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[LAUGHTER] [MUSIC] DING, DING,
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DING, WE ARE BACK.
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WELCOME TO TOSH.0 IT IS MY JOB
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MAKING SURE YOU WATCH TV LIKE A
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GOOD AMERICAN.
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IL BE WEARING THICK KICKS.
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FOR THE LADIES.
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[SCREAMING].
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EVERYONE KNOWS IT IS THE SHOE
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THAT MAKES THE OUT FIT THESE
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PUPPIES GLOW IN THE BARQUE
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DARK.
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>> THEY FIT IN THE POSITIONS
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YOU <.> A PAIR FOR YOURSELF
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GO -- YOURSELF YOU CAN'T GET
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THESE.
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TONIGHT WE SMELL D I FIGHT FOR
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GAY RIGHTS AND WE WATCH
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TODDLERS
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GET TO SECOND BASE.
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EITHER HE IS MAKING A STATEMENT
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ABOUT THE INEQUALITY BETWEEN
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THE
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CLASSES OR LIKE SMASHING HIS
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METAL DONNING IN A COAT RACK.
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BRAVO MY FRIEND, BRAVO.
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THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW DINNER IS
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READY AT TRAVOLTA'S HOUSE.
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>> BEFORE WE GO FURTHER, I
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WANT
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TO TAKE A MOMENT TO TALK TO YOU
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JOHN TRAVOLT A. 3 MASSEUSES
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ACCUSED OF YOU JERKING THEM OFF
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DURING A MASSAGE.
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I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE
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OPPORTUNITY TO COME ON MY SHOW
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AND SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.
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I WILL STRIP DOWN AND GIVE YOU
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A
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COMPLETELY NUDE FULL SERVICE 2
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HOUR HOT OIL SWEDISH MASSAGE
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FREE OF CHARGE.
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IF YOU WANT TO TIP THAT IS
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FINE.
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IF MY HANDS DON'T GET YOU
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AROUSED YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE
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STRAIGHTEST MAN ALIVE AND YOU
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WILL HOLD MOST OF YOUR STRESS
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IN
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THE CROUCH REGION I WILL
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NOBODYING US ON THAT AREA THE
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WHOLE TIME THE BALL'S IN YOUR
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COURT, JOHN.
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HERE IS A NOT SO BRIGHT IDEA.
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>> FIRST WORLD RECORD ATTEMPT
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BREAKING 575 WAT LIGHT BULBS
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OVER NIE HEAD.
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>> I'M GUESSING THAT'S NOT THE
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FIRST TIME HE DISAPPOINTED HIS
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MOM.
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>> IT IS A SHAME BREAKING THAT
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RECOVERIED TURNED HIS WHOLE
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LIFE
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AROUND.
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FOR NOT USING COMP PACT
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FLORESENT BULBS.
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YEA THAT SCAR WILL NOT BE
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HIGHLY
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VISIBLE.
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[LAUGHTER].
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SEEMS JOE CAMEL'S UNHEALTHY 4R6
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STYLE CAUGHT UP TO HIM.
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>> A BEER BOLTH YOU CAN EAT
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KOORS HAS OUT DONE ITSELF.
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SWALLOWING GLASS IS GOOD FOR
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ANIMAL'S DIGESTION.
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THANK GOODNESS.
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REDEEM YOUR BOLTH I THABL IS
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WORTH 5 REAMS.
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I LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT IS THE
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SAME HAIRCUT MIKE MEYERS HAD
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FOR
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20 YEARS.
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SOCCER REALLY WAS THE BEAUTIFUL
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GAME HOOLIGANS WOULD NOT PUT ON
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PUPPET SHOWS TO STAY AWAKE.
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[LAUGHTER] MADAGASCAR 3 LOOKS
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EDGY.
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THIS IS ALSO WHY THAT LION
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ATTACKED SIGFREED.
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I CAN'T SEE THE GAME COULD YOU
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PUT DOWN YOUR GIANT DONNING
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SIGN?
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I WAS IN THE VISITOR SECTION OF
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THAT GAME AND LET ME TELL YOU
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WE
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DID NOT TAKE KINDLY TO THEIR
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TAUNTS.
