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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,147 MICHELLE, PRINCE CHARMING'S HERE FOR YOU. 2 00:00:08,149 --> 00:00:09,409 - MARRY ME. - OH, HUBBELL. 3 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,150 I LIVE IN THIS BEAUTIFUL TOWN CALLED PARADISE. 4 00:00:12,153 --> 00:00:13,463 - WHO'S THIS? - WAIT, YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER? 5 00:00:13,455 --> 00:00:14,915 TELL ME, EVERYTHING. 6 00:00:14,917 --> 00:00:16,817 SHE HAS A DANCE STUDIO. HER WHOLE LIFE IS HERE. 7 00:00:16,819 --> 00:00:17,819 WHO ARE YOU? 8 00:00:17,820 --> 00:00:18,960 SHE IS MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. 9 00:00:18,962 --> 00:00:20,122 HUBBELL WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT. 10 00:00:20,123 --> 00:00:21,293 OH MY GOD, HE'S DEAD? 11 00:00:21,294 --> 00:00:22,474 HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU 12 00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:23,526 MY PRODUCTION OF THE NUTCRACKER 13 00:00:23,527 --> 00:00:24,967 IS THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY YEAR? 14 00:00:24,969 --> 00:00:26,369 AIR CONDITIONING'S NOT WORKING. 15 00:00:26,370 --> 00:00:28,030 - MUST SMELL GREAT. WHO NEEDS A SPRAY? - I DO. 16 00:00:28,032 --> 00:00:30,282 ( screaming ) 17 00:00:30,275 --> 00:00:31,305 WHAT? WHAT THE-- 18 00:00:31,306 --> 00:00:32,306 AAH! 19 00:00:32,307 --> 00:00:33,977 I MACED YOU! 20 00:00:33,979 --> 00:00:35,009 Boo: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! 21 00:00:35,011 --> 00:00:36,181 Michelle: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 22 00:00:36,182 --> 00:00:38,452 - I'M ROMAN. - SO, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR? 23 00:00:38,445 --> 00:00:40,445 MOSH PIT GOT A LITTLE TOO INTENSE. 24 00:00:40,447 --> 00:00:41,887 WHAT ABOUT YOU? 25 00:00:41,889 --> 00:00:43,149 MY BALLET TEACHER MACED US 26 00:00:43,150 --> 00:00:44,290 DURING A PRODUCTION OF THE NUTCRACKER. 27 00:00:44,292 --> 00:00:45,522 WOW. 28 00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:46,863 I'LL BE LUCKY IF THESE PARENTS 29 00:00:46,855 --> 00:00:48,295 DON'T DRAG ME INTO COURT AND HAVE ME FLOGGED. 30 00:00:48,296 --> 00:00:50,826 THAT WOMAN IS NEVER AROUND OUR CHILDREN EVER AGAIN! 31 00:00:50,829 --> 00:00:52,499 OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN. 32 00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,201 OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN. 33 00:00:54,203 --> 00:00:55,313 YOU KNOW AT THE END OF THE MOVIE 34 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,505 THE GUY HAD TO LEAVE ANYHOW, RIGHT? 35 00:00:58,569 --> 00:00:59,909 THANK YOU. 36 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,979 ( music playing ) 37 00:01:11,584 --> 00:01:13,134 ♪ SHH ♪ 38 00:01:18,933 --> 00:01:21,203 ♪ SHH ♪ 39 00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:25,065 ♪ IT'S OH SO QUIET ♪ 40 00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:28,000 ♪ SHH SHH ♪ 41 00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:31,484 ♪ IT'S OH SO STILL ♪ 42 00:01:31,478 --> 00:01:34,348 SECOND GROUP, READY. 43 00:01:34,351 --> 00:01:36,351 WAIT, WHAT'S THE FIRST STEP? 44 00:01:36,353 --> 00:01:37,493 SERIOUSLY, BLONDIE? 45 00:01:37,485 --> 00:01:38,615 I'M DUMB TOO. 46 00:01:38,616 --> 00:01:40,356 ALL RIGHT, FOLLOW THE OLD BROAD IN FRONT. 47 00:01:40,358 --> 00:01:41,488 ( groans ) 48 00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:45,490 ♪ AND SO PEACEFUL UNTIL ♪ 49 00:01:45,494 --> 00:01:48,174 ♪ YOU FALL IN LOVE ♪ 50 00:01:48,167 --> 00:01:49,967 ♪ ZING BOOM ♪ 51 00:01:49,970 --> 00:01:51,500 ♪ THE SKY UP ABOVE ♪ 52 00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:53,171 ♪ ZING BOOM ♪ 53 00:01:53,173 --> 00:01:55,443 ♪ IS CAVING IN ♪ 54 00:01:55,436 --> 00:01:57,106 ♪ WOW BAM ♪ 55 00:01:57,108 --> 00:01:58,378 ♪ YOU NEVER ♪ 56 00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:00,040 ♪ BEEN SO NUTS ABOUT A GUY ♪ 57 00:02:00,042 --> 00:02:01,912 ♪ YOU WANT TO LAUGH, YOU WANT TO CRY ♪ 58 00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:04,394 ♪ YOU CROSS YOUR HEART AND HOPE TO DIE ♪ 59 00:02:04,387 --> 00:02:05,587 ( groans ) 60 00:02:05,588 --> 00:02:07,048 MY GOD, THIS IS SO HARD. 61 00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:08,390 WHY DO YOU DO THIS? 62 00:02:08,392 --> 00:02:10,392 OH, JEEZE. 63 00:02:10,394 --> 00:02:12,534 All right. Just keep going. 64 00:02:12,526 --> 00:02:14,526 ♪ It's oh so still ♪ 65 00:02:14,529 --> 00:02:16,059 Keep going. That's good. 66 00:02:16,061 --> 00:02:17,531 Travel. 67 00:02:17,532 --> 00:02:19,062 That's good. 68 00:02:21,067 --> 00:02:22,067 All right. 69 00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:26,540 ♪ And so peaceful until ♪ 70 00:02:28,545 --> 00:02:30,675 ♪ You blow a fuse ♪ 71 00:02:30,678 --> 00:02:32,678 ♪ Zing boom ♪ 72 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,550 ♪ The devil cuts loose ♪ 73 00:02:34,553 --> 00:02:36,083 ♪ ZING BOOM ♪ 74 00:02:36,084 --> 00:02:38,234 ♪ SO WHAT'S THE USE ♪ 75 00:02:38,227 --> 00:02:39,557 ♪ WOW BAM ♪ 76 00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:42,089 ♪ I'M FALLING IN LOVE ♪ 77 00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:46,704 ♪ THE SKY CAVES IN ♪ 78 00:02:46,697 --> 00:02:48,467 ♪ THE DEVIL CUTS LOOSE ♪ 79 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:51,099 ♪ YOU BLOW BLOW BLOW BLOW ♪ 80 00:02:51,102 --> 00:02:52,572 ♪ BLOW YOUR FUSE. ♪ 81 00:02:52,574 --> 00:02:54,454 OH-- OHH... 82 00:02:54,446 --> 00:02:56,446 OW. 83 00:02:56,449 --> 00:02:58,449 OH GOD. 84 00:02:58,451 --> 00:03:01,591 AAH. 85 00:03:01,585 --> 00:03:04,115 WHOA! 86 00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:06,458 WHOA! 87 00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:08,460 Students: SHH. 88 00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:10,473 WHOO! YAY. 89 00:03:10,465 --> 00:03:12,595 Yay, that was great. 90 00:03:12,598 --> 00:03:14,428 Excellent, excellent. 91 00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:16,600 Leave me. Go home. Save yourselves. 92 00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:18,483 Oh God. Ohh. 93 00:03:18,475 --> 00:03:19,675 Wait, seriously, just like that? 94 00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:20,676 Edgar, Edgar! 95 00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:27,051 ( theme music playing ) 96 00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:46,636 Michelle: Seriously. I don't know if I can get up. 97 00:03:46,638 --> 00:03:48,638 Truly: FANNY? 98 00:03:48,641 --> 00:03:51,171 FANNY? ARE YOU HERE? 99 00:03:51,174 --> 00:03:52,524 ARE YOU HOME? ARE YOU UP? 100 00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,645 ( crashing ) 101 00:03:54,648 --> 00:03:56,518 TRULY, ARE YOU BLEEDING? 102 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,380 NO... YES. 103 00:03:58,382 --> 00:04:01,062 - DON'T MOVE, PLEASE. - OKAY. OW. 104 00:04:01,055 --> 00:04:03,655 - DON'T MOVE, PLEASE. - OKAY. OW. 105 00:04:03,658 --> 00:04:05,658 TRULY! 106 00:04:05,661 --> 00:04:08,661 - STAY STILL. - I'M SORRY. I'M REALLY EXCITED. 107 00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:10,474 I CAN SEE THAT. 108 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,667 I'VE BEEN OBSESSING OVER THE DESIGN FOR THIS KITCHEN. 109 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,669 I KNOW YOU WANT SOMETHING NEW, 110 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:14,800 BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT. 111 00:04:14,802 --> 00:04:16,542 - UH-HUH. - AND LAST NIGHT, 112 00:04:16,544 --> 00:04:18,354 I HAD A DREAM. 113 00:04:18,346 --> 00:04:20,206 - WERE THERE GERBILS? - THERE WERE GERBILS. 114 00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:22,208 BUT THIS TIME, THEY DID NOT MAKE ME DANCE. 115 00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:24,550 INSTEAD, THEY LED ME DOWN A HALLWAY 116 00:04:24,553 --> 00:04:25,823 AND INTO A KITCHEN. 117 00:04:25,815 --> 00:04:27,685 A REALLY GREAT KITCHEN. 118 00:04:27,687 --> 00:04:29,417 COME WITH ME. 119 00:04:29,419 --> 00:04:30,689 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 120 00:04:30,691 --> 00:04:32,221 TRULY? 121 00:04:33,594 --> 00:04:35,504 OKAY, SO AFTER THE GERBILS, 122 00:04:35,496 --> 00:04:37,766 I GOT UP AND I TRIED TO PUT IT TOGETHER 123 00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:40,099 WITH PAINT SAMPLES AND TILE SAMPLES 124 00:04:40,102 --> 00:04:41,502 AND PICTURES OF APPLIANCES, 125 00:04:41,503 --> 00:04:44,313 BUT I JUST COULDN'T TRANSLATE THE PICTURE IN MY HEAD. 126 00:04:44,307 --> 00:04:46,577 I NEED YOU TO SEE WHAT'S IN MY HEAD. 127 00:04:49,713 --> 00:04:51,593 WELCOME TO MY HEAD. 128 00:04:51,585 --> 00:04:53,585 - WHAT ON EARTH? - IT'S YOUR KITCHEN. 129 00:04:53,588 --> 00:04:55,588 DOWN TO THE LAST TINY DETAILS. 130 00:04:55,590 --> 00:04:57,590 YOU BUILT A CARDBOARD KITCHEN? 131 00:04:57,592 --> 00:04:59,602 YEAH. ORIGINALLY, I WAS JUST GONNA DO ONE WALL, 132 00:04:59,595 --> 00:05:00,855 BUT I COULDN'T DECIDE WHICH WALL, 133 00:05:00,856 --> 00:05:02,726 SO THEN I FIGURED, "WHY NOT JUST BUILD THE WHOLE THING 134 00:05:02,729 --> 00:05:03,859 SO YOU CAN STAND IN IT?" 135 00:05:03,860 --> 00:05:05,400 I CAN'T STAND IN IT. 136 00:05:05,402 --> 00:05:07,872 OKAY, SO I REDID YOUR WHOLE WORK TRIANGLE. 137 00:05:07,865 --> 00:05:09,865 I MOVED THE FRIDGE OVER HERE. MUCH BETTER. 138 00:05:09,867 --> 00:05:11,407 SINK AND STOVE OVER THERE. 139 00:05:11,409 --> 00:05:12,469 OH, LOOK. 140 00:05:12,470 --> 00:05:13,870 FOR PASTA WATER. 141 00:05:13,872 --> 00:05:15,472 COOL, RIGHT? IT'S THE NEW BIG THING. 142 00:05:15,474 --> 00:05:17,154 OH, AND A WOK. REMEMBER HOW I ALWAYS SAID 143 00:05:17,146 --> 00:05:19,216 - YOU WANTED A WOK? - NO. 144 00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:20,218 WELL, NOW YOU HAVE A WOK. 145 00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:21,679 I GAVE YOU A WALL OF SPICES, 146 00:05:21,681 --> 00:05:22,881 WEATHERED MARBLE FOR THE COUNTERTOPS, 147 00:05:22,883 --> 00:05:24,763 AND I FOUND THIS REALLY GREAT PAINT TREATMENT IDEA 148 00:05:24,755 --> 00:05:26,755 OUT OF A BOOK OF CUBAN HOMES, SEE? 149 00:05:26,757 --> 00:05:29,157 TRULY, I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING. 150 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,490 GAH! WAIT, SORRY. 151 00:05:30,492 --> 00:05:31,632 HERE. 152 00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:32,833 BETTER? 