All language subtitles for Sidekicks.1992.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

- Huh?

- Oh.

- Hi, guys.

I'll be right back.

- Huh?

- Help!

Over here!

- Be right with you, lady.

- Thanks, Barry.

Thanks for helping me out again.

- That's all right, Chuck.

That's what sidekicks are for.

But wherever I am,
whatever I'm doing

all you got to do is ask, Chuck.

- Sure thing,
Chuckie-poo, old pal.

Any old time, old buddy.

- Yeah!

Barry warry, you geek.

- What a dork.

Why don't you just
leave him alone?

- All right, class, settle down.

That's enough.

Let it happen, Barry.

Relax.

You don't have to fight it.

Class time Friday,
chapter seven.

- Hey, Barry?

Do you want me to wait after?

I can.

- No, no, not tonight, Lauren.

My dad's coming.

- Okay.

- Bye, Lauren.

- Bye.

- Where were you this time?

- Uh, Japan, I think.

- Uh-huh.

You were supposed to
be in my history class.

- Yeah, I know.

I don't know why it happens.

- Barry, you've
got to understand.

There's a time and
a place for dreams.

It's not in a classroom.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

- When your dad
comes to pick you up,

he and I need to
have a talk again.

- I've had talks with
him about the daydreams.

He's, uh, he's just never
been a physical kid.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Einstein, uh, Ghandi, Gershwin,

there's nothing wrong
with these people.

My son has asthma.

He's made up this world

where he can be
the star athlete,

the quarterback.

He can be, uh-

- Chuck Norris?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

He says they're sidekicks,
that they do things together.

I don't know.

- You ever tried?

- What?

- Being his sidekick?

- I don't think I have
a chance against Chuck.

I put in a lot of hours at work.

Barry's alone too much

with his videos,
his karate games-

- We all put in extra
hours, Mr. Gabrewski.

That's not what I asked you.

- Am I close with my son?

Yeah.

We went through some
hard times, and, uh,

that should have brought
us closer, but, uh-

- You have to help him
change his priorities.

Maybe yours too.

- Barry.

Barry!
- What?

- Get a grip.

What's the matter with you?

- Oh, oh, nothing.

- Space case.

Come on, let's go.

It's late, let's go.

- Bye, Barry.

See you tomorrow.

- Yes, thank you, Miss Chan.

- Thank you for your time.

- Did you forget something?

- Hmm?

Oh.

Yeah, thank you.

Let's go.

We'll see this Master Stone
and sign you up for karate.

What?
- Nothing, nothing.

- One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

Snap at the top!

Come on, come on!

Two!

Stretch it!

Three!

- I'm just going to
tell him we're here.

- With speed.

- Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Uh, excuse me.

- Four!

Let's snap at the top!

Snap it!

Hey!

You!

- Me?

- Yeah!

You!

We don't wear shoes on
the mat here, mister.

- Sorry.

Double knots.

Socks too?

- Hey, hey, hey!

Don't touch that.

So, you want to
learn karate, huh?

- Yeah.

- "Yeah?

Yeah?"

You mean, yes, sir,

don't you, son?

- Oh, yeah.

Yes, sir.

- Your father here tells
me all you think about

is this, uh, art, this craft,
that has taken me years,

years, to master.

Could you wheeze a
little quieter, kid?

I'm trying to talk, here.

- Excuse me, Mr. Stone.

My son has a condition-

- You must be pretty good
to win all this stuff.

- Well, I don't like
to brag or anything-

- I bet you're almost
as good as Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris?

He doesn't compete anymore,
kid, and one of the reasons,

one of the main reasons
he doesn't is me!

- Okay, let's, uh-

- He doesn't compete

because I would kick his ass.

- Let's go, son.

Come on.

- Kick his ass!

- Got you the first time.

This isn't all there is.

- You know, kid, that's
the first smart thing

you've said all day,

"This isn't all there is."

It's just the best.

- You know, karate is a sport

of discipline and
restraint and style,

one that builds respect.

- You believe in the
Easter bunny too, kid?

Chuck Norris!

Bring the gunpowder!

Now I teach you lesson!

- Help!

- Hush.

I blow you up now.

Please!

Ah.
- Help!

Help!

Help!

- Uh-oh.

- Time for bed.

- Uh, dad-

- You looked like you
were already asleep.

Were you watching that thing?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I was, kind of.

Uh, dad?

- What?

- Did you ever, uh,

become involved with something?

