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1
00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,419
JORDAN: Is he okay?
- [coughing]
2
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,337
WILCOX:
Oh, he's fine.
3
00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:05,755
When Gal Gadot was
training with me,
4
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,590
she was on fire for 12 minutes.
5
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,509
She put herself
out with a blanket.
6
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,470
He barely lasted 12 seconds.
- [both chuckle]
7
00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:14,014
- This is funny to you?
- Hey.
8
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:17,600
A leading man must learn
not to sweat the small stuff.
9
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,144
- What are you talking about,
the small stuff?
10
00:00:19,144 --> 00:00:20,687
I was on fucking fire,
11
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,939
Coach Ron!
- Hey! Knock it off.
12
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:24,607
There's a lady present,
and I want you to meet her.
13
00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:26,693
Agent Hart, this is
Agent Jordan King.
14
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,778
She'll be your bunkmate.
15
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:31,156
- It is a pleasure to meet you.
My pleasure.
16
00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:32,073
Okay, you want to explain
to me why she gets
17
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,658
this nice introduction?
18
00:00:33,658 --> 00:00:35,076
Why isn't she getting hit
in the head with a bat?
19
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,453
When you gonna bop her?
20
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,079
- Excuse me?
- Okay, you know...
21
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,498
[chuckles] Just, when he does
this kind of thing,
22
00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:42,667
I just zone him out,
when he starts to whine.
23
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,628
Come on, I'll give you a tour.
- Okay.
24
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,672
- Now, this used to be
a slaughterhouse years ago,
25
00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,090
up till the '70s.
26
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:52,886
[dramatic music plays]
27
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,222
WILCOX: This brings
me to rule number two:
28
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,850
there will be no sexual
intercourse on the premises.
29
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:03,438
- [chuckles] Uh, yeah, um,
that won't be a problem.
30
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:05,523
- [both laugh]
31
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:08,068
- I didn't think
it would be.
32
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,277
- I know you
have to say it.
33
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:12,072
It-it's fine, we're good.
[laughs]
34
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,823
- All right.
So, hey, take a beat.
35
00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:15,992
Okay? Relax,
and we'll see you out in 20
36
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,578
on the training
ground, okay?
37
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:19,537
- Thanks, Ron. You're the best.
38
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:22,207
- Hey. It's a pleasure.
39
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:23,958
[laughs]
40
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,752
[door closes]
41
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,463
- Dude is a fucking sociopath.
42
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:29,631
- How do you mean?
43
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,674
- How do I mean?
44
00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:33,551
Do you really want
to know how I mean?
45
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,845
'Cause I was here a couple
days ago when shit hit the fan.
46
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,388
There was a guy in
here accusing him
47
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:39,432
of murdering some
dude named Rodrigo.
48
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,935
- Rodrigo?
- Yes, Rodrigo.
49
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,812
Saw the whole thing. And, when
I first walked in this bitch,
50
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,563
they hit me in the
head with a bat.
51
00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:48,358
Not no plastic bat.
With a fucking metal bat.
52
00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,735
And today, today,
he let me catch myself on fire.
53
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:53,655
- "Let me catch myself on fire."
54
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,906
- I don't know why you got
to sound it out. Yes.
55
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,408
Let me catch--
56
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:58,952
No, I see right there, that,
'cause if you slow it down...
57
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,370
You slow it down, it
don't sound right,
58
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,746
but you get what I'm saying.
59
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,873
It happened.
It fucking happened.
60
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:06,084
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
It's just,
61
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,670
I don't have my phone,
it's weird in here.
62
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,380
Stuff is just starting
to fuck with me.
63
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,590
Maybe, maybe I'm going
a little stir-crazy.
64
00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:13,842
I don't know.
65
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,636
Mmm-- That's shit.
66
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,346
It's shit water.
67
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,432
[sniffs]
Yep. Goddamn it.
68
00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:25,186
- Well, you're not alone
anymore. So...
69
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,564
- Yeah, well, maybe, but...
70
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,608
Hey, do I know you?
71
00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:33,069
- Uh...
72
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:36,906
- [gasps]
I do!
73
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:39,367
Fuck! You're the girl from
that sitcom, with the robot.
74
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:40,660
The robot that was
a butler, right?
75
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,036
You used to argue
with the butler.
76
00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:43,872
"Uh-uh, get the fuck
out of here, bu..."
77
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,999
You'd do the thing.
"Butler bitch."
78
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,501
Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
79
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:49,919
That's me.
- Wow.
80
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:53,214
- Well, was. I just quit.
81
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,841
Kathryn Bigelow
offered me the lead
82
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,218
in her next movie,
which is huge...
83
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:58,553
- Get out.
- ...since there are, like,
84
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:01,389
what, three total
action roles for women?
85
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:04,392
- Well, it's a lot more
than that, but congrats.
86
00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,146
Are you-- I mean,
want me to name 'em?
87
00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:10,607
[chuckles]
Let me go down the list.
88
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,901
You got Wonder Woman, right?
You have the Black Widow.
89
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,154
You got, um... What's the one,
with the woman?
90
00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:17,697
With the, uh...
[snapping fingers]
91
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,699
She's, uh...
92
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,243
The-- What's... That's three.
93
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:26,247
- Anyway, um, it's all riding
on this action school.
94
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:28,166
Just got to prove to Ron
that I've got the chops,
95
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,168
that I'm fit enough.
96
00:03:30,168 --> 00:03:33,379
- You ain't got to prove that
to nobody. You are fit.
97
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:36,382
[chuckles] When you walked
in that door, I said, "Goddamn."
98
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,260
[laughs]
Not like that.
