All language subtitles for Assisted Living s02e01 Bail Buns.eng

- Nah, we don't want none!
Don't come back over here!

Lord, it's your favorite,
Leroy F. Brown.

The F is for your favorite son.

I just want you to look
after Jeremy

while he in that prison there.

Lord, please don't let him
get shanked

'cause you know he ain't
about that smoke!

You heard me?

And, Lord, please don't let
that boy drop that soap.

I don't want nobody
giving that boy a hard time

if you know what I mean.

You know what I mean, Lord.

I don't want him to wake up dead
and be a dead man walking.

- Speaking of dead man walking,

if he had a good insurance
policy,

we could probably pay
this place off.

- Okay, Lord, I wanna
redo my prayer.

I need you to take Vinny instead

'cause I know you don't
like him.

- Lord don't like you either.

If he did he wouldn't put
you in them clothes.

You know, I went to
jail one time.

- Oh, you marched with
Dr. King,

didn't you?
- No.

- Brother Malcolm?
- Nope.

- Oh, you was with
T'Challa and them?

Wakanda forever.

- No but we chatted.

A female officer stopped
me at a traffic light

and accused me of carrying a
concealed weapon.

I said, "That ain't no
weapon, baby." [laughs]

Turns out I didn't have nothing.

But she was
so impressed with me,

we started having conjugal
visits.

Don't shoot.
Black lives matter.

- Conjugal visits, that's when
they do your feet and stuff.

- No, man--
- [laughing]

- What is so funny, boy?

- This dude on my
DingDong account

is crying 'cause he thinks
he's going to jail.

- ALL: [laughing]

- That's funny. [laughing]

That's real funny.

I'm glad you're in a good mood

'cause Vinny gotta tell
you something.

- I got something? You tell him.
- You tell him.

- I don't even like kids.
- He's your grandson.

- Your daddy's on vacation.

- Well, that's good, he
needs a vacation.

- Not that kind of vacation.

He on one of them hood vacations

where he pressing license
plates on a concrete slab.

He about to be swole.

He about to have like a
teardrop tattoo,

making shanks out of
toothbrushes, shanking people.

- What are you talking about?

- Your daddy's in the
slammer, man.

- Wait, he's in jail? For what?!

- He pimp slapped Sheriff
and got locked up again.

We don't know if he
gonna get out.

- If he'd have been a
rich white lady

and cheated and got y'all
in one of them

Poison Ivy League schools,
he probably wouldn't

have even went to jail.

- If we don't do something,
he's probably got

his orange jumpsuit made
into a short set by now.

- You and your sister are
about to be a statistic.

- Look, look,
we have to do something.

I don't want my
dad to die in jail

and be known as Sweetness.

- Wait, is your daddy an
organ donor?

'Cause I just wanna know in case
I need an extra kidney.

- ♪

♪ No matter what you do,
I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go ♪

♪ I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember
blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we
stay together ♪♪

- ♪

- I cannot believe it! They're
trying to throw the book at him.

- Probably stop him from
being so stupid.

[laughing]

Too soon?

- ALL: Yes.
- Too soon.

- That Sheriff Luckett
is trying to bring us down.

They're talking about
serious charges, Grandpa Vinny.

- Wait, for what?

- Pimp slapping in the
third degree.

- It could be up to ten years.

That would kill me--him, him.

- Okay, if he--
if he gonna be dead,

y'all think his insurance
policy will cover this place?

Too soon?
- ALL: Too soon.

- Well, I wasn't asking for me I
was asking for a friend.

- Look, we have to free him.

My dad's not built
for jail.

- Okay, I'll tell y'all what
I'mma do,

we gonna break him out.

Like they did on the
Shawshank Redemption movie.

- Wait a minute. Now how are we
supposed to do that, Mr. Brown?

- Okay, this what we gonna do.

Cora, you and Leah,
y'all gonna go to the back

and put on some "Laisey" Dukes.

When y'all walk in there, y'all
will cause a big distraction.

Vinny, you go in there and you
sneak him an ice pick, right?

