All language subtitles for Assisted Living s02e02 Best Laid Plans.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,736 --> 00:00:03,335 - Hey, I gotta run to the store real quick. 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,703 One of the toilets got a broken valve. 3 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:05,738 - Eeewww. - You know what? 4 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:06,805 Bring me back a six-pack. 5 00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:08,574 - Of beer? 6 00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:10,142 - No, of abs. 7 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,311 Yes, beer, dumbass. 8 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,913 - It's too early to be drinking. Lush. 9 00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,281 - [chuckles] It's alright. 10 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,517 Helps me keep my mind right. 11 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,919 How you think I'm able to deal with you all day? 12 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,855 - [doorbell rings] 13 00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:24,189 - Hi! Good morning! 14 00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,724 - Better make that a 12-pack! 15 00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:29,928 - I see y'all didn't do the exorcist last night. 16 00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:32,064 The devil's still here. 17 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,332 - Good morning, y'all. 18 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:37,169 Baby. Mm, me and Cora about to go thrifting! 19 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,971 - Jeremy, how does feel to be home? 20 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:44,243 - After being in jail, I got a whole new appreciation for life. 21 00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:47,479 - Y'all get a room. What's all of that? 22 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,882 - We got a room. We got too many rooms. 23 00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:51,250 And they all empty. 24 00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:54,620 - And it's more peace and quiet for me. 25 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,588 - All right, well, if we don't get some residents in here soon, 26 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,457 this place about to be a money pit. 27 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,660 - Thanks to the sheriff, all the buzz for my video is gone. 28 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,228 Just a total waste. 29 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,431 - That's what they should put on your tombstone. 30 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:08,767 "Here lies Lil' Blackie, a total waste." 31 00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:11,370 [laughs] 32 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,506 - What they should put on yours is, "Here lies Vinny. 33 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,175 RIH." 34 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:18,410 Rest in Hell! Burn! 35 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:19,945 - Okay, look, I'm done with y'all. 36 00:01:20,047 --> 00:01:22,314 The good news is, the sheriff is gone. 37 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,849 - That's right! That's right! 38 00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:26,151 - We should have our certificate of occupancy soon, 39 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,386 and then you can make another one of 40 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,588 them lil' DingDong videos, Mr. Brown. 41 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,523 - You know what? The way things go in this town, 42 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,059 it may be months before the inspector even come out. 43 00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,194 - Months? 44 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,295 - Yeah, Cora, it don't matter anyway, 45 00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,397 'cuz all of my followers gone. - What? 46 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,232 - You know that they blocked me, Cora, 47 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,201 'cuz I said "The Color Purple" was overrated. 48 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:47,172 And I'm--I'm back down to my original three follow-- 49 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,240 two followers? 50 00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:49,475 Cora, you unfollowed me? 51 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,810 - Mr. Brown--Mr. Brown, 52 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,612 "The Color Purple" is a classic. 53 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:54,746 - Traitor! 54 00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:58,650 - Look like the Brown Bomber done bombed again. 55 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,953 - Okay, a'ight, look, everything's funny right now. 56 00:02:01,055 --> 00:02:03,655 But I'm telling you, we need to figure something out soon 57 00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,924 or we ain't gonna have no lights on in here, okay? 58 00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,092 - That's good. That's true. 59 00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:09,428 - 'Cuz money and residents, 60 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,263 they're not just falling out the sky. 61 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:12,531 - [indistinct chatter] 62 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,933 - [doorbell rings] - Ah. 63 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,568 My name is Reginald Junie. 64 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,370 I'd like to inquire about housing. 65 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,106 I can pay a few months in advance. 66 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,241 - What? 67 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:23,575 - Y'all better get your umbrellas. 68 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,378 Look like it's raining old people with money! 69 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,249 - ♪ 70 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,751 ♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪ 71 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:36,555 ♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪ 72 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,391 ♪ Always remember blood ain't never water ♪ 73 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,561 ♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪♪ 74 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,565 - Move out the way. Come on in, Reggie. Take a seat. 75 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,233 Let me get your luggage, let me get your luggage. 