Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,611 --> 00:00:05,222
[dramatic music]
2
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:27,027
[calm music]
3
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,906
[dramatic music]
4
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:56,926
♪ What a woman
wants is a mystery ♪
5
00:00:57,448 --> 00:01:02,018
♪ They've been trying to
guess that for years ♪
6
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:07,850
♪ Clothes and makeup
and special jewelry ♪
7
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:13,638
♪ Can't always
manage her tears ♪
8
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:19,296
♪ But every lady
has her qualities ♪
9
00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:26,347
♪ In certain quantities anyway ♪
10
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,915
♪ It could change every day ♪
11
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,309
♪ In many different ways ♪
12
00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:35,399
♪ But listen to what we say ♪
13
00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:40,187
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
14
00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:41,231
♪ Always and forever ♪
15
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,494
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
16
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:48,108
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
17
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:50,545
♪ I go to work in the morning ♪
18
00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:53,983
♪ Nighttime and
I'm having a ball ♪
19
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,725
♪ So much to see in my life ♪
20
00:01:56,899 --> 00:02:00,032
♪ Don't want to miss it at all ♪
21
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,209
♪ And every moment
that I'm living ♪
22
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:06,038
♪ I'll be giving in every way ♪
23
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,824
♪ All men have got to know
how far we're gonna go ♪
24
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,566
♪ So listen to what we say ♪
25
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:16,266
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
26
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:17,528
♪ Always and forever ♪
27
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,617
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
28
00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:22,185
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
29
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:23,795
♪ We're talking to you doll ♪
30
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,450
♪ Some say women should
know their place ♪
31
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:29,758
♪ We say we're half
the human race ♪
32
00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:34,371
♪ No matter what it's
so you ought to know ♪
33
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,068
♪ Ladies forgive us ♪
34
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:40,290
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
35
00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:41,683
♪ Always and forever ♪
36
00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,859
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
37
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:48,255
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
38
00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,344
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
39
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:53,303
♪ You're my sister ♪
40
00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,877
[light hearted music]
41
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:30,384
- Fuck!
42
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:38,130
[screaming continues]
43
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:45,877
[light hearted music resumes]
44
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:54,886
[bones cracking]
[grunting]
45
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,261
- [Evie] Hello, Gorgeous.
46
00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:26,744
[light hearted music continues]
47
00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,932
Jesus.
48
00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:43,152
I wish someone could
tell me how to just once
49
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:45,894
wake up without a
splitting headache.
50
00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:47,374
- You could drink less.
51
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,419
- Thank you, Coco.
That's very helpful.
52
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,513
The place looks nice.
53
00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,123
- Yeah, because we were
both getting up early
54
00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,821
to clean it today, remember?
55
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,910
- [Evie] Oh, I'd a
just gotten in the way.
56
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,215
- You did get in the way.
57
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,826
That's why I moved
you to your bed.
58
00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:06,697
Evie?
59
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,139
- Yeah?
60
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,228
- What do you think
about the idea
61
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,448
of having a dog in the house?
62
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,798
- I'm sorry. Have
I been staring?
63
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,453
- I'm thinking of getting one.
64
00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,325
I mean, let's face
it at this point,
65
00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,196
I'm probably never
gonna have kids.
66
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,721
- Oh, Coco. It's not too late.
67
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:32,636
I'm kidding.
68
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,682
A dog sounds fun.
69
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,988
- It sounds depressing,
is what it sounds.
70
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:40,252
Do you have kids?
No, but I have a dog.
71
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:43,517
Well, it's the same thing,
you crazy barren old hag.
72
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:46,302
- This new roommate will
cheer your right up.
73
00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:50,132
- I just hope she's
not too loud, or happy.
74
00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:52,352
Happy people always
make such a racket.
75
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,963
- Coco, she came by
and she was a peach.
76
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:55,964
- Were you drunk?
77
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,922
- It was 12 noon.
78
00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,489
Course I was drunk.
79
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,012
- I'm surprised anybody
would want to rent
80
00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:02,971
that awful bicentennial room.
81
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,713
[stifled laughing and coughing]
82
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:06,844
What?
83
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,933
- I rented Varla your room.
84
00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,413
- What?
85
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,937
- So you'll be the
one in the [gags]
86
00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,678
in the bicentennial room.
87
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,898
- Evie, I have seniority.
88
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:17,986
[doorbell rings]
89
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,596
- Bet that's her.
90
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,859
- [Coco] All you do is
take advantage of me.
91
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,861
And I'm not gonna
take it anymore.
92
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,390
Ooh, she's a happy one.
93
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:33,610
- Hello. You must be Yoo Hoo.
94
00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:34,829
- Coco.
95
00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,004
- I'm Varla.
96
00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,397
- Hello, Varla.
97
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,094
Let me help you with
your duffle bag.
98
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:43,185
- My things are
in the Cabriolet.
99
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:44,142
- Oh, I'm sorry.
100
00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:46,667
That's just your area.
101
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:52,890
[gate banging]
102
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,546
Jesus Christ.
103
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,942
Well, this is the backyard.
104
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:03,901
- You have a pool!
105
00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:10,038
- Nothing like that first
puke of the day. Martini?
106
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:12,867
- Oh, happy hour for me
never starts till after five.
107
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:15,304
- Me other, this is
only number three.
108
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,916
- Varla was just
telling me all about
109
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,092
how she came here from Arkansas.
110
00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:23,181
- Right, to become
a big movie star.
111
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:24,835
- And singing sensation.
112
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,750
- Oh.
113
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,144
- Well, you know. It's not
as simple as just showing up.
114
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,407
You also have to fill
out the application.
115
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,889
- I realize how tough it can be.
116
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:36,934
But that's why I have a plan.
117
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:40,634
I'm gonna spend every afternoon
at Schwab's Drugstore.
118
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:44,638
- You know? Where Tina
Turner was discovered.
119
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:47,597
- Except it's a
Virgin Megastore now.
120
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,294
- Are people still
discovered there?
121
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,863
- Yes, but mainly in the
men's room by undercover cops.
122
00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:55,083
- Her plan could work.
123
00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:56,824
When I was first starting out,
124
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,000
I ran into Fred MacMurray
at the Brown Derby
125
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:01,350
just when they were
casting "Flubber".
126
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:05,136
We hit it off so well, he
threw a juicy part my way.
127
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,443
- Then he put you in the movie.
128
00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:11,969
- Well, I hate to brag, but
acting is sort of in my blood.
129
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:15,016
You see, my mother
was Marla Simonds.
130
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,017
[dramatic music]
131
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:16,887
- 'Cause of her!
132
00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:17,975
- Here, try this.
133
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:18,976
It's huge!
134
00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,066
- Your mother was Marla Simonds?
135
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,415
- Chesty, on "Fill her up".
136
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,982
The short lived,
but wildly acclaimed
137
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,636
Summer spin off
of "CPO Sharkey".
138
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,030
- Damn it. That was
a lot of martini.
139
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:29,987
- Did you know her?
140
00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:31,772
- Goodness, yes.
141
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:34,949
We were always running into
each other at auditions.
142
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,517
She had such a
bright future too.
143
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:40,215
We were all so shocked
when she offed herself.
144
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,608
- Evie.
145
00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:43,958
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Passed herself away.
146
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,788
- Well, they shipped me off
to Arkansas right after, so.
147
00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,400
I have so many questions.
148
00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:52,444
What was she like?
149
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,142
- Very sweet.
150
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,360
- And a big pot head.
151
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,101
- Evie.
- Loved cock.
152
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,233
- Evie!
153
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,626
- [Evie] Coco is sexaphobic.
154
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,192
- Did you ever work with her?
155
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,064
- No. But you know what?
156
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:07,068
She almost got my breakthrough
role in "Asteroid".
157
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,157
Still, there were never
any hard feelings.
158
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,725
She even came to the big
house warming party I threw
159
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:15,119
after the premiere to help my
friends celebrate my success.
160
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,774
[calm music]
161
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:23,824
- My mother was here?
162
00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:25,521
- Everyone was.
163
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,176
Marla, Rick Taylor, everyone.
164
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:30,570
- You know what?
165
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,791
I think the universe sent
me here for a reason.
166
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:35,923
It's telling me that
167
00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:39,491
I'm supposed to follow
in my mother's footsteps.
168
00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:44,018
If I can become a
big movie star then,
169
00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:47,021
maybe in a way, her life
wouldn't have been for nothing.
170
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,459
- How do you figure?
171
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:16,093
- [Coco] Piece of shit.
172
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,097
Evie, help.
173
00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:26,887
[treadmill motor whining up]
174
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:34,372
[heart beating]
[groaning in pain]
175
00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,378
- Ooh, hi.
176
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:43,120
- I didn't realize you knew
this room still existed.
177
00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:45,209
- I come in here plenty.
178
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,604
- Oh look.
179
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:51,781
Cher Allman decided to drop
her last name all together.
180
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:55,176
- Well, with that new girl in
the house, I gotta keep up.
181
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:58,092
- Three hours in, and
you're already competing.
182
00:10:58,266 --> 00:10:59,267
Just like with her mom.
183
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,095
- That's not what this is.
184
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,010
- Oh my God.
185
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:12,019
[somber music]
186
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,282
[crying]
187
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,862
[crying louder]
188
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:45,487
- What?
189
00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:48,708
- Oh, Evie.
190
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:53,364
When I was at Vassar, I became
191
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:58,413
with child and I
had a procedure.
192
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:05,115
- That's your big
secret? An abortion?
193
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:06,682
- Have you had one?
194
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:07,770
- One?
195
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,337
Coco I've had more children
196
00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:12,296
pulled out of me than
a burning orphanage.
197
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,212
- Well, anyway, there's more.
198
00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:23,960
I was still very
young myself so,
199
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:27,355
needless to say I
was quite nervous.
200
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,836
But Evie, when that
doctor walked in,
201
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:34,188
my fear melted like
snow when it's melted.
202
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,972
- So, is this your
first abortion?
203
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:41,978
- Yeah. He was
confident and kind.
204
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,458
- There you go.
205
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:44,764
- [Coco] And I know
this sounds crazy.
206
00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:46,243
- Yeah, hold still.
207
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,115
- But even in our
brief time together,
208
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:51,248
I felt our souls touch.
209
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,597
It's over?
210
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,165
Afterwards I tried
to make contact,
211
00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,297
but they didn't give
out doctor's names
212
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:57,515
on account of all the shootings.
213
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,301
I must have the doctor's name.
214
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:04,261
All I knew was, he
worked on Tuesdays.
215
00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:07,177
And Evie. Young man?
216
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:09,614
That's when I
hatched my evil plan.
217
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,225
- You're on the pill, right?
218
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:13,183
- Of course I am.
219
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,924
Think I want to get pregnant?
220
00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:19,494
I took on all comers,
classmates, teachers, my priest.
221
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,104
- Going straight to hell.
222
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:22,802
- [Coco] My reputation
went into a tailspin,
223
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,064
but I didn't care.
224
00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,457
I was a woman obsessed.
225
00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:30,374
Then one morning, a Tuesday,
if you believe in fate.
226
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:34,030
I ran to that clinic so fast,
I'm lucky I didn't miscarry.
227
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:35,989
Time had only made
him more handsome.
228
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,513
- Hey, look who it is.
My favorite patient.
229
00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:41,951
- [Coco] I smiled at
him. He smiled back.
230
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:45,912
And Evie, that's when I saw
it. He had gotten married.
231
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,478
- What's wrong?
232
00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:48,915
- I was so distraught
after that. Nothing.
233
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,568
I couldn't even
enjoy our intimacy.
234
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:51,569
- Here I come.
235
00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:55,965
- I'm not proud of what I did.
236
00:13:57,271 --> 00:14:00,143
In fact, I haven't slept
through a night since.
237
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,451
But when I do sleep,
238
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:07,324
I dream of him.
239
00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:13,853
[rock and roll music]
240
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:23,079
[coughing]
241
00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,566
- I'll bring the rest
when you finish with that.
242
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:32,567
- Stay close.
243
00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:43,273
- I saw you sitting all alone,
looking so very beautiful.
244
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:44,884
- Thank you.
245
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,844
- My apology for
being so bold, but
246
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:53,196
when I see the best,
I have to have it.
247
00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,850
- Well, you know,
248
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:58,375
a Maserati needs much more
pampering than a Toyota.
249
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:01,291
- This is not a
problem if the Maserati
250
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:03,641
would take it's driver
where he wants to go.
