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1
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,117
J' Swinging wedding medley
2
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:45,319
Bye-bye, my old lad,
and thanks for a smashing weekend.
3
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,712
Wonderful company, lovely food
and your wife makes love magnificently!
4
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,632
(Train horn)
5
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,515
Excuse me, sir, but did I hear you correctly?
6
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,829
What's that, old chap?
7
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:02,356
You've been a guest in that gentleman's house
for the weekend
8
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:06,195
and you tell him to his face
that his wife makes love magnificently?
9
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,315
Yes, that's right.
10
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,037
Do you think that's quite correct?
11
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,191
Well, no. Not exactly, no.
12
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,511
But he's such a nice chap,
I wouldn't like to say anything to offend him.
13
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,594
I say, that was rather thoughtful of you.
14
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,917
(Conductor whistles tune)
15
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,356
- Fare?
- Oh, very fair, I'd say.
16
00:02:57,920 --> 00:02:59,877
Come on, come on. I ain't got all day.
17
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,917
Oh, um, Guildhall, please.
18
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:08,949
Fares, please. Any more fares, please?
19
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,354
Fares, please.
20
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,759
Going all the way?
21
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:27,356
Why don't you go down front, sir?
You'll see better.
22
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:17,233
Don't lie to me, Sidney Bliss. You were with
that woman Esme Crowfoot all evening.
23
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,473
I keep telling you, I only popped in for a bit.
Halfan hour, that's all. That's not long.
24
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:22,880
That's long enough for you.
25
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,951
Whafve you been doing? Holding a stopwatch?
26
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,111
What were you doing going to her flat, anyway?
27
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,238
She's one of our clients, isn't she?
I have to vet 'em, don't l?
28
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,596
Oh, "vet"! ls that the new word for it?
29
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,356
I can't fix 'em up with the right partners
until I find out what they do and how...they live.
30
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:42,116
Like the young widow at the tobacconist?
You must have "vetted" her at least 5O times!
31
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,840
Oh, God,
I only keep going in there for my shag!
32
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:49,232
Look, it's my job to find out
what the female clients do.
33
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,277
You should look after the men.
34
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,919
Don't be stupid. I know what they do.
35
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,150
Oh, don't try and joke your way out of it.
36
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,278
What would you say ifl started vetting
all the male clients?
37
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,113
- I'd say, "Gawd help 'em."
- You rotten beast!
38
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,075
- I've had enough!
- Sophie, it hurts!
39
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,117
- Cutit out!
- I've had enough of you!
40
00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,157
It's every night!
41
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,517
Sophie, it hurts.
Have you gone raving mad?
42
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,671
(Doorbell chimes Here Comes The Bride)
43
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,635
Come in.
44
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,711
Oh! Oh, I beg your pardon.
45
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,270
That's all right, sir. We're not ashamed of
being in love, are we, sweetheart?
46
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,237
- No, dear.
- What can we do for you, sir?
47
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:36,439
Er, well, it's about your advert.
l was looking for a wife.
48
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,751
And you couldn't have come to a better place.
Could he, my little baby?
49
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,353
No, indeed.
50
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:45,479
Well, it looks as ifl shall have to leave you
for a little while, darling.
51
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,678
Business before pleasure, my dove.
You'll excuse us, won't you?
52
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,239
See you soon, sugar puff.
53
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,995
I'll be counting the moments
till I can get at you again.
54
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,998
It's amazing. Ten years we've been married.
You'd never believe it.
55
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,754
Oh, wonderful. I wouldn't mind a wife like that.
56
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,912
Like that?
No, we'll find you something better than...
57
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,880
We'll find you something more suited to you.
Won't you sit down, Mr...?
58
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,600
Oh, Muffet. Bertram Muffet.
59
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:19,674
Muffin. Well, we'll have to find you
a crumpet to go with that, won't we?
60
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,912
- I beg your pardon?
- Never mind. Now, then, Mr Muffin...
61
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,957
- Er, Muffet.
- Muffet, yes.
62
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,077
Our charges, and very reasonable they are too,
63
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,755
are two guineas registration,
two for the introduction and two when you click.
64
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,592
- Click?
- Get married.
65
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,320
If you click without getting married,
it's four guineas.
66
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,913
Oh, yes, that's fine.
67
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,557
Bertram Muffin.
68
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:41,675
M uffet.
69
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,116
That's it, yes. We'll just get a few details. Age?
70
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,191
Oh, er, 17, I think.
71
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:49,112
17'?
72
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,953
Well, l thought the younger she was,
the longer she'd last.
73
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,554
No, no, no. I want your details. Your age.
74
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,074
Oh, 27.
75
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,549
27. And what are you interested in?
76
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,358
Same as most chaps like to do, I suppose.
77
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,669
And that is?
78
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,751
Well, I don't know. I've never done it yet.
79
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,797
You should try it. It's lovely.
80
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,759
What I'm trying to do is
to find out what you like to do,
81
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,831
so I can fix you up with a girl who likes it, too.
82
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,560
Oh, yes, l would like a girl who likes it, too.
83
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,597
Yes, it is handy. Hobbies?
84
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,752
Oh, well,
my main one is making model aeroplanes.
85
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,638
Model aeroplanes?
86
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,473
- Yes, out of milk bottle tops.
- Milk bottle tops?
87
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:27,713
- Yes. They're not flying models, of course.
- No? You surprise me. Any other hobbies?
88
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,236
L rather like collecting book matches.
You know, all the different packets.
89
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,038
L don't think we'll have much trouble
90
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:38,069
finding you a girl that likes making aeroplanes
out of bottle tops and collecting the odd packet.
91
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,275
Oh, good.
92
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,510
Right, well, that's the lot.
93
00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,240
Oh, wonderful. Er, what happens now?
94
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,277
Come with me.
95
00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,479
Now, then.
96
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,712
All we do is feed the information
into the computer here,
97
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,953
and, after a few minutes,
the lady suitable to you will come out there.
98
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,872
What? Through that little slot?
She must be very small.
99
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,712
No, no, no.
100
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,599
Just the lady's particulars, not the lady herself.
101
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,476
This is a fantastic piece of machinery,
you know that? It cost a bomb.
102
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,393
This is a miracle of modern technology.
Here we go.
103
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,833
Bottle tops and book matches!
104
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:48,877
What a catch!
105
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:52,997
Ah! (Laughs)
106
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:57,119
Oh, yes. I thinkthis is the ideal one, Mr Bliss.
107
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,237
Here we are, then.
108
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,277
Oh, gosh! That was quick.
109
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,829
- That's the beauty of it, you see, Mr Muffin.
- Muffet.
110
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:10,118
A fellow can spend his lifetime trying to find
the right girl. This machine does it in minutes.
111
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:11,952
Shall we see who the lucky lady is, then?
112
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,555
There's been a slight technical error here.
113
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,995
This one is definitely out of circulation.
114
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,757
What's the idea? Why her?
115
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,797
Why not? She's one of our clients.
116
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,396
- I knowthat, but she's no good.
- You seem to find her very satisfactory.
117
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,030
All right. You've had your little joke.
Let's have another one.
118
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,158
You seem to forget, Sidney, dear,
I didn't choose her,
119
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:42,119
it was chosen by
that miracle of modern technology.
120
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,636
Or perhaps you'd like me to explain
to our clients how it works.
121
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:47,552
No, no, no.
122
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,637
We don't need you...darling.
123
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,997
I want to see that
the gentleman's fixed up properly, dear.
124
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,640
It's a pity about that, Mr Muffin, a great pity.
125
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,872
- Oh, has your computer gone wrong?
- No, it's been too accurate.
126
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,351
- This lady's hobby is not compatible with yours.
- Oh, but how?
127
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,320
Well, she likes to make Christmas decorations
out of milk bottle tops.
128
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,791
That could lead to fights every morning
about who's going to have the top.
129
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,200
I'm sure we wouldn't.
130
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:15,272
It would bring your aircraft production
to a standstill.
131
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,876
Oh, nonsense, sweetheart.
I think it's a lovely idea.
132
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:23,591
Can't you just imagine these two young people
sitting in front of a fire every evening,
133
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,512
doing things with their tops?
134
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,479
I'm quite ready to have a go at it if she is,
Mr Bliss.
135
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,313
She's ready all right, mate...
to have a go, I mean.
136
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,357
Don't be a spoilspon, Sidney.
137
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,351
Her number's on the card. Let me call it.
138
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,397
I'll do it...
139
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,437
darling.
140
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,030
That's it. Now, hold it.
141
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,474
(Phone rings)
142
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,517
Oh, excuse me one moment, will you?
143
00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,993
Esme Crowfoot speaking. Can I help you?
144
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,913
Oh, this is Mr Bliss ofthe Wedded Bliss Agency.
145
00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,631
You've got a nerve calling me after the way
you behaved last night, I must say.
146
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,712
Yes, and I'm very sorry ifl bothered you,
Miss Crowfoot.
147
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,031
The fact is we have a young gentleman here
who's very anxious to meet you.
148
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,431
Well, if he's anything like you,
l don't think l care to meet him, thank you.
149
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,557
She's all excited about it.
150
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,434
I don't know what you think I am,
or expect me to do,
151
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:22,117
but it'll take more than a dozen tired daffodils
to do it, I can assure you.
152
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,998
That's nice of you to say so.
We do our best to give satisfaction.
153
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,195
How about this evening?
154
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,399
- Yes, that's fine with Mr Muffin.
- Muffet.
155
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,552
How about the Parkway Cocktail Bar,
7:30 this evening?
156
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,798
Lovely. Fine. Yes, not at all. It's a pleasure.
You're very welcome.
157
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,837
That's that, then.
158
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:47,312
Two guineas registration, two guineas for
the introduction. That's four guineas altogether.
159
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,916
I'll give you one of our introductory cards,
so that she knows you come from us.
160
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,354
Oh, yes, thank you.
161
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:55,831
And you might like to have our little booklet,
giving a few tips on courtship,
162
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,877
a son of Do-lt-Yourselves.
163
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,520
- I beg your pardon?
- Never mind. There we are.
164
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,557
Thank you.
165
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,995
Oh, yes, thank you very much.
That's very nice of you.
166
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,549
The Wit To Woo by Sidney Bliss. Interesting.
167
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,597
Yes, well, that's all, then.
168
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,115
And the very, very best of luck to you, Mr Muffet.
169
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,759
Er, Muffin. Erm...
170
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,399
Was there something else?
171
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:18,438
- Just my change. I gave you a five pound note.
- That's right.
172
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:23,390
There's two guineas registration, two for
the introduction and 16 bob for the booklet.
173
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,039
Oh. Oh, yes.
174
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,633
I... Yes. Oh, thank you.
175
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,279
Yes. Not at all. There we are.
176
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:31,034
Don't forget. Parkway Cocktail Bar, 7:30. Ta-ta.
177
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,912
Sophie. Sophie!
178
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,752
Now, cutitout, Sophie!
179
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,995
Well, Henry, you heard Mr Snooper's advice.
180
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,037
Do you think we should try it?
181
00:12:55,120 --> 00:13:00,069
If you want to, Emily, but personally l don't think
a pair of steps is going to be the answer.
182
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:06,838
If I'm to help you son out your problems,
I must insist on absolute candour.
183
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:12,552
Do not be afraid to use natural words
for natural functions.
184
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:16,315
You won'! easily shock me, I can promise you.
185
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,553
So, let's have all the dirty linen out
and give it a jolly good washing, eh?