76 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,102 Here, take that. Let's go. 77 00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,204 Let's get you a place to stay. 78 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,772 Have a seat in the good new seats, man. 79 00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:54,907 Have a seat. 80 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,375 Right there, we gonna take care of you, yeah. 81 00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:57,709 - Thank you. - Be cool, be cool. 82 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,344 - Relax, Reggie. - VINNY: Reggie-- 83 00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,713 - It's Reginald, and thank you. 84 00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:05,284 Uh, I apologize for being so direct, but, uh, 85 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:06,785 I'm in a bit of a quagmire. 86 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,788 I, uh, need housing immediately. 87 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,758 - I hate when "quack-mires" be happening to me. 88 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,293 They're happening all the time to me. 89 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,661 - Oh, gosh. 90 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:17,563 - You don't even know what "quagmire" means, do you? 91 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,898 - Not--not really. - Dummy! 92 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,266 - You don't know what it mean either. 93 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,401 - I don't know what it mean, 94 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,736 but I pretended to know longer than he did. 95 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,739 - Grandpa, you don't get points for pretending not to know. 96 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:30,075 - Yes. Uh, Mr. Reginald, uh, please, 97 00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,844 can you just explain to us your difficult situation? 98 00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:37,716 - I recently sold my house and, uh... 99 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,719 somehow got the wrong move out date on my calendar. 100 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:44,256 So, the new owners showed up this morning and... 101 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:47,960 I had to procure movers and, uh, vacate at the last minute. 102 00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:50,996 - See, "procure" means when you get your feet done. 103 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,731 - No, that's "pedicure." 104 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:57,302 "Procure" is a Native American who saved that white boy-- 105 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,670 - Shh! 106 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,105 - That's Pocahontas. 107 00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:02,341 Pocahontas, you idiot. 108 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,543 - This facility is for the elderly 109 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,745 and the mentally challenged? 110 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,747 - [laughs] - Whoa, whoa now, hey. 111 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,215 - Yes, you can say that, sir. 112 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:11,617 Yes, you can say that. 113 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:12,851 - Why, I was driving by 114 00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,586 and thought I'd see if you had any vacancy. 115 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,687 - Oh, yes, sir. 116 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:17,889 Yeah, we got--we got plenty of room. 117 00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:19,758 - Yeah, we got-- - --for one moment. 118 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,727 - VINNY: They just need to talk about it. 119 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:22,961 In fact, let me tell you about-- 120 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,263 Let me tell you-- whoa, whoa, whoa. 121 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:26,131 We'll be back, Reggie! 122 00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:28,233 - It's Reginald. 123 00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,402 - He cannot stay here! 124 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,837 - Why not? - [scoffs] 125 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:32,938 - He said he got the money, 126 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:34,773 and he gonna pay three months in advance. 127 00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:38,810 - And our motto is if he got the cash, we can house that-- 128 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:40,545 - That is not our motto, Vinny. 129 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:41,947 - Well, it should be. 130 00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:45,517 - For once, I agree with Vinny, 131 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,552 'cuz I need to get a return on my investment. 132 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,188 - We do not have our certificate of occupancy, okay? 133 00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:53,959 Look, only family members are allowed to stay here right now. 134 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,061 - If the Housing Department finds out, 135 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,830 we'll never get our certificate, and you may go back to jail. 136 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,465 Matter of fact, we all may go to jail! 137 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,933 - I ain't goin' no jail. 138 00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:03,568 Y'all go to jail. I ain't goin' to jail. 139 00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:06,038 First thing they'll try to do to me is mess up my face. 140 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,906 I got a model face! 141 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,842 - This is way too risky. - Leah's right again. 