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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,633 --> 00:00:25,503 [ DISCLAIMER ] 2 00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:40,170 [ FLATULENCE ] 3 00:00:41,933 --> 00:00:52,373 [ THEME MUSIC ] 4 00:00:52,367 --> 00:00:54,397 >> Tosh: HE ALSO GAVE HIS WIFE A 5 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,230 DUTCH OVEN THIS YEAR. 6 00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,403 WELCOME TO THE SERIES FINALE OF 7 00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:58,930 "TOSH.0." 8 00:00:58,933 --> 00:00:59,733 JUST KIDDING. 9 00:00:59,733 --> 00:01:01,373 JUST THE SEASON FINALE. 10 00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:04,327 UNLESS I DIE OVER THE HOLIDAYS. 11 00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:06,073 GOOD RIDDENS, I SAY. 12 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,327 TONIGHT ON THE SHOW I TAKE A 13 00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,073 LOOK BACK AT ALL THE PEOPLE I'VE 14 00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:10,227 TOUCHED THIS YEAR. 15 00:01:10,233 --> 00:01:12,803 WE FIND OUT IF MY MOST 16 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,330 FASCINATING ARE MORE FASCINATING 17 00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:17,073 THAN THE BARBARA WALTERS MORE 18 00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:18,867 FASCINA 19 00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:21,467 FASCINATING PEOPLE AND OPEN YOUR 20 00:01:21,467 --> 00:01:22,397 HORRIBLE CHRISTMAS CARDS. 21 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,100 NOW, I'M DREAMING OF A 22 00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:29,930 WHITY-TIGHTY CHRISTMAS. 23 00:01:29,933 --> 00:01:32,403 AT LEAST FART IN THEM WITH CARE. 24 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:36,270 I'M GUESSING TOO MUCH FRUITCAKE. 25 00:01:36,267 --> 00:01:43,727 PERSONALLY I DRIVE TO THE GHETTO 26 00:01:43,733 --> 00:01:47,433 AND GIVE MY FARTS TO THE LESS 27 00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:48,073 FORTUNATE. 28 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,827 THE PEOPLE LIVING FART TO FART. 29 00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:52,203 I BET HIS KIDS ACTUALLY HAD THAT 30 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,330 ON THEIR LIST. 31 00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:57,133 >> ALL I GOT WAS A LUMP OF SOFT, 32 00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:57,833 WARM COAL. 33 00:01:57,833 --> 00:02:01,173 >> Tosh: MORE FUN THAN A BOOK OF 34 00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:01,927 LIFE SAVERS. 35 00:02:01,933 --> 00:02:03,103 A WHOLE ROLL OF BUTTER RUM. 36 00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:05,730 HERE'S THE VIDEO FOR ALL YOU 37 00:02:05,733 --> 00:02:06,803 NON-BELIEVERS THAT THINK 38 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:13,400 WRESTLING'S FAKE. 39 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,270 THE RULES IN BACKYARD WRESTLING 40 00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:21,827 ARE VAGUE AT BEST. 41 00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:23,403 >> Tosh: GUYS CAN YOU CUT THE 42 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,200 LAWN LATER. 43 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,570 I'M TRYING TO DO SURGERY. 44 00:02:25,567 --> 00:02:28,067 YOU MAY WANT TO TAG IN A REAL 45 00:02:28,067 --> 00:02:30,827 DOCTOR OR CARPENTER. 46 00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:33,073 MAYBE THEY'LL FIND HARDWOOD 47 00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:34,067 FLOORS UNDERNEATH. 48 00:02:34,067 --> 00:02:36,697 ALREADY, TEXTING IS THE LEADING 49 00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:38,430 CAUSE OF TRAFFIC ACCIDENTS EVEN 50 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:42,403 IN THE AMISH COMMUNITY. 51 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,870 WE'VE GOT A HIT AND GALLOP. 52 00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:47,797 IS THERE ANYTHING MORE ROMANTIC 53 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,630 THAN LOSING YOUR WIFE IN A HORSE 54 00:02:50,633 --> 00:02:51,973 DRAWN CARRIAGE ACCIDENT? 55 00:02:51,967 --> 00:02:53,097 OUT OF THE WAY. 56 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,670 VERY IMPORTANT HORSE MEETING TO 57 00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:55,197 ATTEND. 58 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,730 HOW DOES THIS EVEN GET RECORDED? 59 00:02:56,733 --> 00:02:59,473 YEAH. 60 00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:01,127 AFTER A TRAUMATIC ORDEAL LIKE 61 00:03:01,133 --> 00:03:04,333 THAT IT'S NICE TO KNOW YOU CAN 62 00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:08,133 LET YOUR BEARD DOWN AND RELAX AT 63 00:03:08,133 --> 00:03:11,073 MY AMISH STRIP CLUB. 64 00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:13,267 WHO IS READY TO FILL THEIR 65 00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,497 HAND-STITCHED TROUSERS WITH 66 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,200 BONERS? 