Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:11,667
[students chattering]
2
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,130
[audience groans]
3
00:00:13,167 --> 00:00:16,167
[cheers and applause]
4
00:00:18,833 --> 00:00:21,233
- WELCOME TO TOSH.0!
5
00:00:21,267 --> 00:00:22,727
[cheering continues]
6
00:00:22,767 --> 00:00:25,097
WOW!
7
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,303
SHE IS REALLY UP THERE.
8
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:28,933
THE HEAVIER GIRL
NOT SO MUCH.
9
00:00:28,967 --> 00:00:30,497
HEH HEH!
10
00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:34,373
FRESHMAN 15
HAS ITS ADVANTAGES.
11
00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,700
YOU CAN ONLY ASK KIDS
TO SIT DOWN SO MANY TIMES,
12
00:00:36,733 --> 00:00:39,473
THEN YOU HAVE TO HIT
A SPEED BUMP DOING 50.
13
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:40,870
LITTLE KNOWN FACT.
14
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,270
THAT'S WHY ROSA PARKS
DIDN'T SIT IN THE BACK.
15
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,970
POTHOLES.
16
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,500
POTHOLES.
17
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:49,803
WE HAVE GREAT SHOW TODAY.
18
00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:52,403
THE HOME SHOPPING LADDER GUY
GETS A WEB REDEMPTION.
19
00:00:52,433 --> 00:00:55,603
WE GIVE THE PIZZA ROLL KID
HIS TOUGHEST CHALLENGE YET.
20
00:00:55,633 --> 00:00:59,033
I CONSIDER TAKING THIS GUY ON
IN ARM WRESTLING.
21
00:00:59,067 --> 00:01:01,327
AND BE SURE TO STAY TUNED
FOR THE WHOLE SHOW,
22
00:01:01,367 --> 00:01:03,427
BECAUSE WE HAVE
A SEASON-ENDING CLIFFHANGER
23
00:01:03,467 --> 00:01:05,697
THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.
24
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,503
LET'S START
WITH A LITTLE ROAD KILL.
25
00:01:07,533 --> 00:01:10,473
[women hooting]
26
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,070
[women scream]
27
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,697
[chuckles]
28
00:01:13,733 --> 00:01:14,903
IT COULD'VE BEEN WORSE.
29
00:01:14,933 --> 00:01:17,633
THEY COULD'VE BEEN HOT.
30
00:01:17,667 --> 00:01:20,427
GUESS WE'RE HEADING BACK
TO THE HOME DEPOT
31
00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:21,867
TO GET TWO NEW ONES.
32
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:25,670
[laughter]
UN-UH. I MEAN MEXICANS.
33
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:29,070
THAT REALLY DOESN'T
SOFTEN IT.
34
00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:31,067
ALL RIGHT, NOW OPEN
YOUR MOUTH AND SAY, "UGH!"
35
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:32,830
- [speaking foreign language]
36
00:01:32,867 --> 00:01:36,467
[audience groaning]
37
00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:39,430
YEAH. HE GOES [bleep]
ON WOMEN BY 10:00 A.M.
38
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,797
THAN YOU DO ALL DAY.
39
00:01:41,833 --> 00:01:45,433
HEY, I'D LET HIM GO [bleep]
ON ME JUST FOR THE STORY.
40
00:01:45,467 --> 00:01:48,727
HE CAN TIE A CHERRY TREE
IN A KNOT.
41
00:01:48,767 --> 00:01:51,627
YOU KNOW HIS PENIS MUST HAVE
TONGUE ENVY.
42
00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:54,927
HIS DOCTOR PROBABLY USES
A 2x4 AS A TONGUE DEPRESSOR.
43
00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:58,267
YOU GET IT?
HE'S GOT A BIG [bleep] TONGUE.
44
00:01:58,300 --> 00:01:59,900
UGH.
45
00:02:00,067 --> 00:02:03,497
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU DON'T GIVE A HOOT.
46
00:02:03,533 --> 00:02:07,373
YEAH, WHEN IN ROMANIA.
47
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,670
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
IS A RIVER OF [bleep]?
48
00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:12,330
WEEZER'S NEW ALBUM.
49
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:16,327
[laughter and applause]
50
00:02:16,367 --> 00:02:19,097
TRUST ME, THERE IS
NOTHING MORE RELAXING
51
00:02:19,133 --> 00:02:22,533
THAN TUBING DOWN
THE MISS-[bleep] RIVER.
52
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:28,330
AHH!
53
00:02:28,367 --> 00:02:30,067
[opens can]
54
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,697
IT'S OKAY.
55
00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:34,533
IT WASN'T OPENED YET.
56
00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:37,167
PROBABLY SHOULD'VE RECYCLED.
57
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,900
THERE'S MY CONDOM.
58
00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:42,273
THAT IS THE ONLY POSITION
YOU SHOULD BE IN
59
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:45,200
IN JEAN SHORTS.
60
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,803
ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S NEXT?
61
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:58,200
A HOT TUB, SEA-DOO
AND A STRIPPER POLE?
62
00:02:58,233 --> 00:03:03,073
THIS IS THE HOLY TRINITY
OF HAPPINESS.