186
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,109
Now, who's going to be first? You, Mrs Dreery?
187
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:28,400
Well, really,
l suppose the trouble is we just can't get on.
188
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,678
Now, let's try to be more precise.
Get on...what? A horse? A bus?
189
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:38,472
Oh, no. You know.
Well, we just seem to have rows all the time.
190
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,029
Ah, rows, yes. About what, precisely?
191
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:45,591
Oh, everything. Like the way he went on
about that fireside chair I got him.
192
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,273
I think so, an' all. Look at it!
193
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,637
It must've been made for a bloody midget.
I couldn't get half my arse on it.
194
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,953
Hardly the cause for a row, Mr Dreery.
195
00:13:55,040 --> 00:14:00,718
You must learn to turn the other cheek,
in a manner of speaking.
196
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,873
I didn't come here for a laugh, you know, mate.
I can stay at home and look at her for that.
197
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:10,399
Yes, well, there's usually some deeper,
underlying cause for stress in these cases.
198
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,437
Of course there is.
199
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,957
Let's face it.
You see, our problem is about our...sex.
200
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:21,238
You shouldn't have any trouble in that direction.
After all, you're one of each.
201
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,152
Some people are far worse off, you know.
202
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,073
- Are you trying to be funny, mate?
- No, no. Certainly not.
203
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,197
You don't seem to get the point, mate.
204
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,398
You see, the trouble with my wife is...
205
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,312
she won't have...
206
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,232
relations.
207
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,789
Oh, I thinkthafs hardly fair, Mrs Dreery.
208
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:42,158
After all, it's perfectly normal to entertain
members ofthe family from time to time.
209
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,356
No, no, no, no, no.
210
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,192
She won't have...
211
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:48,469
...intercourse.
212
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,234
What?! Well, you must chat about something.
213
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,358
What he's trying to say is that we never have it.
214
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,313
That intimacy never takes place between us.
215
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:03,076
Ah, l see! Well, of course, you should have
mentioned that in the first place.
216
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,073
Obviously, that's the basic root ofthe problem.
217
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,037
Yes. Well, of course.
218
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:11,875
lt naturally follows that everyone
should lead a well-balanced sex life.
219
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:15,157
That's the trouble: it isn't well balanced.
220
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,197
He's five stone heavier than me.
221
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,913
Mm. Yes. Oh.
222
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,994
I see. Yes, I can understand
the position you've been put on...put in.
223
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,469
Stone the crows. What's he talking about?
224
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,552
But don't you see?
At the moment, you are a dead weight.
225
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,153
And you're a bloody dead loss.
226
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,197
Don't talk to me like that!
227
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,191
Here I am, trying to help you...
228
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,272
Help me?
You couldn't help a dog find a bloody lamppost.
229
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:39,794
How dare you!
230
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,236
You come here using ridiculous words
like "relations" and "intercourse"
231
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,675
without having the slightest idea
what they mean!
232
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,559
I don't know what they mean?!
You're round the bleedin' twist!
233
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,712
That's it! Get out of my office, do you hear?
Get out!
234
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,440
We're getting out! Don't worry, mate!
235
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:59,039
Mr Snooper,
I must ask you to keep your voice down!
236
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,077
You can be heard all over the building.
237
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,073
I'm sorry. I was trying to give
this wretched couple some advice.
238
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,755
Advice? You couldn't advise a constipated cow
to take a laxative.
239
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,720
Sir, sir, if you and yourwife
would care to wait outside,
240
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,757
I'll see you in a moment.
241
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,997
Snooper, these incidents are happening
far too often.
242
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,037
Well, l'm really very, very sorry, sir.
243
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:24,796
It's not all yourfault. l shouldn't have employed
a bachelor to give advice to married couples.
244
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,555
But I know all about married couples.
My father and mother were one, you know.
245
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,836
I'm delighted to hear it, but it's not good enough.
246
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,754
Unless you're prepared to get married,
we'll have to dispense with your services.
247
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:38,435
- Is that understood?
- But I'm a confirmed bachelor.
248
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,477
I don't know any women.
249
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,916
Then find one!
Go to a matrimonial agency or something.
250
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,196
But do it. Soon.
251
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:52,197
Married? It'll disrupt my entire life!
252
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:54,237
Well, that's all right, then.
253
00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:56,277
Age, habits, hobbies, likes, dislikes.
254
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,317
Now, did you say you'd been married before?
255
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,471
That's right. Twice.
256
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,471
Are your wives dead?
257
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,709
That's right.
258
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,518
I see.
259
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,399
The first wife died from eating mushrooms.
260
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,517
Ooh, I'm sorry to hearthat.
261
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,193
So was she.
262
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:17,313
The second wife died from a fractured skull.
263
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,711
A fractured skull? How did that happen?
264
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:23,313
Wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
265
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,357
Wouldn't eat the mu...
266
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,478
Thank you, Dr Crippen.
Don't call us, we'll call you.
267
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,153
Thank you.
268
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:03,033
You must be joking!
269
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,116
Oh, good afternoon.
The Wedded Bliss Agency sent me.
270
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,554
Mr Philpot?
271
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,678
That's right. I'm supposed to meet
a Miss Jenny Grubb.
272
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:22,955
You wouldn't be...?
273
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,360
Jenny is my daughter.
274
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,717
Oh, thank goodness...
Er, thank goodness I've come to the right place.
275
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,552
That remains to be seen.
276
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,597
Thank you very much.
277
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,393
Jenny is in here, Mr Philpot, having tea.
278
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:40,394
- You haven't had it, have you?
- Oh, no. No, this is the first time we've met.
279
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,438
- Tea, Mr Philpot.
- Oh, I'm sorry. No, I haven't.
280
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,037
Good afternoon.
281
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:55,996
Nice day.
282
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,311
This is Mr Philpot, who wishes to marry Jenny.
283
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:03,234
I say, steady on. I mean,
give us a chance to get to know each other first.
284
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,072
See how we hit it off, eh?
285
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,993
Mr Philpot, you may as well understand
here and now
286
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,630
that there will be no question of "hitting it off"
before marriage.
287
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:15,873
No, I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea.
I only went to the agency for a bit of fun.
288
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,669
If it's fun you want,
I fear you've come to the wrong place.
289
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,159
Yes, I can see that.
290
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,795
Well, you may as well meet Jenny
now that you're here.
291
00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:26,757
Oh, thanks. Well, nice to have met you all.
292
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,797
She's here, Mr Philpot.
293
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,397
This is Jenny.
294
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,237
How do you do, Jenny?
295
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,233
No physical contact yet, please.
296
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,960
Jenny, get Mr Philpot some tea.
297
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,276
(Crunch)
298
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,317
Oh, I'm so sorry!
299
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,754
I beg your pardon.
300
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,399
(squeak)
* 0w!
301
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,034
(some)
302
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,397
Thank you.
303
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,638
Well, this is jolly nice.
304
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,519
- Sugar?
- What?
305
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,557
- Sugar?
- Oh, yes. Thank you.
306
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,152
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
307
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,197
I beg your pardon. It slipped.
308
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:19,634
Sorry.
309
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,393
Oh!
310
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,914
- Mr Philpot?
- Yes.
311
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,072
Would you mind resuming your seat
before you wreck the entire house?
312
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,434
Yes, I'm so sorry.
313
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,874
(Saucer smashes)
- Ah!
314
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,999
I seem to have...done one of your saucers in.
315
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:36,516
No matter. It's only Crown Derby.
316
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,671
- Oh, that's all right, then.
- Jenny.
317
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,990
Please get Mr Philpot some more tea.
318
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,720
You must think I'm awfully clumsy.
319
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:49,273
Yes, but we will overlook your more obvious
shortcomings and get down to practical matters.
320
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,317
Regarding the period of courtship...
321
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,435
Yes?
322
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,080
You'll be permitted to see Jenny once a week,
323
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:58,198
in company of myself, of course,
and other members ofthe family.
324
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,396
You mean, I wouldn't be able to see her alone?
325
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,710
Oh, I don't think thafd be at all wise.
326
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,270
Jenny has led a very sheltered life
and has had little or no experience of men.
327
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,589
Really?
328
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,637
- I have done it.
- I beg your pardon?
329
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,677
- Put it in.
- Oh!
330
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,797
- The sugar.
- Ah!
331
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,599
And what is your financial status, Mr Philpot?
332
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:25,115
Excuse me. Actually, I have
a private income of about £3,000 a year.
333
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,395
Is that all?
334
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,914
Well, it's enough.
335
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,196
Not enough to run a big house ofthis size.
336
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:34,797
There's myself, you see,
and other members ofthe family to provide for.
337
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,793
We don't live extravagantly,
but we do like to live well.
338
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,837
Just a minute. Just a minute.
339
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:44,835
Just supposing I was mug enough to marry her,
do you really think I'd live here? With this lot?
340
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,672
Naturally.
341
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:50,754
We have always been and we intend to remain
one big, happy family.
342
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:55,471
Oh, no, I'm afraid it just wouldn't work out.
They'd never fit in with the way I like to live.
343
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,995
All-night parties. Strip poker. Pot-smoking.
344
00:21:58,080 --> 00:21:59,400
No, I'm afraid not.
345
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:01,471
I'll say goodbye and thank you for the tea.
346
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,397
Bye.
347
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,158
I like him.
348
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:26,394
Wedded Bliss Agency.
Let us bring a little happiness into your life.
349
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,154
Oh, hello, Mr Philpot. How was the introduction?
350
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:30,992
(Garb/ed speech)
351
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,674
Yes, I'm sorry she wasn't quite
what you were looking for.
352
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,355
L can't vet them all personally.
l never even saw Miss Grubb.
353
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,473
- Her mother did what?
- (Garb/ed speech)
354
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,029
Well, yes, yes, and I sympathise, Mr Philpot.
355
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,077
Hang on, hang on a minute, will you?
356
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,391
Maybe I can put you onto something
a little more amenable.
357
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,437
Er...
358
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,954
Oh, yes.
359
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,158
We have Miss Adams here.
Now, there's an absolute cracker for you.
360
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:58,356
Just the job for you - and she can cook, too.
361
00:22:58,440 --> 00:22:59,794
Yes? Right.
362
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,430
The phone number is 663404271, right?
363
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,070
Not at all, Mr Philpot.
We aim to see that all our clients get satisfaction.
364
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:09,116
(Blows raspbeny)
365
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,157
And you.
366
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:17,479
Esme Crowfoot. You've got to do something
about that, Sidney.
367
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,360
Sophie, darling, I've been thinking.
368
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:26,430
Well?
369
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,514
About me fixing it up for that young Muffin fellow
to meet Miss Crowfoot. It's all wrong.
370
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,035
I don't like the sound ofthis. What are you up to?
371
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,952
Nothing. I phoned her up and cancelled it.
372
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,919
And what happens when he goes down
to the bar to meet her at 7:30?
373
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:42,597
Oh, l'd forgotten about that. That's a nuisance.
l'll have to go down myself and explain.
374
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:46,674
Oh, that's a good idea. Yes. I'll come, too.
375
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,549
Why not? Oh, wait a minute. You can't.
We've got that Snooper fellow coming at 8:00.
376
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:54,076
Oh, well, in that case,
l'll go down and explain to Mr Muffet.
377
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,390
You stay here and see Mr Snooper.
378
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,437
Oh, no, that wouldn't be fair, would it?
379
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,989
I got him into this mess,
it's up to me to get him out of it.
380
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,232
I've got a few calls to make on the way.
l'll be seeing you.
