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1
00:01:27,878 --> 00:01:32,317
Sir, how often should one
exonerate one's bowels?
2
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:35,319
One should never, ever interrupt
one's desire to defecate.
3
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:38,844
I have inquired at the Bronx
and London zoos...
4
00:01:38,922 --> 00:01:42,482
as to the daily bowel
evacuation of primates.
5
00:01:42,558 --> 00:01:45,788
It's not once, twice
or three times, sir, but four.
6
00:01:45,861 --> 00:01:48,761
At the end of an average day
their cages are filled...
7
00:01:48,829 --> 00:01:52,027
with a veritable mountain
of natural health.
8
00:01:52,099 --> 00:01:53,430
And sex?
9
00:01:53,501 --> 00:01:56,367
Sex is the sewer drain
of a healthy body, sir.
10
00:01:56,437 --> 00:02:01,462
Any use of the sexual act other than
procreation is a waste of vital energy.
11
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:03,530
Wasted seeds are wasted lives.
12
00:02:03,608 --> 00:02:06,076
- Eating meat?
- He that killeth the ox...
13
00:02:06,145 --> 00:02:08,339
is as if he slew a man.
14
00:02:08,412 --> 00:02:12,815
Each juicy morsel of meat is alive
and swarming with the same filth...
15
00:02:12,884 --> 00:02:15,942
as found in the carcass
of a dead rat.
16
00:02:16,020 --> 00:02:20,512
A meat eater, sir, is drowning
in a tide of gore. What is a sausage?
17
00:02:20,588 --> 00:02:23,285
A sausage is an indigestible balloon...
18
00:02:23,359 --> 00:02:25,952
of decayed beef
riddled with tuberculosis.
19
00:02:26,028 --> 00:02:27,618
Eat it and die.
20
00:02:27,695 --> 00:02:31,095
For I have seen
many a repentant meat glutton...
21
00:02:31,165 --> 00:02:35,897
his body full of uric acid and remorse,
his soul adrift on a raft...
22
00:02:35,968 --> 00:02:37,935
in an ocean of poisonous slime...
23
00:02:38,004 --> 00:02:40,233
sloshing against the walls
of the body's kitchen.
24
00:02:40,305 --> 00:02:41,601
Smoking?
25
00:02:41,671 --> 00:02:44,870
The liver is the only thing
standing between the smoker and death.
26
00:02:44,942 --> 00:02:48,002
Also certain other things
have to be avoided...
27
00:02:48,078 --> 00:02:50,704
like feather beds...
28
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:52,441
and romantic novels...
29
00:02:52,514 --> 00:02:54,881
and the touching of one's organs.
30
00:02:54,951 --> 00:02:58,317
Masturbation is the silent killer
of the night...
31
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:02,084
the vilest sin of self-pollution,
the sin of Onan.
32
00:03:03,659 --> 00:03:06,923
Dr. Kellogg, how did you come
to invent the cornflake?
33
00:03:06,994 --> 00:03:11,155
The cornflake, sir, is just one of 75
of my creations for healthy living...
34
00:03:11,230 --> 00:03:14,427
among them peanut butter
and the electric blanket.
35
00:03:14,501 --> 00:03:18,300
And what about your imitators?
There are 103 other cornflakes...
36
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:21,134
presently being manufactured
here in Battle Creek.
37
00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,173
Sir, corn is the Injun's gift
to the New World...
38
00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:27,142
and the cornflake is my gift
to the entire world.
39
00:03:27,211 --> 00:03:29,201
And what do you think
about your brother?
40
00:03:29,278 --> 00:03:31,906
My younger brother, W.K. Kellogg,
worked for me...
41
00:03:31,981 --> 00:03:34,974
as a low-paid assistant for many years.
42
00:03:35,050 --> 00:03:39,147
Now he's on his own and amassing
fortunes with my cornflake invention.
43
00:03:39,223 --> 00:03:42,848
Unfortunately he has chosen
the family name to promote it.
44
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:45,949
But the whole world knows
only one Kellogg:
45
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,391
Me, Dr. John Harvey Kellogg...
46
00:03:48,461 --> 00:03:53,091
surgeon, inventor, author and crusader
for biological livin'.
47
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,633
I do not seek monetary reward...
48
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:58,760
for I am called to a greater glory.
49
00:03:58,837 --> 00:04:00,395
Here, at the Battle Creek Sanitarium...
50
00:04:00,472 --> 00:04:03,736
the spirits soar,
the mind is educated...
51
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:07,140
and the bowels...
the bowels are born again.
52
00:04:08,544 --> 00:04:11,707
Every woman
53
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:15,043
And every man
54
00:04:15,115 --> 00:04:18,744
Is at the temple of health
55
00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:22,118
Here at the Battle Creek San
56
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:34,694
In, out. In, out.
57
00:04:34,765 --> 00:04:37,200
In, out. In, out.
58
00:05:30,977 --> 00:05:33,412
- Did you?
- Nothing.
59
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,640
Oh, my darling Will, I'm so sorry.
60
00:05:35,716 --> 00:05:38,012
Eleanor, if I could only
eat something.
61
00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:40,211
My poor thing.
62
00:05:40,286 --> 00:05:42,117
Not now, Will.
63
00:05:55,899 --> 00:05:58,491
Excuse me, sir. But would you mind
if we joined your table?
64
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,331
I'm afraid the dining car
is rather crowded.
65
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:02,767
- No, no, no. Not at all. Please.
- Thank you.
66
00:06:02,838 --> 00:06:04,930
- Ossining. Charles Ossining.
- Eleanor Lightbody.
67
00:06:05,006 --> 00:06:07,065
And this is my husband, Will.
68
00:06:07,141 --> 00:06:11,132
- How do you do.
- Allow me to give you my card.
69
00:06:11,210 --> 00:06:13,203
I'm in the breakfast food business.
70
00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:15,839
Really? Which one? Try-a-Bita?
Krinkle? Foodle?
71
00:06:15,915 --> 00:06:18,884
Cero-Fruito? Fush?
Goodness, there's so many, suddenly.
72
00:06:18,951 --> 00:06:20,316
- It's hard to keep up.
- Per-Fo.
73
00:06:20,387 --> 00:06:22,580
Per-Fo? Don't believe
I've heard of that one.
74
00:06:22,654 --> 00:06:24,417
Actually, we haven't started yet.
75
00:06:24,489 --> 00:06:26,753
In fact, I'm on my way to Battle Creek
to start the company.
76
00:06:26,825 --> 00:06:29,621
- How nice.
- You're eating oysters.
77
00:06:29,692 --> 00:06:31,853
Yes. Bluepoints.
They're quite good.
78
00:06:31,929 --> 00:06:33,657
- Would you like to try one?
- No!
79
00:06:34,864 --> 00:06:38,061
- It's his stomach.
- May I take your order, sir, madam?
80
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:40,930
Oh, yes.
81
00:06:41,002 --> 00:06:43,597
I'll have the cucumber salad
and a glass of water. Thank you.
82
00:06:43,672 --> 00:06:45,797
- And sir?
- Toast. And a glass of water.
83
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,668
- Toast?
- Toast.
84
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,606
And how would you like that, sir?
85
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:54,107
Toasted. Dry. On its own.
On a plate.
86
00:06:54,179 --> 00:06:55,737
Certainly, sir.
87
00:06:58,617 --> 00:07:00,641
Battle Creek, you say.
Well, what a coincidence.
88
00:07:00,718 --> 00:07:03,710
That's our destination too. We're going
to the sanitarium for the cure.
89
00:07:03,788 --> 00:07:06,152
- I've never been.
- Third time for me. First for Will.
90
00:07:06,223 --> 00:07:07,917
I'm one of those Battle freaks
that you read about.
91
00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:10,119
Well, well, well.
92
00:07:10,194 --> 00:07:13,183
- Scavengers of the sea, you know.
- Excuse me?
93
00:07:13,262 --> 00:07:15,058
Eleanor, not again, please.
94
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,621
Oysters live in muck and filth,
and they feed on it.
95
00:07:17,698 --> 00:07:19,326
You said you wouldn't do this.
96
00:07:20,601 --> 00:07:23,036
Oyster juice
is nothing more than urine.
97
00:07:23,104 --> 00:07:25,627
- Urine?
- Piss, to use the vernacular.
98
00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:28,300
Eleanor, that's enough!
99
00:07:28,375 --> 00:07:31,604
But, Will, the gentleman should know
that he's ingesting slimy piss.
100
00:07:31,678 --> 00:07:33,371
Will you never shut up!
101
00:07:36,515 --> 00:07:37,846
Oh, my God!
102
00:07:43,954 --> 00:07:46,354
Terrible thing, indigestion.
103
00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:02,333
Bye, Mr. Ossining.
Good luck with your new company.
104
00:08:02,402 --> 00:08:03,836
Good-bye.
105
00:08:16,547 --> 00:08:18,913
Bend and stretch.
106
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:25,414
Twist, twist.
107
00:09:06,021 --> 00:09:08,887
And I will show to you...
108
00:09:08,958 --> 00:09:11,721
that in the sluggish bowels
of the flesh eater...
109
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:14,317
lays the source of 9/10...
9/10...
110
00:09:14,393 --> 00:09:17,090
of the chronic ills
from which human beings suffer.
111
00:09:17,164 --> 00:09:19,427
Ah, Mr. Dab, you're back.
112
00:09:19,499 --> 00:09:23,697
Good. We can continue with the " Question
Box" with a small demonstration.
113
00:09:23,770 --> 00:09:26,533
- Sir, he's here.
- Later, Poult, later. Sit down.
114
00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:32,635
Ladies and gentlemen, here I have
in front of me a steak...
115
00:09:32,709 --> 00:09:35,473
which my assistant, Mr. Poultney Dab,
assures me...
116
00:09:35,546 --> 00:09:39,640
is the finest porterhouse the nearby
Post Tavern Hotel has to offer.
117
00:09:39,715 --> 00:09:43,846
Also, I have here
a bag of horse excreta.
118
00:09:45,121 --> 00:09:48,519
Oh, yes. Manure.
119
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,754
Dung from our very own stables,
so fresh it is still warm.
120
00:09:54,529 --> 00:09:56,996
Hey, and steaming!
121
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,962
Dr. Linniman, would you be so kind
as to prepare a sample of each...
122
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,760
for the microscopes, please?
123
00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:07,066
Ladies and gentlemen, I will now
provide you with proof...
124
00:10:07,138 --> 00:10:09,196
which I fervently hope
will forever turn you away...
125
00:10:09,273 --> 00:10:11,707
from the disgustin' habit
of eating meat.
126
00:10:11,774 --> 00:10:14,300
Disgustin' not only because
we should never take the lives...
127
00:10:14,378 --> 00:10:17,938
of our fellow creatures, but disgustin'
because, my friends, what lurks...
128
00:10:18,013 --> 00:10:20,107
within that steak...
129
00:10:20,182 --> 00:10:24,380
is as bad or worse than that which
crawls inside that bag of barnyard dung.
130
00:10:25,852 --> 00:10:27,821
Now, may I have a volunteer, please?
131
00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:32,685
Oh, come on, don't be shy.
132
00:10:34,994 --> 00:10:38,291
Miss Muntz, who I see
in the second row here.
133
00:10:38,362 --> 00:10:41,263
Would you be so kind as to come
to the table, Miss Muntz, please?
134
00:10:56,277 --> 00:10:57,709
Watch your step.
135
00:10:57,779 --> 00:11:00,009
- Thank you.
- Watch your step, sir.
136
00:11:01,814 --> 00:11:05,376
Oh, breathe it in, Will.
Can't you just smell it?
137
00:11:07,621 --> 00:11:11,453
We're both going to get well.
I just know it. It's a promise.
138
00:11:15,826 --> 00:11:17,989
What do you see, Miss Muntz?
139
00:11:18,064 --> 00:11:20,223
White specks crawling.
140
00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:23,231
Dr. Linniman, please, please,
do not keep us in suspense.
141
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:27,099
Please reveal to our good friends here
the identity of the offensive slide.
142
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:32,504
Sir, Miss Muntz has identified
the porterhouse steak.
143
00:11:33,675 --> 00:11:37,304
Ladies and gentlemen, please come
to the podium and see for yourself.
144
00:12:17,477 --> 00:12:20,502
Oh, it's Dr. Kellogg's "Question Box."
What a pity we missed it.
145
00:12:20,580 --> 00:12:22,879
- How much do I tip?
- Oh, no dear. Not at the San.
146
00:12:22,948 --> 00:12:25,974
Ah, Mr. Birdwhistle...
147
00:12:26,051 --> 00:12:30,010
Look, Will! There's the great man
himself. There's Dr. Kellogg.
148
00:12:30,088 --> 00:12:33,352
Working that program, are we?
Good girl.
149
00:12:33,425 --> 00:12:38,053
Mr. Abernathy. I trust the Protose broth
is helping with the flatulence?
150
00:12:38,128 --> 00:12:40,825
- Very well, Doctor.
- Good. Splendid.
151
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:44,889
Ah, Mrs. Portois, a glow
in your cheeks I detect.
152
00:12:44,966 --> 00:12:48,130
A veritable beacon
of natural health!
153
00:12:48,204 --> 00:12:49,896
How pleasing.
154
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:53,600
Hello, Father.
Aren't you going to introduce me?
155
00:12:53,674 --> 00:12:57,610
- Do you have some spare change, miss?
- Excuse us, please.
156
00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:00,009
How dare you, son?
I've told you never to come here.
157
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,604
Come on, Father,
give us a cuddle.
158
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,776
- You stink, sir.
- Don't we all in one way or another?
159
00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:07,147
Your behavior is unconscionable.
160
00:13:07,218 --> 00:13:11,881
- Now, why are you here?
- Money.
161
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:14,050
You've had all the money
you'll ever get from me, boy.
162
00:13:14,124 --> 00:13:15,920
Dr. Kellogg,
what a pleasure to see you.
163
00:13:15,992 --> 00:13:18,860
- Ah, yes, Mrs...
- Lightbody. Eleanor Lightbody.
164
00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:21,953
I'd like to introduce you
to my husband. This is Will.
165
00:13:22,029 --> 00:13:26,022
Hello, You look like you're on your
last leg. Can you spare some change?
166
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,034
Excuse us, please.
167
00:13:30,639 --> 00:13:32,867
- How much?
- One hundred.
168
00:13:32,939 --> 00:13:35,701
Mr. Wilcox. Take this gentleman
to Mr. Phipps...
169
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,937
and tell him to give him $100.
170
00:13:38,011 --> 00:13:42,035
Then show him the front gate.
Thank you.
171
00:13:43,449 --> 00:13:46,474
Poor wretch. A charity patient.
Ah, now, Mr. Lightbody, is it?
172
00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:49,918
How do you do, sir?
Oh, dear, you are unwell.
173
00:13:49,989 --> 00:13:53,422
Let me see your tongue, please.
Out more.
174
00:13:53,491 --> 00:13:56,254
Wider. More. That...
175
00:13:56,326 --> 00:13:57,985
Oh, yeah.
176
00:13:58,059 --> 00:14:00,288
The tongue is the billboard
to the bowels, Mr. Lightbody...
177
00:14:00,363 --> 00:14:03,593
and this piece of furry flesh between
my fingers shouts S-l-C-K, sick.
178
00:14:03,666 --> 00:14:08,191
You're a sick man, sir. As severe a case
of autointoxication as I've ever seen.
179
00:14:08,268 --> 00:14:11,634
Is there anything you can do? We're both
tremendous believers in your methods.
180
00:14:11,704 --> 00:14:15,196
I am, anyway. But Will is really
keen to learn. Aren't you?
181
00:14:15,273 --> 00:14:17,207
- Uh...
- You've come to the right place.
182
00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:20,640
But we are merely lifeguards at watch
on the shores of the alimentary canal.
183
00:14:20,712 --> 00:14:22,941
A wheelchair immediately
for Mr. Lightbody! Hurry!
