All language subtitles for Bunheads.S01E09_English

WOW, LONG LINE.

POPULAR JOINT.

I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT YOU, BUT I'M
SO GLAD THIS PLACE OPENED.

THAT GAS STATION SWILL
IS SO BAD I ALMOST STARTED
DRINKING TEA-- TEA!

THIS ISN'T NEW.
BASH IS AN INSTITUTION
AROUND HERE.

- BASH?
- SHORT FOR SEBASTIAN.

HE WAS AWAY
AT A COFFEE COMPETITION
IN EUROPE.

I'M GUESSING THE COMPETITION
WASN'T A RACE.

- LONG WAIT.
- NOT IF YOU'RE READING.

- HI.
- I'VE GOT TRIG.

HOPE IT'S NOT
CONTAGIOUS.

HEY!
I KNOW THIS GUY.

IT'S MY FRIEND RICHARD--
BIG FANCY CHOREOGRAPHER NOW.

WE WERE IN
THE CHORUS TOGETHER,

PROBABLY BEFORE YOU
WERE EVEN BORN.

DEAR LORD,
THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE.

FAIR TRADE, SINGLE-ORIGIN
NICARAGUAN MACCHIATO

WITH NOTES OF HONEYDEW,
FIG AND HARD CANDY.

IS THAT A PEACE SYMBOL
IN THE FOAM?

IT IS.
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG,

BUT MY FIRST ONE
LOOKED LIKE A MERCEDES SYMBOL,
SO I HAD TO REDO IT.

THANK YOU.

HI, I'D LIKE THE BIGGEST
COFFEE YOU HAVE.

- BUP.
- SORRY, FIRST TIME HERE.

DO YOU CALL
YOUR LARGE A SMALL OR HAVE
SOME OTHER CRAZY SYSTEM?

- I DON'T SUBSCRIBE TO THE
CUSTOMER-GETS-TO-CHOOSE THING.
- REALLY?

- NO.
- IT'S A POPULAR
SUBSCRIPTION.

- HOW MANY COFFEE-BREWING
AWARDS DO YOU HAVE?
- 12.

I BEAT THE ITALIANS
AND THE FRENCH.

I SEE.

NO ONE BEATS THE ITALIANS
AND THE FRENCH.

THEY HAVE ROASTS
NAMED AFTER THEM.

I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER
IS VERY PROUD.

I HAVE TWO DADS.
DON'T ASSUME.

CAN WE GET BACK
TO COFFEE?

I'M GUESSING YOU LIKE
A DRY NONFAT LATTE,

- EXTRA SHOT OF ESPRESSO.
- WOW, YOU'RE DEAD ON.

OKAY, I GUESS YOU CAN
ORDER FOR ME.

- THAT'S THE DEVIL'S BREW.
- THE DEVIL HAS GOOD TASTE.

I NEED TO ASK YOU
A FEW QUESTIONS.

- ARE YOU CURRENTLY TAKING
ANY MEDICATIONS?
- JUST MARTINIS.

- WHERE DO YOU LIKE
YOUR MILK TO COME FROM?
- A COW?

- HAVE YOU EATEN ANYTHING
SPICY IN THE LAST 24 HOURS?
- SOME SKETCHY CHICKEN

THAT FRANKLY
COULD STILL GO EITHER WAY,
BUT NOTHING SPICY, NO.

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT
"THE YEAR OF MAGICAL THINKING"?

- WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO
WITH MY COFFEE?
- NOTHING.

- I WAS MAKING CONVERSATION.
- OH, WELL, I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY
HAD A CHANCE TO READ--

BUP BUP.

I NEED TO FOCUS
ON THE BEANS.

- THAT'S GOOD.
- [ bean clinks ]

THAT'S GOOD.

CAN I READ YOUR TRIG?

[ theme music playing ]

AND!

ARE YOU FILLED WITH LEAD?

THIS IS "THE NUTCRACKER,"
NOT "DUMBO."

[ groans ]
STRAIGHTEN YOUR KNEES.

- JUST LOOKING FOR MY PHONE.
- AGAIN?

- YOU WON'T EVEN NOTICE ME.
- SEEMS UNLIKELY. NEXT GROUP.

ARABESQUE, MATISSE.

OH MY GOD.
ARE YOU OKAY?

- IT'S BEEN
HAPPENING ALL MORNING.
- YOU'RE KILLING DANCERS?

- I'M THINNING THE HERD.
- THIS IS NOT ALL RIGHT.

- AT LEAST I'M GETTING TO REST.
- YOU'LL BE GETTING
LOTS OF REST.

TAKE YOUR THINGS, RAY RAY.
YOU'RE NOT NEEDED.

WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?
WERE YOU PERFECT?

NO, YOU WERE NOT PERFECT.
MICHELLE, SHOW THEM
HOW IT'S DONE.

- ME?
- YES, YOU.

THEY NEED TO SEE
WHAT A PROPER JETE LOOKS LIKE.

- I DON'T THINK
THAT'S APPROPRIATE.
- YOU'RE A DANCER, RIGHT?

- YES.
- AND THIS IS A DANCE
STUDIO, RIGHT?

- IT IS.
- THEN I CAN'T IMAGINE
ANYTHING MORE APPROPRIATE.

- BUT I'M NOT EVEN WARMED UP.
- OH, JUST DO IT.

[ sighs ]

- THAT WAS TERRIBLE.
- I TOLD YOU I WASN'T WARMED UP!

YOU ALSO TOLD ME
YOU WERE IN A.B.T.
WHO KNOWS WHAT TO BELIEVE?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS ISN'T FUN.

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.

MADAME FANNY, WE'VE BEEN
DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS.

- MAY WE PLEASE TAKE A BREAK?
- [ exasperated sigh ] FINE.

TWO MINUTES-- NO WATER,
NO SITTING.

AND DON'T THINK YOU CAN
SNEAK IN A LEAN EITHER.

[ girls chattering ]

"THE NUTCRACKER" IS PERFORMED
THOUSANDS OF TIMES A YEAR.

WHY CAN EVERYONE ELSE
FIND A CLARA AND I CAN'T?

- IT'S THE WORLD'S
LAMEST CONSPIRACY.
- HERE, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

- USE IT TO CALL YOUR PHONE.
- IT'S ON VIBRATE.
WE WON'T HEAR IT.

OH PLEASE, VIBRATE STILL MAKES
THAT ANNOYING BUZZING SOUND

EVERYONE HEARS
EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALL SUPPOSED
TO PRETEND IT'S SILENT.

- LOOK AT THAT, YOU JUST
FOUND A LAMER CONSPIRACY.
- ALL I'M SAYING

IS YOU MAY AS WELL HAVE
A RING TONE, THEN AT LEAST
WE COULD FIND THE DAMN THING.

SO I JUST FOUND OUT
MY FRIEND RICHARD'S

- CHOREOGRAPHING A TOURING
COMPANY OF "FOLLIES."
- THAT'S A FUN SHOW.

YEAH. HE AND I WERE
IN THE CHORUS TOGETHER

A MILLION YEARS AGO.
WE SPENT THIS CRAZY SUMMER

AT A RENTAL AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD
AND WE CAME UP WITH ONE
OF THOSE SILLY PACTS

THAT WHOEVER MADE IT FIRST
WOULD HELP THE OTHER ONE.

- THAT'S SILLY, RIGHT?
- MICHELLE, ARE YOU STILL
CONSIDERING PERFORMING?

NO. NOT REALLY.
I DON'T KNOW.

- I LIKE THE SHOW.
- THEN CALL HIM.

HUH-UH.
I DON'T BEG FOR WORK.
IT FEELS DESPERATE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
AND YOU REALIZE THAT'S
HOW EVERY GREAT PERFORMER

- MADE IT, BY WAITING QUIETLY.
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I'M SURE WHEN BRAD PITT
WAS STARTING OUT

HE JUST SAT AT HOME
WAITING FOR PEOPLE
TO FIND HIM.

OKAY, THAT'S
A TERRIBLE EXAMPLE.
HE'S BRAD PITT.

I'M SURE HE COULD JUST
SIT AT HOME AND WAIT.

WELL, MY DEAR,
YOU ARE NO BRAD PITT.

LOOK, IF RICHARD
WANTS TO FIND ME,
HE CAN FIND ME.

HOW? YOU'RE NOT ON FACEBOOK
LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

AND CELLPHONES WEREN'T
EVEN AROUND BACK THEN,

SO HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T
HAVE YOUR NUMBER.

AND EVEN IF HE DID,
IT WOULD BE A MIRACLE IF YOU
KNEW WHERE YOUR PHONE WAS.

