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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:03,836 (Polly) LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS 2 00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,811 ALSO MEANS YOUR PARENTS ARE YOUR ROOMMATES, 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,579 BUT NOT THE GOOD KIND WHO STAYS AT HER BOYFRIEND'S EVERY NIGHT 4 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,678 AND DOESN'T KEEP TRACK OF HER EXPENSIVE SHAMPOO. 5 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,710 MORE LIKE THE ANNOYING KIND WHO EAT YOUR FOOD... 6 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,846 BORROW YOUR JEWELRY WITHOUT ASKING... 7 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,393 AND WATCH TV IN THE ONE TV AREA THAT WE ALL AGREED 8 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,649 WOULD BE MY TV AREA. 9 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,058 GUYS, GUYS, HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS CAN I SAY THE SAME THING? 10 00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,361 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 11 00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,732 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? TALK AT THE SAME TIME. 12 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,000 IT'S CLOSER TO OUR BEDROOM... THE REMOTE CONTROL IN OUR AREA'S TOO COMPLICATED, 13 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,529 AND NOWADAYS YOU CAN'T TURN ON BY HAND... THAT ONE PLAYS THE MUSIC LOUD, 14 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,165 BUT YOU CAN'T HEAR THE DIALOGUE. 'CAUSE THERE'S NO BUTTONS ON THE TVs TODAY. 15 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,501 I HUMBLY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THIS IS YOUR HOUSE 16 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,035 AND THAT YOU ARE LETTING ME LIVE HERE 17 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,570 OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF YOUR HEART, 18 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:40,435 BUT I NEED TO HAVE SOME, YOU KNOW, SOVEREIGNTY. 19 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:43,784 GOOD WORD. SMART... AND PRETTY. 20 00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,781 I NEED TO FEEL LIKE THERE IS ONE PLACE 21 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,853 THAT IS MINE WHERE I CAN RELAX AND WATCH TV. 22 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,451 I NEED TO FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT MY CLOTHES, MY FOOD, 23 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,424 MY BATHROOM. 24 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,363 YOU KNOW, SHE WOULDN'T BE SO KEEN ON THAT BATHROOM 25 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,358 IF SHE'D KNOWN FREDDY HUNG HIMSELF THERE. 26 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,630 (whispers) DON'T. (under breath) YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 27 00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:58,858 OKAY, POLLY, HERE'S THE THING. 28 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,692 I THINK WE GOT INTO THE HABIT 29 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,528 OF SITTING HERE WHEN WE BOUGHT THIS HOUSE WITH OUR OWN MONEY 30 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,874 AND LIVED IN IT FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS. 31 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,469 YOU KNOW WHAT? RATIONAL ARGUMENTS 32 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,141 ARE NOT GONNA WORK WITH ME, BECAUSE I AM THE CHILD. 33 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,771 HEY. AND THE WHOLE POINT OF BEING THE CHILD 34 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,535 IS YOUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE. 35 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,384 THEY JUST HAVE TO BE ADDRESSED. 36 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,450 OKAY, HONEY, WE GET IT. YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT 37 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,150 OF POLLY SPACE, AND, YOU KNOW, THAT'S COOL. 38 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,822 THAT'S TOTALLY COOL. 39 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,990 YOU KNOW, DON'T EVEN GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT. 40 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,120 HMM, BUT... THAT'S NOT... 41 00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:30,887 YOU MEAN TONIGHT? MM. 42 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,264 OH, I'M NOT LEAVING TONIGHT. NO, I JUST PUT MY FEET UP. 43 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,964 I'M NOT READY FOR THIS. MY ASS AND THIS COUCH ARE MAKING LOVE RIGHT NOW. 44 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,966 HMM. 45 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,498 (rustling) 46 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,674 MY WONTONS. 47 00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:48,813 (whistles) THAT IS A LOT OF BALSAMIC VINEGAR. 48 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,882 OH, CRAP. I THOUGHT IT WAS A CHEAP BARGAIN PINOT. 49 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,681 (sighs) 50 00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,015 WAS THAT A SIGH? 51 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,119 (sighs) I'M GOING NOWHERE, ELAINE. 52 00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,852 I MEAN, I LIVE IN THIS SMALL APARTMENT. 53 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,157 I'M DATING THIS GREAT GIRL WHO I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD 54 00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,290 TO TAKE OUT TO DINNER. 55 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,664 I GET NO RESPECT AT MY JOB. 56 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,162 YOGURT! (man) YOU SUCK, LOSER! 57 00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,155 AAH! (horn honks) 58 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,356 (sighs) (laughs) 59 00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:12,027 WHAT? WHAT? I'M SORRY. 60 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,365 IT MAKES ME NERVOUS WHEN OTHER PEOPLE GET UPSET, 61 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,142 AND I HAVE THIS COMPULSIVE LAUGHING. 62 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,970 IT'S--IT'S ONE OF MY FAILINGS AS A LIFE COACH. 63 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,536 YEAH. LOOK, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE. 64 00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,275 DO YOU HEAR ME? DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS. 65 00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:28,182 I KNOW. JUST, SOMETIMES THEY SEEM PRETTY FAR AWAY. 66 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:31,516 YOU IDOLIZE MAX, RIGHT? 