All language subtitles for Rake.S05E08.CBFM.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

WWW.MY-SUBS.COM

Why are children dancing
with a mad Polish woman

in my electoral office?

When I agreed to this job, you said
that I could bring Ian into work.

Senator Cleaver Greene.

I was your fellow speaker here today.

Li-Ming Wu. Hi.

The bodies of two drowned plumbers

were pulled from a sewer today
in Canberra.

The bodies were identified

as brothers Jake and Gordon
Metherill from Queanbeyan.

- The plumbers.
- Hm?

You didn't. You wouldn't.

Have you got an appointment
to see me, Joe?

What if I throw you my numbers,
make you Prime Minister?

You give me that back,

you sign a legal document

relinquishing all future claims to it.

- Prime Minister, Cal.
- It's my painting.

- Prime Minister.
- Mmm...

Are you sure you can't find another
hour or so?

It is not often I spend time with
someone who appreciates my passion.

Why are people leaving the room quickly?

Oh, shit.

It's a coup.

- It's a fucking coup.
- Oh...

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.MY-SUBS.com

Excuse me.

You're looking great.

Why was I not invited?

Because questions would be asked

by my parents and my husband's parents,

the politburo, the ambassador,
not to mention my husband.

Yes, yes. Well, let's...
Let's not mention him.

Now, who is the offending article?

Stop it! He is the deputy secretary
for the embassy here.

- Oh, is he?
- Yes.

Oh, right. Well, good for him.

His father is about the third
richest man in China.

Oh, is he?

And he wants his son
to be president one day.

Does he? And, um...

Do you love him?

I like him.

He's handsome, he's smart.

With my advice, he could get things done.

See, I don't like him.

- You never met him.
- No, but I don't...

I don't have to meet people to not
like them, I just...

So, this is the real you,

as opposed to the bullshit artist
I had lunch with.

Yes. This is...

This is it, I'm afraid.

I always prefer the genuine article.

Er, happy to talk about this, guys.

Sources within Australia's
diplomatic corps are describing it

as is one of the most embarrassing
diplomatic incidents in decades.

The Chinese Premier is not only
calling for an apology...

Pull up in this vet.

Princess is distressed.

I need to see if there's someone
who could have a look at her.

Oh, God!

Whoa... Oh, God!

- Oh...
- Yes, they can see her.

Oh, mate, she's chucked something up
in there.

- What?
- Oh, mate.

She has thrown something up in there
that you don't want to know about.

Oh, Princess.

Where... where is she?

What do you mean?

- Where's Princess?
- I don't know.

Where is she? Well...

Well... Well, she...

She was right here a second ago.

- I'm buggered if I know.
- You... you were right here.

Well, mate, I don't know.
I mean has she... she...

Princess...

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

Oh, no. I don't know. Catty!

This morning, I had the privilege

to inform His Excellency
the Governor-General

that the Federal Liberal Party
last night bestowed upon me

the enormous honour of its leadership.

He consequently asked me
to form a government.

I would like to thank Gareth Morrow

for his fantastic work as Prime Minister

over the past five
Newspolls... uh, 15 weeks.

But quite frankly,
we weren't coming up to scratch.

Darling.

Come here.

More significantly, though,
and on a very, er, very sad note,

Chief Justice Nelson last night
passed away suddenly

from a heart attack.

He graced his office
with grace and dignity

and we send our condolences
and love to His Honour's family

and, of course, there will be
a state funeral.

- Are there any questions?
- Mr McGregor...

Yes?

I understand the incident
at the Midwinter Ball last night

involving Senator Cleaver Greene,
a Chinese bride,

and the collapse of a screen

has caused enormous tensions
with Beijing.

Mm. Not all, Catherine, no.

I spoke to Premier Tsing this
morning and we couldn't be closer.

Relations simply could not be better.

_

God...

So what made you come home so suddenly?

Claudia left me.

- Claudia's a colleague?
- My boss.

OK.

And... And she's about how...

- 54.
- Right, 54.

Darling, can I ask you a, um...

...a bit of an awkward question?

Yeah.

This thing that you've clearly
got about older women,

and it is a thing because it's been
going on for a while now...

Mm-hm.

...do you think that, um... you
know, subconsciously,

it's a way of, um...

...sort of...

...that it's about you and me?

Eugh!

Are you out of... Are you kidding me?

How many times do I have tell you,
Mum, this is not oedipal?

This is just a thing.

- It's a normal thing.
- OK.

See, I think that a more normal
thing would be

to have lustful thoughts about girls
your own age, for example, you know.

What is there to understand?

Most people, they have things,
and most people don't know why.

But darling, she's 54.

I mean that's, you know...

Are you saying that a 54-year-old
woman can't be beautiful?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

It's just around the corner for you.

Well, hey, it's not around
the corner, I'll have you know.

It's a good way off.

And, you know, Missy is a beautiful woman

and you have a child together,
and she's got a good decade on you.

And, I mean, that's substantial,

that's something to be getting
on with, don't you think?