- WHERE WAS IT?
- I'M NOT TELLING YOU
UNTIL YOU GET A RINGTONE.

ALL RIGHT,
ENOUGH RESTING.

I WANT CHAINES ACROSS
THE ROOM ON THE DIAGONAL.

- AND!
- [ tapping stick ]

HI, I'M CALLING FOR RICHARD.

OH SURE, JUST TELL HIM
MICHELLE SIMMS CALLED.

I'M AN OLD FRIEND.
OH, AND TELL HIM I SAID
TO WATCH OUT

FOR THE STRAWBERRIES
AND BIKINI BOTTOMS.
HE'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.

- MICHELLE, MUST YOU?
- YOU TOLD ME TO!

WHERE ARE YOU SPOTTING?

IT WAS AN INSIDE JOKE WE HAD
AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD.

OKAY, WELL, HAVE HIM CALL ME
AS SOON AS HE GETS THE MESSAGE.

YEAH, THIS NUMBER.
THANKS.

- HEY!
- Melanie: SHH!
DON'T CALL ATTENTION TO US!

- WE'RE HIDING FROM FANNY.
- Melanie: WE DON'T WANT HER
TO THINK OF US FOR CLARA.

SO WE'RE HOPING IT'S OUT
OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.

- I'M PRETTY SURE FANNY
CAN SENSE YOU.
- SHH!

OKAY, SORRY SORRY.
I'M NOT GOOD AT QUIET.

- CROUCH.
- WHAT?

IF MADAME FANNY LOOKS OUT HERE,
SHE'S GOING TO THINK YOU'RE
TALKING TO A BUSH.

WELL, NOW SHE'LL THINK
I'M PRAYING TO ONE.

LOOK, I KNOW FANNY'S CRAZY,
BUT WOULD IT BE SO BAD
TO PLAY CLARA?

THAT'S NOT AN OPPORTUNITY
THAT COMES ALONG EVERY DAY.

NO ONE'S EVER GOING
TO LIVE UP TO SASHA.
IT'S A LOSING PROPOSITION.

AND I'M VERY HAPPY
AS A SUGAR PLUM FAIRY.
IT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN

FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS,
AND IT'S WHAT MY FANS
HAVE COME TO EXPECT.

- YOUR FANS?
- WELL, MY MOTHER AND JOSH.

PROBABLY NOW JUST MY MOTHER
SINCE I BROKE UP WITH JOSH.

DON'T HONK!
DON'T HONK!

OH SURE, TELL EVERYONE
THE JEWISH GIRL'S
IN THE ATTIC.

- WHAT?
- SHE'S CALLING WAY MORE
ATTENTION TO YOU THAN I WAS!

THAT'S OUR GETAWAY CAR.
YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY
HERE IF YOU WANT.

CROUCHED IN THE BUSHES?
ENTICING, BUT NO.

SO WHAT'S THE PLAN?

- DO WE MAKE HIM
DRIVE US TO GET TAMPONS?
- I'M STARTING TO THINK

- IT'S NOT FAIR TO MAKE CHARLIE
DRIVE US AROUND ALL THE TIME.
- IT'S TOTALLY FAIR.

WE'RE HELPING MY PARENTS
TEACH HIM A LESSON ABOUT
RECREATIONAL DRUG USE.

- THOSE WEREN'T DRUGS;
THEY WERE PIZZA SPICES.
- THAT YOU PLANTED IN HIS ROOM.

THEN WE'RE TEACHING HIM
A LESSON ABOUT KEEPING
HIS DOOR LOCKED.

- EITHER WAY
LESSONS ARE BEING LEARNED.
- LOSER, I'M WAITING!

FOR WHAT, CHEST HAIR?
'CAUSE THAT'S NEVER
GONNA HAPPEN.

I THINK I'LL JUST GET
A RIDE WITH BOO THIS TIME.

- I'M GOING STRAIGHT TO WORK.
- THEN I'LL COME WITH YOU.

- I CAN STUDY IN
THE WALK-IN OR SOMETHING.
- DON'T BE WEIRD. COME ON.

WE'LL STOP BY LATER.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- SITTING IN BACK.

NO, UGLY SITS IN BACK,
OTHERWISE IT CAUSES
AN ACCIDENT.

YOU KNOW I LIKE
TO STRETCH OUT.
THAT'S THE DEAL.

I STRETCH OUT
IN THE BACKSEAT

AND YOU SIT
IN FRONT AND MESS UP
HIS RADIO STATIONS.

- SO YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
MESSES WITH MY STATIONS?
- UH...

- I GUESS I OWE
DEZ AN APOLOGY.
- YEAH.

DON'T LET ME STOP YOU.
DO YOUR THING.

THAT'S OKAY.
THIS STATION'S FINE.

- THE RADIO'S NOT ON.
- RIGHT.

- RIGHT.
- [ engine starts ]

I'M ON MY 10.
THAT'S RESTAURANT TALK
FOR 10-MINUTE BREAK.

THANKS FOR CLARIFYING.
YOUR CODE WAS PRETTY HARD
TO CRACK.

- WHERE'S SASHA?
- I DON'T KNOW.
SHE TEXTED SHE WAS COMING.

IT'S SO WEIRD NOT SEEING HER
AT BALLET EVERY DAY.

- I KIND OF MISS HER.
- SHE'D SLUG YOU IF SHE
HEARD YOU SAY THAT.

OH, THAT MAKES ME
MISS HER EVEN MORE.

WHAT IF SHE JUST
APOLOGIZED TO FANNY?

FANNY OBVIOUSLY
WANTS HER BACK.

BUT HOW DO WE GET HER
TO APOLOGIZE?

IT MIGHT NOT BE THAT HARD.
I MEAN, DO SASHA

AND CHEERLEADING REALLY SEEM
LIKE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN?

CHEERLEADERS ARE PERKY
AND SPUNKY AND BOUNCY.

- ALL ADJECTIVES SASHA HATES.
- WHAT DO I HATE?

BEING LATE WHEN
I ONLY HAVE A 10.

- THAT'S CODE
FOR A 10-MINUTE BREAK.
- SORRY.

I WAS ON MY WAY, BUT THEN I
FOUND A MIX CD ON MY DOORSTEP
FROM MY SECRET SISTER

- AND I HAD TO GO
BACK IN AND LISTEN TO IT.
- WHAT'S A SECRET SISTER?

CHEERLEADING THING.
THE OLDER GIRLS ARE MATCHED UP
WITH THE NEW ONES,

- AND THEY SURPRISE US
WITH PRESENTS.
- SWEET.

UNFORTUNATELY, MINE IS AN IDIOT
WHO DOESN'T SEEM TO REALIZE

THAT PUTTING HER INITIALS
ON EVERYTHING BLOWS THE WHOLE
"SECRET" PART OF IT.

ESPECIALLY WHEN
HER INITIALS ARE Z.Q.
BUT SHE MAKES ME BROWNIES

AND PUTS THEM IN MY LOCKER
LIKE WE'RE GOING STEADY.

- SOUNDS ANNOYING AND FATTENING.
- IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

- SERIOUSLY?
- ONCE YOU ACCEPT
THE FACT THAT YOU SPEND

- A LOT OF TIME IN SNEAKERS,
IT'S KIND OF FUN.
- CHEERLEADING?

YEAH.
AND IT'S SUPER EASY.

WE ONLY PRACTICE AN HOUR
A DAY-- LESS IF ANYONE
HAS CRAMPS OR ZITS.

AN HOUR?
I CAN'T EVEN
IMAGINE THAT.

WHAT DO YOU DO
WITH ALL YOUR FREE TIME?

I'M FINALLY EXPLORING
THAT INTERNET EVERYONE'S
BEEN TALKING ABOUT,

- AND THEN THERE'S TV.
- I REMEMBER TV.

THE BEST PART IS I DON'T
EVEN HAVE TO MULTI-TASK
WHILE WATCHING IT.

I CAN JUST SIT THERE,
LIKE SOMEONE IN THE MIDWEST.

- I'M OFFICIALLY DEPRESSED.
- OH, COME ON, WE'RE
HAVING FUN TOO.

YEAH, TELL ME,
WHAT'S THE LATEST?

- FANNY'S GONE PSYCHO
SINCE YOU LEFT.
- REALLY?

LIKE FULL ON BATES MOTEL,
SHOWER STABBING, WEARING YOUR
MOTHER'S WIG "PSYCHO."

- NO WAY.
- SHE CAN'T FIND
ANYONE FOR CLARA.

AND SHE'S TORTURING
EVERYONE IN THE PROCESS.

