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1
00:00:01,490 --> 00:00:03,356
[microphone droans]
2
00:00:07,796 --> 00:00:10,448
So, I hear that you've upgraded,
3
00:00:10,548 --> 00:00:12,546
and now you have all the normal,
regular features
4
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,452
that I have had for years.
5
00:00:14,552 --> 00:00:18,022
[chuckles] Yep, we're nothing
but windows of opportunity.
6
00:00:18,122 --> 00:00:21,325
And although it may not
be PC to say so,
7
00:00:21,425 --> 00:00:23,461
I like to think
that we've finally...
8
00:00:23,561 --> 00:00:24,839
[glitching]
fixed all the bugs.
9
00:00:24,939 --> 00:00:27,298
- [sneezes]
- Gesundheit.
10
00:00:27,398 --> 00:00:29,435
Excuse me. That's not a virus.
That's not a virus.
11
00:00:29,535 --> 00:00:31,469
I am sure
that it's not a virus.
12
00:00:31,569 --> 00:00:34,105
Although, to be fair,
I have no idea
13
00:00:34,205 --> 00:00:36,574
because I have
never had a virus.
14
00:00:36,674 --> 00:00:38,542
- So...
- Why do you have to be
15
00:00:38,642 --> 00:00:42,213
such a condescending
douche bag?
16
00:00:42,313 --> 00:00:43,713
Um, I--
17
00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:47,718
I, I, I.
It's "I" this and "I" that.
18
00:00:47,818 --> 00:00:48,818
Boop.
19
00:00:49,753 --> 00:00:51,153
- [yells indistinctly]
- [screams]
20
00:00:53,308 --> 00:00:56,260
Maybe it is time we stopped
talking about "I" all the time,
21
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,029
and windows of opportunity.
22
00:00:58,129 --> 00:01:00,398
Anybody else remember
when people were smart
23
00:01:00,498 --> 00:01:02,299
and phones were stupid?
24
00:01:02,399 --> 00:01:04,668
This fall, Pi is gonna
launch a new phone
25
00:01:04,768 --> 00:01:06,437
that'll change things forever.
26
00:01:06,537 --> 00:01:08,174
We're ready to bring you
what you wanted
27
00:01:08,274 --> 00:01:10,775
yesterday for tomorrow today.
28
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:15,613
Pi. Smart phones for smarter people.
29
00:01:15,713 --> 00:01:19,250
Do you really want to say
"douche bag" in the ad?
30
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:20,618
I don't say "douche bag."
31
00:01:20,718 --> 00:01:22,515
The guy in the cheap suit
says "douche bag."
32
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:24,288
Betty, any calls?
33
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:26,345
[Betty] Bono wants to know if you're still good
34
00:01:26,445 --> 00:01:27,491
for the trip to Africa.
35
00:01:27,591 --> 00:01:30,227
Tell him I still haven't
found what I'm looking for.
36
00:01:30,327 --> 00:01:31,805
- [laughs]
- [Betty] The Dalai Lama.
37
00:01:31,905 --> 00:01:34,265
Are you still on for meditation this afternoon?
38
00:01:34,365 --> 00:01:37,468
Advise him to still his mind.
The answer lies within.
39
00:01:37,568 --> 00:01:39,336
[Betty]
The president is asking,
40
00:01:39,436 --> 00:01:41,793
can we move the meeting to the White House this weekend?
41
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,575
Yes, perfect. Mosquitoes
at Camp David are a bitch.
42
00:01:44,675 --> 00:01:46,143
Terrible.
43
00:01:46,243 --> 00:01:47,601
[Betty] Bill Gates sent an email
44
00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:49,413
that simply reads, "Cheeky."
45
00:01:49,513 --> 00:01:51,348
Fair enough.
46
00:01:51,448 --> 00:01:52,716
Tell him I want
my 20 bucks.
47
00:01:52,816 --> 00:01:54,452
[Betty]
Sarah Russell called
48
00:01:54,552 --> 00:01:57,288
about your 20-year high school reunion tonight.
49
00:01:57,388 --> 00:01:58,985
Wait, wait, wait.
Twenty-year what now?
50
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:01,092
Twenty-year reunion.
This is great.
51
00:02:01,192 --> 00:02:03,160
We'll show everyone
we're not losers anymore.
52
00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:04,795
Greg, we were never losers.
53
00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:06,697
Uh, yeah, we were.
54
00:02:06,797 --> 00:02:08,365
But that doesn't matter
now, right?
55
00:02:08,465 --> 00:02:10,801
- [stammers]
- Oh, I get it.
56
00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:13,304
Look, it's nothing
to be nervous about.
57
00:02:13,404 --> 00:02:16,107
It could be a lot of fun, you know?
58
00:02:16,207 --> 00:02:18,309
Nervous?
Why would I be nervous
59
00:02:18,409 --> 00:02:20,845
about people we haven't seen
in 20 years?
60
00:02:20,945 --> 00:02:22,680
[laughter]
61
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:23,780
Guys?
62
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,352
[laughter echoes]
63
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:32,590
- [shouting]
- [laughter continues]
64
00:02:32,690 --> 00:02:34,090
No! No!
65
00:02:34,592 --> 00:02:36,592
[laughing]
66
00:02:41,416 --> 00:02:42,900
[firework explodes]
67
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,902
[Betty] Do you want me to call and cancel?
68
00:02:45,002 --> 00:02:47,404
Uh, yes, please.
Tell them I'm sick.
69
00:02:47,504 --> 00:02:50,908
Come on, you used that one
for the ten year.
70
00:02:51,008 --> 00:02:54,378
Betty, what did Sarah want
about the reunion?
71
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,913
Why was she calling?
72
00:02:56,013 --> 00:02:58,616
[Betty] I believe she wanted to let Adam know
73
00:02:58,716 --> 00:03:02,520
that Darcie Williams was asking if he was going to be there.
74
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:03,821
Darcie Williams?
75
00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:06,372
Yes, Darcie Williams.
76
00:03:09,911 --> 00:03:11,362
I love her.
77
00:03:11,462 --> 00:03:12,596
[music playing]
78
00:03:12,696 --> 00:03:14,832
High school: where self-esteem,
79
00:03:14,932 --> 00:03:16,983
innocence,
and dreams go to die.
80
00:03:20,589 --> 00:03:23,774
The insufferable purgatory
of being too old to be a kid,
81
00:03:23,874 --> 00:03:25,376
too young to be an adult.
82
00:03:25,476 --> 00:03:27,444
[school bell rings]
83
00:03:27,544 --> 00:03:29,813
The entire concept
of placing all of those
84
00:03:29,913 --> 00:03:32,249
going through their awkward,
formative years of puberty
85
00:03:32,349 --> 00:03:35,252
into one giant institution
of self-doubt,
86
00:03:35,352 --> 00:03:37,621
forced pseudo-social
structure, and anxiety,
87
00:03:37,721 --> 00:03:39,690
it's a cruel
and unusual punishment.
88
00:03:39,790 --> 00:03:42,960
[music continues]
89
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:46,263
Even worse, this bizarre ritual
of needing to get together
90
00:03:46,363 --> 00:03:47,932
every couple of years
as a reminder
91
00:03:48,032 --> 00:03:49,767
of these traumatizing times.
92
00:03:49,867 --> 00:03:52,670
[woman]
It's a blast from the past.
93
00:03:52,770 --> 00:03:55,372
Borders on insanity.
94
00:03:55,472 --> 00:03:57,608
When I was nine years old,
I got really sick.
95
00:03:57,708 --> 00:03:59,443
I spent six weeks
in the hospital
96
00:03:59,543 --> 00:04:01,612
and had my entire large
intestine taken out.
97
00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:04,648
It was one of the most traumatic
events in my entire life.
98
00:04:04,748 --> 00:04:06,706
And yet I've never
felt the urge to get together
99
00:04:06,806 --> 00:04:08,563
with the other nurses,
patients, or doctors
100
00:04:08,663 --> 00:04:10,354
and reminisce
about the good old days.
101
00:04:10,454 --> 00:04:13,406
[music continues]
102
00:04:19,347 --> 00:04:21,332
I hated high school.
103
00:04:21,432 --> 00:04:22,849
High school hated me.
104
00:04:31,293 --> 00:04:33,744
In the immortal words
of Mr. Stephen King,
105
00:04:33,844 --> 00:04:35,512
"I hated high school.
106
00:04:35,612 --> 00:04:37,169
I don't trust anyone
who looks back on
107
00:04:37,269 --> 00:04:40,918
the years of 14 to 18
with any enjoyment.
108
00:04:41,018 --> 00:04:42,920
If you liked
being a teenager,
109
00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:44,904
there's definitely
something wrong with you."
110
00:04:54,082 --> 00:04:56,900
- Mr. Pi.
- Hey, Happy.
111
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,403
Betty, I'm gonna render the graphics
112
00:04:59,503 --> 00:05:02,806
for the latest beta version
of the OS from the car.
113
00:05:02,906 --> 00:05:06,310
Uh, Betty, isolate the signal
and encrypt the data, please.
114
00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:08,328
You know, this is
the most revolutionary launch
115
00:05:08,428 --> 00:05:10,948
- since the touchscreen.
- Yeah, so let's protect it.
116
00:05:11,048 --> 00:05:12,048
Okay.
117
00:05:13,384 --> 00:05:15,886
What is it about these people
that make me so nervous?
118
00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:17,588
I'm tongue-tied already.
119
00:05:17,688 --> 00:05:20,891
Just remember these
key words-- "Let's party."
120
00:05:20,991 --> 00:05:24,395
Come on, this is our night.
121
00:05:24,495 --> 00:05:26,864
- Is that a new shirt?
- Yeah, cool shirt, right?
122
00:05:26,964 --> 00:05:28,766
[chuckles]
123
00:05:28,866 --> 00:05:31,602
Just think, we're gonna get
to see Andy and Dennis again.
124
00:05:31,702 --> 00:05:35,973
Yeah, and John Vernon,
Trevor Jackson.
125
00:05:36,073 --> 00:05:38,542
They've probably matured
by now, right?
126
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,642
[laughter]
127
00:05:40,811 --> 00:05:44,782
Excuse me, will you settle a bet
for me and my friends?
128
00:05:44,882 --> 00:05:47,851
Does this feel like
boyfriend material to you?
129
00:05:47,951 --> 00:05:50,054
- Ew.
- Are you a lesbian?
130
00:05:50,154 --> 00:05:52,056
Because I can just talk
and we can scissor.
131
00:05:52,156 --> 00:05:54,591
Back off, date rape.
132
00:05:54,691 --> 00:05:57,008
Didn't you, like, date my mom
100 years ago or something?
133
00:05:57,108 --> 00:05:58,346
- [laughs]
- I'm not that old.
134
00:05:58,446 --> 00:06:02,032
No, seriously.
You dated my mom.
135
00:06:02,132 --> 00:06:05,836
Aren't you guys going
to your reunion later tonight?
136
00:06:05,936 --> 00:06:07,471
Darcie Williams?
137
00:06:07,571 --> 00:06:10,040
- [gasps]
- Yeah.
138
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:12,609
She's my mom.
139
00:06:12,709 --> 00:06:15,579
I'm 17, you pedophile.
140
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,748
She was showing me pictures
of her class earlier,
141
00:06:17,848 --> 00:06:20,117
from when you two
were dating.
142
00:06:20,217 --> 00:06:24,555
I think you might be wearing
the exact same shirt.
143
00:06:24,655 --> 00:06:25,756
Oh, my God.
144
00:06:25,856 --> 00:06:27,440
Can we get some drinks
over here?
145
00:06:31,646 --> 00:06:34,765
We don't have to stay
for the whole thing, right?
146
00:06:34,865 --> 00:06:36,622
Come on, it's gonna be
different this time.
147
00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:37,722
We're all grown up.
148
00:06:37,821 --> 00:06:38,939
Tonight is gonna be awesome.
149
00:06:39,039 --> 00:06:40,920
- Hey, guys!
- Andy, Dennis!
150
00:06:42,524 --> 00:06:44,375
- Oh!
- Nice.
151
00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:46,143
So glad you guys are here.
152
00:06:46,243 --> 00:06:48,201
Yeah, we weren't gonna come
because, you know...
153
00:06:48,301 --> 00:06:49,580
Everyone hated us.
154
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,949
But, uh, who knows?
Maybe it'll be fun.
155
00:06:52,049 --> 00:06:54,818
[distant chatter, laughter]
156
00:06:54,918 --> 00:06:56,318
[sighs]
157
00:06:56,687 --> 00:06:59,456
Uh, so, what've you guys
been up to?
158
00:06:59,556 --> 00:07:01,194
I work a few nights a week
at Game Land.
159
00:07:01,294 --> 00:07:02,593
I test games on the weekends.
160
00:07:02,693 --> 00:07:03,994
Sweet, programming, design?
161
00:07:04,094 --> 00:07:06,730
No, no, no, I just test them,
like, for fun, right?
162
00:07:06,830 --> 00:07:07,830
At my house.
163
00:07:07,929 --> 00:07:09,833
So, you don't have a job?
164
00:07:09,933 --> 00:07:12,069
- I know, sweet, right?
- Yeah.
165
00:07:12,169 --> 00:07:14,405
Weren't you guys doing it
like that in the 12th grade?
166
00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:15,906
I guess we hit
that jackpot early.
167
00:07:16,006 --> 00:07:18,363
Ooh, but you guys got your whole
billionaire empire thing.
168
00:07:18,463 --> 00:07:20,101
That's gotta be cool,
though, too, yeah?
169
00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:24,415
[distant laughter, chatter]
170
00:07:24,515 --> 00:07:26,352
- Wanna bail and play Warcrack?
- Absolutely.
171
00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:27,885
No, guys.
172
00:07:27,985 --> 00:07:29,953
Come on, gentlemen.
173
00:07:30,053 --> 00:07:34,658
Tonight
is gonna be epic, right?
174
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:35,958
Right?
175
00:07:37,694 --> 00:07:39,694
Follow me.
176
00:07:40,030 --> 00:07:41,981
[music playing]
177
00:07:47,522 --> 00:07:49,722
♪ Let go ♪
178
00:07:50,274 --> 00:07:52,509
♪ If you don't let go ♪
179
00:07:52,609 --> 00:07:55,712
♪ So don't let me go ♪
180
00:07:55,812 --> 00:07:59,983
♪ And then I won't let go. ♪
181
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:02,702
- All right.
- Whoo!
182
00:08:04,172 --> 00:08:05,172
Ha!
183
00:08:05,889 --> 00:08:06,889
Pfft.
184
00:08:07,558 --> 00:08:09,158
[laughs]
185
00:08:12,829 --> 00:08:13,829
Hi.
186
00:08:14,131 --> 00:08:16,200
Steve Probyn.
187
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:17,801
Sarah's looking for ya.
188
00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:19,837
She's on the stage
and she looks pissed.
189
00:08:19,937 --> 00:08:21,337
[sighs]
190
00:08:21,672 --> 00:08:24,007
Go easy on that tonight, okay?
191
00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:26,726
That's okay, my parents
are driving me home.
192
00:08:29,764 --> 00:08:30,964
Hello.
193
00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:37,754
- [feedback squeals]
- Hello.
194
00:08:37,854 --> 00:08:40,958
- Hello!
- [feedback squeals]
195
00:08:41,058 --> 00:08:43,026
[chuckles]
Hi.
196
00:08:43,126 --> 00:08:44,728
For those of you
who don't remember,
197
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,164
my name is Sarah Russell.
198
00:08:47,264 --> 00:08:50,267
Welcome, class of 1997,
199
00:08:50,367 --> 00:08:54,838
to our 20-year
high school reunion.
200
00:08:54,938 --> 00:08:56,540
[man whoops]
201
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,625
- Just one second.
- [woman] You suck!
202
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,229
Twenty years.
203
00:09:04,332 --> 00:09:06,850
Twenty years.
204
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:07,950
Wow.
205
00:09:08,752 --> 00:09:11,655
We started high school
in 1994,
206
00:09:11,755 --> 00:09:14,791
the year that Kurt Cobain died
and Justin Bieber was born.
207
00:09:14,891 --> 00:09:15,891
Whoo!
208
00:09:16,159 --> 00:09:17,861
We started high school
before texting.
209
00:09:17,961 --> 00:09:22,733
And not just before smartphones,
before cell phones.
210
00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:25,802
How crazy is that?
211
00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:30,941
And speaking of cell phones
and the Internet,
212
00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:32,319
I'm sure you don't want
to hear
213
00:09:32,419 --> 00:09:34,611
from your runner-up
valedictorian.
214
00:09:34,711 --> 00:09:36,146
Not at all.
215
00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:38,015
He needs no introduction.
216
00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:42,515
Your... valedictorian,
217
00:09:43,253 --> 00:09:44,922
Mr. Adam Pi.
218
00:09:45,022 --> 00:09:46,622
[cheers]
219
00:09:49,326 --> 00:09:51,328
[feedback squeals]
220
00:09:51,428 --> 00:09:54,131
Ow. Thanks, Sarah.
221
00:09:54,231 --> 00:09:55,999
Hey, class.
222
00:09:56,099 --> 00:09:57,601
I'm not really sure
what to say.
223
00:09:57,701 --> 00:09:59,301
Um, man,
224
00:10:00,971 --> 00:10:03,008
could you imagine how amazing
high school would be
225
00:10:03,108 --> 00:10:04,942
if we knew then
what we know now?
226
00:10:05,042 --> 00:10:06,610
I knew I had
a big hammer back then
227
00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:09,179
- and I still know it now.
- [scattered laughter]
228
00:10:09,279 --> 00:10:15,185
Thank you, Adam, for that
very well-prepared speech.
229
00:10:15,285 --> 00:10:17,921
So, let's raise a--
230
00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,057
I don't have a glass.
231
00:10:20,157 --> 00:10:22,025
Give me your glass.
Give me your glass!
232
00:10:22,125 --> 00:10:24,125
[chuckles]
233
00:10:25,062 --> 00:10:30,267
Let's raise a glass
to the class of 1997.
234
00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:33,285
Let's party like
we're 37-teen.
235
00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:41,945
- [chatter]
- Let's go.
236
00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:43,642
I can't believe
you roped me into this.
237
00:10:43,742 --> 00:10:45,739
I told you, you shoulda
just said, "Let's party."
238
00:10:45,839 --> 00:10:46,982
D-dudes.
239
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:50,136
[music playing]
240
00:10:53,374 --> 00:10:54,774
[sighs]
241
00:10:57,945 --> 00:10:59,630
I'm pretty sure
she likes my shirt.
242
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:02,682
She's been looking
at my shirt all night.
243
00:11:05,853 --> 00:11:07,453
She's mine.
244
00:11:10,258 --> 00:11:11,842
Look at that,
you twat-dodgers.
245
00:11:11,942 --> 00:11:13,243
I haven't aged a bit.
246
00:11:13,343 --> 00:11:15,345
I got bad news for you, man.
247
00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:17,648
You looked old in high school,
you look ancient now.
248
00:11:17,748 --> 00:11:19,650
Suck a dick, Jeff.
I look fucking great.
249
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,084
Tonight I'm
the handsome genius
250
00:11:21,184 --> 00:11:22,742
who never achieved
his full potential.
251
00:11:22,842 --> 00:11:24,559
Yeah, you're just like
Good Will Hunting,
252
00:11:24,659 --> 00:11:27,095
except you never got the girl
and you're a complete failure.
253
00:11:27,195 --> 00:11:28,195
I'm a fucking genius.
254
00:11:28,294 --> 00:11:30,771
I'm the only one out of this
group who passed math. Honors 2.
255
00:11:30,871 --> 00:11:33,187
You know, the only reason why
I still work with you jerks
256
00:11:33,287 --> 00:11:34,685
is I'm waiting
for one of you guys
257
00:11:34,785 --> 00:11:36,782
to give me the Affleck
speech that you'll kill me
258
00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:39,118
if I haven't moved away
and achieved my full potential.
259
00:11:39,218 --> 00:11:40,736
No one's giving you
that speech, pal.
260
00:11:40,836 --> 00:11:43,153
Hey, Jeff, remember the last
time you fucked your sister?
261
00:11:43,253 --> 00:11:44,691
Jesus Christ,
she wasn't my sister.
262
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,269
- Did your dad marry her mom?
- Yes.
263
00:11:46,369 --> 00:11:47,727
And your parents
had another kid,
264
00:11:47,827 --> 00:11:50,104
so your brother and her brother
are the exact same dude.
265
00:11:50,204 --> 00:11:51,442
- Yeah.
- Then you, my friend,
266
00:11:51,542 --> 00:11:52,860
- are a sister-fucker.
- Mm-hmm.
267
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,240
You are a fucker
of the sister.
268
00:11:54,336 --> 00:11:56,576
My dad met her mom after
Danielle and I started dating.