63
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,830
AND I WAS HOPING THIS WOULD
END IN AN ACCIDENT TOO...
64
00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:08,527
BUT SADLY, NO.
65
00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:09,967
MAYBE THIS NEXT ONE
WILL BE BETTER.
66
00:03:10,067 --> 00:03:11,927
- READY.
67
00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:14,067
- YES. TAZER.
68
00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:19,727
WE'RE OFF TO A GOOD START.
DO IT.
69
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:21,197
[chuckling]
70
00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:23,433
THAT WAS SHOCKING.
71
00:03:23,467 --> 00:03:25,197
NOW LET'S SEE
HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS
72
00:03:25,233 --> 00:03:27,603
WE CAN POST IN 20 SECONDS.
73
00:03:27,633 --> 00:03:29,933
DON'T FEEL BAD.
CHINA'S TOO CROWDED, ANYWAY.
74
00:03:29,967 --> 00:03:31,597
audience: OH!
75
00:03:31,633 --> 00:03:35,073
- GREAT. HE'S GONNA SLEEP
RIGHT THROUGH HIS KARATE LESSON.
76
00:03:35,067 --> 00:03:36,627
MORE EFFECTIVE
THAN RITALIN.
77
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,567
IF YOU DO THAT
WHILE YOU MASTURBATE,
78
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,470
IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE AWESOME.
79
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:42,700
IT IS.
80
00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:44,333
YOU HAVE DISHONORED YOURSELF.
[drumbeat]
81
00:03:44,367 --> 00:03:47,067
AAH! KUNG PAO!
82
00:03:49,233 --> 00:03:52,233
KIND OF RACIST
AT THE END THERE.
83
00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:54,067
ARE YOU FAMILIAR
WITH THE POLAR BEAR CLUB?
84
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,267
THAT'S WHERE OLD MEN JUMP
INTO FREEZING WATER.
85
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:58,470
WELL, HERE'S HOW THEY HAZE
THEIR NEW MEMBERS.
86
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,570
- [speaking foreign language]
87
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,900
- THAT IS NOT
HOW JESUS DID IT.
88
00:04:08,933 --> 00:04:12,673
OR MAYBE IT IS, AND IT'S JUST
A BOOK OF EXAGGERATIONS.
89
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,570
AND I THOUGHT I'D FEED
THIS WHOLE CROWD WITH ONE FISH.
90
00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,427
IF I HAD ONE WISH,
IT WOULD BE
91
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:23,267
TO GET BETTER CAMERAS
IN RUSSIA.
92
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,270
I FEEL THAT PLACE
COULD BE BEAUTIFUL.
93
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:29,170
BUT THE FOOTAGE I'VE SEEN--
VERY DEPRESSING.
94
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,130
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
TO A TALENT SHOW
95
00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:32,727
WHERE SOMEONE WAS
ACTUALLY TALENTED?
96
00:04:32,767 --> 00:04:34,427
IT IS AWFUL.
97
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:37,427
[playing classical music]
98
00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:38,827
*
99
00:04:38,867 --> 00:04:42,497
LOOK AT THAT VIRGIN GO.
100
00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:50,203
CONGRATS. YOU'RE THE BEST
ACCORDION PLAYER IN THE WORLD.
101
00:04:50,233 --> 00:04:52,703
HAVE FUN BEING THAT.
102
00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:54,773
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HAVE
MASTERED SOMETHING
103
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,530
NO ONE WANTS TO
LISTEN TO EVER?
104
00:04:57,567 --> 00:04:59,127
I WAS ACTUALLY
IN THAT TALENT SHOW.
105
00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:02,897
[plays note]
106
00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:06,473
AND THAT WAS BEYONCE'S
SINGLE LADIES.
107
00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:08,670
I SHOULD'VE GONE FIRST.
108
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:10,700
I TELL YOU
WHAT I SHOULD'VE DONE.
109
00:05:10,733 --> 00:05:14,803
I SHOULD'VE GONE
WITH A RIHANNA SONG.
110
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:17,273
- WHOA!
111
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,600
[people cheering]
112
00:05:19,633 --> 00:05:22,673
[woman shouting]
113
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,870
[audience groans]
114
00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:27,300
OH! WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.
115
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:28,733
WOMEN CAN'T DO
ANYTHING RIGHT.
116
00:05:28,767 --> 00:05:30,467
[laughter and applause]
117
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,730
EVEN IN DUBAI, UGH.
118
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:36,467
I GUESS SHE SHOULD BE GLAD
SHE DIDN'T STOP ON A LANDMINE.
119
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,800
NOW LET'S RESET THE PINS
AND TAKE ANOTHER LOOK
120
00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:40,773
AT THIS 7-10 SPLIT
TO THE HEAD
121
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,200
IN THIS WEEK'S BREAKDOWN.
122
00:05:42,233 --> 00:05:46,273
[cheers and applause]
123
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,330
- YOU CAN TELL
THIS ISN'T IN AMERICA
124
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:53,067
BECAUSE THE WOMAN BOWLING
ISN'T 80 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.
125
00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:55,927
NOPE, IT'S THE LEAGUE NIGHT
AT ARABIAN STRIKES,
126
00:05:55,967 --> 00:05:57,867
AND PRINCESS JASMINE HERE
IS READY TO GO
127
00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,330
SUICIDE BOMBER ON SOME PINS.