Uh-

- It's late.

You got to get your eight hours.

What?

- Nothing.

- What?

- Forget it.

- What?

- Miss Chan!

Miss Chan, well, well.

Long time no see.

What's El Rusho Supremo?

The last time we spoke

your uncle was coming to town.

Did he ever get here?

- Yes, today.

Please, Eugene, I'm late.

- Does he need a job?

If I may say so, I'm not
without influence in this town.

- I'm his sponsor, Mr. Mapes.

He has a job.

He's going to be working
in my family's restaurant.

- But that's so stereotypical.

It's like working in a laundry.

- Uh-huh.

Believe it or not,
we've done that too.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm late for my date.

- Date?

Oh, my jealousy rears
its ugly green head.

Who's the lucky fellow?

- An appointment date, Eugene,

one of my students.

- Trouble with one
of the urchins?

Perhaps I can be of assistance.

- Barry Gabrewski.

Oh, but he's, uh-

- He's what?

- Uh, well, he's,

slow and, uh, impaired-

Hopeless, hopeless.

The kid is hopeless.

- He's a dreamer, Mr. Mapes

and historically, dreamers have
a pretty good track record.

- Barry.

Barry!

And what, may I ask,
was all that about?

- Oh, I, I was working
out a Charley horse.

Yeah, I was, uh,

just working it out.

- Uh-huh, we'll
talk about it later.

Now, there's someone I want
you and your dad to meet.

If he likes you

maybe he'll be the one to
teach you martial arts.

- Nobody likes me.

Why would he?

- Well, I don't know.

Maybe because he's a
little bit like you.

- May I help you?

- You can help
everybody in this place.

Tell that chink to
douse that cigar.

This is a public area.

He's not supposed to be
smoking that in here.

- Yes, of course you are right.

Since we are all so similar,

would you mind telling me

which particular chink
you are referring to?

- The geezer in front
of you, Charlie.

- Excuse me.

Sign says-

- Come on, come on.

- Where, uh,

where is it?

- By the way, my
name is not Charlie.

- Huh?

Hmm.

Smoke.

Smoking.

I'm smoking?

I'm smoking?

I'm smoking!

Get this thing off me.

This is my favorite jacket!

What are you doing?

- What's this?

- That's how we teach
children to use chopsticks.

- Okay.

I get the point.

See, if they had points on them

you could just stab it.

It's not happening.

I wanted to impress your uncle.

- Did you notice my
uncle stopped using his

halfway through the meal?

- He did?

- He really likes you.

He's very impressed

with your work with computers.

Are you almost finished
with your program?

- How did you know?

- Your son.

- Oh.

- He's told me a lot about you.

- He hasn't told
me much about you.

What about you?

Well, my father built
this restaurant.

He came here first.

Eight years later he
sent for my mother.

- So you grew up
around here then?

- Yes.

They worked here together.

Then my father died.

My mother ran the place
herself for a while,

but then, two years ago,
he sent for her again.

Now it's all I
have left of them.

- And your uncle?

- Dear uncle,

a poet and a charmer,
teacher and philosopher.

- That is the ninth time.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

I wasn't ready.

- That is the entire
point of this exercise.

You must always be ready.

And you,

you want to be a martial artist.

And what would be
your fighting name?

Hmm, Barry the Leopard.

No, no, no, no.

Not quite right.

Uh, Barry the Tiger, who fights

with courage and
relies on instinct.

No.

That won't do.

Hmm.

I have it.

I've got it.

- What?

What is it?

- Mr. Dumpling.

Mr. Dumpling, who fights
in a most deceptive manner

by smashing the fists
of his opponents

with his own face.

- Uh, Mr. Lee.

- Mr. Dumpling never attacks

because he does not
survive to attack,

because he is never ready.

- Okay, I get the
point, Mr. Lee.

- All right, then.

It's very simple.

I will help you learn
what you want to know.

But once you stop wanting to
learn, I will stop teaching.

- Mr. Lee, I don't
want to stop learning.

- Oh, never interrupt
your teacher.

This, for example is a thief.

You cannot compromise
with a thief

unless you wish to give
something of yourself away.

Does that appear confusing?

- Yes.

- Good.

Life is very confusing.

And that is your first lesson.

- I married the first
girl I took out.

- How long has she been gone?

- She passed away
almost 10 years ago.

You sure Barry is going to
be okay with your uncle?

- Oh, my uncle will
behave himself.