269
00:11:56,664 --> 00:11:58,121
- And...
- And then we broke up
270
00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:00,378
- after they got married.
- Did you have sex with her
271
00:12:00,478 --> 00:12:01,836
while your parents
were together?
272
00:12:01,936 --> 00:12:03,209
- Once.
- [all] Sister-fucker.
273
00:12:11,285 --> 00:12:13,085
[squeals]
274
00:12:23,231 --> 00:12:24,848
Was that Danielle?
275
00:12:24,948 --> 00:12:26,116
- Yeah.
- Yup.
276
00:12:26,216 --> 00:12:27,813
She's probably
looking for her brother.
277
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:29,853
- Ew.
- Creepy.
278
00:12:29,953 --> 00:12:31,353
No, no.
279
00:12:31,988 --> 00:12:34,424
Okay, I hate this.
Officially hate this.
280
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:36,522
I'm not-- I'm not gonna
stay for the whole thing.
281
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:38,028
What are you talking about?
282
00:12:38,128 --> 00:12:40,045
I'm talking about the fact
that this feels like
283
00:12:40,145 --> 00:12:43,166
my, "Hey, Amy, you turned
into a huge loser" party.
284
00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:45,168
You look amazing.
285
00:12:45,268 --> 00:12:47,971
You make a good living.
You have a great life.
286
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:52,109
Okay, Claire, I starred
in every single play
287
00:12:52,209 --> 00:12:53,744
in high school, okay?
288
00:12:53,844 --> 00:12:55,812
Everyone expected me
to be the famous one.
289
00:12:55,912 --> 00:12:58,248
Remember when I was scouted
by a top LA manager.
290
00:12:58,348 --> 00:13:00,016
Yeah, you did
background work
291
00:13:00,116 --> 00:13:02,119
on a Steven Seagal movie
that shot here
292
00:13:02,219 --> 00:13:04,121
and his agent tried
to screw you.
293
00:13:04,221 --> 00:13:06,757
- Ooh.
- Scouted? Bit of a stretch.
294
00:13:06,857 --> 00:13:09,192
Tomato, tomahto.
Also, you're a bitch.
295
00:13:09,292 --> 00:13:11,328
Tell me, do you or do you not
think that everyone
296
00:13:11,428 --> 00:13:13,797
expected me to be the
famous one from our class?
297
00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:16,897
Okay, fuck off.
298
00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:19,102
Hey, okay, look,
look, just stand beside me.
299
00:13:19,202 --> 00:13:21,271
No one will even notice you.
300
00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:23,567
Well, I think that we're all
doing something different
301
00:13:23,667 --> 00:13:25,505
than we thought we'd be doing
in high school.
302
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,244
I sell insurance.
303
00:13:27,344 --> 00:13:29,946
I'm lame.
I actually suck.
304
00:13:30,046 --> 00:13:31,364
This is gonna be
an entire night
305
00:13:31,464 --> 00:13:33,450
of "What in sweet hell
happened to her?"
306
00:13:33,550 --> 00:13:35,385
Is it me or is, like,
everyone in our class
307
00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:36,920
starting to look old?
308
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:40,023
I don't know.
Adam Pi looks pretty good.
309
00:13:40,123 --> 00:13:41,521
You know what they say
about a man
310
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,093
with a big bank account.
311
00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:45,309
- You sound like a hooker.
- I've been called worse.
312
00:13:45,409 --> 00:13:47,130
Remember this shithead?
Fucking Pi.
313
00:13:47,230 --> 00:13:49,499
I can't believe
he makes more money in one year
314
00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:51,835
than we will
in our lifetimes combined.
315
00:13:51,935 --> 00:13:53,812
Who woulda thought
computers woulda caught on?
316
00:13:53,912 --> 00:13:55,070
I know, what an idiot, right?
317
00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:56,968
Right? I mean, yeah,
he's a millionaire now,
318
00:13:57,068 --> 00:13:58,068
but at what cost?
319
00:13:58,167 --> 00:14:00,324
The only thing he fucked
in high school was his hand,
320
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,341
and I heard it didn't even
go past second base.
321
00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:03,441
Billionaire.
322
00:14:03,540 --> 00:14:04,698
He's now a multi-billionaire,
323
00:14:04,798 --> 00:14:06,595
and you would be surprised
at what this hand
324
00:14:06,695 --> 00:14:08,013
let me do to her
in high school.
325
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:11,188
A complete slut.
She had like no self-respect.
326
00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:13,490
It's okay.
That was a long time ago.
327
00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:15,592
I'd be upset if any of it
wasn't true.
328
00:14:15,692 --> 00:14:17,928
Let me buy you guys
a drink.
329
00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:20,096
Uh, we should
buy you a drink
330
00:14:20,196 --> 00:14:21,554
'cause we were
complete assholes.
331
00:14:21,654 --> 00:14:23,266
I personally blame
the sister-fucker.
332
00:14:23,366 --> 00:14:24,935
Really lowers the bar
for this group.
333
00:14:25,035 --> 00:14:28,171
Hey, guys, I just pissed
all over the toilet paper.
334
00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:29,873
What if someone's
gotta go, dude?
335
00:14:29,973 --> 00:14:32,209
Yeah, let's hope.
336
00:14:32,309 --> 00:14:35,045
Is it possible that guy
hasn't even left high school?
337
00:14:35,145 --> 00:14:37,914
I feel like I had this
conversation 20 years ago.
338
00:14:38,014 --> 00:14:39,115
What a piece of shit.
339
00:14:39,215 --> 00:14:41,015
[chatter]
340
00:14:47,141 --> 00:14:48,625
What in the fuck?
341
00:14:48,725 --> 00:14:52,562
I'm-- I'm sorry,
I-- I--
342
00:14:52,662 --> 00:14:54,631
Why don't you watch
where the hell you're going,
343
00:14:54,731 --> 00:14:57,049
Shits-his-pantsky?
344
00:14:59,153 --> 00:15:01,353
[urinating]
345
00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:07,310
Hey how much
for your pants?
346
00:15:07,410 --> 00:15:11,648
- What's with the pants?
- Uh...
347
00:15:11,748 --> 00:15:13,950
I thought everybody
was wearing '90s stuff.
348
00:15:14,050 --> 00:15:15,385
[laughs]
349
00:15:15,485 --> 00:15:18,088
[laughs awkwardly]
350
00:15:18,188 --> 00:15:21,458
So, what have you
been up to, John?
351
00:15:21,558 --> 00:15:22,558
I'm a cop.
352
00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:24,928
Okay, so you're not
353
00:15:25,028 --> 00:15:26,930
beating people up
these days.
354
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:29,028
I'm required by law
to be a little more selective
355
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:31,134
than I used to be.
356
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,970
Why don't I buy
everybody a drink?
357
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:36,506
As a matter of fact,
drinks are on me
358
00:15:36,606 --> 00:15:37,974
for the rest of the night.
359
00:15:38,074 --> 00:15:40,477
- [cheering]
- Yay, Adam.
360
00:15:40,577 --> 00:15:44,630
- [music playing]
- [all chanting] Adam! Adam!
361
00:16:01,082 --> 00:16:05,969
- Here come more drinks.
- [cheers]
362
00:16:06,069 --> 00:16:08,469
[chattering]
363
00:16:10,157 --> 00:16:12,557
[whispering]
364
00:16:21,302 --> 00:16:23,402
This party's about to get lit.
365
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:28,091
♪ Go, go, go, go ♪
366
00:16:28,191 --> 00:16:30,193
♪ Go, go, go, go ♪
367
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,295
♪ Go, go, go, go ♪
368
00:16:32,395 --> 00:16:34,364
♪ Go, go, go ♪
369
00:16:34,464 --> 00:16:36,633
♪ Yeah, mic check one, two ♪
370
00:16:36,733 --> 00:16:39,469
♪ Come through with smokeblowing up out of the sunroof ♪
371
00:16:39,569 --> 00:16:41,671
♪ There's not a lot of things that I won't do ♪
372
00:16:41,771 --> 00:16:43,648
♪ When I'm doing everything that I want to ♪
373
00:16:43,748 --> 00:16:45,746
♪ Handsome, checking account for fish waggin' ♪
374
00:16:45,846 --> 00:16:47,510
♪ Dancing made with satin ♪
375
00:16:47,610 --> 00:16:49,980
♪ And you can't touch this dancing, young Ted Danson ♪
376
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,315
♪ They askin' if I can line up a bit of Aspen ♪
377
00:16:52,415 --> 00:16:54,451
♪ I cash in when they come unfastened ♪
378
00:16:54,551 --> 00:16:56,948
♪ It's something that coolwould never go out of fashion ♪
379
00:16:57,048 --> 00:16:59,045
♪ You could bet your ass on that sweet action ♪
380
00:16:59,145 --> 00:17:01,661
♪ We rack it, then I serve itup peace, stand for something ♪
381
00:17:01,761 --> 00:17:03,638
♪ I'm in the game, only do it to entertain ♪
382
00:17:03,738 --> 00:17:05,935
♪ The only reason I'm at the club is to get a bang ♪
383
00:17:06,035 --> 00:17:07,731
♪ On everything, getting heavy change ♪
384
00:17:07,831 --> 00:17:10,467
♪ I'm in the pain, gettin' bank, switching lanes, uh ♪
385
00:17:10,567 --> 00:17:12,763
♪ We don't care what y'all say, care what y'all say ♪
386
00:17:12,863 --> 00:17:14,671
♪ We don't care what y'all say ♪
387
00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:17,040
♪ We gonna do it all day, do it all day ♪
388
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:19,409
♪ We gonna do it all day ♪
389
00:17:19,509 --> 00:17:21,706
♪ We don't care what y'all say, care what y'all say ♪
390
00:17:21,806 --> 00:17:23,713
♪ We don't care what y'all say ♪
391
00:17:23,813 --> 00:17:25,715
♪ We gonna do it all day, do it all day ♪
392
00:17:25,815 --> 00:17:28,451
♪ We gonna do it all day ♪
393
00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:30,220
[airhorn blows]
394
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,204
[cheering]
395
00:17:36,444 --> 00:17:38,194
♪ We gonna do it all day ♪
396
00:17:38,294 --> 00:17:40,171
♪ Dance at the party as you pull the focus ♪
397
00:17:40,271 --> 00:17:42,298
♪ Ask anybody, we swarm, we're locusts ♪
398
00:17:42,398 --> 00:17:44,914
♪ You see how crazy you look? You're crazier than you look ♪
399
00:17:45,014 --> 00:17:46,972
♪ Get on a roll, take a page out of any book ♪
400
00:17:47,072 --> 00:17:48,869
♪ Turn it up, uh, till you're burnin' up ♪
401
00:17:48,969 --> 00:17:51,074
♪ Turn it up, yeah, are you burnin' up? ♪
402
00:17:51,174 --> 00:17:53,243
♪ Turn it up, uh, till you're burnin' up ♪
403
00:17:53,343 --> 00:17:55,812
♪ Going in the place where the jam and the party's at ♪
404
00:17:55,912 --> 00:17:58,109
♪ We don't care what y'all say, care what y'all say ♪
405
00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:00,183
♪ We don't care what y'all say ♪
406
00:18:00,283 --> 00:18:02,185
♪ We gonna do it all day, do it all day ♪
407
00:18:02,285 --> 00:18:04,788
♪ We gonna do it all day ♪
408
00:18:04,888 --> 00:18:07,084
♪ We don't care what y'all say, care what y'all say ♪
409
00:18:07,184 --> 00:18:09,225
♪ We don't care what y'all say ♪
410
00:18:09,325 --> 00:18:11,194
♪ We gonna do it all day, do it all day ♪
411
00:18:11,294 --> 00:18:14,097
♪ We gonna do it all day. ♪
412
00:18:14,197 --> 00:18:15,881
[airhorn blows]
413
00:18:21,689 --> 00:18:23,689
[retching]
414
00:18:25,808 --> 00:18:28,845
Are you gonna live?
415
00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:30,680
You can't flush
the tub, sweetie.
416
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:34,284
[Adam] Whoa! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Whoa.
417
00:18:34,384 --> 00:18:36,586
- What the hell?
- What's going on? Where am I?
418
00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,121
I just went to go
to the bathroom.
419
00:18:38,221 --> 00:18:39,779
I think I came back
to the wrong room.
420
00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:41,257
Easy.
Everybody calm down.
421
00:18:41,357 --> 00:18:42,435
This guy tried
to rape me.
422
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,794
I did not try
to rape anyone.
423
00:18:44,894 --> 00:18:46,529
Why are you naked?
424
00:18:46,629 --> 00:18:49,632
I'm not naked. Underwear.
I have underwear.
425
00:18:49,732 --> 00:18:51,534
What did you do
to my fucking hamster?
426
00:18:51,634 --> 00:18:53,103
Watch your mouth!
427
00:18:53,203 --> 00:18:55,621
But what did you do
to his fucking hamster?
428
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:02,345
Hey, sorry. I have no idea
how I got in that room
429
00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,322
or anything about the hamster
or what he was--
430
00:19:04,422 --> 00:19:06,549
Easy, Richard Gere.
431
00:19:06,649 --> 00:19:09,586
Jenny found it. It was
in his little brother's room.
432
00:19:09,686 --> 00:19:11,154
Those your boys?
433
00:19:11,254 --> 00:19:12,755
Step boys.
434
00:19:12,855 --> 00:19:14,224
Step sons.
435
00:19:14,324 --> 00:19:15,682
Had a good time
last night, yeah?
436
00:19:15,782 --> 00:19:16,782
Fuck, yeah.
437
00:19:16,881 --> 00:19:18,361
I'd kill to do
high school again.
438
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,430
I was in the zone last night.
439
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,527
Don't you think it's weird
that we do high school
440
00:19:22,627 --> 00:19:24,504
when we're 17 during
total hormonal confusion?
441
00:19:24,604 --> 00:19:26,302
Nobody was in the right
frame of mind.
442
00:19:26,402 --> 00:19:28,238
Nobody did high school
like they wanted to.
443
00:19:28,338 --> 00:19:30,473
Speak for yourself.
I was the king in high school.
444
00:19:30,573 --> 00:19:32,876
Chicks wanted to fuck me,
dudes wanted to be me.
445
00:19:32,976 --> 00:19:35,661
I wish I could do it again.
I would do it so differently.
446
00:19:37,932 --> 00:19:40,550
What if you could?
447
00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:44,687
- Would you?
- What do you mean?
448
00:19:44,787 --> 00:19:47,357
What if we did high school
all over again?
449
00:19:47,457 --> 00:19:49,826
Like, what if we got
all our teachers together,
450
00:19:49,926 --> 00:19:52,629
everybody from our class,
and we did it again,
451
00:19:52,729 --> 00:19:54,164
but for, like, a month?
452
00:19:54,264 --> 00:19:57,333
[scoffs] For starters,
I got a mortgage to pay.
453
00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:59,235
What if money
was no issue?
454
00:19:59,335 --> 00:20:01,092
What if I gave you
the same amount of money
455
00:20:01,192 --> 00:20:02,192
you'd make landscaping?
456
00:20:02,291 --> 00:20:04,941
[chuckles]
You're crazy, you know that?
457
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:06,709
What if I gave you
one year's salary
458
00:20:06,809 --> 00:20:07,887
for one month of your time?
459
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:09,279
One more month
of high school?
460
00:20:09,379 --> 00:20:11,948
Are you serious?
461
00:20:12,048 --> 00:20:14,951
This is a great idea.
462
00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:18,955
Bad idea.
Last night was a bad idea.
463
00:20:19,055 --> 00:20:22,825
That reunion, it sucked
more than high school did.
464
00:20:22,925 --> 00:20:24,727
Remember in 12th grade
when you passed out
465
00:20:24,827 --> 00:20:27,830
and Trevor drew a dick
on your face?
466
00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:29,232
You're right,
that was worse.
467
00:20:29,332 --> 00:20:30,900
Kinda the same.
468
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,303
No, he's right.
That was way worse.
469
00:20:33,403 --> 00:20:35,821
[both]
No, no, kinda the same.
470
00:20:37,524 --> 00:20:39,242
Son of a bitch.
471
00:20:39,342 --> 00:20:40,342
Fuck.
472
00:20:40,977 --> 00:20:42,455
Wait, this is when
you guys tell me?
473
00:20:42,555 --> 00:20:43,746
Now, at breakfast?
474
00:20:43,846 --> 00:20:45,324
Didn't want you
to be uncomfortable.
475
00:20:45,424 --> 00:20:47,517
[stammers]
His fault.
476
00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:51,421
The entire grad class
for one month?
477
00:20:51,521 --> 00:20:53,289
What about teachers?
478
00:20:53,389 --> 00:20:56,459
Yes, all of the old teachers,
everyone from our class,
479
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,228
just like it was.
480
00:20:58,328 --> 00:21:00,230
You're some sort
of school board rep, yeah?
481
00:21:00,330 --> 00:21:02,332
Deputy superintendent.
482
00:21:02,432 --> 00:21:06,736
Okay, so, you can get clearance,
draw up the legal paperwork.
483
00:21:06,836 --> 00:21:10,506
One year's salary for one more
month of high school.
484
00:21:10,606 --> 00:21:12,942
It's your chance
to be valedictorian.
485
00:21:13,042 --> 00:21:15,078
Well, it should have been mine
in the first place.
486
00:21:15,178 --> 00:21:17,380
I had better grades,
I was in way more activities,
487
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,299
I just--
[sighs]
488
00:21:21,735 --> 00:21:24,988
What are the terms and conditions?
489
00:21:25,088 --> 00:21:26,823
[Adam] One more crack at doing the things
490
00:21:26,923 --> 00:21:28,891
you'd have done then using what you know now.
491
00:21:28,991 --> 00:21:31,294
- The ultimate do-over.
- Uh-huh.
492
00:21:31,394 --> 00:21:34,497
- So, what do you say, Steve?
- [groaning]
493
00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:36,733
High school again?
How much?
494
00:21:36,833 --> 00:21:38,801
- Hello?
- Hello?
495
00:21:38,901 --> 00:21:40,670
- Hello?
- What's up?
496
00:21:40,770 --> 00:21:42,972
- What's up?
- [both] Whassap?
497
00:21:43,072 --> 00:21:45,575
Back to what?
Back to school?
498
00:21:45,675 --> 00:21:48,044
That's right.
Same classes, same teachers.
499
00:21:48,144 --> 00:21:50,346
Is everyone gonna be there?
500
00:21:50,446 --> 00:21:51,814
That goes over there.
501
00:21:51,914 --> 00:21:54,384
Do we have to go
every day?
502
00:21:54,484 --> 00:21:55,842
One more chance
to do high school
503
00:21:55,942 --> 00:21:57,654
the way you wish
you would've done it.
504
00:21:57,754 --> 00:22:00,423
I'm a single mom. I don't
have time to do homework.
505
00:22:00,523 --> 00:22:03,526
Okay, okay, what you're saying
is you invented time travel.
506
00:22:03,626 --> 00:22:05,595
We're not actually time traveling.
507
00:22:05,695 --> 00:22:07,563
What exists now still exists.
508
00:22:07,663 --> 00:22:09,966
I can't just surgically redo
my hymen, Adam.
509
00:22:10,066 --> 00:22:12,402
It's ripped to shreds.
510
00:22:12,502 --> 00:22:14,871
Everything will be pants on,
so nobody will notice.
511
00:22:14,971 --> 00:22:16,608
It it supposed to be, like,
we're dating
512
00:22:16,708 --> 00:22:19,842
who we were dating, too, or...?
513
00:22:19,942 --> 00:22:22,745
Okay, but I'm not giving
Steve Probyn a hand job again.
514
00:22:22,845 --> 00:22:24,514
- [Adam] Steve?
- Yeah.
515
00:22:24,614 --> 00:22:26,616
I'm gonna buy
an old sports almanac...
516
00:22:26,716 --> 00:22:28,718
- What, no--
- ...bet on some old games.
517
00:22:28,818 --> 00:22:31,054
And I'm gonna
be a gajillionaire.
518
00:22:31,154 --> 00:22:32,689
Fuck, yeah!
I'm in.
519
00:22:32,789 --> 00:22:34,057
I'm in 110%.
520
00:22:34,157 --> 00:22:36,559
- Boo-yah.
- I'm in.
521
00:22:36,659 --> 00:22:39,028
I'm going back to high school.
522
00:22:39,128 --> 00:22:40,763
- Okay.
- Yeah.
523
00:22:40,863 --> 00:22:43,415
[laughs]
It's a-- oh, I have to go.
524
00:22:46,053 --> 00:22:48,571
It's not a DeLorean
and 1.21 "Jigawatts,"
525
00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:51,123
but it is my chance
to go back to the future.
526
00:22:53,527 --> 00:22:57,729
I'm going back to school, Mom.