153 00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,644 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO PUT A LABEL 154 00:05:34,636 --> 00:05:36,696 ON EXACTLY WHAT THE STYLE IS. 155 00:05:36,699 --> 00:05:39,899 I THINK IT'S KIND OF A GREENWICH VILLAGE 1950s COFFEE HOUSE 156 00:05:39,903 --> 00:05:41,583 LITERARY COMMUNIST COLLECTIVE. 157 00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:44,305 SEE THE HAROLD CLURMAN AND LENIN PORTRAITS OVER THE SINK? 158 00:05:44,308 --> 00:05:46,948 YOU WIRED A CARDBOARD BOX FOR ELECTRICITY? 159 00:05:46,951 --> 00:05:48,651 I KNOW. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? 160 00:05:48,653 --> 00:05:50,793 I THINK IT'S THE MOST DISTURBING THING YOU'VE EVER DONE. 161 00:05:50,786 --> 00:05:52,656 NO. 162 00:05:52,658 --> 00:05:54,718 NOT BY A LONG SHOT. 163 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:55,790 ( sighs ) 164 00:05:55,792 --> 00:05:57,792 I MAY NEVER WALK UPRIGHT AGAIN. 165 00:05:57,794 --> 00:05:59,474 - DO YOU HATE IT? - I DO NOT HATE IT. 166 00:05:59,466 --> 00:06:00,926 - ARE YOU GONNA DO IT? - I DON'T KNOW. 167 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,668 WELL, WHAT DIDN'T YOU LIKE? I CAN FIX IT. 168 00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:04,200 I DON'T KNOW WHAT I LIKE. 169 00:06:04,202 --> 00:06:05,602 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE KITCHEN. 170 00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:07,483 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE LIVING ROOM. 171 00:06:07,475 --> 00:06:09,675 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. 172 00:06:09,678 --> 00:06:11,478 THIS HAS BEEN SUCH A TERRIBLE YEAR. 173 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:13,940 I JUST FEEL STUCK. MY CHI IS COMPLETELY STAGNANT. 174 00:06:13,943 --> 00:06:15,353 WELL, WHAT CAN I DO? 175 00:06:15,345 --> 00:06:16,685 I DON'T KNOW. 176 00:06:16,686 --> 00:06:18,216 I JUST FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE 177 00:06:18,218 --> 00:06:19,688 NEEDS TO CHANGE. 178 00:06:19,690 --> 00:06:21,220 I'M SORRY. 179 00:06:21,222 --> 00:06:22,692 - OH. - OH. 180 00:06:26,698 --> 00:06:28,698 - TRULY? - YES? 181 00:06:28,701 --> 00:06:31,831 HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A BLONDE? 182 00:06:31,834 --> 00:06:33,974 TWO BEDROOMS, ONE-AND-A-HALF BATHS, 183 00:06:33,967 --> 00:06:35,767 AND A BONUS ROOM OFF THE GARAGE. 184 00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:37,969 IGNORE THE FLOOR. A ROCK BAND RENTED IT FOR A MONTH. 185 00:06:37,972 --> 00:06:39,372 AND THEY HAD A LOT OF PARROTS. 186 00:06:39,373 --> 00:06:40,523 YOU'LL JUST REPLACE THE CARPET. 187 00:06:40,515 --> 00:06:41,575 OR YOU'LL PUT THE VENT THERE 188 00:06:41,576 --> 00:06:43,446 WHEN YOU INSTALL THE NEW HEATING SYSTEM. 189 00:06:43,448 --> 00:06:45,448 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE HEATING SYSTEM? - THE FORMER OWNER TOOK IT. 190 00:06:45,451 --> 00:06:47,251 HE TOOK THE HEATING SYSTEM? 191 00:06:47,253 --> 00:06:48,863 AND THE DOORKNOBS. AND THE KITCHEN CUPBOARDS, 192 00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:50,785 SOME COPPER PIPING, THE SHOWER HEADS, 193 00:06:50,787 --> 00:06:52,857 CURTAIN RODS, ONE TOILET SEAT, AND THE MAILBOX. 194 00:06:52,859 --> 00:06:54,829 WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WAS HE CRAZY? 195 00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:56,862 THIS HAPPENS A LOT IN FORECLOSURES. 196 00:06:56,864 --> 00:06:58,274 BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, 197 00:06:58,266 --> 00:07:00,866 THAT IS WHY THIS BABY IS PRICED TO SELL. 198 00:07:00,869 --> 00:07:02,739 SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF WORK. 199 00:07:02,741 --> 00:07:04,871 EXCUSE ME, MARA, IS IT? 200 00:07:04,874 --> 00:07:09,414 MARA, WHAT YOU HAVE HERE IS WHAT WE IN THE BIZ CALL 201 00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:10,879 A BLANK PALETTE. 202 00:07:10,881 --> 00:07:12,881 YOU CAN MAKE IT INTO WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE. 203 00:07:12,883 --> 00:07:14,893 YOU COULD KNOCK OUT THAT WALL, OPEN THE KITCHEN OUT 204 00:07:14,886 --> 00:07:16,686 TO THE LIVING AREA. YOU HAVE KIDS? 205 00:07:16,688 --> 00:07:17,888 - TWO. - DARLING. 206 00:07:17,889 --> 00:07:19,759 WELL, THE SCHOOLS IN THIS AREA 207 00:07:19,761 --> 00:07:20,891 ARE THE BEST IN THE COUNTY. 208 00:07:20,893 --> 00:07:23,903 AND THIS STREET IS THE MOST DESIRABLE STREET IN TOWN. 209 00:07:23,896 --> 00:07:24,966 AND YOU KNOW, IT'S ALWAYS BETTER 210 00:07:24,968 --> 00:07:27,298 TO HAVE THE CRAPPIEST HOUSE ON THE BEST STREET, 211 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,430 AND TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, 212 00:07:28,432 --> 00:07:31,382 THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE CRAPPIEST HOUSE THERE IS. 213 00:07:31,375 --> 00:07:32,635 HOW'S THE KITCHEN? 214 00:07:32,637 --> 00:07:36,637 JUST NEEDS A LITTLE LOVE, MARA. 215 00:07:36,641 --> 00:07:38,981 ADDRESS, CELL, AND E-MAIL WOULD BE SUPER. 216 00:07:38,984 --> 00:07:40,924 IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, I'M GINNY. 217 00:07:40,916 --> 00:07:43,446 CUT IT SMALLER. IT HAS TO LAST TILL 4:00. 218 00:07:43,449 --> 00:07:44,919 HELP YOURSELF TO A SANDWICH. 219 00:07:44,921 --> 00:07:46,921 ( phone beeps ) 220 00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,804 ( ringing ) 221 00:07:48,796 --> 00:07:49,826 HEY. 222 00:07:49,827 --> 00:07:51,597 HEY, GINNY. CAN'T TALK. 223 00:07:51,599 --> 00:07:52,959 STOP RUNNING! 224 00:07:52,961 --> 00:07:54,061 YOU'RE BABYSITTING? 225 00:07:54,062 --> 00:07:55,062 For the rest of my life. 226 00:07:55,063 --> 00:07:56,063 WHAT? 227 00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:57,414 MY MOM CAME HOME TODAY 228 00:07:57,406 --> 00:07:58,936 AND ANNOUNCED SHE'S PREGNANT. 229 00:07:58,938 --> 00:08:00,938 - EW! - I know. 230 00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:03,610 - UGH! WHY? - I DON'T KNOW. 231 00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,423 I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST ALL THAT. 232 00:08:05,416 --> 00:08:06,546 OH GOD. 233 00:08:06,547 --> 00:08:07,617 SO SO SORRY. 234 00:08:07,618 --> 00:08:08,818 MY DAD'S IN A PANIC. 235 00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,080 HE CAME HOME TODAY AND CANCELED 236 00:08:10,081 --> 00:08:11,521 ALL THE MOVIE CHANNELS. ( screaming ) 237 00:08:11,523 --> 00:08:13,693 GOD, DID SHE HAVE IT ALREADY? 238 00:08:13,685 --> 00:08:15,825 THAT IS MY BROTHER'S PLAY GROUP. 239 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:18,028 IT IS MY MOTHER'S DAY TO TAKE THEM WHICH MEANS 240 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,891 IT IS NOW MY DAY TO TAKE THEM. 241 00:08:19,893 --> 00:08:21,093 YOUR LIFE IS AWFUL. 242 00:08:21,094 --> 00:08:23,974 PLUS MY MOM HAS TO BE ON COMPLETE BED REST, 243 00:08:23,968 --> 00:08:25,368 STARTING NOW, 244 00:08:25,369 --> 00:08:27,039 WHICH MEANS I AM IN CHARGE OF THE HOUSE, 245 00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:29,951 WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO CUT BACK ON MY OYSTER BAR HOURS. 246 00:08:29,945 --> 00:08:31,045 BUMMER. 247 00:08:31,046 --> 00:08:32,446 I HAVE A COUPLE OF POCKET LISTINGS 248 00:08:32,448 --> 00:08:33,648 IF THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU. 249 00:08:33,649 --> 00:08:34,649 THANK YOU. 250 00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:35,850 WHATEVER. 251 00:08:35,852 --> 00:08:37,112 NO WAY YOU GUYS ARE GETTING A LOAN ANYHOW. 252 00:08:37,113 --> 00:08:38,393 WHERE ARE YOU? 253 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,655 MY MOTHER'S OPEN HOUSE. 254 00:08:39,656 --> 00:08:40,986 Why? 255 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:42,988 BECAUSE, BOO, MY FATHER FINALLY SET THE WEDDING DATE 256 00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,990 WITH FAYE MENDELSON AND MY MOTHER 257 00:08:44,993 --> 00:08:47,433 IS TAKING IT VERY VERY WELL. 258 00:08:47,425 --> 00:08:48,865 OH, SORRY. 259 00:08:48,867 --> 00:08:50,527 SHE CAN'T BE AROUND PEOPLE FOR LONGER THAN A MINUTE 260 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:51,999 WITHOUT CRYING OR SCREAMING. 261 00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:55,541 SO HERE I AM WEARING THE BLAZER. 262 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,875 OH, HEY, BEFORE I FORGET, 263 00:08:56,877 --> 00:08:57,937 DID THE PACKAGE ARRIVE? 264 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,008 IT DID. THERE WAS A LITTLE PROBLEM 265 00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:01,480 AND I HAD TO REROUTE IT. 266 00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:02,682 Nanette: BOO? 267 00:09:02,684 --> 00:09:04,024 HEY, I HAVE TO GO. I'LL CALL YOU BACK. 268 00:09:06,748 --> 00:09:08,018 DO YOU WANT PIZZAS? I'M MAKING THEM. 269 00:09:08,020 --> 00:09:09,690 MMM. YES, I DO WANT ONE. 270 00:09:09,692 --> 00:09:11,092 HEY, DO WE HAVE A COOLER? 271 00:09:11,094 --> 00:09:12,904 I DON'T KNOW. 272 00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:14,456 I'LL HAVE TO LOOK. 273 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:15,598 BECAUSE MY BED REST TIP BOOK HERE SAYS 274 00:09:15,599 --> 00:09:16,759 YOU HAVE TO KEEP A COOLER FILLED WITH SNACKS 275 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,100 AND DRINKS NEAR YOU AT ALL TIMES 276 00:09:18,102 --> 00:09:19,432 SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TOO FAR. 277 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,043 ISN'T THAT THE BEST THING YOU'VE EVER HEARD? 278 00:09:21,035 --> 00:09:22,905 - ALMOST. - I ALSO HAVE TO MAKE SURE 279 00:09:22,908 --> 00:09:24,508 TO PUT ON CLEAN CLOTHES, BRUSH MY HAIR, 280 00:09:24,510 --> 00:09:25,570 AND PUT ON LIPSTICK EVERY DAY 281 00:09:25,571 --> 00:09:27,041 WHICH IS HILARIOUS SINCE I DO NONE 282 00:09:27,043 --> 00:09:28,923 OF THOSE THINGS NOW. 283 00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:30,515 OH, I'M SO EXCITED. 284 00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:31,577 BED REST. 285 00:09:31,578 --> 00:09:32,918 I'M GONNA BE ON BED REST. 286 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,050 FOR MONTHS I'M GOING TO SLEEP LATE 287 00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,581 AND LOUNGE AROUND. 288 00:09:35,583 --> 00:09:36,923 I'M GONNA WATCH MOVIES, 289 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,134 AND TELEVISION. 290 00:09:38,126 --> 00:09:39,986 I'M FINALLY GOING TO SEE THE FINALLY OF "FRIENDS." 291 00:09:39,988 --> 00:09:41,058 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FRIENDS ARE. 292 00:09:41,059 --> 00:09:42,589 ARE THEY FRIENDS ANYMORE? 