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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:12,033 - [speaking Italian] 2 00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:23,070 - OH! 3 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:26,070 [upbeat music] 4 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,500 * 5 00:00:27,533 --> 00:00:29,533 [cheers and applause] 6 00:00:29,567 --> 00:00:31,697 - THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. 7 00:00:31,733 --> 00:00:33,173 [applause] 8 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,700 THAT'S A SHAME. 9 00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:36,533 HEY, HE MAY HAVE SCREWED UP THE DIVE, 10 00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:39,827 BUT HE LOOKS FANTASTIC IN A SPEEDO. 11 00:00:39,867 --> 00:00:41,297 THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH OUR SHOW. 12 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:44,133 IF YOU SEE A SEXY ITALIAN GUY ON A DIVING BOARD, 13 00:00:44,167 --> 00:00:46,367 YOU KNOW IT'S NOT GONNA GO WELL. 14 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,600 BUT WHAT YOU COULDN'T SEE IS THAT HE'S A SYNCHRONIZED DIVER, 15 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,833 AND THE GUY NEXT TO HIM DID THE EXACT SAME THING. 16 00:00:52,867 --> 00:00:55,397 CAN WE SEE THE WIDE SHOT? 17 00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:04,173 YEAH. LOOKS LIKE CHINA WILL BE DIVING FOR SECOND. 18 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:08,070 WELCOME TO TOSH.0. I'M YOUR HOST, LANE KIFFIN. 19 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,370 [laughter] 20 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,970 PEOPLE ONLINE SAY I LOOK LIKE HIM. 21 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,197 I DON'T SEE IT. 22 00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:15,903 AND I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T DISRESPECT FLORIDA. 23 00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:17,103 OHH. 24 00:01:17,133 --> 00:01:19,903 THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A LOSER. 25 00:01:19,933 --> 00:01:21,603 IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK ON THE AIR. 26 00:01:21,633 --> 00:01:23,703 WE HAD A NICE MANDATORY VACATION. 27 00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:26,533 YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED THAT I'VE UPGRADED TO CARDIGANS. 28 00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:29,867 THAT'S RIGHT, NO MORE HOODIES. 29 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,400 I'M WEARING NOTHING BUT TIGHT-FITTING CARDIGANS 30 00:01:32,433 --> 00:01:34,573 LIKE I'M MR. [bleep] ROGERS. 31 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:35,730 GET USED TO IT. 32 00:01:35,767 --> 00:01:37,127 ON TODAY'S SHOW, 33 00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:40,667 WE GIVE THE TRON GUY A MUCH-NEEDED WEB REDEMPTION. 34 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:41,770 I LEARN NOT EVERYONE LOVES 35 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,870 A "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE IMPRESSION. 36 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:47,400 WE TALK TO YOUTUBE SENSATION FRED. 37 00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:48,703 AND IF THERE'S TIME, 38 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:51,233 WE'LL TAKE BETS ON THE NEXT CELEBRITY SUICIDE. 39 00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:54,167 [liquid gushing] 40 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,400 YOU HEAR THAT? I'D KNOW THAT SOUND ANYWHERE. 41 00:01:57,433 --> 00:02:00,933 IT'S OPRAH PEEING. 42 00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:03,927 YEAH, I'M TOLD SOMEONE LOOPED THIS VIDEO, 43 00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:07,827 BUT I BELIEVE SHE REALLY HAD TO GO SUPER BAD. 44 00:02:07,867 --> 00:02:11,727 AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HOLD IT. THAT CAN LEAD TO A U.T.I. 45 00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:15,927 FACT--URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS ARE NO JOKE. 46 00:02:15,967 --> 00:02:19,497 MY RECOMMENDATION-- A LOT OF CRANBERRY JUICE. 47 00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:22,203 ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEXY UP THE SHOW. 48 00:02:22,233 --> 00:02:25,203 [lively music] 49 00:02:25,233 --> 00:02:31,173 * 50 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,330 I GUESS DANCING AT SPRING BREAK WAS ON HER BUCKET LIST. 51 00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,927 OHH... 52 00:02:37,967 --> 00:02:40,467 LET'S PUT 20 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK 53 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,330 AND SEE HOW MANY FUNNY COMMENTS WE CAN POST. 54 00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:48,267 FINALLY, A WHITE CHICK BLACK GUYS DON'T WANT. 55 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,630 MY BEER GOGGLES NEED BEER GOGGLES. 56 00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:54,927 SHE CAN MAKE HER C-SECTION CLAP. 57 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:59,427 WHATEVER. THE OLDER THE BERRY, THE SWEETER THE JUICE... 