- [ phone chimes ]
- VANESSA HAS A BLACK EYE.

- WE'RE JUST NOT EVEN
TALKING ABOUT IT.
- [ laughs ]

- WHAT?
- MY SECRET SISTER.

SHE WANTS ME TO GO
TO THE SOCCER FIELD
FOR A SURPRISE.

ZOEY QUINDLIN,
WHAT WILL YOU THINK OF NEXT?

- [ giggles ]
- DID SHE GIGGLE?

Melanie:
WORSE-- SHE GIGGLE-TEXTED.

SHE'S ONE HIGH PONYTAIL AWAY
FROM NEEDING AN INTERVENTION.

HI, IT'S MICHELLE SIMMS
CALLING AGAIN FOR RICHARD.

OH OKAY, NO,
I'M SURE HE'S BUSY.

I JUST-- WOULD YOU MIND
READING MY MESSAGE BACK TO ME?

I WANNA MAKE SURE
IT'S RIGHT.

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

ALTHOUGH,
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT,
LET'S LOSE THE BIKINI BOTTOMS.

WHICH, FUNNY ENOUGH,
IS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE STORY.

OR MAYBE NOT SO FUNNY.
OKAY,

SO JUST TELL HIM
MICHELLE SIMMS

♪ FROM THE RENTAL
CALLED! ♪

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO DO THE INFLECTION.

OH, JUST HAVE HIM CALL ME.

I CAME PREPARED THIS TIME.
LOTS OF READING MATERIAL.

- [ phone ringing ]
- OH, THAT WAS FAST.

PROBABLY TOO FAST,
UNLESS HE WALKED IN JUST
AS HIS ASSISTANT WAS HANGING UP

AND WAS LIKE, "WAIT!"
BUT SHE WAS LIKE,
"I JUST HUNG UP."

AND HE WAS LIKE,
"CALL HER BACK, BITCH."

I DON'T KNOW WHY
RICHARD'S TALKING
TO HIS ASSISTANT LIKE THAT.

OH MY GOD, OKAY,

I USED TO KEEP IT ON VIBRATE,
BUT THERE WAS THIS-- OH!

[ phone ringing ]

- THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.
- I AM SO SORRY.

I MADE A PERFECT LIKENESS
OF BOB IN THE FOAM.

WEIRD-- I HAD
A FROSTED FLAKE THIS MORNING
THAT LOOKED LIKE SIMON LE BON.

- HE WENT TO GET HIS CAMERA.
- GOOD, YOU CAN MAKE
ANOTHER ONE.

I AM AN ARTIST.
IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

OH, COME ON, I'D EXPECT
THAT DEFEATIST ATTITUDE

FROM THE FRENCH BARISTAS,
BUT NOT YOU.

I'M HERE, I'M HERE.
DON'T HANG UP!

Fanny:
Why would I hang up?
I called you.

- FANNY?
- I need you to open
the studio.

- Boo and Carl are
waiting to rehearse.
- NOW?

You have something
better to do?

- I DO. SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
- You're an out-of-work showgirl

living in a one-room
guest house behind
a dance studio.

- How important could it be?
- I'M NEXT IN LINE FOR COFFEE.

- Oh for heaven's sake.
- I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MORNING
TO GET THIS FAR.

- Well, Michael
and I are at brunch.
- BRUNCH?

It's a meal between
breakfast and lunch,

most often enjoyed
by childless couples
and gay men.

- I KNOW WHAT BRUNCH IS.
- They have bottomless
mimosas here

- which, frankly, I just
see as a challenge.
- YOU POISONED ME.

NOW ALL I CAN DO
IS SIMON LE BON.

- Am I on speaker?
- NOT ON PURPOSE.

- How rude. Sorry, Bash.
- NOT YOUR FAULT, FANNY.

- HANGING UP NOW.
- Go unlock--

I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN
TO DESTROY YOUR ART.
AGAIN--

- OOOH!
- [ trophy rolling ]

[ thuds ]

I AM GOING TO NEED
A MOMENT.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- FANNY ASKED ME TO OPEN
THE STUDIO.

- FANNY ASKED ME
TO OPEN THE STUDIO!
- YES.

AND THEN SHE WAS AFRAID YOU
WOULDN'T DO IT, SO SHE ASKED
ME TO OPEN THE STUDIO.

IF SHE DIDN'T TRUST ME,
WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST CALL YOU
IN THE FIRST PLACE?

IT DOES SEEM
THE OBVIOUS CHOICE.

AND IF YOU KNEW
YOU WERE COMING,

WHY COULDN'T YOU CALL ME
AND TELL ME NOT TO COME?

WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED
TO ME EN ROUTE? I THOUGHT WE
SHOULD BE EACH OTHER'S BACK-UPS.

WE'RE NOT PILOTS!
I WAS NEXT IN LINE
FOR COFFEE.

AND NOT GAS-STATION COFFEE,
THE COFFEE THAT TAKES FOREVER.

HALLEY'S COMET WENT BY TWICE
WHILE I WAS WAITING.

I ASSUME
YOU'RE BEING HYPERBOLIC.

ICEBERGS FORMED
AND MELTED AGAIN DURING
THE TIME I WAS IN LINE.

- DEFINITELY HYPERBOLIC.
- THE GUY IN BACK OF ME HAD
GILLS WHEN WE STARTED.

PLEASE STOP
YELLING AT ME.

HEY!
READY TO DANCE?

I HAVE TO CHANGE
MY SHOES.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING HERE SO EARLY?

WE'RE WORKING ON
THE ASTAIRE-ROGERS DANCE

- FOR THE OPENING
OF THE NEW SUPERMARKET.
- WOW. YAY?

IT'S A PREMIER SUPERMARKET
WITH CHINESE TAKEOUT,

A DONUT COUNTER,
A COFFEE PLACE

AND AN A.T.M.
AND STAMPS.

OKAY, IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE I WAS A TEENAGER,

BUT I'M PRETTY SURE
I NEVER GOT THAT EXCITED
ABOUT A SUPERMARKET.

UNLESS I WAS MAKING OUT
BEHIND ONE.

I GUESS I'M JUST LOOKING
FORWARD TO THE DANCE PART.

HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- OPENING THE STUDIO.
- IN PIONEER TIMES?

THIS IS WHAT I DO WHEN I OPEN.
I WANT IT TO SMELL
LIKE PUMPKIN PIE

- WHEN FANNY COMES IN.
- WOW.

SOMETIMES I LIGHT
THE VANILLA CANDLE AND MAKE IT
PUMPKIN PIE A LA MODE.

- SPEECHLESS.
- IT'S WHAT I WOULD WANT
SOMEONE TO DO FOR ME.

OKAY. WELL, I'M HERE NOW
AND THE STUDIO IS OPEN,
SO YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

ARE YOU GONNA
LIGHT THE CANDLES?

- NO.
- THEN I GUESS WE KNOW
WHY FANNY CALLED ME.

YOU KNOW, GUYS, AS LONG
AS I'M HERE, I'M HAPPY
TO GIVE YOU SOME FEEDBACK,

- BE FRESH EYES
WHILE YOU REHEARSE.
- NO.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
- IT'LL KEEP MY MIND OFF MY SAD
COFFEELESS STATE.

- NO, WE'RE COOL.
- ACTUALLY, FRESH EYES
MIGHT BE GOOD.

THE SOONER WE GET
THE DANCE RIGHT, THE SOONER
WE CAN STOP REHEARSING.

I THINK BARYSHNIKOV
SAID THE SAME THING.

GET STRETCHED
AND WE'LL START.

[ whispers ]
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?

- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- YOU HAVE TO GO!

- SOMETHING I SAID?
- I CAN'T COMPETE WITH THE LEGS,

THE HAIR AND
THE PRETTY-WITHOUT-TRYING.

- NOT FOLLOWING,
BUT THANK YOU.
- IT'S JUST...

- I KIND OF LIKE CARL.
- LIKE, LIKE HIM LIKE HIM?

YEAH, I DO.

SORRY TO DO THIS AGAIN,
BUT HOLD ON.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- NOTHING.

- TRULY!
- I THOUGHT FANNY MIGHT LIKE

- SOME FRESH-CUT FLOWERS
WHEN SHE COMES IN.
- GO!

- WOW, SO YOU LIKE CARL.
- YEAH, BUT NOBODY KNOWS,
INCLUDING HIM,

SO THE ONLY TIME WE GET
TO HANG OUT IS WHEN
WE'RE REHEARSING.

THAT'S WHY YOU WERE
HYPERVENTILATING ABOUT
THE SUPERMARKET OPENING.