293 00:09:42,591 --> 00:09:43,931 YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T TELL ME. 294 00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:45,063 I WILL FIND OUT FOR MYSELF 295 00:09:45,064 --> 00:09:47,004 BECAUSE I AM ON, SAY IT WITH ME-- 296 00:09:46,996 --> 00:09:48,466 - BED REST. - BED REST. 297 00:09:48,468 --> 00:09:50,138 - YAY! - YAY. 298 00:09:51,602 --> 00:09:53,142 ( sighs ) 299 00:09:53,144 --> 00:09:55,514 ( phone ringing ) 300 00:09:55,506 --> 00:09:57,076 HEY. 301 00:09:57,078 --> 00:09:58,808 Boo: Hey, I just wanted to make sure-- 302 00:09:58,810 --> 00:10:01,610 HOLD ON. YES, JEFF? 303 00:10:01,614 --> 00:10:03,094 YOU TWO GONNA ORDER ANYTHING? 304 00:10:03,085 --> 00:10:05,215 YEAH, COULD I GET A SPOON FOR THIS PUDDING 305 00:10:05,218 --> 00:10:06,888 AND SOME WATER, NO ICE. 306 00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,120 AND THEN? 307 00:10:08,121 --> 00:10:09,221 LET'S SEE HOW THAT GOES FIRST. 308 00:10:09,223 --> 00:10:11,233 TWO AND A HALF HOURS. 309 00:10:11,225 --> 00:10:13,095 YOU'VE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR TWO AND A HALF HOURS. 310 00:10:13,097 --> 00:10:14,967 YOU'VE ORDERED ONE COFFEE, ONE ROOT BEER, 311 00:10:14,969 --> 00:10:16,099 A BLT THAT YOU SENT BACK-- 312 00:10:16,101 --> 00:10:17,171 WE FORGOT HIS TEETH. 313 00:10:17,172 --> 00:10:18,232 YOU'RE TAKING UP THREE TABLES 314 00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:19,583 THAT PAYING CUSTOMERS WHO ORDER FOOD 315 00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:20,605 AND PAY TIPS COULD BE USING. 316 00:10:20,606 --> 00:10:22,006 NO ONE'S HERE, JEFFREY. 317 00:10:22,008 --> 00:10:23,038 AND EVERY DAY YOU COME BACK IN HERE 318 00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:24,109 AND TAKE UP THE SAME THREE TABLES. 319 00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:25,880 IT'S NOT EVERY DAY, DRAMA QUEEN. 320 00:10:25,882 --> 00:10:27,652 PEOPLE WALK BY AND SEE AN OLD MAN IN A WHEEL CHAIR 321 00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:29,015 AND THINK THIS IS A NURSING HOME. 322 00:10:29,016 --> 00:10:30,986 PEOPLE WALK BY AND SEE A "GRADE PENDING" SIGN 323 00:10:30,988 --> 00:10:33,288 IN THE WINDOW, AND THINK THIS IS A GORDON RAMSAY SHOW. 324 00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:35,121 WE HAVE A "B." GOT IT YESTERDAY. 325 00:10:35,123 --> 00:10:37,063 CONGRATULATIONS. I'M ON THE PHONE. 326 00:10:37,056 --> 00:10:38,796 GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. GO TO DENNY'S. 327 00:10:38,798 --> 00:10:41,658 LOOK, MY GRANDPA'S LIFE IS IN A WHEELCHAIR, OKAY? 328 00:10:41,661 --> 00:10:42,801 AND I TRY TO MAKE THAT LIFE 329 00:10:42,803 --> 00:10:44,203 AS PLEASANT AS POSSIBLE, WHICH MEANS 330 00:10:44,204 --> 00:10:46,274 WHATEVER HE WANTS TO DO, WE DO. 331 00:10:46,267 --> 00:10:47,607 AND HE WANTS TO COME HERE. 332 00:10:47,608 --> 00:10:49,538 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT HE DOES. 333 00:10:49,541 --> 00:10:52,241 SO I'M GOING TO BRING HIM HERE AS LONG AS HE WANTS. 334 00:10:52,244 --> 00:10:54,684 NOW GO GET US THAT WATER. 335 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:58,679 - HEY! - WE SELL PUDDING. 336 00:10:58,681 --> 00:10:59,821 BUY IT. 337 00:11:02,156 --> 00:11:04,286 SORRY, JEFF'S OVULATING. 338 00:11:04,288 --> 00:11:06,988 I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT THE PACKAGE GOT THERE OKAY. 339 00:11:06,991 --> 00:11:09,261 YES. IT ARRIVED. IT'S FINE. 340 00:11:09,264 --> 00:11:10,704 OKAY. GOOD. 341 00:11:10,696 --> 00:11:12,166 GOT TO GO. 342 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,237 I'M NEVER HAVING CHILDREN. 343 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,170 PREACHING TO THE CHOIR. 344 00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:20,014 WATER, NO ICE. DO NOT THINK OF ASKING FOR STRAWS. 345 00:11:21,178 --> 00:11:23,248 - DON'T YOU DANCE? - WHAT? 346 00:11:23,251 --> 00:11:24,851 BALLET? WHY AREN'T YOU IN CLASS? 347 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:25,852 ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU DO? 348 00:11:25,854 --> 00:11:28,194 YEAH, WELL... 349 00:11:28,186 --> 00:11:30,186 THINGS AREN'T REALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. 350 00:11:32,061 --> 00:11:33,321 ( sighs ) 351 00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:39,327 IF WE CAN PICK A FOCAL POINT, 352 00:11:39,330 --> 00:11:41,200 IT MIGHT HELP THE WHOLE ROOM COME INTO FOCUS. 353 00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:43,072 - UH-HUH. - IN LIECHTENSTEIN 354 00:11:43,074 --> 00:11:45,214 THERE'S A MANUFACTURER OF GERMAN REFRIGERATORS 355 00:11:45,207 --> 00:11:46,737 THAT ARE REALLY AMAZING LOOKING. 356 00:11:46,738 --> 00:11:48,808 NOBODY WILL HAVE A FRIDGE LIKE THIS. 357 00:11:48,811 --> 00:11:50,881 DO YOU SEE A BOX LABELED "TEA POTS"? 358 00:11:50,883 --> 00:11:52,223 WE WOULD JUST HAVE TO CONVERT THE CURRENT 359 00:11:52,215 --> 00:11:54,015 FROM EUROPEAN TO AMERICAN. 360 00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,347 AND THEY DON'T DELIVER OR SHIP 361 00:11:55,349 --> 00:11:57,289 SO WE WOULD HAVE TO GO TO GERMANY TO BUY IT, 362 00:11:57,291 --> 00:11:59,091 THEN TRAIN TO LIECHTENSTEIN TO PICK IT UP 363 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,333 AND DRIVE IT BACK HOME. 364 00:12:00,325 --> 00:12:02,325 SOUNDS VERY COMPLICATED. 365 00:12:02,327 --> 00:12:03,857 WELL YEAH, BUT IT COMES IN PURPLE. 366 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:09,311 THE STUDIO LOOKS SO WEIRD LIKE THIS. 367 00:12:09,305 --> 00:12:12,305 WITH THE CHRISTMAS TREE UP AND THE FIREPLACE 368 00:12:12,309 --> 00:12:14,239 AND THE POLICE TAPE. 369 00:12:14,241 --> 00:12:16,241 ALL DUSTY AND FORGOTTEN. 370 00:12:16,244 --> 00:12:18,784 SCARY. 371 00:12:18,777 --> 00:12:21,117 LIKE IT'S HAUNTED. 372 00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:22,979 HAUNTED BY THE GHOSTS OF LITTLE GIRLS, 373 00:12:22,982 --> 00:12:24,252 SCREAMING FROM BEING MACED. 374 00:12:24,253 --> 00:12:26,333 WHY IS THERE A CANOE IN HERE? 375 00:12:26,325 --> 00:12:28,255 ONE OF THE NEIGHBORS NEEDED A PLACE TO STORE IT. 376 00:12:28,258 --> 00:12:31,688 NOTHING IS MORE TERRIFYING THAN A CANOE. 377 00:12:32,993 --> 00:12:34,743 ALL RIGHT, TIME TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE. 378 00:12:34,735 --> 00:12:35,935 BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR TEA POT? 379 00:12:35,937 --> 00:12:37,137 I'LL BUY ANOTHER ONE. 380 00:12:37,138 --> 00:12:38,998 FANNY. 381 00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:40,401 WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU'LL OPEN THE STUDIO 382 00:12:40,402 --> 00:12:41,272 BACK UP AGAIN? 383 00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:45,977 WHEN IT FEELS RIGHT. 384 00:13:41,845 --> 00:13:42,275 WHOO. 385 00:13:42,276 --> 00:13:44,816 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TWO SHAKES OF STARDUST. 386 00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:47,820 ( music playing ) 387 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,858 YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING? 388 00:14:21,222 --> 00:14:22,262 YEAH! 389 00:14:22,263 --> 00:14:23,803 ( door opens ) 390 00:14:23,795 --> 00:14:24,865 HONEY, I'M HOME. 391 00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:25,996 WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. 392 00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:26,928 THE ROAST IS BURNT, AND NONE OF THE KIDS 393 00:14:26,929 --> 00:14:28,199 REMEMBER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. 394 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,330 RICK TOOK ME DANCING. 395 00:14:29,332 --> 00:14:31,002 - CLEOPATRA'S BARGE? - YEP. 396 00:14:31,004 --> 00:14:33,144 - SO SAD. - STOP. HE LIKES CLEOPATRA'S BARGE. 397 00:14:33,136 --> 00:14:34,876 HE USED TO HANG THERE WITH THE ACTUAL CLEOPATRA. 398 00:14:34,878 --> 00:14:38,008 HEY, HE'S THE REASON I CAME HOME WITH THIS. 399 00:14:38,012 --> 00:14:39,412 WHERE IS GRANDPA ANYHOW? 400 00:14:39,414 --> 00:14:40,824 HE WON'T PARK ON THE STREET. 401 00:14:40,815 --> 00:14:42,145 THINKS HIS CAR WILL GET BROKEN INTO. 402 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,147 WITH AGE COMES WISDOM. 403 00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:44,548 HE'S NOT AS OLD AS YOU THINK. 404 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,550 I THINK HE DISCOVERED FIRE. 405 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,551 SEE? WRONG. 406 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,822 I THINK HE HELD THE COMMANDMENTS 407 00:14:47,824 --> 00:14:49,034 WHILE MOSES USED THE LITTLE BOYS' ROOM. 408 00:14:49,025 --> 00:14:51,325 - WRONG AGAIN. - I THINK HE VOTED FOR POLK. 409 00:14:51,328 --> 00:14:52,358 HEY, RICK. 410 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,499 WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU. 411 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,900 MICHELLE. MICHELLE, MICHELLE MY BELLE. 412 00:14:55,903 --> 00:14:58,243 I HEAR YOU GUYS WENT DANCING TONIGHT. 413 00:14:58,236 --> 00:15:00,366 WELL, WHEN YOU ARE SQUIRING 414 00:15:00,368 --> 00:15:02,238 A LADY LIKE THIS ONE AROUND, 415 00:15:02,241 --> 00:15:04,041 YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE NIGHTS INTERESTING. 416 00:15:04,043 --> 00:15:05,983 - SQUIRING. - STOP. 417 00:15:05,975 --> 00:15:07,315 I THINK HE WAS IN THE CRUSADES. 418 00:15:07,317 --> 00:15:09,247 OH, YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY TONIGHT. 419 00:15:09,249 --> 00:15:10,849 - TOO BAD. - NO, I'M HUNGRY. 420 00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:12,321 I'M SUPER HUNGRY. I'M HUNGRY AND SORRY 421 00:15:12,323 --> 00:15:13,933 AND HUNGRY. 422 00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:15,925 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME TO COME OUT WITH US. 423 00:15:15,927 --> 00:15:17,327 - YEAH. - A PRETTY GIRL LIKE YOU 424 00:15:17,329 --> 00:15:20,059 SHOULD NOT BE SITTING AROUND HERE EVERY NIGHT. 425 00:15:20,062 --> 00:15:21,932 I CAN FIX YOU UP WITH A FRIEND OF MINE. 426 00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:24,004 THAT'D BE SWELL. RIGHT, MICHELLE? 427 00:15:23,997 --> 00:15:25,267 IT WOULD BE EPIC. 428 00:15:25,268 --> 00:15:27,068 MY FRIEND GEORGIE GETS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL FRIDAY. 429 00:15:27,070 --> 00:15:29,070 - HOSPITAL? - NOTHING SERIOUS. 430 00:15:29,073 --> 00:15:30,603 YOU KNOW, A POLYP HERE AND THERE. 431 00:15:30,604 --> 00:15:32,084 A COUPLE OF ZAPS, HE'LL BE CHASING YOU 432 00:15:32,076 --> 00:15:33,976 AROUND THE DINNER TABLE BY WEDNESDAY. 433 00:15:33,978 --> 00:15:35,278 WOW. I CAN'T WAIT. 434 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,210 WELL FINE THEN. I WILL SET IT UP TOMORROW. 