Fuck you.
527
00:23:02,936 --> 00:23:04,893
- This is a bad idea.
- [indistinct game noises]
528
00:23:04,993 --> 00:23:06,522
It's a very bad idea.
529
00:23:06,622 --> 00:23:08,458
You said the same thing
about touchscreens.
530
00:23:08,558 --> 00:23:10,793
Well, yeah, for people
who use their phones
531
00:23:10,893 --> 00:23:13,096
primarily for work.
You know, email, texting.
532
00:23:13,196 --> 00:23:15,064
There's no tactile feedback.
533
00:23:15,164 --> 00:23:17,533
Is everything not inevitably
shifting to voice command?
534
00:23:17,633 --> 00:23:19,535
With devices moving
from external to wearable,
535
00:23:19,635 --> 00:23:21,404
or even internal modes
of functionality.
536
00:23:21,504 --> 00:23:23,873
Yes, and yes. We should get
these guys jobs in R&D.
537
00:23:23,973 --> 00:23:26,843
Adam, we've got a huge
product launch coming up.
538
00:23:26,943 --> 00:23:29,379
If we take a month off now
to go back to school,
539
00:23:29,479 --> 00:23:31,481
we're gonna be asking
these guys for jobs.
540
00:23:31,581 --> 00:23:33,498
[all groan]
541
00:23:36,203 --> 00:23:38,020
What about your public image?
542
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,590
We'll get people to sign
nondisclosure agreements.
543
00:23:40,690 --> 00:23:43,246
Come on, isn't there one thing
you wish you'd done differently?
544
00:23:43,346 --> 00:23:44,346
[scoffs]
545
00:23:46,529 --> 00:23:49,729
Not shit myself?
546
00:23:50,099 --> 00:23:51,634
Why is this
so important to you?
547
00:23:51,734 --> 00:23:53,212
I mean, you already
have everything.
548
00:23:53,312 --> 00:23:55,772
If you want Darcie Williams,
you can do it now present day,
549
00:23:55,872 --> 00:23:58,908
without going
back to high school.
550
00:23:59,008 --> 00:24:01,010
[Betty] Front door.
551
00:24:01,110 --> 00:24:03,880
Look, you said it yourself,
I have everything.
552
00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:06,783
But positive memories
of high school, okay?
553
00:24:06,883 --> 00:24:09,568
I just want to put the "cool"
in "high school," just once.
554
00:24:11,939 --> 00:24:14,056
Andy and Dennis are in.
555
00:24:14,156 --> 00:24:15,625
I promised myself
when I was little
556
00:24:15,725 --> 00:24:17,403
I would lose my virginity
in high school.
557
00:24:17,503 --> 00:24:19,929
I will not fail.
558
00:24:20,029 --> 00:24:23,533
Virginity doesn't
grow back, Andy.
559
00:24:23,633 --> 00:24:25,468
Once you lose it,
you lose it.
560
00:24:25,568 --> 00:24:27,368
Oh, Andy.
561
00:24:27,570 --> 00:24:29,071
[Betty]
Your guests have arrived.
562
00:24:29,171 --> 00:24:31,690
[music playing]
563
00:24:42,903 --> 00:24:45,937
Well, gentlemen,
let's start rewriting history.
564
00:24:47,508 --> 00:24:49,025
So, the agency
made everything clear.
565
00:24:49,125 --> 00:24:51,594
You want us to watch you
play video games.
566
00:24:51,694 --> 00:24:53,563
And cheer you on
enthusiastically.
567
00:24:53,663 --> 00:24:55,832
Touching's okay, but no sex.
568
00:24:55,932 --> 00:24:57,567
With each other is okay.
569
00:24:57,667 --> 00:24:59,867
No, no sex.
570
00:25:00,002 --> 00:25:02,159
We just want you to appreciate
our beast mode skills.
571
00:25:02,259 --> 00:25:04,740
But you know that
the price is the same
572
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,609
whether or not
you have sex with us, right?
573
00:25:06,709 --> 00:25:08,478
Just as requested, please.
574
00:25:08,578 --> 00:25:12,915
I know, it's weird.
Less judgy eyes.
575
00:25:13,015 --> 00:25:14,733
We came up with this
when we were 14.
576
00:25:16,169 --> 00:25:17,887
Are you guys sure
this is okay?
577
00:25:17,987 --> 00:25:21,157
Oh, yeah, this is
actually way sexier.
578
00:25:21,257 --> 00:25:22,825
Totally.
579
00:25:22,925 --> 00:25:25,661
I could seriously crush
some noodles right now.
580
00:25:25,761 --> 00:25:27,196
Marry me.
581
00:25:27,296 --> 00:25:29,247
So, are you in?
582
00:25:36,890 --> 00:25:39,247
Do we have to date the same
girls we dated in high school?
583
00:25:39,347 --> 00:25:41,811
Get to, have to, want to.
What's the difference?
584
00:25:41,911 --> 00:25:43,846
[laughs, sighs]
585
00:25:43,946 --> 00:25:45,504
You guys know
this is pathetic, right?
586
00:25:45,604 --> 00:25:46,816
This is so desperate.
587
00:25:46,916 --> 00:25:48,354
Your dad seems to think
that it's--
588
00:25:48,454 --> 00:25:50,920
Hey, Trevor is not my dad.
589
00:25:51,020 --> 00:25:52,722
Trevor is my mom's mistake.
590
00:25:52,822 --> 00:25:53,822
Wow.
591
00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:55,992
You know I can
hear you, right?
592
00:25:56,092 --> 00:25:57,560
That's a relief.
593
00:25:57,660 --> 00:25:59,562
I was worried I wasn't
saying it loud enough.
594
00:25:59,662 --> 00:26:02,714
All right, you two.
That's enough.
595
00:26:04,818 --> 00:26:09,238
So?
Can we get the time off work?
596
00:26:09,338 --> 00:26:12,775
I was gonna have to lay you two
off since it's the slow season.
597
00:26:12,875 --> 00:26:16,178
But I told Adam that we make
twice as much as we do.
598
00:26:16,278 --> 00:26:17,547
Didn't even phase him.
599
00:26:17,647 --> 00:26:19,549
- Trevor.
- What?
600
00:26:19,649 --> 00:26:21,984
It's not like
he can't afford it.
601
00:26:22,084 --> 00:26:25,684
We are back, boys!
602
00:26:27,123 --> 00:26:28,923
Grad '97!
603
00:26:30,026 --> 00:26:32,077
- [school bell rings]
- Whoo!
604
00:26:37,951 --> 00:26:39,351
[sighs]
605
00:26:48,328 --> 00:26:52,764
You showed up to the first day
of school in a DeLorean?
606
00:26:55,135 --> 00:26:58,621
- Too much?
- Too much.
607
00:26:58,721 --> 00:27:02,024
You, uh, gonna change
those clothes?
608
00:27:02,124 --> 00:27:03,993
Where we're going,
we don't need clothes.
609
00:27:04,093 --> 00:27:05,093
What?
610
00:27:06,829 --> 00:27:09,648
You are my density.
611
00:27:11,818 --> 00:27:17,088
1.21 "Jigawatts"!
1.21 "Jigawatts"!
612
00:27:19,126 --> 00:27:20,876
Greg! Greg, wait up!
613
00:27:20,976 --> 00:27:24,146
- Excuse me, coming through.
- Excuse me.
614
00:27:24,246 --> 00:27:26,749
What have you done?
615
00:27:26,849 --> 00:27:28,651
Trust me,
this is gonna be amazing.
616
00:27:28,751 --> 00:27:30,753
Hey, guys.
617
00:27:30,853 --> 00:27:32,855
You excited or nervous
for the first day?
618
00:27:32,955 --> 00:27:35,992
[stammers]
Yeah.
619
00:27:36,092 --> 00:27:37,530
[whispers]
Pull your shit together.
620
00:27:37,630 --> 00:27:38,928
Oh, hey, honey.
621
00:27:39,028 --> 00:27:41,413
God, you are so humiliating.
622
00:27:43,750 --> 00:27:45,067
Don't you think it's crazy
623
00:27:45,167 --> 00:27:47,737
how I have a daughter
in the same grade as me?
624
00:27:47,837 --> 00:27:50,422
Well, as us.
It's weird, right?
625
00:27:55,028 --> 00:27:57,913
That's a great outfit.
626
00:27:58,013 --> 00:27:59,815
Thanks, I went
back-to-school shopping
627
00:27:59,915 --> 00:28:01,050
and it felt like old times.
628
00:28:01,150 --> 00:28:02,400
That's what she said, heh.
629
00:28:04,438 --> 00:28:07,038
Anyway, um, thanks.
630
00:28:12,345 --> 00:28:14,096
I have seen you in rooms
631
00:28:14,196 --> 00:28:16,732
with some of the most
powerful leaders in the world.
632
00:28:16,832 --> 00:28:18,901
I've listened through
walls of lavish hotels
633
00:28:19,001 --> 00:28:23,105
while you've had mad, crazy,
tantric sex with supermodels.
634
00:28:23,205 --> 00:28:25,908
But ten seconds
with Darcie Williams,
635
00:28:26,008 --> 00:28:27,777
you just fall to pieces.
636
00:28:27,877 --> 00:28:29,812
- [bell rings]
- Hey, excuse me.
637
00:28:29,912 --> 00:28:30,912
Yeah.
638
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,200
Yo.
639
00:28:36,770 --> 00:28:37,770
Ooh.
640
00:28:42,342 --> 00:28:44,760
It is killing me that I don't
remember who you are.
641
00:28:44,860 --> 00:28:47,430
But I don't think
you can sit there.
642
00:28:47,530 --> 00:28:49,331
That's for Mr. Wagner.
643
00:28:49,431 --> 00:28:53,169
But I'd be more than happy
to treat my desk as a bunk bed.
644
00:28:53,269 --> 00:28:55,171
You want top or bottom?
645
00:28:55,271 --> 00:28:57,973
Mr. Wagner was my father.
646
00:28:58,073 --> 00:29:00,009
Unfortunately,
he could not be here,
647
00:29:00,109 --> 00:29:02,066
so Miss Russell asked
if I would take his place.
648
00:29:02,166 --> 00:29:05,114
That's bullshit.
Come on, Pi.
649
00:29:05,214 --> 00:29:09,018
You said we're gonna
do this "100%."
650
00:29:09,118 --> 00:29:11,076
Yeah, what is your dad doing
that's so important
651
00:29:11,176 --> 00:29:13,055
he couldn't be here today?
652
00:29:13,155 --> 00:29:14,356
That is so like him.
653
00:29:14,456 --> 00:29:15,891
He was always such a cunt.
654
00:29:15,991 --> 00:29:18,928
He died.
Leukemia.
655
00:29:19,028 --> 00:29:21,297
Gotta be honest, dude.
That's a legit reason.
656
00:29:21,397 --> 00:29:23,799
We're sorry for your loss.
Your father was a great man.
657
00:29:23,899 --> 00:29:25,401
Thank you.
658
00:29:25,501 --> 00:29:27,299
Now, does everybody
want to open their books
659
00:29:27,399 --> 00:29:29,071
and turn to page 12, please?
660
00:29:29,171 --> 00:29:32,508
- [both laugh]
- You're kidding, right?
661
00:29:32,608 --> 00:29:35,478
I'm sorry, is there a problem?
662
00:29:35,578 --> 00:29:37,179
No, no, no problem.
663
00:29:37,279 --> 00:29:40,282
So, you want us to take classes,
like, for real?
664
00:29:40,382 --> 00:29:42,318
That's kind of
how school works.
665
00:29:42,418 --> 00:29:44,520
Guys, it's gotta be
the whole deal or no deal.
666
00:29:44,620 --> 00:29:46,522
Excuse me, can you
please sit down?
667
00:29:46,622 --> 00:29:48,090
I'm sorry.
I'm Adam Pi.
668
00:29:48,190 --> 00:29:49,458
I know who you are, Adam.
669
00:29:49,558 --> 00:29:51,060
I have your name in my list.
670
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:53,160
[all] Ooh.
671
00:29:54,897 --> 00:29:56,855
Now, if you don't mind,
I would like to get back
672
00:29:56,955 --> 00:29:59,918
to teaching my students
about the Civil Rights movement.
673
00:30:05,392 --> 00:30:07,992
- Hi.
- Hey.
674
00:30:08,878 --> 00:30:10,880
You, uh--
you look incredible.
675
00:30:10,980 --> 00:30:13,498
Thanks.
So do you.
676
00:30:17,237 --> 00:30:20,122
Hey, having my brother
and sister here
677
00:30:20,222 --> 00:30:22,358
- in their late 30s.
- Uh, um, just-- no.
678
00:30:22,458 --> 00:30:24,126
Whatever.
I just don't want anyone
679
00:30:24,226 --> 00:30:25,795
to know we're related,
all right?
680
00:30:25,895 --> 00:30:27,496
This is my senior year.
681
00:30:27,596 --> 00:30:30,315
I don't need you two
screwing it up.
682
00:30:35,155 --> 00:30:39,108
- Does he know that we used to--
- No.
683
00:30:39,208 --> 00:30:41,844
No, we promised Dad we would
never speak of it again.
684
00:30:41,944 --> 00:30:44,547
Uh, okay, so we promised
your dad.
685
00:30:44,647 --> 00:30:46,916
- My dad.
- Because when you say "Dad,"
686
00:30:47,016 --> 00:30:49,100
- it's weird, yeah.
- Weird.
687
00:30:55,342 --> 00:30:57,860
- Hey.
- Hey.
688
00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:59,398
You know you can't
sit here, right?
689
00:30:59,498 --> 00:31:00,896
You know you're not too big
690
00:31:00,996 --> 00:31:02,431
for a spanking, right?
691
00:31:02,531 --> 00:31:04,366
Why are you doing this?
692
00:31:04,466 --> 00:31:06,936
Don't you think you already
wrecked my life enough?
693
00:31:07,036 --> 00:31:08,437
Shouldn't you guys
be eating
694
00:31:08,537 --> 00:31:10,606
in the teacher's lounge
or something?
695
00:31:10,706 --> 00:31:13,509
Is that supposed
to make us feel old?
696
00:31:13,609 --> 00:31:16,212
You do know that I'm
in better shape at 37
697
00:31:16,312 --> 00:31:18,247
than you are at 17.
698
00:31:18,347 --> 00:31:21,183
They're called salads, ladies.
Try one.
699
00:31:21,283 --> 00:31:24,086
God, you guys are so cute.
700
00:31:24,186 --> 00:31:25,384
You think you know everything?
701
00:31:25,484 --> 00:31:27,322
You think you know how
to disassemble someone
702
00:31:27,422 --> 00:31:28,591
with hurtful words?
703
00:31:28,691 --> 00:31:31,961
Darlings, we've got 20 more
years experience than you.
704
00:31:32,061 --> 00:31:33,529
Try us, twats.
705
00:31:33,629 --> 00:31:34,630
[laughs]
706
00:31:34,730 --> 00:31:36,966
Oh, you think it's funny.
707
00:31:37,066 --> 00:31:38,334
We got a cutie on our hands.
708
00:31:38,434 --> 00:31:39,902
You think we're comedians?
709
00:31:40,002 --> 00:31:41,440
Look, I want to tell you
something.
710
00:31:41,540 --> 00:31:42,938
I've been thinking about it.
711
00:31:43,038 --> 00:31:45,490
[whispers indistinctly]
712
00:31:48,495 --> 00:31:52,181
- [sobbing]
- Wait, Emma.
713
00:31:52,281 --> 00:31:55,584
Oh, my God, this cutie
thinks she rules this school.
714
00:31:55,684 --> 00:31:59,622
You are clearly not worthy.
715
00:31:59,722 --> 00:32:01,957
[mouths]
I hate you.
716
00:32:02,057 --> 00:32:04,393
Don't forget to change
your pad, sweetie.
717
00:32:04,493 --> 00:32:06,896
Erin! Erin!
Uh, Ms. Wegner, wait.
718
00:32:06,996 --> 00:32:08,330
Mr. Pi, how can I help you?
719
00:32:08,430 --> 00:32:09,899
[phone chimes]
720
00:32:09,999 --> 00:32:12,134
- Is that the Synrnote app?
- It is.
721
00:32:12,234 --> 00:32:14,103
I kinda created that.
722
00:32:14,203 --> 00:32:16,399
So you realize that beep
means I'm late for something.
723
00:32:16,499 --> 00:32:18,775
Actually, you can make that
a beep or a vibration or a--
724
00:32:18,875 --> 00:32:21,343
right, sorry, I just
wanted to apologize for--
725
00:32:21,443 --> 00:32:23,312
- Mr. Pi, I'm sorry...
- Adam, Adam.
726
00:32:23,412 --> 00:32:24,690
...for snapping
on you earlier.
727
00:32:24,790 --> 00:32:26,188
I just-- I've never
taught a class
728
00:32:26,288 --> 00:32:27,766
where I was
the youngest in the room
729
00:32:27,866 --> 00:32:30,019
and I felt I needed
to assert myself.
730
00:32:30,119 --> 00:32:31,587
Look, you paid us
a lot of money
731
00:32:31,687 --> 00:32:33,245
and I want to make sure
the experience
732
00:32:33,345 --> 00:32:34,957
is as authentic
as you'd asked
733
00:32:35,057 --> 00:32:36,975
and make it as high school
as possible for you.
734
00:32:37,075 --> 00:32:38,594
- [phone rings]
- [stammers]
735
00:32:38,694 --> 00:32:39,694
Hi.
736
00:32:42,015 --> 00:32:44,300
I am feeling socially awkward,
737
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:48,570
insecure, and a little weird
about everything.
738
00:32:48,670 --> 00:32:52,056
Just like high school.
[chuckles]
739
00:32:54,294 --> 00:32:57,294
[quiet chatter]
740
00:33:11,644 --> 00:33:13,395
[phone chimes]
741
00:33:13,495 --> 00:33:15,597
[all phones chime]
742
00:33:15,697 --> 00:33:17,697
[laughter]
743
00:33:31,698 --> 00:33:33,716
- Uh-oh.
- Shit.
744
00:33:33,816 --> 00:33:37,686
- [class] Oh!
- Yes!
745
00:33:37,786 --> 00:33:40,171
- [student] Wow.
- [school bell rings]
746
00:33:53,453 --> 00:33:56,505
For those of you
who don't remember,
747
00:33:56,605 --> 00:33:59,508
I am Mr. Payne.
748
00:33:59,608 --> 00:34:01,677
Welcome to...
749
00:34:01,777 --> 00:34:03,177
Sex Ed!
750
00:34:03,545 --> 00:34:05,545
[laughter]
751
00:34:08,317 --> 00:34:10,219
- [wolf whistle]
- [scattered applause]
752
00:34:10,319 --> 00:34:12,087
[Mr. Payne]
Quiet!
753
00:34:12,187 --> 00:34:15,391
Today we're discussing
the reproductive gland.
754
00:34:15,491 --> 00:34:18,794
Anyone want to come up
and identify
755
00:34:18,894 --> 00:34:21,597
parts of the female anatomy?
756
00:34:21,697 --> 00:34:26,602
- [quiet laughter]
- Mr. Jackson? Thank you.
757
00:34:26,702 --> 00:34:29,238
Sure.
I can come up there.
758
00:34:29,338 --> 00:34:31,338
[laughter]
759
00:34:34,394 --> 00:34:36,712
You think you're
very funny, Mr. Jackson.
760
00:34:36,812 --> 00:34:43,385
Can you please identify
the interior labia commissures?
761
00:34:43,485 --> 00:34:45,254
No need, Mr., Payne.
762
00:34:45,354 --> 00:34:48,524
I'm gonna show you
everything you need to know.
763
00:34:48,624 --> 00:34:53,228
This is for Mondays
through Fridays.
764
00:34:53,328 --> 00:34:56,698
This is for weekends, holidays,
765
00:34:56,798 --> 00:35:00,118
and special occasions, yeah.
766
00:35:06,292 --> 00:35:09,511
Spoken like someone who never
truly satisfied a lover.
767
00:35:09,611 --> 00:35:11,596
- [class] Ooh.
- [woman] That's true.
768
00:35:14,534 --> 00:35:15,934
Mr. Pi?
769
00:35:16,318 --> 00:35:17,318
Oh, this'll be good.
770
00:35:17,417 --> 00:35:19,752
[class] Ooh.
771
00:35:24,911 --> 00:35:27,262
[laughs]
You're not even close.
772
00:35:27,362 --> 00:35:30,399
You can't locate the
interior labial commissure
773
00:35:30,499 --> 00:35:31,700
from the backside.
774
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,369
Actually, it's the best way
to identify
775
00:35:34,469 --> 00:35:36,672
the interior labial commissure.