142 00:05:10,944 --> 00:05:13,245 I mean, we'll figure out a way to raise some money, y'all. 143 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,546 - How we gonna raise money, Cora? 144 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,148 - Well, we will. We'll figure it out. 145 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,516 - You gonna tell him? 146 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,084 Or do you need me to tell him, baby? 147 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,585 - I will tell him. 148 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:21,720 - Okay, I love you. 149 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,689 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 150 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,157 - VINNY: Oh, he'll tell him. 151 00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:27,626 He got no problem throwing out a old Black man like he did me 152 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:30,495 when he choked me and threw me over the couch-- 153 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,531 choked me 'til my legs went numb! 154 00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,300 - Oh, did he kill you? - No. I'm half dead, though. 155 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:36,368 - You look like it. 156 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,737 - ♪ 157 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,772 - If you don't mind, I'd like to pay six months in advance, 158 00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:41,940 if that's okay. - VINNY: Oh. 159 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,543 Man, let me look at them numbers. 160 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,679 [laughs] Welcome to Pleasant Day, Reggie. 161 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,648 - Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have your room ready right away. 162 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,450 - It's Reginald. And thank you. 163 00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,385 - Let me get the leasing agreement. 164 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:55,020 You can sign that, settle in, and-- 165 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,488 Where we keep the leasing agreements? 166 00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,523 - Make up one. Go to the internet. 167 00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,025 - We know what we doin', man. 168 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,961 [clears throat] Um, look at here. 169 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:07,065 If you, uh, find any marijuana plants in the backyard, 170 00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,101 they belong to me, okay? 171 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:12,037 - Marijuana is illegal in Georgia. 172 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,238 - We're in Colorado. 173 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,342 - Boy, your granddaddy about to run off the only tenant we got. 174 00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:18,877 - Who sent you, man? 175 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,079 Narc? 5-0? 176 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,048 FBI? 177 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,416 Child support? 178 00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:28,453 Now, you know I only got one ball, so them twins ain't mine. 179 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,089 - I'm really gonna have to ask somebody to take care of him. 180 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,358 - You know, I--I've got some plastic and a shovel 181 00:06:33,460 --> 00:06:34,860 in my trunk. 182 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:36,762 If you got some bleach, we can do it today. 183 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,264 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not like that. 184 00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:42,334 When did fun-loving, Drop Kick Me, Jesus Mr. Brown 185 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,769 start catching bodies? - Hey, Dad, 186 00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:45,570 we're about to meet up with some friends. 187 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:48,106 - Hold up, I need y'all to help me out with something important. 188 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,275 - How important? 189 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:51,710 - Hands up. - What? 190 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,779 - Spread 'em, man, spread 'em! There you go. 191 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,448 You can't come in here. We don't know who you are. 192 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:57,716 - Extremely important, okay? 193 00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,318 I need one of you all to keep Grandpa occupied. 194 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,954 I need the other person to help Mr. Reginald to his room. 195 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,322 - Well, what's it worth to you? 196 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,992 'Cuz my Zoltron Gaming Station 4 is getting kind of old. 197 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,327 I could use that new Zoltron Gaming 5. 198 00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:12,798 - Okay, so you trying to hustle a new gaming system out of me 199 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:13,865 because you know I'm desperate. 200 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,600 - I mean, do you want my help or not? 201 00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:17,702 - Fine, alright. Remember that, though. 202 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,237 Mm-hmm. And what about you? 203 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,306 - Rihanna has a new skincare line that I'd love to review 204 00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,974 on my DingDong account. 205 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,776 - Okay, deal. 206 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,378 - Hey, I called the check cashing place. 207 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,013 His check is good. 208 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:29,247 He got money. 209 00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:32,451 - ♪ 210 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:36,588 - Now, if you make that move, my bishop can take your queen. 211 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,989 - Oh, you know what? 212 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,892 We had a bishop at my church that took somebody else's queen. 