If he doesn't,
I'll break his arm.

More tea?

- Yeah.

- How far is your
school from your house?

- About, uh, five, 10 minutes.

- Not how long.

How far?
- Oh.

Two miles.

- How do you get there?

- My dad drops me
off in the morning

picks me up in the
afternoon or I get a ride.

- From now on, you
will walk to school,

that is until next week.

Then you will run.

We will see if that is
a thief or a crutch.

- Yes?

- There's a problem out here.

- Where's that little gal, grub?

Grub, that is the
name, ain't it?

- It's gab, Gabrewski.

Ga, ga, ga...

It's a funny name.

- It is a funny name.

Grub's better, ain't it, boys?

Right, guys?

- Grub, grub, grub, grub!

What's your, what's your name?

- Hank.

It's short for Henry.

- Oh, yeah.

I had an uncle named
Henry one time.

- Yeah?

I don't think I knew him.

- Let me deal with them.

- What are you doing?

- Preparing.

- We're going to do something
really special for you.

We're going to
remodel this place.

- Yeah, boss.

- We'll take that
wall over there

and put it here.

That wall will be
back over here.

And I think the kitchen will
be all the way in the front.

- The front?

- First thing we're going to do

is we're going to
start right here.

- Look at this guy.

- Whoa!

That boy's drunk.

That's a drunken Chinaman.

- Who order wonton?

- Ow!

You dumb idiot!

You son of a, ah!

- Sorry, sorry.

- Hot, hot, hot!

- Water!

- What, are you crazy?

- You all right?

- Uh-huh.

- Ow!

You're on my hand!

Get off my hand!

- Oh!

- Ah!

- These gentlemen only
saw what I appeared to be.

Lesson number two,

believe what is,
not what you think.

Remember, tomorrow you
walk to school, huh?

- The
kid moved down the street.

Alert,

constant vigilance,

eternal suspicion,

like Chuck in the jungle.

Beware the enemy.

The kid evaded capture

or worse, this time,

but the bad guys are still
out there, somewhere.

- Come on, you'll
be late for school.

- Barry?

Are you okay?

- Uh, yeah.

Hi, Lauren.

- What's wrong?

Where's your dad?

- Oh, I thought I'd, uh,

I'd walk today.

- Oh.

Gee, that's great exercise.

- Yeah.

- Well, you better hurry

'cause class starts
in ten minutes.

- Okay.

- Barry, are you sure
you don't want a ride?

- no, that's okay.

I want to get my heart
rate up a little higher.

- Oh, okay.

Bye.

Let's go, mom.

- Now, we've read several of
the bard's important plays

and these wondrous words

should stay with you
from now through the end

of your days.

Mr. Cellini?

- Yeah?

- "Yes," is the proper
response, Mr. Cellini.

- Okay.

- Perhaps, Mr. Cellini,

we should test your
retention skills.

From whence does
this quote come?

"To thine own self be true."

- Polonius, Mr.
Mapes, from "Hamlet."

- That is correct, Lauren.

Let's try again, Mr.
Cellini, shall we?

"Alas, poor yorick!

I knew him..."

Well?

- Uh, it's from the
Bible, isn't it?

- A book with which, I am sure

you are thoroughly familiar.

No, Mr. Cellini,
it's not the Bible.

Yes, Mr. Gabrewski, what is it?

- Uh, yeah, it's uh, "Hamlet."

- Be still my heart!

Yes, that's correct.

Careful, Mr. Cellini.

Your competition
for class dumbbell

is rapidly diminishing.

Now-

- Better watch where
you're going, creep.

Accidents happen when
you don't pay attention.

- Let me up.

- But if I let you
up you might hurt me.

And I don't want you to hurt me.

It's lucky for you Master
Stone didn't take you on

'cause I'm in that class

and I'd be doing this every day.

Oh, look at this.

So where's your friend
Chuckie now, retard?

Oh, by the way,

Lauren doesn't like you.

She pities you.

- There.

Breathe out.

- Okay, you're doing good.

All right, let's start again.

All right, relax.

Breathe out.

Bend your knees.

Breathe in.

- Move it,
lard ass, move it!

34, hup.

35, hup.

36, hup.

37, hup.

38, hup.

39, hup.

40, hup.

Had enough?

41, hup, 42-

- That's lone wolf.

- And little wolf too.

- Well, well, well.

If it isn't the two
big, bad wolves.

- What will you have?

- Milk.

- Hey, how about some cookies?