58 00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:01,367 PRUNE JUICE. 59 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,770 THE UPSIDE TO BANGING HER 60 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,800 IS SHE PROBABLY CAN'T GET PREGNANT ANYMORE. 61 00:03:05,833 --> 00:03:09,673 OH, SPRING BREAK. SENIORS RULE! 62 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,100 ALL RIGHT, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THIS NEXT VIDEO, 63 00:03:12,133 --> 00:03:15,073 BECAUSE IT IS ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITES. 64 00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:19,567 [whooping] 65 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,170 - MOTHER[bleep]! TAKE DAT! 66 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:26,700 [overlapping screaming] 67 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:29,503 GOING TO D'JAIS IN MY CAR! B-E-L... 68 00:03:29,533 --> 00:03:30,873 - M-A-R! 69 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:33,300 [dance music playing] 70 00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:34,903 - BABY BLUE, I SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS! 71 00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:37,103 BABY BLUE! 72 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:39,203 - YOU GOTTA BE SMILING. YOU GOTTA BE DANCING. 73 00:03:39,233 --> 00:03:40,673 YOU GOTTA BE SHAKING THAT ASS! 74 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,330 - YOU BETTER STEP IT UP, MOTHER[bleep]! 75 00:03:43,367 --> 00:03:47,327 - OH...I MISS BEING 37. 76 00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:52,797 I BET THE ENTIRE CARPOOL LANE SMELLS LIKE AXE BODY SPRAY. 77 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,833 YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I LOVE THIS VIDEO SO MUCH? 78 00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,797 BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN ME AND MY FRIENDS 79 00:03:56,833 --> 00:03:58,973 HEAD TO THE JERSEY SHORE. 80 00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:01,397 - NOW WE'RE TALKIN' VIDEO STATUS. 81 00:04:01,433 --> 00:04:03,803 WHOA! - WHOA! 82 00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:06,473 - MOTHER[bleep] DJs! 83 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,230 - WHO'S THAT DJ, BOY? 84 00:04:08,267 --> 00:04:11,867 - WOW! I'M READY! 85 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,400 [laughter] 86 00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:17,273 - ARE...YOU...READY? 87 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,070 - GOING TO D'JAIS IN MY CAR. 88 00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:21,730 B-E-L! - M-A-R! 89 00:04:21,767 --> 00:04:23,227 - WHOO. 90 00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:26,067 - YO, THAT'S WHY I GOT MY HAT ON! 91 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,100 - BABY BLUE, I SEE YOU IN TWO WEEKS. 92 00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,833 BABY BLUE! 93 00:04:29,867 --> 00:04:31,397 - YOU GOTTA BE SMILIN'. YOU GOTTA BE DANCIN'. 94 00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:33,803 YOU GOTTA BE SHAKIN' THAT ASS! 95 00:04:33,833 --> 00:04:36,803 - YOU BETTER STEP IT UP, MOTHER[bleep]! 96 00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:39,473 - WHOO! 97 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:43,370 CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ON MOTHER[bleep] YOUTUBE! 98 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:47,070 AND, YES, WE ALL GOT LAID THAT WEEKEND. 99 00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:48,167 [sighs] 100 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,570 [liquid gushing] 101 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:52,630 SHE IS STILL GOING! 102 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,427 IT'S REALLY SOOTHING. 103 00:04:54,467 --> 00:04:58,367 NO WONDER STEDMAN AND GAYLE SLEEP SO SOUNDLY. 104 00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,800 ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT OFF. 105 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,873 NORMALLY, I HATE CUTE VIDEOS, 106 00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,370 BUT THIS IS ONE SMOOTH-ASS KID. 107 00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,467 I WILL GIVE YOU $100 108 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:17,770 IF YOU CAN TEACH MY ASIAN GIRLFRIEND TO DO THAT. 109 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,630 IT'S IMPRESSIVE, BUT HE CAN'T COLOR FOR [bleep]. 110 00:05:21,667 --> 00:05:23,067 WE DID A LITTLE RESEARCH. 111 00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:25,127 IT TURNS OUT THE REASON HE WAS IN SUCH A HURRY 112 00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:29,297 IS BECAUSE HE HAD A DEAD HOOKER IN THE TRUNK... 113 00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:32,603 A TINY DEAD HOOKER... 114 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,473 IN THE TRUNK. 115 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,200 ALL RIGHT. 