128
00:06:00,367 --> 00:06:01,667
BIG NIGHT.
129
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:04,670
SHE GOT TO WEAR WHAT
AMERICANS CALL BLUE JEANS.
130
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,400
- WHOA!
131
00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:11,073
- NOTICE--PINK BALL,
TERRIBLE TECHNIQUE.
132
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:14,130
PETE WEBER WOULD NOT APPROVE.
133
00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:17,597
[laughter and applause]
134
00:06:17,633 --> 00:06:21,503
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHO PETE WEBER IS?
135
00:06:21,533 --> 00:06:24,073
SUCK IT.
136
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:25,527
HEY, AND LOOK AT THAT.
SHE'S OVER THE LINE.
137
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,497
THAT'S A FOOT FAULT, CHEATER!
138
00:06:27,533 --> 00:06:29,203
CHEATERS NEVER WIN.
139
00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:30,533
EXCEPT IN BASEBALL.
140
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:31,827
[audience groans]
141
00:06:31,867 --> 00:06:35,597
[men cheering]
142
00:06:35,633 --> 00:06:39,703
PRAISE ALLAH! A STRIKE!
143
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,933
THAT'S THE MOST A WOMAN
HAS EVER ACCOMPLISHED
144
00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:43,197
IN THAT COUNTRY.
145
00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,233
audience: OH!
146
00:06:44,267 --> 00:06:45,497
- AND CHECK OUT THIS GUY
147
00:06:45,533 --> 00:06:49,273
TRYING TO SNEAK A TITTY CUP
ON THE HIGH HUG.
148
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,070
MANY HAVE HAD A HAND
CHOPPED OFF
149
00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:53,367
FOR LESS THAN THAT,
MY FRIEND.
150
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,100
[woman screaming]
151
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:56,433
ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN.
152
00:06:56,467 --> 00:06:58,697
IT'S NOT LIKE
YOU FOUND OSAMA.
153
00:06:58,733 --> 00:07:01,873
YOU ROLLED A BALL.
AND WHERE ARE YOU HEADED?
154
00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:06,400
YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETRIEVE
YOUR OWN BALL.
155
00:07:06,433 --> 00:07:10,873
AND SHE TOPPLES JUST LIKE
THE STATUE OF SADDAM.
156
00:07:10,900 --> 00:07:13,870
BOWLING SHOES ARE NOT MADE
FOR TAKING VICTORY LAPS.
157
00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,930
LET'S SEE IT AGAIN.
158
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:19,097
OOH! YOU HIT YOUR HEAD,
159
00:07:19,133 --> 00:07:21,433
BUT IT'S BETTER THAN BEING
LOCKED IN A SEX DUNGEON.
160
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:23,067
[chuckles]
161
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,967
OR A NON-CONSENSUAL
SEX ROOM.
162
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:30,527
[cheers and applause]
163
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:32,467
IT'S JUST TOO BAD
THAT SHE'LL HAVE TO BE
164
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:35,070
STONED DEATH
FOR DAMAGING THAT LANE.
165
00:07:35,067 --> 00:07:36,927
LUCKY FOR US,
WE DON'T LIVE THERE,
166
00:07:36,967 --> 00:07:39,227
BUT AT LEAST SOMEONE DEFIED
THE TALIBAN LONG ENOUGH
167
00:07:39,267 --> 00:07:43,127
TO PUT THIS VIDEO ONLINE,
AND FOR THAT, WE THANK YOU.
168
00:07:43,167 --> 00:07:46,697
COMING UP, WE GIVE THE HOME
SHOPPING GUY A WEB REDEMPTION.
169
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:50,803
BUT FIRST, HERE'S PROOF
THAT A FAT PERSON CAN STRETCH.
170
00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:52,133
THEY JUST CHOOSE NOT TO--
171
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:54,367
IN OUR SKATEBOARD
TRICK OF THE WEEK.
172
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,300
- WATCH IT, WATCH IT.
173
00:07:57,333 --> 00:07:59,503
- OH, [bleep]!
174
00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:05,197
- SAY YOU HAVE A--
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO
175
00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:07,103
GET UP ON THE WALL OR HIGH
CEILING, VAULTED CEILING.
176
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:08,473
HEY, LISTEN,
JUST WALK RIGHT UP.
177
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,130
AND I TELL YOU,
IT'S VERY SAFE.
178
00:08:10,167 --> 00:08:12,127
IT'S DURABLE.
AND IT'S LIGHTWEIGHT.
179
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:14,097
- OH, YOU'RE SCARING ME.
- SO REALLY--
180
00:08:14,133 --> 00:08:16,073
- WHOA!
- NOW IT'S LOCKED IN PLACE.
181
00:08:16,067 --> 00:08:18,727
OKAY?
SO REALLY, YOU SEE--
182
00:08:18,767 --> 00:08:20,697
- OH, GOD!
HAROLD, ARE YOU OKAY?
183
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,973
[laughter and applause]
184
00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,497
- WASN'T LOCKED.
