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1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:03,836
(Polly)
LIVING WITH YOUR PARENTS
2
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,811
ALSO MEANS YOUR PARENTS
ARE YOUR ROOMMATES,
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,579
BUT NOT THE GOOD KIND WHO STAYS
AT HER BOYFRIEND'S EVERY NIGHT
4
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,678
AND DOESN'T KEEP TRACK
OF HER EXPENSIVE SHAMPOO.
5
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,710
MORE LIKE THE ANNOYING KIND
WHO EAT YOUR FOOD...
6
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,846
BORROW YOUR JEWELRY
WITHOUT ASKING...
7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,393
AND WATCH TV IN THE ONE TV AREA
THAT WE ALL AGREED
8
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,649
WOULD BE MY TV AREA.
9
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,058
GUYS, GUYS, HOW MANY DIFFERENT
WAYS CAN I SAY THE SAME THING?
10
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:24,361
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?
11
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,732
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
TALK AT THE SAME TIME.
12
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,000
IT'S CLOSER TO OUR BEDROOM...
THE REMOTE CONTROL
IN OUR AREA'S TOO COMPLICATED,
13
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,529
AND NOWADAYS YOU CAN'T TURN
ON BY HAND...
THAT ONE PLAYS THE MUSIC LOUD,
14
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,165
BUT YOU CAN'T HEAR THE DIALOGUE.
'CAUSE THERE'S NO BUTTONS
ON THE TVs TODAY.
15
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,501
I HUMBLY ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT THIS IS YOUR HOUSE
16
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,035
AND THAT YOU ARE LETTING ME
LIVE HERE
17
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,570
OUT OF THE GOODNESS
OF YOUR HEART,
18
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:40,435
BUT I NEED TO HAVE SOME,
YOU KNOW, SOVEREIGNTY.
19
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:43,784
GOOD WORD.
SMART... AND PRETTY.
20
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,781
I NEED TO FEEL
LIKE THERE IS ONE PLACE
21
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,853
THAT IS MINE WHERE I CAN RELAX
AND WATCH TV.
22
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,451
I NEED TO FEEL LIKE
I'VE GOT MY CLOTHES, MY FOOD,
23
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,424
MY BATHROOM.
24
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,363
YOU KNOW, SHE WOULDN'T BE
SO KEEN ON THAT BATHROOM
25
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,358
IF SHE'D KNOWN
FREDDY HUNG HIMSELF THERE.
26
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,630
(whispers) DON'T.
(under breath)
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
27
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:58,858
OKAY, POLLY,
HERE'S THE THING.
28
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,692
I THINK
WE GOT INTO THE HABIT
29
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,528
OF SITTING HERE WHEN WE BOUGHT
THIS HOUSE WITH OUR OWN MONEY
30
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,874
AND LIVED IN IT
FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.
31
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,469
YOU KNOW WHAT?
RATIONAL ARGUMENTS
32
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,141
ARE NOT GONNA WORK WITH ME,
BECAUSE I AM THE CHILD.
33
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,771
HEY.
AND THE WHOLE POINT
OF BEING THE CHILD
34
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,535
IS YOUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS
DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE.
35
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,384
THEY JUST HAVE
TO BE ADDRESSED.
36
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,450
OKAY, HONEY, WE GET IT.
YOU NEED A LITTLE BIT
37
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,150
OF POLLY SPACE, AND, YOU KNOW,
THAT'S COOL.
38
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:22,822
THAT'S TOTALLY COOL.
39
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,990
YOU KNOW, DON'T EVEN GIVE IT
A SECOND THOUGHT.
40
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:29,120
HMM, BUT... THAT'S NOT...
41
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:30,887
YOU MEAN TONIGHT?
MM.
42
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,264
OH, I'M NOT LEAVING TONIGHT.
NO, I JUST PUT MY FEET UP.
43
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:35,964
I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.
MY ASS AND THIS COUCH
ARE MAKING LOVE RIGHT NOW.
44
00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,966
HMM.
45
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,498
(rustling)
46
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,674
MY WONTONS.
47
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:48,813
(whistles) THAT IS A LOT
OF BALSAMIC VINEGAR.
48
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:51,882
OH, CRAP. I THOUGHT
IT WAS A CHEAP BARGAIN PINOT.
49
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,681
(sighs)
50
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,015
WAS THAT A SIGH?
51
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,119
(sighs) I'M GOING NOWHERE,
ELAINE.
52
00:01:58,152 --> 00:01:59,852
I MEAN, I LIVE
IN THIS SMALL APARTMENT.
53
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,157
I'M DATING THIS GREAT GIRL
WHO I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD
54
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:03,290
TO TAKE OUT TO DINNER.
55
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,664
I GET NO RESPECT
AT MY JOB.
56
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,162
YOGURT!
(man) YOU SUCK, LOSER!
57
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:08,155
AAH!
(horn honks)
58
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,356
(sighs)
(laughs)
59
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:12,027
WHAT? WHAT?
I'M SORRY.
60
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,365
IT MAKES ME NERVOUS WHEN
OTHER PEOPLE GET UPSET,
61
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,142
AND I HAVE
THIS COMPULSIVE LAUGHING.
62
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,970
IT'S--IT'S ONE OF MY FAILINGS
AS A LIFE COACH.
63
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,536
YEAH.