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>> I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THE
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SPORTERS ARE MY LEAST FAVORITE
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MINOR LEAGUE CLUB.
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NOW, WHO WANTS TO SEE A LEG
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BREAK?
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WE CAN SHIP IT.
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OR SO YOU DO, YOU WILL SEE A 15
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YEAR OLD GIRL WITH A BICYCLE
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HAND BRAKE STUCK IN HER LEG,
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SHOW IT.
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THE TOUR DEMEMPHIS CLAIMS
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ANOTHER VICTIM.
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LADY THIS IS IS WHY WE INVENTED
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STATIONARY BIKES FOR YOU.
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ON THE UP SIDE YOU GOT A GREAT
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NEW PLACE TO STASH YOUR CHAP
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STICKS.
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WHAT'S NEXT?
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LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE BROUGHT A 12
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TON BUS TO A SWORD FIGHT.
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NOW WE WILL SEE IF HE WILL PASS
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THROUGH IT LIKE BILL COSBY IN
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GHOST DAD IN THIS WEEK'S BREAK
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DOWN.
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WELCOME TO ANOTHER STUPID
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COLLEGE DIVISION AT THE
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UNIVERSITY OF TEXAS 8 AND 5
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SEASON MEANS DRUNK STUDENTS
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ATTACKING EACH OTHER BRAVE
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HEART
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STYLE.
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TEXAS IS PEN STATE WITHOUT THE
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DIRTY SUMMER CAMP.
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THERE IS SOMETHING AWFULLY
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FAMILIAR ABOUT THAT ONE BLACK
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GUY THERE.
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[LAUGHTER].
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HOLD THE BEATS IS THAT OBAMA?
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COME ON, MAN, YOU CAN'T DRESS
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LIKE OUR FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT
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IN GEORGE W.'S FIRST BACKYARD
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THAT IS MORE THREATENING THAN A
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HOODY.
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IF I WERE BLACK NEXT TO A PACK
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OF WHITE SOUTHERN GUYS I WOULD
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NOT WAIT FOR THE WALK SIGNAL
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EITHER MUCH THE PRK PROBLEM
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WITH
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WEARING MASKS IS IT KILLS YOUR
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PERATIVE VISION.
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>> TEXAS IS WHERE ALL
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PRESIDENTS GO TO GET MURDERED.
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TIME TO SWEAR IN FAKE JOE
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BIDON.
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AT LEAST HE MADE PROGRESS 50
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YEARS HE WOULD HAVE TO GET HIT
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BY THE BACK OF THE BUS.
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YAY!
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HE IS ALIVE HANG IN FOR 3
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MONTHS
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TO GET AN OBAMA APPROVED DOCTOR
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TO SEE YOU.
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FOR THAT WE THANK YOU.
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WE WILL BE BACK WITH THE WEB
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REDEPOSITION BUT FIRST I HOPE
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FOR YOUR SAKE HE SDNLT MAKE
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BAIL.
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>> I WILL GET YOU --
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[APPLAUSE]
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[SINGING]
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>> FIND OUT IF YOUR MAN HAS
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BEEN JOGGING THAT BONER BLOOD
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HOUND WAS SING THE MOST
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BEAUTIFUL BALLAD THE WORLD HAS
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EVER KNOWN SMELL YO DICK.
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HOW ABOUT CHECKING HIS TEXT
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WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP LIKE A
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NORMAL PSYCHO.
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THE REAL PROBLEM IS CHEATING IT
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IS MONOGAMY EVERY MANMENTS TO
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CHEAT IF YOUR BOYFRIEND IS
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FAITHFUL KNOW HE IS MISERABLE.
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I'M SORRY I DID WHAT EVOLUTION
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PROGRAMMED ME TO DO ATTRACTED
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TO SOMEONE YOU SHARED A
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BATHROOM WITH FOR 20 YEARS
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SWANS MEAT FOR LIFE BECAUSE
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THEY HAVE TINY BRAINS AND ALL
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GIRL SWANS HAVE THE SAME SIZED
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TITS.
