All language subtitles for Bunheads.S01E16_English

PREVIOUSLY ON "BUNHEADS"...

WE HAVE LAND AND
WE'RE NOT DOING
ANYTHING WITH IT.

WE GOTTA MAKE MONEY
OFF THIS PLACE.

GET OUT THE GOLD STARS,
WE HAVE COME UP WITH A PLAN.

- Fanny: A GREAT PLAN.
- WE'RE GOING TO BUILD
AN AMPHITHEATER.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW THEY GOT SO POPULAR
SO FAST.

COZETTE CAN DO ANYTHING.
COZETTE'S A WIZARD.

I WAS WONDERING IF
YOU WERE IN THE MARKET
FOR ANY NEW BUSINESS VENTURES.

AN AMPHITHEATER?
REALLY?

TO THE MILLICENT STONE
PERFORMING ARTS CENTER.

Ginny: SHE'S MAGIC
AND PERFECT AND WORLDLY.

AND SO SO HIP.

SHE'S CARNABY STREET
IN POINTE SHOES.

- ARE YOU DUTCH?
- I--

YOUR FACE REMINDS ME
OF A VERMEER.

IT DOES?

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

CLEARLY THIS ISN'T
GOING TO HAPPEN.

THIS ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN?

YEAH, IT DOESN'T REALLY
SEEM LIKE YOU WANT THIS
TO HAPPEN.

- WELL, I DO. BYE!
- GREAT. BYE!

( piano playing )

TOUR JETE, HOLD.

RELEVE AND...

TOUR JETE, HOLD.
RELEVE, NICE.

TOUR JETE, HOLD.
RELEVE.

SHOULDERS, GINNY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
SHOW ME WHAT YOU MEAN?

NOT FALLING
FOR THAT AGAIN.

- RATS.
- NICE TRY THOUGH.

JUMP, CHILDREN.
JUMP!

JUST PUT THE STUFF
OVER THERE.

- WHERE?
- THERE.

- YEAH.
- NOT THERE.

- THERE.
- WHERE?

- RIGHT THERE.
- WHERE IS THERE?

Sam: THERE, NEXT TO THAT.

Sal: YOU'LL MAKE ME
LOSE MY MIND.

OI, TONY, CARMELLA,
I'M TEACHING A CLASS OVER HERE.

SORRY, THE MAN CAN'T
FOLLOW A POINT.

YOU NEED LIKE AIR
TRAFFIC CONTROLLER STICKS

JUST TO HELP HIM
FIGURE OUT WHERE
TO PUT A DANCE BAG.

I'M SURE,
BUT YOU CAN'T JUST--

OKAY, EVERYONE.
ALL RIGHT.

YOU CAN STOP THAT.
IT'S ANNOYING.

PLACES IN THE CENTER.
STRETCH.

TAP CLASS DOESN'T START
FOR ANOTHER 30 MINUTES.

I KNOW, BUT LAST TIME
I GOT HERE TOO LATE
TO GET THE GOOD SPOT.

- WHAT'S THE GOOD SPOT?
- FRONT LEFT CENTER.

BEST ACOUSTICS
AND EVERYONE'S BEHIND ME

SO WHEN THE SWEATING STARTS,
I DON'T SMELL AT THING.

THANKS FOR ALL
THE UNNECESSARY
INFORMATION.

- WHY IS SAL HERE?
- I DO NOT KNOW.

YOU KNOW. HE'S
GOING TO TAKE TAP.

- REALLY?
- NO.

HE RUNS A DANCEWEAR STORE.
HE SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DANCE.

I DO NOT NEED TO
KNOW HOW TO DANCE.

I NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT DANCE.
AND I DO.

THOSE THREE BACK THERE,
THEY'RE TERRIBLE.

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.

- IT'LL BE GOOD FOR YOU.
- IT WILL NOT.

- YOU WILL ENJOY IT.
- I WILL NOT.

I NEEDED A RIDE.

GIVE IT UP SAL,
YOU'VE BEEN SAMMED.

OKAY, EVERYBODY UP.

REMEMBER THE COMBINATION
WE DID YESTERDAY?

LET'S DO THAT AGAIN.

TOO LAZY TO COME UP
WITH SOMETHING NEW?

TOO LAZY TO DO
A TRIPLE PIROUETTE

- AT THE END INSTEAD
OF A DOUBLE?
- YES.

LET'S START A CLUB.

UM, OH, BY THE WAY.

WE FINALLY SCHEDULED
YOUR MEETING.

OH, GREAT.
SO RELIEVED.

YOU KNOW WHICH MEETING?

THE RABBI, THE PRIEST,
AND THE DUCK IN THE BAR?

YOUR MEETING ABOUT
APPROVING THE AMPHITHEATER.

- TAFTPOKIRIP.
- THAT'S THE ASSOCIATION

FOR THE PRESERVATION
OF KEEPING IT REAL
IN PARADISE.

KNOW THE ACRONYM,
QUASHING THE CHUCKLE.

WE WERE SUPPOSED TO
GO OVER YOUR PLANS,
YOUR PERMITS,

MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S
IN ORDER, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

BUT WE HADN'T
GOTTEN AROUND TO IT.

SOMEONE MISPLACED
THE POST-IT TO REMIND HER.

WHATEVER.
BUT WE FOUND THE POST-IT

AND IT'S HAPPENING
NEXT WEEK.

GREAT. WHAT DO
I NEED TO DO?

- NOTHING.
- A REMINDER
FOLLOW-UP CALL

OR TWO MIGHT
BE PRUDENT.

- ( phone rings )
- OH, THAT'S ME.

HOLD ON.

THAT'S OKAY.
JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.

WHILE WE'RE WAITING,
WE THOUGHT WE'D FORM
A ROCK BAND.

OH, WE HEAR THE STONES
MET LIKE THIS.

VERY BUSY HERE.

BATTEN DOWN
THE HATCHES, BABY.

- MAMA'S COMING TO TOWN.
- WHAT DID YOU DO?

Nothing you wouldn't do.

YOU DIDN'T DRIVE
THROUGH THREE STATES

IN A CONVERTIBLE
WEARING NOTHING

BUT THE WORDS "FREE SPEECH"
PAINTED ON YOUR BUTT?

- NO.
- LIKE THE DIXIE CHICKS'
"ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY" COVER?

- I GOT THE REFERENCE.
- 'CAUSE I WOULD TOTALLY
DO THAT.

- I have no doubt.
- AND NO ONE WOULD CARE.

I THINK A COUPLE OF KIDS
AT A STOPLIGHT MIGHT HAVE
A BIT OF INTEREST.

AND A NEW SCREENSAVER.

- ARE YOU COMING
TO VISIT?
- I AM.

- WHEN?
- IN A COUPLE DAYS.

- CAN YOU HANDLE IT?
- It's not me,

IT'S THE LIQUOR STORES
I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

- WHAT'S THE OCCASION?
- I just miss my girl.

- AND?
- AND I HAVE SOMETHING
BIG TO TELL YOU.

GOVERNMENT SECRETS?
'CAUSE I'M NOT GOOD
AT KEEPING THAT STUFF QUIET.

- I'LL BE THERE SOON.
- I'VE GOT PUTIN ON SPEED DIAL.

- I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.
- AS SOON AS I LEARN
TO SPEAK RUSSIAN,

- THINGS ARE GONNA GET ROUGH.
- MUAH.

MUAH.

- TALIA'S COMING.
- REALLY?

YEAH, I HAVEN'T
SEEN HER IN A WHILE.
SO GREAT.

- IT IS?
- OH, I SHOULD
CLEAN UP MY PLACE.

SET UP THE COUCH.
BUY SOME SNACK-Y STUFF.

FINISH TEACHING CLASS.

FINISH TEACHING. CRAP.

EVENTUALLY I'M
GOING TO CLAIM

THE MORAL HIGH GROUND
IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

YEAH YEAH.

ALL RIGHT,
FIFTH POSITION.

( piano playing )

ARMS ONE, AND TWO.

( theme music playing )

WHY CAN'T WE
ORDER FRIES?

IT'S A SPECIAL MENU
FOR THE FUNDRAISER.

THERE'S NOTHING
ON HERE.

THERE'S FISH AND CHIPS,
A SALMON SUB, TUNA DOG,

AND CALAMARI SHOOTERS.

BUT I WANT FRIES.

YOU CAN HAVE FRIES.
FISH AND CHIPS.

- CHIPS ARE FRIES.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO
THE REAL MENU?

- IT'S A SPECIAL
MENU TONIGHT.
- WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S
A SPECIAL EVENT.

