WAS CRITICAL OF ME, YOU KNOW?
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I NEVER HAD, LIKE, A LOT OF
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FAITH, CONFIDENCE IN LIFE.
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YOU KNOW, PEOPLE FUCKING HATE
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ME, AND I'M ANGRY AT PEOP--
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AND, LIKE, YOU KNOW -- AND IT'S
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BEEN A STRUGGLE.
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>> I GET THE SENSE THAT EDDIE'S
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DAD IS AN ANGRY GUY, AS WELL,
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AND THAT'S WHERE EDDIE'S ANGER
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COMES FROM.
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IT WAS PROBABLY A VERY, VERY
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DIFFICULT HOUSE TO GROW UP IN.
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>> MY DAD WAS SO INTENSE ABOUT
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EVERYTHING.
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>> YEAH.
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>> LIKE, WHEN WE WERE HAVING
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DINNER [Chuckling] HE'D BE
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LIKE -- I GREW UP IN A CRAZY --
260
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,591
WHEN WE WERE HAVING DINNER, HE'D
261
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:44,658
BE LIKE [Quietly] "PASS THE
262
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:44,958
SALT."
263
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,628
[ LAUGHTER ]
264
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:48,195
YOU KNOW?
265
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:48,896
>> YEAH.
266
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,598
>> AND I'D BE LIKE, "REALLY?
267
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:51,765
WHAT'S IT MEAN TO YOU?"
268
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,300
LIKE, EVERYTHING WAS A HUGE
269
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,202
NEGOTIA-- AND I WOULD GET DOWN
270
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,004
ON MY KNEES ABOUT, LET'S SAY,
271
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,105
THE GARAGE DOOR.
272
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,807
THE THERMOSTAT WAS ANOTHER
273
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:00,273
THING.
274
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,975
"DID YOU TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT?"
275
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,343
AND I REALIZED THAT I DIDN'T
276
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,045
KNOW IF I COULD TELL THE TRUTH.
277
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,714
I'VE ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM WITH
278
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,115
LYING IN MY LIFE BECAUSE I'M
279
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,216
ALWAYS AFRAID OF THE
280
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,751
CONSEQUENCES OF TELLING THE
281
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:11,151
TRUTH.
282
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:11,785
>> YEAH.
283
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:12,953
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
284
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,722
"DADDY, LOOK AT IN YOUR HEART!"
285
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:15,355
[ LAUGHTER ]
286
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,090
LIKE, I WOULD START DOING THAT,
287
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,826
LIKE TOTORO, IF SOME OF YOU ARE
288
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:20,260
FAMILIAR WITH TOTOR-- I'D BE
289
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:21,829
LIKE, "DADDY, LOOK IN YOUR
290
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,864
HEART!
291
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:27,167
YES, I DID TURN THE THERMOSTAT
292
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,168
UP!
293
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,038
BUT I LIKE IT WARM, FATHER!"
294
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,206
[ LAUGHTER ]
295
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:36,376
"AND REMEMBER, DADDY, YOU AND
296
00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,979
MOMMY DECIDED TO HAVE ME!"
297
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,247
[ LAUGHTER ]
298
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,116
"I AM PART OF LA FAMIGLIA!"
299
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:46,353
[ LAUGHTER ]
300
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:50,658
SOMETIMES I CAN GET SO ANGRY,
301
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:54,394
YOU KNOW, OR RESENTFUL THAT
302
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:57,397
YOUNG GUYS, YOU KNOW, LIKE
303
00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:03,070
AZIZ ANSARI OR -- WHOEVER THESE
304
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,673
FUCKING GUY-- LIKE, THEY'RE BIG
305
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,374
STARS.
306
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,109
THEY'RE BIG ST-- BUT THEY REALLY
307
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,343
DON'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY.
308
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,812
>> YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET FUNNIER
309
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:12,713
WHEN YOU GET OLDER.
310
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:13,246
LOOK AT LENO.
311
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,381
BUT YOU CAN GET FUNNIER WHEN
312
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:15,115
YOU'RE OLDER.
313
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,650
SO, NO. I MEAN, YEAH.
314
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,318
I MEAN, HE'S NOT -- HE HASN'T
315
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,220
HAD A LEAD IN A SERIES, BUT I
316
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,822
COULD SEE IT HAPPENING.
317
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:24,191
I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
318
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:25,659
>> SCOTT, TELL ME ONE MEMORABLE
319
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:26,894
10-MINUTE DRIVE YOU TOOK TO A
320
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:28,128
CALLBACK AUDITION IN THIS TOWN
321
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,262
WHEN YOU WERE IN YOUR 20s.
322
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:30,798
I CAN'T REMEMBER A SINGLE ONE.
323
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:31,799
>> I CAN'T REMEMBER.
324
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,166
ALL I REMEMBER ARE THE CALLBACKS
325
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,201
AND BOOKING THE JOBS.
326
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,736
>> BUT EDDIE PEPITONE CAN TELL
327
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,871
YOU STORIES OF A BUS RIDE HE
328
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,807
TOOK FROM SILVER LAKE TO
329
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,975
CULVER CITY TO DO BACKGROUND
330
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,844
WORK ON "JUDGE MATHIS."
331
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,879
AND THAT IS A GREAT STORY.
332
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:47,414
>> THERE'S PEOPLE WHO HAVE
333
00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,282
BECOME SUPER FAMOUS OVERNIGHT
334
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,218
FOR REASONS THAT I DON'T REALLY
335
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,119
COMPREHEND.
336
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:55,455
AND YET A GUY LIKE EDDIE, WHO --
337
00:10:55,455 --> 00:10:58,425
TO ME, HE'S LIKE A UNICORN.
338
00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:02,029
THERE'S NOBODY ELSE LIKE HIM.
339
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:05,966
>> HE'S HIT THIS, LIKE, VITAL
340
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:09,937
STAGE NOW, AND, YOU KNOW, HE'S
341
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:13,406
COMPLETELY RELEVANT TO THIS VERY
342
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,909
YOUNG, NEW COMEDY.
343
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,779
HE'S AT THE FOREFRONT OF IT.
344
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,714
>> TWITTER IS CHANGING THE FACE
345
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,315
OF COMEDY, DON'T YOU THINK?
346
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:22,950
I DO.
347
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,918
AND I WANT TO PREACH IT LOUD AND
348
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,419
CLEAR FROM EVERY ROOFTOP.
349
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,221
I BROUGHT SOME OF MY TWEETS
350
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:28,889
TODAY.
351
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:29,890
[ LAUGHTER ]
352
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,192
AND I LOVE TO TWEET, YOU KNOW?
353
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,493
IT MAKES UP FOR A LIFE THAT
354
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,862
WASN'T WELL LIVED.
355
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:38,031
[ LAUGHTER ]
356
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,499
"SIGNS THAT THINGS AREN'T GOING
357
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,067
WELL.
358
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,769
ONE -- THE PRAYER CIRCLE YOU ARE
359
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,036
IN HAS A BOUNCER.
360
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,238
TWO -- YOU SPEAK ABOUT MARGARINE
361
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,306
EXTENSIVELY."
362
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,075
AND THEN THE OTHER ONE I DID --
363
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:48,909
"TO-DO LIST.
364
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,310
ONE -- MAKE EYES AT MORGUE
365
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,979
ATTENDANT SO I CAN GET BETTER
366
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:52,880
COFFIN PRICE.
367
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,381
TWO -- FIND THE CHRIST HEAD
368
00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:55,082
WITHIN.
369
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:57,517
THREE -- BUY EGGS."
370
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,019
I HAVE NEVER HAD KIDS.
371
00:11:59,019 --> 00:11:59,486
I'M 52.
372
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,288
I FEEL A LITTLE BAD ABOUT THAT
373
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:01,989
LATELY.
374
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:03,223
YOU REMEMBER THE SCENE IN
375
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,291
"INTO THE WILD" WHERE
376
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:05,893
HAL HOLBROOK IS TALKING TO THE
377
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:06,193
KID?
378
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,294
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
379
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,330
HE'S LIKE, "LOOK, I GOT NO ONE.
380
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,866
I WANT -- I WANT YOU TO BE MY
381
00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:13,166
SON."
382
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,401
I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BE
383
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,036
HAL HOLBROOK WITH SOME FUCKING
384
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:17,404
WAIF, LIKE SOME WAIF RUNNING
385
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,471
THROUGH LOS ANGELES.
386
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,007
AND I'LL BE AT THE END OF MY
387
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,508
COMEDY THING, AND I'LL JUST HAVE
388
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:22,776
HIM IN, YOU KNOW, MY
389
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:26,546
MINI COOPER, GOING, "LOOK...
390
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,081
I NEVER HAD ANYBODY."
391
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,917
[ LAUGHS ]
392
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:36,156
IT'S BEEN REALLY GOOD FOR ME TO
393
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,525
FINALLY BE WITH SOMEONE THAT I
394
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:41,194
FEEL VERY COMFORTABLE WITH, YOU
395
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,130
KNOW, THAT I TRUST.
396
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,998
AND KAREN IS THAT PERSON.
397
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,333
[ High-pitched voice ] WHERE'S
398
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:46,967
OUR BABY?
399
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,402
WHERE'S OUR BABY?
400
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:50,938
OOH!
401
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,105
[ Normal voice ] YOU GUYS ARE
402
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,809
GETTING GOURMET STUFF LATELY.
403
00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,911
>> I'LL LEAVE SHERMIE'S OPEN.
404
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,446
>> YEAH. LOUIE HUNGRY.
405
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,814
>> YOU CAN'T SEE THEM, RIGHT?
406
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:01,281
>> WAIT.
407
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,983
THE MEMBRANE THEORY IS THE FACT
408
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,251
THAT WORDS -- IT'S LIKE A
409
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:04,885
BUBBLE.
410
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,353
IT'S LIKE A -- MEMBRANE THEORY
411
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,088
SAYS THAT WE'RE LIKE THIS -- OUR
412
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,522
UNIVERSE IS LIKE A BUBBLE AND
413
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,124
THAT IT GOES UP AGAINST OTHER
414
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,826
ALTERNATE UNIVERSES, THAT THEIR
415
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:14,261
MEMBRANES COME CLOSE TOGETHER
416
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,863
AND THEY KIND OF REBOUND OFF
417
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:16,429
EACH OTHER.
418
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:17,530
AND SO THERE'S ALL THESE
419
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:18,265
ALTERNATE --
420
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:19,299
>> WE ALWAYS HAVE BIG
421
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,600
DISAGREEMENTS ON MEMBRANES AND
422
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:21,401
STRING THEORY.
423
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,903
KAREN WATCHES A LOT OF SCIENCE
424
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:23,236
STUFF.
425
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,537
>> WELL, YEAH.
426
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,874
>> MORE THAN ME.
427
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,042
I JUST LIKE EATING SESAME SEEDS.
428
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,110
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
429
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,344
>> ROUND OF APPLAUSE IF YOU LIKE
430
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,012
"JEOPARDY!"
431
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:32,479
[ APPLAUSE ]
432
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,046
>> YEAH!
433
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,047
>> YOU WATCH IT, RIGHT?
434
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:34,481
I WATCH IT.
435
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,016
ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND, KAREN,
436
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,384
WATCH IT, AND WE JUST -- IT'S
437
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:38,919
FUNNY BECAUSE IF SOMEONE WAS
438
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,253
RIGHT OUTSIDE OUR APARTMENT
439
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,889
WINDOW, THEY WOULD JUST HEAR US
440
00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:43,323
YELLING DISPARATE THINGS, LIKE,
441
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,958
"CHOCOLATE!"
442
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,226
"KING OF PRUSSIA!"
443
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,327
[ LAUGHTER ]
444
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,195
"LINT!"
445
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:49,997
[ LAUGHTER ]
446
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,399
I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.
447
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:54,001
BUT TREBEK -- FOR FIVE MINUTES,
448
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,335
HE'S, LIKE, ASKING PEOPLE WHAT
449
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,970
THEY'RE DOING, AND I THINK, WITH
450
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,271
THE WAY THE COUNTRY IS GOING,
451
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,506
YOU KNOW, WITH THE FUCKING
452
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,374
LARGE-SCALE UNEMPLOYMENT AND,
453
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,310
YOU KNOW, JOBS NOT COMING BACK
454
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,078
AND JUST, YOU KNOW, GLOBAL
455
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:06,947
WARMING AND SHIT, PRETTY SOON
456
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,916
THE CONTESTANTS ARE GONNA BE --
457
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,217
LIKE, "OH, HEY, DON.
458
00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:11,885
SO, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A
459
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:12,452
LIVING?"
460
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,988
"ALEX, I AM -- I JUST HAVE A
461
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,590
GUN, AND I PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE
462
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:18,992
AT HOME."
463
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,460
[ LAUGHTER ]
464
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,595
"AND I JUST HAVE A GUN IN MY
465
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,631
MOUTH, AND I JUST SPIN THE
466
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:25,532
CHAMBER.
467
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,567
I WISH I HAD A GOOD STORY.
468
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,269
I KNOW THAT THERE'S GOOD --"
469
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:30,137
WOULDN'T IT?
470
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:31,538
THAT'D BE GREAT TO BE THE
471
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,240
"JEOPARDY!" CONTESTANT WHO'S
472
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,975
LIKE, "SO, EDDIE, WHAT DO YOU
473
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:35,342
DO?"
474
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,476
"WHAT DO I DO?
475
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,145
I BLEED IN FOUNTAINS.
476
00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:39,913
THAT'S WHAT I DO, ALEX.
477
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,281
I HOPE I WIN HERE."
478
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,051
[ LAUGHTER ]
479
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:47,320
"I BLEED IN FOUNTAINS!
480
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,421
AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD
481
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:53,961
HAVE TAKEN AWAY THOSE POINTS!"
482
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,028
THEY START GIVING ME POINTS ON
483
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:55,428
"JEOPARDY!"
484
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,330
[ LAUGHTER ]
485
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,298
I'D LIKE TO BE THE
486
00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,699
OUT-OF-CONTROL "JEOPARDY!" GUY.
487
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:01,234
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THAT'S NOT
488
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,336
RIGHT?!
489
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:05,705
GIBRALTAR IS A ROCK!"
490
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,274
[ LAUGHTER ]
491
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:08,408
"YOU DIDN'T SAY 'WHAT IS
492
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,142
GIBRALTAR'?"
493
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,144
"I'LL KILL EVERYBODY!"
494
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,312
[ LAUGHTER ]
495
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:16,249
"GIVE ME THE POINTS, TREBEK!"
496
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,518
[ KEYS CLACKING ]
497
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:33,533
YOU FUCKING BASTARD.
498
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:38,338
I MISSPELLED "ANCHORWOMAN."
499
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,141
AW, FUCK THIS SHIT.
500
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,110
YOU FUCKING BASTARD.
501
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,444
[ SNIFFS ]
502
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,745
>> I MEAN THIS IN THE NICEST
503
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:46,579
WAY.
504
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:50,750
YOU KNOW, EDDIE IS TO
505
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,086
EXISTENTIAL ANGST WHAT A SKUNK
506
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,688
IS TO STENCH, IN THE SENSE THAT
507
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,325
YOU CAN'T GET MORE IN ONE
508
00:15:58,325 --> 00:15:59,092
ORGANISM.
509
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,027
>> PERFECT.
510
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,261
YOU AND HIM CAN TIE THE KNOT.
511
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,629
>> [ LAUGHS ] YOU KNOW WHAT?
512
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,264
I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'RE STEPPING
513
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:05,365
ON -- LET HIM FINISH.
514
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:05,765
>> OKAY.
515
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,234
>> WE JUST NEED A LITTLE BIT OF
516
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:07,500
A --
517
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:08,601
>> FRANK DID THAT, RIGHT?
518
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,402
I'M NOT SAYING.
519
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,337
NO, AND HE CALLED --
520
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,471
>> YEAH, LET'S ASSIGN BLAME.
521
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,539
>> [ Laughing ] YES! YES!
522
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,506
>> FIRST ASSIGN BLAME.
523
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,108
>> YES. PAUL GETS IT.
524
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,343
[ LAUGHTER ]
525
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:17,744
PAUL GETS IT.
526
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,412
[ LAUGHS ]
527
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,549
>> HE KNOWS THAT YOU KNOW THAT
528
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,751
HE KNOWS HOW FUCKED UP HE IS.
529
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,486
THAT, I THINK, IS WHAT IT IS.
530
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,355
THAT'S -- YOU KNOW, THAT HE'S SO
531
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:31,791
ANGRY, BUT HE'S SO SELF-AWARE.
532
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,726
>> NO, DID YOU GUYS HEAR THE
533
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,762
STORY ABOUT A GUY WHO ROBBED A
534
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,065
BANK SO HE COULD GET HEALTHCARE?
535
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:38,431
>> MM.
536
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:39,732
>> DID YOU GUYS -- YOU DID NOT
537
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:40,433
HEAR THIS?
538
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,468
>> I HEARD THAT. SAD.
539
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:42,702
[ LAUGHTER ]
540
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,737
>> YOU SLOUGH THIS SHIT OFF NOW.
541
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,139
BY THE WAY, I THINK --
542
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:46,773
[ LAUGHTER ]
543
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:47,807
NO, YOU REALLY DO.
544
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:48,708
YOU REALLY DO.
545
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,443
YOU KNOW, THINGS ARE GOING VERY
546
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,145
WELL FOR YOU, AND I COULD JUST
547
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:53,680
SEE YOU, YOU KNOW, PICKING UP A
548
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,348
PAPER, GOING, "VERY SAD ABOUT
549
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,483
THAT," RIGHT?
550
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:58,118
[ LAUGHTER ]
551
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:58,818
"HEY!
552
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:02,122
LET ME GET A CILANTRO-INFUSED
553
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,123
SALMON!
554
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,491
MARC MARON!"
555
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,325
[ LAUGHTER ]
556
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,430
YOU WANT A FROZEN GRAPE?
557
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,765
THESE ARE SO GOOD.
558
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:20,473
YOU WANT TO TRY ONE?
559
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:21,741
ALL RIGHT.
560
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:22,742
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA VACUUM A
561
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,577
LITTLE.
562
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,756
>> I THINK COMEDIANS DO LIKE THE
563
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,125
DARK SIDE.
564
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,259
OF THE FEW THINGS I KNOW ABOUT
565
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,427
EDDIE PERSONALLY, I KNOW THAT HE
566
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,495
LIVES IN THAT TERRIBLE BUILDING.
567
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,697
HE SEEMS TO REVEL IN LIVING IN
568
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,799
THIS DEPRESSING PLACE, SO...
569
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,301
[ CAT MEOWS ]
570
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,837
>> CRISSIE.
571
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,872
CRISSIE.
572
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:57,344
CRISWELL.
573
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:59,246
YEAH.
574
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:00,480
HE'S A SOCIAL CAT.
575
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,515
LIKE, HE LOVES WHEN PEOPLE COME
576
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,150
OVER.
577
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:04,751
YOU'RE MY PUPPY.
578
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,752
YOU'RE MY PUPPY.
579
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,588
YOU'RE MY PUPPY.
580
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,590
>> HE'S A REALLY LOVELY, SWEET
581
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,692
GUY, AND I COULD SEE HIM NEEDING
582
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,827
TO SOMEHOW QUIET DOWN THE VOICES
583
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:15,795
IN HIS HEAD.
584
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,430
AND IT MAKES COMPLETE SENSE TO
585
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,765
ME THAT EDDIE WOULD SIT ON A
586
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,400
PARK BENCH AND FEED SQUIRRELS,
587
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,335
FOR I COULD SEE HIM NEEDING HELP
588
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,636
TO STOP DOING THAT.
589
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,438
>> LIKE, I LOVE FUCKING -- I
590
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,240
LOVE BIRDS AND SQUIRRELS AND
591
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,409
CATS, DOGS.
592
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,244
AND I ALWAYS HAVE LOVED ANIMALS,
593
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,712
BUT NOW IT'S REALLY INTENSE,
594
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,447
WHERE OUT HERE NOW I'M SORT OF
595
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,249
PROTECTING THE SQUIRRELS BECAUSE
596
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:37,784
THERE'S A LOT OF ASSHOLES WHO
597
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,552
TRY TO FUCK WITH THE SQUIRRELS.
598
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,288
I'M LIKE -- AND THEN I'M LIKE
599
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,722
GOING, "DO I REALLY WANT TO
600
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,457
BECOME THE SQUIRREL DETECTOR,
601
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,258
YOU KNOW?"
602
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,427
[ SMOOCHES ] HEY.
603
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,761
THEY KIND OF KNOW ME AT THIS
604
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:49,696
POINT, YOU KNOW?
605
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,164
HI.
606
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,300
HI. YEAH.
607
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:56,636
I LIKE WHEN I FEEL THEIR PAW
608
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:59,172
TOUCH MY FINGER.
609
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,940
>> I CANNOT EVEN VISUALIZE
610
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,376
EDDIE PEPITONE FEEDING SQUIRRELS
611
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:04,444
IN THE PARK.
612
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,878
DOES HE DO IT -- DOES HE DO IT
613
00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:06,546
ANGRILY?
614
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:07,847
DOES HE CHUCK THE CRUMBS AT
615
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:08,415
THEM?
616
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:09,816
>> OH, HI!
617
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:10,650
HI. YEAH.
618
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,619
YOU HEARD ABOUT THE FREE NUTS?
619
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:13,886
>> I PICTURE HIM BEING ANGRY
620
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,322
THAT MORE SQUIRRELS AREN'T
621
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,489
COMING, SHOUTING AT THEM.
622
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,391
"GET OVER HERE! COME ON!
623
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,726
I GOT WALNUTS!
624
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,894
11 BUCKS AT TRADER JOE'S!"
625
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,363
'CAUSE THAT'S A THING THAT HE
626
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:23,696
DOES.
627
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:24,931
HE ALWAYS WANTS TO MAKE SURE
628
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,366
EVERYBODY KNOWS HOW FAR HE'S
629
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,334
GONE FOR SOMETHING.
630
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:28,735
SO, I PICTURE HIM DESCRIBING TO
631
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:31,571
THE SQUIRREL -- "11 BUCKS, PLUS
632
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,506
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO PARK AT
633
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:37,777
TRADER JOE'S."
634
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,812
>> YOU KNOW, AT FIRST, YEAH, IT
635
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,714
WOULD SEEM THAT EDDIE REALLY
636
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,350
DOESN'T BELONG HERE IN
637
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,317
LOS ANGELES.
638
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:46,319
HE HAS A VERY "NEW YORK IN THE
639
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,554
'50s" FEEL TO HIM.
640
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,889
HE FEELS LIKE A -- HE FEELS LIKE
641
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:51,991
A BEATNIK, EAST VILLAGE TYPE
642
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:54,527
THAT BROKE LOOSE FROM THAT GROUP
643
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,862
AND KIND OF WASHED UP IN L.A.,
644
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,397
LIKE, "WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?"
645
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,399
>> I GUESS THAT HE WAS NOTHING
646
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,301
BEFORE, NOTHING WHEN HE WAS
647
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,270
YOUNG AND WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER
648
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,238
AND THEN WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE
649
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:06,639
OLDER, A LITTLE OLDER, A LITTLE
650
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:06,973
OLDER.
651
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,375
HE PROBABLY WAS SHITTY OR
652
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:08,875
SOMETHING.
653
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,943
I MEAN, I NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
654
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,314
>> WAIT, BARTENDER, ASS-KISSER,
655
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,315
WHATEVER WE COULD DO TO MAKE A
656
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:16,483
COUPLE OF BUCKS.
657
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,884
IF THERE'S A WAITER YOU DON'T
658
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,018
EVER WANT TO HAVE, IT'S THAT
659
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:19,486
GUY.
660
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:20,587
HE JUST HAD THE SAME STINKY
661
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:23,823
SHIRT DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
662
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:25,258
AND FINALLY -- THERE WAS A
663
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,659
GARAGE ADJACENT TO THE KITCHEN.
664
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:27,927
WE BURNED HIS SHIRT IN THE
665
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,529
GARAGE BECAUSE IT STUNK SO BAD.
666
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:30,897
IT WAS JUST LIKE, "EDDIE, THAT
667
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:31,931
THING'S COMING OFF."
668
00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:33,633
THE MANAGER LIT IT UP.
669
00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:35,768
>> I SUBLETTED MY APARTMENT TO
670
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,770
EDDIE AND ONE DAY I WENT OVER TO
671
00:20:37,770 --> 00:20:40,407
GET MY TV AND HE HAD PAWNED IT.
672
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,443
I SAID, "ED, WHERE'S MY TV?"
673
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:44,744
AND HE SAID, "OH, I DIDN'T THINK
674
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,612
YOU WANTED THAT."
675
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:46,646
>> LISTEN TO ME.
676
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,947
LOOK. LOOK. LOOK. LOOK.
677
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:48,948
IT'S FOR SOMEBODY ELSE.
678
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,717
>> PLEASE GIVE ME SOME OF IT,
679
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:51,017
MAN!
680
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,485
A PIECE, A PIECE, A PIECE, A
681
00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:53,286
LITTLE PIECE.
682
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,287
>> IT'S NOT FOR ME.
683
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,588
>> COME ON. LOOK AT ME, MAN.
684
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,055
>> I KNOW.
685
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,690
LOOK, I'LL COME BACK, ALL RIGHT?
686
00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,891
>> YOU REMEMBER WHEN I GAVE
687
00:20:58,891 --> 00:20:59,726
YOU -- COME ON!
688
00:20:59,726 --> 00:21:00,993
PACO'S GETTING ME, TOO, MAN!
689
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:01,761
PACO OWES ME!
690
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,930
>> I FIRST SAW EDDIE WORK IN
691
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,466
NEW YORK ABOUT 7,000 YEARS AGO,
692
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,768
AND EDDIE WAS -- FROM THE VERY
693
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,370
EARLY DAYS, EDDIE WAS SOMEBODY
694
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,804
THAT EVERYBODY TALKED ABOUT AS,
695
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:13,440
"WHY DON'T MORE PEOPLE KNOW WHO
696
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,441
EDDIE PEPITONE IS?
697
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:22,048
HE'S UNBELIEVABLE."
698
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,450
>> IT'S FUNNY.
699
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,485
WHEN I PERFORM IN FRONT OF
700
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,754
AUDIENCES THAT I'M NOT USED TO,
701
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:30,089
IT'S DIFFERENT BECAUSE I STAY IN
702
00:21:30,089 --> 00:21:31,691
L.A. AND NEW YORK,
703
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,926
PARTICULARLY -- WELL, L.A. NOW
704
00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:35,595
THE LAST FEW YEARS.
