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1
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,908
Oh, I'm so bummed out.
Hate to go to work
2
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,784
without being able
to kiss a beautiful woman.
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,739
That, uh...
Wait a minute.
4
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,751
-There is one right here.
5
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,923
-Oh, you are, you... Morning.
-Good morning.
6
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,422
-Yay.
-Look at. Wait a minute.
7
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,415
Oh. Silver dollar pancakes.
8
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:22,117
All the breakables
are gone out of the living room.
9
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,826
So my conclusion is our
granddaughter is coming over.
10
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,926
-Yeah, she'll be here
any minute.
-Mm-hmm.
11
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:30,095
I get to spend the day
with our little
12
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,974
Sarah-sweetie-squiggly
squirmy-worm.
13
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:36,441
Yeah, just like the worm
in the movie Tremors. Huh.
14
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,114
Uh, yeah, yeah, well,
15
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,942
she has been getting
a little frisky, that one.
16
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,537
Yeah, a little frisky.
She put all the ceramic mugs
17
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,683
in the dryer
and turned the dryer on.
18
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:49,479
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah. She has been
getting a little more, um...
19
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,517
Revved up? Crazy?
Hannibal Lecter-like?
20
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,949
Uh, no.
I was going to say "spirited."
21
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:56,121
-Yeah.
-Do you think
this is becoming a problem?
22
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,364
-Well...
-Well, no, not for you,
because you're going to work.
23
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:01,029
It kind of reminds me of Eve
a little bit, right?
24
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,999
Remember when Eve was that age?
25
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,631
She didn't like the tree
out front we just planted.
26
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:05,972
-Ugh.
-We both loved that little tree.
27
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,296
She didn't like that tree.
28
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,971
Yup, she was a handful.
29
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,339
She spent half her childhood
in time-out.
30
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,812
-And the other half
trying to get into time-out.
-Mm.
31
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,477
Well, you know what?
You might be right.
32
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,483
I-I think maybe I need
to set some firmer boundaries
33
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,148
for Sarah when she's here.
34
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,013
Yeah, that worked out
real well with Eve.
35
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,219
-Yeah.
-Timber! Cuts the tree down
36
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,817
-with a bowie knife.
-I know. Ugh. Yeah.
37
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,718
God, I miss that kid.
38
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,225
Sarah?
39
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,574
Sarah?!
40
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:46,241
Okay, four dollars.
That's my final offer.
41
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,250
Thanks for keeping
an eye on her.
42
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,246
I left your laundry
on your bed.
43
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:58,588
Could you go ahead and put that
in my suitcase so I can move?
44
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,246
Oh, no. Has she been a bit much?
45
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,894
At one point, I was going
to call the police,
46
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,193
but I didn't want
to endanger them!
47
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,733
She's just a little girl.
48
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:07,860
Why don't you just
tell her to stop?
49
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,698
Why didn't I think of that?
50
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,227
Oh, yeah, I couldn't think
of anything
51
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,966
because someone was
blasting the kazoo!
52
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:18,408
I'll-I'll handle this.
Sorry. Sarah, honey?
53
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,969
Come here, Sarah. Listen.
54
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,113
Music time is over, all right,
55
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,780
and now we're going
to read some books.
56
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,877
-Okay?
-No!
57
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,379
-Yes.
-No!
58
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,289
I've tried this.
She never changes her vote.
59
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,545
All right, look,
listen, sweetie, I mean it.
60
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,894
Music time is over
so give me the kazoo. Come on.
61
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,259
-Hey, Sarah? Hey, Sarah, stop!
62
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,262
Sarah, give me the kazoo.
63
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:48,471
Oh, you just earned yourself
a time-out, missy.
64
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,469
Oh. Come over here. Sarah!
65
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,071
I can still call the police.
66
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:59,083
-Ooh, that's pretty good.
-Yeah.
67
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:03,446
What did you do?
Tastes like a hot Popsicle.
68
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,254
It's, uh, my little secret.
69
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,590
Half coffee beans,
70
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,318
half jelly beans.
71
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,458
Please tell me, Joe,
you're not making
72
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,603
that Easter candy coffee again,
'cause if you are,
73
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,662
you're fired.
74
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:19,034
Uh, hey, Mr. B, I was able to
find that bottle of whiskey
75
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,802
you wanted me to pick up
for Mr. Alzate.
76
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,104
-Thank you.
-Um...
77
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,942
why is Ed getting whiskey?
78
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,767
For not being you.
79
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,343
It's celebrated
throughout the world.