435 00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:40,363 HONEY, COULD YOU BRING ME A GLASS OF WATER 436 00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,416 AND A COUPLE OF THOSE-- 437 00:15:41,417 --> 00:15:42,957 - I WILL. - THANK YOU, SWEETHEART. 438 00:15:42,959 --> 00:15:44,489 - VIAGRA? - TUMS. 439 00:15:44,491 --> 00:15:46,621 GOODNIGHT, MICHELLE. 440 00:15:46,623 --> 00:15:49,303 MICHELLE, MICHELLE, MY BELLE. 441 00:15:49,297 --> 00:15:50,427 GOODNIGHT, RICK. 442 00:15:50,428 --> 00:15:51,898 OH WAIT WAIT WAIT. YOU'D KNOW THIS. 443 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,300 JESUS, MARRIED OR SINGLE? 444 00:15:53,301 --> 00:15:55,431 - WHAT? - I'LL BE RIGHT IN, BABY. 445 00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:57,314 ALL RIGHT, DARLING. GOODNIGHT. 446 00:15:57,306 --> 00:15:59,506 I AM ALWAYS NICE TO YOUR BOYFRIENDS. 447 00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:02,179 MY BOYFRIENDS DON'T HAVE AN AARP BUMPER STICKER ON THEIR CAR. 448 00:16:02,182 --> 00:16:04,652 YOU MEAN ON THEIR BRAND NEW JAGUAR? 449 00:16:04,645 --> 00:16:06,515 FINE, YOU WIN. 450 00:16:06,517 --> 00:16:08,317 AH, STEAK. MY FAVORITE. 451 00:16:08,319 --> 00:16:09,989 THERE'S MAC AND CHEESE IN THERE ALSO. 452 00:16:09,991 --> 00:16:11,991 YOU TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF ME. 453 00:16:11,994 --> 00:16:13,334 HOW WAS WORK? 454 00:16:13,325 --> 00:16:14,595 IT WAS MAGICAL. 455 00:16:14,597 --> 00:16:16,527 - AT LEAST YOU'RE DANCING. - IN HENDERSON. 456 00:16:16,529 --> 00:16:18,329 HENDERSON'S NOT THAT DIFFERENT FROM VEGAS. 457 00:16:18,331 --> 00:16:19,931 HENDERSON IS ROB SCHNEIDER 458 00:16:19,933 --> 00:16:21,003 TO VEGAS' DANIEL DAY LEWIS. 459 00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:22,074 IT'S A JOB. 460 00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,335 THE HOOKERS LOOK SAD FOR ME. 461 00:16:23,337 --> 00:16:24,537 AND YOU DON'T KNOW PATHETIC UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN 462 00:16:24,538 --> 00:16:26,008 PITIED BY A HENDERSON HOOKER. 463 00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:28,140 ACTUALLY THERE ARE NO OFFICIAL HENDERSON HOOKERS. 464 00:16:28,143 --> 00:16:30,023 THEY'RE JUST LAUGHLIN HOOKERS PASSING THROUGH 465 00:16:30,015 --> 00:16:31,675 WHO STOPPED IN TO USE THE BATHROOM AND THOUGHT 466 00:16:31,677 --> 00:16:32,677 "WELL, AS LONG AS I'M HERE." 467 00:16:32,678 --> 00:16:34,018 I'M STILL WORKING ON JANICE 468 00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:35,280 - TO TAKE YOU BACK. - DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. 469 00:16:35,281 --> 00:16:37,351 I'LL BE FINE. 470 00:16:37,354 --> 00:16:39,564 MMM. BOY, THIS IS SO GOOD. 471 00:16:39,556 --> 00:16:41,156 YOU ARE NUTS THAT YOU NEVER EAT 472 00:16:41,158 --> 00:16:42,028 ANY OF THIS DELICIOUS FOOD 473 00:16:42,029 --> 00:16:43,689 GRANDPA WALTON IS PLYING YOU WITH. 474 00:16:43,691 --> 00:16:45,161 IF I ATE THE DELICIOUS FOOD 475 00:16:45,163 --> 00:16:46,233 HE WAS PLYING ME WITH, HE WOULDN'T BE 476 00:16:46,234 --> 00:16:47,374 PLYING ME WITH IT ANYMORE. 477 00:16:47,366 --> 00:16:48,566 'CAUSE YOU'D BE A BIG FAT LADY. 478 00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:49,967 HE LIKES ME IN THE LITTLE TIGHT DRESSES 479 00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:51,099 WITH BIG HIGH HEELS. 480 00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:52,170 I DON'T KNOW. I BET YOU COULD EAT 481 00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:54,101 ONCE IN A WHILE AND "ON GOLDEN POND" IN THERE 482 00:16:54,104 --> 00:16:56,254 - WOULD STILL LOVE YOU. - CAN'T RISK IT YET. TOO NEW. 483 00:16:56,246 --> 00:16:58,106 HEY, DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE MYSELF SCARCE TONIGHT? 484 00:16:58,108 --> 00:16:59,508 I COULD GO OUT BY THE POOL WHILE YOU GET NAKED 485 00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:01,980 AND HAVE HIM EXPLAIN TO YOU WHO THE MARX BROTHERS ARE AGAIN. 486 00:17:01,983 --> 00:17:03,053 THAT'S OKAY. HE DRANK A MARTINI TONIGHT. 487 00:17:03,054 --> 00:17:04,724 - HE'S PROBABLY OUT. - OH. 488 00:17:04,716 --> 00:17:06,056 BUT MAYBE TOMORROW. 489 00:17:06,058 --> 00:17:08,158 WE'RE GONNA HAVE A QUIET HOME EVENING. 490 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,190 OUR VERY FIRST QUIET HOME EVENING. 491 00:17:10,193 --> 00:17:11,773 I MIGHT EVEN BAKE. 492 00:17:11,765 --> 00:17:13,095 DO YOU LIKE HIM? 493 00:17:13,096 --> 00:17:14,326 OF COURSE I LIKE HIM. 494 00:17:14,328 --> 00:17:18,028 NO, I MEAN, DO YOU LIKE HIM LIKE HIM? 495 00:17:18,032 --> 00:17:20,412 NO. 496 00:17:20,405 --> 00:17:22,475 - WELL-- - I'D MAKE YOUR MIND UP A LITTLE FASTER 497 00:17:22,477 --> 00:17:23,737 IF I WERE YOU. TIME'S A TICKIN'. 498 00:17:23,739 --> 00:17:25,409 - IS IT WEIRD IF I DO? - YES. 499 00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:26,611 HE'S GENEROUS AND FUNNY. 500 00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:28,082 HE LIKES MOVIES. HE LIKES TO DANCE. 501 00:17:28,084 --> 00:17:30,094 HE'S ACTUALLY IN VERY GOOD SHAPE. 502 00:17:30,086 --> 00:17:31,146 HE GOES TO THE GYM EVERY DAY. 503 00:17:31,148 --> 00:17:32,218 HE CAN CARRY ME. 504 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:34,219 THE IMPORTANT THING IS CAN YOU CARRY HIM... 505 00:17:34,221 --> 00:17:35,291 - INTO THE E.R.? - FORGET IT. 506 00:17:35,292 --> 00:17:37,432 'CAUSE THAT'S THE MORE LIKELY SCENARIO. 507 00:17:37,425 --> 00:17:38,755 I SHOULD GET IN THERE. 508 00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:39,757 NIGHT. 509 00:17:42,431 --> 00:17:43,761 HOLD ON A SEC. 510 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,103 FOR RENT. 511 00:17:45,104 --> 00:17:46,574 THANKS. 512 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,036 I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY. 513 00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:51,510 THINGS WILL GET BETTER. 514 00:18:02,054 --> 00:18:03,664 RED PILL EVERY FOUR HOURS, 515 00:18:03,656 --> 00:18:05,056 BLUE PILL EVER 12 HOURS, 516 00:18:05,058 --> 00:18:06,588 AND THE GREEN PILL AS NEEDED. 517 00:18:06,590 --> 00:18:08,260 BUT DON'T LET HIM CON YOU WITH THOSE. 518 00:18:08,262 --> 00:18:10,392 HE LIKES TO TAKE EXTRA AND WATCH THE MONEY HONEY. 519 00:18:10,394 --> 00:18:12,074 CALL IF YOU NEED ANYTHING. 520 00:18:12,066 --> 00:18:13,396 YOUR GRANDPA? 521 00:18:13,398 --> 00:18:15,398 MOM'S TAKING OVER TODAY. WHICH IS FRANKLY A BUMMER 522 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,070 'CAUSE LOOKING AFTER HIM IS THE ONLY THING 523 00:18:17,072 --> 00:18:18,072 I HAD TO DO ALL SUMMER. 524 00:18:18,073 --> 00:18:19,553 I KNOW. IT'S BEEN SO WEIRD. 525 00:18:19,545 --> 00:18:21,545 - NO BALLET. - I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME 526 00:18:21,547 --> 00:18:24,207 THERE'S BEEN NO BALLET. I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SCHOOL. 527 00:18:24,211 --> 00:18:25,751 - ME TOO. - EVEN MATH. 528 00:18:25,752 --> 00:18:27,082 WHAT'S THAT CRAZINESS ALL ABOUT? 529 00:18:27,084 --> 00:18:28,764 OH NO, I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING. 530 00:18:28,756 --> 00:18:30,086 WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE GYM. 531 00:18:30,088 --> 00:18:31,688 - WHAT? WHY? - NO BALLET, 532 00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:32,859 NO NOTES FROM MADAME FANNY. 533 00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:35,421 UGH. TEAMS, BALLS, HIGH FIVES. 534 00:18:35,424 --> 00:18:36,774 COACH CONTRATTI'S MOLE. 535 00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:38,165 Melanie: I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 536 00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:39,567 I THOUGHT PHYSICAL EDUCATION IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS 537 00:18:39,569 --> 00:18:40,829 WENT THE WAY OF THE DINOSAURS. 538 00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,430 Ginny: BLAME BAKE SALES. THEY FUND THIS MADNESS. 539 00:18:42,432 --> 00:18:43,832 Melanie: IRONIC, ISN'T IT? THEY SELL YOU CUPCAKES 540 00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:45,184 TO GET YOU FAT, AND THEN OF COURSE 541 00:18:45,175 --> 00:18:46,175 YOU HAVE TO RUN AROUND LIKE AN IDIOT 542 00:18:46,177 --> 00:18:47,577 FOR AN HOUR EVERY DAY. 543 00:18:47,578 --> 00:18:49,108 Ginny: AH! KNEE SOCKS. I FORGOT ABOUT THE KNEE SOCKS. 544 00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:50,710 Melanie: MAYBE WE CAN SAY WE'RE SICK. 545 00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:53,122 - FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR? - YEAH. MY COUSIN DID IT. 546 00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:55,245 - NEXT IDEA. - MAYBE WE CAN FORGE A NOTE 547 00:18:55,247 --> 00:18:56,547 WITH MADAME FANNY'S NAME ON IT. 548 00:18:56,549 --> 00:18:58,219 THAT WOULD BE A NEAT TRICK. 549 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,262 I JUST SAW YOU GIRLS SITTING HERE 550 00:19:01,255 --> 00:19:02,755 AND I THOUGHT I WOULD COME OVER AND SAY HELLO. 551 00:19:04,629 --> 00:19:06,159 HELLO. 552 00:19:09,134 --> 00:19:10,414 NOW YOU SAY HELLO BACK. 553 00:19:10,405 --> 00:19:12,265 Both: HELLO. 554 00:19:12,268 --> 00:19:13,838 MAY I SIT DOWN? 555 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,310 UH, SURE. 556 00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:21,476 SO HOW'S YOUR SUMMER BEEN? 557 00:19:21,479 --> 00:19:23,819 - FINE. - YEAH, FINE. 558 00:19:23,821 --> 00:19:26,491 GOOD. 559 00:19:26,485 --> 00:19:28,355 BOO'S SUMMER HAS BEEN...? 560 00:19:28,357 --> 00:19:30,787 Both: FINE. 561 00:19:32,492 --> 00:19:34,162 HOW DID SASHA LIKE JOFFREY? 562 00:19:34,164 --> 00:19:35,874 SHE'S GOT A COUPLE MORE WEEKS. 563 00:19:35,866 --> 00:19:38,836 OH, I THOUGHT SHE'D BE BACK BY NOW. 564 00:19:38,839 --> 00:19:40,369 WELL, HAVE YOU HEARD FROM HER? 565 00:19:40,371 --> 00:19:41,841 YEAH. 566 00:19:41,843 --> 00:19:44,283 SHE'S FINE. 567 00:19:44,276 --> 00:19:45,376 RIGHT. 568 00:19:45,377 --> 00:19:46,847 OH, UH, THAT'S NOT OURS. 569 00:19:46,849 --> 00:19:47,849 YEAH, WE DIDN'T ORDER THAT. 570 00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:49,380 - YES YOU DID. YES. - NO. 571 00:19:49,382 --> 00:19:51,252 WE DON'T EAT STUFF LIKE THAT EVER. 572 00:19:51,254 --> 00:19:52,724 LOOK, I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE WAITERS 573 00:19:52,716 --> 00:19:54,386 WHO SAYS THEY GOT IT AND THEY DON'T GOT IT. 574 00:19:54,388 --> 00:19:55,858 I WRITE STUFF DOWN. 575 00:19:55,859 --> 00:19:57,719 TWO FRIES, TWO ONION RINGS, 576 00:19:57,722 --> 00:19:58,792 CORN DOG BITES FOR "B." 577 00:19:58,793 --> 00:20:00,733 I WROTE "B" FOR BLONDE. YOU'RE BLONDE. 