67 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,552 ONCE I HAD A DREAM THAT HE GAVE BIRTH TO ME. 68 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,617 AHH. 69 00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:39,056 WELL, HE WASN'T ALWAYS THE SUCCESSFUL COMEDY CLUB OWNER 70 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,662 THAT YOU SEE TODAY. 71 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,504 NO, NO. MAX CAME FROM NOTHING. 72 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:46,030 WHEN HE WAS GROWING UP, HE TOOK WHATEVER JOB CAME HIS WAY, 73 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,866 NO MATTER HOW DEMEANING. 74 00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,001 AT ONE POINT, HE FOUND WORK CLEANING TOILETS 75 00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,737 AT A PLUMBING SUPPLY STORE. THE ONES THEY WERE SELLING? 76 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,243 WHAT? THE ONES THAT THEY WERE SELLING OR THE ONES THE EMPLOYEES USED? 77 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,906 WHAT? DOESN'T MATTER. GO ON. 78 00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,475 I FOUND MY MOM EATING MY FRIED RICE, 79 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,854 AND WHEN I CONFRONTED HER, SHE COUNTERED 80 00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,422 WITH AN ANCIENT PROVERB ABOUT COMMUNITY, 81 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:06,251 WHICH SUCCESSFULLY MADE ME LOSE FOCUS AND GIVE UP. 82 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:09,157 I ASSUME YOU'VE TALKED TO THEM ABOUT RESPECTING YOUR SPACE. 83 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,559 (door bells jingle) I'VE TALKED. I'VE PLEADED. I'VE CAJOLED. 84 00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,831 I'VE USED THE MAGNET POETRY ON THE FRIDGE. 85 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,060 HOW CAN THEY COLLECT RENT 86 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,825 AND STILL TREAT YOU LIKE IT'S THEIR HOUSE? 87 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,765 (stammers) I MEAN, YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE EASIER FOR THEM 88 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,441 BECAUSE, UM, I DON'T EXACTLY PAY... THAT WORD. 89 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,312 (cash register beeping and whirring) 90 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,505 (whispers) YEAH. 91 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,953 ANYWAY, HE HAD A DREAM OF BECOMING AN ACTOR. 92 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,680 HE WANTED TO GET INTO H.B. STUDIOS SO BAD, 93 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,446 HE DID EVERYTHING HE COULD. 94 00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:40,085 HE SLEPT BACKSTAGE AT THE PLAYHOUSE, 95 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,090 CLEANED THE BASEMENT TO PAY FOR HIS ACTING CLASSES. 96 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,763 HE MAY HAVE EVEN DONE SOME HOMOSEXUAL STUFF, 97 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,133 BUT, YEAH, IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME. 98 00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:51,131 BUT HE NEVER GAVE UP, 99 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,004 AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU. 100 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,765 YOU KNOW, I HAVE A DREAM. OH? 101 00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,814 (packaging rustles) YEAH. I WANNA OPEN A ZOMBIE SURVIVOR FANTASY CAMP. 102 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,780 (gasps) IMAGINE YOU'RE BEING CHASED BY ZOMBIES. 103 00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,879 ZOMBIES ARE COMING AFTER YOU. 104 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,251 IT'S A LIFE OR DEATH STRUGGLE... 105 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,449 SURE. AND MAYBE SOME LUNCH, OKAY? 106 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,480 RIGHT WHEN YOU SIT DOWN TO EAT, 107 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,476 YOU THINK EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT, WE ATTACK AGAIN. 108 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:13,148 (gasps) OH, SEE, NOW I WOULD GO TO THAT. 109 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:15,986 I THINK THAT IS A FANTASTIC AND BRILLIANT IDEA. 110 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,123 YEAH, IT IS. MM-HMM. 111 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,627 I SHOULD JUST GO FOR IT. 112 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,559 WHATEVER IT TAKES, JUST LIKE MAX. 113 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,604 YEAH. YEAH. (rustles) 114 00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,001 WHAT WAS THE PLAN HERE? 115 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,502 I'M NOT SURE. 116 00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,135 YOU'RE LIVING THERE FOR FREE? 117 00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,239 YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE TREATING YOU LIKE A HOUSEGUEST? 118 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,511 BECAUSE YOU'RE A HOUSEGUEST. NOW I'M WORKED UP. 119 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,342 YOU ARE NEVER GONNA HAVE ANY SAY IN YOUR HOUSE 120 00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,977 UNTIL YOU START COUGHING UP SOME RENT. 121 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,352 I HAVE SOME MONEY IN THE BANK, 122 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,151 BUT THINGS ARE ALWAYS PRETTY TIGHT. 123 00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,522 IS THERE ANOTHER POSITION HERE WHERE I CAN MAKE MORE MONEY 124 00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,452 BUT SOMEHOW HAVE, LIKE, LESS WORK? 125 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,157 LIKE... VICE PRESIDENT OF CHOCOLATES. 126 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:52,259 YOU KNOW YOU'RE... LITERALLY THE WORST EMPLOYEE, RIGHT? 127 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,192 OH. 128 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:57,597 IF YOU WANT, MY FRIEND ELI IS AN ARTIST. 129 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:02,101 HE PAYS WOMEN 1,000 BUCKS TO PAINT THEM... IN THE NUDE. 130 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,135 (snorts) SERIOUSLY? EW. YEAH. NO. 131 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,542 I DON'T THINK WE'RE QUITE THERE YET. 132 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,044 (mouth full) BUT THANK YOU. 133 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,505 I'M NOT SAYING THAT MAMA AIN'T FINE. 134 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,554 PLEASE DON'T REFER TO YOURSELF AS "MAMA." 135 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:13,810 MM. 136 00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,117 A COUPLE PEOPLE JUST WALKED OUT. 137 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,149 COINCIDENTALLY, I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE 138 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,186 TRYING TO IMPROVE THEIR SITUATION. 