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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,611 --> 00:00:05,222 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:27,027 [calm music] 3 00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,906 [dramatic music] 4 00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:56,926 ♪ What a woman wants is a mystery ♪ 5 00:00:57,448 --> 00:01:02,018 ♪ They've been trying to guess that for years ♪ 6 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:07,850 ♪ Clothes and makeup and special jewelry ♪ 7 00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:13,638 ♪ Can't always manage her tears ♪ 8 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:19,296 ♪ But every lady has her qualities ♪ 9 00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:26,347 ♪ In certain quantities anyway ♪ 10 00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,915 ♪ It could change every day ♪ 11 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,309 ♪ In many different ways ♪ 12 00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:35,399 ♪ But listen to what we say ♪ 13 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:40,187 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 14 00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:41,231 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 15 00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,494 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 16 00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:48,108 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 17 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:50,545 ♪ I go to work in the morning ♪ 18 00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:53,983 ♪ Nighttime and I'm having a ball ♪ 19 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,725 ♪ So much to see in my life ♪ 20 00:01:56,899 --> 00:02:00,032 ♪ Don't want to miss it at all ♪ 21 00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,209 ♪ And every moment that I'm living ♪ 22 00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:06,038 ♪ I'll be giving in every way ♪ 23 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:08,824 ♪ All men have got to know how far we're gonna go ♪ 24 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,566 ♪ So listen to what we say ♪ 25 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:16,266 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 26 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:17,528 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 27 00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:19,617 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 28 00:02:19,791 --> 00:02:22,185 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 29 00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:23,795 ♪ We're talking to you doll ♪ 30 00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,450 ♪ Some say women should know their place ♪ 31 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:29,758 ♪ We say we're half the human race ♪ 32 00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:34,371 ♪ No matter what it's so you ought to know ♪ 33 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,068 ♪ Ladies forgive us ♪ 34 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:40,290 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 35 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:41,683 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 36 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:43,859 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 37 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:48,255 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 38 00:02:48,429 --> 00:02:50,344 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 39 00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:53,303 ♪ You're my sister ♪ 40 00:02:59,091 --> 00:03:01,877 [light hearted music] 41 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:30,384 - Fuck! 42 00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:38,130 [screaming continues] 43 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:45,877 [light hearted music resumes] 44 00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:54,886 [bones cracking] [grunting] 45 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,261 - [Evie] Hello, Gorgeous. 46 00:04:22,653 --> 00:04:26,744 [light hearted music continues] 47 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,932 Jesus. 48 00:04:41,106 --> 00:04:43,152 I wish someone could tell me how to just once 49 00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:45,894 wake up without a splitting headache. 50 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:47,374 - You could drink less. 51 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,419 - Thank you, Coco. That's very helpful. 52 00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:56,513 The place looks nice. 53 00:04:56,687 --> 00:04:58,123 - Yeah, because we were both getting up early 54 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,821 to clean it today, remember? 55 00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,910 - [Evie] Oh, I'd a just gotten in the way. 56 00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,215 - You did get in the way. 57 00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:04,826 That's why I moved you to your bed. 58 00:05:05,914 --> 00:05:06,697 Evie? 59 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,139 - Yeah? 60 00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,228 - What do you think about the idea 61 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,448 of having a dog in the house? 62 00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,798 - I'm sorry. Have I been staring? 63 00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,453 - I'm thinking of getting one. 64 00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,325 I mean, let's face it at this point, 65 00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,196 I'm probably never gonna have kids. 66 00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,721 - Oh, Coco. It's not too late. 67 00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:32,636 I'm kidding. 68 00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:34,682 A dog sounds fun. 69 00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,988 - It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. 70 00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:40,252 Do you have kids? No, but I have a dog. 71 00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:43,517 Well, it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag. 72 00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:46,302 - This new roommate will cheer your right up. 73 00:05:46,476 --> 00:05:50,132 - I just hope she's not too loud, or happy. 74 00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:52,352 Happy people always make such a racket. 75 00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,963 - Coco, she came by and she was a peach. 76 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:55,964 - Were you drunk? 77 00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,922 - It was 12 noon. 78 00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,489 Course I was drunk. 79 00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,012 - I'm surprised anybody would want to rent 80 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:02,971 that awful bicentennial room. 81 00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,713 [stifled laughing and coughing] 82 00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:06,844 What? 83 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,933 - I rented Varla your room. 84 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,413 - What? 85 00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,937 - So you'll be the one in the [gags] 86 00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,678 in the bicentennial room. 87 00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:16,898 - Evie, I have seniority. 88 00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:17,986 [doorbell rings] 89 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,596 - Bet that's her. 90 00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,859 - [Coco] All you do is take advantage of me. 91 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:23,861 And I'm not gonna take it anymore. 92 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,390 Ooh, she's a happy one. 93 00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:33,610 - Hello. You must be Yoo Hoo. 94 00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:34,829 - Coco. 95 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,004 - I'm Varla. 96 00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,397 - Hello, Varla. 97 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,094 Let me help you with your duffle bag. 98 00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:43,185 - My things are in the Cabriolet. 99 00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:44,142 - Oh, I'm sorry. 100 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:46,667 That's just your area. 101 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:52,890 [gate banging] 102 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,546 Jesus Christ. 103 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,942 Well, this is the backyard. 104 00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:03,901 - You have a pool! 105 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:10,038 - Nothing like that first puke of the day. Martini? 106 00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:12,867 - Oh, happy hour for me never starts till after five. 107 00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:15,304 - Me other, this is only number three. 108 00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,916 - Varla was just telling me all about 109 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:21,092 how she came here from Arkansas. 110 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:23,181 - Right, to become a big movie star. 111 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:24,835 - And singing sensation. 112 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,750 - Oh. 113 00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,144 - Well, you know. It's not as simple as just showing up. 114 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,407 You also have to fill out the application. 115 00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,889 - I realize how tough it can be. 116 00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:36,934 But that's why I have a plan. 117 00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:40,634 I'm gonna spend every afternoon at Schwab's Drugstore. 118 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:44,638 - You know? Where Tina Turner was discovered. 119 00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:47,597 - Except it's a Virgin Megastore now. 120 00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,294 - Are people still discovered there? 121 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,863 - Yes, but mainly in the men's room by undercover cops. 122 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:55,083 - Her plan could work. 123 00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:56,824 When I was first starting out, 124 00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,000 I ran into Fred MacMurray at the Brown Derby 125 00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:01,350 just when they were casting "Flubber". 126 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:05,136 We hit it off so well, he threw a juicy part my way. 127 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,443 - Then he put you in the movie. 128 00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:11,969 - Well, I hate to brag, but acting is sort of in my blood. 129 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:15,016 You see, my mother was Marla Simonds. 130 00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,017 [dramatic music] 131 00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:16,887 - 'Cause of her! 132 00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:17,975 - Here, try this. 133 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:18,976 It's huge! 134 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:22,066 - Your mother was Marla Simonds? 135 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:23,415 - Chesty, on "Fill her up". 