Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:02,142
TONIGHT ON "NEWSREADERS"...
GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEMES --
2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,274
WE'LL TELL YOU
WHICH ONE IS RIGHT FOR YOU.
3
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,376
AND IT'S CALLED KA,
4
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:10,808
AND IT'S THE NEW VOWEL
THAT'S RAPIDLY REPLACING "U."
5
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,554
ALL THAT AND MORE
TONIGHT ON "NEWSREADERS."
6
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:24,561
FIRST TONIGHT,
7
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,592
IF "SPORTS ILLUSTRATED"
STOPPED PUBLISHING
8
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,427
ITS ANNUAL SWIMSUIT ISSUE,
9
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:31,072
THE BIGGEST EVENT IN PUBLISHING
EVERY FEBRUARY WOULD BE
10
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:34,799
"PEOPLE OF INTEREST" MAGAZINE'S
CREEPIEST MAN ALIVE ISSUE.
11
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,805
AND WE WERE THERE TO SEE
HOW IT ALL COMES TOGETHER.
12
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:42,138
Deenus: THE HUNT FOR THE YEAR'S
CREEPIEST MAN ALIVE BEGINS HERE
13
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:45,276
AT THE HEADQUARTERS OF
"PEOPLE OF INTEREST" MAGAZINE.
14
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,123
OKAY, THIS GUY'S
WEARING A HELMET.
I FIND THAT CREEPY.
15
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,278
OH, YEAH.
FOR NO APPARENT REASON.
16
00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:51,087
HE'S HUMPING
HIS GUY FRIEND.
I LIKE THAT.
17
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:52,289
I THINK THE EYELINER'S
PRETTY GOOD.
18
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,620
WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THE EYELINER HERE?
19
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,864
Deenus:
"NEWSREADERS" WAS GRANTED
20
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,289
EXCLUSIVE
BEHIND-THE-SCENES ACCESS
21
00:00:57,325 --> 00:01:00,085
TO THE GRUELING
SELECTION PROCESS.
22
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:03,358
IT'S A BIG DECISION
AND ONE NONE OF US TAKE LIGHTLY.
23
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,327
THIS GUY,
HE WAS ABLE TO TAKE A PHOTO,
24
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,566
AND HE HAS STRETCH MARKS,
AND HE'S PROUD OF THEM.
25
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:11,541
WE GET THOUSANDS OF SUBMISSIONS,
FROM FRIENDS, FAMILY,
26
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,382
DRESSING-ROOM SECURITY CAMERAS,
CO-WORKERS,
27
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,508
SOMETIMES EVEN
GOOGLE STREET VIEW.
28
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,184
AND A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK
THE CREEPINESS
29
00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,512
IS BASED
JUST ON APPEARANCE,
30
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,377
BUT THAT'S
TOO SUBJECTIVE.
MM-HMM.
31
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,345
ONE WOMAN'S
STEVE BUSCEMI...
EW.
32
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,424
...IS ANOTHER WOMAN'S
RYAN GOSLING.
LOVE HIM.
33
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:26,553
ME, TOO.
34
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,557
WHAT DO YOU THINK
HE TASTES LIKE?
35
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,118
SALTWATER TAFFY.
36
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,857
I WAS THINKING TIRAMISU
BUT MUSKY.
37
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,492
HMM.
38
00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:35,597
WE TAKE MANY INTANGIBLES
INTO ACCOUNT.
39
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,899
WE CALL IT "CREEPRISMA."
40
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:41,241
WHAT DO WOMEN FIND CREEPY
IN A MAN?
41
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,139
DOES HE HAVE A CAT?
42
00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:44,141
OH. GOOD ONE.
43
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,212
DOES HIS LEG HAIR
44
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,409
POKE THROUGH
HIS DRESS SOCKS?
45
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,610
A GUY WHO WORKS HERE
46
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:49,911
ALWAYS OFFERS
TO RETIE MY SHOES FOR ME,
47
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,713
AND I THINK,
"IS THIS CREEPY?"
48
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,083
IT -- YES.
I WOULD SAY YES.
YEAH. IT IS CREEPY.
49
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:57,394
Deenus: THE NEXT LEVEL IN
THE SEARCH FOR THE CREEPIEST MAN
50
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,588
IS RESERVED
FOR PEOPLE LIKE JOE FINN,
51
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:02,490
A SOUND ENGINEER
FROM STRATFORD, ONTARIO.
52
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,693
HE'S ONE OF THE YEAR'S
TOP 10 FINALISTS.