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MARY CHEATED ON JOSEPH WITH GOD
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AND THAT WORKED OUT WELL FOR
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ALL OF US AND CHEATING CREATED
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A DEL IF YOU ARE DATING A GIRL
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THAT IS SING PLEASE, SCREW
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AROUND ON HER SO WE WILL HAVE A
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BEAUTIFUL SONG TO CRY TO NEXT
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YEAR.
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I STILL WANTED TO MAKE THE
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NEWEST TOSH PNT HO THIS WEEK'S
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WEB REDEMPTION.
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I'M HERE SORRY I'M LATE.
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TRAFFIC WAS A BITCH.
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>> TRAFFIC?
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>> LET ME SMELL YOUR --
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>> YOU KNOW ERIC BIG BABY HE
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CALLED ME I HAVE A SONG I NEED
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TO YOU GET ON, I'M LIKE, OKAY,
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WHAT IS IT ABOUT.
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>> HOW OLD IS THAT SONG.
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6 YEARS I WAS 17.
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>>YOU WERE 17 WHEN YOU WERE --
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17 YEARS OLD AND THAT IS
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SOMETHING NO ONE MENTSS TO TALK
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ABOUT BUT IT IS TRUE.
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WERE YOU WORRIED ABOUT ASKING A
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17 YEAR OLD GIRL TO SMELL YOUR
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DICK.
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I DIDN'T ASK HER TO SMELL MINE.
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>> SHE WAS 17 AND ABOUT TO TURN
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18.
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WOMEN HAVE GUYS AND THEY COME
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HOME LATE YOU CALL AND TEXT AND
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THEY DON'T ANSWER WHEN THEY GET
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BACK YOU SAY, LET ME SMELL YOUR
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DICK.
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YOU SMELL A MAN'S PENIS
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>> YES.
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YOU SHOULDN'T CHEAT.
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>> I NEVER CHEATED ON A GIRL.
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>> I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.
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>> IF I DON'T WANT TO BE A
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RELATIONSHIP I'M HONEST AND I
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GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
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>> OKAY.
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I THROW THAT DICK EVERY WHERE.
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[LAUGHTER].
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>> THIS SONG COME FROM A
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PERSONAL PLACE, HAD YOU BEEN
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CHEATING ON SOMEONE?
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I HAVE CHEATED.
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>> HAVE THEY ASKED TO SMELL
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YOUR DICK.
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>> WHAT DOES A CHEATING DICK
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SMELL LIKE?
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>> YOU HAVE TO ASK A DICK
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SMELLER.
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>> WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I COME
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HOME AT 4 IN THE MORNING AND MY
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GIRLFRIENDMENTS TO SMELL MY
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DICK WHAT SHOULD I DO.
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>> DON'T COME HOME.
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>> THEY DID 4 VERSIONS YOU DID
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A CLEAN VERSION.
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ONE IS CALLED SMELL YOUR NIC.
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>> SMELL YOUR WEENY.
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>> THEY WANT TO KNOW THE REAL
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STUFF.
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>> I GOTCHA.
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SMELL YOUR GOO GUN.
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DISCO STICK.
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SMELL YOUR 1 EYED WORM.
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>> NO.
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>> WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE WITH
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THE SMELL OF A NUT CANNON AND
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THE BALLS.
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>> WHAT IS THE NUT CANNON,
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>> YOUR DICK.
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>> DEPENDSES IF YOU ARE SISHG
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00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,470
UP SIZED YOU HAVE ALL THAT FAT
269
00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:35,067
LEFT OUT WHATEVER.
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00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,627
>> THAT'S WHAT CARRIES THE
271
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:38,403
SMELL THE BALLS.
272
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:40,130
>> YOU NEED TO HOLD THEM.
273
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:42,233
YOU KNOW WHY I DON'T WANT YOU
274
00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:44,633
HOLDING THEM IT GIVES YOU TOO
275
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:47,703
MUCH POWER.
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00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,170
[LAUGHTER].
277
00:12:48,167 --> 00:13:01,427
>> YOUR SONG IS A MASTERPIECE
278
00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,603
AND I THINK IT SDERSS THE
279
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,200
UTMOST RESPECT.
