All language subtitles for Clairevoyant (2021)-English

Claire, if you could say
one thing

to all the viewers at home
watching...

what would you want
to say to them?

Make sure to spread a lot
of love and happiness and joy

in whatever way you can

because there's always someone
who needs that.

There's...

What the fuck is that?

Construction.

Can they stop?

We can't hear you, I mean,
we can't hear it. Don't worry.

Yes, you can.

Go silent fully.

Even if we can hear it,
doesn't matter.

It's all good.

I'm a Scorpio
and we are perfectionists.

Do you believe in Astrology?

I love astrology.

- Earl?
- Oh.

Hey! Wait, does it make sense
for me to just be standing here,

like, ready to open
the door for you?

Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, um...

Don't worry, don't overthink it.

All right, let's do it...
let's do it one more time.

Just be natural.
Just be natural, okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm natural.

Hey!

- Hey!
- Come on in!

What you doin' out there?

Recording.

All right,
so we are about to enter

the un-enterable land...

I'm just kidding.
Okay, let's start over.

I'm nervous. Um...

All right, so we are going
to enter my bedroom.

Really... oops.

You want me to stop recording?

Hold on.

Hey!

I don't know
why I'm saying hey

as if I didn't
already greet you.

All right, so, are you ready

to enter the one, the only,

Claire's Corner?

- Oops.
- Whoa.

Didn't clean up this penny.

I'll just put that right there.

This is your bedroom?

Yeah, in all of its glory.

I love my bed.

It's so comfy.

I read somewhere that...

the more personalized decor...

Ahh!

There was a bug, sorry.

Um, I read somewhere

that the more personalized decor
you have,

the further away you are
from God

because God...

I don't know, it had something
to do with Heaven

being a light, white space.

So, I believe that light,
clear, airy, white spaces

are resembling Heaven.

I did... I think I read that
one time.

I don't remember where.

I had just gotten done
with my 1:30 vinyasa flow

and something about getting
the blood pumping

through my body and, um,

fres... fresh oxygen throwing...
flowing through my veins, um...

Does it look good?

So I kind of got out
and was like, "Whoa,

I need to make a documentary."

I need to do this,
and I called up my dad

and I was like,
"This is something

that's really, really,
really important to me,"

and, um, I was able to work

a little bit
of my Claire magic on him,

and eventually I got him
to come around.

Um, does your family...
so, does he support you a lot?

He supports me in no way
except... financial support.

So your dad only supports you
financially?

Mm-hmm.

And you don't consider that
to be support?

Hmm...

No.

Money is just money.

It's nothing, it goes away,

and it literally grows on trees.

So...

I mean, I would rather be poor
and have...

you know...

But you don't want to try?

Well, I can't.

I'm not poor.

Unfortunately.

My first kind of rendezvous

with spirituality was...

Well, I was at the book store.

And I saw something

from someone
who is now my favorite

or one of my favorite
spiritual gurus,

and, um, I opened up his book,
Tony Robbins,

and it said just,

"Get off your lazy ass
and go do it!"

And that was like, whoa.

I just had to take a step back
and take that in.

You know, it's funny,
'cause Tony Robbins

isn't really seen as
a spiritual teacher.

Maybe not for you.

I always felt like
I had a grand purpose,

like, there was something
in Claire

that was more than just
the average person.

I wanna be this thing
that is one with the cosmos.

I wanna be Claire Cosmos,
Extraordinaire.

And that means shedding
all of my egoic tendencies.

That means realizing
that I am one with everything.

That means becoming
my most authentic self.

That means letting go
of past traumas

and hurts and pains,
of which I have so many.

I'm letting go.

Yeah.

I'm ready to be
a perfect human form...

more-than-human form.

I'm ready to transcend humanity

and be a beam of light

in a human form.

And I'm just really,
really, really excited

to figure it all out.

Let our journey begin.

Um, so, viewers, I figured
that I might as well start

where I had the idea,
which is the yoga studio,

and talk to the masters
over there.

So, are you ready?

- I'm ready.
- Let's go!

I'm asking them, but they're...

they can't answer,
so they're ready.

I say you're ready.

I think you have to lock up.

Ah, no one ever comes up here.
It's fine.

I leave it unlocked. Shh.

Don't break in, please.

This elevator's really slow.

It's pretty cool you have
your own elevator.

I know, right?

Yeah, it kinda smells bad
sometimes, though.

It's the only downside.

Are you excited that you're
making your documentary?

If it turns out good.

I think it will.

Well, I guess...
that's actually

really reassuring
to hear you say it,

because you're the one holding
the camera, so if you think...

Oh, I shouldn't show
my double chin!

Um, thank you.

Yeah, that's reassuring
to hear you say.

Okay, thank you
for, um, coming here

and, um... or, well,
I'm coming here, but...

thank you for sharing
your spiritual insights with me.

I've actually had
one particular burning question

that's just... just been
on my mind for a while.

- Okay, go for it.
- Oh, thanks.

What does "vinyasa flow" mean?

Oh.

Well, that's the term for one
of our classes that we do here.

Oh. That's cool.

I didn't know that.

Um, okay, so there's
actually another one.

It's this, uh,
this phrase that you say

when we're in the downward dog
in class,

and it sounds really like...
it's kind...

it sounds like it's hard
to pronounce.

It's like "ado-mukah-savasna"?

Um, what does that mean?

That's a great question.

Actually it means
"downward-facing dog position."

That's the words for it.

Oh, it just means
"downward dog."

I thought maybe it meant
something more like,

spiritual or...

No.

It... it's... it actually represents

the flow of energy

when you do downward-facing dog,

and you can only access that
and it's only conveyed

through the words
"Adho Mukha Svanasana."

Oh.

Okay.

Um, what are the...

Um... is it...

It's not English, is it?

Is it an English word?

No.

No. No, I don't think so.

What are the origins?

- Yoga.
- Yoga.

Okay. Oh, sorry.
I meant, what...

Sorry, I meant, um,

the language,
what language is it?

Indian.

Oh.

I love India!

Yeah, me too.

Claire, actually,
you owe some money today.

- Oh, I do?
- Mm-hmm.

Your membership is due,
and we need to keep it afloat.

Yes, we do. How else
are we gonna run this place?

- It's so beautiful.
- I know. It's very beautiful.

- I'll pay.
- Before we leave.

- Yeah, we'll do it.
- Okay.

We can get back to this now.
I'm sorry. I just forgot.

So, just in case

Heidi didn't give me
the whole truth,

I decided to get it
straight from the horse's mouth

and go to the Indians!

Let's see what we can learn.

Um, yeah, I actually, uh,

when I was in college,
I took a...

a little Zen, uh,
not a retreat...

I went to a, uh, a temple

with, uh, a Zen, um, master

or like... not a...

- You know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm.

So it was good.

I... I learned a few things
about that.

So, um, so it sounds
like you're my guy.

Namaste. Right?

Like, something like that
would probably put you at home.

Right?

- No.
- No?

I don't know much about it.

I did have a moment when I, uh,
I felt like I was one

with the universe,
if that means anything?

- I don't know what that means.
- Oh, that's incredible.

But um, uh, I...

I also think you mean, uh...

I'm a... I'm like,
Native American.

You know?

I have... I'm 75 percent,
uh, Indigenous.

Like, from, uh, the... the...