116 00:05:36,233 --> 00:05:39,773 - I CAN'T PUSH OFF. I CAN'T. 117 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,200 [grunting] UHH! 118 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,770 - COME ON, BRENDA! 119 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,300 - OH! I'D BREAK MY OWN LEG 120 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:52,133 BEFORE I LET GILBERT GRAPE'S MOM RIDE ME. 121 00:05:52,167 --> 00:05:54,767 I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT SHE'S OUTSIDE GETTING EXERCISE. 122 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,370 AND IT'D BE EASY TO MAKE A BUNCH OF FAT JOKES. 123 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,570 AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE GONNA DO IT IN THIS WEEK'S VIDEO BREAKDOWN. 124 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,930 [cheers and applause] 125 00:06:04,967 --> 00:06:08,497 ALL RIGHT. FIRST, NOTICE THE CAMO SHIRT. 126 00:06:08,533 --> 00:06:10,433 SHE GOT THAT FROM AN ARMY-SURPLUS STORE. 127 00:06:10,467 --> 00:06:14,227 IT WAS USED TO PROVIDE SHELTER FOR THREE PLATOONS. 128 00:06:14,267 --> 00:06:16,797 ALL RIGHT, ROLL IT. IT STARTS OFF PRETTY HORRIBLE. 129 00:06:16,833 --> 00:06:18,633 I MEAN, IF YOU NEED THE HELP OF A PICKUP TRUCK 130 00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,067 TO GET ON A HORSE, 131 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:22,900 YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CHOOSE ANOTHER LEISURE-TIME ACTIVITY. 132 00:06:22,933 --> 00:06:25,073 - I CAN'T. - "I CAN'T"? 133 00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:27,597 YOU MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T. 134 00:06:27,633 --> 00:06:29,403 COME ON, BRENDA. "I CAN'T"? 135 00:06:29,433 --> 00:06:33,303 THEN WHO'S GONNA AVENGE THE DEATH OF YOUR BROTHER? 136 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,073 - BACK. BACK. 137 00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,797 - THIS IS TOO MUCH WORK. 138 00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:38,803 - I'LL TELL YOU WHO IT'S TOO MUCH WORK FOR-- 139 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:40,173 THE HORSE. 140 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,470 YOU KNOW THAT OLD EXPRESSION, 141 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,270 "I'M SO HUNGRY, I COULD EAT A HORSE"? 142 00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:47,370 I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S WHAT SPOOKED HIM. 143 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,230 - [Bleep] YOU, DENNIS. 144 00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:53,067 - YOU LEAVE DENNIS OUT OF THIS. 145 00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:58,130 HE'S LETTING YOU MAX OUT THE PAYLOAD OF HIS TACOMA. 146 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:05,097 ALL RIGHT! SHE GETS ONE LEG OVER! 147 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,373 IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! 148 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,070 AND IF YOU LISTEN REAL CAREFULLY, 149 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:12,067 YOU CAN HEAR THE HORSE'S SPIRIT AND SPINE BREAKING. 150 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,570 - OH... 151 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,730 - AH... 152 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,067 AND SHE'S OFF. FUN RIDE, THOUGH. 153 00:07:17,067 --> 00:07:20,067 THIS IS WHAT ROCK BOTTOM LOOKS LIKE. 154 00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:25,227 IT'S OKAY, BRENDA. YOU CAN STILL RIDE THE TRUCK. 155 00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:26,597 AND AS FOR DENNIS, 156 00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:28,433 WHO HAD THE FORESIGHT TO STAND FAR ENOUGH BACK 157 00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:31,067 SO THAT HE COULD GET ALL OF THAT COWGIRL IN FRAME 158 00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:33,197 AND PUT IT ON THE INTERNET-- [bleep] YOU, DENNIS. 159 00:07:33,233 --> 00:07:35,573 [Bleep] YOU SO MUCH. 160 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,670 [laughter and applause] 161 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,330 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 162 00:07:41,367 --> 00:07:42,867 WITH THE TRON GUY'S WEB REDEMPTION. 163 00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:45,730 BUT FIRST, DID YOU KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE LOOK AT THE INTERNET 164 00:07:45,767 --> 00:07:47,167 WHILE THEY'RE STONED? 165 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,370 YEAH, I KNOW, APPALLING. 166 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,070 WELL, AT HIGHDEAS, 167 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:53,400 THESE POTHEADS CAN POST THEIR RAMBLINGS. 168 00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:54,633 ENJOY. 169 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,430 - I CAME UP WITH THE CONCEPT FOR THIS TRON-GUY COSTUME 170 00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:29,467 BY GOING TO A SCIENCE-FICTION CONVENTION 171 00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:32,570 THAT ALSO WAS A CROSSOVER TO A COMPUTER CONVENTION. 