IT'S JUST
A SHORTER MENU.

SAME CRAP,
BUT LESS OF IT.

- YES. SPECIAL.
- YOUR DRINKS, MY LADIES.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- GETTING DRINKS.

FROM THE BAR.
YOU ORDER DRINKS FROM ME.

- I COULDN'T FIND YOU.
- HOW HARD DID YOU TRY?

YOU MEAN, DID I SEND OUT
A SEARCH PARTY? NO.

- YOU GOT ME.
- YOU BUY THE SODAS
FROM THE BARTENDERS,

THEY GET THE TIPS.
THEY DON'T NEED THE TIPS.

THEY NEED BATHS.
AND SYPHILIS MEDICATION.

I NEED THIS.
I'M GOING TO HARVARD.

NOT ON THIS LAME
SPECIAL MENU, YOU'RE NOT.

WHAT SPECIAL MENU?

IT'S A STUPID
SPECIAL MENU.
YOU CAN'T ORDER FRIES.

YOU WANT FRIES?

DON'T YOU ORDER FRIES
FROM THE BARTENDER.

I MEAN IT!
DON'T YOU DO IT!

MAN.

YOU WRITING THE GREAT
AMERICAN NOVEL THERE?

"IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES,
IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES."

SORRY,
THAT'S TAKEN.

REALLY? OH SHOOT.
I'LL JUST HAVE TO START AGAIN.

( cheering )

( both chuckling )

Rico: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
DON'T GET NUTS.

WE'D LIKE TO
WELCOME YOU GUYS

- TO THE FIRST--
- SECOND.

SECOND ANNUAL
FUNDRAISER

FOR THE SURFERS
UNITED RETIREMENT FUND.

- ( cheering )
- ENJOY THE MOVIE.

WHOO!

DON'T SAY I NEVER
DID NOTHING FOR YOU.

WHAT IS THIS?

( gasps )
OH MY GOD.

YOU ARE MY HERO.

RIGHT HERE.

WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE?

I DON'T KNOW.
THEY JUST APPEARED.

WE THOUGHT THEY
CAME FROM YOU.

HEY.

YOU REALLY CAN'T
SEE THAT I'M BUSY?

DID YOU GO NEXT DOOR
AND BUY THOSE BURGERS

- AND BRING THEM IN HERE?
- YES I DID.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
I'M YOUR WAITER!

- YOU WOULDN'T BRING THEM.
- I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO.

IT'S A THEME NIGHT,
DAMN IT.

WHY CAN'T ANYONE
UNDERSTAND THAT?

DUDE, IF I TIP YOU
TO GO AWAY, WILL YOU?

A GOOD TIP, POST TAX.

YOU HAVE GOT TO GET
SOME SORT OF LIFE.

I KNOW.

AGAIN,
FROM THE TOP.

( chuckles )

( indistinct movie chatter )

- SURFING'S BORING.
- I KNOW.

HEY, YOU HEAR THEY'RE DOING
"BELLS ARE RINGING"

- FOR SPRING MUSICAL
THIS YEAR?
- NO.

WELL THEY ARE.
I'M THINKING OF
TRYING OUT.

GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO
OTHER THAN WATCH MYSELF
AGE INTO MY MOTHER.

WOW, THANKS FOR
COMPLETELY IGNORING ME.

WE'RE NOT IGNORING YOU, GINNY.

YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA TRY
OUT FOR "BELLS ARE RINGING."

AND NO RESPONSE?

- NOPE.
- THANKS A LOT.

BECAUSE EVERY YEAR
YOU SAY YOU'RE GONNA TRY OUT

- AND YOU NEVER DO.
- YOU CHICKEN OUT EVERY TIME.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

MARIA IN
"WEST SIDE STORY."

WHO'S GONNA BELIEVE ME
AS PUERTO RICAN?

- "LI'L ABNER."
- I GOT THE DAY MIXED UP.

I WAS GONNA DO IT.
I BOUGHT THE DAISY DUKES.

YEAH, AND I WORE THEM
FOR HALLOWEEN.

WHATEVER.

( Sasha chuckling )

( chuckles )

( laughs )

SO THIS IS HOW
IT'S GONNA BE
AT PROM.

WHAT?

BOO'S GONNA
BE WITH CARL.

SASHA'S GONNA
BE WITH THAT GUY.

AND YOU AND ME ARE GONNA
BE BY THE PUNCH BOWL

WATCHING HANDSIES AND
THUMBSIES MAKE OUT ALL NIGHT.

- SOUNDS GREAT.
- WHAT?

PROM IS AWFUL.

WE WON'T HAVE TO
BUY A DRESS,

OR PAY TO HAVE
OUR HAIR DONE

OR RENT A LIMO.

WE CAN GO IN JEANS,
AND WE CAN EAT

'CAUSE WE WON'T CARE
IF WE LOOK LIKE PIGS

OR IF ANYONE'S GONNA TRY
TO TOUCH OUR BLOATED STOMACHS.

OR WORRY IF WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO GIVE IT UP

FOR A LOBSTER DINNER.

WE CAN JUST CHILL
OR NOT EVEN GO.

THAT'S EVEN BETTER.

- THAT SOUNDS AWFUL.
- WHY?

BECAUSE I KIND OF
WANT TO CONSIDER

GIVING IT UP FOR
A LOBSTER DINNER.

WELL, AT LEAST
WE HAVE EACH OTHER.

THAT'S SOMETHING,
RIGHT?

YOUR PICS.

- WHAT?
- YOUR SKATING PIC.

YOU NEED AN OFFICIAL PHOTO,
SO I TOOK SOME OF YOU
AT THE LAST PRACTICE.

WOW, SOME OF THESE
ARE ACTUALLY GREAT.

WE SPENT A SUMMER
ON ANNIE LEIBOVITZ'S YACHT.

GOT SOME TIPS AND SOME
REALLY EXPENSIVE PARTING GIFTS.

( scoffs )
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( girl chatters )

SO, IF YOU
GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER,

I'LL GET YOU
SOME FRIES.

ALL RIGHT.

OH, GEEZ!
MILLY, WHAT THE HELL?

WE HAVE A MAJOR
PROBLEM.

HOW DID YOU
GET IN HERE?

TAFTPOKIRIP IS
CONVENING A MEETING

TO DISCUSS
THE AMPHITHEATER.

WE HAVE AN ALARM.

NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES
FROM THESE PEOPLE MEETING.

IT WAS SET.
THE ALARM WAS SET.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
SOMETHING WAS UP.

IT'S MY JOB TO KNOW
WHEN SOMETHING'S UP.

HOW DID YOU
DISABLE THE ALARM?

MICHELLE, PLEASE.
I OWN PROPERTY.

THAT EXPLAINS NOTHING.

WE HAVE TO NIP
THIS IN THE BUD.

THESE LOCAL YAHOOS
ARE ALWAYS CAUSING
PROBLEMS.

THEY NEVER WANT
ANYTHING TO CHANGE EVER.

ELECTRICITY
FREAKED PEOPLE OUT
AT ONE POINT.

AND WATER.
LET'S LIVE TOGETHER

IN FILTHY QUARTERS
AND NOT BATHE.

THE APES ARE STILL
SHAKING THEIR HEADS
OVER THAT ONE.

WHAT COULD THEIR
PROBLEM BE?

WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.
WE FILLED OUT ALL
THE PAPERWORK.

I DIDN'T EVEN
SIGN IN PINK INK

'CAUSE FANNY
TOLD ME NOT TO.

IF THERE'S NOT
A REAL PROBLEM,
THEY'LL INVENT ONE.

THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO
INSTEAD OF READING A NEWSPAPER.

WELL, CRAP.
THIS IS TERRIBLE.

THEY MADE IT SEEM
LIKE IT WAS NOTHING.

JUST ANOTHER
STANDARD MEETING.

WHO DID?

SAL AND SAM.

YOU TALKED TO
SAL AND SAM?

- YEAH.
- WHEN?

- YESTERDAY.
- YESTERDAY?

UH, YEAH,
THEY CAME IN AND THEY--

AND WHAT?
THEY CAME IN AND WHAT?

THEY TOLD ME
ABOUT THE MEETING?

YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?

- SORT OF.
- YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS

AND YOU DIDN'T
CALL ME?

I WAS WITH
THE TUTUS.

ALWAYS.
ALWAYS CALL ME.

THE MINUTE
ANYTHING HAPPENS

THAT CAN'T BE ANSWERED BY
READING A JUDY BLUME NOVEL,

CALL ME.