67 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,400 VERY WELL. 68 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,270 NOW SIT QUIETLY IN THOUGHTFUL 69 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:22,527 REFLECTION FOR THE PLAIN, HUMBLE 70 00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:29,203 AND VERY STURDY, MIRIAM. 71 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:33,570 * MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE * 72 00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:40,127 * HOW GREAT THOU ART * 73 00:03:40,133 --> 00:03:44,203 >> I HAVE SPLINTERS ON MY SIN 74 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:44,930 HOLE. 75 00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:48,073 >> LOOKS LIKE MALACHI FORGOT TO 76 00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:52,167 SAND THE STRIPPER POLE YET 77 00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:52,727 AGAIN. 78 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,273 IT ONLY COST TWOS PIES FOR A 79 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,497 DANCE IN THE BUTTER CHURN ROOM. 80 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:58,400 THE HEMS ARE NICE AND LONG. 81 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:05,670 WANT TO SEE MY FAVORITE SHOP ON 82 00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:06,167 ONETSY. 83 00:04:06,167 --> 00:04:12,097 >> I PICK IT UP AND I'M SPENDING 84 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:15,730 28 DAYS KNITTING FROM WOOL 85 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,333 INSERTED IN MY VAGINA. 86 00:04:17,333 --> 00:04:19,073 >> Tosh: WE GET IT LADIES WITH 87 00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:22,497 SHORT BANGS, YOU'RE QUIRKY AND 88 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:23,100 WEIRD. 89 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:28,770 THE SCARF SMELLS LIKE IT'S 90 00:04:28,767 --> 00:04:29,267 SALMON. 91 00:04:29,267 --> 00:04:30,597 >> Tosh: GRANDMA USED TO MAKE 92 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,630 SWEATERS THE SAME WAY. 93 00:04:32,633 --> 00:04:36,073 IT SMELLS LIKE NA NA'S. 94 00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,897 SHE'S LEGENDARY FOR HER HEAVY 95 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:38,370 FLOW. 96 00:04:38,367 --> 00:04:39,627 NOW THE NEXT LADY HAS ONE UGLY 97 00:04:39,633 --> 00:04:49,333 KID. 98 00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:51,533 SHE THINKS THAT'S THE BABY SHE 99 00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:53,473 LOST THREE YEARS AGO. 100 00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,067 BUT HE CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF 101 00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:58,067 THE SUIT AND RIP HER FACE OFF. 102 00:04:58,067 --> 00:04:58,467 AWW. 103 00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:00,067 NOW PUT HIM BACK IN THE CAGE AND 104 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,897 STICK MORE NEEDLES IN HIS BRAIN. 105 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,600 OFF TO MONKEY SNOWBOARD LESSONS. 106 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,630 BE BACK AT 2:00. 107 00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:08,673 WHAT'S NOT SO CUTE IS THE 108 00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,327 DEFORESTATION OF HIS NATURAL 109 00:05:10,333 --> 00:05:10,773 HABITAT. 110 00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:30,967 NEXT. 111 00:05:30,967 --> 00:05:33,367 >> BRO, YOU STOLE MY BONG. 112 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,497 >> Tosh: ARE YOU SURE HE STOLE 113 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,500 IT IN MAYBE YOU PUT IT BEHIND 114 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:36,970 THE PLANT WHEN YOU WERE HIGH AND 115 00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:38,497 FORGOT ABOUT IT. 116 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:48,700 NOW LET'S WATCH TWO LITTLE 117 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,670 POKERS' BEEF IN THE BREAKDOW 118 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:53,967 IT'S TIME FOR THE ATTACK IN THE 119 00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:54,627 CUL-DE-SAC. 120 00:05:54,633 --> 00:05:58,373 IT'S EASY TO FEEL COMFORTABLE 121 00:05:58,367 --> 00:05:59,897 THROWING THE N WORD AROUND WHEN 122 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,300 YOU BAN BLACK PEOPLE FROM YOUR 123 00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:02,470 GATED COMMUNITY. 124 00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:03,927 >> I CAN'T BREATHE. 125 00:06:03,933 --> 00:06:05,503 >> Tosh: BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN 126 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:06,730 SMOKING FROM HIS BONG. 127 00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,403 THAT'S PRACTICALLY A CONFESSION. 128 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,170 LET'S AGREE YOUR BOTH PUSSIES. 129 00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:13,067 YOU GOT THAT SISTERS? 