251
00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:06,035
- Maseratis don't do anal.
252
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,212
- I think we
understand each other.
253
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:13,390
So what brings you
lunching this afternoon?
254
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:17,438
- Well, it's not
the exact malt shop
255
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,788
where Tina Turner was
discovered by a big producer.
256
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:23,792
But it is the closest one to
it, that had apple crumble.
257
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:29,406
- Do you know that I,
I am movie producer.
258
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:33,410
- Really?
259
00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:36,413
Well,
260
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:41,941
where on Earth did you
produce that charming accent?
261
00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:44,291
[speaking in foreign language]
262
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:47,076
- Waiter.
[dramatic music]
263
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,037
[speaking in foreign language]
264
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,647
We, we do not bathe.
265
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,605
- Can't tell.
266
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:57,565
That does remind me. I really
should refreshen my perfume.
267
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,223
- So I said, why am I laughing?
268
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:06,182
We're doing it doggy style,
and your name is Barker.
269
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:11,361
Ooh, that used to be
George Peppard's house.
270
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,668
Great lay. But talk about loud.
271
00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:15,409
They knew he was
cumming in Oxnard.
272
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,454
- Evie, I'm not sure about this.
273
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:20,196
- Coco, I've done
this a million times.
274
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:21,415
- [Coco] Plus the
sounds dangerous.
275
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,678
- Dangerous? Oh, Coco.
276
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:27,029
I slam on the brakes, the
poor sap behind us doesn't.
277
00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,988
Then this quack I know
says were injured.
278
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:32,426
And my ambulance chaser son
sues them for all they're worth.
279
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,949
It's like stealing money.
280
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,820
- It is stealing money.
281
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:37,692
Jean Allison.
282
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:40,782
You know, they offered me
that commercial for Depends.
283
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,392
Lot of money too.
284
00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,482
Just one little problem.
I don't shit my pants.
285
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,920
- Plus I want to show
Papi his new home.
286
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,400
[brakes squealing]
287
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:51,401
- [Evie] Jackpot!
288
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:52,272
[screaming in fear]
289
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:54,970
[metal crunching]
290
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:01,542
- And at the time of the
accident, had you been drinking?
291
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,109
- No, I was sober.
292
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,414
- Ma, this guy's lawyer
is gonna ask you-
293
00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:07,069
- Fine, I hadn't been drinking.
294
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,505
- Not even one drink?
295
00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:11,769
- One drink? What's
that? [laughing]
296
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,597
- Okay, I'm gonna
go start with Coco.
297
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,904
- Oh, they kept her
overnight at the hospital.
298
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,472
- Is she gonna be okay?
299
00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:22,432
- I hope so. Do we
get more if she dies.
300
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:25,392
- Mom, Aunt Coco is my favorite.
301
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:29,309
[ethereal music]
302
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:31,528
Hi.
303
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,531
- Oh. [stammers]
304
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:35,619
- Varla.
305
00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,969
- Varla. This is my son...
306
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,102
- Stevie.
307
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,539
- Hello, Stevie.
- Hi, Varla.
308
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,889
Pretty name for a pretty girl.
309
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:48,502
- It's also kind of a fat name.
310
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:49,851
Which is good too.
311
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,028
I'm glad I'm pretty because
312
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,552
I'm taking a big producer
to dinner tonight.
313
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:58,686
- Hey, maybe I'll go
on a date tonight too.
314
00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:01,819
That guy who hit us
slipped me his number.
315
00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:04,431
- He had to, Mom. It's the law.
316
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,997
- Well, did he have
to flirt with me
317
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,435
while we waited for the cops?
318
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,089
- He said,
319
00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:12,743
look the fuck where you're
going, you drunk corpse.
320
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,876
- It was more in
his body language.
321
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,491
- So, I know I'm not a big
shot producer or anything, but
322
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,363
I get jobs from Mom sometimes.
323
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,104
- Stevie, I don't
know why you bother.
324
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,715
They all run screaming when
they see your tiny dick.
325
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:31,588
- Mom!
326
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:33,460
- What? It's not?
327
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,723
The doctor changed his mind
twice before calling him a boy.
328
00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:40,771
- When it comes to men, I
look for what's on the inside.
329
00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:42,643
- Then you're in luck, 'cause
his dick practically is.
330
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:46,864
Hi, Jeff. You rammed into me
today, and I want seconds.
331
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:53,132
[calm piano music]
[voices overlapping]
332
00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,355
- Thank you.
333
00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:03,620
Why are you doing
so far from me?
334
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:05,579
Be closer.
335
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:21,508
- Oh yes, this is
much more romantic.
336
00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:26,339
[takes deep breath]
337
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:29,603
- You see that girl at the bar?
338
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:30,647
She's a whore.
339
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:34,912
- How can you tell?
340
00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:37,698
- Whores are sexy.
Do you know why?
341
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:40,744
- Because it's their job?
342
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:44,879
- Because they do it for love.
343
00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:47,708
Tonight she is going to
give all the money she make
344
00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:51,015
to one most very important man.
345
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,062
- Right, or he'll cut her.
346
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,846
- Also to prove that she cares.
347
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,676
As a producer I
have many actors.
348
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:00,764
They tell me that they care.
349
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:04,899
But a whore, a whore proves it.
350
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,120
- Laurent, I care.
351
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:15,475
- And would you like to prove?
352
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:16,693
- Heavens, yes.
353
00:20:18,478 --> 00:20:21,568
More than I'd like to finish
those Bob Hope nachos.
354
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,613
- I think we
understand each other.
355
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,661
Waitress.
[dramatic music] d'armee
356
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,577
[body collapsing]
357
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:35,364
- I'm glad I could
coax you over.
358
00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:38,715
At first I was afraid you'd
think it a bit strange.
359
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,502
- Why, 'cause you're so old?
360
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,721
- Because of how we
met, Silly Billy.
361
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,333
- What's this?
362
00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:50,423
- Oh, let me turn it on.
I love turning things on.
363
00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,736
Ooh, it's raining.
364
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:02,913
- Nice.
365
00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:05,742
- I'll sell it to
you for $5,000.
366
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:07,309
- That's okay.
367
00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:08,615
- Oh, I'm kidding.
368
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,399
I could never part
with it anyway,
369
00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,749
for less than 3500, rock bottom.
370
00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,925
- You know Mary Tyler Moore?
371
00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:18,886
- Very well. We did "Night of
a Thousand Stars" together.
372
00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:22,063
Funny story. She has diabetes.
373
00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:24,674
- It's always been sort
of a fantasy of mine
374
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,589
to sleep with a big movie star.
375
00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:28,722
- Well, tonight might
just be the night
376
00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:30,419
your fantasy comes true.
377
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:32,378
- Why, who's coming?
378
00:21:33,379 --> 00:21:36,077
- Me. "Asteroid".
379
00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,123
- I'm sorry, I didn't see it.
380
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,126
- Oh, you're the one.
[laughing] I'm kidding.
381
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,606
But "Battlestar Galactica"?
382
00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:45,042
- No.
383
00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:45,869
- "Facts of Life go to Europe"
- No.
384
00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:47,784
- "Tabitha".
385
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:50,787
- You know, I just realized
tonight is my laundry night.
386
00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:56,445
- "Court TV,
Celebrities who Kill"?
387
00:21:57,751 --> 00:22:00,014
- You're the hit
and run hooch hound!
388
00:22:00,188 --> 00:22:02,886
[labored breathing]
389
00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:04,497
- [Intercom] Clean up in ICU.
390
00:22:08,196 --> 00:22:08,936
- Hello.
391
00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:10,067
- Oh, hi.
392
00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:12,809
You gave us quite a scare there,
393
00:22:14,071 --> 00:22:14,724
Coco.
394
00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:16,335
- What happened?
395
00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:19,860
All I remember is this
truck, and. Oh, Papi.
396
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:20,817
- I'm sorry.
397
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:23,559
- He's gone?
398
00:22:23,733 --> 00:22:25,866
- I have no idea what
you're talking about.
399
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,868
Didn't you get your morphine?
400
00:22:28,042 --> 00:22:32,351
No. But in fairness, the
nurse seemed really sleepy.
401
00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:33,874
[body collapsing]
402
00:22:34,048 --> 00:22:35,745
- [Intercom] Dr. Benton
to the medical ward.
403
00:22:35,919 --> 00:22:37,268
- Which is just as well, really
404
00:22:37,443 --> 00:22:39,227
'cause I usually don't
take such strong-
405
00:22:39,401 --> 00:22:42,622
- Trust me. It's
the pizza of drugs.
406
00:22:42,796 --> 00:22:44,406
[sighing]
407
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:47,278
[ethereal music]
408
00:22:58,942 --> 00:23:00,161
- Dr. Perfect?
409
00:23:01,945 --> 00:23:05,384
[ethereal music continues]
410
00:23:08,299 --> 00:23:09,649
- Patient Beautiful.
411
00:23:10,824 --> 00:23:12,086
- [John] Five
bucks, make it last.
412
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,218
- Oh, thank you sir.
413
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,873
My pimp and I appreciate
your business.
414
00:23:19,659 --> 00:23:21,922
[calm music]
415
00:23:26,013 --> 00:23:26,796
- Oh.
416
00:23:28,015 --> 00:23:29,756
- Okay, enough child's play.
417
00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:36,110
- Do you have any porn?
418
00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:40,810
- Maybe, leftover
from my husband.
419
00:23:40,984 --> 00:23:42,986
- Could we, for a goof?
420
00:23:44,205 --> 00:23:47,121
- Okay. It'll be
kind of old, though.
421
00:23:47,295 --> 00:23:48,078
- Oh, that's fine.
422
00:23:48,252 --> 00:23:49,645
- [Evie] And man on man.
423
00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:50,559
- Anything.
424
00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:54,650
- I wanted to look for you, but
425
00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:58,437
I was afraid you'd
reject me when you heard.
426
00:23:58,611 --> 00:23:59,263
- Heard what?
427
00:24:00,177 --> 00:24:01,483
- When I fall for a woman,
428
00:24:03,224 --> 00:24:04,660
I become her emotional slave.
429
00:24:06,227 --> 00:24:07,446
- I'll manage.
430
00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:11,232
[calm music]
431
00:24:23,549 --> 00:24:27,944
- God. I had hoped you'd
be a lifeless kisser.
432
00:24:28,118 --> 00:24:30,469
And in a few years, when
your ass begins to sag-
433
00:24:30,643 --> 00:24:33,733
- But Dr. Perfect,
it's sagging now.
434
00:24:35,386 --> 00:24:36,170
- No?
435
00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:43,960
[sighs]
[brakes squealing]
436
00:24:44,134 --> 00:24:46,920
[guns firing]
437
00:24:47,094 --> 00:24:51,968
- She's famous, she's famous,
she's famous, she's famous.
438
00:24:53,535 --> 00:24:54,928
[sighs]
439
00:24:55,102 --> 00:24:57,583
- What's wrong? Did my
glass eye roll back?
440
00:24:57,757 --> 00:24:58,540
I'll fix it.
441
00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:01,587
- [Video] Worry about my balls.
442
00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:02,501
- Oh yeah.
443
00:25:04,938 --> 00:25:05,721
She's famous.
444
00:25:05,895 --> 00:25:06,940
- [Video] Oh, God yes.
445
00:25:07,114 --> 00:25:09,290
- [Evie] Oh yeah.
446
00:25:09,464 --> 00:25:11,945
- [Video] Yes, yes, yes. Yes!
447
00:25:22,085 --> 00:25:23,609
- [Jeff] Ms. Harris,
448
00:25:23,783 --> 00:25:26,046
my drinking has been spinning
out of control lately.
449
00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:27,482
But last night made me realize
450
00:25:27,656 --> 00:25:30,006
I've hit bottom, and need help.
451
00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:31,442
Thank you, Jeff.
452
00:25:31,617 --> 00:25:34,054
- Feels so good to
make a difference.
453
00:25:36,143 --> 00:25:37,013
- Evie.
454
00:25:38,362 --> 00:25:41,148
You promised to pick
me up at the hospital.
455
00:25:41,322 --> 00:25:43,933
- I know, but I really
needed the extra sleep.
456
00:25:44,107 --> 00:25:45,413
- No, I believe the phrase
457
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:48,111
you're searching
for is, I'm sorry.
458
00:25:48,285 --> 00:25:50,026
- You're the one
who believed me.
459
00:25:53,726 --> 00:25:56,032
[calm music]
460
00:26:08,218 --> 00:26:09,002
- Evie?
461
00:26:10,873 --> 00:26:12,658
Have you ever been on morphine?
462
00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:17,053
- Once, when I had my eyes done.
463
00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:19,839
Then every day for 10
years after that. Why?
464
00:26:21,449 --> 00:26:24,757
- It's too horrible to
talk about. [crying]
465
00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:28,935
- I'm in love.
466
00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:30,589
- [Evie] My date went great too.
467
00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:33,592
- What's wrong?
468
00:26:33,766 --> 00:26:36,986
- It's too horrible to
talk about, thank God.
469
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:42,078
- Laurent is charming
and handsome, and sexy.
470
00:26:45,038 --> 00:26:47,344
And he really makes me feel
like I'm worth something.
471
00:26:47,518 --> 00:26:49,129
- That stain is from us.
472
00:26:50,304 --> 00:26:52,175
- Plus, he is going to give me
473
00:26:52,349 --> 00:26:54,177
a role in his new feature film.
474
00:26:56,397 --> 00:26:59,052
- Congratu... [crying resumes]
475
00:26:59,226 --> 00:27:00,575
[beeper beeps]
476
00:27:00,749 --> 00:27:03,709
- Oh, phooey. I'm late
for our love game.
477
00:27:03,883 --> 00:27:05,928
- Take these for the
ride, you huge cow.
478
00:27:07,103 --> 00:27:08,061
- Excuse me?
479
00:27:08,235 --> 00:27:11,107
- I'm kidding. Jesus.
480
00:27:12,195 --> 00:27:15,590
[Coco continues crying]
481
00:27:17,113 --> 00:27:18,114
- Here you go, Pimpalton.
482
00:27:19,159 --> 00:27:20,508
It would have been more.
483
00:27:20,682 --> 00:27:22,118
But that football
team beat me and ran.
484
00:27:22,292 --> 00:27:23,816
- Get back out there
485
00:27:23,990 --> 00:27:26,166
- But I'm so sorry already.
486
00:27:26,340 --> 00:27:29,517
- Like my heart is sore
when you are away from me.
487
00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:32,041
- Laurent. You should
write epitaphs.
488
00:27:32,215 --> 00:27:33,608
- Varla, you're coming with me.
489
00:27:33,782 --> 00:27:35,088
- This is none of your
concern, my friend.
490
00:27:35,262 --> 00:27:36,916
- I'm not your friend, pal.
491
00:27:37,090 --> 00:27:40,093
- Stevie, Laurent and I are
just playing a love game.
492
00:27:40,267 --> 00:27:41,616
I make a thousand dollars,
493
00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:43,705
and then he puts me
in his feature film.
494
00:27:43,879 --> 00:27:45,272
- Don't you see
what's going on here?
495
00:27:45,446 --> 00:27:46,969
This ass wipe is a con man,
496
00:27:47,143 --> 00:27:48,623
and he's turned
you into a whore.
497
00:27:48,797 --> 00:27:51,321
- If you could hear
yourself speak right now.
498
00:27:51,495 --> 00:27:53,584
Oh, loved blowing you.
Thanks for the tip.
499
00:27:56,239 --> 00:27:58,589
- Okay, fine. You need $1000.
500
00:27:59,590 --> 00:28:00,809
Here's,
501
00:28:02,855 --> 00:28:03,638
here's 420.
502
00:28:05,074 --> 00:28:07,163
- I'm still a C and
a fin shaw short.
503
00:28:07,337 --> 00:28:08,817
- Well, that's all I've got.
504
00:28:11,385 --> 00:28:12,473
- Your shoes look new.
505
00:28:21,351 --> 00:28:22,962
- There, Laurent.
506
00:28:24,311 --> 00:28:25,878
I don't see the cameras.
[Laurent mimicking ringing]
507
00:28:26,052 --> 00:28:28,532
- Yes, hello.
Thank you, goodbye.
508
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:30,012
The film, it was canceled.
509
00:28:31,927 --> 00:28:34,408
[somber music]
510
00:28:43,025 --> 00:28:44,810
- Varla.
511
00:28:44,984 --> 00:28:47,464
There's some people out there
you just got to watch out for.
512
00:28:48,683 --> 00:28:50,467
- I'm starting to see that now.
513
00:28:52,295 --> 00:28:54,907
I guess I never had anybody
to show me who they are.
514
00:28:56,343 --> 00:28:57,213
- Well, you do now.
515
00:28:59,128 --> 00:29:01,217
I know what it's like to
grow up without a mom.
516
00:29:07,354 --> 00:29:10,618
[inspirational music]
517
00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:21,803
- Well, don't you
listen to her either.
518
00:29:21,977 --> 00:29:24,980
You're a man, because of
what's in here, not in
519
00:29:28,418 --> 00:29:29,768
- Down a little.
520
00:29:29,942 --> 00:29:32,945
To the left. Now up.
You went past it.
521
00:29:33,815 --> 00:29:35,121
- Here.
522
00:29:35,295 --> 00:29:39,429
- Go back a little
more. More, stop. There.
523
00:29:41,910 --> 00:29:42,693
- Really?
524
00:29:43,912 --> 00:29:44,695
- Press down.
525
00:29:47,394 --> 00:29:48,656
Try sort of rolling your fingers
526
00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:50,266
back and forth a little bit.
527
00:29:53,487 --> 00:29:54,270
- Oh.
528
00:29:58,709 --> 00:29:59,493
Well,
529
00:30:00,494 --> 00:30:03,279
I'm sure when it's firm.
530
00:30:07,544 --> 00:30:08,937
- Well, it kind of.
531
00:30:10,199 --> 00:30:11,113
So, listen.
532
00:30:12,375 --> 00:30:13,942
How about tomorrow
night I take you out
533
00:30:14,116 --> 00:30:17,076
for a great big steak dinner?
534
00:30:19,208 --> 00:30:21,080
- Your mom is my roommate.
535
00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:25,824
- Oh, sure.
536
00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:28,000
Okay.
537
00:30:29,305 --> 00:30:31,090
- But thanks for the
money and the shoes.
538
00:30:34,876 --> 00:30:37,879
[light hearted music]
539
00:30:38,053 --> 00:30:42,275
If you're like me, your days
are jam packed with activity.
540
00:30:42,449 --> 00:30:45,452
It seems it no sooner am I
done watching my programs,
541
00:30:45,626 --> 00:30:47,323
than a new magazine arrives.
542
00:30:47,497 --> 00:30:50,500
And suddenly boom,
it's nap time.
543
00:30:50,674 --> 00:30:53,286
That's why I'm so
grateful for new
544
00:30:53,460 --> 00:30:55,854
Busy Gal's, Dinner's Ready.
545
00:30:57,507 --> 00:30:59,422
You keep Busy Gal
right in your cabinets.
546
00:30:59,596 --> 00:31:01,947
No more lugging open
that heavy freezer door.
547
00:31:02,121 --> 00:31:06,081
And the exhausting char of
reheating, a thing of the past.
548
00:31:06,255 --> 00:31:08,736
Busy Gal meals are
treated with nutri-dation,
549
00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:10,912
which rendered some
chemically unstable
550
00:31:11,086 --> 00:31:13,828
in a way that feels just
like heat in your mouth.
551
00:31:14,002 --> 00:31:17,440
All they'll know
is, it tastes great.
552
00:31:17,614 --> 00:31:19,529
Busy Gal's, Dinner's Ready
is sold as a novelty item,
553
00:31:19,703 --> 00:31:21,444
and is not intended
for human consumption.
554
00:31:21,618 --> 00:31:23,882
Side effects of ingestion
can include cancer,
555
00:31:24,056 --> 00:31:25,405
bleeding, enlargement
of the heart,
556
00:31:25,579 --> 00:31:27,798
and second degree burns
along the rectal cavity
557
00:31:27,973 --> 00:31:30,279
resulting in irreversible
incontinence.
558
00:31:31,324 --> 00:31:32,629
Us gals have it hard enough.
559
00:31:34,631 --> 00:31:38,897
- Congratulations, Varla.
560
00:31:39,071 --> 00:31:40,333
- Thanks.
561
00:31:40,507 --> 00:31:41,856
Stevie got it for me.
562
00:31:43,249 --> 00:31:44,598
- So are you and he?
563
00:31:44,772 --> 00:31:49,298
- No, I need someone
with a bigger heart.
564
00:31:50,647 --> 00:31:52,388
- I remember my
first commercial.
565
00:31:52,562 --> 00:31:53,868
- Do you have a tape?
566
00:31:54,042 --> 00:31:55,609
I could learn so much.
567
00:31:55,783 --> 00:31:58,307
- Well, it wasn't
for a TV exactly.
568
00:31:58,481 --> 00:32:00,266
I used to come out between acts,
569
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:05,140
and sing this darling song
about Dr. Vim's Miracle Elixir.
570
00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,493
That's what led to
my first kinetoscope.
571
00:32:14,889 --> 00:32:17,457
- If only my mother had
lived to see my very first-
572
00:32:17,631 --> 00:32:19,676
- Well, that's enough
about your commercial.
573
00:32:28,685 --> 00:32:31,384
[dramatic music]
574
00:32:40,523 --> 00:32:43,135
- [Billy] That was
the worst one yet.
575
00:32:43,309 --> 00:32:45,398
- According to my
calculator, the asteroid
576
00:32:45,572 --> 00:32:49,445
will penetrate the
atmosphere in 15 minutes.
577
00:32:49,619 --> 00:32:50,316
Oh, Billy.
578
00:32:51,491 --> 00:32:52,796
Oh, the children.
579
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:54,581
[dramatic music]
580
00:32:54,755 --> 00:32:56,887
- You saved all you
could with the space ark.
581
00:32:57,062 --> 00:32:59,107
- But what about all the
people who could have
582
00:32:59,281 --> 00:33:01,936
fit into space arks
three, and two?
583
00:33:05,722 --> 00:33:09,204
If only the President
had listened to me.
584
00:33:09,378 --> 00:33:11,511
- As I should have, when
you were promoted over me.
585
00:33:11,685 --> 00:33:13,165
But I was just too macho.
586
00:33:15,602 --> 00:33:18,518
- Or maybe I was
so busy being an
587
00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:24,132
astrophysicist that
I forgot how to be
588
00:33:28,571 --> 00:33:29,485
a woman.
589
00:33:32,488 --> 00:33:35,404
[thunder crashing]
590
00:33:35,578 --> 00:33:38,668
[somber piano music]
591
00:33:58,384 --> 00:33:59,254
[glass breaking]
592
00:33:59,428 --> 00:34:01,082
- [Evie] Oh, mother fuck.
593
00:34:01,952 --> 00:34:05,434
[somber music continues]
594
00:34:06,609 --> 00:34:07,523
- Goodnight, Coco.
595
00:34:09,612 --> 00:34:10,526
Goodnight, hun.
596
00:34:13,399 --> 00:34:14,139
I love you.
597
00:34:15,879 --> 00:34:16,663
I love you, too.
598
00:34:20,797 --> 00:34:21,798
Pipe down in there.
599
00:34:25,889 --> 00:34:26,847
School day tomorrow.
600
00:34:33,375 --> 00:34:36,552
[light hearted music]
601
00:34:39,773 --> 00:34:44,386
- [Female Computer Voice]
Santa Claus has entered.
602
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:48,173
- [Male Computer Voice]
Is your mommy home?
603
00:34:48,347 --> 00:34:53,265
- [Female Computer Voice]
My mother died in 1975.
604
00:34:54,962 --> 00:34:56,094
Sad face.
605
00:34:58,139 --> 00:34:59,575
Santa Claus has left.
606
00:35:04,928 --> 00:35:07,801
[thunder crashing]
607
00:35:11,500 --> 00:35:14,068
[door creaking]
608
00:35:15,287 --> 00:35:19,943
[soft babbling]
[suspenseful music]
609
00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,572
- [Creature] Mommy?
610
00:35:39,746 --> 00:35:40,834
I'll get you.
611
00:35:41,791 --> 00:35:44,838
[screaming in fear]
612
00:35:52,846 --> 00:35:53,629
- Shut up.
613
00:35:57,764 --> 00:35:58,852
- I heard screaming.
614
00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,462
- Jesus, what?
615
00:36:00,636 --> 00:36:03,857
- I've had this dream,
ever since the hospital.
616
00:36:06,033 --> 00:36:09,602
I think that doctor gave me
morphine and then raped me.
617
00:36:09,776 --> 00:36:12,996
- Oh my God. Coco.