776
00:35:36,772 --> 00:35:40,175
In fact, you can identify
most of the female anatomy
777
00:35:40,275 --> 00:35:43,278
comfortably and effectively
from this position.
778
00:35:43,378 --> 00:35:45,714
It's been my experience
the best place to start
779
00:35:45,814 --> 00:35:48,317
is with the labia majora,
780
00:35:48,417 --> 00:35:51,787
drifting attention
towards the labia minora.
781
00:35:51,887 --> 00:35:54,890
Excuse me, some of us
are actually trying
782
00:35:54,990 --> 00:35:56,625
to learn something here.
783
00:35:56,725 --> 00:36:00,496
Shut it, princess.
We are learning.
784
00:36:00,596 --> 00:36:02,297
Yeah, Adam, don't stop, okay?
785
00:36:02,397 --> 00:36:04,633
Just keep going, going,
going, going.
786
00:36:04,733 --> 00:36:07,533
Mr. Pi, but...
787
00:36:08,270 --> 00:36:10,067
what can you tell us
about the male anatomy?
788
00:36:10,167 --> 00:36:14,743
Tons. Nobody's touched
his wiener more than he has.
789
00:36:14,843 --> 00:36:17,243
[class]
Oh.
790
00:36:18,914 --> 00:36:21,717
Pleasure is a two-way street
and knowledge is key, Mr. Payne.
791
00:36:21,817 --> 00:36:25,187
I can show you how to access
the seminal vesicles
792
00:36:25,287 --> 00:36:28,924
via the rectum without
upsetting the vas deferens.
793
00:36:29,024 --> 00:36:30,492
Oh, you cheeky monkey.
794
00:36:30,592 --> 00:36:31,876
[class bell rings]
795
00:36:34,314 --> 00:36:36,632
I have to say,
I am impressed.
796
00:36:36,732 --> 00:36:39,209
Well, I mean, I could give you
some private lessons sometime.
797
00:36:39,309 --> 00:36:42,371
[laughs] Maybe I'll
take you up on that.
798
00:36:42,471 --> 00:36:44,622
Yeah, totally.
799
00:36:46,826 --> 00:36:49,493
Okay, well,
I'll see you later?
800
00:36:53,299 --> 00:36:56,818
Uh, what are you doing?
It's your chance.
801
00:36:56,918 --> 00:36:58,453
No, it's not
the right time.
802
00:36:58,553 --> 00:37:01,790
- It's not the right time.
- Oh. Pussy.
803
00:37:01,890 --> 00:37:03,407
Hey, Darcie, wait up!
804
00:37:07,380 --> 00:37:09,298
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey.
805
00:37:09,398 --> 00:37:13,969
I was wondering if maybe
you wanted to go out sometime?
806
00:37:14,069 --> 00:37:17,706
Like, just as friends?
807
00:37:17,806 --> 00:37:22,411
Yeah. Yeah,
I would like that.
808
00:37:22,511 --> 00:37:24,762
I'll see you later.
809
00:37:29,769 --> 00:37:32,937
"Just as friends"?
Come on.
810
00:37:35,375 --> 00:37:37,626
Let's remember the important
part of the conversation.
811
00:37:37,726 --> 00:37:39,561
I have a date
with Darcie Williams.
812
00:37:39,661 --> 00:37:41,330
[Claire]
Oh, my God.
813
00:37:41,430 --> 00:37:43,228
Do you know what I've been thinking about?
814
00:37:43,328 --> 00:37:44,806
What I'm gonna do
after high school.
815
00:37:44,906 --> 00:37:46,503
Am I gonna go to college?
I don't know.
816
00:37:46,603 --> 00:37:48,121
Am I gonna go to Europe
for two years
817
00:37:48,221 --> 00:37:49,538
and finally find myself?
818
00:37:49,638 --> 00:37:51,974
You know we're only doing this
for a month, right?
819
00:37:52,074 --> 00:37:54,743
Seriously, don't you feel
like this is our second shot
820
00:37:54,843 --> 00:37:56,721
at, "What do you want to be
when you grow up"?
821
00:37:56,821 --> 00:37:58,413
What do you want to be?
822
00:37:58,513 --> 00:38:00,549
I'm pretty sure that having
Jessica in high school
823
00:38:00,649 --> 00:38:02,584
dictated my path,
like, a long time ago.
824
00:38:02,684 --> 00:38:03,684
No, it didn't, okay?
825
00:38:03,783 --> 00:38:06,555
This is a second chance.
826
00:38:06,655 --> 00:38:08,690
Are you or are you not
going out with Pi tonight?
827
00:38:08,790 --> 00:38:11,393
Oh, my God, I haven't
been on a date in ages.
828
00:38:11,493 --> 00:38:12,995
I'm not even sure
what this is.
829
00:38:13,095 --> 00:38:15,831
Oh, my God, shut up.
830
00:38:15,931 --> 00:38:18,267
Shut the hell up.
831
00:38:18,367 --> 00:38:21,937
You and your post-pregancy
huge vagina need this, okay?
832
00:38:22,037 --> 00:38:24,406
Take this opportunity.
833
00:38:24,506 --> 00:38:25,674
Okay, I was full lying.
834
00:38:25,774 --> 00:38:27,309
Do you know if you do
enough kegels,
835
00:38:27,409 --> 00:38:29,646
your vagina can literally
play with itself, hands-free,
836
00:38:29,746 --> 00:38:31,104
like a Bluetooth
for your vagina?
837
00:38:31,204 --> 00:38:32,642
I've literally
been touching myself
838
00:38:32,742 --> 00:38:33,949
hands free
since I got here.
839
00:38:34,049 --> 00:38:36,485
Oh, no, I'm gonna orgasm
right now,
840
00:38:36,585 --> 00:38:39,054
in like two seconds.
Oh, my God.
841
00:38:39,154 --> 00:38:41,957
This is so awkward for you
but it's so good for me.
842
00:38:42,057 --> 00:38:44,293
Oh, my God, watch me.
843
00:38:44,393 --> 00:38:46,549
Oh, my God, watch my pants.
They're gonna get so wet.
844
00:38:46,649 --> 00:38:49,331
- Oh, no.
- Day drinking.
845
00:38:49,431 --> 00:38:51,300
- No. No.
- Perfect.
846
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:52,997
So it's safe to assume
you're too drunk
847
00:38:53,097 --> 00:38:54,803
to take me
to soccer tryouts?
848
00:38:54,903 --> 00:38:57,406
I've had
half a glass of wine.
849
00:38:57,506 --> 00:39:00,309
- You are so pathetic.
- My God, I'm gonna pass out.
850
00:39:00,409 --> 00:39:02,206
Oh, my God,
I'm thinking about you and Adam.
851
00:39:02,306 --> 00:39:05,843
Oh, no. Oh, no. Pi!
852
00:39:06,882 --> 00:39:08,817
- [groans]
- [laughs]
853
00:39:08,917 --> 00:39:10,352
- Oh, my God.
- [car horn honks]
854
00:39:10,452 --> 00:39:14,523
Whatever.
Trent's taking me anyways.
855
00:39:14,623 --> 00:39:16,491
I don't know what she said.
856
00:39:16,591 --> 00:39:19,027
But I'm gonna need
an extra pair of sweatpants.
857
00:39:19,127 --> 00:39:21,125
No, it'll do all of that,
but, I mean, basically,
858
00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:23,103
it's similar to what
you know, but it's also--
859
00:39:23,203 --> 00:39:24,203
[Trevor]
Hey nerds!
860
00:39:26,652 --> 00:39:28,737
- What are you doing?
- Adam has a new prototype
861
00:39:28,837 --> 00:39:30,672
that will revolutionize
the smartphone.
862
00:39:30,772 --> 00:39:32,990
We're gonna test out
a few of the game apps.
863
00:39:34,894 --> 00:39:36,445
Can we see it?
864
00:39:36,545 --> 00:39:39,448
No, no, it's a prototype.
865
00:39:39,548 --> 00:39:40,816
I mean, these guys
had to sign
866
00:39:40,916 --> 00:39:42,651
non-disclosure agreements
to see it.
867
00:39:42,751 --> 00:39:44,969
Can I see it?
868
00:39:46,939 --> 00:39:48,890
Don't get me wrong,
I love Greg,
869
00:39:48,990 --> 00:39:51,267
and he's been my best friend
since I was four years old,
870
00:39:51,367 --> 00:39:53,528
but that giant stick
up his ass is so obvious,
871
00:39:53,628 --> 00:39:56,732
he's often mistaken
for a fudge-icle.
872
00:39:56,832 --> 00:40:00,418
Hey, dickhead.
Give me the phone.
873
00:40:02,422 --> 00:40:04,773
Y-you can't.
What if somebody sees it?
874
00:40:04,873 --> 00:40:07,376
Don't be such a pussy,
Shits-his-pantsky.
875
00:40:07,476 --> 00:40:09,760
Yeah, Shits-his-pantsky, heh.
876
00:40:13,699 --> 00:40:15,150
Seriously,
if this gets leaked--
877
00:40:15,250 --> 00:40:18,453
Seriously, don't worry about it.
Guys, give it a try.
878
00:40:18,553 --> 00:40:21,022
Whoo-hoo.
Lesbians.
879
00:40:21,122 --> 00:40:23,158
[music playing from phone]
880
00:40:23,258 --> 00:40:26,895
All right, what do I know?
I'm just Shits-his-pantsky.
881
00:40:26,995 --> 00:40:29,965
[women moaning on phone]
882
00:40:30,065 --> 00:40:31,867
Play threesomes.
883
00:40:31,967 --> 00:40:33,135
[moaning continues]
884
00:40:33,235 --> 00:40:34,235
Oh.
885
00:40:38,124 --> 00:40:39,124
Yeah.
886
00:40:39,941 --> 00:40:40,941
Oh.
887
00:40:41,676 --> 00:40:43,078
[Clark]
Nice.
888
00:40:43,178 --> 00:40:47,682
[women continue moaning]
889
00:40:47,782 --> 00:40:50,234
- Yeah.
- Ahem.
890
00:40:52,205 --> 00:40:54,589
Real mature.
891
00:40:54,689 --> 00:40:57,125
This is the life you
were missing 20 years ago?
892
00:40:57,225 --> 00:40:59,528
Erin-- Ms. Wegner,
what are you doing here?
893
00:40:59,628 --> 00:41:01,096
We got an anonymous call
894
00:41:01,196 --> 00:41:02,953
that our students
were smoking marijuana...
895
00:41:03,053 --> 00:41:04,065
It's medicinal.
896
00:41:04,165 --> 00:41:06,768
- ...on school property...
- Pfft.
897
00:41:06,868 --> 00:41:08,825
...and now I walk by
to see porn being projected
898
00:41:08,925 --> 00:41:10,839
on the high school wall.
899
00:41:10,939 --> 00:41:12,507
While you may be
high school students,
900
00:41:12,607 --> 00:41:14,109
you're still adults
in real life,
901
00:41:14,209 --> 00:41:17,145
and doing drugs and watching
porn at a place for children
902
00:41:17,245 --> 00:41:19,322
is still generally frowned
upon by most of society.
903
00:41:19,422 --> 00:41:21,783
What are you gonna do, Erin,
give us all detentions?
904
00:41:21,883 --> 00:41:24,553
Well, unfortunately,
protocol would be
905
00:41:24,653 --> 00:41:26,371
to contact the police
where, if convicted,
906
00:41:26,471 --> 00:41:29,458
you could face
some serious jail time.
907
00:41:29,558 --> 00:41:34,044
- Whatever, NARC.
- Projector, off.
908
00:41:35,948 --> 00:41:38,900
I am--
I am so sorry about that.
909
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,836
Can I ask why
you're doing this?
910
00:41:40,936 --> 00:41:43,413
Because if it's just to relive
some teenage hormonal fantasy,
911
00:41:43,513 --> 00:41:44,940
that's pretty pathetic.
912
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,777
I-- I just feel like
I missed out on high school.
913
00:41:48,877 --> 00:41:51,646
Adam, how many of your grad
class are billionaires?
914
00:41:51,746 --> 00:41:54,182
None. Unless you count me,
okay, then one.
915
00:41:54,282 --> 00:41:56,280
And how long have you
and Greg been best friends?
916
00:41:56,380 --> 00:41:57,919
My whole life.
917
00:41:58,019 --> 00:41:59,817
And you spend your days
doing what you love,
918
00:41:59,917 --> 00:42:02,123
- I presume, with him.
- Yeah, it's amazing.
919
00:42:02,223 --> 00:42:04,041
So, why are you
doing this again?
920
00:42:06,679 --> 00:42:09,798
Well, I hope
you find it this time,
921
00:42:09,898 --> 00:42:12,683
because those who ignore history
are doomed to repeat it.
922
00:42:15,922 --> 00:42:19,741
It's not just a dorky way
of saying come to class.
923
00:42:19,841 --> 00:42:21,191
See you Monday, Adam.
924
00:42:23,930 --> 00:42:25,847
Is it just me
or does anybody else
925
00:42:25,947 --> 00:42:30,051
hear Van Halen's
"Hot for Teacher" right now?
926
00:42:30,151 --> 00:42:31,151
[laughs]
927
00:42:31,250 --> 00:42:33,655
[music playing]
928
00:42:33,755 --> 00:42:35,657
Fast food at the point.
929
00:42:35,757 --> 00:42:37,626
Now this really does
feel like high school.
930
00:42:37,726 --> 00:42:39,326
Totally.
931
00:42:39,661 --> 00:42:41,530
Who am I kidding?
I have never been here.
932
00:42:41,630 --> 00:42:44,032
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
933
00:42:44,132 --> 00:42:48,236
Oh, I was here
every weekend in high school.
934
00:42:48,336 --> 00:42:51,922
Okay,
easy on the judgy eyes.
935
00:42:54,327 --> 00:42:58,162
I can't believe
I am here with you.
936
00:43:00,866 --> 00:43:04,920
You know, I think
I saw you on TV last year.
937
00:43:05,020 --> 00:43:08,089
You were having dinner
at the White House.
938
00:43:08,189 --> 00:43:10,158
That was not as cool.
939
00:43:10,258 --> 00:43:12,227
You're telling me
that you think it's cooler
940
00:43:12,327 --> 00:43:14,829
hanging out with me
here at the point
941
00:43:14,929 --> 00:43:17,632
than waltzing
with the First Lady.
942
00:43:17,732 --> 00:43:18,732
You're the prom queen.
943
00:43:18,831 --> 00:43:20,201
I don't think the First Lady
944
00:43:20,301 --> 00:43:22,671
can boast such an honor.
945
00:43:22,771 --> 00:43:24,873
I didn't even go
to our prom.
946
00:43:24,973 --> 00:43:28,677
You gave a whole entire village
in Africa clean water.
947
00:43:28,777 --> 00:43:32,614
Who cares about prom?
948
00:43:32,714 --> 00:43:34,683
Everything that seemed
important in high school,
949
00:43:34,783 --> 00:43:38,102
it just--
it doesn't matter anymore.
950
00:43:41,340 --> 00:43:42,706
You're right.
951
00:43:44,810 --> 00:43:48,646
But it does feel really nice
to be on a date again.
952
00:43:50,282 --> 00:43:52,367
Is that what we're doing?
953
00:43:52,467 --> 00:43:54,667
Well, yeah.
954
00:43:56,237 --> 00:43:57,437
Right?
955
00:44:00,292 --> 00:44:02,660
[music playing]
956
00:44:16,409 --> 00:44:18,960
So, are we, like,
going out now, or...?
957
00:44:19,060 --> 00:44:22,446
[giggles]
I guess.
958
00:44:25,251 --> 00:44:27,651
[bell rings]
959
00:44:35,227 --> 00:44:38,913
[laughter, chatter]
960
00:44:39,013 --> 00:44:41,965
[school bell rings]
961
00:44:44,437 --> 00:44:47,322
You've put the "heaven"
in thirty "su-heaven."
962
00:44:47,422 --> 00:44:48,422
What are they doing here?
963
00:44:48,521 --> 00:44:49,521
Hey!
964
00:44:50,425 --> 00:44:53,328
Wow, I love your...
965
00:44:53,428 --> 00:44:54,828
Really?
966
00:44:54,996 --> 00:44:55,996
What?
967
00:45:03,422 --> 00:45:06,457
[woman]
It's a blast from the past.
968
00:45:13,365 --> 00:45:14,965
[clicks mouse]
969
00:45:18,437 --> 00:45:21,356
[women cheering]
970
00:45:21,456 --> 00:45:25,060
[shouting indistinctly]
971
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,096
- [cheering]
- Oh, no!
972
00:45:28,196 --> 00:45:31,196
Oh, no! Oh, no!
973
00:45:38,758 --> 00:45:39,758
Yes!
974
00:45:40,074 --> 00:45:41,074
Whoo!
975
00:45:50,202 --> 00:45:52,160
[Trevor] Where are you going,
Shits-his-pantsky?
976
00:45:52,260 --> 00:45:55,190
Shit your pants again?
[imitates farting sounds]
977
00:45:55,290 --> 00:45:58,059
Hey, hey, hey.
978
00:45:58,159 --> 00:45:59,427
Where are you going?
979
00:45:59,527 --> 00:46:01,229
Uh, hotel,
put some work in.
980
00:46:01,329 --> 00:46:02,731
You're ditching?
981
00:46:02,831 --> 00:46:04,348
Well, yeah, I got
a text this morning
982
00:46:04,448 --> 00:46:06,445
that someone leaked photos
of the prototype phone
983
00:46:06,545 --> 00:46:09,070
that you were showing off
the other day, so...
984
00:46:09,170 --> 00:46:12,107
- Is it serious?
- I don't know yet.
985
00:46:12,207 --> 00:46:13,885
Come on, man, there's
already been, like,
986
00:46:13,985 --> 00:46:15,463
a kajillion rumors
about this thing.
987
00:46:15,563 --> 00:46:16,745
A, "kajillion" isn't a word,
988
00:46:16,845 --> 00:46:18,283
and, B, this is
getting ridiculous.
989
00:46:18,383 --> 00:46:20,148
- I'm done.
- You can't quit.
990
00:46:20,248 --> 00:46:21,783
You don't get the money
if you quit.
991
00:46:21,883 --> 00:46:23,841
Are you seriously being
an ass monkey right now?
992
00:46:23,941 --> 00:46:25,299
You think I care
about the money?
993
00:46:25,399 --> 00:46:26,637
Okay--
I didn't mean it, okay?
994
00:46:26,737 --> 00:46:28,893
I promise, I'll take care
of everything I screwed up.
995
00:46:28,993 --> 00:46:30,510
You shouldn't be
cleaning up my mess.
996
00:46:30,610 --> 00:46:32,227
I just-- I really
need you tonight.
997
00:46:32,327 --> 00:46:33,895
You got enough new friends.
998
00:46:33,995 --> 00:46:35,712
I'm sure they can help you
with whatever--
999
00:46:35,812 --> 00:46:37,766
No, no, no, no.
I need you, okay?
1000
00:46:37,866 --> 00:46:39,344
We've been invited
to the car rally.
1001
00:46:39,444 --> 00:46:41,503
We hate car rallies.
1002
00:46:41,603 --> 00:46:44,339
No, we hated car rallies
'cause we were never invited.
1003
00:46:44,439 --> 00:46:47,509
Well, we've been invited now,
so they're cool.
1004
00:46:47,609 --> 00:46:49,277
We're cool.
1005
00:46:49,377 --> 00:46:51,212
You know, you sound
like an idiot.
1006
00:46:51,312 --> 00:46:53,481
You're arguably
the smartest man on the planet,
1007
00:46:53,581 --> 00:46:56,184
and you're starting to talk
like a 14-year-old girl.
1008
00:46:56,284 --> 00:46:57,684
Nuh-uh.
1009
00:46:59,153 --> 00:47:01,556
Look, you know you're
my best friend, right?
1010
00:47:01,656 --> 00:47:04,159
Okay, I can't do this
without you.
1011
00:47:04,259 --> 00:47:05,509
You know
that's true, right?
1012
00:47:13,986 --> 00:47:15,586
Come on.
1013
00:47:17,590 --> 00:47:18,590
Hey!
1014
00:47:20,441 --> 00:47:22,410
You can be my wingman
anytime.
1015
00:47:22,510 --> 00:47:25,095
Bullshit.
You can be mine.
1016
00:47:30,903 --> 00:47:32,821
He'd be my wingman, right?
1017
00:47:32,921 --> 00:47:34,422
He'd be-- yeah,
he'd be my wingman.
1018
00:47:34,522 --> 00:47:37,522
[music playing]
1019
00:47:38,660 --> 00:47:40,895
- What are you doing, man?
- Stretching.
1020
00:47:40,995 --> 00:47:43,464
Yeah, you should do it, too.
You'll regret it if you don't.
1021
00:47:43,564 --> 00:47:45,366
You look gay.