184
00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:26,415
I don't need a wheelchair.
I do not need a wheelchair.
185
00:14:26,483 --> 00:14:30,249
Sir, I am a doctor, and you take my word
for it. You are in need of a wheelchair.
186
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:33,185
Wheelchairs are for amputees,
for Civil War veterans...
187
00:14:33,255 --> 00:14:35,950
old people with one foot in the grave.
188
00:14:36,025 --> 00:14:38,993
Lucky if you have only one foot
in the grave, because I can help you.
189
00:14:39,061 --> 00:14:41,858
Two feet in and your money will be
better spent with an undertaker.
190
00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:44,194
Mr. Johnston, I want the finest care
for this gentleman.
191
00:14:44,265 --> 00:14:48,201
So get the very best attendant.
Graves. Yes, get Nurse Graves.
192
00:14:48,268 --> 00:14:50,633
Hey, one foot in the grave! Ha!
193
00:14:50,702 --> 00:14:53,570
I will see to you personally
first thing in the morning.
194
00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:56,071
- If you're still alive, that is.
- Thank you.
195
00:14:56,141 --> 00:14:58,201
Thank you, ma'am.
196
00:14:59,576 --> 00:15:01,567
Frank!
197
00:15:01,647 --> 00:15:03,942
Oh, darling, it's Dr. Linniman
who I told you about...
198
00:15:04,013 --> 00:15:06,709
who looked after me so wonderfully well
the last time... you remember.
199
00:15:06,783 --> 00:15:08,411
No, I don't remember.
200
00:15:08,484 --> 00:15:10,314
How are you?
201
00:15:10,386 --> 00:15:12,512
Oh, it's heaven to be back.
202
00:15:12,587 --> 00:15:16,352
It's good to see you again.
Eleanor, you've lost weight.
203
00:15:16,424 --> 00:15:19,690
Wait. I want my wife!
204
00:15:32,737 --> 00:15:34,671
- You Charles Ossining?
- Yes!
205
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,729
Mr. Bender says
you're to come with me.
206
00:15:36,807 --> 00:15:39,139
Thank God, boy! Where's the cab?
207
00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:41,268
No cab, sir.
Mr. Bender said to walk.
208
00:15:42,311 --> 00:15:44,780
He did, did he? Is it far?
209
00:15:44,848 --> 00:15:46,781
It wouldn't be
if we weren't walkin'.
210
00:15:57,191 --> 00:16:00,217
- Where are you taking me?
- Your room. Your wife will go to hers.
211
00:16:00,294 --> 00:16:02,658
- We're together.
- Oh, no, sir. That just wouldn't do.
212
00:16:02,727 --> 00:16:04,889
If you get my meaning?
213
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:09,229
Up, please, Harold.
Best air in the place. Lovely view too.
214
00:16:15,637 --> 00:16:17,903
Hello, Irene. Here he is.
215
00:16:17,975 --> 00:16:20,100
Welcome to the San.
I'm Nurse Graves...
216
00:16:20,176 --> 00:16:22,643
and I'll be your personal nurse
during your stay here.
217
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:26,939
Ah, you must be tuckered, sir,
what with all that rail travel.
218
00:16:27,013 --> 00:16:31,040
Terrible. Shakes you up
like an eggnog.
219
00:17:04,179 --> 00:17:06,977
Here we are. Nice, cheery room.
220
00:17:07,849 --> 00:17:10,840
Torture. Worse than
the Spanish Inquisition.
221
00:17:10,918 --> 00:17:13,410
- Torture?
- Rail travel.
222
00:17:13,487 --> 00:17:16,353
Well, I will bid you good night...
223
00:17:16,422 --> 00:17:19,720
and leave you in the capable hands
of Nurse Graves.
224
00:17:19,791 --> 00:17:21,986
- Night, Irene.
- Good night, Ralph.
225
00:17:23,594 --> 00:17:24,993
Undress, please.
226
00:17:27,933 --> 00:17:32,062
- You're very beautiful, Irene.
- Please. Don't talk, Mr. Lightbody.
227
00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:34,365
Not in your condition.
228
00:17:34,436 --> 00:17:37,962
Now, we're gonna have you asleep
in no time at all.
229
00:17:38,039 --> 00:17:39,563
But it's only 6:00.
230
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:42,837
And I haven't slept a wink
in 22 days.
231
00:17:42,911 --> 00:17:47,177
Well, tonight you'll sleep like a baby.
That's why I'm here.
232
00:17:48,581 --> 00:17:50,708
Now, I want you to relax.
233
00:17:52,285 --> 00:17:54,310
And I'll be back later
to give you your bath.
234
00:18:02,860 --> 00:18:06,421
Where are you taking me? I thought Mr.
Bender was staying at the Post Tavern!
235
00:18:06,498 --> 00:18:09,363
He is. Only you're up there.
236
00:18:09,431 --> 00:18:13,595
$3.25 a week due every Saturday.
237
00:18:13,669 --> 00:18:18,801
Breakfast at 7:00, dinner at 1:00,
supper at 6:30...
238
00:18:18,874 --> 00:18:21,672
and she wants a week in advance.
239
00:18:37,556 --> 00:18:40,421
I'm sorry, Nurse, but I think
that I'm hallucinating.
240
00:18:40,491 --> 00:18:43,481
Just kneel in the bath, please,
Mr. Lightbody.
241
00:18:44,928 --> 00:18:50,661
I don't know what's wrong with me.
Ever since I got here, I keep seeing...
242
00:18:51,734 --> 00:18:53,429
I came here with my wife, you know.
243
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,834
Oh, yes, I know.
She's on the second floor, room 212.
244
00:18:58,205 --> 00:18:59,671
She won't be staying here?
245
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:02,799
Oh, no. All couples are
kept separate here, Mr. Lightbody.
246
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:04,399
- They are?
- Of course.
247
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:06,445
Our patients need complete rest.
248
00:19:06,511 --> 00:19:09,777
Any sexual stimulation could be fatal.
249
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,248
Now, I want you to relax.
250
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:17,218
- What is that?
- This... is a colonic wash.
251
00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:19,847
It is hot paraffin,
soap and tepid water.
252
00:19:19,923 --> 00:19:22,189
Now, bend over a little bit please.
253
00:19:22,260 --> 00:19:24,749
There. Just relax, Mr. Lightbody...
254
00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:27,194
and we will purge you
of all that ails you.
255
00:19:27,264 --> 00:19:30,356
Oh, but I don't even eat meat.
Not anymore, anyway.
256
00:19:30,431 --> 00:19:33,230
Just relax. It'll all be over
in a second.
257
00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:37,260
No, l... Honestly, lately it's just
beet tops and savory broth.
258
00:19:37,337 --> 00:19:41,398
Your intestines are probably putrid
with disease and germs.
259
00:19:41,474 --> 00:19:43,169
Nurse Graves...
260
00:19:44,744 --> 00:19:47,837
I have to confess to you
that I'm very sexually stimulated.
261
00:19:47,912 --> 00:19:49,902
I think that I have an erection.
262
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,915
Clean thoughts make for clean bowels,
Mr. Lightbody.
263
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:55,973
Please, just try and think of me
as one of nature's nuns...
264
00:19:56,053 --> 00:19:57,917
here at the temple of health.
265
00:20:04,726 --> 00:20:06,590
One card, my dear sir.
266
00:20:06,661 --> 00:20:08,391
Is your wife still available?
267
00:20:09,863 --> 00:20:11,661
It's room 25, sir.
268
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:41,117
Ah, Charles! You made it!
269
00:20:42,524 --> 00:20:44,288
So sorry I couldn't be there
to meet you.
270
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,691
But I was busy cultivating
the garden of business.
271
00:20:46,761 --> 00:20:49,628
These gentlemen behind me
are the very princes of this town.
272
00:20:49,697 --> 00:20:52,995
Pillars. Important people.
How are your lodgings?
273
00:20:53,067 --> 00:20:54,930
Disgusting. Why didn't you
put me up here?
274
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,900
Tut, tut, Charles.
We're on a budget.
275
00:20:56,968 --> 00:21:00,027
We can't throw your good aunt's money
around now, can we?
276
00:21:00,105 --> 00:21:02,540
- But you're staying here!
- Show, Charles. All show.
277
00:21:02,607 --> 00:21:05,974
For the gentlemen at the table.
Did you bring Mrs. Hookstratten's check?
278
00:21:06,043 --> 00:21:09,274
Yes, and she's very anxious to hear
about the factory site you've acquired.
279
00:21:09,348 --> 00:21:10,973
- Ah, the factory.
- And the ovens.
280
00:21:11,047 --> 00:21:14,209
Ah, the ovens. There's been
a slight hiccup. There are no ovens.
281
00:21:14,283 --> 00:21:17,048
But you wrote that the Vita-Malta flake
factory came with ovens.
282
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:20,485
There are no ovens, because,
alas, there is no factory.
283
00:21:20,556 --> 00:21:24,787
There's no factory?
Bender, in your letter...
284
00:21:24,859 --> 00:21:28,350
Goodloe. Charles, please.
Call me Goodloe.
285
00:21:28,428 --> 00:21:31,659
We are partners, after all.
Would you like a brandy?
286
00:21:31,732 --> 00:21:34,461
I don't want a brandy!
I want an explanation!
287
00:21:34,532 --> 00:21:37,763
It's true, I almost had a factory.
288
00:21:37,837 --> 00:21:40,397
But the thief I was dealing with
wanted rather too much for the lease...
289
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:42,600
and I lacked the necessary spondulicks.
290
00:21:42,673 --> 00:21:45,768
- Spondulicks?
- Capital, Charles.
291
00:21:45,843 --> 00:21:48,243
Money. As in "running short of."
292
00:21:48,312 --> 00:21:54,216
Do you mean that you have spent
the whole of the start-up money already?
293
00:21:54,283 --> 00:21:58,514
Please, please. Not in front of company.
Step into my office.
294
00:21:58,588 --> 00:22:00,577
I know you're probably tired
after the trip.
295
00:22:00,654 --> 00:22:05,022
And it might seem that I'm living it up
here in the lap of luxury.
296
00:22:05,091 --> 00:22:08,425
Now you listen to me,
you jumped-up streak of pompous piss.
297
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:11,155
You don't think you could start
a company like Per-Fo just like that!
298
00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:13,460
- You've stolen my aunt's money.
- It's not stealing!
299
00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:15,932
It's capitalism, you ignorant prick!
300
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:19,902
And palms are the wheels of capitalism,
and they have to be greased, boy.
301
00:22:19,969 --> 00:22:22,200
I'm not your boy, Bender.
Get that straight!
302
00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:25,708
Charles, Charles.
It all takes money.
303
00:22:25,776 --> 00:22:29,801
You had money! You had my aunt's money,
and now you've pissed it all away!
304
00:22:29,878 --> 00:22:33,678
Ah, but you're forgetting one thing.
We have a great product.
305
00:22:33,748 --> 00:22:37,911
- We don't have anything!
- You're wrong, Charles. You're wrong.
306
00:22:39,053 --> 00:22:43,681
We have cartons. Beautiful
Per-Fo cornflake cartons.
307
00:22:43,757 --> 00:22:45,349
And why is it a great product?
308
00:22:45,425 --> 00:22:49,689
Because " it perks up tired blood
and exonerates the bowels."
309
00:22:49,762 --> 00:22:51,820
- Didn't you write that?
- I did write that.
310
00:22:51,898 --> 00:22:54,160
- It's brilliant.
- It's good.
311
00:22:54,231 --> 00:22:56,460
It's an inspiration, is what it is.
312
00:22:56,534 --> 00:22:58,503
It's good. I know it's good.
313
00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:04,636
But you can't sell empty boxes
no matter what it does to the bowels.
314
00:23:04,708 --> 00:23:08,038
It has to mean something.
We have to make something.
315
00:23:08,110 --> 00:23:12,443
Something that tastes great
and is easy to prepare.
316
00:23:12,515 --> 00:23:16,209
- Something good for you.
- Right! Health!
317
00:23:16,283 --> 00:23:18,807
The "open sesame"
to the sucker's purse.
318
00:24:05,556 --> 00:24:08,320
- Who are you?
- George.
319
00:24:08,392 --> 00:24:09,791
I'm called George.
320
00:24:11,864 --> 00:24:13,625
What's your name?
321
00:24:15,732 --> 00:24:19,259
Eleanor Lightbody.
Do you work here?
322
00:24:23,172 --> 00:24:24,638
I'm Dr. Kellogg's son.
323
00:24:25,608 --> 00:24:29,702
- Not his real son. I'm adopted.
- Oh, of course.
324
00:24:29,776 --> 00:24:31,334
He adopted lots of us.
325
00:24:31,410 --> 00:24:33,503
Yes, I know.
326
00:24:34,447 --> 00:24:37,438
I've got 39 brothers and sisters.
Lucky, aren't I?
327
00:24:38,383 --> 00:24:39,976
Yes, that's very nice.
328
00:24:42,922 --> 00:24:45,482
But why are you here?
329
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:48,681
I came for my allowance.
330
00:24:52,029 --> 00:24:53,962
And I like to look at the nude ladies.
331
00:25:01,403 --> 00:25:03,732
You have a very nice body,
Mrs. Nicebody.
332
00:25:03,803 --> 00:25:06,237
Lightbody. Mrs. Lightbody.
333
00:25:06,307 --> 00:25:08,500
My mother had a nice body.
334
00:25:09,375 --> 00:25:10,741
She did?
335
00:25:14,414 --> 00:25:16,245
She was a whore.
336
00:25:20,617 --> 00:25:22,049
She was?
337
00:25:35,596 --> 00:25:38,088
In Chicago.
338
00:25:38,166 --> 00:25:40,998
She was dead
when the doctor took me in.
339
00:25:41,735 --> 00:25:43,531
They found me sitting
by her dead body.
340
00:26:13,427 --> 00:26:15,019
George Kellogg!
341
00:26:24,670 --> 00:26:26,104
Come here.
342
00:26:35,378 --> 00:26:37,312
Your coat, George.
Where's your coat?
343
00:26:37,380 --> 00:26:39,314
Look at me.
344
00:26:41,150 --> 00:26:43,812
Why don't you ever speak, George?
345
00:26:45,385 --> 00:26:49,880
It is of great distress to me, to Mrs.
Kellogg, to your brothers and sisters.
346
00:26:49,959 --> 00:26:52,926
Your coat, George. Your coat
is on the floor, not on the hook.
347
00:26:53,695 --> 00:26:57,560
How many times must you be told
to hang your coat up on the hook?
348
00:26:57,631 --> 00:26:59,794
Speak to me.
349
00:27:03,034 --> 00:27:04,227
Hannah!
350
00:27:07,006 --> 00:27:08,439
Yes, sir, Doctor.
351
00:27:08,506 --> 00:27:13,500
You will supervise. George will enter
this house, close the door...
352
00:27:13,578 --> 00:27:16,603
climb the stairs, remove his jacket
and hang it on its hook.
353
00:27:16,679 --> 00:27:18,510
He will do so until bedtime...
354
00:27:18,581 --> 00:27:22,812
and then continue after breakfast
until this time tomorrow.
355
00:27:22,885 --> 00:27:26,445
Until 4:00 tomorrow.
Is that understood?
356
00:27:26,522 --> 00:27:28,786
Yes, sir, Doctor. Understood.
357
00:27:38,697 --> 00:27:39,994
Sir!
358
00:27:40,065 --> 00:27:42,795
I said until 4:00 p.m.
It is now 7:00.
359
00:27:42,867 --> 00:27:47,133
He won't stop, sir. We've tried to,
all of us, but he won't take any notice.
360
00:27:48,005 --> 00:27:50,304
George, that's enough now.
You've learned your lesson.
361
00:27:50,376 --> 00:27:53,275
Run off to your supper.
362
00:27:53,342 --> 00:27:55,708
George, stop this moment, I say.