185
00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:27,303
I HOPE OPERATORS
ARE STANDING BY,
186
00:08:27,333 --> 00:08:30,203
BECAUSE HE'S GONNA NEED
A RIDE TO THE HOSPITAL.
187
00:08:30,233 --> 00:08:31,803
INFOMERCIALS ARE GREAT.
188
00:08:31,833 --> 00:08:33,273
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA
WATCH AT 3:00 A.M.?
189
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,500
CARSON DALY?
190
00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,933
SOMEONE JUST GOT OUT
OF THE [bleep] ROOM.
191
00:08:37,967 --> 00:08:41,497
[laughter]
192
00:08:41,533 --> 00:08:44,903
THE WRONG END,
THE WRONG END.
193
00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:47,133
MY FAVORITE PART
OF INFOMERCIALS?
194
00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:48,767
THE PITCHMEN.
195
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:50,430
I DON'T CARE THAT THE GUY'S
SELLING A SPONGE
196
00:08:50,467 --> 00:08:53,527
SHAPED LIKE A PAPER TOWEL
BEAT UP A HOOKER.
197
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,227
OR THAT MY LAUNDRY HAS
NEVER BEEN CLEANER
198
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,527
THANKS TO A GUY
THAT LOVES WHITE POWDER.
199
00:08:57,567 --> 00:09:00,067
[chuckles] AND I'M NOT
TALKING ABOUT OXICLEAN.
200
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:01,567
R.I.P., BILLY.
201
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,430
I HOPE THEY BURIED YOU
IN A SNUGGIE.
202
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:07,567
WHICH, FOR THE RECORD,
IS JUST A BACKWARDS ROBE
203
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,530
FOR MORONS WHO DON'T MIND
STRIPPING DOWN TO PEE NAKED.
204
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,597
EVERY TIME I SEE
AN INFOMERCIAL,
205
00:09:13,633 --> 00:09:16,103
I THINK, "HOW MUCH IS THIS
CRAP GONNA COST ME?"
206
00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:18,503
MY GUESS IS $1 MILLION.
NO?
207
00:09:18,533 --> 00:09:20,073
IMAGINE MY SHOCK
AND SURPRISE
208
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,070
WHEN IT GOES FOR $9.99.
209
00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,467
THEN THEY'RE
THROWING IN A TON
210
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:25,770
OF OTHER SLIGHTLY-RELATED
ITEMS FOR THE SAME PRICE,
211
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,430
AND SUDDENLY YOU'D BE
LOSING MONEY
212
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,497
IF YOU DIDN'T BUY IT.
213
00:09:29,533 --> 00:09:32,773
ALL I WANTED TO DO
WAS SET IT AND FORGET IT!
214
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:37,770
NOW I'M RUNNING A GODDAMN
BOSTON MARKET IN MY KITCHEN.
215
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,500
THAT'S WHY WE PAID
HAROLD MCCOO
216
00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:42,073
THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $206,
217
00:09:42,100 --> 00:09:43,700
PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING,
218
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:45,603
TO COME TO HOLLYWOOD
FOR THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.
219
00:09:45,633 --> 00:09:47,633
[cheers and applause]
220
00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:52,397
- HEY, DANIEL.
221
00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,173
- HEY, HAROLD.
- HOW ARE YOU?
222
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,900
- I'M DOING GOOD.
JUST DOING THE WINDOWS.
223
00:09:55,933 --> 00:09:57,073
- I SEE THAT.
224
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:59,997
- [bleep].
I'LL BE RIGHT DOWN.
225
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,273
WAS IT LOCKED?
226
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:04,530
- NO.
IT WASN'T LOCKED.
227
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:05,867
- THE FLEX-O-LADDER.
228
00:10:05,900 --> 00:10:07,530
I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT YOU OWN
THIS COMPANY NOW.
229
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,867
- [laughs]
- DID YOU SUE 'EM?
230
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:12,570
- THE THING IS,
IT WASN'T LOCKED.
231
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,830
- I KNOW.
WE ALL KNOW.
232
00:10:14,867 --> 00:10:16,367
- SO THAT'S NOT
THE COMPANY'S FAULT.
233
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,200
- HOW LONG AFTER THAT CLIP
DID YOU QUIT?
234
00:10:19,233 --> 00:10:20,203
- I DIDN'T QUIT.
235
00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:21,873
THEY SHUT
THE WHOLE NETWORK DOWN.
236
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:23,230
- BECAUSE OF THAT INCIDENT?
237
00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:25,497
- NO.
NOT BECAUSE--
238
00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:28,103
- I WOULD HAVE LOVED FOR YOU
TO BRING THE WHOLE EMPIRE DOWN
239
00:10:28,133 --> 00:10:30,373
BECAUSE OF ONE FAULTY LADDER.
240
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,130
ARE YOU MAD THAT IT
POPPED UP ON YOUTUBE?
241
00:10:32,167 --> 00:10:34,067
- WHEN I STARTED LOOKING
AT SOME OF THE COMMENTS,
242
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,000
THEN I REALLY GOT SICK,
243
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:39,273
'CAUSE SOME OF THESE PEOPLE
IT'S AS IF THEY HAVE NO LIFE.