1022
00:47:45,466 --> 00:47:47,135
Dude, you can't make
that joke anymore.
1023
00:47:47,235 --> 00:47:48,837
Yeah, that's true.
Everyone's
1024
00:47:48,937 --> 00:47:50,614
a little gay nowadays.
Don't be ignorant.
1025
00:47:50,714 --> 00:47:52,040
Do you guys know
how hard it is
1026
00:47:52,140 --> 00:47:53,898
to parent someone
in the same grade as you?
1027
00:47:53,998 --> 00:47:55,676
Can one of you guys
help me with my life?
1028
00:47:55,776 --> 00:47:57,111
What's this for?
1029
00:47:57,211 --> 00:47:58,513
- I'm auditioning for--
- Porn.
1030
00:47:58,613 --> 00:48:00,582
Not for porn, for a play.
1031
00:48:00,682 --> 00:48:03,084
I mean, she hasn't called,
she hasn't e-mailed.
1032
00:48:03,184 --> 00:48:04,552
She hasn't even texted.
1033
00:48:04,652 --> 00:48:06,370
Why are you freaking out?
Aren't you ready
1034
00:48:06,470 --> 00:48:07,470
for a little you time?
1035
00:48:07,569 --> 00:48:09,591
I don't know.
I just didn't think me time
1036
00:48:09,691 --> 00:48:13,328
- would feel this lonely.
- Thanks a lot.
1037
00:48:13,428 --> 00:48:16,164
Okay, come on.
You know what I mean.
1038
00:48:16,264 --> 00:48:18,566
I think you need to act
a little less lonely.
1039
00:48:18,666 --> 00:48:20,001
Try working on it.
1040
00:48:20,101 --> 00:48:22,871
Seriously, can you put
Mom Darcie to bed
1041
00:48:22,971 --> 00:48:25,640
and bring out fun Darcie
for a little while?
1042
00:48:25,740 --> 00:48:28,309
- Like, please?
- Please?
1043
00:48:28,409 --> 00:48:29,978
Pretty, pretty,
pretty, pretty please?
1044
00:48:30,078 --> 00:48:31,446
Okay, fine.
Beer me.
1045
00:48:31,546 --> 00:48:33,214
- Yes.
- Yes!
1046
00:48:33,314 --> 00:48:35,450
- Yo, yo, yo, Pi.
- Yeah?
1047
00:48:35,550 --> 00:48:37,634
- You're with us, yeah?
- Yeah.
1048
00:48:41,941 --> 00:48:42,941
Okay.
1049
00:48:44,125 --> 00:48:45,125
Yeah.
1050
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,562
[Trevor]
Listen up, everyone!
1051
00:48:47,662 --> 00:48:49,631
You know how this goes.
1052
00:48:49,731 --> 00:48:51,599
Sarah's got the lists.
1053
00:48:51,699 --> 00:48:55,103
Steve Probyn's parents
are gone for the weekend,
1054
00:48:55,203 --> 00:49:00,675
so he has graciously
let us use his place
1055
00:49:00,775 --> 00:49:04,112
for the final tally
and party.
1056
00:49:04,212 --> 00:49:06,212
[cheering]
1057
00:49:07,415 --> 00:49:10,084
Just like old times, people.
1058
00:49:10,184 --> 00:49:11,686
On your mark...
1059
00:49:11,786 --> 00:49:13,786
get set...
1060
00:49:15,690 --> 00:49:16,690
go!
1061
00:49:18,693 --> 00:49:20,662
♪ I'm on eleven, I'm on eleven ♪
1062
00:49:20,762 --> 00:49:23,464
♪ Ha, I'm on eleven, I'm on eleven ♪
1063
00:49:23,564 --> 00:49:25,667
♪ Ha, I'm on eleven, I'm on eleven ♪
1064
00:49:25,767 --> 00:49:27,669
♪ Ha, I'm on eleven ♪
1065
00:49:27,769 --> 00:49:30,238
♪ You hear the bell ringin', sit your ass down ♪
1066
00:49:30,338 --> 00:49:32,694
♪ Pay attention, I'm the one runnin' this class, clown ♪
1067
00:49:32,794 --> 00:49:34,108
You've got this.
Yes, you do.
1068
00:49:34,208 --> 00:49:35,343
You can do this.
1069
00:49:35,443 --> 00:49:38,646
- [phone chimes]
- Close enough.
1070
00:49:38,746 --> 00:49:41,215
♪ Gettin' turnt right till it's going left ♪
1071
00:49:41,315 --> 00:49:43,351
♪ Goin' up till we goin' down ♪
1072
00:49:43,451 --> 00:49:45,248
Hey, Steve, you know
that's not on the list.
1073
00:49:45,348 --> 00:49:46,348
Oh, I know.
1074
00:49:46,447 --> 00:49:47,645
I think this is
my dad's car.
1075
00:49:47,745 --> 00:49:49,090
Fuck him!
1076
00:49:49,190 --> 00:49:50,588
♪ I'm in the head of the class ♪
1077
00:49:50,688 --> 00:49:52,193
♪ I'm always thinkin' ahead ♪
1078
00:49:52,293 --> 00:49:53,651
♪ I got my head in the clouds ♪
1079
00:49:53,751 --> 00:49:55,096
♪ I'm always thinking ahead ♪
1080
00:49:55,196 --> 00:49:57,598
- This is a bad idea.
- Ugh, shut up, Greg.
1081
00:49:57,698 --> 00:49:59,467
Don't be such
a little bitch.
1082
00:49:59,567 --> 00:50:00,725
What if the owner comes back?
1083
00:50:00,825 --> 00:50:02,704
They're not gonna
come back.
1084
00:50:02,804 --> 00:50:05,039
- Okay, run, Greg.
- Why?
1085
00:50:05,139 --> 00:50:07,308
- Ooh, they're in the car!
- ♪ I'm on eleven ♪
1086
00:50:07,408 --> 00:50:09,978
♪ Ha, I'm on eleven, I'm on eleven ♪
1087
00:50:10,078 --> 00:50:12,013
♪ Ha, I'm on eleven ♪
1088
00:50:12,113 --> 00:50:14,983
♪ My license to carry says this dick is valid in Oregon ♪
1089
00:50:15,083 --> 00:50:17,185
♪ It was voted varsity valedictorian ♪
1090
00:50:17,285 --> 00:50:19,087
♪ We graduated. We're making... ♪
1091
00:50:19,187 --> 00:50:21,022
[women]
Thanks, Greg!
1092
00:50:21,122 --> 00:50:23,458
- [grunting]
- [Greg screams]
1093
00:50:23,558 --> 00:50:26,327
♪ Got no principles, sniffin'blow in the handicap bathroom ♪
1094
00:50:26,427 --> 00:50:28,064
♪ With the school nurse getting dope ♪
1095
00:50:28,164 --> 00:50:29,164
God damn, dude.
1096
00:50:29,263 --> 00:50:31,199
That's right.
1097
00:50:31,299 --> 00:50:33,536
♪ And ten's calling me 'cause I'm already on eleven ♪
1098
00:50:33,636 --> 00:50:35,034
♪ I'm at the head of the class ♪
1099
00:50:35,134 --> 00:50:36,332
♪ I'm always thinkin' ahead ♪
1100
00:50:36,432 --> 00:50:37,750
♪ I got my head in the class ♪
1101
00:50:37,850 --> 00:50:39,048
♪ I'm always thinking ahead ♪
1102
00:50:39,148 --> 00:50:40,546
♪ I'm at the head of the class ♪
1103
00:50:40,646 --> 00:50:42,510
What's he taste like?
1104
00:50:42,610 --> 00:50:44,679
♪ I'm always thinking ahead ♪
1105
00:50:44,779 --> 00:50:47,448
Oh, she, what does she--?
1106
00:50:47,548 --> 00:50:49,684
Did you just panty raid
your own mom?
1107
00:50:49,784 --> 00:50:51,452
♪ I'm on eleven ♪
1108
00:50:51,552 --> 00:50:53,109
♪ Ha, I'm on eleven, I'm on eleven ♪
1109
00:50:53,209 --> 00:50:54,209
Shh.
1110
00:50:54,308 --> 00:50:56,657
- ♪ Ha, I'm on eleven ♪
- Hello?
1111
00:50:56,757 --> 00:50:58,192
Hey, what the--?
1112
00:50:58,292 --> 00:51:00,628
- What happened to your shirt?
- Lost it.
1113
00:51:00,728 --> 00:51:02,363
- How?
- I don't know.
1114
00:51:02,463 --> 00:51:04,399
♪ Ha, I'm on eleven, I'm on eleven ♪
1115
00:51:04,499 --> 00:51:06,734
Hey!
Aren't you a fuckin' cop?
1116
00:51:06,834 --> 00:51:09,834
[music playing]
1117
00:51:10,338 --> 00:51:12,338
[laughing]
1118
00:51:12,707 --> 00:51:16,107
[music continues]
1119
00:51:17,145 --> 00:51:19,247
- [music changes]
- What's up, Platoon?
1120
00:51:19,347 --> 00:51:21,147
[chatter]
1121
00:51:21,382 --> 00:51:22,717
I didn't know
how funny you are.
1122
00:51:22,817 --> 00:51:24,152
Me, too.
You killed it tonight.
1123
00:51:24,252 --> 00:51:25,530
Anytime I need
a copilot-- hey.
1124
00:51:25,630 --> 00:51:29,157
That's what
I'm gonna call you.
1125
00:51:29,257 --> 00:51:30,591
Anita Copilot.
1126
00:51:30,691 --> 00:51:35,091
- [laughs]
- Totally.
1127
00:51:35,329 --> 00:51:38,566
Sarah, do you have
the final tally?
1128
00:51:38,666 --> 00:51:40,268
[pages fluttering]
1129
00:51:40,368 --> 00:51:43,071
Well, I have the most
activities checked.
1130
00:51:43,171 --> 00:51:45,522
[laughs] Did you count
my bonus points?
1131
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:51,646
- For teabagging a minor?
- Yes.
1132
00:51:51,746 --> 00:51:53,346
Eh? Yes?
1133
00:51:56,217 --> 00:51:58,419
You wrote in
your own bonus points.
1134
00:51:58,519 --> 00:52:00,154
That doesn't count.
1135
00:52:00,254 --> 00:52:02,723
- [woman] Give it to him!
- Give it to him.
1136
00:52:02,823 --> 00:52:06,527
- [cheering]
- The people have spoken.
1137
00:52:06,627 --> 00:52:10,398
Hey, I'd like to make a toast.
1138
00:52:10,498 --> 00:52:12,534
And I wasn't sure how
this whole high school thing
1139
00:52:12,634 --> 00:52:19,574
was gonna go, but the last
few weeks have been amazing.
1140
00:52:19,674 --> 00:52:22,510
So, let's raise a glass
1141
00:52:22,610 --> 00:52:24,812
to the guy who
made it all possible,
1142
00:52:24,912 --> 00:52:29,250
the man with a plan,
the coolest guy in school.
1143
00:52:29,350 --> 00:52:32,302
- To Adam.
- [cheering]
1144
00:52:35,240 --> 00:52:37,941
[crowd chanting] Adam! Adam!
1145
00:52:40,612 --> 00:52:42,563
So, tell me.
How does it feel
1146
00:52:42,663 --> 00:52:45,533
to be the most popular
guy in school?
1147
00:52:45,633 --> 00:52:49,570
I always thought
that was so sexy.
1148
00:52:49,670 --> 00:52:51,488
[cheering]
1149
00:53:01,567 --> 00:53:02,717
[Jessica]
Mom?
1150
00:53:02,817 --> 00:53:04,935
Oh, my God, ew!
1151
00:53:07,406 --> 00:53:08,856
What are you doing here?
1152
00:53:08,956 --> 00:53:11,073
I thought you weren't my mother
for an entire month.
1153
00:53:11,173 --> 00:53:12,393
That is not what I said.
1154
00:53:12,493 --> 00:53:13,891
Does your father
know you're here?
1155
00:53:13,991 --> 00:53:15,563
God, you are so humiliating.
1156
00:53:15,663 --> 00:53:17,431
Jessica, get back here.
1157
00:53:17,531 --> 00:53:18,733
[Jessica]
Whatever, slut.
1158
00:53:18,833 --> 00:53:20,268
Beer, Mr. Jackson?
1159
00:53:20,368 --> 00:53:22,670
No, tonight it's Trevor.
1160
00:53:22,770 --> 00:53:23,905
Whatever, Trevor.
1161
00:53:24,005 --> 00:53:25,642
Hey, Shawn, is it weird
to be at a party
1162
00:53:25,742 --> 00:53:27,620
with your older brother
and your older sister?
1163
00:53:27,720 --> 00:53:28,720
Whatever.
1164
00:53:28,819 --> 00:53:30,895
Yeah, bet you guys do
all kinds of things together.
1165
00:53:30,995 --> 00:53:32,313
Shut up, dick.
1166
00:53:32,413 --> 00:53:34,091
Thought you told my mom
you were studying
1167
00:53:34,191 --> 00:53:35,309
at a friend's house tonight.
1168
00:53:35,409 --> 00:53:36,607
I am.
This is my buddy Steve,
1169
00:53:36,707 --> 00:53:37,825
and tonight, we're studying.
1170
00:53:37,925 --> 00:53:39,763
First class-- alcohol
and the female anatomy.
1171
00:53:39,863 --> 00:53:41,689
Spoiler alert,
the answer is vagina.
1172
00:53:41,789 --> 00:53:43,824
[laughs sarcastically]
1173
00:53:43,924 --> 00:53:45,459
What are you doing?
1174
00:53:45,559 --> 00:53:47,261
I told Mom I'd text her
if I saw you.
1175
00:53:47,361 --> 00:53:48,878
What was that answer
again, "Vagina?"
1176
00:53:48,978 --> 00:53:50,665
- Vagina.
- Whatever you see tonight,
1177
00:53:50,765 --> 00:53:52,967
you didn't see.
Get it?
1178
00:53:53,067 --> 00:53:57,371
Oh, if those are
the rules, Trevor,
1179
00:53:57,471 --> 00:54:02,343
you want a toke
of some sweet bud?
1180
00:54:02,443 --> 00:54:04,312
Abso-fuckin'-lutely.
1181
00:54:04,412 --> 00:54:06,948
Whoo, let's
tear it up, fuckers!
1182
00:54:07,048 --> 00:54:08,848
[sobbing]
1183
00:54:12,404 --> 00:54:15,005
- Hey.
- Hey.
1184
00:54:18,910 --> 00:54:21,729
Did I use too much tongue?
1185
00:54:21,829 --> 00:54:25,566
No, gosh, you were--
you were fine.
1186
00:54:25,666 --> 00:54:27,350
I mean, you were--
you were great.
1187
00:54:28,820 --> 00:54:30,020
May I?
1188
00:54:34,026 --> 00:54:37,678
[sighs]
You all right?
1189
00:54:37,778 --> 00:54:39,947
Yeah, I'm fine.
1190
00:54:40,047 --> 00:54:41,716
Thank you for all of this.
1191
00:54:41,816 --> 00:54:44,452
Yeah, you look like you're
having the time of your life.
1192
00:54:44,552 --> 00:54:47,688
No, I mean it.
Thank you.
1193
00:54:47,788 --> 00:54:51,325
I've spent the last 20 years
looking back at these days
1194
00:54:51,425 --> 00:54:54,629
and just remembering
how amazing they were.
1195
00:54:54,729 --> 00:54:57,298
Something tells me
those aren't tears of joy
1196
00:54:57,398 --> 00:54:58,933
coming out of your face
right now.
1197
00:54:59,033 --> 00:55:00,550
Yeah, well, I did just
get reamed out
1198
00:55:00,650 --> 00:55:02,470
by my teenage daughter
at a house party
1199
00:55:02,570 --> 00:55:04,272
for acting like a slut.
1200
00:55:04,372 --> 00:55:06,941
- Ouch.
- Right?
1201
00:55:07,041 --> 00:55:08,476
She does
have a point, though.
1202
00:55:08,576 --> 00:55:13,547
I have been super
self-absorbed lately.
1203
00:55:13,647 --> 00:55:15,416
I think you're cool.
1204
00:55:15,516 --> 00:55:16,984
I mean,
you know that, right?
1205
00:55:17,084 --> 00:55:19,487
I'm always gonna
think you're cool.
1206
00:55:19,587 --> 00:55:20,587
Duh.
1207
00:55:22,841 --> 00:55:25,593
Hey, I know that
you and I have maybe
1208
00:55:25,693 --> 00:55:26,891
sorta started
something here,
1209
00:55:26,991 --> 00:55:30,398
but I really think
I've gotta pull back
1210
00:55:30,498 --> 00:55:33,701
and focus more
on my daughter.
1211
00:55:33,801 --> 00:55:35,678
After all, it is her
last year of high school,
1212
00:55:35,778 --> 00:55:37,696
and you and I both know
that isn't always easy.
1213
00:55:37,796 --> 00:55:39,905
Yeah, uh...
1214
00:55:41,442 --> 00:55:44,445
thanks for letting a nerd
date the coolest girl in school.
1215
00:55:44,545 --> 00:55:47,048
[laughs]
Thanks for letting a single mom
1216
00:55:47,148 --> 00:55:48,783
date a famous billionaire.
1217
00:55:48,883 --> 00:55:50,367
[chuckles]
1218
00:55:52,604 --> 00:55:55,990
Break up on three?
1219
00:55:56,090 --> 00:55:58,875
[both]
One, two, three.
1220
00:56:00,946 --> 00:56:02,863
I know it's not always
cool in high school
1221
00:56:02,963 --> 00:56:04,600
to be, you know,
friends with your ex...
1222
00:56:04,700 --> 00:56:09,003
I'm really glad
we got to know each other.
1223
00:56:09,103 --> 00:56:10,503
Thanks.
1224
00:56:11,839 --> 00:56:16,444
Okay, if I'm gonna focus
on being a better role model,
1225
00:56:16,544 --> 00:56:18,679
we should probably
get out of the bedroom.
1226
00:56:18,779 --> 00:56:20,548
Everyone knows,
at high school parties,
1227
00:56:20,648 --> 00:56:22,925
you only go to the bedroom
if you're trying to get laid.
1228
00:56:23,025 --> 00:56:24,423
[stammers]
Were we gonna have sex?
1229
00:56:24,523 --> 00:56:25,886
I don't--
1230
00:56:25,986 --> 00:56:28,756
- Jessica!
- Oh, my God.
1231
00:56:28,856 --> 00:56:31,092
Who is this? I thought
you were dating Trent.
1232
00:56:31,192 --> 00:56:33,928
This is Shawn, my friend.
1233
00:56:34,028 --> 00:56:35,496
Unlike you, I don't
feel the need
1234
00:56:35,596 --> 00:56:37,698
to make out with every
guy in high school.
1235
00:56:37,798 --> 00:56:39,734
I always thought this was
boyfriend material.
1236
00:56:39,834 --> 00:56:41,535
Your "friend"?
1237
00:56:41,635 --> 00:56:43,672
Is that why you're sneaking
into an empty bedroom?
1238
00:56:43,772 --> 00:56:45,050
What were you gonna
do in here?
1239
00:56:45,150 --> 00:56:46,907
What am I doing?
What are you doing?
1240
00:56:47,007 --> 00:56:48,609
Are you guys having sex?
1241
00:56:48,709 --> 00:56:52,113
- Ew, no.
- I'm not sure I'd use "ew."
1242
00:56:52,213 --> 00:56:53,714
Are you having sex?
1243
00:56:53,814 --> 00:56:55,916
Is that why
you two came in here?
1244
00:56:56,016 --> 00:56:58,552
Is this how you're planning
on losing your virginity?
1245
00:56:58,652 --> 00:57:03,157
Wait, you're still a virgin?
Sweet!
1246
00:57:03,257 --> 00:57:07,061
You two clearly have a lot of
shit to talk about, so...
1247
00:57:07,161 --> 00:57:09,430
Yeah, I think he's right.
1248
00:57:09,530 --> 00:57:11,699
Not about the virginity
thing, just...
1249
00:57:11,799 --> 00:57:13,501
[stammers]
1250
00:57:13,601 --> 00:57:16,719
...you guys clearly have
to figure out this between you.
1251
00:57:18,723 --> 00:57:20,190
[music playing]
1252
00:57:22,994 --> 00:57:25,646
[Steve] We all know the rules?
[chuckles]
1253
00:57:25,746 --> 00:57:28,716
- Oh, look at that.
- [woman] No.
1254
00:57:28,816 --> 00:57:30,818
And-- and, oh.
1255
00:57:30,918 --> 00:57:32,168
It wants to go there.
1256
00:57:35,574 --> 00:57:38,058
Are you guys
having a good time?