53
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,425
Deenus:
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW
54
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,630
YOU'RE ONE OF THE CREEPIEST MEN
IN AMERICA?
55
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:11,372
WELL, I HEARD
CREEP IS THE NEW GEEK.
56
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,569
WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?
57
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,400
PROBABLY ON 4CHAN
OR SOMETHING.
58
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:17,235
BUT, YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT CREEPY ENOUGH TO WIN.
59
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,411
[ CHUCKLES ]
60
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:22,909
YOUR HAND'S
DOWN YOUR SHORTS.
61
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:26,513
OH, UH, THESE AREN'T SHORTS.
THEY'RE -- THEY'RE JORTS.
62
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,217
AND IT'S JUST WHERE I LIKE
TO REST MY HAND.
63
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,285
I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING
DOWN THERE.
64
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:36,662
Deenus: BUT JOE HAS
SOME TOUGH COMPETITION,
65
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,960
LIKE PITTSBURGH TELEMARKETER
TEVIN BOLAND.
66
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,433
I'M VERY EXCITED.
67
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,402
OTHER THAN THAT MUSTACHE,
ARE YOU SURPRISED
68
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,431
"PEOPLE OF INTEREST" NAMED YOU
ONE OF THEIR FINALISTS?
69
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:46,466
OH, I'M VERY SURPRISED.
70
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,270
I MEAN, I'M JUST A REGULAR GUY
71
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:49,672
THAT LIKES STAMPS AND
DIFFERENT KINDS OF PEACH FUZZ.
72
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:50,943
[ CHUCKLES, SNIFFS ]
73
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:54,311
LISA?
YOU CHANGE YOUR SHAMPOO?
74
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,349
SHE CHANGED HER SHAMPOO.
75
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,408
WHAT'S THAT YOU'RE WEARING,
SADEE?
76
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:01,377
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]
77
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:05,585
IT'S PANTENE.
THAT'S A PANTENE.
78
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:07,359
I DON'T REMEMBER,
TO BE HONEST.
79
00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,358
I MEAN,
I COULD TOUCH IT AND KNOW,
80
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,459
BUT I DON'T --
MNH-MNH.
81
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,760
I DON'T THINK SO.
I RESPECT YOU.
82
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,432
YEP. ALL RIGHT.
83
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,299
PANTENE.
84
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,732
LISA.
85
00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,338
I WANT A SLIDER TODAY.
86
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,211
LET'S GO GET SLIDERS.
87
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,444
THEY'RE ALL LOOKING THE SAME
AT THIS POINT.
88
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:29,706
I GOT TO BE HONEST
WITH YOU.
89
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,253
[ SIGHS ]
90
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,279
Deenus:
AFTER WEEKS OF DELIBERATION,
91
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,624
A WINNER EMERGED,
92
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:38,318
AND WE WERE THERE
TO WITNESS HISTORY.
93
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:40,322
I THINK WE NAILED IT, PEOPLE.
94
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,586
YEAH.
95
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:45,734
IT'S CREEPY!
IT'S CREEPY!
96
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:49,299
HEY! YEAH!
97
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,600
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN AT IT
A WHILE.
98
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,731
ANYONE NEED A SHOE RETIE?
99
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:58,235
NO? COOL BEANS.
100
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:02,612
[ SIGHS ]
101
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,353
Woman: I'M SWEATING.
UGH!
102
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,348
I'VE NEVER
EVEN WORN LACES.
103
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:10,350
Deenus: THE WINNER WAS ORLANDO,
FLORIDA, BELLHOP DONNOVAN KLIPT.
104
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,694
BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
HE HAD BEEN SUBMITTED.
105
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,590
"PEOPLE OF INTEREST"
FLEW HIM TO NEW YORK
106
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,293
FOR WHAT DONNOVAN THOUGHT
WAS A STORY
107
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,755
ON HOTEL ROOM-SERVICE
DO'S AND DON'TS.
108
00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:21,503
HE HAS NO IDEA
109
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:24,599
THAT A MAGAZINE PHOTO SHOOT
IS WAITING FOR HIM.
110
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,602
[ APPLAUSE ]
111
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,872
WH-A-A-AT?
112
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,612
UM...H-HEY. [ CHUCKLES ]
113
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,645
UH, WHAT'S UP?
114
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,050
DONNOVAN KLIPT...
YEP.
115
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:44,492
...YOU ARE
"PEOPLE OF INTEREST" MAGAZINE'S
116
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:47,558
CREEPIEST MAN ALIVE 2014.
117
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,088
UM...WHAT?
118
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,763
YOU'RE GOING TO BE FAMOUS.