THIS IS HOW THEY GOT
THE EDGE, YOU KNOW.

THE EDGE?
U2 THE EDGE?

ALL THE MAN WANTED
TO DO WAS BUILD SOME
ECO-FRIENDLY HOUSES

IN MALIBU.
AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

THEY SCHEDULED
A MEETING.

- GEEZ.
- I TOLD HIM,

"EDGE, GET BACK THERE
AND STOP THAT MEETING.

I DON'T CARE
WHAT CRAZY CRAP

JULIE TAYMOR'S DOING."
DIDN'T LISTEN.

YOU KNOW THE EDGE?
LIKE PERSONALLY?

WE CARPOOLED
FOR A WHILE.

NEVER COUNT ON
A ROCK STAR

TO GET A KID TO
A PIANO LESSON ON TIME.

HEY, HOW ABOUT
WE DO SOMETHING

TO BUTTER THEM UP?

LIKE STAGE A BALLET
FOR A TOWN FESTIVAL
OR SOMETHING?

THE EDGE TRIED THAT TOO.
APPEASEMENT.

HE OFFERED
TO PUT IN A PARK.

A DOG RUN.
HE EVEN OFFERED

TO PLAY "THE JOSHUA TREE"
IN ITS ENTIRETY

AT ONE OF THE KIDS'
BIRTHDAY PARTIES.

AND DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT GOT HIM?

- NOTHING?
- MAN'S STILL SITTING THERE

WITH HIS THUMB
UP HIS BACKSIDE.

AND I'M ASSUMING HE NEEDS
THAT THUMB TO PLAY, SO...

WE NEED TO MOVE QUICK,
INTERVENE,

THROW THEM OFF
THEIR GAME.

- GREAT. HOW.
- WE NEED TO SCHEDULE A MEETING.

BUT WE ALREADY HAVE
A SCHEDULED MEETING.

NO, WE NEED TO
SCHEDULE A MEETING

BEFORE THEIR MEETING.

SO LIKE A PRE-MEETING
MEETING.

A PREEMPTIVE MEETING.

HOME TURF ADVANTAGE IS
NOT JUST FOR FOOTBALL
ANYMORE.

WHAT?!

CLASS IS SUPPOSED
TO START AT 10:00.

HEY.
YOU DON'T TELL US
WHEN CLASS STARTS.

WE TELL YOU
WHEN CLASS STARTS.

CLASS ACTUALLY DOES
START AT 10:00.

BUT 10:30 WOULD
WORK GREAT TOO.

( mouths word )

I'M SORRY.

I'LL BE NICER
TO YOU TONIGHT.

I PROMISE.

ROMAN?

WHO WERE YOU
JUST TALKING TO?

MY PLANT.

MARTHA STEWART SAYS
YOU SHOULD TALK TO YOUR PLANTS.

- SHE'S WEIRD.
- SHE'S MARTHA.

SO WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

WELL, I AM HERE
TO DRIVE YOU TO SCHOOL.

WHAT?

DRIVE YOU TO SCHOOL.

- WHY?
- BECAUSE.

I HAVE A CAR.

I KNOW.
BUT I'M HERE NOW

AND WE'RE HEADING
TO THE SAME PLACE,

SO WHY NOT?

WELL, 'CAUSE
I HAVE A CAR.

AND IT WORKS,
SO--

SASHA, I'VE DECIDED
IT'S TIME

TO TAKE
THIS THING PUBLIC.

YOU, ME, US.

LIKE WE'RE FACEBOOK?

LIKE WHAT COUPLES DO.
NORMAL COUPLES.

THEY HANG OUT TOGETHER.

THEY DRIVE PLACES TOGETHER.
PEOPLE KNOW THEY'RE TOGETHER.

- OKAY.
- I'M GONNA MAKE IT
EASY ON YOU.

FIRST, YOU'RE GONNA
CLOSE YOUR DOOR

AND WALK WITH ME
DOWN THE HALL.

WANT TO SAY
GOOD-BYE TO YOUR PLANT?

( sighs )

SEE YOU, RALPH.

AND WE'RE GONNA
GO TO SCHOOL

AND WALK UP
THE STEPS TOGETHER.

- DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
- VAGUELY.

ACCEPT IT.
ACCEPT IT.

YOU'RE A FREAK.

WE'LL WORK ON TERMS
OF AFFECTION LATER.

( bell rings )

( sighs )

HEY, HOW WAS CLASS?

BIG FUN WITH
CALCULUS.

WHAT'S UP?

WELL, I FIGURED
SINCE DRIVING TO SCHOOL

AND WALKING UP
THE STEPS WENT SO WELL,

THAT WE SHOULD
TAKE IT A STEP FURTHER.

WHAT'S A STEP FURTHER?

- LUNCH.
- WHAT?

THESE REALLY ARE NOT
SUPER FOREIGN CONCEPTS.

I EAT WITH
MY FRIENDS.

SO WE'LL
EAT AS A GROUP.

I LIKE YOUR FRIENDS.

I THINK.
IF THEY'RE AS
NICE AS RALPH.

YOU'RE NORTH QUAD.
WE'RE SOUTH QUAD.

I'LL GET A PASSPORT.

ARE WE DOING
THE ARM THING AGAIN?

I'D EXPECT IT.

BREATHE.

- BREATHE.
- SO MEL, YOU'RE
TELLING YOUR MOM

YOU'RE STAYING
THE NIGHT AT BOO'S.

GO THERE EARLY,
CALL HER FROM THE LANDLINE,

- AND YOU'RE COVERED.
- GOT IT.

AND BOO, YOU'RE TELLING
YOUR PARENTS YOU'RE STAYING
AT MY PLACE.

COME OVER, CALL YOUR MOM
FROM THE LANDLINE,

AND YOU'RE COVERED.

SO MELANIE AND I
AREN'T STAYING AT
THE SAME PLACE?

YES, BOO, YOU'RE BOTH
STAYING AT SASHA'S.

- WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?
- AT SASHA'S.

I'M CONFUSED.

WE'RE ALL STAYING
AT SASHA'S, BOO,

BUT THESE ARE
JUST THE STORIES

WE'RE TELLING THE PARENTS
AND WE HAVE TO

GET THEM STRAIGHT.

GO OVER IT AGAIN?

ROMAN'S GONNA HAVE
LUNCH WITH US. DEAL.

HI, EVERYONE.

- HEY. HELLO.
- HEY.

- HI.
- AWKWARD.

HERE OKAY?

Melanie: I GUESS.

Ginny: ROMAN,
WOULD YOU EXCUSE US?

- REALLY?
- FOR JUST A MINUTE, PLEASE?

OKAY.

GUESS I'M
STEPPING AWAY.

STAY CLOSE.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- THIS WAS HIS IDEA.

IT'S SOME SORT OF
MATING RITUAL.

IS HE YOUR
BOYFRIEND NOW?

I GUESS.

SO IT'S
"OFFICIAL" OFFICIAL?

THERE'S BEEN NO FORMAL
ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE PRESS,

BUT YES,
IT'S OFFICIAL.

SO WE CAN
TELL PEOPLE.

YES, TELL PEOPLE.
GEEZ.

YOU JUST PLAY EVERYTHING
SO MYSTERIOUS.

ESPECIALLY WHEN
IT COMES TO BOYS.

- I DO NOT.
- THE LAST TIME I
ASKED YOU ABOUT A BOY

IT WAS IN THE THIRD GRADE,
AND IT WAS ABOUT JIMMY KUWOLSKI.

THE SKI MAN.

YOU PUNCHED ME.
I GOT A BRUISE.

DIDN'T LIKE TALKING
ABOUT THE SKI MAN.

YOU GUYS KNEW
ROMAN WAS AROUND.

YOU'VE SEEN ME
TEXTING HIM.

MYSTERIOUSLY.

YOU'VE NEVER EVEN
SAID HIS NAME.

WELL, I'M SAYING IT NOW.

- ROMAN.
- AND WHAT DO WE
DO ABOUT LUNCH?

- WE EAT IT.
- IT'S ONLY EVER
BEEN US GIRLS.

- WE HAVE RULES.
- WE DON'T HAVE RULES.

WE HAVE CUSTOMS.
AND CUSTOMS CHANGE.

I NEVER LET JOSH
EAT WITH US,

AND JOSH AND I WERE
TOGETHER EIGHT YEARS.

HE WORKED IN THE CAFETERIA,
SO HE COULDN'T.

I MISS THOSE
FREE BROWNIES.

CLIMB ABOARD
THE TRAIN, GIRLS.