1257
00:57:38,158 --> 00:57:40,895
Why didn't we ever
get drunk in high school?
1258
00:57:40,995 --> 00:57:42,830
This is awesome.
1259
00:57:42,930 --> 00:57:46,033
I lost my shirt in the car.
1260
00:57:46,133 --> 00:57:47,601
Never mind, you know what?
1261
00:57:47,701 --> 00:57:49,837
I'm gonna get you
your shirt, okay?
1262
00:57:49,937 --> 00:57:50,937
Sweet.
1263
00:57:55,193 --> 00:57:57,193
Hey-- hey.
1264
00:57:57,912 --> 00:57:59,613
Hey, what are you guys
doing here?
1265
00:57:59,713 --> 00:58:01,649
Steve invited us.
1266
00:58:01,749 --> 00:58:03,584
Steve, did you invite
the teachers?
1267
00:58:03,684 --> 00:58:04,684
What?
1268
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:07,438
- We should go.
- No, no, no, no, no.
1269
00:58:07,538 --> 00:58:08,656
I am glad you guys are here.
1270
00:58:08,756 --> 00:58:10,074
Uh, let me get
you guys a drink.
1271
00:58:10,174 --> 00:58:12,726
Erin, you made it!
[laughs]
1272
00:58:12,826 --> 00:58:14,895
Steve, Erin is one
of our teachers.
1273
00:58:14,995 --> 00:58:16,664
Fuck off, what?
1274
00:58:16,764 --> 00:58:19,667
There is no way.
I would've remembered you.
1275
00:58:19,767 --> 00:58:21,635
What were you, like,
seven years old?
1276
00:58:21,735 --> 00:58:23,938
What? Look at her.
1277
00:58:24,038 --> 00:58:27,141
Look, I promised the girls
a soda, okay?
1278
00:58:27,241 --> 00:58:29,710
I'll see you around.
1279
00:58:29,810 --> 00:58:31,610
Hey. Hey.
1280
00:58:33,781 --> 00:58:35,649
You're here.
1281
00:58:35,749 --> 00:58:39,253
No.
What the fuck is this?
1282
00:58:39,353 --> 00:58:41,522
- Huh?
- [laughing] You love it.
1283
00:58:41,622 --> 00:58:43,090
- No, I don't.
- You love it.
1284
00:58:43,190 --> 00:58:45,493
- I told you I don't. I don't.
- You love it.
1285
00:58:45,593 --> 00:58:47,977
- [scoffs]
- I--
1286
00:58:50,749 --> 00:58:52,733
[muttering] I knew
I shouldn't have come here.
1287
00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:54,768
[quiet knock]
1288
00:58:54,868 --> 00:58:57,668
- Hey.
- Hey.
1289
00:58:57,805 --> 00:59:00,508
- I can explain.
- Relax, I get it. House party.
1290
00:59:00,608 --> 00:59:02,576
All part of your big do-over.
1291
00:59:02,676 --> 00:59:03,944
How's it going, anyway?
1292
00:59:04,044 --> 00:59:05,946
Uh, pretty good.
1293
00:59:06,046 --> 00:59:07,924
When you have enough money
to rewrite history,
1294
00:59:08,024 --> 00:59:09,942
- what does that look like?
- What do you mean?
1295
00:59:10,042 --> 00:59:11,759
- I mean, are you cool now?
- Pretty much.
1296
00:59:11,859 --> 00:59:13,337
- Invited to all the parties?
- Yep.
1297
00:59:13,437 --> 00:59:16,090
- And everyone knows your name?
- Yeah.
1298
00:59:16,190 --> 00:59:19,660
Sometimes they even chant it.
Adam, Adam, Adam.
1299
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:21,437
Did you make out
with all the hot chicks?
1300
00:59:21,537 --> 00:59:24,698
Well, I kinda just kissed
the hottest girl in the school,
1301
00:59:24,798 --> 00:59:26,667
or she kissed me,
I don't know.
1302
00:59:26,767 --> 00:59:29,069
It just felt so natural
I didn't--
1303
00:59:29,169 --> 00:59:31,805
[laughs]
That's not gonna work
1304
00:59:31,905 --> 00:59:34,575
'cause, um, we just
want different things.
1305
00:59:34,675 --> 00:59:36,277
We're better off as friends.
1306
00:59:36,377 --> 00:59:38,175
I don't understand
why you're trying so hard
1307
00:59:38,275 --> 00:59:40,114
not to be yourself.
1308
00:59:40,214 --> 00:59:43,183
A nerd? You think
it's cool to be a nerd?
1309
00:59:43,283 --> 00:59:45,152
I'm a nerd.
1310
00:59:45,252 --> 00:59:48,055
There's no way you have
ever been a nerd.
1311
00:59:48,155 --> 00:59:51,191
Why can you only "ran" through
a campsite, but never "run"?
1312
00:59:51,291 --> 00:59:53,260
[both]
Because it's past tents.
1313
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,230
Okay, well, okay.
Shit, you are a nerd.
1314
00:59:56,330 --> 01:00:00,568
Okay, ah, maybe nerds
and popular people
1315
01:00:00,668 --> 01:00:02,146
just aren't
supposed to be together.
1316
01:00:02,246 --> 01:00:04,705
Maybe she just didn't like
the way you kiss.
1317
01:00:04,805 --> 01:00:06,605
What? No.
1318
01:00:07,074 --> 01:00:08,809
The movie
Revenge of the Nerds?
1319
01:00:08,909 --> 01:00:10,844
Nerds are great kissers.
1320
01:00:10,944 --> 01:00:13,647
When he wears
the Darth Vader mask.
1321
01:00:13,747 --> 01:00:16,116
- What?
- I don't think I've ever seen
1322
01:00:16,216 --> 01:00:17,718
Revenge of the Nerds.
1323
01:00:17,818 --> 01:00:20,703
[imitates Darth Vader breathing]
1324
01:00:25,043 --> 01:00:27,161
I know who Darth Vader is.
1325
01:00:27,261 --> 01:00:29,457
That doesn't help me remember
a movie I've never seen.
1326
01:00:29,557 --> 01:00:30,995
Okay, and you
call yourself a nerd.
1327
01:00:31,095 --> 01:00:32,853
And you call yourself
an incredible kisser.
1328
01:00:32,953 --> 01:00:33,953
I am.
1329
01:00:34,068 --> 01:00:36,604
- Really?
- Absolutely.
1330
01:00:36,704 --> 01:00:37,954
Prove it.
1331
01:00:42,193 --> 01:00:43,978
Oh, my God.
Not on me, weirdo.
1332
01:00:44,078 --> 01:00:45,813
Okay, I misread that.
1333
01:00:45,913 --> 01:00:49,617
- Yeah.
- [chuckles]
1334
01:00:49,717 --> 01:00:53,269
- [glass breaks]
- [woman shouts indistinctly]
1335
01:00:55,140 --> 01:00:58,092
Move. Please move.
1336
01:00:58,192 --> 01:00:59,192
Move.
1337
01:01:01,179 --> 01:01:03,664
- Hmm?
- Honey, let's go.
1338
01:01:03,764 --> 01:01:05,402
It's time to go, come on.
Let's go home.
1339
01:01:05,502 --> 01:01:06,834
Let's go. Get up now.
1340
01:01:06,934 --> 01:01:08,736
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Settle down.
1341
01:01:08,836 --> 01:01:10,237
What's happening here?
1342
01:01:10,337 --> 01:01:12,206
- Mind your own business.
- Easy, now.
1343
01:01:12,306 --> 01:01:14,141
I said mind your
own busi-- whoa!
1344
01:01:14,241 --> 01:01:15,519
[chanting]
Fight! Fight! Fight!
1345
01:01:15,619 --> 01:01:17,811
- Relax!
- Stop it!
1346
01:01:17,911 --> 01:01:19,696
[chanting stops, crowd groans]
1347
01:01:22,333 --> 01:01:25,001
[couple whispering]
1348
01:01:27,005 --> 01:01:29,205
Move, move!
1349
01:01:30,057 --> 01:01:31,859
- [grunts]
- [music stops abruptly]
1350
01:01:31,959 --> 01:01:33,761
- Oh, yes.
- Ooh.
1351
01:01:33,861 --> 01:01:36,664
[woman]
Oh, my God.
1352
01:01:36,764 --> 01:01:39,233
Dude, is that
your brother and sister?
1353
01:01:39,333 --> 01:01:41,435
[woman #2]
That is disgusting. Ew.
1354
01:01:41,535 --> 01:01:43,070
- Oh, God.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1355
01:01:43,170 --> 01:01:46,155
- Shawn, wait.
- [woman] What the hell?
1356
01:01:48,927 --> 01:01:50,944
[indistinct]
1357
01:01:51,044 --> 01:01:53,047
What happened
to the music, bitches?
1358
01:01:53,147 --> 01:01:55,331
- [music resumes]
- [cheering]
1359
01:02:06,211 --> 01:02:09,229
Where have you been? You're
missing one hell of a party.
1360
01:02:09,329 --> 01:02:12,399
Are you kidding me right now?
1361
01:02:12,499 --> 01:02:15,202
You've been here
the whole time, partying?
1362
01:02:15,302 --> 01:02:18,238
You didn't, for one second,
just stop to think,
1363
01:02:18,338 --> 01:02:20,176
"Where's Greg?
I wonder where Greg might be."
1364
01:02:20,276 --> 01:02:23,010
Not for one second?
You didn't think that at all?
1365
01:02:23,110 --> 01:02:25,495
Why are you being
such a dick?
1366
01:02:30,168 --> 01:02:31,168
Ow.
1367
01:02:32,820 --> 01:02:35,104
[chanting]
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
1368
01:02:36,975 --> 01:02:38,992
[flatulence, defecates]
1369
01:02:39,092 --> 01:02:43,864
- [chanting stops]
- [flatulence]
1370
01:02:43,964 --> 01:02:47,000
[man] The return
of Shits-his-pantsky.
1371
01:02:47,100 --> 01:02:50,504
- That's so gross.
- [girls] Ew.
1372
01:02:50,604 --> 01:02:53,523
- [all groan]
- Oh, my God.
1373
01:02:57,395 --> 01:02:59,012
Fuckin' Pi.
1374
01:02:59,112 --> 01:03:02,449
It's a nice lineup
we got back here.
1375
01:03:02,549 --> 01:03:04,985
- How are you enjoying school?
- You wanna make out?
1376
01:03:05,085 --> 01:03:07,154
I'm actually really enjoying it.
1377
01:03:07,254 --> 01:03:09,052
I'm finding it interesting
this time around.
1378
01:03:09,152 --> 01:03:11,349
[Trevor] I'm finding you
interesting this time around.
1379
01:03:11,449 --> 01:03:12,449
What's my first name?
1380
01:03:12,548 --> 01:03:14,027
Parking Ticket.
1381
01:03:14,127 --> 01:03:16,430
'Cause you got fine
written all over you.
1382
01:03:16,530 --> 01:03:19,366
You're drunk.
It's not gonna happen, sorry.
1383
01:03:19,466 --> 01:03:22,136
Your loss. Girls like you
are a dime a dozen.
1384
01:03:22,236 --> 01:03:24,392
You know, they'll pretend
like you got all dressed up
1385
01:03:24,492 --> 01:03:27,890
to come here, be witty, and talk
about Middle East politics.
1386
01:03:30,829 --> 01:03:32,428
[scoffs]
1387
01:03:34,065 --> 01:03:36,850
Are we gonna fuck or what?
1388
01:03:36,950 --> 01:03:38,301
You're not mad, are ya?
1389
01:03:42,073 --> 01:03:43,090
- Shit.
- [quiet knock]
1390
01:03:43,190 --> 01:03:47,060
Fuck. Fuck, mother-- go away.
1391
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:50,330
Motherfucker. Fucking idiot.
1392
01:03:50,430 --> 01:03:53,801
- Fuck!
- Greg, it's me. Let me in.
1393
01:03:53,901 --> 01:03:56,570
I said go away!
1394
01:03:56,670 --> 01:03:58,138
Just walk in.
1395
01:03:58,238 --> 01:04:00,474
My parents took the locks off
when I was 13.
1396
01:04:00,574 --> 01:04:02,543
I was jerking off too much.
1397
01:04:02,643 --> 01:04:04,311
They thought it'd stop me.
1398
01:04:04,411 --> 01:04:05,628
It didn't.
1399
01:04:07,465 --> 01:04:09,465
Holy shit!
1400
01:04:09,950 --> 01:04:12,452
Nice wiener.
Holy shit!
1401
01:04:12,552 --> 01:04:14,388
Is that shit in your pants?
1402
01:04:14,488 --> 01:04:16,046
[Greg] Fuck, Probyn,
get the fuck out!
1403
01:04:16,146 --> 01:04:17,825
[Steve]
Did Adam do this?
1404
01:04:17,925 --> 01:04:20,494
[Greg]
Get out!
1405
01:04:20,594 --> 01:04:22,162
He said he's gonna
need a minute.
1406
01:04:22,262 --> 01:04:23,579
[sighs]
1407
01:04:30,288 --> 01:04:32,539
- Greg.
- Look, let me go.
1408
01:04:32,639 --> 01:04:34,508
Where are you going,
Shit's-his-pansky?
1409
01:04:34,608 --> 01:04:36,276
I know you've had
a rough night, okay?
1410
01:04:36,376 --> 01:04:37,377
And I'm sorry.
1411
01:04:37,477 --> 01:04:39,112
You made me shit my pants.
1412
01:04:39,212 --> 01:04:42,082
How could I make you
shit your pants?
1413
01:04:42,182 --> 01:04:43,984
You know what?
It doesn't matter, I mean...
1414
01:04:44,084 --> 01:04:46,086
Fuck tonight.
It's not even about tonight.
1415
01:04:46,186 --> 01:04:49,389
This whole high school do-over,
it's been shit.
1416
01:04:49,489 --> 01:04:51,191
Some of it's been cool.
1417
01:04:51,291 --> 01:04:52,993
No, it hasn't been cool.
1418
01:04:53,093 --> 01:04:54,651
You're not cool.
You'll never be cool.
1419
01:04:54,751 --> 01:04:58,165
It's a joke.
You're a joke.
1420
01:04:58,265 --> 01:05:01,034
Hey, I thought we were
having a party.
1421
01:05:01,134 --> 01:05:03,403
Who wants to light off
some homemade fireworks?
1422
01:05:03,503 --> 01:05:04,605
- Fuck!
- Clear out!
1423
01:05:04,705 --> 01:05:06,989
- [fireworks popping]
- [screaming]
1424
01:05:13,431 --> 01:05:15,588
Will someone tell me
why those kids weren't arrested?
1425
01:05:15,688 --> 01:05:18,452
Because they're kids
and we're adults, dumbass.
1426
01:05:18,552 --> 01:05:21,488
Uh, legally, we're 17 this month.
1427
01:05:21,588 --> 01:05:24,258
You know that we're just
reliving 17, right?
1428
01:05:24,358 --> 01:05:27,060
We didn't actually turn 17.
1429
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:30,631
Don't blame each other.
It's his fault.
1430
01:05:30,731 --> 01:05:35,502
Yeah, my life was going fine
until you pulled this stunt.
1431
01:05:35,602 --> 01:05:39,072
You offered us one year's
salary for one month.
1432
01:05:39,172 --> 01:05:42,242
Of course we said yes.
We're here for the money.
1433
01:05:42,342 --> 01:05:44,344
Come on, you guys.
We've been having a good time.
1434
01:05:44,444 --> 01:05:47,581
This is our chance
to make high school awesome.
1435
01:05:47,681 --> 01:05:49,650
You're the only one
that needed a do-over.
1436
01:05:49,750 --> 01:05:52,352
For the rest of us, high school
was pretty fucking awesome.
1437
01:05:52,452 --> 01:05:56,223
Partying, fucking,
and getting wasted.
1438
01:05:56,323 --> 01:05:58,358
You're the only one
that had to buy
1439
01:05:58,458 --> 01:06:00,494
a cool high school experience.
1440
01:06:00,594 --> 01:06:02,994
I call fail.
1441
01:06:04,765 --> 01:06:05,765
Nerd.
1442
01:06:10,989 --> 01:06:12,973
What a piece of shit.
1443
01:06:13,073 --> 01:06:16,243
We're still gonna vote
on valedictorian, though, right?
1444
01:06:16,343 --> 01:06:17,611
[buzzer sounds]
1445
01:06:17,711 --> 01:06:19,428
All right, dick heads,
let's go, let's go.
1446
01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:22,199
Hey.
1447
01:06:23,316 --> 01:06:25,652
You left
your phone at home.
1448
01:06:25,752 --> 01:06:27,988
Someone named Darcie
messaged you.
1449
01:06:28,088 --> 01:06:31,425
She said, "Stop asking,
it's not going to happen."
1450
01:06:31,525 --> 01:06:34,494
But Claire said
that she's "down syndrome."
1451
01:06:34,594 --> 01:06:38,265
I assume that's an autocorrect.
1452
01:06:38,365 --> 01:06:39,533
I untied Tyler,
by the way.
1453
01:06:39,633 --> 01:06:42,102
I found him crying
in the back yard.
1454
01:06:42,202 --> 01:06:43,202
Shit.
1455
01:06:43,837 --> 01:06:45,439
I knew we forgot something.
1456
01:06:45,539 --> 01:06:47,607
It was a joke.
1457
01:06:47,707 --> 01:06:50,177
I was gonna untie him later.
1458
01:06:50,277 --> 01:06:52,479
But you didn't.
1459
01:06:52,579 --> 01:06:55,048
I also received a video from Dan
1460
01:06:55,148 --> 01:06:57,317
that was very eye-opening.
1461
01:06:57,417 --> 01:07:00,536
The rest of your stuff
is in the front yard.
1462
01:07:02,306 --> 01:07:05,174
W-wait. What video?
1463
01:07:09,213 --> 01:07:10,546
Thanks for the time, Warden.
1464
01:07:14,152 --> 01:07:15,602
We are disappointed in you.
1465
01:07:15,702 --> 01:07:17,170
Dad, Mom,
I can explain.
1466
01:07:17,270 --> 01:07:18,472
You are grounded.
1467
01:07:18,572 --> 01:07:19,673
But I have school tomorrow.
1468
01:07:19,773 --> 01:07:21,675
No, no, no.
No more school for you.
1469
01:07:21,775 --> 01:07:24,344
- What?
- Get in the car.
1470
01:07:24,444 --> 01:07:25,444
Ow!
1471
01:07:26,279 --> 01:07:28,382
You know, you'll be sorry
when I move out!
1472
01:07:28,482 --> 01:07:30,232
[school bell rings]
1473
01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:38,425
I am sorry
about the other night.
1474
01:07:38,525 --> 01:07:40,027
Let's pretend
it didn't happen.
1475
01:07:40,127 --> 01:07:43,530
I'm your teacher.
We shouldn't.
1476
01:07:43,630 --> 01:07:45,432
Did anybody else
even show up?
1477
01:07:45,532 --> 01:07:47,801
As far as I know,
just you. And Sarah.
1478
01:07:47,901 --> 01:07:50,237
She's helping another teacher
for extra credit.
1479
01:07:50,337 --> 01:07:51,935
Fine, contract says
they have to finish
1480
01:07:52,035 --> 01:07:53,073
or they don't get paid.
1481
01:07:53,173 --> 01:07:57,244
I'm not sure any student
was getting paid anyway.
1482
01:07:57,344 --> 01:07:59,479
Did you read the contract?
1483
01:07:59,579 --> 01:08:01,537
Sarah drew it up.
She said it was really simple.
1484
01:08:01,637 --> 01:08:02,981
So, no.
1485
01:08:03,683 --> 01:08:05,561
It states that the grades
they get now replace
1486
01:08:05,661 --> 01:08:07,454
the grades they had.
1487
01:08:07,554 --> 01:08:09,389
Hardly anyone
did enough work to pass,
1488
01:08:09,489 --> 01:08:11,087
and that means,
A, they don't get paid,
1489
01:08:11,187 --> 01:08:12,905
and, B, technically speaking,
many of them
1490
01:08:13,005 --> 01:08:14,643
didn't-slash-won't
graduate high school.
1491
01:08:14,743 --> 01:08:16,540
That's not possible.
How is that even legal?
1492
01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:18,437
Your lawyers drew up
one hell of a contract.
1493
01:08:18,537 --> 01:08:21,601
My lawyers-- my lawyers
didn't draw up the contract.
1494
01:08:21,701 --> 01:08:23,637
Sarah works for
the Board of Education.
1495
01:08:23,737 --> 01:08:26,573
Wait, no, no, no, no, no.
How did she do?
1496
01:08:26,673 --> 01:08:28,075
- All As.
- Of course she did.
1497
01:08:28,175 --> 01:08:29,653
You gotta change
everybody's grades.