578 00:20:00,725 --> 00:20:02,195 SWEET POTATO CHIPS, CHICKEN FINGERS, 579 00:20:02,197 --> 00:20:03,867 CHEESE STRAWS, AND JALAPENO POPPERS. 580 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:05,529 I DREW TWO PIG FACES BECAUSE THERE'S TWO OF YOU 581 00:20:05,531 --> 00:20:06,901 AND WE CALL THIS THE PIG PLATTER IN THE KITCHEN. 582 00:20:06,903 --> 00:20:08,473 - LOOK, CAN YOU JUST-- - NO. IF I TAKE IT BACK 583 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:09,614 I PAY FOR IT OR I EAT IT, 584 00:20:09,606 --> 00:20:10,906 NEITHER SCENARIO'S GONNA HAPPEN. 585 00:20:10,907 --> 00:20:12,577 BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE CHEESE SAUCE. 586 00:20:15,943 --> 00:20:17,893 RELAX, GIRLS. I KNOW IT'S SUMMER. 587 00:20:17,886 --> 00:20:20,886 THIS IS THE TIME TO EAT JUNK FOOD AND GO CRAZY. 588 00:20:20,889 --> 00:20:22,619 IT'S FINE. 589 00:20:26,556 --> 00:20:29,356 WELL, I JUST WANTED TO SAY HELLO. 590 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:30,659 Both: HELLO. 591 00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:32,401 NICE TO SEE YOU. 592 00:20:32,403 --> 00:20:34,443 MADAME FANNY? 593 00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:37,437 HAVE YOU HEARD FROM MICHELLE? 594 00:20:37,439 --> 00:20:39,569 UH, YES. 595 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:42,921 SHE SENT A NOTE WITH A FORWARDING ADDRESS. 596 00:20:42,915 --> 00:20:44,445 SHE'S FINE. 597 00:20:54,329 --> 00:20:55,929 HAVE YOU SEEN IT? 598 00:20:55,931 --> 00:20:57,391 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - WHERE'S THE PACKAGE? 599 00:20:57,393 --> 00:20:59,403 - SCREW THE PACKAGE! - BETTINA JORDAN, I NEVER. 600 00:20:59,395 --> 00:21:00,465 SORRY. 601 00:21:00,466 --> 00:21:01,796 I'M SORRY. 602 00:21:01,798 --> 00:21:03,598 THE PACKAGE IS FINE. I JUST-- 603 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:04,640 DID YOU SEE IT? 604 00:21:04,641 --> 00:21:05,971 - SEE WHAT? - MADAME FANNY? 605 00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:07,273 WHAT? NO. 606 00:21:07,274 --> 00:21:09,014 MADAME FANNY, NO. WHERE, HERE? 607 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:11,676 NEVER MIND. IT'S AWFUL. 608 00:21:11,679 --> 00:21:13,449 - WHAT'S AWFUL? - WHAT DID WE MISS? 609 00:21:13,452 --> 00:21:14,282 I DON'T WANT TO SAY. 610 00:21:14,283 --> 00:21:16,423 - YOU HAVE TO SAY. - I CAN'T. 611 00:21:16,415 --> 00:21:18,285 BOO, I SPENT THE LAST TWO MONTHS 612 00:21:18,287 --> 00:21:20,957 MASHING FOOD INTO PASTE SO AN OLD MAN COULD GUM IT DOWN. 613 00:21:20,961 --> 00:21:22,021 THROW ME A BONE. 614 00:21:22,022 --> 00:21:24,372 MAYBE NO ONE WILL EVER SEE IT. 615 00:21:24,365 --> 00:21:25,825 MAYBE NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW. 616 00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:27,426 HEY, SUPERSTAR. 617 00:21:27,428 --> 00:21:28,568 AUTOGRAPHS BEFORE YOU LEAVE. 618 00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:34,313 ♪ Hey it's time to dance. ♪ 619 00:21:34,306 --> 00:21:36,436 YOUR SHOWER IS SPRAYING THE ENTIRE BATHROOM AGAIN 620 00:21:36,439 --> 00:21:37,979 WHICH IS FUN AND CHALLENGING. 621 00:21:37,981 --> 00:21:39,641 - I'LL CALL A PLUMBER. - WHAT WERE YOU LOOKING AT? 622 00:21:39,643 --> 00:21:41,393 - HMM? - ON THE TYPE-Y BOX-Y THING. 623 00:21:41,385 --> 00:21:42,445 - YOU WERE LOOKING AT SOMETHING. - NO. 624 00:21:42,446 --> 00:21:43,986 YOU CLOSED IT QUICKLY WHEN I CAME INTO THE ROOM 625 00:21:43,988 --> 00:21:45,018 LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING ON IT 626 00:21:45,019 --> 00:21:46,319 YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE. 627 00:21:46,321 --> 00:21:47,321 OH YEAH, I WATCH A LOT OF PROCEDURALS. 628 00:21:47,322 --> 00:21:48,452 - YOU WANT COFFEE? - NO. 629 00:21:48,453 --> 00:21:49,523 LET'S GO OUT AND GET SOME PANCAKES. 630 00:21:49,524 --> 00:21:51,664 - NO. TALIA. - MY TREAT. 631 00:21:51,657 --> 00:21:53,997 ( sighs ) YOU'RE GOING TO SEE IT ANYWAY. 632 00:21:55,662 --> 00:21:57,062 - ENJOY. - ( music playing ) 633 00:21:57,063 --> 00:21:58,573 ♪ We're all backstage ♪ 634 00:21:58,565 --> 00:22:00,535 - THAT'S BOO. - ♪ Getting ready to go out ♪ 635 00:22:01,769 --> 00:22:03,339 ♪ Our teacher lined us up ♪ 636 00:22:03,341 --> 00:22:05,411 ♪ Her name's Michelle Michelle ♪ 637 00:22:05,413 --> 00:22:07,423 IT'S A SONG. HOW IS THAT A SONG? 638 00:22:07,416 --> 00:22:09,416 I GUESS SHE GAVE AN INTERVIEW TO THE LOCAL NEWS 639 00:22:09,418 --> 00:22:11,518 AND SOMEONE SAW IT AND MADE IT INTO A VIDEO. 640 00:22:11,521 --> 00:22:12,551 ♪ And then she maced us ♪ 641 00:22:12,552 --> 00:22:13,822 ♪ But all I could hear was ♪ 642 00:22:13,823 --> 00:22:15,363 ♪ Hey ♪ 643 00:22:15,355 --> 00:22:16,655 ♪ it's time to dance ♪ 644 00:22:16,657 --> 00:22:18,357 ♪ She maced us ♪ 645 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:19,689 - BUT WHY? - KIDS ARE BORED. 646 00:22:19,690 --> 00:22:21,360 THEN HUFF SOME GLUE LIKE THE REST OF US DID. 647 00:22:21,362 --> 00:22:22,362 OH MY GOD. THAT'S ME. 648 00:22:22,363 --> 00:22:23,703 ♪ It's time ♪ 649 00:22:23,695 --> 00:22:25,035 ♪ It's time to dance ♪ 650 00:22:25,037 --> 00:22:27,497 "NUTCRACKER MACER." THAT'S NOT A BIG DEAL? 651 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:28,700 WHAT IS THIS? WHAT AM I LOOKING AT? 652 00:22:28,701 --> 00:22:30,371 IT'S ON THE INTERNET, HONEY. 653 00:22:30,373 --> 00:22:32,583 WELL, WHO ELSE HAS SEEN THIS? 654 00:22:32,576 --> 00:22:34,576 - ♪ It's time to dance ♪ - A MILLION PEOPLE HAVE SEEN THIS? 655 00:22:34,578 --> 00:22:36,048 OH MY GOD. 656 00:22:36,050 --> 00:22:37,510 - ♪ It's time ♪ - LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. 657 00:22:37,511 --> 00:22:38,711 OF ALL THE TRULY HUMILIATING THINGS 658 00:22:38,713 --> 00:22:40,393 YOU'VE DONE IN YOUR LIFE, THIS IS THE FIRST ONE 659 00:22:40,385 --> 00:22:41,585 THAT'S GONE VIRAL. 660 00:22:41,586 --> 00:22:42,716 ♪ It's time to dance ♪ 661 00:22:42,718 --> 00:22:44,388 AND YOU LOOK SUPER THIN. 662 00:22:44,390 --> 00:22:45,720 ♪ It's time ♪ 663 00:22:45,721 --> 00:22:46,861 ♪ It's time to dance. ♪ 664 00:22:50,567 --> 00:22:53,497 OH MY GOD. IT'S LIKE I'VE NEVER EATEN BEFORE. 665 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:54,970 WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ORDER MORE FRIES 666 00:22:54,972 --> 00:22:56,772 - AFTER SHE LEFT? - BECAUSE SHE'D KNOW. 667 00:22:56,774 --> 00:22:58,514 I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE'D KNOW, BUT SHE'D KNOW. 668 00:22:58,506 --> 00:23:00,436 I MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO ORDER FRIES AGAIN. 669 00:23:00,439 --> 00:23:02,779 MOM. 670 00:23:02,781 --> 00:23:04,441 GET BACK TO BED. 671 00:23:04,443 --> 00:23:06,523 I CAN'T. I CAN'T LAY THERE ANYMORE. 672 00:23:06,516 --> 00:23:08,516 - IT'S ONLY BEEN A DAY. - IS THAT IT? 673 00:23:08,518 --> 00:23:10,118 OH MY GOD, I'LL NEVER MAKE IT. 674 00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:11,990 - MOM. - YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING ME SNACKS 675 00:23:11,992 --> 00:23:13,522 AND YOU NEVER GOT ME THAT COOLER. 676 00:23:13,524 --> 00:23:15,204 I WILL BRING YOU FOOD WHENEVER YOU WANT. 677 00:23:15,196 --> 00:23:16,456 YOU DON'T HEAR ME WHEN I CALL. 678 00:23:16,458 --> 00:23:18,598 I GOT YOU A BELL. RING THE BELL. 679 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,460 IT'S AN ANNOYING BELL, BOO. I HATE THE BELL. 680 00:23:20,462 --> 00:23:22,472 I'M SORRY. 681 00:23:22,465 --> 00:23:23,665 I MISS THE SUN. 682 00:23:23,666 --> 00:23:25,466 ( screaming ) 683 00:23:25,468 --> 00:23:27,768 THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GROW UP WITHOUT A MOTHER. 684 00:23:27,771 --> 00:23:29,471 - ( sighs ) - GET BACK TO BED NOW. 685 00:23:29,473 --> 00:23:31,883 WHAT IS MY LIFE NOW? SIX MONTHS OF WATCHING KATIE COURIC 686 00:23:31,876 --> 00:23:34,216 GIVE HERSELF A COLONOSCOPY OVER AND OVER AND OVER. 687 00:23:35,951 --> 00:23:37,481 I COULD WATCH THIS FOREVER. IT'S GENIUS. 688 00:23:37,483 --> 00:23:39,093 STOP. IT'S HORRIBLE. 689 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:40,485 WHY IS IT HORRIBLE? 690 00:23:40,486 --> 00:23:42,926 BECAUSE MICHELLE IS GOING TO HATE ME. 691 00:23:42,929 --> 00:23:45,059 WELL, MICHELLE'S NOT HERE. AND BEING HATED FROM AFAR 692 00:23:45,062 --> 00:23:46,592 IS LIKE NOT BEING HATED AT ALL. 693 00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:49,873 I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER TALKING TO ANY NEWS PEOPLE THAT NIGHT. 694 00:23:49,867 --> 00:23:51,037 ( gasps ) BOO, THE PACKAGE! 695 00:23:51,039 --> 00:23:52,039 SHOOT. I FORGOT. 696 00:23:57,506 --> 00:23:59,176 THAT IS THE WORST SMELLING BROOM CLOSET 697 00:23:59,178 --> 00:24:00,508 I HAVE EVER BEEN IN. 698 00:24:00,510 --> 00:24:02,510 YOU'VE BEEN IN A LOT OF BROOM CLOSETS, HAVE YOU? 699 00:24:02,512 --> 00:24:03,512 ENOUGH TO KNOW IT SHOULDN'T SMELL LIKE A BROOM 700 00:24:03,514 --> 00:24:05,524 FROM "SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE." 701 00:24:05,516 --> 00:24:07,656 SOUND ON. SOUND OFF. 702 00:24:07,659 --> 00:24:08,859 DOESN'T MATTER. STILL GREAT. 703 00:24:08,860 --> 00:24:10,120 LET ME SEE IT AGAIN. 704 00:24:10,121 --> 00:24:11,261 IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING, 705 00:24:11,263 --> 00:24:12,523 THIS IS NOT SUPPORTIVE. 706 00:24:12,524 --> 00:24:15,674 - Nanette: BOO? - GO GO GO. 707 00:24:15,668 --> 00:24:17,228 I COULD READ A BOOK. DO WE HAVE BOOKS? 708 00:24:17,230 --> 00:24:18,600 I WILL GET YOU A BOOK. 709 00:24:18,601 --> 00:24:20,201 BECAUSE IF I READ A BOOK, IT WILL GET MY MIND 710 00:24:20,203 --> 00:24:21,883 OFF THE FACT THAT I'M GOING INSANE. 711 00:24:21,875 --> 00:24:23,535 I'LL JUST READ THE BOOK AND BY THE TIME I FINISH, 712 00:24:23,537 --> 00:24:25,207 I'LL JUST THINK I WAS ALWAYS LIKE THAT. 713 00:24:25,209 --> 00:24:26,579 SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM COUNTS? 714 00:24:26,581 --> 00:24:28,241 - SURE. - OKAY. 715 00:24:29,885 --> 00:24:32,545 JUST GOT SUPER FRIENDLY WITH A WET-VAC. 716 00:24:32,548 --> 00:24:34,088 WE JUST PASSED TWO MILLION HITS. 717 00:24:34,090 --> 00:24:36,220 YES. TAKE THAT, CLEFT PALATE CHOIR. 718 00:24:36,222 --> 00:24:38,102 - WHOO! - DO NOT "WHOO" THIS. 719 00:24:38,095 --> 00:24:40,895 THIS IS NOT A "WHOO" THING. WE ARE NOT "WHOO"ING THIS. 720 00:24:40,898 --> 00:24:42,558 BOO, RELAX. 721 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,560 THIS IS YOUR 15 MINUTES OF FAME. 722 00:24:44,562 --> 00:24:45,932 ANDY WARHOL, BABY. 723 00:24:45,934 --> 00:24:49,644 OKAY. NOT THAT I DON'T ENJOY HAVING YOU IN MY BROOM CLOSET, 724 00:24:49,638 --> 00:24:51,168 BUT WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING TO GO HOME? 725 00:24:51,170 --> 00:24:52,770 EVENTUALLY. 