213 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,361 Boy, he got the brakes beat off of him! 214 00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,063 - [bell rings] 215 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,232 - And then the bishop, now he sell cars. 216 00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,834 Yep, he--uh-oh! 217 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:50,602 - Hello. 218 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,871 - [laughs nervously] Hey! 219 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,873 - Hey! - Y'all home. 220 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,575 - Yeah, Mr. Reginald's just teaching me some new strategies 221 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:57,576 for chess. 222 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,544 - Young man is quite gifted. 223 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,914 - Oh, well, I need to speak with you right over here, over here. 224 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,016 Get--get, come on-- - [indistinct mumbling] 225 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,052 - I need to speak with you too, over here. 226 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,387 - Cora, we don't need to get in married people business. 227 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,623 - Now, Mr. Brown! Come on! 228 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:12,791 - Cora, why you yelling at me? 229 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:15,861 - Come on over here. You need to talk. 230 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,363 - I thought we agreed that he could not stay here, Jeremy! 231 00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:21,833 - No, no, technically, you and Cora agreed 232 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,068 that he can't stay here. 233 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,703 But the money was just too good to turn down. 234 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,805 - What? Boy, he is over there playing chess. 235 00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,540 You got my children involved in this. 236 00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:29,941 - And y'all both know better than that! 237 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,510 - Cora, no, I don't! - Yes, y'all do! 238 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,011 - I don't know no better! 239 00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,214 I'm just doing what they daddy said, so he know better, not me! 240 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,285 - We both agreed that they need to take on more responsibility. 241 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,586 Right? - Responsibility? 242 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,954 - Look how much they enjoying it. 243 00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,689 - It was six months in advance. 244 00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:46,491 - Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! 245 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:47,792 He had me cleaning his room, 246 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,228 and something is alive in the sock drawer. 247 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,830 - VINNY: I told you, if you don't bother it, 248 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,932 it won't bother you! Unplug it! 249 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,367 - Uh uh, mm-mm, I'm done. 250 00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,135 Let's switch old people. Come on. 251 00:08:57,237 --> 00:09:00,372 I said it's time to switch old people. 252 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,410 Come on, Mr. Reginald. I'll show you to your room. 253 00:09:08,282 --> 00:09:10,148 - I gotta go get a handle for Mr. Reginald's toilet. 254 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,017 - Ooh, hold up, swole up, where are you going? 255 00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,485 You gonna leave me here with this mess. 256 00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,654 - Everything gonna be fine. Relax! 257 00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:16,955 - [growls] 258 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,090 - All this complaining about. 259 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,525 - Whoo! - Don't pay her no mind. 260 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,327 - [bell rings] - Hello! 261 00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,828 I'm Todd from the Housing Department, 262 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,397 here for your surprise inspection. 263 00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:26,464 - Oh my god. 264 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,133 - How you keep doing that? 265 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,535 Every time you open the door, somebody at the door. 266 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:34,072 Quit opening the door! - Oh my God. 267 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,909 - ♪ 268 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,145 - Ain't nobody tell me about no surprise inspection. 269 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,914 - Ha! That's not how surprises typically work. 270 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,050 May I come in? 271 00:09:45,152 --> 00:09:47,218 - Yeah. You know what? 272 00:09:47,321 --> 00:09:49,721 We weren't really expecting you for like three more months. 273 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:52,691 - And here I am. Would you look at that? 274 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:53,825 - Yeah, imagine that! 275 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,226 - [nervous laughter] 276 00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:56,861 - Can you excuse me for a second? 277 00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,830 - Sure! I'll just need to check the fire alarms 278 00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,831 and the extinguishers. 279 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,068 - Yeah, it's outside. 280 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,937 - I hope this was worth the three months of rent in advance 281 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,839 you were talkin' 'bout. 282 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,141 - It was six months in advance. 283 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:12,277 - [squealing] Damn! 284 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,546 - Okay, look. I know one thing. 