244
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,130
SO THEY GO TO YOUTUBE,
LOOK AT STUFF.
245
00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:43,027
- WELCOME TO THE INTERNET.
246
00:10:43,067 --> 00:10:44,367
- AND IT'S IRONIC
THAT ALL THE THINGS
247
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,600
I'VE DONE IN THE INDUSTRY,
YOU KNOW,
248
00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:48,433
LEGITIMATE HARD-CORE NEWS,
249
00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:51,027
DOING REPORTING,
AND ANCHORING, AND TALK SHOWS,
250
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:53,697
INTERNATIONAL PRINT WORK,
YOU KNOW, B.E.T. NETWORK.
251
00:10:53,733 --> 00:10:55,603
- I'M FAMILIAR?
- OH, YEAH?
252
00:10:55,633 --> 00:10:57,773
- YES.
THEY LET ME WATCH.
253
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,670
- OF ALL THAT,
THE ONE THING
254
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:04,470
THAT NOW IS SPLATTERED
ALL OVER THE INTERNET
255
00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,600
IS THIS LITTLE INCIDENT
WITH THIS LADDER COLLAPSING.
256
00:11:07,633 --> 00:11:09,603
- WELL, A CLOSE SECOND,
IN MY BOOK,
257
00:11:09,633 --> 00:11:11,873
WOULD BE SOME OF THAT
INTERNATIONAL PRINT WORK.
258
00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:13,800
[laughter]
259
00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:15,403
I'D LIKE TO GIVE YOU
A FEW PRODUCTS,
260
00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:17,073
GET YOU BACK UP
ON THAT HORSE--
261
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,230
LADDER--
262
00:11:18,267 --> 00:11:20,067
AND SEE HOW WELL
YOU CAN SELL THEM.
263
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,667
AND IF YOU DO
GET HURT THIS TIME,
264
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:25,300
I PROMISE YOU WE WILL SEND YOU
A FREE LADDER.
265
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:26,473
NO, YOU CAN SUE.
266
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,300
YOU COULD SUE
IF YOU GOT HURT TODAY,
267
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:29,633
THAT'S FOR SURE.
- YEAH.
268
00:11:29,667 --> 00:11:31,097
- THAT IS ON TAPE.
269
00:11:31,133 --> 00:11:32,633
OKAY, THE WORLD
WANTS TO KNOW,
270
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:35,097
ARE YOU READY
TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT?
271
00:11:35,133 --> 00:11:38,173
- I'M READY.
ARE YOU GUYS READY?
272
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,230
[cheers and applause]
273
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,367
- WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR US?
274
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,070
- THE SHAMWOW,
275
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:44,730
THE MOST ABSORBENT
TOWEL EVER.
276
00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:45,927
CHECK IT OUT.
277
00:11:45,967 --> 00:11:47,197
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
- OH, YES.
278
00:11:47,233 --> 00:11:48,533
- OH!
279
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:49,867
- YOU'LL SAY "WOW"
EVERY TIME...
280
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,930
- WOW!
- WITH THE SHAMWOW.
281
00:11:51,967 --> 00:11:53,797
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.
- OH, MAN.
282
00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:55,903
- WHO DOESN'T WANT
TIGHT, TONED, SIX-PACK ABS?
283
00:11:55,933 --> 00:11:57,973
- I DO!
- WITH THE AB LOUNGE,
284
00:11:58,067 --> 00:11:59,727
THEY'VE NEVER BEEN
EASIER TO GET.
285
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,567
- I CAN FEEL IT WORKING!
286
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,800
- BUT WAIT,
THERE'S MORE.
287
00:12:03,833 --> 00:12:06,103
- YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME!
288
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,073
- I'M NOT.
IT'S THE GINSU KNIFE.
289
00:12:08,067 --> 00:12:11,627
BY FAR THE BEST,
THE SHARPEST KNIFE
290
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:13,767
YOU'LL EVER OWN.
291
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,130
- THAT WENT THROUGH
LIKE BUTTER.
292
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,467
- BUT WAIT,
THERE'S MORE.
293
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:18,830
- [bleep]!
294
00:12:18,867 --> 00:12:21,227
- THE POWER JUICER,
THE ULTIMATE JUICING MACHINE.
295
00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:25,067
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!
296
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,400
- MORE?
297
00:12:26,433 --> 00:12:28,073
- THE SNUGGIE.
298
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:30,170
- IT'S SO SOFT!
299
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:31,330
- BUT WAIT,
THERE'S MORE.
300
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:33,627
- OH, I WILL [bleep] HIT YOU.
301
00:12:33,667 --> 00:12:35,667
- THE FLEX-O-LADDER.
- THE FLEX-O-LADDER?
302
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:37,800
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY
FOR THE FLEX-O-LADDER?
303
00:12:37,833 --> 00:12:38,973
- I'M SURE.
304
00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:40,797
- ARE YOU SURE IT'S LOCKED?
305
00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,303
- IT'S LOCKED.
306
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:45,203
- WELL, THEN WHY ELSE
WOULD YOU GO OVER
307
00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:47,233
A BUNCH OF PUPPIES
AND BABIES
308
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,427
UNLESS YOU WERE
COMPLETELY SURE?
309
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,400
- SEE, NOW IT'S
LOCKED IN PLACE, OKAY?
310
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:16,897
- THE FLEX-O-LADDER!
311
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:18,503
THE FLEX-O-LADDER!
312
00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,073
GOOD JOB.
313
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,800
ALL FOR $19.95.
314
00:13:22,833 --> 00:13:25,073
BABIES AND PUPPIES
NOT INCLUDED.
315
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:26,497
OH, MY GOODNESS.
316
00:13:26,533 --> 00:13:28,073
FUNNY BEHIND-THE-SCENES STORY.
317
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:31,827
WE HAD SO MANY MORE BABIES
ON THE FIRST TAKE.
318
00:13:31,867 --> 00:13:34,567
ALL RIGHT, THAT MAKES
16 WEB REDEMPTIONS THIS SEASON,
319
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,100
AND IT HASN'T
BEEN EASY ON ME
320
00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,073
MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY,
OR SPIRITUALLY.
321
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:39,430
THEY TAKE A LOT
OUT OF ME.
322
00:13:39,467 --> 00:13:41,727
SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK BACK
AT HOW I PERSONALLY
323
00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:43,227
AND SINGLE-HANDEDLY,
324
00:13:43,267 --> 00:13:45,967
WITHOUT THE HELP OF ANYBODY
ELSE ON THIS SHOW,
325
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:50,297
CHANGED THE LIVES OF SO MANY
POOR WRETCHED SOULS.
326
00:13:50,333 --> 00:13:52,073
HERE'S TO GREAT
WEB REDEMPTIONS.
327
00:13:52,067 --> 00:13:53,427
THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW...
328
00:13:53,467 --> 00:13:55,567
ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT?
329
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,070
- I THINK SO.
- I THINK SO.
330
00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,227
- YEAH.
- YES.
331
00:13:58,267 --> 00:13:59,527
- I'M READY.
- YEAH.
332
00:13:59,567 --> 00:14:01,227
- I'M READY.
- OH, I'M DEFINITELY READY.
333
00:14:01,267 --> 00:14:02,567
- I'M READY.
- THINK SO.
334
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,400
- LET'S DO IT.
- HELL YEAH, I'M READY TO GO.
335
00:14:04,433 --> 00:14:05,433
- LET'S GO.
- YES.
336
00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:06,927
- I'M READY.
- I'M READY.
337
00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,497
ARE YOU GUYS READY?
338
00:14:08,533 --> 00:14:11,173
- DO NOT [bleep] THIS UP.
339
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,070
[audience groans]
340
00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:43,767
EVERYONE DESERVES
A SECOND CHANCE.
341
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,070
THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
342
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:46,197
GOD, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
343
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,703
MEMORIES.
344
00:14:48,733 --> 00:14:51,073
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH A FUN NEW WAY
345
00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:52,627
TO DO WATERBOARDING.
346
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:55,627
BUT BEFORE WE GO, IT'S TIME
FOR THE PRANK OF THE WEEK.
347
00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:58,367
- GO.
348
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,870
[audience oohs]
349
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,870
male announcer: AND THAT WAS
THE PRANK OF THE WEEK
350
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,870
BROUGHT TO YOU BY HTC.
351
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,300
YOU DON'T NEED TO GET A PHONE.
352
00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:07,773
YOU NEED A PHONE
THAT GETS YOU.
353
00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,333
- I'M GETTING READY TO EAT
40 PIZZA ROLLS.
354
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,600
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, GUYS.
355
00:15:30,633 --> 00:15:32,273
IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER CHALLENGE
YOU WANT ME TO TRY,
356
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:33,270
HIT ME UP.
357
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,630
I'LL SEE IF I CAN DO IT.
358
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,897
DAMN, THAT WAS ROUGH.
359
00:15:36,933 --> 00:15:39,503
- YEAH, IT WAS ROUGH
TO WATCH TOO, JUSTIN.
360
00:15:39,533 --> 00:15:41,403
SO YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR CHALLENGES, HUH?
361
00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:43,333
EVER HEAR OF
CHICKEN IN A CAN?
362
00:15:47,867 --> 00:15:49,867
IT COMES FULLY COOKED.
KINDA GROSS, RIGHT?
363
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,370
WELL, THERE'S YOUR CHALLENGE.
364
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,730
I MAILED HIM SIX CANS.
BON APPETIT.
365
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:55,727
- HEY, DANIEL,
I REVIEWED YOUR CHALLENGE.
366
00:15:55,767 --> 00:15:57,227
SAD TO SAY,
I'M GONNA DOMINATE
367
00:15:57,267 --> 00:15:59,067
THIS CHICKEN
IN A CAN FOR YOU.
368
00:15:59,067 --> 00:16:01,127
I'D LIKE SOME MEAT ON THIS.
369
00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:02,667
ALL RIGHT, THERE WE GO.
370
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:06,570
[audience groaning]
371
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,100
I'M LUCKY.
372
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,470
[audience groaning]
373
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,100
[belches]
374
00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:15,903
TWO CHICKENS IN THE CAN.
375
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,803
ALL RIGHT,
THIS IS JUSTIN.
