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1
00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:12,033
- [speaking Italian]
2
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:23,070
- OH!
3
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:26,070
[upbeat music]
4
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,500
*
5
00:00:27,533 --> 00:00:29,533
[cheers and applause]
6
00:00:29,567 --> 00:00:31,697
- THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
7
00:00:31,733 --> 00:00:33,173
[applause]
8
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,700
THAT'S A SHAME.
9
00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:36,533
HEY, HE MAY HAVE
SCREWED UP THE DIVE,
10
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:39,827
BUT HE LOOKS FANTASTIC
IN A SPEEDO.
11
00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,297
THAT'S THE PROBLEM
WITH OUR SHOW.
12
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:44,133
IF YOU SEE A SEXY ITALIAN GUY
ON A DIVING BOARD,
13
00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:46,367
YOU KNOW
IT'S NOT GONNA GO WELL.
14
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,600
BUT WHAT YOU COULDN'T SEE IS
THAT HE'S A SYNCHRONIZED DIVER,
15
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,833
AND THE GUY NEXT TO HIM
DID THE EXACT SAME THING.
16
00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:55,397
CAN WE SEE THE WIDE SHOT?
17
00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:04,173
YEAH. LOOKS LIKE CHINA
WILL BE DIVING FOR SECOND.
18
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:08,070
WELCOME TO TOSH.0.
I'M YOUR HOST, LANE KIFFIN.
19
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,370
[laughter]
20
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,970
PEOPLE ONLINE
SAY I LOOK LIKE HIM.
21
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,197
I DON'T SEE IT.
22
00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:15,903
AND I CERTAINLY
WOULDN'T DISRESPECT FLORIDA.
23
00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:17,103
OHH.
24
00:01:17,133 --> 00:01:19,903
THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A LOSER.
25
00:01:19,933 --> 00:01:21,603
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK
ON THE AIR.
26
00:01:21,633 --> 00:01:23,703
WE HAD A NICE
MANDATORY VACATION.
27
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:26,533
YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED THAT
I'VE UPGRADED TO CARDIGANS.
28
00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:29,867
THAT'S RIGHT,
NO MORE HOODIES.
29
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,400
I'M WEARING NOTHING
BUT TIGHT-FITTING CARDIGANS
30
00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:34,573
LIKE I'M MR. [bleep] ROGERS.
31
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:35,730
GET USED TO IT.
32
00:01:35,767 --> 00:01:37,127
ON TODAY'S SHOW,
33
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:40,667
WE GIVE THE TRON GUY
A MUCH-NEEDED WEB REDEMPTION.
34
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:41,770
I LEARN NOT EVERYONE LOVES
35
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,870
A "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE
IMPRESSION.
36
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:47,400
WE TALK
TO YOUTUBE SENSATION FRED.
37
00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:48,703
AND IF THERE'S TIME,
38
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,233
WE'LL TAKE BETS ON THE NEXT
CELEBRITY SUICIDE.
39
00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:54,167
[liquid gushing]
40
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,400
YOU HEAR THAT?
I'D KNOW THAT SOUND ANYWHERE.
41
00:01:57,433 --> 00:02:00,933
IT'S OPRAH PEEING.
42
00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:03,927
YEAH, I'M TOLD SOMEONE
LOOPED THIS VIDEO,
43
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:07,827
BUT I BELIEVE SHE REALLY
HAD TO GO SUPER BAD.
44
00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:11,727
AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HOLD IT.
THAT CAN LEAD TO A U.T.I.
45
00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:15,927
FACT--URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS
ARE NO JOKE.
46
00:02:15,967 --> 00:02:19,497
MY RECOMMENDATION--
A LOT OF CRANBERRY JUICE.
47
00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:22,203
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S SEXY UP THE SHOW.
48
00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:25,203
[lively music]
49
00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:31,173
*
50
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,330
I GUESS DANCING AT SPRING BREAK
WAS ON HER BUCKET LIST.
51
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,927
OHH...
52
00:02:37,967 --> 00:02:40,467
LET'S PUT 20 SECONDS
ON THE CLOCK
53
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,330
AND SEE HOW MANY
FUNNY COMMENTS WE CAN POST.
54
00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:48,267
FINALLY, A WHITE CHICK
BLACK GUYS DON'T WANT.
55
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,630
MY BEER GOGGLES
NEED BEER GOGGLES.