119
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:56,062
UH, FOR BEING...
CREEPY?
YEAH.
120
00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:58,396
I'M SADEE DEENUS
FROM "NEWSREADERS."
121
00:04:58,432 --> 00:04:59,702
DONNOVAN.
122
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:01,643
[ Chuckling ] OH, MY GOD.
IT'S AMAZING.
123
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,639
I MEAN, THE RETAINER --
124
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:04,841
IT JUST REALLY
PUTS IT OVER THE EDGE.
125
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,712
Woman: IT'S SO PERFECT.
IT'S SO PERFECT.
126
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:07,810
IS THAT A CORDUROY SHIRT?
127
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:09,641
YES.
128
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,747
THERE'S LOTS OF COOL THINGS
ABOUT ME, TOO.
129
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,449
LIKE, I OWN
A LOT OF REAL SWORDS.
130
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,686
DID YOU EVER SUSPECT
YOU WERE REALLY CREEPY?
131
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,518
N-NO. NO.
132
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,763
NEVER. [ SCOFFS ]
133
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,559
ALTHOUGH I WISH SOMEONE WOULD'VE
TOLD ME WHEN I WAS A KID,
134
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:27,832
SO MAYBE I'D HAVE
A DIFFERENT...LIFE.
135
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:29,701
THEY COULDN'T HAVE THIS CONTEST
WITH KIDS.
136
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:32,370
THAT WOULD BE MEAN.
T-TOTALLY.
137
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,730
BUT THIS --
THIS IS STILL PRETTY MEAN.
138
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:34,837
YEAH.
139
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,098
SO, WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO
140
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,536
WITH ALL THIS NEWFOUND
ATTENTION?
141
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:38,841
IS THE SECOND HALF OF THIS
142
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,842
GONNA BE, LIKE,
ONE OF THOSE MAKEOVER SHOWS?
143
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,544
NO,
THIS IS A NEWS PROGRAM.
144
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:43,536
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
145
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,407
Deenus: AND LIKE THAT,
146
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:48,846
DONNOVAN KLIPT BECAME
THE KATE UPTON OF CREEPY.
147
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,522
IS IT TOO LATE TO SUBMIT
TO THE COMPETITION?
148
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,593
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
OH, MAN.
149
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:57,592
IS THAT A CORDUROY SHIRT?
AND A RETAINER?
150
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,162
OH,
I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE.
151
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,864
THANKS, SADEE.
152
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:06,166
DOGS -- THERE'S ALMOST NOTHING
THEY CAN'T LICK,
153
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,639
AND NOW YOU CAN ADD BOMBS
IN TERRORIST ATTACKS
154
00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:09,899
TO THAT LIST.
155
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,807
Larussa: DOGS LIKE BUCK
156
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:15,409
ARE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
WEAPONS IN THE WAR ON TERROR.
157
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,683
THANKS TO THE WORK
OF SPECIAL AGENT VIC TRAYMORE
158
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,951
AND THE ATF'S
COUNTERTERRORISM ACADEMY,
159
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,680
THESE DOGS FIND BOMBS
BEFORE THEY FIND US.
160
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,447
SO, HAS BUCK PREVENTED
MANY TERRORIST ATTACKS?
161
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,957
WELL,
YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE BUCK
162
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,658
FROM THE NBA
SLAM DUNK CONTEST BOMBING
163
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:33,632
OR THE 2014
LINGERIE BOWL BOMBING
164
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,761
OR THE ANNUAL BOMBING
AT BURNING MAN.
165
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,566
I DON'T REMEMBER
ANY OF THOSE.
166
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,768
DAMN RIGHT.
167
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:39,969
IT'S 'CAUSE BUCK
STOPPED THEM ALL.
168
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,540
HASN'T MISSED A BOMB YET.
169
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:42,769
WOW.
170
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,643
HEY, I BET THE PRODUCERS
OF "JOHN CARTER"
171
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,512
WISHED THEY HAD HIM AROUND.
[ CHUCKLES ]
172
00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:48,540
WELL, BUCK WASN'T ALIVE
DURING THE FILMING
173
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,646
OF DISNEY'S BOMB
"JOHN CARTER," SO...
174
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,509
"LONE RANGER"?
175
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,877
HE WAS JUST A PUPPY.
176
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,785
SPECIAL AGENT TRAYMORE
LET US TAG ALONG
177
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,188
AS HE PUT BUCK
THROUGH HIS PACES.
178
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,990
YOU KNOW, WE DON'T REALLY HAVE
TO TEACH THE DOGS HOW TO SMELL.