Indi... American Ind...
you know...

I think you're referring
to the...

Southeastern Asian...
Southeast Asians?

- No, not Asians. Indians.
- Okay.

I... I think you're
a little confused

on... on who you're looking for.

- What do you mean?
- Uh...

I am the one who's
from North America, I suppose.

Yes.

- You're 75% from North America?
- But not...

Yes. Yup, yup.

Okay.

About 70, 70 to 75, maybe 80.

I'm so confused.

So there's Southeast Asians,
there's Indians...

And then this is the culture
of North America?

Yes.

I really think
I'm missing something.

- I think so, too.
- Yeah.

You're not a Buddhist, are you?

Uh, no.

I... I've tried

to, uh, learn about Buddhism,
of course.

But I... I'm not an expert yet.

Okay, but you do have
an area of expertise?

- Yeah.
- And it is?

Sure. Native American culture.

Oh, okay. Oh, okay, I see.

So you're 72% Native American
is what you're saying?

Uh, right. Yes.

Okay, cool.

Uh, some... some people do refer
to it as, uh...

I think it's an offensive term
nowadays, "Indians."

But, uh, I... I... I think...
I don't...

I'm Indigenous Mexican,
you know?

So I'm like...

- You're Mexican?
- Yeah.

I thought you were
a Native American Indian.

Well, they're the same.

They're very close.

- It's all the same, you know?
- What is the same?

I mean, where's it's different,
I suppose like, you know,

Europeans are different,
you know?

- I don't know where that is.
- They're all "white,"

but they're not really,
you know?

Is that offensive,
to say that I'm white,

like, to white people,
is that offensive, or?

Caucasian? I would say
I'm like a bunch of stuff.

Like, maybe, um...

I think I am, like,
one percent Native American.

I didn't realize that this was

a Native American Arts Center,
'cause it said "Indian."

But I do think I'm, like,
one percent Native American.

Right.

So how much percentage Mexican
are you, then?

Uh, a hundred.

But you're 75 percent...

Oh, I'm 75, uh, yeah,
I'm 72 percent, uh, Native.

- Mm-hmm.
- And then I...

oh, from the Americas.

And I am...

the rest, I'm mostly,
uh, Spanish, yeah.

How are you 75 percent
Native American

and 100 percent Mexican?

'Cause that's 175 percent.

I am 100 percent Mexican, yes.

But also 72 percent...

My heritage, yes.

And you're not Buddhist.

No.

Do I have
any embarrassing moments?

No.

No, I actually can't think
of any.

I just personally
don't find shame

to be a very useful emotion,
so I kind of block that one out.

I don't really...
I'm not gonna lie.

I'm feeling like I don't really
wanna keep doing this.

But I have to keep going
for the sake of spirituality

and for the sake
of teaching you guys,

so that you don't make
the same mistake as me.

Point the camera to me.
Get that guy.

- All right, can you hear me?
- Yes.

Can you see me?
Are you recording?

- Yes.
- You're recording?

- Yes.
- Okay.

There's a guy meditating
right there.

Do you see him?

I think he's just sitting there.

No, he's meditating.

He's probably communing
with God.

Okay.

I don't wanna talk to him.
I'm too nervous.

I'm gonna get across the street,
okay?

Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Oh, sorry to bother you.

Um, someone at
the front desk said

that I could come talk to you?

I, um...

Sorry, um,
I'm doing a documentary,

um, and I hope this is okay.

I hope you're who
I should talk to about this.

But I wanted to ask
about like, um...

Well, you're Indian, right?

Well, yes. Yes.

Okay. Woo! Thank God.

- Um...
- Thank God, indeed.

Uh, yeah.

Um, so, uh,

I wanted to know if you knew
anything about, like,

mindfulness and, um,

uh, like being Zen,
'cause I know in your culture

you're very spiritually
heightened, right?

So I wanted to know
about, like, maybe Buddhism

and whatever you know
about spirituality, pretty much.

Uh...

Um, Buddhism...

You wanna know about Indian
or Buddhism?

'Cause not all Indians
are Buddhists.

Um...

But I thought Buddha was Indian.

Yeah.

So the problem is that Anousha
is not Buddhist.

- Okay.
- So...

So who is?

Could you get
this recycling bin for me?

I wanna just get a...
just one shot

of this authentic
Chinese writing,

'cause it looks nice.

Oh, there's actually
some here, too.

It's like I'm really in China.

This is so fun.

So, hey, guys,
it's Claire again.

Um, after Earl
so kindly explained to me

that Korean people
are not Chinese people, um, ow...

I found
this lovely Chinese temple

so I could learn about
Zen Buddhism and mindfulness.

So, I'm gonna go see
what that's all about.

- Claire?
- What?

Come here, sorry.

- What's wrong?
- Um...

- Is the camera dead?
- No, no, uh...

What's wrong?

Zen Buddhism isn't really
Chinese, like...

You said that you were looking
for a Chinese Buddhist Temple.

But, like,
if you're looking for...

Like, Zen is Japanese.

Why didn't you say that before?

I mean, I'm just
supposed to observe.

But I didn't want you to
be embarrassed again.

I don't get embarrassed.

Oh, no photo.

Sorry, they're closed.

They're closed.

Why the fuck are they closed?

Why the fuck are they closed?
Like, it should be open.

I'm sorry, I just don't
really feel good right now.

Nothing is going
my way right now,

and I'm not even being
selfish about this.

I thought that God was supposed
to help those who help others.

It's closed.

- Oh?
- Yeah, just so you know.

Hi, can you... can you please
stop following me?

I'm sorry.
Just please stop following me

just for like,
one second, please.

I really... I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry to be mean,
but I just really need

alone time for like
five seconds, please.

The goal of spirituality
is enlightenment.

And the goal of enlightenment
is to be, like, a super being.

And, that sounds stupid.

It's... the goal of enlightenment
is to be enlightened.

Duh! Could I come up with
a better definition than that?

It's to be beyond your thoughts,
beyond your feelings,

beyond your emotions,
to just be like,

a little beam of light
in flesh and bones.

That's what I wanna do,
at least.

I don't know about everyone else
but that's me.

So let's say
you attain enlightenment.

- Which I'm very close to.
- You're very close to it?

- Yeah.
- Okay, so, you...

I think so.

- Can you feel...
- I can feel it.

- You're close to it?
- I can feel it encroaching upon me.

The enlightenment?

Yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah, I can see it.

What does it look like?

Hmm...

It looks like...

You know when your eyes are shut
and you see your eyelids?

Yeah.

It looks a little like that.

Oh, shoot.

Hello?

Guru Bodhidarma?

- How can I help you?
- Oh my God, this is so exciting!

Thank you so much
for calling me back.

Um, so, I am making
a documentary,

as I mentioned to you before,

and I just wanna know everything
you know about spirituality.

Do it again.

Do not destroy life.

Do not take
what is not given to you.

Do not commit adultery.

Tell no lies, and...

As Guru Bodhidarma gave me
an in-depth explanation

of the Ten Commandments
of Buddhism,

he also gave me an idea.

While I so appreciated him
giving me a discount rate

for our valuable time together,

I couldn't help but feel
like a Facetime call

wouldn't give me the necessary
hands-on experience

that I was looking for.

So, Bodhi referred me
to a colleague of his

in Los Angeles.

Guru Bodhidarma said,
"No adornments."