363
00:27:57,546 --> 00:27:58,673
Stop, I say!
364
00:28:00,715 --> 00:28:05,743
Very well, suit yourself. I have work
to do. You'll continue until you drop.
365
00:28:56,461 --> 00:28:59,361
George, stop this madness immediately!
366
00:29:00,599 --> 00:29:05,034
Stop it. George, stop, stop, stop!
367
00:29:05,100 --> 00:29:07,864
Stop it!
368
00:29:07,938 --> 00:29:10,201
George, I'm so sorry.
369
00:29:10,273 --> 00:29:15,470
I'm sorry. Please, please go
to your room and sleep.
370
00:29:36,728 --> 00:29:39,390
Oh, Virginia, isn't this wonderful?
371
00:29:39,463 --> 00:29:42,955
Don't you sometimes feel you're in the
healthiest spot on the whole planet?
372
00:29:43,033 --> 00:29:46,470
My dear Eleanor, there is
no greater pleasure for a woman...
373
00:29:46,535 --> 00:29:48,764
than bicycling in one's bloomers.
374
00:29:48,837 --> 00:29:52,671
You know, bicycling for women is still
very much frowned upon in Peterskill.
375
00:29:52,740 --> 00:29:54,230
Oh, what they're missing.
376
00:29:55,577 --> 00:29:58,204
Fresh air, the exercise!
377
00:29:58,279 --> 00:30:01,908
And the pleasure of a leather saddle
between one's thighs.
378
00:30:01,981 --> 00:30:03,949
Oh, Virginia, what do you mean?
379
00:30:04,017 --> 00:30:07,917
"Bicycle smile," I believe they call it.
It's changed my life.
380
00:30:07,986 --> 00:30:09,646
I'm afraid I don't follow.
381
00:30:09,721 --> 00:30:13,486
My dear, I have very little use
for my husband...
382
00:30:13,557 --> 00:30:15,718
in the sexual gratification department.
383
00:30:15,793 --> 00:30:20,161
And so I find a long ride on my bicycle
once a week does the trick.
384
00:30:21,730 --> 00:30:23,891
Come on, you two!
Keep up. You're lagging.
385
00:30:23,968 --> 00:30:28,869
You go ahead, Eleanor.
I feel a smile coming on.
386
00:30:36,243 --> 00:30:36,444
Every woman, every man
387
00:30:36,444 --> 00:30:40,776
Every woman, every man
388
00:30:40,845 --> 00:30:44,942
- Is at the temple of health
- Nurse Graves? Irene?
389
00:30:46,051 --> 00:30:49,179
I'm Nurse Bloethal. Would you join me
in the bathroom, please?
390
00:30:49,253 --> 00:30:52,087
I've already had one of those.
391
00:30:52,156 --> 00:30:55,181
Well, now you get another.
392
00:31:39,563 --> 00:31:41,029
Sir?
393
00:31:42,597 --> 00:31:44,893
Bender, Mr. Bender.
Fetch him this instant.
394
00:32:54,423 --> 00:32:56,913
- Where the hell have you been?
- Please, Charles, please.
395
00:32:56,992 --> 00:32:59,016
You're making a scene.
Have a seat.
396
00:32:59,092 --> 00:33:01,060
Are you hungry? You must be.
397
00:33:01,129 --> 00:33:04,530
We had an appointment. We're supposed
to be out looking for factories.
398
00:33:04,597 --> 00:33:07,657
Ah, slipped my mind.
399
00:33:07,733 --> 00:33:09,895
Delmonico steak, rare,
for this gentleman.
400
00:33:09,968 --> 00:33:14,268
Smothered with onions and a plate
of your delicious fried potatoes.
401
00:33:14,339 --> 00:33:16,397
- You look starved.
- We're supposed to be on a budget!
402
00:33:16,474 --> 00:33:19,100
Hello. I'm George.
403
00:33:20,878 --> 00:33:23,368
Meet my luncheon companion,
George Kellogg.
404
00:33:23,447 --> 00:33:27,142
Charles Ossining. Pleased to meet you.
Did you say "Kellogg"?
405
00:33:27,216 --> 00:33:28,877
Mm-hmm.
406
00:33:28,950 --> 00:33:32,887
George has the proud distinction
of being John Harvey Kellogg's son.
407
00:33:34,590 --> 00:33:36,216
The doctor's a very great man.
408
00:33:36,291 --> 00:33:38,383
He's a fuck pig. I hate him.
409
00:33:41,427 --> 00:33:46,297
Charles, this worthless bundle
of piss and vomit beneath our table...
410
00:33:46,365 --> 00:33:49,161
is the good doctor's
estranged adopted son.
411
00:33:49,234 --> 00:33:53,830
- No love lost between them, I'm afraid.
- Did you say "worthless"?
412
00:33:53,905 --> 00:33:57,135
- Yeah.
- Goodloe, hear me now.
413
00:33:57,208 --> 00:33:59,538
This man is the key to our fortune.
414
00:33:59,609 --> 00:34:01,439
You need your steak.
You're delirious.
415
00:34:01,511 --> 00:34:04,001
- What if we made him our partner?
- You're most certainly delirious.
416
00:34:04,812 --> 00:34:08,078
- Where the hell is this man's luncheon?
- The name!
417
00:34:08,150 --> 00:34:11,244
The magic name. Kellogg.
418
00:34:11,319 --> 00:34:14,686
The good doctor's brother has spent
millions advertising it.
419
00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:16,813
Don't you see? It's so simple!
420
00:34:16,890 --> 00:34:20,018
- We become...
- Ah!
421
00:34:20,093 --> 00:34:22,960
Kellogg's Per-Fo Incorporated!
422
00:34:24,164 --> 00:34:25,994
It's brilliant, Charles.
423
00:34:26,065 --> 00:34:29,328
You are brilliant.
There's no doubt.
424
00:34:29,399 --> 00:34:33,460
I feel a wind crackling
with banknotes blowing in our direction.
425
00:34:34,705 --> 00:34:36,295
- But maybe it's...
- It's what?
426
00:34:36,372 --> 00:34:38,863
Maybe it's a tad dishonest.
427
00:34:38,941 --> 00:34:40,739
It's enterprise.
428
00:34:40,810 --> 00:34:45,269
It's the lifeblood that pumps through
the veins of this wonderful country.
429
00:34:45,347 --> 00:34:46,905
It's a stroke of genius.
430
00:34:48,348 --> 00:34:52,148
Lift up your eyes.
Look. What do you see?
431
00:34:53,619 --> 00:34:56,281
- Wellville.
- Yes!
432
00:34:58,957 --> 00:35:02,826
The shining spires of Wellville,
gleaming in the sun.
433
00:35:02,895 --> 00:35:05,385
A magical land of health and money.
434
00:35:05,463 --> 00:35:08,661
It's a good idea, if I do say so
myself. It is a great idea!
435
00:35:08,732 --> 00:35:10,667
You are a genius, Charles.
436
00:35:10,734 --> 00:35:14,897
You know, last night I awoke
to the sound of spoons.
437
00:35:14,971 --> 00:35:16,835
- Spoons?
- Millions of them.
438
00:35:16,907 --> 00:35:19,170
Rattling against a hundred million
breakfast bowls...
439
00:35:19,241 --> 00:35:21,104
brimming with our cornflakes.
440
00:35:21,175 --> 00:35:23,108
Listen, Charles.
441
00:35:25,278 --> 00:35:26,769
What do you hear?
442
00:35:30,551 --> 00:35:32,677
The sound of money!
443
00:35:51,935 --> 00:35:54,027
Where would you like to sit, sir?
444
00:35:54,102 --> 00:35:57,264
- I was looking for my wife, actually.
- Here's a menu, sir.
445
00:35:57,339 --> 00:35:59,967
The nut Lisbon steak with the
gluten gravy looks delicious today.
446
00:36:00,042 --> 00:36:03,135
No. Toast. Dry toast and water.
447
00:36:07,214 --> 00:36:09,147
Won't you join us?
448
00:36:10,616 --> 00:36:12,413
Introductions, please,
Mr. Hart-Jones.
449
00:36:12,484 --> 00:36:14,043
Endymion Hart-Jones.
450
00:36:14,119 --> 00:36:16,382
No, I'll just have the toast.
451
00:36:16,453 --> 00:36:19,515
That's my name. I'm not on the menu.
452
00:36:19,591 --> 00:36:21,583
This is Mrs. Tindermarsh.
453
00:36:21,659 --> 00:36:25,094
Miss Muntz you've met, I believe.
454
00:36:25,162 --> 00:36:27,188
The Russian gentleman at the end
we call Mr. Unpronounceable...
455
00:36:27,263 --> 00:36:30,721
is from Saint Petersburg, and neither
speaks nor understands English.
456
00:36:34,669 --> 00:36:37,033
Do smile at him.
He has chronic wind, poor fellow.
457
00:36:43,209 --> 00:36:47,577
- Will Lightbody.
- Eleanor's husband. What a pleasure.
458
00:36:49,915 --> 00:36:53,374
- Sore rectum?
- Yes, somewhat.
459
00:36:53,452 --> 00:36:56,318
The enemas take some getting used to,
but in time you'll learn...
460
00:36:56,386 --> 00:36:58,582
to look forward to them
like an old friend with a cold nose.
461
00:36:58,656 --> 00:37:02,317
I must say five a day does seem
a bit too, well, purgative.
462
00:37:02,391 --> 00:37:03,485
Five?
463
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:08,427
The doctor is rather addicted to his
enemas as befits a broom maker's son.
464
00:37:10,799 --> 00:37:13,791
I understand he got the idea
in India. He was studying...
465
00:37:13,869 --> 00:37:16,598
Africa. It was Africa.
466
00:37:16,672 --> 00:37:19,729
Africa, India. Anyway...
467
00:37:19,806 --> 00:37:25,039
he was studying apes that apparently ate
and pooed, as it were, simultaneously.
468
00:37:25,111 --> 00:37:28,671
Oh. Well, I don't eat very much.
I don't eat very much at all.
469
00:37:28,747 --> 00:37:31,113
But the apes suffer not
in the slightest...
470
00:37:31,183 --> 00:37:33,480
from the ailments that afflict
the civilized bowel.
471
00:37:33,550 --> 00:37:36,246
We're all too house-trained,
Mrs. Tindermarsh.
472
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:39,948
But we couldn't go around evacuating
at will, Mr. Hart-Jones.
473
00:37:40,022 --> 00:37:41,922
The mess would be frightful.
474
00:37:41,991 --> 00:37:44,322
Do you masticate, Mr. Lightbody?
475
00:37:44,393 --> 00:37:45,883
Do I what?
476
00:37:45,961 --> 00:37:47,258
Masticate?
477
00:37:47,997 --> 00:37:50,294
You're not a follower
of Horace Fletcher?
478
00:37:50,365 --> 00:37:52,092
Fletcherize.
479
00:37:53,434 --> 00:37:57,130
- You really must chew, Mr. Lightbody.
- Oh.
480
00:37:57,938 --> 00:38:02,806
One, two, three, four.
481
00:38:02,874 --> 00:38:06,811
Chew, chew, chew
That is the thing to do
482
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:08,402
Chew, chew, chew
483
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,708
Good food is good for you
484
00:38:10,781 --> 00:38:12,749
Chew, chew, chew
485
00:38:12,816 --> 00:38:14,807
But only if you chew
486
00:38:14,886 --> 00:38:18,342
That is the right thing to do
487
00:38:52,183 --> 00:38:55,709
Poor thing has eaten nothing but toast
for days. He's probably a little weak.
488
00:38:55,785 --> 00:38:57,719
Drink the water, Mr. Lightbody.
489
00:39:01,657 --> 00:39:03,247
I think I fainted. Ellie.
490
00:39:03,323 --> 00:39:05,315
We'll leave you to it,
Mrs. Lightbody.
491
00:39:05,392 --> 00:39:07,293
It's all right, Will.
Everything's fine.
492
00:39:07,361 --> 00:39:09,726
Oh, I miss you, Eleanor.
493
00:39:09,795 --> 00:39:12,696
I miss... I miss your kindness.
494
00:39:12,766 --> 00:39:14,528
But I'm here, Will. I'm here now.
495
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,898
I'm scared, EI.
I want to go home.
496
00:39:16,968 --> 00:39:20,028
- No, please. Pull yourself together.
- I wanna go home!
497
00:39:20,105 --> 00:39:21,833
Please, you're making
an exhibition of yourself!
498
00:39:21,906 --> 00:39:23,840
I just won't let you
spoil this for me.
499
00:39:28,079 --> 00:39:30,774
I don't like this place.
I want to go home.
500
00:39:31,514 --> 00:39:33,208
But we both made a promise.
501
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,372
We're not well. Neither of us.
502
00:39:35,449 --> 00:39:38,180
Don't you see we can never be happy
until we're healthy again?
503
00:39:38,254 --> 00:39:41,120
It's such a small sacrifice
for all the happy years ahead of us.
504
00:39:41,188 --> 00:39:43,453
But I feel violated here.
505
00:39:43,525 --> 00:39:45,185
I give up.
506
00:39:45,260 --> 00:39:47,192
I love you, Eleanor, sick as I am.
507
00:39:47,261 --> 00:39:49,160
I'm sick too.
I'm sick of your self-pity.
508
00:39:49,229 --> 00:39:52,459
Can't you see this is the only place
where I'm completely happy?
509
00:39:52,531 --> 00:39:55,829
Eleanor, I know it's been hard
for you, but it's these people.
510
00:39:55,901 --> 00:40:00,063
These good people were at my side
when I had my baby. You weren't.
511
00:40:00,137 --> 00:40:03,074
You told me to stay away.
You made me stay away.
512
00:40:03,140 --> 00:40:06,597
I was in Peterskill chewing at
my insides waiting for your telegram.
513
00:40:06,674 --> 00:40:09,542
- I wanted to come.
- You were a useless drunk!
514
00:40:09,613 --> 00:40:12,671
I didn't want you near me, and I
certainly didn't want you near my baby!
515
00:40:12,747 --> 00:40:15,442
By the time you'd sobered up,
our baby was dead!
516
00:40:23,990 --> 00:40:26,583
I'm sorry.
517
00:40:26,659 --> 00:40:28,819
I'm truly sorry.
518
00:40:39,703 --> 00:40:43,229
Is something wrong?
What's the matter?
519
00:40:49,912 --> 00:40:51,675
So why on earth
did you bring him here?
520
00:40:51,746 --> 00:40:54,943
I had to. He's very sick.
521
00:40:55,015 --> 00:40:58,280
- And in a way, it's all my fault.
- Oh, rubbish.
522
00:40:58,351 --> 00:41:00,147
It's true, Virginia.
523
00:41:00,219 --> 00:41:04,817
You see, I poisoned him.
524
00:41:04,891 --> 00:41:07,882
You poisoned him? When?
525
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,621
How? Strychnine? Arsenic?
526
00:41:10,694 --> 00:41:12,595
It wasn't deliberate.
I didn't mean to hurt him.
527
00:41:12,663 --> 00:41:15,360
He used to take Hostetter's Bitters
for his stomach and...
528
00:41:15,433 --> 00:41:18,765
Don't tell me... 80% alcohol.
Wonderful stuff.
529
00:41:18,837 --> 00:41:21,236
I used to take it for my monthly.
530
00:41:21,304 --> 00:41:25,240
Then he went on to drinking
a whole bottle of Old Crow a night.
531
00:41:25,309 --> 00:41:28,300
He was like a stranger.
And he always wanted...
532
00:41:28,376 --> 00:41:29,706
Sex?
533
00:41:31,847 --> 00:41:33,438
- It was...
- Don't tell me.
534
00:41:33,513 --> 00:41:36,951
Grunt, grunt, thank you very much.
Good night, spit, snore.
535
00:41:37,017 --> 00:41:41,510
- It wasn't that I didn't want him...
- Marriage is legalized prostitution.