- OKAY, PIECES COMING TOGETHER.
CONSIDER ME GONE.
- THANK YOU.

- BOO, I'M ON LIMITED TIME HERE!
- RIGHT. SORRY.

THANKS FOR THE GIRL TALK--
I FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT
THE HECK SKIN TONER DOES.

- SEE YA.
- WAIT, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE HELPING US.

WELL, I COULD HELP YOU,
BUT IF I DO ALL THE HELPING
FOR YOU,

- WHAT WILL YOU LEARN?
- HUH?

- TEACH A MAN TO DANCE AND HE
EATS FISH FOR A LIFETIME.
- THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

NOPE.
OKAY, HAVE FUN.

SO GUESS WHAT?
I MADE US THOSE DREAM BARS
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

I'M NOT MUCH OF A BAKER,
SO THEY MAY TASTE MORE
LIKE NIGHTMARE BARS--

WE'RE IN TRAINING.
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD
BE HAVING ANY BARS.

- OH.
- AND WE SHOULD PROBABLY CUT
THE CHIT-CHAT AND GET STARTED.

OKAY, YEAH.

Fanny:
YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME.
JUST GO.

GO GO GO.
GO GO GO GO GO!

WORTHLESS,
COMPLETELY WORTHLESS.

LOOK AT THIS.
WE HAVE OUR ARMS
AROUND EACH OTHER.

THEY CALL
THEMSELVES DANCERS.
WHO TAUGHT THESE GIRLS?

IT'S ME AND HIM,
ME AND HIM, ME AND HIM!

IF I DON'T FIND A CLARA,
THERE'S GOING TO BE NO ONE
TO GIVE THE NUTCRACKER TO!

AND WE'RE DOING
THAT LEANING HEADS THING.

- YOU ONLY DO LEANING HEADS
WITH FRIENDS.
- IS THAT YOU?

- YEAH.
- YOU WERE PRETTY.

NOT LOVING THE PAST TENSE.
THAT'S ME AND RICHARD.

- THAT CHOREOGRAPHER?
- YEAH.

- DID YOU TALK TO HIM?
- I LEFT MESSAGES,

BUT HE HASN'T CALLED ME BACK.
I THOUGHT MAYBE I WAS

REMEMBERING
OUR FRIENDSHIP WRONG,
BUT LOOK-- PROOF!

- HE'S PROBABLY JUST BUSY.
- TOO BUSY TO CALL A FRIEND
HE LEANED HEADS WITH?

HE'S PUTTING ON A SHOW.
THAT'S A LOT OF WORK.

AND I FOUND THE RECEIPT
FOR THE RENTAL.

GUESS WHAT--
I PAID FOR MARTHA'S VINEYARD!

I FEEL FOR HIM.
CASTING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

YOUR SITUATION
IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
THERE'S AN EASY SOLUTION.

- WHICH IS?
- TALK TO SASHA.

I'LL BE HAPPY
TO TALK TO HER-- AFTER
SHE APOLOGIZES TO ME.

SERIOUSLY?
SHE'S 16, YOU'RE 100.

- SHE WAS IN THE WRONG.
- SO BE THE MATURE ONE
AND GO TO HER.

I'LL DO NO SUCH THING.
IT'S UP TO HER TO COME TO ME.

OKAY WELL, I HOPE YOU'VE
STOCKED UP ON WATER
AND TOILET PAPER

- BECAUSE YOU'RE
IN FOR A LONG WAIT.
- [ twig cracks ]

HOLD IT!

- YOU COULD PLAY CLARA.
- YOU KNOW HE'S A BOY, RIGHT?

MATTHEW BOURNE DID
"SWAN LAKE" WITH ALL BOYS.

GET IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT, STAND
RIGHT OVER THERE...

HI, IT'S MICHELLE SIMMS AGAIN.
I JUST THOUGHT I'D SEE IF
I COULD CATCH HIM.

STILL NOT THERE.
YOU KNOW, THIS SHOW'S NEVER
GONNA GET OFF THE GROUND

IF HE DOESN'T START
SHOWING UP FOR WORK.

OKAY WELL, JUST TELL HIM
I CALLED AND--

WAIT, THAT WAS HIM.

NO, I JUST HEARD
HIS LAUGH.

TWO TITTERS AND A SNORT,
THAT'S DEFINITELY RICHARD.

NO, I KNOW HIS SNORT, LADY!
TRUST ME.

"BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY"
WAS HIS FAVORITE BOOK.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
FORGET IT.

TELL HIM NOT TO CALL ME BACK
AND TELL HIM HE STILL OWES ME

FOR THE MARTHA'S VINEYARD
RENTAL!

AND JUMP AND JUMP
AND HIGHER!

HIGHER!

THERE'S NO LINE.
SERIOUSLY?

SERIOUSLY THERE'S NO LINE?
ALL RIGHT!

DAY OFFICIALLY SAVED.
I'LL TAKE ONE COFFEE,

ANY BREW, ANY BEAN,
YOU'RE THE BOSS.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT
TO MAKE A CALL FIRST?

- KNOCK ANYTHING OVER?
- OH GOOD, WE'RE STILL ON THAT.

- DESTROY THINGS THAT
ARE NEAR AND DEAR TO ME?
- AGAIN, REALLY SORRY.

I HAVE MY OLD ARCHERY TROPHIES
AT HOME. YOU COULD TAKE
A CRACK AT THOSE.

- ARCHERY?
- I COULD SEE IF
MY DADS ARE FREE.

YOU COULD HURL SOME
ANTI-GAY SLURS AT THEM.

OKAY, AREN'T I
THE CUSTOMER HERE?

YES, AND I'M THE OWNER
AND THE OWNER'S ALWAYS RIGHT.

I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S
NOT THE EXPRESSION.

- WHO'S GOT THE COFFEE?
- YOU.

- WHO WANTS THE COFFEE?
- ME.

I DON'T THINK WE NEED TO BE
DISCUSSING THE POWER DYNAMIC
ANY FURTHER.

NOW WHY DON'T
YOU HAVE A SEAT?

AND YOUR COFFEE SHOULD BE UP
IN 10, 15 MINUTES.

- SERIOUSLY?
- WHY WOULD I JOKE?

[ sighs ]
I JUST--

I SORT OF UNDERSTOOD
THE WAIT WHEN THE LINE
WAS DOWN THE BLOCK.

BUT I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE.
COULDN'T WE MAYBE SPEED
THINGS UP A LITTLE?

- I DON'T SEE HOW.
- YOU COULD SKIP THE LITTLE
HEART IN THE FOAM.

- YOU WANT A DIFFERENT DESIGN?
- YOU COULD SKIP THE DESIGN
ENTIRELY.

- BUT THAT'S MY SIGNATURE.
- I PROMISE I WON'T TELL ANYONE.

IT'S NOT MY COFFEE
WITHOUT THE DESIGN.

- I'LL SIGN
A CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.
- I WON A CONTEST YOU KNOW.

YES, FOR MAKING COFFEE.
YOU DIDN'T CURE CANCER

OR FIGURE OUT MALARIA.
YOU BREW COFFEE--

AND I'M GRATEFUL FOR THAT,
BUT LET'S KEEP A LITTLE
PERSPECTIVE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE RIGHT.

SOMETIMES I GET INSIDE
MY HEAD, TAKE MYSELF
A LITTLE TOO SERIOUSLY.

BEEN THAT WAY MY WHOLE LIFE.
I GET IT FROM MOM.

- I THOUGHT YOU HAD TWO DADS.
- WE CALL ONE OF THEM "MOM"
SO IT'S NOT CONFUSING.

- AH.
- I'LL START THAT
COFFEE FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

[ whistling ]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- CLEANING THE MACHINE.
- NOW?

- THE LIGHT'S ON.
- I'M BEGGING YOU.

I'LL DRINK DIRTY COFFEE.
DON'T MAKE ME GROW OLD
AT THIS COUNTER.

YOU'RE SITTING.
WHY ARE YOU SITTING?

- I'M READING THE MANUAL.
- WHO READS THE MANUAL?!

- AWARD-WINNING BARISTAS.
- OH MY GOD! YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU AND I ARE THROUGH,
BECAUSE IN A WEEK WE'RE
GETTING A NEW SUPERMARKET--

A PREMIER SUPERMARKET--
WHERE IN ONE FELL SWOOP

I CAN GET GARLIC CHICKEN
AND STAMPS AND A RAISED
GLAZED DONUT

AND 15 CUPS OF COFFEE
IN FIVE MINUTES.