285 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,748 I'm not goin' no jail! 286 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,417 I don't want nobody braiding my hair! 287 00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:20,418 - Okay, look. 288 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,420 Everybody just-- let's just take a breath. 289 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:23,788 [inhales deeply] 290 00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:25,056 Okay, let it out. 291 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,258 Now let's just try to calm down, right? 292 00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:28,226 Calm down. 293 00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,328 Maybe we can just-- so, so maybe, um-- 294 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:34,466 we just need to not let the inspector see Reginald. 295 00:10:34,568 --> 00:10:36,301 - Mm-hmm. - Uh, Jeremy? 296 00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,036 Have you got a minute? - Ooh-- 297 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,270 - The bulb in my ceiling fan blew 298 00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:41,106 when I turned on the hot water. 299 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,008 - Yeah, man, I got it, go ahead. 300 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,709 - LEAH: What we gonna do? 301 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,044 - Okay, you know what? 302 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,279 I'm starting to think that this family is cursed, Cora. 303 00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:51,316 - CORA: I mean, yes-- - Was that your co-owner, Benny? 304 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,752 - Huh? - What you want? Who? 305 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,687 - I'm Vinny. Who the hell are you? 306 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,389 - I'm the inspector. - CORA: Oh! 307 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,456 - Dang it. 308 00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,193 - [chuckles] That Vinny! 309 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,029 - How many Vinnys reside here? 310 00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,898 - One. - Two. 311 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,333 - I'm confused. 312 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:13,004 Um, I'm listed the residents here as grandfather Vinny, 313 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:16,474 Jeremy, wife Leah-- - That's me. 314 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:17,409 - --daughter "Saendra"-- 315 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:19,911 - It's "Sahndra." - --and son Philip? 316 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,346 - Ooh, Cora, they got all their names. 317 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,415 They all about to go to prison. The kids-- 318 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:26,618 - I'm also seeing a Mr. Brown and Cora Brown 319 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,087 as business partners? 320 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,388 - Cora, who gave him my name? 321 00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:32,157 - Just calm down, Mr. Brown, hm? 322 00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:34,225 - I had to put everybody's name on the application. 323 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,895 - You snitch! - Calm down! 324 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:38,563 - Alrighty then! 325 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,032 Is that gentleman needing the light bulb, is he family? 326 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:44,002 - Yeah, nephew, nephew. - Uncle. 327 00:11:44,104 --> 00:11:48,239 Uncle Nephew. - Right, right. 328 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,375 I'm gonna go inspect the exterior, okay? 329 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,643 - Yeah. - But I'm gonna come back 330 00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,244 and tour the house and speak with the occupants. 331 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:54,579 - Alright, we'll see you in a moment. 332 00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:55,680 - Okay! 333 00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,215 - Y'all better be glad I'm quick on my feet 334 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,717 and I can think real fast. 335 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,652 Otherwise, we would've been going to jail right now. 336 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,087 - What did you say that helped the situation? 337 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,455 - That was terrible! 338 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:06,825 They're probably out there calling the SWAT team right now. 339 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,159 - Okay, Cora, well, we better go. 340 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,227 - Well, what are you doing there? 341 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,729 We just can't leave them behind. 342 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:12,263 - Yes, we can. 343 00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:14,599 - The worst they can do is give us a little slap on the wrist. 344 00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:16,267 Right? Right, right? 345 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,504 - Baby, white people get slaps on the wrist. 346 00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,940 Rich people get slaps on the wrist. 347 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,742 We broke and Black as hell. 348 00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:25,210 - [whimpers] 349 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,812 - Well, we can kiss our wrists goodbye. 350 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,380 - All we gotta do-- - Huh? 351 00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:32,851 - --is pass off Reginald as Uncle Nephew, 352 00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,353 and then we gonna get our certificate of occupancy, okay? 353 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,655 - You do realize every time you say something like that, 354 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,457 the exact opposite happens? 355 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,595 - Facts. - Every single time! 356 00:12:43,697 --> 00:12:45,697 - Baby-- - Oh, I'm sorry. 