536
00:41:41,589 --> 00:41:45,148
I wanted to be more than a hole
in the mattress that answers to a name.
537
00:41:45,690 --> 00:41:46,884
Amen.
538
00:41:47,992 --> 00:41:52,553
So I saw this cure for drunkenness
in the Lily magazine.
539
00:41:52,629 --> 00:41:57,123
The Sears White Star Liquor Cure,
it was called.
540
00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:00,793
And I used to slip a drop
into his coffee each evening...
541
00:42:00,870 --> 00:42:02,804
and he slept.
542
00:42:03,973 --> 00:42:08,910
He didn't go out or get drunk,
he just slept and slept.
543
00:42:08,978 --> 00:42:12,604
It was... It was wonderful.
544
00:42:12,678 --> 00:42:17,775
But then when I was here last,
he found the bottle and had it analyzed.
545
00:42:17,849 --> 00:42:19,783
What was in it?
546
00:42:22,355 --> 00:42:24,219
The juice of the poppy.
547
00:42:25,357 --> 00:42:27,256
Opium?
548
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:30,892
Yes.
549
00:42:31,996 --> 00:42:35,931
I'd turned him into an opium addict.
550
00:42:35,997 --> 00:42:39,558
He had terrible nightmares.
551
00:42:39,633 --> 00:42:42,535
And finally his stomach just
completely gave up on him and...
552
00:42:47,441 --> 00:42:52,139
Supposing he dies,
just like my baby died.
553
00:42:52,211 --> 00:42:54,270
Oh, everything's my fault.
554
00:42:58,318 --> 00:43:02,309
I want so much to love him.
555
00:43:02,387 --> 00:43:05,788
I've... I've just forgotten how.
556
00:43:31,611 --> 00:43:33,545
Who is that man?
557
00:43:33,611 --> 00:43:36,342
Bartholomew Bookbinder.
One of Kellogg's top men.
558
00:43:36,414 --> 00:43:41,043
And now he works for us.
He's good, and he's cheap.
559
00:43:41,117 --> 00:43:43,209
Never heard of him.
560
00:43:43,286 --> 00:43:46,346
- You've never heard of him?
- No.
561
00:43:46,422 --> 00:43:49,017
- You know of him?
- No.
562
00:43:49,091 --> 00:43:50,319
- Seen him around?
- Nope.
563
00:43:50,393 --> 00:43:52,327
- The name must ring a bell.
- Nope.
564
00:44:16,847 --> 00:44:18,110
Here she is.
565
00:44:20,316 --> 00:44:24,810
It doesn't seem very... well...
hygienic.
566
00:44:27,857 --> 00:44:31,985
Don't be petty, Charles.
From humble beginnings...
567
00:44:37,932 --> 00:44:41,094
Gentlemen, I think
a little celebration...
568
00:44:41,167 --> 00:44:42,930
is called for.
569
00:44:43,003 --> 00:44:44,994
Charles, please...
570
00:44:45,071 --> 00:44:47,095
as president and chief...
571
00:44:47,171 --> 00:44:49,833
I think a few choice words from you...
572
00:44:49,906 --> 00:44:52,102
are in order.
573
00:44:56,513 --> 00:44:59,208
To our prosperous futures.
574
00:45:01,618 --> 00:45:04,743
No, no, no, no.
575
00:45:04,819 --> 00:45:08,778
To the shining spires of Wellville.
576
00:45:09,923 --> 00:45:11,015
To Wellville.
577
00:45:17,897 --> 00:45:20,661
We love good food!
578
00:45:20,733 --> 00:45:24,428
No fish or fowl...
579
00:45:24,503 --> 00:45:29,634
is a friend of the bowel.
580
00:45:29,706 --> 00:45:33,040
We eat good food.
581
00:45:33,109 --> 00:45:36,374
Puts us in a...
582
00:45:36,447 --> 00:45:38,573
good mood.
583
00:45:41,750 --> 00:45:45,083
Ah, Mr. Lightbody, good morning.
I hope I haven't kept you waiting.
584
00:45:45,153 --> 00:45:48,123
- Have a pomegranate.
- I don't think that I ought to...
585
00:45:48,189 --> 00:45:52,250
No? Antitoxic. The finest roughage
God ever provided.
586
00:45:52,326 --> 00:45:54,258
Off with the robe, please.
587
00:45:58,731 --> 00:46:00,197
A sample of your stool, please.
588
00:46:00,265 --> 00:46:01,823
Here? Now?
589
00:46:01,901 --> 00:46:03,491
Behind the screen, sir.
590
00:46:08,773 --> 00:46:12,502
You are autointoxicated, Mr. Lightbody.
Quite frankly, it was obvious.
591
00:46:15,344 --> 00:46:18,905
Drawn features, dry hair,
mournful expression, sunken eyes.
592
00:46:20,215 --> 00:46:21,740
Coated tongue.
593
00:46:26,254 --> 00:46:28,482
Now, ready?
594
00:46:36,461 --> 00:46:38,157
Is that it?
595
00:46:38,230 --> 00:46:39,890
Well, I don't eat very much.
596
00:46:39,964 --> 00:46:41,795
And with the enemas...
597
00:46:41,866 --> 00:46:44,628
Your stool, Mr. Lightbody,
quite frankly, is pathetic.
598
00:46:44,701 --> 00:46:47,032
Formless, mushy and foul-smelling.
599
00:46:47,104 --> 00:46:49,697
- Take it away, Nurse.
- How should they be?
600
00:46:49,772 --> 00:46:51,469
My own stools, sir, are perfect.
601
00:46:51,540 --> 00:46:54,772
They are gigantic and have no more odor
than a hot biscuit.
602
00:46:54,844 --> 00:46:57,710
On to the Morris-Scope,
if you will, please.
603
00:47:19,096 --> 00:47:20,756
Ha! Just as I thought!
604
00:47:20,831 --> 00:47:24,163
Mr. Lightbody, you, sir,
are the reason why so many women...
605
00:47:24,235 --> 00:47:27,829
like your dear, beautiful wife,
are old longer than they are young.
606
00:47:27,905 --> 00:47:29,735
But I've done everything I could
to help her...
607
00:47:29,805 --> 00:47:31,671
to comfort her, to...
608
00:47:33,543 --> 00:47:37,944
Connubial relations, sir.
Your natural urges.
609
00:47:38,012 --> 00:47:39,104
Sex.
610
00:47:39,846 --> 00:47:44,010
Candidly, Mr. Lightbody, the lump of
flesh that dangles between your legs...
611
00:47:44,085 --> 00:47:46,143
is a dangerous weapon.
612
00:47:46,220 --> 00:47:48,812
It will have to be harnessed, locked
away, retired. For both your sakes.
613
00:47:48,888 --> 00:47:51,948
But we don't... Well, not lately.
Not for a long time.
614
00:47:52,024 --> 00:47:53,854
Not since the...
615
00:47:53,924 --> 00:47:57,018
It is my scientific conclusion
that sex is unnecessary and dangerous.
616
00:47:57,094 --> 00:47:58,653
But isn't that a bit drastic?
617
00:47:58,731 --> 00:48:00,856
You cannot afford
the loss of life-giving fluids.
618
00:48:00,931 --> 00:48:03,693
The shock to the system can be fatal.
Please, blow into this.
619
00:48:06,469 --> 00:48:08,231
I get erections.
620
00:48:08,303 --> 00:48:10,600
- You get what?
- Erections.
621
00:48:11,706 --> 00:48:14,503
He gets erections.
622
00:48:15,677 --> 00:48:19,204
I warn you, sir, an erection
is a flagpole on your grave.
623
00:48:19,279 --> 00:48:20,712
I can't help it.
624
00:48:20,781 --> 00:48:25,149
You listen to me, Lightbody. Our baser
appetites can and must be controlled.
625
00:48:25,218 --> 00:48:28,412
I myself am a monk with regard
to the sexual intercourse...
626
00:48:28,486 --> 00:48:30,920
and hence I am a beacon
of good fine health...
627
00:48:30,989 --> 00:48:32,923
and more importantly,
so is my dear beautiful wife.
628
00:48:32,991 --> 00:48:34,456
- I didn't realize...
- Fortunately, I can help you.
629
00:48:34,526 --> 00:48:37,322
- And so can someone else.
- Who?
630
00:48:37,394 --> 00:48:39,796
- The Bulgarians.
- The Bulgarians?
631
00:48:39,862 --> 00:48:43,822
The Bulgarians live longer than any
other humans on earth, and you know why?
632
00:48:43,900 --> 00:48:45,958
No, I'm sorry,
I don't know any Bulgarians.
633
00:48:46,867 --> 00:48:48,961
- Yogurt.
- Yogurt?
634
00:48:49,037 --> 00:48:51,062
Nurse Graves!
635
00:48:51,806 --> 00:48:53,397
- Yes, Doctor?
- Take Mr. Lightbody...
636
00:48:53,473 --> 00:48:56,103
to the yogurt room
and give him 15 gallons.
637
00:48:56,177 --> 00:48:58,644
Oh, no, no, I can't eat
15 gallons of yogurt.
638
00:48:58,711 --> 00:49:02,147
Oh, it's not goin' in that end,
Mr. Lightbody.
639
00:49:43,815 --> 00:49:45,646
But I get desires.
640
00:49:45,718 --> 00:49:48,446
You mustn't. Not at the San.
641
00:49:48,517 --> 00:49:50,577
It's very bad for your health.
642
00:49:51,487 --> 00:49:52,681
Erections?
643
00:49:52,756 --> 00:49:56,021
Yes! All the time.
Since I got here.
644
00:49:56,093 --> 00:49:58,787
Ah, the silent killer
of the night.
645
00:49:58,861 --> 00:50:02,557
They say nothing takes
the rosiness from the cheeks...
646
00:50:02,632 --> 00:50:05,063
as fast as personal fornication.
647
00:50:15,074 --> 00:50:18,441
Oh, the pleasures
of the sinusoidal bath.
648
00:50:18,510 --> 00:50:21,033
One of the doctor's better inventions.
649
00:50:21,112 --> 00:50:23,047
Feel the current tingle, Will?
650
00:50:23,115 --> 00:50:26,310
- I do. Isn't it dangerous?
- Apparently not.
651
00:50:26,383 --> 00:50:29,113
Can you feel those electric ants
nibbling at your privates?
652
00:50:29,185 --> 00:50:33,917
Fish. Fish! More like being
eaten alive by fish.
653
00:50:34,791 --> 00:50:38,452
They say it's the equivalent of climbing
the steps of the Washington Monument.
654
00:50:38,527 --> 00:50:42,894
- You don't even loosen your tie.
- I think it's giving me an erection!
655
00:50:42,963 --> 00:50:45,488
More amperes, please, Mr. Woodbine.
656
00:50:46,732 --> 00:50:49,634
Let us brave the foothills
of Mount Everest to...
657
00:50:54,039 --> 00:50:56,802
Nibble, nibble.
658
00:51:09,753 --> 00:51:12,082
In and out.
659
00:51:12,154 --> 00:51:15,682
In and out.
660
00:51:15,757 --> 00:51:18,384
Seize the air with your lungs.
661
00:51:18,459 --> 00:51:22,327
That's the way.
In and out.
662
00:51:24,731 --> 00:51:27,756
Inhale, exhale the toxins.
663
00:51:37,108 --> 00:51:40,735
Well, I leave you to the warm threads
of the doctor's electric blanket...
664
00:51:40,810 --> 00:51:43,440
one of his inventions that I fear
will not catch on.
665
00:51:43,513 --> 00:51:45,479
Enjoy your little nap.
666
00:51:45,548 --> 00:51:49,416
I'm off to the warm embrace
of my afternoon enema.
667
00:51:58,826 --> 00:52:00,124
Mr. Lightbody?
668
00:52:02,862 --> 00:52:04,523
It's Ida.
669
00:52:04,596 --> 00:52:07,258
- Ida Muntz.
- Oh, Miss Muntz.
670
00:52:08,534 --> 00:52:10,727
How are you enjoying
your stay at the San?
671
00:52:11,602 --> 00:52:13,662
Still feeling my way.
672
00:52:13,738 --> 00:52:15,502
Feeling any better?
673
00:52:15,574 --> 00:52:17,732
Ah, yes, lots.
674
00:52:17,807 --> 00:52:21,766
- And you?
- About the same.
675
00:52:22,712 --> 00:52:25,338
Miss Muntz, please forgive me
for asking...
676
00:52:25,414 --> 00:52:28,076
but what exactly
is the matter with you?
677
00:52:28,150 --> 00:52:29,810
Oh, green sickness.
678
00:52:29,884 --> 00:52:32,478
Oh, green sickness.
679
00:52:33,589 --> 00:52:35,350
Don't you just hate the food?
680
00:52:35,421 --> 00:52:37,855
Well, I don't eat very much.
681
00:52:37,922 --> 00:52:40,824
Do you have a bad stomach?
682
00:52:41,659 --> 00:52:46,620
You have very kind eyes
and a very noble nose.
683
00:52:46,700 --> 00:52:47,857
I do?
684
00:52:48,833 --> 00:52:52,563
Will, I have a confession
to make.
685
00:52:52,636 --> 00:52:57,368
At nights I lay in my bed just across
the hallway from you...
686
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:01,001
and I think but for my green sickness,
you might find me attractive.
687
00:53:01,077 --> 00:53:02,600
But I do.
688
00:53:02,677 --> 00:53:05,942
I look at myself in the mirror
and think, " Who would kiss me?
689
00:53:06,014 --> 00:53:08,481
Who would make love to a plate
of moldy bread?"
690
00:53:08,548 --> 00:53:11,518
Oh, don't say that, Miss Muntz.
You mustn't say that.
691
00:53:11,584 --> 00:53:13,485
Can't you see my face?
692
00:53:13,554 --> 00:53:15,578
Yes, I see your face.
693
00:53:16,690 --> 00:53:18,122
Well?
694
00:53:18,191 --> 00:53:21,956
It's a bit pale, that's all.
695
00:53:25,097 --> 00:53:27,393
I've made up my mind.
696
00:53:27,463 --> 00:53:30,558
If I've been scheduled to die,
I've decided to live.
697
00:53:33,104 --> 00:53:35,799
Could I ask you a very great favor?
698
00:53:38,140 --> 00:53:42,132
Inhale fresh air.
Exhale the toxins.
699
00:53:42,211 --> 00:53:44,143
In and out.
700
00:53:48,982 --> 00:53:51,575
Seize the air with your lungs.
701
00:53:51,651 --> 00:53:53,585
That's the way.
702
00:53:55,255 --> 00:53:58,221
In and out.
703
00:53:58,290 --> 00:54:02,249
In, out.
That's the ticket.
704
00:54:02,326 --> 00:54:04,054
In, out.
705
00:54:45,261 --> 00:54:47,592
Will, I came to say I'm sorry.
706
00:54:47,662 --> 00:54:49,220
For everything.
707
00:54:49,297 --> 00:54:51,857
It's okay.
708
00:54:51,934 --> 00:54:54,492
I just... I just want you to get better.
709
00:54:54,569 --> 00:54:58,164
I want us both to get better. It was
wrong of me to blame you for the baby.
710
00:54:58,240 --> 00:55:00,208
It was my fault.
711
00:55:00,274 --> 00:55:02,765
No, I blame myself because
I just wasn't healthy enough.
712
00:55:02,842 --> 00:55:05,036
That's why this is so important to me,
don't you see?
713
00:55:05,111 --> 00:55:07,703
I do.
714
00:55:07,778 --> 00:55:11,078
I know you'll grow to love this place
as much as I do.
715
00:55:11,149 --> 00:55:13,117
I'll try.
716
00:55:13,184 --> 00:55:16,449
I really will. That's a promise.
717
00:55:17,655 --> 00:55:19,681
And when we're both well...
718
00:55:19,757 --> 00:55:22,588
I want you to come to me.
719
00:55:22,658 --> 00:55:25,786
I want you to give me another baby.