Um, and his definition of that
was "a thing that adorns,"

which could pretty much mean
anything.

Like, that could be a rug
or that could be like...

a car buffer
or something like that.

So, um, 'cause that's
technically an adornment.

So I googled
what "adornment" means,

and it's like, accessories,
like earrings, necklaces.

Need I go on?

I have like,
a ton of that stuff.

So, I am going to remove it, um,

to follow along
with Guru Bodhidarma,

who came highly esteemed
from Google.

So, I should trust him.

Um, yeah.

So, um, my grandma taught me
to always make my bed.

And, I do.

But I luckily have a maid
who actually takes care of that

so I don't have to all the time,
thankfully,

because that would be
ridiculous,

'cause it takes me like,
20 minutes to do it every day.

So, um, yeah, obviously it's
a big bed and I'm all by myself.

So, uh... wait a second.

Did Bodhidarma say to...

he said no luxurious beds?

Does this count as that,
do you think?

Probably doesn't, though.

Well, is a luxurious...

is a bed luxurious
because of its size, or?

'Cause I guess mine
does accommodate

more than I necessarily need.

Um, sorry, no.

I shouldn't try to justify it.

I'm trying to do this
the right way.

So I'll just sleep on the floor.

Here, I'll take one of these.

Oh, um, no, I'll just do it
without, to be safe,

just in case that counts
as being luxurious.

Okay. Good night.

Oh, sorry.
You're still here.

- You're stepping on my feet.
- Sorry. Sorry.

No, that's okay.
What's up?

I think you still have
my mic pack.

But I thought you were staying
on the couch.

No, yeah,
but we need the mic pack.

- You want it back?
- Yeah.

But what if we need
to film something?

Not when we're asleep,
I have to charge the battery.

Oh, okay.

I'll give it to you.

I didn't even notice it,
honestly.

It was pretty comfortable.

Here you go. Good night.

I think that consciousness
is coming to a point

where we're waking up, um...

Sorry.

Uh, what was the word
I was looking for? Um...

Oh, a... awareness
is coming to a p...

we're in a period of time where
consciousness is waking up.

And where everyone... con...
Fu...

Uh, what's the word
for "all together"?

- Where every...
- Collectively.

Collectively. That is the word
I was looking for.

I think we're coming
to a period of time...

in, um, this planet's lifespan

where collectively we are coming
to an awareness.

I think that most people go
through life completely asleep.

and it's time for us to wake up.

I'm very happy you came here.

Not everyone is willing
to wake up.

Yet, everyone is searching
for bliss.

I found you.

What?

I said I found you,
'cause you're right here.

- You know what I mean?
- Impossible.

I don't exist.

I am not really here.

Neither are you.

Neither is anything.

Everything is a mirage.

Do you understand?

- Yes.
- No, you don't.

How did you know that?

- I'm perceptive.
- Yeah.

I'm like a hawk.

I see everything.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Very good.

Yeah.

Your openness is infectious.

Oh. Well, that's sweet.

It seems you are...

the perfect pupil.

Yay! Oh my God,

I needed to take
my hands out to clap.

- I'm so excited.
- Hmm.

Let's do it.
How do I do it? Woo!

- Anything. Anything.
- Well, we have...

My... my colleagues and I
have a retreat this weekend.

Mm-hmm.

But you don't really need
to hear about it

because you're beyond ready.

- Yeah, I'm really ready.
- Mm-hmm.

I'm just ready to do everything.

I just wanna give it all,

all my humanly wits about me,
I just wanna get rid of it

and just learn
what you have to learn.

- I'll take payment.
- Oh, sure.

There ya go.

Of course.

Yes.

When you seek to be enlightened,

you need to move
those emotional blockages

that have been built up
over time, over the years,

and strip back, peel away
the physical shell

in order for the spirit
to be set free.

You mean like death?

- Death, like...
- No, no.

Not exactly, no.

It's very painful to be human.

If you're seeking true freedom,
it can be attained.

It can be attained,

as long as you release yourself

from your physical shell.

But it is not death.

This is it?

This is the place?

Yeah.

I feel like I shouldn't
even talk loudly here.

It's like, nature is just
so beautiful and peaceful.

All right, woo!

So this is where
she said to park.

There's no other cars here.

What are... what do we do?

Where do we go, do you think?

Do... do you think
it's down there?

So she said to park here,

find the creek,
and follow it up to the source.

- I mean, okay.
- And I've not...

I've done step one,
I have yet to do step two,

which is to find the creek.

But... I feel like...

it looks like there could be
a source of water down there.

I don't wanna fa...

Hey, fuck you!

Fuck you!

I don't know. Something
about this doesn't feel right.

- Yeah.
- All right, hold on.

I'm gonna call her.

Wait, I don't have her number!

I'm gonna email her.

She said that, well, I'll see...
I'll see them there, so.

You know literally
as much as I do.

Oh, my God!

I found the creek!
I found the creek!

Guys, look!

I love Bliss!

She's amazing!

I feel...

I feel... sorry.

I feel it already.

I feel it already, like,

she was talking
about all this friggin' stuff

that like, was so...

I didn't know what
she was talking about,

but I understand this is
a part of the program.

I feel, through this experience,

through her not giving me
precise like, directions

of where to go, by her
just saying to find the creek...

to find the creek
and to follow the creek,

I am already like...

I'm already channeling
and opening up

my own inner power
and my own inner being.

This has already been,
like, so, so worth it!

Yeah!

All right, to the creek.

To the creek.

To the creek.
I can't believe that I found it.

Wait, how are you
gonna get down here?

- I think I can do it...
- No, you can't do this.

This is scary.

Yeah, just stay up there
for now.

I don't want you
to hurt yourself.

I, however, am very brave.

Does that work?

Yes.

Stay there.

I don't want you
to hurt yourself.

I'm just gonna come down.

Here, let me help you,
if you're gonna come down.

No, I got this.

No, no, I gotta help you.

I... it was pretty treacherous.

You're literally...

Oh.

I did not realize

you got that on camera.

Careful, careful, careful, Earl.

I'm already being
a much kinder person

and a much more
empathetic person

since starting this journey.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

All right, guys,
so I found the creek.

No, no, no,
you get a shot of the creek.

Get a shot of the creek for them
to see that I found it,

so that they know
that I'm not making it up.

I don't know if I really see it
that well.

Okay, all right, then we'll need
to sh... come here.

Do you need me
to hold the camera?

'Cause I really wanna make sure
that they get to see the creek,

'cause I want them to know
that I wasn't lying,

'cause I really did find it,
which I'm very, very proud of.

Okay, here.

- Give me... give me the camera.
- No, no, it's okay.

Oh, sorry, yeah, you're right,
it's your camera.

Okay, guys, guys,
do you see this?

Show them the creek.

I literally...

I... I literally found the creek
that she was talking about.

And I thought I wasn't going to.

Like, for a second there
I was on the side of the road

and I was like, "I don't know
if I came to the right place."

But, um, this is an incredible...

And she said to follow it
to its source.

So, this probably...

I'm sensing to go this way.

Sensing to go this way.

- Claire?
- Yeah?

So, source, right? Does she mean
where it comes from?

Yeah, probably where
it originates.

- So you see that waterfall over there?
- Yeah.

That's probably...
where it comes from.

- Up this way.
- Why wo... d...