705
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:37,864
SO, I REALLY GET USED TO CERTAIN
706
00:21:37,864 --> 00:21:40,066
TYPES OF AUDIENCES, AND SINCE I
707
00:21:40,066 --> 00:21:42,469
DON'T TRAVEL, I GET IN MY HEAD.
708
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:43,936
>> HE WOULD DO FINE ON THE ROAD
709
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,638
IF HE GOT OUT ON THE ROAD MORE.
710
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:46,839
AND IT WOULDN'T EVEN MEAN
711
00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:48,441
ADJUSTING ANYTHING THAT HE DOES.
712
00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:49,809
IT WOULD JUST MEAN LEARNING HOW
713
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,444
TO GET PEOPLE TO COME TO WHAT HE
714
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:51,778
DOES.
715
00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:53,079
THAT JUST COMES FROM BEING ON
716
00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:55,014
THE ROAD.
717
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,492
>> WHAT IS IT WITH THE WAVE,
718
00:22:05,492 --> 00:22:05,858
FOLKS?
719
00:22:05,858 --> 00:22:09,762
NOBODY WAVES!
720
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:12,031
THAT'S ON YOU. I WAVED.
721
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:14,000
I ALWAYS WORRY BECAUSE
722
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,669
MAINSTREAM PEOPLE TEND TO BE A
723
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:20,106
LITTLE FREAKED OUT BY ME, LIKE
724
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:21,841
PEOPLE WHO GO TO THE DISNEY
725
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:23,109
STORE DURING THE DAY.
726
00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:24,877
I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GONNA WANT
727
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:26,546
TO SEE ME TALKING ABOUT HOW I
728
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:27,947
JERK OFF TO UFC FIGHTS, BUT
729
00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:32,385
MAYBE I'M WRONG ABOUT THAT.
730
00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:33,853
HOW'S THE CROWD?
731
00:22:33,853 --> 00:22:36,423
>> UH, LOOKING GOOD.
732
00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:38,391
>> YOU KNOW, TRYING TO MAKE A
733
00:22:38,391 --> 00:22:40,393
LIVING IN THIS BLOODBATH OF AN
734
00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:42,429
ECONOMY, I SOMETIMES GO OUT FOR
735
00:22:42,429 --> 00:22:44,397
COMMERCIALS, AND I HATE THEM.
736
00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:46,399
I HATE THEM SO BAD, YOU KNOW, TO
737
00:22:46,399 --> 00:22:49,168
BE A CORPORATE COCKSUCKER AND --
738
00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:51,504
AND -- AND -- THEY EXIST IN THIS
739
00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:53,640
WORLD OF, LIKE [Chuckling] "HEY,
740
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,408
HOW DID YOU GET THE SHIRT
741
00:22:55,408 --> 00:22:55,975
FRESH?"
742
00:22:55,975 --> 00:22:58,811
[ LAUGHTER ]
743
00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:00,813
BUT WITH ME IT JUST COMES OUT
744
00:23:00,813 --> 00:23:01,848
SO PSYCHOTIC.
745
00:23:01,848 --> 00:23:02,849
[ LAUGHTER ]
746
00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:03,716
YOU KNOW?
747
00:23:03,716 --> 00:23:05,184
IF THAT'S THE LINE, YOU KNOW, I
748
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:06,786
HAVE TO DO, IT'S LIKE -- YOU
749
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:08,154
KNOW, THEY BRING ME INTO THE
750
00:23:08,154 --> 00:23:09,789
ROOM, AND THEY'RE LIKE, "OKAY,
751
00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:11,491
EDDIE, JUST -- YOU KNOW, 'HOW'D
752
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:12,759
YOU GET THE SHIRT FRESH?'
753
00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:14,627
THAT'S THE LINE."
754
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,929
AND, YOU KNOW, I'M ALWAYS
755
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:21,468
LIKE -- [ EXHALING SHARPLY ]
756
00:23:21,468 --> 00:23:23,570
[ SIGHS ]
757
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:27,507
"HONEY! HONEY!
758
00:23:27,507 --> 00:23:29,776
HONEY!
759
00:23:29,776 --> 00:23:32,078
HONEY?!"
760
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:34,046
"NO, MR. PEPITONE, YOUR WIFE --
761
00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:36,683
SHE IS THERE."
762
00:23:36,683 --> 00:23:37,850
"ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
763
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:38,551
I'M SORRY.
764
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:39,719
I'VE BEEN LEFT BEFORE.
765
00:23:39,719 --> 00:23:40,520
THAT'S ALL."
766
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:44,657
[ LAUGHTER ]
767
00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:48,094
"IT'S JUST -- I JUST -- I DON'T
768
00:23:48,094 --> 00:23:51,498
TRUST WOMEN, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE
769
00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:52,832
I'M NOT, YOU KNOW, GORGEOUS.
770
00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:54,467
I HAVE GORGEOUS EYES, YES, BUT
771
00:23:54,467 --> 00:23:56,936
I -- I LIKE QUINOA, A LOT OF
772
00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:59,706
QUINOA, AND IT PUTS WEIGHT ON
773
00:23:59,706 --> 00:24:00,206
ME.
774
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:01,774
BUT, ANYWAY, ALL RIGHT, SO, SHE
775
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:02,241
IS THERE?
776
00:24:02,241 --> 00:24:03,710
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?"
777
00:24:03,710 --> 00:24:04,677
"YES. SHE IS THERE.
778
00:24:04,677 --> 00:24:06,212
WE JUST WANT TO GET TO, YOU
779
00:24:06,212 --> 00:24:08,147
KNOW, JUST, 'WHY IS THE SHIRT SO
780
00:24:08,147 --> 00:24:08,848
FRESH?'
781
00:24:08,848 --> 00:24:09,682
YOU KNOW?"
782
00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:10,750
"HONEY."
783
00:24:10,750 --> 00:24:13,152
[ LAUGHS MANIACALLY ]
784
00:24:13,152 --> 00:24:15,522
[ LAUGHTER ]
785
00:24:15,522 --> 00:24:16,489
THIS IS THE SHIRT, BY THE WAY.
786
00:24:16,489 --> 00:24:18,224
[ Chuckling ] "HOW DID YOU --
787
00:24:18,224 --> 00:24:20,226
HOW DID YOU GET -- HOW DID YOU
788
00:24:20,226 --> 00:24:21,894
GET THE SHIRT SO FRESH?
789
00:24:21,894 --> 00:24:23,896
I MEAN, ONE OUT OF SIX PEOPLE
790
00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:25,064
ARE UNEMPLOYED!"
791
00:24:25,064 --> 00:24:28,167
[ LAUGHTER ]
792
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:29,902
"DID YOU KNOW THAT TWO OUT OF
793
00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:31,604
EIGHT PEOPLE, WHICH IS REALLY
794
00:24:31,604 --> 00:24:35,508
ONE OUT OF FOUR, ARE ON FOOD
795
00:24:35,508 --> 00:24:36,075
STAMPS?
796
00:24:36,075 --> 00:24:38,010
YET YOU GOT THE SHIRT FRESH!"
797
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:41,581
[ LAUGHTER ]
798
00:24:41,581 --> 00:24:45,151
"HOW DID YOU DO IT, BABY?
799
00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:47,720
SWEETIE, HOW'D YOU GET THE SHIRT
800
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,758
FRESH WHEN YOUR AUNT JUST TOOK
801
00:24:51,758 --> 00:24:53,626
HER OWN LIFE IN OUR BACKYARD?
802
00:24:53,626 --> 00:24:55,962
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
803
00:24:55,962 --> 00:24:58,097
YOUR FUCKING AUNT, WHO YOU
804
00:24:58,097 --> 00:24:59,265
INVITE OVER.
805
00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:00,833
I DIDN'T WANT HER OVER.
806
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,168
I KNOW EVIE IS CRAZY."
807
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:03,936
[ LAUGHTER ]
808
00:25:03,936 --> 00:25:07,073
"YET YOU WANT HER OVER.
809
00:25:07,073 --> 00:25:09,576
HOW DID YOU GET IT FRESH SO
810
00:25:09,576 --> 00:25:12,044
QUICK ON THE HEELS OF EVIE'S
811
00:25:12,044 --> 00:25:13,580
DEATH?!"
812
00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:15,014
[ LAUGHTER ]
813
00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:22,021
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
814
00:25:22,021 --> 00:25:23,155
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
815
00:25:23,155 --> 00:25:27,159
AWW, THANKS. THANK YOU.
816
00:25:27,159 --> 00:25:28,695
>> THEY LOVED YOU VERY MUCH.
817
00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:29,862
>> AWW, THAT'S SO NICE.
818
00:25:29,862 --> 00:25:30,763
>> IT WAS GOOD.
819
00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:32,799
>> [ SIGHS ]
820
00:25:45,612 --> 00:25:47,847
GOTHAM IS A HUGE PLACE, AND I'M
821
00:25:47,847 --> 00:25:50,049
GONNA HAVE, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF
822
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,251
FRIENDS THERE, AND MY DAD, YOU
823
00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:54,253
KNOW, HOPEFULLY WILL COME.
824
00:25:54,253 --> 00:25:55,955
AND IT'S BIG.
825
00:25:55,955 --> 00:25:59,191
I MEAN, IT'S SCARY BECAUSE GOING
826
00:25:59,191 --> 00:26:01,227
HOME AND PERFORMING -- YOU KNOW,
827
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:02,829
YOU WANT TO LOOK GOOD.
828
00:26:02,829 --> 00:26:04,964
I WANT TO LOOK GOOD.
829
00:26:04,964 --> 00:26:05,998
YOU KNOW, I REALLY WANT TO LOOK
830
00:26:05,998 --> 00:26:10,670
GOOD TO PEOPLE.
831
00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:12,004
YEAH, I SNIPPED THIS WITH A
832
00:26:12,004 --> 00:26:14,106
SCISSOR.
833
00:26:23,215 --> 00:26:28,655
[ HORN HONKING ]
834
00:26:28,655 --> 00:26:30,222
I LIKE TO GIVE PEOPLE SHIT THAT
835
00:26:30,222 --> 00:26:33,159
DO DICK MOVES.
836
00:26:33,159 --> 00:26:35,895
[ VACUUM WHIRRING ]
837
00:26:35,895 --> 00:26:36,763
[ WHIRRING STOPS ]
838
00:26:36,763 --> 00:26:41,233
OH, SHIT.
839
00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:43,369
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA GO FAX.
840
00:26:43,369 --> 00:26:46,739
TWO STEPS AWAY. GOD DAMN IT.
841
00:26:46,739 --> 00:26:48,240
I HAVE TO SCAN A HEADSHOT.
842
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,744
AND I'M OVERWHELMED!
843
00:26:51,744 --> 00:26:53,245
HOW DO YOU SCAN A HEADSHOT WHEN
844
00:26:53,245 --> 00:26:57,249
YOU'RE OVERWHELMED, HUH?
845
00:26:57,249 --> 00:27:00,119
IT'S VERY...
846
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,822
IT'S VERY DIFFICULT.
847
00:27:02,822 --> 00:27:04,991
[ Imitating crying ] OH, NO.
848
00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:07,994
THEY'RE ALL FUCKED UP.
849
00:27:07,994 --> 00:27:10,162
THIS IS THE BAD PART OF BEING
850
00:27:10,162 --> 00:27:11,230
OVERWHELMED.
851
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,131
LOOK AT THIS.
852
00:27:12,131 --> 00:27:13,766
I LOOK LIKE A MALE MODEL IN
853
00:27:13,766 --> 00:27:14,133
THIS.
854
00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:15,768
NOTHING IS FURTHER FROM THE
855
00:27:15,768 --> 00:27:16,202
TRUTH.
856
00:27:16,202 --> 00:27:19,772
[ WHIMPERING ]
857
00:27:19,772 --> 00:27:21,708
I SHOULD HAVE NEW ONES, I THINK.
858
00:27:21,708 --> 00:27:23,676
THIS WAS DONE AWHILE AGO.
859
00:27:23,676 --> 00:27:24,911
HERE'S THE LAST THING I
860
00:27:24,911 --> 00:27:27,980
SCANNED -- MY PASSPORT.
861
00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:30,416
I'M ON A LIST!
862
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:32,251
[ KEYS CLACKING ]
863
00:27:37,690 --> 00:27:40,292
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
864
00:27:40,292 --> 00:27:41,761
LOOK AT THIS SHIT.
865
00:27:41,761 --> 00:27:42,862
LOOK AT THIS SHIT.
866
00:27:42,862 --> 00:27:44,163
I HAVE A TICKET.
867
00:27:44,163 --> 00:27:45,164
WHAT THE FUCK?
868
00:27:45,164 --> 00:27:47,033
BECAUSE I PARKED A LITTLE INTO
869
00:27:47,033 --> 00:27:52,104
THE FUCKING DRIVEWAY?
870
00:27:52,104 --> 00:27:55,241
WHAT THE FUCK?
871
00:27:55,241 --> 00:27:57,209
OH, I -- OH, I PARKED IN A
872
00:27:57,209 --> 00:27:58,444
CROSSWALK.
873
00:27:58,444 --> 00:28:00,279
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T SEE THE
874
00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:02,181
CROSSWALK.
875
00:28:02,181 --> 00:28:04,784
OH, MY FUCKING GOD.
876
00:28:04,784 --> 00:28:06,185
I GOT TO PAY THIS RIGHT AWAY
877
00:28:06,185 --> 00:28:07,286
'CAUSE IT'S KAREN'S.
878
00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:08,955
IT'S KAREN'S CAR, AND SHE WILL
879
00:28:08,955 --> 00:28:10,389
FREAK OUT IF I DON'T PAY THIS
880
00:28:10,389 --> 00:28:11,190
RIGHT AWAY.
881
00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,892
SO, I GOT TO PAY IT RIGHT AWAY.
882
00:28:12,892 --> 00:28:15,161
[ LAUGHTER ]
883
00:28:15,161 --> 00:28:17,129
I'M COMPLETELY SOBER NOW.
884
00:28:17,129 --> 00:28:19,065
I AM REALLY SOBER.
885
00:28:19,065 --> 00:28:20,833
I TELL EVERYBODY I JUST WANT TO
886
00:28:20,833 --> 00:28:23,335
BE CONSCIOUS FOR THE HORROR.
887
00:28:23,335 --> 00:28:25,104
[ LAUGHTER ]
888
00:28:25,104 --> 00:28:27,173
NO, THAT'S WHAT SOBRIETY --
889
00:28:27,173 --> 00:28:29,041
THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
890
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:31,343
IT'S LIKE, "NO, I DON'T DRINK."
891
00:28:31,343 --> 00:28:32,278
IT IS. IT'S A TRIP.
892
00:28:32,278 --> 00:28:34,747
IT'S LIKE, "I DON'T DRINK
893
00:28:34,747 --> 00:28:35,214
ANYMORE.
894
00:28:35,214 --> 00:28:38,250
I DON'T WANT TO BE NUMB FOR ALL
895
00:28:38,250 --> 00:28:39,418
OF THIS!"
896
00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:40,920
[ LAUGHTER ]
897
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,989
"I JUST -- OH, I WAKE UP, AND I
898
00:28:42,989 --> 00:28:45,024
LOOK AT THE FU-- I WAKE UP, AND
899
00:28:45,024 --> 00:28:47,126
I USUALLY WAKE UP AT ABOUT 10:00
900
00:28:47,126 --> 00:28:48,027
AT NIGHT."
901
00:28:48,027 --> 00:28:49,361
[ LAUGHTER ]
902
00:28:49,361 --> 00:28:51,163
>> WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
903
00:28:51,163 --> 00:28:52,965
EDDIE WHEN HE WAS DRINKING AND
904
00:28:52,965 --> 00:28:54,166
WHEN HE WAS SMOKING.
905
00:28:54,166 --> 00:28:55,367
THAT WAS A WILD MAN.
906
00:28:55,367 --> 00:28:57,169
BUT SINCE HE'S GOTTEN SOBER, I
907
00:28:57,169 --> 00:28:58,805
THINK HE'S MATURED IN MANY
908
00:28:58,805 --> 00:29:00,172
DIFFERENT WAYS, AND THAT
909
00:29:00,172 --> 00:29:02,008
MATURITY BECOMES MORE A PART OF
910
00:29:02,008 --> 00:29:02,541
HIS ACT.
911
00:29:02,541 --> 00:29:04,543
YOU KNOW, HIS SPIRITUAL SEARCH
912
00:29:04,543 --> 00:29:06,378
AND HIS POLITICAL MIND HAVE
913
00:29:06,378 --> 00:29:08,380
REALLY MATURED SINCE THE EARLY
914
00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:10,316
DAYS WHEN, YOU KNOW, HE WAS A
915
00:29:10,316 --> 00:29:11,417
BALL OF CHAOS."
916
00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:12,251
>> UH-HUH.
917
00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:13,152
>> TRY THIS.
918
00:29:13,152 --> 00:29:15,021
TRY GOING THROUGH A DAY WITHOUT
919
00:29:15,021 --> 00:29:15,855
JUDGING.
920
00:29:16,088 --> 00:29:17,990
IT'LL PUT YOU IN THE MOMENT.
921
00:29:17,990 --> 00:29:19,425
DO NOT JUDGE -- THAT'S ONE.
922
00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:20,359
DO NOT RESIST.
923
00:29:20,359 --> 00:29:21,928
IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU'RE
924
00:29:21,928 --> 00:29:23,762
FEELING SOMETHING, DON'T...
925
00:29:23,996 --> 00:29:24,797
>> RIGHT.
926
00:29:24,797 --> 00:29:25,832
>> JUST LET IT.
927
00:29:25,832 --> 00:29:27,533
>> DO NOT JUDGE, DO NOT RESIST,
928
00:29:27,533 --> 00:29:31,904
AND DO NOT SOMETHING.
929
00:29:31,904 --> 00:29:33,339
DO NOT -- NO, THERE'S THREE
930
00:29:33,339 --> 00:29:34,506
THINGS YOU DON'T DO.
931
00:29:34,506 --> 00:29:35,407
DO NOT JUDGE.
932
00:29:35,407 --> 00:29:36,575
>> DO NOT RESIST.
933
00:29:36,575 --> 00:29:38,244
>> DO NOT RESIST.
934
00:29:38,244 --> 00:29:39,478
MMM.
935
00:29:39,478 --> 00:29:41,113
AND WHEN I THINK OF THE OTHER
936
00:29:41,113 --> 00:29:42,314
ONE, I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
937
00:29:42,314 --> 00:29:44,083
LIKE, I'LL NEVER FORGET GOING IN
938
00:29:44,083 --> 00:29:45,517
AN A.A. MEETING, HEARING SOME
939
00:29:45,517 --> 00:29:47,253
GUY, A BEAUTIFUL SHARE, AND THEN
940
00:29:47,253 --> 00:29:48,921
HE WANTED TO KILL ME AFTER THE
941
00:29:48,921 --> 00:29:50,456
MEETING WHEN I WAS IN MY CAR AND
942
00:29:50,456 --> 00:29:52,191
HE CUT -- AND HE WANTED -- AND I
943
00:29:52,191 --> 00:29:53,559
WAS LIKE, "THAT'S THE GUY."
944
00:29:53,559 --> 00:29:55,261
I GO, "THAT'S THE FUCKING GUY
945
00:29:55,261 --> 00:29:56,963
WHO JUST SAID THAT BEAUTIFUL
946
00:29:56,963 --> 00:29:58,430
SHARE ABOUT UNIVERSAL LOVE?"
947
00:29:58,430 --> 00:29:59,932
AND THEN I SAID, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
948
00:29:59,932 --> 00:30:00,833
THIS IS BULLSHIT."
949
00:30:00,833 --> 00:30:02,334
>> LOOK, WE'RE ALL EQUALLY FULL
950
00:30:02,334 --> 00:30:03,035
OF SHIT.
951
00:30:03,035 --> 00:30:04,470
>> THAT'S WHY I DON'T LIKE TO
952
00:30:04,470 --> 00:30:05,504
SHARE, BY THE WAY.
953
00:30:05,504 --> 00:30:07,106
>> YOU DON'T LIKE TO SHARE ABOUT
954
00:30:07,106 --> 00:30:07,439
WHAT?
955
00:30:07,439 --> 00:30:08,407
>> IN THE MEETINGS.
956
00:30:08,407 --> 00:30:09,308
>> OH, YOU SHOULD SHARE.
957
00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:10,076
YOU NEED TO SHARE.
958
00:30:10,076 --> 00:30:10,877
>> YOU TELL ME THAT.
959
00:30:10,877 --> 00:30:11,610
>> YOU'LL NEVER GET BETTER
960
00:30:11,610 --> 00:30:12,311
WITHOUT SHARING.
961
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:13,345
YOU GOT TO GET YOUR SHIT OUT,
962
00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:14,914
TOO.
963
00:30:14,914 --> 00:30:16,148
IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT OUT,
964
00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:17,083
YOU WON'T GET BETTER.
965
00:30:17,083 --> 00:30:18,550
>> THERE ARE THINGS IN
966
00:30:18,550 --> 00:30:20,853
EVERYBODY'S LIFE, I THINK, THAT
967
00:30:20,853 --> 00:30:22,922
ARE TOO PAINFUL TO TALK ABOUT,
968
00:30:22,922 --> 00:30:23,923
I THINK.
969
00:30:23,923 --> 00:30:25,491
THE STUFF THAT WENT ON IN MY
970
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:27,359
FAMILY WHEN I WAS REALLY YOUNG
971
00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:28,995
I'M STILL DEALING WITH IN
972
00:30:28,995 --> 00:30:30,562
THERAPY NOW, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
973
00:30:30,562 --> 00:30:33,399
BECAUSE IT WAS SO FRIGHTENING.
974
00:30:33,399 --> 00:30:35,334
I'LL NEVER FORGET -- YOU KNOW,
975
00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:39,939
MY MOM WAS JUST CHECKED OUT A
976
00:30:39,939 --> 00:30:41,908
LOT OF THE TIME BECAUSE OF THE
977
00:30:41,908 --> 00:30:43,943
DEPRESSION, AND I'M STILL -- AND
978
00:30:43,943 --> 00:30:45,577
NOW I'M IN THERAPY, AND I'M
979
00:30:45,577 --> 00:30:48,647
DEALING WITH HOW ANGRY I AM.
980
00:30:48,647 --> 00:30:49,982
>> THAT SHE WASN'T THERE.
981
00:30:49,982 --> 00:30:50,349
>> YES.
982
00:30:50,349 --> 00:30:51,517
>> THAT HER BODY WAS THERE
983
00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:52,051
AND...
984
00:30:52,051 --> 00:30:52,418
>> YES.
985
00:30:52,418 --> 00:30:55,587
I'M STILL FUCKING FURIOUS OVER
986
00:30:55,587 --> 00:30:56,188
THIS.
987
00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:57,323
AND IT'S THE REASON I'M A
988
00:30:57,323 --> 00:30:57,990
COMEDIAN.
989
00:30:57,990 --> 00:30:58,457
>> MM-HMM.
990
00:30:58,457 --> 00:31:00,159
>> BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY TO DEAL
991
00:31:00,159 --> 00:31:01,527
WITH THAT IS EITHER TO KILL
992
00:31:01,527 --> 00:31:03,896
YOURSELF, YOU KNOW, HAVE A
993
00:31:03,896 --> 00:31:04,530
VERY --
994
00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:06,065
>> OR GET A TIGHT 10 TOGETHER
995
00:31:06,065 --> 00:31:07,033
AND TAKE IT ON THE ROAD.
996
00:31:07,033 --> 00:31:09,068
>> [ LAUGHS ]
997
00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:17,376
I'VE SCREAMED ONSTAGE FOR THE
998
00:31:17,376 --> 00:31:22,681
PAST LIKE 30 YEARS, JUST
999
00:31:22,681 --> 00:31:24,650
SCREAMING.
1000
00:31:24,650 --> 00:31:28,554
I'M TRYING TO FIGHT SOMETHING,
1001
00:31:28,554 --> 00:31:30,622
AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT IT IS.
1002
00:31:30,622 --> 00:31:35,127
IT'S HARD FOR ME TO CONNECT WITH
1003
00:31:35,127 --> 00:31:38,264
ANYONE, BUT, YOU KNOW, THROUGH
1004
00:31:38,264 --> 00:31:42,401
COMEDY I'VE BUILT A LIFE.
1005
00:31:42,401 --> 00:31:43,002
YOU KNOW?
1006
00:31:43,002 --> 00:31:44,136
THROUGH COMEDY, I'VE BUILT A
1007
00:31:44,136 --> 00:31:45,671
LIFE.
1008
00:31:45,671 --> 00:31:48,274
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S THOSE MOMENTS
1009
00:31:48,274 --> 00:31:50,476
THAT HE IS AT HIS MOST ZEN.
1010
00:31:50,476 --> 00:31:55,681
EVEN THOUGH HE'S RAGING, THAT IS
1011
00:31:55,681 --> 00:31:58,184
WHERE -- THAT IS WHERE HIS PEACE
1012
00:31:58,184 --> 00:31:59,718
IS.
1013
00:31:59,718 --> 00:32:01,287
>> AND DON'T YOU LOVE IT WHEN
1014
00:32:01,287 --> 00:32:02,688
YOU HEAR, LIKE, "OH, CHRIST, WE
1015
00:32:02,688 --> 00:32:04,323
GOT TO SHUT DOWN 30 STARBUCKS."
1016
00:32:04,323 --> 00:32:05,657
THAT MEANS, LIKE, YOU KNOW, A
1017
00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:07,159
COUPLE OF BLOCKS WORTH, YOU
1018
00:32:07,159 --> 00:32:07,493
KNOW?
1019
00:32:07,493 --> 00:32:10,396
IT'S LIKE -- [ LAUGHS ]
1020
00:32:10,396 --> 00:32:12,098
I LOVE DOING MATERIAL LIKE THAT,
1021
00:32:12,098 --> 00:32:13,532
WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE'S A
1022
00:32:13,532 --> 00:32:15,067
LOT OF STARBUCKS, YOU KNOW?
1023
00:32:15,067 --> 00:32:16,302
[ LAUGHTER ]
1024
00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:18,170
EVERYBODY'S LIKE, "GOD DAMN IT,
1025
00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:20,039
HE FINALLY HIT A NERVE WITH ME,
1026
00:32:20,039 --> 00:32:20,406
AL."
1027
00:32:20,406 --> 00:32:22,241
[ LAUGHTER ]
1028
00:32:22,241 --> 00:32:23,542
"HE FINALLY HIT A NERVE WITH
1029
00:32:23,542 --> 00:32:24,043
ME!"