720
00:55:43,276 --> 00:55:45,072
Not yet, not yet.
721
00:55:45,144 --> 00:55:46,771
In a month or so.
722
00:55:46,846 --> 00:55:49,370
- A month?
- When we're both well.
723
00:55:51,049 --> 00:55:52,983
You're so beautiful.
724
00:55:58,020 --> 00:56:00,488
Mr. Lightbody! Mrs. Lightbody!
725
00:56:02,891 --> 00:56:05,792
Ellie! Eleanor, please!
726
00:56:05,861 --> 00:56:07,919
I'm very disappointed in you, Will.
727
00:56:09,464 --> 00:56:12,158
Please make sure you drink your milk.
728
00:56:12,232 --> 00:56:14,962
We only kissed.
We didn't do anything.
729
00:56:15,035 --> 00:56:17,300
We were just talking. Just talking.
730
00:56:17,370 --> 00:56:19,700
About how much we like it here.
About how much we like the San.
731
00:56:19,772 --> 00:56:21,706
Just drink your milk!
732
00:56:21,774 --> 00:56:24,572
- I have feelings, you know.
- So do I.
733
00:56:54,435 --> 00:56:56,731
Oh, I'm sorry. I was just...
734
00:56:56,803 --> 00:56:58,770
I was passing by
and your door was open.
735
00:56:58,838 --> 00:57:01,361
It's my face, isn't it?
736
00:57:01,439 --> 00:57:03,304
Your face?
737
00:57:03,374 --> 00:57:05,775
You're staring at my face.
738
00:57:07,178 --> 00:57:09,510
No, I was...
739
00:57:10,414 --> 00:57:11,778
What color is it?
740
00:57:13,583 --> 00:57:15,448
Viridian.
741
00:57:16,519 --> 00:57:18,919
What color is it? Say it.
742
00:57:20,355 --> 00:57:22,289
Creme de menthe?
743
00:57:23,625 --> 00:57:25,058
What color is it?
744
00:57:26,995 --> 00:57:28,756
It's green.
745
00:57:28,829 --> 00:57:31,024
Well, no, no. It isn't really green.
746
00:57:31,099 --> 00:57:33,931
It's more, uh...
747
00:57:34,001 --> 00:57:36,332
It's more pale than green.
748
00:57:37,602 --> 00:57:39,660
Will, I'm cold.
749
00:57:40,405 --> 00:57:42,839
Would you like me
to get you a blanket?
750
00:57:45,309 --> 00:57:47,300
Would you please lay on top of me?
751
00:58:08,660 --> 00:58:10,993
Would you please close the flap?
752
00:58:22,205 --> 00:58:24,195
Now do it.
753
00:58:24,274 --> 00:58:26,037
Do it?
754
00:58:26,108 --> 00:58:27,542
Do it.
755
00:58:56,935 --> 00:58:58,365
Mr. Lightbody.
756
00:58:58,435 --> 00:59:00,494
Sorry.
757
00:59:00,572 --> 00:59:03,766
There is nothing finer
758
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:07,502
Than toasted flakes
759
00:59:07,578 --> 00:59:11,534
And rice Carolina
760
00:59:11,613 --> 00:59:14,104
It's the natural law
761
00:59:14,182 --> 00:59:18,048
To eat the corn and grain
762
00:59:18,117 --> 00:59:21,019
So the spirits soar
763
00:59:21,089 --> 00:59:24,852
And bowels are born again
764
00:59:24,924 --> 00:59:27,621
Every woman
765
00:59:27,695 --> 00:59:31,126
Every man
766
00:59:43,539 --> 00:59:45,200
Eleanor, look.
767
00:59:46,275 --> 00:59:49,298
Do you see who it is?
It's Lionel Badger.
768
00:59:49,377 --> 00:59:51,503
- Lionel who?
- Dr. Lionel Badger...
769
00:59:51,579 --> 00:59:53,376
of the American Vegetarian Society.
770
00:59:53,446 --> 00:59:57,281
Surely you've heard of him.
Oh, he's a wonderful fanatic.
771
00:59:57,350 --> 00:59:59,284
No, I don't know him.
772
00:59:59,352 --> 01:00:02,650
He wrote a fabulous paper
on the clitoris.
773
01:00:02,720 --> 01:00:04,915
But I thought you said
he was a vegetarian?
774
01:00:04,989 --> 01:00:06,923
It's all related, darling.
775
01:00:06,990 --> 01:00:08,924
It is?
776
01:00:31,612 --> 01:00:34,342
What actually did you do
over at Kellogg's, Bart?
777
01:00:34,414 --> 01:00:37,474
Mostly I vacuumed the doctor's cows.
778
01:00:37,550 --> 01:00:41,712
Let me chuck some salt in here, sir.
See how that works.
779
01:00:41,786 --> 01:00:44,914
I call this batch number seven.
780
01:00:44,989 --> 01:00:46,514
Excuse me.
781
01:00:48,058 --> 01:00:49,491
Bender?
782
01:00:50,961 --> 01:00:53,724
What is it, Charles? You have
that look on your face again.
783
01:00:53,798 --> 01:00:56,060
They don't look very appetizing.
784
01:00:56,132 --> 01:00:58,065
They will.
Give it time.
785
01:00:58,132 --> 01:01:00,362
Bookbinder doesn't seem
to have much of a clue.
786
01:01:00,434 --> 01:01:02,960
Do you think maybe we hired him
a bit too hastily?
787
01:01:03,037 --> 01:01:05,528
He wasn't even a baker at Kellogg's.
He worked in the cow sheds.
788
01:01:05,605 --> 01:01:08,803
Never underestimate the abilities
of the common man.
789
01:01:09,577 --> 01:01:13,170
Okay, there are 22 batches here.
Each one of them different.
790
01:01:13,245 --> 01:01:15,804
An ounce of salt this way.
A touch of malt the other.
791
01:01:15,881 --> 01:01:18,474
And I've got it all written down.
792
01:01:18,549 --> 01:01:20,746
And this is batch number one.
793
01:01:20,819 --> 01:01:23,789
Batch number one, it is,
Mr. Bookbinder.
794
01:01:23,854 --> 01:01:25,152
Gentlemen...
795
01:01:27,124 --> 01:01:29,590
history is about to be eaten.
796
01:01:39,836 --> 01:01:41,994
Shit!
797
01:01:53,913 --> 01:01:57,678
Well, one down, twenty-one to go.
798
01:01:57,749 --> 01:01:59,909
Batch number two, please,
Mr. Bookbinder.
799
01:01:59,984 --> 01:02:01,918
We mustn't get disheartened.
800
01:02:04,254 --> 01:02:06,518
Right, Goodloe?
801
01:02:54,127 --> 01:02:56,858
"The nipples, tongue,
neck and lips may be utilized...
802
01:02:56,930 --> 01:03:00,195
to maintain and increase
the libido sexualis."
803
01:03:00,268 --> 01:03:02,201
And read that bit at the bottom.
804
01:03:02,269 --> 01:03:06,294
About " it's no more than a woman has the
right to demand. Any sexual pleasure..."
805
01:03:06,372 --> 01:03:08,896
What does Dr. Kellogg think
of our Mr. Badger?
806
01:03:08,972 --> 01:03:10,634
Hates him.
807
01:03:13,410 --> 01:03:17,471
Tell me, Virginia, honestly,
do you think that sex is harmful?
808
01:03:17,547 --> 01:03:21,574
Oh, another ridiculous idea
dreamed up by men.
809
01:03:23,552 --> 01:03:25,848
The only thing harmful
about sex, my dear...
810
01:03:25,919 --> 01:03:28,152
is when women don't get enough
of it when they want it...
811
01:03:28,223 --> 01:03:30,817
or don't get to enjoy it
when they do.
812
01:03:44,704 --> 01:03:46,694
Is there another batch?
813
01:03:51,974 --> 01:03:54,945
I've got it! We'll sell
this batch as pig food.
814
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:58,074
Vegopork.
815
01:03:58,147 --> 01:04:01,241
No, no, Per-Fo-Korno
for vegetarian pigs.
816
01:04:01,317 --> 01:04:03,079
Don't think so.
817
01:04:05,321 --> 01:04:07,254
Even the pigs won't eat it.
818
01:04:32,810 --> 01:04:36,504
Oh come let us adore him
819
01:04:48,387 --> 01:04:50,856
You did not knock.
I'm at my ablutions, sir.
820
01:04:50,924 --> 01:04:53,392
- He's here again, sir.
- Who, Badger?
821
01:04:53,459 --> 01:04:54,757
No, sir.
822
01:04:54,827 --> 01:04:57,489
Your son, George.
He's throwing projectiles.
823
01:04:57,563 --> 01:04:59,325
Projectiles?
824
01:04:59,398 --> 01:05:01,990
Cornflakes boxes, sir.
At the guests.
825
01:05:02,065 --> 01:05:05,261
Boxes? Our cornflakes?
826
01:05:05,334 --> 01:05:07,303
- No, sir.
- Not my brother's?
827
01:05:07,370 --> 01:05:11,068
No, sir. They're cornflakes boxes,
but there's no cornflakes in 'em.
828
01:05:11,140 --> 01:05:12,903
They have...
829
01:05:12,974 --> 01:05:14,408
rice Carolina.
830
01:05:14,478 --> 01:05:15,636
Rice Carolina?
831
01:05:15,711 --> 01:05:18,976
Well, in a manner of speaking, yes.
832
01:05:19,047 --> 01:05:20,481
Actually...
833
01:05:21,549 --> 01:05:23,847
used rice Carolina,
to be more precise.
834
01:05:23,916 --> 01:05:25,280
Used?
835
01:05:25,351 --> 01:05:28,413
I think young George has gained access
to the latrines, sir.
836
01:05:28,490 --> 01:05:30,183
Latrines?
837
01:05:30,256 --> 01:05:32,520
He's throwing boxes of shit
at the guests!
838
01:05:33,458 --> 01:05:35,017
What?
839
01:05:52,708 --> 01:05:55,232
Stop this at once!
840
01:05:55,308 --> 01:05:57,834
You're a bad boy.
You're very, very naughty.
841
01:05:59,279 --> 01:06:00,713
Give us a cuddle.
842
01:06:00,782 --> 01:06:02,874
Silent night
843
01:06:03,949 --> 01:06:08,512
Holy night
844
01:06:08,587 --> 01:06:11,316
All is calm
845
01:06:11,389 --> 01:06:15,223
All is bright
846
01:06:16,126 --> 01:06:20,860
Round yon virgin
847
01:06:20,931 --> 01:06:23,899
Mother and child
848
01:06:23,966 --> 01:06:28,300
Holy infant
849
01:06:28,370 --> 01:06:33,330
So tender and mild
850
01:06:33,408 --> 01:06:36,569
Sleep in heavenly...
851
01:06:36,643 --> 01:06:37,736
Who was it?
852
01:06:37,813 --> 01:06:40,337
Stop it!
853
01:06:40,414 --> 01:06:42,813
Stop laughing! Who was it?
854
01:06:46,819 --> 01:06:48,751
The American foot. Underline.
855
01:06:48,820 --> 01:06:53,018
The American foot, like American teeth
and American woman, is deteriorating.
856
01:06:53,091 --> 01:06:56,582
The big toe being so long
and so separated as to be useless.
857
01:06:56,660 --> 01:06:59,994
The Japanese, on the other hand,
have smaller toes.
858
01:07:00,063 --> 01:07:03,862
I once had a Japanese patient
who could play the violin with his feet.
859
01:07:03,932 --> 01:07:07,332
Vivaldi, Beethoven, Mozart,
Palestrina.
860
01:07:13,908 --> 01:07:15,842
You all right, Poult?
861
01:07:15,910 --> 01:07:17,934
What's the matter with you?
862
01:07:18,011 --> 01:07:19,443
Poult?
863
01:07:20,745 --> 01:07:24,009
Get that last note
about the violin, Poult? Hey!
864
01:07:27,585 --> 01:07:30,349
Poultney Dab, you've had a heart attack.
And much worse...
865
01:07:30,421 --> 01:07:32,082
you're dead, sir.
866
01:07:32,156 --> 01:07:36,024
You're a good man. Maybe I worked you
too hard, but damn it all, man...
867
01:07:36,091 --> 01:07:39,356
it's very unprofessional of you,
if I may say so.
868
01:07:39,429 --> 01:07:41,488
How could you,
right here for everyone to see?
869
01:07:41,564 --> 01:07:44,088
What will people think?
870
01:07:44,166 --> 01:07:47,362
A fine advertisement for biological
livin' you are, Poultney Dab!
871
01:07:48,770 --> 01:07:52,032
Very unprofessional.
Do you hear me?
872
01:08:04,249 --> 01:08:07,412
Will, there you are.
We'd quite given up on you.
873
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:12,921
Mr. Unpronounceable and I were having an
interesting conversation about the czar.
874
01:08:16,259 --> 01:08:18,193
Woodbine, more amperes.
875
01:08:18,260 --> 01:08:21,095
My John Thomas is limp
between my thighs.
876
01:08:37,476 --> 01:08:39,410
Who are you thinking of?
877
01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:42,139
My dear, dear wife.
A lonely religious woman.
878
01:08:42,213 --> 01:08:45,978
And the waitress at the kiosk
with the enormous breasts.
879
01:08:46,050 --> 01:08:48,916
Cornflake-fed and yogurt-toned.
880
01:08:48,984 --> 01:08:50,143
And you?
881
01:08:51,222 --> 01:08:52,813
Eleanor, my wife.
882
01:08:53,889 --> 01:08:56,153
And Ida Muntz, no doubt.
883
01:08:56,225 --> 01:08:59,522
Yes, Miss Muntz.
And Nurse Graves.
884
01:08:59,594 --> 01:09:01,754
Oh, ho-ho, Nurse Graves.
885
01:09:01,828 --> 01:09:05,026
More amperes please, Mr. Woodbine.
886
01:09:07,868 --> 01:09:09,994
And you, Mr. Unpronounceable?
887
01:09:13,072 --> 01:09:15,164
Oh, come now, Mr. Unpronounceable...
888
01:09:15,239 --> 01:09:17,765
I can't believe
there isn't a tit or two...
889
01:09:17,842 --> 01:09:20,935
you would have liked to have squeezed
in Saint Petersburg.
890
01:09:36,524 --> 01:09:38,458
What happened?
Are they hurt?
891
01:09:38,526 --> 01:09:41,119
I do believe it's worse.
I think they're dead.
892
01:09:41,193 --> 01:09:43,129
What? What should we do?
893
01:09:43,197 --> 01:09:46,892
Well, Woodbine, I'm sure,
is a Seventh-Day Adventist...
894
01:09:46,966 --> 01:09:49,799
but I know no prayers whatsoever
of the Russian Orthodox Church.
895
01:09:49,867 --> 01:09:51,858
They're dead, Endymion?
896
01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:54,129
They're dead!
They've been electrocuted!
897
01:09:54,204 --> 01:09:57,901
Please don't get hysterical. It's
terribly American and rather vulgar.
898
01:09:57,976 --> 01:10:00,967
These crackpot machines murdered them!
Don't you understand?
899
01:10:01,044 --> 01:10:03,808
It is rather a severe cure
for flatulence, I do admit.
900
01:10:03,881 --> 01:10:05,711
You're a lunatic.
901
01:10:05,781 --> 01:10:09,911
Mr. Unpronounceable is dead!
He's dead!
902
01:10:09,986 --> 01:10:13,248
These... crazy contraptions
killed him!
903
01:10:13,319 --> 01:10:16,847
You must get a perspective on things.
I talked to the man.
904
01:10:16,925 --> 01:10:19,358
There was very little for him
to look forward to in Russia.
905
01:10:19,425 --> 01:10:21,120
You're mad.
906
01:10:21,195 --> 01:10:23,161
And Woodbine?
What about Woodbine?
907
01:10:23,228 --> 01:10:26,161
He's a bath attendant.