What does the waterfall
have to do

with where it originates?

Uh, 'cause it comes from
a high place.

'Cause, you know,
gravity and shit.

Oh, okay. If you...

If you know the science
behind that,

I'll trust what you have to say.

I personally
have never heard that.

But, um, but hey,
this is every much...

every bit as much your journey
as it is mine, so.

- And I... I've never said anything like that before,
- Thank you!

so I can already feel
how much this process is...

helping me become...

I almost got, like,
in my head for a second there,

but this... overall this is
helping me become a more...

What are you looking at?
What are you looking at?

You're distracting me.
Sorry.

I'm becoming
a much more empathetic,

calm, open-minded,
intellectual person.

So I'll trust you.
This is your journey, too.

She's amazing.

I thought she was like,

really way too cool for me
when I met her.

And I see why now,
'cause she literally is.

- Do you hear that fountain?
- It's just... yeah.

That means we're close
to the source.

Yeah.

Claire, I don't think.

- What?
- It's been a while now.

This is a dead end.

Okay, I'm gonna cross.

- Dude, did you just see my butt?
- No, sorry.

- I mean, yeah, uh, no, good.
- Sorry.

- Wait... wait... wait for me!
- Careful.

- Okay, Claire, maybe...
- Yeah?

I see the origin of the creek.

It's right there.

Yeah, but...

- I see the origin.
- It doesn't matt...

Okay.

- Let's talk.
- Yeah. I...

We've been at this for a while.

What if...

I don't mean to talk shit
about Bliss, but...

Wait, what the fu...

Sto... I'm gonna have you
stop right there.

Zip. I see the origin
of the creek.

It's right there.

So, here we go.

Whoa.

I don't know, man.

Is it safe? Are you good?

I think there's basil.

Yeah, I smell it too.

Looks pretty nice over there.

This is beautiful.

Bugs! Bugs!

Don't follow me.

This is too dangerous for you.

Alright, Claire, hear me out.

Yes?

I'm open to suggestions.

- I'm a bit stuck.
- I don't think this is real.

Wait, what?

I don't mean to talk shit
about Bliss yet again.

But just let me say this.

What if...

She's not here.

No, she's not. She's at
the source of the creek.

What if the source
of the creek's

at the top of a mountain
and it's like way far away,

and she's not here,

and you're not gonna find
the source of the creek,

and she's not gonna respond
to your email.

And...

You know?
Like, what if?

Like, what if she rented out
where she like...

- You know?
- I don't know...

I think there's a bug on me.
I don't know, man.

I don't see the point
of what you're saying...

I'm saying, what if, like,
you're not gonna find her.

I get what you're saying
but I don't know why.

She gave me very clear
directions to follow the s...

I don't know why I have
to defend myself to you.

You're not defending yourself.
You're... you can... you can...

What is that?

There's so many
weird creatures here.

Hold on, hold on.
Listen, listen, listen.

You don't have to...

Is that a tadpole?

Being honest with yourself
is not defending yourself.

- You're... you're putting me in a position...
- You're not being attacked.

No, you're... listen to me.

You're putting me in a position
where I feel like I have like...

I'm having
a million thoughts a minute

and I need to defend
myself to you.

You're saying just, like,

thing after thing after thing
that is incorrect.

But I... and I want
to defend myself

and I want to say,
Bliss is here.

This is legitimate.

She gave me this... advice

to follow the creek
for a reason, but...

but I don't even want to-

I don't want to have
to defend myself to you.

This is about me becoming
a bigger and better person

than I was before.

This is about me, like...

this is about...

this is about me, like, um...

this is about me, like... um...

Sorry.

If you make me
defend myself to you,

that's part of, like,
the old Claire.

That's something that I would've
done, like, four hours ago.

But that's not something
that I would do now.

This has already changed me
and I don't like

that you're pulling me
into that place.

I'm not pulling you
away from change,

like, the change
can stay and be real.

Yeah, you're trying...
you're trying to knock me down,

- No, I'm not.
- and all my life, people have done this to me.

All my life, all my life,

all my life, people have...

...they've taken me and they've
tried to make me small

and they've, like,
made fun of me,

and they've torn me down
nine ways from Sunday.

And I just don't...
I don't want that to be you.

We were supposed to have
a special working relationship,

and I wanna find
the origin of this creek.

How 'bout it, everybody?

Something's rustling.

Hey, guys! Hey, guys! Hey, guys!

Just an ann...
Just an announcement.

- How would you even know that?
- I have my phone.

I could check the steps.

I'm sure that we've been walking
for a long time.

Oh, well,
aren't you so advanced?

Claire, c'mon.

What?
What... what do you want me to do?

It's... she...

I don't think this is... maybe...

You know what?
I'm h... I'm... I'm feeling...

- What? What were you gonna say?
- Yeah, what were you gonna say?

I'm feeling...

like I need to get
something from my car.

I'm feeling like I need a fri...

I need to get something
from my car.

So I'm gonna get something
from my car.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Claire.

Why are you sorry?

I just have to get something
from my car.

I should probably take off this.

I thought about it
and I realized

that you don't need to go
into a forest

to find enlightenment.

No more Buddhas,

no more cultures,
no more retreats.

Just some good,
old-fashioned spirituality.

What could be more spiritual
than spirits?

This is friggin' crazy.

I feel so many ghosts here.

I feel like a lot of ghosts.

- Do you feel that?
- Yeah.

- You do?
- I don't know. It's creepy.

It feels cold.

So what's the main concern
for your visit today?

Um, I was hoping
that we could get in touch

with spirits or The Spirit.

Is there someone

that you want to commune with?

Um...

Hmm, no, not in particular.

Do you have any dead relatives?

No.

Well, I... I can't help you there.

Hmm...

Shoot. Well, is there any...
is there any other way

to get in touch with spirit?

Would you like to do
a pendulum reading?

That sounds fun.

Okay.

So you're gonna hold it
with your primary hand.

- Uh-huh.
- Place your hand underneath it.

Okay? You have to relax
your arm entirely.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- Cool.
- Oh, fun.

Good. Um, so we're gonna start
by you just asking a question

to establish the direction
that it's going to be moving.

So, you can start
by asking your name.

Okay.

Is my name Claire?

Oh, whoa.

Cool. So front and back is yes.

Wow.

Whoa. It actually works.

Now ask it a "no" question.

Am I fat?

Whoa.

Ooh!

Thank goodness.

- You're definitely not fat.
- That was a close one.

Good. Okay.

Let's just relax that.

- Okay.
- Ask it a question,

something that you would like
to have insight on.

Okay.

Am I gonna be famous?

- Whoa.
- Don't move it yourself.

I didn't.

- Relax your arm.
- Okay.

Do it again.

Am I gonna be famous?

It's confused.

Why do you wanna be famous?

I don't know why.

Hmm, good, a genuine answer.

- I didn't ask it a question.
- It doesn't need a question.

The pendulum responds mostly
on your subconscious thoughts.

I thought I was talking
to ghosts.

Spirits come in as they see fit,
but for the most part,

you're just talking to your
inner thoughts and feelings.

Oh, shit.
Can we summon one?

You don't have a reason to.

I just wanna talk to one.

Why do you wanna do that?

I don't know,
'cause it'd be fun?

Isn't talking
to yourself enough?

Yeah?