618
00:36:13,171 --> 00:36:14,650
- So it's a sex dream, huh?
619
00:36:15,782 --> 00:36:17,653
- Here, have some chocolate.
620
00:36:18,872 --> 00:36:19,786
Have some peach sorbet.
621
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,527
- The babies.
622
00:36:21,701 --> 00:36:24,443
It doesn't make sense.
There's no connection.
623
00:36:24,617 --> 00:36:26,967
And I cry for no reason,
and blame myself.
624
00:36:27,141 --> 00:36:30,710
I've been slowly cutting
off my toe with a nail file,
625
00:36:30,884 --> 00:36:34,583
and I have no idea
why. [sobbing]
626
00:36:35,932 --> 00:36:38,761
- I went in on a television
motion picture about rape.
627
00:36:38,935 --> 00:36:40,459
And in the back of the script,
628
00:36:40,633 --> 00:36:41,808
there was a number
for a support hotline.
629
00:36:41,982 --> 00:36:43,853
- Jesus Christ, Varla.
630
00:36:44,027 --> 00:36:45,203
Does everything around here
631
00:36:45,377 --> 00:36:47,727
have to be about
your fucking career?
632
00:36:48,989 --> 00:36:50,338
- I was only trying to help.
633
00:36:50,512 --> 00:36:52,732
- I know what you were
only trying to do.
634
00:36:52,906 --> 00:36:55,256
I've seen your
type before plenty.
635
00:36:55,430 --> 00:36:58,781
Worm your way into the
life of a huge star.
636
00:36:58,955 --> 00:37:02,742
Next thing I know you've
stolen my son, and my maid.
637
00:37:02,916 --> 00:37:04,613
Well, I won't let
you steal my career.
638
00:37:04,787 --> 00:37:07,790
- No, that's your specialty.
639
00:37:07,964 --> 00:37:09,096
- Sleepy.
640
00:37:09,270 --> 00:37:10,358
- "Asteroid" was supposed to be
641
00:37:10,532 --> 00:37:12,969
my mom's big break, not yours.
642
00:37:14,188 --> 00:37:16,799
She spent two months
preparing for that role,
643
00:37:16,973 --> 00:37:18,714
working with her
being crushed coach.
644
00:37:19,976 --> 00:37:23,806
I can still remember her
practicing. It's huge.
645
00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:29,159
Well, little did she
know that in Hollywood,
646
00:37:30,770 --> 00:37:34,252
the real killer asteroids
don't fall from the sky.
647
00:37:35,296 --> 00:37:38,299
[thunder crashing]
648
00:37:38,473 --> 00:37:39,822
- Still raped over here.
649
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,264
[calm music]
650
00:37:53,009 --> 00:37:54,924
[screaming in pain]
651
00:37:55,098 --> 00:37:57,057
- Coco.
- Oh, my God I'm on fire.
652
00:37:57,231 --> 00:37:58,580
- I thought you were Varla.
653
00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:01,496
- Oh my God. Oh God.
Evie, Evie I'm burning.
654
00:38:01,670 --> 00:38:03,063
- Cold water.
- I'm burning!
655
00:38:03,237 --> 00:38:04,020
[water splashing]
656
00:38:04,194 --> 00:38:05,631
- I'm serious.
657
00:38:05,805 --> 00:38:09,112
I'll do anything they
offer, except porno.
658
00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:12,725
- Mom, you doing porn isn't
porn anymore, it's horror.
659
00:38:12,899 --> 00:38:17,251
- Everyone, this is Nipsy.
Nipsy, this is everyone.
660
00:38:17,425 --> 00:38:19,340
- Hey, Nipsy. Boy or girl?
661
00:38:19,514 --> 00:38:21,647
- From you.
- He's a boy.
662
00:38:21,821 --> 00:38:23,562
- No, seriously.
663
00:38:23,736 --> 00:38:25,868
Supposing just for an
instance, they suddenly need
664
00:38:26,042 --> 00:38:29,219
a new Busy Gal after tonight,
or tomorrow morning latest.
665
00:38:29,394 --> 00:38:31,134
- Ma, no one will hire you.
666
00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:35,051
- Why not? I mean, I admit
my looks are starting to go.
667
00:38:35,225 --> 00:38:38,533
- Starting to go? Evie, your
looks are home and in bed.
668
00:38:39,926 --> 00:38:41,841
- I think you know.
669
00:38:42,015 --> 00:38:43,930
- My attitude?
- No.
670
00:38:44,104 --> 00:38:45,453
- My drinking?
- No.
671
00:38:45,627 --> 00:38:46,802
- Chronic lateness?
- No.
672
00:38:46,976 --> 00:38:48,064
- Never learned my lines?
- No.
673
00:38:48,238 --> 00:38:49,414
- The kleptomania?
- No.
674
00:38:49,588 --> 00:38:50,893
- I spread disease?
- No.
675
00:38:51,067 --> 00:38:52,417
- Then what?
676
00:38:52,591 --> 00:38:53,940
- That little thing
where you ran over
677
00:38:54,114 --> 00:38:55,463
a family of four while
drunk off your ass.
678
00:38:55,637 --> 00:38:59,946
- It was a family of
six. I only killed four.
679
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,341
And what kind of people have a
picnic in their own backyard?
680
00:39:03,515 --> 00:39:04,385
- Oh, Mom.
681
00:39:04,559 --> 00:39:05,343
- What?
- The.
682
00:39:06,953 --> 00:39:07,736
- Oh.
683
00:39:11,392 --> 00:39:12,262
- Nipsy.
684
00:39:14,264 --> 00:39:15,353
What's wrong with him?
685
00:39:17,137 --> 00:39:20,401
- Oh, Nipsy. That was for Varla.
686
00:39:23,448 --> 00:39:25,972
- [Announcer] Coming up,
Evie Harris vomits her way
687
00:39:26,146 --> 00:39:29,845
off the Hollywood squares
when "Has Beens" continues.
688
00:39:32,108 --> 00:39:36,199
- If you're like me, your days
are jam packed with activity.
689
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:39,289
It seems no sooner am I
done watching my programs.
690
00:39:39,464 --> 00:39:41,901
[remote clicks]
691
00:39:42,075 --> 00:39:45,687
If you're like me, your days
are jam packed with activity.
692
00:39:45,861 --> 00:39:47,210
[remote clicks]
693
00:39:47,385 --> 00:39:48,821
Us gals have it hard enough.
[remote clicks]
694
00:39:48,995 --> 00:39:50,649
Us gals have it hard-
[remote clicks]
695
00:39:50,823 --> 00:39:52,999
Have it hard, hard, hard, hard.
696
00:39:53,173 --> 00:39:54,870
Hard, hard, hard,
hard, hard enough.
697
00:40:02,922 --> 00:40:05,533
[dramatic music]
698
00:40:06,665 --> 00:40:07,622
- It's huge.
699
00:40:09,581 --> 00:40:11,887
[laughing]
700
00:40:13,454 --> 00:40:14,237
It's huge.
701
00:40:15,587 --> 00:40:18,633
[laughing continues]
702
00:40:22,594 --> 00:40:24,117
- I think Busy Gal
703
00:40:24,291 --> 00:40:26,685
is the most important
thing to happen for women
704
00:40:28,208 --> 00:40:29,992
since they were
emancipated from slavery.
705
00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,822
[dramatic music]
706
00:40:34,823 --> 00:40:36,216
- I can't finish this.
707
00:40:36,390 --> 00:40:37,826
- [Announcer]
Leonard Nimoy, Charo,
708
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:38,697
Bret Sullivan, Robert Reed.
709
00:40:41,047 --> 00:40:44,180
- Oh, I heard about
"Asteroid". Congratulations.
710
00:40:44,354 --> 00:40:47,183
- [Announcer] Barbara Bates,
Ted Knight, Joey Hetherington,
711
00:40:47,357 --> 00:40:52,014
The Osmond Five, Lee Majors,
Alan Luden, William Conrad.
712
00:40:52,188 --> 00:40:54,626
[gun fires]
713
00:40:58,151 --> 00:41:00,936
[calm piano music]
714
00:41:12,165 --> 00:41:15,124
[suspenseful music]
715
00:41:26,571 --> 00:41:29,225
[dramatic music]
716
00:41:32,098 --> 00:41:32,968
- No!
717
00:41:34,709 --> 00:41:37,886
[screaming continues]
718
00:41:44,110 --> 00:41:47,069
- Never, dude. You're never
going to look normal again.
719
00:41:47,243 --> 00:41:51,073
- Dr. Benson. He drug
and rape you yet?
720
00:41:51,247 --> 00:41:52,205
- No.
721
00:41:52,379 --> 00:41:54,947
- Coco. I was going to call.
722
00:41:55,121 --> 00:41:57,079
- How nice.
723
00:41:57,253 --> 00:42:01,954
A girl always likes that after
she's been drugged and raped.
724
00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:05,305
- Right, about
that. I am so sorry.
725
00:42:05,479 --> 00:42:08,743
- Sorry? Oh, then I
guess that makes it okay
726
00:42:08,917 --> 00:42:10,919
that ya drugged and raped me.
727
00:42:11,093 --> 00:42:13,531
- Jesus Christ. I get
the fucking point.
728
00:42:14,836 --> 00:42:16,969
Look, you have every
right to be ticked.
729
00:42:17,143 --> 00:42:20,581
And I know it's no excuse,
but can I try to explain?
730
00:42:20,755 --> 00:42:21,756
- Explain?
731
00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:23,541
- You reminded me of someone.
732
00:42:23,715 --> 00:42:25,630
Years ago when I was
first starting out,
733
00:42:27,980 --> 00:42:29,895
the most beautiful
girl came to see me.
734
00:42:31,331 --> 00:42:33,028
I felt our souls touch.
735
00:42:34,813 --> 00:42:35,988
But I froze.
736
00:42:36,945 --> 00:42:38,077
I tried to get in
touch with her later,
737
00:42:38,251 --> 00:42:40,079
but clinic's records
were anonymous,
738
00:42:40,253 --> 00:42:41,428
because of all the letter bombs.
739
00:42:41,602 --> 00:42:43,082
- Dr. Perfect?
740
00:42:45,563 --> 00:42:46,955
- Patient Huge Tits?
741
00:42:48,914 --> 00:42:50,655
- It's really you?
- It's really you?
742
00:42:50,829 --> 00:42:53,179
- When you came back after
I'd lost hope and married,
743
00:42:53,353 --> 00:42:54,963
I broke.
744
00:42:55,137 --> 00:42:57,444
- I couldn't date anyone
without comparing them to you.
745
00:42:57,618 --> 00:42:59,315
- Coco.
746
00:42:59,489 --> 00:43:03,798
God has given us a second
chance, and I say we take it.
747
00:43:03,972 --> 00:43:06,148
- You still shouldn't
have raped me.
748
00:43:06,322 --> 00:43:07,367
- Really super sorry.
749
00:43:08,977 --> 00:43:12,067
[inspirational music]
750
00:43:27,387 --> 00:43:30,346
♪ Dream lover I must know ♪
751
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:33,915
♪ Dream lover are you gonna go ♪
752
00:43:34,089 --> 00:43:38,398
♪ Are you real or
fantasy dream lover ♪
753
00:43:39,529 --> 00:43:40,879
- Well, to.
754
00:43:41,053 --> 00:43:42,141
- Great.
755
00:43:42,315 --> 00:43:43,925
♪ Dream lover you gotta stay ♪
756
00:43:44,099 --> 00:43:47,059
♪ I'll make you
happy all your days ♪
757
00:43:47,233 --> 00:43:52,194
♪ Promise me you'll
be true dream lover ♪
758
00:43:54,022 --> 00:43:57,069
♪ I gave up hope
stopped looking around ♪
759
00:43:57,243 --> 00:43:58,113
♪ Cried all night ♪
760
00:43:58,287 --> 00:43:58,984
- Dr. Perfect.