56
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:54,927
SHE CAN MAKE
HER C-SECTION CLAP.
57
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:59,427
WHATEVER. THE OLDER THE BERRY,
THE SWEETER THE JUICE...
58
00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:01,367
PRUNE JUICE.
59
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,770
THE UPSIDE TO BANGING HER
60
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,800
IS SHE PROBABLY CAN'T GET
PREGNANT ANYMORE.
61
00:03:05,833 --> 00:03:09,673
OH, SPRING BREAK.
SENIORS RULE!
62
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,100
ALL RIGHT, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION
TO THIS NEXT VIDEO,
63
00:03:12,133 --> 00:03:15,073
BECAUSE IT IS ONE
OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITES.
64
00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:19,567
[whooping]
65
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,170
- MOTHER[bleep]!
TAKE DAT!
66
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,700
[overlapping screaming]
67
00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:29,503
GOING TO D'JAIS IN MY CAR!
B-E-L...
68
00:03:29,533 --> 00:03:30,873
- M-A-R!
69
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:33,300
[dance music playing]
70
00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:34,903
- BABY BLUE,
I SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS!
71
00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:37,103
BABY BLUE!
72
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,203
- YOU GOTTA BE SMILING.
YOU GOTTA BE DANCING.
73
00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:40,673
YOU GOTTA BE
SHAKING THAT ASS!
74
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,330
- YOU BETTER STEP IT UP,
MOTHER[bleep]!
75
00:03:43,367 --> 00:03:47,327
- OH...I MISS BEING 37.
76
00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:52,797
I BET THE ENTIRE CARPOOL LANE
SMELLS LIKE AXE BODY SPRAY.
77
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,833
YOU WANNA KNOW WHY
I LOVE THIS VIDEO SO MUCH?
78
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,797
BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME
OF WHEN ME AND MY FRIENDS
79
00:03:56,833 --> 00:03:58,973
HEAD TO THE JERSEY SHORE.
80
00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:01,397
- NOW WE'RE TALKIN'
VIDEO STATUS.
81
00:04:01,433 --> 00:04:03,803
WHOA!
- WHOA!
82
00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:06,473
- MOTHER[bleep] DJs!
83
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,230
- WHO'S THAT DJ, BOY?
84
00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:11,867
- WOW! I'M READY!
85
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,400
[laughter]
86
00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:17,273
- ARE...YOU...READY?
87
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,070
- GOING TO D'JAIS
IN MY CAR.
88
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:21,730
B-E-L!
- M-A-R!
89
00:04:21,767 --> 00:04:23,227
- WHOO.
90
00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:26,067
- YO, THAT'S WHY I GOT
MY HAT ON!
91
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,100
- BABY BLUE,
I SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS.
92
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,833
BABY BLUE!
93
00:04:29,867 --> 00:04:31,397
- YOU GOTTA BE SMILIN'.
YOU GOTTA BE DANCIN'.
94
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:33,803
YOU GOTTA BE
SHAKIN' THAT ASS!
95
00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:36,803
- YOU BETTER STEP IT UP,
MOTHER[bleep]!
96
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:39,473
- WHOO!
97
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:43,370
CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH THIS
ON MOTHER[bleep] YOUTUBE!
98
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:47,070
AND, YES, WE ALL GOT LAID
THAT WEEKEND.
99
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:48,167
[sighs]
100
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,570
[liquid gushing]
101
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,630
SHE IS STILL GOING!
102
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,427
IT'S REALLY SOOTHING.
103
00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:58,367
NO WONDER STEDMAN AND GAYLE
SLEEP SO SOUNDLY.
104
00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,800
ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF.
105
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,873
NORMALLY, I HATE CUTE VIDEOS,
106
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,370
BUT THIS IS ONE
SMOOTH-ASS KID.
107
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,467
I WILL GIVE YOU $100
108
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:17,770
IF YOU CAN TEACH
MY ASIAN GIRLFRIEND TO DO THAT.
109
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,630
IT'S IMPRESSIVE,
BUT HE CAN'T COLOR FOR [bleep].
110
00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:23,067
WE DID A LITTLE RESEARCH.
111
00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:25,127
IT TURNS OUT THE REASON
HE WAS IN SUCH A HURRY
112
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:29,297
IS BECAUSE HE HAD
A DEAD HOOKER IN THE TRUNK...
113
00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:32,603
A TINY DEAD HOOKER...
114
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,473
IN THE TRUNK.