172 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,970 THE INTERNET BROUGHT THE TRON GUY TO LIFE 173 00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:37,827 BY LITERALLY BRINGING HIM TO LIFE. 174 00:08:37,867 --> 00:08:39,727 - OH! YOU DON'T NEED A TIME MACHINE 175 00:08:39,767 --> 00:08:42,927 TO KNOW THAT GUY GOT TONS OF ASS IN HIGH SCHOOL. 176 00:08:42,967 --> 00:08:44,397 TRON IS A MOVIE FROM THE '80s 177 00:08:44,433 --> 00:08:46,473 WHERE A DUDE GETS SUCKED INTO A COMPUTER. 178 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,070 TO BE HONEST, I COULDN'T EVEN MAKE IT THROUGH THE TRAILER. 179 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:50,470 SO I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE 180 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,530 HOW ACCURATELY THIS GUY HAS EMBARRASSED HIMSELF, 181 00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:54,627 BUT I'M GUESSING HE DID A GOOD JOB. 182 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:57,767 THERE ARE WORSE MOVIE THEMES TRON GUY COULD HAVE CHOSEN. 183 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,200 HE COULD HAVE BEEN JENNIFER'S BODY GUY. 184 00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:03,103 UGH! BY THE WAY, DIABLO CODY, 185 00:09:03,133 --> 00:09:04,703 IF THAT IS YOUR REAL STAGE NAME, 186 00:09:04,733 --> 00:09:06,473 YOU KEEP WRITING TURDS LIKE THIS, 187 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,330 AND YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RETURN THAT OSCAR, 188 00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:11,667 HOP BACK ON THE POLE FOR THOSE TWO-FOR-ONES. 189 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,130 BUT I DIGRESS. 190 00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:14,727 WHAT REALLY AMAZES ME 191 00:09:14,767 --> 00:09:16,527 IS HOW FAMOUS TRON GUY HAS BECOME. 192 00:09:16,567 --> 00:09:18,067 SINCE WHEN DID MAKING A TRON COSTUME 193 00:09:18,067 --> 00:09:20,627 OR CARRYING A LIGHTSABER TURN YOU INTO A CELEBRITY? 194 00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,767 I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED UP TO PEOPLE WHO COULD SLAY [bleep], 195 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,730 NOT DRAGONS. 196 00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:29,127 BUT IN THEIR DEFENSE, PLAYING MAGIC: THE GATHERING 197 00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:31,267 IS NO DIFFERENT THAN PLAYING FANTASY FOOTBALL 198 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,630 OR WATCHING PORN. 199 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:34,397 IT'S ALL JUST A WAY TO ESCAPE REALITY. 200 00:09:34,433 --> 00:09:36,503 TRON GUY DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. 201 00:09:36,533 --> 00:09:39,503 HE JUST GENUINELY LOVES TRON, AND I RESPECT THAT. 202 00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:41,233 I USED TO BE DEEP INTO THE CLUB SCENE, 203 00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:45,127 SO I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO DRESS LIKE A COMPLETE DOUCHE BAG. 204 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,967 [laughter and applause] 205 00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:57,467 THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO BEAM JAY, AKA TRON GUY, TO HOLLYWOOD 206 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,500 IN THIS WEEK'S WEB REDEMPTION. 207 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:02,503 [cheers and applause] 208 00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:06,627 HELLO. 209 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:10,267 HAS THE TRON PARTY OF TWO SHOWN UP? 210 00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,630 [laughs] 211 00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:14,997 TELL ME WHY YOU LOVE THE MOVIE TRON. 212 00:10:15,033 --> 00:10:17,403 - TRON REALLY CAUGHT MY IMAGINATION, 213 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:20,603 BUT I NEVER REALLY HAD ANY OUTLET FOR IT. 214 00:10:20,633 --> 00:10:21,933 IT STRUCK ME THAT TRON, 215 00:10:21,967 --> 00:10:23,697 BEING A SCIENCE-FICTION MOVIE ABOUT COMPUTERS, 216 00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:27,033 WOULD BE A PERFECT SOURCE TO DRAW INSPIRATION FROM. 217 00:10:27,067 --> 00:10:28,497 - IT LOOKS LIKE A LOT OF SPANDEX 218 00:10:28,533 --> 00:10:30,533 AND THEN JUST SOME HOCKEY EQUIPMENT. 219 00:10:30,567 --> 00:10:32,967 - ACTUALLY, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD DESCRIPTION. 220 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000 - WELL, I THINK YOU DID A GREAT JOB. 221 00:10:35,033 --> 00:10:36,833 - THE UNITARD WAS CUSTOM-MADE AND DYED. 222 00:10:36,867 --> 00:10:38,627 THIS COLOR PAINT I PICKED 223 00:10:38,667 --> 00:10:40,867 BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT CLOSELY MATCHED THE COLOR. 224 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:42,600 THESE ARE FOOTBALL SHOULDER GUARDS. 225 00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:44,333 THIS IS FORM PVC. 226 00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:47,067 THIS IS ELECTROLUMINESCENT WIRE THAT'S THREADED THROUGH HOLES... 