130 00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:14,097 MAYBE THEY CAN SETTLE THIS FOR 131 00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:17,530 YOU. 132 00:06:17,533 --> 00:06:19,333 NOW ON HIS SKULL ALL YOU WANT, 133 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:20,133 NOBODY'S HOME. 134 00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:21,533 GOT TO SAY, I DON'T MIND A BRICK 135 00:06:21,533 --> 00:06:25,673 DRIVEWAY. 136 00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:30,327 THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF THE 137 00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,303 HUNGER GAMES. 138 00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:32,370 CUTE WORD NECKLACE. 139 00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:33,697 IMAGINE WHAT IT WILL LOOK LIKE 140 00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:36,100 IN FIVE YEARS WHEN IT'S COVERED 141 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,800 WITH ANOTHER LAYER OF NECK FAT. 142 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,370 >> YOU GRABBED MY TITTIES. 143 00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,967 >> Tosh: WHO CAN RESIST THING 144 00:06:43,967 --> 00:06:45,067 BLOSSOMING BOY BOOBIES. 145 00:06:45,067 --> 00:06:48,067 IF YOU'RE JUST JOINING IN 146 00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,767 THEY'RE FIGHTING NOT HAVING 147 00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:51,097 INTERCOURSE AS YOUR POSITIONING 148 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:53,200 AND HEAVY BREATHING WOULD HAVE 149 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:53,970 YOU BELIEVE. 150 00:06:53,967 --> 00:06:56,067 OKAY, THAT'S REDUNDANT. 151 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,567 EVERY GINGER'S UGLY AS [BLEEP]. 152 00:06:58,567 --> 00:06:59,827 BUT IF YOU MANAGE TO DEFEAT ONE 153 00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:01,773 HE HAS TO GIVE YOU ALL HIS GOLD. 154 00:07:01,767 --> 00:07:04,527 THAT'S THE GINGER CODE. 155 00:07:04,533 --> 00:07:05,503 >> I CAN'T BREATHE. 156 00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,500 SAY GOOD NIGHT. 157 00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:09,970 >> Tosh: PRETTY COCKY FROM A GUY 158 00:07:09,967 --> 00:07:12,597 COMING FROM A GUY THAT WAS 159 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,800 GETTING [BLEEP] [BLEEP] A MINUTE 160 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:15,470 AGO. 161 00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:18,567 I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU SINCE 162 00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:20,367 THE THIRD GRADE, [BLEEP]. 163 00:07:20,367 --> 00:07:23,297 >> DO YOU WANT THIS ON YOUR 164 00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:23,930 FACE? 165 00:07:23,933 --> 00:07:27,073 >> HOW'S THAT? 166 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:29,097 >> Tosh: GO AHEAD AND SPIT. 167 00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:32,930 I'M SURE YOU'LL MISS. 168 00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:35,773 ARE YOU HAPPY ALEC BALDWIN? 169 00:07:35,767 --> 00:07:37,097 NOW THEY'RE ALL TALKING LIKE YOU 170 00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:39,300 AND FOR THAT WE DON'T THANK YOU. 171 00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:40,800 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST 172 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,200 MORE PROOF THE BEST WAY TO 173 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,870 SPREAD HOLIDAY CHEER IS BY 174 00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:50,967 TOOTING LOUDLY FOR ALL TO HEAR. 175 00:07:50,967 --> 00:08:03,067 [ FLATULENCE ] 176 00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:09,833 >> Tosh: IT SOUNDS LIKE AN 177 00:08:09,833 --> 00:08:15,073 EMOTIONAL BROKEN PERSON WHO -- 178 00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:15,667 COOSA. 179 00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:16,497 SO MANY WORDS. 180 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,100 I DIDN'T LIKE THAT. 181 00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:23,700 LET ME -- MY MOUTH FROZE ON IT. 182 00:08:23,700 --> 00:08:30,230 I WATCH MILLION DOLLAR LISTINGS 183 00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:30,973 TO KNOW. 184 00:08:30,967 --> 00:08:32,067 [BLEEP] [BLEEP] BUT WATER. 185 00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:34,127 THAT'S ON US AND BY THAT I MEAN 186 00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:35,633 ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE 187 00:08:35,633 --> 00:08:36,533 THAT AREN'T ME. 188 00:08:36,533 --> 00:08:38,103 FLAWLESS AGAIN, BE DANIEL. 189 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,570 I MAY START LEAVING THOSE IN. 190 00:08:39,567 --> 00:08:41,727 WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT 2013 THAT 191 00:08:41,733 --> 00:08:43,403 HASN'T ALREADY BEEN RETWEETED A 192 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,230 THOUSAND TIMES? 