115
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,200
ALL RIGHT.
116
00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:39,773
- I CAN'T PUSH OFF.
I CAN'T.
117
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,200
[grunting]
UHH!
118
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,770
- COME ON, BRENDA!
119
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,300
- OH! I'D BREAK MY OWN LEG
120
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:52,133
BEFORE I LET
GILBERT GRAPE'S MOM RIDE ME.
121
00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:54,767
I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT
SHE'S OUTSIDE GETTING EXERCISE.
122
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,370
AND IT'D BE EASY
TO MAKE A BUNCH OF FAT JOKES.
123
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,570
AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE GONNA DO IT
IN THIS WEEK'S VIDEO BREAKDOWN.
124
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,930
[cheers and applause]
125
00:06:04,967 --> 00:06:08,497
ALL RIGHT.
FIRST, NOTICE THE CAMO SHIRT.
126
00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:10,433
SHE GOT THAT
FROM AN ARMY-SURPLUS STORE.
127
00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:14,227
IT WAS USED TO PROVIDE SHELTER
FOR THREE PLATOONS.
128
00:06:14,267 --> 00:06:16,797
ALL RIGHT, ROLL IT.
IT STARTS OFF PRETTY HORRIBLE.
129
00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:18,633
I MEAN, IF YOU NEED THE HELP
OF A PICKUP TRUCK
130
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,067
TO GET ON A HORSE,
131
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:22,900
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CHOOSE
ANOTHER LEISURE-TIME ACTIVITY.
132
00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:25,073
- I CAN'T.
- "I CAN'T"?
133
00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:27,597
YOU MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T.
134
00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:29,403
COME ON, BRENDA.
"I CAN'T"?
135
00:06:29,433 --> 00:06:33,303
THEN WHO'S GONNA AVENGE
THE DEATH OF YOUR BROTHER?
136
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,073
- BACK.
BACK.
137
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,797
- THIS IS TOO MUCH WORK.
138
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:38,803
- I'LL TELL YOU WHO
IT'S TOO MUCH WORK FOR--
139
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,173
THE HORSE.
140
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,470
YOU KNOW THAT OLD EXPRESSION,
141
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,270
"I'M SO HUNGRY,
I COULD EAT A HORSE"?
142
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:47,370
I'M PRETTY SURE
THAT'S WHAT SPOOKED HIM.
143
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,230
- [Bleep] YOU, DENNIS.
144
00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:53,067
- YOU LEAVE DENNIS
OUT OF THIS.
145
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:58,130
HE'S LETTING YOU MAX OUT
THE PAYLOAD OF HIS TACOMA.
146
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:05,097
ALL RIGHT!
SHE GETS ONE LEG OVER!
147
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,373
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!
148
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,070
AND IF YOU LISTEN
REAL CAREFULLY,
149
00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:12,067
YOU CAN HEAR THE HORSE'S
SPIRIT AND SPINE BREAKING.
150
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,570
- OH...
151
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,730
- AH...
152
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,067
AND SHE'S OFF.
FUN RIDE, THOUGH.
153
00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:20,067
THIS IS WHAT ROCK BOTTOM
LOOKS LIKE.
154
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:25,227
IT'S OKAY, BRENDA.
YOU CAN STILL RIDE THE TRUCK.
155
00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:26,597
AND AS FOR DENNIS,
156
00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:28,433
WHO HAD THE FORESIGHT
TO STAND FAR ENOUGH BACK
157
00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:31,067
SO THAT HE COULD GET
ALL OF THAT COWGIRL IN FRAME
158
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:33,197
AND PUT IT ON THE INTERNET--
[bleep] YOU, DENNIS.
159
00:07:33,233 --> 00:07:35,573
[Bleep] YOU SO MUCH.
160
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,670
[laughter and applause]
161
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,330
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
162
00:07:41,367 --> 00:07:42,867
WITH THE TRON GUY'S
WEB REDEMPTION.
163
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,730
BUT FIRST, DID YOU KNOW THAT
SOME PEOPLE LOOK AT THE INTERNET
164
00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,167
WHILE THEY'RE STONED?
165
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,370
YEAH, I KNOW, APPALLING.
166
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,070
WELL, AT HIGHDEAS,
167
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:53,400
THESE POTHEADS
CAN POST THEIR RAMBLINGS.
168
00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:54,633
ENJOY.