357 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:46,698 - You gonna be that loud? 358 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,066 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby. 359 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,835 - Roofing looks fine, check. 360 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:55,039 - That's good, that's good. - Plumbing is good, check. 361 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:59,377 Electrical's in decent shape, check. 362 00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,513 I'll just need to ask a few questions about the dynamic of 363 00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:03,581 the family here and then I'll be on my way. 364 00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:05,850 - Okay, I'd like the record to reflect-- 365 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,585 - What? 366 00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,155 - --that I was denied the right to an attorney. 367 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:11,322 - What are you talking about? 368 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,925 - [sighs] For the last time, Vincent, 369 00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,294 this is not a criminal interrogation. 370 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:19,164 There is no record, and thus no need for an attorney. 371 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,599 - See? That's what they'd like you to believe. 372 00:13:21,701 --> 00:13:24,202 Then they lock you up. 373 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,538 - Will Uncle Nephew be joining us? 374 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:29,207 - You know what? Earlier he said he wasn't feeling well. 375 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,643 - Yeah, yeah. - I feel terrific. 376 00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:35,146 I think I'm gonna take a walk and check out the neighborhood. 377 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,414 - See? Just what I said. 378 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,817 The exact opposite. Y'all cursed. 379 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:39,951 - Yep. 380 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,387 - Uncle Nephew! Please, come join us. 381 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,621 - Who? 382 00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:46,124 - No, no, he don't have to join. Just talk to us, man. 383 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,692 - Well, you know, guys, I would like to interview 384 00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:50,195 the whole family as well as the owners. 385 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,330 - Well, neither of those pertain to me, so-- 386 00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:54,833 - Ah, ah, Uncle Tom--Uncle Nephew be trying to act like 387 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,034 he not with us. 388 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,202 Yeah, he ain't took his medicine, 389 00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,103 so he mucho loco right now. 390 00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:02,340 - Who and what is Uncle Nephew? 391 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,442 - Come on, Reggie, man, stop tripping, man, 392 00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:06,945 you know-- - It's Reginald. 393 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:10,248 - So, you are not Uncle Nephew? 394 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,483 - What is going on here? 395 00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:13,818 - I can explain. 396 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,921 - Well, I'm glad you can, 'cuz I ain't got nothin' right now. 397 00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,723 - There is nothing to explain. 398 00:14:18,825 --> 00:14:20,959 You were trying to pass this man off as a relative 399 00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:23,127 when clearly, he's a tenant, 400 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:26,698 which, legally, you're not supposed to have. 401 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,001 - That about sums it up. 402 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:33,771 - I can assure you this will all be going in my report 403 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,874 tomorrow morning. Good day! 404 00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,978 - I don't know what type of shenanigans you got goin' on 405 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,347 here, but I won't be a part of it. 406 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,582 I'll be moved out the first thing in the morning. 407 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,317 - Look like we handled that well! 408 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,087 - We did? - Yeah, we goin' to jail, Cora. 409 00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,555 - [moans] 410 00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:53,658 - ♪ 411 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,594 - VINNY: Huh. - Still no word from him, huh? 412 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:58,796 - He was pretty upset when he left last night. 413 00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:00,565 I don't think we're going to be hearing from him again. 414 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,800 - Well, at least we get to keep his money. 415 00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:06,037 - No, we're not! We tearin' that check right up! 416 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:09,207 - Well, it was good to have a resident while it lasted. 417 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,975 - Have you heard from the inspector yet? 418 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,945 - Look, guys, alright. 419 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:15,613 I messed this one up, okay? 420 00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,348 - Y'all gonna learn to listen to Black women. 421 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,616 - LEAH: Mm, hmm-hmm! 422 00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:21,052 Cheers to that. - VINNY: It's hard. 423 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,320 - I'm gonna make this right, okay? 424 00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:23,955 Look, I'm about to go downtown. 