All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.S09E18.WEBRip.x264-ION10

-Mmm.
-Hey.

I really missed you today.
How was that physical?

Oh, turns out I've got
an enlarged heart.

What?

Yeah, it-it's twice the size.

It's filled with love for you.

Oh... oh!

I love you.

Uh, wait, your-your heart--
is-is it really enlarged?

No, no. Dr. Clark checked me out
and I'm fine.

Actually, the dude
looked everywhere, trust me.

This is why I can't
make eye contact with the guy.

And I always feel like
having a cigarette.

-That was good, Doc.
Thanks a lot.

Well, look, I am glad
you've decided to stick around

because, frankly, I'm too old
to start dating again.

Although he did suggest that
I add stretching to my workouts.

Honey... I have been
telling you that for years.

And I've been telling you

if it ain't broke,
don't fix it.

-'Cause these bad boys
ain't broke.
-Okay, all right.

You can put Patton and Sherman
away now.

At ease, boys.
"Oh, come on, dude!"

All right.

-You know, stretching
can be fun.
-Ehh...

I can think of
a stretching activity

that we could do together.

Yeah.

-It involves, uh, flexibility...
-Oh, yeah.

-and different positions.
-You bet it does.

-Heavy breathing.
-Yeah!

A lot of sweating.

Yeah.
All right.

And it only takes 60 minutes.

A bit ambitious, but I'm in.

Yeah.
I'm talking about yoga.

I have a class in an hour
if you want to join.

Oh.

As much as I'd like that, I...

I think about
that enlarged heart and probably

-not a good idea, it's...
-Oh, yeah.

-Hey, honey, I'm back.
Oh, thank God.

-'Cause I've been like this
for an hour.
-Oh, my God!

I-Is it your heart?
Uh... g... What-what can I do?

-How-how can I help you?
-Pull your phone out.
Pull your phone out.

-I have it, I have it.
I have it.
-Okay.

Now videotape me doing this.
199...

200!
Oh. Yeah.

Ha, ha.

I heard you
coming down the stairs.

I thought it was funny.

-And your heart rate's up,
-Yeah, well...

so you got some cardio
out of it.

Very funny. You know, I bet
the women in my yoga class

would love you.

And then they'd be
hitting on me.

How bad do you want me
to take that class?

You know, I think you would
like it if you tried it.

Eh...

You can't win at yoga.

Well, you can't win
weight lifting.

Of course not, because
I'm competing with myself.

Who would be the winner?

-Not everything
is about winning.
-Yeah, just the fun stuff.

I'm just not into this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh. Well, you know
who is into it?

Chuck.

-Figures, Larabee.
-Yep.

First Zumba, now this.
Anything to put tights on.

Uh-huh. Well, he raves about it.

He never told me about it.

Well, gee, I wonder why.

-Honey?
-What?

Get out, please.

-I just think you should
consider trying it.
-Uh, no.

-Honey, I'm not
telling you to do it.
-I know.

I'm just asking you
to consider it.

Let's ask the generals.
What do you guys think?

"Absolutely not."

"This is about
the Battle of the Bulge."

Okay, forget it.

I love game night.

We were catching up until
you guys played... what was it?

"Quixotic."

Which means idealistic
or impractical.

Like playing board games when
you have a ton of work to do.

Right. But we couldn't
play "zipple."

Thanks for nothing,
Oxford "English" Dictionary.

You guys, Sarah and Evelyn

-fell asleep holding hands.

-Oh...
-Oh.

Yeah, I took, like, 60 pics,
'cause, well, you know,

I love to look at them
on the plane.

Yeah, she's, uh,
going to New Mexico next week.

Yeah, Santa Fe.
I will be staying

at the Cactus Flower Resort
for a vendor conference.

Which you will crush.

And then, when you get back,
I am speaking

at Marijuana Days
at Joshua Tree,

which it turns out
is every day in Joshua Tree.

Man, you guys are always
doing such cool stuff,

flying all over the place.

Yeah, I don't know where
you find the zipple.

Nice try.
Still not a word.

I don't remember the last time
I was on a plane.

Oh, I do. You fell asleep
on my shoulder for three hours.

Your drool mark
was heart-shaped.

Oh.
I don't remember the last time

-we were even in a car together.
-No.

Well, Kyle and I tried to sit
apart on the couch last night

to focus on a movie.

Yeah, but it didn't work.

We were cuddling by the end
of the opening credits.

'Cause we're snug-aholics.

Oh, us, too.

We have a snuggle penciled in
for next Wednesday, right, hon?

That's right, babe.
8:25 to 9:15,

then a conference call
with Amsterdam.

-Uh, we better get going.
-Yeah. I'll scoop up Sarah.

Oh. Okay.
Uh, well...

No, just let her-let her
sleep here.

We can just
drop her off in the morning.

Oh, well, that's sweet,
but no,

we can pick her up,
we're not busy.

Oh, yeah, tomorrow,
we've got absolutely zipple.

No. Still no.

Yeah. Thanks.

Could you hand me that
nine-16th wrench?

It should be on the rag, there.

Ah, okay.

Here you go.

-Ah, namaste, downward dog.

Oh, I was wondering when
you'd find out.

-Yeah, I was trying to avoid
another Zumba situation.
-Yeah.

You said men should only dance

when they score a touchdown.

And even those guys
should be given a penalty

-for that stupid stuff.
-All right.

So I'm doing yoga.
What do you care, man?

Uh, well, I care
because all of a sudden

Vanessa wants me to take yoga,
and now you're exhibit A.

Oh. Well, you know, man,
she's right.

You know, yoga has been great
for my flexibility,

and I actually feel stronger.

Stronger than who--
the 80-year-old woman

next to you on that flat mat?

Stronger than the cranky bastard
trying to loosen a bolt.

I just don't think of yoga
as strength training.

I'm-I'm lifting weights,
you're just taking orders

from a woman named Serenity,
barking at you

-to put your weight on one foot.

I could stand on one foot

-and kick your ass
with the other.
-Yeah?

Careful, you don't have
your tights on you.

Oh, man, if I could get some
leverage under this somehow.

Oh, well, so much
for the weight lifting.

You think you can do this?

Yeah, I think I could do it.

I don't want to make it
a contest,

but I think I can do it.

I think I can do it
standing on one foot.

Well... have at it.

Oh, all right, then.

-Ooh.
-Now, wait a minute. Hold on.

Should I light some incense
or something?

I don't need incense.

Okay.
How about chanting "om"?

Gimme an O.
Gimme an M.

What do we got?
Om.

Observe the power
of yoga, Baxter.

-Go, go, go, go.

Oh!

Gosh! Unh!

What's the problem,
bolt too tight?

No, no, no, no, no,
it's my back.

That's not funny, man.

I'm serious, it's my back.

Oh, really?
'Cause you know what?

That is kind of funny.

Ow. Ow. Ow!

-Heard you the first time.
-Okay.

-Just give me a minute. Uh...
-All right.

Then we can head over
to my house.

I think I can
make it across the street.

I don't know, it took you,
like, an hour

to limp in from the garage.
Going across the street--

I'll have to pack us a lunch.

Oh, man, why does the back
have to be connected

to so much?

Well,the head
would look pretty stupid

just sitting on top
of your ass.

Ow!
-Whoa, whoa.

Hey. Oh.
What happened?

Uh, Stretch Armstrong here
pulled his back out

working on the truck.

Ah. Well, you want me
to go get Carol?

Oh, no, she's at her mom's
this weekend.

-Hmm, well, uh,
let's get some ice on it.
-Yeah.

-Boy, backs
are the worst, right?
-Yeah, they are, man.

Mine's good.
Mine's pretty good.

Oh, man, you're lucky.

Yeah, I'm just saying, you know,
mine-mine's pretty good.

Maybe be yours is too loose.

You know, working out.
Uh, maybe yoga--

-maybe that's what
got your back too loose.
-Oh.

No, uh, I-I don't think so.

Oh, you don't know.
You don't really know, really.

I didn't get injured
because I do yoga.

People hurt their backs
weight lifting, too, you know.

Yet I'm standing right here.
Look at this.

Wow, I could do this all day.

You know, it's a good thing
we aren't both doing yoga,

because otherwise you'd be
taking care of two people.

No, no, no, no, no, Vanessa,

you don't
have to take care of me.

W-Wait.
So, I mean, what-what

makes you think that
I'm gonna take care of Chuck?

-You're Vanessa--
you give a crap about people.
-Yeah. Uh-huh.

Well, you know,
people help other people.

Your friend hurt his back
helping you,

Now you get to
return the favor

and, uh, and help him.

I don't want to help him.

I want to get him
back to his house.

Well, now that I think about it,
I don't think it's a good idea

-for me to be
over there all by myself.
Yeah. And, I mean,

I wish I could help,
but, I mean,

as you mentioned earlier,
my back...

-ooh, it might be too loose
from all that yoga.
Yeah.

Yeah, it sounds risky to me.

-It's more like a job
for a weight lifter.
Yeah.

Well, let me head down
to the gym and see if

I can get anybody
what wants to help you.

Well, I am off. I am gonna
spend the afternoon with Jen

in Larimer Square.

So, hey, Chuck, listen,
if you need anything,

I mean, honestly,
anything at all...

he's right there.

Oh. Well, this is so nice
of you, Baxter.

Hey, man, why don't you, uh,
toss me that pillow, please.

I can, uh...
Yeah, that-that pillow, yes.

Please. Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Okay, all right, now I can...
I can put this

under my...
Oh!

I don't want the shoes
on the couch, come on.

-Here we go.
-All right, all right.

-Ow. Ow! Ow.
-Hey, hey, easy.

Are all Marines this tough?

Hey, was that kind of awkward
with Kyle and Mandy last night?

Did you really
just text me "totally"?

Yeah.

Sorry, bad habit.

Yeah, it was
kind of weird, right?

Like, we were all
just hanging out,

and then they just
got up and left.

Well, we were kind of blabbing
about our successes.

Mm, it was kind of like we were
rubbing their noses in it.

They probably thought we were
rubbing their noses in it.

I wish we had realized
how uncomfortable

that must have been for them.

Yeah, I mean, we get to spend
so much time together.

They're always racing
from one place to another,

and not even in the same car.

It's so sad.

-They must be so unhappy.
-And there we were,

bragging about being
snug-aholics.

And they're workaholics,

which isn't fun
and made-up like ours.

I think we should just play down
how good things are for us.

Yeah, that's not
really gonna be easy

with the people that live
above our garage.

We've got to make them feel
better about their own lives.

Yeah, no matter
how sad those lives are.

-You are so kind
and considerate.
-Aw.

-Oh!

Deal closed.

Weekend sales hit a record.

-Ooh, baby.
-Ah...

That cat thinks it's people.

-Got your hot tea
with three sugars.
-Oh.

Why don't you just eat candy?

It's weird, you never
drink tea at work.

I drink it all the time.
It's my comfort drink.

I thought scotch
was your comfort drink.

It's both.

Sometimes I mix them together.

For double comfort.

Man, this seems to have cooled
down since your walk over here.

Would you mind
heating it up for me?

Could have told me that
before I sat down.

Oh, I'm sorry, man,
when you can't move yourself,

you... lose track
of things like that.

I haven't lost track
of anything, like time?

It's been, like,
two really irritating hours.

So you gonna heat this up
or not?

Or not.
Why don't you just drink one

-of the other six things
I got you?

You are really enjoying this,
aren't you?

What does that mean?

It means that...
the best part of your day

was when you hurt your back.

Wow.
Man, it-it really takes

a huge ego to think that
me living in agony

is worth it to give you
a bit of a hard time.

You're enjoying this.

You are having a good time.

Unbelievable, man.
Man, if I could move,

I would be so out of here.

If I had
a big enough wheelbarrow,

I would move you out of here.