169
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,430
- I CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT
FOR THIS TRON-GUY COSTUME
170
00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:29,467
BY GOING
TO A SCIENCE-FICTION CONVENTION
171
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,570
THAT ALSO WAS A CROSSOVER
TO A COMPUTER CONVENTION.
172
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,970
THE INTERNET BROUGHT
THE TRON GUY TO LIFE
173
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:37,827
BY LITERALLY
BRINGING HIM TO LIFE.
174
00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:39,727
- OH! YOU DON'T NEED
A TIME MACHINE
175
00:08:39,767 --> 00:08:42,927
TO KNOW THAT GUY GOT TONS
OF ASS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
176
00:08:42,967 --> 00:08:44,397
TRON IS A MOVIE FROM THE '80s
177
00:08:44,433 --> 00:08:46,473
WHERE A DUDE GETS SUCKED
INTO A COMPUTER.
178
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,070
TO BE HONEST, I COULDN'T EVEN
MAKE IT THROUGH THE TRAILER.
179
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,470
SO I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE
180
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,530
HOW ACCURATELY THIS GUY
HAS EMBARRASSED HIMSELF,
181
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:54,627
BUT I'M GUESSING
HE DID A GOOD JOB.
182
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:57,767
THERE ARE WORSE MOVIE THEMES
TRON GUY COULD HAVE CHOSEN.
183
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,200
HE COULD HAVE BEEN
JENNIFER'S BODY GUY.
184
00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:03,103
UGH! BY THE WAY,
DIABLO CODY,
185
00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:04,703
IF THAT IS YOUR REAL
STAGE NAME,
186
00:09:04,733 --> 00:09:06,473
YOU KEEP WRITING
TURDS LIKE THIS,
187
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,330
AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO RETURN THAT OSCAR,
188
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:11,667
HOP BACK ON THE POLE
FOR THOSE TWO-FOR-ONES.
189
00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,130
BUT I DIGRESS.
190
00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:14,727
WHAT REALLY AMAZES ME
191
00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:16,527
IS HOW FAMOUS TRON GUY
HAS BECOME.
192
00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:18,067
SINCE WHEN DID MAKING
A TRON COSTUME
193
00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:20,627
OR CARRYING A LIGHTSABER
TURN YOU INTO A CELEBRITY?
194
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,767
I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO PEOPLE
WHO COULD SLAY [bleep],
195
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,730
NOT DRAGONS.
196
00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:29,127
BUT IN THEIR DEFENSE,
PLAYING MAGIC: THE GATHERING
197
00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,267
IS NO DIFFERENT THAN PLAYING
FANTASY FOOTBALL
198
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,630
OR WATCHING PORN.
199
00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:34,397
IT'S ALL JUST A WAY
TO ESCAPE REALITY.
200
00:09:34,433 --> 00:09:36,503
TRON GUY DOESN'T CARE
WHAT YOU THINK.
201
00:09:36,533 --> 00:09:39,503
HE JUST GENUINELY LOVES TRON,
AND I RESPECT THAT.
202
00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:41,233
I USED TO BE DEEP
INTO THE CLUB SCENE,
203
00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:45,127
SO I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO DRESS
LIKE A COMPLETE DOUCHE BAG.
204
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,967
[laughter and applause]
205
00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:57,467
THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO BEAM
JAY, AKA TRON GUY, TO HOLLYWOOD
206
00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,500
IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION.
207
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:02,503
[cheers and applause]
208
00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:06,627
HELLO.
209
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:10,267
HAS THE TRON PARTY OF TWO
SHOWN UP?
210
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,630
[laughs]
211
00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:14,997
TELL ME WHY YOU LOVE
THE MOVIE TRON.
212
00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:17,403
- TRON REALLY CAUGHT
MY IMAGINATION,
213
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:20,603
BUT I NEVER REALLY HAD
ANY OUTLET FOR IT.
214
00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:21,933
IT STRUCK ME THAT TRON,
215
00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:23,697
BEING A SCIENCE-FICTION MOVIE
ABOUT COMPUTERS,
216
00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:27,033
WOULD BE A PERFECT SOURCE
TO DRAW INSPIRATION FROM.
217
00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:28,497
- IT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF SPANDEX
218
00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:30,533
AND THEN JUST
SOME HOCKEY EQUIPMENT.
219
00:10:30,567 --> 00:10:32,967
- ACTUALLY, THAT'S A PRETTY
GOOD DESCRIPTION.