1030
00:32:24,043 --> 00:32:25,311
AND YOU GUYS WILL BE DRIVING
1031
00:32:25,311 --> 00:32:26,745
HOME, GOING, "YOU KNOW, IT WAS A
1032
00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:28,180
LITTLE CRAZY, THAT SET, BUT
1033
00:32:28,180 --> 00:32:29,548
JESUS CHRIST IF HE DIDN'T TALK
1034
00:32:29,548 --> 00:32:32,518
ABOUT THE STARBUCKS BEING REALLY
1035
00:32:32,518 --> 00:32:33,752
A LOT OF THEM, HUH?"
1036
00:32:33,752 --> 00:32:35,988
[ LAUGHTER ]
1037
00:32:35,988 --> 00:32:37,489
"THAT WAS A GREAT LITTLE -- IT
1038
00:32:37,489 --> 00:32:39,258
WAS JUST A GREAT OBSERVATION BY
1039
00:32:39,258 --> 00:32:40,026
THAT KID."
1040
00:32:40,026 --> 00:32:41,260
[ LAUGHTER ]
1041
00:32:41,260 --> 00:32:43,462
"WHAT WAS THE KID'S NAME?
1042
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:47,299
THE KID IN THE LIGHTS!
1043
00:32:47,299 --> 00:32:51,037
THE KID IN THE LIGHTS!"
1044
00:32:51,037 --> 00:32:52,338
AND LIKE NOBODY'S WITH HIM IN
1045
00:32:52,338 --> 00:32:53,539
THE CAR.
1046
00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:56,442
"THE KID IN THE LIGHTS!
1047
00:32:56,442 --> 00:32:58,444
WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO,
1048
00:32:58,444 --> 00:33:00,412
MARGARET?!"
1049
00:33:00,412 --> 00:33:02,448
LIKE, HIS WIFE HAS BEEN DEAD FOR
1050
00:33:02,448 --> 00:33:03,149
YEARS.
1051
00:33:03,149 --> 00:33:05,717
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
1052
00:33:05,717 --> 00:33:08,054
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE KID IN
1053
00:33:08,054 --> 00:33:09,655
THE LIGHTS."
1054
00:33:09,655 --> 00:33:11,690
[ KEYS CLACKING ]
1055
00:33:18,764 --> 00:33:20,766
WHEN I WAS SOBER FOR SEVEN YEARS
1056
00:33:20,766 --> 00:33:22,368
BEFORE, I NEVER DID THE
1057
00:33:22,368 --> 00:33:25,737
MEDITATION PRACTICE.
1058
00:33:25,737 --> 00:33:28,607
BUT NOW I AM, AND IT DOES -- YOU
1059
00:33:28,607 --> 00:33:31,477
KNOW, I'VE GOTTEN -- I'VE GOTTEN
1060
00:33:31,477 --> 00:33:35,214
SOME RELIEF FROM, LIKE, YOU
1061
00:33:35,214 --> 00:33:38,484
KNOW, MY FUCKING DEMONIC,
1062
00:33:38,484 --> 00:33:41,387
CONSTANT THOUGHTS, YOU KNOW?
1063
00:33:41,387 --> 00:33:42,654
AND THAT'S MY THINKING, LIKE,
1064
00:33:42,654 --> 00:33:44,090
"HOW COME MTV DIDN'T CALL ME
1065
00:33:44,090 --> 00:33:44,390
BACK?
1066
00:33:44,390 --> 00:33:45,591
I BET "BOB'S BURGERS" ISN'T
1067
00:33:45,591 --> 00:33:46,525
GONNA USE ME AGAIN.
1068
00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,094
NICK SWARDSON'S SHOW DIDN'T CALL
1069
00:33:48,094 --> 00:33:48,527
ME BACK."
1070
00:33:48,527 --> 00:33:50,629
LIKE, LIKE, I'M ALWAYS THINKING
1071
00:33:50,629 --> 00:33:52,698
THIS SAME SHIT.
1072
00:33:59,505 --> 00:34:03,342
WHEN I DO GET OUT OF MY HEAD
1073
00:34:03,342 --> 00:34:06,712
JUST FOR A SECOND, IT FEELS
1074
00:34:06,712 --> 00:34:07,313
REALLY GOOD.
1075
00:34:07,313 --> 00:34:10,816
IT FEELS BIG AND VAST.
1076
00:34:10,816 --> 00:34:12,651
BUT IT'S SO HARD TO STOP
1077
00:34:12,651 --> 00:34:16,688
WORRYING, TO STOP CARING.
1078
00:34:16,688 --> 00:34:18,524
YOU ARE LIFE.
1079
00:34:18,524 --> 00:34:22,228
JUST LET GO OF CARING ABOUT
1080
00:34:22,228 --> 00:34:23,695
THINGS.
1081
00:34:23,695 --> 00:34:25,531
IT'S HARD TO DO.
1082
00:34:25,531 --> 00:34:27,499
>> I WANT HIM TO FIND THAT INNER
1083
00:34:27,499 --> 00:34:30,469
SOLITUDE.
1084
00:34:30,469 --> 00:34:32,604
YOU KNOW, IT TOOK AWHILE TO FIND
1085
00:34:32,604 --> 00:34:34,606
THE TITAN DOWN THERE, A FEW
1086
00:34:34,606 --> 00:34:36,342
MILES DEEP, BUT THERE'S
1087
00:34:36,342 --> 00:34:38,210
POSSIBILITY HE'LL FIND IT.
1088
00:34:38,210 --> 00:34:39,611
>> SO, YOU REALLY LISTEN TO
1089
00:34:39,611 --> 00:34:40,846
ECKHART TOLLE BEFORE --
1090
00:34:40,846 --> 00:34:41,547
>> I DO.
1091
00:34:41,547 --> 00:34:42,481
>> ME TOO, MAN!
1092
00:34:42,481 --> 00:34:43,249
>> YOU DO?
1093
00:34:43,249 --> 00:34:43,682
>> YES.
1094
00:34:43,682 --> 00:34:45,451
>> WHAT DO YOU TH-- I FUCKING
1095
00:34:45,451 --> 00:34:47,319
REALLY HAVE GOTTEN INTO HIM FOR
1096
00:34:47,319 --> 00:34:48,354
A LONG TIME NOW.
1097
00:34:48,354 --> 00:34:50,256
>> ...LACKING COMPLETELY IN
1098
00:34:50,256 --> 00:34:50,822
DEPTHS.
1099
00:34:50,822 --> 00:34:52,824
SO, NONE CAN BRING IN DEPTHS,
1100
00:34:52,824 --> 00:34:54,826
EVEN INTO YOUR PERCEPTIONS OF
1101
00:34:54,826 --> 00:34:55,594
THINGS.
1102
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:56,895
>> THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
1103
00:34:56,895 --> 00:34:58,164
>> PERCEPTION...
1104
00:34:58,164 --> 00:34:59,665
>> AND SOMETIMES IT REALLY
1105
00:34:59,665 --> 00:35:01,567
FUCKING SPEAKS TO ME, AND OTHER
1106
00:35:01,567 --> 00:35:03,369
TIMES I DON'T EVEN -- I DON'T
1107
00:35:03,369 --> 00:35:05,171
EVEN -- I DON'T EVEN GET
1108
00:35:05,171 --> 00:35:05,871
ANYTHING.
1109
00:35:05,871 --> 00:35:07,339
I CALL BULLSHIT!
1110
00:35:07,339 --> 00:35:08,640
>> ...FAR REMOVED.
1111
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,576
IT'S AN ABSTRACT -- FOR MANY
1112
00:35:10,576 --> 00:35:12,678
PEOPLE, TO BECOME PRESENT, WHEN
1113
00:35:12,678 --> 00:35:14,313
THEY REALIZE, "OH..."
1114
00:35:14,313 --> 00:35:16,415
>> YEAH, TELL MY WIFE TO BECOME
1115
00:35:16,415 --> 00:35:18,150
PRESENT, LIKE THE GUY WHO JUST
1116
00:35:18,150 --> 00:35:19,551
YELLS AT THE ECKHART TOLLE
1117
00:35:19,551 --> 00:35:21,387
SELF-HELP CD.
1118
00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:22,788
>> HE JUST TOLD ME TONIGHT HE
1119
00:35:22,788 --> 00:35:23,622
WENT OFF HIS MEDS.
1120
00:35:23,622 --> 00:35:25,724
I DON'T LIKE THAT AT ALL.
1121
00:35:26,158 --> 00:35:27,493
AND I CAN HEAR A DIFFERENCE.
1122
00:35:27,493 --> 00:35:28,794
IT'S ALWAYS THE SAME ANGRY
1123
00:35:28,794 --> 00:35:29,861
EDDIE, WHICH I LOVE.
1124
00:35:29,861 --> 00:35:32,531
BUT THERE'S A HINT OF IRRATIONAL
1125
00:35:32,531 --> 00:35:34,566
THINKING THAT IS KIND OF
1126
00:35:34,566 --> 00:35:35,867
SHOCKING TO ME.
1127
00:35:35,867 --> 00:35:37,569
>> I WAS LIKE -- I WAS LAYING
1128
00:35:37,569 --> 00:35:39,838
THERE TODAY, YOU KNOW, IN THAT
1129
00:35:39,838 --> 00:35:42,241
BALL, JUST KIND OF BREATHING.
1130
00:35:42,241 --> 00:35:43,242
AND I WAS FINE.
1131
00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:44,910
ACTUALLY, I ONLY HAD TO KIND OF
1132
00:35:44,910 --> 00:35:46,345
DO THAT FOR AN HOUR.
1133
00:35:46,345 --> 00:35:48,714
AND THEN I WAS COOL.
1134
00:35:48,714 --> 00:35:50,649
AND THIS IS NOT TO BRAG THAT I
1135
00:35:50,649 --> 00:35:52,451
HAVE THIS KIND OF LIFESTYLE
1136
00:35:52,451 --> 00:35:54,420
WHERE I CURL UP INTO A BALL AND
1137
00:35:54,420 --> 00:35:55,954
THEN CAN VACUUM AND CHANGE
1138
00:35:55,954 --> 00:35:56,688
LITTER.
1139
00:35:56,688 --> 00:35:57,923
[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]
1140
00:35:57,923 --> 00:35:59,625
BY THE WAY, I THINK WE SHOULD
1141
00:35:59,625 --> 00:36:01,393
HAVE OPEN-AIR PHARMACIES ON THE
1142
00:36:01,393 --> 00:36:02,861
WEEKENDS INSTEAD OF FARMER'S
1143
00:36:02,861 --> 00:36:03,562
MARKETS.
1144
00:36:03,562 --> 00:36:04,530
[ LAUGHTER ]
1145
00:36:04,530 --> 00:36:05,897
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
1146
00:36:05,897 --> 00:36:07,766
INSTEAD OF FRESH VEGETABLES,
1147
00:36:07,766 --> 00:36:09,701
LIKE FRESH, YOU KNOW -- FRESH
1148
00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:10,769
WELLBUTRIN.
1149
00:36:10,769 --> 00:36:12,971
[ LAUGHTER ]
1150
00:36:12,971 --> 00:36:13,939
"FRESH WELLBUTRIN!"
1151
00:36:13,939 --> 00:36:15,474
THEY SHOULD HAVE THAT AT GAMES
1152
00:36:15,474 --> 00:36:15,774
NOW.
1153
00:36:15,774 --> 00:36:17,376
"WELLBUTRIN!"
1154
00:36:17,376 --> 00:36:19,811
[ LAUGHTER ]
1155
00:36:19,811 --> 00:36:21,447
THIS SOCIETY IS JUST LOSING
1156
00:36:21,447 --> 00:36:22,248
THEIR SHIT.
1157
00:36:22,248 --> 00:36:24,916
"WELLBUTRIN!
1158
00:36:24,916 --> 00:36:27,686
LEXAPRO!
1159
00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:28,987
LEXAPRO!
1160
00:36:28,987 --> 00:36:32,624
LOOK AT THAT, TWO LEXAPRO!
1161
00:36:32,624 --> 00:36:33,625
TWO LEXAPRO!"
1162
00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:34,493
"MARGARET, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
1163
00:36:34,493 --> 00:36:36,795
WELLBUTRIN!"
1164
00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:38,397
BY THE WAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT
1165
00:36:38,397 --> 00:36:39,798
IS THAT I CAN ONLY THINK OF ONE
1166
00:36:39,798 --> 00:36:40,699
NAME FOR A WOMAN.
1167
00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:41,533
IT'S MARGARET.
1168
00:36:41,533 --> 00:36:42,868
AND I'VE TALKED TO A LOT OF MY
1169
00:36:42,868 --> 00:36:44,470
FRIENDS ABOUT IT, AND THEY JUST
1170
00:36:44,470 --> 00:36:45,737
SAY THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY
1171
00:36:45,737 --> 00:36:46,572
WRONG WITH ME.
1172
00:36:46,572 --> 00:36:50,709
[ LAUGHTER ]
1173
00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:52,678
ME, I'M FIRMLY GROUNDED TO
1174
00:36:52,678 --> 00:36:53,545
REALITY.
1175
00:36:53,545 --> 00:36:54,646
I'M TETHERED.
1176
00:36:54,646 --> 00:36:56,715
I'M TETHERED BY ALL KINDS OF
1177
00:36:56,715 --> 00:37:01,487
THINGS -- CATS, KAREN, YOU KNOW,
1178
00:37:01,487 --> 00:37:04,790
12-STEP PRO-- I'M SO TETHERED TO
1179
00:37:04,790 --> 00:37:06,325
REALITY, YOU KNOW?
1180
00:37:06,325 --> 00:37:07,559
WHAT WAS THAT?
1181
00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:08,860
>> YEAH, WELL, I LOCK IN ON A
1182
00:37:08,860 --> 00:37:09,361
FEW.
1183
00:37:09,361 --> 00:37:10,296
>> YOU DO LOCK IN.
1184
00:37:10,296 --> 00:37:11,697
>> I'VE GOTTEN VERY LAZY BECAUSE
1185
00:37:11,697 --> 00:37:12,398
OF YOUPORN.
1186
00:37:12,398 --> 00:37:13,699
LIKE, I DON'T EVEN ENGAGE MY
1187
00:37:13,699 --> 00:37:14,433
FANTASIES...
1188
00:37:14,433 --> 00:37:15,801
>> OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
1189
00:37:15,801 --> 00:37:17,736
I STAY AWAY FROM -- AGAIN, YOU
1190
00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:19,805
KNOW, I HATE TO KEEP HITTING THE
1191
00:37:19,805 --> 00:37:21,807
ADDICTION NOTE, BUT I STAY AWAY
1192
00:37:21,807 --> 00:37:25,611
FROM PORNOGRAPHY NOW BECAUSE I
1193
00:37:25,611 --> 00:37:27,913
JUST THINK THAT IF I GO TO IT
1194
00:37:27,913 --> 00:37:29,681
BECAUSE IT'S FREE -- LIKE
1195
00:37:29,681 --> 00:37:31,617
YOUPORN AND REDTUBE, WHATEVER
1196
00:37:31,617 --> 00:37:33,619
THE FUCK -- I WOULD JUST GO TO
1197
00:37:33,619 --> 00:37:34,786
IT ALL THE TIME.
1198
00:37:34,786 --> 00:37:36,322
AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
1199
00:37:36,322 --> 00:37:37,756
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO WITHDRAW
1200
00:37:37,756 --> 00:37:39,391
FROM THAT CRAP, SO I JUST DON'T
1201
00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:39,758
DO IT.
1202
00:37:39,758 --> 00:37:40,826
I DON'T DO IT AT ALL.
1203
00:37:40,826 --> 00:37:42,461
>> MAYBE I SHOULD PROBABLY PULL
1204
00:37:42,461 --> 00:37:42,761
OUT.
1205
00:37:42,761 --> 00:37:43,595
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1206
00:37:43,595 --> 00:37:44,730
>> PULL AWAY.
1207
00:37:44,730 --> 00:37:46,498
>> I ALSO FIND IT VERY
1208
00:37:46,498 --> 00:37:48,634
FRUSTRATING BECAUSE WHEN I DO
1209
00:37:48,634 --> 00:37:50,702
DO THE FREE PORN THING, THEY
1210
00:37:50,702 --> 00:37:52,604
GIVE YOU SO MANY FUCKING
1211
00:37:52,604 --> 00:37:54,573
CHOICES -- NO PUN INTENDED
1212
00:37:54,573 --> 00:37:56,542
[LAUGHS] -- THEY GIVE YOU SO
1213
00:37:56,542 --> 00:37:57,976
MANY FUCKING CHOICES.
1214
00:37:57,976 --> 00:37:59,745
AND I'M NEVER SATISFIED.
1215
00:37:59,745 --> 00:38:01,713
IT'S LIKE TRYING TO FIND THE
1216
00:38:01,713 --> 00:38:03,782
RIGHT SWEET OR THE RIGHT DRUG.
1217
00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:05,351
>> IT'S SORT OF HUMILIATING TO
1218
00:38:05,351 --> 00:38:06,685
SIT THERE GOING, "NOPE, NOPE,
1219
00:38:06,685 --> 00:38:07,085
NOPE."
1220
00:38:07,085 --> 00:38:08,354
>> "NO, NO, NO, YES."
1221
00:38:08,354 --> 00:38:09,688
AND THEN YOU CLICK ON THE ONE
1222
00:38:09,688 --> 00:38:11,690
THAT YOU SAID "YES," AND AFTER
1223
00:38:11,690 --> 00:38:13,525
TWO SECONDS, YOU'RE LIKE, "NO,
1224
00:38:13,525 --> 00:38:15,794
NO, THIS IS NOT WHAT I -- I
1225
00:38:15,794 --> 00:38:17,996
WANTED HER TIED DOWN AND I
1226
00:38:17,996 --> 00:38:20,499
WANTED IT TO BE A FRENZY AND
1227
00:38:20,499 --> 00:38:22,100
IT'S NOT A FRENZY."
1228
00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:23,535
[ LAUGHS ]
1229
00:38:23,535 --> 00:38:24,836
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, EACH TO THEIR
1230
00:38:24,836 --> 00:38:25,337
OWN.
1231
00:38:25,337 --> 00:38:25,871
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1232
00:38:25,871 --> 00:38:27,105
NOW YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME FEEL
1233
00:38:27,105 --> 00:38:28,106
LIKE I'M WEIRD, RIGHT?
1234
00:38:28,106 --> 00:38:29,375
>> NO, YOU'RE NOT WEIRD.
1235
00:38:29,375 --> 00:38:30,576
>> NO. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
1236
00:38:30,576 --> 00:38:31,843
>> LET'S FIND YOU SOME COFFEE.
1237
00:38:31,843 --> 00:38:36,948
>> I NEED COFFEE, YEAH.
1238
00:38:36,948 --> 00:38:38,584
YOU KNOW, I'M TRYING TO BE
1239
00:38:38,584 --> 00:38:39,451
VEGAN AND --
1240
00:38:39,451 --> 00:38:40,352
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1241
00:38:40,352 --> 00:38:41,820
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS
1242
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:42,954
ELICITING LAUGHTER.
1243
00:38:42,954 --> 00:38:44,790
>> IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE HAVING
1244
00:38:44,790 --> 00:38:46,057
SUCH A STRUGGLE WITH IT.
1245
00:38:46,057 --> 00:38:47,793
>> 'CAUSE YOU HAD A CREAM CHEESE
1246
00:38:47,793 --> 00:38:49,528
BAGEL AND A COFFEE WITH CREAM IN
1247
00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:50,829
IT LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO.
1248
00:38:50,829 --> 00:38:51,997
>> IT'S IN YOUR STOMACH RIGHT
1249
00:38:51,997 --> 00:38:52,464
NOW.
1250
00:38:52,464 --> 00:38:53,699
>> YOU ARE NOT TRYING VERY HARD,
1251
00:38:53,699 --> 00:38:54,132
MY FRIEND.
1252
00:38:54,132 --> 00:38:55,501
>> BECAUSE I HAD CREAM CHEESE
1253
00:38:55,501 --> 00:38:56,067
AND SOME CREAM?
1254
00:38:56,067 --> 00:38:57,703
>> THAT'S NOT VEGAN.
1255
00:38:57,703 --> 00:38:59,004
>> YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.
1256
00:38:59,004 --> 00:39:00,972
* HE'S THE VEGAN WHO'S NOT A
1257
00:39:00,972 --> 00:39:02,741
VEGAN *
1258
00:39:02,741 --> 00:39:05,444
* HE TALKS ABOUT BEING A VEGAN
1259
00:39:05,444 --> 00:39:06,845
* BUT HE'S NOT
1260
00:39:06,845 --> 00:39:08,380
THAT'S THE NEW SITCOM "THE VEGAN
1261
00:39:08,380 --> 00:39:09,114
WHO'S NOT A VEGAN."
1262
00:39:09,114 --> 00:39:10,382
IT'S AN ANIMATED THING.
1263
00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:11,650
LIKE, EVERYTHING GETS ANIMATED
1264
00:39:11,650 --> 00:39:12,150
THESE DAYS.
1265
00:39:12,150 --> 00:39:15,887
* THE VEGAN WHO'S NOT --
1266
00:39:15,887 --> 00:39:17,723
YOU SEE, THIS IS WHAT CONROY
1267
00:39:17,723 --> 00:39:19,591
POINTS OUT WITH ME, IS THAT I
1268
00:39:19,591 --> 00:39:21,126
TALK ABOUT DOING ALL THESE
1269
00:39:21,126 --> 00:39:22,961
THINGS, BUT THERE'S A LOT OF
1270
00:39:22,961 --> 00:39:23,995
HOLES IN THEM.
1271
00:39:23,995 --> 00:39:25,664
EVEN THOUGH I REALLY -- I HAVE
1272
00:39:25,664 --> 00:39:26,532
GIVEN UP MEAT.
1273
00:39:26,532 --> 00:39:28,066
YOU KNOW, I HAD A COUPLE BURGERS
1274
00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:29,701
THE OTHER DAY, BUT OTHER THAN
1275
00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:30,702
THAT, YOU KNOW...
1276
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:32,170
>> AS HE ALWAYS SAYS -- HE'S
1277
00:39:32,170 --> 00:39:33,872
LIKE, "I'M A MAN AT WAR WITH
1278
00:39:33,872 --> 00:39:34,573
MYSELF."
1279
00:39:34,573 --> 00:39:35,974
AND IT'S REALLY TRUE.
1280
00:39:35,974 --> 00:39:37,776
IT'S BECAUSE -- AND IT IS
1281
00:39:37,776 --> 00:39:39,778
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T THINK ABOUT
1282
00:39:39,778 --> 00:39:41,447
WHAT HE'S SAYING EVER.
1283
00:39:41,447 --> 00:39:42,881
IT'S HIS GIFT ONSTAGE.
1284
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:44,583
BUT IN REAL LIFE, THAT CAN MAKE
1285
00:39:44,583 --> 00:39:46,818
THINGS DIFFICULT SOMETIMES.
1286
00:39:46,818 --> 00:39:48,754
>> OH.
1287
00:39:48,754 --> 00:39:52,458
>> [ SMOOCHING ]
1288
00:39:52,458 --> 00:39:55,160
I THINK HE -- I THINK HE LEFT.
1289
00:40:02,501 --> 00:40:04,970
FEELING THE LITTLE TWINGES IN MY
1290
00:40:04,970 --> 00:40:06,705
LEGS.
1291
00:40:06,705 --> 00:40:13,078
THIS IS A GOOD VIEW.
1292
00:40:13,078 --> 00:40:18,850
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
1293
00:40:18,850 --> 00:40:21,152
[ LAUGHS ]
1294
00:40:21,152 --> 00:40:22,588
IT'S SO FUNNY THAT I THINK I'M
1295
00:40:22,588 --> 00:40:24,022
IN SHAPE.
1296
00:40:24,022 --> 00:40:25,891
[ LAUGHS ]
1297
00:40:25,891 --> 00:40:28,494
SO, WE DO HAVE SOME CELEBRITIES
1298
00:40:28,494 --> 00:40:29,027
HERE.
1299
00:40:29,027 --> 00:40:31,096
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW.
1300
00:40:31,096 --> 00:40:33,732
WE'RE IN THE HEART OF HOLLYWOOD.
1301
00:40:33,732 --> 00:40:35,901
AND DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER THE
1302
00:40:35,901 --> 00:40:37,969
FITNESS GURU JACK LaLANNE?
1303
00:40:37,969 --> 00:40:38,804
>> YES.
1304
00:40:38,804 --> 00:40:39,838
>> HIS BROTHER'S HERE --
1305
00:40:39,838 --> 00:40:40,572
ALAN LaLANNE.
1306
00:40:40,572 --> 00:40:41,840
ALAN, WILL YOU STAND UP AND TAKE
1307
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:42,173
A BOW?
1308
00:40:42,173 --> 00:40:44,009
ALAN LaLANNE, EVERYBODY!
1309
00:40:44,009 --> 00:40:45,243
[ APPLAUSE ]
1310
00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:49,147
ALAN LaLANNE!
1311
00:40:49,147 --> 00:40:52,017
THE FITNESS GURU'S BROTHER!
1312
00:40:52,017 --> 00:40:55,253
AND HE WAS THE FUCKING BRAINS
1313
00:40:55,253 --> 00:40:58,056
BEHIND JACK, OKAY?
1314
00:40:58,056 --> 00:41:01,092
THAT MAN WHO JUST STOOD UP LIVED
1315
00:41:01,092 --> 00:41:02,661
IN OBSCURITY!
1316
00:41:02,661 --> 00:41:05,897
HE TOLD JACK, "WORK OUT!
1317
00:41:05,897 --> 00:41:10,636
WORK OUT AND FUCKING MARKET IT!"
1318
00:41:10,636 --> 00:41:13,972
AND ALAN NEVER GOT ANY CREDIT.
1319
00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:16,508
AND ALAN CAME UP TO ME, AND HE
1320
00:41:16,508 --> 00:41:18,610
SAID, "PLEASE INTRODUCE ME
1321
00:41:18,610 --> 00:41:20,612
TONIGHT.
1322
00:41:20,612 --> 00:41:22,881
MY BROTHER IS FINALLY DEAD, THAT
1323
00:41:22,881 --> 00:41:26,818
COCKSUCKER, WITH THE FLAT
1324
00:41:26,818 --> 00:41:27,185
STOMACH.
1325
00:41:27,185 --> 00:41:29,054
I DON'T HAVE A FLAT STOMACH
1326
00:41:29,054 --> 00:41:31,723
BECAUSE I CHOOSE TO LIVE A
1327
00:41:31,723 --> 00:41:32,991
PLEASURABLE LIFE!"