COME ON.
IT'S LEAVING THE STATION.

FINE. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO TALK TO HIM
ABOUT THOUGH.

WE CAN TALK
ABOUT BASKETBALL.

- RIGHT?
- ALREADY ASLEEP.

EVEN HE DOESN'T
TALK ABOUT BASKETBALL.

OKAY, BUT WE CAN'T
TALK ABOUT WHAT WE
TALKED ABOUT YESTERDAY.

YEAH, THAT WOULD
BE EMBARRASSING.

OKAY, SO WE CAN'T TALK ABOUT
WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT YESTERDAY

OR BASKETBALL, BUT WE CAN FIND
OTHER THINGS TO TALK ABOUT.

BRING HIM OVER.

( whistles )

( clears throat )

SO, IS WILT CHAMBERLAIN
STILL ALIVE?

THESE ARE THE THEATER'S
POTENTIAL TAX BENEFITS
FOR THE ENTIRE TOWN?

- IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
- IT'S WHAT I CAME UP WITH.

YOU FIGURED IN
FLOWER SHOPS,
RESTAURANTS,

- PARKING LOTS?
- SOUVENIR VENDORS,
GAS STATIONS, MINI-MARTS.

- POT DEALERS?
- WHAT?

THERE ARE PEOPLE
WHO ARE GOING TO
WANT TO SPARK UP

BEFORE THE BALLET.
PUT IT IN.

I'M DEFINITELY NOT
PUTTING THAT IN.

THEN CLOSE YOUR EYES
AND I'LL PUT IT IN FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW POT'S
ONLY LEGAL

WITH A DOCTOR'S
PRESCRIPTION, RIGHT?

SO, HAVE A PANIC ATTACK.

FAKE A MIGRAINE.

I WON'T NEED TO
FAKE ONE IN A MINUTE.

YOU WEAR GLASSES,
USE THAT.

Michelle:
LEAVE ERIC ALONE, MILLY!

JUST FOCUS ON
YOUR OWN THING.

JAYDEN.
ARE YOU IN YET?

I'M INTO SAM'S.

DOPEY CHICK'S PASSWORD
WAS HER CAT'S NAME.

SUPER EASY HACK.

Michelle: DID HE SAY HACK?
ARE YOU GUYS HACKING?

THIS SAL GUY'S DESKTOP
HAS GOT SOME SORT OF

ADVANCED FIREWALL.

I GOTTA GO THROUGH
THE LOCAL MAINFRAME,

BUT I'M ALMOST IN.

Michelle: THERE SHOULD BE
NO HACKING GOING ON.

REBEKAH BROOKS.
REBEKAH BROOKS.

IT'S JUST INFORMATION
GATHERING, MICHELLE.

I HAVE A STACK OF FILES
ON EVERY PERSON IN THIS TOWN.

TRUST ME,
IT COMES IN HANDY.

Michelle: DO YOU HAVE
A FILE ON ME?

I BROUGHT THE NECKLACES
YOU ASKED FOR.

BOLD, BEADED, SOMETHING
HILLARY CLINTON WOULD WEAR

- TO BANGLADESH.
- SHE MAKES KILLER
BEAD CHOICES.

- GO WITH BLACK.
- THERE'S SO MANY BUTTONS.

AND EVERY TIME
I BUTTON A BUTTON,

THERE'S ANOTHER
BUTTON TO BUTTON.

MICHELLE, JUST COME
OUT HERE PLEASE.

( sighs )

AND I WAS EXPECTING
THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.

- GET THAT AWAY FROM ME.
- NOPE, STAND STILL.

I COULD PLAY WITH
THE CROTCH A LITTLE.

BEST OFFER ALL DAY.

IT'S NOT THE CROTCH.

GUYS, I'M NOT REALLY
A PANTSUIT KIND OF GAL.

HOW ABOUT A DRESS?

NO. IT HAS TO
BE A PANTSUIT.

THERE IS NOTHING MORE
INTIMIDATING THAN A PANTSUIT.

WE COULD TRY TO DO
SOME COLOR BLOCKING
ON IT.

UNLESS COLOR BLOCKING
IS CODE FOR DESTROY,
IT WON'T HELP.

- ( cellphone ringing )
- THAT'S SAL.

HE'S CALLING
FROM HIS BATHROOM.

THANKS, JAYDEN.

HEY THERE, SAL.

NO, I'M SORRY.
I KNOW THE CHANGE WAS ABRUPT,

BUT I'M OUT OF TOWN
NEXT WEEK AND THIS IS
SO IMPORTANT TO US,

YOU UNDERSTAND?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
I'LL SUPPLY SOME SNACKS,

MAKE IT MORE LIKE
A PARTY THAN A MEETING.

YES. AND TO YOU
AND YOURS, SAL.

- ( phone beeps )
- MICHELLE, HOW LONG
DOES IT TAKE

- TO PUT ON A JACKET?!
- IT'S ON.

I'M JUST SAD.

WE'RE GONNA NEED
BIGGER BEADS.

TRULY,

SHOW ME WHERE YOU KEEP
YOUR JUMBO BEADS.

JUMBO BEADS?

I LOVE JUMBO BEADS.

TALIA, SAVE ME!

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

( groans )

- WHAT IS THIS?
- IT'S A PANTSUIT.

I KNOW WHAT IT IS,
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY

IT'S WRAPPED
AROUND YOUR BODY.

WE'RE HAVING A PREEMPTIVE
MEETING WITH THE TOWN ELDERS

ABOUT OUR AMPHITHEATER.
AND APPARENTLY,

IF I WEAR THIS,
THEY WON'T GET US
LIKE THEY GOT THE EDGE.

- BECAUSE IT'S WEAPONIZED?
- AND THERE'S BEADS.

- I MISSED YOU.
- I MISSED YOU TOO.

WHAT'S WITH
"THE SOCIAL NETWORK" OVER HERE?

OH, THIS IS
OUR SUPER TEAM.

THAT'S ACCOUNTING,
THAT'S OUR HACKER.

I DON'T KNOW THOSE GUYS,
BUT THEY FREAK ME OUT.

AND THIS IS OUR BOARD ROOM.
HAVE A SEAT.

- Truly: DON'T SIT.
- SORRY, TRULY.

TRULY, HEY GIRL.

- HEY, GIRL.
- LOVE THE HAIR.

OH THANKS,
IT'S JUST A NEW THING.

- TALK TO ME.
- WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DROVE
ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE

WITH THIS MYSTERIOUS
BIG NEWS OF YOURS.
I NEED TO KNOW. SPILL.

OKAY.
RICK PROPOSED.

( gasps )
WHOA, REALLY?

DID HE GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE?
'CAUSE THAT CAN BE
FATAL AT HIS AGE.

HE DID NOT GET
DOWN ON ONE KNEE,

BUT HE DID SPELL IT OUT
WITH ROSE PETALS.

WOW!
WHAT DID YOU SAY

AFTER, YOU KNOW,
YOU STOPPED THROWING UP?

- NOTHING YET.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GONNA SAY?

WELL,
AS I WAS LEAVING

AND I'M KISSING
MY RICKY GOOD-BYE

AND HE WAS ALL
SWEET AND ADORABLE,

I WAS LIKE,
"DEFINITE YES."

- YAY.
- THEN I STOPPED
AT PEGGY SUE'S

ON THE I-15
AND THERE WAS THIS TABLE

OF INCREDIBLY HOT GUYS
RIGHT NEXT TO ME,

SO IT WAS "NO."

OH.

THEN I STOPPED AT
A REALLY CUTE STORE

IN CAMBRIA.
CREDIT CARD GOT DECLINED,

SO IT WAS "YES" AGAIN.

THEN I GOT A FLAT TIRE,

THIS GUY PULLS OVER,
CHANGES IT FOR ME,

VERY CUTE.
VERY JON HAMM.

I LIKE HAMM.

- SO... RIGHT?
- NO.

THEN I DROVE
FOR ANOTHER HOUR,

REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

- AND...
- I'M HEARING
A DRUMROLL.

( gasps )
IT'S A YES.

BIG SHINY YES.

OH, I'M SO
HAPPY FOR YOU.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANKS, TRULES.

SO, DRINKS
AND THEN DRINKS?

YOU KNOW MY RULE.
ONE DRINK PER KARAT.

SO WE'RE GETTING
WASTED TONIGHT.

NOT IN THE PANTSUIT,
YOU'RE NOT.

I SWEAR IT DOESN'T
HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS.

- WHAT, YOUR SANDWICH?
- NO, THIS.

TALK.
PLEASE TALK.

ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT.
I BEG YOU.

BUT WE DON'T
KNOW BASKETBALL.

I DON'T CARE
ABOUT BASKETBALL.

Ginny: OKAY, FINE.
LET'S TALK.

YOU KNOW, I WAS REWATCHING
"THE NOTEBOOK" THE OTHER DAY,

AND I CAME UP WITH
A WHOLE NEW THEORY.

ANYTHING BUT
"THE NOTEBOOK."

WELL, I WATCHED
"THE VOW" THE OTHER NIGHT,

AND I COULDN'T
FIGURE OUT WHY--

ALL RACHEL McADAMS
MOVIES ARE OFF THE TABLE.

- BOO.
- CARL. WHAT'S WRONG?

I THOUGHT YOUR LUNCHES
WERE AN ALL GIRL THING.

THEY WERE.

- SASHA CHANGED IT.
- I DIDN'T CHANGE IT.

ROMAN CHANGED IT.

HEY, I'M ROMAN.

CARL.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD
JUST CHANGE THE RULES.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD
JUST CHANGE THEM EITHER.

THERE WERE
NEVER RULES.

WELL, IF THERE ARE NO RULES,
I'M SITTING HERE.

DON'T MIND ME.
JUST KEEP DOING
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

GOOD LUCK
WITH THAT.

WHAT THE HELL?

WHATEVER.

JUST SAW THESE GUYS HERE,
SO I FIGURED "HEY."

IMPECCABLE LOGIC.

GREAT. SO THIS IS
A COUPLES' TABLE NOW.

- IS THAT WAS THIS IS?
- DEZ AND I ARE NOT A COUPLE.

YEAH, IT'S NOT LIKE
WE'VE EVEN KISSED
OR ANYTHING.

YOU WANT TO KISS?

YOU KNOW, AS LONG AS
EVERYONE IS HOOKING UP,

I MIGHT AS WELL GO
AND ASK FRANKIE OVER.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

I'LL JUST ASK HIM OVER.

HELLO?

YOU TURN INTO A PUDDLE
WHENEVER YOU'RE AROUND HIM.

I DO NOT.

NO, YOU GET LIQUID-Y
PRETTY QUICK.

( distant
indistinct chatter )

( bell rings )

Michelle: SEVEN, EIGHT.

( piano playing )

OKAY, OKAY.
A LITTLE BIT FASTER, BRAD.

MORE RAMONES, DUDE.

ALL RIGHT,
A LITTLE BIT FASTER.

OKAY.

- ( piano plays faster )
- ( babbling with beat )

OKAY, EVERYONE.
THANK YOU.

NICE WORK.

NO NO NO NO--
NO NEED FOR FORMALITIES.

MOVE IT. MOVE IT.

CLAP WHILE YOU'RE WALKING.
CLAP WHILE YOU'RE WALKING.

I NEED
MY DANCE BAG.

THERE YOU GO.
MOVE IT.

MAMA'S GOT A PANTSUIT
TO GET INTO.

HEY STRAGGLERS,
VAMOOSE.

( murmurs )

HEY, DO YOU GUYS WANT TO COME
SEE ME AT DERBY TONIGHT?

I CAN GET COMPS.

- YEAH, I'LL GO.
- SASHA, YOU IN?

CAN'T TAKE
THE TOILETS.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

- ME?
- YEAH, WANT TO BE MY
CHEERLEADER TONIGHT?

NO, I CAN'T.

HOMEWORK.

Michelle: ALL RIGHT, 5:00.

THE STUDIO'S OFFICIALLY
A "NO KID" ZONE.

ANYTHING OR ANYONE UP THERE
IS GOING OUT THE WINDOW

IF THEY'RE NOT OUT
IN 30 SECONDS.

- DO YOU WANT A RIDE?
- I'M GONNA WALK.

TO EACH HIS OWN.

( indistinct chattering )

( sighs )

I FEEL VERY
UNCOMFORTABLE.

YOU LOOK TERRIFYING.

OH.

WELL, THANKS.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK
THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT
OVER THERE?

THEY'RE TALKING
ABOUT THE FACT

THAT I PROMISED SNACKS
AND THEY DON'T SEEM TO
BE HERE.

REALLY?
HOW CAN YOU TELL?

MICHELLE, PLEASE.
I OWN PROPERTY.

OKAY, WE'VE LET THEM
STEW LONG ENOUGH.

LET'S GET THIS
SHOW ON THE ROAD.

HELLO, EVERYONE.

I WANT TO THANK
YOU ALL FOR COMING
ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

WE ARE SO GRATEFUL
THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO

JUGGLE YOUR SCHEDULES
AROUND LIKE THIS.

OBVIOUSLY WE HAVE LOTS
TO TALK ABOUT TODAY.

YEAH, YOU SAID

THERE WAS GONNA BE SNACKS.

DID I?

MY GOODNESS, SAL.
APOLOGIES.

I HAVE NO
MEMORY OF THAT.

SHOULD I SEND
SOMEONE TO THE STORE

TO GET US
SOME CRUDITES?

- NO.
- OKAY THEN.

WHY DON'T WE JUST
GET GOING THEN?

I SEE YOU BROUGHT
EASELS.

EASELS MEAN
PRESENTATIONS.

SO SINCE IT SEEMS
LIKE YOU HAVE THINGS

YOU WANT TO PRESENT,

I CEDE THE FLOOR TO YOU.

OH, I CAN SIT NOW?
GREAT.

Joe: I CAN'T FIND
THE PERMITS FOLDER.
DO YOU HAVE THE PERMITS FOLDER?

Stephanie:
I PUT IT OVER THERE.

I DIDN'T EAT
BECAUSE SHE SAID SNACKS.

NONE OF US DID.

CRUDITES IS NOT SNACKS.

I CAN'T EAT
ANYTHING RAW EVER.

- IT'S DEATH.
- I HATE KALE.

Sal: KALE.
KALE IS TERRIBLE.

I GOT THE FOLDER.
OKAY, WE'RE READY.

( sighs )

Michelle: WHY IS HE
LOOKING AT MY BEADS?

THEY LOOK LIKE
MEATBALLS.

Sam: SORRY, WE WERE
A LITTLE DISORGANIZED.

OKAY, SO WE HAVE
LOOKED THROUGH
ALL OF YOUR PAPERS

AND AS FAR AS
WE CAN SEE,

EVERYTHING SEEMS
TO BE IN ORDER.

OH, GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

MAYBE THIS IS GOING TO BE
EASIER THAN YOU THOUGHT.

SO, THE ONLY THING
LEFT TO DISCUSS

IS THE ENVIRONMENTAL
IMPACT

THAT THIS CONSTRUCTION
WILL HAVE ON OUR COMMUNITY.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH
OF YOUR LAND IN 1937.

NOTICE ALL THE TREES.

TREES THAT CURRENTLY
ARE NO LONGER THERE.

WHERE DID THEY GO?

I DON'T REALLY KNOW.

YOU SHOULD.
YOU'RE WEARING THE PANTSUIT.

Sal: BY OUR ESTIMATION,

YOU'RE PLANNING ON FELLING
AT LEAST EIGHT MORE TREES.

NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
WE HAVE NO PLANS

TO FELL ANY TREES.
I THINK.

I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT FELLING A TREE WOULD BE.

CUTTING IT DOWN.

OH, THEN YEAH.

WE'RE GONNA FELL
A BUNCH OF TREES.

- HA!
- WE HAVE TO MAKE
ROOM FOR THE STAGE.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE SQUIRRELS?

- THE--
- SQUIRRELS LIVE IN TREES.

YOU TAKE OUT THE TREES,
YOU ARE DISPLACING
THE SQUIRRELS.

WHERE ARE THEY
GOING TO GO?

WELL, CAN'T THEY JUST
MOVE TO ANOTHER TREE?

- WOW.
- HEARTLESS.

THAT'S WHY WE HAVE
A TAFTPOKIRIP.

Sam: JUST MOVE TO
ANOTHER TREE.

WHAT IF YOU STORED
YOUR NUTS IN A TREE

AND THEN YOU
WENT OUT ONE DAY,
YOU CAME BACK

AND POOF,
THAT TREE WAS GONE?

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

YOU'RE A SQUIRREL.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

SUE?
GO TO SQUIRREL COURT?

SAY "SOME LADY
TOOK MY NUTS"?

YEAH YEAH.
I REALLY AM HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION.

WHAT IF THE TREE
YOU CUT DOWN

WAS THE TREE THAT
THAT SQUIRREL RAISED
HIS KIDS IN?

OR HE WAS RAISED IN?