99
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:40,470
I'm not saying it like that.
100
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,347
I don't mean it that way.
101
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,514
- I'm just here to train,
102
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:44,641
not make friends.
- Yeah.
103
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,143
- So, just to be clear.
104
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:50,021
- We're-we're here for the same
thing, right? Fuck friendship.
105
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,397
- Good.
- Yeah.
106
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,651
- Mind if I use the bathroom?
107
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,110
- Do what you got to do.
Bathroom right there.
108
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,654
- Yeah.
109
00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:00,406
I'm gonna need you to just...
110
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,701
- Oh. You got to shit.
111
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,537
[dramatic music playing]
112
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,873
WILCOX:
Now, in this lesson,
113
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:12,919
we're going to focus and explore
the action star's motivations.
114
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,380
Agent King.
What is your motivation?
115
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,382
- After working
undercover in Paris,
116
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,175
I go down to the
basement of the Louvre,
117
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:22,178
where I thwart the theft
of an ancient Egyptian artifact,
118
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:24,430
when I'm accosted
by a rogue agent.
119
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,140
- Good. Agent Hart?
120
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,892
- "Accost"? That's a
little strong, isn't it?
121
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,769
- What the fuck?
122
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,729
Focus. Focus.
123
00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:34,565
And...?
124
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,859
- Okay, all right.
I'm-I'm an agent.
125
00:04:36,859 --> 00:04:39,279
- Yes.
- I'm an agent, and,
126
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,698
um, basically, I got
to, I got to go get
127
00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,325
Agent King-- I got to seduce,
128
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:47,036
I got to seduce Agent King
in the basement of the Louvre.
129
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:50,123
And wh-- Just a question,
is this, like, some James Bond
130
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,416
fan fiction or something?
What...? - And action.
131
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,796
[suspenseful music playing]
132
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:00,508
Agent King?
133
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:03,469
- Who wants to know?
134
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,013
- Agent Hart.
135
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,057
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
136
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:10,059
Not so fast.
137
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:13,146
Look, you're in great danger.
138
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,606
And the only cure for it is
to come with me to my bedroom.
139
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,987
[squeaks]
140
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,905
[yelping]
- Seduce her, goddamn it!
141
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,117
Seduce her!
142
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,118
Lure her into the car!
143
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,455
- [yelps]
144
00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:31,497
[wheezes]
145
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,837
[high-pitched]:
Get in my car.
146
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:38,755
Get in my car?
147
00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,674
Fucking creep.
148
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,468
- [regular pitch]:
What'd you call...? [grunts]
149
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,262
[grunting]
150
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,393
[groans]
151
00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,770
What the fuck was that?
WILCOX: Beautiful, beautiful.
152
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,772
Keep going, keep going.
153
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,940
- What the fuck you
mean, "keep going"?
154
00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,610
What the fuck, man? - You have a
problem, Agent Hart?
155
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:02,362
- Yeah, I got a problem,
motherfucker. - What is it?
156
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,572
- She's Bruce Lee
and I'm some weird creeper.
157
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:07,241
- Oh, it's too challenging for
you to seduce her. Is that it?
158
00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,911
- Uh, yes, it is,
when you got me looking...
159
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,000
I see what you're doing.
[laughs]
160
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,418
You're trying to
get me all riled up.
161
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:19,212
It's not gonna work.
162
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,963
I'm not falling for
your little trap,
163
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:22,632
and I'm not going back
over here to fight
164
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:25,176
this fucking jiujitsu master
with sexy talk.
165
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,720
- Oh. You want a
change of motivation.
166
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,181
- Yeah, I do. - Okay. This is
your new motivation.
167
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,725
She's a Russian mole
pretending to be an FBI agent.
168
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,644
You eliminate her with this.
169
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:37,480
[whispers]:
It's a prop knife, right?
170
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,024
- Retractable.
171
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,735
Now go in there and
show her who's boss.
172
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,279
- Now we're fucking talking.
173
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,907
You say she a
Russian mole, right?
174
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:51,244
Okay. I don't like that.
175
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,830
Down goes the mole. Huh?
[grunts]
176
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,835
Shit. Goddamn it.
177
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,503
[whispers] Hey. I'm about
to stab you in a sec, okay?
178
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,130
Wait a minute.
179
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,049
It's a prop knife.
Knock it off-- No.
180
00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:07,260
Ow! What the...
Oh, oh, you got to sell it,
181
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,302
make it look real.
182
00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,721
Fuck! Ow!
183
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:16,436
- [screams]
What the fuck?!
184
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,895
[groans]
- Real blood.
185
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:20,064
[knife clatters]
[belches]
186
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:21,315
JORDAN: Oh, my God. WILCOX:
What have you done to her?
187
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:23,776
What have you done to her?
188
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,445
- I'm so sorry. I thought,
189
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,863
I thought you said
it was a retractable.
190
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,406
- Oh, God.
- I said it was "practical."
191
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,825
It's a practical knife!
It's a real knife!
192
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,869
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God, she's passing out.
193
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,871
- Oh, shit. - I'm gonna have to
stitch her up.
194
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,289
- I've got a medical
kit in my office.
195
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,665
- All right, I'll go grab it.
- No.
196
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:38,833
-Ow, ow, ow.
-Go to your room!
197
00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,418
You're grounded!
198
00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,127
- No. What are you talking
about? I'll go grab it.
199
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,463
- No!
200
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,631
My office is
off-limits to students.
201
00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:55,099
I said my office is off-limits.
202
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,603
If you disobey me again,
203
00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,688
the next time I
throw that knife,
204
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:01,564
it'll be through
your fucking skull.
14871
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