1328
00:41:32,991 --> 00:41:35,226
MY FUCKING HEART.
1329
00:41:35,226 --> 00:41:36,528
OHH.
1330
00:41:36,528 --> 00:41:37,696
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
1331
00:41:37,696 --> 00:41:39,264
I GOT TO GET THIS -- I GOT TO
1332
00:41:39,264 --> 00:41:40,732
GET STUFF CLEARED OUT.
1333
00:41:40,732 --> 00:41:42,701
YOU EVER HEAR OF THAT PROCEDURE
1334
00:41:42,701 --> 00:41:43,969
CALLED ANGIOPLASTY?
1335
00:41:43,969 --> 00:41:45,771
SO, MY DOCTOR TOLD ME, "YOU
1336
00:41:45,771 --> 00:41:47,038
DON'T HAVE SCIATICA.
1337
00:41:47,038 --> 00:41:48,540
YOU HAVE ARTHRITIS."
1338
00:41:48,540 --> 00:41:50,942
SO, THAT'S A DRAG, THAT --
1339
00:41:50,942 --> 00:41:52,277
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1340
00:41:52,277 --> 00:41:54,179
>> NO, I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD
1341
00:41:54,179 --> 00:41:55,981
BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE -- I
1342
00:41:55,981 --> 00:41:57,749
NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE ONE OF
1343
00:41:57,749 --> 00:41:59,551
THESE PEOPLE WHO WOULD HAVE
1344
00:41:59,551 --> 00:42:01,086
ARTHRITIS.
1345
00:42:01,086 --> 00:42:02,954
>> YOU MEAN A PERSON WHO'S
1346
00:42:02,954 --> 00:42:03,689
OLDER?
1347
00:42:03,689 --> 00:42:04,890
>> YES. EXACTLY.
1348
00:42:04,890 --> 00:42:07,125
LIKE, THAT'S REALLY HITTING ME
1349
00:42:07,125 --> 00:42:07,959
LATELY.
1350
00:42:07,959 --> 00:42:10,796
LIKE, I'M SO YOUNG AT HEART.
1351
00:42:10,796 --> 00:42:12,731
CONROY WANTS TO SHOOT FUCKING
1352
00:42:12,731 --> 00:42:15,100
GUNS.
1353
00:42:15,100 --> 00:42:17,268
AND I HAVE NEVER SHOT A GUN.
1354
00:42:17,268 --> 00:42:19,771
WHAT I'M THINKING IS THAT MAYBE
1355
00:42:19,771 --> 00:42:22,107
I'LL DISCOVER THAT, YOU KNOW, I
1356
00:42:22,107 --> 00:42:24,309
HAVE AN AFFINITY FOR GUNS AND
1357
00:42:24,309 --> 00:42:26,778
THAT MAYBE GUNS ARE THE WAY TO
1358
00:42:26,778 --> 00:42:27,779
GO FOR ME.
1359
00:42:27,779 --> 00:42:28,814
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
1360
00:42:28,814 --> 00:42:32,217
>> * DON'T MURDER ME
1361
00:42:32,217 --> 00:42:35,220
* I BEG OF YOU, DON'T MURDER
1362
00:42:35,220 --> 00:42:35,987
ME *
1363
00:42:35,987 --> 00:42:36,888
[ GUNSHOTS ]
1364
00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:38,624
>> NEVER SHOT A GUN BEFORE.
1365
00:42:38,624 --> 00:42:39,725
YOU KNOW?
1366
00:42:39,725 --> 00:42:42,628
I'VE ONLY PUNCHED SOMEONE ONCE.
1367
00:42:42,628 --> 00:42:44,896
>> * DON'T MURDER ME
1368
00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:46,197
>> AND THAT WAS NOT IN ANGER,
1369
00:42:46,197 --> 00:42:46,798
CORRECT?
1370
00:42:46,798 --> 00:42:47,699
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1371
00:42:47,699 --> 00:42:49,200
THAT WAS JUST, "HEY, HOW YOU
1372
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:49,868
DOING?"
1373
00:42:49,868 --> 00:42:53,304
[ LAUGHS ]
1374
00:42:53,304 --> 00:42:54,673
NO. MY NEIGHBOR.
1375
00:42:54,673 --> 00:42:57,075
I HIT MY NEIGHBOR.
1376
00:42:57,075 --> 00:42:58,877
>> YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HOLD THE
1377
00:42:58,877 --> 00:43:00,779
GUN IN A CERTAIN POSITION THAT'S
1378
00:43:00,779 --> 00:43:01,179
SAFE.
1379
00:43:01,179 --> 00:43:02,047
HE DIDN'T DO THAT.
1380
00:43:02,047 --> 00:43:03,281
YOU EVER SEE THOSE CARTOONS --
1381
00:43:03,281 --> 00:43:04,182
>> I THOUGHT I DID.
1382
00:43:04,182 --> 00:43:05,383
>> YOU EVER SEE THOSE CARTOONS
1383
00:43:05,383 --> 00:43:06,818
WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE ALL LIKE,
1384
00:43:06,818 --> 00:43:08,153
"WHOA"?
1385
00:43:08,153 --> 00:43:11,757
THAT WAS WHAT HE WAS DOING.
1386
00:43:11,757 --> 00:43:13,358
>> WHAT HAPPENED THERE?
1387
00:43:13,358 --> 00:43:15,393
>> WAITED TOO LONG.
1388
00:43:15,393 --> 00:43:18,163
>> [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
1389
00:43:18,163 --> 00:43:19,130
>> I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS THE
1390
00:43:19,130 --> 00:43:22,200
PROPER WAY TO HOLD THE GUN.
1391
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,635
[ GUNSHOT ]
1392
00:43:23,635 --> 00:43:25,203
>> HE SAID UP OR DOWN.
1393
00:43:25,203 --> 00:43:26,805
>> YOU ARE HOLDING IT SIDEWAYS.
1394
00:43:26,805 --> 00:43:27,405
>> OH, AM I?
1395
00:43:27,405 --> 00:43:29,875
>> HOLD IT LIKE THIS.
1396
00:43:29,875 --> 00:43:32,644
THAT WAY, IF IT GOES OFF, YOU
1397
00:43:32,644 --> 00:43:33,912
KILL A WORM.
1398
00:43:33,912 --> 00:43:36,748
>> * I BEG OF YOU, DON'T MURDER
1399
00:43:36,748 --> 00:43:38,650
ME *
1400
00:43:38,650 --> 00:43:40,285
* PLEASE...
1401
00:43:40,285 --> 00:43:41,653
>> NICE!
1402
00:43:41,653 --> 00:43:43,221
GOT IT.
1403
00:43:43,221 --> 00:43:44,690
>> I HOPE YOU GOT THAT.
1404
00:43:44,690 --> 00:43:46,692
AND USE ONLY THAT ONE.
1405
00:43:46,692 --> 00:43:49,160
>> * I BEG OF YOU, DON'T MURDER
1406
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:50,128
ME *
1407
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:51,897
>> ALL RIGHT, RICK, THREE OUT OF
1408
00:43:51,897 --> 00:43:52,297
FIVE.
1409
00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:53,131
YOU TIED ME.
1410
00:43:53,131 --> 00:43:54,666
I'M LEARNING THIS SO I CAN
1411
00:43:54,666 --> 00:43:56,067
PROTECT MY FAMILY FROM HOME
1412
00:43:56,067 --> 00:43:56,802
INVASION.
1413
00:43:56,802 --> 00:44:00,806
>> * PLEASE DON'T MURDER ME
1414
00:44:10,816 --> 00:44:12,250
>> THEY CALL EDDIE THE BITTER
1415
00:44:12,250 --> 00:44:12,884
BUDDHA.
1416
00:44:12,884 --> 00:44:14,419
WHAT ARE SOME OTHER THINGS THAT
1417
00:44:14,419 --> 00:44:16,888
PEOPLE COULD CALL HIM?
1418
00:44:16,888 --> 00:44:18,724
HOW ABOUT THE BITTER ASSHOLE?
1419
00:44:18,957 --> 00:44:20,425
>> CONFRONTATIONS WITH PEOPLE
1420
00:44:20,425 --> 00:44:22,193
NEVER END.
1421
00:44:22,193 --> 00:44:23,729
THEY NEVER END, ESPECIALLY WHEN
1422
00:44:23,729 --> 00:44:24,863
YOU'RE IN A HUGE CITY AND
1423
00:44:24,863 --> 00:44:26,231
THERE'S PEOPLE -- LIKE, I GET IN
1424
00:44:26,231 --> 00:44:27,398
THE CAR -- CONFRONTATION,
1425
00:44:27,398 --> 00:44:28,867
CONFRONTATION, CONFRONTATION.
1426
00:44:28,867 --> 00:44:30,769
LOOK AT THIS FUCK.
1427
00:44:30,769 --> 00:44:32,437
OH, YOU PRICK, WITH YOUR
1428
00:44:32,437 --> 00:44:35,140
GODDAMN -- I TAKE THESE GUYS
1429
00:44:35,140 --> 00:44:36,174
OUT, YOU KNOW?
1430
00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:38,910
MY DAD ALSO HAD, LIKE, SICILIAN,
1431
00:44:38,910 --> 00:44:41,212
OPERATIC ANGER, AS WELL, YOU
1432
00:44:41,212 --> 00:44:41,980
KNOW?
1433
00:44:41,980 --> 00:44:43,849
THEY'RE -- MY DAD LOVED OPERA.
1434
00:44:43,849 --> 00:44:45,817
>> WHAT WAS HIS KEY RANGE OF HIS
1435
00:44:45,817 --> 00:44:46,284
ANGER?
1436
00:44:46,284 --> 00:44:47,252
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1437
00:44:47,252 --> 00:44:49,087
>> COULD HE HIT A HIGH "C" IN
1438
00:44:49,087 --> 00:44:49,755
ANGER?
1439
00:44:49,755 --> 00:44:50,956
>> I COULD GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.
1440
00:44:50,956 --> 00:44:52,924
"WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!"
1441
00:44:52,924 --> 00:44:54,726
IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT HIS GODDAMN
1442
00:44:54,726 --> 00:44:55,126
KEYS.
1443
00:44:55,126 --> 00:44:56,828
THIS CORD IS ALWAYS TANGLED.
1444
00:44:56,828 --> 00:44:58,463
AND AN iPOD -- DO YOU GO TO A --
1445
00:44:58,463 --> 00:45:00,165
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ON
1446
00:45:00,165 --> 00:45:02,000
STAND-UP, HOW EVERY TIME I TAKE
1447
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:03,769
OUT MY HEAD-- LIKE, TO TALK ON
1448
00:45:03,769 --> 00:45:05,403
MY PHONE OR ON MY iPOD CORD, I'M
1449
00:45:05,403 --> 00:45:07,105
ALWAYS GOING, "MOTHERFUCK--"
1450
00:45:07,105 --> 00:45:10,942
AND I CATCH MYSELF BEING JUST
1451
00:45:10,942 --> 00:45:11,843
LIKE MY DAD.
1452
00:45:11,843 --> 00:45:13,044
>> LIKE IN WHAT WAY?
1453
00:45:13,044 --> 00:45:14,913
>> I'LL BE LIKE, "HONEY, WHERE'S
1454
00:45:14,913 --> 00:45:15,814
MY GLASSES?"
1455
00:45:15,814 --> 00:45:18,016
LIKE, "WHERE -- DID YOU SEE MY
1456
00:45:18,016 --> 00:45:18,784
KEYS?"
1457
00:45:18,784 --> 00:45:21,086
I AM LOOKING FOR THE SAME THINGS
1458
00:45:21,086 --> 00:45:22,387
THAT MY DAD DID.
1459
00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,389
AND ALSO MY TEMPER, TOO,
1460
00:45:24,389 --> 00:45:26,825
SOMETIMES, IS LIKE -- I HAVE
1461
00:45:26,825 --> 00:45:30,428
FLASH ANGER.
1462
00:45:30,428 --> 00:45:32,097
YOU KNOW, I POUNDED ON MY
1463
00:45:32,097 --> 00:45:33,865
NEIGHBOR'S DOOR BECAUSE SHE
1464
00:45:33,865 --> 00:45:35,466
SLAMMED HER DOOR IN ANGER AT
1465
00:45:35,466 --> 00:45:36,234
SOMEONE.
1466
00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:37,769
THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF
1467
00:45:37,769 --> 00:45:38,103
HER.
1468
00:45:38,103 --> 00:45:39,805
AND NOW I'M IN TROUBLE WITH THE
1469
00:45:39,805 --> 00:45:41,873
BUILDING.
1470
00:45:41,873 --> 00:45:43,141
I HATE THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE HERE.
1471
00:45:43,141 --> 00:45:46,044
IT'S LIKE TRAILER-PARK TRASH.
1472
00:45:46,044 --> 00:45:48,446
I THINK BECAUSE MY MOM WASN'T
1473
00:45:48,446 --> 00:45:51,182
THERE AS ANY KIND OF, YOU KNOW,
1474
00:45:51,182 --> 00:45:53,952
DISCIPLINE, THAT MY DAD GOT VERY
1475
00:45:53,952 --> 00:45:55,821
DISCIPLINED WITH ME.
1476
00:45:55,821 --> 00:45:57,422
SO THEN I WAS VERY REBELLIOUS TO
1477
00:45:57,422 --> 00:45:58,389
THE DISCIPLINE.
1478
00:45:58,389 --> 00:46:00,058
I FELT LIKE IT WAS TOO MUCH.
1479
00:46:00,058 --> 00:46:02,527
AND THEN I JUST WAS ENRAGED, AND
1480
00:46:02,527 --> 00:46:04,963
I THINK I'VE NEVER LOST THAT
1481
00:46:04,963 --> 00:46:10,268
RAGE.
1482
00:46:10,268 --> 00:46:12,203
HE NEVER GOES INTO MANHATTAN.
1483
00:46:12,203 --> 00:46:14,205
AND I'M LIKE, "WHY THE FUCK --"
1484
00:46:14,205 --> 00:46:16,207
I MEAN, MANHATTAN IS THE LITTLE
1485
00:46:16,207 --> 00:46:18,043
JEWEL OF NEW YORK CI-- IT'S
1486
00:46:18,043 --> 00:46:19,210
WHERE CULTURE IS.
1487
00:46:19,210 --> 00:46:21,146
IT'S WHERE -- MY DAD IS A BIG
1488
00:46:21,146 --> 00:46:22,380
OPERA LOVER, A BIG
1489
00:46:22,380 --> 00:46:23,982
CLASSICAL-MUSIC LOVER.
1490
00:46:23,982 --> 00:46:25,817
AND HE WILL NOT -- HE STAYS ON
1491
00:46:25,817 --> 00:46:27,518
STATEN ISLAND, WHERE PEOPLE JUST
1492
00:46:27,518 --> 00:46:29,320
BEAT EACH OTHER WITH BASEBALL
1493
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:29,921
BATS.
1494
00:46:29,921 --> 00:46:30,822
[ LAUGHTER ]
1495
00:46:30,822 --> 00:46:32,057
THEY -- I MEAN, AND I'M SAYING
1496
00:46:32,057 --> 00:46:32,991
THIS METAPHORICALLY.
1497
00:46:32,991 --> 00:46:35,994
THEY -- THEY BEAT EACH OTHER
1498
00:46:35,994 --> 00:46:38,029
WITH BASEBALL BATS AND JUST TALK
1499
00:46:38,029 --> 00:46:40,065
ABOUT THEIR CARS, AND THERE'S NO
1500
00:46:40,065 --> 00:46:41,399
LITERATURE DISCUSSED.
1501
00:46:41,399 --> 00:46:42,968
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
1502
00:46:42,968 --> 00:46:44,936
IT'S JUST ALL LIKE, "HEY, BO--"
1503
00:46:44,936 --> 00:46:46,371
LIKE, THIS IS A TYPICAL
1504
00:46:46,371 --> 00:46:48,106
CONVERSATION IN STATEN --
1505
00:46:48,106 --> 00:46:50,141
"BOB, JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY
1506
00:46:50,141 --> 00:46:51,276
FROM THE LAWN!
1507
00:46:51,276 --> 00:46:52,343
AND THAT'S IT.
1508
00:46:52,343 --> 00:46:54,345
[ KEYS CLACKING ]
1509
00:47:01,219 --> 00:47:03,088
SO ADDICTIVE, THE COMPUTER, YOU
1510
00:47:03,088 --> 00:47:03,488
KNOW?
1511
00:47:03,488 --> 00:47:05,156
SO ADDICTIVE BECAUSE OF THE
1512
00:47:05,156 --> 00:47:07,025
APPROVAL THING, YOU KNOW, LIKE,
1513
00:47:07,025 --> 00:47:08,894
"OH, THIS PERSON LIKES WHAT I --
1514
00:47:08,894 --> 00:47:10,561
OH, THEY THINK I'M FUNNY, MAN."
1515
00:47:10,561 --> 00:47:13,064
SO, I TWEETED "KEEP WORKING OUT
1516
00:47:13,064 --> 00:47:14,900
IN THE GYMS, EVERYBODY.
1517
00:47:14,900 --> 00:47:17,202
YOU NEED TO BE IN SHAPE BECAUSE
1518
00:47:17,202 --> 00:47:18,970
THE RIOTS ARE COMING.
1519
00:47:18,970 --> 00:47:20,471
REST IN PEACE, USA."
1520
00:47:20,471 --> 00:47:22,173
>> IS HE PROGRESSIVE WITH HIS
1521
00:47:22,173 --> 00:47:22,908
POLITICS?
1522
00:47:22,908 --> 00:47:23,574
I DON'T KNOW.
1523
00:47:23,574 --> 00:47:25,343
I DON'T THINK OF HIM AS A TRULY
1524
00:47:25,343 --> 00:47:26,377
POLITICAL PERSON.
1525
00:47:26,377 --> 00:47:28,146
PEOPLE WHO ARE PROGRESSIVE IN
1526
00:47:28,146 --> 00:47:29,614
THEIR POLITICS ACTUALLY DO
1527
00:47:29,614 --> 00:47:30,248
STUFF.
1528
00:47:30,248 --> 00:47:32,050
I WOULD BE SHOCKED IF HE EVEN
1529
00:47:32,050 --> 00:47:32,517
VOTED.
1530
00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:34,452
>> IF VIOLENCE HAPPENS, THEN ALL
1531
00:47:34,452 --> 00:47:36,287
THESE IDIOTS ARE GONNA ATTACK
1532
00:47:36,287 --> 00:47:37,588
ME, SAYING, "YOU SEE?
1533
00:47:37,588 --> 00:47:38,890
YOU WANTED THIS?"
1534
00:47:38,890 --> 00:47:41,092
BUT, YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT
1535
00:47:41,092 --> 00:47:42,627
VIOLENCE, YOU KNOW?
1536
00:47:42,627 --> 00:47:44,896
LIKE I HAVE ANY POWER.
1537
00:47:44,896 --> 00:47:45,931
THAT IS FUNNY.
1538
00:47:45,931 --> 00:47:47,966
BUT THESE TWITTER IDIOTS WILL BE
1539
00:47:47,966 --> 00:47:50,969
LIKE, "LOOK AT PEOPLE LIKE YOU."
1540
00:47:50,969 --> 00:47:52,603
>> TO ME, LIKE, MY DRIVE-BY
1541
00:47:52,603 --> 00:47:54,639
IMPRESSION OF EDDIE IS THAT HE'S
1542
00:47:54,639 --> 00:47:56,908
THE EVERYMAN WHO'S BEEN PUT UPON
1543
00:47:56,908 --> 00:47:58,944
AND BEATEN DOWN AND CAN'T FIGURE
1544
00:47:58,944 --> 00:48:00,511
OUT HOW TO GET OUT OF THAT
1545
00:48:00,511 --> 00:48:01,346
POSITION.
1546
00:48:01,346 --> 00:48:03,681
AND THAT IN AND OF ITSELF IS
1547
00:48:03,681 --> 00:48:04,950
POLITICAL.
1548
00:48:04,950 --> 00:48:07,152
>> THERE'S THIS REALLY BRILLIANT
1549
00:48:07,152 --> 00:48:09,254
FRIEND OF MINE WHO SAYS THAT I
1550
00:48:09,254 --> 00:48:10,655
SHOULD BRAND MYSELF.
1551
00:48:10,655 --> 00:48:13,058
LIKE, SHE'S REALLY GOOD AT --
1552
00:48:13,058 --> 00:48:14,392
SHE SAYS I SHOULD DO THE "REST
1553
00:48:14,392 --> 00:48:17,528
IN PEACE, USA" TOUR.
1554
00:48:17,528 --> 00:48:18,964
[ LAUGHTER ]
1555
00:48:18,964 --> 00:48:20,398
I'M A LOT LIKE SEABISCUIT,
1556
00:48:20,398 --> 00:48:21,099
LIKE --
1557
00:48:21,099 --> 00:48:22,968
[ LAUGHTER ]
1558
00:48:22,968 --> 00:48:23,301
I AM.
1559
00:48:23,301 --> 00:48:24,602
I FEEL LIKE I GIVE A DEPRESSED
1560
00:48:24,602 --> 00:48:25,370
NATION HOPE.
1561
00:48:25,370 --> 00:48:26,404
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
1562
00:48:26,404 --> 00:48:28,339
LIKE -- NO, WE ARE A DEPRESSED
1563
00:48:28,339 --> 00:48:29,074
NATION.
1564
00:48:29,074 --> 00:48:30,708
THIS IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE
1565
00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:32,277
COUNTRY AT THIS POINT.
1566
00:48:32,277 --> 00:48:34,245
WE HAVE NO MORE -- ALL THE JO--
1567
00:48:34,245 --> 00:48:36,281
THE CORPORATIONS HAVE RAPED THIS
1568
00:48:36,281 --> 00:48:38,216
PLACE, AND NOBODY REALLY KNOWS
1569
00:48:38,216 --> 00:48:39,017
ABOUT IT.
1570
00:48:39,017 --> 00:48:40,585
THEY JUST, "AH, YEAH.
1571
00:48:40,585 --> 00:48:43,254
AH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?"
1572
00:48:43,254 --> 00:48:44,622
THAT'S THE ATTITUDE, I THINK,
1573
00:48:44,622 --> 00:48:46,057
ESPECIALLY IN LOS ANGELES.
1574
00:48:46,057 --> 00:48:47,425
"EH, I DON'T KNOW.
1575
00:48:47,425 --> 00:48:49,260
IT'S PILOT SEASON."
1576
00:48:49,260 --> 00:48:51,229
[ LAUGHTER ]
1577
00:48:51,229 --> 00:48:52,964
"I'M UP FOR..."
1578
00:48:52,964 --> 00:48:54,966
LIKE, PEOPLE IN L.A. -- YOU
1579
00:48:54,966 --> 00:48:57,202
KNOW, IN MY HEAD, PEOPLE IN L.A.
1580
00:48:57,202 --> 00:48:59,370
ARE JUST IN COFFEE SHOPS GOING,
1581
00:48:59,370 --> 00:49:00,538
"FUCK!
1582
00:49:00,538 --> 00:49:02,073
I COULD HAVE BEEN A RECURRING ON
1583
00:49:02,073 --> 00:49:03,975
'BONES.'
1584
00:49:03,975 --> 00:49:06,978
GOD DAMN IT!
1585
00:49:06,978 --> 00:49:08,679
WHY DID I HAVE TO SMOKE SEVEN OR
1586
00:49:08,679 --> 00:49:10,348
EIGHT JOINTS AND HAVE WINE
1587
00:49:10,348 --> 00:49:12,117
COOLERS THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT
1588
00:49:12,117 --> 00:49:12,683
AUDITION?
1589
00:49:12,683 --> 00:49:15,253
GOD DAMN IT.
1590
00:49:15,253 --> 00:49:17,622
WHO KNEW 'BONES' WAS GONNA FLY?"
1591
00:49:17,622 --> 00:49:18,990
[ LAUGHTER ]
1592
00:49:18,990 --> 00:49:20,525
I'M TRYING TO GET SHIT TOGETHER
1593
00:49:20,525 --> 00:49:21,126
AT 52.
1594
00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:22,627
LIKE, I'M AMAZED AT THE PEOPLE
1595
00:49:22,627 --> 00:49:24,395
WHO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER AT A
1596
00:49:24,395 --> 00:49:25,163
YOUNG AGE.
1597
00:49:25,163 --> 00:49:26,731
FOR ME, I'M JUST GETTING MY SHIT
1598
00:49:26,731 --> 00:49:28,566
TOGETHER NOW.
1599
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:29,600
>> THAT'S FUNNY.
1600
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:30,735
HE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THAT.
1601
00:49:30,735 --> 00:49:32,037
YOU KNOW, HE SHOULD REALLY
1602
00:49:32,037 --> 00:49:33,204
PROBABLY MENTION THAT ONSTAGE
1603
00:49:33,204 --> 00:49:34,405
EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE, THAT HE
1604
00:49:34,405 --> 00:49:35,706
HASN'T GOTTEN HIS BREAK AND THAT
1605
00:49:35,706 --> 00:49:37,175
HE'S ANGRY THAT HE HASN'T GOTTEN
1606
00:49:37,175 --> 00:49:38,343
HIS BREAK AND HE'S ANGRY FOR
1607
00:49:38,343 --> 00:49:39,610
WHAT HE PERCEIVES AS THE REASONS
1608
00:49:39,610 --> 00:49:41,012
FOR THAT HE HASN'T GOTTEN HIS
1609
00:49:41,012 --> 00:49:41,646
BREAK.
1610
00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:43,481
I THINK YOU SHOULD REALLY MAYBE
1611
00:49:43,481 --> 00:49:45,016
MENTION TO ME THAT HE SHOULD
1612
00:49:45,016 --> 00:49:46,217
TALK ABOUT THAT PUBLICLY.
1613
00:49:46,217 --> 00:49:48,519
>> WHAT IS THIS SHIT ABOUT --
1614
00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:51,056
WHAT IS THIS DEMOGRAPHIC SHIT?
1615
00:49:51,056 --> 00:49:53,491
WHY NOT JUST DO QUALITY, PERIOD,
1616
00:49:53,491 --> 00:49:56,094
AND LET PEOPLE COME TO YOU, YOU
1617
00:49:56,094 --> 00:49:56,661
KNOW?
1618
00:49:56,661 --> 00:49:59,230
"LET ME TELL YOU THE STORY OF
1619
00:49:59,230 --> 00:50:01,566
THE INVERTED PENIS AND THIRD
1620
00:50:01,566 --> 00:50:03,168
TESTICLE, OKAY?"