179
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,793
WHAT WE'RE ACTUALLY DOING
IS TEACHING THEM WHERE TO SMELL.
180
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:08,656
SO, ALONG THE SEAMS
ON THE BAGS, FOR INSTANCE.
181
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:09,756
IT'S IN THAT ONE.
182
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,804
THAT'S ACTUALLY CORRECT.
183
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,774
WHY DO YOU NEED DOGS WHEN THE
SMELL OF THE BOMB IS SO STRONG?
184
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:19,644
WELL, YOU DIDN'T SMELL IT.
YOU SAW ME PUT IT IN THERE.
185
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,483
NO, I DIDN'T.
I JUST SMELLED IT.
186
00:07:21,509 --> 00:07:23,709
THAT'S IMPO--
TURN A-- TURN AROUND.
187
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:24,784
TURN AROUND.
188
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,012
I'LL TRY AGAIN...
YEAH.
189
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,576
...SEE WHAT --
190
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:31,694
OKAY.
191
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:33,849
[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]
192
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,926
THIS ONE.
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
193
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,658
IN FACT, I CAN TELL
194
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:41,533
YOU RUBBED IT ON THIS ONE
TO THROW ME OFF FOR A SECOND.
195
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:43,702
BUT YOU DIDN'T THROW ME OFF.
196
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:44,971
I DID RUB IT ON THAT ONE.
197
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,568
BOOM.
198
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,500
TURNS OUT I WAS AMAZING
AT BOMB-SNIFFING.
199
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:50,837
TRICK QUESTION --
IT'S IN YOUR BACK POCKET.
200
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:54,511
GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
ALL RIGHT, HAVE A TREAT.
201
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,953
DO YOU HAVE A HUMAN TREAT?
[ TREAT CLACKS ]
202
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,848
GOT A STICK OF GUM.
I DON'T CHEW GUM.
203
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,880
WHO DOESN'T CHEW GUM?
204
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:01,924
I END UP SWALLOWING IT,
205
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,479
AND THEN I GET CONSTIPATION.
206
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,818
J-J-- DON'T SWALLOW IT,
THEN.
207
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,524
YOU HAVE, LIKE,
AN iTUNES CARD?
208
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:11,286
THIS IS --
I-I THINK YOU'RE CHEATING.
209
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,664
OH, REALLY?
210
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:13,993
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
THIS PERFORMANCE
211
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,857
FROM ONE OF YOUR "STAR" PUPILS
AT THE K-9 "ACADEMY"?
212
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,027
WHY'D YOU DO THAT?
213
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,265
"TO MOCK YOU."
214
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,840
I WOULD HAVE BEEN
THE STAR PUPIL...
215
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,539
IT'S BACK IN THAT ONE.
216
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,571
...IF THE ATF DIDN'T HAVE
A DOGS-ONLY
217
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,576
AFFIRMATIVE-ACTION
HIRING POLICY.
218
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,038
YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T WANT TO
BE DEALING WITH A BASSET HOUND,
219
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,836
'CAUSE THEY'RE LAZY.
MM-HMM.
220
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,708
OR A -- OR A MINI PINSCHER
'CAUSE THEY'RE TOO HYPER.
221
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,276
PIT BULLS CAN GET VIOLENT.
222
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,784
PIT BULLS --
THEY'RE ALSO HUMPY.
223
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,586
"OH,
DON'T HUMP THE GREEN WIRE."
224
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,048
NO, THEY SHOULDN'T BE DEALING
WITH ANY WIRES AT ALL.
225
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,016
THEY LEAVE THAT
UP TO THE PROS.
OF COURSE.
226
00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,624
THEY'RE NOT
BOMB-DIFFUSING DOGS.
227
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,286
RIGHT. THEY'RE SNIFFERS.
[ BUCK BARKS ]
228
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,094
WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON
BACK THERE, BUCK?
229
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:48,761
[ CHUCKLES ]
230
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:49,856
OH, THAT'S ONE
OF OUR NEW RECRUITS.
231
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:50,897
SHE'S IN HEAT.
232
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,771
[ BREATHING DEEPLY ]
233
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,898
BOMB DOG.
234
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,637
NO, NOT YET.
SHE'S STILL IN TRAINING.
235
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:01,842
NO, NOT A BOMB-SNIFFING DOG.
A BOMB DOG.
236
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,005
WHAT?
237
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,983
A DOG WITH AN ENTIRE BOMB
IN IT!
238
00:09:05,012 --> 00:09:06,682
A BOMB DOG!