- Bartender, make mine milk too.

- Sure, Ranger.

- Hey, you!

Get me a drink.

Hey, better yet, give me a kiss.

- Let go of me!

Let go of me!

- Leave her alone.

- All right, let's do it.

I can take you, little wolf.

Just you and me.

- If you're wrong,

you're dead wrong.

- Oh, ooh.

- That was for nothing.

That was for something.

- Watch it, Barry.

- Wake up!

This is gym class,
sonny boy, not nap time.

How dare you fall
asleep in my class!

Get up, boy!

- Sorry, Mr. Horn.

- Oh, I'll bet you are

but not as sorry as
you're going to be.

I've been thinking, son.

It's been a while

since your last
physical evaluation.

There you are, lady.

Start climbing.

- Let's go, Barry warry.

Get up that rope.

- Come on, Gabrewski,
what are you,

a man, or Marvin milk-toast?

Keep going, lady.

Don't even think about quitting.

- You can do it, Barry!

- Barry!

Hey, Barry!

I'll race you to the top.

- I, I can't.

- Sure you can.

Just wrap your leg
around the rope

and hold it with your foot.

- I can't.

- Barry, I hate that word.

- Who is he talking to?

Hey, you up there.

You nod off again?

Get going!

- Don't listen to them.

Listen to me.

Wrap your leg around the rope.

That's it.

Now hold it with your foot.

- Okay.

- Now all the
weight's in your legs.

Relax your arms a little.

See?

Weight's in your legs.

There you go.

All right, now, pull!

That's it, use your legs.

That's it.

Good.

There you go.

Pull, yeah.

- Come on, Barry.

You can do it.

- Pull, Barry.

Yeah, you're doing great, Barry.

It's all yours, Barry.

All the way to the top.

- Well, I'll be.

- All right, Barry!

- Hit the showers!

- Mr. Horn was sure mean today.

I think you ought
to tell your daddy.

- My daddy?

No, I don't think he
would be much help.

- Why not?

My daddy would rope
him, shoot him,

stuff him, and mount him.

- What?

- That's what he always says.

- That's 'cause he's a Texan.

My dad's a computer
programmer from Pittsburgh.

Make him mad, he just
punches the keyboard harder.

- This is where I get off.

- Oh, um, Lauren.

I, uh,

I, uh, you know,

I really like you.

- I like you too, Barry.

- Okay, great.

Well, if I like you
and you like me,

why don't we go out?

- Go out?

- Yeah.

- Barry, I like you,
but just not like that.

- What?

- I worry about you.

The others are so mean.

It makes me feel so-

- Sorry for me.

- No.

- Yeah, Cellini was right.

You pity me.

- I do not!

I don't!

- I get it, okay?

- Barry!

Please.

- I hate this crap.

I'm going to beat this thing.

I will beat you!

- I'm going to show you

how easy it could be.

All you have to do

is tell me what I want to know.

- I won't tell you anything.

- Hang on as long
as you can, Barry.

You can do it.

Just hang on.

- Filthy swine.

Come on, Barry warry.

Make it easy on yourself.

- Chuck, Chuck, I can't breathe.

- What do you care, twerp?

You sound like a bagpipe
when you do anyway.

- Hang on, Barry.

We'll get out of this.

- Not!

I'll just squeeze his lungs out.

- Hang on, Barry.

- I can't.

- Hang on!

Barry, Barry.

- Hang on, son!

That's it, Barry.

Hang in there, boy.

- Dr. Hingram to the
surgical ICU nurses station.

Dr. Hingram to the surgical
ICU nurses station.

- Has he been getting
his allergy shots
on a regular basis?

- Yes.

- Has he been under any
extraordinary stress lately

at home or at school?

- I don't think so.

He walked to school
feeling fine this morning.

He seemed to be okay.

Is he going to be all right?

- He'll be fine.

And it's probably not a bad
idea he does these things.

You know, basically,
his lungs are okay.

I looked at the x-rays.

There's very little
scarring, if any.

- Good.

- Frankly, I'm surprised
at this attack,

what with the humidity-

- Jerry-
- Noreen, thanks for coming.

- Where is Barry?

- Lee.
- Is he all right?

- Yes.

Which room is he in?

- 215.

- Glad you called me.

- The doctor said his X
rays are looking good.

Oh, Noreen, this is Dr. Millard.

Ms. Chan is one of
Barry's teachers.

- Hi, nice to meet you.