136 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:24,982 The short lived, but wildly acclaimed 137 00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,636 Summer spin off of "CPO Sharkey". 138 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,030 - Damn it. That was a lot of martini. 139 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:29,987 - Did you know her? 140 00:08:30,161 --> 00:08:31,772 - Goodness, yes. 141 00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:34,949 We were always running into each other at auditions. 142 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,517 She had such a bright future too. 143 00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:40,215 We were all so shocked when she offed herself. 144 00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,608 - Evie. 145 00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:43,958 - Oh, I'm sorry. Passed herself away. 146 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,788 - Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so. 147 00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,400 I have so many questions. 148 00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:52,444 What was she like? 149 00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,142 - Very sweet. 150 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,360 - And a big pot head. 151 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,101 - Evie. - Loved cock. 152 00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,233 - Evie! 153 00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,626 - [Evie] Coco is sexaphobic. 154 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:01,192 - Did you ever work with her? 155 00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:03,064 - No. But you know what? 156 00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:07,068 She almost got my breakthrough role in "Asteroid". 157 00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,157 Still, there were never any hard feelings. 158 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,725 She even came to the big house warming party I threw 159 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:15,119 after the premiere to help my friends celebrate my success. 160 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:17,774 [calm music] 161 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:23,824 - My mother was here? 162 00:09:23,998 --> 00:09:25,521 - Everyone was. 163 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,176 Marla, Rick Taylor, everyone. 164 00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:30,570 - You know what? 165 00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,791 I think the universe sent me here for a reason. 166 00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:35,923 It's telling me that 167 00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:39,491 I'm supposed to follow in my mother's footsteps. 168 00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:44,018 If I can become a big movie star then, 169 00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:47,021 maybe in a way, her life wouldn't have been for nothing. 170 00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,459 - How do you figure? 171 00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:16,093 - [Coco] Piece of shit. 172 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:20,097 Evie, help. 173 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:26,887 [treadmill motor whining up] 174 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:34,372 [heart beating] [groaning in pain] 175 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,378 - Ooh, hi. 176 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:43,120 - I didn't realize you knew this room still existed. 177 00:10:44,165 --> 00:10:45,209 - I come in here plenty. 178 00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,604 - Oh look. 179 00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:51,781 Cher Allman decided to drop her last name all together. 180 00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:55,176 - Well, with that new girl in the house, I gotta keep up. 181 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:58,092 - Three hours in, and you're already competing. 182 00:10:58,266 --> 00:10:59,267 Just like with her mom. 183 00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,095 - That's not what this is. 184 00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,010 - Oh my God. 185 00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:12,019 [somber music] 186 00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:14,282 [crying] 187 00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,862 [crying louder] 188 00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:45,487 - What? 189 00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:48,708 - Oh, Evie. 190 00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:53,364 When I was at Vassar, I became 191 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:58,413 with child and I had a procedure. 192 00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:05,115 - That's your big secret? An abortion? 193 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:06,682 - Have you had one? 194 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:07,770 - One? 195 00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,337 Coco I've had more children 196 00:12:09,511 --> 00:12:12,296 pulled out of me than a burning orphanage. 197 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,212 - Well, anyway, there's more. 198 00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:23,960 I was still very young myself so, 199 00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:27,355 needless to say I was quite nervous. 200 00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,836 But Evie, when that doctor walked in, 201 00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:34,188 my fear melted like snow when it's melted. 202 00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,972 - So, is this your first abortion? 203 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:41,978 - Yeah. He was confident and kind. 204 00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,458 - There you go. 205 00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:44,764 - [Coco] And I know this sounds crazy. 206 00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:46,243 - Yeah, hold still. 207 00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,115 - But even in our brief time together, 208 00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:51,248 I felt our souls touch. 209 00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,597 It's over? 210 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,165 Afterwards I tried to make contact, 211 00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,297 but they didn't give out doctor's names 212 00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:57,515 on account of all the shootings. 213 00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,301 I must have the doctor's name. 214 00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:04,261 All I knew was, he worked on Tuesdays. 215 00:13:05,610 --> 00:13:07,177 And Evie. Young man? 216 00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:09,614 That's when I hatched my evil plan. 217 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,225 - You're on the pill, right? 218 00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:13,183 - Of course I am. 219 00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,924 Think I want to get pregnant? 220 00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:19,494 I took on all comers, classmates, teachers, my priest. 221 00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,104 - Going straight to hell. 222 00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:22,802 - [Coco] My reputation went into a tailspin, 223 00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,064 but I didn't care. 224 00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,457 I was a woman obsessed. 225 00:13:26,631 --> 00:13:30,374 Then one morning, a Tuesday, if you believe in fate. 226 00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:34,030 I ran to that clinic so fast, I'm lucky I didn't miscarry. 227 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:35,989 Time had only made him more handsome. 228 00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,513 - Hey, look who it is. My favorite patient. 229 00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:41,951 - [Coco] I smiled at him. He smiled back. 230 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:45,912 And Evie, that's when I saw it. He had gotten married. 231 00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,478 - What's wrong? 232 00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:48,915 - I was so distraught after that. Nothing. 233 00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,568 I couldn't even enjoy our intimacy. 234 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:51,569 - Here I come. 235 00:13:54,442 --> 00:13:55,965 - I'm not proud of what I did. 236 00:13:57,271 --> 00:14:00,143 In fact, I haven't slept through a night since. 237 00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:03,451 But when I do sleep, 238 00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:07,324 I dream of him. 239 00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:13,853 [rock and roll music] 240 00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:23,079 [coughing] 241 00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:31,566 - I'll bring the rest when you finish with that. 242 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:32,567 - Stay close. 243 00:14:38,747 --> 00:14:43,273 - I saw you sitting all alone, looking so very beautiful. 244 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:44,884 - Thank you. 245 00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:48,844 - My apology for being so bold, but 246 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:53,196 when I see the best, I have to have it. 247 00:14:53,370 --> 00:14:54,850 - Well, you know, 248 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:58,375 a Maserati needs much more pampering than a Toyota. 249 00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:01,291 - This is not a problem if the Maserati 250 00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:03,641 would take it's driver where he wants to go. 251 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:06,035 - Maseratis don't do anal. 252 00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,212 - I think we understand each other. 253 00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:13,390 So what brings you lunching this afternoon? 254 00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:17,438 - Well, it's not the exact malt shop 255 00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,788 where Tina Turner was discovered by a big producer. 256 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:23,792 But it is the closest one to it, that had apple crumble. 257 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:29,406 - Do you know that I, I am movie producer. 258 00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:33,410 - Really? 259 00:15:35,586 --> 00:15:36,413 Well, 260 00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:41,941 where on Earth did you produce that charming accent? 261 00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:44,291 [speaking in foreign language] 262 00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:47,076 - Waiter. [dramatic music] 263 00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,037 [speaking in foreign language] 264 00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,647 We, we do not bathe. 265 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,605 - Can't tell. 266 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:57,565 That does remind me. I really should refreshen my perfume. 267 00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,223 - So I said, why am I laughing? 268 00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:06,182 We're doing it doggy style, and your name is Barker. 269 00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:11,361 Ooh, that used to be George Peppard's house. 270 00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,668 Great lay. But talk about loud. 271 00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:15,409 They knew he was cumming in Oxnard. 272 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,454 - Evie, I'm not sure about this. 273 00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:20,196 - Coco, I've done this a million times. 