And then he gonna just
stab the wall

and dig himself a tunnel
in about 10 or 15 or 16--

- Mr. Brown!
- MR. BROWN: --17 years.

- Thank you for the hope,
Mr. Brown.

- I'm trying to keep hope alive.

Okay, I'mma go find something

so I can pawn at the
Rob Ya Blind Pawn Shop, okay?

You gonna need some
bail money.

- You know, if you do
get some bail money

and he does get out, I
say you take your whole

little raggedy-ass family--
- Come on, Mr. Vinny!

- Whole dang family, head
for the border.

I swear I won't snitch.

- Grandpa Vinny, you wouldn't
know what to do without us.

- Oh, I'd know what to
do without y'all.

But you got some tender ears
and freaks up in this house!

- Grandpa!

- Guys, this is serious.
What are we gonna do?

- We can't even afford
the bail money.

- He's gonna rot!

- No, baby.

- Cora, stop with him,
stop, stop babying this boy.

And stop being so dramatic.

Your dad ain't gonna rot.
Just stop being dramatic.

- Mr. Brown, they want $5,000.

- Oh, he gonna rot for sure.
- [wailing]

- Oh, he already rot. I smell
his body from here.

- They say that Sheriff
Luckett has a long history

of wrongfully locking people up.

Did y'all know that he
locked somebody up

for kicking their imaginary
friend?

Imaginary, imaginary.

- Why are y'all sitting
here crying?

Back in our day, we took action,

we got folks together,
we made demands.

Do something!
- Okay.

- Now that's a good idea, Vinny!

Oh, I tell ya I can go
make some signs.

- Yeah.

- CORA: We can hit the streets,
and make some noise!

- ALL: Yeah!
- Ooh! No justice.

No crooked police!
- ALL: Yeah!

- We'll say it loud!
Free Jeremy now!

- Yeah!
- Free Jeremy now!

- Yeah!
- Free Mandela!

- What?
- CORA: Free Tookey Wilson.

- What?
- Wait, what? What?

- Hey, hey, ho, ho, we
gotta let our Jeremy go.

- Yeah!
- Yeah.

- You know, all of a sudden,

that digging tunnel idea
don't sound like a bad idea.

- Come here, come
here, I wanna tell you.

I need you to start one
of them hash-brown campaigns.

You know, like hashbrowns
scattered, covered, smothered.

- You talking about hashtags,
Mr. Brown?

- Yeah.

- Okay look, I'll do a
#FREEJEREMY campaign

on DingDong.

- Oh, that is a great idea.

Okay, I want you to go
get your sister in on this.

She's been sleeping a long time.
- Ooh, you so intense.

- ♪

- Hey, hey, hey psst.

- Oh my God, you're
being so loud.

- I'm falling for you.

- Oh, that's so sweet.

- Hey, you sure you want
to do this?

- Yes, I think.

Look, we'll just drive off
into the sunset

and find a small house.

- Yeah, like a doghouse.

With hardwood floors and AC.

- [floor creaking]
- Hide, hide!

- Dang, this door is raggedy.

- Hi.

- Uh, I thought you were asleep.
- How are you this morning?

You look so good.

I mean, your outfit,
it's on point.

And your hair, it looks so good.
- Don't touch.

- Uh, so what's up?

- Uh, I thought you were asleep.

- Oh, yeah, see I was and
then I just decided

I was going to drop my
stuff off...

at salvation soldiers.

Salvation soldiers.

Sorry, I'm--I'm still waking up.

- Look, I need your help.

Dad's back in jail because
of that stupid Sheriff.

- What?! Get down!
- What?

- No, no, no. No, no, no. What?

- I was saying Mom said he's
gonna rot

unless we do something.
- Like what?

- I don't know.

I got it, why don't you call
up that goofy-looking

boyfriend of yours--

- Get down!
- What?

- Uh, uh, see I was just
saying--I was just saying

we should get down and
pray for dad.

You should pray for dad, yeah.

- I'm pretty sure Cora's
doing that already.

- You're right,
she got that covered.

- But if we call your
goofy-looking boyfriend up

and tell him to come over
here, we can--

we can tie him up,
hold him as a hostage,

and Chinese water torture him
until his dad lets Pops go!