139 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:24,391 SO IF YOU LIKE IT, YOU CAN SUBLET IT FROM ME, 140 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,885 AND THAT WAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY THE SECURITY DEPOSIT. 141 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,857 (speaks French) 142 00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,627 NO. NO SECURITY DEPOSIT. 143 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,865 NO SECURITE? (speaks French) 144 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,341 NO, NO, NOT THAT KIND OF SECURITY. 145 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:38,369 WE HAVE THAT... (sighs) THIS IS FRUSTRATING. 146 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,036 EITHER OF YOU SPEAK ANY ENGLISH? 147 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,743 UN PETIT PEU, COMME "REAL HOUSEWIVES," 148 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,706 TIM TEBOW, OBAMACARE. 149 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:49,576 RIGHT. THIS JUST ISN'T GONNA WORK. UM... (pats hands) 150 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,294 (speaking French fluently) 151 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,901 C'EST TRES BIEN, MERCI, HUH? OKAY. 152 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,101 (under breath) SO ANNOYING. 153 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,302 (dog barking in distance) 154 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,365 OH, COME ON! 155 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,503 HEY. IN OUR DEFENSE, 156 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,338 WE WERE GONNA RACE OUTTA HERE 157 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,612 THE MINUTE WE HEARD YOUR CAR IN THE DRIVEWAY. THIS IS TRUE. 158 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,282 AND THEN WE THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, WHY SHOULD WE? WE--WE DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING. 159 00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:17,779 AND NOW YOU'RE CAUGHT UP. 160 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,451 OKAY, OBVIOUSLY, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO SEE ME 161 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,280 AS AN EQUAL MEMBER OF THIS HOUSEHOLD 162 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,124 WHEN I AM FREELOADING AS A PERMANENT GUEST. 163 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,620 NO, WE DON'T THINK OF YOU-- AH, BUP BUP BUP BUP BUP. 164 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,963 MM. THAT IS WHY I'VE MADE UP MY MIND. 165 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,528 YOU GUYS KINDLY TOOK ME IN DURING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME. 166 00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,089 I GOT A JOB NOW. I'M MAKING A LITTLE MONEY, 167 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,356 AND IT IS TIME FOR ME TO STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET. 168 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:40,066 I... AM GONNA START CONTRIBUTING TO THE RENT. 169 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,440 IT'S A BIT. SHE'S DOING A BIT. (laughs) 170 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,610 THAT'S HYSTERICAL. (laughs) 171 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,938 WHAT? HONEY, YOU DON'T-- YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. 172 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,805 YEAH, I KINDA DO. A LOT OF IT, ACTUALLY. 173 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:53,053 NO, YOU DON'T. YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT? AH-- 174 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,480 WE'VE BEEN PUTTING SOME, YOU KNOW, SHEKELS 175 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,815 INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT TO KEEP YOU AFLOAT. 176 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,620 WHAT? WAIT. WHAT? WHAT? 177 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,892 NOT THAT MUCH. A STIPEND. 178 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:00,950 LIKE $200 A MONTH. $300, TOPS. 179 00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:01,988 HOW MUCH? 180 00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,392 500 BUCKS. $525. 181 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,263 YOU HAVE--YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING SECRET MONEY 182 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,732 INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT? 183 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,060 IT'S NOT SECRET. YEAH. 184 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,555 IN NO SCENARIO DID I EVER THINK 185 00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,467 THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. 186 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:14,129 ALL THE INFORMATION IS READILY AVAILABLE ONLINE. 187 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:17,507 DON'T YOU GET A LITTLE SURPRISED WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR BALANCE? 188 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,668 "OH, IT'S JUST GOING UP." I CAN'T TELL YOU... 189 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:22,337 I-I JUST THOUGHT THAT I WAS VERY GOOD WITH MONEY. 190 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,305 WELL, THAT, IN AND OF ITSELF, IS CHILLING. 191 00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,254 THIS CANNOT STAND. I MEAN, I'M NOT SOME CHARITY CASE. 192 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,920 CHARITY STARTS AT HOME. 193 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,849 OH, MY GOD. IS THAT HOW YOU SEE THIS? 194 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,924 WELL, THAT SOUNDS BAD, AND I WANT YOU GUYS 195 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,153 TO THINK I'M AWESOME. 196 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,187 I MEAN, I GUESS THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT 197 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,522 IS IF I PAY YOU BACK EVERY PENNY, 198 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,327 LIKE MAYBE I SHOULD GET A SECOND JOB. 199 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:42,429 WELL, WE ARE DOWN A WAITRESS AT THE CLUB. YEAH. 200 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:46,032 (snaps fingers) BOOM. DID THAT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. 