227 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,100 THE HELMET--YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S A HOCKEY HELMET. 228 00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:50,603 THIS IS THE SAME HOCKEY HELMET 229 00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,833 THEY USED FOR THE CHARACTERS IN THE MOVIE. 230 00:10:52,867 --> 00:10:54,727 - DO YOU READ WHAT PEOPLE WRITE? 231 00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:58,067 - I DO, BUT I DECIDED THAT, IN THE END, 232 00:10:58,100 --> 00:10:59,400 I WAS GONNA HAVE FUN MY WAY. 233 00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:01,173 IF THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT, THAT WAS THEIR PROBLEM. 234 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,430 - WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? - EXACTLY. 235 00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:05,067 I'M SITTING HERE TALKING TO THE GUY 236 00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:06,667 ON COMEDY CENTRAL, AFTER ALL. 237 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,270 - A GUY. [laughing] 238 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,700 ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN OUR TRAINING? 239 00:11:10,733 --> 00:11:12,703 - LET'S DO IT. - LET'S PLAY SOME FRISBEE. 240 00:11:12,733 --> 00:11:14,973 - IT'S AN IDENTITY DISK. - IDENTITY DISK. 241 00:11:15,067 --> 00:11:17,727 DOES TRON HAVE ANY, UH-- - WHAT? 242 00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:19,267 HEADS UP! 243 00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:21,530 TERM--BOY, THAT WAS LOUSY, WASN'T IT? 244 00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:23,297 WHOOPS! [laughs] 245 00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:24,833 HEY, GOOD CATCH! 246 00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,127 EHH. 247 00:11:26,167 --> 00:11:28,527 HEY. BOY, THAT WAS USELESS. 248 00:11:28,567 --> 00:11:30,327 - ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF THE IDENTITY DISK. 249 00:11:30,367 --> 00:11:32,067 LET'S WORK ON YOUR CARDIO. 250 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,867 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A TRON CYCLE? 251 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:36,270 - NOPE. - ARE THEY FAST? 252 00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:38,570 - I'M NOT SURE THAT FAST HOLDS ANY MEANING IN THAT UNIVERSE. 253 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,170 - AH... 254 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,670 - YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU START THINKING 255 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,500 ABOUT WHAT GOES ON INSIDE A COMPUTER 256 00:11:43,533 --> 00:11:45,673 AND TURNING IT INTO SOMETHING 257 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:49,270 THAT A HUMAN SUCKED INTO THE MACHINE COULD UNDERSTAND, 258 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,270 YOU HAVE TO ANTHROPOMORPHIZE IT, 259 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:55,530 AND... [clears throat] 260 00:11:55,567 --> 00:11:57,927 - LEFT! 261 00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:00,067 RIGHT! 262 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,627 RIGHT. - COME ON. AH! 263 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,367 - OUR IDEA FOR THE WEB REDEMPTION, 264 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,800 SINCE YOU ALREADY HAVE THE SUIT, 265 00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:07,073 WAS TO GET YOU IN THE TRON WORLD. 266 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:09,730 HOW DOES THAT SOUND TO YOU? - THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC. 267 00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,267 - I HOPE YOU'RE UP FOR THE BATTLE. 268 00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,070 - I THINK I AM. 269 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:14,227 YOU LOOK WONDERFUL. 270 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,597 YOU'RE IN TOP PHYSICAL CONDITION. 271 00:12:16,633 --> 00:12:17,833 THE WORLD WANTS TO KNOW, 272 00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,397 ARE YOU READY TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT? 273 00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,133 - LET'S DO IT. 274 00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:24,327 - GOOD LUCK. AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU. 275 00:12:24,367 --> 00:12:26,367 - UM... 276 00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:30,673 - OH, MY GOODNESS! IT WORKS! 277 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:35,530 ENJOY THE RIDE, TRON GUY! [cackling] 278 00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:38,467 I'LL SEE HIM ON THE OTHER SIDE. 279 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,270 - NOW THAT I'VE ENTERED THE MACHINE, 280 00:12:43,300 --> 00:12:45,470 MY POWERS HAVE NEVER BEEN STRONGER. 