- Okay, no.

We are not doing that to him.
That is way too extreme.

- What?
- Get down!

Uh, sorry, sorry.

- Look, Dad being in jail
is extreme.

We're taking it to social media.

I set up my DingDong account.

I'm gonna expose him and
bring him to his knees!

- I like the sound of that.

- Yeah, because we've
been bamboozled,

hoodwinked, led astray!

I didn't land on Plymouth Rock!

Plymouth Rock landed on Dad!
- Yeah.

- And I've seen the
Promised Land!

And the mind--the mind's
a terrible thing to waste!

We gotta fight for hope,
keep keep it alive!

- Exactly! Keep it alive.
- Yeah!

- What?
- [clearing throat]

Yeah!
Sorry, I need to go get water.

- Anyway, you ready?
Let's go, let's go!

Let me see your game face!
- Alright, alright!

- Let me see your game face!
- BOTH: [yelling]

- Free Dad on three.
- One, two, three.

- BOTH: Free Dad! Yeah!

- Stay here. And shut up!

- Alright, come on. Y'all ready?

[indistinct mumbling]

- Ooh, baby girl, you been
sleep for a long time.

- Long time for a long week.

- Hey, hey, get pumped! This
cop's about to get slumped!

- Woo! Yes!

- I'm gonna stay behind.
I'm not feeling well.

- Okay.

- Are you two coming?
- No, I'm gonna pass.

- Why?
- Got gas.

Strong over here.
I'd slide over if I was you.

- What about you, Mr. Brown?

- I'mma take this down
to the Rob Ya Blind Pawn Shop,

try to get some bail money.

- Oh, that is so nice of you,
Mr. Brown.

Every little bit helps.

- Not if it ain't worth nothing.

- Well, it's worth a try.

And it ain't over until
the fat lady sings.

- Sing, Miss Cora.
- Watch it.

You might get a fat one
across your lip.

- And you don't call Cora that,
Cora ain't fat.

- That's right.
Thank you, Mr. Brown.

- Cora look good, she ain't fat.
- That's right.

- She vo-lump-ituous.
- Okay.

- Mr. Brown, you can keep
an eye on Sandra while we out.

She's been acting a
little funny lately.

You know, like sleeping a lot.

She says she hasn't
been feeling well.

But she got out a 'little
something to eat'.

- You think she on that stuff?
- Mr. Brown!

I don't know if I should
leave her.

Can you do this?
- Take her with you then.

- Mr. Brown, please, can
you just watch her?

- Okay, alright.
- Thank you.

Okay, bye, babe.
- Bye.

- Wow, that's a lot of food
on that plate.

- I'm really hungry, Mr. Brown.

- That's enough food to fatten
up every bulimic in the country.

You ain't carrying
nothing extra, are you?

You know, got something
in the oven?

Craving pickles, ice cream,
strange foods?

Trading your six
pack for stretch marks?

- No idea what you mean,
Mr. Brown.

- Do you like Vir-gin-ia?

- Yeah, I went for a retreat
there once and loved it.

- Okay, but you think the
Virgo constipation is special.

- Constellation.
- You like Mary?

- Yeah, she cool.

- Well, if anybody start
dreaming about all kinds

of fish and strange animals,
you need to come clean.

Okay? You sure?

- SANDRA: Sure.
- Alright.

Hey, Vinny.

- What, Negro?

- How much you think
I can get for this?

- One peso, my friend.

- What about this?
I know I can get some.

- Wait a minute, man.
That's mine, man.

- Well you ain't finna use it!

- I'mma tell you, if people
knew what I did

with that thing when it
was greased up,

you could sell that for
$10,000.

- Okay, oh, oh, right here.

These are said to be worn
by James Brown,

the Godfather of Soul.

Look, it got Godfather
juice on it.

I know these'll get us
the bail money.

- Them ain't no damn James
Brown shoes, man.

You better put 'em down before
you get fungus on your hand.

- Really?
What you doing?

- I'm doing some digging.

Leah said that Sheriff liked to
lock people up for no reason.

How you spell his last name?

