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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:48,100 (LAUGHTER) 2 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:58,600 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 3 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,570 >> OH, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I HAVE 4 00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:02,067 A HANKERING TO BANG THE FRUIT 5 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:03,897 OF THE LOOM GRAPES GUY. 6 00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:08,370 WELCOME TO TOSH.O. 7 00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:10,467 TONIGHT'S OVERPRICED PIECE IS 8 00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:12,327 FROM FRANK OCEAN. 9 00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:13,233 HE WOULD APPRECIATE MY SEXY 10 00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:15,173 STUBBLE. 11 00:01:15,167 --> 00:01:16,297 THIS SONG IS ONE OF MY 12 00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:22,270 PERSONAL FAVORITES. 13 00:01:22,267 --> 00:01:23,597 THAT IS HOW A REAL MAN'S VOICE 14 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,600 IS SUPPOSED TO SOUND. 15 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,230 TONIGHT ON THE SHOW, WE 16 00:01:27,233 --> 00:01:33,433 INTRODUCE YOU TO THE BADDEST 17 00:01:33,433 --> 00:01:34,703 RAPPER. 18 00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:35,930 NOW LET'S SEE THAT NATURAL 19 00:01:35,933 --> 00:01:37,403 BEAUTY AGAIN. 20 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,070 >> OH, IT MUST BE FREEZING 21 00:01:39,067 --> 00:01:42,167 OUTSIDE OF CASTLE GREYSKULL. 22 00:01:42,167 --> 00:01:44,627 LOOKS LIKE MICHELLE OBAMA HAS 23 00:01:44,633 --> 00:01:45,803 BEEN TAKING THIS LET'S MOVE 24 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,270 CAMPAIGN SERIOUSLY. 25 00:01:48,267 --> 00:01:49,097 YOU THINK THAT WAS OVER THE 26 00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:49,630 LINE? 27 00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:52,073 MY OTHER JOKE WAS WE GET IT, 28 00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:52,667 WANDA SYKES, YOU ARE A 29 00:01:52,667 --> 00:01:54,827 LESBIAN. 30 00:01:54,833 --> 00:01:56,303 REMEMBER, KIDS, ALWAYS STAY 31 00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:56,700 INDOORS. 32 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,800 OR YOU WILL END UP SPENDING 33 00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:58,670 YOUR LIFER IN THE GUTTER LIKE 34 00:01:58,667 --> 00:01:59,167 THIS NEXT KID. 35 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:02,167 >> IT IS RECORD, RIGHT? 36 00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:04,897 GO AHEAD. 37 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:08,300 >> OH! 38 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,900 (LAUGHTER) 39 00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:13,100 >> YOU ALL RIGHT? 40 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:19,700 (BLEEP). 41 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,300 >> AT LEAST HE AVOIDED A 42 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,100 TECHNICAL BY LETTING GO OF THE 43 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,170 RIM. 44 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:24,527 HERE IS THE TIP. 45 00:02:24,533 --> 00:02:27,473 YOU DON'T GET THE WIND KNOCKED 46 00:02:27,467 --> 00:02:29,227 OUT OF YOU ON THE MID-RANGE 47 00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:29,573 GAME. 48 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:32,197 FUNDAMENTALS. 49 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,070 OKAY. 50 00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:35,127 NOW IF HIS FRIEND CAN'T DO IT, 51 00:02:35,133 --> 00:02:38,403 HE IS GOING TO GET AN H. 52 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,070 ARE THEY PLAYING HORSE? 53 00:02:40,067 --> 00:02:41,467 NO, HERNIATED DISK. 54 00:02:41,467 --> 00:02:42,867 A LONGER GAME AND APPARENTLY, 55 00:02:42,867 --> 00:02:45,127 YOU DON'T NEED A BALL. 56 00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:46,273 HERE IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO 57 00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,127 WHEN THERE ARE NO VIETNAMESE 58 00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:56,403 PEOPLE IN YOUR TOWN. 59 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,830 MY, WHAT A METRO-SEXUAL 60 00:02:57,833 --> 00:02:59,773 HILLBILLY. 61 00:02:59,767 --> 00:03:01,597 I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN FEEL IT 62 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,270 WHEN HE STEPS ON A LEGO. 63 00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,627 I'M STARTING TO SEE WHY ROMNEY 64 00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:08,873 WANTS TO GET RID OF 47% OF THE 65 00:03:08,867 --> 00:03:09,227 COUNTRY. 