You would do that, too,
wouldn't you?

I'm just saying you waltzed in
through the garage

in good time, but as soon as we
want to get you to your house,

"Oh, my back really hurts now."

Hey, man, my back stiffened up.

You never got me that ice.

-I had a good reason for that.
-And what was that?

I didn't want to.

-You really are a piece of work.
-Oh, stop.

-You know what?
-Watch out.

Yeah, you only wanted to use
my injury for one thing.

-What?
-Getting out of doing yoga.

-Oh.
-The second
Vanessa walked in here,

you thought, "Well, oh, well,
here's an exhibit A I can use."

All right, I got to admit

you know, opportunity was
knocking, I opened that door.

Oh, man, that's it, that's it.

Okay, look,
I'll get you the tea.

-No, no, no, man, no.
-Just sit back down.

Forget the tea.

I am out of here.

Pretend this is faster.

Hey, Ed.

-Hey.
-Is Chuck in yet?

Uh, yes and no.

What does that mean?

It means that he's taken this

muscle relaxer for his back.

It's making him
feel a little loopy.

At first it was funny,
now it's just annoying.

Ed Alzate!

Good morning.

Yeah, we already
saw each other, Chuck.

Right, sorry.

You know, these pills--
they make me a little loopy.

We already had
that discussion, Chuck.

-Yeah.
-If you're not feeling 100%,

why don't we get someone
to drive you home.

We talked about this, Baxter.

No, we didn't.
I just got here.

Oh, right.

-Sorry.
-Yeah.

You know, these pills,
they make me a little...

Loopy, yeah, got that.

Yeah. So are we still mad
at each other or did we make up?

I wasn't mad at you.
I just was trying

to get you to your house,
that's it.

Oh, 'cause I may have
overreacted.

I was in a lot of pain,

and you're hard to take
even when I feel good.

-Fair enough.
-Ah, mm.

Besides, I'm a Marine.

What do I care if you don't
think yoga is for real men?

I don't really care
who it's for.

-Oh.
-Really, it's just not for me.

Oh, you're embarrassed
somebody might see you

-in the pants.
-Yeah, right.

You put me in yoga pants,

you put me
on The Ed Sullivan Show,

-Uh-huh.
-the censors would only be able

to see me from the waist up.

Okay, so what's the problem?

I don't need a reason. Maybe
I was just being difficult.

Fair enough.

Good morning, Mr. Baxter,
Mr. Larabee.

-Hey.
-Morning, Jen, listen,
maybe you should give

Mr. Larabee a ride home,
'cause he's...

high on goofballs.

-Sure thing, Mr. Baxter.

Are you okay, Mr. Larabee?

I'm fine,
my back's a little sore.

I'm just pretending to be loopy.

It's the only way
to make a point with Baxter

without him fighting back.

So you don't need a ride?

Mm, no thanks.

Eddie Alzate!

When'd you get in?

Oh, for the love
of horse biscuits.

See, that was just for fun.

Oh, hey, Kristin and Ryan
are walking over.

Oh, perfect.
That gives us a chance

to make them feel better
about their sad lives

by making them think
that our lives suck.

Great.

But our lives
don't really suck, right?

Our lives are perfect.

We're pretending.

I hate these plates.

How's that?

Perfect.

-Okay, but remember...
-I know.

We are the picture
of encouragement.

Nothing about
our super cool lives.

Yes.

Oh! Door's open.

-Yeah, hi.
-Hey, look.

It's Kristin and Ryan,

and we're home.

-How great is that?
-Yeah.

We're always home.

-Snore.

Oh, uh, mind if I sit down
for a minute?

I've been going at it
since 6:00 a.m.

Oh, sucks.

Yeah, sure, yeah.
We're just making dinner.

Again. Seems like every night
we're having dinner.

Yeah, uh...

stupid old dinner.

Together?
Oh, that is so romantic.

Oh, it's just, what,
just a cup of noodles.

Look at you-- trying to make
it sound like it's not

the most beautiful thing
in the world.