425 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:27,158 I'mma talk to the inspector, make everything good, okay? 426 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,193 - You must like getting locked up. 427 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,562 - And then, baby, I just really don't think that's a good idea. 428 00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:34,465 Grandpa Vinny is right this time. 429 00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,534 - I'mma go down there, I'mma get it done. 430 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,202 We're gonna be alright, alright? 431 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:41,372 - Where's Mr. Reginald? What did you do? 432 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,740 - Why you lookin' at me? 433 00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:45,977 - I told you they took his money and dumped his body. 434 00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:48,112 - What make you think something stupid like that now? 435 00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,414 - Yeah. 436 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:51,282 - Because you had a shovel and plastic in your car. 437 00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,952 - Oh, fair point. 438 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,722 - Baby, I can assure you no one has murdered Mr. Reginald, okay? 439 00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,591 He just--he decided that, um, I don't know, 440 00:16:00,694 --> 00:16:03,227 Pleasant Days just wasn't a good fit. 441 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:06,064 - Wait, so no Zoltron Gaming Station 5? 442 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,232 - Okay, forget about that stuff. 443 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,268 I can't believe you guys ran him off. 444 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,236 He was like the grandfather we never had. 445 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,372 - That's cold. That's pretty cold. 446 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:15,840 - Have you met yourself? 447 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,475 - Fair point. 448 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:21,546 - I know everybody's upset right now...at me, like always. 449 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,748 But I can't talk about it right now, alright? 450 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,450 Nothing I can do about it. I'll talk to y'all later. 451 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:26,718 Going downtown. 452 00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,453 - Why are you going to the door again? 453 00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,488 Stay away from the door! 454 00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,558 - [bell rings] 455 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,159 - See? I told you, don't open the door. 456 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:37,762 Every time you go to the door, like I said, people show up. 457 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,465 Now you gonna send us all to jail. 458 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:42,333 - Reginald. Inspector. 459 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,769 - May we come in? - Please. 460 00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,305 - MR. BROWN: I couldn't see him 'cuz he was behind the counter. 461 00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:48,473 - Oh my lord! 462 00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:52,076 - Um, gentlemen, um, actually--actually, 463 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,311 really glad that you're here 464 00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:56,381 because I was just coming downtown to see you. 465 00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:58,850 I want to apologize for what happened yesterday. 466 00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:02,653 You know, um, I really wasn't trying to deceive you. 467 00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:04,589 - I really appreciate that apology. 468 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,257 - No, no, he was talking to him 469 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,227 'cuz we was definitely trying to deceive you. 470 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,763 - All day long! 471 00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:12,563 - Come on. 472 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:13,865 - Okie-dokie, pokey. 473 00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,334 Let's just get this over with, shall we? 474 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,970 Here is your certificate of occupancy. 475 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:20,538 - What! - Oh, man. 476 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,607 - How did that happen? - Hold on. 477 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,542 - Well, I was in the middle of writing up my report 478 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,711 to deny your permit based on the grounds 479 00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,780 of illegally having a tenant 480 00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,381 when the judge stopped by my office to explain 481 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:33,251 that he wasn't a tenant. 482 00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:36,087 - Mr. Reginald, you're a judge? - A judge? 483 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,022 - Retired. 484 00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:41,359 - Wait a minute. You Judge Junie? 485 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,561 - You know, I thought you looked familiar. 486 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:49,267 You locked me up in 1983 in Augusta on a counterfeit charge 487 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:51,803 for selling some fake Thriller jackets. 488 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,638 It's a shame what that sun did to them jackets. 489 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,874 It's like soup, it was sad. Very sad. 490 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,376 - I don't understand. 491 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,078 You were a tenant. You signed the lease. 492 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,980 - I did, but this morning I was looking at the lease, 493 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:08,186 and I realized that you downloaded a CA instead of a GA. 494 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,254 And since that lease was for the state of California, 495 00:18:10,356 --> 00:18:13,257 I was never your tenant on this property. 