381
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,277
When will you be seeing me?
382
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:07,873
Sidney Bliss!
383
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,874
L'll fix you, Sidney Bliss.
384
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,876
Oh, hello! Of course I remember you, Mrs Bliss.
385
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,316
Yes, we last met at that wedding
when I guarded the presents.
386
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,317
Yes, it was a pity about that.
387
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,550
No, they never did find the bride again.
388
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,790
Such a nice girl, too.
389
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:41,316
Well, I rang you, Mr Bedsop,
because I want someone followed.
390
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,357
Mr Bliss, actually.
391
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,431
My husband, yes, that's right.
392
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,353
Oh, well, if you'll describe him for me.
393
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,033
Rotten,
394
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,679
cheating,
395
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:53,716
Wing ba...
396
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,031
No! No, Mrs Bliss,
a physical description, if you please.
397
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:59,680
Yes. Yes.
398
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:04,118
The general appearance
of an ancient and dissipated walnut.
399
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:07,431
And what's more, I can tell you
where he'll be at 7:30 this evening.
400
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,830
At the Parkway Hotel Cocktail Bar.
401
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,594
Right. You leave it to me, Mrs Bliss.
402
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,115
Check. Roger, over and out.
403
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,392
No filming tonight, then, Sally?
404
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,916
No, worst luck. I have to meet a photographer
from the publicity agency here.
405
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,434
Some more pin-ups, eh?
406
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:38,230
That's it. Sally Martin,
unknown star of stage, screen and television,
407
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:42,234
pictured in her home, with everything about her
but her clothes.
408
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:13,396
How do you do? Meeting you is
the most exciting moment of my life, straight up.
409
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:25,271
(Clears throat)
410
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,955
Excuse me...but I'm from the agency.
411
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:30,553
Oh, yes. Hello.
412
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,950
Hello.
413
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:34,519
Well?
414
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,114
Muffet. Bertram Muffet.
415
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,999
Oh. How do you do, Mr Muffet?
416
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,037
Fine, thank you.
417
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,355
It's the most exciting moment of my life
meeting you straight up.
418
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:49,397
Really?
419
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:53,439
Oh, well, er, it's nice to meet someone
who knows who I am.
420
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,273
They told me at the agency, you see.
421
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:58,351
Don't go and spoil it.
422
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:00,351
I wonder if you would do me a pleasure?
423
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:01,669
What?
424
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,354
Um, the pleasure of having a meal somewhere.
425
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:09,276
Oh. Well, it's really very sweet of you,
but it's not really necessary, you know.
426
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:10,839
Isn't it?
427
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:12,877
No.
428
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:17,830
Look, I don't have a lot oftime, so let's go
straight back to my place and get down to it, eh?
429
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,193
Some blokes have all the luck.
430
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,554
Excuse me. Have you had a fellow in here
looking for a woman?
431
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:33,835
We never get any other kind.
432
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,991
Don'! mess about. Small, skinny fellow.
433
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,037
- A bit dopey-looking.
- Bertram Muffet?
434
00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:39,997
- He left with Miss Martin.
- Martin?
435
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:41,036
Sally Martin.
436
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,718
Oh.
437
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,474
She's taken him back to her place...
to get down to it.
438
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:48,675
Pardon?
439
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,717
- That's what she said.
- Did she?
440
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,518
And I called him a dope!
441
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,231
Well, this is it.
442
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,915
I share with another girl, but you don't have
to worry. She's working this evening.
443
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,116
Ooh, it's very nice. Very nice, indeed.
444
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,636
- Well, anyway, it's better than Regents Park.
- Regents Park?
445
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:13,111
Yes. That's where I did it last time.
On the bridge over the canal.
446
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:14,918
- Really?
- Mm.
447
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,709
It was awful. Freezing cold.
And people kept stopping to watch.
448
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,393
I'm not surprised.
449
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,437
I suppose so.
450
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,477
Still, it's annoying.
451
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,673
Now, that's my bedroom, and
through there's the kitchen and the bathroom.
452
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,512
You'll want to go in there, won't you?
453
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,114
Oh, no, thanks. Not just at the moment.
454
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,238
Please yourself.
Only most blokes seem to want one in the bath.
455
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,789
In the bath? Certainly not.
456
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,111
Oh. Well, I've got this big sponge,
you see, and a loofah.
457
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,111
I'm sure you could do something with that.
458
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:46,429
No, thank you.
459
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,797
OK. OK. You're doing it.
Now, where would you like to start?
460
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,838
Well, really, l'm quite happy in here.
461
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:56,629
Fine. Well, you get all ready, then,
and l'll go and get out ofthese clothes.
462
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,240
No, no, no, don't!
I mean, there's no hurry, is there?
463
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,073
- Well, l haven't got all night.
- Well, l don't want all night.
464
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:04,116
I mean...
465
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,635
Well, you look absolutely lovely as you are.
466
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,677
In this? You must be joking!
467
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,717
No, really. l like it.
468
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,350
Well, it's very sweet of you to say so,
but let's be sensible about this.
469
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:19,116
I mean, I'm not crazy about stripping off, believe
me, but it's what people want these days.
470
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,999
So, I say, ifthey want it, let 'em have it.
471
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:06,915
- Ooh!
- Oi! What do you think you're doing?
472
00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,434
Hey, come back here!
473
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,231
And just what are you playing about at?
474
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,278
Everythings all right, Officer.
There's nothing wrong at all.
475
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,715
- L was looking for a man who l was following.
- Really?
476
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:21,191
- I think you'd better come with me.
- I don't think you understand.
477
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:22,395
I was following a man.
478
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:24,437
He went in the cloakroom, so l followed him.
479
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,397
W-W-W-Wh...
480
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,437
(Cackles)
481
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:39,634
Ooh! lfthey get any shorter,
they'll have two more cheeks to powder.
482
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:42,557
Taxi! Taxi!
483
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,437
Rogerham Mansions.
484
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:50,194
Watch it!
Don't use language like that to me, mate.
485
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,715
You deaf old twit! Go to that address.
486
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,440
Quick as you can.
487
00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,757
Come back, you fool! Here!
488
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,513
Taxi!
489
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,717
Follow that cab.
490
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:08,518
(Mouths)
491
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,833
OK. I'm ready.
492
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,590
Well, you don't have to look so worried.
l'll take this off as soon as you're ready.
493
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,114
Do you like it? It's Orlon.
494
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,589
It looks more like "all off" to me.
495
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:26,557
Where do you want me?
496
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:29,597
Well, l really don't mind.
497
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,637
Well, you say, you're the expert.
498
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,358
How about on the bed?
499
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:34,714
No.
500
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:36,279
Well, where, then?
501
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,079
Well, l mean,
couldn't we just sit and talk for a bit?
502
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,993
Sit and talk? What about?
503
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,630
Anything. I mean,
I just didn't expect things to happen so quickly.
504
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,677
Just a minute.
505
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,229
Is this the first time you've ever done this?
506
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:51,913
Yes.
507
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,391
Oh, no. Don't say they've sent me a learner.
508
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,313
But I know what to do.
I mean, I've read books and things.
509
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:03,110
Oh, well. I suppose everybody's got to start
sometime, haven't they?
510
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,953
So, let's give it a try, eh?
511
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,075
I only bought this outfit this morning.
512
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:11,912
I hope it shows enough.
513
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:13,434
Oh, yes, plenty.
514
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,477
Well, if it doesn't, just yell out.
515
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,790
Now, how about lying on the rug to start with?
516
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,117
Throw me a cushion, can you?
517
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:30,994
That's it.
518
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,593
How's that?
519
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,398
Wonderful.
520
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,552
Well, come on, then. Where is it?
521
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,631
Where's what?
522
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,631
Your camera.
523
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,199
Oh, but I haven't got one.
524
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,113
What? What's that in your case?
525
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,237
Oh, that's my model aeroplanes.
526
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,799
Your what?
527
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,235
Model aeroplanes.
I thought you'd like to see them.
528
00:33:52,320 --> 00:33:55,073
Why would I want to see
your model aeroplanes?
529
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:59,791
Well, they told me at the agency that you make
Christmas decorations out of milk bottle tops.
530
00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:04,113
- That's what I make these with.
- Christmas decorations out of milk bottle tops?
531
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:06,191
Right. I've never done that. It must be fun.
532
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,353
Oh, yes, yes. It's really great fun.
You really must try it.
533
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,876
But just who at the agency
told you all this about me?
534
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,157
The chap who runs it. Mr Bliss. This one.
535
00:34:17,240 --> 00:34:20,073
The Wedded Bliss Agency.
536
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,312
This is to introduce Mr Bertram Muffin.
537
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,914
- Yes, it should be Muffet.
- You're not a photographer?
538
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,310
Oh, dear me, no. I'm an undertakefis assistant.
539
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:30,357
An undertakefis... Oh!
540
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,909
Oh, look, I'm terribly sorry, Mr Muffin...
541
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,957
- Muffet.
- But there 's been a mistake.
542
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:36,792
I think you've met the wrong person.
543
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,757
- You are Miss Crowfoot, aren't you?
- No.
544
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:42,117
You see, I was going to meet a man
from the photo agency,
545
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:46,637
and when you said you were from the agency,
I naturally thought that it was you.
546
00:34:46,720 --> 00:34:50,714
Oh. Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
But when I saw you, I thought...
547
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,111
Oh, what an idiot I've been. Excuse me.
548
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,197
You don't have to go. It wasn't your fault.
549
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,715
- I'm terribly sorry.
- Wait a minute!
550
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:03,757
(Laughs)
551
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,317
All right?
552
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:56,070
Well, that's it. Can't go any further.
Not without getting arrested.
553
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,399
You! I said I never wanted to see you again.
554
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,437
Help me! Help me!
555
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,477
What's happened to you? You're all wet.
556
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,029
I'm sorry, I didn't know anybody else
I could turn to.
557
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,112
What have you been doing? Come on inside.
558
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,157
Thank you. Thank you.
559
00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:03,073
You're soaking. What have you been doing?
560
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:07,154
I couldn't help it. I just couldn't face
going through life any more without you.
561
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:08,196
What do you mean?
562
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,157
I tried to drown myself.
563
00:37:10,240 --> 00:37:11,913
Where? What in?
564
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,752
The canal.
565
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,195
Canal? What canal?
566
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,352
What does it matter what canal?
They've all got water, haven't they?
567
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,910
Well, that was a silly thing to do.
Those canals are filthy dirty.
568
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,196
Who cares about that
when you're going to drown?
569
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:26,793
Why didn't you drown?
570
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,110
I forgot I could swim.
571
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,636
Come on. Get those wet things off
before you catch your death.
572
00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:36,953
Fancy! No-one's ever tried to do away
with themselves because of me before.
573
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,352
- I'm flattered.
- You should be. This suit cost me 3O quid.
574
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:45,115
I didn't really mean it, Sidney, you know,
about not wanting to see you again.
575
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,909
Thank you.
I don't want much, just to worship at your feet.
576
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,513
I've got better bits.
577
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:54,997
I'll put this by the fire.
Have you wet your trousers?
578
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:57,037
Eh? Oh!
579
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:00,715
Oh, yes. Well, l mean,
l went in feet first, didn't l? And my shin.
580
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,030
Then, we'd better have it off, hadn't we?
581
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,396
You took the thought right out of my mind.
582
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,671
(Doorbell chimes Here Comes The Bride)
583
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,079
- Mr Snooper, is it?
- That is correct.
584
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:36,199
Oh, do come in. I'm sorry Mr Bliss can't be here.