- Mr. Lee?

- Yes.

I have something for you.

I will take this off,
only for a few minutes.

This will help you.

- That smells awful.

- Yes.

That's how I know
when it's ready.

It is an old remedy

with some of my
secret ingredients.

Breathe in the fumes.

Deeply.

Good.

Now rest.

- It's, um,

starting to burn.

What is it?

- You must breathe.

The heat will not burn you.

It will help.

Relax.

You were perhaps overzealous.

You tried to reach too far

too fast.

We will try again, but slower.

But now I believe
you want to learn.

Good night, Mr. Dumpling.

Let's start with a
few simple movements.

Low block.

High block.

Punch.

Kick.

High block.

Punch.

Inhale four steps.

Exhale four steps.

Inhale four steps.

Come on, Barry.

The object is not

to hurt somebody else.

It is to stop them
from hurting you.

You must respect the wood.

It lives on its own.

It has its own spirit.

Barry, Barry.

- Yeah, I know.

I'm up there.

- Down and inhale.

Five.

Now rest.

Had enough?

- Yeah.

- Just one more, one more.

Easy, easy.

Good.

Pick up!

- How do you feel?

- I never felt better.

- You lie as well as you run.

Drink that.

- What's this?

- Be quiet, disrespectful boy.

You dare question me?

- You took me for six
bucks on gin rummy.

I'm watching you like a hawk.

- That will help with breathing.

Now drink.

- Oh, God.

That's awful.

- Foolish boy.

You think magic
should win taste test?

Then nobody drink Pepsi-cola.

- Pepsi has nothing
to worry about.

- You go home now.

You give me headache,
and besides,

you have no more money to win.

Here, take this
four times a day,

twice on Sunday.

- Okay.

Good-bye, miss Chan.

Don't play cards
with this guy, okay?

- Oh, I already learned that.

Say hi to your dad for me.

- All right.

- Magic potion.

Oh, what's in this?

- Don't worry.

It won't kill him.

- Imagine my relief.

- What the hell's that smell?

- I don't know.

- Must be a sewage
backup around here.

No.

Don't be late for school.

- Form a line!

Gabrewski, what
are you doing here?

Get your butt up there

on the benches with
the rest of the babies.

- I'm okay, Mr. Horn.

I'm gonna take the class today.

- Like hell you will, boy.

You end up in the hospital again

my tail will end up in
the ringer, for sure.

- Yeah, but-

- No buts, except
yours, parked up there.

Now, get moving!

- Yeah, Barry warry,
before you get hurt.

- Cellini, I don't remember
asking for your opinion!

20 laps!

All right, now it's time

to meet my good
friend, Mr. Push-up.

Hit the deck.

Gabrewski, what are you doing?

I told you to get up there
with the rest of the babies.

We haven't got all day.

We got work to do.

- And I can do it.

Look, I'll sign a release
or something, okay?

- You'll do that, boy.

Okay, everybody, Mr. Push-up.

All right, let us go.

25 to warm you up.

One.

Gabrewski, you drop dead on me

and I swear I will shoot
myself and come on after you.

Five, six.

- Barry, I have
something for you.

You will work with
these an hour each day.

If you make a mistake,

they will sting you,

but I will help
you make them sing.

- They look deadly.

- It is true, they are weapons,

but you must realize

that the greatest weapon
you'll ever possess

is self-control.

- Oh!

- That's using your head, Barry.

- That's beautiful.

It's like a ballet.

- It takes a long time to learn.

Much discipline.

Come, Barry.

Time to run.

- Work him hard, Lee.

- Yes, sir.

- See you later.

- Bye-bye.

- I wish I could do what you do.

- Sure, you can.

- I couldn't.

- Come on.

- What?
- Come on.

- No, no, no, no.

What?

- Feet together.

- Come on.

I'm going to hurt myself.

All right.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Got that.

I can't.

I can't.

You move so graceful.

- It's more important
to be graceful here.

- Heads up.

10 out of 12.

Not bad.

- Mr. Lee?
- Mm-hmm.

Do you ever dream?

- Oh, yes.

Not uh, just at night.

- You mean dreaming
when you're awake?

- I mean, it's kind of like

I'm off someplace or
having an adventure with-

- With him.

- Yeah.

- Dreams are good.

- Even when you're
walking down a hallway

or sitting in a classroom?

I like 'em and all that, but uh,

I mean, is it normal

for that to happen?

- You must learn
to control them.