220
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000
- WELL, I THINK
YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
221
00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:36,833
- THE UNITARD
WAS CUSTOM-MADE AND DYED.
222
00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:38,627
THIS COLOR PAINT I PICKED
223
00:10:38,667 --> 00:10:40,867
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
IT CLOSELY MATCHED THE COLOR.
224
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,600
THESE ARE FOOTBALL
SHOULDER GUARDS.
225
00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:44,333
THIS IS FORM PVC.
226
00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:47,067
THIS IS ELECTROLUMINESCENT WIRE
THAT'S THREADED THROUGH HOLES...
227
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,100
THE HELMET--YOU'RE RIGHT,
IT'S A HOCKEY HELMET.
228
00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:50,603
THIS IS THE SAME HOCKEY HELMET
229
00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,833
THEY USED FOR THE CHARACTERS
IN THE MOVIE.
230
00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:54,727
- DO YOU READ
WHAT PEOPLE WRITE?
231
00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:58,067
- I DO, BUT I DECIDED THAT,
IN THE END,
232
00:10:58,100 --> 00:10:59,400
I WAS GONNA HAVE FUN MY WAY.
233
00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:01,173
IF THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT,
THAT WAS THEIR PROBLEM.
234
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,430
- WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?
- EXACTLY.
235
00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:05,067
I'M SITTING HERE TALKING
TO THE GUY
236
00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:06,667
ON COMEDY CENTRAL, AFTER ALL.
237
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,270
- A GUY.
[laughing]
238
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,700
ARE YOU READY
TO BEGIN OUR TRAINING?
239
00:11:10,733 --> 00:11:12,703
- LET'S DO IT.
- LET'S PLAY SOME FRISBEE.
240
00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:14,973
- IT'S AN IDENTITY DISK.
- IDENTITY DISK.
241
00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,727
DOES TRON HAVE ANY, UH--
- WHAT?
242
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,267
HEADS UP!
243
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,530
TERM--BOY, THAT WAS
LOUSY, WASN'T IT?
244
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:23,297
WHOOPS!
[laughs]
245
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,833
HEY, GOOD CATCH!
246
00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,127
EHH.
247
00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:28,527
HEY.
BOY, THAT WAS USELESS.
248
00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:30,327
- ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH
OF THE IDENTITY DISK.
249
00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:32,067
LET'S WORK ON YOUR CARDIO.
250
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,867
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
ON A TRON CYCLE?
251
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:36,270
- NOPE.
- ARE THEY FAST?
252
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:38,570
- I'M NOT SURE THAT FAST HOLDS
ANY MEANING IN THAT UNIVERSE.
253
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,170
- AH...
254
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,670
- YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU START THINKING
255
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,500
ABOUT WHAT GOES ON
INSIDE A COMPUTER
256
00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:45,673
AND TURNING IT
INTO SOMETHING
257
00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:49,270
THAT A HUMAN SUCKED INTO
THE MACHINE COULD UNDERSTAND,
258
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,270
YOU HAVE
TO ANTHROPOMORPHIZE IT,
259
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:55,530
AND...
[clears throat]
260
00:11:55,567 --> 00:11:57,927
- LEFT!
261
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,067
RIGHT!
262
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,627
RIGHT.
- COME ON. AH!
263
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,367
- OUR IDEA
FOR THE WEB REDEMPTION,
264
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,800
SINCE YOU ALREADY
HAVE THE SUIT,
265
00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,073
WAS TO GET YOU
IN THE TRON WORLD.
266
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,730
HOW DOES THAT SOUND TO YOU?
- THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC.
267
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,267
- I HOPE YOU'RE UP
FOR THE BATTLE.
268
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,070
- I THINK I AM.
269
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,227
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.
270
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,597
YOU'RE IN TOP
PHYSICAL CONDITION.
271
00:12:16,633 --> 00:12:17,833
THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW,
272
00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,397
ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT
ANOTHER SHOT?
273
00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,133
- LET'S DO IT.
274
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:24,327
- GOOD LUCK.
AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.
275
00:12:24,367 --> 00:12:26,367
- UM...
276
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:30,673
- OH, MY GOODNESS!
IT WORKS!
277
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:35,530
ENJOY THE RIDE, TRON GUY!
[cackling]
278
00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:38,467
I'LL SEE HIM
ON THE OTHER SIDE.