I'm Mrs Bliss. Do sit down.
585
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,237
- Oh, thank you.
- That's it.
586
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,073
You don't mind discussing your problems
with a woman, I hope?
587
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:44,198
Oh, no, not at all.
My mother was a woman, you know.
588
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:45,475
Really?
589
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:49,918
I hope you don't mind my coming so late, but
I wanted to wait till everyone had gone home,
590
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:51,354
and the streets were clear.
591
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:55,070
I wouldn't like to be seen coming here,
you understand?
592
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:59,438
Oh, you don't have to be embarrassed
coming to a marriage bureau, Mr Snooper.
593
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:03,878
The mating instinct is in all of us.
Everybody's doing it these days.
594
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:08,238
I know! I have to spend half my time
listening to how they do it.
595
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:09,594
I beg your pardon?
596
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:13,275
I am a marriage guidance counsellor, Mrs Bliss,
597
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:19,595
and my superior feels it would be advantageous
ifl were married.
598
00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,637
Oh, I understand.
599
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:28,592
Though, I must confess, I find it difficult
to believe that anyone as...cultured
600
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:33,595
and distinguished-looking as yourself
would have any difficulty in finding a wife.
601
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:38,675
That is very true, of course,
and up till now, I've had no need for one.
602
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,879
Miss Dempsey, my housekeeper,
caters for my every need...
603
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,270
about the house, of course.
604
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:49,115
Cooking, cleaning and scrubbing.
She does all the scrubbing.
605
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:55,355
So, what you really want is a wife
who can satisfy your superior.
606
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:58,478
Good gracious, no! He has his own wife.
607
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,517
Yes, of course.
608
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,831
Well, l'm quite sure that
we'll find someone suitable for you.
609
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:10,110
A woman with charm and intelligence who can
grace your table and run your house efficiently.
610
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:14,239
- Yes. And bring me a cup of tea in bed.
- Oh, of course.
611
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,550
I always fancy it in the mornings, you know.
612
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,278
Really?
613
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:22,991
Oh, yes. Gets the system going.
I am a man of regular habits.
614
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,594
Once a week, I dine at my club.
615
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,637
Once a week, I play squash.
616
00:40:27,720 --> 00:40:31,714
Once a week, bridge, and so on.
Everything in moderation.
617
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:36,510
Yes, of course. Well, I think
once a week is enough for anything, don't you?
618
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,238
Precisely.
619
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:42,359
Well, l'm sure that
we'll be able to find someone suitable.
620
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,399
And being a virile man,
of course you would like to have a child.
621
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,155
Oh, no! A fully-grown woman, I think.
622
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,520
Excuse me, I'd like to use the phone, ifl may.
623
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,752
I'm awfully sorry to disturb you,
but this is important.
624
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,753
Oh. Oh, l'm awfully sorry to trouble you,
625
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,276
but would you have a sixpence
for two threepenny bits, please?
626
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,117
By any chance?
627
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,797
Oh. Oh, thank you very much.
628
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:33,989
Thank you.
629
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:37,391
Well, here's your receipt, Mr Snooper,
630
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:40,916
and we'll be getting in touch with you very soon
regarding an introduction.
631
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:45,119
Thank you very much. And I must let you
get home now. You're looking rathertired.
632
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,238
Well, it is a long day
and Mr Bliss and l are always at it.
633
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,675
Well, as long as it's not through overwork.
634
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,997
(Phone rings)
635
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,795
Wedded Bliss Agency. Mrs Bliss.
636
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:02,871
Ah, Mr Muffet.
637
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,191
Oh, hello. Mrs Bliss,
I'm afraid there's been a bit of a mix-up.
638
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,715
I seem to have met the wrong girl. Yes.
639
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,714
Um, no, I got the right place and time,
640
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:18,078
but there was this girl who thought
I was someone else and I thought it was her.
641
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:23,109
And we didn't find out her mistake...l mean,
my mistake, until she got most of her clothes off.
642
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,953
But I don't understand this, Mr Muffet.
643
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,429
Didn't Mr Bliss meet you at the bar?
644
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:31,080
No? Are you sure?
645
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:34,997
I see.
646
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:39,472
Oh, yes, I think I know what he's doing,
Mr Muffet.
647
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:42,518
Look, you still want to meet Miss Crowfoot,
I take it?
648
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,557
Good.
649
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,597
Why don't you go to her flat?
650
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,916
Yes. I'll give you the address.
651
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:54,312
Um, Rogerham Mansions, yes. Dunham Road.
652
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:58,712
Right. Yes, and thank you.
Yes, thank you, Mrs Bliss. Goodbye.
653
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,515
Esme! Esme!
654
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:22,197
- Are you feeling better now?
- No.
655
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:24,840
But I might ifl didn't have to
keep looking at that thing.
656
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:26,752
Oh, don't you think he's rather gorgeous?
657
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:28,911
- Gorgeous?!
- That's Gripper.
658
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,832
Griper would be more like it.
659
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:32,991
Gripper Burke. He's a wrestler.
660
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,117
Get away! I thought it was a ballet dancer.
661
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,759
Well, he and I had quite a thing once.
662
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,275
I don't know what it was,
but he had quite a hold on me.
663
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:40,953
Probably the Indian death lock.
664
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,839
Then he had to go to America
and I haven't heard from him since.
665
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,560
Obviously the same as me,
all-out for a submission.
666
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,200
Now, don't start that nonsense all over again.
667
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,272
Nonsense? Haven't you heard?
That's what makes the world go round.
668
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:56,354
I've done my share of keeping it going
in the past, now l'll let someone else have a go.
669
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,750
- Me, for instance. Come here!
- No, Sidney, don't!
670
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:03,592
Sidney, you mustn't! Not in your condition.
671
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,354
- Right now I couldn't be in a better condition.
- No, Sidney.
672
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,070
Oh, come on, darling.
l'm not just on the make - l really fancy you.
673
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:13,717
No!
674
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:15,950
Oh, blimey, why not?
675
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,032
Because I am keeping myself.
676
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,670
- That's all right. I don't want to keep you.
- I mean, forthe man I marry.
677
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,956
- You're making a big mistake.
- Why?
678
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:27,953
- It's like a car, isn't it?
- What is?
679
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:31,396
You lay it up for a few years,
suddenly you want to use it and it's rusted up.
680
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:32,959
True.
681
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:35,111
But if it has a regular service...no trouble.
682
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,794
- Look, it's not that I don't want to, Sid, but...
- Yes?
683
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:39,439
(Doorbell rings)
684
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:41,670
- Who can that be?
- Never mind. Don't answer it.
685
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,400
- I have to. It might be business.
- What do you think this is?
686
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,437
I'll get rid ofthem as quick as I can.
687
00:44:48,720 --> 00:44:50,677
(Doorbell rings)
688
00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:56,599
Pussycat!
689
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:58,637
Gripper! Oh!
690
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:04,279
Oh! W-W-When did you get back?
691
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,954
Just now. I had enough of it over there.
692
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,680
Besides, I missed you too much.
693
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,878
I'm sure you did, Gripper.
Oh, put me down, please, you're hurting me.
694
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,474
- Eh?
- You're... Oh! Oh!
695
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,194
Oh... There.
696
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,840
Nobody can say Gripper Burke don't fight fair.
697
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,479
No, no, no!
698
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,598
Oh, Esme, darling,
I can't wait to get started with you again.
699
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:28,637
I'm sure you can't, but not tonight, please.
700
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:32,156
What? You haven't found somebody else,
have you? Because you promised.
701
00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:35,278
- Oh, no, of course not, no.
- Oh, well, that's all right, then.
702
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,910
- Seconds out. Second round. Doing!
- No, Gripper, please, no!
703
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:40,957
Hey!
704
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:42,997
No, Gripper. No, Gripper, please!
705
00:45:44,240 --> 00:45:46,197
No, no, Gripper!
706
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:48,237
No! No!
707
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:49,879
Gotcha!
708
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:53,430
My favourite hold, remember?
It used to make you turn to jelly.
709
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,592
Yes, but l don't really feel like
turning to jelly tonight, Gripper.
710
00:45:56,680 --> 00:46:00,230
- That's all right. We've got all night.
- No, dear. l really am awfully tired.
711
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:01,754
Oh, all right, then.
712
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,797
There. That's better.
713
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:07,430
'Ere, let me tell you about my last fight
in the States.
714
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,399
Man Mountain Dawson they call him.
715
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:16,158
Man Mountain?! More like Ant Heap, he was!
716
00:46:16,240 --> 00:46:19,517
He couldn't have wrestled with
his bloomin' conscience!
717
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:24,470
Anyway, in the first round, he comes out
roaring and bellowing like some animal...
718
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:30,275
- It sounds fascinating, Gripper, go on.
- 'Ere, those are men's clothes.
719
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:36,433
- You've got a bloke here!
- No, of course not, Gripper.
720
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:40,434
Where is he? l'll kill him! l'll tear him apart!
721
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:46,877
See? I told you there was no-one here.
722
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:56,797
- Do you think I'm daft or something?
- Yes.
723
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:58,632
- Eh?
- No, no, no. I mean, no.
724
00:46:58,720 --> 00:47:01,155
Tell me, then.
What were those clothes doing here?
725
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:03,311
I was just drying them off for someone.
726
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:08,395
Yeah? Well, he'd better not come back
while l'm here, or he'll find me waiting for him.
727
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:12,437
(Thunderclap)
728
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,077
Oh, no!
729
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:20,390
Honest, Gripper, I haven't seen any other men
since you went away.
730
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,437
- Honest?
- Yes, really.
731
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,557
(Doorbell rings)
732
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,878
Good evening.
This is Miss Crowfoofs flat, isn't it?
733
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,520
Yeah. What about it?
734
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:37,672
Well, they said ifl was to come here,
it would be all right.
735
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:40,434
On, they did, did they?
736
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,319
Yes, Mr Bliss said that
she'd be just what I was looking for.
737
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:44,959
Oh.
738
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:47,998
- Well, you'd better come in, hadn't you?
- Thank you.
739
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,037
Hello. I'm from the agency.
740
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,680
I don't know what you're talking about.
741
00:47:54,240 --> 00:47:56,880
You're from the agency, did you say?
742
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,032
Yes, that's right. Muffets the name.
Bertram Muffet.
743
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:09,910
- Gripper! What are you doing?
- l'll kill him!
744
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:19,357
Aaaah!
745
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,957
Good night, Esme.
746
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,951
Hello, is that the Wedded Bliss Agency?
747
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:34,797
Good. I was trying to trace a Mr Bertram Muffet.
A client of yours, I believe.
748
00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:36,837
Yes.
749
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:38,877
What?
750
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:40,917
What's he doing in a hospital?
751
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:42,354
What?
752
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:45,990
Look, darling, I love you, I adore you
and you're my very favourite model,
753
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,037
- but not for this particular job.
- Why not?
754
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,396
No bristols. You're flat-chested.
755
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:51,914
Adrian, please!
756
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,355
- What do you mean, flat-chested?
- Well...
757
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,956
Sally, did you hear him? Am I flat-chested?
Am I, now?
758
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:00,270
I don't know. Turn around and let's have a look.
759
00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:01,919
Oh, ha-ha!
760
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:03,673
You've never worried about it before.
761
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:06,912
Look, I have told you, for this particular job,
they want watermelons.
762
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,435
All right. Go and find someone else. I don't care.
763
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:12,239
I wish I could.
That's why I asked you if you knew somebody.