When you learn to control them,

you will have fewer dreams then,

but they will be richer ones.

- Is that the way
it's supposed to be?

- The dream world is
where the child lives.

Growing older would
not mean growing wiser

if that world did not exist.

- How did you learn so much?

- Television.

Always expect the unexpected.

- Okay.

- Stop.

You're kicking much harder.

Now I'm ready.

Breathe in, breathe out,
breathe in, breathe out.

Enough for now.

Enough for now!

Not too bad.

Now, we run.

- Go, go, G-O!

Go, Redskins, go!

Go, go, G-O!

Go, Redskins, go!

- Hey.

- Hey, it's Barry warry.

I can't breathe.

- Up yours, Cellini.

- Oooh.

- Barry, Barry, we always
seem to meet this way.

What did you say to me?

- I said it's not going
to be so easy this time.

- What, do you think you're bad?

- Just knock it
off, Cellini, okay?

- What are you gonna do now?

So you want to
learn karate, huh?

You're about to get your
first lesson for free.

- All right, I'm out of here.

- Hey, Barry.

- What in thunder
is going on here?

Cellini, are you nuts?

You could kill him.

- He was the one
that started it.

- If that's true, kid,
you've got less brains

than a woodpecker on an
aluminum telephone pole.

Now you two break it
up and hit the showers.

All right, show's over.

Come on, you kids, break it up.

- It's not over by a long shot.

- Barry!

Not bad, kid.

Not bad at all.

- I can't believe that was you.

- Yeah, well, you're
not the only one.

- He's such a creep and a bully.

- Yeah, he's just an
all-around kind of guy.

- Barry, what are you
doing this weekend?

- Um, I'm going to the zoo.

- Can I come with you?

- Yeah.

Yeah, sure, I'd like that.

- Great.

I'll see you in English, okay?

- Go, Redskins, go!

- More flesh razor blades
in this bubble gum.

More acid rain in
these jawbreakers.

Yes!

Dynamite in the pinatas.

Where's that girl?

Bring me that girl.

Ah, yes.

- Yes, boss?

- What is the problem, huh?

- She won't talk.

I thought she was smart.

- Well, you know
what to do, so do it.

- My pleasure.
- No, no!

Help!

- Let's do it.

All right, Barry

I'll take the front,
and you take the back.

You know the cue.

- Same as always, all
hell breaks loose.

What about him?

- Help me.

Help me.

- Come on, get going.

Let's get going now!

- Help me.

Help me, help me.

Help me.

Help me.

Help me.

- Wasn't that spike?

- I don't know.

- Well, our hero.

Get him!

Oh, a hero clone.

Destroy them both!

You missed me.

Get them, get them, get them!

Listen to me now.

Get them, get them, get them!

Get them, get them, get
'em, get 'em, get 'em.

You wouldn't dare.

Ooh!

- Help!

- Get me down from here.

Help me!

Help, Spike!

Where is spike?

He's never around
when you need him.

I'll just hang around
up here till they leave.

I'll just hang around up here.

Maybe not.

- Ew.

- Help!

- Sweetheart.
- Barry.

- Hey, Barry.

What's going on?

Where's Noreen?

- Hey, this is my dream.

- My hero!

- Oh.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Here, tough guy.

You want a real shot at me?

There's your chance,

if you're not too chicken.

- A karate tournament?

- That's right.

It's a fair contest.

- Fair?

That will be the day.

- Lauren, I used to
think you were smart.

I mean, I don't know why
you hang around this bozo

when you could have
someone like me.

- Don't make me ill.

- All right, class,

the day we've all been
waiting for is finally here,

the English romantic poets.

Now, we're going to start
with Percy Bysshe Shelley.

- We have decided
we will join you

in this team competition.

- I should feel happy,

but I'm not.

- Natural reaction.

Natural doubt.

- I'm not ready.

- True.

Look at the tortoise, Barry.

The tortoise is very clumsy

and not musical at all

but it has been said,
and I believe it

when all things are right,

when a dream becomes true,

when the impossible
is accomplished

and lies behind you,

on that day, the
turtles will dance.

- Tortoises can't dance.

- A-ha.

You only think they can't.

If you believe they
can, they will.

- Barry, come take
a look at this.

- I rest my case.

Wait for me!

My goodness.

You're doubling your bets?

What am I going to do if I lose?

I'll tell you what
I'm going to do.

I'm going to treat you to
a dinner at my restaurant.