726 00:24:52,772 --> 00:24:54,242 YOU'VE BEEN HERE FOR OVER A WEEK. 727 00:24:54,244 --> 00:24:56,054 YOU DON'T THINK THEY'LL GET WISE? 728 00:24:56,046 --> 00:24:57,776 LOOK. ALL THEY KNOW IS THAT UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS, 729 00:24:57,778 --> 00:25:00,918 I'M AT JOFFREY. THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT. 730 00:25:00,922 --> 00:25:02,652 MAYBE THINGS GOT BETTER BETWEEN THEM 731 00:25:02,654 --> 00:25:03,734 WHILE YOU WERE GONE. 732 00:25:03,725 --> 00:25:05,885 MAYBE MICHELLE WILL THINK THE VIDEO'S FUNNY. 733 00:25:05,888 --> 00:25:07,228 NICE, SASHA. 734 00:25:07,229 --> 00:25:09,259 BOO? 735 00:25:09,262 --> 00:25:11,802 YOUR BROTHER DID A WEIRD STICKY THING IN THE-- 736 00:25:11,795 --> 00:25:13,135 - I GOT IT. - OKAY. 737 00:25:19,644 --> 00:25:21,114 ( chuckling ) 738 00:25:25,611 --> 00:25:27,951 ( scattered applause ) 739 00:25:27,954 --> 00:25:29,624 THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 740 00:25:29,616 --> 00:25:31,086 I'M JO-JO DELINE. 741 00:25:31,088 --> 00:25:32,888 THIS IS TWO SHAKES OF STARDUST. 742 00:25:32,890 --> 00:25:34,860 AND IF YOU STILL WANT TO SEE SOMETHING, 743 00:25:35,963 --> 00:25:37,733 WE'RE BACK IN AN HOUR. 744 00:25:39,968 --> 00:25:42,968 ( music playing ) 745 00:25:53,985 --> 00:25:55,715 ( song ends ) 746 00:25:55,717 --> 00:25:56,847 ( scattered applause ) 747 00:25:59,321 --> 00:26:01,991 THANKS FOR THE FAT GUY, MICHELLE. 748 00:26:01,994 --> 00:26:03,664 HEY, HE WASN'T CLAUSTROPHOBIC. 749 00:26:03,656 --> 00:26:05,196 HE BARELY FIT IN THE BOX. 750 00:26:05,198 --> 00:26:07,258 AMERICANS LIKE FRIES. WHAT CAN I SAY? 751 00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:10,331 YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF AN ATTITUDE TONIGHT. 752 00:26:11,736 --> 00:26:13,806 I UNDERSTAND. I'M AN ARTIST TOO. 753 00:26:13,808 --> 00:26:15,068 I HAVE TEMPERAMENTAL DAYS. 754 00:26:15,070 --> 00:26:17,810 JUST DON'T FORGET WHO'S PAYING THE BILLS. 755 00:26:17,813 --> 00:26:18,843 ONE MORE THING. 756 00:26:18,844 --> 00:26:20,824 YOU FORGOT TO CLAP. 757 00:26:20,817 --> 00:26:21,677 WHAT? 758 00:26:21,678 --> 00:26:24,678 WHEN I SAY "YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING?" 759 00:26:24,681 --> 00:26:26,321 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CLAP. 760 00:26:26,323 --> 00:26:28,033 - CLAP? - YES, CLAP. 761 00:26:28,025 --> 00:26:29,225 GET THE AUDIENCE INTO IT. 762 00:26:29,227 --> 00:26:30,757 YOU GOTTA CLAP. CISSY CLAPS. 763 00:26:30,758 --> 00:26:31,858 I DO. I CLAP. 764 00:26:31,860 --> 00:26:32,960 SO JUST TO BE CLEAR AGAIN, 765 00:26:32,961 --> 00:26:35,361 I SAY "YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING?" 766 00:26:35,364 --> 00:26:37,074 YOU CLAP, GOT IT? 767 00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:42,040 IT'S COMPLETELY REDUNDANT, YOU KNOW? 768 00:26:42,042 --> 00:26:43,372 WHAT IS? 769 00:26:43,373 --> 00:26:46,053 YOUR CATCHPHRASE. "YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING?" 770 00:26:46,047 --> 00:26:48,377 THE VERY FACT THAT THEY CAME TO SEE A SHOW 771 00:26:48,379 --> 00:26:51,179 MEANS THEY WANT TO SEE SOMETHING. 772 00:26:51,183 --> 00:26:52,723 THEY'RE HERE. THEY CAME HERE. 773 00:26:52,715 --> 00:26:53,915 YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP ASKING THEM 774 00:26:53,916 --> 00:26:56,716 OVER AND OVER IF THEY WANNA SEE SOMETHING. 775 00:26:56,719 --> 00:26:59,389 PLUS, YOUR SIGN SAYS "WANT TO," 776 00:26:59,392 --> 00:27:00,862 AND YOU KEEP SAYING "WANNA," 777 00:27:00,864 --> 00:27:01,874 SO YOU'RE NOT EVEN MIMICKING 778 00:27:01,865 --> 00:27:03,025 THE RIDICULOUS SIGN YOU PUT UP THERE. 779 00:27:10,736 --> 00:27:14,736 A MAN PUTS EVERYTHING HE HAS INTO AN ACT. 780 00:27:14,741 --> 00:27:16,241 A SIGN. 781 00:27:17,814 --> 00:27:20,794 AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE 782 00:27:20,788 --> 00:27:21,748 TO TELL HIM IT'S WRONG? 783 00:27:21,749 --> 00:27:24,089 MY SIGN'S WRONG? 784 00:27:24,092 --> 00:27:26,832 I'M SAYING MY OWN SAYING, WRONG? 785 00:27:26,825 --> 00:27:28,755 YOU KNOW WHAT? 786 00:27:28,757 --> 00:27:29,797 I DON'T WANT YOU HOLDING THE BIRD. 787 00:27:29,799 --> 00:27:31,099 NOW YOU DID IT. 788 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:32,430 CISSY'S GOT THE BIRD. 789 00:27:32,432 --> 00:27:33,962 YOU CAN FOCUS ON YOUR CLAPPING 790 00:27:33,964 --> 00:27:36,114 AND YOUR CRAPPY ATTITUDE. 791 00:27:36,106 --> 00:27:39,766 NOW I'M GONNA PUT THAT SPEAKER IN THE CAR. 792 00:27:39,770 --> 00:27:42,310 COME BACK, GET THAT SPEAKER, PUT IT IN THE CAR, 793 00:27:42,313 --> 00:27:44,783 GET THE CORDS AND MONITOR, PUT THEM IN THE CAR, 794 00:27:44,776 --> 00:27:47,446 CHANGE, PUT MY COSTUME IN THE CAR, 795 00:27:47,450 --> 00:27:49,120 AND THEN I'M GONNA TAKE MY WIFE 796 00:27:49,122 --> 00:27:51,792 OUT TO DINNER BECAUSE SHE EARNED IT. 797 00:27:51,785 --> 00:27:54,085 SHE CLAPS LIKE A CHAMP. 798 00:28:04,139 --> 00:28:05,469 ( sighs ) 799 00:28:37,509 --> 00:28:38,579 IS THIS YOUR HUMMUS? 800 00:28:38,580 --> 00:28:39,840 IT WAS. 801 00:28:39,842 --> 00:28:41,112 IT'S GOOD. 802 00:28:41,113 --> 00:28:42,323 IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 803 00:28:42,315 --> 00:28:43,845 I ATE HIS HUMMUS. 804 00:28:43,847 --> 00:28:45,847 I HEARD SOMETHING AND CAME OUT TO SEE WHAT IT WAS. 805 00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:47,519 IT WAS ME EATING HIS HUMMUS. 806 00:28:47,521 --> 00:28:49,191 I DIDN'T THINK SHE WAS GONNA BE HERE. 807 00:28:49,193 --> 00:28:50,523 WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK-- 808 00:28:50,524 --> 00:28:51,934 OH CRAP. 809 00:28:51,926 --> 00:28:52,996 I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HOME YET. 810 00:28:52,997 --> 00:28:53,997 I'M SO SORRY. I FORGOT. 811 00:28:53,999 --> 00:28:55,859 OH, I JUST HAD THIS TERRIBLE NIGHT. 812 00:28:55,861 --> 00:28:56,931 I GOT INTO THIS GIANT FIGHT 813 00:28:56,932 --> 00:28:58,932 WITH JO-JO, THE AMAZING IDIOT. 814 00:28:58,934 --> 00:29:00,074 SHE'S GONNA EAT THE WHOLE THING. 815 00:29:00,066 --> 00:29:02,406 I MADE FUN OF HIS SIGN AND I TOLD HIM HE WAS A MORON, 816 00:29:02,409 --> 00:29:03,869 AND HERE'S WHAT A GIANT LOSER I AM, 817 00:29:03,870 --> 00:29:05,070 I DIDN'T EVEN GET FIRED. 818 00:29:05,072 --> 00:29:06,942 NOPE. THEY TOOK THE BIRD AWAY FROM ME. 819 00:29:06,944 --> 00:29:08,024 I DON'T GET TO HOLD THE BIRD. 820 00:29:08,015 --> 00:29:09,215 CISSY'S GOING TO HOLD THE BIRD 821 00:29:09,217 --> 00:29:11,477 AND I'M GOING TO STAND THERE DOING THIS. 822 00:29:11,479 --> 00:29:12,619 SO IF YOU SHOW UP TOMORROW NIGHT 823 00:29:12,621 --> 00:29:14,081 EXCITED TO SEE ME HOLDING THE BIRD, 824 00:29:14,082 --> 00:29:16,032 YOU'RE GOING TO BE SEVERELY DISAPPOINTED. 825 00:29:16,025 --> 00:29:16,985 WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT? 826 00:29:16,986 --> 00:29:18,886 SHE'S UPSET. LET'S GO BACK TO BED. 827 00:29:18,888 --> 00:29:20,088 WHY IS SHE STILL HERE? 828 00:29:20,090 --> 00:29:21,360 Talia: SHE'S MY FRIEND. 829 00:29:21,361 --> 00:29:22,961 Rick: HOW LONG IS SHE GONNA STAY? 830 00:29:22,963 --> 00:29:24,303 - I DON'T KNOW. - I MEAN, SHE'S ALWAYS AROUND. 831 00:29:24,295 --> 00:29:26,495 SHE DOESN'T GO ANYWHERE. WHY DOESN'T SHE DATE? 832 00:29:26,497 --> 00:29:28,497 IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER HOO-HA? 833 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:30,570 Talia: THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HER HOO-HA. 834 00:29:30,572 --> 00:29:33,182 SHE'S HAD A BAD YEAR. SHE'S STUCK. 835 00:29:33,175 --> 00:29:35,575 SHE'S NOT MOVING UP. YOU HEARD, THEY TOOK THE BIRD AWAY FROM HER. 836 00:29:35,578 --> 00:29:36,908 I'VE SEEN THE ACT... 837 00:29:40,584 --> 00:29:42,464 ( "Nutcracker Macer" music playing ) 838 00:29:42,456 --> 00:29:44,656 ♪ THEN SOMEONE GRABBED ME AND SAID HEY ♪ 839 00:29:44,659 --> 00:29:46,259 ♪ IT'S TIME TO DANCE ♪ 840 00:29:46,261 --> 00:29:48,921 ♪ SHE MACED US ♪ 841 00:29:48,924 --> 00:29:49,934 ♪ IT'S TIME TO DANCE. ♪ 842 00:29:53,129 --> 00:29:54,529 YOU SURE YOU LIKE THEM? 843 00:29:54,531 --> 00:29:56,601 - I AM SURE. - THEY'RE REDDER THAN I THOUGHT. 844 00:29:56,603 --> 00:29:57,533 I LIKE RED. 845 00:29:57,534 --> 00:29:58,684 I CAN DO THEM AGAIN. 846 00:29:58,675 --> 00:30:00,205 DO NOT DO THEM AGAIN. 847 00:30:00,207 --> 00:30:01,607 SO YOU LOVE THEM AND YOU'RE HAPPY? 848 00:30:01,609 --> 00:30:02,609 - YES. - WILL YOU COME SEE 849 00:30:02,610 --> 00:30:04,080 THE NEW KITCHEN BOX I MADE? 850 00:30:04,082 --> 00:30:05,142 TAKE A BREAK, TRULY. 851 00:30:05,143 --> 00:30:06,493 ( groans ) OKAY. 852 00:30:21,102 --> 00:30:23,102 ( wedding march playing ) 853 00:30:26,438 --> 00:30:28,508 Almost there. 854 00:30:28,511 --> 00:30:30,311 You're doing great. 855 00:30:30,313 --> 00:30:32,253 Okay. Wow! 856 00:30:32,245 --> 00:30:33,575 That walk is longer than you think. 857 00:30:38,122 --> 00:30:40,132 Yes! Very nice. 858 00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:41,655 Are we ready to begin? 859 00:30:41,656 --> 00:30:42,656 No encore? 860 00:30:42,658 --> 00:30:43,658 Yes. We're ready. 861 00:30:43,659 --> 00:30:45,129 Yes! Let's do it. 862 00:30:45,131 --> 00:30:47,461 Okay. 863 00:30:47,463 --> 00:30:48,603 - Dearly beloved-- - Wait, gotta pee. 864 00:30:48,595 --> 00:30:50,465 Hold this. Is that the bathroom? 865 00:30:50,467 --> 00:30:52,137 Isn't she something? 866 00:30:52,139 --> 00:30:53,269 Very special. 867 00:30:53,270 --> 00:30:54,270 Wrong way. 868 00:30:54,271 --> 00:30:55,471 Oh, sorry. Giant flowers. 869 00:30:55,473 --> 00:30:56,473 ( groans ) 870 00:30:56,474 --> 00:30:58,154 I'm sorry. 871 00:30:58,146 --> 00:30:59,606 I'm really sorry. 872 00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:00,678 ( grunts ) 873 00:31:00,679 --> 00:31:02,679 You can just start again when she gets back, right? 874 00:31:02,681 --> 00:31:04,981 - Sure. - Great. Great. 875 00:31:04,984 --> 00:31:06,624 I'm excited. 876 00:31:06,616 --> 00:31:08,016 You should be. She's pretty. 877 00:31:08,018 --> 00:31:09,358 Beautiful. 878 00:31:09,359 --> 00:31:10,689 The most beautiful girl I've ever met. 879 00:31:10,691 --> 00:31:12,621 And I've met Megan Fox. 880 00:31:12,623 --> 00:31:14,373 Wow. 881 00:31:14,365 --> 00:31:15,625 So, yeah. 882 00:31:15,627 --> 00:31:17,367 Boy, you should see her on stage. 883 00:31:17,369 --> 00:31:19,229 - She's an actress? - Dancer. 884 00:31:19,231 --> 00:31:21,171 Well, dancer now. In the future, who knows, right? 885 00:31:21,173 --> 00:31:24,643 Michelle: Hey, screw you. She told me to use this door! 886 00:31:43,260 --> 00:31:44,660 - HEY, WHERE YOU GOING? - GOTTA TALK TO SOMEONE. 