AND I'LL KNOW THAT
COFFEE WILL HAVE MY NAME
MISSPELLED ON THE CUP

AND WORLD MUSIC WILL
INEXPLICABLY BE FOR SALE
AT THE REGISTER

AND NO MATTER WHERE I AM,
IT WILL LOOK LIKE SEATTLE
IN THE '90s AND I CAN'T WAIT!

[ tapping ]

AND WE'RE DANCING.
AND WE'RE DANCING.

AND WE'RE
BRINGING IT HOME.
SAM, HOME'S OVER HERE.

TO YOUR LEFT.
YOUR OTHER LEFT.
THERE YOU GO!

WELL, THEY SAY YOU
CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN.

ALL RIGHT,
GREAT CLASS, EVERYBODY.
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

- HEY, SAM, CAN I
ASK YOU SOMETHING?
- SHOOT.

- HOW LONG YOU BEEN TAKING TAP?
- I DON'T KNOW, TWO,
THREE YEARS.

- YOU'RE NOT
GETTING ANY BETTER.
- I KNOW!

- I MEAN YOU'RE TRULY TERRIBLE.
- RIGHT?!

- AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT?
- I FIGURE IMPROVEMENT
BREEDS EXPECTATION.

EXPECTATION BREEDS
DISAPPOINTMENT.

- AND DISAPPOINTMENT
BREEDS WRINKLES.
- EXACTLY.

- HEY, WOW, THAT LOOKS BAD.
- YEAH.

JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS,
I'M TEACHING FANNY'S
CLASS TODAY.

[ sighs of relief ]

HEY, LOOK AT THAT--
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.

I FINISHED THE FINAL FITTINGS
FOR THE SUPERMARKET DANCE.

YOU JUST NEED TO STEAM THEM
AND GIVE THEM A MIST
WITH LAVENDER SPRAY.

YEAH, I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT.
BUT THEY LOOK LOVELY.

GREAT! CARL'S NOT HERE,
BUT I CAN TAKE HIS TO HIM.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT TALKING
ABOUT THE NEW SUPERMARKET,
ARE YOU?

THE PREMIER SUPERMARKET,
THE ONE THAT OPENS

IN EXACTLY SIX DAYS,
EIGHT HOURS AND 47 MINUTES.

- YEAH, IT'S NOT OPENING.
- WHAT?

SHUT THAT SUCKER DOWN.
WE GOT THEM ON A ZONING
TECHNICALITY.

I'M SURPRISED FANNY
DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT IT.

- BUT THE COFFEE.
- AND THE DANCING.

- THE DANCING FOR COFFEE.
- IF I DON'T DANCE WITH CARL,

I'M NOT GOING
TO SEE HIM ANYMORE.

HEY, WHO GOT THEM ON
A ZONING TECHNICALITY?

THE ASSOCIATION
FOR THE PRESERVATION

- OF KEEPING
IT REAL IN PARADISE.
- THAT CAN'T BE THE NAME.

I KNOW, IT'S A MOUTHFUL.
THAT'S WHY WE CALL IT
TAFT-POKI-RIP.

- WHO CAN I TALK TO
TO UNDO THIS?
- YOU CAN TALK TO ME.

- I'M ON THE COMMITTEE.
- GREAT. UNDO THIS.

- NOPE. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
- OKAY, SERIOUSLY, SAM.

THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING I CAN DO HERE--

FILE A GRIEVANCE
OR PASS A MOTION
OR GATHER A POSSE.

I DON'T KNOW.
READ THE HANDBOOK.

I'M HUNGRY, MY FEET HURT,
I WANT TO GO HOME.

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN
REALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO THAT PLACE OPENING.

- WHAT PEOPLE?
- WELL... HER.

BAMBI EYES.
BAMBI EYES.

SHE'LL GET OVER IT.

I'M NOT GOING
TO LET IT HAPPEN.
HEAR ME, BOO?

- FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT.
- THEY ARE NOT TAKING
KHALEESI'S DRAGONS!

Cheerleaders:
WE'RE GONNA B-E-A-T,

WE'RE GONNA B-U-S-T,

WE'RE GONNA BEAT THEM,
BUST THEM, THAT'S OUR CUSTOM.

COME ON, PIRATES,
LET'S READJUST THEM!

- GO-OOOOO PIRATES!
- WHOOO!

- UH, SASHA?
- YEAH.

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.
I NEED YOU TO NOT
KICK SO HIGH,

BECAUSE THE REST OF US
CAN'T DO IT, 'KAY?

I SWEAR I'M TRYING.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
THIS IS A LOW KICK FOR ME.

YEAH WELL, AS HEAD CHEERLEADER,
I DETERMINE THE OFFICIAL
KICK HEIGHT.

AND THIS IS IT.

SO IT'S REALLY MORE
OF A HALF KICK?

WE NEED TO BE UNIFORM
OR SOMEONE COULD STAND OUT.

- WELL, I WILL TRY HARDER
TO BE MEDIOCRE.
- THANK YOU.

- NO WAY.
- LOOK AT YOU WITH
THE PONYTAILS AND THE PEP.

- I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU GUYS WERE COMING.
- I COUNT SIX.

- WHAT?
- POM POMS. YOU'RE WEARING
SIX POM POMS.

THAT WE CAN SEE.

- THEY MAKE US WEAR THIS.
- IT'S CUTE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE HERE
WATCHING YOU CHEER.

OKAY, WE'RE ONLY
10 MINUTES LATE.
HOW IS IT ALREADY 47-2?

- DO WE SUCK?
- APPARENTLY.

IF YOU'D TOLD ME
YOU WERE COMING, I WOULD'VE
TOLD YOU NOT TO BOTHER.

SASHA!
WE'RE MAKING A PYRAMID!

- GOTTA GO.
- LET'S GET SNACKS.

- YOU'RE GOING TO STAY?
- OF COURSE.

OH. SUPER.

GO TEAM!

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE
WASTING OUR FRIDAY NIGHT
AT A BASKETBALL GAME.

- WE'RE DOING IT FOR SASHA.
- THE SASHA PART IS FUN.

BUT THE REST IS STILL
A BASKETBALL GAME.

WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE JUNK FOOD.
TO KEEP US DISTRACTED

FOR HOWEVER LONG
A BASKETBALL GAME IS.

- [ Carl talking ]
- OH.

- WHAT?
- [ girl laughs ]

Ginny:
OH, WHAT ARE THEY
LAUGHING AT?

MAYBE HE ADMITTED HE LIVES
IN A TREE, MAKING COOKIES.

- HE'S SUCH A LOSER.
- HE'S NOT THAT BAD.

- HEY, WHO HAS MY NACHOS?
- Charlie: HEY.

- GO AWAY. WHAT?
- MOVE OVER.

MOVE!

- WHAT ARE-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- WATCHING THE GAME.
- WE'RE NOT GYLLENHAALS.

- ARE YOU STEALING FROM MY BAG?
- WHY, DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING
GOOD IN THERE?

GINNY, YOUR NACHOS--
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO BE
SAFE OVER HERE.

- THOSE AREN'T MINE.
- YES, THEY ARE.

THEY'RE THE DISGUSTING ONES
WITH EXTRA CHEESE AND KETCHUP.

- NO, I DON'T EAT NACHOS.
- YOU JUST ASKED ME FOR THEM.

- NO, I DIDN'T.
- I'LL TAKE THEM.

SO I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
LIKED BASKETBALL.

UH-HUH, IT'S GOT
BASKETS AND BALLS.

- SERIOUSLY, STOP BREATHING.
- I'LL DIE.

YES, EXACTLY.

YOU'RE REALLY
INTO THE GAME.

I'M WATCHING SASHA CHEER.
YAY, SASHA!

[ buzzer sounds ]

HI, HELLO
AND HOW DO YOU DO?

WE ARE THE PIRATES.
WE WELCOME YOU.

MY NAME IS AUBREY.
I LIVE TO CHEER.

WITH ME IN TOWN
YOU'LL HAVE NO FEAR!

MY NAME IS SASHA.
I-- [ coughing ]

- THINK SHE'S OKAY?
- PROBABLY JUST A BUG.

- LIKE SHE'S SICK?
- NO, MORON, LIKE SHE
SWALLOWED A BUG.

Sasha:
YOU GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD.

WHEN I WAS FIVE,
I SWALLOWED A BUG IN ARUBA.

I FREAKED OUT SO MUCH
MY PARENTS GAVE ME A PINA COLADA
JUST TO SHUT UP.

I LIKE COCONUTS.

- WHAT WERE YOU SAYING, BOO?
- I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

BOO, START TALKING!
WE NEVER GET TO TALK ANY MORE.
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH BOO?