Frying, Frying Dragon.

This one?

Ooh.

Thank you very much.

Now, you, girl.

This one?

- Ladies and gentlemen

welcome to the Texas open
team karate championship.

But before this nationally
sanctioned meet,

you'll enjoy a demonstration

by some of the most renowned
martial artists in the country.

There will be plenty
of action here today.

- All right.

Great.

- Will
all competitors

please make sure to register?

- Listen, there's no sense
all of us standing here.

Why don't you go ahead and
watch some demonstrations.

- Yeah, okay, great.

Thanks.

- You're all set.

- All right, thanks.
- Thank you.

Good morning.

Application, please?

All right.

- Next up,
weapons form demonstrations.

- And who's your fourth?

- Oh, we don't have one.

We wanted to compete
as a three-person team.

- Ah, no.

It's a team competition

and you have to have
a complete team,

which is four people, so,

you're just gonna have to
find another team member.

Thanks so much.

Step aside.

Application, please?

Good morning.

Thank you very much.

- This
competition has drawn

the karate world's
best and brightest

for what should be an afternoon
of unexcelled excitement.

Here's Andrew Ashley
demonstrating sword techniques.

Topflight competitors all,

including last year's
champion team, Stone Dojo

and second place contender,
The Kick Connection.

- Oh, Barry is going
to be so disappointed.

- There's Chuck Norris.

- I have an idea for fourth.

Come on.

- They grabbed him by the leg

and ripped his pants
completely off.

- Well, well, well,
what a surprise.

Chuck Norris.

Too bad you're not
still fighting.

I'd love to kick your ass.

- Only in your dreams, Stone.

- Yeah, it would be your
worst nightmare, Chuck.

- That guy hasn't
changed, has he?

- Are you crazy, uncle?

He's a star.

He's not gonna join our team.

- He's the boy's hero.

Ask him.

Excuse me.

Judge coming through.

- That's not the
original training table.

He'll never let me.

- There he is.

Ask him.

Ask well.

- I think
the internationals

are one of the toughest
tournaments we fought in.

- Hello?

- Most black
belts I've ever seen.

- Excuse me?

Hi.

Could I talk to you for a
minute, please, Mr. Norris?

- Yeah, sure.

Just a second, guys.

Can I help you?

- I'm Noreen Chan.

- Oh, hi, Noreen.

- Hi, I'm Chuck Norris.

- Yeah.
- And you're-

- Oh, me?

Oh, well, I'm Barry.

- Hi, Barry.

Nice to meet you.

You competing?

- Yeah.

- You nervous?

- Oh, gosh, yes.

I've never been so
nervous in my life.

- Well, being nervous is good.

It loosens you up.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you and I go
win this thing, huh?

- What do you mean?

- I mean you needed
a fourth team member

and now you've got one.

Besides, there's a fighter here

who needs a lesson in humility.

- We'll
be back with the first

of the competitions,
the ladies kata

after a brief intermission.

- This is a little joke here?

- What?

- Oh, come on, Chuck Norris?

The Chuck Norris?

- You got a problem
with that, son?

- No.

And the name of your team?

- Happy?

- I still can't believe it.

Somebody pinch me.

Ow!

Mr. Lee, that's
only an expression.

- Then why say it?

I go home now.

- What do you mean?

- I got a restaurant to run.

I'll be back in time.

- Be back by two o'clock.

- Will all
competitors for the women's kata

please report to
the judges' stand?

Noreen Chan, representing
the Frying Dragon Dojo.

- Beautiful!

Man.

- That was great.

- That was beautiful.

Beautiful.

- That was so great.

Have you seen uncle?

- No.

- Malia Bernal
representing the Stone Dojo.

First place, Malia Bernal.

The Stone Dojo off
to an early lead

going into the
breaking competition

and a strong
second-place showing

from Noreen Chan.

- Where is he?

It's30.

- I called the restaurant.

He wasn't there.

- Randy Cellini,
last year's winner

looking to better his record

with an eight-brick break.

Randy Cellini,
ladies and gentlemen

from the Stone Dojo.

We have one more
contestant left.

Lee Chan from the flying,
no, Frying Dragon.

- Would Mr. Lee Chan
enter the ring, please?

Mr. Lee Chan.

- Excuse, please.

Coming through.

Excuse.

- He's here, he's here.

- Hey, check this out.

Here's a guy going
to break bricks

wearing an apron.

- Hey, you're not
wearing a karate gi.