281 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,670 - NOT SO FAST, TRON GUY. 282 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,870 ONE MORE STEP, AND THE GIRL GETS IT. 283 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:53,270 - SAVE ME, TRON GUY, SAVE ME! 284 00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,070 - LET HER GO. 285 00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:58,327 - FIRST, YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME. 286 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:25,330 - STAY BACK, OR THE GIRL WILL BE DEREZED. 287 00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:28,397 - THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK. 288 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,903 - NO! 289 00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:31,873 - BY THE POWER OF MY USER. 290 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,930 - [wheezy gasp] 291 00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:36,527 OOH...OOH... 292 00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:41,533 - I LOVE YOU, TRON GUY. 293 00:13:41,567 --> 00:13:44,527 [cheers and applause] 294 00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:53,267 - OH, YOU WILL BE MISSED, TRON GUY. 295 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,070 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH FRED. 296 00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:59,670 BUT FIRST, HERE'S YOUR TOSH.0 UNSPONSORED PRANK OF THE WEEK. 297 00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:05,597 - AAH! 298 00:14:05,633 --> 00:14:07,703 - [gasps] 299 00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:16,073 - AND NOW... 300 00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,567 OH, YEAH. 301 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,070 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 302 00:14:23,767 --> 00:14:26,727 - OH, I UNDERSTAND CRYSTAL! 303 00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:28,897 YOU'RE GOING TO A HOME, OLD MAN! 304 00:14:28,933 --> 00:14:30,973 OH, YE-AH! 305 00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,973 - I'M GONNA JUMP! 306 00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:36,927 - HO HO HO OH! 307 00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:40,727 THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GOIN' OFF THIS ROOF 308 00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:42,067 IS IF I THROW YOU. 309 00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,927 OH, YE-AH! 310 00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:48,670 OH HO HO! 311 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,530 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MISSED A SPOT OVER THERE. 312 00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:51,897 OH, YE-AH! 313 00:14:53,433 --> 00:14:55,203 [crying] 314 00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:57,803 OH, IT'S TIME TO GO TO SLEEP, LITTLE GIRL. 315 00:14:57,833 --> 00:14:59,303 OH, YE-AH! 316 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:02,333 LIGHTS OUT! 317 00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:07,097 - AND THAT WAS... 318 00:15:07,133 --> 00:15:09,773 [cheers and applause] OH, YEAH. 319 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,270 - OH, YE-AH. 320 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,200 IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A MORE INAPPROPRIATE PLACE 321 00:15:14,233 --> 00:15:16,073 TO DO A MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE IMPRESSION, 322 00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:20,430 FILM IT AND SEND IT TO US AT... 323 00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:23,067 ALL RIGHT. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FRED? 324 00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:24,497 ME NEITHER. 325 00:15:24,533 --> 00:15:26,973 HE'S THE MOST SUBSCRIBED TO PERSON ON YOUTUBE. 326 00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:29,527 HE'S GOTTEN OVER 300 MILLION HITS. 327 00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:31,567 HE HAS A CLOTHING LINE AT HOT TOPIC, 328 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,470 NOT TO MENTION HE HAS A MOVIE DEAL. 329 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:36,370 SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT MADE HIM SO FAMOUS. 330 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,700 [shrill cartoon voice] - IF YOU'RE WONDERING 331 00:15:37,733 --> 00:15:39,103 WHY I'M ACTING RATHER EXTRAORDINARY RIGHT NOW, 332 00:15:39,133 --> 00:15:41,603 IT'S BECAUSE I HAVEN'T TAKEN MY PILL! 333 00:15:41,633 --> 00:15:44,333 [light laughter] 334 00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:47,697 - WELL, THAT'LL NEVER GET OLD. 335 00:15:47,733 --> 00:15:49,503 ALL RIGHT, SINCE I OBVIOUSLY DON'T GET IT, 336 00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:51,303 I INVITED FRED FOR A LIVE WEB CHAT 337 00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:53,103 TO EXPLAIN WHY I SHOULDN'T HATE HIM. 338 00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:56,303 PLEASE WELCOME THE YOUTUBE PHENOMENON, FRED! 339 00:15:56,333 --> 00:15:59,603 FRED, YOU'RE PROBABLY PRETTY EXCITED TO BE ON MY SHOW. 340 00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,503 [normal voice] - I'VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU. 341 00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:04,373 - OH. WELL, I'M EXCITED TO MEET YOU, FRED. 342 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,830 - YOU'RE TALKING TO LUCAS. 