- Can I help you?
- Dallas Jeffrey, Senator Greene.

I'm from Morgan Field Estate Agents,
who represent this property.

This is your notice to quit.

- Quit what?
- These premises. Immediately.

Well, you can't do this.

I'm a... I'm... I'm...

- I'm a Senator.
- We're very well aware of that.

Well, I have a lease.

Many of the terms of which
you have broken.

Here's the thing, I'm glad you're here

because I've been having a lot of issues

with the plumbing in this joint,

things you don't want to know about,

that I've had to pay for
out of my own pocket,

and I need to be compensated for that.

You have constantly been in arrears
with your rental payments.

Yes, now, see, that's an issue
I'm having with the banking industry

because there's a conspiracy going on.

Senator Greene, I...

So that you can't just kick me out
of here without any notice.

I... I know the law.

I make the law.

There is a clause in your rental
agreement

which specifically prohibits
subletting your space,

and allows for instant termination
of the lease if you do.

I've never...

You have an hour to vacate
these premises.

These gentlemen will ensure
your rapid departure.

We'll probably need to fumigate.

Is it all done? Locked up at the back?

Alright, send the cleaners in now,
please.

Oh, the new Prime Minister
is so keen for a meeting.

Last night, he went...

Oh, great. That'd be right. Here we go.

- Yes, mate.
- Hey!

Listen would you mind
just taking them to Wendy's, please?

I'm assuming this'll be my lift
for the day.

Hello, Nicole. Would you mind
meeting me at the house, please,

as soon as possible?

Thank you.

Come!

I'm a man of my word...

...Treasurer.

Well, I won't say thank you

but I am prepared to acknowledge
the gesture.

Fair enough.

Uh, Joe, hang on a tick.

Greene's coming in.

Might be better if we double-team him.

Brother.

Rightio...

...brother.

Thank you.

I... I didn't know you were coming back.

It was a spur of the moment decision.

- Ow!
- Spur is not a fucking excuse!

You might want to hide
behind being a child,

but you're not a child anymore!

Ow!

OK, one was fair, alright?

Do not get me started on fair.

You are an adult.

You have responsibilities.

Do you have any idea
how selfish you've been?

Is there an answer I can give that
won't result in me getting a slap?

Is Claudia here?

Is that why you've come back?

Claudia and I have broken up.

God. She's so grown-up.

Yeah, it's what happens, doesn't it?

Hey, little darlin' baby girl.

Hi.

Oh.

Good girl.

There were no deaths,

but there was quite a bit of
physical damage, and political.

So, I mean, it has to be attempted
manslaughter at least.

What, a screen falling over?

Jesus, you're a shit lawyer, Cal.

There's no such thing
as attempted manslaughter, mate.

By definition, you can't attempt
the accidental death of someone.

Terry, I need to give
the Chinese something.

Or to be more precise, someone.

There's attempted assault.

What, by leaning on a screen?
Which nobody saw me do, by the way.

And which resulted in a couple
of people getting bruised.

- You pushed over the screen...
- I leaned.

...with the intention of causing
grievous bodily harm

on a race of people that you hate.

Oh, the whole race? With one screen?

Your father served in Korea, didn't he?

- Yes. And?
- There you go.

What do you mean "there you go"?

Let's go with the whole
hate-slash-terrorism line.

That way, we can have a trial
in Canberra,

no press, no public.

We can have him off to an island
by Thursday.

Terrorism is clean, uncontroversial.

And chuck in the hate crime...

Oh. You people...
You're... you're mental.

You have deliberately destroyed
years of patient diplomacy.

Whose diplomacy?

You've been Prime Minister
for about seven seconds, mate.

I mean the South China Sea
is about to erupt.

I mean you have no idea the shit
I had to eat

from the Chinese this morning.

You know, if I close my eyes, Cal,

it's almost as if
you're channelling my sister.

I mean, your voice is a couple
of octaves higher, but it's uncanny.

So?

Oh, they're talking terrorism charges.

- What?!
- Hilarious. Yeah.

I mean, they're gonna try and
pin me with whatever they can get.

But it's pretty funny.
I'm actually quite...

I know.

I'm looking forward to it, it'll be
a big day with the press obviously.

- Terrorism?
- Terrorism.

I mean, I leant against the screen,
or is it leaned?

Um... Well, leaned or leant?

That is the deputy secretary
of the Chinese Embassy

waiting outside your office.

The whatty... what?

Why? Well, has he got an appointment?

No, but I'm thinking
that he doesn't need one.

Well, why do I want to see him?

Because he's here and he was the groom.

Oh, my God. He's the groom.

- Oh, shitballs.
- Yep.

Oh, wow, he looks fit.

Yeah. Pretty, pretty fit.

Like, I'm talking Jet Li.

You mean Bruce Lee.

No, I mean Jet Li.

Who's Jet Li? Oh, you're thinking of
Jason Scott Lee, Bruce's son.

No, Bruce's son was Brandon Lee.

I don't care if it's Jennifer Jason...

Just shush, shush.

Let me focus here.