Oh.

That's weird.

I don't know why
it's doing that.

Hmm.

Anything else?

Um...

I'm afraid we're at time.

Oh.

Hmm.

Well.

And it's really frustrating
to have to waste my time

talking to someone like that.

Anyway.

Well, good riddance, right?

So...

You know what I should do?

I should go to someone
who really knows something

about spirituality,

like a spirituality expert
or something.

- That probably exists.
- Yeah.

Wow. Well, first of all,
can I just say, I mean,

for your age and everything
else, that is just...

that's an amazing sense
of commitment.

I mean, if I... if...

if half the young people
in my church

could even be as committed
to doing this as you are for...

just for a documentary,
that would be fantastic.

So, um,
what that tells me about...

you asked about spirituality...

is that some people
are spiritual by nature,

they have
a spiritual connection.

And the spirit moves them...

they don't even know it...
um, to do certain things.

So in this case,
you might say

that the spirit
actually has moved you

to make a documentary
about spirituality.

- Isn't that funny?
- Yeah, well, it definitely did.

I got out
of my 1:30 vinyasa flow

and I just... it struck me
that I needed to go do this.

- Wow, that's really amazing.
- Yeah.

Yeah, it wasn't like
a gradual thought process.

It just hit me
like a ton of bricks

- that I have to go do this.
- Wow.

So, I think that was the spirit,
according to you.

That makes sense.
Yeah, absolutely.

And it comes in all different
forms, all different places.

Um, so what other kind
of questions do you have?

Do you think that enlightenment
is possible?

And what does enlightenment mean
to you?

Sure. Okay. Enlightenment.

So, um,

there's a lot of common
definitions for enlightenment.

Uh...

We don't usually use the word
"enlightenment," traditionally,

but it's just one word
versus another word.

We might use words like

"salvation," or,
you know, "Heaven."

Those are the kind of words
that we use

but basically means
the same thing as enlightenment.

Obviously, you know a lot about
Eastern religion and culture,

and that's kind of where
that word comes from.

But basically,
it's a sense of

peace and well-being
and belonging.

That is kind of what
I'm looking for, actually.

I wanna be happy all the time,

- pretty much.
- Okay, okay,

so happy all the time.

That is definitely a big part

of living in the spirit.

Nothing feels better than just

always being surrendered to God.

Okay, so, if I wanted
to start being happy

all the time right now,

I could just surrender
myself to God right now?

Just by saying I do that,

and then I'll be happy
all the time?

Well, it's a process,

but I think once you...

once you kind of
dip your toe in,

you realize that
it's much more of a fun,

enjoyable process.

It's not something heavy
or that's hard.

It's supposed to be fun.

Why would someone want
to be spiritual

if it didn't give them
joy and pleasure?

I don't see any downside
to this.

Why doesn't everyone do this?

I don't know.

I mean, am I crazy?

This sounds like
there's nothing...

Am I missing any questions?

I mean, so you're saying
enlightenment is possible.

Yeah, an enlightened
state of being

is definitely possible.

I can be in paradise right now

all the time,
right now, pretty much?

Well, yes, I mean,

because paradise is... well,

not right now, right now.

We don't want you to pass on
tonight, or anything like that.

I mean, paradise is...
it's a long journey,

and it's a good journey, so...

Wait, I have to die
to get to paradise?

It's kind of like
the ultimate goal, right?

Okay, how do we know that
that exists, though, if...

I mean, 'cause who could
report on it if no one's ever

come back from the dead, right?

Some people have died

and have things to say about it
after the fact.

There's all kinds of things
that you could study and learn.

People have died
and come back from the dead

- and talked about it?
- Yes, mm-hmm.

How do they... how do we know
if they're lying?

It's, um, it's okay
to have doubt.

We all have doubts all the time.

- Uh-huh.
- And, um,

actually,
if we didn't have doubt,

we would never have certainty.

It's like there's two sides
to every coin.

So, when you have doubt,
you study, you learn,

you grow in your relationship
with the spirit

until you have certainty
and peace,

and you know
that someday... not now...

after you die,
then you'll be in paradise.

Hm.

This sounds like a long shot.

Well, we don't like
to think of it as a long shot.

As long as you don't rush there
on purpose or anything,

you'll be good.

Yeah, you don't wanna do that.

Have you... do you know
someone who's done that?

Oh, well, um,

I shouldn't joke about
anything like that.

- Life is very precious.
- Right.

If anyone is tempted
to end their life

before the spirit's timing,

it kinda cancels out...

it kinda cancels out
all the good stuff.

- Wait, what?
- Yeah, yeah, paradise...

paradise is only for those
who are willing to wait.

Seems like a lot of clauses,

and a lot of rules
and regulations in this.

I mean, I don't know how we

- know all this.
- No, now you're taking it too

out of... too far.

Well, this has been really,
really, really, really,

really good.

Well, I'm really glad you came.

Actually, we have programs
every night at 7:00.

And then one the weekends,
we have things at

2:00, at 4:00, and at 6:00

- on Saturday and Sunday.
- Okay, I'll remember that.

All right, yeah.

I don't know how I didn't
see that one coming.

I got a free Bible.

I suffer.

I do.

Do I suffer
more than the average person?

Yeah, probably.

Talking about it is kind of
bringing me to that place.

Of suffering?

That's why I like to

make jokes and laugh,

and put on this mask,

be someone that I'm not,

'cause I think if I was
actually my true self,

I would probably be smiling
like 50 percent less.

And no one really
knows what's going on

underneath the surface of me.

They see Claire,
and they're like,

"Oh, that's such...

that's such a happy girl.

She posts these pictures
on Instagram,

and she eats these, like,
fancy lunches,

and her family
takes care of her."

But no one really thinks
about who Claire is,

you know, like, as a person.

No one really thinks about
what I'm actually going through,

and how anxiety is

on the inside.

And it doesn't always
show, necessarily.

Why are you anxious?

Because of the human condition.

You know who I actually
can't stop thinking about,

is that, like, psychic girl...

if she was psychic,
I don't actually know...

but the one who did
the pendulum reading with me,

because I feel like
she was just so,

so intense, and I haven't been
able to stop thinking about it.

But I realize
that maybe the reason

that I don't like her...

although I love everyone,
I love girls, you know,

no women shame,
or anything like that...

but the reason
that I don't like her...

I mean, sorry, sorry.

It's not that I don't like her,

it's that I actually...

I didn't like my subconscious,
which is what she brought up.

So, I'm gonna get rid of it.

Well, here's the thing,
from my perspective,

there is no subconscious,

because we are all made
of the same material.

Think of the stars, Claire.

You are made of the stars,

because stars are essentially

giant energy cells,
giant nuclei,

and we're all
made of little cells

with stars inside of them.

You see, we are made of
electrons and neutrons,

and that's the same as stars,

except they're multiplied
by a billion.

We are... Stars are
an amalgamation

of all of the same
materials as us.

Okay, so, would you say that

some people are stardust,

but other people are just stars,
in and of themselves?

Well...

if one is, all are.

Hm.

So, my subconscious
doesn't exist

because it's stardust?

Essentially, yes.

You can't get rid of something
that doesn't exist.

Okay, what about my thoughts?

Mm-hmm, well, good question.

Here's the thing.

Have you ever seen one?

Have you ever tasted one?

So they don't exist?