80
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,482
Oh, every year, Mr. Alzate
81
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:32,952
and Mr. B get each other gifts
82
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,476
to celebrate
their business anniversary.
83
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,385
And every year,
Baxter passes it off on Kyle.
84
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:40,515
I do the hard part--
I decide it's got to be booze.
85
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,291
Otherwise, it would be booze.
86
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,391
All right, I'm gonna go pick
that up and some jelly beans.
87
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,504
Mandy is in for a surprise.
88
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,170
You know, it's pathetic, okay?
89
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,800
Gifts are supposed
to be personal.
90
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,667
They're supposed
to mean something.
91
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,043
Like when I gave my mom...
92
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,638
the other half of this.
93
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,508
Could you please
button your shirt?
94
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,483
People are eating food in here.
95
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,209
Joe's right. If you told me
96
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,375
to run an errand like that,
I'd tell you to shove it.
97
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,983
-Would you?
-Mm-hmm.
98
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,321
Morning, gentlemen.
Morning, morning, morning.
99
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,487
Hey, Chuck, did you take care
of the thing
100
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,859
with the thing for the guy?
101
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,260
You're not doing anything
for Ed.
102
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,689
You'd tell him to shove it,
wouldn't you?
103
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,227
Mm-mm.
I have to do stuff for Ed.
104
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,530
If he orders something
off the Internet
105
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,725
without me, we all get a virus.
106
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,344
Boo, hiss! You know, I thought
107
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,072
you guys were supposed
to like each other, okay?
108
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,510
If you want to do something
special, make something.
109
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:33,843
That's a present.
110
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,181
Hmm, a homemade present, uh-huh.
111
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,946
He's drunk.
He's been drinking all morning.
112
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,845
I was just writing him up
when you walked in.
113
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,117
Oh, well, I think it's nice.
114
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,345
Showing someone you care
should take a little effort.
115
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,862
This took three years.
116
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,856
Sounds warm, Mikey.
You know how much I love warm.
117
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,529
Come on, remember
the first time you saw me cry?
118
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,795
'78-- I made you a brass lure
119
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,697
out of a bottle cap.
120
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:02,136
I know exactly
what I'm making for you, Mikey.
121
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,935
Chuck, cancel the thing
with the thing for the guy.
122
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,868
Right? Yeah.
123
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,438
What the hell is this?
124
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,748
Hey.
125
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,083
It's your favorite daughter.
126
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,587
Well, it's one
of my favorite daughters.
127
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,391
It was worth a try.
128
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,633
So, how was your day with Sarah?
129
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:26,986
You know what, it was great.
130
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:30,064
I think we came to a bit
of a rapprochement.
131
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,400
Oh, my God.
You taught her French?
132
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,095
-I can't wait to hear it.
-No. No, honey.
133
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,173
No, no, no, I mean we-we came
to an understanding.
134
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,968
Look, I feel like
I've been making your job
135
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,141
as a mom a bit harder
by letting her run wild
136
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,810
when she comes over here.
137
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,239
What do you mean?
Where is she?
138
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,580
She's-she's just looking
at books on the couch.
139
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,776
Well, geez, Mom,
that's hardly running wild.
140
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,576
No, no, no, this was earlier.
141
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,321
She misbehaved, and I put her
in a little time-out.
142
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,091
Oh, no. Sarah?
143
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,618
No, honey, it's okay.
144
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,857
Look, she's been a perfect
little angel since then.
145
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,429
No, it's not okay, Mom.
146
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,264
-There needs to be an apology.
-Honey,
147
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,869
it's over-- she did the crime,
she did the time.
148
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,435
Oh, it was only five minutes.
149
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,813
Sarah, honey?
150
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,339
Is it okay to be mean to people?
151
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:16,181
-No, Mommy.
-That's right. It never is.
152
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,946
And so...
153
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,445
Grandma has something
she'd like to say to you.
154
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,682
What?
155
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,224
Apologize.
156
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,388
Me?
157
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,617
You put her in a time-out.
Apologize to her.
158
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,792
I'm not going to apologize.
159
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,161
It's okay, Grandma.
160
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,504
What a beautiful, loving heart
you have, my little angel.
161
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,331
She forgives you.
162
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,697
But I don't need to be forgiven.
163
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:42,972
Too late. She already did.
164
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,810
Okay, go get your jacket.
165
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,465
Mandy...
166
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,014
what I did was right.
167
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,681
When she misbehaves, she needs
to know there are consequences.
168
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:53,381
Uh, no, the only thing she needs
to know is that I love her.
169
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,581
And the only thing you need
170
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:58,423
time-out is
the opposite of love.
171
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,149
Mandy. Mandy...
172
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,193
Oh, you want to hear French?
I got some French for you.
173
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,603
No, I don't know, I don't know.
174
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,599
It's something...
175
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,672
-What's going on?
-Hmm?
176
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,839
I'm sorry.
I was trying to be quiet.
177
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,442
Well, I was trying to sleep.
178
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,354
-Looks like we both failed.
-Mm.
179
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,853
It's this thing
with Mandy and Sarah,
180
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,679
it's really bothering me.
181
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,294
I guess-- what time is it?
182
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,864
This can't be right.
183
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,363
No, if you think about it...
184
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,194
-Honey, listen, can we just...
-Um...
185
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,362
Don't turn the light on,
please don't turn it, please...
186
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,261
-You know...
-Okay, good,
187
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,573
now I'm totally awake.
This is perfect.
188
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,369
Mandy didn't spoil Sarah
when they lived here.
189
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,095
Uh-huh.
190
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,613
I mean, I-I'm not trying
to take credit, um...
191
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,306
but when she left here...
192
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,278
I don't know.
Uh, where are you going?
193
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,547
It's the middle of the night.
194
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,306
My prostate and bladder
are going,
195
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,923
"Hey, make him think
he can pee."
196
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,450
I can hear you.
197
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,222
Yeah, but I don't want
to hear you.
198
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,559
So I'll aim for the side
of the bowl.
199
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,930
I'd be happy if you just
got it in the bowl.
200
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,889
What?
201
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,504
Yep, like sand
202
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,326
dripping through an hourglass
if you know what I mean.
203
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,670
You know,
ever since they moved there,
204
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:25,609
I bet, I bet Ryan has been
brainwashing her
205
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,579
with his, with his trendy
parenting techniques.
206
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:31,982
You know, like-like
"no is a no-no" theory.
207
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,979
Uh-huh.
208
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,481
So, um, so we're
getting screwed up
209
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:39,294
by Ryan's absurd philosophies?
210
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,819
How-how crazy is that?
211
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,091
You know, I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna go talk to her.
212
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,460
Right now?
213
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,262
No, honey,
it's the middle of the night.
214
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,759
That would be rude.
215
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,202
And yet you woke me up for it.
216
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,212
Did you wash your hands?
217
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,808
Ah, didn't pee on them.
218
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,221
You wanted to see me, Baxter?
219
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,121
Yeah.
220
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,462
The etiquette school called.
221
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,226
They'd like you
to teach a class.
222
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,286
You know, very funny, okay?
When you figure out
223
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,164
another way to talk
while eating,
224
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,726
let me know, will you, okay?
We through?
225
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,472
No, no, no, where'd you
come up with this idea
226
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,736
about handmade gifts?
You know, I think that's why God
227
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,566
invented cash, so he wouldn't
have to do this.
228
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,972
You know, I happen to know
six cats in a castle
229
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,314
made of toilet paper rolls
that would disagree with you.
230
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,980
Well, I happen to have
three daughters
231
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,006
who would disagree with you.
You know what they gave me
232
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,648
every year from their art class?
233
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,146
It was construction paper
with macaroni
234
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,688
cemented all over it, right?
235
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,390
I have enough of that pasta
around the house still
236
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,518
to feed an Italian village.
237
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,858
Okay, we've established
you're a cold-hearted bastard.
238
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,703
What else do you want from me?
239
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,328
Hey, listen, I...
I'm asking for some ideas
240
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,267
of handmade gifts.
I've been looking at this list.
241
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,426
I can... How much
for the thing around your neck?
242
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,396
It isn't hard, okay?
243
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:07,274
You need to be original,
thoughtful,
244
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,384
and personal, okay?
245
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,439
Like a Steven Seagal movie.
246
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,054
Let's just pretend I could
understand what you just said.
247
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,722
I don't have time for this.
248
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,290
I'm not Santa Claus.
249
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,545
Look, if you can't think
of anything personal,
250
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,518
I don't know
what to tell you, okay?
251
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,859
Uh, why don't you just
give Ed a check?
252
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,359
That's not a bad idea.
253
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,430
I'm kidding.
That's not a personal gift!
254
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,369
Listen, I'm saying
it's a pretty good idea.
255
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,625
A-And thanks so much
for letting me watch you eat.
256
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,635
It's been fun.