274 00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:21,415 - [Coco] Plus the sounds dangerous. 275 00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,678 - Dangerous? Oh, Coco. 276 00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:27,029 I slam on the brakes, the poor sap behind us doesn't. 277 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,988 Then this quack I know says were injured. 278 00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:32,426 And my ambulance chaser son sues them for all they're worth. 279 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,949 It's like stealing money. 280 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,820 - It is stealing money. 281 00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:37,692 Jean Allison. 282 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:40,782 You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. 283 00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,392 Lot of money too. 284 00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,482 Just one little problem. I don't shit my pants. 285 00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,920 - Plus I want to show Papi his new home. 286 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,400 [brakes squealing] 287 00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:51,401 - [Evie] Jackpot! 288 00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:52,272 [screaming in fear] 289 00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:54,970 [metal crunching] 290 00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:01,542 - And at the time of the accident, had you been drinking? 291 00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,109 - No, I was sober. 292 00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:04,414 - Ma, this guy's lawyer is gonna ask you- 293 00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:07,069 - Fine, I hadn't been drinking. 294 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,505 - Not even one drink? 295 00:17:08,679 --> 00:17:11,769 - One drink? What's that? [laughing] 296 00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,597 - Okay, I'm gonna go start with Coco. 297 00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,904 - Oh, they kept her overnight at the hospital. 298 00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,472 - Is she gonna be okay? 299 00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:22,432 - I hope so. Do we get more if she dies. 300 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:25,392 - Mom, Aunt Coco is my favorite. 301 00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:29,309 [ethereal music] 302 00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:31,528 Hi. 303 00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,531 - Oh. [stammers] 304 00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:35,619 - Varla. 305 00:17:35,793 --> 00:17:37,969 - Varla. This is my son... 306 00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,102 - Stevie. 307 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,539 - Hello, Stevie. - Hi, Varla. 308 00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,889 Pretty name for a pretty girl. 309 00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:48,502 - It's also kind of a fat name. 310 00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:49,851 Which is good too. 311 00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,028 I'm glad I'm pretty because 312 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:55,552 I'm taking a big producer to dinner tonight. 313 00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:58,686 - Hey, maybe I'll go on a date tonight too. 314 00:17:58,860 --> 00:18:01,819 That guy who hit us slipped me his number. 315 00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:04,431 - He had to, Mom. It's the law. 316 00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,997 - Well, did he have to flirt with me 317 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,435 while we waited for the cops? 318 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,089 - He said, 319 00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:12,743 look the fuck where you're going, you drunk corpse. 320 00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,876 - It was more in his body language. 321 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,491 - So, I know I'm not a big shot producer or anything, but 322 00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:23,363 I get jobs from Mom sometimes. 323 00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:25,104 - Stevie, I don't know why you bother. 324 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,715 They all run screaming when they see your tiny dick. 325 00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:31,588 - Mom! 326 00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:33,460 - What? It's not? 327 00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:35,723 The doctor changed his mind twice before calling him a boy. 328 00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:40,771 - When it comes to men, I look for what's on the inside. 329 00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:42,643 - Then you're in luck, 'cause his dick practically is. 330 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:46,864 Hi, Jeff. You rammed into me today, and I want seconds. 331 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:53,132 [calm piano music] [voices overlapping] 332 00:18:58,441 --> 00:18:59,355 - Thank you. 333 00:19:00,965 --> 00:19:03,620 Why are you doing so far from me? 334 00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:05,579 Be closer. 335 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:21,508 - Oh yes, this is much more romantic. 336 00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:26,339 [takes deep breath] 337 00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:29,603 - You see that girl at the bar? 338 00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:30,647 She's a whore. 339 00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:34,912 - How can you tell? 340 00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:37,698 - Whores are sexy. Do you know why? 341 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:40,744 - Because it's their job? 342 00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:44,879 - Because they do it for love. 343 00:19:45,053 --> 00:19:47,708 Tonight she is going to give all the money she make 344 00:19:47,882 --> 00:19:51,015 to one most very important man. 345 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,062 - Right, or he'll cut her. 346 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,846 - Also to prove that she cares. 347 00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,676 As a producer I have many actors. 348 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:00,764 They tell me that they care. 349 00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:04,899 But a whore, a whore proves it. 350 00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,120 - Laurent, I care. 351 00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:15,475 - And would you like to prove? 352 00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:16,693 - Heavens, yes. 353 00:20:18,478 --> 00:20:21,568 More than I'd like to finish those Bob Hope nachos. 354 00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,613 - I think we understand each other. 355 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,661 Waitress. [dramatic music] d'armee 356 00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,577 [body collapsing] 357 00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:35,364 - I'm glad I could coax you over. 358 00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:38,715 At first I was afraid you'd think it a bit strange. 359 00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:42,502 - Why, 'cause you're so old? 360 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,721 - Because of how we met, Silly Billy. 361 00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,333 - What's this? 362 00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:50,423 - Oh, let me turn it on. I love turning things on. 363 00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,736 Ooh, it's raining. 364 00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:02,913 - Nice. 365 00:21:03,087 --> 00:21:05,742 - I'll sell it to you for $5,000. 366 00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:07,309 - That's okay. 367 00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:08,615 - Oh, I'm kidding. 368 00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,399 I could never part with it anyway, 369 00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:12,749 for less than 3500, rock bottom. 370 00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,925 - You know Mary Tyler Moore? 371 00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:18,886 - Very well. We did "Night of a Thousand Stars" together. 372 00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:22,063 Funny story. She has diabetes. 373 00:21:22,237 --> 00:21:24,674 - It's always been sort of a fantasy of mine 374 00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,589 to sleep with a big movie star. 375 00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:28,722 - Well, tonight might just be the night 376 00:21:28,896 --> 00:21:30,419 your fantasy comes true. 377 00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:32,378 - Why, who's coming? 378 00:21:33,379 --> 00:21:36,077 - Me. "Asteroid". 379 00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,123 - I'm sorry, I didn't see it. 380 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,126 - Oh, you're the one. [laughing] I'm kidding. 381 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,606 But "Battlestar Galactica"? 382 00:21:43,780 --> 00:21:45,042 - No. 383 00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:45,869 - "Facts of Life go to Europe" - No. 384 00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:47,784 - "Tabitha". 385 00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:50,787 - You know, I just realized tonight is my laundry night. 386 00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:56,445 - "Court TV, Celebrities who Kill"? 387 00:21:57,751 --> 00:22:00,014 - You're the hit and run hooch hound! 388 00:22:00,188 --> 00:22:02,886 [labored breathing] 389 00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:04,497 - [Intercom] Clean up in ICU. 390 00:22:08,196 --> 00:22:08,936 - Hello. 391 00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:10,067 - Oh, hi. 392 00:22:10,241 --> 00:22:12,809 You gave us quite a scare there, 393 00:22:14,071 --> 00:22:14,724 Coco. 394 00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:16,335 - What happened? 395 00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:19,860 All I remember is this truck, and. Oh, Papi. 396 00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:20,817 - I'm sorry. 397 00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:23,559 - He's gone? 398 00:22:23,733 --> 00:22:25,866 - I have no idea what you're talking about. 399 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,868 Didn't you get your morphine? 400 00:22:28,042 --> 00:22:32,351 No. But in fairness, the nurse seemed really sleepy. 401 00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:33,874 [body collapsing] 402 00:22:34,048 --> 00:22:35,745 - [Intercom] Dr. Benton to the medical ward. 403 00:22:35,919 --> 00:22:37,268 - Which is just as well, really 404 00:22:37,443 --> 00:22:39,227 'cause I usually don't take such strong- 405 00:22:39,401 --> 00:22:42,622 - Trust me. It's the pizza of drugs. 406 00:22:42,796 --> 00:22:44,406 [sighing] 407 00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:47,278 [ethereal music] 408 00:22:58,942 --> 00:23:00,161 - Dr. Perfect? 409 00:23:01,945 --> 00:23:05,384 [ethereal music continues] 410 00:23:08,299 --> 00:23:09,649 - Patient Beautiful. 411 00:23:10,824 --> 00:23:12,086 - [John] Five bucks, make it last. 412 00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,218 - Oh, thank you sir. 413 00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,873 My pimp and I appreciate your business. 414 00:23:19,659 --> 00:23:21,922 [calm music] 415 00:23:26,013 --> 00:23:26,796 - Oh. 416 00:23:28,015 --> 00:23:29,756 - Okay, enough child's play. 417 00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:36,110 - Do you have any porn? 418 00:23:37,633 --> 00:23:40,810 - Maybe, leftover from my husband. 