193 00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,673 THE FIRST YEAR OF MY SECOND TERM 194 00:08:46,667 --> 00:08:50,267 AS YOUR HOST HAS BEEN A DOOZY 195 00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:51,067 NEP WHITE HOUSE IS 196 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:52,367 THE WHITE HOUSE IS SPYING ON 197 00:08:52,367 --> 00:08:53,097 EVERYONE SO IF YOU REALLY VALUE 198 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:53,830 YOUR PRIVACY, MOF TO CLEVELAND 199 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:54,573 WHERE YOU CAN KEEP A BUNCH OF 200 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:55,297 WOMEN LOCKED IN YOUR BASEMENT 201 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:56,430 FOR OVER A DECADE AND NO ONE 202 00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:58,173 WILL NOTICE. 203 00:08:58,167 --> 00:08:59,567 OBAMA COULDN'T KEEP WIZ WEBSITE 204 00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:00,527 OR THE GOVERNMENT FROM SHUTTING 205 00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:00,833 DOWN. 206 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:01,973 THERE WAS A SHARKNADO IN THE 207 00:09:01,967 --> 00:09:03,397 PHILIPPINES AND FOR THE FIRST 208 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,570 TIME IN HISTORY OF THE WORLD SIX 209 00:09:04,567 --> 00:09:06,297 WOMEN AGREED ON THE SAME THING 210 00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,270 AND IT'S NOW LEGAL TO KILL BLACK 211 00:09:07,267 --> 00:09:09,527 TEENS IN FLORIDA. 212 00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:11,103 WE HAVE OUR FIRST GAY POPE, 213 00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,100 PAULA DEAN FINALLY CAME OUT OF 214 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,070 THE RACIST CLOSET AND SNL FOUGHT 215 00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:16,067 HARD TO KEEP BLACK WOMEN OFF TV. 216 00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,967 BEIBER RAN OVER THE PAPARAZZI 217 00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:19,097 AND POUNDED EVERY PROSTITUTE IN 218 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,570 SOUTH AMERICA. 219 00:09:20,567 --> 00:09:22,467 BRUCE JENNER BROKE UP WITH KRIS 220 00:09:22,467 --> 00:09:24,097 AFTER FINALLY MORPHING INTO HER 221 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,770 AND THE ONLY TWO CAST MEMBERS 222 00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,327 WHO AREN'T DEAD OR JOBLESS FROM 223 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,333 THE 70s SHOW STARTED BANGING. 224 00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:30,603 ANGELINA JOLIE LOST HER FUN 225 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:31,600 BAGS, MILEY CYRUS BECAME THE 226 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,730 FIRST SHORT-HAIRED WOMAN YOU CAN 227 00:09:33,733 --> 00:09:35,333 MASTURBATE TO AND EATING 228 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,403 CATHERINE ZETA-JONES GIVES YOU 229 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:41,300 THROW CANCER. 230 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,730 THE SOPRANOS ALL ENDED THE WAY 231 00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:51,773 WE WANTED TO AND FIN OD'D ON HER 232 00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:55,067 HEROIN AND AARON HERNANDEZ 233 00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:59,097 KILLED PEOPLE AND FSU'S DEFENSE 234 00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:00,870 WAS GREAT AND DEREK ROSE WON THE 235 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:04,497 MOST VAL USUAL PATIENT AND 236 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,470 ALABAMA'S SPECIAL TEAMS UNIT IS 237 00:10:06,467 --> 00:10:10,297 MADE OF SPECIAL ED STUDENTS 238 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:13,300 I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON PIES IN 239 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,630 HELL, SABAN. 240 00:10:14,633 --> 00:10:18,133 ALL IN ALL 2013 WILL BE 241 00:10:18,133 --> 00:10:19,733 REMEMBERED AS AN AVERAGE YEAR 242 00:10:19,733 --> 00:10:21,803 UNLESS YOU LIVE IN BOSTON THOUGH 243 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,170 I'M PROUD TO SAY "TOSH.0" 244 00:10:23,167 --> 00:10:29,597 DELIVERED 900 MINUTES OF QUALITY 245 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:30,730 TELEVISION SO DON'T COMPLAIN 246 00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:31,973 WITH THE CLIPS YOU'VE ALREADY 247 00:10:31,967 --> 00:10:34,267 SEEN IN THE WEB REFLECTION. 248 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,597 >> JUST A LITTLE ON MY TACO, 249 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:40,530 PLEASE. 250 00:10:40,533 --> 00:10:46,673 >> HERE'S YOUR MASHED POTATOS. 251 00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:48,567 >> ALL RIGHT YOU JERK IT'S TIME 252 00:10:48,567 --> 00:10:50,327 FOR YOUR MANDATORY WEEKLY AIDS 253 00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:52,303 TEST. 254 00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:54,730 YOU FIGURE IT OUT. 255 00:10:54,733 --> 00:10:56,073 >> YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY? 256 00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,767 GET YOUR DRINK ON, GET YOUR 257 00:10:57,767 --> 00:11:00,327 SMOKE ON, GO HOME WITH SOMETHING 258 00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,903 TO POKE ON, I'M OUT, [BLEEP]. 259 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,100 DO YOU STILL HAVE THE UNDERWEAR 260 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:05,570 YOU WORE IN THE REDEMPTION? 