279
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,270
- NOW THAT I'VE ENTERED
THE MACHINE,
280
00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,470
MY POWERS
HAVE NEVER BEEN STRONGER.
281
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,670
- NOT SO FAST, TRON GUY.
282
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,870
ONE MORE STEP,
AND THE GIRL GETS IT.
283
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,270
- SAVE ME, TRON GUY,
SAVE ME!
284
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,070
- LET HER GO.
285
00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:58,327
- FIRST, YOU'LL HAVE
TO CATCH ME.
286
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:25,330
- STAY BACK, OR THE GIRL
WILL BE DEREZED.
287
00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:28,397
- THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.
288
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,903
- NO!
289
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:31,873
- BY THE POWER OF MY USER.
290
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,930
- [wheezy gasp]
291
00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:36,527
OOH...OOH...
292
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:41,533
- I LOVE YOU, TRON GUY.
293
00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:44,527
[cheers and applause]
294
00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:53,267
- OH, YOU WILL BE MISSED,
TRON GUY.
295
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,070
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH FRED.
296
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:59,670
BUT FIRST, HERE'S YOUR TOSH.0
UNSPONSORED PRANK OF THE WEEK.
297
00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,597
- AAH!
298
00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:07,703
- [gasps]
299
00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:16,073
- AND NOW...
300
00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,567
OH, YEAH.
301
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,070
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
302
00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:26,727
- OH, I UNDERSTAND CRYSTAL!
303
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:28,897
YOU'RE GOING TO A HOME,
OLD MAN!
304
00:14:28,933 --> 00:14:30,973
OH, YE-AH!
305
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,973
- I'M GONNA JUMP!
306
00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:36,927
- HO HO HO OH!
307
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:40,727
THE ONLY WAY
YOU'RE GOIN' OFF THIS ROOF
308
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:42,067
IS IF I THROW YOU.
309
00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,927
OH, YE-AH!
310
00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:48,670
OH HO HO!
311
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,530
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED
A SPOT OVER THERE.
312
00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:51,897
OH, YE-AH!
313
00:14:53,433 --> 00:14:55,203
[crying]
314
00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:57,803
OH, IT'S TIME TO GO
TO SLEEP, LITTLE GIRL.
315
00:14:57,833 --> 00:14:59,303
OH, YE-AH!
316
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:02,333
LIGHTS OUT!
317
00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:07,097
- AND THAT WAS...
318
00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:09,773
[cheers and applause]
OH, YEAH.
319
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,270
- OH, YE-AH.
320
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,200
IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE
A MORE INAPPROPRIATE PLACE
321
00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:16,073
TO DO A MACHO MAN
RANDY SAVAGE IMPRESSION,
322
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:20,430
FILM IT AND SEND IT TO US AT...
323
00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:23,067
ALL RIGHT.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FRED?
324
00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:24,497
ME NEITHER.
325
00:15:24,533 --> 00:15:26,973
HE'S THE MOST SUBSCRIBED TO
PERSON ON YOUTUBE.
326
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:29,527
HE'S GOTTEN
OVER 300 MILLION HITS.
327
00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:31,567
HE HAS A CLOTHING LINE
AT HOT TOPIC,
328
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,470
NOT TO MENTION
HE HAS A MOVIE DEAL.
329
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,370
SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT WHAT MADE HIM SO FAMOUS.
330
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,700
[shrill cartoon voice]
- IF YOU'RE WONDERING
331
00:15:37,733 --> 00:15:39,103
WHY I'M ACTING
RATHER EXTRAORDINARY RIGHT NOW,
332
00:15:39,133 --> 00:15:41,603
IT'S BECAUSE I HAVEN'T
TAKEN MY PILL!
333
00:15:41,633 --> 00:15:44,333
[light laughter]
334
00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:47,697
- WELL, THAT'LL NEVER
GET OLD.
335
00:15:47,733 --> 00:15:49,503
ALL RIGHT, SINCE I OBVIOUSLY
DON'T GET IT,
336
00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:51,303
I INVITED FRED
FOR A LIVE WEB CHAT
337
00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:53,103
TO EXPLAIN
WHY I SHOULDN'T HATE HIM.
338
00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:56,303
PLEASE WELCOME
THE YOUTUBE PHENOMENON, FRED!
339
00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:59,603
FRED, YOU'RE PROBABLY PRETTY
EXCITED TO BE ON MY SHOW.
340
00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,503
[normal voice]
- I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU.