201 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,326 WAS SUPER OKAY AT IT. WATCH THIS. 202 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:50,537 CHECK OUT THIS TRAY ACTION. OH, LOOK. 203 00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,211 I'M CARRYING IT. I'M WALKING. OH, OH. 204 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,469 WHAT'S HAPPENING? SWITCHING HANDS. UNDER THE LEG. 205 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,508 AROUND THE WORLD. LOOK AT THAT. 206 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,984 LOOK AT THE FIRE IN HER EYES, ELAINE, HUH? 207 00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,011 SHE'S BECOMING SELF-ACTUALIZED. 208 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,217 THIS PASSION REMINDS ME OF ONE OF MY LIFE COACHING CLIENTS. 209 00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,149 SHE MADE IT BIG IN A PONZI SCHEME, 210 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:08,024 AND THEN SHE WAS MURDERED BY HER HUSBAND. 211 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,855 RABBI BERNARD. YEAH. 212 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,060 STILL IN JAIL. 213 00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,591 WHAT? 214 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:21,365 (whirring) 215 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,371 OH... EXCUSE ME? 216 00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,543 (whirring continues) 217 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:28,343 I-I ONLY WANTED A QUARTER-POUND. 218 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,405 I... DO NOT REMEMBER TALKING TO YOU. 219 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:33,653 (whirring stops) OKAY. WHY DON'T WE, UH, GET YOU AWAY 220 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:37,251 FROM THE MOTORIZED RAZOR WHEEL THERE, HUH, TIRED LADY? 221 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,924 WHAT HAS BEEN WITH YOU THIS WEEK? 222 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,152 SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE ARE REALLY TIRED, 223 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,088 IT MEANS THEY'RE ABOUT TO DIE. 224 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,693 JUST SAYING. IT HAPPENED TO MY AUNT. 225 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,696 I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE LISTENING TO THE TWO OF YOU 226 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,428 AND INSISTING THAT I PAY RENT. 227 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,772 NOW I'VE GOT TWO JOBS, AND I AM DANNY GLOVERING HARD. 228 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,070 WHAT IS THAT? 229 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,601 I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS (bleep). 230 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,766 TRIED WAITRESSING. SUCKED AT IT. 231 00:08:58,806 --> 00:08:59,936 (man, amplified voice) THEN AGAIN... 232 00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,413 OH. OH! 233 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,211 THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS. 234 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,213 (laughter) 235 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,575 THEY PUT ME ON BARTENDING. 236 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,754 (cheering) (laughs) 237 00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,592 HEY, KEV, LET ME TRY. 238 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:12,589 (clangs) OH! 239 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,120 (clatter) 240 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,724 (amplified voice) UH... AND I TRIED EMCEEING. 241 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,416 AND, UH, AND NOW COMING TO THE STAGE, 242 00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:21,427 UH, YOU'VE SEEN HIM ON THE... "TONIGHT SHOW," 243 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:25,031 LET'S GET A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR BARRY BERMAN. 244 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:29,095 (cheering) BARRY BERMAN. IS BARRY THERE? 245 00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,966 (mouthing words) 246 00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,774 NO PROBLEM. (chuckles) I'VE SEEN "EDDIE MURPHY DELIRIOUS," 247 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,436 LIKE, A MILLION TIMES, SO I GOT THIS. 248 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:38,305 UM... WOW, THIS IS REALLY IN THERE. (microphone feedback) 249 00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,945 THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID. (chuckles) 250 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,150 UH... 251 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,221 HEY, YOU... (thud) 252 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,919 OH. (clatter) 253 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,221 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO? 254 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,562 MEET A RICH OLDER GUY AND MARRY HIM. 255 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,218 ATTEMPTED. 256 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,287 HOW 'BOUT I STICK ANOTHER STRAW IN THAT SMOOTHIE? 257 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,756 (woman) ALL SET? 258 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,674 (mouths word) 259 00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,639 I NEED TWO JOBS IF I'M GONNA PAY MY PARENTS BACK 260 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,169 AND PAY RENT, BUT I SEEM TO LACK THE NECESSARY SKILLS 261 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,244 REQUIRED FOR UNSKILLED LABOR. 262 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,183 WELL, YOU'VE BEEN AT IT FOR THREE DAYS. 263 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,908 I'M SURE YOU'RE GONNA FIND SOMETHING... (snoring) 264 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,684 THAT FITS YOUR SCHEDULE, THAT... 265 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,613 POLLY? 266 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,478 POLLY? 267 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:19,016 POLLY? (snorts) PROVOLONE! 268 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,692 YOU KNOW, POLLY IS REALLY HANGING IN THERE. 269 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:24,191 I'VE NEVER SEEN HER SO DETERMINED TO BE INDEPENDENT. 270 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,534 SHE REMINDS ME OF A YOUNG ME. 271 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,629 NO, SHE REMINDS ME OF A YOUNG ME, 272 00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,463 WHICH REMINDS ME OF THE CURRENT ME, 273 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,368 BECAUSE I REALLY HAVEN'T CHANGED THAT MUCH. 274 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,000 TOUCHE. MM. 275 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,036 IS THAT SMOKE COMING FROM NATALIE'S PLAYHOUSE? 