261 00:11:05,567 --> 00:11:06,327 >> NO. 262 00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,833 >> NO ONE CALLED ME AN APPLE 263 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,773 PICKER. 264 00:11:09,767 --> 00:11:11,297 >> I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES 265 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,170 WE SAID THE N WORD BUT IT SEEMED 266 00:11:13,167 --> 00:11:14,497 ABOUT RIGHT TO ME. 267 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:21,230 GET YOURSELF A GOOD OLD GANNER? 268 00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:24,073 WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 269 00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:24,867 FIVE YEARS. 270 00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,227 >> WHOA, FUTURE TRIPPING, MAN, I 271 00:11:26,233 --> 00:11:28,303 DON'T DOUGH THAT. 272 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:29,470 >> LET IT GO. 273 00:11:29,467 --> 00:11:30,927 LET IT GO. 274 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:33,333 >> TOO FAR, DANIEL, TOO FAR. 275 00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:34,603 >> WAIT. 276 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,070 WE NEED TO SAY GRACE FIRST. 277 00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:38,567 >> WHERE'S MY PAYCHECK. 278 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:41,497 >> YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU A 279 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,300 LONG STORY. 280 00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,400 >> THEY SURVIVE THE TEST OF TIME 281 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,600 BECAUSE IT'S A GOOD TOY. 282 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,100 >> NO ONE SAID YOU WERE GAY. 283 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:48,930 I CAN TELL. 284 00:11:48,933 --> 00:11:51,573 I'M NO TYLER PERRY. 285 00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:53,767 >> NOBODY WATCHING THIS DOESN'T 286 00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:55,697 THINK YOU'RE A TOTAL WEIRDO. 287 00:11:55,700 --> 00:12:03,130 >> HICKRY, DICKORY DOCK MY 288 00:12:03,133 --> 00:12:05,803 CLIENT HAS THE RIGHT TO CALL THE 289 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,170 JUDGE -- 290 00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:06,927 >> THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE A SMILE 291 00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:07,533 ON YOUR FACE. 292 00:12:07,533 --> 00:12:09,073 >> VERY IMPRESSIVE. 293 00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:10,067 >> Tosh: MISS YOU THE MOST, 294 00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:12,567 BUDDY. 295 00:12:12,567 --> 00:12:17,067 >> HEY. 296 00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:20,327 >> THAT'S FOR ME. 297 00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,503 I'M SQUIRTING. 298 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,870 >> THAT'S UNNECESSARY. 299 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:25,467 GET OUT OF HERE. 300 00:12:25,467 --> 00:12:27,827 >> USED TO BE IN CIRQUE DU 301 00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:32,503 SOLEIL. 302 00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,070 >> Tosh: YOU KNOW THE RULES. 303 00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:35,467 NO TOUCHING. 304 00:12:35,467 --> 00:12:36,967 YOUR SEX LIFE STILL ACTIVE? 305 00:12:36,967 --> 00:12:37,867 >> HELL NO. 306 00:12:37,867 --> 00:12:40,427 MY OPERATOR BURNED OUT. 307 00:12:40,433 --> 00:12:41,533 >> Tosh: WHAT ABOUT THE 308 00:12:41,533 --> 00:12:44,403 COSTUMES. 309 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,500 RIGHT HAND, RED. 310 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:49,070 ARE YOU IN A HEALTHY 311 00:12:49,067 --> 00:12:50,067 RELATIONSHIP NOW? 312 00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:51,527 >> WITH MY OWN BODY. 313 00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:53,973 >> GOOD. 314 00:12:53,967 --> 00:12:55,667 >> YOU DON'T COME HOME HE'LL GET 315 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:56,467 HIS DIGITS. 316 00:12:56,467 --> 00:13:00,297 DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF A SEX 317 00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:00,770 SYMBOL? 318 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:02,367 >> I'M HORNY RIGHT NOW. 319 00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:04,127 >> Tosh: WHO'S HERE TO HELP YOU? 320 00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:10,903 >> YOU. 321 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:12,170 >> YOU AIN'T EVER GOING TO CATCH 322 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:17,067 ME LIVE. 323 00:13:17,067 --> 00:13:19,067 >> FORGOT TO LOCK THE WHEELS. 324 00:13:19,067 --> 00:13:24,927 >> Tosh: BOTTOM'S UP. 325 00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:29,603 >> THAT'S THE LEAST OF MY BRAIN 326 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:37,630 ANY MAN'S EVER GOTTEN. 327 00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:38,903 >> Tosh: HEY, BUDDY. 328 00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,870 TAKE CHANCES, MAKE MISTAKES. 