I guarantee you it's better than

a bland old plate
of airplane food.

Ugh.
I'd rather eat the hot towel.

At least it's lemony.

Wow, you sit
in the hot towel section.

Last time we got traveled,
we sat in the warm soda seats.

Hoping the plane would crash

so we'd have something
to talk about

when we got back
to our boring, boring lives.

Okay, clearly you don't know
how plane crashes work.

Um, it kind of seems like

you might be
going out of your way

to make your lives seem...

I don't know, crappy?

Yeah.
Like you think we're, like,

jealous of you or something?

Uhm, well, you guys
are doing the same thing.

You don't think we're jealous
of your lives, do you?

Kind of.

Well...

sorry to disappoint you, but...

we actually love
our boring, boring lives.

And we love
our super busy lives.

A-And we love your lives.

And we love yours.

-All right, then.
-All right, then.

Okay.

Anyone want to play
a board game?

Yeah, uh, actually, do you have
any more of those noodles?

Oh, uh, we just said

it was noodles to make
you guys feel better.

We're having eggplant parmesan
with braised brussels sprouts,

and it's fabulous.

-Now I am jealous.
-Yeah. You guys want some?

Yeah.

-Hey.
-Hey.

Thought you'd be down
in the basement working out.

Isn't this usually
when you pump your irons?

It's-it's actually "pump iron."

The way you say it sounds...

creepy.

Uh, honey,
down in the bomb shelter,

alone, grunting--
it's, uh, it's pretty creepy.

Today I was, uh...

thinking about us, and...

you know, one of the things

I really love
about our relationship

is I don't compete with you.

Uh, yeah you do.

Yeah, the polar run,
Jeopardy!, game night.

All right, all right, all right.

-Uh, holding your breath,
staring contests,
-Okay.

-flipping coins...
-Okay, okay, okay.

If you want to go down that
road, I could name 50 more.

Naming contests.

I compete with you
in games, okay?

But in our relationship,
I don't.

You're my partner,
you're not my opponent.

Okay, where's this coming from?

Because it's sweet, but I don't
have time to make dinner

and fool around, so...

I just want you to know, I-I...

I know why I was
being difficult.

I know, honey.
It's your personality.

Right.

But it seems like every time
I go to the doctor now,

he's always
giving me some advice

about how to do
something different...

because I'm getting old.

And when I agreed
with the doctor, you felt like

I was on his team and not yours.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

But, honey,
I hope you understand

that I am always,
always on your team.

And you know what, I think
stretching's a good idea.

Flexibility--
I'll give yoga a shot.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Oh, good.
Okay, all right, good.

-Well, then, uh, do you want
to try a class with me?
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-Uh, do they have
a no-farting rule?

Honey, it is
the same rules as church.

-Look, I will start dinner.

And then maybe afterwards,
we could, uh,

-do some stretches together,
huh?
-Great.

Uh, with or without
the yoga pants?

Does it have to be either-or?

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.

Look, I've been called
stubborn, obstinate,

bull-headed.
And that was just this morning.

Translation,

strong, consistent and reliable.

People talk about flexibility
like it's a great quality.

Well, listen, Gumby is flexible.

Would you want to rely
on somebody like him?

However you can be strong
and flexible.

Like Simone Biles, wow.

Of course, she's a little
stubborn when it comes

to not sharing gold medals
with somebody else.

But like Simone
sticking the landing,

there are times when we all
need to have a little give

and a little flex
in our knees, right?

For me, it's like when that
bonehead passes 100 cars

dipping into
the right turn only lane

and tries to wedge himself
in front of you.

Believe me,

I share the inflexible desire

to squeeze him into the
approaching bridge abutment.

But just when my demolition
derby blood starts flowing,

I realize I'd be dinging
my own truck.

So I do my stretch
and my mental handspring,

and let the dude merge.

Letting it go, flipping him off
the whole way home.

But I don't tap his bumper
to make him

pull over so I can fight him.
You know why?

Because-- ah--

I am... flexible.

Baxter out.

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