66 00:03:09,233 --> 00:03:10,733 THAT INSPIRED ME TO START 67 00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:11,473 UPPING MY PERSONAL HYGIENE 68 00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:14,967 GAME. 69 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:35,370 (LAUGHTER) 70 00:03:35,367 --> 00:03:36,527 IF YOUR GUMS BLEEDS THAT, 71 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:37,273 MEANS YOU ARE NOT DOING IT 72 00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:38,667 REGULARLY ENOUGH. 73 00:03:38,667 --> 00:03:39,527 AND YOU SHOULD SWITCH TO A 74 00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:43,403 FINER GRAIN. 75 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,570 IF THE NBC SHOW ANIMAL 76 00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:46,697 PRACTICE WAS MORE LIKE THIS 77 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,500 NEXT CLIP, MAYBE IT WOULDN'T 78 00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:49,630 GET CANCELED IN TWO WEEKS. 79 00:03:49,633 --> 00:03:50,773 >> THE TIGER IS COPPING TO 80 00:03:50,767 --> 00:03:51,197 TALK TO YOU. 81 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,170 LOOK, LOOK. 82 00:03:52,167 --> 00:03:52,967 LOOK. 83 00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:54,127 OH, NO. 84 00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:55,873 NO. 85 00:03:55,867 --> 00:03:57,867 OH, NO. 86 00:03:57,867 --> 00:03:59,467 OH, NO. 87 00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:01,627 (LAUGHTER) 88 00:04:01,633 --> 00:04:04,103 OH, NO. 89 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,730 >> OH, NO. 90 00:04:05,733 --> 00:04:08,073 WORST SQUIRREL EXHIBIT EVER. 91 00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:09,967 >> OH, NO. 92 00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:11,067 >> JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU 93 00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,567 HAVE SUCCESSFULLY KEPT YOUR 94 00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:15,067 ADOPTED BLACK CHILD FROM A 95 00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:16,467 LIFE OF VIOLENCE. 96 00:04:16,467 --> 00:04:18,697 WHAT'S REALLY SAD IS THE 97 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:19,930 DWINDLING HABITAT FOR GOD'S 98 00:04:19,933 --> 00:04:20,503 BEAUTIFUL CREATURES. 99 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,300 SHAME ON YOU. 100 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:23,430 ALL RIGHT, STOP ME IF YOU HAVE 101 00:04:23,433 --> 00:04:24,433 HEARD THIS NEXT ONE. 102 00:04:24,433 --> 00:04:26,303 A RABBI, A PRIEST, AND A BLACK 103 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,370 GUY GET ON A PLANE. 104 00:04:29,367 --> 00:04:36,327 (LAUGHTER) 105 00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:38,103 AND THEN A MUSLIM HIJACKS AND 106 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:38,700 KILLS THEM ALL. 107 00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:40,570 THEY ARE BOTH PRAYING TO GOD 108 00:04:40,567 --> 00:04:41,697 HE DOESN'T TALK DURING THE 109 00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:42,630 IN-FLIGHT MOVIE. 110 00:04:42,633 --> 00:04:45,073 NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. 111 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,127 GUESS WHICH ONE ORDERED THE 112 00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:49,073 12-YEAR-OLD BOY FOR HIS MEAL? 113 00:04:49,067 --> 00:04:49,467 (LAUGHTER) 114 00:04:49,467 --> 00:04:49,897 ALL RIGHT. 115 00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:54,970 I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU. 116 00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:57,367 >> AFLAC. 117 00:04:57,367 --> 00:05:00,427 >> THAT IS FOR STEALING 118 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:02,303 GILBERT GODFREE'S JOB. 119 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:05,370 TSUNAMI BOMBS FOR EVERYONE! 120 00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:06,827 I THOUGHT HIS BILL WOULD SPIN 121 00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:07,633 AROUND HIS HEAD. 122 00:05:07,633 --> 00:05:23,473 WHAT'S NEXT? 123 00:05:23,467 --> 00:05:25,267 GODDAMN UNIONS! 124 00:05:25,267 --> 00:05:25,767 OKAY. 125 00:05:25,767 --> 00:05:28,097 WHO GAVE AMANDA BYNES THE 126 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,770 HEAVY MACHINERY? 127 00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:30,897 LET'S PLOW THROUGH THIS WEEK'S 128 00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:32,830 BREAKDOWNS. 