- Oh, give me that.
- Man--

- Sheriff L-U-C-K-Y.

Lucky, Lucky.

- Don't snatch nothing out
my damn hand.

- Why you got to cuss
all the time?

- It makes me feel good.

Oh my goodness, I can't
believe what I'm seeing.

- What you seeing?

- Chip-n-Bail. Look at that!

- Sheriff Luckett--
- BOTH: --is a male stripper!

- Hold on, let me see. Look,
look right here, right here.

Okay, "time to get lucky!"
- Uh-huh.

- "Come see the tails
at chip-and-bails."

- Chip-and-bails.

- "Featuring
Officer Blue Balls."

- Blue Balls.

- "With his big gun and at
Guns and Buns."

- [laughing]

- "Sheriff Luckett by day,
Officer Blue Balls at night!"

- Blue Balls, man!

This explains why he don't want
nobody around his son.

He don't want it to leak
that his daddy is a freak.

And I think
we found our bail money.

- Yeah, it's called blackmail.
- Uh-huh.

- We blackmail his tail.
- Yes.

- ♪

- Y'all won't believe what
that wicked Sheriff

had the nerve to do.

- VINNY: Oh, I believe it.

- He gonna tell us if we
didn't leave

that he was gonna arrest
us too!

So now you gonna lock
up me and my husband?!

- Man, that guy's a jerk.

Such a waste of time.
- Yes.

Do me a favor, go get your
sister. Go check on her.

- Alright, I'mma hit the
bathroom first.

- Okay, I got to tell y'all
something.

- Oh, I knew it.

Oh Jesus, I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to be a
grandmom, Mr. Brown.

[wailing]

- Calm down.
- CORA: Take me, Jesus.

- She still admire Mary,
Jesus' mama.

- Oh.

- And she think the Virgo
constipation is special.

And she loves Virginia!
- Mm-hmm.

- Virgin-ia. Thank you.

- Well, I can get some
holy oil and grease on up

if I need to.

- There's gonna be
some greasing,

but it damn sure ain't
gonna be holy.

- Come on, Vinny, do you
always have to curse?

I was thinking holy oil.

- Okay, here, look, let me
show y'all something.

Look at this right here.
Look, look right there.

- Now you know we not into that
kind of stuff, Mr. Brown.

- Cora, you may not be
into that,

but Officer Blue Balls is.
- Who?

- And that sheriff is dirty
in more ways than one.

- We don't even know if that's
Sheriff Luckett or not.

- Oh, oh, that's him!
That's nasty!

- We need to get him
over here

so we can ask him some
questions.

- Well, how are we gonna
do that?

- How can he slide down
the pole like that upside down?

- He is talented.
Look at that.

- I better go.
- What do you mean? Like go-go?

Or just go?
- Go-go.

You know I gotta get
away from my dad.

I'm gonna go stay with
Auntie V for a bit.

- Okay, but I can't leave mine.

- And you know I hate to
leave without you.

- Then don't.

- Um, when did Lindor
get here?

- Uh, I was just helping
him with his DingDong.

- No. Not my DingDong.

The online DingDong for her.

- No, no, no, not for me.
For you and me, for us.

As in for Dad!

- This isn't going very well,
is it?

- No.

- Hey, you guys were
planning on running away

together, weren't you?

- No!
- Yes.

- Yes.
- No!

- Question, why do you want to
introduce crazy to the family?

- Okay, have you seen
our family?

I think we already got that
on lock.

Look, Lindor's not crazy.
His dad is.

- Well, crazy can be
genetic, hereditary,

already in his blood.

I mean, like, you know
the saying,

crazy don't fall far
from the tree.

- In the room.

- Looney people don't
know they're looney.

And after they say or do
something looney,

they don't think
it's looney.

I mean, look at his eyes.

They're eerie like a
cuttlefish.

- They can see right into
my heart.

- PHILIP: What?

You make me sick.

- Hey, have you guys checked
your DingDong campaign?

Since you went live
at the jail,

there's like 9,000 followers and
growing!

- Oh wow.

- Look, we got this idea,
but we're gonna need your help.