764
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,312
You think I'd tell you?
Find your own watermelons!
765
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:19,280
Look, darling, I love you, but ifl can't find
any watermelons, I'm out of business.
766
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,317
Hello. Are you still there?
767
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,357
I'm sorry. I was interrupted.
768
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,670
Could you tell me which hospital he's in?
769
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:27,512
Oh, thanks.
770
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:29,557
Thanks a lot.
771
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:34,997
(Doorbell rings)
772
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:42,238
Oh, excuse me, but I saw an advert
for someone to share a flat.
773
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:44,277
Oh, yes. Come in.
774
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,317
Thank you.
775
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,396
There's two of us here at the moment,
but we could use a third.
776
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,871
It'll be about £5 a week each. All right?
777
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:57,793
Oh, yes. At least it will be
as soon as l can get another job.
778
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:59,200
Oh, what do you do, then?
779
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:00,634
Well, I was a stuffer.
780
00:50:00,720 --> 00:50:02,597
I beg your pardon?
781
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,398
Oh. For sausage meat.
782
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:06,789
In a sausage factory.
783
00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,678
Oh, yes.
784
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,239
You know, putting it in.
785
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:12,072
Why did you give it up?
786
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:15,790
Well, it wasn't a very interesting job.
Besides, I wanted to get away from home.
787
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:19,157
L'm sure you'll find something else.
Would you like to see round the flat?
788
00:50:19,240 --> 00:50:21,993
I've got to go.
lfl don't find a girl, l'll lose this job.
789
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,037
I wish I were dead.
790
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:29,910
- Er, this is Adrian.
- Oh, how do you do?
791
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:32,514
Darling girl, where did you come from? Heaven?
792
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,273
No. Fulham.
793
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:35,316
Hm?
794
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:38,870
Fulham. Wonderful, beautiful Fulham.
795
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:40,189
What does he mean?
796
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:45,992
Oh, darling, let me rest my mince pies.
Phwoar, they are...great!
797
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:48,151
- Knockout.
- What?
798
00:50:48,240 --> 00:50:49,594
They are all yours, I take it?
799
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:51,239
Oh, don't be a fool, Adrian.
800
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:54,870
Oh, yeah, of course. They must be.
All right, darling. Get your gear off.
801
00:50:54,960 --> 00:50:56,109
What?
802
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:58,350
Your clothes. I want to have a butcher's at you.
803
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,159
Who do you think I am?
804
00:51:01,240 --> 00:51:04,596
Adrian, for heaven's sake, stop!
She isn't a model, you know.
805
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:07,115
Really? Well, what do you do, then, darling?
806
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,476
I shouldn't tell him that ifl was you.
807
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:13,030
As a matter of fact,
she's not working at anything at the moment.
808
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:14,679
Oh?
809
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:18,549
Well, you are now, my darling. Phwoar!
810
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:59,433
'Ere, I never quite gathered, mate,
but what's supposed to be wrong with you?
811
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,113
Me?
812
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:03,874
Oh, nothing at all. Why?
813
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:05,314
There must be something wrong.
814
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,755
No, I'm fine.
815
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,837
He's over there.
816
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,560
Oh, thanks. I promise I'll only be a few minutes.
817
00:52:16,720 --> 00:52:17,835
Oh!
818
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,512
Oh, I say, I'm awfully sorry. I didn't see you...
819
00:52:23,720 --> 00:52:24,915
Gosh! You!
820
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:26,274
Yes.
821
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:29,796
Well, nobody can accuse us
of having dull meetings, can they?
822
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:31,314
But how did you get here?
823
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:34,472
Well, you left your card that night
and they told me where you were.
824
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:36,517
Oh, I see.
825
00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:41,197
Oh. Excuse me.
826
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:46,510
I came because I wanted to apologise
for what happened in the flat that night.
827
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:50,514
You? But I'm the one who should apologise.
I behaved like an absolute clot.
828
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:54,480
No, it was really all my fault.
lf l'd known who you were...
829
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,517
Oh, nonsense.
830
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,318
Anyway, nothing did happen, did it?
831
00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:02,519
No. But what must you have thought of me,
taking all my clothes off like that!
832
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:05,114
Well, I can tell you now, I did feel a bit shaky.
833
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:08,079
Especially when you asked me
where I wanted you.
834
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:12,996
And you should have seen your face when I laid
down on the rug and told you to get on with it!
835
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:15,037
And I turned and bolted!
836
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:16,838
Well, er...
837
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:18,877
I just wanted to say sorry.
838
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:21,315
I'll have to go now.
839
00:53:21,400 --> 00:53:25,189
Oh, no, look, wait. Look, I get out of here
tomorrow. Could I see you again?
840
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,032
Well, if you really want to.
841
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:30,875
Oh, rather! I'd like to see a lot more of you.
842
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:33,429
Oh, well, there isn't much
you haven't already seen.
843
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:35,193
No, I don't mean that.
844
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:36,839
No, I know.
845
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,275
Well, if you'd like to give me a call sometime...
846
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,317
- Yes, soon as I get out.
- Fine.
847
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:43,357
Bye for now, then.
848
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:44,760
- Oh.
- Yes?
849
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:49,755
Um, don't think I'm being nosy,
but there is one thing I just have to know.
850
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,558
I haven't got a girl, ifthafs it.
851
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:56,555
No, but do you really make model aeroplanes
out of milk bottle tops?
852
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,313
Yes.
853
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:02,359
Oh. Good.
Well, l'llstar1 saving mine for you, then.
854
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,397
Bye.
855
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:08,956
Aeroplanes out of milk bottle tops?
856
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:13,079
Look, mate, l couldn't help hearing,
but is it really right, all that stuff?
857
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:14,594
What?
858
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:17,559
Well, you know, her stripping off
and laying on the rug and that?
859
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,199
Oh, yes.
860
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:22,159
- And you turned and ran?
- Yes.
861
00:54:22,240 --> 00:54:25,039
Blimey! And you say
there's nothing wrong with you!
862
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:37,917
And the next, please.
863
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:43,834
Why, Mrs Bliss! What a pleasant surprise.
Do come in. Sit down.
864
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:44,876
Thank you.
865
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,634
Well, what brings you here
and what can I do for you?
866
00:54:47,720 --> 00:54:50,280
Not a marital problem, I trust? (Laughs)
867
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:54,711
Well, hardly, Mr Snooper.
You see, l'm not married.
868
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:56,871
Yes, well, of course, that would be...
869
00:54:56,960 --> 00:55:01,079
What?
You mean, you and Mr Bliss are living in sin?
870
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:03,117
Well, not that either, unfortunately.
871
00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:04,918
I don't understand.
872
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:09,198
For business reasons, he thought it would be
better if we appeared to be husband and wife.
873
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:13,160
Of course, we always had an understanding
that one day we would marry.
874
00:55:13,240 --> 00:55:15,800
At least, I had an understanding.
875
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,837
How long has this been going on?
876
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:20,673
- Ten years.
- Oh, how terrible!
877
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,115
Oh, my dear Mrs Bliss.
878
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:24,759
Miss Plummet, actually.
879
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:26,797
Miss Plummet, oh.
880
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:28,632
How nice.
881
00:55:28,720 --> 00:55:31,553
And you would like me to talk to Mr Bliss?
882
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:34,314
Oh, no. I'd never marry him now.
883
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:38,439
No, really, I came to talk about us...
884
00:55:38,520 --> 00:55:40,079
About us?
885
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:44,870
Yes, you see, I've been studying your case
very carefully, Mr Snooper.
886
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,190
And frankly, I feel that I am the only one
887
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:52,275
who comes anywhere near
satisfying your requirements for a wife.
888
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:55,796
Oh, well, I don't know about that. I'd have to...
889
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:58,110
Oh, please, listen to me, Mr Snooper.
890
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,556
I'm sure you'll agree that
I'm not one of your flighty young women.
891
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:04,029
Oh, no. No, not at all.
892
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:08,432
So, as far as sex is concerned,
I'd like to make my position quite clear.
893
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:13,276
- Yes, well, the position is halfthe battle, isn't it?
- Yes.
894
00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:19,914
As your wife, l would run your home efficiently,
l would preside over your table gracefully,
895
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:23,914
and await any further demands...hopefully.
896
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:28,999
Well, that is a most generous offer,
Miss Plummet.
897
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:34,439
L promise you, Mr Snooper,
you'll find me generous in all things.
898
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:39,276
Yes, well, l'd like a little time to think about it,
of course, you understand.
899
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:40,589
Of course.
900
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,239
I've been a bachelor for so long,
901
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:46,154
I can't help wondering
whether I'd be very satisfying as a husband.
902
00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:48,993
- You know...
- I know.
903
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:53,074
On the other hand, with you, I can't help
feeling there's a chance it might work.
904
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:56,915
Well, don't worry.
lf it didn't, we could always adopt a child.
905
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:03,073
What do you mean,
you're not coming into the office any more?
906
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,117
But, Sophie, I need you here.
907
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:08,352
What? Oh, that's nice, after all I've done for you.
908
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:10,397
Now, listen. So...
909
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:12,835
Sophie.
910
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,355
What's the matter with her? What have I done?
911
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,392
Mr Philpot, what can I do for you?
912
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:23,154
You can give me my money back.
Every ruddy penny.
913
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:24,799
- Why? What's up?
- What's up?!
914
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:28,794
First of all, you sent me to see a girl
called Jenny Grubb. How about that?
915
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,598
Yeah, how about that? I nevertried it.
916
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:33,832
A mouse. I've got more sex in my little finger.
917
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,799
Ifthat weren't bad enough,
you put me onto that Miss Adams.
918
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:38,553
"An absolute cracker," you said.
919
00:57:38,640 --> 00:57:40,517
That's true. I vetted her personally.
920
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:42,750
- "A good cook," you said.
- Yes, that's right.
921
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:44,990
She had something cooking...in the oven.
922
00:57:45,080 --> 00:57:46,150
In the oven?
923
00:57:46,240 --> 00:57:49,551
Yeah, by my reckoning, for about five months -
at regulo ten.
924
00:57:49,640 --> 00:57:51,597
Oh, my gawd!
925
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:54,797
It's all right. I'm in the clear.
926
00:57:54,880 --> 00:57:58,350
- You won't be ifl don't get my money back.
- Wait a minute. Mistakes can happen.
927
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:02,320
I'll tell you what, I've got another one
here for you. Her name's Esme Crowfoot...
928
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:04,710
No. You know what you can do with
Esme Crowfoot.
929
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,076
I don't, but if you'd care to find out...
930
00:58:07,160 --> 00:58:09,356
Give me back my money,
or I'm going to the police.
931
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:11,431
They'll never find you anything any good.
932
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:14,592
Fraud! That's what it is.
Obtaining money under false pretenses.
933
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,957
Steady on. Why don't you just
come and sit down...
934
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,839
(Doorbell chimes Here Comes The Bride)
- Excuse me. Come in!
935
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:22,354
Just give me my money back...
936
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,317
Oh! Excuse me.
937
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,038
Am I interrupting?
938
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:32,757
Not at all, miss. Can I help you?
939
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,639
I just popped in to say that
you could take my name off your list.
940
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:37,757
You? You're on our books?
941
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:38,989
Don't you remember me?
942
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:40,832
- No.
- Jenny.
943
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:44,151
- Jenny Grubb.
- 'Ere, Jenny Grubb?
944
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:46,390
I came round to your place for tea
the other week.
945
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:49,040
Yes, and you weren't very impressed, were you?