887 00:31:44,661 --> 00:31:46,331 YOU CAN'T LEAVE. WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOW. 888 00:31:46,333 --> 00:31:47,673 HEY, I'M NOT HOLDING THE BIRD. 889 00:31:51,539 --> 00:31:52,809 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 890 00:31:52,811 --> 00:31:55,211 WELL, I CAME TO SEE SOMETHING. 891 00:31:55,214 --> 00:31:56,284 HILARIOUS. 892 00:31:56,275 --> 00:31:57,775 AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ON STAGE? 893 00:31:57,777 --> 00:31:58,747 AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN CALIFORNIA? 894 00:31:58,748 --> 00:32:02,218 I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW YOU'RE DOING. 895 00:32:02,222 --> 00:32:03,752 TAKE THIS MARTINI BACK 896 00:32:03,754 --> 00:32:05,764 AND BRING ONE THAT ACTUALLY HAS GIN IN IT, PLEASE. 897 00:32:05,756 --> 00:32:06,756 I'M DOING GREAT. 898 00:32:08,159 --> 00:32:09,559 I WENT BY YOUR APARTMENT. 899 00:32:09,561 --> 00:32:12,061 AN OLDER GENTLEMAN ANSWERED THE DOOR. IS HE YOURS? 900 00:32:12,064 --> 00:32:13,174 NO. HE'S TALIA'S. 901 00:32:13,165 --> 00:32:15,765 - TALIA'S FATHER? - TALIA'S... DADDY. 902 00:32:15,768 --> 00:32:17,568 WELL, WE HAD A LOVELY CONVERSATION 903 00:32:17,570 --> 00:32:20,100 ABOUT EISENHOWER AND YOUR HOO-HA. 904 00:32:20,103 --> 00:32:21,453 AND THEN HE TOLD ME I COULD FIND YOU HERE, 905 00:32:21,445 --> 00:32:22,845 - SO I DID. - I SEE. 906 00:32:22,847 --> 00:32:25,747 I WOULDN'T GO HOME WITHOUT SOME HUMMUS, FYI. 907 00:32:25,750 --> 00:32:26,810 THANKS FOR THE TIP. 908 00:32:27,712 --> 00:32:29,722 SO, YOU DON'T WORK IN VEGAS. 909 00:32:29,715 --> 00:32:31,515 - NO. - YOU WORK HERE. 910 00:32:31,517 --> 00:32:32,717 YES. 911 00:32:32,718 --> 00:32:33,718 AND WHERE IS HERE? 912 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:35,260 HENDERSON. 913 00:32:35,261 --> 00:32:36,521 WELL, I HAVE TO TELL YOU 914 00:32:36,523 --> 00:32:38,403 I HAVEN'T DRIVEN TO A PLACE THIS CHARMING 915 00:32:38,395 --> 00:32:41,125 SINCE THE CITY GAVE US CURBSIDE RECYCLING BINS. 916 00:32:41,128 --> 00:32:42,328 YOU'VE COME TO APPLY FOR A JOB 917 00:32:42,330 --> 00:32:43,800 AT THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, IS THAT IT? 918 00:32:43,802 --> 00:32:45,602 I CAME TO TALK TO YOU. 919 00:32:47,276 --> 00:32:48,806 NO. 920 00:32:48,808 --> 00:32:50,738 - WILL YOU SIT DOWN? - I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOW. 921 00:32:50,740 --> 00:32:52,840 I THINK THEY CAN HANDLE BEING IGNORED WITHOUT YOU. 922 00:32:52,842 --> 00:32:54,892 FANNY, JUST GO. 923 00:32:54,885 --> 00:32:56,285 SO THIS IS BETTER? 924 00:32:56,286 --> 00:32:58,116 - BETTER THAN WHAT? - BETTER THAN HOME? 925 00:32:58,119 --> 00:32:58,849 PARADISE IS NOT MY HOME. 926 00:32:58,849 --> 00:33:01,189 YOU OWN LAND THERE. YOU HAVE A HOUSE THERE. 927 00:33:01,192 --> 00:33:02,192 YOU HAVE STUDENTS THERE. 928 00:33:02,193 --> 00:33:03,633 ALL YOURS. NOT MINE. 929 00:33:03,625 --> 00:33:04,755 - MICHELLE-- - DO YOU WANT ME TO SIGN SOMETHING? 930 00:33:04,756 --> 00:33:06,296 IS THAT IT? FINE. I'LL SIGN IT 931 00:33:06,298 --> 00:33:07,698 ALL OVER TO YOU. I DON'T WANT IT. 932 00:33:07,700 --> 00:33:09,800 I'M FINE RIGHT HERE. 933 00:33:09,802 --> 00:33:11,842 I SAW YOUR WEDDING VIDEO THIS MORNING. 934 00:33:11,835 --> 00:33:13,465 I HAVE A WEDDING VIDEO? 935 00:33:13,467 --> 00:33:15,237 YES, I ASSUMED FROM THE CONDITION YOU WERE IN 936 00:33:15,239 --> 00:33:16,639 YOU MIGHT NOT REMEMBER IT. 937 00:33:16,641 --> 00:33:17,711 YOU DO KNOW YOU GOT MARRIED? 938 00:33:17,712 --> 00:33:18,712 YES, I KNOW I GOT MARRIED. 939 00:33:18,713 --> 00:33:19,773 AND YOU KNOW IT WAS TO HUBBELL? 940 00:33:19,774 --> 00:33:20,854 YES, I KNOW I GOT MARRIED TO HUBBELL, 941 00:33:20,846 --> 00:33:22,576 AND HUBBELL WAS A WONDERFUL GUY. 942 00:33:22,578 --> 00:33:23,848 WAY TOO GOOD FOR ME. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR? 943 00:33:23,849 --> 00:33:25,649 - NO. - HE WOULD HAVE DUMPED ME IN A MONTH 944 00:33:25,651 --> 00:33:26,921 AND GONE BACK TO TRULY. 945 00:33:26,923 --> 00:33:28,183 - IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR? - NO. 946 00:33:28,184 --> 00:33:29,734 HE WOULD HAVE REALIZED HE WAS OUT OF HIS MIND. 947 00:33:29,726 --> 00:33:31,926 THAT VEGAS MADE HIM CRAZY. HE WOULD HAVE DROPPED TO HIS KNEES 948 00:33:31,929 --> 00:33:34,859 AND ASKED YOUR FORGIVENESS FOR BRINGING THE DEVIL TO PARADISE? 949 00:33:34,862 --> 00:33:37,202 I CAN'T TAKE YOU LIKE THIS WITHOUT A DRINK. 950 00:33:37,195 --> 00:33:38,795 ( sighs ) I'M GOING BACK ON STAGE. 951 00:33:38,797 --> 00:33:40,237 MICHELLE, JUST COME HOME. 952 00:33:40,239 --> 00:33:41,299 YOU DON'T WANT ME THERE. 953 00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:42,840 - OF COURSE I DO. - NO, FANNY. 954 00:33:42,842 --> 00:33:45,452 YOU DON'T. YOU FEEL SOME WEIRD OBLIGATION TO ME 955 00:33:45,445 --> 00:33:46,805 THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 956 00:33:46,806 --> 00:33:48,846 I FEEL AN OBLIGATION TO YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE FAMILY. 957 00:33:48,849 --> 00:33:50,209 I AM NOT YOUR FAMILY. 958 00:33:50,210 --> 00:33:52,480 YOU MARRIED MY SON. THAT MAKES YOU FAMILY. 959 00:33:52,483 --> 00:33:53,893 WE WERE MARRIED FOR A MINUTE. 960 00:33:53,885 --> 00:33:56,255 YOU GET MARRIED, YOU GET FAMILY. 961 00:33:56,258 --> 00:33:58,358 THAT'S THE DEAL. THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. 962 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,490 LIKE IT OR NOT, I AM YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW 963 00:34:00,493 --> 00:34:01,823 FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 964 00:34:01,824 --> 00:34:04,434 WE ARE PERMANENTLY CONNECTED. 965 00:34:04,427 --> 00:34:07,227 AND IT'S RIDICULOUS THAT YOU'RE SLEEPING ON A COUCH AT YOUR AGE. 966 00:34:07,231 --> 00:34:09,501 ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE A HOME AND A JOB 967 00:34:09,503 --> 00:34:11,443 AND A TOWN FULL OF PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU. 968 00:34:11,436 --> 00:34:12,976 - PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT ME? - YES. 969 00:34:12,977 --> 00:34:14,637 THOSE SAME PEOPLE DROVE ME OUT OF TOWN 970 00:34:14,639 --> 00:34:15,979 WITH TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS. 971 00:34:15,981 --> 00:34:17,311 BECAUSE YOU MACED THEIR CHILDREN. 972 00:34:17,313 --> 00:34:18,443 WHATEVER. 973 00:34:18,444 --> 00:34:20,324 MACING THEIR CHILDREN IS NOT A WHATEVER. 974 00:34:20,316 --> 00:34:21,586 YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO STAY. 975 00:34:21,588 --> 00:34:22,848 YOU BLAME ME FOR MICHAEL LEAVING. 976 00:34:22,849 --> 00:34:23,989 YOU BLAME ME FOR RUINING YOUR NUTCRACKER. 977 00:34:23,991 --> 00:34:25,721 - YOU BLAME ME FOR-- - FINE, YES. 978 00:34:25,723 --> 00:34:27,333 I WAS ANGRY AT YOU. 979 00:34:27,325 --> 00:34:29,855 YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET UPSET, HAVE A BAD DAY? 980 00:34:29,858 --> 00:34:32,698 YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SAY SOMETHING STUPID AND HURTFUL? 981 00:34:32,701 --> 00:34:34,331 BECAUSE YOU DO. 982 00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:35,813 YOU MEDDLE AND YOU DON'T THINK 983 00:34:35,805 --> 00:34:37,305 AND YOU TALK TALK TALK TALK TALK. 984 00:34:37,306 --> 00:34:38,906 GREAT, NOW I'M GONE. PROBLEM SOLVED. 985 00:34:38,908 --> 00:34:40,338 WHAT ARE YOU, 12? 986 00:34:40,340 --> 00:34:42,810 SOMEONE GETS MAD AT YOU SO YOU JUST RUN AWAY? 987 00:34:42,813 --> 00:34:44,453 - TO THIS PLACE? - FANNY. 988 00:34:44,445 --> 00:34:46,245 YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS PLACE. 989 00:34:46,247 --> 00:34:48,817 THIS PERSON BELONGS IN THIS PLACE. 990 00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:50,020 WHERE ARE THE OLIVES? 991 00:34:50,021 --> 00:34:51,021 ( sighs ) 992 00:34:52,655 --> 00:34:54,425 MY SON LOVED YOU. 993 00:34:54,427 --> 00:34:56,957 HE WANTED YOU TO HAVE A CERTAIN KIND OF LIFE. 994 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:58,430 AND IF I JUST LET YOU STAY HERE 995 00:34:58,431 --> 00:34:59,891 AND DON'T TRY TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN, 996 00:34:59,893 --> 00:35:01,803 THEN I AM NOT HONORING HIS MEMORY. 997 00:35:01,795 --> 00:35:03,895 HUBBELL SAW SOMETHING IN YOU. 998 00:35:03,898 --> 00:35:05,838 BUT YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SEE IT IN YOURSELF EVENTUALLY. 999 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,040 OTHERWISE... 1000 00:35:08,043 --> 00:35:09,913 PEOPLE TOLD ME DAUGHTERS WERE HARDER. 1001 00:35:09,905 --> 00:35:11,905 I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE THEY COULD GET PREGNANT. 1002 00:35:23,992 --> 00:35:25,522 KING ME. 1003 00:35:25,524 --> 00:35:28,534 YOU ARE SO NOT ASLEEP, COME ON! 1004 00:35:28,527 --> 00:35:31,597 JEFF, DO YOU HAVE SOME MENTHOLATED BALM BACK THERE? 1005 00:35:31,601 --> 00:35:33,531 WHY WOULD WE HAVE MENTHOLATED BALM IN THE KITCHEN? 1006 00:35:33,533 --> 00:35:35,013 WELL, THAT'S WHAT EVERYTHING TASTES LIKE. 1007 00:35:35,005 --> 00:35:36,875 I CAN REFUSE TO SERVE YOU. IT'S ON THE SIGN. 1008 00:35:36,877 --> 00:35:39,007 LOOK, PAL, THIS IS A COMMUNITY PLACE. 1009 00:35:39,010 --> 00:35:40,880 WORD GETS OUT YOU DON'T SERVE VETERANS, 1010 00:35:40,882 --> 00:35:42,342 IT IS NOT GOING TO BE GOOD. 1011 00:35:42,344 --> 00:35:43,894 VETERANS OF WHAT? 1012 00:35:43,885 --> 00:35:45,845 LIFE, PAL. 1013 00:35:45,848 --> 00:35:47,418 WATCH HIM. 1014 00:35:47,420 --> 00:35:49,420 I'M NOT WATCHING HIM. I'M NOT WATCHING HIM. 1015 00:35:51,695 --> 00:35:53,355 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - I NEED THE KEYS. 1016 00:35:53,357 --> 00:35:55,357 - YOU CAN'T STAY AT MY GRANDPA'S ANYMORE. - WHY NOT? 1017 00:35:55,359 --> 00:35:56,899 THEY PUT IN HIS MOTORIZED LIFT TODAY. 1018 00:35:56,901 --> 00:35:58,901 - HE CAN GO UPSTAIRS NOW. - GREAT. 1019 00:35:58,903 --> 00:36:00,373 HE WANTS TO SLEEP IN HIS OWN BEDROOM. 1020 00:36:00,365 --> 00:36:02,905 FIRST NIGHT SINCE GRANDMA DIED. 1021 00:36:02,908 --> 00:36:06,038 I'M SORRY, I'VE BEEN SLEEPING IN YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER'S BED? 1022 00:36:06,042 --> 00:36:07,372 SORRY, CALL BOO. 1023 00:36:10,847 --> 00:36:12,377 YOU CAN'T STAY HERE TONIGHT. 1024 00:36:12,379 --> 00:36:14,049 MY MOM IS COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT. 1025 00:36:14,051 --> 00:36:16,081 I'LL HIDE OUT IN THE GUEST ROOM. SHE WON'T KNOW I'M THERE. 1026 00:36:16,084 --> 00:36:18,064 NO, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING. 1027 00:36:18,056 --> 00:36:21,056 SHE HAS PASSED INTO A DARK, DARK PLACE. 