341
00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:04,373
- OH. WELL, I'M EXCITED
TO MEET YOU, FRED.
342
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,830
- YOU'RE TALKING TO LUCAS.
343
00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:09,067
FRED IS A CHARACTER, SO...
HE'S NOT REAL. HA.
344
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,397
- HA. WELL, UH...
345
00:16:10,433 --> 00:16:13,373
I ASKED MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS
IF THEY HAD ANY QUESTIONS,
346
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,830
AND TRAVER31 WANTED TO KNOW...
347
00:16:20,633 --> 00:16:24,103
COULD YOU ANSWER THAT?
348
00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,233
- NO, I CAN'T.
I WOULD--
349
00:16:26,267 --> 00:16:28,797
I CAN'T HOLD MY BREATH
FOR 45 MINUTES.
350
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:32,303
- YOU SHOULD TRY.
351
00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:35,073
WILL YOUR MOVIE BE THE END
OF THIS FRED THING?
352
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,870
- YEAH, I ACTUALLY--
353
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,700
YEAH, THE FRED MOVIE
IS PROBABLY GONNA BE, LIKE,
354
00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:40,073
ONE OF THE LAST FRED THINGS,
355
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,067
SO I WON'T BE DOING IT
TOO MUCH LONGER.
356
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,630
- AW...
357
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,667
WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING ON, FRED.
358
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,570
I APPRECIATE IT.
359
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,930
- YEAH.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
360
00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:52,597
[laughter]
361
00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:56,873
- WHO'D HAVE GUESSED HE'D HAVE
A [bleep] INTERNET CONNECTION?
362
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:59,530
WELL, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHY HE'S SO POPULAR.
363
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:02,327
MAYBE YOU NEED TO CHECK WITH
FRED'S NUMBER-ONE FAN, JAKE,
364
00:17:02,367 --> 00:17:04,067
WHO'S A 10-YEAR-OLD BOY.
365
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:06,067
UH, JAKE, THANKS
FOR BEING ON THE SHOW.
366
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,400
- PLEASURE TO BE HERE, DANIEL.
367
00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,203
- HEY, WHY IS FRED FUNNY?
368
00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:12,603
- WELL, I THINK HE'S FUNNY,
BECAUSE, UM,
369
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:16,533
HE--HE TALKS LIKE--
YAAAH, YAH, YAH, YAH,
370
00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:19,797
AND HE MAKES LIKE REALLY
WEIRD FACES, AND, UM...
371
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,903
AND HE HAS REALLY GOOD JOKES.
372
00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:24,073
- ALL RIGHT,
STAY OFF THE JESUS JUICE!
373
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,100
- [laughing]
374
00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:28,533
- REMEMBER TO KEEP OUR SECRET.
375
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:32,667
[laughter and applause]
376
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,070
[sighs]
377
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:37,130
I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT JAKE
IS AS PASSIONATE ABOUT FRED--
378
00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:40,227
[bleep]
379
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,967
[laughter and groans]
380
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:46,497
- HANG IN THERE.
IT GETS WORSE.
381
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,233
MAYBE IF I SLOW FRED DOWN,
382
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,427
I CAN HEAR WHAT
HE'S REALLY SAYING.
383
00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:53,167
[distorted slow voice]
- OBAMA IS A MUSLIM.
384
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,770
SHOW ME THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE.
385
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,330
- HA HA!
NOW I GET IT!
386
00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,797
NOT ONLY IS FRED
A COMEDY GENIUS,
387
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:04,503
BUT HE'S ALSO
AN EXTREME CONSERVATIVE.
388
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:08,833
[liquid gushing]
389
00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:11,927
[sniffs] DID YOU HAVE
ASPARAGUS, OPRAH?
390
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:13,867
THAT IS RANCID.
391
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,070
ALL RIGHT,
AS FRED HAS SHOWN US,
392
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:17,500
ANYONE CAN BECOME FAMOUS
ON THE INTERNET.
393
00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:19,273
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS GO TO OUR WEBSITE,
394
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:20,730
UPLOAD YOUR CLIP FOR A CHANCE
395
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,967
TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO
OF THE WEEK.
396
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:25,597
THIS WEEK'S WINNER
IS FRONTPAGEFILMS.COM.
397
00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:27,673
- ALL RIGHT.