Listen, could you just get some sort
of emergency medical services

on standby, please?

OK, I'll call the Coroner.

Ah, Deputy Secretary,
a pleasure to meet you.

Senator Greene, how do you do?

It has been a pleasure.

- He seemed nice.
- Yeah.

I mean, that went a lot better than
I thought it would.

Just keep your head back.

Ah. That's nice.

Mm.

Ohh...

I know this is unfortunate timing

but my people have told me that
you should make your reckoning now.

Make my reckoning? What?

Settle your account.

There is not much confidence amongst
any of the drivers' factions

that you will be a senator much longer.

I am under considerable political
pressure right now...

Oh, yes, right.

...and in order to maintain my position,

I have to be seen to be showing strength.

And what position do you think
I'm in to settle any account, mate?

I'm a homeless person with a broken nose.

This is about the Princess,
and don't pretend otherwise.

I'll get you a new cat.
Put it on the tab.

Half the money, now.

I don't have half the...

I mean, I don't know how much
the whole amount is, mate,

but I can tell you now
I don't have half of it.

Half the money, or half a finger?

Half a finger?

What, are you fuckin' Tony Soprano now?

Jesus...

My colleagues are very serious people.

Half a finger?

Mate, I've been driving you and that
anally bereft cat of yours

around for weeks now.

That's gotta be worth something.

- OK, you get 5% off for driving.
- Christ!

- How much do you think I owe you?
- Let me check. Pass me that ledger.

Yep.

$180,000.

- Rounded down.
- 180,000?

That is impossible, mate.

With interest, very possible.

That is bullshit!

I can't even conceptualise 180 grand,
mate.

- Look, it's not just me.
- Holy shit!

These are very serious people.

Who, the drivers?

If I don't go back with half
the money or half a finger,

I will lose their respect
and perhaps a whole finger myself.

Oh...

And I don't think that's fair,
under the circumstances.

OK. Well, let's just go down
to an ATM and withdraw $90,000!

I... Alright, I tell you what.

I will...

I'll write you a cheque.

You can be so amusing sometimes, sir.

Your son has made a lot of money,
has he not?

I don't know.
Why are we talking about my son now?

- You do know he's back in Australia?
- No, he's not. Since when?

Since this morning.

He would've called.

Well... How do you know these things?

Good God, man.

You still do not understand
the mysteries of power.

True power is never seen.

We are drivers.

We are this country's connective tissue.

And I want my Princess back.

Hey, mate.

Why didn't you tell me you were back?

It's a long story, Cleave.

- Mate.
- It's a real cracker.

It's one for the whole family.

Oh, mate.

What are you doing?

Why is he wearing your robe?

Well, er... the ball was boring,

there was all that screaming coming
from the Chinese wedding next door.

- And I invited him back for a drink.
- Are you kidding me?

Oh, my God! Are you kidding?

Oh, God. Ohhhh! God!

Are you kidding me?

Oh.

You right in there, Cleave?

You have not got an original idea
in your head!

Or your penis!

Don't you see what's going on?

He has been stalking me, sexually.

- He has not been...
- For years! Years!

The whole world doesn't revolve
around your penis!

Oh, oh, what's Cleaver up to now? Oh...

You're a sick man. I'm gonna throw up.

- You are sick!
- You know what, you're right.

You're right, Cleaver. I was screwed.

- But Wendy has helped me see the light.
- Oh.

You know, I was like a... like a crab
lugging around his shell

as opposed to a shell lugging
around his crabs.

Oh, see, that's not fun...
You think that's funny.

But you know what? I have outgrown...

- He thinks that's funny.
- ..my tiny shell.

I now have a new, big roomy one,

with a jacuzzi and a '70s soundtrack.

Look at him. That's my shell!

- Oh, God...
- That is my shell.

You gave him my shell.

- I didn't give him...
- You did!

Stop talking about shells.

Because you couldn't have me and so
you... you were determined to...

...to build someone in my likeness.

- Cleaver, I rejected you, remember?
- Yes.

Yes, you rejected me

because you wanted to go lounging
around in Sardinia,

and I wanted to stay here
and serve the people.

I rejected you because
I can't actually trust

a single word that
comes out of your mouth.

And the idea of you serving
the people is ridiculous.

Did you two... I need to know. Did you?

Did you?

That is absolutely none of your business.

Did it?

Oh, that fucking song again.

World travel hasn't made you
any more familiar

with the notion of knocking, I see.

Oh, my God, that song is going to
drive someone postal one day.

Your mother's obviously been
putting up with it for a year now.

However, number one on my Freudian
hit parade right now

is what the hell is going on
with you, my friend?

Claudia dumped me.

And Claudia would be the...

...the octogenarian woman who lured
you into her honey trap?

Fuck, Dad.

Don't joke about this or I swear
to fuck I will get on a plane

because I came here for comfort
and support.

Right. Yes, see, sometimes we think
we need comfort and support,

but actually what we really need is
a size 9.5 Blunny up the clacker.

Why should men get to be with women
half their age,

and women aren't allowed to do
the same thing?