1621
00:50:03,168 --> 00:50:04,535
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
1622
00:50:04,535 --> 00:50:07,105
>> "IT WAS WITH THIS INVERTED
1623
00:50:07,105 --> 00:50:09,407
PENIS THAT I WAS BEATEN DAILY IN
1624
00:50:09,407 --> 00:50:11,142
THE BOYS LOCKER ROOM.
1625
00:50:11,142 --> 00:50:13,378
AND THIS THIRD TESTICLE WAS THE
1626
00:50:13,378 --> 00:50:15,480
ONE THAT SCARES OFF EVEN THE
1627
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:17,482
MOST DESPERATE TRANNY METH
1628
00:50:17,482 --> 00:50:18,383
WHORE."
1629
00:50:18,383 --> 00:50:20,318
[ LAUGHTER ]
1630
00:50:20,318 --> 00:50:22,120
"AND THIS THIRD TESTICLE IS THE
1631
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:23,788
ONE THAT SCARED --" [ CHUCKLES ]
1632
00:50:23,788 --> 00:50:25,356
HE'S GONNA MAKE ME LAUGH.
1633
00:50:25,356 --> 00:50:26,191
[ LAUGHTER ]
1634
00:50:26,424 --> 00:50:28,159
>> ALL EDDIE DOES IS SHOW UP,
1635
00:50:28,159 --> 00:50:29,527
READ MY BRILLIANT LINES, AND
1636
00:50:29,527 --> 00:50:31,229
THEN I GIVE HIM A DOUGHNUT AND I
1637
00:50:31,229 --> 00:50:32,697
GIVE HIM WHAT LITTLE PUDDING WE
1638
00:50:32,697 --> 00:50:34,299
HAVE LEFT AND I SAY, "GET THE
1639
00:50:34,299 --> 00:50:36,134
FUCK OUT OF HERE."
1640
00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:37,502
AND THEN I GO HOME AND EDIT IT
1641
00:50:37,502 --> 00:50:38,636
AND I PUT IT ON YouTube AND I
1642
00:50:38,636 --> 00:50:39,470
GET ALL THE GLORY.
1643
00:50:39,470 --> 00:50:40,571
HE GETS NOTHING, NOTHING FROM
1644
00:50:40,571 --> 00:50:41,206
THIS, OKAY?
1645
00:50:41,206 --> 00:50:43,774
>> THEN I TURN AROUND LIKE THIS.
1646
00:50:43,774 --> 00:50:45,810
>> YEAH, YOU BEND OVER.
1647
00:50:45,810 --> 00:50:47,378
>> LOOKS LIKE A TRANNY METH
1648
00:50:47,378 --> 00:50:48,846
WHORE GAVE ME ANAL WARTS, BUT,
1649
00:50:48,846 --> 00:50:50,448
NO, IT WAS MY OWN FAULT FOR
1650
00:50:50,448 --> 00:50:52,150
WEARING THAT THONG I FOUND IN A
1651
00:50:52,150 --> 00:50:54,519
DUMPSTER BEHIND CARL'S JR.'s.
1652
00:50:54,519 --> 00:50:55,353
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1653
00:50:55,353 --> 00:50:56,487
WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY,
1654
00:50:56,487 --> 00:50:57,355
CARL'S JULIUS?
1655
00:50:57,355 --> 00:50:57,855
>> JR.'s.
1656
00:50:57,855 --> 00:50:59,290
>> CARL'S JR.
1657
00:50:59,290 --> 00:51:00,425
>> "I'M JUST GONNA SIT DOWN."
1658
00:51:00,425 --> 00:51:01,092
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1659
00:51:01,092 --> 00:51:02,260
AND THEN YOU SIT DOWN AND START
1660
00:51:02,260 --> 00:51:02,627
SOBBING.
1661
00:51:02,627 --> 00:51:04,362
>> [ IMITATING CRYING ]
1662
00:51:04,362 --> 00:51:05,330
>> IN "PUDDIN," THE
1663
00:51:05,330 --> 00:51:06,697
RESTRICTION -- IT CAN BE HOWEVER
1664
00:51:06,697 --> 00:51:08,266
LONG THEY WANT IT TO BE, BUT THE
1665
00:51:08,266 --> 00:51:09,334
CAMERA CAN NEVER MOVE.
1666
00:51:09,334 --> 00:51:11,502
AND IT JUST SHOWS YOU EDDIE, IN
1667
00:51:11,502 --> 00:51:13,338
HIMSELF, IS THIS -- IN AN
1668
00:51:13,338 --> 00:51:15,406
IMMOBILE SITUATION LIKE THAT,
1669
00:51:15,406 --> 00:51:17,275
EDDIE IS JUST THIS RAGING
1670
00:51:17,275 --> 00:51:19,377
CONTINENT THAT JUST KIND OF --
1671
00:51:19,377 --> 00:51:21,479
IT'S LIKE CONTINENTAL DRIFT IN
1672
00:51:21,479 --> 00:51:24,249
FAST MOTION, JUST COMING IN.
1673
00:51:24,249 --> 00:51:25,716
YOU SEE ALL THIS STUFF HAPPENING
1674
00:51:25,716 --> 00:51:31,456
JUST IN THIS ONE MAN.
1675
00:51:31,456 --> 00:51:33,591
>> [ WHIMPERING ] LOOK!
1676
00:51:33,591 --> 00:51:36,594
RYAN GOSLING'S FAVORITE BRUNCH
1677
00:51:36,594 --> 00:51:39,697
SPOTS WHEN HE VISITS MANHATTAN.
1678
00:51:39,697 --> 00:51:40,531
OOH.
1679
00:51:40,531 --> 00:51:43,668
"PEACOCK ALLEY FOR GREAT BLOODY
1680
00:51:43,668 --> 00:51:46,304
MARYS, POTATO WAFFLES AT
1681
00:51:46,304 --> 00:51:49,140
SARABETH'S, PANCAKES AT THE
1682
00:51:49,140 --> 00:51:52,343
ESSEX WORLD CAFE ACROSS FROM THE
1683
00:51:52,343 --> 00:51:57,715
WORLD TRADE CENTER...MEMORIAL?"
1684
00:51:57,715 --> 00:51:59,517
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED DOWN
1685
00:51:59,517 --> 00:52:00,318
THERE?
1686
00:52:00,318 --> 00:52:03,554
[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
1687
00:52:03,554 --> 00:52:05,790
>> [ GRUNTS ] OKAY.
1688
00:52:05,790 --> 00:52:08,393
>> YOU NEED A SHOWER?
1689
00:52:08,393 --> 00:52:09,527
>> [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
1690
00:52:09,527 --> 00:52:12,230
>> [ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]
1691
00:52:12,230 --> 00:52:15,200
I KNOW THE SHOWER...
1692
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:16,667
>> ALL RIGHT.
1693
00:52:16,667 --> 00:52:18,203
I'M JUST DOING A WALKTHROUGH.
1694
00:52:18,203 --> 00:52:19,504
>> AWESOME. [ CHUCKLES ]
1695
00:52:19,504 --> 00:52:23,241
>> HEY-Y-Y-Y!
1696
00:52:23,241 --> 00:52:29,480
[ ALL SHOUTING "HA!" ]
1697
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:31,182
>> EVERYBODY AT SOME POINT IN
1698
00:52:31,182 --> 00:52:33,818
THEIR LIFE FEELS LIKE THEY
1699
00:52:33,818 --> 00:52:35,686
HAVEN'T BEEN GIVEN THEIR JUST
1700
00:52:35,686 --> 00:52:37,488
DESSERTS, THEY HAVEN'T BEEN
1701
00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:38,556
TREATED FAIRLY.
1702
00:52:38,556 --> 00:52:40,758
AND I THINK THAT EDDIE, YOU
1703
00:52:40,758 --> 00:52:43,328
KNOW, IS THE ID THAT YOU HAVE.
1704
00:52:43,328 --> 00:52:45,663
YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY, I THINK,
1705
00:52:45,663 --> 00:52:48,199
WANTS TO SHOUT, WANTS TO RAIL
1706
00:52:48,199 --> 00:52:50,268
AGAINST THE OCEAN IN THAT
1707
00:52:50,268 --> 00:52:52,770
REGARD, BUT THEY'RE PREVENTED TO
1708
00:52:52,770 --> 00:52:55,240
BY SOCIAL MORES.
1709
00:52:55,240 --> 00:52:56,407
>> GOD, SEEING THE
1710
00:52:56,407 --> 00:52:58,276
WHITNEY CUMMINGS BILLBOARDS IS
1711
00:52:58,276 --> 00:52:59,777
REALLY FUCKING DEPRESSING.
1712
00:52:59,777 --> 00:53:01,512
IT JUST MAKES YOU THINK THE
1713
00:53:01,512 --> 00:53:03,314
NETWORK PEOPLE ARE JUST REAL
1714
00:53:03,314 --> 00:53:04,982
FUCKING MORONS, YOU KNOW, REAL
1715
00:53:04,982 --> 00:53:06,551
FUCKING MORONS.
1716
00:53:06,551 --> 00:53:09,987
YEAH, IT JUST MAKES YOUR -- YOU
1717
00:53:09,987 --> 00:53:11,589
KNOW, IT JUST MAKES YOU WANT TO
1718
00:53:11,589 --> 00:53:11,922
QUIT.
1719
00:53:11,922 --> 00:53:13,291
>> HE GOES AFTER EVERYONE
1720
00:53:13,291 --> 00:53:14,525
BECAUSE THERE'S STUFF THAT
1721
00:53:14,525 --> 00:53:15,860
LEGITIMATELY MAKES HIM ANGRY,
1722
00:53:15,860 --> 00:53:17,362
EVEN IF HE LIKES THE PERSON.
1723
00:53:17,362 --> 00:53:18,663
THERE'S STUFF THAT PEOPLE DO,
1724
00:53:18,663 --> 00:53:19,930
WHERE HE'S LIKE, "COME ON!"
1725
00:53:19,930 --> 00:53:20,631
YOU KNOW?
1726
00:53:20,631 --> 00:53:22,300
AND THERE'S A MUCH BIGGER META
1727
00:53:22,300 --> 00:53:23,701
JOKE, I THINK, GOING ON WITH
1728
00:53:23,701 --> 00:53:25,236
EDDIE THAT PEOPLE THAT ARE
1729
00:53:25,236 --> 00:53:26,704
INTELLIGENT CAN DEFINITELY SEE
1730
00:53:26,704 --> 00:53:28,806
THAT, IN THAT HE RAILS AGAINST
1731
00:53:28,806 --> 00:53:30,841
THINGS THAT HE WOULD WORK IN
1732
00:53:30,841 --> 00:53:32,843
IN A SECOND.
1733
00:53:32,843 --> 00:53:34,745
>> TELEVISION VALIDATES PEOPLE,
1734
00:53:34,745 --> 00:53:36,547
WHICH IS SO FUNNY BECAUSE NOW
1735
00:53:36,547 --> 00:53:37,815
WHAT I'VE REALIZED IS
1736
00:53:37,815 --> 00:53:39,484
TELEVISION -- IF YOU'RE ON
1737
00:53:39,484 --> 00:53:41,319
TELEVISION ON A REGULAR BASIS,
1738
00:53:41,319 --> 00:53:43,254
YOU'RE PROBABLY A HORRIBLE COMIC
1739
00:53:43,254 --> 00:53:43,954
OR MEDIOCRE.
1740
00:53:43,954 --> 00:53:45,856
SEE, THAT'S BULLSHIT, BUT IT'S
1741
00:53:45,856 --> 00:53:46,791
PARTLY TRUE.
1742
00:53:46,791 --> 00:53:48,759
>> YEAH, EDDIE IS PRETTY BITTER
1743
00:53:48,759 --> 00:53:50,728
ABOUT WHERE HE IS IN HIS CAREER,
1744
00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:54,732
BUT I THINK, YOU KNOW...
1745
00:53:54,732 --> 00:53:56,901
I THINK EDDIE HAS DONE THE BEST
1746
00:53:56,901 --> 00:53:59,337
HE POSSIBLY COULD WITH WHAT HE'S
1747
00:53:59,337 --> 00:54:00,338
BEEN GIVEN.
1748
00:54:00,338 --> 00:54:01,872
>> I USED TO BE ONE OF THOSE
1749
00:54:01,872 --> 00:54:03,441
NEW YORK THEATER ACTORS.
1750
00:54:03,441 --> 00:54:04,542
"OH, I'M GONNA DO
1751
00:54:04,542 --> 00:54:05,843
'THE WOOLGATHERER' AND
1752
00:54:05,843 --> 00:54:07,478
'KEY EXCHANGE' AND FUCKING
1753
00:54:07,478 --> 00:54:08,346
JOHN GUARE,
1754
00:54:08,346 --> 00:54:09,714
'HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES.'"
1755
00:54:09,714 --> 00:54:12,717
SUCK MY COCK, NEW YORK ACTORS!
1756
00:54:12,717 --> 00:54:15,052
YOU FUCKING TRY TO COME TO THIS
1757
00:54:15,052 --> 00:54:17,455
TOWN AND GET A SMALL PART IN
1758
00:54:17,455 --> 00:54:19,790
"TRANSFORMERS 3," WHICH I TRIED
1759
00:54:19,790 --> 00:54:21,326
TO DO LAST WEEK.
1760
00:54:21,326 --> 00:54:22,793
AND THEY SAID, "OH, YOU'RE AN
1761
00:54:22,793 --> 00:54:24,595
EFFEMINATE MANSERVANT," AND THEN
1762
00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:26,397
AT THE LAST MINUTE THEY GO, "OH,
1763
00:54:26,397 --> 00:54:27,998
AND DO IT WITH A GERMAN ACCENT."
1764
00:54:27,998 --> 00:54:29,634
FUCK YOU!
1765
00:54:29,634 --> 00:54:30,801
I DON'T NEED THAT.
1766
00:54:30,801 --> 00:54:31,902
>> DID YOU TRY?
1767
00:54:31,902 --> 00:54:32,837
>> I TRIED.
1768
00:54:32,837 --> 00:54:34,739
IT CAME OUT FRENCH, AND THEY
1769
00:54:34,739 --> 00:54:35,773
LAUGHED AT ME!
1770
00:54:35,773 --> 00:54:36,741
[ LAUGHTER ]
1771
00:54:36,741 --> 00:54:38,042
THEY LAUGHED AT ME.
1772
00:54:38,042 --> 00:54:40,878
[ APPLAUSE ]
1773
00:54:40,878 --> 00:54:43,348
BUT YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT?
1774
00:54:43,348 --> 00:54:45,750
I WALK WITH MY HEAD HELD LOW NO
1775
00:54:45,750 --> 00:54:47,585
MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
1776
00:54:47,585 --> 00:54:49,887
MY HEAD IS HELD LOW NO MATTER
1777
00:54:49,887 --> 00:54:51,822
WHAT HAPPENS.
1778
00:54:51,822 --> 00:54:53,057
>> 'CAUSE I DO A LOT OF WORK
1779
00:54:53,057 --> 00:54:54,559
WITH HIM WHERE, YOU KNOW, I SET
1780
00:54:54,559 --> 00:54:55,893
HIM UP AND THEN HE GOES AND THEN
1781
00:54:55,893 --> 00:54:57,428
WE HAVE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.
1782
00:54:57,428 --> 00:54:58,763
LIKE, IT'S ALWAYS SUPPOSED TO BE
1783
00:54:58,763 --> 00:54:59,930
A CONVERSATION, BUT I SAY,
1784
00:54:59,930 --> 00:55:00,965
"EDDIE, HOW IS TODAY?"
1785
00:55:00,965 --> 00:55:01,932
"TODAY?
1786
00:55:01,932 --> 00:55:04,669
TODAY WAS LIKE NO OTHER DAY,
1787
00:55:04,669 --> 00:55:05,503
MARC.
1788
00:55:05,503 --> 00:55:07,338
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
1789
00:55:07,338 --> 00:55:08,973
I WOKE UP THIS MORNING..."
1790
00:55:08,973 --> 00:55:10,541
AND THEN YOU'RE GOING.
1791
00:55:10,541 --> 00:55:12,343
>> YOU KNOW, I'M JUST LIKE,
1792
00:55:12,343 --> 00:55:13,778
"FRANK HAS NO HUMANITY.
1793
00:55:13,778 --> 00:55:15,713
HE'S JUST THIS PRETTY-BOY FUCK
1794
00:55:15,713 --> 00:55:17,715
WHO LOOKS AT THE CAMERA WITH ALL
1795
00:55:17,715 --> 00:55:19,617
THE OTHER PRETTY-BOY FUCKS IN
1796
00:55:19,617 --> 00:55:21,486
THIS PRETTY-BOY FUCKING TOWN.
1797
00:55:21,486 --> 00:55:23,721
AND I GOT TO FUCKING CLAW MY WAY
1798
00:55:23,721 --> 00:55:25,623
FOR A 2-LINE AUDITION FOR
1799
00:55:25,623 --> 00:55:26,857
'HAPPY ENDINGS.'
1800
00:55:26,857 --> 00:55:27,758
ANYWAY...
1801
00:55:27,758 --> 00:55:28,893
>> THAT'S HOW YOU WORK OUT?
1802
00:55:28,893 --> 00:55:30,060
>> THAT'S HOW I WORK OUT.
1803
00:55:30,060 --> 00:55:30,895
[ LAUGHTER ]
1804
00:55:30,895 --> 00:55:32,430
I LIKE WATCHING AL-JAZEERA NOW
1805
00:55:32,430 --> 00:55:33,764
JUST TO FREAK OUT MY NEIGHBORS.
1806
00:55:33,764 --> 00:55:35,099
LIKE, I TURN IT UP REALLY LOUD
1807
00:55:35,099 --> 00:55:36,634
SO THEY CAN HEAR, "AL-JAZEERA."
1808
00:55:36,634 --> 00:55:38,903
AND I'M LIKE, "THAT'S RIGHT!"
1809
00:55:38,903 --> 00:55:40,505
LIKE, I YELL THAT INTO THE
1810
00:55:40,505 --> 00:55:41,105
COURTYARD.
1811
00:55:41,105 --> 00:55:41,806
>> YEAH.
1812
00:55:41,806 --> 00:55:42,873
>> "THAT'S RIGHT!
1813
00:55:42,873 --> 00:55:44,575
AL-JAZEERA'S BEING PLAYED IN
1814
00:55:44,575 --> 00:55:45,643
210!"
1815
00:55:45,643 --> 00:55:47,011
[ LAUGHTER ]
1816
00:55:47,011 --> 00:55:48,679
AND SEE WHAT THE FUCK THEY DO.
1817
00:55:48,679 --> 00:55:50,014
>> I LIKE THIS WHOLE -- THE
1818
00:55:50,014 --> 00:55:51,449
WHOLE YELLING-GUY THING.
1819
00:55:51,449 --> 00:55:53,518
YOU'RE THE YELLING GUY.
1820
00:55:53,518 --> 00:55:54,685
>> YOU'RE AN EXEC NOW.
1821
00:55:54,685 --> 00:55:56,153
YOU'RE GETTING MORE POPULAR, SO
1822
00:55:56,153 --> 00:55:57,722
YOU'RE LIKE, "AH, PITCH ME."
1823
00:55:57,722 --> 00:55:58,589
>> YEAH, SHIT ON ME.
1824
00:55:58,589 --> 00:55:59,457
GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD.
1825
00:55:59,457 --> 00:56:00,658
TAKE A SHIT ON ME. THAT'S RIGHT.
1826
00:56:00,658 --> 00:56:01,926
>> MARC HAD TO CUT ME OFF
1827
00:56:01,926 --> 00:56:02,893
TONIGHT, LIKE --
1828
00:56:02,893 --> 00:56:03,628
>> I KNOW.
1829
00:56:03,628 --> 00:56:05,029
>> USUALLY HE LETS ME GO ON.
1830
00:56:05,029 --> 00:56:06,764
>> I WAS IN THE WINGS, AND I SAW
1831
00:56:06,764 --> 00:56:08,399
YOUR FACE, THE DOWNCAST -- OH!
1832
00:56:08,399 --> 00:56:09,934
AND OF COURSE ALL HOSTS OF SHOWS
1833
00:56:09,934 --> 00:56:11,602
LOVE WHEN YOU GO, "OH, I CAN'T
1834
00:56:11,602 --> 00:56:12,169
GO LONGER?"
1835
00:56:12,169 --> 00:56:13,604
>> OH, THAT WAS BAD.
1836
00:56:13,604 --> 00:56:14,505
THAT WAS BAD.
1837
00:56:14,505 --> 00:56:16,106
>> HE WAS STEAMING BACKSTAGE.
1838
00:56:16,106 --> 00:56:17,542
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1839
00:56:17,542 --> 00:56:18,943
HE WAS STEAMING.
1840
00:56:18,943 --> 00:56:21,412
HE SAYS, "NO MORE PEPITONE."
1841
00:56:21,412 --> 00:56:22,012
WOW.
1842
00:56:22,012 --> 00:56:23,147
>> IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T STOP.
1843
00:56:23,147 --> 00:56:24,482
LIKE, YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT
1844
00:56:24,482 --> 00:56:24,815
HAPPEN.
1845
00:56:24,815 --> 00:56:25,516
>> ALL RIGHT.
1846
00:56:25,516 --> 00:56:26,884
THANKS, MAN. SEE YOU SOON.
1847
00:56:26,884 --> 00:56:29,520
>> IF THIS DOESN'T WORK OUT --
1848
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:30,821
>> WE -- I WANT TO DO "THE
1849
00:56:30,821 --> 00:56:31,956
SUNSHINE BOYS" OR "THE
1850
00:56:31,956 --> 00:56:32,757
ODD COUPLE."
1851
00:56:32,757 --> 00:56:33,891
>> THAT WAS MY IDEA.
1852
00:56:33,891 --> 00:56:35,660
YOU JUST TOOK -- I JUST SAW YOU
1853
00:56:35,660 --> 00:56:37,428
TAKE THIS -- IT WAS MY -- I SAW
1854
00:56:37,428 --> 00:56:38,496
WHAT YOU JUST DID.
1855
00:56:38,496 --> 00:56:39,697
YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID?
1856
00:56:39,697 --> 00:56:41,065
YOU JUST SAID, LIKE, "I WANT TO
1857
00:56:41,065 --> 00:56:42,600
DO THIS," LIKE YOU CAME UP WITH
1858
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:42,867
IT.
1859
00:56:42,867 --> 00:56:44,502
>> I -- YEAH.
1860
00:56:44,502 --> 00:56:45,169
HE'S RIGHT.
1861
00:56:45,169 --> 00:56:47,171
[ LAUGHS ]
1862
00:56:47,171 --> 00:56:48,573
>> UNBELIEVABLE.
1863
00:56:48,573 --> 00:56:49,039
CIGAR.
1864
00:56:49,039 --> 00:56:50,475
>> OH, CIGAR. NICE.
1865
00:56:50,475 --> 00:56:51,141
HEY, BUDDY.
1866
00:56:51,141 --> 00:56:52,777
>> YOU ALL RIGHT, BUDDY?
1867
00:56:52,777 --> 00:56:53,778
>> I'M FEELING GOOD.
1868
00:56:53,778 --> 00:56:54,178
>> HUH?
1869
00:56:54,178 --> 00:56:55,613
>> I LIKE THE WAY YOU LOOK.
1870
00:56:55,613 --> 00:56:56,481
I LIKE THE HAT.
1871
00:56:56,481 --> 00:56:56,881
>> YEAH?
1872
00:56:56,881 --> 00:56:57,515
>> YEAH.
1873
00:56:57,515 --> 00:56:58,148
AND A CIGAR.
1874
00:56:58,148 --> 00:56:59,149
YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
1875
00:56:59,149 --> 00:57:00,150
>> WHAT ABOUT IT?
1876
00:57:00,150 --> 00:57:01,652
WELL, I LIKE TO SMOKE CIGARS
1877
00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:02,086
WITH YOU.
1878
00:57:02,086 --> 00:57:03,020
>> I KNOW YOU DO.
1879
00:57:03,020 --> 00:57:03,988
WE SMOKE TOGETHER.
1880
00:57:03,988 --> 00:57:05,189
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM YOU'RE
1881
00:57:05,189 --> 00:57:06,657
HANGING ONTO SOME DREAM THAT
1882
00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:07,992
YOU'RE GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
1883
00:57:07,992 --> 00:57:08,693
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1884
00:57:08,693 --> 00:57:09,594
>> NICE TO SEE YOU.
1885
00:57:09,594 --> 00:57:10,094
HOW ARE YOU?
1886
00:57:10,094 --> 00:57:11,496
GOOD. GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?
1887
00:57:11,496 --> 00:57:12,162
>> HOW ARE YOU?
1888
00:57:12,162 --> 00:57:13,230
>> RIGHT, EDDIE?
1889
00:57:13,230 --> 00:57:14,932
EVERYTHING TURNING AROUND?
1890
00:57:14,932 --> 00:57:16,967
>> THINGS ARE GOING GOOD FOR ME.
1891
00:57:16,967 --> 00:57:17,735
>> YEAH?
1892
00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:19,537
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
1893
00:57:19,537 --> 00:57:20,938
>> WHY AM I CRYING?
1894
00:57:20,938 --> 00:57:22,106
>> IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU GUYS.
1895
00:57:22,106 --> 00:57:22,607
>> HI.
1896
00:57:22,607 --> 00:57:23,741
>> THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
1897
00:57:23,741 --> 00:57:24,975
>> DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM, EDDIE?
1898
00:57:24,975 --> 00:57:26,143
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO START
1899
00:57:26,143 --> 00:57:26,844
OUT THIS WAY.
1900
00:57:26,844 --> 00:57:28,012
>> [ LAUGHS ] NO, NOT AT ALL.
1901
00:57:28,012 --> 00:57:28,946
I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
1902
00:57:28,946 --> 00:57:30,080
>> YOU KNOW, THIS CRAP WITH THE
1903
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:31,215
GUYS FOLLOWING YOU AROUND, THE
1904
00:57:31,215 --> 00:57:32,483
CAMERAS -- IT'S REALLY DOING
1905
00:57:32,483 --> 00:57:33,584
SOMETHING TO YOUR PERSONALITY.
1906
00:57:33,584 --> 00:57:34,485
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
1907
00:57:34,485 --> 00:57:35,152
>> YOU NOTICE?
1908
00:57:35,152 --> 00:57:36,120
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
1909
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:37,154
>> IT'S RIDICULOUS.