946
00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:51,077
No... Yes, yes!
947
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:54,391
It's just that you were dressed
rather differently then.
948
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,517
My parents believe in covering me up.
949
00:58:56,600 --> 00:59:00,912
- They're an old-fashioned pair, you know.
- Nonsense. They're a beautifully-fashioned pair.
950
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:02,479
Just hang on a minute,
951
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:04,551
Mr Philpot, it's my client, if you don't mind.
952
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:07,917
You want to come off our list.
Does that mean you're fixed up with someone?
953
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:10,469
Well, no, no-one special.
lt's just that I've got a job.
954
00:59:10,560 --> 00:59:13,678
I'm a model. And a new flat to live in,
so I thought I'd have a bit of fun.
955
00:59:13,760 --> 00:59:17,196
You couldn't have come at a better time.
Let's go in the other office and talk.
956
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:20,557
Oh, no, I can't do that.
I've got a modelling job in halfan hour.
957
00:59:20,640 --> 00:59:23,712
It's for a new kind of body stocking
and I can't get out of it.
958
00:59:23,800 --> 00:59:27,031
- Come in here, I'll get you out of it.
- No, I must go.
959
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:29,794
Here, I've got the old jam jar outside.
Let me give you a lift.
960
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,951
Oh, that's very kind of you. Thank you.
961
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:33,075
Come on, then.
962
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:35,754
You've forgotten something.
You wanted your money back.
963
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:39,515
Me? What would I want my money back for?
You've done a splendid job here.
964
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:40,795
Have l?
965
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:42,837
Splendid.
966
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,878
Grubb. Jenny Grubb.
967
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:54,877
Let's have a look at this.
968
00:59:54,960 --> 01:00:00,876
Miss Jenny Grubb. Age: 24 years.
Hair: brownish. Eyes: didn't notice.
969
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:03,759
Height: 5' 6". Never had any.
970
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:08,357
Eh? Oh, hobbies.
Yeah, well, that'll soon be changed.
971
01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:15,877
Well, this is it.
972
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:17,917
- All right?
- Mm. Sexy.
973
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:19,877
Ooh, you! You'd say a lumber room was sexy.
974
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:22,793
Only ifl was rummaging through
your odds and ends.
975
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:26,837
Have you got in here again?
976
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:28,319
(Jenny claps her hands)
977
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:30,357
- Come on out.
(Meows)
978
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:33,034
Oh, it's the portefis, darned thing.
979
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:35,077
It's always sneaking in here.
980
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:40,753
Shoo, Cooking Fat, shoo!
981
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:42,194
(Jenny claps)
982
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:47,551
- Cooking Fat?
- Yes.
983
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:49,119
They can't call it that, surely?
984
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:50,713
Well, that's what it sounds like.
985
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,877
Come and get comfy.
986
01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:59,600
Here, are you sure
your flatmates won't be back?
987
01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:01,637
No, not until after 11.
988
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:05,839
- God, I really fancy you, Jenny.
- And I liked you the first time I met you.
989
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:07,877
Oh, let me get at you.
990
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:10,429
(Crunch)
- Oh, what the hell am I sitting on?
991
01:01:10,520 --> 01:01:12,477
Urgh!
992
01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:15,120
They're not yours, surely?
993
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:18,192
No, they're Gaye's. She really is a flat mate.
994
01:01:18,280 --> 01:01:20,237
Come here, you little raver.
995
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:22,391
Oh, steady on. There's plenty oftime.
996
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:24,391
And plenty of inclination.
997
01:01:24,480 --> 01:01:26,437
Mm.
998
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,877
- Oh, Terry, stop it.
- Hm?
999
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:36,520
- What are you doing?
- I'm looking for the zip.
1000
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,911
- You've got a sauce.
- Well, where is the darned thing?
1001
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:41,957
As if I'd tell you, anyway!
1002
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:43,997
- It's on the other side.
- Ah.
1003
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:46,997
- That's better.
- Ooh!
1004
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:49,549
- What's the matter?
- You've got cold hands.
1005
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:52,439
- Oh, Jenny...
- Oh, Terry...
1006
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:57,911
(Zipper)
1007
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:08,789
Oh, sorry, Jenny, I didn't know you were here.
1008
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:10,837
I didn't know you were here.
1009
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:13,275
Sally, this is my night. Wednesday.
1010
01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:16,591
I know. It's all right. I'm going out.
1011
01:02:16,680 --> 01:02:18,830
As soon as I find my blue sweater, anyway.
1012
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:24,790
Have you had it?
1013
01:02:24,880 --> 01:02:25,915
Not yet.
1014
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:28,037
No, I have not had your blue sweater,
1015
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:31,192
and if you must go on looking for it in here,
will you put something on?
1016
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:33,237
Oh, sorry.
1017
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:34,833
But I've got to find it.
1018
01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:36,877
Oh, I know. I bet Gaye's had it again.
1019
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:40,597
Do you want me to close the door?
1020
01:02:40,680 --> 01:02:41,875
Yes, please.
1021
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:47,557
Oh, Terry, I'm so sorry.
1022
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:51,998
Not at all. It's a good job
she wasn't looking for her pants...or was it?
1023
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:55,554
- Oh, Terry...
- Oh, Jenny...
1024
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:58,677
(Zipper)
1025
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:01,080
I found it.
1026
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:03,470
(Zipper)
- Hooray!
1027
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:06,757
Ooh, sorry. I won't bother you any more.
1028
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,397
Do you want me to close the door?
1029
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:11,629
BOTH: Yes!
1030
01:03:14,680 --> 01:03:16,637
Oh, Terry, I'm so sorry.
1031
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:18,677
Don't mention it. Don't mention it.
1032
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:21,677
You are sweet.
1033
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:24,639
- Oh, Jenny...
- Oh, Terry...
1034
01:03:24,720 --> 01:03:25,676
(Zipper)
1035
01:03:29,480 --> 01:03:31,437
- Oh, blimey!
(Zipper)
1036
01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:34,273
Men! I've had them up to here.
1037
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:35,680
Oh, no.
1038
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:37,433
Gaye, what are you doing here?
1039
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:38,954
It is my flat, isn't it?
1040
01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:41,156
Yes, but it's Wednesday. My night.
1041
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:46,189
Oh, l'm sorry, but I've had another flaming row
with Adrian and l couldn't stand him any longer.
1042
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,396
Gaye, I've got a friend here.
1043
01:03:48,480 --> 01:03:51,313
Oh, well, you don't have to worry.
I'm going to bed.
1044
01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:58,316
I'm glad this is your night.
I'd hate to be here when it wasn't.
1045
01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:01,233
- Oh, Terry...
- Oh, Jenny...
1046
01:04:02,400 --> 01:04:04,357
Give me a number between one and ten.
1047
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:05,794
Seven.
1048
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:07,553
You lose. Get your clothes off.
1049
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:09,278
(Zipper)
1050
01:04:09,360 --> 01:04:11,033
(Doorbell rings)
1051
01:04:11,120 --> 01:04:12,440
(Zipper)
1052
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:15,080
lfthafs Bertie,
tell him I won't be a minute, will you?
1053
01:04:15,160 --> 01:04:18,118
- Do it yourself, I'm busy.
(Zipper)
1054
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:19,429
(Doorbell rings)
1055
01:04:20,720 --> 01:04:23,678
lfthafs Adrian, tell him to go to hell!
1056
01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:27,517
(Doorbell rings)
1057
01:04:29,480 --> 01:04:31,357
- Oh, I could scream!
(Zipper)
1058
01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:33,834
0w!
1059
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:36,837
(Persistent doorbell)
1060
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:40,236
All right. Where is she? Where is that cow?
1061
01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:43,916
Gaye's in her room
and she doesn't want to see you.
1062
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:46,276
- Well, I want to see her.
- I'm trying to entertain!
1063
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:47,555
Oh. How do you do?
1064
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:49,119
Hello.
1065
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:52,750
- Open up, there! I want to talkto you!
- Adrian!
1066
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:54,035
I'll break the door down!
1067
01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:55,076
- Adrian!
- What?
1068
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:56,514
That is a cupboard!
1069
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:58,079
Oh.
1070
01:04:58,160 --> 01:05:00,117
Sorry.
1071
01:05:01,560 --> 01:05:03,517
Open up. I want to talk to you.
1072
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:05,159
Well, I don'! want to talk to you.
1073
01:05:05,240 --> 01:05:09,393
- l'll stay here all night ifl have to.
- l had a nasty feeling he was going to say that.
1074
01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:12,437
Well? What have you got to say?
1075
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,477
Darling, you know I can't exist without you.
1076
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:18,269
You seem to be able to exist with all those
other models you keep messing about with.
1077
01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:21,398
Oh, they mean nothing to me! You knowthat.
1078
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:26,030
Oh, Terry!
1079
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:30,837
(Doorbell rings)
1080
01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:32,593
Oh, good. Company.
1081
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:36,275
Oh, I'm fed up with this!
I might as well be back home.
1082
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:42,998
- Yes?
- Oh, hello, Jenny. ls Sally ready?
1083
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,037
No. But do come in.
1084
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:47,077
Oh, thank you.
1085
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:53,437
Oh, hello.
1086
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:57,070
Oh, I'm sorry if I'm barging in.
Do go on with what you were doing.
1087
01:05:57,160 --> 01:05:59,117
Chance'd be a fine thing!
1088
01:06:01,880 --> 01:06:03,837
Quite a nice evening.
1089
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:05,513
Charming.
1090
01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:07,432
I thought it would rain earlier.
1091
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:09,796
- Really?
- Yes.
1092
01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:12,235
Anyway, we'll probably get it tonight.
1093
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:14,391
We'll be bloody lucky if we do, mate.
1094
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:15,879
(Door opens)
1095
01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:20,040
Hello, Bertie. Sorry to have kept you waiting.
1096
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:22,077
Oh, that's all right.
1097
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:24,117
Well? What are we going to do, then?
1098
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:28,433
Well, if you'd like to stop in and make
some aeroplanes, I've brought some tops.
1099
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:32,639
Er, no, I don't thinkthat would
be a very good idea. Not tonight, Bertie.
1100
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:36,395
All right. lfthafs the way it's to be,
I shall kill myself!
1101
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:40,751
- I will. I mean it.
- Oh, no. No, Adrian, don't! Don't!
1102
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:43,195
- Not in here.
- I shall shoot myself.
1103
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:45,749
Go on. Shoot the lot,
then maybe we'll get some peace.
1104
01:06:45,840 --> 01:06:49,037
- Goodbye.
- Oh, stop him, somebody!
1105
01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:55,557
Oh, take cover!
1106
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:17,837
Boo!
1107
01:07:17,920 --> 01:07:20,560
Aren't you getting tired of following me about?
1108
01:07:20,640 --> 01:07:24,315
Excuse, gentle sir.
Me no spoking very good the English.
1109
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:26,357
Oh, gawd! A Bombay Bond!
1110
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:29,397
Ha-ha! Fooled him that time.
1111
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:31,198
15102.
1112
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:37,993
Suspect left Cock Inn,
Saloon Bar, and proceeded back to office.
1113
01:07:46,040 --> 01:07:48,350
- Sophie, you're back!
- Only to clear my desk.
1114
01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:51,671
Come on. Surely you're not still suspicious
of Esme Crowfoot and me?
1115
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:54,593
I no longer care where you go,
or what you do, or to whom.
1116
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:57,911
Oh, don't be like that. How about dinner tonight?
Just like old times?
1117
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,116
You mean, like old time? And l paid the bill.
1118
01:08:00,200 --> 01:08:01,793
All right. So it's my turn tonight.
1119
01:08:01,880 --> 01:08:05,157
No, thank you. Anyway,
I'm having dinnerwith Mr Snooper at his home.
1120
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:06,560
- Alone?
- Certainly.
1121
01:08:06,640 --> 01:08:08,278
I hope you've got your tin drawers on.
1122
01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:11,239
- (Laughs)
- Mr Snooper and I are to be married.
1123
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:14,517
Have you gone raving mad?
You don't know anything about the bloke.
1124
01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:17,558
- He's a gentleman.
- I knew there was something wrong with him.
1125
01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:20,678
Well, have you any alternative suggestions
as to my future?
1126
01:08:20,760 --> 01:08:22,159
- Yes, of course I have.
- Well?
1127
01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:24,754
Stay here with me.
It's been all right the last ten years.
1128
01:08:24,840 --> 01:08:28,549
- Goodbye, Sidney.
- Wait a minute, Sophie. Don't leave me like that.
1129
01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:30,870
L 'll be lost without you. So will the business.
1130
01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:32,189
I need a woman. You know that.
1131
01:08:32,280 --> 01:08:38,390
Then I suggest you put the details on the
appropriate card, and stick it in your computer!
1132
01:08:38,480 --> 01:08:40,437
All right, go, then!
1133
01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:42,193
See ifl care.
1134
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:45,875
Marvellous. Give a woman the best years
of your life and look what happens.
1135
01:08:45,960 --> 01:08:49,555
Mr bleedin' Snooper...
Snooper. What's he got, anyway?
1136
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:56,710
Snooper, Percival.
Percival! Cor blimey, there's a good start!
1137
01:08:56,800 --> 01:09:00,714
Age 43, handsome,
well-mannered, sexually backward.
1138
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,792
That's him all right.
He doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
1139
01:09:03,880 --> 01:09:06,838
Hobbies: reading, walking, playing bridge,
and poking...
1140
01:09:06,920 --> 01:09:08,479
around antique shops.
1141
01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:12,235
45 Bolstrode Avenue.
Occupation: marriage guidance counsellor.
1142
01:09:12,320 --> 01:09:16,029
Fancy! Well, I think it's time
I did a bit of marriage guiding myself.
1143
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:26,117
Hello, Esme.
1144
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:28,999
Sidney? You've got a nerve ringing me.
1145
01:09:29,080 --> 01:09:31,674
L was wondering if you could
do me a small favour, darling?
1146
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:33,512
No, not that. Could you meet me tonight?
1147
01:09:33,600 --> 01:09:37,639
I can't. You know how jealous Gripper gets.
Even more so now we're engaged.
1148
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:39,472
Engaged? Congratulations.
1149
01:09:39,560 --> 01:09:43,076
You know I wouldn't bother you
unless it was desperate. Go on, please.
1150
01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:45,959
Well, all right,
but as long as you promise to behave.
1151
01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:49,510
That's a good girl. Meet me outside
the Parkway Hotel, eight o'clock. Right?
1152
01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:51,193
And wear your sexiest see-through.
1153
01:09:51,280 --> 01:09:52,600
Whatever for?
1154
01:09:52,680 --> 01:09:56,389
Well, just because I can't touch,
doesn't mean I can't look, does it? Eh?
1155
01:09:56,480 --> 01:09:58,437
All right. See you then. Ta-ta.
1156
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:01,717
(Blows raspberry)
1157
01:10:24,120 --> 01:10:25,474
(Doorbell rings)
1158
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:28,916
It's all right, Miss Dempsey. l'll go.
This is the lady l was expecting.
1159
01:10:29,000 --> 01:10:30,957
Very good, sir.
1160
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:37,154
Ah, Miss Plummet!
How nice to see you. Do come in.
1161
01:10:39,040 --> 01:10:42,396
This is Miss Dempsey,
my faithful, old housekeeper.
1162
01:10:42,480 --> 01:10:45,040
Oh, I'm so pleased to meet you, Miss Dempsey.
1163
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:47,760
Mr Snooper has told me
how well you look after him.
1164
01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:49,797
I've always done my best, I'm sure.
1165
01:10:49,880 --> 01:10:52,110
Oh, a treasure. I'd be lost without her.
1166
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:56,159
Oh, well, l hope you'll stay on
after Percival and l are married,
1167
01:10:56,240 --> 01:10:57,799
Miss Dempsey.
1168
01:10:57,880 --> 01:11:00,793
Married? Oh!
1169
01:11:00,880 --> 01:11:02,837
What on earth's the matterwith her?
1170
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:06,800
- Oh, surely you know? She's in love with you.
- In love, with me?
1171
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:10,430
Of course. You must have felt it on occasions?
1172
01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:14,514
Certainly not. No. I've never laid a finger on her.
1173
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:16,557
Would you care for a glass of sherry?
1174
01:11:18,480 --> 01:11:25,034
Throw me aside like an old, worn-out slipper,
after all the years I've slaved for him.
1175
01:11:25,120 --> 01:11:28,875
Ifl can't have him, nobody else is,
ifl can prevent it.
1176
01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:32,874
Ah! Ah, I always knew
it would come in useful one day.
1177
01:11:32,960 --> 01:11:34,394
Ha-ha!
1178
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:40,473
It's a delightful house, Percival.
1179
01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:42,517
I shall be very happy here.
1180
01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:46,230
Good. l think you'll like
the first-floor front as your bedroom.
1181
01:11:47,280 --> 01:11:49,954
You mean, we won't be sleeping together, then?
1182
01:11:50,040 --> 01:11:55,160
Oh, good gracious, no, my dear. Why on earth
should we with a house as large as this?
1183
01:11:55,240 --> 01:11:59,154
Yes, but I think it's a wife's duty
to be close to her husband
1184
01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:01,993
for the warmth and comfort it brings.
1185
01:12:02,080 --> 01:12:05,994
Oh, you don't want to worry about that.
I've got the electric blanket.
1186
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:07,798
Oh. How nice.
1187
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:13,193
Besides, sharing a bed together, we might be
tempted to indulge in carnal pursuits.
1188
01:12:13,280 --> 01:12:15,396
Oh, rather. Yes.
1189
01:12:15,480 --> 01:12:18,438
And we don't want any ofthat nonsense, do we?
1190
01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:22,911
Well, you're very strong-willed, obviously,
1191
01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:26,755
but it's a temptation
I would find very hard to avoid.
1192
01:12:26,840 --> 01:12:29,434
Nonsense, my dear! Do as I do.
1193
01:12:29,520 --> 01:12:33,753
Plenty of exercise, cold baths every morning
and a good dose of salts at night.
1194
01:12:33,840 --> 01:12:35,274
Cheers!
1195
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:38,556
Cheers.
1196
01:12:46,880 --> 01:12:50,350
Hang on a minute,
I've just got to make a quick call. Pay the cab.
1197
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:01,869
(Phone rings)
1198
01:13:01,960 --> 01:13:04,031
Hello. Basher Street Gym here.
1199
01:13:06,160 --> 01:13:08,117
Ah!
1200
01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:10,111
Hold on. Gripper!
1201
01:13:10,200 --> 01:13:12,953
- It's for you.
- Oh. Excuse me.
1202
01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:14,713
Pleasure.
1203
01:13:20,360 --> 01:13:22,317
Hello. Gripper Burke here.
1204
01:13:22,400 --> 01:13:24,152
This is a friend.
1205
01:13:24,240 --> 01:13:25,992
I just thought you ought to know,
1206
01:13:26,080 --> 01:13:31,632
an oversexed nut by the name of Snooper
has just lured your fiancée into his house.
1207
01:13:31,720 --> 01:13:33,040
What?! Where?
1208
01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:35,760
Bolstrode Avenue, 45.
1209
01:13:35,840 --> 01:13:38,229
And ifl was you, I'd get my skates on quick.
1210
01:13:42,000 --> 01:13:44,196
I think you'll find this wine amusing.
1211
01:13:44,280 --> 01:13:47,113
(Knock on door)
- Thafll be Miss Dempsey with the main course.
1212
01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:49,271
She always does something special. Come in!
1213
01:13:54,240 --> 01:13:56,151
Miss Dempsey!
1214
01:14:08,160 --> 01:14:09,719
Miss Dempsey!
1215
01:14:09,800 --> 01:14:12,713
Yes, what is it, love? I mean, sir.
1216
01:14:13,760 --> 01:14:15,558
Nothing. Nothing at all.
1217
01:14:15,640 --> 01:14:20,510
I'll have mine in the kitchen,
so you two can be alone. It's only fair.
1218
01:14:20,600 --> 01:14:22,716
What do you mean?
You always eat in the kitchen.
1219
01:14:22,800 --> 01:14:25,553
Oh, yes, that's right. I always eat in the kitchen.
1220
01:14:25,640 --> 01:14:27,790
Sorry, love.
1221
01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:30,394
Well, l 'll be leaving you now, then.
1222
01:14:30,480 --> 01:14:34,951
Oh, um, will you want your electric blanket
switched on tonight?
1223
01:14:35,040 --> 01:14:36,633
Of course l will. Why shouldn't l?
1224
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:38,677
Well, we don't always like it, do we?
1225
01:14:38,760 --> 01:14:41,559
I mean, do you! What have I said?
1226
01:14:41,640 --> 01:14:43,711
Miss Dempsey, what are you talking about?
1227
01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:47,759
I'm sorry, I wouldn't like you to get any ideas
about me and Percy.
1228
01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:49,353
I mean, Mr Snooper.
1229
01:14:49,440 --> 01:14:54,310
He's always behaved like the perfect gent
with me, except when we, er...
1230
01:14:54,400 --> 01:14:56,516
Well, you know.
1231
01:14:56,600 --> 01:14:58,830
I'm sure he has.
1232
01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:01,833
What are you saying?
I've always been good to you, haven't l?
1233
01:15:01,920 --> 01:15:04,389
Oh, you have, love. I mean, sir.
1234
01:15:04,480 --> 01:15:09,554
He has, too. More than good.
Always gives me a little present afterwards.
1235
01:15:09,640 --> 01:15:12,314
After I've done something
especially nice for him.
1236
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:13,913
Miss Dempsey!
1237
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:17,356
- Please!
- I'd better go, before I say something I shouldn't.
1238
01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:23,917
The woman's demented.
1239
01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:28,073
Sophia, surely you can't believe
there's anything in what she said.
1240
01:15:28,160 --> 01:15:32,233
Well, l realise Miss Dempsey may be upset
by the announcement of our marriage.
1241
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:35,551
On the other hand, there's no smoke without fire.
1242
01:15:35,640 --> 01:15:38,234
And you can't have a fire
without it being properly laid.
1243
01:15:39,040 --> 01:15:40,997
I mean...
1244
01:15:42,240 --> 01:15:44,197
- That should be about right.
- What should?
1245
01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:47,432
Never mind. You know what you've got to do.
Lay it on good and thick.
1246
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:48,590
Oh, Sid, I can't do it!
1247
01:15:48,680 --> 01:15:51,672
Is there a better way to show Sophie
you're not interested in me?
1248
01:15:51,760 --> 01:15:54,070
Very well, but don't blame me for what happens.
1249
01:15:54,160 --> 01:15:56,117
That's a good girl. Come on.
1250
01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:58,669
Come on. Come on.
1251
01:16:04,160 --> 01:16:09,234
Very well. l'm willing to accept that there has
been nothing between you and Miss Dempsey.