419 00:23:40,984 --> 00:23:42,986 - Could we, for a goof? 420 00:23:44,205 --> 00:23:47,121 - Okay. It'll be kind of old, though. 421 00:23:47,295 --> 00:23:48,078 - Oh, that's fine. 422 00:23:48,252 --> 00:23:49,645 - [Evie] And man on man. 423 00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:50,559 - Anything. 424 00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:54,650 - I wanted to look for you, but 425 00:23:56,217 --> 00:23:58,437 I was afraid you'd reject me when you heard. 426 00:23:58,611 --> 00:23:59,263 - Heard what? 427 00:24:00,177 --> 00:24:01,483 - When I fall for a woman, 428 00:24:03,224 --> 00:24:04,660 I become her emotional slave. 429 00:24:06,227 --> 00:24:07,446 - I'll manage. 430 00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:11,232 [calm music] 431 00:24:23,549 --> 00:24:27,944 - God. I had hoped you'd be a lifeless kisser. 432 00:24:28,118 --> 00:24:30,469 And in a few years, when your ass begins to sag- 433 00:24:30,643 --> 00:24:33,733 - But Dr. Perfect, it's sagging now. 434 00:24:35,386 --> 00:24:36,170 - No? 435 00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:43,960 [sighs] [brakes squealing] 436 00:24:44,134 --> 00:24:46,920 [guns firing] 437 00:24:47,094 --> 00:24:51,968 - She's famous, she's famous, she's famous, she's famous. 438 00:24:53,535 --> 00:24:54,928 [sighs] 439 00:24:55,102 --> 00:24:57,583 - What's wrong? Did my glass eye roll back? 440 00:24:57,757 --> 00:24:58,540 I'll fix it. 441 00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:01,587 - [Video] Worry about my balls. 442 00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:02,501 - Oh yeah. 443 00:25:04,938 --> 00:25:05,721 She's famous. 444 00:25:05,895 --> 00:25:06,940 - [Video] Oh, God yes. 445 00:25:07,114 --> 00:25:09,290 - [Evie] Oh yeah. 446 00:25:09,464 --> 00:25:11,945 - [Video] Yes, yes, yes. Yes! 447 00:25:22,085 --> 00:25:23,609 - [Jeff] Ms. Harris, 448 00:25:23,783 --> 00:25:26,046 my drinking has been spinning out of control lately. 449 00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:27,482 But last night made me realize 450 00:25:27,656 --> 00:25:30,006 I've hit bottom, and need help. 451 00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:31,442 Thank you, Jeff. 452 00:25:31,617 --> 00:25:34,054 - Feels so good to make a difference. 453 00:25:36,143 --> 00:25:37,013 - Evie. 454 00:25:38,362 --> 00:25:41,148 You promised to pick me up at the hospital. 455 00:25:41,322 --> 00:25:43,933 - I know, but I really needed the extra sleep. 456 00:25:44,107 --> 00:25:45,413 - No, I believe the phrase 457 00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:48,111 you're searching for is, I'm sorry. 458 00:25:48,285 --> 00:25:50,026 - You're the one who believed me. 459 00:25:53,726 --> 00:25:56,032 [calm music] 460 00:26:08,218 --> 00:26:09,002 - Evie? 461 00:26:10,873 --> 00:26:12,658 Have you ever been on morphine? 462 00:26:14,660 --> 00:26:17,053 - Once, when I had my eyes done. 463 00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:19,839 Then every day for 10 years after that. Why? 464 00:26:21,449 --> 00:26:24,757 - It's too horrible to talk about. [crying] 465 00:26:27,368 --> 00:26:28,935 - I'm in love. 466 00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:30,589 - [Evie] My date went great too. 467 00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:33,592 - What's wrong? 468 00:26:33,766 --> 00:26:36,986 - It's too horrible to talk about, thank God. 469 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:42,078 - Laurent is charming and handsome, and sexy. 470 00:26:45,038 --> 00:26:47,344 And he really makes me feel like I'm worth something. 471 00:26:47,518 --> 00:26:49,129 - That stain is from us. 472 00:26:50,304 --> 00:26:52,175 - Plus, he is going to give me 473 00:26:52,349 --> 00:26:54,177 a role in his new feature film. 474 00:26:56,397 --> 00:26:59,052 - Congratu... [crying resumes] 475 00:26:59,226 --> 00:27:00,575 [beeper beeps] 476 00:27:00,749 --> 00:27:03,709 - Oh, phooey. I'm late for our love game. 477 00:27:03,883 --> 00:27:05,928 - Take these for the ride, you huge cow. 478 00:27:07,103 --> 00:27:08,061 - Excuse me? 479 00:27:08,235 --> 00:27:11,107 - I'm kidding. Jesus. 480 00:27:12,195 --> 00:27:15,590 [Coco continues crying] 481 00:27:17,113 --> 00:27:18,114 - Here you go, Pimpalton. 482 00:27:19,159 --> 00:27:20,508 It would have been more. 483 00:27:20,682 --> 00:27:22,118 But that football team beat me and ran. 484 00:27:22,292 --> 00:27:23,816 - Get back out there 485 00:27:23,990 --> 00:27:26,166 - But I'm so sorry already. 486 00:27:26,340 --> 00:27:29,517 - Like my heart is sore when you are away from me. 487 00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:32,041 - Laurent. You should write epitaphs. 488 00:27:32,215 --> 00:27:33,608 - Varla, you're coming with me. 489 00:27:33,782 --> 00:27:35,088 - This is none of your concern, my friend. 490 00:27:35,262 --> 00:27:36,916 - I'm not your friend, pal. 491 00:27:37,090 --> 00:27:40,093 - Stevie, Laurent and I are just playing a love game. 492 00:27:40,267 --> 00:27:41,616 I make a thousand dollars, 493 00:27:41,790 --> 00:27:43,705 and then he puts me in his feature film. 494 00:27:43,879 --> 00:27:45,272 - Don't you see what's going on here? 495 00:27:45,446 --> 00:27:46,969 This ass wipe is a con man, 496 00:27:47,143 --> 00:27:48,623 and he's turned you into a whore. 497 00:27:48,797 --> 00:27:51,321 - If you could hear yourself speak right now. 498 00:27:51,495 --> 00:27:53,584 Oh, loved blowing you. Thanks for the tip. 499 00:27:56,239 --> 00:27:58,589 - Okay, fine. You need $1000. 500 00:27:59,590 --> 00:28:00,809 Here's, 501 00:28:02,855 --> 00:28:03,638 here's 420. 502 00:28:05,074 --> 00:28:07,163 - I'm still a C and a fin shaw short. 503 00:28:07,337 --> 00:28:08,817 - Well, that's all I've got. 504 00:28:11,385 --> 00:28:12,473 - Your shoes look new. 505 00:28:21,351 --> 00:28:22,962 - There, Laurent. 506 00:28:24,311 --> 00:28:25,878 I don't see the cameras. [Laurent mimicking ringing] 507 00:28:26,052 --> 00:28:28,532 - Yes, hello. Thank you, goodbye. 508 00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:30,012 The film, it was canceled. 509 00:28:31,927 --> 00:28:34,408 [somber music] 510 00:28:43,025 --> 00:28:44,810 - Varla. 511 00:28:44,984 --> 00:28:47,464 There's some people out there you just got to watch out for. 512 00:28:48,683 --> 00:28:50,467 - I'm starting to see that now. 513 00:28:52,295 --> 00:28:54,907 I guess I never had anybody to show me who they are. 514 00:28:56,343 --> 00:28:57,213 - Well, you do now. 515 00:28:59,128 --> 00:29:01,217 I know what it's like to grow up without a mom. 516 00:29:07,354 --> 00:29:10,618 [inspirational music] 517 00:29:19,583 --> 00:29:21,803 - Well, don't you listen to her either. 518 00:29:21,977 --> 00:29:24,980 You're a man, because of what's in here, not in 519 00:29:28,418 --> 00:29:29,768 - Down a little. 520 00:29:29,942 --> 00:29:32,945 To the left. Now up. You went past it. 521 00:29:33,815 --> 00:29:35,121 - Here. 522 00:29:35,295 --> 00:29:39,429 - Go back a little more. More, stop. There. 523 00:29:41,910 --> 00:29:42,693 - Really? 524 00:29:43,912 --> 00:29:44,695 - Press down. 525 00:29:47,394 --> 00:29:48,656 Try sort of rolling your fingers 526 00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:50,266 back and forth a little bit. 527 00:29:53,487 --> 00:29:54,270 - Oh. 528 00:29:58,709 --> 00:29:59,493 Well, 529 00:30:00,494 --> 00:30:03,279 I'm sure when it's firm. 530 00:30:07,544 --> 00:30:08,937 - Well, it kind of. 531 00:30:10,199 --> 00:30:11,113 So, listen. 532 00:30:12,375 --> 00:30:13,942 How about tomorrow night I take you out 533 00:30:14,116 --> 00:30:17,076 for a great big steak dinner? 534 00:30:19,208 --> 00:30:21,080 - Your mom is my roommate. 535 00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:25,824 - Oh, sure. 536 00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:28,000 Okay. 537 00:30:29,305 --> 00:30:31,090 - But thanks for the money and the shoes. 538 00:30:34,876 --> 00:30:37,879 [light hearted music] 539 00:30:38,053 --> 00:30:42,275 If you're like me, your days are jam packed with activity. 540 00:30:42,449 --> 00:30:45,452 It seems it no sooner am I done watching my programs, 541 00:30:45,626 --> 00:30:47,323 than a new magazine arrives. 542 00:30:47,497 --> 00:30:50,500 And suddenly boom, it's nap time. 543 00:30:50,674 --> 00:30:53,286 That's why I'm so grateful for new 544 00:30:53,460 --> 00:30:55,854 Busy Gal's, Dinner's Ready. 545 00:30:57,507 --> 00:30:59,422 You keep Busy Gal right in your cabinets. 546 00:30:59,596 --> 00:31:01,947 No more lugging open that heavy freezer door. 547 00:31:02,121 --> 00:31:06,081 And the exhausting char of reheating, a thing of the past. 548 00:31:06,255 --> 00:31:08,736 Busy Gal meals are treated with nutri-dation, 549 00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:10,912 which rendered some chemically unstable 550 00:31:11,086 --> 00:31:13,828 in a way that feels just like heat in your mouth. 551 00:31:14,002 --> 00:31:17,440 All they'll know is, it tastes great. 552 00:31:17,614 --> 00:31:19,529 Busy Gal's, Dinner's Ready is sold as a novelty item, 553 00:31:19,703 --> 00:31:21,444 and is not intended for human consumption. 554 00:31:21,618 --> 00:31:23,882 Side effects of ingestion can include cancer, 555 00:31:24,056 --> 00:31:25,405 bleeding, enlargement of the heart, 556 00:31:25,579 --> 00:31:27,798 and second degree burns along the rectal cavity 557 00:31:27,973 --> 00:31:30,279 resulting in irreversible incontinence. 558 00:31:31,324 --> 00:31:32,629 Us gals have it hard enough. 559 00:31:34,631 --> 00:31:38,897 - Congratulations, Varla. 560 00:31:39,071 --> 00:31:40,333 - Thanks. 561 00:31:40,507 --> 00:31:41,856 Stevie got it for me. 562 00:31:43,249 --> 00:31:44,598 - So are you and he? 563 00:31:44,772 --> 00:31:49,298 - No, I need someone with a bigger heart. 564 00:31:50,647 --> 00:31:52,388 - I remember my first commercial. 565 00:31:52,562 --> 00:31:53,868 - Do you have a tape? 566 00:31:54,042 --> 00:31:55,609 I could learn so much. 567 00:31:55,783 --> 00:31:58,307 - Well, it wasn't for a TV exactly. 568 00:31:58,481 --> 00:32:00,266 I used to come out between acts, 569 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:05,140 and sing this darling song about Dr. Vim's Miracle Elixir. 570 00:32:08,535 --> 00:32:10,493 That's what led to my first kinetoscope. 571 00:32:14,889 --> 00:32:17,457 - If only my mother had lived to see my very first- 572 00:32:17,631 --> 00:32:19,676 - Well, that's enough about your commercial. 573 00:32:28,685 --> 00:32:31,384 [dramatic music] 574 00:32:40,523 --> 00:32:43,135 - [Billy] That was the worst one yet. 575 00:32:43,309 --> 00:32:45,398 - According to my calculator, the asteroid 576 00:32:45,572 --> 00:32:49,445 will penetrate the atmosphere in 15 minutes. 577 00:32:49,619 --> 00:32:50,316 Oh, Billy. 578 00:32:51,491 --> 00:32:52,796 Oh, the children. 579 00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:54,581 [dramatic music] 580 00:32:54,755 --> 00:32:56,887 - You saved all you could with the space ark. 581 00:32:57,062 --> 00:32:59,107 - But what about all the people who could have 582 00:32:59,281 --> 00:33:01,936 fit into space arks three, and two? 583 00:33:05,722 --> 00:33:09,204 If only the President had listened to me. 584 00:33:09,378 --> 00:33:11,511 - As I should have, when you were promoted over me. 585 00:33:11,685 --> 00:33:13,165 But I was just too macho. 586 00:33:15,602 --> 00:33:18,518 - Or maybe I was so busy being an 587 00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:24,132 astrophysicist that I forgot how to be 588 00:33:28,571 --> 00:33:29,485 a woman. 589 00:33:32,488 --> 00:33:35,404 [thunder crashing] 590 00:33:35,578 --> 00:33:38,668 [somber piano music] 591 00:33:58,384 --> 00:33:59,254 [glass breaking] 592 00:33:59,428 --> 00:34:01,082 - [Evie] Oh, mother fuck. 593 00:34:01,952 --> 00:34:05,434 [somber music continues] 594 00:34:06,609 --> 00:34:07,523 - Goodnight, Coco. 595 00:34:09,612 --> 00:34:10,526 Goodnight, hun. 596 00:34:13,399 --> 00:34:14,139 I love you. 597 00:34:15,879 --> 00:34:16,663 I love you, too. 598 00:34:20,797 --> 00:34:21,798 Pipe down in there. 599 00:34:25,889 --> 00:34:26,847 School day tomorrow. 600 00:34:33,375 --> 00:34:36,552 [light hearted music] 601 00:34:39,773 --> 00:34:44,386 - [Female Computer Voice] Santa Claus has entered. 602 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:48,173 - [Male Computer Voice] Is your mommy home? 603 00:34:48,347 --> 00:34:53,265 - [Female Computer Voice] My mother died in 1975. 