LOOK, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE.
64
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:24,275
DO YOU HEAR ME?
DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS.
65
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:28,182
I KNOW. JUST, SOMETIMES THEY
SEEM PRETTY FAR AWAY.
66
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:31,516
YOU IDOLIZE MAX, RIGHT?
67
00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:33,552
ONCE I HAD A DREAM
THAT HE GAVE BIRTH TO ME.
68
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,617
AHH.
69
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:39,056
WELL, HE WASN'T ALWAYS
THE SUCCESSFUL COMEDY CLUB OWNER
70
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,662
THAT YOU SEE TODAY.
71
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:42,504
NO, NO.
MAX CAME FROM NOTHING.
72
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:46,030
WHEN HE WAS GROWING UP, HE TOOK
WHATEVER JOB CAME HIS WAY,
73
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,866
NO MATTER HOW DEMEANING.
74
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,001
AT ONE POINT, HE FOUND WORK
CLEANING TOILETS
75
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:52,737
AT A PLUMBING SUPPLY STORE.
THE ONES THEY WERE SELLING?
76
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,243
WHAT?
THE ONES THAT THEY WERE SELLING
OR THE ONES THE EMPLOYEES USED?
77
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:57,906
WHAT?
DOESN'T MATTER. GO ON.
78
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,475
I FOUND MY MOM
EATING MY FRIED RICE,
79
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,854
AND WHEN I CONFRONTED HER,
SHE COUNTERED
80
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,422
WITH AN ANCIENT PROVERB
ABOUT COMMUNITY,
81
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:06,251
WHICH SUCCESSFULLY MADE ME
LOSE FOCUS AND GIVE UP.
82
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:09,157
I ASSUME YOU'VE TALKED TO THEM
ABOUT RESPECTING YOUR SPACE.
83
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,559
(door bells jingle)
I'VE TALKED. I'VE PLEADED.
I'VE CAJOLED.
84
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,831
I'VE USED THE MAGNET POETRY
ON THE FRIDGE.
85
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,060
HOW CAN THEY COLLECT RENT
86
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,825
AND STILL TREAT YOU
LIKE IT'S THEIR HOUSE?
87
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,765
(stammers) I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
IT'S A LITTLE EASIER FOR THEM
88
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,441
BECAUSE, UM, I DON'T EXACTLY
PAY... THAT WORD.
89
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,312
(cash register beeping
and whirring)
90
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,505
(whispers) YEAH.
91
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,953
ANYWAY, HE HAD A DREAM
OF BECOMING AN ACTOR.
92
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:35,680
HE WANTED TO GET
INTO H.B. STUDIOS SO BAD,
93
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,446
HE DID EVERYTHING HE COULD.
94
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:40,085
HE SLEPT BACKSTAGE
AT THE PLAYHOUSE,
95
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:43,090
CLEANED THE BASEMENT TO PAY
FOR HIS ACTING CLASSES.
96
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,763
HE MAY HAVE EVEN DONE
SOME HOMOSEXUAL STUFF,
97
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,133
BUT, YEAH,
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.
98
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:51,131
BUT HE NEVER GAVE UP,
99
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,004
AND NEITHER SHOULD YOU.
100
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,765
YOU KNOW, I HAVE A DREAM.
OH?
101
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:59,814
(packaging rustles)
YEAH. I WANNA OPEN
A ZOMBIE SURVIVOR FANTASY CAMP.
102
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,780
(gasps)
IMAGINE YOU'RE BEING CHASED
BY ZOMBIES.
103
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,879
ZOMBIES ARE COMING AFTER YOU.
104
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,251
IT'S A LIFE OR DEATH
STRUGGLE...
105
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,449
SURE.
AND MAYBE SOME LUNCH, OKAY?
106
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,480
RIGHT WHEN YOU SIT DOWN
TO EAT,
107
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,476
YOU THINK EVERYTHING'S
ALL RIGHT, WE ATTACK AGAIN.
108
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:13,148
(gasps) OH, SEE,
NOW I WOULD GO TO THAT.
109
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:15,986
I THINK THAT IS
A FANTASTIC AND BRILLIANT IDEA.
110
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,123
YEAH, IT IS.
MM-HMM.
111
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,627
I SHOULD JUST GO FOR IT.
112
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,559
WHATEVER IT TAKES,
JUST LIKE MAX.
113
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,604
YEAH. YEAH.
(rustles)
114
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,001
WHAT WAS THE PLAN HERE?
115
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,502
I'M NOT SURE.
116
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,135
YOU'RE LIVING THERE
FOR FREE?
117
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,239
YOU KNOW WHY THEY'RE TREATING
YOU LIKE A HOUSEGUEST?
118
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,511
BECAUSE YOU'RE A HOUSEGUEST.
NOW I'M WORKED UP.
119
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,342
YOU ARE NEVER GONNA HAVE
ANY SAY IN YOUR HOUSE
120
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,977
UNTIL YOU START COUGHING UP
SOME RENT.
121
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,352
I HAVE SOME MONEY IN THE BANK,
122
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,151
BUT THINGS ARE ALWAYS
PRETTY TIGHT.
123
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:44,522
IS THERE ANOTHER POSITION HERE
WHERE I CAN MAKE MORE MONEY
124
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,452
BUT SOMEHOW HAVE, LIKE,
LESS WORK?