761
00:44:00,550 --> 00:44:03,858
♪ Now you're here
is it a dream ♪
762
00:44:04,032 --> 00:44:07,079
♪ Is my life really
how it seems ♪
763
00:44:07,253 --> 00:44:10,560
♪ I waited so long
almost all my life ♪
764
00:44:10,735 --> 00:44:13,738
♪ So much pain it
cut me like on life ♪
765
00:44:13,912 --> 00:44:18,830
♪ I'll just die if you
leave dream lover ♪
766
00:44:20,570 --> 00:44:23,835
♪ Dream lover I must know ♪
767
00:44:24,009 --> 00:44:27,186
♪ Dream lover are you gonna go ♪
768
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:32,147
♪ Are you real or
fantasy dream lover ♪
769
00:44:34,019 --> 00:44:37,239
♪ Dream lover you gotta stay ♪
770
00:44:37,413 --> 00:44:40,460
♪ I'll make you
happy all your days ♪
771
00:44:40,634 --> 00:44:45,160
♪ Promise me you'll
be true dream lover ♪
772
00:44:47,336 --> 00:44:48,468
[Coco puking]
773
00:44:48,642 --> 00:44:51,123
- Nice, Princess. Real sexy.
774
00:44:53,299 --> 00:44:56,476
[light hearted music]
775
00:45:04,353 --> 00:45:06,878
- Chester, this'll
be where you poop.
776
00:45:09,315 --> 00:45:12,144
That's a good poop, Chester.
777
00:45:13,623 --> 00:45:15,713
God, what did they feed
you at that kennel?
778
00:45:20,369 --> 00:45:23,068
Oh, come on.
779
00:45:29,030 --> 00:45:31,424
- Guess who's going
to be in a movie.
780
00:45:31,598 --> 00:45:32,512
- Me?
781
00:45:32,686 --> 00:45:35,036
- Congratulations, Varla.
782
00:45:36,168 --> 00:45:37,038
What's it called?
783
00:45:37,212 --> 00:45:38,344
- I think "Counter Girl"
784
00:45:38,518 --> 00:45:40,650
because that's the
name of my role.
785
00:45:40,825 --> 00:45:42,522
- "Tarantula Tropolis."
786
00:45:42,696 --> 00:45:45,873
- Oh, so no more
commercials for you.
787
00:45:46,047 --> 00:45:49,137
I told Stevie those tiny
little parts do nothing for me.
788
00:45:49,311 --> 00:45:51,183
I need great big parts.
789
00:45:51,357 --> 00:45:54,273
- Stevie, why didn't you
put me up for that part?
790
00:45:54,447 --> 00:45:56,231
- Well, I can only
recommend one person, Mom.
791
00:45:56,405 --> 00:45:57,493
- Well, that's obviously a lie,
792
00:45:57,667 --> 00:45:59,931
because she's practically two.
793
00:46:00,105 --> 00:46:01,497
- I'm sorry?
794
00:46:01,671 --> 00:46:02,629
- A little less binge,
a little more purge.
795
00:46:02,803 --> 00:46:03,761
You know what I'm saying, hun?
796
00:46:03,935 --> 00:46:06,328
- Damn it, Mom. Shut up.
797
00:46:07,721 --> 00:46:09,201
Why should I lift
a finger for you?
798
00:46:09,375 --> 00:46:10,637
What have you ever done for me?
799
00:46:10,811 --> 00:46:12,944
- Carried you to
term, for starters.
800
00:46:13,118 --> 00:46:16,338
Coca would have had your
sucked out for a phone number.
801
00:46:16,512 --> 00:46:19,124
- Evie, I can't believe
you would stoop to-
802
00:46:19,298 --> 00:46:20,429
- Stop fighting!
803
00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:25,870
Evie.
804
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,222
I'm sorry for the things
I said the other day.
805
00:46:30,396 --> 00:46:33,921
And I know my recent
success has been stressful.
806
00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:35,967
I'm sorry for that too.
807
00:46:37,142 --> 00:46:38,012
- Well, good.
808
00:46:40,188 --> 00:46:44,149
- Evie. Varla said she's
sorry for what she said.
809
00:46:44,323 --> 00:46:45,628
- I heard her.
810
00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:47,630
- Well, you said
some mean things too.
811
00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:49,067
- Like what?
812
00:46:49,241 --> 00:46:50,982
- Like she's all
binge and purge.
813
00:46:52,157 --> 00:46:54,246
- I did? That's funny.
814
00:46:54,420 --> 00:46:55,377
- [Stevie] Mom.
815
00:46:55,551 --> 00:46:56,552
- That's okay.
816
00:46:57,771 --> 00:46:58,772
I was thinking.
817
00:47:00,426 --> 00:47:03,951
I bet that the reason you're
having trouble getting parts
818
00:47:04,125 --> 00:47:07,955
is that people have
forgotten how great you are.
819
00:47:08,129 --> 00:47:10,218
So you got to show
them, just like you did
820
00:47:10,392 --> 00:47:12,786
in your wonderful
special, "Christmas Evie".
821
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,311
I remember watching
it that year,
822
00:47:16,485 --> 00:47:18,444
even though I was
still quite small.
823
00:47:18,618 --> 00:47:20,315
- I'm sure, not for your age.
824
00:47:23,362 --> 00:47:25,364
- And I remember
wanting to meet you.
825
00:47:25,538 --> 00:47:27,627
- Varla, no one's gonna
give Mom a special.
826
00:47:27,801 --> 00:47:28,584
- I know.
827
00:47:29,716 --> 00:47:31,326
Even though they should.
828
00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:33,459
But late at night,
829
00:47:33,633 --> 00:47:35,243
when they have those
infomercials on,
830
00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:37,898
where they sell that
makeup and stuff.
831
00:47:38,072 --> 00:47:40,379
- I could do one selling me.
832
00:47:40,553 --> 00:47:42,163
A specimercial.
833
00:47:43,469 --> 00:47:45,471
- Do you have any idea
how much that would cost?
834
00:47:45,645 --> 00:47:47,690
- $40,000. I already checked.
835
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:49,562
- [Stevie] Plus
production costs.
836
00:47:49,736 --> 00:47:53,261
- And I would be
willing to give $10,000
837
00:47:53,435 --> 00:47:55,350
of my "Tarantula
Tropolis" money.
838
00:47:55,524 --> 00:47:56,699
- Varla.
839
00:47:56,874 --> 00:47:59,441
- That is so generous.
840
00:47:59,615 --> 00:48:01,052
- We'd still have to
mortgage the house, Mom.
841
00:48:01,226 --> 00:48:02,967
- Oh, I'll make it back tenfold,
842
00:48:03,141 --> 00:48:04,533
when the parts start rolling in.
843
00:48:04,707 --> 00:48:08,363
Oh thanks, Varla.
I always liked you.
844
00:48:08,537 --> 00:48:11,366
- Evie, let's not quarrel
anymore, all right?
845
00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:15,370
As a girl, whenever
I was cross or blue,
846
00:48:15,544 --> 00:48:20,071
my mother used to say that
feelings are like treasures,
847
00:48:20,245 --> 00:48:21,072
so bury them.
848
00:48:26,251 --> 00:48:27,382
- Oh, Coco.
849
00:48:29,602 --> 00:48:31,734
- Excuse me, I'm
a little chilly.
850
00:48:32,648 --> 00:48:33,780
Be right back.
851
00:48:38,437 --> 00:48:43,398
[flatulating]
[flames exploding]
852
00:48:48,969 --> 00:48:52,407
- I've really enjoyed
these past couple of weeks.
853
00:48:52,581 --> 00:48:54,757
- Doug, I have to.
854
00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:56,107
- It's funny, isn't it?
855
00:48:57,586 --> 00:49:00,459
You fantasize about
something your entire life.
856
00:49:00,633 --> 00:49:04,985
And the truth is always
so much more muted.
857
00:49:06,073 --> 00:49:07,379
- Muted?
858
00:49:07,553 --> 00:49:08,946
- In the sense of less joyful.
859
00:49:10,599 --> 00:49:12,036
But what I've come
to realize is that
860
00:49:12,210 --> 00:49:14,864
everything in life
is a disappointment.
861
00:49:15,039 --> 00:49:18,042
And in any situation
you have to ask yourself
862
00:49:19,304 --> 00:49:22,437
can I reasonably expect better?
863
00:49:23,873 --> 00:49:26,441
And Coco, I don't think I can.
864
00:49:27,616 --> 00:49:31,359
[calm violin music]
865
00:49:31,533 --> 00:49:32,317
Marry me.
866
00:49:33,753 --> 00:49:35,885
- Doug, that's not a very-
867
00:49:36,060 --> 00:49:37,365
- You can't either.
868
00:49:37,539 --> 00:49:39,628
You're not much to look at.
869
00:49:40,673 --> 00:49:42,022
You're no great lay.
870
00:49:43,284 --> 00:49:45,504
Quite honestly, you're
a drag to be around.
871
00:49:45,678 --> 00:49:46,461
- Doug.
872
00:49:46,635 --> 00:49:47,897
- Like I deserve better?
873
00:49:48,072 --> 00:49:50,770
I've got a bum heart. I drink.
874
00:49:50,944 --> 00:49:52,990
I drug and rape my patients.
875
00:49:53,164 --> 00:49:54,078
- You said just me.
876
00:49:54,252 --> 00:49:55,035
- And I lie.
877
00:49:57,124 --> 00:50:00,823
What do you say you and
I stop chasing happy,
878
00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:02,782
and settle for each other?
879
00:50:02,956 --> 00:50:05,959
[calm violin music]
880
00:50:16,578 --> 00:50:17,579
- This is your college-
881
00:50:17,753 --> 00:50:18,580
- It's a fucking ring.
882
00:50:19,755 --> 00:50:20,626
- And.
883
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,629
I am [coughing]
884
00:50:23,803 --> 00:50:27,459
Michael, what are you trying
to do, play me into orbit?
885
00:50:27,633 --> 00:50:30,418
- That's how it goes, bitch.
886
00:50:30,592 --> 00:50:31,506
- [Evie] I heard that.
887
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:32,507
- Sorry.
888
00:50:33,595 --> 00:50:34,509
Bitch.
889
00:50:39,210 --> 00:50:41,647
- Singing that song
always makes me so proud.
890
00:50:41,821 --> 00:50:42,822
- Bitch.
891
00:50:42,996 --> 00:50:44,737
- I am woman.
- Bitch.
892
00:50:44,911 --> 00:50:46,478
- ERA now.
- Bitch.
893
00:50:46,652 --> 00:50:47,740
- Applause, applause, applause.
894
00:50:47,914 --> 00:50:48,958
- Bitch, bitch, bitch.
895
00:50:50,003 --> 00:50:53,615
- Thank you. Oh, thank you.
896
00:50:53,789 --> 00:50:55,356
Oh God, I tell you, I just.
897
00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:56,836
I feel like I'm up here tonight
898
00:50:57,010 --> 00:50:58,881
performing in front
of all my friends.
899
00:51:00,144 --> 00:51:03,103
And you know sometimes
all we have are friends.
900
00:51:03,277 --> 00:51:05,932
Like my friend
Varla, TV's Busy Gal,
901
00:51:06,106 --> 00:51:08,891
who's so good in
those commercials she
actually acts thin.
902
00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:10,154
[ring falls to the floor]
903
00:51:10,328 --> 00:51:12,417
And now she has a big movie.
904
00:51:12,591 --> 00:51:14,245
But on the brink of
all that success,
905
00:51:14,419 --> 00:51:18,510
she was risking everything
by working as a prostitute.
906
00:51:18,684 --> 00:51:20,207
So I sat her down-
907
00:51:20,381 --> 00:51:22,427
- Evie, oh my God.
908
00:51:22,601 --> 00:51:25,908
- Coco. What did you
think now? Now be honest.
909
00:51:26,083 --> 00:51:29,260
- Varla gave you the
idea to do this show.
910
00:51:29,434 --> 00:51:31,000
She put up money for it.
911
00:51:31,175 --> 00:51:33,873
- And I'm repaying the favor.
912
00:51:34,047 --> 00:51:36,136
If something like this got
out after she was famous,
913
00:51:36,310 --> 00:51:38,747
it would destroy her
like it did her mother.
914
00:51:38,921 --> 00:51:42,882
- You destroyed her mother,
for all the good it did you.
915
00:51:44,666 --> 00:51:46,929
You're just a fucking walking
916
00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:49,497
ball of ambition,
aren't you, Evie?
917
00:51:49,671 --> 00:51:52,370
You'd step on anybody,
destroy anyone
918
00:51:52,544 --> 00:51:54,067
if you thought it
would help you.
919
00:51:55,895 --> 00:51:56,896
But you know what's funny?
920
00:51:58,506 --> 00:52:01,727
People can smell it on
you, and it makes them gag.
921
00:52:03,294 --> 00:52:04,686
[somber music]
922
00:52:04,860 --> 00:52:07,211
That's why you career
never went anywhere.