496 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,126 - Wow. - Yes! 497 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,361 - Congratulations, fam. 498 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,530 You are officially open for business-- 499 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:22,767 or whatever it is you got going on up in here. 500 00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:25,036 - Thank you, Mr. Inspector! - Thank you, Inspector. 501 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:26,471 - Don't mention it. 502 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:29,040 Seriously, don't mention it. 503 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:29,874 - Thank you, white man! 504 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,409 - And if it's not too much to ask, 505 00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:32,910 I'd like to have my old room back. 506 00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:35,079 - Okay, Mr. Reginald, I have to ask. 507 00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:36,347 Why the change of heart? 508 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,816 - My wife and I divorced in our 40's 509 00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,084 and we never had any children. 510 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,553 So for the last 30 years, 511 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:45,456 I've been completely focused on my job. 512 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:49,727 And yesterday, for the first time in a long while, 513 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:54,732 I experienced what it was like to be with a family again. 514 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:59,437 A--A highly dysfunctional one. 515 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,605 - Here. - Here. 516 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,907 - And slightly psychotic. 517 00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,308 - [agreeing] 518 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,711 - But a family nonetheless. 519 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,813 - Welcome home, Mr. Reginald. 520 00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:10,481 - You know what, Mr. Reggie? 521 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,983 You're about to make me cry! 522 00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:14,919 - Mr. Reginald. 523 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:15,987 - Can I hug you? 524 00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:17,188 - Yeah, bring it on, baby. 525 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,456 - [cries] 526 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,790 - LEAH: Aww, look at that! 527 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,628 - [indistinct chatter] 528 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,364 - Oh man, I'm so glad y'all here. 529 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,065 In front of the whole family-- 530 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:29,700 - [laughter] 531 00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,269 - CORA: You're bearing gifts? - Yeah, you know it. 532 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,837 You know how I do. Here you go, baby. 533 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,205 There's your makeup. - Thanks, Daddy. 534 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:35,273 - JEREMY: You're welcome, sweetie. 535 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,474 And the big one? 536 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,376 - [indistinct chatter] - [laughs] 537 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,745 Ah, ta-da! 538 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,713 - What--what--what is this? 539 00:19:42,815 --> 00:19:44,415 - You know what it is. You know better. 540 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,918 - This is my Zoltron 4 and the original Zoltron. 541 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:50,087 - Zoltron 4 plus Zoltron 1 make what, y'all? 542 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,689 - ALL: Five. 543 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,959 - It looks like 5 to me, 5. - I shoulda asked for a 8. 544 00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:55,993 It's not cool. 545 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,162 - Aw, man, I feel so bad. 546 00:19:58,264 --> 00:19:59,463 - [laughs] 547 00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,666 - Look, uh, Mr. Reginald, thank you so much, man. 548 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,367 You really came through for us. 549 00:20:03,469 --> 00:20:04,602 We appreciate him, right? 550 00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,003 - Surely my pleasure. 551 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:10,374 I really didn't care for his ostentatious behavior. 552 00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:13,978 - [laughs] So he was a eye doctor! 553 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,346 - No, dummy. 554 00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:16,914 That's optometrist. 555 00:20:17,016 --> 00:20:20,885 Ostentatious is a British spy, fool. 556 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,853 - No, no, no, that's Austin Powers. 557 00:20:22,956 --> 00:20:24,822 Ostentatious is that brand of hot dogs. 558 00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,191 - Oscar Meyer. 559 00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:30,261 Ostentatious is the truck from "Transformers." 560 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:32,263 Everybody know that. 561 00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:34,966 - That's Optimus Prime, silly. 562 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,535 Ostentatious is the capital of Texas. 563 00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:39,403 - Uh uh, baby. No, no, no, no. 564 00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,172 That is Austin, Texas. 565 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:44,542 Ostentatious is that song by The Gap Band, baby! 566 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,345 - No, ma'am, that's "Outstanding" by The Gap Band. 567 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,046 - So, what's "ostenatious"? 568 00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:51,249 - ♪ 569 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:54,218 - ♪ 570 00:20:55,888 --> 00:20:58,889 - ♪ 571 00:20:58,939 --> 00:21:03,489 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42653

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