129 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,073 (APPLAUSE) 130 00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:37,167 SOMETIMES WHEN HERTZ IS OUT OF 131 00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:38,967 COMPACTS, YOU HAVE TO TAKE 132 00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:43,427 WHENEVER THEY GIVE YOU. 133 00:05:43,433 --> 00:05:46,173 THAT WILL BUFF OUT. 134 00:05:46,167 --> 00:05:46,697 (LAUGHTER) 135 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,270 SO MANY WRECKS BACK-TO-BACK. 136 00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:49,067 WHAT IS THIS, BRENDAN 137 00:05:49,067 --> 00:05:53,227 FRASIER'S IMDB PAGE? 138 00:05:53,233 --> 00:05:55,073 (LAUGHTER) 139 00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:56,897 OOH, FINALLY, SOMEBODY IS 140 00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:07,330 COMING TO HELP. 141 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:08,903 THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS 142 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:15,070 LOCK YOUR BULLDOZER DOOR. 143 00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:17,167 IT IS SO HARD TO GET SOMEONE'S 144 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:17,867 INSURANCE INFORMATION THESE 145 00:06:17,867 --> 00:06:18,227 DAYS. 146 00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:19,603 WHO KNEW ALLSTATE'S IMMEDIATE 147 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:20,200 RESPONSE TEAM WAS SO 148 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,130 AGGRESSIVE? 149 00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:22,933 THEY PROBABLY WANT TO MAKE 150 00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:24,103 SURE HE LEAVES NOTE ON EVERY 151 00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:25,330 WINDSHIELD. 152 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:26,073 WELL, I'M GLAD THAT IS ALL 153 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:28,067 OVER. 154 00:06:28,067 --> 00:06:30,427 LIFE IN RUSSIA CAN GO BACK TO 155 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:31,433 ITS REGULAR LEVEL OF HORRIBLE. 156 00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:35,203 FOR THAT WE THANK YOU. 157 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,430 I'M SURE THEY WILL FINISH UP 158 00:06:36,433 --> 00:06:36,873 SOON. 159 00:06:36,867 --> 00:06:37,527 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 160 00:06:37,533 --> 00:06:38,703 KRISPY KREME. 161 00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:39,730 BUT FIRST, IT IS TIME FOR 162 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,133 IMPATIENT ASIANS. 163 00:06:41,133 --> 00:07:24,903 >> (LAUGHTER) 164 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,130 >> WE BACK UP IN IT! 165 00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:29,373 YOU ALREADY KNOW! 166 00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:31,767 I AM THE BADDEST OF THEM ALL! 167 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:33,267 IF YOU AIN'T ABOUT MONEY, I 168 00:07:33,267 --> 00:07:42,067 DON'T MESS WITH Y'ALL! 169 00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:43,697 * I BET SHE SLEEPS WITH THE 170 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:44,300 NIGHTLIGHT. 171 00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:45,470 BECAUSE SHE IS SCARED OF THE 172 00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:51,597 DARK. * 173 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,330 I DO IT ALL THE TIME * 174 00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,303 >> SOUTHERN RAPPERS. 175 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,830 TOUGH TO COME UP WITH RHYMES 176 00:07:56,833 --> 00:07:58,933 WHEN YOU ONLY KNOW 30 WORDS. 177 00:07:58,933 --> 00:07:59,673 THAT LITTLE SLINGBLADE IS 178 00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:01,067 KRISPY KREME. 179 00:08:01,067 --> 00:08:02,067 JUST LIKE KRISPY KREME 180 00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:02,727 DOUGHNUTS, HE IS GLAZED WITH 181 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:05,803 SNOT. 182 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:06,870 YOU JUST SAW A CLIP OF 183 00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:07,567 SOMETHING CALLED A MUSIC 184 00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:09,597 VIDEO. 185 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,330 LIKE AIDS, THEY WERE BIG IN 186 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:11,703 THE 80'S. 187 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,570 THERE HAVE BEEN ONLY FOUR 188 00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:15,467 WATCHABLE MUSIC VIDEOS EVER. 189 00:08:15,467 --> 00:08:17,627 NOVEMBER RAIN, THAT ONE WITH 190 00:08:17,633 --> 00:08:20,073 FIONA APPLE INNER UNDERWEAR, 191 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:20,967 GROOVE IS IN THE HEART, AND 192 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:21,497 SMOOTH CRIMINAL. 193 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,430 NOT BY MICHAEL JACKSON. 