276 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,882 (sizzling) 277 00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:44,439 HEY, HOT LINK? 278 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,377 I'M GONNA KILL HIM. OH. 279 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,553 YIKES. 280 00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,222 HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 281 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,151 I'M JUST TRYING TO BE LIKE YOU. 282 00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,856 HOW IS COOKING WIENERS IN A KID'S PLAYHOUSE 283 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:56,859 BEING LIKE ME? 284 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,490 HEY, LOOK, ELAINE TOLD ME 285 00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,055 HOW YOU USED TO SLEEP IN THE THEATER 286 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,203 TO SAVE MONEY FOR YOUR DREAMS. (gasps) 287 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,529 AND YOU DID SOME GAY STUFF. 288 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,233 (clangs) 289 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:08,335 WHICH I COULD SEE ME DOING DOWN THE LINE. YEAH. 290 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,068 I JUST GOTTA GET MYSELF SET UP. (taps playhouse) 291 00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:13,073 HE HELPED ME UNLOAD GROCERIES-- THAT IS NOT AN EXPLANATION. 292 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,036 LOOK, I AM SUBLETTING MY APARTMENT 293 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,475 TO SAVE MONEY FOR MY DREAMS. 294 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,210 YOU HAVE TO GO. 295 00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,246 (timer bell dings) 296 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,550 WHAT IS THAT? 297 00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,021 (gasps) MY COUSCOUS. GIVE ME A SECOND. 298 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,350 I GOTTA GET THAT OFF THE HEAT. 299 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,594 I DON'T WANT IT TO BURN. 300 00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,718 WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM ABOUT CHAZ? 301 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,485 I CAN'T HELP IT IF I TELL STORIES, 302 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,593 AND IT MOVES PEOPLE TO ACTION. 303 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,725 ISN'T THAT WHAT JESUS DID? 304 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,463 NOBODY GOT MAD AT HIM. 305 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,374 HOW IS HE GETTING MAIL HERE? 306 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:47,373 HEY, WENDY. SORRY, I SNEEZED IN THE COFFEE. 307 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,107 EVERYONE HERE HATES YOU. 308 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,082 (laughs and snorts) 309 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,181 HUH? 310 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,782 YOU SUCK AT EVERYTHING. 311 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:56,284 YOU ONLY KEEP YOUR JOB BECAUSE YOUR STEPFATHER OWNS THE CLUB. 312 00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,616 UM... 313 00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,050 DOES EVERYONE HERE HATE ME FOR THAT REASON, 314 00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,087 OR IS THERE ONE GUY WHO ACTS LIKE HE HATES ME, 315 00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,592 BUT REALLY HE'S KIND OF INTO ME? 316 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,133 YOU KNOW, LIKE IN A ROM-COM STORY, 317 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,928 LIKE RACHEL McADAMS? 318 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,560 DO YOU MEAN THE BUSBOY THAT LISTENS WHEN YOU PEE? 319 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,555 BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'S A POSITIVE THING. 320 00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,467 ** 321 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,199 (exhales) 322 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,965 (glasses clatter) 323 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,614 HOW WE DOIN'? 324 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,908 UM... GREAT. 325 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,441 SHE IS NOT NICE. 326 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,735 DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER. SHE USED TO BE A HE. 327 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,248 YEAH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT, POLLY? 328 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,479 YOU'RE DOING PRETTY GOOD. 329 00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,884 YOU SHOULD BE REALLY PROUD OF YOURSELF, 330 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,146 'CAUSE I'M PROUD OF YOU. 331 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,723 YOU'VE HAD A TOUGH YEAR, YOU KNOW? 332 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,451 BETWEEN THE DIVORCE AND HAVING TO UPROOT NATALIE. 333 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,557 NOW YOU'RE TAKING A SWING AT A SECOND JOB. 334 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,559 IT'S NOT EASY. YOUR COURAGE HAS REALLY HELPED YOU 335 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,162 RISE TO THE OCCASION. 336 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,904 YOU GOT A LOT OF GUTS THIS WEEK. 337 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,900 YOU SHOULD BE PROUD. 338 00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:49,542 UM, I JUST HAVE TO MARRY THE KETCHUPS QUICKLY, SO... 339 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,668 (sighs) 340 00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:55,005 IT'S ELECTRIC. IT'S ELECTRIC. 341 00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,642 (crying) OH, MOMMY. 342 00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,106 OH, HELLO. WHAT IS THIS? 343 00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,805 OH, JEEZ. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS 344 00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,148 OR KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT. 345 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,183 (voice breaking) EVERYBODY HATES ME. 346 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,487 NO. 347 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,188 BUT I CAN'T QUIT, 348 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,360 BECAUSE I MADE SUCH A BIG STINK ABOUT PAYING MY OWN WAY, 349 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,259 AND NOW MAX KEEPS LOOKING AT ME WITH PRIDE IN HIS EYES, 350 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,862 AND IT'D BE SO MUCH EASIER 351 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,104 IF HE WAS, LIKE, SOME STUPID, ABUSIVE ALCOHOLIC 352 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,429 LIKE MOST STEPDADS. 