239
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,760
AND NOW SKIP REMING IS HERE.
SKIP.
240
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,889
THIS WEEKEND, I WANDERED INTO
A BAR IN A FANCY PART OF TOWN
241
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,056
THAT USED TO BE
A MEXICAN PART OF TOWN.
242
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,604
A NEIGHBORHOOD BAR
IS A SECOND HOME,
243
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,971
WITH A BARTENDER WIFE
WHO LISTENS TO YOUR PROBLEMS
244
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,139
AND GIVES YOU ROWS
OF TINY, GLASS CHILDREN
245
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,838
FILLED WITH LIQUID ANSWERS.
246
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,610
I WROTE THAT.
247
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,969
THIS PLACE I WAS IN
DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A BARTENDER.
248
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,807
IT HAD SOMETHING CALLED
A MIXOLOGIST.
249
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,814
IT TOOK HIM 15 MINUTES
TO MAKE MY DRINK,
250
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,646
WHICH HE CALLED A COCKTAIL.
251
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,081
WELL, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
WORTH THE TIME
252
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,685
IF IT DIDN'T TASTE LIKE
A THIMBLE FULL OF FAIRY PISS
253
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:48,088
BREWED BY A GAY UNICORN
ON TOP OF GUMDROP MOUNTAIN.
254
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,691
YOU KNOW WHAT PEOPLE SEEM
TO HAVE FORGOTTEN IS?
255
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,634
BOOZE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO TASTE
LIKE SOME DOUGHY CONFECTION.
256
00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:55,101
IT'S MEANT TO BE A WAKE-UP CALL
257
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,128
FOR YOUR PROBLEMS
TO GO TO SLEEP.
258
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,374
THANKS, KITTEN.
259
00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,939
SO TONIGHT, I'M GONNA SHOW YOU
HOW TO MAKE
260
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,139
THE ONE AND ONLY COCKTAIL
YOU'LL EVER NEED TO DRINK.
261
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,842
YOU'LL NEED A GLASS,
AN ICE CUBE,
262
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,375
AND A HIGH-PROOF WHISKEY.
263
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,879
NOW YOU START
BY TAKING THE ICE CUBE,
264
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,852
THROWING IT OUT THE WINDOW.
265
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:16,721
[ ICE CUBE CLACKS ]
NOW YOU DO THE SAME
WITH THE GLASS.
266
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,720
[ GLASS SHATTERS ]
THEN YOU JUST GARNISH THE BOTTLE
WITH YOUR LIPS
267
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,852
AND SERVE DIRECTLY TO THE LIVER.
268
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,422
OOH-HOO!
269
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,826
THAT'LL ADD A CURL
TO YOUR SHORT HAIRS.
270
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:29,199
NEXT WEEK ON "NEWSREADERS,"
NECK TATTOOS --
271
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:32,129
WE'LL TELL YOU WHICH ONE
WILL LAND YOU THAT DREAM JOB.
272
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:35,765
AND OUR NEW DENTAL-DAM REVIEWER
TEVIN BOLAND
273
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,713
WILL BE HERE
WITH HIS LATEST REVIEW.
274
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,138
THIS ONE'S
SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE GRAPE,
275
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,172
BUT IT JUST TASTES LIKE
CHEMICALS TO ME.
276
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,838
MM.
277
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,406
BLUE-RASPBERRY MAYBE,
278
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,014
BUT [CHUCKLES] I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THEY GOT GRAPE.
279
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,076
I'M REAGAN BISCAYNE.
280
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,075
GOOD NIGHT.
281
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,017
Gray:
HE GETS SUBMITTED EVERY YEAR,
282
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:53,422
BUT HE DOESN'T QUITE HAVE
WHAT IT TAKES
283
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:54,723
TO MAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
284
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,115
HONESTLY, LIKE,
LOOK AT HIM.
285
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:58,186
HE SWEATS A LOT.
HE DOESN'T BLINK.
286
00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,885
HE WEARS THAT SUIT TO BED.
287
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,757
MM, THAT'S CREEPY.
HE SMELLS.
288
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:03,225
YOU CAN'T GET THE SMELL
IN A PHOTO.
289
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,773
THAT'S THE THING.
290
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,228
HE'S SUPER-CREEPY.
HE'S SO CLOSE.
291
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,436
HIS EYEBROW FREAKS ME OUT
JUST ON ITS OWN.
292
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,238
IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S GONNA CREEP
RIGHT OFF OF HIS FACE.
293
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:10,340
YEAH.
IT'S LIKE A CATERPILLAR.
21391
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof