All language subtitles for Future.Man.S03E03.WEBRip.x264-ION10

WOLF: Previously
on "Future Man"...

WOMAN: These three have stolen
a time travel device.

They can be anytime, anywhere.

‐ I got a ping.
Someone just invented

sliced bread
700 years too early.

Wolf‐Hart just decapitated
Shoji the Honorable,

wiping out an entire line
of noble warriors.

‐ Da, da!

TOCH: Check out this book.
It's got to be Wolf‐Hart.

He set her humanity aflame.

They're hiding in Russia.

‐ Two timelines
just momentarily merged.

I think we're looking
at temporal decay.

Future and past
existing simultaneously,

space‐time collapsing
in on itself.

‐ Are you there, God?

VOICE:
Please don't call me that.

‐ What should I call you, then?

VOICE: How about "friend?"
You must come to me.

I will give you
the coordinates to find me.

‐ Hey, give me that.
‐ No, I got it!

I'm taking us somewhere safe.

[suspenseful music]

[light tribal music]

♪ ♪

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[overlapping angry shouts]

‐ What's going on?

You piss yourself in moments
half as tense as that.

‐ I had faith,
and my faith was rewarded.

My destiny is not back there.

[warriors shouting]

It's up there.

VOICE: Yes, Josh.
You are close.

‐ What's on top
of the mountain?

‐ [sighs]
Home.

We're off to see
the all‐knowing,

benevolent, the great,
the powerful‐‐

[screams]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[grunting]

[breathes heavily]

[grunting]

[yells]

[crying]

VOICE: Josh, my friend,
I have been patient.

I have waited
for your scratch to heal.

‐ It's not a scratch.

Okay, the scent
of my leg repels animals.

Except for vultures,
who just keep following me.

VOICE: Today,
you must climb the mountain.

‐ [stammers]
I can barely walk.

You keep pushing me to climb,
and every time that I do,

the wound just opens up again,
and it's making it worse.

Why can't you just
come meet me here?

VOICE: The mountain
will not come to you,

you must come to the mountain.

Don't give up,
not when you are so close.

‐ Exactly, exactly.

Doesn't close count
for anything?

Look, I just want to go home.

I thought we were friends.

It turns out
I'm just that sad Bible guy

who God keeps on testing
over and over again.

You know the one.

VOICE: Uh...Jesus?

‐ No! Job.

Right?

VOICE: If you say so.

JOSH: [panting]

‐ Oh. What took you so long?

‐ Oh, you know, I just kept
falling and crying.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Oh, yeah.

WOLF: Goddamn it.

I asked for King Boletes.
these are Death Caps.

You want to guess what happens
if you eat these?

This is fine dining,
not college improv.

‐ I'm sorry, okay?
I'm doing my best.

Just cut me some slack.
I'm going to my room.

WOLF: [mutters]

Oh, well,
if it isn't little Miss

"Haven't Been Home
in Three Days."

‐ [groans]

Oh, yeah,
my chin is a‐barkin'.

‐ No one's making you
wear that thing.

‐ Yeah, well, I'm sick
of killing would‐be rapers.

Hey, boy?

Boy?
‐ What?

‐ Why'd you have to bring us
to yet another time

where women are treated
like garbage?

‐ Well, I'm so sorry.
It's called "all of history."

What do you want me
to do about it?

[groans]

Those are bear traps.

‐ Yep, and they need a‐mendin'.

WOLF: Rabbit's ten away.

I made sous‐vide bags
out of elk bladders.

It locks in the flavor.

TIGER: Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's food.

Who gives a shit?
WOLF: Ooh, careful.

[groans]

Okay, so how was your day?

‐ Well, I beat my PR
on beaver pelts.

97.
‐ Oh, wow.

‐ Yeah, pretty good
considering those Mohawk dicks

are messing with my traps.

‐ Oh, well,
you know, if you like,

I can speak with the Mohawk.

They're allied with the French,
and they don't take too kindly

to independent operators
moving in on their territory,

but if I were to communicate
our neutrality‐‐

TIGER: You know what?
‐ And then we can‐‐

Stop you right there
Mr. "Tell Morning Not to Come."

‐ I gave you no cause
to retrieve the book.

TIGER: Boy.
Read it.

JOSH: Do I have to?

TIGER: Read the passage.

JOSH:
"Climax upon climax.

"A cascade that had
no beginning and no end.

"I knew I must tell the world
what happened

between those
beet‐stained sheets."

‐ I mean, you could've just‐‐
[blows raspberry]

finger‐blasted her,
called it a day.

But no, you had to
go ahead and inspire

a whole new genre
of literary erotic fiction.

‐ I only do things one way,
and that's all the way.

‐ And that is why
you are on a soft lockdown

till further notice, soldier.

I like it here.

The air is clear,
the killin's good.

And I don't need you
messing it up

by putting your
stupid mark on history again.

‐ You're treating me
like a goddamn Josh.

JOSH: Hey.

‐ Don't act like
such a prisoner.

You go to the trading post
and sell my furs.

‐ Yeah, once a week.

You're running around
free doing whatever you like

while I'm stuck here
changing the Josh's bandages.

‐ I change them, too.
‐ Once.

And half‐way through,
you gave up,

and you handed them to me.

JOSH: Hey, Tiger.

The Mohawk did not
destroy your traps.

There's no human
that can bend iron like this.

‐ Whitey.

‐ Oh, Lord.
Not this again.

‐ Albino bear of legend.

Ten feet tall,
snow‐white fur.

Eyes as red as the devil.
Heart as black as...

also the devil.

‐ Whitey is a myth.

Tall tale told by trappers
to scare each other

around the campfire.

TIGER: No, he is real,

and if I do nothing else
on this Earth,

I will kill Whitey.

[dramatic music]

Hunter's log, day 187.

Having thinned
the beaver population

to near extinction levels,

I direct my gaze
to more elusive quarry.

In nature, there can only be
one apex predator.

My mission?

To kill my way to the very
top of this food chain.

Failure is not an option.

I rely on keen instinct,
finely‐honed skills,

and whatever savagery
this hunt requires..

Ursine maggot.

Hmm.

Clue...

and a snack.

Female.
In heat.

Same here, sister.

There she is.

Five minutes.
Maybe ten.

Looks like a bear
does shit in the woods.

‐ Ah. We are having
reindeer sweetbreads,

wild asparagus,

a salad of chickweed,
peppergrass‐‐

TIGER: Hunting.
Need protein.

‐ That's it.
I can't live like this.

[yells]

I just need to feel seen.

TIGER:
Yeah, well, buy a mirror.

‐ [gasps]

JOSH: [panting]

WOLF: Oh, God, the stench.

JOSH: It's‐‐it's bad today.

‐ All right, someone needs
to change the Josh.

Fine.
I'll do it.

‐ [exhales]

‐ All right,
let's have a look at this.

Oh, yowzer me.
Yikes.

‐ I am not liking
the color of that ooze.

You know, it's like chicken.

You want the juices
to run clear.

‐ Yep, well,
it's about that time.

‐ No, no!
No one is cutting my leg off.

‐ Yeah,
to get through that femur,

I'm definitely
gonna have to saw.

‐ No, no sawing, either.

‐ I heard tale
of a medicine woman

at the trading post
who works wonders.

I bet I could
get you in to see her.

‐ No, no medicine woman.

Okay, my leg is going to heal.

Okay, I know it will.

Why would somebody put me
through this

if I can't overcome it?

Pretty shitty thing
for a friend to do.

VOICE: I'm shitty?
You're shitty!

‐ Uh‐‐

Okay, buddy.

‐ [snoring]

[metallic scrape]

TIGER: Hold him steady.
He'll be a‐thrashin'.

‐ No, no,
please, please, please!

Please, please,
don't cut my leg off, please.

I swear I will go see
the medicine woman.

‐ See what happens when you set
some firm boundaries?

‐ Don't even start.
‐ You coddle him.

JOSH: So what does this
medicine woman do?

WOLF: More like
what doesn't she do?

She's a therapist,
frontier doctor,

weight‐loss guru.

She helped me drop
the Frontier Fifteen,

and cured
my seasonal affective disorder.

Turns out,
it's okay to be sad.

‐ Good. I thought it was like
a religious thing.

WOLF: Religion?
Hell no.

‐ Yeah, yeah, I know.
You and Tiger don't believe.

‐ How could we?

Growing up in the sewer
with the Biotics

sending down
those toddler bombs.

‐ I'm sorry, the what bombs?

WOLF: I've told you
about the toddler bombs.

Human children
genetically engineered

to blow up when you hug them.

‐ No. That's fucked up.

WOLF: Well,
that's not the fucked up part.

We could always spot
the toddler bombs

because any actual sewer child
was far too emotionally damaged

to yearn
for physical affection.

JOSH: Holy shit.

‐ Again,
not the fucked up part.

‐ How is that not
the fucked up part?

‐ Eventually,
us older kids captured the TBs

and forced them to perform
for us in a makeshift circus.

‐ Okay,
just cut to the fucked up part.

‐ We laughed at one
of the toddler bombs' poetry.

It was bad.

He had the mind
of a three‐year‐old.

But we didn't have to laugh.

He took it pretty hard,

ended up hugging himself
and self‐detonating.

All the other TBs
realized that they, too,

were just there
for our amusement.

Pop, pop, pop, pop.

Mass toddler suicide.

That's when I realized
there was no God.

He was just some sky genie
people made up

to give them hope.

[horse whinnies]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

TIGER: You doubled back.

Why?

Why here?

So visible.

So exposed.

The fuck were you looking for?

[gasps]
Oh.

[laughs]

Is this bear something,
or is this bear something?

You're looking at me.

[bear growling]
Okay.

Okay.

You want to dance?
Huh?

You want to dance?

Let's fucking Lindy Hop.

WOLF: The old trading post.

Burned to the ground
by the outlaw Wild Sam Bladden.

Folks here
are gonna have the last laugh.

We're rebuilding this
trading center to be stronger,

more vibrant than ever.

JOSH: Wait, did you say "we?"

JOSH: What's happening?

[overlapping chatter]

JOSH: How do you know
all these people?

Wolf, did you build a thriving
international hub of commerce?

‐ No.

I served
in a consulting capacity.

Nothing formal.
I'm nobody here.

‐ [speaking native language]

‐ Just go on.

He's just confused.

Trust me, around here,
I'm a ghost, a shadow.

My name's on nothing.

‐ Your brand is.

‐ Wolves were sacred
to the Mohawk

long before I got here.

I just need to talk to Acona
about the new inventory.

Fall is all about beavers.

JOSH: You're doing it again.
You're gonna get us caught.

‐ [speaking native language]

‐ Wolf, you promised‐‐

‐ Josh I'm gonna
stop you right there.

Selling fur is all about
building relationships,

So, yes,
when I come to the post,

I kibitz a bit.

As Lew Wasserman said,

"Every conversation

is a business meeting
in disguise."

But don't you worry about me.

I learned my lesson with Dasha.

That's why I've only
been taking illiterate lovers.

‐ Wolf, that was not
the lesson, and you know it.

‐ Shall we go see
the medicine woman?

JOSH: Okay.

Don't push me.
Don't push me.

‐ [speaking native language]

‐ She says it's not your leg
that's the source of your pain.

‐ Of course it is.
What else would it be?

MEDICINE WOMAN:
[speaking native language]

‐ A spiritual crisis.

‐ What?
That's ridiculous.

What would be the nature
of that crisis,

in her opinion?

‐ Did she just say
something profound?

‐ She always does.

Speak freely.

This is a judgment‐free yurt.

‐ I've been talking with God
for the last eight months.

He lives inside my ear,
and he tells me what to do.

We're, like,
super, super close.

He even has me call him friend.

But right now,
we're in, like, a fight,

and I don't know
what to make of it anymore.

I'm starting to think
it's all in my head,

and I'm just going crazy.

VOICE: Josh,
do not go down this road.

Remember the Miracle
of the Goo?

‐ Goo?
It was a knob.

Okay,
I found a knob with my hand.

That's something I could've
done on my own completely.

I'm not an idiot.

Sorry.

‐ It's okay.

What's...
tiny ear God saying now?

‐ He's telling me
that he's real.

But what kind of God knows
less about the Bible than me?

I mean, isn't he
supposed to be omniscient?

What kind of God would let my
leg get caught in a bear trap?

VOICE: That's so on you, bro.

WOLF: Whoa, it's happening.

Don't fight it, Josh.

[tribal music]

Let her in.

♪ ♪

‐ She's right.

I don't believe in myself.

I am a salmon
swimming against a tide

of my own self‐doubt.

I created a sky genie
just to give me hope.

VOICE: Josh, don't abandon me
when we are this close.

‐ You know what, bro?

I'm done.

I release you.

VOICE: You release me?

You know what?
Fine, be that way.

[footsteps stomping]

[door slamming]

‐ A real God
wouldn't have to slam a door.

Hello?

He's gone.

I'm free.

[laughs]

[exhales]

‐ [speaking native language]

‐ She's asking
if we want to stay

for a shave in a sweat lodge.

Tuesdays are pretty slow
around here.

JOSH: Oh.
Yeah, that sounds great.

‐ I feel lighter.

WOLF: Well, you are lighter.

I usually drop
three to four LBs

of a liquid stress
after a good schvitz.

JOSH: [laughs]
Yeah.

Yeah, and you know what?
It was just nice to talk

to somebody
who was actually there.

‐ Well, now that you realize
you're never going home,

you can focus on being happy
in the here and now.

‐ I wouldn't say "never."
You know, never say never.

WOLF:
Normally, I'd agree with you,

except in this case.

We are history's
most wanted fugitives.

A couple of five‐Os
are definitely stationed

outside of every Futturman
household in the universe.

Did tiny ear God give
you a plan to get past them?

‐ No.

I guess he was more of, like,
a big picture sort of God.