He's probably never heard of Russia.
908
01:10:45,114 --> 01:10:46,876
Nurse Graves? Irene!
909
01:10:46,949 --> 01:10:50,714
- Where is she?
- It's her day off. Can I help you?
910
01:10:56,455 --> 01:10:57,717
Ida?
911
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:00,619
Ida? Miss Muntz?
912
01:11:00,693 --> 01:11:02,888
I'm afraid poor Ida's
no longer with us.
913
01:11:02,962 --> 01:11:04,863
- She left?
- She died.
914
01:11:05,631 --> 01:11:08,532
- What?
- Last night, 4:00 a.m.
915
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:12,101
It was very peaceful.
916
01:11:30,884 --> 01:11:33,250
- What happened?
- Looks as if he had a heart attack.
917
01:11:33,320 --> 01:11:35,618
Everybody's dying!
918
01:11:35,688 --> 01:11:38,088
If this is the healthiest place
on earth, why is everybody dying?
919
01:11:41,026 --> 01:11:43,928
Do we not hear the bleating
of the calves?
920
01:11:43,995 --> 01:11:46,485
The bellowing of the bull?
The cackling of frightened geese?
921
01:11:46,563 --> 01:11:48,759
The gobbling of reluctant turkeys?
922
01:11:50,468 --> 01:11:54,130
Do we not hear the shrieks
of thousands of animals...
923
01:11:54,204 --> 01:11:56,296
we dare to call dumb?
924
01:12:17,255 --> 01:12:19,414
What are you having, sir?
925
01:12:19,489 --> 01:12:21,856
A whiskey. A double.
926
01:12:21,927 --> 01:12:24,019
And a beer chaser.
927
01:12:24,096 --> 01:12:26,493
And a hamburger... with bacon.
928
01:12:27,465 --> 01:12:29,591
Mr. Lightbody!
929
01:12:29,665 --> 01:12:33,032
Charles, Charles Ossining.
We met on the train.
930
01:12:33,103 --> 01:12:34,898
We're all dying.
931
01:12:34,970 --> 01:12:37,699
Every man, woman and child.
I'll drink to that.
932
01:12:41,576 --> 01:12:43,601
How would you like
that hamburger, sir?
933
01:12:43,676 --> 01:12:46,200
Rare. No, not just rare.
934
01:12:47,382 --> 01:12:52,009
Really rare. In fact,
cold in the middle.
935
01:12:57,454 --> 01:13:00,447
They make glue from animal's hooves.
936
01:13:00,525 --> 01:13:03,151
Buttons from bones.
Combs from horns.
937
01:13:03,227 --> 01:13:05,286
Soap from their fat.
938
01:13:05,361 --> 01:13:08,853
They even make quack medicines
from their testicles.
939
01:13:08,930 --> 01:13:12,059
That's awful.
It's so sad.
940
01:13:14,002 --> 01:13:17,459
I've been so blind.
You're a wonderful man.
941
01:13:23,877 --> 01:13:26,401
Dr. Badger!
942
01:13:26,478 --> 01:13:28,913
Your corset is gone,
I'm pleased to see.
943
01:13:28,982 --> 01:13:31,643
The bust is the fountain of life.
944
01:13:31,718 --> 01:13:34,379
Flat-chested women
are a danger to themselves.
945
01:13:36,186 --> 01:13:39,089
Now your glasses.
946
01:13:39,823 --> 01:13:41,017
My glasses?
947
01:13:41,091 --> 01:13:43,923
Mere crutches for the eyes.
You don't need them.
948
01:13:43,994 --> 01:13:45,722
Throw them into the fire.
949
01:13:54,769 --> 01:13:58,931
We had the factory. We had
the machinery. We had the staff.
950
01:13:59,005 --> 01:14:01,906
And, may I add,
we had a great product!
951
01:14:01,974 --> 01:14:05,000
We were poised and ready for success.
952
01:14:06,244 --> 01:14:10,543
- And we run out of money.
- Oh, you want money!
953
01:14:10,615 --> 01:14:13,048
I can give you money.
954
01:14:13,117 --> 01:14:15,050
No, no. I couldn't.
955
01:14:15,118 --> 01:14:18,019
Charlie, you haven't got
a pot to piss in.
956
01:14:18,086 --> 01:14:19,883
But I envy you.
957
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:21,287
You do?
958
01:14:21,356 --> 01:14:23,586
I envy you your dreams.
959
01:14:25,160 --> 01:14:26,853
Charlie. Charlie.
960
01:14:27,929 --> 01:14:30,261
We must never, ever...
961
01:14:30,332 --> 01:14:34,129
live in a world where dreams
are rarer than money.
962
01:14:39,704 --> 01:14:43,106
How much do you want?
Five hundred? A thousand?
963
01:14:44,543 --> 01:14:48,308
A thousand would be very helpful.
964
01:14:48,379 --> 01:14:50,939
Rejoice ye hands
965
01:14:51,015 --> 01:14:55,109
And be joyful on earth
966
01:14:55,186 --> 01:14:58,619
Rejoice in the face of the Lord
967
01:14:58,689 --> 01:15:00,553
For he cometh
968
01:15:00,623 --> 01:15:01,817
Hallelujah
969
01:15:03,758 --> 01:15:05,190
Hey, folks!
970
01:15:05,259 --> 01:15:08,194
Here at the San,
the goose is not cooked!
971
01:15:12,265 --> 01:15:15,564
Merry Christmas to you all!
Merry Christmas!
972
01:15:56,402 --> 01:15:59,802
The place is filled with shams...
973
01:15:59,870 --> 01:16:02,840
murderers and wife stealers.
974
01:16:04,843 --> 01:16:06,310
- Charlie?
- Yes?
975
01:16:06,377 --> 01:16:08,470
Tell me truthfully, as my friend...
976
01:16:08,545 --> 01:16:10,810
- I am your friend.
- You're my friend.
977
01:16:10,881 --> 01:16:13,676
Do I look any better
for eating this seaweed?
978
01:16:13,749 --> 01:16:18,152
For having my insides
sucked out of me? Do I?
979
01:16:18,220 --> 01:16:22,951
- No, you look like shit.
- I look like shit. I feel like shit.
980
01:16:23,024 --> 01:16:26,050
- And you're in the shit.
- I am definitely in the shit!
981
01:16:26,128 --> 01:16:28,423
Charlie, with friends like you...
982
01:16:28,493 --> 01:16:30,429
Who needs enemas?
983
01:16:36,402 --> 01:16:39,892
To friendship
and to looking like shit.
984
01:16:39,971 --> 01:16:42,165
To being full of shit.
985
01:16:42,241 --> 01:16:45,799
To bad health. To indigestion.
986
01:16:45,875 --> 01:16:47,364
To shitsville!
987
01:16:57,953 --> 01:17:00,716
Why pretend that sex doesn't exist?
988
01:17:00,787 --> 01:17:04,381
Surely it's the clearest expression
of health and vitality.
989
01:17:05,524 --> 01:17:08,926
But Dr. Kellogg says the loss of bodily
fluids is a drain on the nervous system.
990
01:17:08,994 --> 01:17:10,928
But supposing he's wrong.
991
01:17:10,996 --> 01:17:13,897
Supposing these fluids
build up inside you.
992
01:17:13,966 --> 01:17:16,900
And if they're bottled up,
what happens to them?
993
01:17:16,968 --> 01:17:18,935
Will they explode?
994
01:17:20,202 --> 01:17:23,502
But isn't it true
the good doctor has never had sex?
995
01:17:23,571 --> 01:17:26,064
- Mumps.
- No!
996
01:17:26,141 --> 01:17:28,702
Are you saying that he's...
That he can't...
997
01:17:28,778 --> 01:17:30,767
- Exactly.
- I don't believe...
998
01:17:33,381 --> 01:17:36,350
Please excuse me. I'm terribly sorry.
I'm afraid it's Will.
999
01:17:37,617 --> 01:17:37,750
Every woman, every man
1000
01:17:37,750 --> 01:17:42,017
Every woman, every man
1001
01:17:42,089 --> 01:17:45,114
Is at the temple of shit
1002
01:17:45,191 --> 01:17:47,524
Here at the Battle Creek San
1003
01:17:48,527 --> 01:17:51,460
We thought you should know, ma'am,
before the boss finds him.
1004
01:17:51,529 --> 01:17:53,553
Thank you.
1005
01:17:53,631 --> 01:17:56,464
Will, what have you done?
1006
01:18:00,804 --> 01:18:03,168
You've been drinking.
1007
01:18:03,239 --> 01:18:06,037
Yes, thank you very much.
I'll deal with it.
1008
01:18:07,174 --> 01:18:09,939
Ellie. Ellie, they killed them.
1009
01:18:10,011 --> 01:18:12,638
You're drunk!
I can't believe you!
1010
01:18:12,713 --> 01:18:16,240
After all everyone's done for you!
How could you do this to yourself?
1011
01:18:16,316 --> 01:18:20,251
They were murdered.
Mr. Unpronounceable and Woodbine!
1012
01:18:20,319 --> 01:18:23,153
Oh, shut up! Did you actually think
that you could get away with this?
1013
01:18:23,223 --> 01:18:25,655
They didn't just close
their eyes and die.
1014
01:18:25,723 --> 01:18:29,749
They were electrocuted!
In the suicidal bath!
1015
01:18:29,827 --> 01:18:33,387
- Fried like pork chops!
- Will Lightbody, I've had enough.
1016
01:18:33,463 --> 01:18:37,023
Let me take you away from this place...
1017
01:18:37,100 --> 01:18:40,729
before we end up like Miss Muntz,
before they kill us all.
1018
01:18:41,935 --> 01:18:43,904
You make it so difficult
to love you.
1019
01:18:48,976 --> 01:18:50,409
Mr. Lightbody!
1020
01:18:50,477 --> 01:18:52,069
Pull him out!
1021
01:18:55,815 --> 01:18:57,441
Sorry, sir.
1022
01:19:01,921 --> 01:19:05,753
You have disobeyed my orders,
risked your life...
1023
01:19:05,824 --> 01:19:07,915
plunged into
some reckless debauch.
1024
01:19:07,990 --> 01:19:10,153
Are you mad?
1025
01:19:10,227 --> 01:19:11,818
I smell alcohol.
1026
01:19:11,894 --> 01:19:13,885
You are intoxicated, sir!
1027
01:19:23,272 --> 01:19:26,069
Sir, I see pickles
and relish and ketchup...
1028
01:19:26,140 --> 01:19:28,301
and pork, yes, I see pork.
1029
01:19:28,376 --> 01:19:31,001
Meat. Red flesh and blood.
1030
01:19:32,078 --> 01:19:34,638
How could you, sir?
1031
01:19:38,416 --> 01:19:42,011
You obviously don't give two hoots
about your own life, sir, but I do.
1032
01:19:42,087 --> 01:19:44,281
I'm gonna schedule you
for surgery.
1033
01:19:44,355 --> 01:19:48,346
Not the knife! Please not the knife!
I'm really sorry.
1034
01:19:48,424 --> 01:19:50,914
Too late to be sorry, sir.
I'm gonna remove your kink.
1035
01:19:50,992 --> 01:19:54,393
- But I haven't even touched my wife.
- I'm not talking about your penis.
1036
01:19:54,463 --> 01:19:56,796
I'm gonna chop out
your offending intestines. Nurse!
1037
01:19:56,865 --> 01:20:02,326
Gastric lavage! Put Mr. Lightbody on
the enema machine until further notice.
1038
01:20:46,304 --> 01:20:47,737
Be quick!
1039
01:21:22,370 --> 01:21:23,800
Ladies.
1040
01:21:23,869 --> 01:21:26,395
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
1041
01:21:47,422 --> 01:21:49,788
Good-bye! Good luck!
1042
01:22:08,272 --> 01:22:11,172
Did I die?
Am I in heaven?
1043
01:22:11,241 --> 01:22:13,767
Heaven on earth.
You're at the San.
1044
01:22:13,845 --> 01:22:17,902
Will, it was a success.
Your kink is gone.
1045
01:22:35,862 --> 01:22:40,356
But surely if the testicles are never
called upon, wouldn't they grow useless?
1046
01:22:40,433 --> 01:22:42,958
I can't believe that nature
has made such a blunder...
1047
01:22:43,034 --> 01:22:45,936
as to provide the human race
with such mischievous organs...
1048
01:22:46,003 --> 01:22:48,563
if we're not meant
to put them to good use.
1049
01:22:48,639 --> 01:22:51,765
Mr. Badger, I think the other guests
are less than pleased.
1050
01:22:51,841 --> 01:22:55,503
I'm not ashamed of my body.
It's completely natural.
1051
01:22:55,577 --> 01:22:57,101
I agree.
1052
01:22:57,180 --> 01:22:59,545
Dress reform is about liberating the
body from its artificial constraints.
1053
01:22:59,616 --> 01:23:04,052
- Isn't that what Professor Kuntz says?
- You've read Freikorper Kultur, eh?
1054
01:23:04,118 --> 01:23:06,143
Are you familiar
with the nudism movement?
1055
01:23:06,220 --> 01:23:07,685
Professor who?
1056
01:23:07,753 --> 01:23:09,450
"Cuntz."
1057
01:23:10,558 --> 01:23:12,184
Kuntz. Kuntz.
1058
01:23:12,259 --> 01:23:15,385
No, I haven't read him,
but I think you're right.
1059
01:23:15,461 --> 01:23:17,621
What the heck.
1060
01:23:19,365 --> 01:23:22,059
Do you know what I'm wearing
under these shorts?
1061
01:23:22,133 --> 01:23:24,862
- Nothing?
- Nothing?
1062
01:23:25,801 --> 01:23:28,702
I'm sorry.
I can't keep up with this.
1063
01:23:28,771 --> 01:23:31,501
I was just getting the hang
of vegetarianism.
1064
01:23:32,408 --> 01:23:34,136
To the Germans.
1065
01:23:34,209 --> 01:23:36,576
Professor Cu... Kuntz.
1066
01:23:36,647 --> 01:23:39,374
And to Dr. Spitzvogel.
1067
01:23:39,447 --> 01:23:41,572
Who is Dr. Spitzvogel?
1068
01:23:41,649 --> 01:23:42,911
I don't know.
1069
01:23:42,983 --> 01:23:47,316
- He's a specialist in movement therapy.
- Eleanor, you have to try it.
1070
01:23:47,387 --> 01:23:51,686
When I left, after my first session,
I was floating on clouds.
1071
01:23:53,158 --> 01:23:55,492
But what did he do?
1072
01:23:55,560 --> 01:23:56,755
Well, he...
1073
01:23:56,829 --> 01:23:58,988
- He manipulates the womb.
- And the breasts.
1074
01:23:59,062 --> 01:24:02,031
Die Handhabung Therapeutisch,
to give it its German name.
1075
01:24:02,098 --> 01:24:04,588
Oh. I'm not doing anything German.
1076
01:24:04,668 --> 01:24:08,831
After only one session,
I was weak. Weak!
1077
01:24:08,905 --> 01:24:09,872
Weak?
1078
01:24:11,506 --> 01:24:15,102
I am sure Dr. Kellogg
would not approve.
1079
01:24:16,109 --> 01:24:17,940
- Oh, my God!
- What?
1080
01:24:18,010 --> 01:24:21,573
There's a woman wearing a fox collar
with head, feet, the whole thing!
1081
01:24:28,254 --> 01:24:30,313
That's not wine I spilled, madam,
it's blood!
1082
01:24:30,389 --> 01:24:32,446
No animal should suffer
for you to look beautiful.
1083
01:24:32,524 --> 01:24:34,457
- You're mad!
- As you are ugly!
1084
01:24:34,525 --> 01:24:37,494
No amount of animals slaughtered in your
behalf will make you look different.
1085
01:24:37,561 --> 01:24:39,893
Madam, control yourself.
1086
01:24:39,964 --> 01:24:43,558
Look at me, sir! Would you skin
the flesh from my body as well?