923
00:52:07,385 --> 00:52:09,648
- My career was going
like gangbusters
924
00:52:09,822 --> 00:52:11,606
till that family made
me run them down.
925
00:52:13,260 --> 00:52:17,656
- And all you had to do
was say you're sorry.
926
00:52:17,830 --> 00:52:20,615
And it's not that
you didn't, Evie.
927
00:52:23,618 --> 00:52:24,924
It's that you didn't know to.
928
00:52:26,839 --> 00:52:31,322
Audiences require at
least a shred of humanity,
929
00:52:33,802 --> 00:52:36,544
even from their game
show personalities.
930
00:52:40,635 --> 00:52:42,507
- Bitch.
- I heard that.
931
00:52:50,950 --> 00:52:51,777
- Sign here.
932
00:52:54,780 --> 00:52:56,651
And here.
933
00:52:57,913 --> 00:53:00,220
[sultry music]
934
00:53:01,439 --> 00:53:02,657
Initial here.
935
00:53:06,835 --> 00:53:07,619
You have
936
00:53:09,273 --> 00:53:12,189
such pretty initials. [giggles]
937
00:53:12,363 --> 00:53:14,713
[music stops]
938
00:53:15,844 --> 00:53:16,584
Sign here.
939
00:53:17,803 --> 00:53:21,110
[sultry music resumes]
940
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:37,562
Well, it's official.
You're a movie star.
941
00:53:39,955 --> 00:53:40,913
- I'll show you out.
942
00:53:42,697 --> 00:53:45,961
[sultry music continues]
943
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,669
On second thought,
944
00:53:57,843 --> 00:53:59,627
[briefcase drops to the ground]
945
00:53:59,801 --> 00:54:01,716
let's really seal the deal.
946
00:54:03,022 --> 00:54:05,720
[calm piano music]
947
00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:28,482
- [Stevie] Oh, it burns.
948
00:54:28,656 --> 00:54:29,788
- [Varla] Are you okay?
Do you want to stop?
949
00:54:29,962 --> 00:54:32,791
- [Stevie] No, I'm fine. Ow.
950
00:54:32,965 --> 00:54:35,446
[calm music]
951
00:55:10,045 --> 00:55:11,046
- I'm sorry.
952
00:55:13,092 --> 00:55:14,746
This has never happened before.
953
00:55:16,530 --> 00:55:17,314
- What hasn't?
954
00:55:18,227 --> 00:55:19,011
- I can't.
955
00:55:22,406 --> 00:55:24,930
- Oh yeah. What's up with that?
956
00:55:30,022 --> 00:55:30,849
- I've been so.
957
00:55:38,030 --> 00:55:38,813
Varla,
958
00:55:40,772 --> 00:55:44,341
I never thought,
you know you and me.
959
00:55:44,515 --> 00:55:46,430
But I couldn't stop
thinking about you.
960
00:55:48,083 --> 00:55:50,085
At my practice, I work with
a lot of investigators and.
961
00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:54,263
Well, I had them
get stuff on you.
962
00:55:56,091 --> 00:55:58,267
- I don't think I like
the sound of that.
963
00:55:58,442 --> 00:56:00,052
- Nothing creepy.
964
00:56:00,226 --> 00:56:02,097
Mostly, I was just looking
for high school yearbooks,
965
00:56:02,271 --> 00:56:04,883
stories from old boyfriends
to, you know, beat off to.
966
00:56:05,057 --> 00:56:06,841
But then things
started turning up.
967
00:56:07,973 --> 00:56:09,322
- Like what kind of things?
968
00:56:09,496 --> 00:56:10,845
- Well,
969
00:56:11,019 --> 00:56:13,065
like things in your
ninth grade diary.
970
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:15,241
- How did you get that?
971
00:56:15,415 --> 00:56:17,678
- A couple of goons
roughed up your aunt.
972
00:56:17,852 --> 00:56:19,898
September 8th, 1978.
973
00:56:20,072 --> 00:56:22,117
Evie Harris killed my mom.
974
00:56:22,291 --> 00:56:23,554
I watched her
"Christmas Special"
975
00:56:23,728 --> 00:56:25,817
and I hate, hate, hate her.
976
00:56:25,991 --> 00:56:28,167
And March 15th.
977
00:56:30,778 --> 00:56:32,693
One day I'm going
to find Evie Harris.
978
00:56:32,867 --> 00:56:34,347
I'm going to make
friends with her,
979
00:56:34,521 --> 00:56:37,350
and then I'm going to make
her pay, pay, pay, pay.
980
00:56:37,524 --> 00:56:38,438
The rest is all pay.
981
00:56:38,612 --> 00:56:40,658
- That was a brillion years ago,
982
00:56:40,832 --> 00:56:42,703
before I discovered
spiritualicity.
983
00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:47,795
- Maybe. Or maybe you
still want her to pay.
984
00:56:47,969 --> 00:56:49,884
Maybe just happening
to answer her ad,
985
00:56:50,058 --> 00:56:51,930
maybe driving her
into a jealous rage,
986
00:56:52,104 --> 00:56:53,540
maybe tricking her into spending
987
00:56:53,714 --> 00:56:55,368
all of her money on
this specimercial,
988
00:56:55,542 --> 00:56:57,326
maybe it's all
part of some plan.
989
00:56:58,371 --> 00:57:00,286
- Why should you even care?
990
00:57:00,460 --> 00:57:01,722
She never loved you.
991
00:57:03,594 --> 00:57:05,291
[grunting]
992
00:57:05,465 --> 00:57:08,468
- That doesn't mean
I can't love her.
993
00:57:20,262 --> 00:57:22,003
- A shred of humanity.
994
00:57:23,352 --> 00:57:25,267
[glass breaking]
995
00:57:25,442 --> 00:57:26,225
Ow, cuts.
996
00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:31,056
My career never went anywhere.
997
00:57:31,230 --> 00:57:32,492
[banging on door]
998
00:57:32,666 --> 00:57:34,538
Hello, Battlestar
fucking Galactica!
999
00:57:34,712 --> 00:57:35,974
- [Coco] Go to bed.
1000
00:57:36,148 --> 00:57:37,018
- Fuck you.
1001
00:57:37,192 --> 00:57:39,717
[body falling down stairs]
1002
00:57:39,891 --> 00:57:40,631
Cut.
1003
00:57:41,545 --> 00:57:42,328
Cut.
1004
00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:44,243
Uncut.
1005
00:57:45,157 --> 00:57:46,811
Jesus.
1006
00:57:46,985 --> 00:57:48,813
I guess you can't fuck
your way to the top,
1007
00:57:48,987 --> 00:57:51,729
or I'd be queen of the
goddamned universe.
1008
00:57:53,034 --> 00:57:53,948
Ow, cuts.
1009
00:57:55,210 --> 00:57:56,516
Hello.
1010
00:57:56,690 --> 00:57:58,083
- Coco awake?
1011
00:57:58,257 --> 00:58:00,433
Thought I'd twist her
arm for a lie there.
1012
00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:02,174
- Well, you could do that.
1013
00:58:02,348 --> 00:58:06,613
And then again, I'm
already on my back and tanked.
1014
00:58:14,795 --> 00:58:18,451
[random piano notes playing]
1015
00:58:23,064 --> 00:58:24,718
Harder.
1016
00:58:24,892 --> 00:58:26,198
Harder.
1017
00:58:26,372 --> 00:58:30,637
[random piano notes
continue playing]
1018
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:32,944
Coco.
1019
00:58:33,118 --> 00:58:34,946
[dramatic music]
1020
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:35,947
- Doug?
1021
00:58:37,339 --> 00:58:39,994
- You have to admit, this is
kind of its own punishment.
1022
00:58:40,168 --> 00:58:40,995
- Harder!
1023
00:58:50,178 --> 00:58:52,920
- So, this is the stage.
1024
00:58:53,094 --> 00:58:55,923
- What? Where's the
big block letters
1025
00:58:56,097 --> 00:58:58,839
that say Evie, like I paid for?
1026
00:58:59,013 --> 00:59:00,624
- [Director] We add that
in with the computer later.
1027
00:59:00,798 --> 00:59:02,495
- Really?
1028
00:59:02,669 --> 00:59:05,585
Gosh, so much has changed
since I was slightly younger.
1029
00:59:06,847 --> 00:59:09,241
But you always want
to fuck the grips.
1030
00:59:09,415 --> 00:59:11,286
- So listen, the only
trick with this set is
1031
00:59:11,460 --> 00:59:14,812
you can't wear any blue, or
any color that has blue in it.
1032
00:59:14,986 --> 00:59:17,162
No turquoise, no purple.
1033
00:59:17,336 --> 00:59:19,164
No, this is important,
Miss Harris.
1034
00:59:19,338 --> 00:59:22,428
Because the computer replaces
all blue with the fake set.
1035
00:59:22,602 --> 00:59:26,084
- Speaking of fixed sets, how
do you like my boobs? Feel.
1036
00:59:26,258 --> 00:59:28,086
It's gross, huh?
1037
00:59:28,260 --> 00:59:31,306
[suspenseful music]
1038
00:59:45,669 --> 00:59:48,454
[angelic singing]
1039
01:00:23,097 --> 01:00:23,837
- Varla?
1040
01:00:27,798 --> 01:00:28,581
- Stevie.
1041
01:00:32,063 --> 01:00:32,803
what's wrong?
1042
01:00:34,369 --> 01:00:36,067
- Let's save the kisses
till I'm sure you mean them.
1043
01:00:36,241 --> 01:00:39,113
[suspenseful music]
1044
01:00:42,377 --> 01:00:45,729
- Oh, of all the nights
for the botox to wear off.
1045
01:00:49,297 --> 01:00:50,429
- Hello, Evie.
1046
01:00:50,603 --> 01:00:53,562
- Coco. Friends?
1047
01:00:53,737 --> 01:00:54,868
- Are you high?
1048
01:00:55,042 --> 01:00:56,043
- Little bit, un-huh.
1049
01:00:57,262 --> 01:01:00,265
- I just came by to
ask you one last time
1050
01:01:00,439 --> 01:01:02,006
to drop that part about Varla.
1051
01:01:02,180 --> 01:01:04,835
- No, you're just mad because
I killed your marriage.
1052
01:01:05,009 --> 01:01:06,663
- Not this time.
1053
01:01:06,837 --> 01:01:08,142
We're going through with it.
1054
01:01:09,317 --> 01:01:11,755
Of course, it won't be
charmed like I'd hoped.
1055
01:01:11,929 --> 01:01:13,800
And I'll always be a
little mistrustful.
1056
01:01:13,974 --> 01:01:15,367
You made sure of that.
1057
01:01:15,541 --> 01:01:16,934
- [Evie] Plus he did rape you.
1058
01:01:17,108 --> 01:01:18,022
- Fair point.
1059
01:01:19,197 --> 01:01:22,156
But that's just, Evie.
1060
01:01:23,201 --> 01:01:26,160
You and me, were damaged goods.
1061
01:01:27,292 --> 01:01:31,078
But Varla, at least
with her there's hope.
1062
01:01:32,950 --> 01:01:34,865
And hope dies quickly
enough on its own.
1063
01:01:37,563 --> 01:01:39,173
- 90 seconds, people.
1064
01:01:39,347 --> 01:01:41,306
Who has eyes on Gross Boobs?
1065
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:43,830
[suspenseful music]
1066
01:01:44,004 --> 01:01:46,180
- [Announcer] Miss Harris,
we need you on the set.
1067
01:01:49,575 --> 01:01:51,142
- Well, I'm on.
1068
01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:53,100
This is gonna be like
the Mike Douglas Show
1069
01:01:53,274 --> 01:01:55,886
and the Democratic Party
Telethon all rolled into one.
1070
01:02:02,980 --> 01:02:03,720
- Good luck, Ma.
1071
01:02:04,938 --> 01:02:06,374
- Thanks, Stevie.
1072
01:02:06,548 --> 01:02:07,724
- Good luck, Evie.
1073
01:02:09,073 --> 01:02:10,117
- Thank you, Coco.
1074
01:02:10,291 --> 01:02:12,250
- Yes, good luck.
1075
01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:16,733
[suspenseful music]
1076
01:02:17,864 --> 01:02:19,213
- [Announcer] Miss Harris.
1077
01:02:20,345 --> 01:02:23,217
[suspenseful music]
1078
01:02:24,566 --> 01:02:27,221
[bell ringing]
1079
01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:34,228
[erratic music]
1080
01:02:34,402 --> 01:02:36,578
- [Narrator] Live, from
Glendale City College,
1081
01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,755
it's "All About Evie."