604 00:34:54,962 --> 00:34:56,094 Sad face. 605 00:34:58,139 --> 00:34:59,575 Santa Claus has left. 606 00:35:04,928 --> 00:35:07,801 [thunder crashing] 607 00:35:11,500 --> 00:35:14,068 [door creaking] 608 00:35:15,287 --> 00:35:19,943 [soft babbling] [suspenseful music] 609 00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,572 - [Creature] Mommy? 610 00:35:39,746 --> 00:35:40,834 I'll get you. 611 00:35:41,791 --> 00:35:44,838 [screaming in fear] 612 00:35:52,846 --> 00:35:53,629 - Shut up. 613 00:35:57,764 --> 00:35:58,852 - I heard screaming. 614 00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,462 - Jesus, what? 615 00:36:00,636 --> 00:36:03,857 - I've had this dream, ever since the hospital. 616 00:36:06,033 --> 00:36:09,602 I think that doctor gave me morphine and then raped me. 617 00:36:09,776 --> 00:36:12,996 - Oh my God. Coco. 618 00:36:13,171 --> 00:36:14,650 - So it's a sex dream, huh? 619 00:36:15,782 --> 00:36:17,653 - Here, have some chocolate. 620 00:36:18,872 --> 00:36:19,786 Have some peach sorbet. 621 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,527 - The babies. 622 00:36:21,701 --> 00:36:24,443 It doesn't make sense. There's no connection. 623 00:36:24,617 --> 00:36:26,967 And I cry for no reason, and blame myself. 624 00:36:27,141 --> 00:36:30,710 I've been slowly cutting off my toe with a nail file, 625 00:36:30,884 --> 00:36:34,583 and I have no idea why. [sobbing] 626 00:36:35,932 --> 00:36:38,761 - I went in on a television motion picture about rape. 627 00:36:38,935 --> 00:36:40,459 And in the back of the script, 628 00:36:40,633 --> 00:36:41,808 there was a number for a support hotline. 629 00:36:41,982 --> 00:36:43,853 - Jesus Christ, Varla. 630 00:36:44,027 --> 00:36:45,203 Does everything around here 631 00:36:45,377 --> 00:36:47,727 have to be about your fucking career? 632 00:36:48,989 --> 00:36:50,338 - I was only trying to help. 633 00:36:50,512 --> 00:36:52,732 - I know what you were only trying to do. 634 00:36:52,906 --> 00:36:55,256 I've seen your type before plenty. 635 00:36:55,430 --> 00:36:58,781 Worm your way into the life of a huge star. 636 00:36:58,955 --> 00:37:02,742 Next thing I know you've stolen my son, and my maid. 637 00:37:02,916 --> 00:37:04,613 Well, I won't let you steal my career. 638 00:37:04,787 --> 00:37:07,790 - No, that's your specialty. 639 00:37:07,964 --> 00:37:09,096 - Sleepy. 640 00:37:09,270 --> 00:37:10,358 - "Asteroid" was supposed to be 641 00:37:10,532 --> 00:37:12,969 my mom's big break, not yours. 642 00:37:14,188 --> 00:37:16,799 She spent two months preparing for that role, 643 00:37:16,973 --> 00:37:18,714 working with her being crushed coach. 644 00:37:19,976 --> 00:37:23,806 I can still remember her practicing. It's huge. 645 00:37:25,939 --> 00:37:29,159 Well, little did she know that in Hollywood, 646 00:37:30,770 --> 00:37:34,252 the real killer asteroids don't fall from the sky. 647 00:37:35,296 --> 00:37:38,299 [thunder crashing] 648 00:37:38,473 --> 00:37:39,822 - Still raped over here. 649 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,264 [calm music] 650 00:37:53,009 --> 00:37:54,924 [screaming in pain] 651 00:37:55,098 --> 00:37:57,057 - Coco. - Oh, my God I'm on fire. 652 00:37:57,231 --> 00:37:58,580 - I thought you were Varla. 653 00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:01,496 - Oh my God. Oh God. Evie, Evie I'm burning. 654 00:38:01,670 --> 00:38:03,063 - Cold water. - I'm burning! 655 00:38:03,237 --> 00:38:04,020 [water splashing] 656 00:38:04,194 --> 00:38:05,631 - I'm serious. 657 00:38:05,805 --> 00:38:09,112 I'll do anything they offer, except porno. 658 00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:12,725 - Mom, you doing porn isn't porn anymore, it's horror. 659 00:38:12,899 --> 00:38:17,251 - Everyone, this is Nipsy. Nipsy, this is everyone. 660 00:38:17,425 --> 00:38:19,340 - Hey, Nipsy. Boy or girl? 661 00:38:19,514 --> 00:38:21,647 - From you. - He's a boy. 662 00:38:21,821 --> 00:38:23,562 - No, seriously. 663 00:38:23,736 --> 00:38:25,868 Supposing just for an instance, they suddenly need 664 00:38:26,042 --> 00:38:29,219 a new Busy Gal after tonight, or tomorrow morning latest. 665 00:38:29,394 --> 00:38:31,134 - Ma, no one will hire you. 666 00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:35,051 - Why not? I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go. 667 00:38:35,225 --> 00:38:38,533 - Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed. 668 00:38:39,926 --> 00:38:41,841 - I think you know. 669 00:38:42,015 --> 00:38:43,930 - My attitude? - No. 670 00:38:44,104 --> 00:38:45,453 - My drinking? - No. 671 00:38:45,627 --> 00:38:46,802 - Chronic lateness? - No. 672 00:38:46,976 --> 00:38:48,064 - Never learned my lines? - No. 673 00:38:48,238 --> 00:38:49,414 - The kleptomania? - No. 674 00:38:49,588 --> 00:38:50,893 - I spread disease? - No. 675 00:38:51,067 --> 00:38:52,417 - Then what? 676 00:38:52,591 --> 00:38:53,940 - That little thing where you ran over 677 00:38:54,114 --> 00:38:55,463 a family of four while drunk off your ass. 678 00:38:55,637 --> 00:38:59,946 - It was a family of six. I only killed four. 679 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,341 And what kind of people have a picnic in their own backyard? 680 00:39:03,515 --> 00:39:04,385 - Oh, Mom. 681 00:39:04,559 --> 00:39:05,343 - What? - The. 682 00:39:06,953 --> 00:39:07,736 - Oh. 683 00:39:11,392 --> 00:39:12,262 - Nipsy. 684 00:39:14,264 --> 00:39:15,353 What's wrong with him? 685 00:39:17,137 --> 00:39:20,401 - Oh, Nipsy. That was for Varla. 686 00:39:23,448 --> 00:39:25,972 - [Announcer] Coming up, Evie Harris vomits her way 687 00:39:26,146 --> 00:39:29,845 off the Hollywood squares when "Has Beens" continues. 688 00:39:32,108 --> 00:39:36,199 - If you're like me, your days are jam packed with activity. 689 00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:39,289 It seems no sooner am I done watching my programs. 690 00:39:39,464 --> 00:39:41,901 [remote clicks] 691 00:39:42,075 --> 00:39:45,687 If you're like me, your days are jam packed with activity. 692 00:39:45,861 --> 00:39:47,210 [remote clicks] 693 00:39:47,385 --> 00:39:48,821 Us gals have it hard enough. [remote clicks] 694 00:39:48,995 --> 00:39:50,649 Us gals have it hard- [remote clicks] 695 00:39:50,823 --> 00:39:52,999 Have it hard, hard, hard, hard. 696 00:39:53,173 --> 00:39:54,870 Hard, hard, hard, hard, hard enough. 697 00:40:02,922 --> 00:40:05,533 [dramatic music] 698 00:40:06,665 --> 00:40:07,622 - It's huge. 699 00:40:09,581 --> 00:40:11,887 [laughing] 700 00:40:13,454 --> 00:40:14,237 It's huge. 701 00:40:15,587 --> 00:40:18,633 [laughing continues] 702 00:40:22,594 --> 00:40:24,117 - I think Busy Gal 703 00:40:24,291 --> 00:40:26,685 is the most important thing to happen for women 704 00:40:28,208 --> 00:40:29,992 since they were emancipated from slavery. 705 00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:33,822 [dramatic music] 706 00:40:34,823 --> 00:40:36,216 - I can't finish this. 707 00:40:36,390 --> 00:40:37,826 - [Announcer] Leonard Nimoy, Charo, 708 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:38,697 Bret Sullivan, Robert Reed. 709 00:40:41,047 --> 00:40:44,180 - Oh, I heard about "Asteroid". Congratulations. 710 00:40:44,354 --> 00:40:47,183 - [Announcer] Barbara Bates, Ted Knight, Joey Hetherington, 711 00:40:47,357 --> 00:40:52,014 The Osmond Five, Lee Majors, Alan Luden, William Conrad. 712 00:40:52,188 --> 00:40:54,626 [gun fires] 713 00:40:58,151 --> 00:41:00,936 [calm piano music] 714 00:41:12,165 --> 00:41:15,124 [suspenseful music] 715 00:41:26,571 --> 00:41:29,225 [dramatic music] 716 00:41:32,098 --> 00:41:32,968 - No! 717 00:41:34,709 --> 00:41:37,886 [screaming continues] 718 00:41:44,110 --> 00:41:47,069 - Never, dude. You're never going to look normal again. 719 00:41:47,243 --> 00:41:51,073 - Dr. Benson. He drug and rape you yet? 720 00:41:51,247 --> 00:41:52,205 - No. 721 00:41:52,379 --> 00:41:54,947 - Coco. I was going to call. 722 00:41:55,121 --> 00:41:57,079 - How nice. 723 00:41:57,253 --> 00:42:01,954 A girl always likes that after she's been drugged and raped. 724 00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:05,305 - Right, about that. I am so sorry. 725 00:42:05,479 --> 00:42:08,743 - Sorry? Oh, then I guess that makes it okay 726 00:42:08,917 --> 00:42:10,919 that ya drugged and raped me. 727 00:42:11,093 --> 00:42:13,531 - Jesus Christ. I get the fucking point. 728 00:42:14,836 --> 00:42:16,969 Look, you have every right to be ticked. 729 00:42:17,143 --> 00:42:20,581 And I know it's no excuse, but can I try to explain? 730 00:42:20,755 --> 00:42:21,756 - Explain? 731 00:42:21,930 --> 00:42:23,541 - You reminded me of someone. 732 00:42:23,715 --> 00:42:25,630 Years ago when I was first starting out, 733 00:42:27,980 --> 00:42:29,895 the most beautiful girl came to see me. 734 00:42:31,331 --> 00:42:33,028 I felt our souls touch. 735 00:42:34,813 --> 00:42:35,988 But I froze. 736 00:42:36,945 --> 00:42:38,077 I tried to get in touch with her later, 737 00:42:38,251 --> 00:42:40,079 but clinic's records were anonymous, 738 00:42:40,253 --> 00:42:41,428 because of all the letter bombs. 739 00:42:41,602 --> 00:42:43,082 - Dr. Perfect? 740 00:42:45,563 --> 00:42:46,955 - Patient Huge Tits? 741 00:42:48,914 --> 00:42:50,655 - It's really you? - It's really you? 742 00:42:50,829 --> 00:42:53,179 - When you came back after I'd lost hope and married, 743 00:42:53,353 --> 00:42:54,963 I broke. 744 00:42:55,137 --> 00:42:57,444 - I couldn't date anyone without comparing them to you. 745 00:42:57,618 --> 00:42:59,315 - Coco. 746 00:42:59,489 --> 00:43:03,798 God has given us a second chance, and I say we take it. 747 00:43:03,972 --> 00:43:06,148 - You still shouldn't have raped me. 748 00:43:06,322 --> 00:43:07,367 - Really super sorry. 749 00:43:08,977 --> 00:43:12,067 [inspirational music] 750 00:43:27,387 --> 00:43:30,346 ♪ Dream lover I must know ♪ 751 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:33,915 ♪ Dream lover are you gonna go ♪ 752 00:43:34,089 --> 00:43:38,398 ♪ Are you real or fantasy dream lover ♪ 753 00:43:39,529 --> 00:43:40,879 - Well, to. 754 00:43:41,053 --> 00:43:42,141 - Great. 755 00:43:42,315 --> 00:43:43,925 ♪ Dream lover you gotta stay ♪ 756 00:43:44,099 --> 00:43:47,059 ♪ I'll make you happy all your days ♪ 757 00:43:47,233 --> 00:43:52,194 ♪ Promise me you'll be true dream lover ♪ 758 00:43:54,022 --> 00:43:57,069 ♪ I gave up hope stopped looking around ♪ 759 00:43:57,243 --> 00:43:58,113 ♪ Cried all night ♪ 760 00:43:58,287 --> 00:43:58,984 - Dr. Perfect. 761 00:44:00,550 --> 00:44:03,858 ♪ Now you're here is it a dream ♪ 762 00:44:04,032 --> 00:44:07,079 ♪ Is my life really how it seems ♪ 763 00:44:07,253 --> 00:44:10,560 ♪ I waited so long almost all my life ♪ 764 00:44:10,735 --> 00:44:13,738 ♪ So much pain it cut me like on life ♪ 765 00:44:13,912 --> 00:44:18,830 ♪ I'll just die if you leave dream lover ♪ 766 00:44:20,570 --> 00:44:23,835 ♪ Dream lover I must know ♪ 767 00:44:24,009 --> 00:44:27,186 ♪ Dream lover are you gonna go ♪ 768 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:32,147 ♪ Are you real or fantasy dream lover ♪ 769 00:44:34,019 --> 00:44:37,239 ♪ Dream lover you gotta stay ♪ 770 00:44:37,413 --> 00:44:40,460 ♪ I'll make you happy all your days ♪ 771 00:44:40,634 --> 00:44:45,160 ♪ Promise me you'll be true dream lover ♪ 772 00:44:47,336 --> 00:44:48,468 [Coco puking] 773 00:44:48,642 --> 00:44:51,123 - Nice, Princess. Real sexy. 774 00:44:53,299 --> 00:44:56,476 [light hearted music] 775 00:45:04,353 --> 00:45:06,878 - Chester, this'll be where you poop. 776 00:45:09,315 --> 00:45:12,144 That's a good poop, Chester. 777 00:45:13,623 --> 00:45:15,713 God, what did they feed you at that kennel? 778 00:45:20,369 --> 00:45:23,068 Oh, come on. 779 00:45:29,030 --> 00:45:31,424 - Guess who's going to be in a movie. 780 00:45:31,598 --> 00:45:32,512 - Me? 781 00:45:32,686 --> 00:45:35,036 - Congratulations, Varla. 782 00:45:36,168 --> 00:45:37,038 What's it called? 783 00:45:37,212 --> 00:45:38,344 - I think "Counter Girl" 784 00:45:38,518 --> 00:45:40,650 because that's the name of my role. 785 00:45:40,825 --> 00:45:42,522 - "Tarantula Tropolis." 786 00:45:42,696 --> 00:45:45,873 - Oh, so no more commercials for you. 787 00:45:46,047 --> 00:45:49,137 I told Stevie those tiny little parts do nothing for me. 788 00:45:49,311 --> 00:45:51,183 I need great big parts. 789 00:45:51,357 --> 00:45:54,273 - Stevie, why didn't you put me up for that part? 790 00:45:54,447 --> 00:45:56,231 - Well, I can only recommend one person, Mom. 791 00:45:56,405 --> 00:45:57,493 - Well, that's obviously a lie, 792 00:45:57,667 --> 00:45:59,931 because she's practically two. 793 00:46:00,105 --> 00:46:01,497 - I'm sorry? 794 00:46:01,671 --> 00:46:02,629 - A little less binge, a little more purge. 