1910
00:57:37,154 --> 00:57:38,856
>> NO, IT HASN'T, I DON'T THINK,
1911
00:57:38,856 --> 00:57:39,490
AT ALL.
1912
00:57:39,490 --> 00:57:40,758
>> HOW ARE THEY GONNA GET A REAL
1913
00:57:40,758 --> 00:57:41,892
DOCUMENTARY IF YOU CAN'T BE
1914
00:57:41,892 --> 00:57:43,127
HONEST WHEN A CAMERA IS ON YOU?
1915
00:57:43,127 --> 00:57:43,861
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1916
00:57:43,861 --> 00:57:45,129
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK, IT'S ALL A
1917
00:57:45,129 --> 00:57:45,830
SITCOM PART?
1918
00:57:45,830 --> 00:57:46,564
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1919
00:57:46,564 --> 00:57:47,765
>> YOU THINK THIS IS ALL A BIT
1920
00:57:47,765 --> 00:57:48,065
PART?
1921
00:57:48,065 --> 00:57:49,500
THIS IS GONNA BE LIKE 30 OR 40
1922
00:57:49,500 --> 00:57:50,735
BIT PARTS OF YOU IN A SITCOM OF
1923
00:57:50,735 --> 00:57:52,002
YOUR LIFE, AND PEOPLE ARE GONNA
1924
00:57:52,002 --> 00:57:52,970
SAY, "WHERE'S EDDIE?"
1925
00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:54,004
>> YOU WANT ME IN TEARS?
1926
00:57:54,004 --> 00:57:55,272
>> THAT WAS DEFINITELY A STAGE
1927
00:57:55,272 --> 00:57:55,806
YAWN.
1928
00:57:55,806 --> 00:57:57,007
>> BECAUSE I WILL NOT CRY IN
1929
00:57:57,007 --> 00:57:57,908
THIS DOCUMENTARY.
1930
00:57:57,908 --> 00:57:58,776
>> YOU DON'T CRY.
1931
00:57:58,776 --> 00:57:59,977
YOU'RE CRYING ALL THE TIME.
1932
00:57:59,977 --> 00:58:00,611
I MEAN --
1933
00:58:00,611 --> 00:58:01,912
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I'M CRYING
1934
00:58:01,912 --> 00:58:02,680
ALL THE TIME?
1935
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:04,114
>> IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN.
1936
00:58:04,114 --> 00:58:05,783
THAT'S WHAT THE DOCUMENTARY'S
1937
00:58:05,783 --> 00:58:07,585
ABOUT -- EDDIE IS CRYING ALL THE
1938
00:58:07,585 --> 00:58:09,053
TIME, NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES.
1939
00:58:09,053 --> 00:58:10,721
AND NOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO
1940
00:58:10,721 --> 00:58:12,256
MAKE -- PUT A SCRIM IN BETWEEN
1941
00:58:12,256 --> 00:58:13,157
YOUR CRYING --
1942
00:58:13,157 --> 00:58:15,125
>> I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ANGRY AT
1943
00:58:15,125 --> 00:58:17,027
ME FOR SOMETHING, AND I DON'T
1944
00:58:17,027 --> 00:58:18,763
KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT, YOU
1945
00:58:18,763 --> 00:58:19,296
KNOW --
1946
00:58:19,296 --> 00:58:20,631
>> I'M NOT ANGRY AT YOU.
1947
00:58:20,631 --> 00:58:21,832
I JUST MISS THE REAL EDDIE.
1948
00:58:21,832 --> 00:58:22,600
>> [ LAUGHS ]
1949
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:23,167
>> WE ALL DO.
1950
00:58:23,167 --> 00:58:25,803
[ LAUGHTER ]
1951
00:58:25,803 --> 00:58:27,772
[ KEYS CLACKING ]
1952
00:58:33,077 --> 00:58:34,812
>> DOING STAND-UP CAN BE SO
1953
00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:36,781
HUMBLING IN THAT SENSE THAT WHEN
1954
00:58:36,781 --> 00:58:39,984
YOU BOMB, YOU JUST FEEL LIKE A
1955
00:58:39,984 --> 00:58:41,852
RANK AMATEUR, LIKE -- THE
1956
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:44,855
FEELING IS, LIKE, YOU'RE JUST
1957
00:58:44,855 --> 00:58:46,924
LIKE A RANK AMATEUR AGAIN, NO
1958
00:58:46,924 --> 00:58:49,026
MATTER HOW LONG YOU BEEN DOING
1959
00:58:49,026 --> 00:58:49,627
IT.
1960
00:58:49,627 --> 00:58:51,629
BUT I ALSO THINK TWITTER WOULD
1961
00:58:51,629 --> 00:58:53,631
BE FUNNY AFTER THE APOCALYPSE.
1962
00:58:53,631 --> 00:58:55,733
LIKE, THERE'D BE NO ELECTRICITY,
1963
00:58:55,733 --> 00:58:57,735
BUT PEOPLE WILL HAVE GOTTEN SO
1964
00:58:57,735 --> 00:58:59,704
USED TO TWEETING THAT THEY'LL
1965
00:58:59,704 --> 00:59:01,305
JUST -- THAT THEY'LL STILL
1966
00:59:01,305 --> 00:59:03,608
TWEET, BUT THEY'LL JUST YELL IT.
1967
00:59:03,608 --> 00:59:05,242
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
1968
00:59:05,242 --> 00:59:07,812
THEY'LL BE LIKE IN RUBBLE, JUST
1969
00:59:07,812 --> 00:59:09,980
YELLING TWEETY-TYPE THINGS,
1970
00:59:09,980 --> 00:59:12,082
LIKE, "COPS ARE DRUNKS WITH
1971
00:59:12,082 --> 00:59:14,118
BADGES!"
1972
00:59:14,118 --> 00:59:16,253
AND THEN SOMEONE WOULD RE-TWEET
1973
00:59:16,253 --> 00:59:18,355
THAT WHO HEARD IT, LIKE, "FRANK
1974
00:59:18,355 --> 00:59:20,190
SAID COPS ARE DRUNKS WITH
1975
00:59:20,190 --> 00:59:22,960
BADGES!"
1976
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:24,595
[ LAUGHS ]
1977
00:59:24,595 --> 00:59:26,163
>> EDDIE PEPITONE, EVERYBODY!
1978
00:59:26,163 --> 00:59:27,097
GOD DAMN!
1979
00:59:27,097 --> 00:59:27,898
[ APPLAUSE ]
1980
00:59:27,898 --> 00:59:29,800
WHAT A FUCKING INSPIRATION.
1981
00:59:29,800 --> 00:59:32,870
WELL, GUYS, THANK YOU ALL FOR
1982
00:59:32,870 --> 00:59:34,071
COMING TO FROLIC.
1983
00:59:34,071 --> 00:59:36,040
THANK YOU FOR COMING SO MUCH.
1984
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:38,042
OUR NEXT SHOW IS IN TWO WEEKS,
1985
00:59:38,042 --> 00:59:40,044
ON WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17th, AND
1986
00:59:40,044 --> 00:59:42,346
IT'S OUR ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY...
1987
00:59:42,346 --> 00:59:44,314
>> WHEW.
1988
00:59:44,314 --> 00:59:47,017
[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]
1989
00:59:47,017 --> 00:59:49,353
EH, I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T --
1990
00:59:49,353 --> 00:59:50,821
IT'S AWFUL. THEY --
1991
00:59:50,821 --> 00:59:53,624
I JUST FELT KIND OF, UM --
1992
00:59:53,624 --> 00:59:54,725
I DON'T KNOW.
1993
00:59:54,725 --> 00:59:56,927
I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A GOOD GROOVE
1994
00:59:56,927 --> 00:59:58,929
WITH THEM.
1995
01:00:22,853 --> 01:00:27,958
I LIKE INXS, TOO.
1996
01:00:27,958 --> 01:00:29,860
THERE'S SOMETHING NICE ABOUT
1997
01:00:29,860 --> 01:00:31,829
KNOWING THAT THEIR LEAD SINGER
1998
01:00:31,829 --> 01:00:32,830
HUNG HIMSELF.
1999
01:00:32,830 --> 01:00:34,865
IT SHOWS YOU THAT FAME ISN'T --
2000
01:00:34,865 --> 01:00:37,267
FAME ISN'T ALL IT'S CRACKED UP
2001
01:00:37,267 --> 01:00:38,135
TO BE.
2002
01:00:38,135 --> 01:00:39,036
[ CHUCKLES ]
2003
01:00:39,036 --> 01:00:40,771
YOU, LIKE, SPEND YOUR WHOLE LIFE
2004
01:00:40,771 --> 01:00:42,239
WANTING TO BE FAMOUS, AND THEN
2005
01:00:42,239 --> 01:00:43,874
YOU HEAR ABOUT SOME FAMOUS GUY
2006
01:00:43,874 --> 01:00:45,242
HANGING HIMSELF, AND YOU'RE
2007
01:00:45,242 --> 01:00:46,010
LIKE, "HMM.
2008
01:00:46,010 --> 01:00:49,346
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT PICTURE?"
2009
01:00:49,346 --> 01:00:50,915
I LIKE CLASSICAL, LIVE
2010
01:00:50,915 --> 01:00:52,850
CLASSICAL, AND I LIKE LISTENING
2011
01:00:52,850 --> 01:00:54,785
TO -- MY DAD'S A HUGE CLASSICAL
2012
01:00:54,785 --> 01:00:55,720
MUSIC FREAK.
2013
01:00:55,720 --> 01:00:57,688
HE LOVES MOZART, BEETHOVEN, AND
2014
01:00:57,688 --> 01:00:59,289
I LIKE PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT I
2015
01:00:59,289 --> 01:01:02,226
LIKE IT.
2016
01:01:02,226 --> 01:01:02,960
THANK YOU.
2017
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:03,928
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
2018
01:01:03,928 --> 01:01:05,696
>> I WANT HIM TO KNOW I'M DOING
2019
01:01:05,696 --> 01:01:07,264
WELL, AND I TELL HIM, YOU KNOW,
2020
01:01:07,264 --> 01:01:08,365
ALL THE GIGS I GET.
2021
01:01:08,365 --> 01:01:10,267
AND I TELL HIM I'M LOSING WEIGHT
2022
01:01:10,267 --> 01:01:11,235
NOW, YOU KNOW?
2023
01:01:11,235 --> 01:01:13,070
AND I JUST WANT HIM TO KNOW I'M
2024
01:01:13,070 --> 01:01:14,805
DOING GOOD, WHICH I AM RIGHT
2025
01:01:14,805 --> 01:01:17,808
NOW, YOU KNOW?
2026
01:01:17,808 --> 01:01:20,945
DADDY-O.
2027
01:01:20,945 --> 01:01:24,081
YEAH, I'M TAPING A PILOT.
2028
01:01:24,081 --> 01:01:29,053
I'M TAPING AN NBC SHOW TOMORROW.
2029
01:01:29,053 --> 01:01:32,356
YEAH. YEAH.
2030
01:01:32,356 --> 01:01:37,762
YEAH, NO VISITATION FROM, UH,
2031
01:01:37,762 --> 01:01:38,929
ANYBODY?
2032
01:01:38,929 --> 01:01:41,198
NO?
2033
01:01:41,198 --> 01:01:44,735
YOU OKAY?
2034
01:01:44,735 --> 01:01:46,270
UH, ALL RIGHT.
2035
01:01:46,270 --> 01:01:50,007
WELL, I LOVE YOU.
2036
01:01:50,007 --> 01:01:53,177
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TALK SOON, DAD.
2037
01:01:53,177 --> 01:01:55,913
BYE.
2038
01:01:55,913 --> 01:01:57,314
HE DOESN'T KNOW IF HE WANTS TO
2039
01:01:57,314 --> 01:01:58,382
LEAVE STATEN ISLAND.
2040
01:01:58,382 --> 01:02:02,452
HE HATES LEAVING STATEN ISLAND.
2041
01:02:02,452 --> 01:02:03,487
HE JUST HATES IT.
2042
01:02:03,487 --> 01:02:05,089
HE HATES GETTING IN A CAR.
2043
01:02:05,089 --> 01:02:06,290
HE HATES THE TRAFFIC.
2044
01:02:06,290 --> 01:02:07,892
IN THAT WAY, I'M LIKE HIM.
2045
01:02:07,892 --> 01:02:09,493
I HATE THE FUCKING TRAFFIC HERE
2046
01:02:09,493 --> 01:02:10,160
IN L.A.
2047
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:11,996
HE HASN'T BEEN ON MANHATTAN IN
2048
01:02:11,996 --> 01:02:13,798
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG, BUT --
2049
01:02:13,798 --> 01:02:15,165
SO, HE MIGHT NOT COMING, EVEN
2050
01:02:15,165 --> 01:02:16,834
THOUGH IT'S LIKE MY BIGGEST SHOW
2051
01:02:16,834 --> 01:02:17,334
IN YEARS.
2052
01:02:17,334 --> 01:02:18,936
IT'S LIKE HE GETS A BUG UP HIS
2053
01:02:18,936 --> 01:02:20,237
ASS, AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO
2054
01:02:20,237 --> 01:02:20,771
COME.
2055
01:02:20,771 --> 01:02:23,273
I'M GONNA BE COMING TO NEW YORK
2056
01:02:23,273 --> 01:02:24,341
NEXT WEEK.
2057
01:02:24,341 --> 01:02:25,843
>> DOING WHAT?
2058
01:02:25,843 --> 01:02:27,477
>> I'M DOING GOTHAM.
2059
01:02:27,912 --> 01:02:29,513
PATTON'S GONNA DO A LITTLE
2060
01:02:29,513 --> 01:02:31,515
DRIVE-BY THING, PATTON AND LEO,
2061
01:02:31,515 --> 01:02:33,117
AT GOTHAM ON A SUNDAY.
2062
01:02:33,117 --> 01:02:34,952
>> YOU'RE HEADLINING PAT AT
2063
01:02:34,952 --> 01:02:35,853
GOTHAM?
2064
01:02:36,086 --> 01:02:37,554
WOW. HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?
2065
01:02:37,554 --> 01:02:39,790
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
2066
01:02:46,430 --> 01:02:48,298
YOU KNOW, I'M A LITTLE WORRIED
2067
01:02:48,298 --> 01:02:49,166
ABOUT THAT.
2068
01:02:49,166 --> 01:02:50,500
I ALWAYS AM, YOU KNOW?
2069
01:02:50,500 --> 01:02:53,871
ABOUT -- OH, FUCK.
2070
01:02:53,871 --> 01:02:55,372
LIKE, YOU KNOW, AGAIN, YOU KNOW,
2071
01:02:55,372 --> 01:02:56,941
"OH, IF THERE'S NO CROWD, IT
2072
01:02:56,941 --> 01:02:58,408
MEANS NO ONE LOVES ME," OR THAT
2073
01:02:58,408 --> 01:03:00,010
KIND OF SHIT OR MY POPULARITY
2074
01:03:00,010 --> 01:03:01,278
OR, "WHERE'S MY CAREER IF
2075
01:03:01,278 --> 01:03:02,579
THERE'S NO FUCKING CROWD?"
2076
01:03:02,579 --> 01:03:05,182
YOU KNOW?
2077
01:03:05,182 --> 01:03:06,283
ALL THE OTHERS CATS ARE SO
2078
01:03:06,283 --> 01:03:07,852
FRUITY.
2079
01:03:07,852 --> 01:03:10,054
HOJI GIRL.
2080
01:03:10,054 --> 01:03:11,922
SEE YOU SOON, "HOJE."
2081
01:03:11,922 --> 01:03:13,523
[ THE SILVER JEWS' "HOW CAN I
2082
01:03:13,523 --> 01:03:15,425
LOVE YOU IF YOU WON'T LIE DOWN"
2083
01:03:15,425 --> 01:03:17,494
PLAYS ]
2084
01:03:23,567 --> 01:03:26,270
[ CHUCKLES ]
2085
01:03:26,270 --> 01:03:29,473
>> * FAST CARS, FINE ASS
2086
01:03:29,473 --> 01:03:33,210
* THESE THINGS WILL PASS
2087
01:03:33,210 --> 01:03:36,613
* AND IT WON'T GET MORE
2088
01:03:36,613 --> 01:03:40,584
PROFOUND *
2089
01:03:40,584 --> 01:03:43,387
* TIME IS A GAME
2090
01:03:43,387 --> 01:03:46,556
* ONLY CHILDREN PLAY WELL
2091
01:03:46,556 --> 01:03:49,059
* HOW CAN I LOVE YOU
2092
01:03:49,059 --> 01:03:51,628
* IF YOU WON'T LIE DOWN
2093
01:03:51,628 --> 01:03:53,430
>> * LIE DOWN
2094
01:03:53,430 --> 01:03:55,365
[ INSTRUMENTAL BREAK ]
2095
01:04:08,545 --> 01:04:11,615
>> * MY YOUTH FOR A BELL
2096
01:04:11,615 --> 01:04:15,252
* WHO'S WHO IN HELL
2097
01:04:15,252 --> 01:04:17,387
* MY KINGDOM...
2098
01:04:17,387 --> 01:04:18,989
>> WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
2099
01:04:18,989 --> 01:04:20,024
SAW EDDIE PERFORM?
2100
01:04:20,024 --> 01:04:21,558
>> OH.
2101
01:04:21,558 --> 01:04:23,193
>> IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME, RIGHT?
2102
01:04:23,193 --> 01:04:23,627
>> YEAH.
2103
01:04:23,627 --> 01:04:27,264
I KIND OF THINK IT WAS...
2104
01:04:27,264 --> 01:04:31,068
I KIND OF THINK IT WAS TWO WEEKS
2105
01:04:31,068 --> 01:04:34,338
AFTER I BOUGHT MY CAR, WHICH WAS
2106
01:04:34,338 --> 01:04:36,006
IN '02.
2107
01:04:36,006 --> 01:04:37,074
>> WOW.
2108
01:04:37,074 --> 01:04:37,541
>> AND --
2109
01:04:37,541 --> 01:04:39,643
>> NINE YEARS AGO?
2110
01:04:39,643 --> 01:04:41,678
>> I CA-- THAT'S MY BEST GUESS,
2111
01:04:41,678 --> 01:04:47,084
BUT I HAD THE CAR FOR TWO WEEKS.
2112
01:04:47,084 --> 01:04:49,386
AND I PARKED IT WHERE THERE WAS
2113
01:04:49,386 --> 01:04:51,621
A WHOLE BUNCH OF CARS PARKED,
2114
01:04:51,621 --> 01:04:54,124
WENT AND SEE HIM, CAME OUT, AND
2115
01:04:54,124 --> 01:04:55,559
THEY HAD TOWED IT.
2116
01:04:55,559 --> 01:04:56,593
>> IF YOU COME TOMORROW -- AND
2117
01:04:56,593 --> 01:04:57,294
YOU WILL, RIGHT?
2118
01:04:57,294 --> 01:04:58,195
ARE YOU COMING TOMORROW?
2119
01:04:58,195 --> 01:04:59,296
>> TOMORROW NIGHT?
2120
01:04:59,296 --> 01:05:00,965
>> WE'LL DRIVE YOU IN TO THE
2121
01:05:00,965 --> 01:05:01,365
SHOW.
2122
01:05:01,365 --> 01:05:02,299
>> YEAH, SURE.
2123
01:05:02,299 --> 01:05:03,667
THEY GONNA DRIVE US BACK?
2124
01:05:03,667 --> 01:05:05,970
I REMEMBER SAYING TO EDDIE,
2125
01:05:05,970 --> 01:05:08,005
"LOOK, THERE'S 230 MILLION
2126
01:05:08,005 --> 01:05:10,207
PEOPLE --" AT THE TIME -- "IN
2127
01:05:10,207 --> 01:05:12,509
THIS COUNTRY, AND HOW MANY MAKE
2128
01:05:12,509 --> 01:05:14,378
IT EVERY YEAR?"
2129
01:05:14,378 --> 01:05:15,679
HE DID WHAT HE WANTED TO DO,
2130
01:05:15,679 --> 01:05:16,580
SO...
2131
01:05:16,580 --> 01:05:18,582
DID I LECTURE YOU ABOUT YOU
2132
01:05:18,582 --> 01:05:20,184
GETTING A REAL JOB?
2133
01:05:20,184 --> 01:05:22,352
>> NO, I THINK YOU KNEW -- YOU
2134
01:05:22,352 --> 01:05:24,989
KIND OF KNEW THAT THAT'S WHAT I
2135
01:05:24,989 --> 01:05:26,223
WANTED TO DO.
2136
01:05:26,223 --> 01:05:27,191
>> OH, OKAY.
2137
01:05:27,191 --> 01:05:28,325
>> AND -- YEAH.
2138
01:05:28,325 --> 01:05:31,095
I MEAN, YOU WEREN'T -- YOU
2139
01:05:31,095 --> 01:05:34,231
WEREN'T CRAZY ABOUT IT, BUT YOU
2140
01:05:34,231 --> 01:05:37,267
KNEW THAT THAT'S WHAT I WANTED
2141
01:05:37,267 --> 01:05:38,235
TO DO.
2142
01:05:38,235 --> 01:05:40,037
SO, YOU DIDN'T -- YOU KIND OF
2143
01:05:40,037 --> 01:05:41,671
KNEW THAT, WHAT THE HELL WERE
2144
01:05:41,671 --> 01:05:43,107
YOU GONNA DO?
2145
01:05:43,107 --> 01:05:45,942
>> [ LAUGHS ] YEAH. RIGHT.
2146
01:05:51,481 --> 01:05:53,583
>> PROTEST DOWN AT WALL STREET!
2147
01:06:09,466 --> 01:06:11,368
LET'S GO INTO THE MIX HERE.
2148
01:06:11,368 --> 01:06:17,641
LET'S FIND OUT WHAT'S HAPPENING.
2149
01:06:17,641 --> 01:06:18,775
>> WE'RE GONNA EXPRESS
2150
01:06:18,775 --> 01:06:19,609
SOLIDARITY...
2151
01:06:19,609 --> 01:06:20,777
>> WE'RE GONNA EXPRESS
2152
01:06:20,777 --> 01:06:21,611
SOLIDARITY...
2153
01:06:21,611 --> 01:06:23,247
>> ...AND HOPE THAT YOU, TOO...
2154
01:06:23,247 --> 01:06:24,714
>> ...AND HOPE THAT YOU, TOO...
2155
01:06:24,714 --> 01:06:26,250
>> ...CAN ALSO DO THE SAME.
2156
01:06:26,250 --> 01:06:28,785
>> ...CAN ALSO DO THE SAME.
2157
01:06:28,785 --> 01:06:30,720
>> YEAH!
2158
01:06:47,704 --> 01:06:49,173
THEY NEED TO KIND OF -- I'M GLAD
2159
01:06:49,173 --> 01:06:49,673
YOU'RE HERE.
2160
01:06:49,673 --> 01:06:50,807
THEY NEED PEOPLE WHO HAVE A
2161
01:06:50,807 --> 01:06:52,076
LITTLE MORE EXPERIENCE...
2162
01:06:52,076 --> 01:06:52,476
>> RIGHT.
2163
01:06:52,476 --> 01:06:53,677
>> ...BECAUSE THEY'RE A LITTLE
2164
01:06:53,677 --> 01:06:54,744
GREEN.
2165
01:06:54,744 --> 01:06:56,213
>> THEY NEED A CHE GUEVARA TYPE
2166
01:06:56,213 --> 01:06:56,646
LIKE YOU.
2167
01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,148
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
2168
01:06:58,148 --> 01:07:00,217
THE AVERAGE PERSON, AND I DON'T
2169
01:07:00,217 --> 01:07:02,352
MEAN AVERAGE IN TALENT, WHICH HE
2170
01:07:02,352 --> 01:07:04,121
IS MORE AVERAGE THAN ME.
2171
01:07:04,121 --> 01:07:05,755
>> I'M FREDDIE PEPITONE.
2172
01:07:06,190 --> 01:07:07,724
I'M HIS LONG-LOST BROTHER!
2173
01:07:07,724 --> 01:07:10,094
>> THE AVERAGE PERSON IS FUNNY.
2174
01:07:10,094 --> 01:07:12,396
THE WALL STREET PEOPLE -- THEY
2175
01:07:12,396 --> 01:07:14,564
ARE CONSUMED WITH MONEY AND
2176
01:07:14,564 --> 01:07:16,766
GREEN AND DESTROYING PEOPLE.
2177
01:07:16,766 --> 01:07:19,336
HOW CAN YOU BE FUNNY LIKE THAT?
2178
01:07:19,336 --> 01:07:20,270
WHAT DO YOU DO?
2179
01:07:20,270 --> 01:07:21,205
YOU GO ONSTAGE.
2180
01:07:21,205 --> 01:07:22,406
YOU GO, "GOOD EVENING.
2181
01:07:22,406 --> 01:07:23,640
I'VE KILLED YOUR SOUL."
2182
01:07:23,640 --> 01:07:26,243
>> BERNANKE NEEDS TO SLIP ON A
2183
01:07:26,243 --> 01:07:27,411
BANANA PEEL!
2184
01:07:27,411 --> 01:07:29,246
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
2185
01:07:29,246 --> 01:07:32,082
WE THINK IF THE FED HAD MORE
2186
01:07:32,082 --> 01:07:34,784
BANANA PEELS, THAT JUST MAYBE
2187
01:07:34,784 --> 01:07:37,554
THERE'S BE A SENSE OF HUMOR
2188
01:07:37,554 --> 01:07:40,457
ABOUT HOW THEY ARE DESTROYING
2189
01:07:40,457 --> 01:07:42,226
PEOPLE'S LIVES.
2190
01:07:42,226 --> 01:07:43,827
>> WITH A BOTTLE OF SELTZER FOR
2191
01:07:43,827 --> 01:07:45,595
TIM GEITHNER RIGHT IN HIS FACE,
2192
01:07:45,595 --> 01:07:47,297
WE'RE GONNA TAKE THESE PEOPLE
2193
01:07:47,297 --> 01:07:48,865
LIKE STOOGES, THE STOOGES THAT
2194
01:07:48,865 --> 01:07:49,599
THEY ARE!
2195
01:07:49,599 --> 01:07:51,835
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
2196
01:08:00,610 --> 01:08:02,379
THESE ARE NOT PROTESTORS.
2197
01:08:02,379 --> 01:08:03,880
SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE
2198
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:05,315
PEPITONE GROUPIES.
2199
01:08:05,315 --> 01:08:07,417
THEY FOLLOW HIM AROUND FROM CITY
2200
01:08:07,417 --> 01:08:09,486
TO CITY WHENEVER HE HAS A SMALL,
2201
01:08:09,486 --> 01:08:11,588
MODEST SET SOMEWHERE.