125
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,157
LIKE... VICE PRESIDENT
OF CHOCOLATES.
126
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:52,259
YOU KNOW YOU'RE... LITERALLY
THE WORST EMPLOYEE, RIGHT?
127
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,192
OH.
128
00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:57,597
IF YOU WANT, MY FRIEND ELI
IS AN ARTIST.
129
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:02,101
HE PAYS WOMEN 1,000 BUCKS
TO PAINT THEM... IN THE NUDE.
130
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,135
(snorts) SERIOUSLY?
EW. YEAH. NO.
131
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,542
I DON'T THINK
WE'RE QUITE THERE YET.
132
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,044
(mouth full) BUT THANK YOU.
133
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,505
I'M NOT SAYING
THAT MAMA AIN'T FINE.
134
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,554
PLEASE DON'T REFER TO YOURSELF
AS "MAMA."
135
00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:13,810
MM.
136
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:16,117
A COUPLE PEOPLE
JUST WALKED OUT.
137
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,149
COINCIDENTALLY,
I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE
138
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,186
TRYING TO IMPROVE
THEIR SITUATION.
139
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:24,391
SO IF YOU LIKE IT,
YOU CAN SUBLET IT FROM ME,
140
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,885
AND THAT WAY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO PAY THE SECURITY DEPOSIT.
141
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,857
(speaks French)
142
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,627
NO. NO SECURITY DEPOSIT.
143
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,865
NO SECURITE? (speaks French)
144
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,341
NO, NO, NOT THAT KIND
OF SECURITY.
145
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:38,369
WE HAVE THAT... (sighs)
THIS IS FRUSTRATING.
146
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,036
EITHER OF YOU
SPEAK ANY ENGLISH?
147
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,743
UN PETIT PEU,
COMME "REAL HOUSEWIVES,"
148
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,706
TIM TEBOW, OBAMACARE.
149
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:49,576
RIGHT. THIS JUST ISN'T
GONNA WORK. UM...
(pats hands)
150
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:54,294
(speaking French fluently)
151
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,901
C'EST TRES BIEN, MERCI, HUH?
OKAY.
152
00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,101
(under breath) SO ANNOYING.
153
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,302
(dog barking in distance)
154
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:09,365
OH, COME ON!
155
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,503
HEY.
IN OUR DEFENSE,
156
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,338
WE WERE GONNA RACE
OUTTA HERE
157
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,612
THE MINUTE WE HEARD YOUR CAR
IN THE DRIVEWAY.
THIS IS TRUE.
158
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:16,282
AND THEN WE THOUGHT,
YOU KNOW, WHY SHOULD WE?
WE--WE DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
159
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:17,779
AND NOW YOU'RE CAUGHT UP.
160
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,451
OKAY, OBVIOUSLY, IT IS
IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO SEE ME
161
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,280
AS AN EQUAL MEMBER
OF THIS HOUSEHOLD
162
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,124
WHEN I AM FREELOADING
AS A PERMANENT GUEST.
163
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,620
NO, WE DON'T THINK OF YOU--
AH, BUP BUP BUP BUP BUP.
164
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:27,963
MM. THAT IS WHY
I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
165
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,528
YOU GUYS KINDLY TOOK ME IN
DURING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME.
166
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,089
I GOT A JOB NOW.
I'M MAKING A LITTLE MONEY,
167
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,356
AND IT IS TIME FOR ME TO STAND
ON MY OWN TWO FEET.
168
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:40,066
I... AM GONNA START
CONTRIBUTING TO THE RENT.
169
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,440
IT'S A BIT.
SHE'S DOING A BIT.
(laughs)
170
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:44,610
THAT'S HYSTERICAL.
(laughs)
171
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,938
WHAT?
HONEY, YOU DON'T--
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
172
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,805
YEAH, I KINDA DO.
A LOT OF IT, ACTUALLY.
173
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:53,053
NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?
AH--
174
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,480
WE'VE BEEN PUTTING SOME,
YOU KNOW, SHEKELS
175
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,815
INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT
TO KEEP YOU AFLOAT.
176
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,620
WHAT? WAIT. WHAT?
WHAT?
177
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,892
NOT THAT MUCH.
A STIPEND.
178
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:00,950
LIKE $200 A MONTH.
$300, TOPS.
179
00:07:00,988 --> 00:07:01,988
HOW MUCH?
180
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,392
500 BUCKS.
$525.
181
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,263
YOU HAVE--YOU HAVE BEEN
PUTTING SECRET MONEY
182
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,732
INTO MY BANK ACCOUNT?
183
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,060
IT'S NOT SECRET.
YEAH.
184
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,555
IN NO SCENARIO DID I EVER THINK
185
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:11,467
THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
186
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:14,129
ALL THE INFORMATION
IS READILY AVAILABLE ONLINE.
187
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:17,507
DON'T YOU GET A LITTLE SURPRISED
WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR BALANCE?
188
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,668
"OH, IT'S JUST GOING UP."
I CAN'T TELL YOU...
189
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:22,337
I-I JUST THOUGHT THAT I WAS
VERY GOOD WITH MONEY.
190
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,305
WELL, THAT, IN AND OF ITSELF,
IS CHILLING.
191
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:27,254
THIS CANNOT STAND. I MEAN,
I'M NOT SOME CHARITY CASE.