- Don't need karate
gi for brick breaking.

- Is it red or white
wine with bricks?

Ladies and gentlemen, he's
asking for another brick.

Wow!

He broke them, he broke them.

- Hey, we're going to be
eating humble brick here, Dave.

- Yeah!

- That
brings the Frying Dragon

within two points of the
champion, Stone Dojo.

Manuel Serrano,
ladies and gentlemen

the Stone Dojo's
master swordsman

and it's championship
technique at its best.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

- Barry Gabrewski.

What a show, what a show!

Entering the freestyle fighting,

the Dragons are in second place

against the undefeated
dojo master, Kelly Stone.

- Chuck.

Chuck.

This is my dad.

- Hi, how are you?

- Mr. Norris, I feel like
I've known you a long time.

- Well, it's Chuck

and it's nice meeting you.

- I want to let you know

how much I appreciate
your helping my boy,

joining the team.

- Oh, hi.

I have to get ready.

- Nice meeting you.

- Nice meeting you too.

- Point.

- Ah, yeah.

- Chuck Norris

will meet Kelly Stone
in the final match.

- Yeah.

Come on, come on!

- Go get him.

- You know, Norris,
I've always wanted

to see how good you really are.

- You're only going
to see it once, Stone.

- Yeah.

- And here they are

in the final freestyle pairing

Chuck Norris for
the Frying Dragon

and Kelly Stone
representing his dojo.

- Yeah!

Huh?

Huh?

You talking to me, all of you?

Come on, all the way.

Come on, Chuck.

Come on!

All right!

Come on, Norris!

Come on.

- Add one point.

- You didn't say go, man!

You didn't say go, all right?

I wasn't ready.

I wasn't ready.

- No point.

No point.

- All right!

Way to go, Chuck!

- Shut up, you twerp.

All right, Norris.

Let's really do it now, man.

I'll go with you.

I'll go with you.

I'll go with you.

Whoa!

Wow-wow!

- Ooh.

- Oh, that hurt.

- Well, ladies and gentlemen,

it seems we now have a tie.

The Stone Dojo and
the Frying Dragon

have both amassed 36 points.

There will be a tie breaker.

Please stand by for
an announcement.

- Frying Dragon calls heads.

Heads it is.

The Frying Dragon team
chooses the participant.

- It will be Barry.

- Me?

Oh, well, why me?

- You can do it.

You won the weapons.

- They don't have anyone
who can touch you.

- You're the one with
something to prove.

- You've already
proven yourself, son.

Just do what you think is right.

- The tie breaker
will be between

Barry Gabrewski
and Randy Cellini.

- And the event will be-
- Breaking.

We choose breaking.

- You know how to do
this stuff, Barry?

- Yeah.

Yeah, kind of.

I've done it once.

- You can do it again.

- We're
with you, Barry.

- Barry warry,

why don't you just quit now
and avoid the embarrassment.

- Breaking
first for the Stone team,

Randy Cellini.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Beat that, puke face.

You.

Yeah!

- You'll be fine.

- And
here's Barry Gabrewski.

They're adding a seventh.

He has to break seven for
his team to stay in this.

- Well done, son.

- Thanks.

Boy, that stings.

- You're using
your hand too much,

your arm not enough.

It's like hammer.

Head is hand,

handle is arm.

- I'm going to end
this right now.

- Mr. Cellini
is asking for another brick!

He's going for a
record-breaking nine bricks.

- Ready.

No break.

- No break,
ladies and gentlemen.

- What?

Hey, that broke.

I can see it.

What the hell are
you talking about?

When you say you're
going to break something,

you break it!

What the hell is wrong with you?

I told you to break it!

You follow through
with your fist!

Damn.

I could break it.

- Barry Gabrewski
has a chance to win it all

if he can break nine bricks.

- Hey.

When you break your hand on
those bricks, Barry warry,

I'm gonna go get a great big
victory kiss from Lauren.

- You're not gonna touch her.

- No anger.

You are here to confront bricks,

not that stupid boy.

Now, concentrate.

There.

This will help you.

- Yeah!

- I don't know what to say.

I've always wanted to meet you.

- Well, it's been my pleasure.

- It's, um, been kind of
like a dream coming true.

- Dreams do come true, Barry,

if you want them bad enough.

- There's my dad.

Thank you.

- Yay, we did it!

Woo-hoo!

- All right!

- Yeah!
- Woo-hoo!

- Wow.