- I DON'T KNOW.
- THAT'S HILARIOUS!

- GOD, YOU ARE SO FUNNY.
- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

NO, BOO!

COME BACK, BOO.

- EVERYTHING OKAY?
- YEAH, IT'S GREAT.
I JUST--

- I HAVE TO GO.
- YOU GETTING MORE FOOD?

NO, DEFINITELY NOT
GETTING MORE FOOD.

OR GOING TO THE BATHROOM.
I DON'T-- DO THAT.

- OH MY GOD, GINNY!
DID YOU PUSH HER?
- I DIDN'T TOUCH HER!

- I'M OKAY!
- LET ME HELP YOU BACK UP.

NO, I'LL JUST GO THIS WAY
SINCE I'M ALREADY
HEADING DOWN...

- HEY, WHATCHA DOIN'?
- JUST PROMOTING TEAM SPIRIT.

COOL COOL.
SO DID YOU HAVE TO AUDITION
TO BECOME A CHEERLEADER?

YEAH, IT'S NOT LIKE HARVARD.
YOU DON'T GET BORN INTO IT.

- THAT'S SO INTERESTING.
- IS IT?

SO WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE
THING ABOUT CHEERING?

- WE'RE REALLY DOING THIS?
- WHY NOT?

OKAY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY THE SUDDEN INTEREST
IN ALL THINGS CHEER?

UH, SASHA?
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

NO FRATERNIZING
WITH THE FANS
WHILE CHEERING, 'KAY?

- SORRY.
- VICTORY CHEER, EVERYONE.

- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- NO, IT'S A BIG JOKE.

WE'RE DOWN A MILLION TO FOUR.
VICTORY IS A MATHEMATICAL
IMPOSSIBILITY.

- WE NEED TO MOTIVATE THEM.
- HOW ABOUT WE CHEER
"STAY IN SCHOOL,

LEARN ALGEBRA,
YOU HAVE NO FUTURE
IN SPORTS"?

- THAT'S NOT MOTIVATIONAL.
- WE'LL THROW IN "HEY HEY"
AT THE END.

- BUT--
- THIS IS THE PROBLEM
WITH MEN TODAY.

THEY GO STRAIGHT FROM SPORTS--
WHERE WE TELL THEM THEY
CAN DO ANYTHING--

OUT INTO THE CRUEL HARD WORLD
WHERE CLEARLY THEY CAN'T.

AND THEY HAVE NO COPING SKILLS,
SO THEY WALK AROUND

THE REST
OF THEIR LIVES CONFUSED,
STUNNED AS TO WHAT HAPPENED.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE
LORDS OF THE UNIVERSE,

NOT WEARING
A FAKE REFEREE'S OUTFIT
AT THE LOCAL FOOTLOCKER.

SO THEY DRINK AND GET FAT
AND DIE OF A STROKE AT 46

ALL BECAUSE WE JUMPED AROUND
YELLING "YAY TEAM,"

INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM FEEL
LIKE THE FAILURES THAT THEY ARE.

- HEY.
- HI.

I WASN'T SURE IF YOU HEARD
ABOUT THE SUPERMARKET OPENING.

- IT'S NOT HAPPENING.
- OH, YOU HEARD.

- FANNY CALLED ME.
- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

SHE DID.

WELL, IT'S TOO BAD NO ONE'S
GOING TO SEE OUR DANCE.

MAYBE MADAME FANNY
CAN FIND A DIFFERENT PLACE
FOR US TO PERFORM IT.

- I THINK MY
DANCING DAYS ARE OVER.
- WHAT?

I'M BUSY WITH SCHOOL.
AND LET'S BE HONEST,
I'M NOT THAT GOOD.

- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- BOO, PLEASE.

IT'S A MIRACLE
YOU'RE NOT ON CRUTCHES.

WELL, MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU
AT A GAME SOMETIME.

PROBABLY NOT.
I JUST CAME TONIGHT TO GET
EXTRA CREDIT FOR P.E.

OH.

- [ whistle blows ]
- I'D BETTER PAY ATTENTION
TO THE GAME.

- COACH MEYER WILL QUIZ ME.
- OKAY.

WELL, SEE YOU AROUND.

YO, PRETTY BOY!
SPREAD THE WORD--

WE'RE HAVING A MEETING
TO OPPOSE THE CLOSING
OF THE SUPERMARKET

TOMORROW NIGHT AT 8:00
AT FANNY'S DANCE STUDIO.

IT'S ALL ON THE FLYER.
WHICH, B-T-DUBS,
IS WHERE YOU COME IN.

I NEED YOUR HELP
IN GETTING THE WORD OUT,

SO NO ONE LEAVES HERE
WITHOUT ONE OF THESE PUPPIES.

BUY A DRINK, GET A FLYER.
ORDER AN APPETIZER, GET A FLYER.

GO TO THE BATHROOM,
GET A WHOLE STACK OF FLYERS.
GOT IT?

- WHO ARE YOU?
- OH, I'M MICHELLE.

VEGAS DANCER, MARRIED HUBBELL,
SEX AT THE PARTY, CAR CRASH--
IT WAS IN ALL THE PAPERS.

- I DON'T READ THE PAPER.
- RIGHT, BECAUSE IT'S NOT 1950.

ALL GOOD THINGS
HAPPEN OUTSIDE A PAPER.

YOU EVER SEEN A BABY DEER
BORN IN THE PAPER?

- UH...
- ONLY WAY A BABY DEER
IS IN THE PAPER

IS IF IT CAUSES A PILE-UP.
YOU READ THE PAPER,

YOU'D THINK ALL
BABY DEERS WERE KILLERS.

- THAT'S NUTS.
- IF THE TRUTH IS NUTS--

I PROMISE YOU,
NO BABY DEERS DIE
IN THESE FLYERS.

- COOL.
- I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE THE
SUPERMARKET-- AND THE COFFEE.

- RIGHT ON.
- SO I DECIDED
TO GO "FOOTLOOSE"

ON THE COMMITTEE'S ASS
AND CALL A MEETING.

- [ cellphone buzzing ]
- OOH, I'M BUZZING.

HELLO.
OH HI, MR. MORTIMER.

THANKS FOR CALLING ME BACK.
YES, THAT IS CORRECT,

WE ARE HOLDING A DINNER
IN YOUR HONOR.

90 YEARS ON THIS PLANET
IS NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT.

TOMORROW NIGHT AT 8:00
AT FANNY'S DANCE STUDIO.

DID YOU WANT
THE CHICKEN OR FISH?

GREAT, SEE YOU THEN.

- WOW.
- OH, LIKE HE'S GONNA
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

YOU EVER TRY
TO SAVE A SUPERMARKET?
YOU DO WHAT IT TAKES.

- THAT'S NUTS.
- I KNOW.

- NO, LIKE SERIOUSLY CRAZY.
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME.

I LIVED IN VEGAS. I PLAYED
CRAPS WITH DENNIS RODMAN.
I KNOW CRAZY.

OKAY, SO I'VE GOT
TO HIT THE SYNAGOGUE,

TELL THEM ABOUT THE BRIS
WE'RE HAVING TOMORROW NIGHT
AT 8:00. BUT REMEMBER--

NO ONE LEAVES HERE
WITHOUT A FLYER.

YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A FLYER.
I HOPE YOU GET BETTER AT THIS.

OKAY, SO I WAS THINKING
TONIGHT WE'D GO FOR
A SNACK THEME

OF THINGS ON TOP
OF RELATED THINGS.

WHAT, LIKE WHIPPED CREAM
ON ICE CREAM?

AMATEUR HOUR.
I'VE GOT COOKIE DOUGH
TO PUT ON COOKIES

AND SOFT CHEESE
TO SPREAD ON HARD CHEESE.

- I'M NOT REALLY HUNGRY.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THIS IS THE TAKING-OFF
PORTION OF THE EVENING.

- WHY AREN'T YOU CHANGED?
- I'M COMFORTABLE.

UGH, GET OUT!

- LIKE I WANT TO STAY.
- WE'RE GETTING BEER.
YOU WANT ANYTHING?

UH, WE'RE NOT
BRINGING HER ANYTHING.

- GINNY CAN HAVE SOMETHING.
- NO THANKS.

I'M NOT MUCH OF A DRINKER.
OR EATER.

I DON'T REALLY INGEST.
THAT'S NOT MINE.

ALL RIGHT.
LATER.

SEE, THIS IS WHY WE SHOULD'VE
SET UP IN MY ROOM.

MAYBE WE CAN CHANGE THE LOCKS
BEFORE THEY GET BACK.