YES, WHAT IF IT WAS
HIS CHILDHOOD TREE?

WHAT DO YOU
SAY TO HIM?

- OR HER.
- IT ABSOLUTELY
COULD BE A HER.

YOU'RE GOING TO SEND SOME
POOR SINGLE MOTHER SQUIRREL

OUT INTO THE WILD
TO FIND ANOTHER TREE?

WHEN DID SHE BECOME
A SINGLE MOTHER SQUIRREL?

WHEN YOU TOOK DOWN THE TREE
HER HUSBAND WAS SLEEPING IN.

WELL, I GUESS I WOULD SAY

"MRS. SQUIRREL,
IF YOUR HUSBAND IS JUST

LAYING AROUND
THE TREE ALL DAY

WHILE YOU'RE OUT
SLAVING AWAY

TO PUT NUTS ON THE TABLE,

THEN YOU DODGED
A BULLET, MY FRIEND."

YOU'RE NOT TAKING
THIS SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU?

NO, I'M NOT.
SORRY.

ALL YOU PANTSUIT
WEARERS ARE THE SAME.

NOT CONCERNED WITH
ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I
HEARD ABOUT THE EDGE,

I THOUGHT "THIS STORY
CAN'T BE TRUE.

THERE MUST BE MORE
TO IT THAN THAT,"

BUT CLEARLY
IT'S COMPLETELY TRUE.

NO ONE COMES INTO
THIS COMMUNITY

AND DOES WHATEVER
THE HELL THEY WANT.

YEAH, ESPECIALLY
NOT AFTER "POP."

I PAID FULL PRICE
FOR THAT TURKEY.

LOOK, WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO DO SOMETHING NICE

FOR THE COMMUNITY.

BRING IN SOMETHING NEW
AND ARTISTIC TO THIS PLACE.

WHAT A SNOB.

WE DON'T NEED YOU
TO ENLIGHTEN US.

WE HAVE TWO
COMMUNITY THEATERS

AND A COLOR ME MINE.
WE'RE DONE.

- THANK YOU.
- AND WE'D LIKE OUR CHEESE.

- ( loud, overlapping chatter )
- REALLY? NO NO NO WAIT.

YOU HAVEN'T--
YOU ONLY HAVE TALKED
ABOUT THE SQUIRRELS

AND TREES
AND COLOR ME MINE.

( arguing continues )

OKAY, EVERYONE.

THESE PANTS ARE SUPPOSED
TO CUT ME LIKE THAT.

SORRY.

OKAY.

WELL, I THINK
WE'VE...

HEARD ALL OF
YOUR CONCERNS.

SEEN YOUR PRESENTATIONS.

NOW...

LET ME TELL YOU ALL

HOW THIS IS
GONNA GO DOWN.

OH GOD.
WHERE IS IT?
WHERE ARE YOU?

COME ON.
COME ON.

- LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?
- AH! OH MY GOD.

YOU SPOOKED ME.
DON'T SPOOK ME.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

SORRY, IT'S JUST
YOU SPOOKED ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HOMEWORK.
IT'S QUIET HERE.

THIS?
THIS IS QUIET?

THERE ARE SEVERAL
ADULTS YELLING DOWNSTAIRS.

MY MOM JUST FOUND OUT
THAT FAYE MENDELSON

AND MY DAD ARE
TRYING TO CONCEIVE.

BELIEVE ME,
IT'S MUCH MORE
QUIET HERE.

- I'M SORRY.
- PAR FOR THE COURSE.

WELL, GINNY,
HERE'S WHAT I'VE
LEARNED TONIGHT.

IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A MEETING,
HAVE SNACKS AT THAT MEETING.

YOU SHOULD BE
WRITING THIS DOWN.

BECAUSE WITHOUT SNACKS,
PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO DO WITH THEIR HANDS

AND THEY GET GRUMPY.
SNACKS. GINNY, SNACKS.

SNACKS.

GOOD. NOW, HAVE YOU
SEEN A JACKET THAT
LOOKS LIKE THIS ONE

BUT WITHOUT ALL
THE SWEAT STAINS?

NO. BUT I'LL
HELP YOU LOOK.

TRULY SAID SHE'D
LEAVE ME A SPARE
SOMEWHERE.

I'VE JUST BEEN SOAKING
THROUGH THIS ALL NIGHT.

I DON'T THINK I'M CUT OUT
FOR LEGAL ISSUES AND PANTSUITS.

I WORE MY FIRST PANTSUIT
WHEN I WAS NINE.

MY MOM WAS SELLING A HOUSE
USING THE BABY ANGLE.

SO I WAS BASICALLY
BORN IN A PANTSUIT.

DRESS GUARDS
ARE MY SAVIOR.

DRESS GUARDS.
BUT HONESTLY,

THEY'D HAVE TO BE
INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH.

'CAUSE I'LL LEVEL WITH YOU,
I DON'T PERSPIRE.

I FREAKING SWEAT.

HERE.

OH, THANK YOU.

THIS IS EXCESSIVE,
EVEN FOR ME.

I WAS IN A DONKEY COSTUME
FOR AN EXPERIMENTAL PRODUCTION

OF "DON QUIXOTE"
AND I DIDN'T SWEAT THIS MUCH.

HEY, YOU'VE AUDITIONED FOR
LOTS OF STUFF BEFORE, RIGHT?

HIT ME WHEN I'M DOWN.
THAT'S NOT NICE.

THEY'RE HOLDING AUDITIONS
FOR "BELLS ARE RINGING"

AT SCHOOL ON FRIDAY.

OH, I KNOW THAT SHOW.
I LIKE THAT SHOW.

I GOING TO AUDITION FOR
THE TOURING COMPANY ONCE,

BUT THE NIGHT BEFORE,
I THREW UP ON THE CHOREOGRAPHER.

- OH, YOU GOT SICK?
- NO, I--

YEAH.
SO I MISSED THE AUDITION.

AND IF YOU THINK THIS
IS A LOT OF SWEAT,

YOU SHOULD SEE ME AFTER
I THROW UP ON A CHOREOGRAPHER.

WELL, I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU'D HELP ME

PREPARE FOR THE AUDITION
FOR "BELLS ARE RINGING"

AT SCHOOL?

YEAH, SURE.
ABSOLUTELY.

REALLY?
TOMORROW AFTERNOON?

SURE.
YEAH, SURE.

Sal: MILLICENT!
WHERE THE HELL DID YOU
GET THOSE PICTURES?!

OH GOD,
I BETTER GET
BACK DOWN THERE.

TALIA, STOP STEALING
THE SILVER.

GOD, THAT IS THE BEST SHOWER
I HAVE EVER BEEN IN.

- DON'T SAY IT.
- WHAT, THAT YOU'VE BEEN
IN A LOT OF SHOWERS?

- I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.
- THANK YOU.

THINK FANNY WILL MIND
THAT WE'RE STAYING
IN HER HOUSE?

- NO.
- THINK SHE'LL MIND I
USED ALL HER LOTION?

- NO.
- THINK SHE'LL EVER KNOW
THAT WE STAYED IN HER HOUSE

AND I USED
ALL HER LOTION?

NO.

WOW.
CHAMPAGNE AND PIZZA.

ARE WE DATING
BOWLING CHAMPS AGAIN?

NOPE.
WE'RE CELEBRATING.

- YES. CELEBRATING WHAT?
- WHOO!

WE GOT THE COMMUNITY BOARD
TO SIGN OFF ON THE AMPHITHEATER,

- SO WE'RE GOOD TO GO.
- WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.

MY FIRST PANTSUIT VICTORY.

AND I HAVE TO SAY,
AT FIRST,

I WAS ALL AGAINST
THE WHOLE CONCEPT,

BUT NOW I GET IT.

IT'S BINDING.

SO IT KEEPS
ALL YOUR POWERS IN.

PLUS, THERE'S NO POTENTIAL
"BASIC INSTINCT" MOMENT.

SO SUDDENLY YOU'RE NOT
THINKING ABOUT HOW
YOU'RE SITTING

AND YOU'D BE SURPRISED
HOW MUCH BRAIN SPACE
THAT FREES UP.

PLUS, THE POCKETS.

DANCE CLOTHES NEVER
HAVE ANY POCKETS,

BUT THIS SUIT HAS
POCKETS EVERYWHERE.

AND...

YOU CAN DO THAT.

I HAVE ALWAYS
WANTED TO DO THAT.

- TO HILLARY CLINTON.
- HEAR HEAR.