353 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,534 THAT WAS THE GUY I DATED BEFORE MAX. SORRY. 354 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,666 I SUCK AT THIS. NO. 355 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,671 I'M EXHAUSTED. I DON'T HAVE ANY ENERGY FOR NATALIE. 356 00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,214 (snoring) 357 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,679 NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW HOW BABAR GETS OUT OF JAIL. 358 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,209 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 359 00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,114 I MEAN, I'M TRYING TO HOLD DOWN TWO JOBS 360 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,376 AND BE THERE FOR NATALIE, 361 00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,324 AND I'M NOT DOING ANY OF IT WELL. 362 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:39,849 ONCE I WAS IN A SITUATION THAT I COULDN'T SEE ANY WAY OUT OF. 363 00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,887 MAX AND I HAD PLANNED THIS BIG TRIP TO ITALY, 364 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,793 AND ON THE DAY OF THE TRIP, 365 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,234 I MISPLACED THE PASSPORTS. 366 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,330 I KNEW MAX WAS GONNA BE FURIOUS, 367 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,232 SO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I DID? 368 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,204 YEAH. 369 00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:55,072 I FAKED A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 370 00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,674 FROM YOUR TONE AT THE BEGINNING, 371 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:02,235 I REALLY THOUGHT THERE WAS GONNA BE USABLE ADVICE AT THE END. 372 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,506 (sighs) 373 00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:08,577 (knock on door) 374 00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:09,645 OH, HEY. 375 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,222 UM, WE NEED TO TALK 376 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,092 ABOUT YOU LIVING HERE. 377 00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,721 OH, YEAH? MM. 378 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,215 (gasps) YOU KNOW, 379 00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:20,457 I HAVE THE PERFECT CHEESE FOR THAT GEWURZTRAMINER. 380 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,102 (exhales) 381 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,402 (thud) AAH! OW! 382 00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:31,235 THAT'S IT. 383 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,341 I... 384 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,712 AM DONE. 385 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,448 (buzzing) 386 00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:40,948 (buzzing stops) 387 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:41,921 HEY, MAX. 388 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,379 THIS IS COOL, RIGHT? 389 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,916 ELAINE SAID IT WAS. 390 00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:48,963 JULIAN IS LIVING AT THE CLUB IN MY OFFICE. 391 00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,759 WELL, YOU WANT HIM BACK IN THE PLAYHOUSE? 392 00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,260 I DON'T WANT HIM ANYWHERE. 393 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,792 I WAS TRYING TO DO A NICE THING. 394 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,626 PLEASE. NOW I FEEL STUCK. 395 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:59,603 (crying) AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO. 396 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,402 (hyperventilating) 397 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,095 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 398 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,607 I CAN'T... I CAN'T... I CAN'T CATCH MY BREATH. 399 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,309 OH, OKAY. WELL... RELAX. WHAT IS HAPPENING? 400 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,812 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO! 401 00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,084 I WANT YOU TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, WOMAN. 402 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,624 I CAN'T GO ON! 403 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,648 I CAN'T GO ON! I CAN'T GO ON! 404 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,624 I CAN'T GO... I CAN'T GO, UH... 405 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,163 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 406 00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,990 (whispers) HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 407 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,625 UH, I'M... HAVING... A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 408 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,161 OH, THIS IS A LOW MOMENT. 409 00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,227 YEAH, YEAH. 410 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,674 SERIOUSLY, MOM? 411 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,299 NOW YOU'RE JUST MOOCHIN' MY BREAKDOWN? 412 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,574 LADIES, DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW 413 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:36,972 WHAT A REAL NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IS? 414 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,974 WHEN YOUR MOTHER FORGOT THE PASSPORTS TO ITALY, 415 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,966 THAT WAS A REAL NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 416 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:47,784 YES. 417 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,292 LOOK, IF YOU WANTED TO QUIT, 418 00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,521 YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME. 419 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,285 HOW COULD I? YOU COMPLETELY LIT UP 420 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,434 AT THE PROSPECT OF ME GETTING MY ACT TOGETHER. 421 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,329 I'M JUST BACK TO BEING THE LOSER FREELOADER... (refrigerator opens) 422 00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:05,102 WHO CANNOT SEEM TO LABEL HER FOOD CLEARLY ENOUGH. 423 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,202 THAT IS MY FALAFEL! 424 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,273 WOULD YOU HAVE SEEN THAT? 425 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,800 (scoffs) 426 00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,165 POLLY, IF YOU DON'T WANNA WORK AT THE CLUB, 427 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,173 DON'T WORK AT THE CLUB. IT'S OKAY. 428 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,844 YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED. 429 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,312 I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED. I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR FACE. 430 00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,841 I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED. STILL SEE IT. 431 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,045 I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED. I'M NOT. 432 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,978 IT'S TOO LATE. MESSAGE RECEIVED. 433 00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,513 BUT I AM STILL GONNA PAY RENT. 434 00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:24,518 SOMEHOW, I'M GONNA PAY MY OWN WAY. SO... 435 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:25,951 I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED. 436 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,545 I'M NOT. 437 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,687 YOU ARE. 438 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,661 LITTLE BIT. 439 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,859 AND EVERYBODY SENSES IT. 440 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,791 YOU CAN'T JUST BE THIS OMINOUS PRESENCE 441 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,557 WHO FRIGHTENS PEOPLE INTO NEUROTIC ACTION. 442 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,967 YOU NEED TO BE... A LIGHT 443 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,070 THAT ILLUMINATES PEOPLES' PATHS TOWARDS POSITIVE ACTION. 444 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,335 WHAT? 445 00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:47,973 I'M SORRY. I GOTTA WRITE THAT DOWN, 446 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,137 BECAUSE I THINK I JUST FOUND THE OPENING TO MY BOOK. 447 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,937 NO RUNNING! 448 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,880 THERE WAS ONLY ONE WAY I COULD PRESERVE MY DIGNITY, 449 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,545 AND THAT WAS TO TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES. 450 00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,145 SO IS THIS DEGRADING OR SHOWING GRIT? 451 00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,388 FUNNY STORY SOMEDAY, 452 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,262 OR THE BEGINNING OF A CAUTIONARY TALE 453 00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,561 THAT ENDS WITH ME DOING STUFF TO GUYS FOR CRYSTAL METH? 454 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,104 I'M GONNA GO WITH FUNNY STORY. 455 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,770 OH, DEAR GOD. 456 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,699 YEAH, IT'S NOT BAD. NOT BAD. 457 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,944 OY. HMM. HMM. 458 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,770 OKAY. 459 00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:25,176 (singsongy) I'M READY. 460 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,412 OH! 461 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,946 OH, MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 462 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,880 I DON'T KNOW! WHAT ARE-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 463 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:33,116 I PAINT WOMEN IN THE NUDE! WHAT IS THIS? WHAT? I'M NUDE! 464 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:37,593 I PAINT WOMEN IN THE NUDE! I'M NUDE! WHO PAINTS IN THE NUDE? 465 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,634 ME! I PAINT IN THE NUDE! DIDN'T GREG TELL YOU? 466 00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,700 NO, NO, NO, HE DIDN'T, AND NOW WE'RE BOTH NUDE. 467 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,059 I KNOW! 468 00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,727 I'M GONNA GO GET SOME CLOTHES BACK ON! 469 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,265 I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! 470 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,300 (laughs) 471 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,639 THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT RESPECTING MY AUTHORITY. 472 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,612 OH, YOUR REVENGE IS TO LEAVE OUT IMPORTANT DETAILS 473 00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,781 ABOUT ARTIST'S ECCENTRIC HABITS? 474 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,739 MM-HMM. BURN. 475 00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,107 (laughs) 476 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,776 AT LEAST YOU CAN PAY YOUR RENT FOR A MONTH. 477 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,623 YEAH, AND THEN WHAT? 478 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,389 I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT REALLY SOLVING THE BIGGER ISSUE HERE-- 479 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,288 WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH MY LIFE. 480 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,990 MAYBE THE ANSWER IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT SECOND JOB, 481 00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:11,492 IT'S FINDING THE RIGHT FIRST JOB. 482 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,164 EVENTUALLY. DO NOT FIRE ME. 483 00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,663 YEAH. YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN ANYWAY. 484 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,395 I WAS SO MOTIVATED BACK IN COLLEGE 485 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,270 WITH ALL MY STUPID CAUSES. 486 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,599 I JUST WANTED TO MARCH DOWN THE HALLS OF THE CAPITOL 487 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,744 AND LOBBY A CONGRESSMAN TO STOP DUMPING OIL ON PENGUINS. 488 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,971 PELICANS. ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THE BIRDS. 489 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,336 BUT THE PEOPLE GOT THOSE JOBS FINISHED COLLEGE. 490 00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:32,246 I CAN'T AFFORD THAT. I CAN BARELY AFFORD RENT. 491 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,779 I KNOW A GUY WHO'D PAY 5 GRAND 492 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,153 TO SLEEP WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. 493 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,482 OH, LET ME GUESS-- JUST SLEEP, RIGHT? 494 00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:38,787 NO, YOU'D HAVE TO (bleep). 