192
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,920
CHARITY STARTS AT HOME.
193
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,849
OH, MY GOD.
IS THAT HOW YOU SEE THIS?
194
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,924
WELL, THAT SOUNDS BAD,
AND I WANT YOU GUYS
195
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,153
TO THINK I'M AWESOME.
196
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,187
I MEAN, I GUESS
THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT
197
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,522
IS IF I PAY YOU BACK
EVERY PENNY,
198
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,327
LIKE MAYBE I SHOULD
GET A SECOND JOB.
199
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:42,429
WELL, WE ARE DOWN A WAITRESS
AT THE CLUB.
YEAH.
200
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:46,032
(snaps fingers)
BOOM. DID THAT
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.
201
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,326
WAS SUPER OKAY AT IT.
WATCH THIS.
202
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:50,537
CHECK OUT THIS TRAY ACTION.
OH, LOOK.
203
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,211
I'M CARRYING IT.
I'M WALKING. OH, OH.
204
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,469
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
SWITCHING HANDS. UNDER THE LEG.
205
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,508
AROUND THE WORLD.
LOOK AT THAT.
206
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,984
LOOK AT THE FIRE IN HER EYES,
ELAINE, HUH?
207
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:00,011
SHE'S BECOMING
SELF-ACTUALIZED.
208
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,217
THIS PASSION REMINDS ME OF ONE
OF MY LIFE COACHING CLIENTS.
209
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,149
SHE MADE IT BIG
IN A PONZI SCHEME,
210
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:08,024
AND THEN SHE WAS MURDERED
BY HER HUSBAND.
211
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,855
RABBI BERNARD.
YEAH.
212
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,060
STILL IN JAIL.
213
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,591
WHAT?
214
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:21,365
(whirring)
215
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,371
OH... EXCUSE ME?
216
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,543
(whirring continues)
217
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:28,343
I-I ONLY WANTED
A QUARTER-POUND.
218
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:30,405
I... DO NOT REMEMBER
TALKING TO YOU.
219
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:33,653
(whirring stops)
OKAY. WHY DON'T WE,
UH, GET YOU AWAY
220
00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:37,251
FROM THE MOTORIZED RAZOR WHEEL
THERE, HUH, TIRED LADY?
221
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,924
WHAT HAS BEEN WITH YOU
THIS WEEK?
222
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,152
SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE
ARE REALLY TIRED,
223
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,088
IT MEANS
THEY'RE ABOUT TO DIE.
224
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,693
JUST SAYING.
IT HAPPENED TO MY AUNT.
225
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,696
I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE
LISTENING TO THE TWO OF YOU
226
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,428
AND INSISTING THAT I PAY RENT.
227
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,772
NOW I'VE GOT TWO JOBS,
AND I AM DANNY GLOVERING HARD.
228
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,070
WHAT IS THAT?
229
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,601
I'M TOO OLD
FOR THIS (bleep).
230
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,766
TRIED WAITRESSING.
SUCKED AT IT.
231
00:08:58,806 --> 00:08:59,936
(man, amplified voice)
THEN AGAIN...
232
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:01,413
OH.
OH!
233
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,211
THIS IS WHY
WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
234
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,213
(laughter)
235
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,575
THEY PUT ME ON BARTENDING.
236
00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,754
(cheering)
(laughs)
237
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,592
HEY, KEV, LET ME TRY.
238
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:12,589
(clangs)
OH!
239
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,120
(clatter)
240
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,724
(amplified voice) UH...
AND I TRIED EMCEEING.
241
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,416
AND, UH, AND NOW
COMING TO THE STAGE,
242
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:21,427
UH, YOU'VE SEEN HIM ON THE...
"TONIGHT SHOW,"
243
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:25,031
LET'S GET A BIG ROUND OF
APPLAUSE FOR BARRY BERMAN.
244
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:29,095
(cheering)
BARRY BERMAN. IS BARRY THERE?
245
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:30,966
(mouthing words)
246
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,774
NO PROBLEM. (chuckles) I'VE SEEN
"EDDIE MURPHY DELIRIOUS,"
247
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,436
LIKE, A MILLION TIMES,
SO I GOT THIS.
248
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:38,305
UM... WOW, THIS IS REALLY
IN THERE.
(microphone feedback)
249
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:39,945
THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID.
(chuckles)
250
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,150
UH...
251
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,221
HEY, YOU...
(thud)
252
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:43,919
OH.
(clatter)
253
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,221
YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU NEED TO DO?
254
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,562
MEET A RICH OLDER GUY
AND MARRY HIM.
255
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,218
ATTEMPTED.
256
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,287
HOW 'BOUT I STICK
ANOTHER STRAW IN THAT SMOOTHIE?
257
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,756
(woman) ALL SET?
258
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,674
(mouths word)
259
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,639
I NEED TWO JOBS IF I'M GONNA
PAY MY PARENTS BACK
260
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,169
AND PAY RENT, BUT I SEEM TO LACK
THE NECESSARY SKILLS
261
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,244
REQUIRED FOR UNSKILLED LABOR.
262
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,183
WELL, YOU'VE BEEN AT IT
FOR THREE DAYS.
263
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,908
I'M SURE YOU'RE
GONNA FIND SOMETHING...