It doesn't mean
that they don't feel real.

So, how...

so, how do you
let go of suffering?

You just don't feel it
because it doesn't exist?

It's... yes, it's actually

fairly simple
to not feel suffering.

So, how do you do it,
just through like yoga,

or meditating or being vegan?

How do you do it?

I actually don't have
to do anything,

because I'm not separate
from the whole.

Well, so I shouldn't
just do yoga?

You can, if you enjoy it.

But, never forget,
it's not you doing it,

it's the stars.

Okay!

- Wow.
- Mm.

Wow, this is insightful stuff.

Good, I'm glad I can be
of some assistance.

I loved Zilmar,

so I wanted to go deeper
into what he was talking about,

so I found this guy,
and he's in the same

field of study as Zilmar,
and, ahh!

I'm so excited,
I'm so excited to talk to him.

Him and Zilmar,
they never studied together,

but they do
the same sort of thing.

So, I'm just so stoked.

I wanna learn everything
about Zilmar's field

of spirituality.

Have you ever
looked at the stars?

Yeah, actually, I have!

Those flickering lights
in the sky

that really don't exist,

but I'm just gonna
use this concept

just so you can understand.

When you look at the stars,
you're not looking at something

that is happening
in the moment right now.

You're looking at
the explosions of stars

millions and billions
of years ago.

And when we see
the death of stars,

they could be turning
into black holes.

And black holes, they have
such a strong gravitational pull

that they suck in everything
that's around them.

It could be
asteroids, planets,

maybe even planets
similar to our own

that have life,

even civilization
similar to ours.

And they're just gone,
like that.

Do you have Audible?

Hey, Earl,

I'm not down.

I'm just being

what I am,

or what I'm

not.

You know what?

This is pointless,
so I'm just gonna put this here.

Just gonna take a little nap.

Just gonna take
a little nap right here.

Did what Guru Ben tell you
kinda mess you up?

- Who?
- Guru Ben.

No, no, I wasn't even
thinking about him.

I am

more spiritual than ever.

- And letting go.
- Heidi did up my

yoga membership after that day.

It does kind of
irk me a little bit

that I might be paying
a different membership fee

than other people are paying,

especially Stream,

but I don't mind.

On this next leg of my journey,

I'm going to meet
with my old friend Stream

from yoga class.

Yeah, I would say Stream's
really, really spiritual,

and I'm gonna learn
a lot from her.

She always, um...

she always runs after me
after yoga class,

and she's like, "Claire, hey!"

And she usually tells me about
whatever thing she's been doing,

that whatever phase
she's going through.

Usually,
she talks to me about it.

You know what?
She's really weird.

She's like really, really,
really weird, honestly.

She smells bad,

and she, um, has a moustache,
which is fine!

It's fine if you
have a moustache,

but hers doesn't look good.

Come in.

Don't be shy, I don't bite.

Today, we're takin'
a trip to Topanga Canyon

to go see my friend Stream.

Stream is...

a little off-putting,
so don't be scared.

I'm gonna take
good care of y'all.

I'm gonna... y'all, Southern,
my Southern roots comin' out.

I don't have Southern roots,
but everyone does a little bit.

But, um, yep,
goin' to Topanga Canyon,

talkin' to our friend Stream.

I'm still doin'
this Southern accent.

I don't know why
I'm still doin' this.

Sometimes it just
gets the best of me,

you know how it is.

I'm so excited.

I'm really excited to just

go talk to someone
that I actually know.

Oh, my God,
I thought the elevator

just broke for a second.

Going to see Stream.

Going to see Stream!

Going to see Stream.

Going to see Stream!

Going to... oh, what's that?

I just got a message.

Never mind.

Um, I forgot I have
something else to do.

I mean, she just cancelled,

but I have something
else to do, so.

Yeah.

You ready?

Going back up this way.

So, change of plans.

Stream just sent... I...
I didn't read the message yet.

Sorry, this didn't go.

I haven't read the message,
but I'm sure she has

a very valid reason
for cancelling.

"Hey, hon, got caught up
working on a passion project.

Can't make the shoot.

Maybe this WordPress entry
will be of use to you.

08/24 was a great insight.

Good luck, XX."

Mm, of course,

she has lots of
experiences to draw from.

"08/24:

Guru Siddhartha was so powerful

that he could just
knock a person out

just by looking at them
with eye contact.

That's how connected
to the source he is.

He's too much for people.

He's so powerful

that he uses his power
to sexually manipulate people

because they would do anything

to feel that moment
of bliss again.

It's so incredible to witness.

He's a true..."

...boddisita-va?

Body-sitivah?

B... boddisitiva.

"He's someone who foregoes
ascending to nirvana,

and instead, is reborn endlessly

until they have saved
all suffering beings

from non-enlightenment.

Their quest is to help
everyone reach nirvana."

That sounds like me

with my documentary.

I don't sexually manipulate
people, but...

...I kind of sound
like a bodhi-sativa.

My childhood.

I wanna say it was idealistic.

I remember it
as being idealistic,

but I know that it wasn't.

I can just kind of tell.

And when I start to scratch
the surface of my memories,

I know there was a lot going on

that did deeply traumatize me,
um...

I don't remember any of it,
but I know it was there...

...and that sticks
with a person.

You know, for example...

well, I don't have a lot
of examples, because I know

it's repressed memories.

I don't recall them,

but they're so deeply rooted
in my psyche.

So, I can't speak
on this subject much.

Oh! Coming!

- Hello.
- Oh!

- Hi!
- Hi, I'm Earl.

Hi, Earl.

- How are you?
- Very good.

- Am I in the way, or?
- No, no, you're good.

The place is, you know...

You're doing a great job.

It's usually
not quite this, uh...

Hope it's not, um...

Can I get you
something to drink?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Okay.

So, you're gonna be
filming us...

- Talking.
- ...talking?

Yeah. Claire told me to tell you
she'll be here soon.

Okay.

Where is this...
is this gonna be shown?

Is this, um...

So, did you meet Claire
in college, or, how, what's...

How do you guys know each other?

- Ooh, that's a sound.
- You don't have to try to be

friendly with him,
he doesn't really care.

Oh, you're tinkling!

I'm tinkling?

- Am I peeing?
- That's beautiful!

That is... that is very...

- that is very impressive.
- Oh, thanks.

- I like it.
- Yeah.

It's very nice.

Belly-dancing,
belly-dancing, is that?

Well, I'm not actually
belly-dancing, it's just

- for me to feel spiritual.
- Okay.

Okay, well,
she doesn't understand, so.

- I don't know why I'm here.
- No, I think I do.

I think spiritual is good.

I think... I think... you know,
I think that I'm ready to...

I'm ready to listen,

whatever you have to say.

Yeah, we need to talk about
some of the advisors

you've been talking to
that are helping with your

spiritual journey.

That guy in Van Nuys.

Okay, well, I just wanted to

let you guys know
that I don't need you anymore,

because your
Western teachings are a...

a tempting illusion
to distract me

from my path
as a bodhisativa, so.

Okay, honey, um...

We never taught you anything.

We've always
encouraged you to go

study and explore different...

Are you being aggressive
because the cameras are here?

- I'm not being aggressive.
- Okay, okay, right.

Did you sanitize the...

you know, it's looking a little

- infected.
- You're making me wanna

- take it out.
- Okay.