1082
01:02:39,668 --> 01:02:42,367
- Five, four, three.
1083
01:02:46,284 --> 01:02:48,503
♪ Look at me then you'll see ♪
1084
01:02:48,677 --> 01:02:53,073
♪ All around you it's
glittery and flashy tonight ♪
1085
01:02:53,247 --> 01:02:55,597
♪ It's all about Evie tonight ♪
1086
01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,208
♪ It's special and dreamy ♪
1087
01:02:57,382 --> 01:02:58,644
♪ It's all about Evie ♪
1088
01:02:58,818 --> 01:03:00,428
♪ So come and look
at me tonight ♪
1089
01:03:00,602 --> 01:03:02,866
- House with a pool,
house with a pool.
1090
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:03,910
♪ Look at me ♪
1091
01:03:04,084 --> 01:03:06,347
[calm music]
1092
01:03:09,394 --> 01:03:11,788
♪ I've been with you so long ♪
1093
01:03:11,962 --> 01:03:16,923
♪ I find I'm singing this song ♪
1094
01:03:18,577 --> 01:03:23,103
♪ I've had time to think of
a way for my heart to say ♪
1095
01:03:27,412 --> 01:03:32,286
♪ I need you every
moment of every day ♪
1096
01:03:33,679 --> 01:03:37,378
♪ I love you more and
more than I'll ever say ♪
1097
01:03:37,552 --> 01:03:41,730
♪ What will I do if
you decide to go away ♪
1098
01:03:41,905 --> 01:03:46,823
♪ Stay with me
forever and ever ♪
1099
01:03:48,259 --> 01:03:50,739
♪ Stay with me ♪
1100
01:03:53,917 --> 01:03:58,486
[canned applause playing]
- Oh, thank you.
1101
01:03:58,660 --> 01:04:00,314
Oh God, I love you too.
1102
01:04:01,489 --> 01:04:02,490
Oh God, I tell you, just.
1103
01:04:02,664 --> 01:04:03,970
I feel like I'm up here tonight
1104
01:04:04,144 --> 01:04:06,320
performing in front
of all my friends.
1105
01:04:08,540 --> 01:04:09,976
And you know, sometimes
all we have are friends.
1106
01:04:10,150 --> 01:04:10,934
- Uh-oh.
1107
01:04:11,108 --> 01:04:12,109
- What?
1108
01:04:12,283 --> 01:04:13,197
- [Evie] I just gotta help.
1109
01:04:13,371 --> 01:04:14,676
- Nothing.
1110
01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:16,983
- Like my friend
Varla, TV's Busy Gal.
1111
01:04:17,157 --> 01:04:18,724
- Uh-oh.
1112
01:04:18,898 --> 01:04:20,944
- Who's so good in those
spots, she actually acts thin.
1113
01:04:22,946 --> 01:04:24,512
And now she has a movie.
1114
01:04:24,686 --> 01:04:27,167
But on the brink of
all that success,
1115
01:04:27,341 --> 01:04:29,561
she was willing to [stammers]
1116
01:04:29,735 --> 01:04:32,738
[fast paced music]
1117
01:04:35,915 --> 01:04:37,699
Cat got my tongue.
1118
01:04:37,874 --> 01:04:39,527
Let me just drown
him real quick.
1119
01:04:39,701 --> 01:04:42,748
[suspenseful music]
1120
01:04:47,231 --> 01:04:49,450
That's better. I, oh boy.
1121
01:04:50,451 --> 01:04:54,368
[suspenseful music continues]
1122
01:04:55,587 --> 01:04:57,110
Well, that's peculiar.
1123
01:04:57,284 --> 01:04:58,546
- What's going on.
1124
01:04:58,720 --> 01:05:00,287
- Don't insult my
intelligent-ness.
1125
01:05:00,461 --> 01:05:02,986
- I just felt a rush
of disorientation,
1126
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:04,988
and a flash of colored lights,
1127
01:05:05,162 --> 01:05:07,816
very much like when you chop
a Vicodin up in your hash
1128
01:05:07,991 --> 01:05:10,384
while you're still flying
from last night's Quaalude.
1129
01:05:10,558 --> 01:05:12,865
- I'll say one thing
for you. You're poetic.
1130
01:05:13,039 --> 01:05:14,388
- I'd even swear there was
1131
01:05:14,562 --> 01:05:15,737
a milligram or two
of silicide in there.
1132
01:05:15,912 --> 01:05:17,565
No, one.
1133
01:05:17,739 --> 01:05:19,437
- What's that supposed to mean?
1134
01:05:19,611 --> 01:05:21,656
- But I didn't take anything
special tonight, so I need.
1135
01:05:21,830 --> 01:05:23,093
Oh, party!
1136
01:05:23,267 --> 01:05:24,224
- I would never.
- Then who would?
1137
01:05:24,398 --> 01:05:25,834
- Waiter, more cock.
1138
01:05:27,184 --> 01:05:29,360
No, no. The one with sprinkles.
1139
01:05:29,534 --> 01:05:34,060
[pill bottles landing
in the trash can]
1140
01:05:35,322 --> 01:05:37,150
- Never mess with
a doctor's wife.
1141
01:05:40,153 --> 01:05:42,416
Sit down kids.
You'll miss the show.
1142
01:05:44,462 --> 01:05:46,638
- I can date rape myself.
1143
01:05:46,812 --> 01:05:48,422
Five, six, seven, eight.
1144
01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:52,557
Call me Fred.
1145
01:05:52,731 --> 01:05:57,431
Varla, TV's Busy Gal. Busy
Missy Sissy, and her mom.
1146
01:05:58,215 --> 01:06:00,695
[voices overlapping]
1147
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:03,220
Lay gate.
1148
01:06:04,351 --> 01:06:05,352
It's hideous.
1149
01:06:05,526 --> 01:06:08,007
Loud about ta, Tom.
1150
01:06:08,181 --> 01:06:10,444
[voices overlapping]
1151
01:06:10,618 --> 01:06:12,751
They knew us loud, was he not?
1152
01:06:15,058 --> 01:06:19,976
Oh, George Peppard, great
lay. But talk about loud.
1153
01:06:21,238 --> 01:06:22,413
They knew he was
cumming in Oxnard.
1154
01:06:22,587 --> 01:06:25,459
[guests laughing]
1155
01:06:31,161 --> 01:06:31,944
Oh, thanks.
1156
01:06:32,118 --> 01:06:33,119
Whatever.
1157
01:06:33,293 --> 01:06:36,340
[voices overlapping]
1158
01:06:39,343 --> 01:06:42,302
Loren Greene. Swell party, Evie.
1159
01:06:42,476 --> 01:06:45,349
Say, did you ever
shit out that earring?
1160
01:06:46,306 --> 01:06:47,046
- Trail mix?
1161
01:06:50,484 --> 01:06:51,485
- Coco.
1162
01:06:51,659 --> 01:06:53,052
Trish.
- Keep away from Bob.
1163
01:06:53,226 --> 01:06:54,010
- Hi, Evie.
1164
01:06:55,881 --> 01:06:57,926
- So, where's?
1165
01:06:59,537 --> 01:07:01,191
- Brad?
1166
01:07:01,365 --> 01:07:02,105
He's packing.
1167
01:07:03,671 --> 01:07:05,630
The firm transferred
him to Michigan.
1168
01:07:05,804 --> 01:07:07,719
Evie, he proposed.
1169
01:07:10,026 --> 01:07:13,072
- Coco, you can't
move to Michigan.
1170
01:07:13,246 --> 01:07:15,292
What about your acting career?
1171
01:07:15,466 --> 01:07:16,815
- Let's face it.
1172
01:07:16,989 --> 01:07:18,730
I'm not pretty enough
to be an actress.
1173
01:07:18,904 --> 01:07:23,517
- Oh, Coco. Lots of
actresses aren't pretty.
1174
01:07:23,691 --> 01:07:26,303
Plus, who's gonna
keep my schedule?
1175
01:07:26,477 --> 01:07:28,653
- Well, you could give
doing for yourself a try.
1176
01:07:29,915 --> 01:07:32,091
- Anyway, you said
you don't love Brad.
1177
01:07:32,918 --> 01:07:33,832
- I could learn.
1178
01:07:35,138 --> 01:07:36,269
- Don't bother.
1179
01:07:36,443 --> 01:07:37,183
- Brad?
1180
01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:40,578
- And this was my grandmother's.
1181
01:07:40,752 --> 01:07:42,014
You, give me it.
1182
01:07:42,188 --> 01:07:43,233
- Ow. Ow, ow.
1183
01:07:45,887 --> 01:07:46,714
Ow.
1184
01:07:46,888 --> 01:07:47,759
- Pull, you pussy.
1185
01:07:50,327 --> 01:07:53,243
So what do I have
on tap for tomorrow?
1186
01:07:58,639 --> 01:07:59,553
- Mom?
1187
01:08:03,166 --> 01:08:05,472
Can I come play at
the party with you?
1188
01:08:05,646 --> 01:08:07,213
- Oh, you'd just be bored.
1189
01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:11,565
It's more fun in there.
1190
01:08:11,739 --> 01:08:13,524
- Mommy, can I live
here instead of
1191
01:08:13,698 --> 01:08:15,743
that boarding
school this summer?
1192
01:08:15,917 --> 01:08:18,659
- We'll talk about it on
the way to the airport.
1193
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:23,577
- But mommy, I wanna stay
here with you. I love you.
1194
01:08:24,839 --> 01:08:26,145
- Course you do.
1195
01:08:27,799 --> 01:08:29,148
But Mommy can't let people know
1196
01:08:29,322 --> 01:08:31,977
she's old enough to
have such a big boy.
1197
01:08:32,151 --> 01:08:33,413
You'd ruin everything.
1198
01:08:34,719 --> 01:08:36,329
I'll send you lots
of money, though.
1199
01:08:38,723 --> 01:08:39,593
Coming.
1200
01:08:45,817 --> 01:08:50,822
- Where is she?
1201
01:08:52,302 --> 01:08:56,915
Where is the woman
who stole my life?
1202
01:08:57,089 --> 01:08:58,090
- Marla.
1203
01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:01,311
There she is.
1204
01:09:01,485 --> 01:09:02,616
- There it is.
1205
01:09:03,748 --> 01:09:05,576
- Let me get you a drink.
1206
01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:07,926
[guests screaming]
1207
01:09:08,100 --> 01:09:10,624
Stevie, come shield Mommy.
1208
01:09:13,018 --> 01:09:15,673
- No, no no. No no
no, no no, no no.
1209
01:09:15,847 --> 01:09:18,458
I want you all here for this.
1210
01:09:18,632 --> 01:09:21,722
I want you here for
this, to hear this.
1211
01:09:21,896 --> 01:09:24,029
- [Guest] That is not her color.
1212
01:09:24,203 --> 01:09:25,813
- Why I'm not in "Asteroid".
1213
01:09:28,207 --> 01:09:31,689
And why my daughter,
Varla will never see me
1214
01:09:32,907 --> 01:09:36,650
in "Asteroid Two,
and "Asteroid Three".
1215
01:09:38,304 --> 01:09:39,479
'Cause of her.
1216
01:09:42,395 --> 01:09:43,179
- Me?
1217
01:09:44,876 --> 01:09:48,401
- You all just think
I'm that crazy girl
1218
01:09:48,575 --> 01:09:50,360
from the "People's Pick Awards".
1219
01:09:52,057 --> 01:09:53,406
But she drugged me.
1220
01:09:55,103 --> 01:09:56,670
- Mommy's on TV.
1221
01:09:56,844 --> 01:10:00,370
- And that whole week,
there was so much fucking.
1222
01:10:03,286 --> 01:10:06,680
I know just where
I'm putting this.
1223
01:10:10,902 --> 01:10:12,120
I forgot to thank my agent.
1224
01:10:12,295 --> 01:10:13,687
- Mommy!
1225
01:10:13,861 --> 01:10:15,341
- She's lying.
1226
01:10:15,515 --> 01:10:18,214
[dramatic music]
1227
01:10:23,610 --> 01:10:24,568
- You don't have to.
1228
01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:29,225
None of you.
1229
01:10:29,399 --> 01:10:32,750
[suspenseful music]
1230
01:10:32,924 --> 01:10:34,055
I don't care anymore
1231
01:10:36,754 --> 01:10:38,799
But,
1232
01:10:38,973 --> 01:10:41,367
I did want you all
to see one thing,
1233
01:10:43,282 --> 01:10:45,632
because I practiced so, so much.