(snoring)
264
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,684
THAT FITS YOUR SCHEDULE,
THAT...
265
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,613
POLLY?
266
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,478
POLLY?
267
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:19,016
POLLY?
(snorts) PROVOLONE!
268
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,692
YOU KNOW, POLLY
IS REALLY HANGING IN THERE.
269
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:24,191
I'VE NEVER SEEN HER SO
DETERMINED TO BE INDEPENDENT.
270
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,534
SHE REMINDS ME OF A YOUNG ME.
271
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,629
NO, SHE REMINDS ME
OF A YOUNG ME,
272
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,463
WHICH REMINDS ME
OF THE CURRENT ME,
273
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,368
BECAUSE I REALLY
HAVEN'T CHANGED THAT MUCH.
274
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,000
TOUCHE.
MM.
275
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:39,036
IS THAT SMOKE COMING FROM
NATALIE'S PLAYHOUSE?
276
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,882
(sizzling)
277
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:44,439
HEY, HOT LINK?
278
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,377
I'M GONNA KILL HIM.
OH.
279
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,553
YIKES.
280
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,222
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
281
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,151
I'M JUST TRYING
TO BE LIKE YOU.
282
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,856
HOW IS COOKING WIENERS
IN A KID'S PLAYHOUSE
283
00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:56,859
BEING LIKE ME?
284
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,490
HEY, LOOK,
ELAINE TOLD ME
285
00:10:58,525 --> 00:11:00,055
HOW YOU USED TO SLEEP
IN THE THEATER
286
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,203
TO SAVE MONEY
FOR YOUR DREAMS.
(gasps)
287
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,529
AND YOU DID SOME GAY STUFF.
288
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,233
(clangs)
289
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:08,335
WHICH I COULD SEE
ME DOING DOWN THE LINE.
YEAH.
290
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,068
I JUST GOTTA GET
MYSELF SET UP.
(taps playhouse)
291
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:13,073
HE HELPED ME UNLOAD GROCERIES--
THAT IS NOT AN EXPLANATION.
292
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:15,036
LOOK, I AM SUBLETTING
MY APARTMENT
293
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,475
TO SAVE MONEY FOR MY DREAMS.
294
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,210
YOU HAVE TO GO.
295
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,246
(timer bell dings)
296
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,550
WHAT IS THAT?
297
00:11:21,581 --> 00:11:23,021
(gasps) MY COUSCOUS.
GIVE ME A SECOND.
298
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,350
I GOTTA GET THAT
OFF THE HEAT.
299
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,594
I DON'T WANT IT TO BURN.
300
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,718
WHY WOULD YOU TELL HIM
ABOUT CHAZ?
301
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,485
I CAN'T HELP IT
IF I TELL STORIES,
302
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,593
AND IT MOVES PEOPLE
TO ACTION.
303
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,725
ISN'T THAT WHAT JESUS DID?
304
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,463
NOBODY GOT MAD AT HIM.
305
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,374
HOW IS HE GETTING MAIL HERE?
306
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:47,373
HEY, WENDY. SORRY,
I SNEEZED IN THE COFFEE.
307
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,107
EVERYONE HERE HATES YOU.
308
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,082
(laughs and snorts)
309
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,181
HUH?
310
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,782
YOU SUCK AT EVERYTHING.
311
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:56,284
YOU ONLY KEEP YOUR JOB BECAUSE
YOUR STEPFATHER OWNS THE CLUB.
312
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,616
UM...
313
00:11:57,650 --> 00:12:00,050
DOES EVERYONE HERE
HATE ME FOR THAT REASON,
314
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:02,087
OR IS THERE ONE GUY
WHO ACTS LIKE HE HATES ME,
315
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:03,592
BUT REALLY HE'S KIND OF
INTO ME?
316
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,133
YOU KNOW, LIKE IN
A ROM-COM STORY,
317
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,928
LIKE RACHEL McADAMS?
318
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,560
DO YOU MEAN THE BUSBOY
THAT LISTENS WHEN YOU PEE?
319
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,555
BUT I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A POSITIVE THING.
320
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,467
**
321
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,199
(exhales)
322
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,965
(glasses clatter)
323
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,614
HOW WE DOIN'?
324
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,908
UM... GREAT.
325
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,441
SHE IS NOT NICE.
326
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,735
DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER.
SHE USED TO BE A HE.
327
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,248
YEAH.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT, POLLY?
328
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,479
YOU'RE DOING PRETTY GOOD.
329
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:28,884
YOU SHOULD BE REALLY
PROUD OF YOURSELF,
330
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:30,146
'CAUSE I'M PROUD OF YOU.
331
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,723
YOU'VE HAD A TOUGH YEAR,
YOU KNOW?
332
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,451
BETWEEN THE DIVORCE
AND HAVING TO UPROOT NATALIE.
333
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,557
NOW YOU'RE TAKING A SWING
AT A SECOND JOB.
334
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,559
IT'S NOT EASY. YOUR COURAGE
HAS REALLY HELPED YOU
335
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,162
RISE TO THE OCCASION.
336
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,904
YOU GOT A LOT OF GUTS
THIS WEEK.
337
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,900
YOU SHOULD BE PROUD.
338
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:49,542
UM, I JUST HAVE TO MARRY
THE KETCHUPS QUICKLY, SO...
339
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,668
(sighs)
340
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:55,005
IT'S ELECTRIC.
IT'S ELECTRIC.
341
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,642
(crying) OH, MOMMY.
342
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,106
OH, HELLO. WHAT IS THIS?
343
00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,805
OH, JEEZ.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS
344
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,148
OR KNOW WHAT TO DO
WITH THAT.
345
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:04,183
(voice breaking)
EVERYBODY HATES ME.
346
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,487
NO.
347
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,188
BUT I CAN'T QUIT,
348
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,360
BECAUSE I MADE SUCH A BIG STINK
ABOUT PAYING MY OWN WAY,
349
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,259
AND NOW MAX KEEPS LOOKING AT ME
WITH PRIDE IN HIS EYES,
350
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,862
AND IT'D BE SO MUCH EASIER
351
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,104
IF HE WAS, LIKE, SOME STUPID,
ABUSIVE ALCOHOLIC
352
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,429
LIKE MOST STEPDADS.
353
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,534
THAT WAS THE GUY
I DATED BEFORE MAX. SORRY.
354
00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,666
I SUCK AT THIS.
NO.
355
00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,671
I'M EXHAUSTED. I DON'T
HAVE ANY ENERGY FOR NATALIE.
356
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,214
(snoring)
357
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:29,679
NOW I'LL NEVER KNOW
HOW BABAR GETS OUT OF JAIL.
358
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,209
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
359
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:33,114
I MEAN, I'M TRYING
TO HOLD DOWN TWO JOBS
360
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,376
AND BE THERE FOR NATALIE,
361
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:36,324
AND I'M NOT
DOING ANY OF IT WELL.
362
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:39,849
ONCE I WAS IN A SITUATION THAT
I COULDN'T SEE ANY WAY OUT OF.
363
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,887
MAX AND I HAD PLANNED
THIS BIG TRIP TO ITALY,
364
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,793
AND ON THE DAY OF THE TRIP,
365
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,234
I MISPLACED THE PASSPORTS.
366
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,330
I KNEW MAX
WAS GONNA BE FURIOUS,
367
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,232
SO YOU WANNA KNOW
WHAT I DID?
368
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,204
YEAH.
369
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:55,072
I FAKED A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
370
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:58,674
FROM YOUR TONE
AT THE BEGINNING,
371
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:02,235
I REALLY THOUGHT THERE WAS GONNA
BE USABLE ADVICE AT THE END.
372
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,506
(sighs)
373
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:08,577
(knock on door)
374
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:09,645
OH, HEY.
375
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,222
UM, WE NEED TO TALK
376
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,092
ABOUT YOU LIVING HERE.
377
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,721
OH, YEAH?
MM.
378
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,215
(gasps) YOU KNOW,
379
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:20,457
I HAVE THE PERFECT CHEESE
FOR THAT GEWURZTRAMINER.
380
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,102
(exhales)
381
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:28,402
(thud)
AAH! OW!
382
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:31,235
THAT'S IT.
383
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,341
I...
384
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,712
AM DONE.
385
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,448
(buzzing)
386
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:40,948
(buzzing stops)
387
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:41,921
HEY, MAX.
388
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,379
THIS IS COOL, RIGHT?
389
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,916
ELAINE SAID IT WAS.
390
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:48,963
JULIAN IS LIVING AT THE CLUB
IN MY OFFICE.
391
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,759
WELL, YOU WANT HIM
BACK IN THE PLAYHOUSE?
392
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,260
I DON'T WANT HIM ANYWHERE.
393
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,792
I WAS TRYING
TO DO A NICE THING.
394
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,626
PLEASE.
NOW I FEEL STUCK.
395
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:59,603
(crying) AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO.
396
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,402
(hyperventilating)
397
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,095
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
398
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,607
I CAN'T... I CAN'T...
I CAN'T CATCH MY BREATH.
399
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,309
OH, OKAY. WELL... RELAX.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
400
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,812
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO!
401
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:14,084
I WANT YOU TO PULL YOURSELF
TOGETHER, WOMAN.
402
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,624
I CAN'T GO ON!
403
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,648
I CAN'T GO ON!
I CAN'T GO ON!
404
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,624
I CAN'T GO...
I CAN'T GO, UH...
405
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:23,163
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
406
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:24,990
(whispers)
HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
407
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,625
UH, I'M... HAVING...
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
408
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,161
OH, THIS IS A LOW MOMENT.
409
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,227
YEAH, YEAH.
410
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,674
SERIOUSLY, MOM?
411
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:34,299
NOW YOU'RE JUST MOOCHIN'
MY BREAKDOWN?
412
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:35,574
LADIES, DO YOU THINK
I DON'T KNOW
413
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:36,972
WHAT A REAL
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN IS?
414
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,974
WHEN YOUR MOTHER FORGOT
THE PASSPORTS TO ITALY,
415
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,966
THAT WAS
A REAL NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
416
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:47,784
YES.
417
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,292
LOOK, IF YOU WANTED TO QUIT,
418
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,521
YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD ME.
419
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,285
HOW COULD I?
YOU COMPLETELY LIT UP
420
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,434
AT THE PROSPECT OF ME
GETTING MY ACT TOGETHER.
421
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,329
I'M JUST BACK TO BEING
THE LOSER FREELOADER...