376
00:16:17,833 --> 00:16:20,073
CAMERAMAN WAS TREVOR.
AND WE ARE OUT.
377
00:16:20,067 --> 00:16:21,797
- OH, THANK YOU, JUSTIN.
378
00:16:21,833 --> 00:16:26,373
MAN, YOU WERE GREAT
IN SEVEN.
379
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,630
JUSTIN IS NOT THE ONLY
HUGE THING ON THE INTERNET.
380
00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:31,297
THERE'S ALSO WATERBOARDING.
381
00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:33,233
PEOPLE ALWAYS DEBATE,
IS IT TORTURE?
382
00:16:33,267 --> 00:16:34,897
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I FIGURED OUT A WAY
383
00:16:34,933 --> 00:16:36,503
TO MAKE IT
A LOT MORE REFRESHING--
384
00:16:36,533 --> 00:16:39,773
BY REPLACING WATER
WITH LEMONADE.
385
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,400
I TESTED IT OUT
ON MY GOOD FRIEND,
386
00:16:41,433 --> 00:16:44,133
COMEDIAN TODD GLASS,
AND I HOPE WE CAN ALL AGREE
387
00:16:44,167 --> 00:16:46,767
THAT LEMONADE BOARDING,
WHILE DELIGHTFULLY TANGY,
388
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,700
IS ALSO AN EFFECTIVE WAY
TO EXTRACT INFORMATION.
389
00:16:49,733 --> 00:16:51,803
ARE CODE WORD, OKAY?
390
00:16:51,833 --> 00:16:53,203
- OH.
391
00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:58,927
OH, NO.
[laughs]
392
00:16:58,967 --> 00:17:01,427
- IF YOU NEED TO STOP,
YELL THAT WORD.
393
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:10,333
- [bleep, bleep]!
394
00:17:10,367 --> 00:17:11,867
OH, MY GOD.
395
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:12,930
- [laughs]
IS IT AWFUL?
396
00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:15,227
- MY EYES ARE BURNING
397
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,527
FROM THE [bleep] LEMONADE
398
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,497
BEFORE THE WATERBOARDING
BOTHERED ME.
399
00:17:18,533 --> 00:17:21,533
HOLY [bleep].
400
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,767
THAT'S ALL I COULD DO?
401
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,070
- IF YOU THINK
YOU CAN TAKE MORE...
402
00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:28,927
NO, KNOCK IT OFF.
NO.
403
00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:31,197
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN
GUESS OUR SAFE WORD,
404
00:17:31,233 --> 00:17:34,573
FEEL FREE TO TRY AT
COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0.
405
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,670
AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE,
UPLOAD YOUR OWN VIDEO
406
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:38,930
FOR A CHANCE TO BE
OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK.
407
00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:40,727
THIS WEEK'S WINNER
IS BERNICE,
408
00:17:40,767 --> 00:17:42,527
AND SHE'S FROM OAKLAND.
409
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:44,567
- * SITTING ON A TOILET
410
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:47,300
* SITTING ON A TOILET
411
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,933
* SITTING ON A TOILET
412
00:17:49,967 --> 00:17:52,227
* SITTING ON A TOILET
413
00:17:52,267 --> 00:17:54,627
* SITTING ON A TOILET
414
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:57,167
* SITTING ON A TOILET
415
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,530
* SITTING ON A TOILET
416
00:17:59,567 --> 00:18:02,067
* SITTING ON A TOILET
417
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,530
* SITTING ON A TOILET
418
00:18:04,567 --> 00:18:06,767
* SITTING ON A TOILET
419
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,070
* SITTING ON A TOILET
420
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,130
* NOW FLUSH
421
00:18:11,167 --> 00:18:13,797
[audience groans]
422
00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:16,273
Daniel and audience:
* SITTING ON A TOILET
423
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,600
* SITTING ON A TOILET
424
00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:18,803
- WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
425
00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:20,133
audience:
* SITTING ON A TOILET
426
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,767
- WITH STAND-UP STAND-UP
WITH WALI COLLINS.
427
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,370
audience:
* SITTING ON A TOILET
428
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,500
* SITTING ON A TOILET
- OKAY.
429
00:18:27,867 --> 00:18:31,227
[cheers and applause]
430
00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:34,067
- * SITTING ON A TOILET
431
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:36,567
I'M GONNA REMIX
THE [bleep] OUTTA THAT.
432
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,530
[laughter]
433
00:18:38,567 --> 00:18:40,197
FEEL FREE TO SEND US
YOUR BEST VERSION.
434
00:18:40,233 --> 00:18:42,203
I DON'T CARE.
435
00:18:42,233 --> 00:18:44,603
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS KNOW ME
AS THE HOST OF TOSH.0,
436
00:18:44,633 --> 00:18:46,203
BUT WHAT YOU MAY NOT KNOW
437
00:18:46,233 --> 00:18:48,533
IS THAT I AM THE CURRENT
UNDEFEATED CHAMPION
438
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:50,797
OF THE COMEDY CENTRAL
ARM WRESTLING LEAGUE.
439
00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:52,433
YEAH.
DON'T BELIEVE IT?