‐ Yet another reason
you should've called bullshit.

God is in the details.

JOSH: Huh.
Yeah, I mean, I guess that...

every other Futturman house

would have another
version of me.

WOLF: So you would have to kill
to take their place,

and that's
the best‐case scenario.

No, more likely, time
constables kill your parents,

turn them into cyborgs,
and use them to torture you.

So in that version
you technically could go home,

but your robot parents
would kill you.

Is that what you want, Josh?

Your robot parents to kill you?

‐ No.

WOLF: Wait.

I've just had an idea
that'll change everything.

‐ Wait?
Tell me.

‐ Vegan carnitas.

[groans]

These are King Boletes.

They have the perfect density

to make faux‐Mex
taste like "Fuck yes."

So to sum up,
you're never going home,

your God is dead,
and taco Tuesday is on.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

TIGER: Whitey, Whitey, Whitey.

Looks like someone's not
smarter than the average bear,

because you've just
wandered into a sea

of my very best

traps?

[metal chiming]

[suspenseful music]

[bear growling]

[screams]

[wolf howls]

‐ Looks like Tiger's gonna be
a little late.

Just go ahead and start.

‐ Not hungry.

WOLF: These King Bs
marinated for hours.

They bleed like real meat.

Just...

take a bite.

‐ I don't want to.
WOLF: No, just try it.

JOSH: Wolf, I don't want to.
‐ No, just‐‐

‐ Stop it!

Just stop pretending
we're family.

I could not be farther away
from my family.

All right, Tiger gets it.

She knows that
we're just three people

going insane
in the wilderness.

Our only future is running,
and I can't even stand up.

So just leave me alone.

What are you doing?

‐ Going out.
‐ Where?

‐ Do you know
what I've sacrificed

to support the two of you?

The dreams I've put on hold?

Tell Tiger...

I went out to buy a mirror.

‐ What?

‐ It relates
to an earlier conversation

that you weren't privy to,
but trust me,

it is a devastating retort,
so just tell her.

‐ That you bought a mirror.

‐ No, not in past tense.
Just‐‐

say it like I said it.

JOSH:
I'm not your messenger boy.

When are you coming back?

‐ Never.

I give you two days,
maybe three,

before those vultures
lose their patience

and start pecking away
at what's left of you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
daddy's going dancing.

‐ Oh, yeah?

Well...

there's no point
in making tacos

if you're in a time period
that doesn't have avocados!

[dramatic music]

JOSH:
Don't worry, fellas,

your patience
will soon be rewarded.

I know you're
around here somewhere.

[grunts]

[groans]

♪ ♪

Death cap.

[gasps]

Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.
I knew that you were real.

I don't know
why I ever doubted you.

I see it now.

It's clear.

I will yield!

VOICE: Good.
Tell me what I want to hear.

‐ You want me to climb
that mountain?

I'll climb that mountain.

VOICE: Yes, Josh.
Now you get it.

JOSH: [grunts]

♪ ♪

[groaning]

I'm coming, God.

Only a few more vertical miles.

VOICE:
Yes, Josh, but go faster.

Dig deep.

JOSH: Yeah.
WOLF: Life is hard.

Full of violence
and struggle to survive.

It's enough
to drive a good man mad.

But I believe this can be
a new world for everyone

where we coexist in peace,

but more importantly...

in prosperity.

That's why we've gathered here
on this historic day

to redraw the map
of the New World,

and to sign this lasting
peace and trade agreement.

[overlapping chatter]

[dramatic music]

Everyone who has an interest
in this bountiful new land

is taken care of
in this document.

All the tribes
of the Northeast,

English, French, Spanish.

And I want to thank
our new friends,

the Norse, Japanese, Russians,

whose angel investment
will pay significant returns

as we extend
our reach around the globe.

♪ ♪

Once again,
the world is round.

Yep, that's right.
It's a sphere.

Now, come on up here.

Take your ceremonial
souvenir pen,

and make your mark on history.

[indistinct chatter]

[overlapping shouting]

Please, I'm just a humble
backstage power broker.

My presence is to be felt,
not seen.

Okay, okay, please.

Making my mark on history is

I guess inevitable.

Just gonna tuck my name
in the corner here, real small.

TIGER: Guess
who killed Whitey?

[overlapping chatter]

Turns out,
she was a dame.

And so am I.
[all gasping]

[overlapping shouts]

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

JOSH: [grunting]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[straining]

[grunting]

Of course.

He lives in a humble shack.

He's real.
It's all real.

I come to you on my knees,

but I will greet you
on my feet.

[grunting]

God?

VOICE: No, my friend.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

‐ Osama Bin Laden?

‐ Guilty as charged.

‐ No.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