329 00:13:40,867 --> 00:13:41,667 GET MESSY. 330 00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:42,627 >> [BLEEP]. 331 00:13:42,633 --> 00:13:48,773 [BLEEP]. 332 00:13:48,767 --> 00:13:50,897 >> Tosh: OH, GOD BLESS OUR NEW 333 00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:51,800 FOUNDING FATHERS. 334 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,630 >> THAT'S NOT A BOOMERANG. 335 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:58,273 THIS IS A BOOMERANG. 336 00:13:58,267 --> 00:13:59,797 >> Tosh: I'M A DATE. 337 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,870 ARE WE DONE THERE? 338 00:14:03,867 --> 00:14:05,827 LETS SEE HOW MUCH RANGE YOU GOT. 339 00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:09,373 OKAY. 340 00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:11,767 [ SCREAMING ] 341 00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:12,797 >> Tosh: YOUR RECEIPT. 342 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,300 I'LL PUT IT IN THE BAG. 343 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:19,070 >> IT'S NOT IN PLANE MODE. 344 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:25,697 [ YELLING ] 345 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,470 [**] 346 00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:33,327 [ TECHNO MUSIC ] 347 00:14:33,333 --> 00:14:39,173 >> LOOK AT THIS ASHY MOTHER 348 00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:39,867 [BLEEP]. 349 00:14:39,867 --> 00:14:40,967 >> Tosh: I'M SURE IT'S COMING. 350 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:44,297 WE'RE LIKE TWO OLD BATS HERE. 351 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:48,200 >> KEEP ON PRANCING. 352 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,100 >> GET THE [BLEEP] OUT OF MY 353 00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:51,670 HOUSE. 354 00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:52,227 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 355 00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:53,633 >> Tosh: IF YOU WANT TO SEE AN 356 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,933 EXTENDED CUT OF THE MONTAGE 357 00:14:54,933 --> 00:14:56,173 WATCH SEASON FIVE. 358 00:14:56,167 --> 00:14:58,067 WE'LL RIGHT BACK BUT FIRST IT'S 359 00:14:58,067 --> 00:15:00,697 TIME FOR SOME STREET JUSTICE. 360 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:01,470 STREET JUSTICE 361 00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:04,297 >> YOU WERE MASTURBATING IN THE 362 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:05,630 WOMENS A REST WOMAN. 363 00:15:05,633 --> 00:15:07,233 I'M BETH DAVIS AND A WITNESSED 364 00:15:07,233 --> 00:15:07,603 IT. 365 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,870 YOU WERE NAKED WITH YOUR PANTS 366 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,267 DOWN AROUND YOUR ANKLES. 367 00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:13,227 SOMEONE STOP HIM. 368 00:15:13,233 --> 00:15:14,873 DO NOT LET HIM GO OUT THAT DOOR. 369 00:15:14,867 --> 00:15:33,267 STOP THIS MAN. 370 00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:36,667 >> Tosh: BARBARA WALTERS' DYING 371 00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:39,327 WISH WAS FOR ME TO BE HER 372 00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:41,603 SUCCESSOR AND WANT TO SHARE MY 373 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,500 PICKS FOR THE INTERNET'S MOST 374 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,830 FASCINATING PEOPLE OF 2013. 375 00:15:44,833 --> 00:15:47,733 FIRST, HE'S UPLOADED 102 VIDEOS 376 00:15:47,733 --> 00:15:51,073 AND HIS CHANNEL HAS OVER 19,000 377 00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:52,397 SUBSCRIBERS YET ONE FLASH CAN 378 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,070 KILL HIM. 379 00:15:53,067 --> 00:15:58,627 SAY HELLO TO FAIRY BOY. 380 00:15:58,633 --> 00:15:59,303 >> OH. 381 00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:01,570 WELL, HELLO THERE. 382 00:16:01,567 --> 00:16:03,097 I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE 383 00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:03,570 PAPARAZZI. 384 00:16:03,567 --> 00:16:08,267 I'M SORRY. 385 00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:09,797 YEAH, THEY'RE VERY INTERESTED IN 386 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,400 THE FAIRY WORLD. 387 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,070 AND ONCE IN A WHILE THEY'LL 388 00:16:14,067 --> 00:16:15,897 ENTER THIS REALM AND THE WANT TO 389 00:16:15,900 --> 00:16:18,230 TAKE PICTURES. 390 00:16:18,233 --> 00:16:20,073 WE DON'T LIKE THAT. 391 00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:22,967 WE DON'T ALLOW PICTURES. 392 00:16:22,967 --> 00:16:29,697 ONE FLASH CAN KILL US. 393 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:32,230 YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE 394 00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:34,933 YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE NO, NOT ALL 395 00:16:34,933 --> 00:16:36,203 FAIRIES HAVE WINGS. 396 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:41,130 THAT'S A BIG BIG STEREOTYPE. 