2202
01:08:16,793 --> 01:08:18,495
>> I'M JUST LOOKING THROUGH
2203
01:08:18,495 --> 01:08:19,229
DRAWERS.
2204
01:08:19,229 --> 01:08:20,364
DON'T EVEN BOTHER.
2205
01:08:20,364 --> 01:08:22,166
>> THE GUY BEHIND THIS CAMERA
2206
01:08:22,166 --> 01:08:24,134
IS FUCKED UP.
2207
01:08:24,134 --> 01:08:25,769
WE'RE DRIVING TO MANHATTAN AND
2208
01:08:25,769 --> 01:08:26,903
DO THE DEAL THERE.
2209
01:08:26,903 --> 01:08:28,272
I GOT A BIG SHOW TOMORROW.
2210
01:08:28,272 --> 01:08:29,273
I'M FUCKING NERVOUS.
2211
01:08:29,273 --> 01:08:30,440
I WENT OVER A LOT OF SHIT,
2212
01:08:30,440 --> 01:08:33,477
THOUGH, ON THE PLANE, BUT...
2213
01:08:33,477 --> 01:08:34,911
WE'LL SEE HOW FUNNY I AM.
2214
01:08:34,911 --> 01:08:36,846
>> NOW, I TAKE IT THAT YOU GIVE
2215
01:08:36,846 --> 01:08:38,748
ME YOUR PERMISSION TO CLEAN UP
2216
01:08:38,748 --> 01:08:40,584
THIS FUCKING MESS THAT YOU'RE
2217
01:08:40,584 --> 01:08:41,551
LEAVING HERE.
2218
01:08:41,551 --> 01:08:42,219
>> OH, HOLD IT.
2219
01:08:42,219 --> 01:08:42,919
WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO?
2220
01:08:42,919 --> 01:08:45,522
>> NAH. GET OUT OF HERE.
2221
01:08:45,522 --> 01:08:48,358
>> RIGHT.
2222
01:08:48,358 --> 01:08:51,228
SO, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT.
2223
01:08:51,228 --> 01:08:54,764
ALL RIGHT, ROB. BYE.
2224
01:08:54,764 --> 01:08:57,667
I LOVE ROB.
2225
01:08:57,667 --> 01:08:59,169
PEOPLE HAVEN'T SEEN ME LIVE IN
2226
01:08:59,169 --> 01:09:01,338
A WHILE.
2227
01:09:08,412 --> 01:09:11,215
OH, MAN.
2228
01:09:11,215 --> 01:09:12,916
AH!
2229
01:09:12,916 --> 01:09:14,784
AH, YOU LOOK GREAT.
2230
01:09:14,784 --> 01:09:15,652
>> YOU DO, TOO.
2231
01:09:15,652 --> 01:09:16,853
>> OH, GREAT TO SEE YOU.
2232
01:09:16,853 --> 01:09:17,321
AH!
2233
01:09:17,321 --> 01:09:17,787
>> COME.
2234
01:09:17,787 --> 01:09:18,422
>> YEAH?
2235
01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:19,356
>> THREE MONTHS.
2236
01:09:19,356 --> 01:09:19,889
>> "COME."
2237
01:09:19,889 --> 01:09:21,525
YOU'RE LIKE, "COME, GENTLEMEN."
2238
01:09:21,525 --> 01:09:24,461
IT'S LIKE VERY ITALIAN.
2239
01:09:24,461 --> 01:09:24,794
"COME."
2240
01:09:24,794 --> 01:09:25,495
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
2241
01:09:25,495 --> 01:09:26,396
>> "COME IN.
2242
01:09:26,396 --> 01:09:27,431
COME IN AND BREAK BREAD."
2243
01:09:27,431 --> 01:09:30,367
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
2244
01:09:30,367 --> 01:09:31,468
"COME IN AND BREAK BREAD WITH
2245
01:09:31,468 --> 01:09:32,369
ME."
2246
01:09:32,369 --> 01:09:33,337
[ LAUGHS ]
2247
01:09:33,337 --> 01:09:34,538
HE'S GETTING UP THERE.
2248
01:09:34,538 --> 01:09:35,739
HE'S LIKE 78, I THINK.
2249
01:09:35,739 --> 01:09:36,740
>> IS HE REALLY?
2250
01:09:36,740 --> 01:09:37,341
>> 77.
2251
01:09:37,341 --> 01:09:38,675
>> YEAH, JOANIE'S GONNA BE 77.
2252
01:09:38,908 --> 01:09:40,910
>> IT'S HIS HIP, HIS BACK, HIS
2253
01:09:40,910 --> 01:09:42,212
FUCKING DRINKS.
2254
01:09:42,212 --> 01:09:42,879
WELL, YOU KNOW MY DAD.
2255
01:09:42,879 --> 01:09:43,680
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
2256
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:44,714
>> FUCKING EVERYTHING IS A --
2257
01:09:44,714 --> 01:09:45,882
AND, LIKE, I GET THERE.
2258
01:09:46,316 --> 01:09:47,817
AND THE BED I'M SUPPOSED TO
2259
01:09:47,817 --> 01:09:49,486
SLEEP ON JUST COVERED WITH
2260
01:09:49,486 --> 01:09:49,953
BOOKS.
2261
01:09:49,953 --> 01:09:51,421
>> [ LAUGHS ]
2262
01:09:51,421 --> 01:09:52,989
>> JUST COVERED WITH BOOKS.
2263
01:09:52,989 --> 01:09:54,991
AND I'M LIKE, "DAD, I TOLD YOU,"
2264
01:09:54,991 --> 01:09:56,993
AND I HAVE TO BE SO CAREFUL -- I
2265
01:09:56,993 --> 01:09:58,995
HAVE TO BE SO CAREFUL OF GETTING
2266
01:09:58,995 --> 01:10:00,964
INTO IT WITH HIM BECAUSE I SAY,
2267
01:10:00,964 --> 01:10:01,931
"BUT, DAD --"
2268
01:10:01,931 --> 01:10:03,433
AND I SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE SAID
2269
01:10:03,433 --> 01:10:03,767
THIS.
2270
01:10:03,767 --> 01:10:05,235
I GO, "YOU KNEW I WAS COMING,
2271
01:10:05,235 --> 01:10:05,602
RIGHT?"
2272
01:10:05,602 --> 01:10:06,870
LIKE, THAT -- EVEN THAT COULD BE
2273
01:10:06,870 --> 01:10:07,404
LIKE...
2274
01:10:07,404 --> 01:10:08,605
YOU KNOW, IT'S THE TYPE OF THE
2275
01:10:08,605 --> 01:10:09,839
THING WHERE YOU PUT A WAFER, AND
2276
01:10:09,839 --> 01:10:10,907
THAT'S THE TIPPING POINT.
2277
01:10:10,907 --> 01:10:12,476
SO, I SAID, "NO, DAD, NO MORE
2278
01:10:12,476 --> 01:10:13,677
BOOKS ON THESE SHELVES."
2279
01:10:13,677 --> 01:10:14,978
AND HE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT."
2280
01:10:14,978 --> 01:10:16,246
AND HE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, IF
2281
01:10:16,246 --> 01:10:17,281
YOU WANT TO PUT THEM ON THE
2282
01:10:17,281 --> 01:10:17,647
FLOOR..."
2283
01:10:17,647 --> 01:10:18,415
>> [ LAUGHS ]
2284
01:10:18,415 --> 01:10:20,950
>> AND THEN -- SO, I SLEPT TILL
2285
01:10:20,950 --> 01:10:23,387
1:30 AND I GET UP AND HE'S
2286
01:10:23,387 --> 01:10:25,789
WATCHING TV AND HE WON'T COME
2287
01:10:25,789 --> 01:10:27,391
AND TALK TO ME.
2288
01:10:27,391 --> 01:10:28,692
AND I'M LIKE, "OH, NO."
2289
01:10:28,692 --> 01:10:30,527
HE'S JUST WATCHING THIS FUCKING
2290
01:10:30,527 --> 01:10:31,761
GEORGE CLOONEY MOVIE.
2291
01:10:31,761 --> 01:10:33,397
AND I'M GOING, "DAD, HOW COME
2292
01:10:33,397 --> 01:10:34,898
YOU'RE NOT COMING IN TO TALK TO
2293
01:10:34,898 --> 01:10:35,932
ME IN THE KITCHEN?
2294
01:10:35,932 --> 01:10:37,634
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME FOR A YEAR,
2295
01:10:37,634 --> 01:10:38,968
AND THEN YOU'RE WATCHING A
2296
01:10:38,968 --> 01:10:39,603
MOVIE."
2297
01:10:39,603 --> 01:10:40,804
HE GOES, "WELL, YOU WERE GIVING
2298
01:10:40,804 --> 01:10:41,838
ME A LOT OF SHIT BEFORE."
2299
01:10:41,838 --> 01:10:43,707
LIKE, I HAD SAID -- ALL I HAD
2300
01:10:43,707 --> 01:10:45,709
SAID WAS -- ALL I HAD SAID WAS,
2301
01:10:45,709 --> 01:10:46,976
"MAYBE WE SHOULD --"
2302
01:10:46,976 --> 01:10:48,945
"YOU SAID -- YOU MADE IT PRETTY
2303
01:10:48,945 --> 01:10:49,679
CLEAR."
2304
01:10:49,679 --> 01:10:50,547
HE GOES LIKE THIS.
2305
01:10:50,547 --> 01:10:51,448
HE GOES LIKE THIS.
2306
01:10:51,448 --> 01:10:52,616
HE GOES, "YOU MADE IT PRETTY
2307
01:10:52,616 --> 01:10:53,850
CLEAR YOU WERE UPSET WITH ME."
2308
01:10:53,850 --> 01:10:55,685
I HAD SAID, "MAYBE WE SHOULD GET
2309
01:10:55,685 --> 01:10:56,986
THE BOOKS OFF THE BED."
2310
01:10:56,986 --> 01:10:57,654
[ LAUGHS ]
2311
01:10:57,654 --> 01:11:01,391
AND I'M GOING, "OH, NO."
2312
01:11:06,363 --> 01:11:07,697
>> WE THINK -- LIKE, WE WERE
2313
01:11:07,697 --> 01:11:08,765
TALKING LAST NIGHT.
2314
01:11:08,765 --> 01:11:10,367
WE WERE LIKE, "HE'S SO NERVOUS
2315
01:11:10,367 --> 01:11:11,501
ABOUT THIS, YOU KNOW?"
2316
01:11:11,501 --> 01:11:12,769
BUT IT'S GREAT BECAUSE --
2317
01:11:12,769 --> 01:11:14,438
>> HE CAN TRANSMUTE THAT ENERGY,
2318
01:11:14,438 --> 01:11:15,872
TOO, ONSTAGE, WHICH IS WHAT HE
2319
01:11:15,872 --> 01:11:17,474
DOES BEST, YOU KNOW?
2320
01:11:17,474 --> 01:11:18,375
YEAH.
2321
01:11:18,375 --> 01:11:20,043
[ KEYS CLACKING ]
2322
01:11:28,452 --> 01:11:31,588
>> [ GROANS ]
2323
01:11:31,588 --> 01:11:36,025
[ YAWNS ]
2324
01:11:36,025 --> 01:11:38,495
YEAH, WELL, I DID GIVE HIM A LOT
2325
01:11:38,495 --> 01:11:40,063
OF PROGRESSIVE LIBERAL
2326
01:11:40,063 --> 01:11:42,432
PERSPECTIVE, BUT I ALWAYS TOLD
2327
01:11:42,432 --> 01:11:47,371
HIM, "EDDIE, YOU GOT TO GET YOUR
2328
01:11:47,371 --> 01:11:49,706
SHARE OF THE PIE.
2329
01:11:49,706 --> 01:11:53,477
NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE TO BRING
2330
01:11:53,477 --> 01:11:55,612
DOWN THE ESTABLISHMENT, BUT YOU
2331
01:11:55,612 --> 01:11:57,647
HAVE TO GET YOUR SHARE OF THE
2332
01:11:57,647 --> 01:11:58,515
PIE, TOO.
2333
01:11:58,515 --> 01:12:00,484
SO, YOU GOT TO WORK HARD."
2334
01:12:00,484 --> 01:12:02,051
HE'S TRYING TO FIND THE EASY WAY
2335
01:12:02,051 --> 01:12:02,586
OUT.
2336
01:12:02,586 --> 01:12:05,622
HE DIDN'T.
2337
01:12:05,622 --> 01:12:07,724
SO...
2338
01:12:16,132 --> 01:12:17,867
>> FIRST AND 10 FROM THE 31.
2339
01:12:17,867 --> 01:12:19,135
KAFKA IN HIS SECOND SEASON OUT
2340
01:12:19,135 --> 01:12:20,604
OF NORTHWESTERN, FOURTH-ROUND
2341
01:12:20,604 --> 01:12:21,605
DRAFT PICK LAST YEAR.
2342
01:12:21,605 --> 01:12:26,042
>> IF THE EAGLES HAD ANY DECENCY
2343
01:12:26,042 --> 01:12:27,143
AS AN ORGANIZATION, THEY
2344
01:12:27,143 --> 01:12:28,712
WOULDN'T HAVE PICKED THIS GUY UP
2345
01:12:28,712 --> 01:12:30,647
WHO'S AN ANIMAL ABUSER.
2346
01:12:30,647 --> 01:12:31,581
>> NICE.
2347
01:12:31,581 --> 01:12:33,883
HE GOT OUT OF THE TACKLE.
2348
01:12:33,883 --> 01:12:35,419
NOW, I DON'T WANT TO JINX IT.
2349
01:12:35,419 --> 01:12:36,786
THIS IS STARTING TO LOOK LIKE A
2350
01:12:36,786 --> 01:12:38,054
WIN, BUT ME AND MY DAD KNOW
2351
01:12:38,054 --> 01:12:38,655
BETTER.
2352
01:12:38,655 --> 01:12:40,724
>> [ LAUGHS ]
2353
01:12:47,531 --> 01:12:49,433
OH, I GET TO TURN OFF THE TV?
2354
01:12:49,433 --> 01:12:49,933
>> MM.
2355
01:12:49,933 --> 01:12:50,800
>> THANKS.
2356
01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:52,802
>> YOU'RE WELCOME.
2357
01:12:52,802 --> 01:12:54,838
WHY DON'T YOU GO WITHOUT ME?
2358
01:12:54,838 --> 01:12:55,805
EITHER WAY.
2359
01:12:55,805 --> 01:12:56,673
>> ALL RIGHT.
2360
01:12:56,673 --> 01:13:01,445
>> EITHER WAY.
2361
01:13:01,445 --> 01:13:03,079
YOU LET US KNOW.
2362
01:13:07,784 --> 01:13:09,018
YOU LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO
2363
01:13:09,018 --> 01:13:11,020
DO.
2364
01:13:16,760 --> 01:13:18,027
WE'LL WAIT FOR YOU OUTSIDE.
2365
01:13:18,027 --> 01:13:20,396
YOU MAKE THE CALL ON THAT.
2366
01:13:38,782 --> 01:13:40,183
BY THE WAY, WHAT IS GOING ON
2367
01:13:40,183 --> 01:13:40,750
HERE?
2368
01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,151
ARE THEY DOING CONSTRUCTION?
2369
01:13:42,151 --> 01:13:43,820
>> I TOLD YOU THIS LAST NIGHT.
2370
01:13:43,820 --> 01:13:44,488
>> YEAH.
2371
01:13:44,488 --> 01:13:46,055
>> IT'LL TAKE YOU AN HOUR TO GET
2372
01:13:46,055 --> 01:13:47,090
OFF STATEN ISLAND.
2373
01:13:47,090 --> 01:13:49,092
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
2374
01:13:49,092 --> 01:13:49,859
NO.
2375
01:13:49,859 --> 01:13:52,762
SO, WE'RE DRIVING UP TO THE CLUB
2376
01:13:52,762 --> 01:13:53,530
NOW.
2377
01:13:53,530 --> 01:13:56,032
I'M NERVOUS, AND I GOT MY DAD
2378
01:13:56,032 --> 01:13:56,866
HERE.
2379
01:13:56,866 --> 01:13:58,067
AND HE'S COMING TO THE CLUB.
2380
01:13:58,067 --> 01:13:59,536
I THINK THIS THE FIRST TIME --
2381
01:13:59,536 --> 01:14:00,770
IS THIS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE
2382
01:14:00,770 --> 01:14:02,038
BEEN IN MANHATTAN IN HOW LONG,
2383
01:14:02,038 --> 01:14:02,506
DAD?
2384
01:14:02,506 --> 01:14:04,240
>> I WOULD GUESS SEVEN YEARS.
2385
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:05,509
>> SEVEN YEARS.
2386
01:14:05,509 --> 01:14:07,176
FIRST TIME MY DAD IS GETTING
2387
01:14:07,176 --> 01:14:09,112
INTO THE CITY IN SEVEN YEARS.
2388
01:14:09,112 --> 01:14:10,947
THERE SHOULD BE A CEREMONY WHEN
2389
01:14:10,947 --> 01:14:12,849
HE GETS IN THERE, LIKE BOB, LIKE
2390
01:14:12,849 --> 01:14:14,618
MR. MANHATTAN COMES UP TO HIM
2391
01:14:14,618 --> 01:14:16,185
AND GOES, "MR. PEPITONE, IT'S
2392
01:14:16,185 --> 01:14:18,154
GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK."
2393
01:14:24,594 --> 01:14:25,729
I SHOULD GET IN THERE BECAUSE
2394
01:14:25,729 --> 01:14:26,730
PEOPLE ARE GONNA START TO
2395
01:14:26,730 --> 01:14:27,096
SHOW UP.
2396
01:14:27,096 --> 01:14:28,498
SO, I'LL MEET YOU -- WHAT SHOULD
2397
01:14:28,498 --> 01:14:31,167
WE DO?
2398
01:14:31,167 --> 01:14:31,968
DAD, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
2399
01:14:31,968 --> 01:14:33,803
>> YEAH.
2400
01:14:39,008 --> 01:14:41,144
>> I ALREADY DON'T LIKE IT.
2401
01:14:49,619 --> 01:14:50,787
>> THE BEST SET HE EVER DID --
2402
01:14:50,787 --> 01:14:51,855
AND I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP.
2403
01:14:51,855 --> 01:14:52,956
HIS BUDDY, HIS OLD ROOMMATE,
2404
01:14:52,956 --> 01:14:55,058
USED TO BE A JAZZ MUSICIAN.
2405
01:14:55,058 --> 01:14:56,626
AND HE ASKED HIM TO COME UP AND
2406
01:14:56,626 --> 01:14:57,961
DO A SET IN BETWEEN JAZZ SETS,
2407
01:14:57,961 --> 01:14:59,529
AND THE GUY FORGOT TO INTRODUCE
2408
01:14:59,529 --> 01:15:00,530
EDDIE AS A COMEDIAN.
2409
01:15:00,530 --> 01:15:01,831
SO, EDDIE GOT UP.
2410
01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:04,000
HE ANNOUNCED TO THE CROWD THAT
2411
01:15:04,000 --> 01:15:06,135
HE WAS A CROONER, AND HE JUST
2412
01:15:06,135 --> 01:15:08,237
GOT UP AND SNAPPED LIKE THIS,
2413
01:15:08,237 --> 01:15:10,607
WAITING FOR THE SONG TO START,
2414
01:15:10,607 --> 01:15:12,275
FOR LIKE 15, 20 MINUTES, AND HE
2415
01:15:12,275 --> 01:15:15,278
CLEANED OUT THE ENTIRE FRIGGIN'
2416
01:15:15,278 --> 01:15:17,614
AUDIENCE.
2417
01:15:28,024 --> 01:15:28,925
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
2418
01:15:28,925 --> 01:15:30,326
I'VE GOTTEN USED TO L.A. BECAUSE
2419
01:15:30,326 --> 01:15:31,527
I'M BACK HERE AND --
2420
01:15:31,761 --> 01:15:32,261
I DON'T KNOW.
2421
01:15:32,261 --> 01:15:33,062
IT FEELS REAL DIFFERENT.
2422
01:15:33,062 --> 01:15:33,730
IT FEELS REAL --
2423
01:15:33,730 --> 01:15:34,898
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE WHERE YOU'VE
2424
01:15:34,898 --> 01:15:35,832
BEEN AFTER NINE YEARS.
2425
01:15:35,832 --> 01:15:36,933
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, EITHER,
2426
01:15:36,933 --> 01:15:37,200
MAN.
2427
01:15:37,200 --> 01:15:38,234
>> WHERE ARE YOU SAYING IN
2428
01:15:38,234 --> 01:15:39,302
NEW YORK WHILE YOU'RE HERE?
2429
01:15:39,302 --> 01:15:41,004
>> WELL, NOW -- [ CHUCKLES ]
2430
01:15:41,004 --> 01:15:42,839
WELL, I WAS WITH MY DAD THE LAST
2431
01:15:42,839 --> 01:15:43,673
TWO NIGHTS.
2432
01:15:43,673 --> 01:15:44,841
>> IN STATEN ISLAND.
2433
01:15:44,841 --> 01:15:46,676
>> AND IT WAS LIKE JUST BECAUSE
2434
01:15:46,676 --> 01:15:48,277
A -- I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU WOULD
2435
01:15:48,277 --> 01:15:50,113
DESCRIBE IT -- LIKE SOME KIND OF
2436
01:15:50,113 --> 01:15:51,347
PRISON OR -- NOT LIKE
2437
01:15:51,347 --> 01:15:52,882
SOLZHENITSYN, BUT LIKE A
2438
01:15:52,882 --> 01:15:54,618
SMALL -- YOU KNOW, IT'S A BIG
2439
01:15:54,618 --> 01:15:56,219
HOUSE, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A
2440
01:15:56,219 --> 01:15:57,987
HONEYWELL TRAILER OF EMOTIONAL
2441
01:15:57,987 --> 01:15:58,788
DEPRAVITY.
2442
01:15:58,788 --> 01:16:00,023
LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A
2443
01:16:00,023 --> 01:16:01,357
HONEYWELL TRAILER IN MY MIND.
2444
01:16:01,357 --> 01:16:02,592
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
2445
01:16:02,592 --> 01:16:03,993
A VERY SMALL HONEYWELL, NOT THE
2446
01:16:03,993 --> 01:16:05,094
BIG ONES, THE SMALL --
2447
01:16:05,094 --> 01:16:06,596
>> WAS THAT ROB McEWEN OR
2448
01:16:06,596 --> 01:16:08,031
GLEN CAMPBELL, "THE HONEYWELL
2449
01:16:08,031 --> 01:16:09,766
TRAILER OF YOUR MIND"?
2450
01:16:09,766 --> 01:16:10,900
[ LAUGHTER ]
2451
01:16:10,900 --> 01:16:11,801
>> HEY, EDDIE, WE'RE GONNA
2452
01:16:11,801 --> 01:16:12,301
START IN A MINUTE.
2453
01:16:12,301 --> 01:16:12,902
>> OH, YEAH.
2454
01:16:12,902 --> 01:16:13,637
>> HOW'S THE CROWD?
2455
01:16:13,637 --> 01:16:14,070
>> IT'S GREAT.
2456
01:16:14,070 --> 01:16:15,304
>> I'M GONNA HEAD UP WITH YOU.
2457
01:16:15,304 --> 01:16:15,972
>> ALL RIGHT.
2458
01:16:15,972 --> 01:16:17,040
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS UP THERE.
2459
01:16:17,040 --> 01:16:17,741
>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.
2460
01:16:17,741 --> 01:16:18,642
FUCK.
2461
01:16:18,642 --> 01:16:19,976
NERVOUS TONIGHT, PATTON.
2462
01:16:19,976 --> 01:16:23,079
>> DON'T BE.
2463
01:16:23,079 --> 01:16:23,813
EDDIE --
2464
01:16:23,813 --> 01:16:25,715
>> GOT A LOT OF FRIENDS UP HERE.
2465
01:16:25,715 --> 01:16:27,383
>> EDDIE, THAT IS A PACKED ROOM,
2466
01:16:27,383 --> 01:16:28,885
SO JUST ENJOY IT, MAN.
2467
01:16:28,885 --> 01:16:29,686
>> THANKS, MAN.
2468
01:16:29,686 --> 01:16:30,086
>> YEAH.
2469
01:16:30,086 --> 01:16:31,387
>> I'M GONNA GO UP AND SEE YOU.
2470
01:16:31,387 --> 01:16:35,124
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
2471
01:16:35,124 --> 01:16:38,127
>> [ SIGHS ]
2472
01:16:38,127 --> 01:16:39,395
>> FOLKS, I'M...AND
2473
01:16:39,395 --> 01:16:41,230
EDDIE PEPITONE IS COMING UP
2474
01:16:41,230 --> 01:16:42,799
HERE, AND HE AND I --
2475
01:16:42,799 --> 01:16:44,233
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
2476
01:16:44,233 --> 01:16:48,805
IT IS IN MY HUMBLE OPINION HE IS
2477
01:16:48,805 --> 01:16:50,674
ONE OF THE BEST FUCKING
2478
01:16:50,674 --> 01:16:52,241
COMEDIANS WORKING TODAY.
2479
01:16:52,241 --> 01:16:53,342
AND THERE'S GONNA BE A BIG
2480
01:16:53,342 --> 01:16:54,410
FEATURE ABOUT HIM IN SPIN
2481
01:16:54,410 --> 01:16:55,378
MAGAZINE IN NOVEMBER.
2482
01:16:55,378 --> 01:16:57,246
SO, YOU GUYS GET TO BE -- YOU'RE
2483
01:16:57,246 --> 01:16:59,115
RIGHT NEXT TO THE CHELSEA HOTEL,
2484
01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:00,750
SO YOU CAN BE LIKE ALL THE
2485
01:17:00,750 --> 01:17:02,285
CHELSEA PEOPLE -- "I WAS INTO
2486
01:17:02,285 --> 01:17:03,920
PEPITONE MONTHS AGO, MAN."
2487
01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:04,353
[ LAUGHTER ]
2488
01:17:04,353 --> 01:17:06,189
"YOU FUCKERS ARE JUST READING
2489
01:17:06,189 --> 01:17:07,156
ABOUT HIM NOW?
2490
01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:08,992
I BET YOU STILL LISTEN TO THE
2491
01:17:08,992 --> 01:17:10,026
WHITE STRIPES."
2492
01:17:10,026 --> 01:17:11,928
[ LAUGHTER ]
2493
01:17:19,135 --> 01:17:21,204
>> PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR
2494
01:17:21,204 --> 01:17:22,872
MY MAN EDDIE PEPITONE!