795 00:46:02,803 --> 00:46:03,761 You know what I'm saying, hun? 796 00:46:03,935 --> 00:46:06,328 - Damn it, Mom. Shut up. 797 00:46:07,721 --> 00:46:09,201 Why should I lift a finger for you? 798 00:46:09,375 --> 00:46:10,637 What have you ever done for me? 799 00:46:10,811 --> 00:46:12,944 - Carried you to term, for starters. 800 00:46:13,118 --> 00:46:16,338 Coca would have had your sucked out for a phone number. 801 00:46:16,512 --> 00:46:19,124 - Evie, I can't believe you would stoop to- 802 00:46:19,298 --> 00:46:20,429 - Stop fighting! 803 00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:25,870 Evie. 804 00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,222 I'm sorry for the things I said the other day. 805 00:46:30,396 --> 00:46:33,921 And I know my recent success has been stressful. 806 00:46:34,792 --> 00:46:35,967 I'm sorry for that too. 807 00:46:37,142 --> 00:46:38,012 - Well, good. 808 00:46:40,188 --> 00:46:44,149 - Evie. Varla said she's sorry for what she said. 809 00:46:44,323 --> 00:46:45,628 - I heard her. 810 00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:47,630 - Well, you said some mean things too. 811 00:46:47,805 --> 00:46:49,067 - Like what? 812 00:46:49,241 --> 00:46:50,982 - Like she's all binge and purge. 813 00:46:52,157 --> 00:46:54,246 - I did? That's funny. 814 00:46:54,420 --> 00:46:55,377 - [Stevie] Mom. 815 00:46:55,551 --> 00:46:56,552 - That's okay. 816 00:46:57,771 --> 00:46:58,772 I was thinking. 817 00:47:00,426 --> 00:47:03,951 I bet that the reason you're having trouble getting parts 818 00:47:04,125 --> 00:47:07,955 is that people have forgotten how great you are. 819 00:47:08,129 --> 00:47:10,218 So you got to show them, just like you did 820 00:47:10,392 --> 00:47:12,786 in your wonderful special, "Christmas Evie". 821 00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,311 I remember watching it that year, 822 00:47:16,485 --> 00:47:18,444 even though I was still quite small. 823 00:47:18,618 --> 00:47:20,315 - I'm sure, not for your age. 824 00:47:23,362 --> 00:47:25,364 - And I remember wanting to meet you. 825 00:47:25,538 --> 00:47:27,627 - Varla, no one's gonna give Mom a special. 826 00:47:27,801 --> 00:47:28,584 - I know. 827 00:47:29,716 --> 00:47:31,326 Even though they should. 828 00:47:31,500 --> 00:47:33,459 But late at night, 829 00:47:33,633 --> 00:47:35,243 when they have those infomercials on, 830 00:47:35,417 --> 00:47:37,898 where they sell that makeup and stuff. 831 00:47:38,072 --> 00:47:40,379 - I could do one selling me. 832 00:47:40,553 --> 00:47:42,163 A specimercial. 833 00:47:43,469 --> 00:47:45,471 - Do you have any idea how much that would cost? 834 00:47:45,645 --> 00:47:47,690 - $40,000. I already checked. 835 00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:49,562 - [Stevie] Plus production costs. 836 00:47:49,736 --> 00:47:53,261 - And I would be willing to give $10,000 837 00:47:53,435 --> 00:47:55,350 of my "Tarantula Tropolis" money. 838 00:47:55,524 --> 00:47:56,699 - Varla. 839 00:47:56,874 --> 00:47:59,441 - That is so generous. 840 00:47:59,615 --> 00:48:01,052 - We'd still have to mortgage the house, Mom. 841 00:48:01,226 --> 00:48:02,967 - Oh, I'll make it back tenfold, 842 00:48:03,141 --> 00:48:04,533 when the parts start rolling in. 843 00:48:04,707 --> 00:48:08,363 Oh thanks, Varla. I always liked you. 844 00:48:08,537 --> 00:48:11,366 - Evie, let's not quarrel anymore, all right? 845 00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:15,370 As a girl, whenever I was cross or blue, 846 00:48:15,544 --> 00:48:20,071 my mother used to say that feelings are like treasures, 847 00:48:20,245 --> 00:48:21,072 so bury them. 848 00:48:26,251 --> 00:48:27,382 - Oh, Coco. 849 00:48:29,602 --> 00:48:31,734 - Excuse me, I'm a little chilly. 850 00:48:32,648 --> 00:48:33,780 Be right back. 851 00:48:38,437 --> 00:48:43,398 [flatulating] [flames exploding] 852 00:48:48,969 --> 00:48:52,407 - I've really enjoyed these past couple of weeks. 853 00:48:52,581 --> 00:48:54,757 - Doug, I have to. 854 00:48:54,932 --> 00:48:56,107 - It's funny, isn't it? 855 00:48:57,586 --> 00:49:00,459 You fantasize about something your entire life. 856 00:49:00,633 --> 00:49:04,985 And the truth is always so much more muted. 857 00:49:06,073 --> 00:49:07,379 - Muted? 858 00:49:07,553 --> 00:49:08,946 - In the sense of less joyful. 859 00:49:10,599 --> 00:49:12,036 But what I've come to realize is that 860 00:49:12,210 --> 00:49:14,864 everything in life is a disappointment. 861 00:49:15,039 --> 00:49:18,042 And in any situation you have to ask yourself 862 00:49:19,304 --> 00:49:22,437 can I reasonably expect better? 863 00:49:23,873 --> 00:49:26,441 And Coco, I don't think I can. 864 00:49:27,616 --> 00:49:31,359 [calm violin music] 865 00:49:31,533 --> 00:49:32,317 Marry me. 866 00:49:33,753 --> 00:49:35,885 - Doug, that's not a very- 867 00:49:36,060 --> 00:49:37,365 - You can't either. 868 00:49:37,539 --> 00:49:39,628 You're not much to look at. 869 00:49:40,673 --> 00:49:42,022 You're no great lay. 870 00:49:43,284 --> 00:49:45,504 Quite honestly, you're a drag to be around. 871 00:49:45,678 --> 00:49:46,461 - Doug. 872 00:49:46,635 --> 00:49:47,897 - Like I deserve better? 873 00:49:48,072 --> 00:49:50,770 I've got a bum heart. I drink. 874 00:49:50,944 --> 00:49:52,990 I drug and rape my patients. 875 00:49:53,164 --> 00:49:54,078 - You said just me. 876 00:49:54,252 --> 00:49:55,035 - And I lie. 877 00:49:57,124 --> 00:50:00,823 What do you say you and I stop chasing happy, 878 00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:02,782 and settle for each other? 879 00:50:02,956 --> 00:50:05,959 [calm violin music] 880 00:50:16,578 --> 00:50:17,579 - This is your college- 881 00:50:17,753 --> 00:50:18,580 - It's a fucking ring. 882 00:50:19,755 --> 00:50:20,626 - And. 883 00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,629 I am [coughing] 884 00:50:23,803 --> 00:50:27,459 Michael, what are you trying to do, play me into orbit? 885 00:50:27,633 --> 00:50:30,418 - That's how it goes, bitch. 886 00:50:30,592 --> 00:50:31,506 - [Evie] I heard that. 887 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:32,507 - Sorry. 888 00:50:33,595 --> 00:50:34,509 Bitch. 889 00:50:39,210 --> 00:50:41,647 - Singing that song always makes me so proud. 890 00:50:41,821 --> 00:50:42,822 - Bitch. 891 00:50:42,996 --> 00:50:44,737 - I am woman. - Bitch. 892 00:50:44,911 --> 00:50:46,478 - ERA now. - Bitch. 893 00:50:46,652 --> 00:50:47,740 - Applause, applause, applause. 894 00:50:47,914 --> 00:50:48,958 - Bitch, bitch, bitch. 895 00:50:50,003 --> 00:50:53,615 - Thank you. Oh, thank you. 896 00:50:53,789 --> 00:50:55,356 Oh God, I tell you, I just. 897 00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:56,836 I feel like I'm up here tonight 898 00:50:57,010 --> 00:50:58,881 performing in front of all my friends. 899 00:51:00,144 --> 00:51:03,103 And you know sometimes all we have are friends. 900 00:51:03,277 --> 00:51:05,932 Like my friend Varla, TV's Busy Gal, 901 00:51:06,106 --> 00:51:08,891 who's so good in those commercials she actually acts thin. 902 00:51:09,066 --> 00:51:10,154 [ring falls to the floor] 903 00:51:10,328 --> 00:51:12,417 And now she has a big movie. 904 00:51:12,591 --> 00:51:14,245 But on the brink of all that success, 905 00:51:14,419 --> 00:51:18,510 she was risking everything by working as a prostitute. 906 00:51:18,684 --> 00:51:20,207 So I sat her down- 907 00:51:20,381 --> 00:51:22,427 - Evie, oh my God. 908 00:51:22,601 --> 00:51:25,908 - Coco. What did you think now? Now be honest. 909 00:51:26,083 --> 00:51:29,260 - Varla gave you the idea to do this show. 910 00:51:29,434 --> 00:51:31,000 She put up money for it. 911 00:51:31,175 --> 00:51:33,873 - And I'm repaying the favor. 912 00:51:34,047 --> 00:51:36,136 If something like this got out after she was famous, 913 00:51:36,310 --> 00:51:38,747 it would destroy her like it did her mother. 914 00:51:38,921 --> 00:51:42,882 - You destroyed her mother, for all the good it did you. 915 00:51:44,666 --> 00:51:46,929 You're just a fucking walking 916 00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:49,497 ball of ambition, aren't you, Evie? 917 00:51:49,671 --> 00:51:52,370 You'd step on anybody, destroy anyone 918 00:51:52,544 --> 00:51:54,067 if you thought it would help you. 919 00:51:55,895 --> 00:51:56,896 But you know what's funny? 920 00:51:58,506 --> 00:52:01,727 People can smell it on you, and it makes them gag. 921 00:52:03,294 --> 00:52:04,686 [somber music] 922 00:52:04,860 --> 00:52:07,211 That's why you career never went anywhere. 923 00:52:07,385 --> 00:52:09,648 - My career was going like gangbusters 924 00:52:09,822 --> 00:52:11,606 till that family made me run them down. 925 00:52:13,260 --> 00:52:17,656 - And all you had to do was say you're sorry. 926 00:52:17,830 --> 00:52:20,615 And it's not that you didn't, Evie. 927 00:52:23,618 --> 00:52:24,924 It's that you didn't know to. 928 00:52:26,839 --> 00:52:31,322 Audiences require at least a shred of humanity, 929 00:52:33,802 --> 00:52:36,544 even from their game show personalities. 930 00:52:40,635 --> 00:52:42,507 - Bitch. - I heard that. 931 00:52:50,950 --> 00:52:51,777 - Sign here. 932 00:52:54,780 --> 00:52:56,651 And here. 933 00:52:57,913 --> 00:53:00,220 [sultry music] 934 00:53:01,439 --> 00:53:02,657 Initial here. 935 00:53:06,835 --> 00:53:07,619 You have 936 00:53:09,273 --> 00:53:12,189 such pretty initials. [giggles] 937 00:53:12,363 --> 00:53:14,713 [music stops] 938 00:53:15,844 --> 00:53:16,584 Sign here. 939 00:53:17,803 --> 00:53:21,110 [sultry music resumes] 940 00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:37,562 Well, it's official. You're a movie star. 941 00:53:39,955 --> 00:53:40,913 - I'll show you out. 942 00:53:42,697 --> 00:53:45,961 [sultry music continues] 943 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,669 On second thought, 944 00:53:57,843 --> 00:53:59,627 [briefcase drops to the ground] 945 00:53:59,801 --> 00:54:01,716 let's really seal the deal. 946 00:54:03,022 --> 00:54:05,720 [calm piano music] 947 00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:28,482 - [Stevie] Oh, it burns. 948 00:54:28,656 --> 00:54:29,788 - [Varla] Are you okay? Do you want to stop? 949 00:54:29,962 --> 00:54:32,791 - [Stevie] No, I'm fine. Ow. 950 00:54:32,965 --> 00:54:35,446 [calm music] 951 00:55:10,045 --> 00:55:11,046 - I'm sorry. 952 00:55:13,092 --> 00:55:14,746 This has never happened before. 953 00:55:16,530 --> 00:55:17,314 - What hasn't? 954 00:55:18,227 --> 00:55:19,011 - I can't. 955 00:55:22,406 --> 00:55:24,930 - Oh yeah. What's up with that? 956 00:55:30,022 --> 00:55:30,849 - I've been so. 957 00:55:38,030 --> 00:55:38,813 Varla, 958 00:55:40,772 --> 00:55:44,341 I never thought, you know you and me. 959 00:55:44,515 --> 00:55:46,430 But I couldn't stop thinking about you. 960 00:55:48,083 --> 00:55:50,085 At my practice, I work with a lot of investigators and. 961 00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:54,263 Well, I had them get stuff on you. 962 00:55:56,091 --> 00:55:58,267 - I don't think I like the sound of that. 963 00:55:58,442 --> 00:56:00,052 - Nothing creepy. 964 00:56:00,226 --> 00:56:02,097 Mostly, I was just looking for high school yearbooks, 965 00:56:02,271 --> 00:56:04,883 stories from old boyfriends to, you know, beat off to. 966 00:56:05,057 --> 00:56:06,841 But then things started turning up. 967 00:56:07,973 --> 00:56:09,322 - Like what kind of things? 968 00:56:09,496 --> 00:56:10,845 - Well, 969 00:56:11,019 --> 00:56:13,065 like things in your ninth grade diary. 970 00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:15,241 - How did you get that? 971 00:56:15,415 --> 00:56:17,678 - A couple of goons roughed up your aunt. 972 00:56:17,852 --> 00:56:19,898 September 8th, 1978. 973 00:56:20,072 --> 00:56:22,117 Evie Harris killed my mom. 974 00:56:22,291 --> 00:56:23,554 I watched her "Christmas Special" 975 00:56:23,728 --> 00:56:25,817 and I hate, hate, hate her. 976 00:56:25,991 --> 00:56:28,167 And March 15th. 977 00:56:30,778 --> 00:56:32,693 One day I'm going to find Evie Harris. 978 00:56:32,867 --> 00:56:34,347 I'm going to make friends with her, 979 00:56:34,521 --> 00:56:37,350 and then I'm going to make her pay, pay, pay, pay. 980 00:56:37,524 --> 00:56:38,438 The rest is all pay. 981 00:56:38,612 --> 00:56:40,658 - That was a brillion years ago, 982 00:56:40,832 --> 00:56:42,703 before I discovered spiritualicity. 