194 00:08:23,433 --> 00:08:25,303 ALIEN ANT FARM: DON'T TELL ME 195 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:26,070 THRILLER BELONGS ON THE LIST. 196 00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:28,167 AND BLACK TEEN WOLF. 197 00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:29,497 THE DANCE WAS WEIRD. 198 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,730 THE CHICK WASN'T HOT AND THE 199 00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:32,433 SINGER WAS A PEDOPHILE. 200 00:08:32,433 --> 00:08:34,303 MUSIC VIDEOS ARE SO BAD THESE 201 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:35,070 DAYS, THE ONLY WAY TO TRICK 202 00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:38,597 THEM INTO WATCHING IS TO 203 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,830 PROMISE TO SHOW THEM SHIA 204 00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:44,103 LEBEOUF'S SOFT WIENER. 205 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,130 WHY DO THEY STILL BOTHER WITH 206 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:46,773 THE VMA'S? 207 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:48,297 KRISPY KREME IS A 208 00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:48,800 GAME-CHANGER. 209 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:52,270 F THAT RUNNY-NOSED REDNECK HAS 210 00:08:52,267 --> 00:08:53,927 A PENCIL EVEN BIGGER THAN 211 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:54,873 BEATLES. 212 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:55,527 EXCEPT NOT ALL STUPID AND 213 00:08:55,533 --> 00:09:02,673 BRITISH. 214 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,127 SO ENJOY THIS EXCLUSIVE 215 00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:04,833 GLIMPSE INTO THE MIND OF 216 00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:06,703 KRISPY KREME. 217 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,830 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 218 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:11,803 >> I AM AN OLD MAN. 219 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:17,370 >> I'M A VERY, VERY HEAVY... 220 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:20,467 >> THE ARTIST NAMED KRISPY 221 00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:20,827 KREME. 222 00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,073 NO, NOT THE DELICIOUS 223 00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:22,427 DOUGHNUT. 224 00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:23,603 BUT A RAPPER THAT HAS BEEN 225 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:33,100 CRANKING OUT DELICIOUS LYRICS. 226 00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,570 IT IS HONOR TO HAVE YOU HERE. 227 00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:36,767 I'M A HUGE FAN. 228 00:09:36,767 --> 00:09:37,697 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 229 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:38,700 >> HOW DID YOU GET SO GOOD AT 230 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:39,070 RAPPING? 231 00:09:39,067 --> 00:09:46,427 >> MY MOTHER DIDN'T PASS AWAY. 232 00:09:46,433 --> 00:09:47,433 >> OKAY. 233 00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:47,903 GOOD. 234 00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:48,800 THAT QUESTION WOULD HAVE BEEN 235 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,400 VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. 236 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,800 TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SONG "THE 237 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,400 BADDEST." 238 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,170 IT IS A SONG THAT TALKS ABOUT 239 00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:55,197 ALL KINDS OF STUFF ABOUT MY 240 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:55,500 LIFE. 241 00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:58,300 >> IN THAT SONG, IT SAYS THAT 242 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:01,670 BEYONCE THINKS YOU ARE CUTE. 243 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,467 * BEYONCE THINKS THAT I'M 244 00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:03,797 CUTE. 245 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,730 IT IS OKAY, BEYONCE, I THINK 246 00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:06,803 YOU ARE CUTE TOO. * 247 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:07,570 >> IS THAT TRUE? 248 00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,267 >> I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S TRUE. 249 00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:12,697 THEN I WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE 250 00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:13,930 SHE DOES THINK I'M CUTE. 251 00:10:13,933 --> 00:10:15,573 >> WHO IS THE WEIRD KID WITH 252 00:10:15,567 --> 00:10:17,567 THE MAX MILLER T-SHIRT IN THE 253 00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:17,927 VIDEOS? 254 00:10:17,933 --> 00:10:22,433 >> DON'T CALL HIM WEIRD, 255 00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:22,773 THOUGH. 256 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:23,467 THAT IS MY FRIEND MIKE. 257 00:10:23,467 --> 00:10:26,027 >> I APOLOGIZE. 258 00:10:26,033 --> 00:10:26,633 IS HE WEIRD? 259 00:10:26,633 --> 00:10:26,973 >> YES. 260 00:10:26,967 --> 00:10:29,197 >> OKAY. 261 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,570 YOU SAY IN YOUR RAP, THAT YOU 262 00:10:30,567 --> 00:10:31,827 DON'T CARRY A GUN. 263 00:10:31,833 --> 00:10:33,133 YET YOU ALWAYS CARRY GUNS. 264 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,073 IS THAT SOME TYPE OF HIDDEN 265 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:36,197 MESSAGE? 266 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,670 >> I JUST FORGOT WHEN I WROTE 267 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:38,867 THE REST THAT WE WERE GOING TO 268 00:10:38,867 --> 00:10:40,867 HAVE A GUN IN THE VIDEO. 269 00:10:40,867 --> 00:10:41,767 THEN IT JUST HAPPENED LIKE 270 00:10:41,767 --> 00:10:42,067 THAT. 271 00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:43,797 >> YOU WISH THE DIRECTOR WOULD 272 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,170 HAVE CALLED CUT AND TOLD YOU 273 00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:45,727 TO BLOW YOUR NOSE? 274 00:10:45,733 --> 00:10:49,773 >> THEY THOUGHT SNOT WOULD BE 275 00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:50,097 BETTER. 276 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,500 >> YOU THINK YOU HAVE MADE OUT 277 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:52,730 WITH EVERY SINGLE GIRL IN THE 278 00:10:52,733 --> 00:10:53,403 WORLD. 279 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:53,630 >> 280 00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:55,433 * I HAVE MADE OUT WITH SO MANY 281 00:10:55,433 --> 00:10:56,703 GIRLS, MADE OUT WITH EVERY 282 00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:57,330 GIRL IN THE WORLD * 283 00:10:57,333 --> 00:11:04,073 >>. 284 00:11:04,067 --> 00:11:05,627 >> HOW DID IT FEEL WHEN YOUR 285 00:11:05,633 --> 00:11:06,303 VIDEO STARTED BLOWING UP? 286 00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:09,700 >> FEELS LIKE I'M GOING TO BE 287 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:10,530 NLT IN THE RAP GAME. 288 00:11:10,533 --> 00:11:11,833 >> SEE HOW FAST YOU CAN DRINK 289 00:11:11,833 --> 00:11:15,373 SOME WATER. 290 00:11:15,367 --> 00:11:16,397 THAT'S VERY FAST. 291 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,330 I CHECKED THE PROPERTY RECORDS 292 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:17,773 IN BIRMINGHAM. 293 00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:20,067 IT SEEMS YOU ONLY OWN ONE 294 00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:23,367 HOUSE, NOT 400. 295 00:11:23,367 --> 00:11:28,097 >> I HAVE 400 HOUSES. 296 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:29,470 >> IF YOU WERE TO OWN 400 297 00:11:29,467 --> 00:11:35,327 HOUSES, WOULD YOU GET 400 LAND 298 00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:35,673 LINES? 299 00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:37,967 >> I DON'T KNOW. 300 00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:39,097 I WOULD HAVE MAYBE TWO CELL 301 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:39,500 PHONES. 302 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:40,500 >> TWO CELL PHONES. 303 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,430 >> OR 200 HOUSES. 304 00:11:42,433 --> 00:11:43,903 AND ONE FOR THE OTHER 200 305 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:44,230 HOUSES. 306 00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:45,203 >> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO PEOPLE 307 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,300 THAT THINK KRISPY KREME IS 308 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:48,470 JUST AN ACT AND YOU ARE 309 00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:49,067 FOOLING THE WORLD? 310 00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,967 >> YES. 311 00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:51,627 SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SAY 312 00:11:51,633 --> 00:11:54,933 THAT. 313 00:11:54,933 --> 00:11:55,833 THEN PEOPLE WON'T LISTEN TO 314 00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:56,273 YOUR MUSIC. 315 00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:58,327 >> YOU DON'T THINK PEOPLE 316 00:11:58,333 --> 00:11:59,533 WOULD LISTEN TO YOUR MUSIC IF 317 00:11:59,533 --> 00:12:00,433 YOU WERE HON TEST? 318 00:12:00,433 --> 00:12:01,773 >> IF I SAID I HAD ONE HOUSE 319 00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:02,197 AND ONE CAR. 320 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,870 AND THEN... I DON'T EVEN HAVE 321 00:12:04,867 --> 00:12:05,197 A CAR. 322 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,830 I HAVE A BIKE. 323 00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:08,773 ONE HOUSE AND ONE BIKE? 324 00:12:08,767 --> 00:12:10,067 >> NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT 325 00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:11,467 A GUY WITH A BIKE. 326 00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:13,067 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PUT ON 327 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,567 THE COVER OF YOUR C.D.? 328 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,067 >> ME AND MIKE. 329 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:18,367 >> AND SOME IT THIES? 330 00:12:18,367 --> 00:12:22,727 >> I HEAR OFF BRAND NEW MUSIC 331 00:12:22,733 --> 00:12:24,933 VIDEO YOU WOULD LIKE TO DEBUT 332 00:12:24,933 --> 00:12:27,233 WITH US TONIGHT. 333 00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:28,073 >> I'M JUST HANGING OUT WITH 334 00:12:28,067 --> 00:12:28,327 YOU. 335 00:12:28,333 --> 00:12:40,533 >> KRISPY KREME. 336 00:12:40,533 --> 00:12:43,073 AND TOSH. 337 00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:45,503 * THIS IS A SONG FOR THE 338 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,470 TELEVISION. 339 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,667 CHILLING IN THE KITCHEN, 340 00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,967 EATING PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY 341 00:12:51,967 --> 00:12:52,227 * 342 00:12:52,233 --> 00:12:55,073 ANY HOMEBOY CALLED ME ON THE 343 00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:55,467 CORELLI * 344 00:12:55,467 --> 00:12:58,297 I GOT SOME CUTE GIRLS AND 345 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,870 THERE'S ONE NAMED SALLY * 346 00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:11,067 * I HEADED FOR THE AIRPORT, 347 00:13:11,067 --> 00:13:12,067 IT'S ME AND TOSH. 348 00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:14,067 WE ARE CHILLING IN L.A. 349 00:13:14,067 --> 00:13:15,927 GETTING GIRLS ALL DAY * 350 00:13:15,933 --> 00:13:16,733 * YOU ARE NEVER GOING BACK 351 00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:19,203 HOME, BECAUSE NOW WE ARE BEST 352 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:19,670 FRIENDS. 353 00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:22,497 WE WILL NEVER BE ALONE * 354 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:24,670 WE ARE CHILLING IN L.A., 355 00:13:24,667 --> 00:13:26,927 GETTING GIRLS ALL DAY, WE ARE 356 00:13:26,933 --> 00:13:28,733 NEVER EVER GOING BACK HOME * 357 00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:29,473 * BECAUSE NOW WE ARE BEST 358 00:13:29,467 --> 00:13:30,667 FRIENDS AND WE WILL NEVER BE 359 00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:36,227 ALONE * 360 00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,073 * BREAK IT DOWN. 361 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:40,197 KRISPY KREME, BREAK IT DOWN * 362 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:44,800 JUST BREAK IT DOWN * 363 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,100 * GOT UP TO THE PARTY, THERE 364 00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,900 WERE GIRLS EVERYWHERE. 365 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,130 THEY ASKED IF THEY COULD GET 366 00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,873 ME, I SAID SURE, I DON'T CARE. 367 00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:52,897 * 368 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:58,370 * HE SAID I'M NOT VERY SMOOTH. 369 00:13:58,367 --> 00:14:00,127 WELL MAYBE SOME DAY I COULD 370 00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:04,203 TOUCH A GIRL'S BOOB * 371 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,830 * TOBACCO SAYS THANKS KRISPY, 372 00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:09,473 YOU ARE THE MAN * 373 00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:13,473 * WE ARE GETTING GIRLS ALL DAY, 374 00:14:13,467 --> 00:14:14,867 YOU ARE NEVER EVER GOING BACK 375 00:14:14,867 --> 00:14:15,727 HOME * 376 00:14:15,733 --> 00:14:16,873 * BECAUSE NOW WE ARE BEST 377 00:14:16,867 --> 00:14:17,567 FRIENDS AND WE WILL NEVER BE 378 00:14:17,567 --> 00:14:20,597 ALONE * 379 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,070 * WE ARE CHILLING IN L.A., 380 00:14:22,067 --> 00:14:23,797 GETTING GIRLS ALL DAY, WE ARE 381 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,500 NEVER EVER GOING BACK HOME, 382 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,430 BECAUSE NOW WE ARE BEST 383 00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,203 FRIENDS AND WE WILL NEVER BE 384 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,370 ALONE * 385 00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:32,067 * PEACE * 386 00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:39,397 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 387 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,900 >> FOR THE RECORD, WE ARE NOT 388 00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:41,570 ACTUALLY BEST FRIENDS. 