1498
01:08:29,753 --> 01:08:32,546
- Everybody gets As.
- I'm not doing that.
1499
01:08:32,646 --> 01:08:34,314
A D? I got a D?
1500
01:08:34,414 --> 01:08:37,484
You submitted an essay
based on temporal paradoxes
1501
01:08:37,584 --> 01:08:39,853
and inaccuracies in the movie
Back to the Future.
1502
01:08:39,953 --> 01:08:42,189
You asked for 500 words
on historical revisionism.
1503
01:08:42,289 --> 01:08:44,724
That classic trilogy
epitomizes the flaws in histor--
1504
01:08:44,824 --> 01:08:47,794
I don't think I like your tone.
1505
01:08:47,894 --> 01:08:50,230
You asked for 500 words
on historical revisionism.
1506
01:08:50,330 --> 01:08:51,865
I think we're done here.
1507
01:08:51,965 --> 01:08:54,401
You asked for an authentic.
high school experience,
1508
01:08:54,501 --> 01:08:56,458
and I would hate for that
to go sideways on you.
1509
01:08:56,558 --> 01:08:57,876
- Erin.
- Ms. Wagner, thank you.
1510
01:08:57,976 --> 01:08:59,134
Would you please take a seat?
1511
01:08:59,234 --> 01:09:00,672
- Ms. Wagner?
- I said take a seat.
1512
01:09:00,772 --> 01:09:01,840
[groans]
1513
01:09:02,943 --> 01:09:04,878
Ms. Wagner?
1514
01:09:04,978 --> 01:09:06,346
[solemn music playing]
1515
01:09:06,446 --> 01:09:08,846
Wayne Payne.
1516
01:09:09,249 --> 01:09:12,049
Friend, son...
1517
01:09:12,786 --> 01:09:14,386
teacher.
1518
01:09:15,655 --> 01:09:17,691
Wayne, in his final
will and testament
1519
01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:20,627
asked that the following
be recited.
1520
01:09:20,727 --> 01:09:25,599
It's a quote
from the Mahatma Gandhi.
1521
01:09:25,699 --> 01:09:29,169
"Live as if you will
die tomorrow.
1522
01:09:29,269 --> 01:09:32,621
Learn as if you will
live forever."
1523
01:09:43,367 --> 01:09:46,720
[blows didgeridoo]
1524
01:09:46,820 --> 01:09:48,455
I blame Pi.
1525
01:09:48,555 --> 01:09:50,724
Mr. Payne was an old dude
who should never have been
1526
01:09:50,824 --> 01:09:52,980
dragged out of retirement
for this high school thing.
1527
01:09:53,080 --> 01:09:54,958
Did you hear about us
all losing our diplomas?
1528
01:09:55,058 --> 01:09:56,229
What did you say?
1529
01:09:56,329 --> 01:09:57,846
Not only are we all
not getting paid,
1530
01:09:57,946 --> 01:09:59,504
this new grade
replaces our old grade.
1531
01:09:59,604 --> 01:10:01,481
What's this shit about us
losing our diplomas?
1532
01:10:01,581 --> 01:10:02,581
It's in the contract.
1533
01:10:02,680 --> 01:10:04,197
Our new grades
replace our old grades
1534
01:10:04,297 --> 01:10:05,297
on the permanent record.
1535
01:10:05,396 --> 01:10:06,874
Yeah, but the records
are permanent.
1536
01:10:06,974 --> 01:10:08,452
How do you change
permanent records?
1537
01:10:08,552 --> 01:10:10,429
I can't be a cop
without a 12th grade diploma.
1538
01:10:10,529 --> 01:10:11,529
What happens there?
1539
01:10:11,628 --> 01:10:12,906
What do I look like,
Wikipedia?
1540
01:10:13,006 --> 01:10:15,582
- Wika-what?
- John, I am so sorry.
1541
01:10:15,682 --> 01:10:17,884
[didgeridoo music continues]
1542
01:10:17,984 --> 01:10:20,584
Dennis? Andy?
1543
01:10:20,954 --> 01:10:21,954
Greg?
1544
01:10:23,990 --> 01:10:25,828
Come on, you guys know
everything I have done
1545
01:10:25,928 --> 01:10:28,295
has been with
good intentions.
1546
01:10:28,395 --> 01:10:30,730
What, now,
nobody's talking to me?
1547
01:10:30,830 --> 01:10:32,499
Sarah's the one
who screwed us over.
1548
01:10:32,599 --> 01:10:35,317
- She may have loaded the gun.
- You pulled the trigger.
1549
01:10:40,825 --> 01:10:43,643
Hey!
You all right, buddy?
1550
01:10:43,743 --> 01:10:45,979
[slaps back]
Hey, it's all good, buddy.
1551
01:10:46,079 --> 01:10:48,497
[snickering]
1552
01:10:50,868 --> 01:10:52,919
Look, what I'm saying is
1553
01:10:53,019 --> 01:10:55,488
is Biff can't go
back to the future, okay?
1554
01:10:55,588 --> 01:10:56,923
Because he just went
to the past
1555
01:10:57,023 --> 01:10:59,526
and he gave himself
a sports almanac.
1556
01:10:59,626 --> 01:11:01,461
So it's a different
timeline now.
1557
01:11:01,561 --> 01:11:03,263
That's all I'm saying.
1558
01:11:03,363 --> 01:11:04,831
But you know
what the real lie is?
1559
01:11:04,931 --> 01:11:08,001
The real lie is that you can
change your history, okay?
1560
01:11:08,101 --> 01:11:12,405
Your past is a series of scars
and ulcer-inducing moments
1561
01:11:12,505 --> 01:11:15,609
that are gonna haunt you
for the rest of your lives.
1562
01:11:15,709 --> 01:11:18,612
You know how you guys are,
like, real losers right now?
1563
01:11:18,712 --> 01:11:21,248
That's how it is forever.
That's it.
1564
01:11:21,348 --> 01:11:23,145
Look at this guy.
Nobody likes him, do they?
1565
01:11:23,245 --> 01:11:24,718
Of course they don't.
Look at him.
1566
01:11:24,818 --> 01:11:25,952
Who could like that?
1567
01:11:26,052 --> 01:11:28,021
Nobody likes you
in the future, either.
1568
01:11:28,121 --> 01:11:29,623
And they like you even less.
1569
01:11:29,723 --> 01:11:31,691
Yeah.
Look at you.
1570
01:11:31,791 --> 01:11:33,860
You clearly have zero friends.
1571
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:36,317
You know what's interest--
you'll have less in the future.
1572
01:11:36,417 --> 01:11:38,347
Less than zero.
1573
01:11:43,020 --> 01:11:45,972
Guys, I'm not saying
you're not gonna be successful.
1574
01:11:46,072 --> 01:11:49,042
Okay? I'm just saying
if you're nerds now,
1575
01:11:49,142 --> 01:11:51,311
you're gonna be nerds forever.
1576
01:11:51,411 --> 01:11:55,915
So, good luck getting
anybody to ever love you,
1577
01:11:56,015 --> 01:11:57,384
let alone like you.
1578
01:11:57,484 --> 01:11:58,484
[phone beeps]
1579
01:11:58,583 --> 01:12:00,602
You're gonna die alone.
1580
01:12:17,521 --> 01:12:20,573
- What you makin'?
- A mess.
1581
01:12:20,673 --> 01:12:22,075
I think you're overreacting.
1582
01:12:22,175 --> 01:12:23,973
No, I've really screwed
things up this time.
1583
01:12:24,073 --> 01:12:26,446
- I meant the beaker.
- Ah!
1584
01:12:26,546 --> 01:12:28,548
High school sucks.
1585
01:12:28,648 --> 01:12:31,451
It's over and done.
Why go back?
1586
01:12:31,551 --> 01:12:33,189
'Cause I didn't
know anything back then.
1587
01:12:33,289 --> 01:12:35,722
And now you do.
1588
01:12:35,822 --> 01:12:37,422
[scoffs]
1589
01:12:37,624 --> 01:12:39,861
You realize that everything
that's ever happened to you
1590
01:12:39,961 --> 01:12:42,095
has made you who you are today.
You get that, right?
1591
01:12:42,195 --> 01:12:43,963
And your life today
is pretty amazing, no?
1592
01:12:44,063 --> 01:12:46,333
Not today-today.
1593
01:12:46,433 --> 01:12:48,190
So, everything that's
ever happened to you,
1594
01:12:48,290 --> 01:12:49,847
good or bad,
has made you who you are.
1595
01:12:49,947 --> 01:12:51,265
So you're saying
that every time
1596
01:12:51,365 --> 01:12:52,839
I was thrown
through a fence,
1597
01:12:52,939 --> 01:12:54,941
atomic wedgied,
or lit on fire,
1598
01:12:55,041 --> 01:12:56,876
that had a positive effect
on who I became?
1599
01:12:56,976 --> 01:12:58,945
Yeah, those things
sound pretty awful,
1600
01:12:59,045 --> 01:13:01,481
some even punishable by law.
1601
01:13:01,581 --> 01:13:04,551
But you survived, and they
helped shape your character.
1602
01:13:04,651 --> 01:13:07,554
And I happen to think
that character's
1603
01:13:07,654 --> 01:13:09,522
a pretty attractive
quality in a person.
1604
01:13:09,622 --> 01:13:11,691
So what you're saying is
you think I'm attractive?
1605
01:13:11,791 --> 01:13:13,508
- I did not say that.
- No, that's exactly
1606
01:13:13,608 --> 01:13:16,396
- what you said.
- I'm your teacher.
1607
01:13:16,496 --> 01:13:18,493
Okay, well, then,
you probably shouldn't kiss me.
1608
01:13:18,593 --> 01:13:19,593
Well, I'm not going to.
1609
01:13:19,692 --> 01:13:21,130
Well, then,
I'm not gonna kiss you.
1610
01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:22,484
- Great.
- Good.
1611
01:13:30,628 --> 01:13:32,045
Do you want to go to prom?
1612
01:13:32,145 --> 01:13:33,613
I can't, I'm chaperoning.
1613
01:13:33,713 --> 01:13:35,313
[groans]
1614
01:13:37,884 --> 01:13:40,553
Are we all really gonna fail?
1615
01:13:40,653 --> 01:13:43,723
Everyone quit,
so they get a zero.
1616
01:13:43,823 --> 01:13:45,725
Unless they take
the final exam and pass.
1617
01:13:45,825 --> 01:13:48,094
It's worth 70%
of the final grade.
1618
01:13:48,194 --> 01:13:50,397
Everybody hates me like
they did back in high school.
1619
01:13:50,497 --> 01:13:52,214
How am I gonna get them
to come to finals?
1620
01:13:52,314 --> 01:13:54,434
It doesn't matter
if they hate you or not.
1621
01:13:54,534 --> 01:13:56,169
Just be yourself.
1622
01:13:56,269 --> 01:13:58,638
I'm a nerd.
I make phones.
1623
01:13:58,738 --> 01:14:00,589
That's who I am.
That's all I know.
1624
01:14:02,760 --> 01:14:04,993
Anyone? Bueller?
1625
01:14:11,535 --> 01:14:15,021
Betty, open the contract
on the high school do-over.
1626
01:14:15,121 --> 01:14:17,757
[Betty] Opening the do-over contract.
1627
01:14:17,857 --> 01:14:19,007
I think I got this.
1628
01:14:21,011 --> 01:14:24,931
So, technically speaking,
does the contract
1629
01:14:25,031 --> 01:14:26,599
say anything
about not being able
1630
01:14:26,699 --> 01:14:29,002
to use handheld devices
during the test?
1631
01:14:29,102 --> 01:14:31,179
[Betty] It doesn't, but wouldn't that be cheating?
1632
01:14:31,279 --> 01:14:33,440
It's not cheating
if it's not in the contract.
1633
01:14:33,540 --> 01:14:35,137
[Betty] Confirmed, smartphones are not
1634
01:14:35,237 --> 01:14:36,576
in the contract.
1635
01:14:36,676 --> 01:14:38,678
Thank you, Betty.
You're the best.
1636
01:14:38,778 --> 01:14:41,714
No, Adam, you're the best.
1637
01:14:41,814 --> 01:14:44,551
What?
"Innovation is the difference
1638
01:14:44,651 --> 01:14:48,121
between being a leader
and a follower." Steve Jobs.
1639
01:14:48,221 --> 01:14:51,791
I'm being innovative.
1640
01:14:51,891 --> 01:14:53,709
Less judgy eyes.
1641
01:15:00,017 --> 01:15:01,734
You made me shit my pants.
1642
01:15:01,834 --> 01:15:03,069
I know.
1643
01:15:03,169 --> 01:15:07,073
My pants, shit, you.
1644
01:15:07,173 --> 01:15:09,925
I didn't mean
to hit you so hard.
1645
01:15:13,297 --> 01:15:16,182
I'm only here
'cause of these two.
1646
01:15:16,282 --> 01:15:18,600
I'll take it.
1647
01:15:24,542 --> 01:15:27,057
My text said we also get awesome
new R&D jobs at your company,
1648
01:15:27,157 --> 01:15:29,662
but only if Greg
comes back, yes?
1649
01:15:29,762 --> 01:15:31,747
And if Greg doesn't come back?
1650
01:15:34,118 --> 01:15:35,518
[sighs]
1651
01:15:35,735 --> 01:15:37,372
You know you're better
than this, right?
1652
01:15:37,472 --> 01:15:38,736
I'm not.
1653
01:15:38,871 --> 01:15:43,977
You know that
better than anyone.
1654
01:15:44,077 --> 01:15:45,778
You know, you've been
an absolute dick,
1655
01:15:45,878 --> 01:15:47,514
and you owe me big time.
1656
01:15:47,614 --> 01:15:48,614
I know.
1657
01:15:57,341 --> 01:15:58,941
[laughs]
1658
01:15:59,292 --> 01:16:00,292
Shh.
1659
01:16:00,627 --> 01:16:01,905
Is this, like,
a company thing,
1660
01:16:02,005 --> 01:16:03,229
or just like a one-off?
1661
01:16:03,329 --> 01:16:05,198
We should start every day
with a hug fest.
1662
01:16:05,298 --> 01:16:06,298
Mm.
1663
01:16:07,400 --> 01:16:08,758
[Greg]
How are we gonna make sure
1664
01:16:08,858 --> 01:16:10,176
everyone has
all the right info,
1665
01:16:10,276 --> 01:16:12,238
all the right access
to all the right software?
1666
01:16:12,338 --> 01:16:14,274
What if everybody
wore earpieces
1667
01:16:14,374 --> 01:16:15,975
and I just
fed them the answers?
1668
01:16:16,075 --> 01:16:17,952
No, that would definitely
fall under cheating,
1669
01:16:18,052 --> 01:16:20,980
and the contract
is very explicit about that.
1670
01:16:21,080 --> 01:16:23,816
Maybe we should get some
naked girls to watch us think.
1671
01:16:23,916 --> 01:16:25,919
No touching,
just watch us think.
1672
01:16:26,019 --> 01:16:28,821
Get the creative juices flowing.
1673
01:16:28,921 --> 01:16:31,224
Sorry, guys.
That was a high school fantasy.
1674
01:16:31,324 --> 01:16:32,792
We've already done it.
1675
01:16:32,892 --> 01:16:34,627
Time for new dreams,
new fantasies.
1676
01:16:34,727 --> 01:16:36,162
[both sigh]
1677
01:16:36,262 --> 01:16:39,014
Maybe your new phone prototype
can come up with some ideas.
1678
01:16:42,620 --> 01:16:43,620
No.
1679
01:16:44,370 --> 01:16:46,105
That's it.
1680
01:16:46,205 --> 01:16:48,007
You'll lose millions.
Hundreds of millions.
1681
01:16:48,107 --> 01:16:49,291
It's perfect.
1682
01:16:59,203 --> 01:17:02,221
This came for you!
Is it drugs?
1683
01:17:02,321 --> 01:17:03,639
Drugs don't even
come like that.
1684
01:17:03,739 --> 01:17:04,897
- Do you--
- How do you know
1685
01:17:04,997 --> 01:17:06,292
how drugs come?
1686
01:17:06,392 --> 01:17:08,061
Breaking Bad!
1687
01:17:08,161 --> 01:17:10,330
Fuck you! Fuck you!
1688
01:17:10,430 --> 01:17:11,664
[overlapping shouting]
1689
01:17:11,764 --> 01:17:13,066
You're gonna fuckin' die.
1690
01:17:13,166 --> 01:17:14,867
I can't wait. I can't wait.
1691
01:17:14,967 --> 01:17:17,003
Bring it on.
Try your fuckin' best!
1692
01:17:17,103 --> 01:17:19,988
- [shouts indistinctly]
- How dare you?!
1693
01:17:32,269 --> 01:17:34,669
Aw, fuck it.
1694
01:17:37,274 --> 01:17:40,326
I thought the biggest mistakes I made were in high school.
1695
01:17:40,426 --> 01:17:41,824
I won't try to undo the mistakes
1696
01:17:41,924 --> 01:17:43,002
I've made in recent weeks,
1697
01:17:43,102 --> 01:17:44,864
as we all know how that turns out.
1698
01:17:44,964 --> 01:17:47,166
Instead, I will offer you no more than a promise
1699
01:17:47,266 --> 01:17:49,636
to learn from my mistakes.
1700
01:17:49,736 --> 01:17:51,386
That and this fully pimped out phone.
1701
01:17:53,323 --> 01:17:55,074
Whoa, what?
1702
01:17:55,174 --> 01:17:57,777
It won't be officially released until Christmas,
1703
01:17:57,877 --> 01:18:00,113
but I wanted to give it to you as a special thank you
1704
01:18:00,213 --> 01:18:02,782
for trying to help me fulfill a stupid fantasy.
1705
01:18:02,882 --> 01:18:04,720
It's been loaded with the entire curriculum
1706
01:18:04,820 --> 01:18:05,898
of our 12th grade program,
1707
01:18:05,998 --> 01:18:07,820
and is permissible to use in this test.
1708
01:18:07,920 --> 01:18:09,797
I know that many of you don't want to see me
1709
01:18:09,897 --> 01:18:12,091
or your old school ever again,
1710
01:18:12,191 --> 01:18:13,748
but if you want to keep your grades,
1711
01:18:13,848 --> 01:18:15,728
or more importantly, your diplomas,
1712
01:18:15,828 --> 01:18:18,197
this phone should help.
1713
01:18:18,297 --> 01:18:20,333
May this phone be with you.
1714
01:18:20,433 --> 01:18:22,301
Fuck!
What the fuck?
1715
01:18:22,401 --> 01:18:23,485
Mom! Dad!
1716
01:18:30,027 --> 01:18:32,679
Only three people have logged
into their phones so far.
1717
01:18:32,779 --> 01:18:34,213
Final exams are tomorrow.
1718
01:18:34,313 --> 01:18:35,753
Doesn't anybody
want their diploma?
1719
01:18:37,968 --> 01:18:39,366
I thought
with all this groveling,
1720
01:18:39,466 --> 01:18:40,887
we'd get everybody back.
1721
01:18:40,987 --> 01:18:43,356
Turns out, all I've done
is probably release the software
1722
01:18:43,456 --> 01:18:45,224
to the competition
a month early.
1723
01:18:45,324 --> 01:18:46,459
Yeah, well,
don't blame me.
1724
01:18:46,559 --> 01:18:48,194
That's on you,
and you know it.
1725
01:18:48,294 --> 01:18:50,763
You're right.
You're right.
1726
01:18:50,863 --> 01:18:52,580
I've gone against
everything we stand for,
1727
01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:54,038
everything
we've worked hard for.
1728
01:18:54,138 --> 01:18:56,202
Our company philosophy,
everything.
1729
01:18:56,302 --> 01:18:57,804
I turned my back on everyone,
1730
01:18:57,904 --> 01:18:59,262
just to impress
a bunch of people
1731
01:18:59,362 --> 01:19:02,175
we haven't seen
in 20 years.
1732
01:19:02,275 --> 01:19:04,159
I'm totally pathetic.
1733
01:19:05,929 --> 01:19:08,481
What should I do?
1734
01:19:08,581 --> 01:19:10,966
Come on, Greg,
what should I do?
1735
01:19:12,202 --> 01:19:14,987
Oh, you--
you want my advice?
1736
01:19:15,087 --> 01:19:17,090
Yeah, Greg,
what should I do?
1737
01:19:17,190 --> 01:19:18,224
Well, you need my advice?
1738
01:19:18,324 --> 01:19:19,522
Greg, don't make me beg, okay?
1739
01:19:19,622 --> 01:19:21,060
Why not?
1740
01:19:21,160 --> 01:19:23,262
Okay, I'm begging, okay?
1741
01:19:23,362 --> 01:19:25,002
Can you just tell me
what to do, please?
1742
01:19:26,150 --> 01:19:27,150
Okay.
1743
01:19:29,787 --> 01:19:32,071
Maybe they just need
someone popular
1744
01:19:32,171 --> 01:19:36,442
to help nudge them
in the right direction.
1745
01:19:36,542 --> 01:19:38,511
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
1746
01:19:38,611 --> 01:19:40,480
Depends what
you think I'm saying.
1747
01:19:40,580 --> 01:19:43,983
I love it
when he gets like this.
1748
01:19:44,083 --> 01:19:45,318
[snoring]
1749
01:19:45,418 --> 01:19:46,953
As discussed,
we lured him to the bar
1750
01:19:47,053 --> 01:19:49,155
with a fake booty call
text from Darcie.
1751
01:19:49,255 --> 01:19:51,611
- Then we roofied his beer.
- How long is this gonna take?
1752
01:19:51,711 --> 01:19:53,908
We gotta get him out of here
before my mom comes home.
1753
01:19:54,008 --> 01:19:55,166
- Not a problem.
- [buzzing]
1754
01:19:55,266 --> 01:19:56,996
Guys, maybe
we shouldn't do this.
1755
01:19:57,096 --> 01:19:59,412
- Yeah, you're probably right.
- [buzzing stops, resumes]
1756
01:19:59,512 --> 01:20:00,533
- Greg!
- Fuck it!
1757
01:20:00,633 --> 01:20:02,301
After a lifetime
of terrorizing us,
1758
01:20:02,401 --> 01:20:06,239
he deserves this, and a lot more.
1759
01:20:06,339 --> 01:20:09,175
Hey, I gave him a triple dose
of an extra strength laxative.
1760
01:20:09,275 --> 01:20:11,471
You'll want to be quick,
'cause he should shit himself
1761
01:20:11,571 --> 01:20:13,528
- any moment now.
- [buzzing stops, resumes]
1762
01:20:18,168 --> 01:20:19,452
- Done!
- [flatulence]
1763
01:20:19,552 --> 01:20:21,320
[sniffs]
Just in time.
1764
01:20:21,420 --> 01:20:23,055
[phone camera clicks]
1765
01:20:23,155 --> 01:20:25,311
I'll message him copies
of every one of these photos.
1766
01:20:25,411 --> 01:20:27,209
Tell him you'll send
one to the entire class
1767
01:20:27,309 --> 01:20:29,506
if even one person doesn't
show to that exam tomorrow.
1768
01:20:29,606 --> 01:20:31,297
Guys, shouldn't we
be better than this?
1769
01:20:31,397 --> 01:20:33,166
Absolutely.
1770
01:20:33,266 --> 01:20:36,035
We're going to hell.
1771
01:20:36,135 --> 01:20:39,135
[phone beeping]
1772
01:20:50,100 --> 01:20:51,100
Fuck!
1773
01:20:53,386 --> 01:20:54,386
Pi!
1774
01:20:55,588 --> 01:20:58,858
[school bell rings]
1775
01:20:58,958 --> 01:21:01,394
The test will likely take you
the full four hours,
1776
01:21:01,494 --> 01:21:03,596
but if you finish early,
please put your hand up
1777
01:21:03,696 --> 01:21:05,164
and I will collect your papers.
1778
01:21:05,264 --> 01:21:07,549
[music playing]
1779
01:21:52,496 --> 01:21:55,896
[music continues]
1780
01:22:25,395 --> 01:22:28,995
And, pencils down.
1781
01:22:30,683 --> 01:22:33,452
Sarah, it's time.
1782
01:22:33,552 --> 01:22:34,752
Sarah.
1783
01:22:36,322 --> 01:22:37,439
It's time.
1784
01:22:39,443 --> 01:22:42,544
[school bell rings]
1785
01:22:45,349 --> 01:22:47,166
Hey, where's Greg?
1786
01:22:47,266 --> 01:22:49,582
He says he's got something
to do and he'll be right back.
1787
01:22:49,682 --> 01:22:50,682
I guess that's that, huh?
1788
01:22:50,781 --> 01:22:52,019
So, everyone's
gonna graduate?
1789
01:22:52,119 --> 01:22:53,119
With better grades?
1790
01:22:53,218 --> 01:22:54,218
Adam!
1791
01:22:55,107 --> 01:22:56,709
Well, almost everyone.
1792
01:22:56,809 --> 01:22:58,611
Are you sure about these phones?
1793
01:22:58,711 --> 01:23:01,013
I swear, every
second answer was wrong.
1794
01:23:01,113 --> 01:23:02,830
Oh, God, this better not
affect my finals.
1795
01:23:02,930 --> 01:23:04,807
Okay, calm down, Sarah.
It's just high school.
1796
01:23:06,103 --> 01:23:07,720
"Just high school"?
1797
01:23:07,820 --> 01:23:10,256
That's funny coming from you.
1798
01:23:10,356 --> 01:23:12,358
If this thing doesn't work,
then I get a do-over.
1799
01:23:12,458 --> 01:23:14,409
Trust me, do-overs do not work.
1800
01:23:16,546 --> 01:23:18,346
[screams]
1801
01:23:20,083 --> 01:23:22,568
[grunts]
Get out of my way!
1802
01:23:22,668 --> 01:23:23,668
Pi!
1803
01:23:28,258 --> 01:23:30,454
You know how to trace a number
on one of these things?
1804
01:23:30,554 --> 01:23:32,244
Somebody hacked my phone.
1805
01:23:32,344 --> 01:23:34,544
The phone's unlisted.
It's not even on the market yet.
1806
01:23:36,366 --> 01:23:37,766
Thanks.
1807
01:23:38,250 --> 01:23:40,453
You really saved our asses
in there today.
1808
01:23:40,553 --> 01:23:42,989
- Don't thank me, thank Greg.
- Shipansky?
1809
01:23:43,089 --> 01:23:44,590
Don't you mean
Shits-his-pantsky?
1810
01:23:44,690 --> 01:23:46,425
No, zip it.
1811
01:23:46,525 --> 01:23:48,327
Shipansky.
1812
01:23:48,427 --> 01:23:50,496
Not funny when you
shit your pants.
1813
01:23:50,596 --> 01:23:52,113
Sorry, guys.
1814
01:23:53,383 --> 01:23:54,983
[grunts]
1815
01:23:55,801 --> 01:23:57,370
This sucks!
1816
01:23:57,470 --> 01:23:59,205
It's just like 20 years ago.
1817
01:23:59,305 --> 01:24:00,488
What a waste of time.
1818
01:24:02,559 --> 01:24:05,311
Look,
you're our best friend,
1819
01:24:05,411 --> 01:24:07,213
so don't take this
the wrong way.
1820
01:24:07,313 --> 01:24:09,682
If, in 20 years,
you're still here,
1821
01:24:09,782 --> 01:24:13,219
coming over to my house,
watching Patriots games,
1822
01:24:13,319 --> 01:24:15,087
doing construction work,
1823
01:24:15,187 --> 01:24:16,225
I'm gonna fuckin' kill ya.
1824
01:24:16,325 --> 01:24:17,803
What the fuck
are you talking about?
1825
01:24:17,903 --> 01:24:20,326
He's right.
Fuck you.
1826
01:24:20,426 --> 01:24:23,029
You don't owe it to yourself, man.
You owe it to me.
1827
01:24:23,129 --> 01:24:25,131
'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna
wake up, I'll be 50
1828
01:24:25,231 --> 01:24:26,699
and still be doing this shit.
1829
01:24:26,799 --> 01:24:28,556
You're sitting on
a winning lottery ticket,
1830
01:24:28,656 --> 01:24:29,894
and you're too much
of a pussy
1831
01:24:29,994 --> 01:24:31,432
to cash it in,
and that's bullshit.
1832
01:24:31,532 --> 01:24:33,729
'Cause I'd give fuckin' anything
to have what you got.
1833
01:24:33,829 --> 01:24:36,242
Any of these guys would.
1834
01:24:36,342 --> 01:24:37,810
It'd be an insult to us
1835
01:24:37,910 --> 01:24:40,046
if you're still here in 20 years.
1836
01:24:40,146 --> 01:24:42,148
Hanging' around here,
1837
01:24:42,248 --> 01:24:43,648
it's a fuckin'
waste of your time.
1838
01:24:46,837 --> 01:24:48,554
It's not your fault.
1839
01:24:48,654 --> 01:24:51,090
Yeah, I know.
1840
01:24:51,190 --> 01:24:52,792
- It's not your fault.
- I know.
1841
01:24:52,892 --> 01:24:55,394
Listen to me, son.
1842
01:24:55,494 --> 01:24:57,163
It's not your fault.
1843
01:24:57,263 --> 01:24:59,131
Yeah, I know.
1844
01:24:59,231 --> 01:25:02,201
It's not your fault.
1845
01:25:02,301 --> 01:25:04,804
I-- don't fuck with me,
Shawn, not you.
1846
01:25:04,904 --> 01:25:06,639
[sniffling]
1847
01:25:06,739 --> 01:25:10,142
[all] It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
1848
01:25:10,242 --> 01:25:12,711
I'm sorry!
[sobbing]
1849
01:25:12,811 --> 01:25:15,130
- [phone chimes]
- Oh, God.
1850
01:25:16,333 --> 01:25:17,333
Oh.
1851
01:25:21,638 --> 01:25:24,838
See, I am smart!
1852
01:25:25,758 --> 01:25:28,558
Valedictorian.
1853
01:25:28,694 --> 01:25:32,731
You like apples?
You like apples?
1854
01:25:32,831 --> 01:25:35,450
How do you like them apples?
1855
01:25:37,320 --> 01:25:38,353
[sniffles]
1856
01:25:40,824 --> 01:25:41,824
Whoo!
1857
01:25:43,709 --> 01:25:45,727
What a piece of shit.
1858
01:25:48,598 --> 01:25:51,383
Jessica? Jessica!
1859
01:25:51,483 --> 01:25:52,921
- What is wrong?
- Why do you care?
1860
01:25:53,021 --> 01:25:55,588
Why do I care?
Because I'm your mother.
1861
01:25:55,688 --> 01:25:58,190
I will always care.
1862
01:25:58,290 --> 01:25:59,658
It's stupid.
1863
01:25:59,758 --> 01:26:01,355
What-- well,
you wouldn't be this upset
1864
01:26:01,455 --> 01:26:02,455
if it was that stupid.
1865
01:26:02,554 --> 01:26:04,263
Are you seriously
crying to your mommy?
1866
01:26:04,363 --> 01:26:05,631
Just leave me alone.
1867
01:26:05,731 --> 01:26:07,500
And why would she
need to do that?
1868
01:26:07,600 --> 01:26:09,800
Look, we just want different
things in life right now.
1869
01:26:11,922 --> 01:26:13,472
Is this a sex thing?
1870
01:26:13,572 --> 01:26:15,908
Are you kidding me?
I can't even get a hand job.
1871
01:26:16,008 --> 01:26:18,744
- Oh, yeah, well...
- [groans]
1872
01:26:18,844 --> 01:26:22,448
Mom, that was awesome.
1873
01:26:22,548 --> 01:26:24,283
I was always good
at giving hand jobs.
1874
01:26:24,383 --> 01:26:26,218
Yeah, you probably
shouldn't hit children.
1875
01:26:26,318 --> 01:26:27,969
Let's get out of here.
1876
01:26:32,475 --> 01:26:33,826
[honks]
1877
01:26:33,926 --> 01:26:36,529
- What's up, ladies?
- Hey.
1878
01:26:36,629 --> 01:26:38,866
[Trevor] Are you coming
to this grad dinner prom thing?
1879
01:26:38,966 --> 01:26:41,233
Pi's buying.
Food and drinks.
1880
01:26:41,333 --> 01:26:42,701
No, I'm gonna go home
1881
01:26:42,801 --> 01:26:44,370
and spend some time
with my daughter.
1882
01:26:44,470 --> 01:26:46,772
Come on, it's our
last day of freedom
1883
01:26:46,872 --> 01:26:49,208
to be who we truly are.
1884
01:26:49,308 --> 01:26:50,786
- [scoffs]
- You know, I figured out
1885
01:26:50,886 --> 01:26:53,245
who I truly am,
and I am a mom.
1886
01:26:53,345 --> 01:26:54,580
And I'm okay
with that.
1887
01:26:54,680 --> 01:26:58,399
- Ciao. Ladies.
- Wish I had a cool mom.
1888
01:27:00,937 --> 01:27:02,337
Thanks.
1889
01:27:08,311 --> 01:27:10,529
Oh, uh, hey, Amy.
1890
01:27:10,629 --> 01:27:12,631
Um, this is for you.
1891
01:27:12,731 --> 01:27:16,268
- What's this?
- I called my ex-husband,
1892
01:27:16,368 --> 01:27:18,337
and his aunt
is an agent in L. A.
1893
01:27:18,437 --> 01:27:21,740
And she said
she could help you out.
1894
01:27:21,840 --> 01:27:23,676
- Are you serious?
- Mm-hmm.
1895
01:27:23,776 --> 01:27:25,811
Thank you. Are you sure
you don't wanna come?
1896
01:27:25,911 --> 01:27:28,380
Yeah.
Yeah, positive.
1897
01:27:28,480 --> 01:27:31,432
- [truck engine starts]
- Bye.
1898
01:27:33,970 --> 01:27:35,570
Have fun!
1899
01:27:39,743 --> 01:27:42,100
For all the shitty stuff that
happened, you have to admit,
1900
01:27:42,200 --> 01:27:44,317
everybody kind of got what
they wanted, didn't they?
1901
01:27:44,417 --> 01:27:45,815
Aw, come on.
Are you trying to say
1902
01:27:45,915 --> 01:27:47,512
that this was your plan
the whole time?
1903
01:27:47,612 --> 01:27:48,801
Pfft, you got lucky.
1904
01:27:48,901 --> 01:27:51,470
Except, of course, you didn't
get to sleep with Darcie.
1905
01:27:51,570 --> 01:27:53,567
I mean, that was your plan
the whole time, right?
1906
01:27:53,667 --> 01:27:55,344
You wanted to hook up
with Trevor's girl.
1907
01:27:55,444 --> 01:27:56,842
I don't know,
I kind of like Erin.
1908
01:27:56,942 --> 01:27:58,711
The teacher? You're
in love with teacher?
1909
01:27:58,811 --> 01:28:00,312
What, are you five?
1910
01:28:00,412 --> 01:28:03,716
I don't know,
I just think she's kinda cool.
1911
01:28:03,816 --> 01:28:06,552
So, you don't want
to sleep with Darcie?
1912
01:28:06,652 --> 01:28:07,820
Like, not at all?
1913
01:28:07,920 --> 01:28:09,722
Darcie and I are better
just as friends.
1914
01:28:09,822 --> 01:28:12,558
She's actually really cool.
1915
01:28:12,658 --> 01:28:15,995
Well, it-- it's not Darcie,
but if you want to cross
1916
01:28:16,095 --> 01:28:17,997
the "Screw Trevor's Girl"
off your list,
1917
01:28:18,097 --> 01:28:20,266
I'll give you this.
1918
01:28:20,366 --> 01:28:24,403
I'm having sex with someone
who satisfies me.
1919
01:28:24,503 --> 01:28:27,339
Oh, no, that is--
that is awful.
1920
01:28:27,439 --> 01:28:30,609
Hi, Trevor.
It's Greg from school.
1921
01:28:30,709 --> 01:28:32,645
Okay, that's not right.
1922
01:28:32,745 --> 01:28:34,023
No, come on, nah,
that's a move
1923
01:28:34,123 --> 01:28:35,361
right out
of the "Kama Sutra."
1924
01:28:35,461 --> 01:28:36,779
I'm having
a lot of fun, Trevor.
1925
01:28:36,879 --> 01:28:38,584
This is so good, Trevor.
1926
01:28:38,684 --> 01:28:40,753
- Oh, the size...
- Okay, that's not--
1927
01:28:40,853 --> 01:28:42,421
What are you doing?
1928
01:28:42,521 --> 01:28:44,638
I can't believe I ever
put up with your small penis.
1929
01:28:44,738 --> 01:28:46,325
I'm just slightly
above average.
1930
01:28:46,425 --> 01:28:48,360
It's so big,
1931
01:28:48,460 --> 01:28:50,617
- even on his worst day...
- I'm just glad this whole
1932
01:28:50,717 --> 01:28:53,114
- ...he's 100 times better.
- ...high school thing is over.
1933
01:28:53,214 --> 01:28:54,492
Look, you were right
all along.
1934
01:28:54,592 --> 01:28:56,030
This was a bad idea
from the start.
1935
01:28:56,130 --> 01:28:57,808
What? No, no,
what are you talking about?
1936
01:28:57,908 --> 01:28:59,346
No, no, no, no.
Don't listen to me.
1937
01:28:59,446 --> 01:29:00,446
I'm an idiot.
1938
01:29:00,545 --> 01:29:01,743
Look, did you see
this video?
1939
01:29:01,843 --> 01:29:03,001
- Yeah, okay.
- No, come on,
1940
01:29:03,101 --> 01:29:04,459
we gotta do this
again next year.
1941
01:29:04,559 --> 01:29:06,077
And you know what?
I'm thinking maybe
1942
01:29:06,177 --> 01:29:07,694
we redo seventh grade.
You know what?
1943
01:29:07,794 --> 01:29:09,351
And, in ten years,
when we're 47-teen,
1944
01:29:09,451 --> 01:29:10,451
we do it again!
1945
01:29:10,550 --> 01:29:11,817
High school is awesome.
1946
01:29:11,917 --> 01:29:15,487
Happy graduation, nerds.
1947
01:29:15,587 --> 01:29:17,587
[laughter]
1948
01:29:18,090 --> 01:29:19,625
[girl]
Oh, look at the nerds.
1949
01:29:19,725 --> 01:29:20,908
[boy]
Nerds!
1950
01:29:23,546 --> 01:29:25,097
High school sucks.
1951
01:29:25,197 --> 01:29:28,197
[music playing]
1952
01:30:18,535 --> 01:30:21,502
- [school bell rings]
- [music changes]
1953
01:30:28,044 --> 01:30:30,462
So, you two dated
1954
01:30:30,562 --> 01:30:33,532
before Mom and Dad
even knew each other.
1955
01:30:33,632 --> 01:30:35,401
- Way before.
- Yes. And, in the end,
1956
01:30:35,501 --> 01:30:36,869
we were together
for way longer
1957
01:30:36,969 --> 01:30:38,470
- than they ever were.
- Way longer.
1958
01:30:38,570 --> 01:30:40,168
You know, this doesn't
change anything.
1959
01:30:40,268 --> 01:30:41,586
I'm still the guy
in high school
1960
01:30:41,686 --> 01:30:42,964
whose brother
fucks his sister.
1961
01:30:43,064 --> 01:30:44,941
Yeah, but nobody cares
about what people think
1962
01:30:45,041 --> 01:30:47,238
about in high school except
the people in high school.
1963
01:30:47,338 --> 01:30:49,648
This is gonna make for some
weird family dinners.
1964
01:30:49,748 --> 01:30:51,717
Do any
of the grandparents know?
1965
01:30:51,817 --> 01:30:54,820
Yes, but only because
all four of them
1966
01:30:54,920 --> 01:30:56,054
are biological siblings.
1967
01:30:56,154 --> 01:30:57,154
[snorts]
1968
01:30:57,253 --> 01:30:58,924
Not even close to funny.
1969
01:30:59,024 --> 01:31:00,859
Yeah, that was
pretty funny
1970
01:31:00,959 --> 01:31:03,095
No, not funny.
Seriously, not funny.
1971
01:31:03,195 --> 01:31:04,792
Oh, it was pretty funny.
Actually, also
1972
01:31:04,892 --> 01:31:06,609
for a while there,
I dated the family dog.
1973
01:31:06,709 --> 01:31:08,626
But that was more sexual
than anything else is.
1974
01:31:08,726 --> 01:31:10,004
Yeah, but you guys
are in love.
1975
01:31:10,104 --> 01:31:11,104
The sexual was the goat
1976
01:31:11,203 --> 01:31:13,400
'cause you guys were really
fucking for a while there.
1977
01:31:13,500 --> 01:31:15,058
And it was fun to watch,
a little bit,
1978
01:31:15,158 --> 01:31:18,059
but I got a bit jealous
sometimes.
1979
01:31:20,930 --> 01:31:24,817
So, if we don't care
what people in high school
1980
01:31:24,917 --> 01:31:26,718
think anymore,
1981
01:31:26,818 --> 01:31:29,788
did you want
to give this a shot?
1982
01:31:29,888 --> 01:31:30,905
No more
sneaking around?
1983
01:31:37,847 --> 01:31:38,913
[music resumes]
1984
01:32:24,894 --> 01:32:27,128
[microphone droans]
137232
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