343 00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:09,067 FRED IS A CHARACTER, SO... HE'S NOT REAL. HA. 344 00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,397 - HA. WELL, UH... 345 00:16:10,433 --> 00:16:13,373 I ASKED MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS IF THEY HAD ANY QUESTIONS, 346 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,830 AND TRAVER31 WANTED TO KNOW... 347 00:16:20,633 --> 00:16:24,103 COULD YOU ANSWER THAT? 348 00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:26,233 - NO, I CAN'T. I WOULD-- 349 00:16:26,267 --> 00:16:28,797 I CAN'T HOLD MY BREATH FOR 45 MINUTES. 350 00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:32,303 - YOU SHOULD TRY. 351 00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:35,073 WILL YOUR MOVIE BE THE END OF THIS FRED THING? 352 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,870 - YEAH, I ACTUALLY-- 353 00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,700 YEAH, THE FRED MOVIE IS PROBABLY GONNA BE, LIKE, 354 00:16:38,733 --> 00:16:40,073 ONE OF THE LAST FRED THINGS, 355 00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,067 SO I WON'T BE DOING IT TOO MUCH LONGER. 356 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,630 - AW... 357 00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,667 WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON, FRED. 358 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,570 I APPRECIATE IT. 359 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,930 - YEAH. THANKS FOR HAVING ME. 360 00:16:50,967 --> 00:16:52,597 [laughter] 361 00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:56,873 - WHO'D HAVE GUESSED HE'D HAVE A [bleep] INTERNET CONNECTION? 362 00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:59,530 WELL, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE'S SO POPULAR. 363 00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:02,327 MAYBE YOU NEED TO CHECK WITH FRED'S NUMBER-ONE FAN, JAKE, 364 00:17:02,367 --> 00:17:04,067 WHO'S A 10-YEAR-OLD BOY. 365 00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:06,067 UH, JAKE, THANKS FOR BEING ON THE SHOW. 366 00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:08,400 - PLEASURE TO BE HERE, DANIEL. 367 00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,203 - HEY, WHY IS FRED FUNNY? 368 00:17:10,233 --> 00:17:12,603 - WELL, I THINK HE'S FUNNY, BECAUSE, UM, 369 00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:16,533 HE--HE TALKS LIKE-- YAAAH, YAH, YAH, YAH, 370 00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:19,797 AND HE MAKES LIKE REALLY WEIRD FACES, AND, UM... 371 00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,903 AND HE HAS REALLY GOOD JOKES. 372 00:17:21,933 --> 00:17:24,073 - ALL RIGHT, STAY OFF THE JESUS JUICE! 373 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,100 - [laughing] 374 00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:28,533 - REMEMBER TO KEEP OUR SECRET. 375 00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:32,667 [laughter and applause] 376 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,070 [sighs] 377 00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:37,130 I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT JAKE IS AS PASSIONATE ABOUT FRED-- 378 00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:40,227 [bleep] 379 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,967 [laughter and groans] 380 00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:46,497 - HANG IN THERE. IT GETS WORSE. 381 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,233 MAYBE IF I SLOW FRED DOWN, 382 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,427 I CAN HEAR WHAT HE'S REALLY SAYING. 383 00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:53,167 [distorted slow voice] - OBAMA IS A MUSLIM. 384 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,770 SHOW ME THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. 385 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,330 - HA HA! NOW I GET IT! 386 00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,797 NOT ONLY IS FRED A COMEDY GENIUS, 387 00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:04,503 BUT HE'S ALSO AN EXTREME CONSERVATIVE. 388 00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:08,833 [liquid gushing] 389 00:18:08,867 --> 00:18:11,927 [sniffs] DID YOU HAVE ASPARAGUS, OPRAH? 390 00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:13,867 THAT IS RANCID. 391 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,070 ALL RIGHT, AS FRED HAS SHOWN US, 392 00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:17,500 ANYONE CAN BECOME FAMOUS ON THE INTERNET. 