389 00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,667 I ONLY MET THAT GUY ONCE. 390 00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:45,467 WE ARE CASUAL ACQUAINTANCES AT 391 00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:45,797 BEST. 392 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,330 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 393 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:48,803 BUT FIRST, LET'S SEE IF THAT 394 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,570 ASIAN IS STILL IMPATIENT. 395 00:15:03,867 --> 00:15:33,097 >> (LAUGHTER) 396 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:33,970 >> THIS IS THE MAN SHOT. 397 00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:34,697 THIS IS MY BROTHER JOE. 398 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:39,330 HERE WE GO. 399 00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:42,973 >> OH! 400 00:15:42,967 --> 00:15:43,767 >> COME ON, COME ON! 401 00:15:43,767 --> 00:15:55,367 OH! 402 00:15:55,367 --> 00:16:03,897 >> OH, YEAH! 403 00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:08,370 >> THAT IS THE MAN SHOT. 404 00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:09,367 GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE AND 405 00:16:09,367 --> 00:16:12,067 DRINK A SHOT OF TEQUILA. 406 00:16:12,067 --> 00:16:13,167 I LIKE TO BELIEVE MY FANS ARE 407 00:16:13,167 --> 00:16:15,297 MORE SOPHISTICATED. 408 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:16,700 THAT'S WHY I CREATED THE 409 00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:18,330 SHOT.O. 410 00:16:18,333 --> 00:16:19,133 >> OKAY. 411 00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:39,633 START WITH A LINE OF WEED. 412 00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:50,133 * WHO LET THE DOGS OUT! 413 00:16:50,133 --> 00:17:13,733 *. 414 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:27,873 >> I'M DONE. 415 00:17:27,867 --> 00:17:34,367 >> THE POISON IS TINGLING. 416 00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:34,667 OKAY. 417 00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:35,967 THAT IS FINE TEQUILA. 418 00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:36,597 YOU DON'T SHOOT THIS. 419 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,970 YOU SIP IT. 420 00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:41,667 THAT IS HOW YOU DO A SHOT.O. 421 00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:47,167 *. 422 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,567 >> INVENT YOUR OWN SHOTS AND 423 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:49,067 FILM THEM. 424 00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:51,227 >> YOU ARE NOT 21, USE VODKA 425 00:17:51,233 --> 00:17:55,273 AND JUST SAY IT'S WATER. 426 00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:56,297 SEND THEM TO OUR BLOG. 427 00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,470 WHILE YOU ARE THERE, UP-LOAD A 428 00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:00,097 CLIP FOR A CHANCE TO SEE OUR 429 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:00,700 VIEWER VIDEO. 430 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:01,870 THIS WEEK, WE HAVE A 431 00:18:01,867 --> 00:18:02,567 FIRST-TIME WINNER. 432 00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:03,167 CONGRATULATIONS TO THE 433 00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:07,797 BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY OF NORWAY. 434 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:39,970 * (LAUGHTER) 435 00:18:39,967 --> 00:18:41,567 >> THAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE 436 00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:42,627 TONY SCOTT EVER DIRECTED. 437 00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:44,273 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE 438 00:18:44,267 --> 00:18:45,797 BENSON INTERRUPTION. 439 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,070 FIRST THEY PAID ME A LOT OF 440 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:48,167 MONEY TO TELL YOU TO WATCH 441 00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,497 THIS TRAILER. 