It's embarrassing,
'cause I just got this,

and it was a special
thing to do, but...

Am I saying something
to upset... ooh, sorry.

Am I saying something
to upset you, or, you know, or...

It just doesn't seem like you
see the value of what I'm doing.

I'm going on a really big
spiritual journey,

and it doesn't seem like you
understand spirituality, so.

Well, is it helping you?

Yeah.

That's good.

That's... that's really good!

Why are you lying?
Why are you lying to me?

- You don't really think that.
- I just... I said that's good.

I just don't think
you're ever gonna be...

Look, you know what?

When I was in college,

I studied a lot
of Eastern philosophy,

and I think it's really
fascinating stuff, I do!

And Buddhism is... it's a...

it's a very...
it's a very expansive,

all-encompassing... I mean,
there are many paths, of course,

with Buddhism, so.

Which of the philosophies
or paths did you follow?

Or are you currently following?

Um...

vinyasa?

What? Honey, that's yoga.

Oh, honey.

Oh, sweetheart.

Okay.

What is your end game here?

I mean, what are you hoping
that this is gonna lead you to?

I wanna... I wanna

- enlighten the world.
- And how much does that pay?

Well, I think it would
probably pay, like, millions

once I get it out there
and everyone sees it.

They would become happy,
and then everybody would pay...

would pay you some money
to learn the answers to...

to life,
the meaning of life, and...

Well, they wouldn't
just pay me money.

They wouldn't just like
donate to some random website,

but they would pay
to watch my documentary.

- Right.
- Like on Amazon Prime,

- or something like that.
- Right, right.

- Amazon.
- Or on Netflix,

- and I would sell it to Netflix.
- Yeah.

Okay.

But you were doing... you were
doing pretty well, finally.

You were gettin' those...

- those Cs up, and...
- I'm doing well now!

I'm doing well now.

I'm doing better now
than I was then.

You are, yes, I just wanted you
to finish and get your diploma.

- I don't want my diploma!
- That looks so good on a res...

- I don't want my diploma!
- Okay.

I don't want my diploma, it's
not gonna do anything for me.

Getting a diploma
has nothing to do...

Earl didn't ask for my diploma
when he came to work for me.

Like, it just... I'm not
gonna need the diploma

when I sell this on Netflix.

No one cares.

Right, did you...

Do you work for Netflix, Earl?

No? Okay. Um...

Well, you had talked
about grad school,

and I thought that
that was a really good idea.

Well, I changed my mind,
I changed my mind, so.

- Okay.
- Yeah, I don't want grad school

anymore,
'cause I'm doing this now,

and this is way better
than grad school.

- Yeah, I don't know, whatever.
- You know what, honey?

I understand, I know your 20s
is full of so many questions

- and so much...
- I don't have questions!

I feel like I have
a lot of answers!

I have a lot of answers,
and I'm getting all the answers.

You're getting... and...

and you're really trying
to find even more answers,

and you're trying
to change the world.

When I was in college,
I wanted to go to Africa,

- and I wanted to stop apartheid.
- Why would you wanna

- go to Africa?
- Me and five other people.

There's nothing in Africa,

- Africa isn't even spiritual.
- And we had zero influence

on the entire situation.

It's sort of like,
by the time we got there,

it had already happened.

I didn't even hear what
you said you wanted to stop.

- Why was you... what were you?
- Apartheid in South Africa?

- It's a...
- I don't know what that is.

Okay, maybe if you
finish college, then.

Those are the kind of things
you could find out about.

So I came here just to get

- insulted.
- History is very...

no, sweetheart!

- No, no.
- No, I did, I did.

Look, you look beautiful.

- I don't believe you.
- I'm a little...

No, I am... I know...

I know you don't
believe me at this point,

but I'm just gonna say it.

You look gorgeous.

Finally, you...

you have something that's

covering most
of your body... I'm not...

I mean, at least you didn't come
to the front door in a burqa.

I was very pleased about that.

Oh, my God, you're acting
like I'm a prostitute!

And if I was...
I mean, first of all,

that would be my choice,
so it wouldn't...

Well, a burqa, you know...

Never mind.

I think that, uh...

I think that we need
to have more...

I love this communication, I do.

And I will do my part,
and I will listen more.

Okay? I will, I will!

And you know what?
If Dad's not here, we will...

we will do
the FaceTime with him.

I don't wanna FaceTime Dad.

Honestly, I don't even
wanna be here.

Can we... can we wrap this, Earl?

I don't wanna talk...
I don't...

I feel like
I'm getting insulted, so.

I'll get some, uh...

Some B shots, I'll get some...
some, yeah.

I didn't come here...

Some B shots,
like vitamin B shots?

That might help you, you know.

I do sometimes worry about

your depression.

Sweetheart, I love you so much.

I do, I do.

We wouldn't have this
conversation if I didn't.

It's just that I...

I don't want you to be
taken advantage of.

I want you to find
those answers, I do.

I want you to find
those answers.

I'm just wondering if you're
asking the right questions.

I would say so.

I don't know why she acts like

she's being so nice, you know?

That's the thing
that makes me the most mad.

If she was just upfront
about what she thought,

I wouldn't even be mad at her,
because

at least she would be saying
what's on her mind.

But instead, it's like
she's really passive aggressive

and she lies to me,

and she acts like
she's so friendly for you,

and she offers you cookies,
and she's so nice.

But...

That's the thing that bothers me

is that if she was just honest,
I wouldn't even care, you know?

But she just pretends,

and she pretends
like she's on my side,

but I know she's not.

I look at her,
and I'm like, "Why?"

I said, you heard me,
I was like,

"Why are you lying to me?"

And that's actually
what it feels like.

It's like,
"Why are you lying to me?

You don't believe
in what I'm doing,

You never have,
that's fine, just tell me,

instead of patronizing me
and making me feel like

a stupid little kid."

She didn't even like all this,
and I knew she wouldn't,

but she pretended to.

She pretended to be nice

'cause the cameras were there,
obviously, so.

I think that feeling the need
to express your spirituality

comes from a place of, um,

deep-rooted longing and feeling
like you need validation,

and needing to be
loved by others,

and need to show
instead of do

with quiet confidence,

like me.

Well, no, I was
calling because I'm...

This sounds stupid,

but I'm doing really well,

and I'm feeling really,
really, really spiritual,

and... no, it's not!

No, it's not like that.

No, it's...

The other times, the things
weren't as important to me,

but this time it actually is,

and I'm actually doing it
all the way, like I have...

I have a full camera crew,
and...

Well, you never...

you never believed
in what I was doing, so...

I'm not calling you
to be an asshole!

Why are you acting like

I'm about to attack you,
or something?

I just wanted to... obviously,
I see now that it was stupid

that I even did this,

but I just wanted
to fill you in.

I'm not lying!

Why would I lie
about my intentions?

That seems like the most
pointless thing to do.

You don't have to be
talkin' to me right now.

Well, if you actually
wanted to talk to me,

I would just be letting you know

how well I'm doing,

and how spiritually
enlightened I am,

and how I don't
need you anymore,

and I don't think
about you anymore,

and I don't give
a shit about you anymore.

So, that's what I would be
saying if you cared to listen,

which you don't, so.

It doesn't make
a difference to me anyway.

Oh, yeah?

You're gonna go?

Cool, well,
instead of saying it,

why don't you just do it?