DRINK UP.
I WANT TO TAKE
MY NEW PANTSUIT

OUT FOR A SPIN.
SEE IF GUYS CAN
PICK UP

ON MY NEW POLYESTER
SUPER POWERS.

( cellphone rings )

( phone beeps )

VEGAS.

HELLO? THIS IS TALIA.

- WHO?
- IS IT RICK?
IS HE DEAD?

WHAT? NO.
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?

YOU HAD A "MY ANCIENT
BOYFRIEND MIGHT BE DEAD"
LOOK ON YOUR FACE.

SHH. YEAH, NO.
OF COURSE I DO.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

WOW. THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

UH-HUH.
YOU'RE KIDDING.

YOU'RE KIDDING!
YOU'RE KIDDING.

- I DON'T THINK THEY'RE KIDDING.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT REALLY--

UM, OKAY.

SURE.

I WILL TALK
TO YOU LATER.

- WHOA.
- WHAT?

DO YOU REMEMBER
ANDY DONNELLY?

- THE ONE WHO ONLY
WEARS BIKE SHORTS?
- NO.

- THE ONE WHO PUNCHED
DON RICKLES?
- NO.

WE WAS AT CRAZY HORSE PARIS
WHEN I WORKED THERE, REMEMBER?

- A BUNCH OF YEARS AGO?
- THE CHOREOGRAPHER.

- SORT OF.
- SORT OF?

- HE PARKED CARS.
- HOW IS THAT SORT OF
A CHOREOGRAPHER?

- THE PARKING LOT
WAS VERY TRICKY.
- RIGHT.

ANYHOW, WE HAD LIKE
A TWO WEEK THING,

AND I HAVEN'T TALKED
TO HIM FOR EIGHT YEARS

AND NOW HE'S
ONE OF THE PRODUCERS

- OF "ROCK OF AGES."
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YEAH, AND HE HAS
A PART TO FILL ASAP,

- AND THOUGHT OF ME.
- AFTER EIGHT YEARS
HE THOUGHT OF YOU.

- JUST LIKE THAT?
- I GUESS SO.

YOU SLEEP WITH A GUY
FOR TWO WEEKS

AND EIGHT YEARS LATER, HE JUST
THINKS OF YOU FOR A PART.

- WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?
- THAT YOU ARE REALLY
GOOD IN BED.

- WELL, DUH.
- WOW.

A PART.
"ROCK OF AGES."

- NEW YORK?
- TOURING FOR NOW,

BUT THEY PULL A LOT OF
THEIR BROADWAY REPLACEMENTS

FROM THE TOURING COMPANY,
SO IT'S NOT OUT OF THE QUESTION.

NEW YORK!

GEEZ, THAT'S GREAT.

YEAH, HE'S GONNA CALL
LATER WITH DETAILS.

- SO?
- SO...

SO WHY AREN'T YOU EXCITED?

I AM. I JUST DON'T
KNOW IF I CAN DO IT.

SURE YOU CAN.
HAVE YOU SEEN "ROCK OF AGES"?

- MICHELLE--
- MY PANTSUIT COULD
DO "ROCK OF AGES."

- I JUST GOT ENGAGED.
- SO?

SO I'M JUST SUPPOSED
TO UP AND TAKE OFF?

I COULD BE GONE
FOR LIKE A YEAR.

HE COULD GO WITH YOU.

MOST HOTELS HAVE
WHEELCHAIR RAMPS NOW.

RICK DOES NOT WANT
TO FOLLOW ME AROUND ON TOUR,

AND NEW YORK IS OUT.
RICKY HATES NEW YORK.

SO YOU'RE JUST
GONNA TURN IT DOWN?

I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S JUST SO OUT OF THE BLUE.

IT'S CRAZY!
I'VE BEEN SITTING IN VEGAS

ON MY ASS FOR FIVE YEARS,
AND NOTHING.

THE MINUTE
I GET ENGAGED.

I GUESS WHEN
IT RAINS, IT POURS.

I GUESS SO.

SO WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S NICE TO BE
THOUGHT OF THOUGH.

IT IS.
IT DEFINITELY IS.

WELL, I GUESS
THIS IS TO YOU THEN.

WE BOTH HAVE SOMETHING
TO CELEBRATE TONIGHT.

YEAH.

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I'M GONNA TAKE
THIS PANTSUIT OFF.

PIZZA, SAUCE, YOU KNOW.

( door jiggling )

( chuckles )
HI.

HI.

- WAS THE DOOR LOCKED?
- NO.

- WAS IT STUCK?
- NO.

( sighs )

WELL, IT'S A STUPID
KNOB ANYHOW.

YOU BEEN WAITING LONG?

NOPE. HOUR,
HOUR AND A HALF TOPS.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.
WAS OUT LATE CELEBRATING

WITH A FRIEND.
THE DAY KIND OF
GOT AWAY FROM ME.

SHE HAD A GOOD NIGHT
EIGHT YEARS AGO,

AND LOOK AT HER
NOW, RIGHT?

I GOT A PANTSUIT RASH.

- YIKES.
- YEAH.

OKAY, SO WHAT ARE
WE DOING HERE?

WELL, IT'S CALLED
"A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP"

FROM "BELLS ARE RINGING."

I HAVE TO SING
AND THERE'S A LITTLE ROUTINE.

AND I SET UP A SWITCHBOARD
BECAUSE SHE WORKS AT--

OKAY, RIGHT.

SO, SHOULD I
JUST JUMP IN?

BOTH FEET.

WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

- I'VE GOT THE SONG.
- ON THAT?

- YEAH.
- NO MORE CASSETTE TAPES, HUH?

- THAT'S OLD LADY CRAP NOW?
- WHAT?

UH, YEAH. GO AHEAD.

I HAD TO USE
CASSETTE TAPES.

- WHAT?
- BABBLING.
MOVING ON.

NEVER TURN UP YOUR NOSE
AT A VALET PARKER.

- OKAY.
- IT'S A GOOD TIP.

- I'M SURE.
- THEY HAVE LONG
MEMORIES, THOSE GUYS.

RIGHT.

SO, SHOULD I--

WHAT?
YES, RIGHT.

ENTERTAIN ME.

( piano playing )

♪ IT'S CRAZY ♪

♪ RIDICULOUS ♪

♪ IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE ♪

♪ THAT'S TRUE ♪

♪ BUT WHAT CAN I DO ♪

♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪

♪ WITH A MAN ♪

♪ PLAZA-OH-DOUBLE-FOUR-
DOUBLE-THREE ♪

♪ IT'S A PERFECT
RELATIONSHIP ♪

♪ I CAN'T SEE HIM,
HE CAN'T SEE ME ♪

♪ I'M IN LOVE
WITH A VOICE ♪

♪ PLAZA-OH-DOUBLE-FOUR-
DOUBLE-THREE ♪

- HOW DO YOU STOP THIS?
- OH, PUSH THE--

OH YEAH.
I GOT IT.

( music stops )

START AGAIN.

( piano playing )

♪ I'M IN LOVE
WITH A MAN ♪

♪ PLAZA-OH-DOUBLE-FOUR-
DOUBLE-THREE ♪

SING OUT, LOUISE.

( louder )
♪ IT'S A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP ♪

♪ I TALK TO HIM
AND HE JUST TALKS TO ME ♪

AND THANKS FOR THE NAP.

- ( music stops )
- SORRY.

- YOU DONE WARMING UP?
- I--

I CAN COME BACK
WHEN YOU'RE READY.

- I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS.
- WAY TO SELL.

- SORRY.
- WHEN YOU SHOW UP
FOR AN AUDITION,

AUDITION, OKAY?

YOU CAN'T COUNT ON
SOME GUY YOU HAD
A BRIEF HOT FLING WITH

10 YEARS AGO
REMEMBERING YOU

AND CALLING YOU
OUT OF THE BLUE
FOR A PART, RIGHT?

- RIGHT.
- THAT'S A FREAK EVENT.

NEVER HAPPENS.
NEVER.

TO MOST OF US.
OKAY?

( exhales )

ALL RIGHT,
BRING IT, MEAT.

( piano playing )

♪ I'M IN LOVE ♪

♪ WITH A MAN ♪

♪ PLAZA-OH-DOUBLE-FOUR-
DOUBLE-THREE ♪

LOOK AT THE AUDIENCE.

♪ IT'S A PERFECT
RELATIONSHIP ♪

♪ I CAN'T SEE HIM,
HE CAN'T SEE ME ♪

ALL RIGHT, NOT THAT MUCH.
IT'S CREEPY.