280
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,670
ARE YOU READY TO GIVE A
281
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:07,397
PERFORMANCE OF A LIFETIME?
282
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,330
>> MOST DEFINITELY.
283
00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:09,733
KWLEER CLEAR
284
00:13:13,667 --> 00:15:23,067
[APPLAUSE] [SINGING] [MUSIC]
285
00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:28,897
MRAUS MRAUS
286
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:41,770
>> [APPLAUSE] SPECIAL THANKS
287
00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:44,397
TO THE WONDERFUL PARENT WHO IS
288
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:45,830
LET THEIR CHILDREN SING ABOUT
289
00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:47,333
DICK ON MY SHOW.
290
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:49,873
BEFORE WE GO HERE IS YU DON'T
291
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:54,297
LET THE ROOKIE TERRORIST USE
292
00:15:54,300 --> 00:16:07,400
THE BAZOOKA.
293
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:16,470
>> DON'T GO GAY IT IS NOT
294
00:16:16,467 --> 00:16:17,067
HEALTHY
295
00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:19,727
>> ANY CRAZY WOMAN CAN BLAB ON
296
00:16:19,733 --> 00:16:22,173
HOW WRONG SHE THINKS THE GAYS
297
00:16:22,167 --> 00:16:22,497
ARE.
298
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,070
I'M A CITY COULD YOU THINK MAN
299
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,497
FOR NEBRASKA.
300
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:29,930
>> INTO THE ANUS TO RUPTURE
301
00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:31,303
INTEST EYEWITNESS.
302
00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:35,070
SPELL PENIS AND NOT ANUS.
303
00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:37,067
>> MORE A MAN DOES IS MORE
304
00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:43,627
LIKELY HE WILL BE A FATALITY OR
305
00:16:43,633 --> 00:16:44,073
HOMICIDER.
306
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:48,597
>> AFTER ANNAL I'M TOO TIRED.
307
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:53,900
>> WITHOUT CLOTHE IN A BATHTUB
308
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:55,670
EVERY ONE FOUND WITHOUT CLOTHES
309
00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:58,827
HAS A PARTNER WHO DID AWAY WITH
310
00:16:58,833 --> 00:16:59,173
HIM.
311
00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:04,327
THAT PARTNER IS COCAINE.
312
00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:05,903
GAYS RARELY LIVE PAST 40
313
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,700
BECAUSE IT IS COMMON FOR A
314
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:10,070
PARTNER TO DO AWAY WITH THEM OR
315
00:17:10,067 --> 00:17:11,067
THEY SELF INFLICT.
316
00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:13,127
>> YOU HAVE TO STOP THAT IS
317
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:15,503
NOT TRUE THERE ARE PLENTY OF
318
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:19,170
OLD GAYS, SEE VINCENT.
319
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:21,727
WHAT ARE YOU 60.
320
00:17:21,733 --> 00:17:27,373
>> ANUS LICKING CAUSES SEPSIS.
321
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,597
>> DO YOU CONSIDER THAT PART
322
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,100
OF THE ANUS?
323
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:34,100
A DARKER BROWN AREA.
324
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:36,330
>> HIGH PERCENT OF GAY MEN IN
325
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:38,403
SCHOOL GROUNDS MOLEST BOYS
326
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,570
PARTLY BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE
327
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:42,867
AIDS YET.
328
00:17:42,867 --> 00:17:45,727
>> LESS CHANCE OF AIDS, GOT
329
00:17:45,733 --> 00:17:46,403
IT.
330
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,700
>> BE ON THE SIDE OF THE
331
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:48,800
INNOCENT BOY.
332
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,730
>> IF YOU DON'T STOP LAUGHING
333
00:17:50,733 --> 00:17:52,803
I WILL ASK TO COME BACK FOR A
334
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,330
PRIVATE MEETING WITH ME AND
335
00:17:56,333 --> 00:17:56,733
VINCENT.
336
00:17:56,733 --> 00:18:00,103
>> FUNGUS GROSS HUGELY ON A
337
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,230
CORPS.