I don't wanna be sad anymore,

I just wanna be
happy all the time.

It's not fun!

And I'm just wonder... so many
people are sad all the time,

and I'm wondering why.

I just wonder why, you know?

I feel like it's not a bad place
to be here.

It's not bad to be on Earth,
you know, it's good here.

I like it, for the most part,

but I just don't know why,
I just don't know why

it's so easy to be sad,
and why there's so many things

to be sad about,
and why bad things happen,

and why sometimes we're sad,

even when bad things
don't happen.

I just don't know.

There's just no way out,
obviously.

You just have to deal with it
if you're here.

But you're not here for
that long, 'cause we all die,

but... I don't know.

I mean, it makes me sad that

my grandma died,

but I don't think about that
all the time.

I think about it a lot,

but...

...I wanna make it go away.

That's why I wanna
be enlightened, so...

so that I realize that...

that those things don't matter,

things like your grandma dying,

and your parents dying,
and things like that.

So, if I'm enlightened,

then I'll realize that
those things don't matter,

because...

I don't know, then I'll just be
like a blob of energy,

and I won't care.

I think I...

I know a guy, who might,
like, could help.

What does he do?

He owns an art gallery,
but, like...

He also helps people.

Okay.

What does he do?

He's, uh...

He helps people,
he could help me?

What does he... what do you mean,
like a doctor?

Yeah, yeah, kinda like a doctor,
he, um...

He gets drugs, but, like,
good ones, like, um...

- Like marijuana?
- Like

And

- And like
- I've never tried... before.

Do you wanna?

Yeah, do you think
it would help?

I mean, you said ego death,
so it made me think about it.

Does... have something to do...
Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Yeah, no, I've I've always
kind of been afraid to try...

because I've heard that
it could bring out

any dormant mental illnesses
you have,

and mine are already
barely dormant as it is,

so I haven't really wanted
to test that.

But if it could kill my ego,
then I would definitely do it.

Let's do it.

Is he alive?

I don't know why that
was my first thought.

- Alright, let's do it.
- Is he available?

Yeah, I'm sure.

- Really?
- Yeah.

All right.

Well, I guess I should put
my bodhisativa outfit on.

If you, yeah, well, I don't know
if he's available right now.

But, yeah, we'll...
I'll text him.

I'm gonna put
my bodhisativa outfit on.

Bliss does exist.

Nirvana exists.

But our brains are
too unevolved to feel it.

Our minds are stuck
in the fourth dimension,

but there's a way
to open up your mind

and reach nirvana.

Now, I'm not sayin'
it's gonna last forever,

but it will change you forever.

You have to do a lot of...

It doesn't mean happiness.

It's closer to

allowance, acceptance.

Wow.

How do I do it?

We're gonna dissolve it all
into a glass of water,

and you'll just drink it down.

Okay, so we put this in water,
and I drink all of it?

- Yup.
- We just put it in wa...

- Like, we just...
- Yeah.

Okay.

And, it's all...
it's all on here,

this isn't just paper, right?

- No, no.
- Okay.

You will see soon enough.

What does this say on this?

Om.

It's the original sound
of the universe.

If you can go prior
to that sound,

that is where
enlightenment will find you.

I drink this whole thing?

Mm.

Mm!

Good.

Good.

Ah!

Ah.

And now...

we await annihilation.

You might wanna get comfortable.

All of you spiritual people
are like,

"This is an illusion,
this is real,

this doesn't exist,
this does exist,

this is Buddha,
this is, this is, uh..."

You know?

Pick a side!

Correct.

No.

Incorrect.

There is no I.

There is no you.

What about me?

There's no me.

Well, there might not be a you,

- but there's definitely a me.
- That's what I'm saying,

is there's no me.

- There's no you.
- You!

- You?
- Correct.

How did this end up
pointing this direction?

Did you do this?

When will it kick in?

About 30 minutes.

How could you understand
something that

cannot be understood?

- I don't wanna die.
- You must fall.

- I don't wanna die.
- Die!

It's creepy... no!

Random naked chick in a veil...

Need some water or anything?

Now you sleep.

Who's really afraid
of being seen?

I don't exist.

- Exactly.
- Are you Bob Ross?

We are all Bob Ross.

He can never drop it,
or else everything will fall.

What if you let it fall?

What if you let it fall?

Soon, you'll begin to fall

into an endless void.

- Eternal happiness.
- Now emerge from you chrysalis

- reborn!
- Come to me.

- Eternal happiness.
- This is why nobody's happy!

Are you in the void?

Eternal happiness.

Eternal happiness.

Exist.

You gotta kill yourself!

Whoa! I'm stuck!

- Oh, no!
- Hold on.

- How are you feeling?
- Ow!

Claire?

Claire?

What? Claire?

Claire, I can hear you,
but what the...

I can hear you,
but I can't see you.

Claire.

What is...

Please stop following me,
please stop following me, bro,

just stop!

I don't know what's going on.

And I don't know the difference
between myself and a toilet.

Come on,
they don't call me stupid.

They don't think I'm weird
and gross and embarrassing,

and they're just nice to me,
so they're the only people...

Oh my God!

You don't wanna tell me!

Claire?

Claire?

I didn't do anything!

- No filming! No filming!
- Hey, hey, okay, whoa.

I didn't do anything.

And that's how it felt.

Well, the arrest was actually
an accurate recording,

but the... trip scene,
that was...

I literally edited it

to re-enact how it felt for me.

After I got arrested,
we stopped filming

just because, I don't know,

real life kinda felt
more important at that point.

It wasn't a big deal.

I should probably clarify.

I was only there at the station
for a couple of hours,

and then my mom came and got me,

which I'm very grateful for.

After that happened,
I was kind of upset that

I didn't have a moment
where it all clicked

spiritually, at least.

But throughout the process
of making this documentary,

I've done so many things
that I never would have done

if there wasn't a camera here.

Like, I wouldn't have done
any of that stuff.

So, I've learned
a lot about myself

in a ton of different ways.

I didn't become enlightened,
and I don't have, like,

anything incredible to give you

other than
what you've already seen,

and I hope that you can get
something out of that.

But, man, it's been
a really cool experience,

and I'm really happy
that I did this.

And now, I encourage you

to find your own answers
about life,

because at the end of the day,

no matter what
someone has to tell you,

it's not gonna mean as much...

as much as it would if it was
just coming from yourself,

and you got those answers
on your own.

And everyone can have
different answers,

and that's what I think
the cool thing about life is.

Your answer might look
completely different than mine,

but we all have the same goal,

which is, I don't know,
a beautiful thing, I guess.

Not to be cheesy,
but that's really cool.

So go out there,
get your answers,

make a documentary
if you want to.

If not, you totally don't have
to do that either.

But thanks
for watching mine,

'cause if I didn't make this
with the idea

that people would be watching it
in mind,

I wouldn't have made it.

And thank you to Earl

for being here to film it.

And thank you to my mom,

who I realize that I

could be treating better.

And just, I mean,

thank you to all those people
who scammed me,

because you taught me
a lesson too.

And thank you, Claire,
for havin' the guts

to go do somethin' that will
make you look really stupid,

and you did it anyway.

And, you know, I'm allowed
to be proud of myself too.

There's nothin'
wrong with that, right?

Hopefully, okay.

Well, thanks for watching!