442 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,070 THE ONLY RESTRICTION I'M NOT 443 00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:52,697 ALLOWED TO MAKE FUN OF IT. 444 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:53,400 FEEL FREE TO DO IT ON YOUR 445 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,830 OWN. 446 00:18:55,667 --> 00:19:08,967 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) 447 00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:09,697 >> WELCOME BACK. 448 00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:10,800 I FORGOT HOW MUCH I HATE DOING 449 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:11,770 THIS. 450 00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:13,897 THE OTHER DAY I SENT MY 451 00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:15,400 TWITTER FOLLOWERS A VIDEO OF 452 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,630 GALLONS OF PUS BEING SQUEEZED 453 00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:18,803 OUT AFTER PIMPLE ON A HORSE'S 454 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:20,700 ASS. 455 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,470 I LOVE CLIPS LIKE THIS. 456 00:19:22,467 --> 00:19:23,127 BECAUSE THEY REALLY BRING 457 00:19:23,133 --> 00:19:24,073 PEOPLE TOGETHER. 458 00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:26,897 BUT THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH 459 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:27,630 PUTTING GROSS THINGS ON THE 460 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:28,403 SHOW IS THAT I DON'T GET TO 461 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,600 WATCH YOU ENJOYING IT. 462 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,870 THAT IS WHY I ASK YOU TO 463 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:33,627 GATHER YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY 464 00:19:33,633 --> 00:19:37,073 AT HOME AND FILM YOUR REACTION 465 00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:40,297 FOR MY AMUSEMENT. 466 00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:41,300 >> WHAT IS IT? 467 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:46,870 >> A HORSE PIMPLE. 468 00:19:46,867 --> 00:19:57,827 >> OH! 469 00:19:57,833 --> 00:20:02,403 >> OH, MY GOD. 470 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,670 >> THAT POOR HORSE. 471 00:20:04,667 --> 00:20:11,467 >> NO! 472 00:20:11,467 --> 00:20:12,827 >> IF YOU ARE UPSET YOU DIDN'T 473 00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:14,503 SEE THAT VIDEO, IT IS YOUR OWN 474 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:14,900 FAULT. 475 00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:15,670 YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING 476 00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,127 ME ON TWITTER. 477 00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,173 I LINKED IT OUT FIVE DAYS AGO. 478 00:20:19,167 --> 00:20:21,327 NEXT WEEK ON THE SHOW, A SWEET 479 00:20:21,333 --> 00:20:22,833 LADY GETS A WEB REDEMPTION. 480 00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:24,903 >> I WOKE UP TO GET ME A COLD 481 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:26,100 POP. 482 00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,470 THEN I THOUGHT SOMEBODY WAS 483 00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:27,867 BARBECUING. 484 00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:29,927 I SAID OH, LORD, JESUS. 485 00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:31,703 I RAN OUT. 486 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:32,800 I DIDN'T GRAB NO SHOES OR 487 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,400 NOTHING, JESUS. 488 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,970 I RAN FOR MY LIFE. 489 00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:38,527 THEN THE SMOKE GOT ME. 490 00:20:38,533 --> 00:20:40,803 I GOT BRONCHITIS. 491 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,200 NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT. 492 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,170 >> I DEFINITELY HAVE TIME FOR 493 00:20:44,167 --> 00:20:45,767 THAT. 494 00:20:45,767 --> 00:20:47,097 KEEP UP WITH OUR BLOG AT 495 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,530 TOSH.COM. 496 00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:49,573 BUY STUFF AT OUR STORE BUT 497 00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:50,927 ONLY IF YOU WANT TO. 498 00:20:50,933 --> 00:20:51,503 COME SEE ME ON TOUR. 499 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:56,200 F ONLY IF YOU WANT TO. 500 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,230 BRICKLEBERRY IS COMING UP. 501 00:20:57,233 --> 00:20:58,433 TIME FOR THIS WEEK'S SPOILER 502 00:20:58,433 --> 00:20:59,703 ALERT. 503 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:01,530 IN THIS EPISODE, STEVE DIES. 504 00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:02,073 GOOD NIGHT. 505 00:21:02,067 --> 00:21:03,167 OH, AND WE ARE MOVING TO 506 00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:03,927 SUNDAYS AT 1:00 P.M. 507 00:21:03,933 --> 00:21:05,873 SEE YOU THEN. 30468

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