2495
01:17:22,872 --> 01:17:26,209
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
2496
01:17:26,209 --> 01:17:28,377
GO GET 'EM, BABY.
2497
01:17:46,362 --> 01:17:48,131
>> THESE ARE MY TWEETS.
2498
01:17:48,131 --> 01:17:55,839
[ LAUGHTER ]
2499
01:17:55,839 --> 01:17:58,775
I LOVE TO TWEET!
2500
01:17:58,775 --> 01:18:03,179
I REALLY LOVE TO TWEET.
2501
01:18:03,179 --> 01:18:06,049
AND THESE ARE MY TWEETS.
2502
01:18:06,049 --> 01:18:08,251
NOBODY FUCKS WITH YOU WHEN YOU
2503
01:18:08,251 --> 01:18:10,386
CARRY AROUND YOUR TWEETS, YOU
2504
01:18:10,386 --> 01:18:11,087
KNOW?
2505
01:18:11,087 --> 01:18:13,289
NOBODY DOES BECAUSE IF THERE'S
2506
01:18:13,289 --> 01:18:15,291
AN ANGRY GANG OR SOMETHING
2507
01:18:15,291 --> 01:18:17,426
COMING TOWARDS YOU AND YOU'RE
2508
01:18:17,426 --> 01:18:19,929
WALKING AROUND GOING, "THESE ARE
2509
01:18:19,929 --> 01:18:21,865
MY TWEETS," THEY BACK OFF
2510
01:18:21,865 --> 01:18:23,733
BECAUSE THEY KNOW YOU'RE
2511
01:18:23,733 --> 01:18:24,968
BAT-SHIT CRAZY.
2512
01:18:24,968 --> 01:18:27,871
[ LAUGHTER ]
2513
01:18:27,871 --> 01:18:32,742
THIS ONE IS FROM AUGUST 19th.
2514
01:18:32,742 --> 01:18:37,947
"WHY?!"
2515
01:18:37,947 --> 01:18:42,819
THAT GOT RE-TWEETED...
2516
01:18:42,819 --> 01:18:45,989
THAT GOT RE-TWEETED 52 FUCKING
2517
01:18:45,989 --> 01:18:49,425
TIMES.
2518
01:18:49,425 --> 01:18:51,494
AND, HEY, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A
2519
01:18:51,494 --> 01:18:53,096
RE-TWEET, ISN'T THERE?
2520
01:18:53,096 --> 01:18:55,198
THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A RE-TWEET.
2521
01:18:55,198 --> 01:18:57,033
WHEN YOU CHECK YOUR LITTLE
2522
01:18:57,033 --> 01:18:57,533
PHONE.
2523
01:18:57,533 --> 01:18:59,502
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE HAVING A BAD
2524
01:18:59,502 --> 01:19:00,103
DAY.
2525
01:19:00,103 --> 01:19:01,938
YOU'VE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH
2526
01:19:01,938 --> 01:19:03,372
SOMETHING IN YOUR ASS.
2527
01:19:03,372 --> 01:19:06,876
[ LAUGHTER ]
2528
01:19:06,876 --> 01:19:12,916
BUT THEN YOU SEE.
2529
01:19:12,916 --> 01:19:14,483
THEN YOU SEE THAT SOMEBODY
2530
01:19:14,483 --> 01:19:15,551
RE-TWEETED YOU.
2531
01:19:15,551 --> 01:19:17,386
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "MAYBE THIS
2532
01:19:17,386 --> 01:19:19,222
THING WILL GO IN REMISSION."
2533
01:19:19,222 --> 01:19:21,224
[ LAUGHTER ]
2534
01:19:21,224 --> 01:19:24,293
IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE
2535
01:19:24,293 --> 01:19:27,831
THAT COUNT, THE LITTLE THINGS,
2536
01:19:27,831 --> 01:19:29,532
LIKE A RE-TWEET.
2537
01:19:29,532 --> 01:19:30,299
>> YEAH!
2538
01:19:30,299 --> 01:19:33,903
>> OR -- OR A CUP OF COCOA.
2539
01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:36,572
IT'S NOT THE BIG THINGS, LIKE
2540
01:19:36,572 --> 01:19:39,508
FUCKING 20 WOMEN LINED UP, ONE
2541
01:19:39,508 --> 01:19:42,578
BY ONE BY ONE BY ONE AND FINDING
2542
01:19:42,578 --> 01:19:44,447
OUT YOU'VE HAD $1 MILLION WIRED
2543
01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:45,114
TO YOU.
2544
01:19:45,114 --> 01:19:46,382
NO!
2545
01:19:46,382 --> 01:19:48,484
IT'S NOT FUCKING 20 WOMEN LINED
2546
01:19:48,484 --> 01:19:50,553
UP ONE BY ONE BY ONE BY ONE BY
2547
01:19:50,553 --> 01:19:52,856
ONE AND YOU'RE FUCKING THEM AND
2548
01:19:52,856 --> 01:19:54,590
YOU'RE FUCKING THEM AND YOU
2549
01:19:54,590 --> 01:19:56,893
CHECK YOUR PHONE AND YOU HAD $1
2550
01:19:56,893 --> 01:19:58,327
MILLION WIRED TO YOU.
2551
01:19:58,327 --> 01:19:59,896
IT'S NOT THAT!
2552
01:19:59,896 --> 01:20:01,464
THAT'S NOT BAD.
2553
01:20:01,464 --> 01:20:03,499
[ LAUGHTER ]
2554
01:20:03,499 --> 01:20:06,202
THAT IS NOT BAD.
2555
01:20:06,202 --> 01:20:10,406
BUT IT'S A CUP OF COCOA.
2556
01:20:10,406 --> 01:20:12,308
ALL RIGHT.
2557
01:20:12,308 --> 01:20:14,010
LET ME PUT THESE --
2558
01:20:14,010 --> 01:20:16,445
I'M A MAN AT WAR WITH MYSELF
2559
01:20:16,445 --> 01:20:18,581
BECAUSE I REALLY DO WANT TO BE
2560
01:20:18,581 --> 01:20:20,116
NEW AGE, YOU KNOW?
2561
01:20:20,116 --> 01:20:22,285
I WANT TO BE -- YOU KNOW, I'VE
2562
01:20:22,285 --> 01:20:24,253
BEEN TRYING TO BE VEGAN AND
2563
01:20:24,253 --> 01:20:26,455
VEGETARIAN, BUT I ALWAYS WEAKEN
2564
01:20:26,455 --> 01:20:28,291
WHEN I PASS A RIB PLACE.
2565
01:20:28,291 --> 01:20:30,359
[ LAUGHTER ]
2566
01:20:30,359 --> 01:20:31,961
YOU KNOW, REALLY, I WANT TO BE
2567
01:20:31,961 --> 01:20:33,429
VEGAN, AND I'M ESPECIALLY -- I'M
2568
01:20:33,429 --> 01:20:34,964
THE TYPE OF GUY -- I WATCH A
2569
01:20:34,964 --> 01:20:36,065
DOCUMENTARY, YOU KNOW,
2570
01:20:36,065 --> 01:20:37,300
FACTORY-FARMED ANIMALS OR
2571
01:20:37,300 --> 01:20:37,967
WHATEVER.
2572
01:20:37,967 --> 01:20:39,335
I WATCH THAT DOCUMENTARY, AND
2573
01:20:39,335 --> 01:20:40,603
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
2574
01:20:40,603 --> 01:20:43,006
FOR A HALF-HOUR, I WILL NOT EAT
2575
01:20:43,006 --> 01:20:47,176
MEAT, AND I AM COMMITTED TO IT!
2576
01:20:47,176 --> 01:20:48,945
FOR A GOOD HALF-HOUR, 45
2577
01:20:48,945 --> 01:20:49,578
MINUTES.
2578
01:20:49,578 --> 01:20:51,580
ANYBODY ELSE LIKE THAT, LIKE,
2579
01:20:51,580 --> 01:20:53,883
WHATEVER DOCUMENTARY YOU WATCH,
2580
01:20:53,883 --> 01:20:55,351
YOU'RE LIKE, "MY GOD"?
2581
01:20:55,351 --> 01:20:57,420
[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]
2582
01:20:57,420 --> 01:20:59,288
"THEY'RE KEEPING PEOPLE FROM
2583
01:20:59,288 --> 01:21:01,024
YEMEN IN WINE CELLARS AND
2584
01:21:01,024 --> 01:21:02,959
FEEDING THEM SHITTY WINE," OR
2585
01:21:02,959 --> 01:21:04,060
WHATEVER IT IS.
2586
01:21:04,060 --> 01:21:05,194
I CAN'T THINK --
2587
01:21:05,194 --> 01:21:06,362
[ LAUGHTER ]
2588
01:21:06,362 --> 01:21:07,630
I CAN'T THINK OF A GOOD
2589
01:21:07,630 --> 01:21:09,999
DOCUMENTARY TOPIC.
2590
01:21:13,636 --> 01:21:16,039
I GET HECKLED A LOT, YOU KNOW,
2591
01:21:16,039 --> 01:21:18,007
IN CLUBS, BUT IT'S USUALLY
2592
01:21:18,007 --> 01:21:20,109
GENERIC, BUT ACCURATE, LIKE,
2593
01:21:20,109 --> 01:21:21,610
"EDDIE, YOU SUCK."
2594
01:21:21,610 --> 01:21:22,211
[ LAUGHTER ]
2595
01:21:22,211 --> 01:21:26,449
BUT -- BUT I WAS WONDERING --
2596
01:21:26,449 --> 01:21:28,251
I WAS WONDERING WHAT THE
2597
01:21:28,251 --> 01:21:30,119
HECKLING WOULD BE LIKE IF
2598
01:21:30,119 --> 01:21:32,255
SOMEONE IN THE AUDIENCE KNEW ME
2599
01:21:32,255 --> 01:21:34,090
AS WELL AS I KNOW MYSELF.
2600
01:21:34,090 --> 01:21:36,292
WHAT WOULD THE HECKLING BE LIKE?
2601
01:21:36,292 --> 01:21:39,195
AND I THINK IT'D BE LIKE THIS.
2602
01:21:39,195 --> 01:21:40,363
EXCUSE ME.
2603
01:21:40,363 --> 01:21:43,132
LET ME JUST THROUGH.
2604
01:21:43,132 --> 01:21:45,234
[ LAUGHTER ]
2605
01:21:50,506 --> 01:21:53,576
HEY, PEPITONE!
2606
01:21:53,576 --> 01:21:55,511
HOW COME YOU DREAM ABOUT RED
2607
01:21:55,511 --> 01:21:57,981
BIRDS ATTACKING YOU AT NIGHT!?
2608
01:21:57,981 --> 01:22:03,686
[ LAUGHTER ]
2609
01:22:03,686 --> 01:22:09,025
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
2610
01:22:09,025 --> 01:22:11,294
YOUR SHRINK SAYS THE RED EITHER
2611
01:22:11,294 --> 01:22:13,429
REPRESENTS YOUR ANGER OR JUST
2612
01:22:13,429 --> 01:22:15,664
FLYING VAGINAS!
2613
01:22:15,664 --> 01:22:17,433
AND I KNOW, BY THE WAY, THAT
2614
01:22:17,433 --> 01:22:19,268
THIS IS A LONG-WINDED HECKLE.
2615
01:22:19,268 --> 01:22:21,137
[ LAUGHTER ]
2616
01:22:21,137 --> 01:22:22,738
NO, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
2617
01:22:22,738 --> 01:22:24,407
I KNOW THIS IS A LONG-WINDED
2618
01:22:24,407 --> 01:22:26,142
HECKLE AND HECKLES ARE USUALLY
2619
01:22:26,142 --> 01:22:27,276
STACCATO AND BRUTAL.
2620
01:22:27,276 --> 01:22:30,379
BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO?
2621
01:22:30,379 --> 01:22:33,182
[ LAUGHTER ]
2622
01:22:33,182 --> 01:22:35,218
HEY, DON'T BLAME ME FOR THAT
2623
01:22:35,218 --> 01:22:36,719
ASIDE TO THE AUDIENCE!
2624
01:22:36,719 --> 01:22:38,087
[ LAUGHTER ]
2625
01:22:38,087 --> 01:22:39,688
THIS IS THE HEIGHT OF
2626
01:22:39,688 --> 01:22:41,124
SELF-SABOTAGE!
2627
01:22:41,124 --> 01:22:43,392
YOU HAVE NOT BEEN HECKLED ALL
2628
01:22:43,392 --> 01:22:45,628
EVENING, AND YET YOU DEVISE A
2629
01:22:45,628 --> 01:22:46,495
BIT...
2630
01:22:46,495 --> 01:22:47,730
[ LAUGHTER ]
2631
01:22:47,730 --> 01:22:50,133
...WHERE YOU ARE HECKLED!
2632
01:22:50,133 --> 01:22:54,370
AND QUITE FRANKLY, I THINK IT IS
2633
01:22:54,370 --> 01:22:55,338
BULLSHIT!
2634
01:22:55,338 --> 01:22:56,739
[ LAUGHTER ]
2635
01:22:56,739 --> 01:22:59,108
LOOK, I KNOW WE ARE AT WAR WITH
2636
01:22:59,108 --> 01:23:00,109
EACH OTHER.
2637
01:23:00,109 --> 01:23:01,377
[ LAUGHTER ]
2638
01:23:01,377 --> 01:23:03,546
HOW CAN YOU NOT BE IN THIS
2639
01:23:03,546 --> 01:23:07,783
CRAZY, UPSIDE-DOWN WORLD, A
2640
01:23:07,783 --> 01:23:10,386
WORLD WHERE, ON ONE CORNER, YOU
2641
01:23:10,386 --> 01:23:13,022
CAN GET GOURMET COFFEE AND IN AN
2642
01:23:13,022 --> 01:23:15,191
APARTMENT RIGHT ABOVE THAT,
2643
01:23:15,191 --> 01:23:17,460
SOMEONE'S BEING RAPED FOR THE
2644
01:23:17,460 --> 01:23:18,794
LAST 30 YEARS?
2645
01:23:18,794 --> 01:23:21,230
[ LAUGHTER ]
2646
01:23:21,230 --> 01:23:24,467
HOW DO YOU RECONCILE THAT?
2647
01:23:24,467 --> 01:23:27,170
UNLESS -- UNLESS THE COFFEE IS
2648
01:23:27,170 --> 01:23:28,237
HORRIBLE.
2649
01:23:28,237 --> 01:23:31,074
AND YOU WERE THE ONE, MY FRIEND,
2650
01:23:31,074 --> 01:23:33,509
WHO WENT OFF HIS MEDS WITHOUT
2651
01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:35,178
TELLING ANYBODY.
2652
01:23:35,178 --> 01:23:37,080
[ LAUGHTER ]
2653
01:23:37,080 --> 01:23:39,048
ALL RIGHT? YOU DID THAT.
2654
01:23:39,048 --> 01:23:40,349
YOU DID THAT!
2655
01:23:40,349 --> 01:23:42,485
YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
2656
01:23:42,485 --> 01:23:43,686
BENEFICIAL.
2657
01:23:43,686 --> 01:23:46,255
NOW LOOK!
2658
01:23:46,255 --> 01:23:49,592
I WANT TO BE AT PEACE WITH YOU.
2659
01:23:49,592 --> 01:23:52,528
I REALLY, REALLY DO.
2660
01:23:52,528 --> 01:23:54,197
NOW, I THINK THE BEST WAY IS
2661
01:23:54,197 --> 01:23:55,831
HASH AND A LITTLE GIN.
2662
01:23:55,831 --> 01:23:57,733
[ LAUGHTER ]
2663
01:23:57,733 --> 01:23:59,502
AND JUST REMEMBER -- JUST
2664
01:23:59,502 --> 01:24:01,337
BECAUSE THERE MAY NOT BE A
2665
01:24:01,337 --> 01:24:03,406
LOVING GOD, THERE CERTAINLY ARE
2666
01:24:03,406 --> 01:24:04,473
LOVING PEOPLE.
2667
01:24:04,473 --> 01:24:06,575
NOW, THIS IS THE PART OF THE BIT
2668
01:24:06,575 --> 01:24:08,644
WHERE PEOPLE REALLY ARE GETTING
2669
01:24:08,644 --> 01:24:09,612
INTO IT NOW.
2670
01:24:09,612 --> 01:24:12,348
[ LAUGHTER ]
2671
01:24:12,348 --> 01:24:13,749
THERE CERTAINLY ARE LOVING
2672
01:24:13,749 --> 01:24:15,518
PEOPLE, AND YOU'VE HAD A LOT OF
2673
01:24:15,518 --> 01:24:17,153
LOVING PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.
2674
01:24:17,153 --> 01:24:18,621
SO, YOU CANNOT -- YOU CANNOT
2675
01:24:18,621 --> 01:24:19,622
DENY THAT, OKAY.
2676
01:24:19,622 --> 01:24:21,190
AND THE GIANTS BEAT THE EAGLES
2677
01:24:21,190 --> 01:24:22,358
TODAY, AND THAT --
2678
01:24:22,358 --> 01:24:27,296
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
2679
01:24:27,296 --> 01:24:29,498
THAT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
2680
01:24:29,498 --> 01:24:30,633
YOU KNOW?
2681
01:24:30,633 --> 01:24:32,168
WHENEVER THERE'S NO GOD, IF THE
2682
01:24:32,168 --> 01:24:34,737
GIANTS BEAT THE EAGLES, IT'S
2683
01:24:34,737 --> 01:24:36,105
KIND OF LIKE A TOSS-UP.
2684
01:24:36,105 --> 01:24:37,206
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
2685
01:24:37,206 --> 01:24:38,707
[ LAUGHTER ]
2686
01:24:38,707 --> 01:24:39,842
ALL RIGHT.
2687
01:24:39,842 --> 01:24:41,844
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
2688
01:24:45,848 --> 01:24:47,383
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, I WANT TO
2689
01:24:47,383 --> 01:24:52,288
THANK EVERYBODY FOR COMING.
2690
01:24:52,288 --> 01:24:54,423
I WANT TO THANK PATTON OSWALT
2691
01:24:54,423 --> 01:24:56,359
AND LEO ALLEN, ANGELO, MY
2692
01:24:56,359 --> 01:24:59,295
FATHER, MY BUDDIES.
2693
01:24:59,295 --> 01:25:01,597
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
2694
01:25:01,597 --> 01:25:03,532
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CONTINUE ]
2695
01:25:11,607 --> 01:25:13,409
>> WHO'S THAT?
2696
01:25:13,409 --> 01:25:14,343
THAT'S EDDIE'S DAD?
2697
01:25:14,343 --> 01:25:15,344
>> YEAH, THIS IS MY DAD.
2698
01:25:15,344 --> 01:25:16,779
>> GIVE IT UP FOR EDDIE'S DAD.
2699
01:25:16,779 --> 01:25:19,148
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
2700
01:25:43,372 --> 01:25:45,274
>> IT'S SO GREAT TO DO IT HERE,
2701
01:25:45,274 --> 01:25:46,875
IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS AND MY
2702
01:25:46,875 --> 01:25:48,777
DAD AND PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN
2703
01:25:48,777 --> 01:25:50,346
ME IN AWHILE, YOU KNOW?
2704
01:25:50,346 --> 01:25:51,847
I THINK WHAT IT MEANS IS THAT
2705
01:25:51,847 --> 01:25:53,616
MAYBE I'M JUST STARTING OUT NOW,
2706
01:25:53,616 --> 01:25:55,418
TO REALLY -- MAYBE MY POPULARITY
2707
01:25:55,418 --> 01:25:56,752
FROM HERE WILL REALLY GO.
2708
01:25:56,752 --> 01:25:57,853
I MEAN, WHO KNOWS?
2709
01:25:57,853 --> 01:25:59,222
THIS MAY BE THE APEX.
2710
01:25:59,222 --> 01:26:00,956
BUT MAYBE FOR ME THIS WILL BE
2711
01:26:00,956 --> 01:26:02,858
LIKE -- IT'LL GIVE ME SO MUCH
2712
01:26:02,858 --> 01:26:04,893
CONFIDENCE TO, LIKE, KEEP GOING
2713
01:26:04,893 --> 01:26:06,795
AND DOING OTHER BIGGER SHOWS,
2714
01:26:06,795 --> 01:26:07,630
YOU KNOW?
2715
01:26:07,630 --> 01:26:08,797
IT'S JUST REALLY NICE TO DO IT
2716
01:26:08,797 --> 01:26:10,933
HERE, YOU KNOW?
2717
01:26:22,845 --> 01:26:25,881
OH, THIS IS A GREAT OLD PHOTO OF
2718
01:26:25,881 --> 01:26:29,418
MY MOM, WHEN MY MOM WAS A LITTLE
2719
01:26:29,418 --> 01:26:29,918
GIRL.
2720
01:26:29,918 --> 01:26:32,955
OH, AND HER DAD, MY GRANDFATHER.
2721
01:26:32,955 --> 01:26:34,857
HERE'S ME WITH WILL FARRELL ON
2722
01:26:34,857 --> 01:26:37,760
THE SET OF "OLD SCHOOL."
2723
01:26:37,760 --> 01:26:39,262
I HAD PUT ON A LOT OF WEIGHT
2724
01:26:39,262 --> 01:26:40,663
BECAUSE ALL THERE WAS TO DO WAS
2725
01:26:40,663 --> 01:26:41,797
EAT.
2726
01:26:41,797 --> 01:26:43,399
HERE'S SOME OLD PICTURES.
2727
01:26:43,399 --> 01:26:44,900
THIS IS AN OLD PICTURE OF A
2728
01:26:44,900 --> 01:26:46,635
YOUNG COMEDIAN, ED PEPITONE.
2729
01:26:46,635 --> 01:26:48,337
I ACTUALLY HAD A LITTLE HAIR ON
2730
01:26:48,337 --> 01:26:48,837
THE TOP.
2731
01:26:48,837 --> 01:26:50,506
>> WHEN DID YOU LOSE THE HAIR?
2732
01:26:50,506 --> 01:26:53,242
>> I LOST IT IN A BARROOM FIGHT.
2733
01:26:53,242 --> 01:26:54,543
>> LET'S SEE IF I HAVE ANYTHING
2734
01:26:54,543 --> 01:26:55,278
INTERESTING.
2735
01:26:55,278 --> 01:26:56,545
THIS IS WHEN I FIRST GOT LOUIS
2736
01:26:56,545 --> 01:27:00,015
AND KATIE.
2737
01:27:00,015 --> 01:27:05,020
THEY'RE FUCKING LITTLE KITTENS.
2738
01:27:05,020 --> 01:27:06,589
MY SIS.
2739
01:27:06,589 --> 01:27:08,557
THESE ARE, LIKE, MY BEST FRIENDS
2740
01:27:08,557 --> 01:27:09,525
IN THE WORLD.
2741
01:27:09,525 --> 01:27:11,394
HERE'S ME WITH A MUSTACHE AND
2742
01:27:11,394 --> 01:27:12,861
SHIT, PLAYING FOOTBALL IN
2743
01:27:12,861 --> 01:27:14,963
NEW YORK WITH TWO KIDS.
2744
01:27:14,963 --> 01:27:17,032
OH, I LOVE THESE PICTURES OF
2745
01:27:17,032 --> 01:27:18,634
KATE, I MEAN, 'CAUSE NOW THEY'RE
2746
01:27:18,634 --> 01:27:20,536
BIG AND...
2747
01:27:20,536 --> 01:27:23,339
GOD.
2748
01:27:23,339 --> 01:27:27,576
THESE ARE ALL CAT PICTURES.
2749
01:27:27,576 --> 01:27:31,914
THE HEADSHOTS I HAD DONE.
2750
01:27:31,914 --> 01:27:33,382
I HAVE TO GIVE MY WEBSITE GUY
2751
01:27:33,382 --> 01:27:33,916
SOME PHOTOS.
2752
01:27:33,916 --> 01:27:35,284
I SHOULD GIVE THEM SOME OF
2753
01:27:35,284 --> 01:27:38,854
THESE.
2754
01:27:38,854 --> 01:27:40,489
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
2755
01:27:40,489 --> 01:27:42,925
I HOPE THAT, UH, MY LIFE HASN'T
2756
01:27:42,925 --> 01:27:44,893
BEEN A WASTE, YOU KNOW?
2757
01:27:44,893 --> 01:27:45,994
LIKE, SERIOUSLY.
2758
01:27:45,994 --> 01:27:47,763
LIKE, BECAUSE MY LIFE ISN'T
2759
01:27:47,763 --> 01:27:48,964
ABOUT HAVING KIDS.
2760
01:27:48,964 --> 01:27:50,799
AND IT ISN'T ABOUT RAISING A
2761
01:27:50,799 --> 01:27:52,735
FAMILY, YOU KNOW, AND HAVING --
2762
01:27:52,735 --> 01:27:57,473
MY LEGACY IS JUST, YOU KNOW, THE
2763
01:27:57,473 --> 01:27:58,774
FUCKING COMEDY.
2764
01:27:58,774 --> 01:28:00,876
THAT'S IT.
2765
01:28:00,876 --> 01:28:01,977
IS THAT SAD?
2766
01:28:01,977 --> 01:28:04,913
[ LAUGHS ]
2767
01:28:04,913 --> 01:28:06,682
I THINK IT IS.
2768
01:28:06,682 --> 01:28:08,851
[ LAUGHS ]
2769
01:28:09,084 --> 01:28:12,455
[ SMOG'S "HELD" PLAYS ]
2770
01:28:44,787 --> 01:28:46,655
>> * FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY
2771
01:28:46,655 --> 01:28:53,662
LIFE *
2772
01:28:53,662 --> 01:29:01,069
* I LET MYSELF BE HELD
2773
01:29:01,069 --> 01:29:04,640
* LIKE A BIG OLD BABY
2774
01:29:15,784 --> 01:29:24,460
* I SURRENDER
2775
01:29:24,460 --> 01:29:26,962
* TO YOUR CHARITY
2776
01:29:38,140 --> 01:29:46,048
* I LAY BACK IN THE TALL GRASS
2777
01:29:46,048 --> 01:29:49,418
* AND LET THE ANTS COVER ME
2778
01:30:00,529 --> 01:30:05,668
* I LET THE JETS FLY
2779
01:30:05,668 --> 01:30:08,504
* I'M WISHING FOR THEIR
2780
01:30:08,504 --> 01:30:15,678
DESTRUCTION *
2781
01:30:15,678 --> 01:30:18,013
[ KEYS CLACKING ]
175702
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