I mean, the President of France has
a wife 25 years older than him.

Is he copping shit?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't
believe the President of France

has fathered a child with his
own father's former prostitute...

Not that that'd be a problem
in France, of course.

Just... Just help me out
with one thing, mate.

What in the name of God

could possibly be wrong with Missy?

I mean, she's an incredible woman,
she's... she's older than you.

If it's not working, it's not working.

I fell for Claudia the moment I met her.

No, you didn't. You didn't.

No, you didn't.

You see, this is... Argh!

You've inherited
your father's disease, mate.

You're mistaking possibility for love.

I don't know what that means.

The only thing that ever falls in
love at first sight is your penis.

Real love presents itself slowly,
over time.

And sometimes...

...you only realise it
when it's left the building.

Can you please stop singing that song?

So, um...

...how is, uh... how's every other
little thing in your life?

How's, uh... how's business going?

It's fine.

Why do you ask?

Oh, no, just... just wondering.

Shit, how much?

Mate, it doesn't always
have to be about...

- How much, Cleave?
- About 90. Quite quickly.

- Fuck.
- Oh, mate. It's the drivers.

These are serious guys.

They seem to run the planet
and I've lost one of their cats.

I'll get him.

Not a word from you.

OK, not a syllable from you.

So, here I was thinking that I was
about to be charged with terrorism

and that'd be fine because I could
defend that, but no.

The charge is fraudulent use of
government property

for personal financial gain, OK?

And that's provable.

The fucking creche.

It was a community service.

She's been charging for it.

- I mean, I assumed she...
- OK.

...you know, she'd be covering the costs

of, you know, cheese sticks
and party pies.

How much money do you think
she's made from this thing?

I don't... I'm not sure exactly.

Rough guess.

120, 130...

- Thousand?
- Yep.

- Dollars?
- Yep.

All declared to the Tax Office,
I'm assuming.

There is a serious shortage
of good childcare in the city.

Yeah, and, um...

So, what did you do with this money?

I put it under your mattress at my place.

Under my mattress, did you?

And so how much money do you think
the nice policeman found

under my mattress?

I think the policeman found about 100.

100,000?

Yeah, I mean, we spent a little bit

and then we've got a lot of
family back in Poland.

Oh, yeah.

And, um, oh, I put on, uh, a deposit
for a school for lain.

Oh, good.

And, so, the nice man literally
found $100,000 under my mattress?

- It sounds bad, but...
- Doesn't it?

Yeah. It just... snowballed.

It got really out of control.

I mean the kids just adore Mama.

- Do they?
- And... and the parents adore Mama.

Do they? OK.

Here's how we're gonna play this.
Alright.

You don't speak a word of
English, alright?

I don't want to hear another word
of English from you

until all this fucknuttedness
is over, yeah?

You don't speak a word of Polish.

I'm fluent.

You don't speak a word
of the bastard, alright?

That's the game.

It's all about confusion, yeah?

You came out here as a little girl,

your parents were constantly
squabbling in Polish...

I mean, they fought a little bit,
but they didn't...

Your parents were constantly
squabbling in Polish,

and that's why you've never embraced
their language

because... because it stunted you
emotionally, OK?

Hence, your mum and you have
always had these kind of mix-ups,

these constant misinterpretations.

It's been an albatross around your
neck since you were a little girl,

and that's when you start to cry.

Oh, do I have to cry?

Yes, of course you have to cry!

Are you crazy? How long
have you been working for me?

There's always been this void,
a void between us.

My mother and I,

I mean, we just don't understand each
other as a mother and a daughter.

I...

I mean, I... I love her.

I don't know her.

I've been... I've been
in Canberra so busy.

I didn't know she was running a creche.

And my partner Barney ran off
with a Monica Bellucci look-alike.

And Cleaver Greene
knows nothing about this!

- I get the picture, Cleaver.
- Do you understand?

You don't speak any English, OK?

Because you're about to be charged.

Jakub will sort out the bail.

Do you understand?

Do you understand?

So you'll defend us?

I can't defend you,
I'm not at the bar anymore.

I'm gonna have to get an old friend
to do it, or an old enemy.

So he wasn't arrested for terrorism?

What was he arrested for?

His chief of staff's mother
was running a creche

out of his Sydney office.

Misuse of public funds.

Oh, well, next best thing.

It'll be an open trial, Cal.

Jack, would you excuse us?

Sure.

Jane, you may want to
excuse yourself as well.

Seriously.

It's about what happened in the new...

Well, that is to say
the former Parliament House.

Oh, gee. Is it the terrorists?
Is there another plot?

Because I am not backing away
in a fight from this one, Joe.

It's the last thing
that people wanna see.

Cal, there were no terrorists.

- What?
- It was dodgy plumbing.

Stuffed electrics.

Just a cigarette butt

thrown at some inappropriately
placed cleaning products.

What are you saying? It was just...

- What, an accident?
- It was just an accident.

But you guys were all over the news,
from day one it was terrorism.

Yeah, we thought it was for a bit.