257
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:44,813
-Hey.
-Hey.
258
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,382
Mandy will be right out.
259
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,646
Sarah likes us both
to put her down for her naps.
260
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,219
And of course you do it
because you love her.
261
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,594
Right.
262
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,550
Because if you didn't,
that would be mean,
263
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,891
and it's not okay
to be mean to people.
264
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,131
I want to say yes?
265
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,757
No.
266
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,570
Sometimes we have to be mean
because we love someone.
267
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:09,795
Sometimes being nice is
the cruelest thing you can do.
268
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:10,973
You understand, Kyle?
269
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,941
I-It was just a nap.
270
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,744
Hey, hey, what's going on?
271
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:18,153
Your mom, she hates naps.
272
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,575
That's not what
I was trying to say.
273
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,580
Did you tell him
about what happened yesterday?
274
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,152
Yesterday? What happ-- Oh.
275
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,751
Or is this, like,
an opposite thing,
276
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,289
like, mean is nice and we're
talking about tomorrow?
277
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:30,820
No, it's nothing.
278
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:33,664
I put Sarah
in a little time-out.
279
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,861
So? I put her in those
all the time.
280
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,873
That kid is a handful.
281
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:38,965
There.
282
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:39,999
He's not upset.
283
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,770
Thanks for stopping by, Mom.
284
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,439
What-- No, hey.
285
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,606
So-so you're okay
with time-outs?
286
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,875
I mean, Ryan didn't
tell you that you shouldn't?
287
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:51,035
Why would I listen to Ryan when
I can learn from the parents
288
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,154
who turned out the most
perfect woman on the planet?
289
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,721
Aw, that's so sweet.
290
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,616
Let's not ruin this moment
by talking more.
291
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,845
Mandy, what's going on?
292
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:04,064
-Yeah, babe.
-Oops, we woke up Sarah.
293
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,127
-I don't hear anything.
-You don't hear that?!
294
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,626
Daddy!
295
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,664
All right, now I do.
I'll be right back.
296
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,369
What was that about?
297
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,966
Because I didn't want
to have this conversation
298
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,298
in front of him.
299
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,413
Okay, all right,
well-well, now he's gone.
300
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,965
I also don't want to have it
in front of you.
301
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,581
Mandy, I-I'm your mother, I...
302
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,635
I-I love you.
If something's bothering you,
303
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,484
just come on,
just-just let me help.
304
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,019
Okay, if-if I tell you,
will you drop it?
305
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,919
Yes.
306
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:33,248
Probably not, but...
307
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,493
You may have noticed
that Sarah's turned
308
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,155
into a real handful.
309
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,327
Oh, yeah. Wow.
310
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,725
I just-- I'm sorry.
311
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,387
That-that came out
a little more strongly
312
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,034
than I-I wanted.
313
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,403
Well, she's really been
pushing it with me lately,
314
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,868
and, I don't know,
it just feels like
315
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,840
-we're fighting all the time.
-Mm-hmm.
316
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,372
Well, that-that's normal
for a mom.
317
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:55,014
Well, you know
what's sick for a mom?
318
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,048
I really don't like my kid.
319
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,016
Okay, she is back down.
320
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,175
Uh, but I-I hear her crying!
321
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,854
Daddy!
322
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,603
What? What do you mean,
you don't like your daughter?
323
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,695
No...
Only sometimes.
324
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:19,534
I mean, it's not like
she's an evil person.
325
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,202
-No, no.
-You should hear her
play the kazoo.
326
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,471
She's an angel.
327
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,710
Um, well-well, honey,
when don't you like her?
328
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,583
Uh, mostly when
she's doing something
329
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,878
that she's not supposed to
and I tell her to stop
330
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,108
and then she tells me
that she hates me.
331
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,883
She tells you she hates you?
332
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,948
No, but the tone in her voice
is very mean.
333
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:42,322
All right, look, Mandy, honey,
look, I-I know you think
334
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,892
you're very special, but I have
some bad news for you.
335
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:48,958
This has happened to every
mother that has ever lived.
336
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,632
My God.
337
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,130
-Why do people have kids?
338
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,343
It's because we love our kids,
even though,
339
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,906
even though sometimes
we may not like them very much.
340
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:03,237
So there were times
where you didn't like me?
341
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,580
Oh, honey. Especially you.
342
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,024
-I can see that.
-Mm.
343
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:12,586
And it's only natural for kids
to-to not like us.
344
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,992
I mean, I'm sure you felt
that way plenty of times.