We got some dirt on your dad.

- Yeah, I got some dirt
on my dad too.

- Well, we need your help to get
him over here. Like fast.

- Alright, let's do it.
- PHILLIP: Nice.

- ♪

- Are y'all ready to put
operation Blue Balls

in full effect?
- [cheering]

- The Sheriff think he can
handle us? He can't handle us!

He don't know who we are.

We gotta make sure we
got everything.

We got the pole?
- Yeah, get it, Mr. Brown!

- [audience laughing]

- Okay, whip and holster?
- Check, check.

- Okay, money so we
can make it rain.

- Got it right here.

- Strobe light?
Make it strobe on me.

- Come on, baby.
Give it to the people.

- Make it strobe,
make it strobe.

- Okay, Cora, you got the
blue meatballs?

- Baked fresh out the oven.

- Ooh, Cora them smell good.
Okay, you got the music?

- Got my finger on the trigger
right here, man. I'm ready.

- Where's the bait?
Bait, bait's here.

- [laughing] Check!

- Operation Blue Balls on three.
- One, two, three.

- ALL: Blue Balls!

- [doorbell ringing]

- MR. BROWN: Cora,
stop moving.

Freeze, everybody freeze,
just freeze.

- Where is he?

- Uh, where's who?

- Lindor?! Let's go!

I got a call that he was here.

Where's he hiding?

- It's hard hiding out isn't
it, Sheriff Lucky-ett?

- [audience laughing]

- Meatballs? I dyed them blue.

I call them blue balls.

- Lindor? Come out, come out,
wherever you are!

- We'd like to talk to you
about Jeremy's bail.

- How about some chips?

I hear they go well
with bail.

- If my son is not out here
in two minutes,

I'm gonna have to tell the judge
that Jeremy is a flight risk.

And there won't be any bail.

- Oh, is that right,
Sheriff Lucky?

Y'all ready?
- Yeah.

- Lights!

- [laughing]
- Mm-hmm.

- What's this?

- We thought you could tell us.

- What's going on?

- You know exactly
what's going on,

Officer Blue Balls.

- See, you don't have to
hide anymore, Sheriff Lucky.

That's you, right?

[laughing]

Music!

- ♪

- Oh, no, no, no, no.
Not the music.

Come on now, dammit.

- ♪

- ALL: [cheering]

- ♪

♪

♪

- Cut!

- ♪ Bu-bu-bu-bu, yeah ♪

- So this is it?

This is where you spent
years of late nights,

leaving me to fend for myself?

Neglecting me for a freak show!

- He a freak.

- My pension just
wasn't enough, son.

- We got it all on video.
- You wouldn't.

- Oh, I would.

And if you don't free Jeremy

and get these nice people
their certificate

of occupancy, you will be all
over DingDong in one click.

- Give me that!

- Hey, we all got it.

- And I got the soundtrack
right here, your nasty self.

- And I got it in SD.

- See, Sheriff Lucky, this
town isn't big enough

for all of us.
So I think you should go.

- ALL: [agreeing]

- [indistinct chatter]

- Your shirt's ripped.

- [laughs]

- Can I at least keep the
feathers?

- ALL: [laughing]

- [indistinct chatter]

- You think he's gonna let
my dad go?

- [doorbell ringing]
- I'm sure of it, baby.

- ALL: [cheering]

- ALL: [cheering]

- It's so great to be back.
Man, I missed y'all.

- Hey, hey, I can tell you
been to prison.

Look how swole he is.

You gonna show me how to do some
of those prisoner pushups?

- Basically what he's saying,
without you

it's a lot more peaceful.

- We really missed you.
Happy to have you home.

- Yeah Dad, I'm glad
you're back.

- Missed you son.
- Yeah, we were worried.

- Oh, my baby.

Hey, and I appreciate
what Lindor did

He didn't have to do that,
tothat was cool.ut.

- Yeah, well now that the
Sheriff skipped town,

you and Lindor don't
have to run away together.

- ALL: What?!

- I'm just gonna go to my room.

- ♪

- Safe place for you.

- Stay in there!

- ♪

- ♪

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