But, you know,
that was before we found out

actually what happened from the plumbers.

Plumbers, what plumbers?

Oh, the ones who just drowned?
The brothers?

As a matter of fact, that was them.

- So, what, we...
- We retrenched them.

That's all. We retrenched them
with extreme prejudice.

Jesus. Why did you tell me this, Jack?

Because you've got a choice, Cal.

I have no choice!

I have to go straight to the cops
with this one.

Legally, yes.

But a number of us,
Gareth, Angela, myself,

will probably spend the rest
of our fucking lives in prison.

Oh, yeah, and what would be
the downside for me?

Your government would fall tomorrow,

and you'd be
the shortest-serving Prime Minister

in this country's history.

And what, you say, uh, Greene
knows all about this?

I don't know what Greene knows.

And, what, he's facing an open trial?

I don't know how he's going to get
the evidence into it.

Oh, it's Greene, you idiot!

He doesn't care if he gets it
into evidence.

He's just gonna put on his circus
act and all the press'll cover it.

Bubba.

What the hell?

What?

Your hair.

Oh, this.

Oh. Just trying out a new look.

- Miss...
- Oh, God. Really?

Really?

Is this... is this really
all it takes, Fuzz?

Fuzz, it's a stupid wig and glasses.

You know that if I take these off,
um, I'm not a different person.

I'm the exact same person
that you said that you loved.

Yeah, I imagined this being
much more satisfying.

The wig and the glasses.

I mean, know people have their...
things, obsessions.

- Oh, yeah. Fetishes?
- Whatever.

It's just... it's not necessarily
something you can... you can control.

Fuzz. You can't lecture me
about fetishes.

Yeah, I know. I mean you,
you wrote all about them.

I mean, come on, Miss, guys in closets

wearing rubber gloves and catsuits,
and I'm just...

Fuzz, I don't care how old she is,

and I know I've done a lot of
weird shit in a previous life.

You know what? Shocking as it may seem,

I feel like I've reached a point

where I want someone who just wants me.

Fuck.

So, I've just been trying to do
a deal with the DPP, right,

but the government wants my seat
so they want me out.

So, I'm basically looking
at three years in the slammer

if I don't do a deal.

But, if I plead guilty, that's
the end of my political career,

so I'm basically fucked, mate,
I am fucked.

To say nothing of the fact that
I'm about to lose a digit or two,

so, Fuzzy, if you could possibly
see your way clear, mate,

if you've got 90 lying around
in a sock drawer somewhere,

now would be the time to whip it out.

Missy's playing mind games with me.

Did you hear what I just said?

Mate, I've made this observation
about your generation before,

about listening.

She was wearing a wig.

- I rest my case.
- It was silvery grey.

Fuck, mate.

Well, a silvery grey wig, I mean,

you'd like that, wouldn't you,
with your special needs.

She had these glasses on.

I always had a thing for women
in glasses.

Oh, well, yeah, let's just have
a chat about that.

Let's talk about that as opposed to,
the fact that your old man

is going to end up back
in the fucking clink again.

Sorry.

Dad, she knows
I'm a Californian resident.

She's probably freezing my assets
as we speak.

Freezing your assets. Right, OK.

So that... and that'd be where any
kind of potential loany thing

might be coming from.

- Yeah. That's where the money is.
- See, that's no good.

I'm about to start shedding fingers.

Alright, mate, I'll be back
in a jiffy. OK.

- This has to stop.
- What?

You can't punish Fuzz.

- Oh, I can't punish Fuzz?
- No.

On what basis would I
not want to punish Fuzz?

Compassion.

Compassion?

Come on, come on,
I showed you compassion, haven't I,

over the last years or so
when you've needed it.

- Cleave.
- Yeah.

I don't know if compassion
has really been the mixer

in the cocktail of our relationship.

You cannot freeze his US assets.

That would be a disaster for him,
for you, for Winnie.

I mean, that would put her
in a very vulnerable situation.

Freeze his US assets?
I didn't even think of that.

Well, good, because
that's a terrible idea.

That would give me a lot
of bargaining power.

Just let's turn the heat down.

And now that he's a resident
of California,

well, the courts are very
sympathetic to abandoned mothers.

Come on! This is the father
of your beautiful daughter.

Where's your humanity?

How much do you need from him?

90.

Quickly.

Look, Cleave, I don't want to
hurt him badly,

but I think its only fair
that he feels some pain,

and I've already spoken to a hotshot
lawyer in San Francisco.

Oh, see, that's a terrible...
that's terrible...

You don't need some smart-arse,
frisking prick coming in here,

and stealing 40% of your income.

It's a terrible idea.

We're family,
we sort this shit out tonight.

Come on!

What... what sort of a split
are you after?

70/30 his way, current and future assets,

and four grand a week maintenance.

That's for rent, clothing,
schooling, holidays,

everything Winnie needs until she's 18.

OK. I can't make any promises.

50/50's what she's after, mate.

50/50 on the assets, 10 grand
for Winnie until she's 25.

- 10 fucking grand!
- That's where we are.