495 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,448 MM, NOT THERE YET. 496 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,157 OKAY, LET'S LOOK AT YOUR PLAN, ALL RIGHT? 497 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:46,430 YOU'RE LIVING IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S PLAYHOUSE. (whispers) YEAH. 498 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,089 AND, UH, YOU'RE SUBLETTING YOUR APARTMENT, 499 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,527 SO THAT GETS YOU $200 A MONTH. 500 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,332 MINUS THE $25 I GIVE NATALIE. 501 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,874 YOU PAY NATALIE $25? 502 00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:53,969 LANDLORD? 503 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,670 I'M NOT A MATHEMATICIAN, 504 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,942 BUT IT SEEMS MORE LIKELY 505 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,140 THAT THEY'LL BE AN ACTUAL ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE 506 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,884 BEFORE YOU EVEN SAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO OPEN THE CAMP. 507 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,550 (sighs) YOU'RE RIGHT. STUPID. I'M AN IDIOT. 508 00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,149 DON'T DO THAT. LOOK HERE'S THE THING-- 509 00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,481 YOU NEED A BUSINESS PLAN, A HOME ADDRESS, 510 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,387 AND A STEADY JOB. 511 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:15,559 AND IF YOU PROMISE ME THAT YOU WILL NEVER, EVER LIVE 512 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,858 ANYWHERE I LIVE... OR WORK, 513 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,031 I WILL HELP YOU OUT. 514 00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:24,230 OKAY. HERE. WELCOME TO THE CLUB. 515 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,534 AND TELL ELAINE I LIT YOUR PATH. 516 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,067 AND YOU CAN WORK. START HERE TONIGHT. 517 00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,072 SECTION FIVE. 518 00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,814 FIVE. THANK YOU. OKAY. 519 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,240 MAX, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 520 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,575 (door closes) 521 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,579 DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW? 522 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,181 OH, YEAH. 523 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:41,983 I JUST DOUBLED THE AMOUNT OF TIME I GET TO SEE JULIAN. 524 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,554 HMM. SO I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. 525 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,924 AW, YOU'RE A BIG MAN. I LOVE YOU. DO YA? 526 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:47,893 MM. 527 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,420 MY RENT... 528 00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:51,487 FOR THIS MONTH. 529 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,734 REALLY? 530 00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,189 WHICH I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GIVE ME BACK. 531 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,668 YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MONEY WORKS, DO YOU? 532 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,768 I WOULD LIKE TO USE THIS 533 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,570 TO FINISH COLLEGE. 534 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:06,242 BUT SOMEBODY WHO DOES THAT NEEDS A SUPPORT SYSTEM 535 00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,543 THAT PROVIDES FOOD AND MONEY AND CHILD CARE. 536 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:11,775 AND INSTEAD OF THAT, I HAVE YOU GUYS. 537 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,751 AND I'M REALLY LUCKY, TOO, 538 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,020 BUT I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING SOMEDAY 539 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,419 TO MAKE YOU REALLY PROUD OF ME, 540 00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:21,451 AND ME REALLY PROUD OF ME. 541 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,758 OKAY? I KNOW IT'S REALLY A LOT TO ASK. 542 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,960 NO. WE'RE ALL YOURS. YOU KNOW THAT. 543 00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,603 WELL, YOU KNOW, WE'RE MOSTLY YOURS. 544 00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:31,458 2- OR 4-YEAR COLLEGE? WE'LL FIGURE OUT THE RATIO. 545 00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,298 THANKS, GUYS. THANK YOU. 546 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:39,965 (static crackles) 547 00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:43,138 (crackles) 548 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,805 (roars) 549 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,749 (roaring, screaming) 550 00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,082 (crackles) 551 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,247 EVER WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE 552 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,815 TO LIVE IN A... 553 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,153 WELL, WONDER NO MORE. 554 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,787 HERE AT ZOMBIE SURVIVOR, 555 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,793 YOU AND YOUR FAMILY LEARN WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE 556 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:02,296 TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE AGAINST SOULLESS MONSTERS 557 00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,729 HELL-BENT ON YOUR DESTRUCTION. 558 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,474 IT'S GREAT FOR OFFICE PARTIES, TOO. 559 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,469 AND FOR THE LITTLE ONES, WE'VE GOT ZOMBIE SURVIVOR, JR. 560 00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:11,602 BRAINS AND A JUICE BOX! 561 00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,468 BOOK NOW, AND WE'LL INFECT A MEMBER OF YOUR PARTY 562 00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:18,177 WITH THE SAME KILLER VIRUS THAT HAS DEVASTATED HUMANITY. 563 00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,980 OH, NO! BOB FROM ACCOUNTING'S GOT IT! KILL HIM! 564 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,783 HERE THEY COME! 565 00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,915 BOOK YOUR ADVENTURE NOW! 566 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,551 ** 41482

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