345
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,358
Oh, yeah.
346
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,627
Sorry, I didn't mean
for that to come out
347
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,088
-as strongly as it did.
-Mm.
348
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:23,263
Look, but the thing is,
you don't want to stop
349
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:27,100
being a parent just
because you might upset them.
350
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,297
Yes, I do.
351
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:32,266
Mandy, look-look,
Sarah's your daughter,
352
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,169
so-so this is your decision.
353
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,814
If you want to be a good friend,
354
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,013
then you just, you keep doing
what you're doing.
355
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,851
But if you want to be
a good parent,
356
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,347
you really need
to set some boundaries.
357
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:47,519
Is it okay if I don't really
like you that much right now?
358
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,790
Okay, she is finally back down.
359
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,787
Boy, sometimes
you really have to
360
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,329
lay the law down with that one.
361
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,301
I heard her already.
Get off my back!
362
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,166
Daddy!
363
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,365
This-this is 35-year-old Scotch.
364
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,684
-Uh-huh? Oh, that's good.
-Mikey gave it to me
last year for our anniversary.
365
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,980
-Even wrote a poem on the note.
-Yeah.
366
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,050
Yeah, and he spelled
"anniversary" the Kyle way.
367
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,219
ED
Yeah.
368
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,747
-Boys. This'll do it.
Hey.
369
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,651
-Hey, Mikey.
-Ed, happy anniversary,
370
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,693
uh, blah-blah, blah-blah-blah.
371
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,362
Eh.
372
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,861
Okay, this is going well.
373
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,663
-Maybe we should leave.
Oh, no, no.
374
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,100
I live to see Baxter humiliated.
375
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:33,727
It doesn't happen that often,
so my life can be pretty empty.
376
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:36,573
So, Mikey, tell me,
what did you come up with?
377
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,669
Actually, I-I got this
with Joe's help.
378
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,539
No, Ed, I had nothing to do
with any of this.
379
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:42,684
It's a check.
380
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,245
I wasn't even here that day.
381
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,045
This is incredible.
382
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,620
I mean, he said it was,
you know, my idea, so...
383
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,294
Okay, well,
what-what am I missing?
384
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:56,356
Well, when I started
Outdoor Man, things were...
385
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,786
slow.
386
00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:00,860
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Mikey wanted to be my partner.
387
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,030
And he was the smartest,
hardest-working man I ever met,
388
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,971
so I said yes.
389
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,696
And I wrote him a check
to buy into the business
390
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:11,768
and he tore the check
in-in half.
391
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:15,141
Well, hey, I-I've got,
I've got half a necklace.
392
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,942
I think you're half-drunk.
393
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,645
All I wanted from him
was his word,
394
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,906
his smarts and his dedication.
That's it.
395
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,879
"You can't put a price on that."
That's what you said to me.
396
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:27,451
Yeah. So we spit in our hands
and shook on it.
397
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:30,224
Back then you could do that
without gargling hand sanitizer
398
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,460
and taking your temperature
399
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,758
before you took
your temperature.
400
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,563
-That was 30 years ago.
Mm.
401
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,273
I don't know if my gift
can follow this.
402
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:40,999
You know, you don't need to.
I was going through
403
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,741
all those boxes of, uh,
memories in this place
404
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,636
and I think I...
I think I'm good.
405
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,238
Wow, look at this, guys.
Look at this.
406
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,480
Hey, uh, where do you want
your conga drum, Mr. Alzate?
407
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,506
Oh, right-right over there--
right there, my boy. Yes, yes.
408
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,482
I composed a little song
for this occasion
409
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,651
-called "Mi Amigo Miguel."
Ah.
410
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,649
You know what that means?
"My Lover Mike."
411
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,291
Loosen your necklace.
412
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,320
You're not getting
enough blood to your head.
413
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,362
So you wrote me a song.
You know, before you get going,
414
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,427
I think we got to send you out
for more booze.
415
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,126
♪ Ooh ♪
416
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,162
♪ My amigo Miguel,
he is so swell ♪
417
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:15,174
♪ So he won't go to hell,
my amigo Miguel... ♪
418
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,838
Yeah.
419
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,810
Building blocks?
420
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,711
Are those for when
Sarah gets here?
421
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,680
Uh, yeah, I know they're kind
of old-school,
422
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,648
but all kids
love playing with blocks.
423
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,950
Not me.
My dad was a civil engineer.
424
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:33,647
It was less "playing" and more
425
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:37,286
"structural
reinforcement analysis."