1252
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:11,914
She'll have to go, of course.
1253
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:13,957
Go? But she's been here for years.
1254
01:16:14,040 --> 01:16:17,431
She has security and comfort here.
She'd never get it anywhere else.
1255
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:20,638
Well, she's not getting it here any more.
1256
01:16:21,520 --> 01:16:24,273
It's your choice, Percival. Her or me.
1257
01:16:24,360 --> 01:16:25,680
Oh, very well, then.
1258
01:16:25,760 --> 01:16:27,717
Oh, that's settled, then.
1259
01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,199
(Knock at door)
- Come in.
1260
01:16:29,280 --> 01:16:31,237
There's a woman here to see you.
1261
01:16:31,320 --> 01:16:33,880
A woman? What woman?
1262
01:16:33,960 --> 01:16:35,997
"Just tell him Pussycat," she said,
1263
01:16:36,080 --> 01:16:37,593
"and he'll know who you mean."
1264
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:40,718
Pussycat? I don't know any Pussycats.
1265
01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:43,519
You'd better tell her.
She's waiting in the drawing room.
1266
01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:46,831
Oh, I don't understand.
She must have got the wrong house.
1267
01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:48,877
Um, excuse me.
1268
01:16:56,160 --> 01:16:58,800
- Madam, I thinkthere's been some mistake.
- Oh, Percival!
1269
01:16:58,880 --> 01:17:03,317
I'm sorry, my darling, I just had to come.
I can't bear it any longer without you.
1270
01:17:03,400 --> 01:17:05,118
Madam, please try to control yourself.
1271
01:17:05,200 --> 01:17:08,750
How can you ask me to control myself
after all we've been to one another?
1272
01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:11,958
You who've never shown any control
where I'm concerned.
1273
01:17:12,040 --> 01:17:14,759
- What?
- I need you, Percival!
1274
01:17:14,840 --> 01:17:17,593
The nights have been, oh, so empty!
1275
01:17:17,680 --> 01:17:21,435
L don'! care how hard you beat me,
as long as you love me occasionally.
1276
01:17:21,520 --> 01:17:24,239
Oh, madam, please keep your voice down!
1277
01:17:24,320 --> 01:17:26,277
You can be heard halfway through the house.
1278
01:17:27,760 --> 01:17:30,798
Look here, I don't know who you are,
or what you want...
1279
01:17:30,880 --> 01:17:32,837
Oh! What are you doing?
1280
01:17:32,920 --> 01:17:36,914
I want you to take me.
I'm yours. You know it. Take me.
1281
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:40,152
Butl don'! want you! Stop it! Stop it at once!
1282
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:42,675
No, you've found someone else!
I know it. I can feel it!
1283
01:17:42,760 --> 01:17:44,717
- Well, stop feeling it.
- Oh!
1284
01:17:44,800 --> 01:17:47,440
Oh, Percival, how could you desert me like this?
1285
01:17:47,520 --> 01:17:50,638
What's to become of me and the baby?
1286
01:17:50,720 --> 01:17:53,758
The baby? What baby? I don't know any babies.
1287
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:56,992
I won'! give you up, you hear?
I won?! You're mine!
1288
01:17:57,080 --> 01:18:00,755
- You'll always be mine.
- Help, Miss Dempsey! Help, Miss Dempsey!
1289
01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:02,194
Ah!
1290
01:18:02,280 --> 01:18:04,749
Oh, no!
1291
01:18:04,840 --> 01:18:07,719
You! Esme Crowfoot!
1292
01:18:07,800 --> 01:18:11,714
You filthy, depraved beast!
1293
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:13,757
No, Sophia, please, come back!
1294
01:18:13,840 --> 01:18:17,595
No, you don't need her, my darling,
you've got me!
1295
01:18:17,680 --> 01:18:19,114
Get off!
1296
01:18:19,200 --> 01:18:21,555
Get off me! You've no right.
1297
01:18:25,120 --> 01:18:27,634
Bingo!
1298
01:18:38,160 --> 01:18:40,117
Where is she? Where is she?
1299
01:18:40,200 --> 01:18:42,840
Ifyou mean Pussycat, in there.
1300
01:18:43,880 --> 01:18:45,837
Ah, Gripper!
1301
01:18:47,880 --> 01:18:51,236
- What are you...?
- You lousy swine. I'll kill you!
1302
01:18:51,320 --> 01:18:54,472
- What are you doing? You're all mad!
- l'm mad, all right.
1303
01:18:55,680 --> 01:18:58,672
Take your hands off him, you great bully, you!
1304
01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:00,876
0w!
1305
01:19:03,120 --> 01:19:05,953
Why, Miss Dempsey!
1306
01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:16,114
Oh, ta!
1307
01:19:22,800 --> 01:19:24,120
(Laughs)
1308
01:19:33,800 --> 01:19:35,677
Sophie, what happened?
1309
01:19:35,760 --> 01:19:37,114
Did you forget something?
1310
01:19:37,200 --> 01:19:42,115
No, I was just thinking about what you were
saying yesterday and, of course, you're right.
1311
01:19:42,200 --> 01:19:44,032
You can't run the business without me.
1312
01:19:44,120 --> 01:19:46,475
- I thought you were getting married?
- No.
1313
01:19:46,560 --> 01:19:47,959
Oh, oh.
1314
01:19:48,040 --> 01:19:49,633
Well, l'm very glad to hear it.
1315
01:19:49,720 --> 01:19:52,189
Fancy that, eh? The old firm back in business.
1316
01:19:52,280 --> 01:19:55,910
L think we ought to celebrate.
l'll nip down to the off-licence and get something.
1317
01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:57,957
Oh.
1318
01:20:00,360 --> 01:20:02,317
Lend us a couple...
1319
01:20:02,400 --> 01:20:04,357
Thank you.
1320
01:20:10,120 --> 01:20:12,430
- Oh!
- Hello.
1321
01:20:13,560 --> 01:20:15,517
Mr Bedsop!
1322
01:20:15,600 --> 01:20:17,955
What are you doing here?
1323
01:20:18,040 --> 01:20:22,273
Well, actually, l thought it was time
l gave you a report on Mr Bliss.
1324
01:20:22,360 --> 01:20:27,150
Oh, you're not still following him?
Oh, l am sorry, l should have told you to stop.
1325
01:20:27,240 --> 01:20:29,880
Well, l think you'll find it's all been worthwhile.
1326
01:20:29,960 --> 01:20:33,032
Particularly when you hear
whom he was with last night.
1327
01:20:33,120 --> 01:20:35,077
Oh, I'm sure it...
1328
01:20:35,160 --> 01:20:37,117
- Last night?
- Oh, yes.
1329
01:20:37,200 --> 01:20:40,238
He met a Miss Esme Crowfoot.
1330
01:20:41,280 --> 01:20:44,591
Really? Do go on, Mr Bedsop.
1331
01:20:53,360 --> 01:20:55,749
Sophie! Come and get it.
1332
01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:00,791
Here, look. How about that? Champers.
1333
01:21:00,880 --> 01:21:03,759
- Oh, very nice. May I crack it?
- Yes, go on, go ahead.
1334
01:21:03,840 --> 01:21:05,797
Thank you.
1335
01:21:07,960 --> 01:21:09,917
What did you go and do that for?
1336
01:21:10,000 --> 01:21:11,957
You wretch! You rotten swine!
1337
01:21:12,040 --> 01:21:16,750
Don't think I don't know you sent that poor
wretched woman into Mr Snooper's last night.
1338
01:21:16,840 --> 01:21:19,309
Well... Well, what ifl did?
1339
01:21:19,400 --> 01:21:22,711
- I only did it cos I don't want to lose you.
- You've lost me now, for good.
1340
01:21:22,800 --> 01:21:24,757
No, wait, wait. I want to marry you.
1341
01:21:24,840 --> 01:21:26,797
You want to what?
1342
01:21:26,880 --> 01:21:30,919
Marry you. Well, I mean, that is, in time.
I don't want to rush you into anything.
1343
01:21:31,000 --> 01:21:33,071
All right. All right. Next week, then.
1344
01:21:33,160 --> 01:21:34,673
You heard that, Mr Bedsop?
1345
01:21:34,760 --> 01:21:36,159
I've got it down.
1346
01:21:36,240 --> 01:21:39,278
You won't regret it, Sid, I promise you.
1347
01:21:39,360 --> 01:21:41,317
I knowthat, darling.
1348
01:21:41,400 --> 01:21:43,550
I'll tell you what, why don't we have a booze-up
1349
01:21:43,640 --> 01:21:45,950
and invite all the couples
we've brought together?
1350
01:21:46,040 --> 01:21:48,190
- Careful, that's going to cost money.
- So what?
1351
01:21:48,280 --> 01:21:52,194
I know a fellow in catering and if we charge them
a guinea a head, we might make a few bob.
1352
01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:53,759
Oh, I love you!
1353
01:21:55,280 --> 01:21:56,236
J' DVORAK: Humoresque
1354
01:22:24,600 --> 01:22:27,114
(Knocks on table)
1355
01:22:27,200 --> 01:22:31,592
Ladies and gents, I realise that our marriage
has come as a bit of a shock to you all,
1356
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:36,072
but I'd like you to know that we are delighted
to have you share this great day with us,
1357
01:22:36,160 --> 01:22:39,278
you happy couples that
we've had the pleasure of bringing together.
1358
01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:43,957
Just to look around this room and see
so many contented, ideally-matched couples
1359
01:22:44,040 --> 01:22:47,112
is reward in itself for the trouble
we have been to on your behalf.
1360
01:22:47,200 --> 01:22:49,714
You, like Sophie and me, have been dead lucky,
1361
01:22:49,800 --> 01:22:53,873
because you've had the benefit of
our expert knowledge and scientific advice.
1362
01:22:53,960 --> 01:22:58,511
So, I am not asking you only to drinkto our
health and happiness, but to your own. Cheers.
1363
01:23:09,480 --> 01:23:11,437
J' For He's A Jolly Good Fellow
1364
01:23:18,440 --> 01:23:19,953
(Tune trails off)
1365
01:23:21,600 --> 01:23:22,795
(Clears throat)
1366
01:23:22,880 --> 01:23:26,032
- 'Ere, that's it!
- What are you on about now?
1367
01:23:26,120 --> 01:23:28,077
That suit he's wearing.
1368
01:23:28,160 --> 01:23:31,232
That was the one
that was drying in yourflat that night.
1369
01:23:31,320 --> 01:23:33,277
Stop it, Gripper, don't make a scene.
1370
01:23:33,360 --> 01:23:37,115
So, it was you. l'll bloomin' well kill you!
1371
01:23:37,200 --> 01:23:41,319
What are you talking about? He's gone potty.
Don't pay any attention to him, Sophie.
1372
01:23:42,760 --> 01:23:44,512
L'll deal with you later!
1373
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:46,557
Oh, you will, will you?
1374
01:23:49,240 --> 01:23:51,516
Don't you laugh at him, you little squirt!
1375
01:23:54,240 --> 01:23:56,197
How dare you, you old bag!
1376
01:23:57,400 --> 01:23:59,357
ow! (Laughs)
1377
01:24:18,040 --> 01:24:20,156
J' Strauss waltz
1378
01:24:50,120 --> 01:24:52,077
(Laughs)
1379
01:25:06,360 --> 01:25:07,395
Keep 'em coming.
1380
01:25:47,360 --> 01:25:49,510
GRIPPER: I'll tear you apart!
111941
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