1234
01:10:49,027 --> 01:10:51,725
[suspenseful music]
1235
01:11:07,828 --> 01:11:08,742
It's huge!
1236
01:11:10,178 --> 01:11:15,140
[gun fires]
[Marla screams]
1237
01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:25,803
- Ooh, loony tunes.
1238
01:11:27,370 --> 01:11:29,372
Listen, how about let's
just move the party inside?
1239
01:11:32,157 --> 01:11:34,681
Wait, everyone.
1240
01:11:34,855 --> 01:11:37,205
Don't leave. Sara, Lee.
1241
01:11:38,816 --> 01:11:39,773
Sheila.
1242
01:11:40,861 --> 01:11:43,647
Lord, don't you go.
I'll switch agents.
1243
01:11:44,909 --> 01:11:45,910
You don't have an agent.
1244
01:11:46,084 --> 01:11:48,739
No, Stan. Everybody, it's early.
1245
01:11:50,915 --> 01:11:52,656
I'll break out the orgy coke.
1246
01:11:52,830 --> 01:11:57,008
- [Guest] Heads up. There's
another party at Charo's.
1247
01:11:58,357 --> 01:12:00,881
[ethereal music]
1248
01:12:12,066 --> 01:12:12,763
- Damn it.
1249
01:12:14,155 --> 01:12:17,637
Damn it, damn it, damn
it, damn it, damn it!
1250
01:12:17,811 --> 01:12:20,727
Damn it, damn it, damn
it, damn it, damn it!
1251
01:12:20,901 --> 01:12:22,120
Damn it, damn it!
1252
01:12:22,947 --> 01:12:23,817
Damn it.
1253
01:12:26,037 --> 01:12:28,431
[wind blowing]
1254
01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:35,133
Everyone?
1255
01:12:40,660 --> 01:12:41,400
Anyone?
1256
01:12:46,318 --> 01:12:47,101
Hello?
1257
01:12:54,848 --> 01:12:55,849
I can't be alone.
1258
01:12:58,156 --> 01:12:58,852
Please.
1259
01:13:05,424 --> 01:13:06,947
I'm scared.
1260
01:13:07,121 --> 01:13:11,865
[wind continues blowing]
[Evie crying]
1261
01:13:28,665 --> 01:13:32,103
[Evie crying hysterically]
1262
01:13:34,975 --> 01:13:36,194
I didn't mean to.
1263
01:13:40,894 --> 01:13:41,895
All I wanted.
1264
01:13:44,071 --> 01:13:47,335
You want something,
you take it. [echoes]
1265
01:13:50,077 --> 01:13:52,558
If I were a man. [echoes]
1266
01:13:53,820 --> 01:13:56,693
[calm piano music]
1267
01:14:17,627 --> 01:14:18,628
I'm sorry.
1268
01:14:18,802 --> 01:14:21,935
[inspirational music]
1269
01:14:26,984 --> 01:14:27,724
Coco.
1270
01:14:32,293 --> 01:14:33,077
I'm sorry.
1271
01:14:37,211 --> 01:14:37,951
- Thank you.
1272
01:14:39,518 --> 01:14:40,301
- Varla.
1273
01:14:43,087 --> 01:14:43,827
I'm sorry.
1274
01:14:47,221 --> 01:14:47,961
- I know.
1275
01:14:51,356 --> 01:14:52,400
- And Stevie.
1276
01:14:54,228 --> 01:14:58,842
You, most of all.
1277
01:14:59,016 --> 01:14:59,669
Everyone.
1278
01:15:00,974 --> 01:15:03,020
For all of this, I'm sorry.
1279
01:15:05,675 --> 01:15:06,458
It's huge!
1280
01:15:14,379 --> 01:15:15,162
Oh, it's.
1281
01:15:17,034 --> 01:15:18,775
Goodnight, everyone.
1282
01:15:18,949 --> 01:15:22,082
♪ Look at me then
you'll see all around- ♪
1283
01:15:22,256 --> 01:15:23,649
- Goodnight, you.
1284
01:15:23,823 --> 01:15:25,608
♪ It's glittery and
flashy tonight ♪
1285
01:15:25,782 --> 01:15:28,045
♪ It's all about Evie tonight ♪
1286
01:15:28,219 --> 01:15:29,699
♪ It's special and dreamy ♪
1287
01:15:29,873 --> 01:15:31,135
♪ It's all about Evie ♪
1288
01:15:31,309 --> 01:15:32,832
♪ So come and look at me ♪
1289
01:15:34,834 --> 01:15:35,618
- [Stevie] Mom?
1290
01:15:35,792 --> 01:15:36,662
- Over here.
1291
01:15:38,272 --> 01:15:39,796
- Well, we're off to Wyoming
1292
01:15:39,970 --> 01:15:41,537
for this one's big screen debut.
1293
01:15:42,407 --> 01:15:44,017
- Tarantulas!
1294
01:15:45,453 --> 01:15:46,759
- She's already in character.
1295
01:15:46,933 --> 01:15:48,282
- Hey, Bud. A little help?
1296
01:15:48,456 --> 01:15:50,154
- Oh, yeah I got you.
1297
01:15:50,328 --> 01:15:51,764
- [Evie] That was very good.
1298
01:15:54,027 --> 01:15:55,333
- It was?
1299
01:15:55,507 --> 01:15:58,554
- I really thought
I had tarantulas.
1300
01:15:58,728 --> 01:15:59,990
You're gonna be amazing.
1301
01:16:03,341 --> 01:16:05,038
- I was worried
you might be upset.
1302
01:16:06,344 --> 01:16:08,738
- I want you to have
a big career, Varla,
1303
01:16:09,652 --> 01:16:11,175
big enough for all of us.
1304
01:16:12,916 --> 01:16:14,831
- That means so much,
1305
01:16:17,268 --> 01:16:18,225
Mom.
1306
01:16:20,097 --> 01:16:23,143
- Oh, congratulations.
1307
01:16:23,317 --> 01:16:24,754
- Thanks.
1308
01:16:24,928 --> 01:16:26,712
- And you don't mind
about his little?
1309
01:16:29,236 --> 01:16:31,325
- Once I realized how
much I love Stevie,
1310
01:16:33,371 --> 01:16:34,459
nothing else mattered.
1311
01:16:36,156 --> 01:16:37,767
It's a little small.
1312
01:16:42,162 --> 01:16:43,381
- We better get
going to the airport.
1313
01:16:43,555 --> 01:16:45,992
- Stevie, I just
heard. Come here.
1314
01:16:46,166 --> 01:16:48,647
[calm music]
1315
01:16:49,866 --> 01:16:51,563
I am so happy for you.
1316
01:16:56,916 --> 01:16:57,743
- I love you, Mom.
1317
01:16:59,179 --> 01:17:00,093
- Course you do.
1318
01:17:02,269 --> 01:17:04,315
- Well, I'm all packed.
1319
01:17:04,489 --> 01:17:05,490
[horn blaring one lone sound]
1320
01:17:05,664 --> 01:17:06,665
That must be Doug.
1321
01:17:06,839 --> 01:17:08,232
[horn continues honking]
1322
01:17:08,406 --> 01:17:12,105
- Coco, you can do a lot better.
1323
01:17:12,279 --> 01:17:14,107
[horn continues honking]
- It was never about him.
1324
01:17:14,281 --> 01:17:15,065
Evie,
1325
01:17:16,719 --> 01:17:19,025
[horn stops honking]
I'm pregnant.
1326
01:17:19,199 --> 01:17:20,374
- Really?
1327
01:17:20,548 --> 01:17:22,594
Oh, Coco.
1328
01:17:23,203 --> 01:17:24,552
- Thank you.
1329
01:17:24,727 --> 01:17:27,947
And, I'm sorry about the house.
1330
01:17:28,121 --> 01:17:30,384
- Oh, this old clap trap.
1331
01:17:30,558 --> 01:17:33,605
I'm glad to be rid
of it. Fresh start.
1332
01:17:35,215 --> 01:17:36,086
- Coco?
1333
01:17:38,175 --> 01:17:40,046
You gave me herpes.
1334
01:17:40,220 --> 01:17:42,179
- Need to work on
your delivery, hun.
1335
01:17:43,180 --> 01:17:46,444
I've heard that line read by
the biggest stars in Hollywood.
1336
01:17:47,967 --> 01:17:50,230
[calm music]
1337
01:17:59,065 --> 01:18:02,286
♪ Listen to what we say ♪
1338
01:18:02,460 --> 01:18:06,682
♪ Girls will be girls girls
will be girls please know ♪
1339
01:18:06,856 --> 01:18:10,120
♪ Always and forever
girls will be girls ♪
1340
01:18:10,294 --> 01:18:14,211
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
1341
01:18:14,385 --> 01:18:18,606
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
1342
01:18:18,781 --> 01:18:20,173
♪ Always and forever ♪
1343
01:18:20,347 --> 01:18:22,132
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
1344
01:18:22,306 --> 01:18:26,614
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
1345
01:18:26,789 --> 01:18:29,095
♪ I go to work in the morning ♪
1346
01:18:29,269 --> 01:18:32,490
♪ Nighttime and
I'm having a ball ♪
1347
01:18:32,664 --> 01:18:35,493
♪ So much to see in my life ♪
1348
01:18:35,667 --> 01:18:38,757
♪ Don't want to miss it at all ♪
1349
01:18:38,931 --> 01:18:41,020
♪ And every moment
that I'm living ♪
1350
01:18:41,194 --> 01:18:44,458
♪ I'll be giving in every way ♪
1351
01:18:44,632 --> 01:18:47,592
♪ All men have got to know
how far we're gonna go ♪
1352
01:18:47,766 --> 01:18:50,377
♪ So listen to what we say ♪
1353
01:18:50,551 --> 01:18:54,947
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
1354
01:18:55,121 --> 01:18:56,209
♪ Always and forever ♪
1355
01:18:56,383 --> 01:18:58,429
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
1356
01:18:58,603 --> 01:19:01,301
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
1357
01:19:01,475 --> 01:19:02,999
♪ We're talking to you doll ♪
1358
01:19:03,173 --> 01:19:07,003
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
1359
01:19:07,177 --> 01:19:08,178
♪ Always and forever ♪
1360
01:19:08,352 --> 01:19:10,223
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
1361
01:19:10,397 --> 01:19:12,573
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
1362
01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:14,662
♪ Never change our ways doll ♪
1363
01:19:14,837 --> 01:19:17,404
♪ Some say women should
know their place ♪
1364
01:19:17,578 --> 01:19:20,625
♪ We say we're half
the human race ♪
1365
01:19:20,799 --> 01:19:25,108
♪ No matter what it's
so you ought to know ♪
1366
01:19:25,282 --> 01:19:26,805
♪ Ladies forgive us ♪
1367
01:19:26,979 --> 01:19:31,288
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
1368
01:19:31,462 --> 01:19:32,550
♪ Always and forever ♪
1369
01:19:32,724 --> 01:19:34,552
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
1370
01:19:34,726 --> 01:19:38,599
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
1371
01:19:38,774 --> 01:19:43,300
♪ Girls will be girls
girls will be girls ♪
1372
01:19:43,474 --> 01:19:44,823
♪ Always and forever ♪
1373
01:19:44,997 --> 01:19:46,607
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
1374
01:19:46,782 --> 01:19:50,829
♪ You're never ever
gonna change their ways ♪
1375
01:19:51,003 --> 01:19:53,179
♪ Girls will be girls ♪
1376
01:19:53,353 --> 01:19:56,226
♪ You're my sister ♪
1377
01:19:57,401 --> 01:19:59,838
[upbeat music]
1378
01:20:05,583 --> 01:20:07,890
♪ Look at me then you'll see ♪
1379
01:20:08,064 --> 01:20:12,242
♪ All around you it's
glittery and flashy tonight ♪
1380
01:20:12,416 --> 01:20:14,505
♪ It's all about Evie tonight ♪
1381
01:20:14,679 --> 01:20:16,202
♪ It's special and dreamy ♪
1382
01:20:16,376 --> 01:20:17,638
♪ It's all about Evie ♪
1383
01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:19,815
♪ So come and look
at me tonight ♪
1384
01:20:19,989 --> 01:20:21,860
- [Evie] Thanks for tuning
in to my specimercial.
1385
01:20:22,034 --> 01:20:23,731
♪ Look at me ♪
91393
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.