1087
01:24:45,368 --> 01:24:48,335
- Bravo, Eleanor.
- Bravo, Eleanor.
1088
01:24:50,106 --> 01:24:53,040
We're so proud of you, Eleanor.
1089
01:25:25,801 --> 01:25:27,790
It was a great success, Charles.
1090
01:25:27,868 --> 01:25:31,429
Just cast your eyes over those figures,
and have a cigar.
1091
01:25:31,506 --> 01:25:34,271
Thirty-two thousand in advance orders.
1092
01:25:35,175 --> 01:25:37,768
I feel like Caesar returning
from the Gaelic wars.
1093
01:25:39,312 --> 01:25:41,779
Have a cigar.
1094
01:25:41,847 --> 01:25:44,078
You should be pleased.
We're on our way!
1095
01:25:49,487 --> 01:25:53,184
This is a letter from my aunt.
She arrives on Friday.
1096
01:25:53,256 --> 01:25:55,487
Arrives? Mrs. Hookstratten?
1097
01:25:55,557 --> 01:25:59,550
Yes! She's going to the San
for her nerves.
1098
01:25:59,628 --> 01:26:01,755
- She wants to visit the factory.
- What factory?
1099
01:26:02,731 --> 01:26:06,689
Oh! Oh, yes. Our factory.
1100
01:26:06,768 --> 01:26:10,727
Well, that is rather inconvenient.
1101
01:26:10,805 --> 01:26:12,270
Inconvenient?
1102
01:26:15,474 --> 01:26:18,204
You hooked me like a fish, Bender.
1103
01:26:18,277 --> 01:26:21,610
You scaled me, you gutted me,
you stuffed me and fried me!
1104
01:26:21,679 --> 01:26:24,647
Chewed me up, swallowed me,
and shat me out again!
1105
01:26:24,716 --> 01:26:28,150
You bet your ass it's inconvenient!
Don't you see?
1106
01:26:28,217 --> 01:26:32,153
We have no factory! These orders
are for someone else's cornflakes!
1107
01:26:32,220 --> 01:26:35,519
You made me lie, you son of a bitch!
Bender, I lied!
1108
01:26:35,591 --> 01:26:39,390
As day follows night, Charles,
one truth is undeniable:
1109
01:26:39,461 --> 01:26:44,658
Behind every shining fortune
lurks the shadow of a lie.
1110
01:26:46,901 --> 01:26:49,699
That's what business is.
1111
01:26:54,006 --> 01:26:56,975
Good-bye, Will.
Time to go.
1112
01:26:58,142 --> 01:27:03,044
If I eat any more roughage, I feel I'd
do my back passage a permanent injury.
1113
01:27:03,114 --> 01:27:04,876
Good-bye, Endymion.
1114
01:27:04,948 --> 01:27:07,509
I've grown quite fond of you
these past few months.
1115
01:27:07,585 --> 01:27:10,145
Take care of yourself, dear boy.
It's worth it.
1116
01:27:10,219 --> 01:27:12,187
Is it? Is all of this worth it?
1117
01:27:12,255 --> 01:27:14,189
Dear Will, what is life...
1118
01:27:14,256 --> 01:27:17,692
but a temporary victory over that
which causes our inevitable death?
1119
01:27:20,226 --> 01:27:22,023
Looks like rain.
1120
01:27:22,096 --> 01:27:25,624
- Oh! I have a little gift for you.
- What is it?
1121
01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:28,929
It's a Dusselberg Belt.
German apparatus.
1122
01:27:29,001 --> 01:27:32,732
- Most sexual inventions are these days.
- Sexual?
1123
01:27:32,805 --> 01:27:38,105
I didn't use it. I thought it might
be useful to you in the twilight hours.
1124
01:27:39,010 --> 01:27:41,205
Thank you.
Endymion, I'll miss you.
1125
01:27:41,277 --> 01:27:43,211
Good-bye, Will.
1126
01:27:45,482 --> 01:27:48,177
Follow your heart.
It's the one organ...
1127
01:27:48,249 --> 01:27:51,776
that will surely let you down one day,
so don't waste it while you're living.
1128
01:27:51,854 --> 01:27:55,345
I'll remember.
Endymion, you're a special man.
1129
01:27:55,422 --> 01:27:56,982
Bye, Will.
1130
01:27:57,059 --> 01:27:58,616
Bye, Endymion.
1131
01:28:34,955 --> 01:28:36,890
I'm so glad you could come.
1132
01:28:36,957 --> 01:28:39,016
Come then, ja?
1133
01:29:21,228 --> 01:29:24,559
Please, you will remove your clothing
and slip into this.
1134
01:29:24,629 --> 01:29:28,292
And then please,
lie on the table and relax...
1135
01:29:28,366 --> 01:29:32,664
and dream and think
only beautiful thoughts.
1136
01:30:00,025 --> 01:30:03,187
Here we have a beast of the wild.
1137
01:30:03,261 --> 01:30:06,718
And over here, folks, on the table,
docile and benign...
1138
01:30:06,797 --> 01:30:08,991
we have our dearest Fauna.
1139
01:30:09,064 --> 01:30:11,899
The San's much-loved vegetarian wolf.
1140
01:30:14,903 --> 01:30:17,737
And relax, Mrs. Lightbody.
1141
01:30:17,808 --> 01:30:19,240
That's good.
1142
01:30:20,242 --> 01:30:22,641
That's good. Yes.
1143
01:30:22,711 --> 01:30:25,941
Breathe in, breathe out.
1144
01:30:27,081 --> 01:30:30,346
Open your legs, please.
Just relax.
1145
01:30:30,417 --> 01:30:34,580
Don't worry. I am a doctor.
That's good.
1146
01:30:34,654 --> 01:30:37,214
Relax. Yeah.
1147
01:30:37,289 --> 01:30:40,485
That's good. Enjoy it. Yes.
1148
01:30:40,558 --> 01:30:44,187
Think beautiful thoughts.
1149
01:30:45,162 --> 01:30:46,822
Dream.
1150
01:31:28,164 --> 01:31:30,462
See, not the slightest interest.
1151
01:31:30,532 --> 01:31:33,057
A beautiful passive animal.
1152
01:31:34,836 --> 01:31:36,768
Oh, yes, indeed.
1153
01:31:38,938 --> 01:31:41,930
A beast of the wild.
1154
01:31:43,511 --> 01:31:45,739
He's known only the carnal pleasures.
1155
01:32:25,744 --> 01:32:28,576
- Are you okay?
- Yes, I'm fine. Thank you.
1156
01:32:28,645 --> 01:32:30,946
I think that I'm getting better.
1157
01:32:31,016 --> 01:32:34,142
I'll come back after you've had
your nap. Can I get you anything?
1158
01:32:34,219 --> 01:32:38,652
No, not at the moment.
Thank you, Irene. Maybe later.
1159
01:33:24,860 --> 01:33:27,522
I shall introduce it to the San
early next year.
1160
01:33:27,595 --> 01:33:29,153
Mrs. Hookstratten!
1161
01:33:29,230 --> 01:33:30,992
Doctor!
1162
01:33:31,065 --> 01:33:33,532
How delightful to see you again.
1163
01:33:33,602 --> 01:33:35,658
I'm so sorry to hear about your nerves.
1164
01:33:35,735 --> 01:33:38,202
Please sit beside me.
Tell me all about it.
1165
01:33:39,204 --> 01:33:43,265
But didn't the Alcotts practice
free love, is it called? I mean, really.
1166
01:33:43,341 --> 01:33:46,003
You shouldn't sneer at free love.
Its roots are purely feminist.
1167
01:33:46,077 --> 01:33:48,272
Conventional marriage is a prison.
1168
01:33:48,346 --> 01:33:51,371
One should go wherever love leads.
1169
01:33:51,448 --> 01:33:53,143
It's jealousy that's the obscenity.
1170
01:33:54,117 --> 01:33:57,983
And I want to see my nephew Charles
whilst I'm here.
1171
01:33:58,052 --> 01:34:02,716
He's not really my nephew. He's the son
of one of my under parlor maids.
1172
01:34:02,789 --> 01:34:07,386
Stupid woman. Always getting pregnant
by some gate man or other.
1173
01:34:07,462 --> 01:34:10,658
Anyway, he has a thriving
new breakfast food company.
1174
01:34:10,731 --> 01:34:12,892
Oh, really?
What is it called?
1175
01:34:12,966 --> 01:34:16,831
Kellogg's. Of course.
Kellogg's Per-Fo.
1176
01:34:16,901 --> 01:34:20,497
I thought you would've known, what
with your son being one of the partners.
1177
01:34:21,572 --> 01:34:22,938
Partners?
1178
01:34:33,482 --> 01:34:34,779
George?
1179
01:34:34,850 --> 01:34:38,412
George Kellogg?
What seems to be the problem?
1180
01:34:38,488 --> 01:34:41,353
I don't think
he feels well, sir.
1181
01:34:41,422 --> 01:34:45,448
No? Then perhaps
he needs a purgative.
1182
01:34:45,526 --> 01:34:48,357
What about calomel or castor oil?
1183
01:34:48,427 --> 01:34:52,057
Or shall we stop this nonsense
and eat up our food?
1184
01:34:52,130 --> 01:34:54,462
Food? You call this food?
1185
01:34:56,367 --> 01:34:58,029
What did you say?
1186
01:34:58,102 --> 01:35:01,594
We want proper food.
Meat and potatoes is what we want.
1187
01:35:03,007 --> 01:35:05,064
Ida, stop laughing!
David, stop laughing!
1188
01:35:05,141 --> 01:35:06,733
Meat and potatoes!
1189
01:35:06,809 --> 01:35:08,800
Stop it, George!
1190
01:35:08,877 --> 01:35:09,935
Stop it!
1191
01:35:13,115 --> 01:35:15,910
I command you to stop now!
1192
01:35:15,983 --> 01:35:17,918
George, stop it!
1193
01:35:40,671 --> 01:35:42,762
Why is he like this?
1194
01:35:42,838 --> 01:35:45,307
What did I do wrong?
1195
01:35:45,374 --> 01:35:48,640
I mean, didn't I give him
everything? Everything?
1196
01:35:49,744 --> 01:35:52,439
Everything you could.
1197
01:35:52,514 --> 01:35:54,947
Then why does he hate me so?
1198
01:35:55,016 --> 01:35:58,142
Maybe what you're giving him
isn't what he wants.
1199
01:36:24,573 --> 01:36:26,507
Mr. Bender, please.
It's Charles Oss...
1200
01:36:26,575 --> 01:36:30,634
I know, sir. Mr. Charles Ossining.
You're president of Per-Fo Food Company.
1201
01:36:30,710 --> 01:36:34,373
Indeed. Well, tell Mr. Bender
I'm here, will you?
1202
01:36:34,447 --> 01:36:38,384
That's not possible, sir. Unfortunately,
Mr. Bender is no longer a resident.
1203
01:36:38,451 --> 01:36:42,284
- What?
- He checked out, or rather disappeared.
1204
01:36:42,354 --> 01:36:45,448
The second floor maid
found his room empty, but...
1205
01:36:45,523 --> 01:36:49,924
he did leave a note saying
that you would be settling his account.
1206
01:36:49,993 --> 01:36:53,485
Which is a substantial sum.
A very substantial sum.
1207
01:36:54,564 --> 01:36:56,658
And these two gentlemen
also would like a word with you.
1208
01:36:56,732 --> 01:36:58,030
- Yes?
- Mr. Ossining?
1209
01:36:58,100 --> 01:37:00,499
- Yes.
- Mr. Charles Ossining?
1210
01:37:00,570 --> 01:37:03,663
I have to serve due process, sir,
to inform you...
1211
01:37:03,738 --> 01:37:07,036
that separate lawsuits have been filed
in the Calhoun County court...
1212
01:37:07,106 --> 01:37:11,373
to enjoin the production, sale
and transportation of Kellogg's Per-Fo.
1213
01:37:11,446 --> 01:37:13,845
And substantial damages
are being claimed.
1214
01:37:13,913 --> 01:37:16,211
And I have
Mr. Bender's bill here, sir...
1215
01:37:16,282 --> 01:37:18,477
and his instructions
to give it to you.
1216
01:37:23,888 --> 01:37:26,049
Stop him!
1217
01:37:27,959 --> 01:37:30,393
Stop that man!
1218
01:37:31,461 --> 01:37:33,292
Stop! Stop!
1219
01:37:40,335 --> 01:37:41,861
Lightbody!
1220
01:37:45,006 --> 01:37:47,405
Mr. Lightbody, please sit down.
1221
01:37:48,577 --> 01:37:52,032
Something has come to my attention
that I think you should be aware of.
1222
01:37:52,111 --> 01:37:54,601
It is your wife.
1223
01:37:54,680 --> 01:37:56,942
Yes. To my displeasure...
1224
01:37:57,015 --> 01:38:00,007
she's been seeing an outside physician.
1225
01:38:01,486 --> 01:38:05,422
Not Badger. No.
Although he is no doubt responsible.
1226
01:38:05,489 --> 01:38:08,219
No, it is worse.
It is a German.
1227
01:38:08,292 --> 01:38:11,384
- A German?
- Yes, sir, a German.
1228
01:38:11,461 --> 01:38:13,429
By the name of...
What is it, Jarvis?
1229
01:38:13,495 --> 01:38:16,054
Spitzvogel. Dr. Spitzvogel.
1230
01:38:16,131 --> 01:38:19,223
It seems that Eleanor's
been taken by...
1231
01:38:19,299 --> 01:38:22,293
Die Handhabung Therapeutisch.
1232
01:38:22,371 --> 01:38:23,928
Is it serious?
1233
01:38:24,006 --> 01:38:27,064
It is not a disease.
It is a treatment.
1234
01:38:27,139 --> 01:38:29,767
- I'm sorry, I don't follow.
- It is her womb.
1235
01:38:29,842 --> 01:38:31,639
Her womb?
1236
01:38:31,709 --> 01:38:34,702
She's been having it manipulated.
1237
01:38:35,713 --> 01:38:38,649
Manipulated?
Is that dangerous?
1238
01:38:38,717 --> 01:38:42,446
There are certain things a doctor and
a priest cannot share with his flock...
1239
01:38:42,519 --> 01:38:45,080
but I will say this,
look to your wife.
1240
01:38:45,155 --> 01:38:48,249
You're neglecting
a beautiful woman, sir.
1241
01:38:48,324 --> 01:38:51,317
And now I will move on.
Into the next room, please.
1242
01:38:51,395 --> 01:38:54,055
Miss Jarvis, item two,
if you will.
1243
01:38:54,130 --> 01:38:56,255
Into the room, sir.
Thank you.
1244
01:38:59,632 --> 01:39:01,964
- Morning, ladies.
- Morning, Doctor.
1245
01:39:03,169 --> 01:39:07,468
Nurse Bloethal found this apparatus
under your bed, sir.
1246
01:39:07,540 --> 01:39:09,733
Don't you know this thing
can kill you?
1247
01:39:09,808 --> 01:39:13,140
How could you be so foolish?
1248
01:39:14,812 --> 01:39:16,871
Let me tell you this, sir...
1249
01:39:16,946 --> 01:39:19,108
build up your resolve...
1250
01:39:19,183 --> 01:39:21,912
not your genitals.
1251
01:39:23,319 --> 01:39:25,413
That will be all.
1252
01:39:29,625 --> 01:39:33,753
Masturbation is the vilest sin
of self-pollution!
1253
01:39:34,929 --> 01:39:36,862
The most loathsome reptile rolling...
1254
01:39:36,930 --> 01:39:40,387
in the slush and slime
of a stagnant pool...
1255
01:39:40,467 --> 01:39:42,958
would not demean himself thus.
1256
01:39:43,035 --> 01:39:45,664
It is the sin of Onan.
1257
01:40:19,398 --> 01:40:21,025
Do you bicycle?