397 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:42,633 >> FASCINATING. 398 00:16:42,633 --> 00:16:44,203 >> Tosh: THAT'S ONE FAIRY I 399 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,530 WOULDN'T MIND KEEPING IN A JAR 400 00:16:45,533 --> 00:16:46,733 IN MY ROOM. 401 00:16:46,733 --> 00:16:47,403 ALL RIGHT. 402 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,800 THERE ARE TWO THINGS I FIND 403 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,670 EXTREMELY FASCINATING ABOUT MY 404 00:16:51,667 --> 00:16:52,467 NEXT PICK. 405 00:16:52,467 --> 00:16:53,897 >> I DON'T SEE WHY 14 CAN'T BE 406 00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,900 THE AGE OF CONSENT. 407 00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:57,630 LIKE IF YOU'RE 14 YOU'RE TALKING 408 00:16:57,633 --> 00:16:59,633 LIKE AN 18, 19, 20-YEAR-OLD GUY 409 00:16:59,633 --> 00:17:01,373 AND YOU WANT HIS DICK AND YOU 410 00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:03,727 HAVE SEX WITH HIM AND THEN YOU 411 00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:05,503 DECIDE OH, I FEEL LIKE 412 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,600 REGRETTING THIS LATER. 413 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,530 GUESS WHAT, HE'S GOING TO GO TO 414 00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:12,373 JAIL FOR BEING A SEX OFFENDER. 415 00:17:12,367 --> 00:17:14,067 [BLEEP] THE AGE OF CONSENT. 416 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,867 14 IS A GOOD AGE BECAUSE YOU'RE 417 00:17:16,867 --> 00:17:17,927 IN HIGH SCHOOL. 418 00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:19,473 ONCE YOU'RE 14 YOU PROBABLY 419 00:17:19,467 --> 00:17:21,127 ALREADY HAD YOUR PERIOD WHICH IS 420 00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:23,473 A SIGN OF BEING SEXUALLY READY. 421 00:17:23,467 --> 00:17:25,697 YOU DEVELOP AROUND 12, 13, 14 422 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:26,800 YEARS OLD. 423 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,600 14 PROBABLY BEING THE LATEST. 424 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,070 I DEVELOPED WHENS I WAS 12. 425 00:17:32,067 --> 00:17:33,427 I'VE HAD THESE BOOBS SINCE I WAS 426 00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:34,303 12 YEARS OLD. 427 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,930 >> FASCINATING. 428 00:17:35,933 --> 00:17:38,973 >> Tosh: NOT EXACTLY HOW I 429 00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:41,227 PICTURED THE SPOKESPERSON FOR 430 00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:41,773 PEDOPHILIA. 431 00:17:41,767 --> 00:17:44,727 IT TAKES A TRUE HERO TO SAY WHAT 432 00:17:44,733 --> 00:17:48,673 EVERY DUDE OVER 18 IS CONSTANTLY 433 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:49,297 THINKING. 434 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,070 AND FINALLY A BLACK GUY IN A CAR 435 00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:52,397 MAY NOT SEEM THAT FASCINATING 436 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,830 BUT ONCE YOU HEAR HIS STORY 437 00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:57,133 YOU'LL SEE WHY HE DESERVES TO BE 438 00:17:57,133 --> 00:17:59,173 THE MOST FASCINATING PERSON OF 439 00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:00,497 THE INTERNET OF 2013. 440 00:18:00,500 --> 00:18:02,770 >> I'M AT THE AURORA PUBLIC 441 00:18:02,767 --> 00:18:06,197 LIBRARY AND IT SUCKS IS IN 442 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,300 THERE. 443 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,570 THEIR WI-FI SUCKS [BLEEP]. 444 00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:11,627 YOU KNOW, THE CONNECTION WAS 445 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:15,673 TERRIBLY SLOW. 446 00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:16,527 WHAT ELSE? 447 00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:21,373 OH, I GOT SOME HEAD IN THE SEARS 448 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,427 AT THE MALL IN THE BATHROOM. 449 00:18:24,433 --> 00:18:26,073 PRETTY SECLUDED PLACE UP THERE. 450 00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,127 I'LL BE DOING THAT AGAIN. 451 00:18:28,133 --> 00:18:31,973 IT WAS SPUR OF THE MOMENT. 452 00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:32,927 PRETTY HOT GUY. 453 00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,433 BIG PENIS. 454 00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:37,303 SO, YOU KNOW, HE JUST WANTED TO 455 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:38,070 SEE ME CUM. 456 00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:38,597 I DID. 457 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,500 IT'S NICE GETTING HEAD. 458 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,730 I NEEDED THAT. 459 00:18:41,733 --> 00:18:43,603 I'M A BIT RELAXED NOW. 460 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,230 GOT A SORE THROAT BUT THAT'S 461 00:18:46,233 --> 00:18:48,273 FROM EARLIER. 462 00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:49,827 MAYBE TOMORROW BUT YEP. 463 00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:50,673 THAT'S IT. 464 00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:51,667 IT'S BEEN WARM TODAY. 465 00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,127 >> FASCINATING. 