393 00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:19,273 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GO TO OUR WEBSITE, 394 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:20,730 UPLOAD YOUR CLIP FOR A CHANCE 395 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:21,967 TO BE OUR VIEWER VIDEO OF THE WEEK. 396 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:25,597 THIS WEEK'S WINNER IS FRONTPAGEFILMS.COM. 397 00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:27,673 - ALL RIGHT. SO IF YOU DON'T MIND, 398 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,800 I'M JUST GONNA GRADUALLY WEAVE YOUR DIAGNOSIS 399 00:18:29,833 --> 00:18:31,773 INTO, LIKE, A NORMAL, EVERYDAY CONVERSATION. 400 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:34,330 DOES THAT...SOUND LIKE SOMETHING WE CAN DO? 401 00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:35,927 - SURE. - YEAH. 402 00:18:35,967 --> 00:18:37,567 HOW--HOW ARE YOU? [chuckles] 403 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:38,970 - FINE. 404 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:42,667 - THAT'S WEIRD, 'CAUSE YOU HAVE LEUKEMIA. 405 00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:51,203 - AH... THANKS, GUYS. 406 00:18:51,233 --> 00:18:53,803 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE RENO 911. 407 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,973 OH, TOO SOON. 408 00:19:03,733 --> 00:19:05,233 - WELCOME BACK. 409 00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:07,427 HOW WERE THE COMMERCIALS? 410 00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:09,167 [laughter] 411 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,330 I THINK THAT'S FUNNY. 412 00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:13,727 IT'S BEEN A GREAT SUMMER FOR CELEBRITY DEATH POOLS. 413 00:19:13,767 --> 00:19:17,067 I WENT 16 AND 0. YEAH. IT'S TOO EASY. 414 00:19:17,067 --> 00:19:18,597 THAT'S WHY WE AT TOSH.0 415 00:19:18,633 --> 00:19:22,103 CREATED THE FIRST CELEBRITY SUICIDE POOL. 416 00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:23,833 GO TO OUR WEBSITE. GIVE US YOUR PICKS. 417 00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:27,397 A FEW RULES-- ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSES DO COUNT. 418 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:31,703 [laughter and groans] 419 00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:36,633 - HE TOOK A FISTFUL OF PILLS. HE KNEW HOW THAT NAP WOULD END. 420 00:19:36,667 --> 00:19:41,197 BUT REALITY STARS DO NOT COUNT AS CELEBRITIES. 421 00:19:41,233 --> 00:19:44,733 THEY DON'T COUNT, SO DON'T PICK 'EM. 422 00:19:44,767 --> 00:19:48,367 AND WHILE I HOPE NO ONE WINS, IF ANYONE KNOWS MISCHA BARTON, 423 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,430 COULD YOU PLEASE REMIND HER 424 00:19:50,467 --> 00:19:52,927 THAT SHE HAS NOTHING TO LIVE FOR? 425 00:19:52,967 --> 00:19:56,067 BECAUSE I COULD REALLY USE THAT $50. 426 00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:58,227 AND IF SHE DOES KILL HERSELF, DON'T WORRY. 427 00:19:58,267 --> 00:20:02,067 I WILL USE THAT $50 FOR CHARITY. 428 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:03,470 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 429 00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,570 MAKE SURE YOU WATCH NEXT WEEK WHEN I HEAD TO ADULTCON 430 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,300 TO TEACH PORN STARS A THING OR TWO ABOUT FETISHES. 431 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,473 AND WE ALSO GIVE THE BACKYARD WRESTLER A WEB REDEMPTION. 432 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:16,100 - HERE HE GOES-- MY GOD, MY GOD! 433 00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:17,973 [audience groans] 434 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,800 - DON'T WORRY. WRESTLING'S FAKE. 435 00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:25,533 AND DON'T FORGET TO GO TO OUR WEBSITE COMEDYCENTRAL.COM/TOSH.0 436 00:20:25,567 --> 00:20:26,827 TO SUBMIT YOUR INAPPROPRIATE 437 00:20:26,867 --> 00:20:28,897 "MACHO MAN" RANDY SAVAGE IMPRESSIONS. 438 00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:30,403 ALSO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER, 439 00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:33,373 AND CHECK MY TOUR DATES, SO I CAN OFFEND YOU IN PERSON. 440 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,000 LAST EPISODE, I ASKED YOU TO GUESS 441 00:20:35,033 --> 00:20:37,003 WHAT CASTRO AND I WERE LOOKING AT. 442 00:20:37,033 --> 00:20:39,773 OUT OF 1,700 WHO SUBMITTED AN ANSWER, 443 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:46,830 OVER 350 OF YOU GUESSED I WAS LOOKING AT A PENIS. 444 00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:49,167 I'M NOT MAKING THAT NUMBER UP. 445 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,170 YOU WERE RIGHT. I WAS LOOKING AT A PENIS. 446 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,830 YOU GUYS KNOW ME SO WELL. 447 00:20:54,867 --> 00:20:57,567 NO. I WAS LOOKING AT A SQUEAK TOY 448 00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,370 THAT JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE HANGING 449 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,170 FROM A VEINY, UNCIRCUMCISED PENIS. 450 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,630 GOOD NIGHT. SEE YA NEXT WEEK. 451 00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:09,097 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 32502

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