(refrigerator opens)
422
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:05,102
WHO CANNOT SEEM TO LABEL
HER FOOD CLEARLY ENOUGH.
423
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,202
THAT IS MY FALAFEL!
424
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,273
WOULD YOU HAVE SEEN THAT?
425
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,800
(scoffs)
426
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,165
POLLY, IF YOU DON'T
WANNA WORK AT THE CLUB,
427
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,173
DON'T WORK AT THE CLUB.
IT'S OKAY.
428
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,844
YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED.
429
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,312
I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED.
I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR FACE.
430
00:16:14,341 --> 00:16:15,841
I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED.
STILL SEE IT.
431
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,045
I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED.
I'M NOT.
432
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,978
IT'S TOO LATE.
MESSAGE RECEIVED.
433
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:21,513
BUT I AM STILL
GONNA PAY RENT.
434
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:24,518
SOMEHOW, I'M GONNA PAY
MY OWN WAY. SO...
435
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:25,951
I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED.
436
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,545
I'M NOT.
437
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,687
YOU ARE.
438
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,661
LITTLE BIT.
439
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,859
AND EVERYBODY SENSES IT.
440
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,791
YOU CAN'T JUST BE
THIS OMINOUS PRESENCE
441
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:37,557
WHO FRIGHTENS PEOPLE
INTO NEUROTIC ACTION.
442
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,967
YOU NEED TO BE... A LIGHT
443
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,070
THAT ILLUMINATES PEOPLES' PATHS
TOWARDS POSITIVE ACTION.
444
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,335
WHAT?
445
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:47,973
I'M SORRY.
I GOTTA WRITE THAT DOWN,
446
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,137
BECAUSE I THINK I JUST FOUND
THE OPENING TO MY BOOK.
447
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,937
NO RUNNING!
448
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,880
THERE WAS ONLY ONE WAY
I COULD PRESERVE MY DIGNITY,
449
00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,545
AND THAT WAS
TO TAKE OFF ALL MY CLOTHES.
450
00:16:58,585 --> 00:17:01,145
SO IS THIS DEGRADING
OR SHOWING GRIT?
451
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,388
FUNNY STORY SOMEDAY,
452
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,262
OR THE BEGINNING
OF A CAUTIONARY TALE
453
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,561
THAT ENDS WITH ME DOING STUFF
TO GUYS FOR CRYSTAL METH?
454
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,104
I'M GONNA GO WITH FUNNY STORY.
455
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,770
OH, DEAR GOD.
456
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,699
YEAH, IT'S NOT BAD. NOT BAD.
457
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,944
OY. HMM. HMM.
458
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,770
OKAY.
459
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:25,176
(singsongy) I'M READY.
460
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,412
OH!
461
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,946
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
462
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:29,880
I DON'T KNOW! WHAT ARE--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
463
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:33,116
I PAINT WOMEN IN THE NUDE!
WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT? I'M NUDE!
464
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:37,593
I PAINT WOMEN IN THE NUDE!
I'M NUDE!
WHO PAINTS IN THE NUDE?
465
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,634
ME! I PAINT IN THE NUDE!
DIDN'T GREG TELL YOU?
466
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,700
NO, NO, NO, HE DIDN'T,
AND NOW WE'RE BOTH NUDE.
467
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,059
I KNOW!
468
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,727
I'M GONNA GO
GET SOME CLOTHES BACK ON!
469
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,265
I THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA!
470
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,300
(laughs)
471
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,639
THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT
RESPECTING MY AUTHORITY.
472
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,612
OH, YOUR REVENGE IS TO
LEAVE OUT IMPORTANT DETAILS
473
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,781
ABOUT ARTIST'S
ECCENTRIC HABITS?
474
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,739
MM-HMM. BURN.
475
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,107
(laughs)
476
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,776
AT LEAST YOU CAN PAY
YOUR RENT FOR A MONTH.
477
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,623
YEAH, AND THEN WHAT?
478
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,389
I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT REALLY
SOLVING THE BIGGER ISSUE HERE--
479
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,288
WHAT I'M GONNA
DO WITH MY LIFE.
480
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,990
MAYBE THE ANSWER IS NOT FINDING
THE RIGHT SECOND JOB,
481
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:11,492
IT'S FINDING
THE RIGHT FIRST JOB.
482
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,164
EVENTUALLY. DO NOT FIRE ME.
483
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,663
YEAH. YOU WOULDN'T
LISTEN ANYWAY.
484
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,395
I WAS SO MOTIVATED
BACK IN COLLEGE
485
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,270
WITH ALL MY STUPID CAUSES.
486
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,599
I JUST WANTED TO MARCH
DOWN THE HALLS OF THE CAPITOL
487
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:24,744
AND LOBBY A CONGRESSMAN
TO STOP DUMPING OIL ON PENGUINS.
488
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,971
PELICANS.
ALL OF THEM.
ALL OF THE BIRDS.
489
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,336
BUT THE PEOPLE GOT THOSE JOBS
FINISHED COLLEGE.
490
00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:32,246
I CAN'T AFFORD THAT.
I CAN BARELY AFFORD RENT.
491
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,779
I KNOW A GUY
WHO'D PAY 5 GRAND
492
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,153
TO SLEEP WITH A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
493
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,482
OH, LET ME GUESS--
JUST SLEEP, RIGHT?