983 00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:47,795 - Maybe. Or maybe you still want her to pay. 984 00:56:47,969 --> 00:56:49,884 Maybe just happening to answer her ad, 985 00:56:50,058 --> 00:56:51,930 maybe driving her into a jealous rage, 986 00:56:52,104 --> 00:56:53,540 maybe tricking her into spending 987 00:56:53,714 --> 00:56:55,368 all of her money on this specimercial, 988 00:56:55,542 --> 00:56:57,326 maybe it's all part of some plan. 989 00:56:58,371 --> 00:57:00,286 - Why should you even care? 990 00:57:00,460 --> 00:57:01,722 She never loved you. 991 00:57:03,594 --> 00:57:05,291 [grunting] 992 00:57:05,465 --> 00:57:08,468 - That doesn't mean I can't love her. 993 00:57:20,262 --> 00:57:22,003 - A shred of humanity. 994 00:57:23,352 --> 00:57:25,267 [glass breaking] 995 00:57:25,442 --> 00:57:26,225 Ow, cuts. 996 00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:31,056 My career never went anywhere. 997 00:57:31,230 --> 00:57:32,492 [banging on door] 998 00:57:32,666 --> 00:57:34,538 Hello, Battlestar fucking Galactica! 999 00:57:34,712 --> 00:57:35,974 - [Coco] Go to bed. 1000 00:57:36,148 --> 00:57:37,018 - Fuck you. 1001 00:57:37,192 --> 00:57:39,717 [body falling down stairs] 1002 00:57:39,891 --> 00:57:40,631 Cut. 1003 00:57:41,545 --> 00:57:42,328 Cut. 1004 00:57:43,460 --> 00:57:44,243 Uncut. 1005 00:57:45,157 --> 00:57:46,811 Jesus. 1006 00:57:46,985 --> 00:57:48,813 I guess you can't fuck your way to the top, 1007 00:57:48,987 --> 00:57:51,729 or I'd be queen of the goddamned universe. 1008 00:57:53,034 --> 00:57:53,948 Ow, cuts. 1009 00:57:55,210 --> 00:57:56,516 Hello. 1010 00:57:56,690 --> 00:57:58,083 - Coco awake? 1011 00:57:58,257 --> 00:58:00,433 Thought I'd twist her arm for a lie there. 1012 00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:02,174 - Well, you could do that. 1013 00:58:02,348 --> 00:58:06,613 And then again, I'm already on my back and tanked. 1014 00:58:14,795 --> 00:58:18,451 [random piano notes playing] 1015 00:58:23,064 --> 00:58:24,718 Harder. 1016 00:58:24,892 --> 00:58:26,198 Harder. 1017 00:58:26,372 --> 00:58:30,637 [random piano notes continue playing] 1018 00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:32,944 Coco. 1019 00:58:33,118 --> 00:58:34,946 [dramatic music] 1020 00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:35,947 - Doug? 1021 00:58:37,339 --> 00:58:39,994 - You have to admit, this is kind of its own punishment. 1022 00:58:40,168 --> 00:58:40,995 - Harder! 1023 00:58:50,178 --> 00:58:52,920 - So, this is the stage. 1024 00:58:53,094 --> 00:58:55,923 - What? Where's the big block letters 1025 00:58:56,097 --> 00:58:58,839 that say Evie, like I paid for? 1026 00:58:59,013 --> 00:59:00,624 - [Director] We add that in with the computer later. 1027 00:59:00,798 --> 00:59:02,495 - Really? 1028 00:59:02,669 --> 00:59:05,585 Gosh, so much has changed since I was slightly younger. 1029 00:59:06,847 --> 00:59:09,241 But you always want to fuck the grips. 1030 00:59:09,415 --> 00:59:11,286 - So listen, the only trick with this set is 1031 00:59:11,460 --> 00:59:14,812 you can't wear any blue, or any color that has blue in it. 1032 00:59:14,986 --> 00:59:17,162 No turquoise, no purple. 1033 00:59:17,336 --> 00:59:19,164 No, this is important, Miss Harris. 1034 00:59:19,338 --> 00:59:22,428 Because the computer replaces all blue with the fake set. 1035 00:59:22,602 --> 00:59:26,084 - Speaking of fixed sets, how do you like my boobs? Feel. 1036 00:59:26,258 --> 00:59:28,086 It's gross, huh? 1037 00:59:28,260 --> 00:59:31,306 [suspenseful music] 1038 00:59:45,669 --> 00:59:48,454 [angelic singing] 1039 01:00:23,097 --> 01:00:23,837 - Varla? 1040 01:00:27,798 --> 01:00:28,581 - Stevie. 1041 01:00:32,063 --> 01:00:32,803 what's wrong? 1042 01:00:34,369 --> 01:00:36,067 - Let's save the kisses till I'm sure you mean them. 1043 01:00:36,241 --> 01:00:39,113 [suspenseful music] 1044 01:00:42,377 --> 01:00:45,729 - Oh, of all the nights for the botox to wear off. 1045 01:00:49,297 --> 01:00:50,429 - Hello, Evie. 1046 01:00:50,603 --> 01:00:53,562 - Coco. Friends? 1047 01:00:53,737 --> 01:00:54,868 - Are you high? 1048 01:00:55,042 --> 01:00:56,043 - Little bit, un-huh. 1049 01:00:57,262 --> 01:01:00,265 - I just came by to ask you one last time 1050 01:01:00,439 --> 01:01:02,006 to drop that part about Varla. 1051 01:01:02,180 --> 01:01:04,835 - No, you're just mad because I killed your marriage. 1052 01:01:05,009 --> 01:01:06,663 - Not this time. 1053 01:01:06,837 --> 01:01:08,142 We're going through with it. 1054 01:01:09,317 --> 01:01:11,755 Of course, it won't be charmed like I'd hoped. 1055 01:01:11,929 --> 01:01:13,800 And I'll always be a little mistrustful. 1056 01:01:13,974 --> 01:01:15,367 You made sure of that. 1057 01:01:15,541 --> 01:01:16,934 - [Evie] Plus he did rape you. 1058 01:01:17,108 --> 01:01:18,022 - Fair point. 1059 01:01:19,197 --> 01:01:22,156 But that's just, Evie. 1060 01:01:23,201 --> 01:01:26,160 You and me, were damaged goods. 1061 01:01:27,292 --> 01:01:31,078 But Varla, at least with her there's hope. 1062 01:01:32,950 --> 01:01:34,865 And hope dies quickly enough on its own. 1063 01:01:37,563 --> 01:01:39,173 - 90 seconds, people. 1064 01:01:39,347 --> 01:01:41,306 Who has eyes on Gross Boobs? 1065 01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:43,830 [suspenseful music] 1066 01:01:44,004 --> 01:01:46,180 - [Announcer] Miss Harris, we need you on the set. 1067 01:01:49,575 --> 01:01:51,142 - Well, I'm on. 1068 01:01:51,316 --> 01:01:53,100 This is gonna be like the Mike Douglas Show 1069 01:01:53,274 --> 01:01:55,886 and the Democratic Party Telethon all rolled into one. 1070 01:02:02,980 --> 01:02:03,720 - Good luck, Ma. 1071 01:02:04,938 --> 01:02:06,374 - Thanks, Stevie. 1072 01:02:06,548 --> 01:02:07,724 - Good luck, Evie. 1073 01:02:09,073 --> 01:02:10,117 - Thank you, Coco. 1074 01:02:10,291 --> 01:02:12,250 - Yes, good luck. 1075 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:16,733 [suspenseful music] 1076 01:02:17,864 --> 01:02:19,213 - [Announcer] Miss Harris. 1077 01:02:20,345 --> 01:02:23,217 [suspenseful music] 1078 01:02:24,566 --> 01:02:27,221 [bell ringing] 1079 01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:34,228 [erratic music] 1080 01:02:34,402 --> 01:02:36,578 - [Narrator] Live, from Glendale City College, 1081 01:02:36,753 --> 01:02:38,755 it's "All About Evie." 1082 01:02:39,668 --> 01:02:42,367 - Five, four, three. 1083 01:02:46,284 --> 01:02:48,503 ♪ Look at me then you'll see ♪ 1084 01:02:48,677 --> 01:02:53,073 ♪ All around you it's glittery and flashy tonight ♪ 1085 01:02:53,247 --> 01:02:55,597 ♪ It's all about Evie tonight ♪ 1086 01:02:55,772 --> 01:02:57,208 ♪ It's special and dreamy ♪ 1087 01:02:57,382 --> 01:02:58,644 ♪ It's all about Evie ♪ 1088 01:02:58,818 --> 01:03:00,428 ♪ So come and look at me tonight ♪ 1089 01:03:00,602 --> 01:03:02,866 - House with a pool, house with a pool. 1090 01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:03,910 ♪ Look at me ♪ 1091 01:03:04,084 --> 01:03:06,347 [calm music] 1092 01:03:09,394 --> 01:03:11,788 ♪ I've been with you so long ♪ 1093 01:03:11,962 --> 01:03:16,923 ♪ I find I'm singing this song ♪ 1094 01:03:18,577 --> 01:03:23,103 ♪ I've had time to think of a way for my heart to say ♪ 1095 01:03:27,412 --> 01:03:32,286 ♪ I need you every moment of every day ♪ 1096 01:03:33,679 --> 01:03:37,378 ♪ I love you more and more than I'll ever say ♪ 1097 01:03:37,552 --> 01:03:41,730 ♪ What will I do if you decide to go away ♪ 1098 01:03:41,905 --> 01:03:46,823 ♪ Stay with me forever and ever ♪ 1099 01:03:48,259 --> 01:03:50,739 ♪ Stay with me ♪ 1100 01:03:53,917 --> 01:03:58,486 [canned applause playing] - Oh, thank you. 1101 01:03:58,660 --> 01:04:00,314 Oh God, I love you too. 1102 01:04:01,489 --> 01:04:02,490 Oh God, I tell you, just. 1103 01:04:02,664 --> 01:04:03,970 I feel like I'm up here tonight 1104 01:04:04,144 --> 01:04:06,320 performing in front of all my friends. 1105 01:04:08,540 --> 01:04:09,976 And you know, sometimes all we have are friends. 1106 01:04:10,150 --> 01:04:10,934 - Uh-oh. 1107 01:04:11,108 --> 01:04:12,109 - What? 1108 01:04:12,283 --> 01:04:13,197 - [Evie] I just gotta help. 1109 01:04:13,371 --> 01:04:14,676 - Nothing. 1110 01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:16,983 - Like my friend Varla, TV's Busy Gal. 1111 01:04:17,157 --> 01:04:18,724 - Uh-oh. 1112 01:04:18,898 --> 01:04:20,944 - Who's so good in those spots, she actually acts thin. 1113 01:04:22,946 --> 01:04:24,512 And now she has a movie. 1114 01:04:24,686 --> 01:04:27,167 But on the brink of all that success, 1115 01:04:27,341 --> 01:04:29,561 she was willing to [stammers] 1116 01:04:29,735 --> 01:04:32,738 [fast paced music] 1117 01:04:35,915 --> 01:04:37,699 Cat got my tongue. 1118 01:04:37,874 --> 01:04:39,527 Let me just drown him real quick. 1119 01:04:39,701 --> 01:04:42,748 [suspenseful music] 1120 01:04:47,231 --> 01:04:49,450 That's better. I, oh boy. 1121 01:04:50,451 --> 01:04:54,368 [suspenseful music continues] 1122 01:04:55,587 --> 01:04:57,110 Well, that's peculiar. 1123 01:04:57,284 --> 01:04:58,546 - What's going on. 1124 01:04:58,720 --> 01:05:00,287 - Don't insult my intelligent-ness. 1125 01:05:00,461 --> 01:05:02,986 - I just felt a rush of disorientation, 1126 01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:04,988 and a flash of colored lights, 1127 01:05:05,162 --> 01:05:07,816 very much like when you chop a Vicodin up in your hash 1128 01:05:07,991 --> 01:05:10,384 while you're still flying from last night's Quaalude. 1129 01:05:10,558 --> 01:05:12,865 - I'll say one thing for you. You're poetic. 1130 01:05:13,039 --> 01:05:14,388 - I'd even swear there was 1131 01:05:14,562 --> 01:05:15,737 a milligram or two of silicide in there. 1132 01:05:15,912 --> 01:05:17,565 No, one. 1133 01:05:17,739 --> 01:05:19,437 - What's that supposed to mean? 1134 01:05:19,611 --> 01:05:21,656 - But I didn't take anything special tonight, so I need. 1135 01:05:21,830 --> 01:05:23,093 Oh, party! 1136 01:05:23,267 --> 01:05:24,224 - I would never. - Then who would? 1137 01:05:24,398 --> 01:05:25,834 - Waiter, more cock. 1138 01:05:27,184 --> 01:05:29,360 No, no. The one with sprinkles. 1139 01:05:29,534 --> 01:05:34,060 [pill bottles landing in the trash can] 1140 01:05:35,322 --> 01:05:37,150 - Never mess with a doctor's wife. 1141 01:05:40,153 --> 01:05:42,416 Sit down kids. You'll miss the show. 1142 01:05:44,462 --> 01:05:46,638 - I can date rape myself. 1143 01:05:46,812 --> 01:05:48,422 Five, six, seven, eight. 1144 01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:52,557 Call me Fred. 1145 01:05:52,731 --> 01:05:57,431 Varla, TV's Busy Gal. Busy Missy Sissy, and her mom. 1146 01:05:58,215 --> 01:06:00,695 [voices overlapping] 1147 01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:03,220 Lay gate. 1148 01:06:04,351 --> 01:06:05,352 It's hideous. 1149 01:06:05,526 --> 01:06:08,007 Loud about ta, Tom. 1150 01:06:08,181 --> 01:06:10,444 [voices overlapping] 1151 01:06:10,618 --> 01:06:12,751 They knew us loud, was he not? 1152 01:06:15,058 --> 01:06:19,976 Oh, George Peppard, great lay. But talk about loud. 1153 01:06:21,238 --> 01:06:22,413 They knew he was cumming in Oxnard. 1154 01:06:22,587 --> 01:06:25,459 [guests laughing] 1155 01:06:31,161 --> 01:06:31,944 Oh, thanks. 1156 01:06:32,118 --> 01:06:33,119 Whatever. 1157 01:06:33,293 --> 01:06:36,340 [voices overlapping] 1158 01:06:39,343 --> 01:06:42,302 Loren Greene. Swell party, Evie. 1159 01:06:42,476 --> 01:06:45,349 Say, did you ever shit out that earring? 1160 01:06:46,306 --> 01:06:47,046 - Trail mix? 1161 01:06:50,484 --> 01:06:51,485 - Coco. 1162 01:06:51,659 --> 01:06:53,052 Trish. - Keep away from Bob. 1163 01:06:53,226 --> 01:06:54,010 - Hi, Evie. 1164 01:06:55,881 --> 01:06:57,926 - So, where's? 1165 01:06:59,537 --> 01:07:01,191 - Brad? 1166 01:07:01,365 --> 01:07:02,105 He's packing. 1167 01:07:03,671 --> 01:07:05,630 The firm transferred him to Michigan. 1168 01:07:05,804 --> 01:07:07,719 Evie, he proposed. 1169 01:07:10,026 --> 01:07:13,072 - Coco, you can't move to Michigan. 1170 01:07:13,246 --> 01:07:15,292 What about your acting career? 1171 01:07:15,466 --> 01:07:16,815 - Let's face it. 1172 01:07:16,989 --> 01:07:18,730 I'm not pretty enough to be an actress. 1173 01:07:18,904 --> 01:07:23,517 - Oh, Coco. Lots of actresses aren't pretty. 1174 01:07:23,691 --> 01:07:26,303 Plus, who's gonna keep my schedule? 1175 01:07:26,477 --> 01:07:28,653 - Well, you could give doing for yourself a try. 1176 01:07:29,915 --> 01:07:32,091 - Anyway, you said you don't love Brad. 1177 01:07:32,918 --> 01:07:33,832 - I could learn. 1178 01:07:35,138 --> 01:07:36,269 - Don't bother. 1179 01:07:36,443 --> 01:07:37,183 - Brad? 1180 01:07:38,750 --> 01:07:40,578 - And this was my grandmother's. 1181 01:07:40,752 --> 01:07:42,014 You, give me it. 1182 01:07:42,188 --> 01:07:43,233 - Ow. Ow, ow. 1183 01:07:45,887 --> 01:07:46,714 Ow. 1184 01:07:46,888 --> 01:07:47,759 - Pull, you pussy. 1185 01:07:50,327 --> 01:07:53,243 So what do I have on tap for tomorrow? 