Are you...? This is fucking bullshit.

- That's where she is, mate.
- There's nothing I can do.

I can do better in California.

I'll get a fucking team of lawyers,
a fucking division of them.

- You think you could.
- And she'll fucking pay me.

- No, no, don't talk like that.
- Fuck!

Listen, there's a chance it's just
a opening gambit, alright?

Oh, mate, I'm finding this too stressful.

Yes, I can see that.

- If you can sort this out tonight...
- Mm?

...then I will look after you.

Yeah.

OK.

Well, that's very kind, thank you.

OK, well, what about we say

something like 70/30
your way on the assets.

- Yep.
- Something like...

...four grand for Winnie a week
until she finishes school.

- OK.
- Yeah, mate, if you can do that.

- I'll try, I'll... No promises.
- Oh, fuck.

OK, he has reluctantly
accepted your terms.

I have prepared a short form
memorandum of understanding.

Both copies are in with Fuzz as we speak.

You should sign them tonight

and I can get it into the proper
legal sewer on your behalf, OK?

So, I will be needing my 90 grand,
pretty much tomorrow,

and I would appreciate you backing me
up on that as a term of the MOU.

Alright.

Good.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, just putting out another one
of life's little spot fires.

You're welcome.

♪ Terry is a monkey and he's very funky ♪

♪ Bopping in a tree... ♪

Does he have to parade around
like a sex pest?

Can we get him a full-length dress,
do you think?

♪ Bananas, bananas Let's go bananas... ♪

Mate, nobody's laughing.

♪ You and me... ♪

What's that?

Is that Fuzz and Missy?

- What did you say to them?
- What are they doing?

What are they doing?

- Fuck off, Cleave.
- Oh, are you done?

Oh, come on, that's dis...

It's not... it's not a barn, you know.

Come!

Oh, that's hilarious.

Oh, that's great, guys.

Oh, I'm cacking myself.

Great. Really fun.

Where are my memoranda of understanding?

- Why?
- Because...

Because it's your way of getting
90 grand?

No, but there was more to it than that.

Well, what was it, Cleave,
because we don't want to sign it.

We think that we can come to
an agreement on our own terms,

in our own time, if we even have to.

We had a perfectly good,
functioning divorce going

and you two have just
treated it with complete contempt.

Also, I never asked for
a 50/50 split, Cleave.

It was a negotiation, guys.
Neither of you is a lawyer.

- You were trying to shake us down.
- That is...

I wasn't asking for a gift from you,

I was trying to get a loan, OK?

From my own flesh and blood.

- A loan to you is a gift, Cleave.
- Oh, too much to ask!

Wow.

Well, that's just lovely,

And I'm glad you're both having
a good laugh and you're all so happy.

Well, one thing's for sure,
you can say goodbye to this.

Cleave, this isn't about you.

Yes, it is. What do you mean,
it's about me?

It's as much about me as it is about you.

You just think it's not about me

because you think it's just about you.

Stop it.

So, what, are you going to get
married or something?

Yeah, we're going to have
a big white wedding,

and we're going to have roses strewn
down the aisle

and John Paul Young is hopefully
going to sing Love is in the Air,

and there's going to be tulle
everywhere, especially on the men!

Fine, so that's a no.

He is your son.

Mm?

But I am happy, though.

- Really.
- Yeah, scarily so.

Well, good, because you deserve to be.

Yeah, I know I do.

- Checkmate.
- What, no?

- Mm.
- No!

- Oh.
- What, that's, what, six moves?

I'm very good at this game.

Yeah, well, three games
in 20 minutes, I can tell.

Mm.

On our second date I played with Cleaver

and, um, I thrashed him so badly

that he refused to ever play me again.

Why does that not surprise me?

Do you want to play Scrabble?
Well, that depends.

How good are you at Scrabble?

I'm even better at Scrabble
than I am at chess.

- Really?
- Especially if it's dirty Scrabble.

Ah.

- Mm.
- You want to play dirty Scrabble?

Oh, my God, if I get a F and a K
and I play it on triple word,

you are gone.

So, um, does that mean
maybe tonight we will...

It's been so nice kissing
and fooling around,

and... you know,

but we're not going to be a couple,
David.

You know that.

Yeah.

It's just I've been looking after
other people my whole life,

you know, I do it for a living,

and I... I really need
to look after myself.

And I can only do that on my own.

And I know, I know that
there is someone out there for you

and she will be amazing.

And she will come out of nowhere
and she won't be a politician

or a therapist or a call girl

or a, you know, lawyer.

She'll just be meant for you.

And sincerely, my wish for you

is that you can just surrender
to your life

and fuck off the instruction manual.

Well, me too.

Evening.

A couple of things... Before you start.

Just let me tell you this.

You are an idiot for losing that woman.

- Do you know that?
- Oh.

Oh, is that right, mate.
Oh, well, thanks...

That's right.

Oh, thanks for helping me out with
that. That's great.

Here's a couple of things for you, OK?