494
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:38,787
NO, YOU'D HAVE TO (bleep).
495
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,448
MM, NOT THERE YET.
496
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,157
OKAY, LET'S LOOK
AT YOUR PLAN, ALL RIGHT?
497
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:46,430
YOU'RE LIVING IN
YOUR DAUGHTER'S PLAYHOUSE.
(whispers) YEAH.
498
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,089
AND, UH, YOU'RE SUBLETTING
YOUR APARTMENT,
499
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,527
SO THAT GETS YOU
$200 A MONTH.
500
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,332
MINUS THE $25
I GIVE NATALIE.
501
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:52,874
YOU PAY NATALIE $25?
502
00:18:52,899 --> 00:18:53,969
LANDLORD?
503
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,670
I'M NOT A MATHEMATICIAN,
504
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,942
BUT IT SEEMS MORE LIKELY
505
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:01,140
THAT THEY'LL BE
AN ACTUAL ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
506
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,884
BEFORE YOU EVEN SAVE ENOUGH
MONEY TO OPEN THE CAMP.
507
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,550
(sighs) YOU'RE RIGHT.
STUPID. I'M AN IDIOT.
508
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,149
DON'T DO THAT.
LOOK HERE'S THE THING--
509
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,481
YOU NEED A BUSINESS PLAN,
A HOME ADDRESS,
510
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,387
AND A STEADY JOB.
511
00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:15,559
AND IF YOU PROMISE ME
THAT YOU WILL NEVER, EVER LIVE
512
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:18,858
ANYWHERE I LIVE... OR WORK,
513
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,031
I WILL HELP YOU OUT.
514
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:24,230
OKAY. HERE.
WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
515
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:27,534
AND TELL ELAINE
I LIT YOUR PATH.
516
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,067
AND YOU CAN WORK.
START HERE TONIGHT.
517
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,072
SECTION FIVE.
518
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,814
FIVE. THANK YOU.
OKAY.
519
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,240
MAX, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
520
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,575
(door closes)
521
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,579
DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?
522
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,181
OH, YEAH.
523
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:41,983
I JUST DOUBLED THE AMOUNT
OF TIME I GET TO SEE JULIAN.
524
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,554
HMM.
SO I FEEL
LIKE A MILLION BUCKS.
525
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,924
AW, YOU'RE A BIG MAN.
I LOVE YOU.
DO YA?
526
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:47,893
MM.
527
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,420
MY RENT...
528
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:51,487
FOR THIS MONTH.
529
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,734
REALLY?
530
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,189
WHICH I WOULD LIKE YOU
TO GIVE ME BACK.
531
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,668
YOU REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW MONEY WORKS, DO YOU?
532
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,768
I WOULD LIKE TO USE THIS
533
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,570
TO FINISH COLLEGE.
534
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:06,242
BUT SOMEBODY WHO DOES THAT
NEEDS A SUPPORT SYSTEM
535
00:20:06,273 --> 00:20:08,543
THAT PROVIDES FOOD
AND MONEY AND CHILD CARE.
536
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:11,775
AND INSTEAD OF THAT,
I HAVE YOU GUYS.
537
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,751
AND I'M REALLY LUCKY, TOO,
538
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:17,020
BUT I'M GONNA
DO SOMETHING SOMEDAY
539
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,419
TO MAKE YOU REALLY PROUD OF ME,
540
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:21,451
AND ME REALLY PROUD OF ME.
541
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:23,758
OKAY? I KNOW IT'S REALLY
A LOT TO ASK.
542
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,960
NO. WE'RE ALL YOURS.
YOU KNOW THAT.
543
00:20:26,993 --> 00:20:28,603
WELL, YOU KNOW,
WE'RE MOSTLY YOURS.
544
00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:31,458
2- OR 4-YEAR COLLEGE?
WE'LL FIGURE OUT THE RATIO.
545
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,298
THANKS, GUYS. THANK YOU.
546
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:39,965
(static crackles)
547
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:43,138
(crackles)
548
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,805
(roars)
549
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,749
(roaring, screaming)
550
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:51,082
(crackles)
551
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,247
EVER WONDER
WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE
552
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,815
TO LIVE IN A...
553
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,153
WELL, WONDER NO MORE.
554
00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,787
HERE AT ZOMBIE SURVIVOR,
555
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,793
YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
LEARN WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE
556
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:02,296
TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE
AGAINST SOULLESS MONSTERS
557
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,729
HELL-BENT ON YOUR DESTRUCTION.
558
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,474
IT'S GREAT
FOR OFFICE PARTIES, TOO.
559
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:09,469
AND FOR THE LITTLE ONES,
WE'VE GOT ZOMBIE SURVIVOR, JR.
560
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:11,602
BRAINS AND A JUICE BOX!
561
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,468
BOOK NOW, AND WE'LL INFECT
A MEMBER OF YOUR PARTY
562
00:21:14,507 --> 00:21:18,177
WITH THE SAME KILLER VIRUS
THAT HAS DEVASTATED HUMANITY.
563
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,980
OH, NO! BOB FROM ACCOUNTING'S
GOT IT! KILL HIM!
564
00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,783
HERE THEY COME!
565
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,915
BOOK YOUR ADVENTURE NOW!
566
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,551
**
41482
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