426
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,127
Well, I'm pretty sure
427
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,786
that's not what Sarah's
gonna be doing with them.
428
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,904
No. What Sarah
will be doing with them
429
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:46,026
is chucking them at our heads.
430
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:52,414
Yay!
431
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,665
-There's my little honeybunch.
-Hi, Grandma.
432
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,307
Hi, cutie-pie.
433
00:17:56,409 --> 00:18:00,009
Yeah, are you ready to have
some fun with Grandma today?
434
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,977
Yeah, Sarah and I had a big talk
435
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,721
about how to behave
at Grandma's.
436
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,046
-Didn't we, baby? Mm-hmm.
-Yes, Mommy.
437
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,223
And she is gonna be
a good girl today, right?
438
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,091
-Yes, Mommy.
-Yeah.
439
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,160
What a sweet little
scrumble-bumble you are.
440
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,659
Oh. Why don't you go
in the kitchen,
441
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:14,990
put your backpack down?
442
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,564
Then we're gonna
play, play, play.
443
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,104
How's it going?
444
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,099
Pretty good. Yeah, she hasn't
pushed it with me yet...
445
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,171
-Okay.
-...but I realize I have
to hold the line when she does.
446
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,836
Uh, yes, you do. You imagine
what would have happened
447
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,338
if your father and I didn't
hold the line with Eve
448
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,181
and she wound up
using her powers for evil?
449
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:36,853
Right. Hey, here she is.
450
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,446
Listen, I have an idea.
451
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,851
What if we put the easel outside
and do a little painting?
452
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,294
Can I watch TV?
453
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,060
Oh, you know what, honey?
Watching TV is no fun.
454
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,363
Don't you want to paint
outside with Grandma?
455
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,028
No, I want to watch TV.
456
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:54,533
Uh, maybe no TV right now,
honey. Okay?
457
00:18:56,936 --> 00:19:00,706
Uh, Sarah, honey? Mommy said no.
458
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,275
Sarah.
459
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,378
Mommy said no TV.
460
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,280
Now please turn it off and give
the remote back to Grandma.
461
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,045
Okay, next time I want you
to listen to me the first time.
462
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,664
-Do you understand?
-Yes, Mommy.
463
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,086
Okay. Thank you.
464
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,926
Thank you for being a good girl.
465
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:28,170
Oh, I think it's okay
to watch a little TV.
466
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,965
Hey!
467
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,170
I thought you were teaching me
how to be a good mother.
468
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,513
I was.
469
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,807
Now I'm teaching you
how to be a good grandmother.
470
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,352
Structurally perfect.
471
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:50,024
Go ahead. Try and break it.
472
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,758
Go ahead.
473
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,597
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
474
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,441
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.
475
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,776
If you've been watching these
vlogs for the last ten years,
476
00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:10,341
you probably feel
like my friend, right?
477
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,183
And if you celebrate
these words of wisdom
478
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,949
by clicking on a link
and buying something,
479
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,623
-well, that feeling is mutual.
480
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,046
But if you're just freeloading,
481
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,850
enjoying the wisdom
without buying the cow,
482
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,022
I'm gonna have
to reconsider our friendship.
483
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,291
Now this month only,
if you purchase over $300
484
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,392
of high-end sporting goods,
you qualify
485
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:30,334
for the Mike Baxter
Best Friend Circle.
486
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,503
You might be thinking,
wait a minute,
487
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,832
how can somebody have
more than one best friend?
488
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,897
Well, I'm just that likable.
489
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,844
And truthfully,
it's okay for multiple people
490
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,312
to think they're
your best friend, right?
491
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,378
As long as none of those people
are your kids,
492
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,476
because being best friends
with your kid
493
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,078
is a formula for disaster.
494
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,480
Now, for most of you,
it's pretty easy
495
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,322
not being friends
with your kids because,
496
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,988
let's be honest,
young people are terrible.
497
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,864
But do you know how hard it is
not to be friends
498
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,189
with your kids
when they're as awesome as mine?
499
00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:00,326
My daughters?
500
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:03,063
Hell, I got a kid
who's a fighter pilot.
501
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:04,502
Yes.
502
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:05,734
Because I did something right
503
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:07,002
and I didn't try
to be her best friend.
504
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,399
She'll always look up to me.
505
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,941
Even when she's looking
down at me
506
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:13,836
from 30,000 feet
keeping us safe.
507
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,680
Damn, she's cool. Baxter out.
508
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,442
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
509
00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:18,854
and TOYOTA.
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