If you're gonna be spending any
length of time in this house,

I would appreciate it if you didn't
do it in Wendy's nighties, OK?

'Cause I find that a little offensive
to mine eye, if you understand.

Exactly why did you give her up?

Mate, that's my business.

- Was it for fun?
- I'm a free spirit.

- You wouldn't understand...
- You know what?

- Such a fuckin' old...
- Free spirit!

- Do you know what?
- I'm like Bowie...

- If that is being you...
- ..or Marley...

...I don't want to be you.

Mate, you couldn't be me
if your fuckin' life depended on it.

- Look at you!
- Look at me?

And then look at me, alright?

That's why you couldn't be me
Is that right?

Yeah, regrettably, you are you.

Do you know what you are?

- You're a dirty ibis.
- You are a human turd.

Mate, you're a fuckin' turd.

Get out of here!

Oh, mate, I've got a lot of this!

I've got a lot of this.

You certainly do have a lot.

- Turd! Turd!
- Turd!

Are they really that delicate?

Are you fucking... kidding me?

Oh... oh...

Oh, God.

You know, I really need a drink.

Oh, see, now you really sound like me.

So, new Parliament House,

by which I mean the former
Parliament House...

What?

You're on the committee of inquiry,
aren't you?

Yes, yeah.

How they gained access,
whatever shit they used,

but, you know, the science isn't
easy, so...

See, I think shit might be
the operative word.

What do you mean?

Well, I have a feeling the whole
thing might have been about poo.

Poo?

Poo.

Why do you say that?

Well, you know those two plumbers
who died?

- The ones who drowned?
- Mm.

They came to my place a while back
and they did a bit of work,

and they were interesting guys
and we got to talking.

And they were sent in under the tarp,

and then a short time later...

Why have you sat on this?

Well, because they're dead now,

which puts us in a very tricky
position in terms of evidence,

and because it's me
and nobody's going to believe me.

That's true.

And if I'm right,
I don't want to fuck it up.

But that's where you come in.

So, your theory is that this was
basically sloppy maintenance

made to look like a terrorist
attack for political purposes?

- That's the theory.
- Christ.

My committee doesn't sit
for another month.

Even then, without witnesses...

I mean, we're talking about two,

possibly three prime ministers lying.

Mm-hm.

- Well, how do we get it out there?
- Here's the thing.

I was thinking my creche case.

- What's the relevance?
- Mate, it's me.

Huh?

- You representing yourself?
- Yes.

But I'm going to need your backup.

OK?

And I'd sort out a reliable old enemy

to represent Nicole and her mum.

We are all children of someone, are
we not? Of lesser or greater gods.

As seven-year-olds,

we all looked upon our futures
assuming a rosy disposition.

Why should life turn grey and thorny?

One of the beauties of life
is understanding myriad pricks...

...maintain a majestic pink rose...

Miss Huntley-Brown, is there a point

that your argument is searching for?

Well, with the greatest respect,
Your Honour,

there is a question of context,
which I'm sure you would appreciate.

Not quite yet, no.

Really?

The concept of governments
hiding the truth

is as ancient as the concept
of government itself.

Your Honour, a shabby blue tarpaulin
has shrouded our national parliament

for some months,

and that is not just a metaphor,
that is a deceit.

Miss Huntley-Brown,

what has that got to do with a case
about the misuse of public funds

regarding an office in Sydney?

I will see counsel in my chambers.

All rise.

What the fuck is going on, Hunter?

I'll tell you what's going on.

There's a giant blue condom
hanging over our parliament.

Forgive me, but I can't see
the connection.

If something horrible is happening
to Parliament House,

and it clearly is,
that is deeply regrettable.

But what has it got to do with this case?

Reggie, the government is trying to
cover up its own negligence.

Their efforts to silence

Senator Greene and Senator Potter's
committee of inquiry and their staff

is beyond sinister.

The dead plumbers, do you really
believe that was an accident?

What?!

I don't know how to express
myself more clearly.

I do not want this argument going on!

It is irrelevant!

I'm going to have to excuse myself.

Very nice.

- Ah, Your Honour.
- Senator.

- Oh, Senator.
- Senator Potter.

Your Honour.

The passing of the Chief Justice
is a great blow to us all.

Indeed.

I'm not sure if you're aware,
Your Honour,

that Senator Potter here is a member

of the Senate Judicial Advisory Committee

with the responsibility of
advising the Attorney-General

and, er, judicial appointments.

You went to university
with the Attorney, didn't you?

Well, I certainly did.

Well, just out of curiosity,
has the, er...

Has the Attorney
indicated any replacement

for the late Chief Justice?

Ah... no. But there is a short list.

Um...

Changing the subject completely,

I've prepared what might be
described as an amicus brief...

for Senator Greene.

Background information
that were he allowed to tender

might prove useful in these proceedings.

I see.

Right.

And what about the matter of relevance?

How do I deal with that?

Oh, well, look, Your Honour,

in the unlikely event
it should prove irrelevant,

you could always instruct the jury
to disregard it.

Yeah, yeah, I could do that.

In the interests of justice.