440
00:18:52,467 --> 00:18:54,527
WHAT IF I TOLD YOU
I SPEND HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS
441
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:58,167
ON MY OWN ARM WRESTLING TABLE?
442
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,500
IT'S ABOUT 150 ACTUALLY.
443
00:19:00,533 --> 00:19:01,903
STILL NOT CONVINCED?
444
00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,103
WELL, HERE'S SOME OF
MY HIGHLIGHTS, MOTHER[bleep].
445
00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:09,103
I AM GONNA [bleep] RUIN
THIS OLD MAN.
446
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:12,103
READY?
GO.
447
00:19:12,133 --> 00:19:13,903
OH, THERE IT IS.
448
00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:15,803
AHH!
449
00:19:15,833 --> 00:19:17,733
- GO.
450
00:19:17,767 --> 00:19:21,297
- OHH!
AHH!
451
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:23,733
- READY, SET, WRESTLE.
452
00:19:23,767 --> 00:19:26,327
- OH!
453
00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:28,827
- WAH!
454
00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:29,967
- GO.
455
00:19:30,067 --> 00:19:32,867
- OH.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
456
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:34,370
- WRESTLE.
457
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,230
- AH!
458
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,073
- WRESTLE.
459
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,767
- AHH!
460
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,100
[cheering]
461
00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:51,133
- WHAT?
462
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,730
- IT IS THE TRIGGER.
463
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:59,267
THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT.
464
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:00,670
UNH!
465
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,600
YOU'RE NEXT, LINCOLN HAWK.
466
00:20:02,633 --> 00:20:04,603
THAT'S RIGHT, TURN YOUR HAT
AROUND ALL YOU WANT.
467
00:20:04,633 --> 00:20:07,573
I'M TAKING YOUR SON
AND YOUR CHAMPIONSHIP.
468
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,067
THANKS FOR WATCHING.
469
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,400
MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW ME
ON TWITTER
470
00:20:12,433 --> 00:20:14,103
SO WE CAN LIVE CHAT
DURING THE SHOWS.
471
00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:16,173
AND DON'T SEND ME
TOO MANY QUESTIONS.
472
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,770
FLYING DUTCHMAN,
I'M TAKING TO YOU.
473
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,470
I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR TWEETS
BECAUSE YOU'RE A MORON.
474
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:23,100
NOW CHECK OUT MY TOUR SCHEDULE
475
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:24,903
AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP UP
WITH OUR DAILY BLOG
476
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:27,433
AT COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0.
477
00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:29,327
IT'S BEEN A GREAT SEASON,
478
00:20:29,367 --> 00:20:31,327
AND I'VE MADE A LOT
OF GOOD FRIENDS.
479
00:20:31,367 --> 00:20:34,127
UH, THAT GUY THAT SITS
NEXT TO THE CAMERA.
480
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,327
THAT LADY THAT COOKS.
481
00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:41,027
UH, I HAVE A WRITER
THAT HAS A FAMILY.
482
00:20:41,067 --> 00:20:42,967
THE POINT IS
THESE ARE RELATIONSHIPS
483
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,700
THAT I WILL TREASURE
FOREVER.
484
00:20:44,733 --> 00:20:46,233
AND NOW IT'S TIME
485
00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:48,567
FOR OUR BIG
CLIFFHANGER ENDING.
486
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:49,800
- SARAH, PLEASE.
487
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:51,773
- NO!
I'M SLIPPING, GABE!
488
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,300
GABE, DON'T LET ME FALL! NO!
- NO!
489
00:20:54,333 --> 00:20:56,473
- HOLD ON, WALKER.
490
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,200
DON'T LET HER GO.
491
00:20:58,233 --> 00:21:00,133
THAT MOVIE IS SO SUSPENSEFUL.
492
00:21:00,167 --> 00:21:01,767
WILL HE BE ABLE TO HOLD ON?
493
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,930
TUNE IN NEXT SEASON
TO FIND OUT.
494
00:21:03,967 --> 00:21:05,267
GOOD NIGHT.
495
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:07,270
[cheers and applause]
496
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,300
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
497
00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:14,327
- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.
498
00:21:14,367 --> 00:21:16,127
- YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME
A HEART ATTACK.
499
00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:17,867
- THROW THAT
FOOD PROCESSOR AWAY.
500
00:21:17,900 --> 00:21:19,600
- I WILL.
- THE SLAP CHOP...
501
00:21:19,633 --> 00:21:22,533
- I'M GONNA THROW IT AWAY.
- GETS IT DONE QUICKER.
502
00:21:22,567 --> 00:21:25,427
- OH, MY GOODNESS!
- YES! YES!
503
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,797
- AH!
504
00:21:26,833 --> 00:21:28,803
[yelping]
SALSA!
505
00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:31,073
- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.
506
00:21:31,067 --> 00:21:33,067
- OH, MY GOODNESS.
- YES!
507
00:21:33,067 --> 00:21:36,497
- I'M COMING FOR YOU, HONEY.
I'M COMING FOR YOU.
508
00:21:36,533 --> 00:21:37,973
[chuckling]
509
00:21:38,067 --> 00:21:40,067
- ELIZABETH.
510
00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:41,570
- WHAT, WEEZIE?
- ELIZABETH.
35407
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.