- [ door closes ]
- WHAT THE HELL.

- WHAT?
- OKAY, FREAK,
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?

YOU'VE BEEN ACTING 50 SHADES
OF CRAY-CRAY LATELY.

I KNOW! I CAN'T THINK
OR TALK AND MY STOMACH
HURTS ALL THE TIME.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY,
BUT I BORROWED MY MOTHER'S
NIGHTGOWN FROM HER HONEYMOON

JUST IN CASE HE'D SEE ME
IN IT AND I DON'T EVEN
THINK IT'LL FIT.

SHE'S 15 TIMES TALLER THAN ME,
AND EVER SINCE I FOUND OUT
CHARLIE LIKES ME,

- NOTHING I DO MAKES SENSE.
- CHARLIE?

- MY BROTHER CHARLIE?
- HE ASKED BOO ABOUT ME
AND NOW MY BRAIN IS 95% EMPTY.

I SERIOUSLY CANNOT
FORM WORDS WHEN HE'S AROUND.

ALL THAT HAPPENS IN MY HEAD
IS ME GOING, "TALK TALK TALK."

BUT THE MORE I THINK THAT,
THE MORE I REALIZE I HAVEN'T
ACTUALLY SAID ANYTHING.

AND THEN I END UP GIGGLING
AND OCCASIONALLY DROOLING.

I CAN'T DO THIS.
I CAN'T BE ALWAYS INTERESTING
AND NEVER HUNGRY.

IT MAKES ME WANT JOSH BACK.
'CAUSE AT LEAST I COULD EAT

AND SPEAK AND WEAR
COMFORTABLE PANTS!

- WAIT, ARE YOU SAYING
YOU WANT TO DATE CHARLIE?
- THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

THE POINT IS I'M ACTING
LIKE A MENTAL PATIENT!

NO, THE POINT IS
YOU CAN'T DATE CHARLIE.

- WHAT?
- BOO LIKES CHARLIE.

- I KNOW.
- THAT MEANS AS LONG
AS YOU'RE FRIENDS,

YOU CANNOT GO NEAR HIM.
IT'S BRA CODE.

- BUT CHARLIE DOESN'T LIKE BOO.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER!
SHE OWNS THE RIGHTS.

MAYBE IF BOO BECOMES
A NUN OR A LESBIAN, THEN YOU
COULD CONSIDER LIKING CHARLIE.

BUT ONLY WITH HER PERMISSION
AND THERE STILL MIGHT
BE SOME BLOWBACK.

SO "MOONSTRUCK" YOURSELF,
DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO,
BUT THIS STOPS NOW.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO GET SWEATS
AND A BIG T-SHIRT
FOR YOU TO SLEEP IN!

[ chattering ]

IT HASN'T STARTED YET?
I WAS SURE I WAS LATE.

- WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THAT?
- FOR THE "SOUND OF MUSIC"
SING-ALONG.

- I'M BRIGITTA.
- IT'S A NEIGHBORHOOD
COUNCIL MEETING.

- A WHAT?
- MICHELLE SUCKERED US ALL INTO
COMING WITH A WEB OF LIES.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.
- THAT COUPLE OVER THERE
IS WAITING FOR A BRIS.

GUY OVER THERE IS EXPECTING
A BACHELOR PARTY.

AND SHE TOLD US
WE WERE GOING TO SKYPE
WITH HUGH JACKMAN.

- OKAY, WHY WOULD YOU
THINK THAT WAS TRUE?
- SHE SAID THEY WERE FRIENDS.

- AND YOU BELIEVED HER?
- YEAH, HOW COULD WE BE
SO DUMB, BRIGITTA?

MR. MORTIMER, YOU DON'T
LOOK A DAY OVER 85.

YOUR SNAPPER WILL BE
READY ANY MINUTE.

- SO WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
- RIGHT HERE.

- SERIOUSLY?
- YEAH, YOU GOT
A GREAT TURNOUT.

THIS IS A GREAT
TURNOUT?

- IT'S PACKED.
- WOW, I AM SO NOT
KEVIN BACON RIGHT NOW.

- GLAD I DIDN'T BRING MY BIBLE.
- WE SHOULD GET STARTED.

SURE.
SO WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?
IS THERE, LIKE, A GAVEL

OR A GONG OR ED McMAHON
WAITING IN THE WINGS?

WE'RE STARTING!
NOW WHY THE HELL
ARE WE HERE?

- Man: BINGO!
- Woman: FREE PUPPIES!

- Melanie: "SOUND OF MUSIC"
SING-ALONG!
- OKAY, HI.

I'M MICHELLE SIMMS
AND I'VE CALLED THIS MEETING

BECAUSE YOUR COMMITTEE
IS BLOCKING THE OPENING
OF THE NEW SUPERMARKET,

AND I FOR ONE THINK
THIS IS A MISTAKE.

RIGHT NOW THE ONLY OPTION
WE HAVE FOR OUR GROCERY NEEDS
IS THAT HOLE-IN-THE-WALL,

WANTS-TO-BE-A-REAL-STORE-WHEN-
IT-GROWS-UP JOE'S MARKET
WHICH, LET'S BE HONEST,

IT'S NOT JUST TINY,
IT'S A LITTLE CREEPY,
WITH THE WEIRD LIGHTING

AND DUSTY SHELVES AND ALWAYS
SMELLING LIKE BUG SPRAY.

MAKES YOU WONDER
WHAT KIND OF WEIRDO JOE IS.

- I'M JOE.
- OH.

UH, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY MARKET.

I'M SIMPLY SUGGESTING

WE COULD ALSO USE A STORE
WITH MORE THAN ONE KIND
OF MUSTARD.

- MAYBE GRAINY OR--
- NOPE, NOTHING GRAINY.

I DON'T WANT
ANY OF THAT FANCY STUFF
THEY PASS FROM LIMO TO LIMO.

- BUT--
- GOLDEN-- THAT'S
THE MUSTARD FOR ME.

- [ all agreeing ]
- RIGHT.

THEN WHAT ABOUT CONVENIENCE?
RIGHT NOW IF YOU WANT
A BOTTLE OF WINE

WITH DINNER,
YOU HAVE TO GO
FROM JOE'S LOVELY MARKET

ALL THE WAY ACROSS TOWN
TO THE LIQUOR STORE.

YEAH, AND SO DO THE KIDS
TRYING TO BUY BEER.

THIS WAY THEY'RE EITHER DETERRED
OR THEY GET SOME EXERCISE.

LET ME JUST CUT TO THE CHASE.
THE PEOPLE OF PARADISE DESERVE
A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE.

- WE GOT THAT BARISTA.
- BASH.

- HE WON AWARDS.
- HE KILLED THE ITALIANS
AND THE FRENCH.

- I HEARD HE EVEN BEAT
A GUY FROM SEATTLE.
- THAT'S A MYTH,

JUST LIKE SASQUATCH
OR ROGAINE.

NO ONE BEATS
THE SEATTLE BARISTAS.

Joe:
I SAW THE TROPHY
WITH MY OWN EYES.

OKAY YES, HE'S A VERY
TALENTED BARISTA.

BUT I'D LIKE MY COFFEE
BEFORE I DROP DEAD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.
WE DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT.

NO, WHAT YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH IS PROGRESS.

THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.

YOU'RE SCARED...

SCARED OF THE BIG STORE
COMING IN

AND THREATENING
YOUR ONE-MUSTARD TOWN.

YOU SAY YOU GOT THEM
ON A ZONING TECHNICALITY?

I SAY THAT'S CODE FOR FEAR.

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT
THE ZONING THING.

WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING
THIS BATTLE FOR YEARS.

THAT WAS JUST
THE LEGAL MUMBO-JUMBO

THAT LET US FINALLY
PULL THE PLUG ON IT.

- THIS PROJECT'S BAD NEWS.
- WELL, NOTHING'S PERFECT.

SOMETIMES THERE
ARE TRADE-OFFS.

THEY WANT TO POLLUTE
THE RIVER.

THE STUDY SAID
IN THREE YEARS

THERE'LL BE NOTHING
BUT TWO-HEADED FISH.

WELL, TWO HEADS
ARE BETTER THAN ONE.

- DON'T FORGET THE DUCKS.
- EVERY DUCK WITHIN A 50-MILE
RADIUS-- DEAD.

EXCEPT THE ONES THAT FLY OFF
AND INFECT ALL THE DUCKS
IN THE UNITED STATES.

DEAD DUCKS
FROM COAST TO COAST.

WELL, ON THE SURFACE
THAT SOUNDS BAD,

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND--
COFFEE.