1028 00:36:21,060 --> 00:36:22,590 - YOU CAN'T BE HERE. - BUT-- 1029 00:36:22,591 --> 00:36:23,691 - Go to Ginny's. - BOO! 1030 00:36:23,693 --> 00:36:24,693 I HAVE TO GO. 1031 00:36:27,697 --> 00:36:29,937 HEY, MOM. CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING? 1032 00:36:29,940 --> 00:36:32,600 TELL YOUR FATHER TO COME SEE ME WHEN HE GETS HOME. 1033 00:36:33,945 --> 00:36:35,145 GINNY, COME ON. 1034 00:36:35,146 --> 00:36:37,146 - CAN'T. - THE PLACE IS EMPTY. 1035 00:36:37,149 --> 00:36:38,949 THE PLACE IS SOLD. WE'RE IN ESCROW 1036 00:36:38,951 --> 00:36:40,011 AND I'VE GOT INSPECTORS HERE. 1037 00:36:40,012 --> 00:36:41,482 - ONE NIGHT. - SASHA, 1038 00:36:41,484 --> 00:36:43,424 THE FIRST THREE DAYS OF ESCROW ARE CRUCIAL. 1039 00:36:43,416 --> 00:36:44,956 THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING CAN FALL APART. 1040 00:36:44,958 --> 00:36:46,818 HEY! 1041 00:36:46,820 --> 00:36:47,820 THAT JUST NEEDS GLUE. 1042 00:36:47,821 --> 00:36:49,161 YOU DON'T NEED TO CHECK IT. 1043 00:36:49,163 --> 00:36:50,973 IT'S FINE. IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE. 1044 00:36:50,965 --> 00:36:52,825 LOOK, MEL CAN'T TAKE ME, 1045 00:36:52,827 --> 00:36:54,827 BOO'S MOM'S GONE OFF THE RESERVATION, 1046 00:36:54,830 --> 00:36:56,500 - WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? - GO HOME. 1047 00:36:56,502 --> 00:36:58,102 YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO EVENTUALLY. 1048 00:36:58,104 --> 00:36:59,644 OH, I'M SORRY, I HAVE TO-- 1049 00:36:59,635 --> 00:37:01,635 DO NOT LIGHT THE PILOT ON THAT STOVE! 1050 00:37:03,710 --> 00:37:05,110 We met here. 1051 00:37:05,112 --> 00:37:08,522 Well, not here, obviously, Vegas. 1052 00:37:08,516 --> 00:37:10,116 She was dancing in this show. 1053 00:37:10,118 --> 00:37:12,648 I saw it maybe 100 times. 1054 00:37:12,651 --> 00:37:15,191 - That's a lot. - Yes. 1055 00:37:15,194 --> 00:37:18,004 I think I told her I saw it only 60 times though. 1056 00:37:17,997 --> 00:37:19,657 Tried to make it seem less creepy. 1057 00:37:19,659 --> 00:37:23,129 Uh, probably still seemed creepy. 1058 00:37:23,133 --> 00:37:25,013 But look at me now. 1059 00:37:25,006 --> 00:37:26,006 I got her. 1060 00:37:26,007 --> 00:37:27,937 Duckie got Molly. 1061 00:37:27,939 --> 00:37:30,469 Minister: Hey, do you mind if I get them in while we're waiting? 1062 00:37:30,472 --> 00:37:32,142 What? Oh, no, sure. Go ahead. 1063 00:37:32,144 --> 00:37:33,154 Okay, folks. 1064 00:37:35,478 --> 00:37:36,878 Okay. 1065 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,680 I wonder if Michelle would have wanted a real wedding. 1066 00:37:38,682 --> 00:37:40,882 You know? With a white dress 1067 00:37:40,884 --> 00:37:42,234 and the friends and family. 1068 00:37:42,226 --> 00:37:44,226 She doesn't seem real traditional to me. 1069 00:37:44,228 --> 00:37:46,488 She's not. ( chuckles ) 1070 00:37:46,491 --> 00:37:47,961 Oh, my mother's gonna have a fit 1071 00:37:47,963 --> 00:37:49,903 not being here to see this. 1072 00:37:49,895 --> 00:37:52,165 It's my prediction however, that eventually she's gonna love Michelle 1073 00:37:52,168 --> 00:37:54,138 more than she loves me. 1074 00:37:54,140 --> 00:37:56,500 Michelle's, um-- 1075 00:37:56,503 --> 00:37:58,513 Well, she's special. 1076 00:37:58,505 --> 00:37:59,575 Have you ever met a person 1077 00:37:59,577 --> 00:38:01,247 that had no idea how incredible they are 1078 00:38:01,249 --> 00:38:03,049 but you do? You see it? 1079 00:38:03,051 --> 00:38:04,181 That's Michelle. 1080 00:38:04,182 --> 00:38:06,722 I mean, you spend five minutes with her 1081 00:38:06,715 --> 00:38:09,255 and first, you're gonna be exhausted 1082 00:38:09,258 --> 00:38:10,658 because she's smart, she's fast, 1083 00:38:10,660 --> 00:38:12,520 and you have to work hard to keep up. 1084 00:38:12,522 --> 00:38:14,732 But then you take her in, 1085 00:38:14,725 --> 00:38:17,725 you see her, 1086 00:38:17,728 --> 00:38:20,068 and it's spectacular. 1087 00:38:20,071 --> 00:38:21,731 She doesn't know it yet, but she's gonna do 1088 00:38:21,733 --> 00:38:24,083 some really great things. 1089 00:38:24,076 --> 00:38:26,206 I'm gonna make sure that happens. 1090 00:38:26,208 --> 00:38:27,278 I'm back. 1091 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:28,940 FYI, you need more toilet paper. 1092 00:38:28,942 --> 00:38:30,082 Are you backing out? 1093 00:38:30,083 --> 00:38:31,283 No way. 1094 00:38:31,284 --> 00:38:33,624 I am right here. 1095 00:38:35,950 --> 00:38:36,950 Hi, pal. 1096 00:38:38,293 --> 00:38:41,733 Minister: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 1097 00:39:20,142 --> 00:39:21,272 ( knocking on door ) 1098 00:39:23,807 --> 00:39:25,277 - HI. - HI. 1099 00:39:27,811 --> 00:39:29,151 I GOT YOUR MESSAGE. 1100 00:39:29,153 --> 00:39:30,823 TECHNOLOGY'S A BEAUTIFUL THING. 1101 00:39:33,819 --> 00:39:36,019 SO THIS IS YOUR PLACE? 1102 00:39:36,021 --> 00:39:39,171 - NO. - OKAY. 1103 00:39:39,165 --> 00:39:40,825 HOW WAS KANSAS? 1104 00:39:40,827 --> 00:39:42,597 MYSTIFYING. 1105 00:39:42,599 --> 00:39:44,299 AND WHY DID YOU GO THERE? 1106 00:39:44,301 --> 00:39:46,971 MY AUNT. WE GO IN THE SUMMERS. 1107 00:39:46,974 --> 00:39:48,244 SHE HAS A DAIRY FARM. 1108 00:39:48,236 --> 00:39:49,806 DID YOU MILK ANYTHING? 1109 00:39:49,808 --> 00:39:51,308 NO. 1110 00:39:51,309 --> 00:39:54,679 MOSTLY SAT IN MY ROOM WRITING TO YOU. 1111 00:39:54,683 --> 00:39:56,193 OH. 1112 00:39:56,185 --> 00:39:59,115 SO, JOFFREY-- FINAL VERDICT? 1113 00:39:59,119 --> 00:40:00,319 CUTTHROAT. 1114 00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,320 LOTS OF GIRLS WANT TO BE SEEN. 1115 00:40:02,322 --> 00:40:05,202 BUT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO'D READ "THE ART OF WAR." 1116 00:40:05,196 --> 00:40:07,196 - SO. - WOW. 1117 00:40:07,198 --> 00:40:10,858 HAD SOME GOOD TEACHERS. 1118 00:40:10,863 --> 00:40:12,643 LEARNED THINGS. 1119 00:40:12,635 --> 00:40:14,835 GOOD. 1120 00:40:14,837 --> 00:40:17,137 SO. 1121 00:40:17,140 --> 00:40:18,940 SO... 1122 00:40:18,942 --> 00:40:21,782 DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A BATH? 1123 00:40:25,220 --> 00:40:27,350 I JUST-- THAT WAS A JOKE. 1124 00:40:27,352 --> 00:40:29,762 I'M-- I'M STANDING BY A BATHTUB, SO... 1125 00:40:29,755 --> 00:40:31,155 - I GET IT. - ... I DIDN'T REALLY MEAN-- 1126 00:40:31,157 --> 00:40:33,887 - SURE. RIGHT. - I JUST SAID IT. 1127 00:40:33,890 --> 00:40:35,660 - A JOKE. - FUNNY. 1128 00:40:37,364 --> 00:40:38,974 ARE YOU GONNA ROB ME? 1129 00:40:38,966 --> 00:40:42,136 - WHAT? - THE OUTFIT LOOKS FAIRLY MENACING. 1130 00:40:43,301 --> 00:40:44,771 OH. SORRY. 1131 00:40:44,773 --> 00:40:47,383 I FORGOT I WAS-- 1132 00:40:47,376 --> 00:40:49,776 JUST TRYING TO KEEP 1133 00:40:49,779 --> 00:40:51,679 A LOW PROFILE FOR THE MOMENT. 1134 00:40:51,681 --> 00:40:52,951 I RESPECT THAT. 1135 00:40:55,255 --> 00:40:57,785 I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU. 1136 00:40:57,788 --> 00:40:59,388 ARE YOU? 1137 00:40:59,390 --> 00:41:01,420 YEP. 1138 00:41:01,423 --> 00:41:04,103 GOOD. 1139 00:41:06,469 --> 00:41:09,469 OTHERWISE, ALL THOSE E-MAILS YOU SENT ME 1140 00:41:09,472 --> 00:41:11,812 WOULD HAVE SEEMED A LITTLE WEIRD. 1141 00:41:13,277 --> 00:41:14,837 ( door opens ) 1142 00:41:24,750 --> 00:41:25,790 OH. 1143 00:41:29,426 --> 00:41:30,956 HEY, KID. 1144 00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:34,960 I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK. 1145 00:41:34,962 --> 00:41:36,972 YEAH, ME TOO. 1146 00:41:44,314 --> 00:41:45,454 CAN I CRASH HERE TONIGHT? 1147 00:41:47,317 --> 00:41:48,447 YEAH, WHY NOT? 1148 00:41:52,954 --> 00:41:54,964 ( piano playing ) 1149 00:42:07,902 --> 00:42:09,902 ( song ends ) 1150 00:42:19,015 --> 00:42:20,455 I MAY WANT TO GO BACK TO PERFORMING. 1151 00:42:20,456 --> 00:42:22,886 I MAY WANT TO TAKE MORE TIME OFF. 1152 00:42:22,889 --> 00:42:24,559 I MAY MOVE BACK TO NEW YORK. 1153 00:42:24,561 --> 00:42:26,091 SOMEDAY. 1154 00:42:26,093 --> 00:42:28,973 I MAY THROW POTS AND BUILD A KILN OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE. 1155 00:42:28,967 --> 00:42:30,197 FINE. 1156 00:42:30,198 --> 00:42:31,828 FINE. 1157 00:42:31,830 --> 00:42:32,570 FINE. 1158 00:42:32,571 --> 00:42:34,831 SO, IF YOU'RE NOT BUSY, 1159 00:42:34,834 --> 00:42:36,384 I'D LIKE YOUR OPINION ON SOMETHING. 1160 00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:42,380 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL THE ANGRY VILLAGERS? 1161 00:42:42,383 --> 00:42:44,123 THAT YOU ARE BACK, AND IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT, 1162 00:42:44,115 --> 00:42:45,445 THEY ARE FREE TO TAKE THEIR CHILDREN 1163 00:42:45,446 --> 00:42:46,846 TO THAT ENORMOUS CRAZY WOMAN 1164 00:42:46,848 --> 00:42:48,588 WITH THE PYRAMID SYSTEM, 1165 00:42:48,590 --> 00:42:50,320 WHOSE STUDENTS END UP WITH KNOCK-KNEES 1166 00:42:50,322 --> 00:42:52,392 AND POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. 1167 00:42:55,328 --> 00:42:57,398 TRULY? 1168 00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,060 NOW, I'M DOING A DANCE FOR THE FALL RECITAL. 1169 00:43:00,064 --> 00:43:01,614 IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT FOR ME, 1170 00:43:01,605 --> 00:43:03,535 AND I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU THINK IT'S WORKING. 1171 00:43:03,538 --> 00:43:05,238 - SURE. - OKAY. 1172 00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:07,270 ( "Nutcracker Macer" song plays ) 1173 00:43:07,272 --> 00:43:08,612 ♪ IT'S TIME TO DANCE ♪ 1174 00:43:11,617 --> 00:43:13,877 ♪ IT'S TIME ♪ 1175 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:15,250 ♪ IT'S TIME ♪ 1176 00:43:15,252 --> 00:43:17,422 ♪ SO WE WERE ALL STAGGERING AROUND ♪ 1177 00:43:19,086 --> 00:43:22,226 ♪ OUR EYES WERE ON FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE ♪ 1178 00:43:22,230 --> 00:43:24,330 ♪ FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE ♪ 1179 00:43:24,332 --> 00:43:26,302 ♪ AND THEN SHE FACED US AND THEN SHE MACED US ♪ 1180 00:43:26,295 --> 00:43:27,965 ♪ BUT ALL I COULD HEAR WAS ♪ 1181 00:43:27,967 --> 00:43:29,567 - ( mouths words ) - ♪ IT'S TIME TO DANCE ♪ 1182 00:43:29,569 --> 00:43:32,439 ♪ SHE MACED US ♪ 1183 00:43:32,442 --> 00:43:33,872 ♪ IT'S TIME TO DANCE ♪ 1184 00:43:33,874 --> 00:43:36,614 ♪ IT'S TIME ♪ 1185 00:43:36,607 --> 00:43:39,447 - ♪ IT'S TIME TO DANCE ♪ - THEY'LL BE IN NUTCRACKER COSTUMES OF COURSE. 1186 00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:40,580 MM. 1187 00:43:45,317 --> 00:43:47,187 ♪ IT'S TIME TO DANCE ♪ 1188 00:43:47,190 --> 00:43:48,460 ♪ SHE MACED US ♪ 1189 00:43:48,461 --> 00:43:49,461 ♪ OW. ♪ 82841

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