Oh...

- Your Honour.
- Your Honour.

Your Honour, the attempts
by this government

to silence me and my staff

have reached... such an egregious level,

that they now want to lock us up
for looking after children.

That is what government
has become in this country.

If your enemies won't shut up,
lock them up for pastoral care.

Quite frankly, Your Honour, after
repeated attempts on my life...

...I feel quite lucky
to be standing here.

Objection, Your Honour!

This is entirely irrelevant.

Overruled.

You may continue, Senator Greene.

Thank you, Your Honour.

Your Honour, there was no terrorist
attack on Parliament House.

It was quite simply a matter
of poor plumbing.

Holy fucking camole!

See, I told you he'd get it in.

We have to shut this troll down.

Get the DPP to end it.

On what grounds?

On whatever grounds you can come up with.

Martians have invaded.
I don't give a shit.

That's why he's got the job.

- If he wants the job...
- And the serious option?

Can we risk it?

Two plumbers are already dead.

Well, that had nothing to do with me.

- You knew about it.
- We need to implode Parliament House.

Implode? What?!

Not on my watch.

Cal, at some point, the tarp is
going to have to come off,

and some scientists that have been
stripped of government funding

are going to go in there
and quickly discover

there was no act of terrorism,

just some dodgy fucking plumbing.

So we say that in order to
preserve the water table...

No, we say...

...in order to preserve the city
of Canberra,

that that Parliament House,
built under Labor's watch,

is so toxic because of the terrorists,

it has to come down.

And we get to build a new one.

Thousands of jobs.

Ta-da!

I get to save Canberra.

And build a new parliament.

Yes, Prime Minister, you do.

Well, what about Greene.
What about Potter?

How do we shut them up?

Potter'll shut up if we up
the refugee budget

by, say, I don't know, 200 million.

200 mill? Christ!

Yeah, OK, OK, we can do that.

Greene?

We're not thinking...

How can we?

I mean, will any of us ever know
sleep again if we do such a thing?

It's either that...

...or we have to kill him.

Please, allow me.

Oh...

Ah.

Ah, thank you, mate.

Orgh!

God!

Oh, mate! Why did you...?

Mate, I gave you 100 grand
from under my mattress.

Well, there's still another 80.

This will buy us more time
with my people.

I've got bandages.

Hey.

- Hi.
- Um...

I've got you a present.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

- Oh, it's beautiful.
- Oh, good.

Um, I, um...

I just, um... you know,

it was really important to me that
I acknowledge your resilience,

you know,

and your tenacity, and...

...and our long complicated history
together.

And it is history, you know.

And...

Oh, God, I haven't done this
for so long. Um...

But I loved you very much, you know,

and we made a beautiful,
complicated young man together,

and...

...I just really want you to know
that, despite all the nonsense,

I don't regret a minute of it.

It just looks... That looks terrible.

No, it's beautiful.

Hey.

Hey.

G'day, mate.

Hello, puss.

Oh!

Hello, mate.

Princess!

How?!

See, I've been getting up early, mate,

and going searching

and she just ran straight into my arms.

I mean, she loves me.

You have a cuddle. I'll drive.

No, no, no, I'll drive.

Oh, no. Well, I...

Happy to drive...

Hap...

Oh, mate.

Hey, Cleaver.

I'm thinking...

...don't worry about
the remaining 80 grand.

It's forgiven.

All I really wanted
was to have my Princess back.

Great.

Thanks, mate. Good on you.

I, Cleaver Augustus Greene

do swear allegiance to
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II,

her heirs and successors,
according to law,

that I will well and truly serve
her and her successors

in the office of Chief Justice
of the High Court of Australia,

and that I will do right to all
manner of people according to law,

without fear or favour,

affection or ill will,

so help me God.

It's against the law to finger the
Chief Justice's robes in this way.

- It's man-made, isn't it?
- Hands off, OK?

- Hey.
- Ah, yes.

Mmm. Jesus Christ on a bicycle.

Yes, isn't he just?

- There we go then.
- Yes.

Congratulations, Cleaver.
Oh, well, thank you, mate.

You know I own your arse now.

Oh, Cal, you've always been
a shit lawyer, haven't you?

Because I'm Chief Justice,
so I own YOUR arse.

So, uh, what's on the agenda today,
Jakub?

Well, you have this case,
Button and Dean.

- I could walk you through it.
- Is it a yes or a no?

Definitely a no.

Then there's one involving my union

and whether we have
over-exercised our rights

in terms of subcontracting.

That's a no as well, I take it.

In terms of equity, yes,
Mr Chief Justice.

But you're the judge.

_

- Feel like a dip?
- OK, darling.

Mmm.

Madame.

- Oh, God!
- Are you OK?

Um, it's... Oh, hey?

Get them off me!

Can we get a little bit of help
over here?

The Chief Justice of Australia,
just so you know!

They're not coming off!

Oh, my God, well,
can you just shake your face?

What, shut your face? Why?

Just shake your face.

Oh, my God!

There's one almost in your ear.

Oh, God!