THEY ALSO USE FIVE YEAR OLDS
TO PICK THEIR VEGETABLES.

WHY DO YOU HATE
KIDS AND DUCKS?

[ crowd murmuring ]

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- HEY.
- I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

GOOD.
GOOD TO KNOW TECHNOLOGY
CAN BE TRUSTED.

SO ARE YOU EXPECTING ME
TO SAY SOMETHING?

BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO CALLED THIS MEETING.

YES, AND I THANK YOU
FOR COMING.

THAT SOUNDED WEIRD.
ACTUALLY EVERYTHING WITH US
IS WEIRD LATELY.

GOOD THING THERE'S NO "US"
ANY MORE SINCE THE DANCE
WAS CANCELED.

AND APPARENTLY,
YOU'RE JUST INTERESTED
IN ME AS A DANCE PARTNER.

- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- THAT'S WHAT YOUR FRIENDS SAID.

- MY FRIENDS WERE WRONG.
- YOUR FRIENDS WERE JERKS

ABOUT ME MAKING YOU LASAGNA
AND YOU DIDN'T DISAGREE.

LASAGNA REALLY DOES MAKE ME
SICK TO MY STOMACH,

SO THAT PART WAS TRUE.
BUT NOT THE OTHER STUFF
THEY SAID.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T
SAY ANYTHING RIGHT THEN,

BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME,

I DON'T WANT TO JUST BE
DANCE PARTNERS.

I LIKE--

- SEE, SHE'S WITH CARL!
- SO?

- SO SHE DOESN'T
LIKE CHARLIE ANY MORE!
- THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

- YOU STILL CAN'T DATE CHARLIE!
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE DATING CHARLIE?

- NO, NOT YET.
- NOT EVER!

- YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T LIKE HIM.
- I DIDN'T.

- NOW SHE DOES.
- YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL
ABOUT CHARLIE.

- Melanie: THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
- I'VE LIKED HIM FOREVER.

- I KNOW!
- YOU SAID
YOU WOULDN'T DATE HIM.

YOU TOLD ME TO MY FACE
"IT'S NOT LIKE I'D DATE HIM
OR ANYTHING."

- I WAS THERE.
- TOTAL VIOLATION OF BRA CODE.

- Ginny: LOOK, I HAVEN'T EVEN
GONE OUT WITH HIM YET.
- "YET"!

- OBVIOUSLY, YOU WANT TO.
- Ginny: YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO TOLD ME HE LIKED ME.

BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD
TRUST YOU NOT TO GO AFTER
THE GUY I LIKE!

I'M SORRY,
I JUST CAUGHT YOU
KISSING SOMEONE.

YOU CAN'T OWN
SHORTY McSHORTERSON AND
EVERY OTHER GUY IN THE WORLD!

- IT'S NOT FAIR.
- LIFE'S NOT FAIR.

OH, SO WISE!
SO TALL AND SO SO WISE!

HEY, I'M JUST
STANDING UP
FOR MY FRIEND!

- SHE WOULDN'T DO THIS
TO YOU, RIGHT, BOO?
- I'M AN IDIOT.

- I'LL NEVER
HAVE COFFEE AGAIN.
- NAH.

I'LL MISS COFFEE.
IT SMELLS GOOD.
IT MAKES YOU TALK FAST.

IT GOES NICELY
WITH CAKE AND PIE AND ALL
YOUR BASIC BAKED GOODS.

YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY MUCH
OF A COFFEE PERSON MYSELF.

SO WHY'D YOU COME
TO THE MEETING?

I HAD A FEELING THAT

YOU MIGHT NOT GET
MUCH OF A TURNOUT,

THOUGHT YOU COULD
USE SOME BACK UP.

OH, A BOY SCOUT, HUH?
HELPING AN OLD LADY
ACROSS THE STREET?

- I LIKE YOUR SHIRT.
- THANKS.

- WHAT'S IT MEAN?
- THAT YOU'RE EVEN YOUNGER
THAN I REALIZED.

YOU HAVE A WHOLE "OLD" THING
GOING ON TONIGHT, HUH?

- LET ME TAKE THAT.
- THIS WAS DUMB.

- THIS WHOLE THING WAS DUMB.
- SOMEONE YOUR AGE SHOULD'VE
KNOWN BETTER.

I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO FEEL
LIKE I HAD SOME KIND OF CONTROL

OVER SOMETHING IN MY LIFE,
YOU KNOW?

NOTHING IS
UNDER YOUR CONTROL.

YOU JUST GOTTA LET
THINGS HAPPEN.

YEAH, OKAY, SURFER BOY,
GET BACK TO ME IN 10 YEARS,

- WE'LL SEE HOW
YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT.
- IT'S NOT ABOUT AGE.

- IT'S ABOUT PHILOSOPHY.
- WELL, HERE'S MY PHILOSOPHY:

I BELIEVE
IN CONTROLLING EVERYTHING.

AND PUTTING CHEESE ON STUFF.

- YOU NEED TO GO SURFING.
- YES, THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT I NEED.

- I COULD TAKE YOU.
- ABSOLUTELY, PICK ME UP
AT NOON.

ONCE I GOT YOU
OUT ON THE WAVES,
YOU'D LET ALL THIS GO.

YOU'D SURRENDER
TO THE OCEAN.

WOW, THAT IS
AN AWESOME LINE.

AND I BET WITH YOUR FACE
AND OTHER PARTS THAT
IT WORKS-- A LOT.

- HOW ABOUT TOMORROW?
- NO.

- NEXT DAY?
- NO.

"NO" IS REALLY JUST
ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING "YES."

YOU'RE ADORABLE.
AND I LOVE THE FLIRTY THING
YOU'VE GOT GOING HERE,

BUT YOU AND I--
REALLY DIFFERENT.

THAT COMBO COULD
SERIOUSLY NEVER HAPPEN.

WE'LL SEE.

[ scoffs ]

HEY.

- HEY.
- WHY AREN'T YOU OUT THERE?

I SPRAINED MY SPIRIT.

- THEY DON'T KICK
VERY HIGH, DO THEY?
- NO.

- BUT THEY'RE UNIFORM.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.

- THEY ALL KICK
THE SAME UNIMPRESSIVE HEIGHT.
- [ school bell ringing ]

ALL RIGHT,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

DRESSED LIKE THAT?
WITH THE PUNKY BREWSTER HAIR?

- JUST GO APOLOGIZE
TO FANNY.
- CAN'T.

IF YOU CAN'T DO IT
FOR YOURSELF, DO IT
FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

THEY'RE DYING.
HALF THE CLASS IS OUT
WITH P.T.S.D.

- THE OTHER HALF
WISHES THEY WERE.
- IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

REALLY?
'CAUSE IT DOESN'T
SEEM THAT COMPLICATED.

I'VE GOT STUFF
I'M DEALING WITH.
YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,
MY HOMELIFE WAS NO
BIG PICNIC EITHER.

IT WAS LIKE
A TENNESSEE WILLIAMS PLAY,

BUT WITHOUT ALL
THE HAPPY ENDINGS.
SO I GET IT.

YOU'VE GOT, WHAT?
TWO MORE YEARS TILL
YOU'RE OUT OF THE HOUSE.

AND THIS SUMMER YOU'RE
AT JOFFREY, SO THAT'S REALLY
TWO YEARS MINUS A SUMMER.

THAT'S NOTHING.
YOU'VE JUST GOT
TO SUCK IT UP.

BE TOUGHER.
LIFE IS UNFAIR,
DEAL WITH IT.

LOOK, I HAVE NO DOUBT YOU CAN
KEEP THE STUBBORN THING UP
FOR A LONG TIME.

I RESPECT YOUR COMMITMENT
TO THE SULK.

BUT I CAN TELL YOU
FROM EXPERIENCE,

ONE REALLY STUPID MISTAKE
WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG CAN
CHANGE EVERYTHING,

TAKE AWAY OPTIONS,
MAKE YOU SORRY

YOU DIDN'T LISTEN
TO THE PERSON WHO HAS
A REALLY EMBARRASSING PICTURE

- OF YOU ON HER CELLPHONE.
- WHAT?

- [ clicks ]
- NICE.

OH, THAT'S A KEEPER.

QUITTING BALLET NOW IS
A REALLY STUPID MISTAKE.

- Michelle: ARE THOSE JUMPS?
- IT'S SAD WHEN YOU HAVE TO ASK.

SERIOUSLY, DID THEY
LEARN THEM IN A ROOM
WITH REALLY LOW CEILINGS?

[ instrumental music playing ]