♪ I'M IN LOVE
WITH A VOICE ♪

♪ PLAZA-OH-DOUBLE-FOUR-
DOUBLE-THREE ♪

THINK ABOUT WHAT
YOU'RE SINGING.

♪ IT'S A PERFECT
RELATIONSHIP ♪

♪ I TALK TO HIM,
AND HE JUST TALKS TO ME ♪

ACT IT.
DON'T SING IT.

♪ AND YET I CAN'T
HELP WONDERING ♪

♪ WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE ♪

♪ I WISH I KNEW ♪

NO!

♪ WHAT ♪

♪ DOES HE LOOK LIKE ♪

♪ IS HE SIX FOOT SEVEN
OR THREE FOOT TWO ♪

- NO!
- ♪ HAS HE EYES OF BROWN ♪

♪ OR BABY BLUE ♪

Both:
♪ BIG AND MIGHTY OR UNDERFED ♪

♪ TRIM BLACK MUSTACHE
OR BEARD OF RED ♪

♪ CAN HE DANCE LIKE
FRED ASTAIRE ♪

♪ IS HE DARK
OR IS HE FAIR ♪

♪ POMPADOUR
OR NOT A HAIR ♪

♪ BUT I DON'T CARE ♪

♪ BUT HE'S STILL ♪

♪ JUST A VOICE ♪

♪ PLAZA-OH-DOUBLE-FOUR-
DOUBLE-THREE ♪

♪ WHAT A PERFECT
RELATIONSHIP ♪

♪ I CAN'T SEE HIM,
HE CAN'T SEE ME ♪

♪ HE CALLS ME "MUM" ♪

♪ HE THINKS I'M 63 ♪

♪ AND I'LL NEVER MEET HIM ♪

♪ AND HE'LL
NEVER MEET ME ♪

♪ NO, HE'LL NEVER ♪

♪ MEET ME. ♪

WOW.

THAT WAS SO GOOD.

YEAH, REALLY?

I THOUGHT I WAS
A LITTLE OFF AT THE END.

NO, IT WAS PERFECT.

OKAY, GOOD GOOD.

IT WAS GOOD.
I DID GOOD.

THANKS.

UM, MICHELLE?

YEAH?

OH, CRAP.

RIGHT.
FROM THE TOP.

- ( piano playing )
- ( whispers )

♪ I'M IN LOVE
WITH A MAN ♪

♪ PLAZA-OH-DOUBLE-FOUR-
DOUBLE-THREE. ♪

( sighs )

OH.

- HI.
- HEY.

HEY.

YOU GOING IN?

YEAH.

I AM GOING IN.
THAT'S WHERE I WAS HEADED. IN.

THERE ARE
THINGS KNOWN,

AND THINGS UNKNOWN.

AND IN BETWEEN
ARE THE DOORS.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

GO IN.

RIGHT.

WELL WELL WELL,
THERE SHE IS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THE CONQUERING
HERO RETURNS.

THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU ACTUALLY DID IT.

YOU ACTUALLY AUDITIONED
FOR A SCHOOL PLAY.

WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL US?

I DID TELL YOU
AND YOU MOCKED ME.

- WE DID.
- WE HAVE BEEN SILENCED
AND CHASTENED.

WE HEARD
YOU WERE GREAT.

YOU DID? FROM WHO?
AND DID THEY SAY GREAT
OR REALLY GREAT?

ALLY WAS WORKING
ON SETS AND SHE SAID

EVERYONE WAS
TALKING ABOUT YOU.

WERE THEY?
HOW DEAR.

- WHAT?
- SHE'S BEING OBNOXIOUS
AND PRETENTIOUS.

WELL, US IN THE BIZ
HAVE TO HAVE A HEALTHY EGO.

- THAT'S HOW WE SURVIVE.
- HOW'D YOU FINALLY
GET THE NERVE?

I ASKED MICHELLE
TO COACH ME.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- SHE WAS MEAN

AND CALLED ME NAMES,
AND THEN SHE SHOWED ME

HOW GOOD SHE IS
AND HOW BAD I WAS,

AND THEN SHE THREW
HER WATER ON ME.

THOUGH I'M NOT SURE
THAT WAS TOTALLY ON PURPOSE.

- SOUNDS AWESOME.
- IT WAS AWESOME.

BECAUSE IF I COULD GET UP
AND SING IN FRONT OF HER,

MRS. MERKOWSKI,
THE HALF-DEAF MUSIC TEACHER

WASN'T GOING TO
BE A PROBLEM.

AND SHE WASN'T,
AND I ROCKED.

- WE BOW TO YOU.
- AS WELL YOU SHOULD.

- SO, WHEN DO YOU HEAR?
- CALLBACKS ARE TUESDAY.

IT'S BETWEEN ME,
SARI ENFIELD,

AND TYRONE FREDRICKS.

Melanie:
OH, TY'S GOOD.

YEAH, BUT HE PLAYED THE LEAD IN
"THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODY"

LAST YEAR, SO THEY'VE GOT TO
GO WITH FRESH BLOOD THIS TIME.

GET IT, DON'T GET IT,
IT DOESN'T MATTER.

ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT
I AM NOW OFFICIALLY FABULOUS.

( Frankie and Cozette
chatter )

OKAY.

EXCUSE ME A SEC.

HEY THERE, SAILOR.
DOING A LITTLE SKETCH,
ARE YOU?

WORKING ON A MURAL
FOR THE STUDIO.

A MURAL.

SO DIEGO RIVERA.

FANNY TOLD ME IF I WAS
GONNA SIT HERE EVERY DAY,

I HAD TO DO SOMETHING.

IT WAS THIS OR TIGHTS.

WELL, PERSONALLY,
I'D VOTE FOR BOTH.

HEY, FRANKIE,

YOU KNOW WHAT
I WAS THINKING TODAY

AFTER MY AUDITION?

I WAS THINKING,
YOU AND ME,

WE SHOULD HANG.

- HUH?
- YOU KNOW, HANG.

DO SOME HANGING.

OF YOUR PICTURES.

WHICH I-- I BET
NEED TO BE HUNG.

UM...

I'M NOT WARMED UP.

- WHAT THE HELL?
- SHUT UP.

WOW.
THAT WAS AWKWARD.

LIKE WHITE SHORTS IN
A RAINSTORM AWKWARD.

BUT HERE IS
THE BRIGHT SPOT.

FRANKIE ACTUALLY
LOVES AWKWARD.

HE THRIVES ON IT.

IT'S COMFORTABLE THAT
HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH.

SO YOU'VE JUST MADE
SOME SERIOUS HEADWAY.

- WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
- OH, I WAS JUST--

I DIDN'T ASK YOUR OPINION.

I DIDN'T ASK YOU
TO COME OVER HERE

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT GAVE YOU
THE IMPRESSION THAT I DID.

- I WAS JUST TRYING--
- DON'T.

DON'T TRY ANYTHING.

GO TAKE YOUR
MASSIVE WARDROBE

AND YOUR "OH SO
COOL" ATTITUDE,

AND FIND ANOTHER
PERSON TO BOTHER.

HEY, HEIDI?

IT DOESN'T REALLY
MATTER TO ME

WHETHER WE'RE
FRIENDS OR NOT,

BUT JUST TO CLARIFY,

MY FAMILY IS TIGHT.
ZAPPA TIGHT.

SO IF YOU WANT
A CHANCE WITH THE BROTHER,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO BE COOL WITH ME.

SORRY.

I JUST THINK IF I GO
HE WON'T WAIT.

LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
CAN BE HARD.

I HAD A BOYFRIEND
WHO WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS.

WE WERE TOGETHER
FOR TWO WEEKS
BEFORE HE LEFT,

AND THEN HE WAS
GONE FOR A YEAR.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

AND I WAS
COMPLETELY FAITHFUL.

HOW?

IT WAS VERY
DIFFICULT.

I WATCHED A LOT OF
"LITTLE HOUSE ON
THE PRAIRIE" RERUNS,

IF YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN.

OH, SURE.

AND WHEN HE CAME BACK,
HE HAD A BEARD

AND DIRTY FINGERNAILS.

AND HE DRANK THIS TEA
THAT SMELLED LIKE CIGARETTES

AND I JUST FOUND HIM
COMPLETELY DISGUSTING.

PLUS, HE HAD MARRIED
ONE OF THE VILLAGERS,

SO COMPLETE
WASTE OF TIME.

HEY, I MADE HIGH TEA WITH
SCONES AND CLOTTED CREAM.

I WANT ONE.

- HERE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I DON'T KNOW,

BUT IT'S NOT GOING
TO INCLUDE A PANTSUIT.