466 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,673 >> Tosh: YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE 467 00:18:54,667 --> 00:19:00,297 PLUG, SEARS. 468 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,600 BARB IS HERE CONGRATULATIONS ON 469 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:03,830 BEING THE MOST FASCINATING 470 00:19:03,833 --> 00:19:05,073 PERSON OF 2013. 471 00:19:05,067 --> 00:19:05,927 HOW'S IT FEEL? 472 00:19:05,933 --> 00:19:06,773 >> GREAT, THANKS. 473 00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:07,967 >> Tosh: HAVE YOU BEEN BACK TO 474 00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:08,367 SEARS? 475 00:19:08,367 --> 00:19:10,097 >> YES, I HAVE. 476 00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,070 >> FASCINATING. 477 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,067 >> Tosh: NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE 478 00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,267 VIEWER VINE OF THE WEEK. 479 00:19:13,267 --> 00:19:15,627 >> HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING THE PIE, 480 00:19:15,633 --> 00:19:16,073 BOYS. 481 00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:16,727 >> GREAT. 482 00:19:16,733 --> 00:19:19,273 >> I PUT MY [BLEEP] IN IT. 483 00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:20,727 >> Tosh: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK BUT 484 00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:22,173 FIRST IF I EVER WANT TO HAVE SEX 485 00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:24,397 WITH A HAIRY ANIMAL I'LL HOOK UP 486 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,070 WAY JUNIOR AT THE UNIVERSITY OF 487 00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:33,197 VERMONT. 488 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,370 >> Tosh: WELCOME BACK. 489 00:19:34,367 --> 00:19:41,597 COMEDY CENTRAL'S FAX NUMBER IS 490 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:42,330 242-4256-0878. 491 00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:44,733 HAVE FUN. 492 00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:46,373 THE SEASON OF SUBTLE DIFFERENCES 493 00:19:46,367 --> 00:19:47,567 IS IS ALMOST SET AND IF YOU 494 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:49,667 HAVEN'T GUESSED YET YOU HAVE 495 00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:51,567 THREE SECONDS TO REVEAL YOUR 496 00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:52,927 GUESSES BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO 497 00:19:52,933 --> 00:20:11,373 REVEAL THE KEY. 498 00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:14,327 >> Tosh: IF YOU GUESSED ALL 14 499 00:20:14,333 --> 00:20:16,303 CORRECTLY TWEET ME YOUR FULL 500 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,100 LEGAL NAME TO FILE A RESTRAINING 501 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:18,570 ORDER. 502 00:20:18,567 --> 00:20:21,597 FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER TO MONITOR 503 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,770 MY FLUCTUATING LEVELS OF HOLIDAY 504 00:20:23,767 --> 00:20:25,827 CHEER AND KEEP UP WITH OUR LOG 505 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:29,103 BECAUSE I PROGRAMMED A TEAM OF 506 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:31,730 BOTS OVER THE BREAK AND I'LL BE 507 00:20:31,733 --> 00:20:35,233 PERFORMING IN ALASKA MARCH 8 AND 508 00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:42,473 TICKETS GO ON SALE THIS MONDAY 509 00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:43,397 10:00 A.M. 510 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,170 AND FINALLY I SHOWED YOU A 511 00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:46,467 CHRISTMAS CARD FROM ONE OF MY 512 00:20:46,467 --> 00:20:48,127 WRITERS AND DEMANDED YOU GUYS 513 00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:49,933 SEND ME FUNNIER ONES. 514 00:20:49,933 --> 00:20:52,733 HERE'S YOUR WINNER. 515 00:20:52,733 --> 00:20:54,673 TO THE BOYS OF 1221. 516 00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,427 I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS WHAT'S 517 00:20:56,433 --> 00:20:57,773 HOLDING YOU TOGETHER AND HOW IT 518 00:20:57,767 --> 00:21:00,167 WILL IS THE GUY ON THE BOTTOM 519 00:21:00,167 --> 00:21:01,327 BECAUSE THAT'S A FULL GROWN MAN 520 00:21:01,333 --> 00:21:02,973 ON TOP? 521 00:21:02,967 --> 00:21:05,167 OKAY, I STARE AT THE NORTH STAR 522 00:21:05,167 --> 00:21:07,397 EVERY NIGHT SO IF YOU DO TOO IT 523 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:08,530 WILL BE LIKE WE'RE STILL 524 00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:09,373 TOGETHER. 525 00:21:09,367 --> 00:21:09,827 SEE YOU NEXT SEASON. 526 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,800 >> Tosh: SHE CREATED A NEW 527 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,570 EXERCISE REGIMENT. 528 00:21:20,567 --> 00:21:21,667 HERE WE GO. 529 00:21:21,667 --> 00:21:24,327 WHO'S EXCITED NOW, I AM BUILDING 530 00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:25,133 MYSELF IS UP. 531 00:21:25,133 --> 00:21:26,503 THIS IS THE PROCESS, GUYS. 33434

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