1186 01:07:58,639 --> 01:07:59,553 - Mom? 1187 01:08:03,166 --> 01:08:05,472 Can I come play at the party with you? 1188 01:08:05,646 --> 01:08:07,213 - Oh, you'd just be bored. 1189 01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:11,565 It's more fun in there. 1190 01:08:11,739 --> 01:08:13,524 - Mommy, can I live here instead of 1191 01:08:13,698 --> 01:08:15,743 that boarding school this summer? 1192 01:08:15,917 --> 01:08:18,659 - We'll talk about it on the way to the airport. 1193 01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:23,577 - But mommy, I wanna stay here with you. I love you. 1194 01:08:24,839 --> 01:08:26,145 - Course you do. 1195 01:08:27,799 --> 01:08:29,148 But Mommy can't let people know 1196 01:08:29,322 --> 01:08:31,977 she's old enough to have such a big boy. 1197 01:08:32,151 --> 01:08:33,413 You'd ruin everything. 1198 01:08:34,719 --> 01:08:36,329 I'll send you lots of money, though. 1199 01:08:38,723 --> 01:08:39,593 Coming. 1200 01:08:45,817 --> 01:08:50,822 - Where is she? 1201 01:08:52,302 --> 01:08:56,915 Where is the woman who stole my life? 1202 01:08:57,089 --> 01:08:58,090 - Marla. 1203 01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:01,311 There she is. 1204 01:09:01,485 --> 01:09:02,616 - There it is. 1205 01:09:03,748 --> 01:09:05,576 - Let me get you a drink. 1206 01:09:05,750 --> 01:09:07,926 [guests screaming] 1207 01:09:08,100 --> 01:09:10,624 Stevie, come shield Mommy. 1208 01:09:13,018 --> 01:09:15,673 - No, no no. No no no, no no, no no. 1209 01:09:15,847 --> 01:09:18,458 I want you all here for this. 1210 01:09:18,632 --> 01:09:21,722 I want you here for this, to hear this. 1211 01:09:21,896 --> 01:09:24,029 - [Guest] That is not her color. 1212 01:09:24,203 --> 01:09:25,813 - Why I'm not in "Asteroid". 1213 01:09:28,207 --> 01:09:31,689 And why my daughter, Varla will never see me 1214 01:09:32,907 --> 01:09:36,650 in "Asteroid Two, and "Asteroid Three". 1215 01:09:38,304 --> 01:09:39,479 'Cause of her. 1216 01:09:42,395 --> 01:09:43,179 - Me? 1217 01:09:44,876 --> 01:09:48,401 - You all just think I'm that crazy girl 1218 01:09:48,575 --> 01:09:50,360 from the "People's Pick Awards". 1219 01:09:52,057 --> 01:09:53,406 But she drugged me. 1220 01:09:55,103 --> 01:09:56,670 - Mommy's on TV. 1221 01:09:56,844 --> 01:10:00,370 - And that whole week, there was so much fucking. 1222 01:10:03,286 --> 01:10:06,680 I know just where I'm putting this. 1223 01:10:10,902 --> 01:10:12,120 I forgot to thank my agent. 1224 01:10:12,295 --> 01:10:13,687 - Mommy! 1225 01:10:13,861 --> 01:10:15,341 - She's lying. 1226 01:10:15,515 --> 01:10:18,214 [dramatic music] 1227 01:10:23,610 --> 01:10:24,568 - You don't have to. 1228 01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:29,225 None of you. 1229 01:10:29,399 --> 01:10:32,750 [suspenseful music] 1230 01:10:32,924 --> 01:10:34,055 I don't care anymore 1231 01:10:36,754 --> 01:10:38,799 But, 1232 01:10:38,973 --> 01:10:41,367 I did want you all to see one thing, 1233 01:10:43,282 --> 01:10:45,632 because I practiced so, so much. 1234 01:10:49,027 --> 01:10:51,725 [suspenseful music] 1235 01:11:07,828 --> 01:11:08,742 It's huge! 1236 01:11:10,178 --> 01:11:15,140 [gun fires] [Marla screams] 1237 01:11:24,280 --> 01:11:25,803 - Ooh, loony tunes. 1238 01:11:27,370 --> 01:11:29,372 Listen, how about let's just move the party inside? 1239 01:11:32,157 --> 01:11:34,681 Wait, everyone. 1240 01:11:34,855 --> 01:11:37,205 Don't leave. Sara, Lee. 1241 01:11:38,816 --> 01:11:39,773 Sheila. 1242 01:11:40,861 --> 01:11:43,647 Lord, don't you go. I'll switch agents. 1243 01:11:44,909 --> 01:11:45,910 You don't have an agent. 1244 01:11:46,084 --> 01:11:48,739 No, Stan. Everybody, it's early. 1245 01:11:50,915 --> 01:11:52,656 I'll break out the orgy coke. 1246 01:11:52,830 --> 01:11:57,008 - [Guest] Heads up. There's another party at Charo's. 1247 01:11:58,357 --> 01:12:00,881 [ethereal music] 1248 01:12:12,066 --> 01:12:12,763 - Damn it. 1249 01:12:14,155 --> 01:12:17,637 Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! 1250 01:12:17,811 --> 01:12:20,727 Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! 1251 01:12:20,901 --> 01:12:22,120 Damn it, damn it! 1252 01:12:22,947 --> 01:12:23,817 Damn it. 1253 01:12:26,037 --> 01:12:28,431 [wind blowing] 1254 01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:35,133 Everyone? 1255 01:12:40,660 --> 01:12:41,400 Anyone? 1256 01:12:46,318 --> 01:12:47,101 Hello? 1257 01:12:54,848 --> 01:12:55,849 I can't be alone. 1258 01:12:58,156 --> 01:12:58,852 Please. 1259 01:13:05,424 --> 01:13:06,947 I'm scared. 1260 01:13:07,121 --> 01:13:11,865 [wind continues blowing] [Evie crying] 1261 01:13:28,665 --> 01:13:32,103 [Evie crying hysterically] 1262 01:13:34,975 --> 01:13:36,194 I didn't mean to. 1263 01:13:40,894 --> 01:13:41,895 All I wanted. 1264 01:13:44,071 --> 01:13:47,335 You want something, you take it. [echoes] 1265 01:13:50,077 --> 01:13:52,558 If I were a man. [echoes] 1266 01:13:53,820 --> 01:13:56,693 [calm piano music] 1267 01:14:17,627 --> 01:14:18,628 I'm sorry. 1268 01:14:18,802 --> 01:14:21,935 [inspirational music] 1269 01:14:26,984 --> 01:14:27,724 Coco. 1270 01:14:32,293 --> 01:14:33,077 I'm sorry. 1271 01:14:37,211 --> 01:14:37,951 - Thank you. 1272 01:14:39,518 --> 01:14:40,301 - Varla. 1273 01:14:43,087 --> 01:14:43,827 I'm sorry. 1274 01:14:47,221 --> 01:14:47,961 - I know. 1275 01:14:51,356 --> 01:14:52,400 - And Stevie. 1276 01:14:54,228 --> 01:14:58,842 You, most of all. 1277 01:14:59,016 --> 01:14:59,669 Everyone. 1278 01:15:00,974 --> 01:15:03,020 For all of this, I'm sorry. 1279 01:15:05,675 --> 01:15:06,458 It's huge! 1280 01:15:14,379 --> 01:15:15,162 Oh, it's. 1281 01:15:17,034 --> 01:15:18,775 Goodnight, everyone. 1282 01:15:18,949 --> 01:15:22,082 ♪ Look at me then you'll see all around- ♪ 1283 01:15:22,256 --> 01:15:23,649 - Goodnight, you. 1284 01:15:23,823 --> 01:15:25,608 ♪ It's glittery and flashy tonight ♪ 1285 01:15:25,782 --> 01:15:28,045 ♪ It's all about Evie tonight ♪ 1286 01:15:28,219 --> 01:15:29,699 ♪ It's special and dreamy ♪ 1287 01:15:29,873 --> 01:15:31,135 ♪ It's all about Evie ♪ 1288 01:15:31,309 --> 01:15:32,832 ♪ So come and look at me ♪ 1289 01:15:34,834 --> 01:15:35,618 - [Stevie] Mom? 1290 01:15:35,792 --> 01:15:36,662 - Over here. 1291 01:15:38,272 --> 01:15:39,796 - Well, we're off to Wyoming 1292 01:15:39,970 --> 01:15:41,537 for this one's big screen debut. 1293 01:15:42,407 --> 01:15:44,017 - Tarantulas! 1294 01:15:45,453 --> 01:15:46,759 - She's already in character. 1295 01:15:46,933 --> 01:15:48,282 - Hey, Bud. A little help? 1296 01:15:48,456 --> 01:15:50,154 - Oh, yeah I got you. 1297 01:15:50,328 --> 01:15:51,764 - [Evie] That was very good. 1298 01:15:54,027 --> 01:15:55,333 - It was? 1299 01:15:55,507 --> 01:15:58,554 - I really thought I had tarantulas. 1300 01:15:58,728 --> 01:15:59,990 You're gonna be amazing. 1301 01:16:03,341 --> 01:16:05,038 - I was worried you might be upset. 1302 01:16:06,344 --> 01:16:08,738 - I want you to have a big career, Varla, 1303 01:16:09,652 --> 01:16:11,175 big enough for all of us. 1304 01:16:12,916 --> 01:16:14,831 - That means so much, 1305 01:16:17,268 --> 01:16:18,225 Mom. 1306 01:16:20,097 --> 01:16:23,143 - Oh, congratulations. 1307 01:16:23,317 --> 01:16:24,754 - Thanks. 1308 01:16:24,928 --> 01:16:26,712 - And you don't mind about his little? 1309 01:16:29,236 --> 01:16:31,325 - Once I realized how much I love Stevie, 1310 01:16:33,371 --> 01:16:34,459 nothing else mattered. 1311 01:16:36,156 --> 01:16:37,767 It's a little small. 1312 01:16:42,162 --> 01:16:43,381 - We better get going to the airport. 1313 01:16:43,555 --> 01:16:45,992 - Stevie, I just heard. Come here. 1314 01:16:46,166 --> 01:16:48,647 [calm music] 1315 01:16:49,866 --> 01:16:51,563 I am so happy for you. 1316 01:16:56,916 --> 01:16:57,743 - I love you, Mom. 1317 01:16:59,179 --> 01:17:00,093 - Course you do. 1318 01:17:02,269 --> 01:17:04,315 - Well, I'm all packed. 1319 01:17:04,489 --> 01:17:05,490 [horn blaring one lone sound] 1320 01:17:05,664 --> 01:17:06,665 That must be Doug. 1321 01:17:06,839 --> 01:17:08,232 [horn continues honking] 1322 01:17:08,406 --> 01:17:12,105 - Coco, you can do a lot better. 1323 01:17:12,279 --> 01:17:14,107 [horn continues honking] - It was never about him. 1324 01:17:14,281 --> 01:17:15,065 Evie, 1325 01:17:16,719 --> 01:17:19,025 [horn stops honking] I'm pregnant. 1326 01:17:19,199 --> 01:17:20,374 - Really? 1327 01:17:20,548 --> 01:17:22,594 Oh, Coco. 1328 01:17:23,203 --> 01:17:24,552 - Thank you. 1329 01:17:24,727 --> 01:17:27,947 And, I'm sorry about the house. 1330 01:17:28,121 --> 01:17:30,384 - Oh, this old clap trap. 1331 01:17:30,558 --> 01:17:33,605 I'm glad to be rid of it. Fresh start. 1332 01:17:35,215 --> 01:17:36,086 - Coco? 1333 01:17:38,175 --> 01:17:40,046 You gave me herpes. 1334 01:17:40,220 --> 01:17:42,179 - Need to work on your delivery, hun. 1335 01:17:43,180 --> 01:17:46,444 I've heard that line read by the biggest stars in Hollywood. 1336 01:17:47,967 --> 01:17:50,230 [calm music] 1337 01:17:59,065 --> 01:18:02,286 ♪ Listen to what we say ♪ 1338 01:18:02,460 --> 01:18:06,682 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls please know ♪ 1339 01:18:06,856 --> 01:18:10,120 ♪ Always and forever girls will be girls ♪ 1340 01:18:10,294 --> 01:18:14,211 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 1341 01:18:14,385 --> 01:18:18,606 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 1342 01:18:18,781 --> 01:18:20,173 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 1343 01:18:20,347 --> 01:18:22,132 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 1344 01:18:22,306 --> 01:18:26,614 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 1345 01:18:26,789 --> 01:18:29,095 ♪ I go to work in the morning ♪ 1346 01:18:29,269 --> 01:18:32,490 ♪ Nighttime and I'm having a ball ♪ 1347 01:18:32,664 --> 01:18:35,493 ♪ So much to see in my life ♪ 1348 01:18:35,667 --> 01:18:38,757 ♪ Don't want to miss it at all ♪ 1349 01:18:38,931 --> 01:18:41,020 ♪ And every moment that I'm living ♪ 1350 01:18:41,194 --> 01:18:44,458 ♪ I'll be giving in every way ♪ 1351 01:18:44,632 --> 01:18:47,592 ♪ All men have got to know how far we're gonna go ♪ 1352 01:18:47,766 --> 01:18:50,377 ♪ So listen to what we say ♪ 1353 01:18:50,551 --> 01:18:54,947 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 1354 01:18:55,121 --> 01:18:56,209 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 1355 01:18:56,383 --> 01:18:58,429 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 1356 01:18:58,603 --> 01:19:01,301 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 1357 01:19:01,475 --> 01:19:02,999 ♪ We're talking to you doll ♪ 1358 01:19:03,173 --> 01:19:07,003 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 1359 01:19:07,177 --> 01:19:08,178 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 1360 01:19:08,352 --> 01:19:10,223 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 1361 01:19:10,397 --> 01:19:12,573 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 1362 01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:14,662 ♪ Never change our ways doll ♪ 1363 01:19:14,837 --> 01:19:17,404 ♪ Some say women should know their place ♪ 1364 01:19:17,578 --> 01:19:20,625 ♪ We say we're half the human race ♪ 1365 01:19:20,799 --> 01:19:25,108 ♪ No matter what it's so you ought to know ♪ 1366 01:19:25,282 --> 01:19:26,805 ♪ Ladies forgive us ♪ 1367 01:19:26,979 --> 01:19:31,288 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 1368 01:19:31,462 --> 01:19:32,550 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 1369 01:19:32,724 --> 01:19:34,552 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 1370 01:19:34,726 --> 01:19:38,599 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 1371 01:19:38,774 --> 01:19:43,300 ♪ Girls will be girls girls will be girls ♪ 1372 01:19:43,474 --> 01:19:44,823 ♪ Always and forever ♪ 1373 01:19:44,997 --> 01:19:46,607 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 1374 01:19:46,782 --> 01:19:50,829 ♪ You're never ever gonna change their ways ♪ 1375 01:19:51,003 --> 01:19:53,179 ♪ Girls will be girls ♪ 1376 01:19:53,353 --> 01:19:56,226 ♪ You're my sister ♪ 1377 01:19:57,401 --> 01:19:59,838 [upbeat music] 1378 01:20:05,583 --> 01:20:07,890 ♪ Look at me then you'll see ♪ 1379 01:20:08,064 --> 01:20:12,242 ♪ All around you it's glittery and flashy tonight ♪ 1380 01:20:12,416 --> 01:20:14,505 ♪ It's all about Evie tonight ♪ 1381 01:20:14,679 --> 01:20:16,202 ♪ It's special and dreamy ♪ 1382 01:20:16,376 --> 01:20:17,638 ♪ It's all about Evie ♪ 1383 01:20:17,813 --> 01:20:19,815 ♪ So come and look at me tonight ♪ 1384 01:20:19,989 --> 01:20:21,860 - [Evie] Thanks for tuning in to my specimercial. 1385 01:20:22,034 --> 01:20:23,731 ♪ Look at me ♪ 91393

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