1258
01:40:21,101 --> 01:40:23,398
Oh, what a shame!
There's some beautiful terrains.
1259
01:40:23,468 --> 01:40:24,731
Charles?
1260
01:40:26,470 --> 01:40:29,032
We're over here!
1261
01:40:29,108 --> 01:40:31,667
- Aunt!
- Oh, my dear boy.
1262
01:40:31,742 --> 01:40:33,801
Oh, how are you?
1263
01:40:33,877 --> 01:40:36,242
You look so different.
1264
01:40:36,313 --> 01:40:40,646
Have you lost weight?
Are you growing a beard?
1265
01:40:40,717 --> 01:40:42,909
You look wonderful as always.
It's so nice to see you.
1266
01:40:42,983 --> 01:40:44,975
I'm so sorry to hear
about your nerves.
1267
01:40:45,053 --> 01:40:47,885
Listen, about our little visit
to the factory.
1268
01:40:47,955 --> 01:40:51,049
I think it would be best if we postpone
it for a few days, perhaps a week.
1269
01:40:51,125 --> 01:40:53,719
I understand you know
Eleanor Lightbody.
1270
01:40:53,793 --> 01:40:55,818
- Of course.
- Yes, we've met.
1271
01:40:55,896 --> 01:40:59,353
How are you? May I introduce my friend,
Virginia Cranehill. Charles Ossining.
1272
01:40:59,432 --> 01:41:00,954
- It's a pleasure.
- Pleasure's mine.
1273
01:41:01,033 --> 01:41:03,158
And how is the breakfast food
tycoon today?
1274
01:41:04,702 --> 01:41:05,671
Just fine.
1275
01:41:05,736 --> 01:41:07,829
If you'll excuse us.
1276
01:41:07,905 --> 01:41:09,667
You're not joining us
for the luncheon?
1277
01:41:09,738 --> 01:41:11,707
Virginia and I are sneaking off.
1278
01:41:11,776 --> 01:41:13,436
Mr. Ossining.
1279
01:41:13,509 --> 01:41:15,238
- It's very nice meeting you.
- Ladies.
1280
01:41:15,311 --> 01:41:19,939
Sadly, so must I. So much to do, so
little time. You know me. Work, work.
1281
01:41:20,014 --> 01:41:22,948
Nonsense. We're going for lunch.
Give me your arm.
1282
01:41:23,016 --> 01:41:25,714
Now, tell me all about the factory.
1283
01:41:38,830 --> 01:41:40,297
Will.
1284
01:41:40,365 --> 01:41:42,333
Irene. You look very pretty.
1285
01:41:42,399 --> 01:41:44,663
I hardly recognized you
with your clothes on.
1286
01:41:44,735 --> 01:41:47,635
- I mean, out of uniform.
- Thank you.
1287
01:41:47,703 --> 01:41:49,433
Is Eleanor here?
1288
01:41:49,506 --> 01:41:52,669
No, she's off
to a vegetarian seminar.
1289
01:41:52,743 --> 01:41:54,936
They're going to eat
dandelions with Badger.
1290
01:41:55,011 --> 01:41:57,911
Both guaranteed to make me vomit.
1291
01:41:57,979 --> 01:42:00,572
I was thinking of going
to Goguac Lake.
1292
01:42:00,649 --> 01:42:02,582
That's nice.
1293
01:42:02,652 --> 01:42:06,210
We could go together. That is,
if you're not doing anything.
1294
01:42:06,286 --> 01:42:09,551
No. That would be very nice.
1295
01:42:55,093 --> 01:42:58,527
I want it to be perfect for you.
1296
01:43:05,501 --> 01:43:07,594
Ladies and gentlemen,
good afternoon.
1297
01:43:07,670 --> 01:43:12,834
I do not wish to spoil the festivities
of celebration day...
1298
01:43:12,907 --> 01:43:16,500
a special day that marks the
anniversary of this establishment...
1299
01:43:16,576 --> 01:43:18,635
founded by those visionaries
of vegetarianism...
1300
01:43:18,713 --> 01:43:22,240
the Seventh-Day Adventists
some 42 years ago.
1301
01:43:22,316 --> 01:43:26,478
No, my friends, I will be brief because
I have an unpleasant duty to perform.
1302
01:43:26,550 --> 01:43:29,816
Quite simply, friends,
we have among us an impostor.
1303
01:43:29,888 --> 01:43:32,449
A charlatan. A fraud.
1304
01:43:32,523 --> 01:43:35,491
A criminal of the very worst stripe.
1305
01:43:35,558 --> 01:43:37,754
A man so heinous
and without conscience...
1306
01:43:37,828 --> 01:43:41,728
that I have taken time out of my
busy schedule to ensnare and expose him.
1307
01:43:41,798 --> 01:43:45,289
A man who has violated
every principle of human decency.
1308
01:43:45,368 --> 01:43:47,301
To defraud his own patron.
1309
01:43:47,368 --> 01:43:49,860
The very woman who
took him up from poverty...
1310
01:43:49,936 --> 01:43:52,997
to dress him, educate him
and give him a start in life.
1311
01:43:53,073 --> 01:43:57,805
That woman is Mrs. Hookstratten,
and that man was you, sir.
1312
01:43:58,746 --> 01:44:00,211
The factory?
1313
01:44:00,278 --> 01:44:01,803
The letters?
1314
01:44:01,880 --> 01:44:04,348
Charles, how could you do this to me?
1315
01:44:04,416 --> 01:44:08,374
It wasn't me. I tried. I really tried.
It was this man, Bender!
1316
01:44:09,621 --> 01:44:11,815
Oh, yes, Mr. Goodloe Bender.
1317
01:44:11,889 --> 01:44:15,220
Who I once knew as Nevada Ned
of the Kickapoo Indian Medicine Show.
1318
01:44:15,292 --> 01:44:18,055
A villain of the very first order.
1319
01:44:18,127 --> 01:44:20,151
He's now safely in police custody
in Buffalo.
1320
01:44:20,229 --> 01:44:23,255
You took advantage of this good woman,
sir, for vulgar profit.
1321
01:44:23,332 --> 01:44:25,095
Oh, yes, you did.
Oh, yeah.
1322
01:44:25,167 --> 01:44:27,600
Not just profit!
1323
01:44:27,668 --> 01:44:31,070
It wasn't just profit.
I had hopes, great hopes!
1324
01:44:32,606 --> 01:44:36,063
What's wrong with profit?
Don't you profit, sir...
1325
01:44:36,144 --> 01:44:41,078
from these good people who you've
conned into eating grass and sawdust?
1326
01:44:41,148 --> 01:44:46,515
So that they'll defecate and you can
suck it out of them with enemas?
1327
01:44:46,584 --> 01:44:48,949
So that you can feed them
more sawdust?
1328
01:44:49,018 --> 01:44:52,885
Don't you have workers who strive
through the night for a pittance?
1329
01:44:52,956 --> 01:44:55,356
Is there one nurse
in this whole sanitarium...
1330
01:44:55,425 --> 01:44:57,415
who dabs ointment...
1331
01:44:57,492 --> 01:45:01,427
on the piles of rich, fat asses...
1332
01:45:01,497 --> 01:45:03,828
who washes out the bedpans...
1333
01:45:03,900 --> 01:45:05,831
who makes more than...
1334
01:45:05,899 --> 01:45:10,529
the cost of this pile of horseshit
you call food, sir?
1335
01:45:10,602 --> 01:45:14,061
Mr. Farrington,
the manacles, please.
1336
01:45:14,140 --> 01:45:17,039
Lock him away, and as far as I'm
concerned, you can throw away the key.
1337
01:45:48,467 --> 01:45:50,401
- I can't do this.
- I know, because...
1338
01:45:50,470 --> 01:45:52,439
Certain things have to be avoided...
1339
01:45:52,505 --> 01:45:56,565
like feather beds and romantic novels
and the touching of one's organs.
1340
01:45:56,641 --> 01:45:59,576
No, that's not the reason.
It's got nothing to do with the doctor.
1341
01:45:59,643 --> 01:46:02,577
I love my wife.
It's Eleanor.
1342
01:46:02,646 --> 01:46:04,806
That's why I can't do this.
1343
01:46:06,583 --> 01:46:08,550
Good-bye, Irene.
1344
01:46:08,617 --> 01:46:11,813
I'm sorry.
You're really very beautiful.
1345
01:46:15,756 --> 01:46:18,919
Sex is the sewer drain
of a healthy body, Will.
1346
01:46:18,992 --> 01:46:21,357
I'm sure that you'll see that.
1347
01:46:21,428 --> 01:46:24,397
Any use of the sexual act
other than procreation...
1348
01:46:24,464 --> 01:46:27,261
is a waste of vital energy.
1349
01:46:27,334 --> 01:46:30,733
An erection is a flagpole
on your grave.
1350
01:47:31,185 --> 01:47:33,211
Eleanor, you're naked!
1351
01:47:33,288 --> 01:47:35,221
It's Die Freikorper Kultur!
1352
01:47:35,287 --> 01:47:38,485
- And you're being manipulated!
- It's Die Handhabung Therapeutisch!
1353
01:47:38,557 --> 01:47:40,492
Don't give me that German crap!
1354
01:47:40,559 --> 01:47:44,120
He was handhabunging you!
You let a stranger handhabung you!
1355
01:47:44,195 --> 01:47:46,824
Herr Spitzvogel is a doctor!
1356
01:47:48,132 --> 01:47:53,330
And you, you ginger-haired pig balls,
you were masturbating!
1357
01:47:53,403 --> 01:47:55,029
Sir, I was not!
1358
01:47:55,104 --> 01:47:57,368
I saw you with my own eyes!
1359
01:47:57,439 --> 01:47:59,670
I was massaging my colon!
1360
01:47:59,742 --> 01:48:02,403
Massaging your colon?
1361
01:48:02,479 --> 01:48:06,881
I know where the colon is,
and it doesn't stick up in the air!
1362
01:48:06,948 --> 01:48:10,781
Will, I know how all this must look,
but understand he's a doctor.
1363
01:48:11,852 --> 01:48:13,115
Doctor, my ass!
1364
01:48:13,187 --> 01:48:15,882
Nurse, my ass! What have you
been doing with Irene Graves?
1365
01:48:15,955 --> 01:48:18,423
Nurse Graves! Nurse Graves.
1366
01:48:18,491 --> 01:48:20,186
And your green friend, Miss Moss.
1367
01:48:20,259 --> 01:48:21,419
Miss Muntz.
1368
01:48:23,329 --> 01:48:24,919
Shut up! Shut up.
1369
01:48:28,264 --> 01:48:31,427
Shut up! Shut up!
1370
01:48:31,501 --> 01:48:34,595
If I hear one more German word...
1371
01:48:34,670 --> 01:48:38,037
I'll shove this stick
right up your alimentary canal!
1372
01:48:39,174 --> 01:48:40,506
Eleanor, wait!
1373
01:48:46,413 --> 01:48:50,281
Eleanor, don't you think
I deserve an explanation?
1374
01:48:50,351 --> 01:48:52,283
It's not what it looked like.
You're overreacting.
1375
01:48:52,352 --> 01:48:54,945
Overreacting?
A man had his hand up your crotch.
1376
01:48:55,020 --> 01:48:58,717
- It was medicine!
- Medicine? He was up to his elbows!
1377
01:48:58,790 --> 01:49:02,418
Stop it, Will! All right, maybe I went
too far, but you know something?
1378
01:49:02,493 --> 01:49:05,951
It felt good! It felt very good.
I felt good!
1379
01:49:06,028 --> 01:49:08,327
- You'd never understand.
- But I do understand.
1380
01:49:08,399 --> 01:49:11,059
You don't know how to feel good!
You're incapable!
1381
01:49:11,133 --> 01:49:14,398
But I feel good.
1382
01:49:14,470 --> 01:49:16,630
I feel great!
1383
01:49:16,704 --> 01:49:20,572
As a matter of fact,
I never felt better in my whole life!
1384
01:49:23,710 --> 01:49:25,644
You do?
1385
01:49:36,354 --> 01:49:38,844
Then I guess we can go home.
1386
01:50:39,072 --> 01:50:40,506
Hello, Dr. Vegetable.
1387
01:50:41,740 --> 01:50:43,573
You get out!
1388
01:50:44,643 --> 01:50:47,578
You can't wait to stick that tube
up your ass, can you?
1389
01:50:47,646 --> 01:50:49,670
I said get out!
1390
01:50:49,747 --> 01:50:52,079
I'm gonna burn this place
to the ground.
1391
01:50:52,150 --> 01:50:55,345
You're mad, and you're drunk.
1392
01:50:57,587 --> 01:50:59,885
Too late for that.
1393
01:51:03,861 --> 01:51:05,291
Do you like fireworks?
1394
01:51:14,867 --> 01:51:16,301
Fire!
1395
01:51:20,439 --> 01:51:22,430
Come back here,
you confounded maniac!
1396
01:51:45,259 --> 01:51:48,092
George, stop this insanity!
1397
01:52:57,553 --> 01:52:59,417
I'll give you $250!
1398
01:53:01,721 --> 01:53:03,212
Five hundred!
1399
01:53:13,466 --> 01:53:15,365
Stop it!
1400
01:53:26,943 --> 01:53:30,844
George Kellogg, you've been a pain
to me all my life!
1401
01:53:40,755 --> 01:53:42,654
Come back!
1402
01:53:58,568 --> 01:54:01,162
Georgie, speak to me.
Say something.
1403
01:54:04,774 --> 01:54:07,037
Georgie, say something to me.
Speak to me.
1404
01:54:10,645 --> 01:54:11,737
Daddy.
1405
01:54:11,813 --> 01:54:14,475
Give us a cuddle, Daddy.
1406
01:54:19,620 --> 01:54:21,553
Give us a cuddle, Daddy.
1407
01:55:34,347 --> 01:55:37,783
The San burned for three nights
and three days.
1408
01:55:37,852 --> 01:55:41,648
The glow in the sky could be seen
from as far away as Kalamazoo.
1409
01:55:44,356 --> 01:55:48,084
Will and I lived happily in Peterskill
where we had four daughters...
1410
01:55:48,157 --> 01:55:51,184
and I opened Westchester's
first health store.
1411
01:55:52,295 --> 01:55:54,286
- Huh!
- What is it?
1412
01:55:54,365 --> 01:55:59,300
It's a check for $1,000.
From Charles Ossining.
1413
01:55:59,367 --> 01:56:02,769
By all accounts, the charges against
Mr. Ossining had been forgotten...
1414
01:56:02,837 --> 01:56:05,566
in the confusion as the San burned.
1415
01:56:05,639 --> 01:56:09,075
And he eventually became very rich.
1416
01:56:09,142 --> 01:56:11,735
Apparently he had struck upon the idea
of taking sugar water...
1417
01:56:11,810 --> 01:56:14,974
and impregnating it
with the leaf of the coca plant.
1418
01:56:16,415 --> 01:56:18,472
And as for Dr. Kellogg...
1419
01:56:18,549 --> 01:56:22,748
he rebuilt the San and soldiered on
in his crusade for biological living.
1420
01:56:22,820 --> 01:56:27,814
Gentlemen, I will now perform
a forward somersault with a half-twist.
1421
01:56:27,893 --> 01:56:31,723
I'm well in advance of the Biblical age
of threescore and ten.
1422
01:56:31,794 --> 01:56:35,728
I'm in perfect health,
and I'm convinced I will live forever...
1423
01:56:35,798 --> 01:56:37,424
because...
1424
01:56:37,499 --> 01:56:40,094
my bowels are immaculate!
1425
01:56:42,904 --> 01:56:45,837
Alas, Dr. Kellogg died
midsomersault.
1426
01:56:49,208 --> 01:56:50,835
He said he was healthy.
1427
01:56:50,910 --> 01:56:53,070
Proving once and for all that...
1428
01:56:53,145 --> 01:56:55,612
even he was not right
about everything.
112007
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