SO IF YOU DON'T MIND,
398
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,800
I'M JUST GONNA GRADUALLY
WEAVE YOUR DIAGNOSIS
399
00:18:29,833 --> 00:18:31,773
INTO, LIKE, A NORMAL,
EVERYDAY CONVERSATION.
400
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,330
DOES THAT...SOUND LIKE
SOMETHING WE CAN DO?
401
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:35,927
- SURE.
- YEAH.
402
00:18:35,967 --> 00:18:37,567
HOW--HOW ARE YOU?
[chuckles]
403
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,970
- FINE.
404
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:42,667
- THAT'S WEIRD,
'CAUSE YOU HAVE LEUKEMIA.
405
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:51,203
- AH...
THANKS, GUYS.
406
00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:53,803
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE RENO 911.
407
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,973
OH, TOO SOON.
408
00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:05,233
- WELCOME BACK.
409
00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:07,427
HOW WERE THE COMMERCIALS?
410
00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:09,167
[laughter]
411
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,330
I THINK THAT'S FUNNY.
412
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,727
IT'S BEEN A GREAT SUMMER
FOR CELEBRITY DEATH POOLS.
413
00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:17,067
I WENT 16 AND 0.
YEAH. IT'S TOO EASY.
414
00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,597
THAT'S WHY WE AT TOSH.0
415
00:19:18,633 --> 00:19:22,103
CREATED THE FIRST
CELEBRITY SUICIDE POOL.
416
00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:23,833
GO TO OUR WEBSITE.
GIVE US YOUR PICKS.
417
00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:27,397
A FEW RULES--
ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSES DO COUNT.
418
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:31,703
[laughter and groans]
419
00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:36,633
- HE TOOK A FISTFUL OF PILLS.
HE KNEW HOW THAT NAP WOULD END.
420
00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:41,197
BUT REALITY STARS
DO NOT COUNT AS CELEBRITIES.
421
00:19:41,233 --> 00:19:44,733
THEY DON'T COUNT,
SO DON'T PICK 'EM.
422
00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:48,367
AND WHILE I HOPE NO ONE WINS,
IF ANYONE KNOWS MISCHA BARTON,
423
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,430
COULD YOU PLEASE REMIND HER
424
00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:52,927
THAT SHE HAS NOTHING
TO LIVE FOR?
425
00:19:52,967 --> 00:19:56,067
BECAUSE I COULD REALLY
USE THAT $50.
426
00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:58,227
AND IF SHE DOES KILL HERSELF,
DON'T WORRY.
427
00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:02,067
I WILL USE THAT $50
FOR CHARITY.
428
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:03,470
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
429
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,570
MAKE SURE YOU WATCH NEXT WEEK
WHEN I HEAD TO ADULTCON
430
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,300
TO TEACH PORN STARS
A THING OR TWO ABOUT FETISHES.
431
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,473
AND WE ALSO GIVE THE BACKYARD
WRESTLER A WEB REDEMPTION.
432
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:16,100
- HERE HE GOES--
MY GOD, MY GOD!
433
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,973
[audience groans]
434
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,800
- DON'T WORRY.
WRESTLING'S FAKE.
435
00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:25,533
AND DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR
WEBSITE COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0
436
00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:26,827
TO SUBMIT YOUR INAPPROPRIATE
437
00:20:26,867 --> 00:20:28,897
"MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE
IMPRESSIONS.
438
00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:30,403
ALSO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER,
439
00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:33,373
AND CHECK MY TOUR DATES,
SO I CAN OFFEND YOU IN PERSON.
440
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,000
LAST EPISODE,
I ASKED YOU TO GUESS
441
00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,003
WHAT CASTRO AND I
WERE LOOKING AT.
442
00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:39,773
OUT OF 1,700
WHO SUBMITTED AN ANSWER,
443
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:46,830
OVER 350 OF YOU GUESSED
I WAS LOOKING AT A PENIS.
444
00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:49,167
I'M NOT MAKING THAT NUMBER UP.
445
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,170
YOU WERE RIGHT.
I WAS LOOKING AT A PENIS.
446
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,830
YOU GUYS KNOW ME SO WELL.
447
00:20:54,867 --> 00:20:57,567
NO. I WAS LOOKING
AT A SQUEAK TOY
448
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,370
THAT JUST SO HAPPENED
TO BE HANGING
449
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,170
FROM A VEINY,
UNCIRCUMCISED PENIS.
450
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,630
GOOD NIGHT.
SEE YA NEXT WEEK.
451
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:09,097
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