338
00:18:01,233 --> 00:18:06,303
AIDS CAN BE A FUNGUS DISEASE.
339
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:11,630
KISSED BY A HOMO WHO TRIED TO
340
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:15,333
SABOTAGE JESUS' KIND IDEAS.
341
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:18,403
YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.
342
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,430
>> A THIRD OPTION?
343
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,303
THROW A CHICKEN IN THE MIX.
344
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:26,130
THE PROBLEM I HAVE WITH HAPPY
345
00:18:26,133 --> 00:18:27,633
GILLMORE'S GRANDMA IS SHE IS
346
00:18:27,633 --> 00:18:29,973
NOT A RESIDENT OF LINCOLN.
347
00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:34,397
BUNCH OF HOMO PHOBES THERE.
348
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,670
GOT 2 VIEWERS LOSING THEIR
349
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:39,427
MINDS, I DON'T THINK THAT IS
350
00:18:39,433 --> 00:18:39,803
TRUE.
351
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,470
DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR BLOG
352
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,367
TO BE A VIEWER VIDEO THIS
353
00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:47,167
WEEK'S WINNER IS FROM JIM AND
354
00:18:47,167 --> 00:19:09,797
ANTHONY KING.
355
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,730
WHY ARE DRAWING ME.
356
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,073
>> I DON'T SEE WHAT THE FUSS
357
00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:14,897
IS B. WE WILL BE BACK WITH
358
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:15,200
MORE.
359
00:19:34,067 --> 00:19:35,867
WELCOME BACK THANK YOU FOR ALL
360
00:19:35,867 --> 00:19:37,067
YOUR BIRTHDAY WISHES.
361
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:40,327
GOOD NEWS THE TOSH BRAND IS
362
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:41,803
GROWING ON SEPTEMBER 25TH I
363
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,070
WILL HAVE MIAN MATED SHOW.
364
00:19:44,067 --> 00:19:45,497
BRICKEL BERRY.
365
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:49,070
I PLAY A CUTE BEAR CUB NAMED
366
00:19:49,067 --> 00:19:49,397
MALOI.
367
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,230
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MEET HIM.
368
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,373
I GOT RAPED.
369
00:19:53,367 --> 00:19:55,597
I HAVE BEEN TOLD I HAVE A LOT
370
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,730
OF RANGE AS A VOICE ACTOR.
371
00:19:58,733 --> 00:20:05,103
A SKATE BOARDER KID GETS A WEB
372
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:06,270
REDEMPTION.
373
00:20:06,267 --> 00:20:09,967
>> AND THAT IS HOW YOU GLEAM
374
00:20:09,967 --> 00:20:11,167
THE CUBE.
375
00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:13,297
IS TWITTER STILL AROUND?
376
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:15,900
FOLLOW ME ON THAT.
377
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:17,800
KEEP UP WITH OUR BLOG, CAN'T
378
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,800
WAIT FOR THAT THING TO GO
379
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:20,270
PUBLIC.
380
00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:23,367
I GOT IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR,
381
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:25,127
CHECK OUT OUR STORE WHILE WE
382
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,003
WERE GONE PEOPLE WERE CREEPED
383
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,470
OUT BY TIME'S COVER WITH A 5
384
00:20:29,467 --> 00:20:31,267
YEAR OLD BOY SUCKING ON HIS
385
00:20:31,267 --> 00:20:33,727
MAMA'S TIT THAT HE IS IMMATURE.
386
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,633
BREAST FEEDING IS A NATURAL AND
387
00:20:35,633 --> 00:20:37,433
BEAUTIFUL ACT IT STRENGTHENS
388
00:20:37,433 --> 00:20:38,933
THE BOND WITH MOTHER AND CHILD
389
00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:40,973
AND BREAST FEEDING IS A
390
00:20:40,967 --> 00:20:45,197
LOOPHOLE FOR GETTING MELONS ON
391
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:51,900
COMEDY CENTRAL.
392
00:20:51,900 --> 00:21:09,700
[MUSIC] SEE YOU NEXT WEEK FOR
24343
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